The Blindboy Podcast - Limmy

Episode Date: March 18, 2020

I chat with legendary Comedian, writer and streamer Limmy Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Pregnant Dennis is shaving his chest in the reflection of your daddy's forehead. Welcome to the Blind Boy Podcast. Listen to this. You hear that? That's my heart. I am here for you. Your goals. It's March 2020, which means that if you're listening to this, you're most likely in

self-isolation due to the coronavirus, the cheeky chest wrestler, the lung jester. Um, so yeah, you're gonna be stuck inside for a while, so am I.

Luckily for you, I'm not going fucking anywhere. I am here with these podcasts every fucking week more if that's what we need to check in with you

to provide you with a few laughs some hot takes and to talk about life and meaning and mental health and all the other things that I usually do with this podcast. So, there you go. I wasn't going to mention the...

I kind of have to mention it. I kind of have to mention the fucking coronavirus. You kind of have to, alright? I asked everybody on Twitter this week, I said, would you like me to do a podcast which deals with mental health or anxiety and coping around the coronavirus? Or would you like me to do something that's complete escapism and nothing to do with it?

And the answer was 50-50. So what I'm going to do is, this week's podcast is going to be complete escapism. Nothing to do with it. And then I might do another one. Well, it depends. Look, shoot me a DM on Twitter, at Rubber Bandits, Instagram. At Rubber Bandits Official. Or on Patreon. Forward slash The Blind Boy Podcast.

Shoot me a DM. And tell me if you'd like me to do. A podcast. About coping. Around. With your own mental health and anxiety. And stress or whatever you're going through. Around the coronavirus. If that's what you want. me a fucking shout and i'll do one and that way it keeps it separate so if you don't if you're sick of fucking hearing about it in the news

you don't have to listen to it you can listen to the other podcasts let me tell you briefly about my past week. So, I was on my UK tour, and right in the middle of my UK tour, the news starts to explode with the coronavirus crisis, right, or pandemic, and in Ireland and England. And I'm on tour going, fuck fuck should I be on tour I'd like to cancel these gigs but what happens is second day of tour

Ireland announces public gatherings banned so I say to myself me and the people on my tour we say to ourselves fucking brilliant Ireland's after

cancelling public gatherings this tour the UK government are going to follow and do the exact same and this tour is off so we wait for the uk government to make a call they fucking don't so what happens is then is i'm faced now with doing my live podcast in london which was sold out a lot of people and the UK government haven't banned fucking public gatherings

so I said fuck the English government I'm making a personal choice to cancel this gig myself and I did and I'm fucking glad I did it so

the London gig didn't go ahead if you were supposed to come to it you know the crack you would have seen my post on facebook and instagram but however here's the here's the part i want to mention to you when when the artist cancels a gig right when you buy a gig ticket the price that you pay for that ticket all that money doesn't go to the artist a huge portion of the ticket price is renting out the venue paying all the staff who work in the venue

right that's a lot of staff um equipment loads of overheads that's a huge portion of the ticket price when an artist cancels a gig then the artist has to pay those expenses because boris johnson didn't fucking ban public events and i made a technically made a personal call to cancel the fucking gig it means that the postponement of the gig is not covered by insurance it's like i literally got into a car with no insurance and crashed into the back of someone because absolute tory pricks made a decision that benefits multinational insurance corporations rather than protecting the safety of the public and protecting small independent artists all right postponing that gig should not have been my call it's that's a call that a government makes and look fair play to fucking Ireland for making that call and taking the decisions out of the hands of artists who had gigs on that's the right thing to do so I'm left

footing a bill and that bill is an astronomical amount of money it is an insane amount of money so i've inherited that debt since last week also it's fair to assume that my any live podcast that i have scheduled in the next few months is probably postponed that's a fair assumption to make So basically what I'm asking is that if you bought a ticket to that London gig that was postponed last week that I postponed. Or if you bought a ticket to any upcoming live podcast that I have. If you don't mind, just hold on to the ticket. Don't ask for a refund. Unless you have to. Unless it's like you definitely can't get to london you know

that's the case but if you think just hold on to the ticket because it's going to be valid for when i reschedule the gig right and it also softens the blow financially for me if everyone asks for a refund that's insane that that's just i don't even want to think about that alright so if you can hold on to your ticket so that's the crack look, I've been footed with a very large debt and have no live income for the foreseeable

future, right, which is not ideal to be honest I'll deal with it but it's not ideal so I don't know, look, if you're to be honest, I'll deal with it, but it's not ideal, so, I don't know, look,

if you're, now's the time, I suppose, if you listen to this podcast regularly, if you've taken anything from it, if you can afford, to go to the Patreon page, patreon.com forward slash the blind by Paul, Patreon.com, slash TheBlindByPaul. Puh.

Patreon.com the. What the fuck. Patreon.com forward slash TheBlindByPodcast. I'd love you to become a patron of the podcast. Now and over the next few months. You'd really be supporting me. At this time more than any other. Right. because it's now my sole source of fucking income so look i'm unashamedly hat in hand this week the podcast is a lot of work if you can afford to pay me for it please do all right that's all. What more can I say on the matter? But it's not all doom and gloom.

It's not all bad news. There is a silver lining to the extended amount of time that I'm now going to be spent indoors. And throughout this period where I'm going to be locked into my gaff and you're locked into your gaff, you're going to be listening to the podcast more and I might be producing more content because I'll have way more time in my hands not only am I looking at possibly putting up more podcasts if that's what you want but I think I'm going to get into streaming i think i'm going to get into live streaming too i ordered some equipment i'm waiting for it to arrive i hope it does arrive for me to do live

streaming probably on twitch which is i don't know what i'm going to be doing i might be playing video games i could be making music, producing music. I could read stories. Anything. And live streaming is basically, it's like this podcast, but it's completely live. And there's a camera. So it'll be me in my studio.

And I'm just waiting for the equipment. So I'm looking at, you might as well fucking take an opportunity if I don't have any gigs for the next few months then fuck it I'm stuck in my studio I'm gonna get creative I'm gonna have some fun um so fingers crossed my streaming equipment arrives and we've got this podcast maybe more than one I don't want to tie myself down to that now, if you want more than one a week, and the demand is there,

I'll do it, and also live stream, and hopefully fingers crossed, if everything arrives, so I'll be up in the content, and, yeah, if you can afford it,

once a month, pint or a coffee, into the patreon, dot com forward slash, the blind by podcast re that it would just fuck it would buttress me i'd be like a romanesque cathedral being buttressed were romanesque cathedrals the ones with the romanesque cathedrals had buttresses which was uh it's like the cathedral is there but on the outside are these pillars that slant against

it and held it up. And then Gothic cathedrals came afterwards and they had no buttresses. They had a more, a modern type of, fuck am I talking about cathedrals for? So anyway, speaking of streaming, the subject of this week's podcast, which is not going to be about the coronavirus there's a guest ad on this podcast a guest that you have asked for more than any other fucking guest for about two years and that person is limmy limmy is a scottish comedian from glasgow more than a comedian comedian writer fucking he does music and his latest thing now is streaming, he's a live streamer on Twitch and I sat down with Limmy for a chat and that's what I'm going to play you and me and Limmy were chatting about streaming and he was telling me what equipment to get, how I get into it, stuff

like that, so Limmy has kind of given me the kick up the arse to get into streaming too. So, what can I say to you before I play this interview? There are themes of suicide and mental health just as a content warning. But, we speak about these things in a very open, honest dialogue with a huge amount of humor and honesty so just to let you know it's coming up but it's it's spoken about with humor as therapy if you get me so without further ado incredibly entertaining funny and enjoyable chat that i had with uh the comedian limmy the fucking legend the gentleman here we go and and if you're not familiar with limmy i would suggest look up at the limmy show on youtube look up some of limmy's vines look up some of limmy's sketches first maybe if you're not familiar with him uh get a chuckle off him and then you'll be able to

appreciate this interview more before we came out you said that the last time you were on this stage you were booed off that's right i was um i don't know just fix this mate i was the fucking they give us cunty mics man they give us clown mics it's all right if i just don't want to break the things can be fucked holding it they go my went, they go flaccid, without any warning It's alright, I think that's alright isn't it? The last time I was here it was just before

I did stand-up for the first time which was in March 2007 and I'd agreed to do this stand-up show, my very first show and a couple of weeks before it I decided to do a wee spot here and there and do a wee bit of this and do a wee bit of that

and I had a podcast at the time called Lemmy's World of Glasgow don't look it up, it's quite problematic by today's standards but in Jet, the band the Australian rock band Jet, they liked it. I think they had a Scottish tour manager.

So they heard that and they wanted me to introduce them on stage here a couple of weeks before my very first show. I thought, right, fuck it, I'll do that. And the day that I came to do it, I was fucking shiting myself, thinking, why did I agree to fucking do this I felt sick, I pulled the covers out of my head The thing is as well, did people

know you visually or did you just know your voice from this podcast? They might have known us for the podcast or they might have seen my web stuff like my wee videos like Requiem and Yes or No or something like that but Requiem and Yes or No or something like that, but...

Requiem! Okay. So I thought, right, I agreed to fucking introduce someone on stage here, and I came up with this idea, you know, their song, Are You Gonna Be My Girl? Yeah. And I thought, right, I know that one,

I'll come on, and I told them what I was gonna do before it, I said, I'm gonna come on, and I told them what I was going to do before it. I said, I'm going to come on, and I'm going to say to everybody, hello, everybody, I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is, Jet cannae make it. They're stuck on the motorway. The good news is, you've got me instead. And everybody went like, boom! Because they weren't like that.

Oh, that's all right. It's the Lemmy show that was before that. I was just this guy with this fucking white shirt, sort of that asshole that didn't fit in with the whole rocking. And I started going like that, here we go. And I went... And I kind of did an acapella version of that song and they're all fucking booing. And I wanted that though, I wanted that. I thought I want to get this experience the hatred but I'm wanting to be hated, that kind of thing so I kind of got booed off and I said

anybody listening gents, jet and then they came on and that was it and it was fucking magic but the downside was the downside was, you know how before I came on here there's not like a big gap at the side where I can sit in a wee seat, so

either I go outside the door or I just kind of stawn air there and there was nowhere for me to fucking go, you know like I went right I introduced him right and I just stood there at the back fucking corner for how long's a fucking concert? For 90 minutes and 90 minutes?

And 90 minutes, I just stood there with my kind of like horns by my side, just. And I kind of had to sort of lean out a wee bit. So my back was sort of sore as well. I would anyway, like just hide 90 fucking minutes, just like, fuck me, man. But it was good doing it because once I actually did my show, which was in front of 130 people, having been booed by 1,500 people, it was a nice baptism of fucking fire. You must have been one of the first people doing fucking podcasts with you. I was the first, aye.

2006. 2006, man, doing a podcast. I, 2000, was it 2006? I saw it on the Wikipedia today, yeah. I, check, 2006, because I was travelling with my girlfriend and I wanted, when I came back to Glasgow in late 2006, I wanted to get into comedy somehow. I didn't know what, I'd never done any stand-up

or anything like that. And I was going to make an animation. I thought, that's how to sort of make a telly thing without needing the cameras and all that. I'll make an animation and flash R.I.P. I thought, I'll make an animation. You were a web designer? I was a web designer,

flash developer. You just won't remember where that is. It was a long time ago. I wanted an animation but then I heard, I think, Ricky Gervais' podcast at the time. And I was like, let's see what it is. And I was pissing myself.

I can't fucking see them. They're just somewhere a few mics and editing it. Piss easy. easy piss easy in terms of production and I thought that's all fucking day I'll do that then I started putting ideas together for the characters and everything um and then so that's what happened I came back I made the podcast was it a daily podcast were you doing it every single fucking day I went out every day but I didn't make it like every day like for. I went on for 12 weeks every day,

so it's like a new kind of sketch. It could be like 10 minutes long. So it was just short, yeah. About 10, 5, 10, 20 minutes, like the D.D. gone to Joker thing. Yeah. Thank you. They ended up making it on the Lemmy show in the second series.

That lasts like six show in the second series that lasts like 6 minutes in the sketch but in the podcast it's like 20 minutes so if you're not familiar with it Dee Dee doesn't just go to York Dee Dee goes to York on the bus is ready to get off shites it and goes all the way back

to the terminus and then comes back for a second go at it. So it's like an extended director's fucking cut. So I did that, I kind of stocked up to begin with, you know, like did about two weeks worth, and then did one every day to sort of make sure it was catching up. What were you using to... Because I'm just trying to think back to fucking...

Like, 2006, I was putting stuff out on Bebo. Like... Hi. It sounds like a joke, but it's not. It was my life. And... Like... How the fuck did people listen to podcasts in 2006?

How did people find out about podcasts? How, in 2006, are you making something in your bedroom and then ensuring that people are actually going to listen to it like well i'd already had a website at that point i had limmy.com and that's where i was that getting shares but was that being emailed to people in offices and shit is that how that i'd like like all my stuff on limmy.com is how i sort of how i started my comedy journey and when did you start lim Let me know. I think 2000,

so 20 years ago. Fucking hell. That was like, that was the golden age of Flash. Don't get me started talking about it. I could fucking go on. I said 1999 was when I got right into being a Flash developer

and then by 2000, I decided to make my own site and I put my own wee Flash play things on. A couple of years later I put my videos on it. And was this as well, was this like a novelty in 2000 to visit a website and there's moving images?

Well, kind of. There was like Flash, you could get all these nice wee animations and all that, so that was kind of good and then I did the videos and then I had a blog so people were coming in. I had a forum as well so people were already going onto my website so then I did the videos and then I had a blog so people were coming, I had a forum as well so people were already going onto my website so when I had the I did the podcast I was telling

all the people there because this is before your social media, this is before all that, you know you had to do it all yourself you know register the domain name and set up a server and DNS 1 to this, DNS 2 to that, you haven't got a fucking clue what you're doing and so people DNS one, it is DNS two, it is that. You haven't got a fucking clue what you're doing.

And so people got into the podcast through that, but then eventually the podcast got on the iTunes charts, and then once it gets in the charts, people can see it and go, what's this? And then it got on the front page thing, and I was dead, I was fucking buzzing, this big, nice, big fucking logo thing I made, and I was like, okay, this is a big, nice big fucking logo thing I made and I was like, okay this is a big time now man, this is a big time

and then I got asked to do stand up and then I agreed to do it and I decided I better get some experience, next thing you know I'm up the back of a fucking jet concert sitting right there for 90 minutes Did you start doing gigs then after Back of the Ice?

I, I got Did you go to Edinburgh Festival? No, Ice? I, um... Like, did you go to Edinburgh Festival? No, no, no. I had never... I've always been a shitebag with things like that. I've never done karaoke. I've never danced in public unless it's fucking Ekkies. You know, I've never... I've never been like, oh, I don't care how I look. I don't, you know,

I'm, like, dead. You know, I'm not really into that. But the podcast, the podcast went well. so near the end of 2006 like a couple months after doing it was like in the papers and things like that this comedy promoter guy said are you interested in doing a stand-up show and i went no no i don't know no thanks i don't do that sort of stuff and i told my girlfriend lynn she says no no no no you're doing it kind of thing so when i, all right, right, I'll do it. And then I had to then get experience

or, you know, asking people, can I come to that new material and sort of night and do like a wee 10 minutes. And I was fucking shying myself the first time, but then it gets a wee bit better and a wee bit better until I finally wrote the whole show for like March, the Glasgow Comedy Festival in 2007. So I had about three months or something

after I agreed to do this show to actually get myself fucking ready for it. So I wrote it and got myself prepared to be in front of people for the very first time. And it all went well. The show went well I've been having before it was kind of scary but coming here two weeks before the very first show was was good that that fucking getting that many people fucking bone you

I it was really fucking good I recommend it well Edinburgh Festival in general though is because I we did Edinburgh Festival for the first time in about 2011 and before that we'd just done gigs back in Ireland and our gigs in Ireland at the time they were just like very loud sweaty piss ups they weren't very much gigs you know and when we first went to Edinburgh then

all the Edinburgh cunts thought that we were doing theatre that our energy on stage was some type of theatrics. And it's like, no, we just know how to play to a drunk room and you're all sitting down and you're from London. Do you know what I mean? They thought it was like performance art or something? No, it's just this is all we know how to do.

But what I did find is when you're dealing with a tough audience, when a gang of Germans walk in, and all of a sudden, like for us, we're trying to do stuff about limerick back in Ireland, and you're looking at 16 fucking Germans, and yourself as well, I mean, you're very Glasgow specific, and I have trouble understanding your accent sometimes, you know what I mean? Really? A little bit sometimes yeah, and I

Don't know I was staring you they're just like what? Don't mean you were the same Brothers and accents there's there's elements of the Glasgow accent where you're just like, where the fuck did that even come from? Like, earlier on, you called your jacket your jacet. Aye. But that's all right.

I mean, you can work that out. You can go jacket, jacet. What else sounds like jacet? Jasket. Jasket's a kind of wee... A funny... A sort of wee funnier way of saying it. But, like, what is...

You wouldn't say jay-kit if you're serious. I need to get my jay-kit to go to the hospital. But you wouldn't say, I need to go to the hospital. Where's my jay-skit? It's a kind of, like, funny, you're in a good mood sort of way of saying it, Jacob. We might as well talk about Glasgow. Like, Glasgow, it's one I try and get my head around, right?

One thing that I always find amazing about Glasgow is there's a thing called Glasgow Syndrome where the city itself, what is it? Life expectancy is down. All these things that you aren't supposed to have in a

western city seem to happen to Glasgow and no one knows why. I'm always fascinated by it because Western City seemed to happen to Glasgow, and no one knows why. Aye. And I'm always fascinated by it, because where I'm from in Limerick, Limerick just feels like a tiny Glasgow. I heard it's called, is it not something like Stab City or something?

Stab City, yeah. Aye, aye, aye. We don't like it being called that, but... Right. You know, you have a similar problem here. You know, what here the Glasgow smile when weapons and injuries are named after your city Glasgow kiss

Glasgow smile what's the deal with Glasgow? I think it's called the Glasgow effect the Glasgow effect that is I think the area that a life expects to say whatever it was like 53 or 52 or something it's kind of around the corner I think the area that a life expects to see, or whatever it was, like 53 or 52 or something, it's kind of around the corner.

I think Calton, I think the Calton area, which I think is around there, I can't quite remember. I don't know if I'm getting fucking mixed up, but that's 52. It's because, it's not like if you live there, you just sort of die at 52. It's not like there's that atmosphere, it's like the body can't cope with that

sort of atmosphere, that blend of the air and things like that. It's the day with the mix of poverty, diet, violence, addiction, and all these other things, meaning they're all fucking coming at you, and somebody's just went like,

fucking 52, fuck it. I don't know how it's worked out i don't know if they've walked to most people die there or they as a theory i don't know if they're actually like 52 and that's it but uh i it's it's funny when i went to limerick on my tour people were going like that oh watch yourself watch yourself limerick stab setting i was like i fucking stabbed fucking say watch yourself, watch yourself Limerick stab setting. I was like, I fucking stabbed fucking setting. I fucking stabbed fucking setting.

I was like, I fucking kind of want to get stabbed. I'm not fucking scared of that, man. I'm not scared of that. It's funny, I kind of wasn't scared of getting stabbed. Limerick is fine, it's just people need somewhere to say bad things about.

Aye. We were the murder capital of Europe in 2008. Oh! Yeah. So were we? I think, no, were we? He had it as well, and we took it off you. Aye.

That's it. Because I remember somebody said that, and I was like, no, we're the fucking murder capital. And then somebody said, no, no, no, no, no. You used to be the limerick god. I was like, oh, right, right, right, right. It's kind of, it's bad, right? But it's also sort of good to be good at something.

It's, I think it's maybe because in Scotland we're fucking shite at this and shite at that and fit boss, shite and everything, lose at everything. So he actually succeeded at something like that. It's, um, where did you grow up in Glasgow? What was your childhood like? Oh. I should sort of cross my legs for this because it's a kind of long one. Well, I grew up in Canwodrick, which I think if that's the front door there.

Canwodrick. Oh, hello. Tamwater. Canwodrick. C-A-R-N-W-A-D-R-I-C. Canwodrick. I don't know what it means. I think it means a bundle of rocks.

I looked it up and it's like garlic for something like, I can't remember what it means, I think it means a bundle of rocks. I looked it up and it's like Gaelic for something like, I can't remember what it is, but if that's the door there, it's south, so you go out the door and you just keep going all the way down there. When I used to go up the town and get drunk and I used to stay in Camodric, I would just walk all the fucking way, like past here, and it's about five miles that way. It's still in Glesgar, because, because Glasgow's a really, really big city

all the way childhood was alright it felt alright, but it's only when you leave a certain place that isn't you get used to things like somebody getting stabbed or somebody ODing

or somebody getting their fucking head kicked in, somebody getting held on the ground and somebody running up and kicking their head somebody getting fucking, some old woman getting fucking lighter fluid through her letter box and setting fire school getting burnt like they're fucking pissing themselves down the alley yeah

and you just think that's just what we do, fire, chucking fucking fireworks at each other's faces and things like that. Or these sort of things. I never did that at the time. I never played with fireworks at the time, but I did that ironically when I was like 20. Like me and my pals,

you'd hear people going like that, don't play with fireworks, don't chuck fireworks at each other. And I never did. But then I think when we were like about 18, we got some fireworks and we did it in a kind of ironic way. Like we know this is out of order

and we're chucking fucking bangers at each other. You know, could take a fucking eye out. What was I saying? We were talking about your childhood and you went immediately to 20 playing with fireworks. People nearly fucking die and people fall off buildings and, ironically playing with fireworks. People nearly fucking die,

and people fall off buildings, and people having all these accidents, and you just think, that's the way it is, and then you leave, and you go to some place where that Disney fucking happened, or you have a son in a place

where that Disney happened, and you think about, fuck me, man. When he was my age, this was happening, that was happening. He would have seen this. He would have been fucking grogged on in school

when this would have happened. You get fucking hair pulled, fights everyai'n gweld hyn, byddai'n gweld hynny. Byddai'n gwrthdynu yn ysgol. Yn ystod hyn, byddai'n cael pob dydd yn ffwrdd, mae rhywun yn cael ei ffwrddu arno, ac mae'n dweud, ffwrdd i mi, mae hynny'n ddrwg. Ac mae'n dweud, ydym ni wedi'i ddweud? Ydym ni wedi'i dweud? Ond nid, nid I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. Thanks. How does it feel, actually?

Because your child is about ten, is he? Nine. Nine. How does it feel raising a child very differently to how you were raised? I'm just fucking constantly sort of shitting it. I just think about all the things that happened and all the risks and all that, and I just try to prevent them from happening.

Just try and prevent them from when it was wee, like staying away from fucking corners. I was a dead paranoid, scared as fuck sort of parent. I'm still on, but going to a pram, like up Byers Road or somewhere and looking up those tenements and just thinking, there's a pram, all it takes, your imagination just fucking runs wild, all it

takes is for some student up there just sort of leaning out like that with a flag like that, you know, smoking away and just to ping it out onto the fucking road, that'll fall on his fucking face, you know stuff like that, you know, just imagination just goes like Final Destination.

You're just like, if that happens, that rolls down there. It's like that arty kind of thing, that video where, you know, that a ball rolls down and it hits that and a wee egg boils and then that kind of rolls down that way and then... Just like that, if that just does that, that does that, that does that, that'll land on his fucking face. So just kind of scared all the time, but I am just trying to make sure nothing bad happens to him and he doesn't end up, well, it's going to be, I know it's going to go fucking wrong. It doesn't matter what you do, he's going to be fucking, fucking jagging up at some point.

There's nothing you can do, nothing you can do. You just try and set him up a wee bit or try and do the right thing so at least point there's nothing you can do nothing you can do, you just try and set him up a wee bit or try and do the right thing so at least he cannae blame you so I'm like that's because of you, nope nope, I gave you everything, that's why I'm fucked up because you gave me everything like

I just try to just try to like know, try to be alright try to, like, know, try to be alright, try to be an alright fucking da, so that when he grows up he doesn't go like that.

I remember the time you shouted at me, I remember the time you took my Playstation off me and put it in the bin for a joke and all that, just,

that's it. Sometimes, some people, when I'm streaming, some people say, go and fucking play with your son. Yeah. Go and spend time with your fucking son. And I've said to him, my son's into games and all.

And by me being like this, he gets it. He gets it. And when he grows up, he'll be spending all his time playing games like me, hopefully. He'll get it. He's there. He'll get it. He's there. But like, you used to incorporate him quite a bit in the vines. When you were doing the vines, he'd be jumping all around the place and screaming and stuff like that. Oh, aye, aye, aye. So when I was watching that, I used to love seeing that

because it was like, you were clearly a stay-at-home da, were you? And just waking up in the morning and having fun with the child. It's good, but I mean, I had to go on fucking antidepressants. I fucking did. I fucking did. When he was two, when he was two, I was going to fucking talk to myself, and I was like greeting my eyes out. It's true, though.

It doesn't matter what you say, every cunt's going to fucking laugh, man. I said, I was greeting my my eyes out ready to talk myself sorry you're a funny guy man and partly because I just distressed that and I've got a fucking cheek saying that because it's my girlfriend Lynn who fucking does everything organises everything

you were suicidal when he was two I'd been suicidal for fucking years anyway, since I was a teenager, kind of on and off, on and off and everything's gone alright, now it isn't, everything's gone alright, now it isn't. A bit of stress, I'd really can't fucking hold no stress that much. What stresses

you? Well, just stress like no being able to lie on the couch watching Columbo. Basically, because I've got a son and I've got to do things. Everybody will be like, oh, we had sympathy for you about 30 seconds ago. I'll be like, oh, I can't prick. Well, just the things you've got to do, and you've got to do it well and you can't be shite.

Basically trying to be a good dad and trying to do things and care about things and organize things even though I don't fucking organize stuff and and all the years I was like uh like writing a limmy show I think I don't know maybe the second series by that point in the third series and trying to get there but I did some sitcoms that ended up no working out and um kind of stressed like that and trying to be present and all this sort of thing and kind of know I'm in a daydream and I'm meant to be doing stuff with my son and I'm low and I'm in a bit of a trance and then we moved house and honestly I think it was scraping the

fucking wallpaper that just made me go like fuck it I'm going to talk myself I don't know what it was I was like scraping all this wallpaper and I was mending it and I was sawing down this wee tree outside. And I was just like, I don't know what the fuck it was. Just the whole thing every day just became fucking shite. I would wake up in the morning like this. And every fucking day,

every day I'd wake up just like that. And that sounds normal to wake up and do that. But I mean, I'd be like like i fucking hate this and it just came to a point where i just thought i can't do it anymore i don't know i don't know why i thought that i can't do it anymore i don't know what it was but um it got really really fucking bad and and then i just went right fuck it i knew somebody who whose husband was on antidepressants you weren't being medicated at this point? I wasn't either, but I had never taken anything like that.

Had you gone to counselling or therapy? No, nothing at all. No went to the doctor, no phoned anybody up, nothing like that at all. So were you thinking, I'm just a bit sad, but then you're gone every single day? I get stressed out with things, I get a bit worried, I get a bit moany.

That's just the way I am. And in in fact I need to be this sort of way in order for me to write things because it gives me ups and downs and character and this sort of fucking shit and it was only I had a pal whose husband was on antidepressants and he was out

one night at this birthday party or something and I got told later oh aye he's on these antidepressants I think it was citalopram he was on and I was like was he? alright and I was expecting him to be like a fucking zombie kind of like flatline sort of thing but he was all sort of cheery and chatting away

I was like right, right, right and then when that all happened I thought right maybe I'll give him a fucking shot but I was scared because I'm mind altered and fucking drugs and I'm all right with taking equis and fucking acid and all that sort of shit they're all right now what's this you don't know who's making it and why I thought right I'll go I'll go on them I'll go on them because I can always come after them and I know there's risks and there's side effects and some people are worse when they go on them

or they go on them and they're all right, but then when they try and come after them, they're bad. I just thought, just fucking try it. And I tried it and honestly, the next fucking day, and I don't even think this is a placebo thing, the next fucking day, even though it's meant to take like weeks to start working, I felt better.

I just felt fucking cheerier. I just felt, wait a fucking minute. just felt like i waited being lifted something's fucking changed about me and the next day it was better the day after that it was better i was like i'm in a fucking good mood yeah i'm fucking all right nothing's changed everything that needs to get done still needs to get done but i don't feel this fucking oh this is all caught up with me it's all catching up i'm fucked i can't eat like that i just felt right i feel all right and i felt that way for however long that was i took them like i don't know six months a year i can't remember but it was fucking the time of my fucking life are you on antidepressants now i'm not no i've been having for about six seven years i stopped

so you just did like six months of antidepressants it was like about six months or a year and then every now and again they wouldn't work and I'll get a wee taste of what it used to be like kind of worrying about stuff and thinking about stuff that doesn't even make any sense yeah I don't mean like a kind of psychosis like thinking about stuff and imagining things that only happening just try to think about things if this person says this then I'm just going to say that but what if they come back and say this well I suppose I could say that or that or that but if they say that ends up like chess a situation like what if I phone that guy up to say I you know how you plastered the wall well it's no done right and a wee bit's falling off and just that wee conversation would be like chess I'd be like here's five ways to say it to him here's the five ways he could reply to each

of the five fucking options here's the five things you could say to each of them and it would just be like branching off and I'd have to be like fucking Gary Kasparov or one of these fucking chess fucking masters like that like and it'd just be dead stressful and Lin would be like have you phoned that guy yet and I'd be like no no sitting no. Sitting there like that, like I'm playing fucking chess, like just try to work it out. He says that, oh fuck, where was I? Where was I again?

Stressed out, say fuck, but then the pills would start working again. I don't know what the fuck it would be. It would just stop for about a week and then go back. And then it happened like maybe for the third or fourth time I thought, right, fuck it.

I'm going to, I think I'm ready to jump off now. I think I'm ready to just stop because I'd started meditating at night time to help me get to sleep because sometimes I would fall asleep how did you start meditating like what I just I can't remember what what I did what I read but it wasn't like the candles and music and all these like somebody speaking in your ears yeah um you know like a guided meditation thing thing. I would just lie in bed at night and I would just think about my breathing. That's all.

I would just think about my breathing. I wouldn't try to control my breathing or slowly breathe or anything like that. I would just think about it. And if my mind strayed to anything else, I would just think about the breathing again. I just keep bringing it to the breathing as if it's the most important thing in the world. If I started to try and work out all that thing that's happening next week, just think about the breathing again and again and again until eventually this feeling just sort of happened.

My mind just went, right, fuck all that then. You're no interest in social life. Were you doing this even throughout the day? So even in the morning, if you've got one of these negative thoughts, you go, fuck that, let's think about my breathing. When I was on the pulse, I didn't have any fucking negative thoughts. It was fucking magic. I loved it. It would be at night time just to get to sleep, but then when the pills stopped working,

and then when I eventually came after the pills, I was doing it every morning, religiously, like every morning, no matter what, even if I felt good or bad. And it was fucking brilliant, and it really worked. And would you sit in a certain way I just sit sit in my uh sit in the living room say to Lynn eyes closed or eyes open eyes shut and I would I would just kind of sit there kind of upright no lying down so just end up falling asleep I just shut my eyes and just think about my breathing I'd say I ain't gonna no come in for like 20 minutes or something like I'm having a wank no I'm only joking I'd say don't come in but meditate and then because if somebody comes in and disrupts you,

you kind of just get back to where you were and it would just be good just sitting there and then eventually I would open my eyes and it'd be magic and I would do that in cafes or wee restaurants or I would just do it every now and again, it would be, it was good and then I've not got into the habit of doing it, I've felt I've not got into the habit of doing it. I've felt, I've fallen out of the habit of doing it for quite a while now. I just do it now and again. And mental health kind of suffers a wee bit for it.

Yeah. I really love doing it. I love the pills, but I'm kind of, it's strange because I'm glad that I'm after them. Yeah. But even though they're my magic, you know, you've just got a certain frame of mind that you feel like being on them

and then you maybe feel like being after them. And right now I feel like being after them. But it's good to know they're there. If I wanted to start fucking popping them again and having the time of my life, man. Thank you very much. thank you very much a lot of manufacturers of satala pram in the audience tonight

that's right, go back anytime you want you haven't drank alcohol in 16 years that's right June, I think it's the 7th of June or something like that, I stopped 16 years, well coming up for 17 years I think it's the 7th of June or something like that, I stopped I, 16 years, well coming up for 17 years I think

fair fucking way 16 years I, coming up for 16 how is it being off like why are you off drink and also what's the relationship do you feel between your mental health and alcohol? Well, I stopped drinking because I was going to, same old story, I was going to top myself.

There it is again. It was the worst hangover in my fucking life. It was fucking terrible. And it was during the daytime. I was lying near the Clyde, kind of sort of near here, kind of down there a wee bit. And I was just going, all right, sort of near here, kind of down there a wee bit, and I was just, I was just going like, right, fuck it, it was that bad, I can't even describe how bad it felt, because I can't even imagine it right now, I'm trying to imagine it, and I can't, I just know, I just remember it was really

fucking bad, and I was going to, I was going like, fuck it, this is it, and I just didn't feel like I was a part of anything, I felt like everybody else is all fucking getting on with things they know how to do things, they know how to deal with everything and I fucking don't I don't know what was going through my mind but I just thought right, enough's enough, that's it and I was going to jump in the Clyde to drown not to do one of the big high fucking jumps

where you hope that you hit that everybody pissed themselves, that's the greatest sense of humour I don't know I was, I just thought I just want to fucking drown I wanted to be fucking horrible I was in that kind of thinking like that I wanted to be horrible I wanted to be terrible awful I want to regret it I want to maybe regret it when I fucking get in the water and it's too late um and then I was going to do it and I just thought to myself um what would happen if I did it?

The actual, like, what would happen in the next half hour, or the next hour? You know, like, somebody would spot me, the police would get called, or the ambulance, and then they would get the body, look at my cards, or some sort of ID, find out where I stay, visit Lynn, who was walking through home, chopping the door.

This is... Do you want to come and identify? You know, all the fucking, the grim stuff, the real stuff, not just the, oh, I'm going to die,

or the stuff that comes after it. And it was fucking horrible. And I just thought, no, no, no, you're not playing about with this anymore. This isn't really a wee fantasy or maybe getting knocked down once because you're having a stressful day.

This is the real fucking deal. And I just thought, I don't, I want to fucking live. I is the real fucking deal. And I just thought, I want to fucking live. I just thought, I don't want to fucking die. I want to fucking live. And I had, and I was saying this to you before, it was like a fucking spiritual awakening, even though I'm not spiritual, I don't believe in anything like that,

but it was like a kind of, a part of me inside was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't fucking die, live. Before you kill yourself fucking kill everyone else you know like you first

then them as in you alive first no you fucking kill yourself then kill them no you can actually can't you no I just thought no right fuck this and I thought I can't drink again I can't drink again I cannae drink again

because I was trying to moderate it before I was having now and again I would try cutting down I would like have a drink and then have an iron brew

and then have a drink and then have an iron brew or a water you get these bits of advice online how to like spacers like something in between drinks or instead of a pint have a shandy

or instead of this have that instead of that have this but eventually a shandy becomes a pint or a pint becomes like a red wine or it becomes half a bottle a night or a bottle of red wine a night just talking about that right now I miss it so fucking much man I used to just sit there playing Grand Theft Auto 3 like flying my do, I was really good at flying the dodo, with a fucking bottle of red wine next to me, my glasses, it was fucking excellent, that's why I had to fucking stop, because I fucking love it, so I just went, this is the only thing that's

going to get me out of this fucking feeling right now, I'm stopping, that's it, no more moderation, that's it, it's actually over, And it actually made me feel fucking good. I thought, this is it, all good. And I went back up the road where Lynn was like, Lynn had almost sort of told me to fuck off that morning. Yeah. Because I said, I'm sorry, because I was steaming all weekend,

I was an arsehole. I was like, I'm sorry. And she just looked at me because I was a fucking mess. And I just walked out. And I went back like, like hey I've stopped drinking everything's alright now everything's she was like right and people

that I knew pals was like I've stopped drinking they're like right right and it was like I don't know if you know any of your listeners will know the Chewing the Fat Sketch was this Chewing the Fat Sketch show Scottish Sketch show where they're always like come on take a drink take a, come on, take a drink, take a drink, have a drink, take a drink.

Nobody will let you, no let you not fucking drink. You know, they always want you to drink. I remember, I think I've said this in my fucking book, my autobiography, I remember telling my dad, whose brother hanged himself with fucking alcoholism. I phoned him and I was speaking to him and I said, I've stopped drinking. That's me stopped drinking. I was ready for killing myself. I was honest. I was ready for, honestly, I was ready for just jumping into fucking Clyde.

And that's it. That's me stopped. And he said, well, you stopped, completely stopped. Went, I, he says, I don't know. That sounds a bit extreme. I don't know, that sounds a bit extreme so he fucking said and Lynn, my girlfriend Lynn told her more and said oh Brian doesn't drink anymore you know he was getting really done, he was almost ready for killing himself

to be honest he was ready for killing himself so he stopped drinking and she went alright it's no kind of life though is it they just want you to drink yourself to death man just demand it so that was it and I've not drank since apart from the odd accidental ones when I had a knickerbocker

glory somewhere once in a big tall glass with this fucking ice cream sort of shite in it and I took a wee teaspoon and it was like fucking Jack Daniels went round the back of my throat go away really they put I don't know what the fuck I didn't read the the thing the the menu properly but I just what is it like a milkshake but it's like a big tall thin glass and they throw all the spirits into it they put they put like a sundae in it and like ice cream and bits and pieces jacked up sundae or something they call it so they had this they must have poured this fucking Jack Daniels

in it too bad. I just took a big scoop, it was like this liquid sugar sort of stuff like caramel, gulped it and it fucking bumped the back of my throat. I was like, oh no! I'm changing! I know I won't leave the fucking bottle.

I've got friends who are off drink and if they even have a sniff of fucking drink that's it, they're a three-day bender. Like they can't even drink kombucha because the fermentation is enough to fucking drive them mad. When you had that little bit of Jack Daniels you weren't like oh shit I better go up and order a pint. It just, it just felt kind of like oh fuck you know, I've fucked my streak. I'd forgotten that and now I remember it.

No, it was kind of like my streak. I didn't really like a drink, Jack Daniels anyway, but it was like, I was breaking my streak. I was breaking my kind of adult drink sort of thing. It was mainly like, oh you fucking bastard. You know, it's like, how many days can you go without a thing or day or certain thing? Because you're a pioneer, are you? What's that? Are you a pioneer?

A pioneer? Do you have pioneers here, no? I mean, I know a pioneer has an addiction to anything, but take it or talk about something else. Do you have pioneers in Scotland? It's where you don't drink. I had that guy who went to Canada. You don't drink and you wear a badge. That guy

who named the wee rivers and the beaver guy, whatever his name is. So you're not a pioneer? I'm a pioneer in flash. What is a pioneer? Pioneer is, it was like before AA. You would take a pledge and you would become a pioneer

and it's like, I don't drink alcohol and they give you a little badge and you wear the badge and because you have the badge, people know they're pioneers and you don't offer them drinks, but you have to you never break your pledge so you were a pioneer without becoming one

I'd never been to any of these sort of things but I was just trying to, I wasn't counting the days, I knew what day I'd never been to any of these sort of things, but I was just trying to, I wasn't counting the days. I knew what day I'd started not drinking, but no, it was just, oh, you fucking bastard. I wasn't like, oh, that's your fault. Would you identify as an alcoholic

if someone asked you? I feel like I'm an alcoholic, and then, you know, I'm happy to be an alcoholic, if you know what I mean, but then I read something saying, I don't know, some fucking killjoy said to me once, you're not an alcoholic. And I know what I mean, but then I read something saying, I don't know, some fucking killjoy

said to me once, you're not an alcoholic. And I was like, fuck off, man. Take that away from me. He said, no, an alcoholic means you're addicted, you're chemically addicted, and if you take it out of your system, you're like, you know, it's actually fucking dangerous. And I read some website, you know, like one of

these alcohol kind of websites, either the AA or Drinkwise or one of these things, to go, ah, they're lying, they're lying, but it almost said the same thing. It says you're a problem drinker if you basically have a drink problem, if you're just drinking has become a problem. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre

in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at TorontoRock.com. On April 5th, you must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen.

Evil things of evil. It's all for you. No, no, don't. The first omen, I believe, girl, is to be the mother. Mother of what? It's the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It, is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil.

Hey! Movie of the year. It's not real, it's not real. What's not real? Who said that? The first omen, only in theaters April 5th. Problem in your life. But an alcoholic, according to them, is,

it's like the fucking vodka and the fucking cornflakes and yeah if you stop drinking it's the sort of like if your daughter if you your doctor would advise you don't fucking stop drinking almost kind of like yeah yeah like ease yourself off you get the dts you get the shakes if you stop your whole life as you know you wouldn't know what to do without drinking whereas i was just i just really fucking liked it i just want to get drunk and i like getting drunk you know what i don't know when to stop and everybody, I kind of understand people going

right, that's me, that's me done for the night, that's me I've had five drinks, no that's enough, do you want another drink? nah, that's me how, how, how the fuck is it? do you ever like

because I go on holidays in Spain Yeah, yeah. How the fuck is it? I can't, do you ever like, because I go on holidays in Spain, you know, or sometimes if I'm trying to write, I'll go to Spain. How the fuck do they do it, man? You'll be there in a bar in Spain, right? And they've got a beer that's that size, they call it a canna, and they just drink it slowly all night. And there's this town I go to in Spain,

and like, I'm the only drunk person in the whole town when I go there and the drink is only like two quid for a pint. It's a cultural thing man. It's all the Spanish that they're you just, it's like your beer is so cheap and it's lovely weather. Why

aren't you getting absolutely shit faced? They're not. I can't understand that if I go there i lose the run of myself hi it's a cultural thing it must be the same in scotland i i don't i don't i don't get it i'm not trying to act talking a different go i don't get people who aren't alcoholics oh i'm so strange and different me but i kind of don't i go how unless you've had to stop like how are you not tempted to keep drinking more and more and more it must obviously be a brain

chemistry thing when I get a drink when I have one drink I want another because it feels fucking good and being sober doesn't feel that good it feels fucking shite what feels, it's simple it's fucking logic what feels better no being no having a drink in

you or having a pint in you or a red wine i feel fucking better we had way one drink in me it just feels good so why would i know why would i want to be sober unless i had to be and then i go right i'm at one let's go to two and two two feels even better. And then three feels better. And then I just started, you know, really be able to keep track of what feels good or not. I'm just fucking drinking all night. I just really, really fucking, really like it and really miss it.

And I hope everybody's getting drunk tonight and enjoying their lives. Actually. Good, good. It's the interval at the moment, so I'm going to open the bar, all right? So we'll be back out in about 15 minutes. So we were talking backstage loads about your streaming now. That's your new thing is you're a streamer on Twitch.

Imagine saying that to someone in 1996. What's your job? I'm a streamer on Twitch. You sound like I've said to you back there, soon we'll come back on, can you talk a wee bit more about the streaming? that's my new thing that's my job now streaming is fucking

a lot of people loads of people have been asking me to get into streaming and any time I've asked Twitter like what computer do I get? I get so many fucking answers it made me not want to think about it at all. And you'll get, any time

you say, I've got, it's just like what happens all the time online. You say you've just bought this thing and you bought the something something three, and then somebody will say, why did you not get the something something four that comes out next month? And you're like, well, for fuck's sake. Or, you shouldn't have paid that, you can get it here for this uh you've made a big mistake but

i've i bought a computer and it just uh i mean i had the computer before but i just thought i'm gonna get a really good one and then i got this uh one and it's just it kind of kept fucking up and then people saying why did you get this graphics card when you could have got this why did why have you only got this fucking amount of card when you could have got this? Why have you only got this fucking amount of RAM when you could have got that? And I've just recently just went fucking daft and now people are saying the opposite. Why did you get 64 gig of RAM when 32 is fine?

Why did you? So that's good. It's a good feeling. It's a good oh good, good, I've made it now. I'm fucking big shot. I'm in top now. But I love I love fucking streaming What do you like about it man? Like you're literally playing video games in front of a camera and talking

and you love it but you like when I was talking to you backstage I'm like wow this man really really loves doing this Oh aye aye aye aye that sounds cheeky he loves doing this.

Fucking shut up, Jesus. Aye, I love it. I just love... That's what I've been doing since fucking day one, really. Been playing games kind of my whole life. And right from the early days, the old Spectrum and Commodore VIC-20. Just love just sitting in front of my fucking computer.

When I was younger, boys would all be playing football, and I'd love just playing in front of my fucking computer or when I was younger boys would all be playing football and I'd love just playing my fucking VIC-20 or my Plus 4 or my Atari ST or my Master System, Mega Drive, SNES a lot of fans of that Do you ever think of like putting out

a real old console and playing that on your stream? People do that, people do like kind of retro streaming where they either use an emulator where you can play all the old stuff on your computer or they've got the real deal. They've actually got the old fucking

Dreamcast or some shit like that and they've actually plugged it in. But I've done that once or twice but and then I found out, oh you can use an emulator. That's piracy and they kick you off. You get banned. That's piracy, and they kick you off. You get banned. Oh, really?

That's what I heard, and you've got to use the real deal, or you've got to actually show that you've got it. So I think I might do a wee fake Photoshop. I'm fucking up now because I'm admitting what I'm going to do. But I could do a fake Photoshop picture of me holding, I'll just put my hands like that, and then get a fucking ZX Spectrum or a fucking VIC-20 or something and plonk it in there in Photoshop and say, see?

This is how I'm playing this game right now. And just hope that any wee emulator things don't pop up on the fucking screen. But, aye, people dare that. I'd like to dare that, because when you're looking for new games, sometimes you're like, oh, this is shite. People tell you about, like,

Horizon Zero Dawn or God of War or something, and this is amazing, 10 out of 10 and you play it and it goes on for fucking ever and stupid skills trees and fucking crap like that and epic weapon and legendary weapon and you're just like fuck it, I just want to get back to like Jet Set Willy or something and

see if I can complete it, which you can't. Well that's the thing. What makes because loads of people were asking me questions about your relationship with a game called Overwatch. Why? You had to take it off your computer. Here, look.

Overwatch keyring. Overwatch keyring. I've had to install it, reinstall it. The first time I did it, people said, you've got to play this game called Overwatch. And I looked at it, and it's just running about shooting. It's all colourful

and all that. I was like, no, I'm not into that. I'm not into it. And then somebody said, just get it. And then, so I went to a shop and I bought it. The actual fucking, you know, no digital download, the actual thing. And I just fucking hooked. And it got so bad that I had to actually take it out the house and

fucking plank it somewhere in other words that's a Glasgow word that is an old blanket um hide it somewhere had to like hide it somewhere and I just said on on Twitter here's a wee clue of where it is everybody it was near like Kelvin Bridge underground if you can find it it's yours i've signed it and everything and i signed it you know i signed i went let me and then um i put it and like wrapped it up in cellophane and i and i put it kind of here and i went there's one picture and a wee bit later i went here's a wider picture to give you a better clue and somebody got it and somebody got it and i found it recently i was like two fucking years ago uh somebody got it and somebody got it and I found it recently I was like two fucking years ago somebody got it and I found it recently somebody went oh look what I've got and it's for sale in

a fucking second hand shop it fucking sold it fucking thing um scumbag but I ended up fucking downloading it anyway I downloaded it once you download, you can't fucking get away. It's never fucking there. You kind of get shot at. And I've uninstalled it and reinstalled it and uninstalled it. Currently, I'm in my reinstalled phase. It's fucking bad. It's all one today.

Everybody hates it. But the thing is, is it fun to watch you playing Overwatch or do you just get too involved in the game and now all of a sudden you're not thinking about your audience? No it isn't fun I don't look at the chat, I don't chat away, some people like it but

most people are like get this fucking shit off or I'm unsubscribing you know just so what games because the interesting thing with you as a streamer is usually with streamers people are coming to see people playing video games. But with you, like, I think that what you're doing is essentially a podcast. You're doing, like, this big, long podcast,

except you just happen to be playing... Like, you tend to find games that are really boring. Like the Farming Simulator. Farming Simulator 19. Euro Truck Simulator 2. Euro Truck Simulator 2. American Truck Simulator 2. What's that? Look at the love for Euro Truck Simulator 2.

I've not played it for a while. I need to get fucking back on it. But for people who don't know, this is literally, you can drive to Malaga in a truck, and nothing cool happens. It's just, you can drive to Malaga in a truck and nothing cool happens it's just

you can drive to Malaga you can drive like Glasgow to Rotterdam or Dusseldorf here's a question because I've never watched a full one if you drive from Glasgow to Rotterdam do you have to get onto a ferry in the middle of it

and wait I think you can go through the Channel do you have to get onto a ferry in the middle of it and wait? You can either go, I think you can go through the Channel Tunnel, or you can get a ferry. So if you get on a ferry in the game, are you literally like eight hours just not napping? No, it skips time. And it isn't in real time.

It isn't in real time. If it takes you... That's the thing, is it related to time at all? The way it works is an hour in the game is like three minutes in your time so if it takes you ten hours to drive here I was thinking

they should bring out a hardcore mode but they'd have to date all the fucking maps it's not the real maps it's not like they've taken the real maps to the road and you get to go on every single wee road and go I know that fucking road that fucking guy got knocked in there you know that kind of thing

you get places kind of quickly but I got it for a joke initially because people said, oh Euro Truck Simulator 2 and I thought, that does sound like a joke Euro Truck Simulator 2 there was actually one before it and

this one's better and one before it and this one's better and I got it and I fucking love it I got a steering wheel my son's steering wheel we got him like a steering wheel for a game and he played it fucking once on a Playstation

didn't like it because he crashed that was it so I went like I'll fucking have it then and I'm just like that with the steering wheel and I'm chatting away there's a chat on Twitch and I'm just sort of chatting away to them that's the good thing about it if I'm just like that with the steering wheel and I'm chatting away there's a chat on Twitch and I'm just sort of chatting away to them, that's the good thing about it if I'm playing Overwatch I cannae talk to anybody

I'm just like wanting to win but with a Euro Truck similar to it it's like somebody's sitting next to you and you can just sort of chat away and you're driving and I've got my wee dog there that I've called the viewers named Brexit and that was before Brexit

instead of Rex Brexit in case you didn't get that got a wee Christmas tree that's there all year round and I've got wee pictures of little showings like D.E.D. and all the rest of it and I've got to just go just go driving and chatting

it's nice and relaxing, it's rainy and the sound of the indicator seems to put people... I stream at night mostly, so really, some people say, I cannae get to sleep unless I'm fucking here in this lorry, and you... And see, because it's at night time, my girlfriend is, like, right next door. The wee room that I'm in, there's the wall right in front of me,

and just to the other side is her heed, because the heed side of the bed is right fucking there, so I've got to make sure I keep my voice down and just sort of speak like that. So it's a right ASMR sort of thing. So I'm just going, I don't talk about the driving, I don't go

that was a really good left turn there, that was a good right turn there. Do you ever acknowledge where you are? Like, if you're in Portugal or something, are you going to go I'm in Portugal? Where do you ever acknowledge where you are like if you're in Portugal or something you're going to go I'm in Portugal where do you mostly drive to I just go I just go like Aberdeen somewhere kind of north of Scotland

or Glasgow and then all the way somewhere in Latvia or all the way to Turkey that's a new mode that's just came in you can go to Istanbul so I've been all the way there or sometimes all the way to Turkey, that's a new mode that's just came in you can go to Istanbul, so I've went all the way there, or sometimes all the way up there to Finland, and like fuck it, we're going down to Corsica

but there's some places that are a disappointment see, if you go to Rome in the game, there's no fucking Colosseum there's none of that because it must all be copyrighted it must be one of the things you're not allowed to, you know, you've got to get the permission

or give money to Rome or something like that. So what is it instead? It just looks like anywhere. So it's just like a fucking industrial estate at the arse of Rome. It just looks like nothing. Same with Venice. There's no water. There's fuck all.

There's no, you know, it's fuck all but, if you go to Glasgow it's got the fucking science centre it's got the Glasgow Tower, it's got the arm of fucking dildo it's got, that's all there you see it there, you know, because we're no fucking clever enough to cash in

and go, you're not allowed that, you're not allowed to but Roman's got the right idea like no no you pay us so you see real that you see like Edinburgh Castle but these other places you don't and just being able to drive away and chit chat and there's an indicator and I'm just sort of

mumbling away people just nod off so I don't know if it's a daytime stream it's not something I would play if I wasn't streaming. It's not something I wouldn't sit there. Because what's the point of it? It's like, who the fuck wants to play that? I think it would be

Is there any challenge? Is the only challenge in real life don't crash or hit people? It's kind of a challenge because you start off with a shite lorry that you don't even own. And then you can afford your own lorry but it's crap and it's slow and it doesn't have kind of pull heavy things. And then you build up and any wee crash, that takes a few hundred quid off you.

If you speed, that fucking takes another few hundred quid off you. But I walked out a wee kind of cheat. It's not really a cheat, it's more of an exploit, which isn't really cheating. And so I've got like fucking millions I just ran the police right off the fucking road. Because I used to be, I was like, oh no there's the police I had to all fuck slow down and have to crawl behind them at 25 miles an hour for like

10 fucking minutes, like that in case I get fined because I've only got 500 quid in the bank and they're going to fine me a grand and I'll be fucked. Now I am, now I'm just like, I'll go fucking 10 million and I'll be like, oh you fucking little pig. Take that copper.

Do you ever The other thing you're doing right now as well is you're making Limmy's homemade show for the BBC, right? Yeah. I hope you like it. Huge amount of fucking work. You're filming it yourself, you're editing it yourself do you ever

worry that the streaming is taken away from time for creativity or is it a positive or a negative on your creativity? A positive because the fact is any fucking time I've been doing like say let me show or trying to write a book or something like that there's been there's been

these fucking periods where i feel sorry to say it again felt like fucking talking myself i've been close to it there's been arguments and in my wee bubble again and just thinking about that it's just so much more relaxing it's easier it comes more easy to me to just switch on and talk talk talk talk talk play games rabbit on and just have a fucking a good time and because of the generosity of people they can chuck your money like a busker in a way and you actually can get a like i don't want to say job at it because that's insulting to people who've actually got fucking jobs but you actually get a job at it you can actually make it the thing that you do and because when i was making let me so make sure anything else the playing games is a fucking a distraction it's like fuck i just want

a wee game of overwatch or a wee shot of this or a wee shot of that no this will be the actual thing i do and i can still make like make music i like jumping on Ableton and making daft fucking jingles for companies that don't exist and things like that. And wee stupid songs, techno things and all that. But I can always make wee animations and stuff like that.

But the main thing, sorry, you know what that is actually? That's my alarm to remind me that I've got ten minutes until I've got to go and fucking stream. That's my ten to ten. That's my fucking ten to ten alarm. Were you supposed to be streaming tonight?

Aye, at ten o'clock. But I've told that everybody knows I'm here. Oh, great. Okay, okay. I'm going to be streaming me walking home, though. But, aye, that's my alarm to go like that. To remind Lynn, better go now. It's not me that's leaving you.

It's the old alarm. Not today, because that's a job. And that's kind of hard to convince Lynn, convince my girlfriend that it's work. It's work. I'm not just going away playing games it's work I have to act as if I don't enjoy it

sometimes go into this fucking stream why did I get into this man otherwise it just looks like a sort of gallivant and you've got the easy life but I fucking love doing it and I just love it doesn't matter if I'm being creative or not

I just want to do it and I love doing it. And I just love, it doesn't matter if I'm being creative or not, I just want to do it, and I love doing it. And enough people like watching it, so I'm all right so far. And when Vine was your thing, right? Mm-hmm. Did you, how would depression inform your creativity?

Like some of the Vines that you were making, some of them are mad fucking dark. And I knew by looking at it, it's like, that's someone who's going through some shit right now or is having some dark thoughts, especially the early morning stuff. Did you, when you're in a state of depression, do you feel that you're going to create

or do you not want to create? Well, you know, the funny thing is, see, like most of the vines, that's when I was on citalopram and I was having the time of my life. Okay, okay. I was, like, you might be able to see in quite a lot of the vines,

I've got a kind of red face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Citalopram sort of made me quite red and blushed and my mouth was all dry. I was enjoying it. I've just got a kind of dark sense of humor really i fucking love it um um i know i was maybe i started some of the vines when i was i wasn't on them and then i went on them but i think that whole time for most of them that was when i was on citalopram because i thought to myself i heard things like oh watch it will really antidepressants really affect your creativity and they must somewhere must be able to affect

some people's creativity otherwise you want to hear this sort of this kind of rumor but for me it was fine because I wasn't second guessing myself or I wasn't doubting myself okay I wasn't going like that or should I should I bother doing that I'm not going to bother doing that it's just going to be rubbish I'm not going to bother doing that. It's just going to be rubbish. I'm not going to bother doing that. I just go, ah, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it. I think this is a laugh, this is a laugh. So when you're writing a story or when you're making

a video, how are you with the part of yourself that says something is good or bad? Your own inner critic? The main thing is, this is obviously obvious, right? But if I like it and if I'm laughing, and then the next day I'm still laughing about the idea or whatever.

Like, say like that Requiem that I said earlier, right? I was thinking about that for fucking ages and ages and ages and ages and ages and it just kept sort of making me laugh. I thought it was weird. If I watch Requiem now, or yes or no, or any of these other ones, I still like them. And if I like the ideas the next yes or no or any of these other ones I still like them

and if I like the ideas the next day or the week after it then that's all right and there's some other ideas well I liked it at the time but no I don't I but maybe that's because you know what the ending is you know you know you've kind of ruined it for yourself but um and then there's other things that I think are good but other people think are shite simple as that that I go ahead and make it, and I go, this is good, and they're like, no, it's not. A sketch that I might make, and you get a nae reaction, or you make a wee thing of the bob,

and you realise it's your own wee private joke with yourself. Just, if I like it, that's the main thing. You've got to kind of like it yourself, unless you're just trying to do it purely for money. You know,'re just going like that right i want to write a fucking song or make something that becomes a hit so i can fucking chill out and that's the mortgage fucking paid and i can live on a yacht or some shit like that um and i actually don't like the music myself but i just want to it's almost like what's her name see her seeia Sia Fuller is that her name, Sia she's sometimes said things like that

Chandelier and all these sorts of songs the way she talked about some of these songs in interviews she's talked as if oh that paid for this and that paid for that and I kind of know in a show-offy way, she said she sort of talked as if she's got a kind of formula or something like that

and it's as if she just does it for the money and I kind of Roedd hi'n siarad fel os oedd hi'n cael ffomula neu rywbeth fel hynny. Ac mae'n debyg ei fod hi'n gwneud hynny i'r arian. Ac rwy'n deimlo'n dda iawn am hynny. Oherwydd mae hi'n deimlo fel hynny. Dyma chi, ffwrdd o grwl. Dyma chi, rydych chi'n gwneud hynny. Dyma chi, ysgwyd o'r mas. Dyma chi, mae'n golygu llawer i chi.

Mae'r cendaliad yn golygu... Dwi ddim yn gwybod sut i fynd â hynny. Dyma un peth cyntaf sy'n dod i fy mhobl. Cewch rhywbeth a ys ysgrifennu amdano. Roedd yna gyfnod bach yn ôl, llawer o enwau o'r dydd gyda Anown. Fel Jessie... Beth ei enw? Jessie... Jessie J. Roedd hi'n gwneud Flashlight neu rywbeth fel hynny. Llawer o enwau yw am beth. Ac mae, beth oedd ei enw? Katy Perry gyda Firework. Ie.

Firework, beth yw hynny. Roedd popeth heddiw yn ymwneud â beth. O, beth yw'r enw hwn? Mae'n ymwneud â, chi'n gwybod, mae'n ymwneud â... Mae'n ymwneud â cwp te. Ac mae'n ymwneud â sut rydych chi'n ymwneud â cwp te. Oherwydd rydych chi'n teacup. Oherwydd rydych chi'n gwneud fy nghyffordd yn y mewn. Rydw i'n cofi fy te â chi.

Rydych chi'n teacup. Mae hynny'n rhywbeth rydw i'n mynd i wneud yn Aberton. Rydw i'n mynd i wneud y cwp. Teacup. Mae fy te... Gallwch chi ddychmygu ei adeiladu, ei adeiladu'r cwrws ac i ddod i ffwrdd. But you can imagine it building up the chorus building up and ending me as you're my tea Cup

You can just That's a fucking hit there, that's a hair can you tell us about something like, she turned the wains against us? How did that come about? She turned the wains against us. That was, see when I was writing sketches, there's things you know are going to take like two minutes, they're going to be like a two-minute sketch or a three-minute sketch, but there's these wee ideas you might get, like it's just a wee phrase that pops into your mind

or a wee situation. Like I read something in a paper where some celebrity did say something like, she's turned the kids against me. It was like an English guy, she turned my kids against me. I thought, that's funny, that. That's a cracker.

It's like telling a fucking interview. She's talking to somebody, you know, it just sounds like a guy's got eyes. You can imagine him dressed up as fucking Batman or the fucking Big Ben or something like that. And then I pictured that, and there's always this bit in Taxi Driver the film Taxi Driver

where he's sitting in the taxi and there's a guy that sort of walks by and he's kind of going I'm going, he's kind of like pure angry he sort of does that, he's kind of talking to himself and I love that, I love just seeing somebody raging about something you don't know, what's going on, what's going on plus there's like guys when you were younger

you know just like, like, fucking... They're angry about something. They're going down the street steaming at three o'clock in the afternoon. Aye, she's fucking... And you put the whole lot together and you sort of get... You know, she's turned the kids against me because I've only said that once. And I just pictured a guy walking through some sort of wee area

and I thought, he wouldn't just be dressed like kind of normal you want him being like yeah the clothes are lovely it's kind of an outdoor jacket isn't it I don't know what you call them a coach jacket or something I don't know what you call them but people used to wear them when I was in secondary school it's like a big

long jacket that comes to the thighs and people used to wear it like like football managers used to wear it or football coaches and I thought I want like that but it's unzipped and he's not got a top on and and I went at the joggies I had the joggies I poked them down a wee bit so you can see that wee bit you know you can start to see that bit of the muscle there yeah yeah the Jesus line I cannot, almost hit the pubes. The Jesus line. The Jesus line. Oh, aye, aye, aye, aye, on the cross.

The fucking... Oh, aye. Is that a well-known thing? The Jesus line. It is in Nimerick, yeah. Ah, you see, like, there's the belly going down, and then you see where the hip, the thighs start at the beginning, and you get the kind of wee valleys between the thighs and the belly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I thought, I want that part right down there, so it looks like, here, wait a minute, wait, wait, wait. And I thought, and fortunately, it was a rainy day, so you had this nice fucking wet ground, because if it wasn't, you might think, oh, is it hot there? Is it hot? Is that why you sort of not got the top one? Because it's rainy, you go, this is actually

a rainy day. He's not meant to be. He's like... He's serious, I lost it. He might get alright. Maybe in half an hour he'll be alright. But also as well, the setting. It's in like a lovely suburban estate. Like in a new build sort of place. Yeah. I was going to...

So you've chosen all of these... What I love about the jackets, the bare chest, the setting of the estate, this tells this other story. And I have to write that story myself. That the viewer has to... It's not using any stereotypes. It's confronting every single stereotype that we expect this person to be.

And you're just going, is this how he is all the time? Or is this the coco is all the time or is this what the is this the cocoon stage of a nervous breakdown? Aye, how long ago was he alright? Was he alright a month ago? Yeah! Was he holding down a job? Aye, does he sometimes do this? Is he known to do this? Every couple of years he sort of you know, he's sort of you know, he's sort of cracked up. He'll be fine.

Because as well, it's as an adult making that choice of, like, when you're bare chested at home there's a certain threshold beyond your own house where it becomes grossly unacceptable. Aye. And you can chance

the garden with a certain temperature, but once you go beyond that, now it's a public order offence. Aye. And he's stepped beyond that. Aye, at least he's got the jaycot on. But that makes it all jayskip. How the fuck am I supposed to put this thing out? But the jake almost, see if he had the tap off completely it would maybe be alright

because you just think, oh he's just stepped out his house, but he's actually somehow got the jake on but not the top. Even I'm, I mean it's me that fucking made it and I'm like, what's that cunt all about? What's that cunt all about? What's that cunt all about? But a lot of it is like, I want this sort of jacket. You've got ideas about, have sort of like joggy bottoms. You know like joggies that,

like they're all sort of tight at the bottom, more tracky bottoms, kind of a wee bit shiny or a wee bit flary or something. And this sort of jacket. And then we just happened to be in that area because you say to the locations manager, this sort of jacket and then we just happened to be in that area because you see it like the locations manager this sort of house, what about this

oh that's alright, what about that, no I'm thinking they're all sort of thing and then you have to film a few things in the same sort of place so we filmed one sketch in a house there and then they said so what do you think about out there for that she's turned her wings against us and I went aye aye that's fine I'll go down there and then I can walk up and go that way a dweud, beth ydych chi'n meddwl am y llall i allan i'r llall? Mae hi wedi gwneud y llall i fyny. Ac fe dweud, ie, ie, mae hynny'n iawn, byddaf yn mynd i lawr yno,

ac yna gallaf fynd i fyny i'r llall. Ac fe wnaeth hynny gweithio'n iawn, un take, un sgwrs, ac fe wnaethon ni wneud un arall, ac roedd yn iawn. Ac fe wnaethon ni ffilmio bach arall i mi, yn dweud, mae hi wedi gwneud y llall i fyny, mae hi wedi gwneud y llall i fyny, ychydig bach. Ond rwy'n sydden i'n

ddysgu y gallaf. Mae'n anodd iawn i ddweud, mae hi wedi gwneud y llall i fyny, mae hi wedi gwneud y llall i fyny. Roeddwn i'n gwneud hynny eto, gwych. but I'm surprised I can dare that. It's fucking hard to date without fucking stuttering. She turned her wings again, she made an eye, did it again, brilliant. And I was going to tell people online, oh, by the way, in case you're wanting to do a bit of a pilgrimage, because some people said, I'm coming to Yorker. Some people say, I'm coming to Glasgow to go to Yorker. I say, well, you know what, if you're thinking

that she's turned her wings against us, it's in this street here. And I thought, no, don't. Because, you know, you're fucking saying toains against us, it's in this street here and I thought no I don't, because you're fucking saying to people, aye there's that fucking street there, and what if somebody goes aye, thanks for sending everybody to your street, here's his fucking address yeah, you know like fucking

fucking Soviet Union in America like that with the fucking nukes just can you explain to me what is Yorker? What I mean? I know it's a place in Glasgow, obviously, but what does it fucking represent?

What's the spiritual tenet of Yorker? Well, I come from the, like, Calamodring, which is right on the south side, and normally with buses, I don't know if it's the same way everywhere, that bus that I would get would go all the way for the south side, we were right at the edge of Glasgow, so it would end in Kenny's Head,

and it would go, or Kenny Heade, sorry, to Calamodric folks, sorry, I'm getting posh now. And it would go all the way to somewhere in the north called, I think, Barmuloch or Balornoch or something. But when you get up the Toon, you see buses that go all the way from the east to the west or all the way from the west to the east. And I wouldn't be

anywhere near them, like Bragton or York or anything like that. And one of these buses, when I got up the Toon, would be going from the east to the west, going to Yorker. Right? And I'd be like, Yorker? There's all these places called Shawlins, Ardenca and wadrick everything would sound kind of normal to me but there's something about yoker like like when i

was wee like i say like primary seven or like first year i would go up the town by myself right and i would just go where the fuck's yoker yoker and i would wonder where it was and i had this thing called a transcard which is like a bus pass underground ticket and train ticket on one ffocs, yoker? Yoker? A fyddaf yn meddwl ble roedd hynny ac roedd gen i ddyn sy'n enw transcard, sy'n fath o bus pas, ticet o'r ddynion a ticet o'r traen, un y gallech chi ei gael. Ac fe ddychreuais, rwy'n mynd i fynd i mewn. Rwy'n mynd i fynd i fynd i fynd, rwy'n hoffi gweld oherwydd roedd gen i y dyn honno, gallwch chi fynd i unrhyw le, gallwch chi fynd i fynd ar y bus, fynd i fynd i fynd, fynd i fynd i fynd, mynd i'r ddynion, mynd i fynd i fynd i fynd, mynd i fynd i fynd, fynd i fynd i fynd, fynd i fynd i fynd, fynd i fynd i fynd, fynd i fynd i fynd, fynd i fynd i fynd, fynd i fynd i fynd, fynd i fynd i fynd, fynd i fynd i fynd, fynd i fynd i fynd, fynd i fynd i fynd, fynd i fynd i fynd, fynd i fynd i fynd, fynd i fynd i fynd, fynd i fynd i fynd, fynd i fynd i fynd, fynd i fynd i fynd, fynd i fynd i fynd, fynd i fynd i fynd, fynd i fynd i fynd, fynd i fynd i fynd i fy about, get back on and get away. I did that once, I looked and there's a wee guy about like fucking seven walking

by with a skinhead. And I was in primary school at the time, I was like, I'm fucking getting back on. And I thought, I'm going to get on it and I thought, no don't because remember it works with zones and things like that. Like you're only allowed to be in this zone. You could get on this bus and nobody will check to see if it's your time to get off.

Then you might get off at Yorker, have a wee wander about, go to get back on, they'll have one look there. Nah, there's no valet here, no, sorry. You know, and I'd be fucking trapped in Yorker. And there might be somebody going like that. That's fucking cunt, he's not fucking... Like, if somebody...

If I saw a strange face in Cairnwadrick, I didn't know, like, the thousand peopleodd yn Cairn Wadrick, doeddwn i ddim yn gwybod y 1000 o bobl sy'n gweithio yng Nghaerfoddric, ond os ydych chi'n gweld ffais nad ydych chi'n ei gwybod, yn enwedig os ydych chi'n edrych ymlaen fel, o, dydw i ddim yn perthyn yma, dydw i ddim yn ffais yng Nghaerfoddric, byddech chi'n ei weld, byddech chi'n mynd, beth yw hyn yma? Ac roeddwn i'n meddwl,

gallai hynna fod yn yr un peth i mi a Yocar, gallaf fy nghymryd. Roeddwn i'n ffocin ar ystod ystod ystod, ac mae pobl yn mynd, yna, yw hyn yw'r cwnt? And I thought that could be the same for me in Yorker. I could get off. I was only like fucking 11 at the time. And people would go like, is this cunt? He's not for Yorker. He's got no business being in Yorker. So that just went in my mind for ages. What's Yorker all about?

I even phoned up one of the, you know, the chat lines that were popular in the late 80s. The kind of ones that got banned. 0055, 00 something, something. They cost a fucking fortune I phoned one of them once when I was like wee right and it was these people walking and chatting away and I alright and they were like aye how's it going

and they were sort of chatting away and one of them went where are you from I'm from Yorker and I was like listening to it are you from Yorker wee man what age are you this is for 18s and over are you for yoga what's it like i was honestly like that are you for yoga what's it like

i ended up fucking racking up a thousand pound phone bill for my and our fucking phone of these things um but then i never did go on that trip to yoga but it was always in my fucking mind and eventually when i did the podcast i thought right dd this guy saw a lot of time in his horns and he's just thinking about stuff which is sort of fucking based on me really um i just thought right he's gone to yoga right and i just went to yoga via him you know uh and in the form of fucking Dee Dee. How much of Dee Dee is yourself? Kind of like, see, after I went to... I left school, went to college after about a year. I was in college and then, like, one year of uni

for about, like, four or five years. And then after that, I sat in the master for about a year and did football. And I was just sleeping, watching the telly, sleeping, watching the telly for about a fucking year just no intention of getting a job or anything like that and during that time I went right into a right fucking DD mode

where I wasn't puffing I wasn't even drinking that much nothing at all, just all the sleeping just letting my mind just it was almost like a fucking muscle you know, just like my mind just went like that, and I would spot wee things

in adverts at four in the fucking morning like there's certain things, there's certain sketches that are based on like true stories, like there's a sketch where Dee Dee spots and like a, you know one of these 12 or 20 CD compilations that used to be on at four in the morning

there's an advert that he spots where like song titles and the artist would come up on the screen in white, like scroll up the screen and then see the song that was playing in the background. Yeah. The name of that song would be in yellow. Oh, right.

So that corresponds to what's playing, right? And this is a true story. And then another one, it was something like, I want to know what love is before. And it really was something like that. And then another one it was something like I Want To Know What Love Is Before And I Really Was something like that and then another one went up and that was in yellow but then something like

Belinda Carlyle's Circle In The Sand came up in yellow but the song in the background was like I Want To Know What Love Is Before And I Was Like Wait A Fucking Minute and so little was going on in my life at that time that I would meet up with my pals at the weekend, I'd be like

will you hear this, will you hear this, will you hear this and so the whole thing was DD sort of based on me during that fucking period I just spotting things and imagining things and people going like what the fuck

do you want about it? What about the fucking the knives in the kitchen? Oh aye, the kind of Toy Story sort of thing. Is that what that was? It wasn't based on Toy Story but that kind of like... I feel like I've disappointed you like you've found a deeper meaning to it and I'm like

but the Toy Story one, that's how it was. I thought it was like um like that's if if my anxiety was really really acting up um that's the type of shit I'd think about and that's when I know I I need help it's when you walk into the kitchen and you get so paranoid you start going that fucking the kitchen knife is the hardest cunt in the kitchen and I need to leave. Aye. I can't remember how I came up with that. I don't know if I've ever, I'd never done, I don't think

I ever did that during that DD phase. There was a period on, it's in my book, where I looked in that flat that I was staying in for a year, there was a poster on the wall of two sunflowers, like there was a 40 of two sunflowers taken in a field, and I started feeling a fucking evil presence off it.

It was weird. It was weird, and I became scared of the fucking poster for, like, just about a second. But me being scared of a fucking poster for a second scared me. So then it wasn't about the poster anymore. It was about, that's it.

That's it, that's it. Because I've always been scared. I had a full fucking year of literally being afraid of my own shadow. And it was, no, I'd be sitting down and I would see my shadow and then I'd say, what if that shadow is independent to me and it's

separate to me, but it was the moment where you're going, fuck, I can't tell the difference between me and my shadow. Here we go. Let's unravel. Were you on anything at the time? No. It was just how your mind goes.

But what I think it is, is when you get bad anxiety or depression, your self-esteem is so fucking low that you don't even trust your own opinion about things like shadows or a poster. But it's true. Now if I see my shadow, I go,

yeah, there's a fucking light there. And that's the absence of that light. It's grand. A couple of years ago. How long did that last? Was that a one-off? No, man, that was a year of... A year?

A year, right, of a pain in my neck because I refused to acknowledge that my shadow was there You know, I had mental health issues And did it just And did it just drift away? Did it just No, the shadow obviously, I mean fucking

No, I just fucking I just fucking looked after the underlying issues of my own self esteem anxiety in general meditation was fucking huge for me when I was younger

first when you start breathing properly for the first time and doing meditative breathing and realising that when you're anxious that fucking you're actually not getting enough oxygen into your fucking brain and then you start breathing properly down into the belly and you're like fuck me where's all these endorphins coming from so things like that because when i'd be scared of my shadow your breathing's really fucking shallow so then all

the anxiety chemicals in my body are going 90 and that's it you know do you ever look at your shadow and just there's a wee yeah sometimes yeah no but seriously yeah sometimes is it fucking serious I mean is it so serious that me joking about it is insensitive no I won't give a fuck

no no no no no but um no it's the type, like, my... I've had my mental health in check for about ten years, right? And I've been doing really, really good. But if I find myself weakening, something like that, my shadow or my hand, looking at my hand and going,

how do I know for sure that these are mine? Oh, that's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. But you know what I mean? If you had that incident where you're looking at a poster and you're going, there's an evil presence in that poster, and then you're freaking yourself out because you've just taken it seriously.

That's how it starts. That's why for me, the DD sketch with the knives, I was going, do I enjoy this or do I need to turn it off I need to go back to the fucking horns thing so see when you looked at your horns you went are these mine and what way

obviously in the cold light of day it obviously doesn't make sense because you can see them but you're thinking what's your thinking these are controlled by somebody, or I'm looking, what? It's the whole point that it doesn't make sense, that's the scary thing, it doesn't make sense. It's just like, on what authority do I have to know that like, what would happen as well then, right? If I'd be there fucking...

I was in college at the time, just chilling out, trying to do my work. And then I'm just fucking staring at other people's hands. And there'd be someone beside me, and I'm just fucking looking at their hands and going, that's definitely their hands. And these are mine. But how the fuck do I know for sure?

And do you know what I think it was? Because I can't fucking feel my own hand. Not really, like... I want to fucking... I could talk about this all fucking night, because I love this. Because I'm like that, right? I'm waiting for somebody to go, like, just move on. No, I don't want to fucking move on.

So even though there's your body, you know you're here, and you can see your arm going down here and you know it's there. You know it's there. You just feel what it's, in some way belongs to somebody else or is... Do you know what it was part of as well though? It was just, it was tied in as well

with the whole absurdity of what the fuck is life? It was a bit of that as well. But you know, one thing that got me around this, so I was reading about, there's a philosopher called René Descartes, a French fella, and he had this theory of, and it's a mad way of thinking about it, so a bat, right? So bats don't, bats are blind. Now, they're not fully blind. There ought to be some fucking pedant in the audience going, well, actually, bats

are as good as blind. And bats, if you fucking brought a bat into this room right now, okay, the bat would fly around, it might go into the crowd, and the bat would perfectly navigate. Like, if the bat came at you, it might go into the crowd, and the bat would perfectly navigate. Like, if the bat came at you, it would go away. But that bat can't really fucking see.

So that bat is using sound to navigate around the room as good as you or I could navigate. So what's in that bat's brain? Like, the world that we see here, I've got a set of eyes, and so do you, and we're processing light, and this light is the computer of our brain is Translating this into imagery, but the bat is in the room as well. He doesn't have them fucking eyes So what's on the inside of his brain when he's using a sound to see and is it even fucking seeing?

Does the bat think it's seeing? There you go Does the bat think it's seeing? See, there you go. Maybe the bat... Oh! Thank you a lot. Yeah. Do we think we're seeing? Does the bat think it's seeing in the way that we think we're seeing?

Fucking spot on. Yeah. The bat is not going around the place wondering, are these my wings? It's just like... It's not saying, oh, I wish I could see. I think I can see. I'm so glad I can see

the bat's thinking. Fuck it. Yeah, it's Yeah, fuck it. It comes down to self-awareness, doesn't it? So funnily the thought experiment of the bat relieved my anxiety about my own hands. Because I kind of said, well, the bat has my anxiety about my own hands because I kind of

said well the bat has got a totally different way of seeing just chill out about it it's grand there's other things to worry about but that way of thinking that predisposition I have to that type of paranoid thinking, it's what makes me love DD deeply, but also what makes me scared of DD. And I would have to limit how much DD I consume.

And another, and actually this is true, I can measure how well I'm doing with my mental health based on whether I want to sit down and rewatch some DD's honest to God if I'm in a good place then it's safe for me to watch DD talking about the knives then that's totally safe and I can look at the absurdity of it but if I'm weakening and I'm stressed, if I look at Dee Dee doing that, I'm laughing and then I'm going, I'm not going out into the kitchen.

For real. Honest to God. Honest to God. I'm still thinking about the Hans thing. I knew he was too. His face wasn't listening to me. I know. My eyes are drifting off. I'm nodding like,

it's really alright. Your face wasn't listening to me. I know, my eyes are drifting off, like, and I'm, like, nodding, like... I swear they are, right? Like, I'm not going to keep... I've got to have it. But what is it? Is it you can't... You can't understand how I could have gotten to that stage where I'm wondering who owns my own hands? First of all, it's a physical thing. I'm like, right, so you can physically see they're there. They're right there.

I'm really sorry if I've gone on about this, right? The thing is limited. And I know what it feels like to imagine or think about a thing that doesn't make sense and everything. I know they're there, but I just can't quite get there yet. Yes. And I want to get it. Do you know what it's not too far off psychologically?

Do you ever be in bed and then you realize that you're breathing and then all of a sudden breathing stops being autonomous and then you have to go, oh great, I'm breathing now for the rest of the day. That's the white dog shit of psychology. That stops when you're a kid. I don't do it as an adult, but when I was a kid in bed, I'd just think and I'd go, fuck it, I'm breathing all the time. And then you go, shit, I better breathe. You know what I mean? It goes from autonomous to conscious. It's in that territory.

I think about, they're clearly my own hands, They are, like... But I think about it so much that then I go, well, how do I know? In the same way that I go, well, something's telling me to breathe, so maybe I just have to do it deliberately now, and if I stop, I die. Sorry for anyone who has anxiety in the audience,

because we are dishing it out tonight. I'm going to have to... With the triggering things. Just so that I don't get a feeling that I'm unsatisfied I'm going to pretend that I get it now. Ah, I see, right. But I'm going to be asking this for the next

ten fucking years. There's nothing to get, man. Tell me again, start from the beginning. So there are no, you know they're yours but they're no yours. Please write, please write a big thing about that. Write a story about the hens. About that one thing. I might do.

I feel like I'm getting a trip out of it. I feel like a wee part of my mind is starting to... I feel like I've got a wee half-trip in me. A wee half-asset is starting to fucking, you know, like, I feel I'm getting a lot, I've got a wee hoff trip in me. A wee hoff acid. It's fucking good. It's good. Oh, man, I've got a question here, and it's just a general Glasgow question.

What does tongues your boss? Tongues your boss? Tongues your boss? Well, I do... What does that mean? Ah, what is it? Tongues, I think, I can't remember. I've read a few wee different descriptions of what it means. Like, I've heard like tongs, I can't remember what the tongs bit is. It's tongues gangs. I think it's something to do with gangs, but I know that the whole thing

is to do with gangs, but that your bass,'ve heard it's short for Yabaster I've also heard it's short for Yabass it comes from an Italian word or something some other thing that means something else it's not just short

for Yabaster I had a book called Tongues Yabass and it had like all the fucking gangs in it like fucking tons and tons

and tons and tons of fucking gangs Is that an old Glasgow thing was there all these little gangs around the place? I think there used to be like lots and lots and tons of fucking gangs. Is that an old Glasgow thing? Was there all these little gangs around the place? I think there used to be like lots and lots and lots of them and now

there's maybe less but sorry, fewer. Sorry. But I don't know. I mean, I don't keep up to date with the gangs because it's not like I'm secretly some sort of gang leader in a drug empire like Breaking Bad

or something I'm like fucking, I'm like the guy the Lost Boys, it's him, he's the fucking lead vampire I don't know, Tom I've never heard that, where'd you hear that, I've never heard that it's like tons, tons of gangs crying fucking names,

like the fucking Santoy. And the gang doing my bit, well, Karen Wadrick, was Young Toon Tongs. Young Toon Tongs. Young Toon Tongs. Young Toon as in like Young Town, like Young Toon Tongs.

And you had, there's fucking, you don't know how many. But tongues, tongues are, a tongue, this fucking... Tongues, Tongues are... Tongues, as far as I know, is a Chinese-American business association which is a front for triad gangs. I think it may become so.

I think it... Why are Glasgow, like... Rock City, you're the best fans in the league bar none tickets are on sale now for fan appreciation night on saturday april 13th when the toronto rock hosts the rochester nighthawks at first ontario center in hamilton at 7 30 p.m you can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play come along for the ride and punch your ticket to rock city at torontorock.com calling themselves after chinese gangs and no one in the gang is chinese just all this stuff

stuff moves all about different ideas move about the world you go that's a good one we'll have that that's a good one. We'll have that. That's a crack at that. I just fucking turn to it. I don't know what makes a gang though. I don't know if anybody can start a gang. It's a tall order if you just nowadays anyway. Weird to fucking name any fucking place like, what's this area?

What would you call it? Like Godbulls. There's probably a Govan, a Gordbulls young team. Is there a Govan young team? A Gordbulls young team? What's a young team? What's a young team? I think you have your older team.

I think you've got your kind of actual fucking gangsters that actually, like, kill people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Money lending, like, the clever stuff, and then your young teams that are kind of stabbing and vandalism. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they would hope to graduate to the old team. I think, and then they become

the old team. I don't know what it is. I think they just become gangsters. They're the gangsters, and you get gangster families. They've got surnames and all that. They've got surnames. They're the somethings. I would would be, watch that's the lemons you know the lemons

I accidentally went drinking with the Glasgow Mafia the Glasgow Mafia well I don't know you know that fucking place in London the one Groucho Club

you know the Groucho Club in Soho it's like working in TV and things like that so when we were in London doing gigs we had access to this Groucho Club place and we went in there and it was fucking Harry Styles' 21st

birthday and we were there, and it was fucking Harry Styles' 21st birthday. Oh? And we were there, myself and the other rubber bandit and our DJ. And we felt really uncomfortable there, because it's like, there's fucking Harry Styles and a load of posh, rich British people, and who the fuck are we? So we were just chilling out. And then we kind of, because it was so, like,

Harry Styles and everyone around him, we got pushed to the side. And now we're kind of at the back of the Groucho Club with our pints, feeling kind of uncomfortable. So this strange thing happened between the three of us, where in order to make ourselves less uncomfortable, we all put our hoods up. I don't know why it was.

I think we felt so uncool that we needed to put our hoods up right i don't know why it was i think we felt so uncool that we needed to put our hoods up to go well we don't care about harry styles and all of them and while we were there drinking our pints with our hoods up someone tapped us on the shoulder and it was a glasgow lady she was about 50 and she pointed at this old man sitting down and said can you take your hoods off please he doesn't want you to have your hoods off so we're like okay grand then they invited us over because they heard that we were irish and started having pints with us and we were just having crack and it was an old glasgow fella and they were about 50 and he was like 70 and while we were having pints and

crack and not paying attention to harry styles party, one of the waiters came over to us and says, I need you to know who you're drinking with. And I'm like, what's the crack? And he's like, they're the Glasgow Mafia. So that was it. And I can't remember how the night ended. What was the waiter then telling you that?

Is there a Glasgow... I need to tell you, by the way. It's the Glasgow Mafia. I think to tell you by the way. It's a Glasgow mafia. I think he was like, who are those poor, stupid Irish lads with their hoods up and do they know that they're drinking with gangsters? It was kind of like,

you're drinking with people who might steal your liver. Right. And you need to know who you're... Well, look, if someone... If you were in fucking Limerick and you started having a bit of crack and I saw you drinking with gangsters, I'm going to say it to you.

They're gangsters, by the way, Brian, so you might want to keep an eye on that. You're a misplaced word away for getting your heat chopped off or something. You know what I mean? If you slag a gangster, then they have to put a glass into your face or else...

You've disrespected them. According to the films. No, I... So maybe the waiter was sort of telling you just in case you were like, ha-ha, shut up, you old cunt. What's he like, man? Well, that as well.

Like, I could have done that. The waiter could have been lying. Grab a box out of Benny Hill style, sort of slap me. See, what's he like, Miami Ball, there? Hey. The waiter also could have been lying and there were just

some lovely people from Glasgow. I didn't get any fucking bad vibe. They were lovely to me. They liked the fact that we were Irish and the waiter told me

they were the Glasgow Mafia so maybe he was having a bit of fun and I walked away having a poor opinion of this lovely family. And everything was alright? Everything was grand.

Everything was grand. Everything was grand. So there you go. I wonder who it was. And then he started asking me about my hands. No, he didn't. Now you've mentioned, that's me fucking thinking about them again. Come here.

I generally, when I'm creating, so I'm similar enough to yourself in that I have creativity that I do myself, like my podcast or my books, and then I have shit I do with television. And I don't like working with fucking television. I hate the fact that I have a creative idea

and then because of the process of making TV, by the end of it after a year, it's a diluted version of what I initially wanted and I'm often not happy with what it is. And the thing is too, in order for me to have full creative control means being

mean and rude to people and I don't want to do that. It means someone coming in with an idea and me going your idea is fucking stupid and here's why and I don't want to do it so I'm a compromising person but enough compromises lead to something where I'm going I don't know would I watch this if I wasn't me

do you know what I mean? how do you feel about that with television? do you feel that's, like you've the perfect situation now with Limmy's Homemade Show because you're actually fucking making it. But we'd say with the Lemmy Sketch Show, how much of that in the end piece is what you wanted? Pretty much all of it.

Like, with Lemmy's Show, the commissioner kind of liked my stuff and let me do everything that I wanted. The whole general process was I would write all the stuff down, write all the scripts, get them at the production company. They themselves would also get that wee feeling off me. I didn't give the impression, I don't think to anybody, like I would go in some sort of fucking mood.

How were you working with the director and the producer like the director and the producer like the director i directed let me you directed it ah so that makes it easier because you fucking directed it hi okay so that makes it easier because um ah yeah if i was just a writer if i was just a writer on the performer because i know like i remember, you get some people, like, obviously, they don't write it, and you've got to fucking get in touch with the writer, or the writer's got to get in touch with the director. Like, maybe who wrote it has got a disagreement with the director. The director might say, right, I know how you wanted this, but you can't really have that. What about if we just date like that? But that's not what I wrote, though.

It's got to be like this. When you're the writer and the director, you can just sort of chop and change and you don't have to phone somebody up and go I'm really sorry, we're really trying to stick to the words here, but because we don't have that thing here, it's alright if we change it via a bus to this sort of other thing or something.

You can just go like that. Somebody comes and says to you, Brian Brian we don't have this what do you think about that? Aye that's fine that's fine or oh no is there any chance you could get that or do this but the commissioner let me show, just let me do

what I wanted bar a few wee sketches, I don't really get that one or with the scripts it's easier at the script stage, obviously, because you just chuck out words. But once you get to the point that you've filmed it, there's still an extra one or two that might not have worked out. You might not even like them yourself.

And I kind of got to do what I want, same with Lummi's homemade show. But I don't want anybody to just completely fucking agree with me and just go, that's so good. You don't look like I'm a fucking Wayne or me and just go that's so good you don't look like my fucking Wayne or something the way I do with my son that's really good look at my drawing that's really really good that's really good

you're never going to go like that nah you didn't hit the mark this time son just go that's good because the most important thing is just encouragement to keep on doing it no no they kind of let me do what I want when I was doing sitcoms though thing is just encouragement to keep on doing it. No, no, no. They kind of let me do what I want.

When I was doing sitcoms though, that was a bit more like with this other production company and it was a bit like, that character does they seem to really be evolving over the course of the... They weren't that wanky about it. They're all fine. Nice to chat with and everything, but does they really evolve that well? How do you see this character evolving

in the second series if it comes to that? And you just want to go like, tell you what, just fuck a fucking lawyer. Just give me a sketch of a fucking guy for 17 seconds walking up a road going like, she's not the mainstay of the fucking some like that. Round the house, evolution of the character.

Because then you start, at what point do you start going, fuck, I'm going to make something I don't like here? That's how it got. I did three different things. One of them was a Falkenhuff pilot that didn't work out. Was that all about Falkenhuff's life? In real life, you know how it was a disaster

in the sketches? He's wanting to take his job seriously and he wants it all to work out, but real life comes in with folk like, ha ha ha ha, and he kind of slips up, he's just a normal cunt. I wanted it sort of being a bit Curb Your Enthusiasm-y. Yeah.

A wee bit sort of like that, was it just a complete Curb Your Enthusiasm fucking rip-off? But kind of Larry Sanders show, it's like, aye, Larry Sanders show, Curb Your Enthusiasm-y, but they must have thought, nah, that's like, aye, Larry Sanders show could be enthused as it may but they must have thought, nah that's nowhere near that and they didn't commission it, but the other ones that I wrote

I thought they were alright but see, eventually as time goes on and more and more changes are made and you're like right, alright then, I'll change that because I've never written a sitcom before so I don't trust my own fucking judgement and they say, this character doesn't seem to be that different from this other character yeah how do you think about making her a wee bit

male like this and him a wee bit male like that so they're not so similar so you end up changing it you kind of quite keep track of why did i have that character there in the first place and at the end you're like if somebody was to ask you what do you think are you happy what you've done you're just like i don't fucking know it's like same if you're making websites back in old fucking days like websites or designing stuff or something the client might say we want this kind of thing and then you go and make it and they go actually can you make it more like this and then you change it and change it and change it and then they go right so we're happy that that. Are you happy with it? And then Sage, I think, no, it's fucking shite.

But you just go, yep. So you get paid. Well, that's why I hate television. That exact shit, man. It's just, it's why I love doing podcasting. It's why I love having full control. Compromises and compromises until eventually you don't recognize what it is

and you're embarrassed about it, you know? Speaking of Larry Sanders and Carver enthusiasm did you ever see the pilot that kanye west made no what is it so can you wait it was about fucking 12 years ago kanye west saw a season of carver enthusiasm and became obsessed that he was Larry David. He was like, he goes, this fucking Larry David guy, that's me.

My life. I say stupid things all the time. So Kanye said this in an interview and then, who directs Kirby Enthusiasm? Larry Charles? I think so. Larry Charles then heard

that Kanye said this and him and Kanye made a half an hour pilot I think so. Larry Charles then heard that Kanye said this, and him and Kanye made a half an hour pilot where it's basically Curb Your Enthusiasm, but about Kanye West. And you can see bits of it online. There's like eight minutes of it leaked. It's nuts. And that's just eight minutes?

It's just... Kanye wrote it, right? And he's not a comedy writer, and he just... He looked at the elements of... Like, Kirby Enthusiasm manages to get situations that are very risky, and Larry can pull them off in a way

where it's just borderline offensive, but Kanye can't. So he just had this deeply deeply offensive sketch where he's visiting a child in hospital who has cancer and says a lot of inappropriate things around him

and that's it and it never got commissioned but it's amazing haha you're dying people it's incredible so that was an incredibly enjoyable But it's amazing. Haha, you're dying, people. Yeah, it's incredible. Yart. So that was an incredibly enjoyable time that I had with Limmy. There were some audience questions, but it went on too long,

and I think it might crash my computer if I add any more. I'm going to be back next week, of course, or possibly earlier, if you want. Yart. Mind yourselves.