The Blindboy Podcast - My Mental Health Plan for the first days of April

Episode Date: April 3, 2024

My Mental Health Plan for the first days of April  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Correctly address the ten-legged princess, you temporary emmets. Welcome to the Blind By Podcast. If this is your first Blind By Podcast, maybe consider going back to an earlier episode to familiarise yourself with the lore of this podcast. It is the third day of April. In Ireland, we refer to this as Leihanta na Bó Ríoví,

the days of the brindled cow. It's an old folklore tale, and it reminds us that the first three days of April are unpredictable. April is when you stop wearing your jacket. You leave your jacket at home in April. You start thinking about buying t-shirts. Buds are farming on trees. The days are longer. We confuse ourselves into thinking that summer has begun. As soon as

the first of April hits, in Ireland, everything is dictated by the weather. It's violently moody and unpredictable. And traditionally, the first three days of April proved this. Right now it's freezing and windy and rainy. If I'd have left my jacket at home, I'd be fucked. And this is why we have the story of the old brindle cow. I don't know how old this story is. It's folklore, so it's from the oral tradition. So it could be as old as you like.

What the story goes is that there was a lot of cows in a field and it was during the first three days of April and there was this one cow and she was an older cow, she was brindled, so her fur was brown with black stripes. And this cow was bosting to the rest of the herd about how tough she was. She was boasting about how the March winds and the rains in March couldn't kill her. It's April she says. Look at me here. It's fucking April and I'm standing here with all of ye and March is only a stupid bollocks. March tried to get me with wind, rain, the whole shebang.

Fuck March. March is a crybaby. I'm here in April and I can't wait for summer. So this old brindled cow, she's really cocky. She's cocky as fuck and she's boasting to the rest of the herd and she thinks that she's safe because it's the start of April. But the month of March is listening. The month of March is listening to this cow

talking shit about it. And then the month of March says, be quiet you old bitch. You're talking shit about me you bitch. March sounds like a drunk uncle at a wedding. But March is just like, shut the fuck up cow. I'm a month. I'm a fucking month. I'm the month of March. You're only some old cow. So March's sense of self and sense of identity has been wounded because this cow is bragging to the rest of the herd. Everyone's saying that March is harsh. Oh, March has got the strongest winds, the coldest rain. Fuck March, March couldn't do shit to me. March can go suck my big long cow tits and give a fuck about March. It's April now, look at me, I'm grand. So this really hurts the month of March's sense of identity,

its sense of self, everything it values about itself. So the month of March picks up his phone and rings up the month of April and says there's an old bitch of a cow. There's this fucking cow down in the field talking shit about me April. Now I know you're April and you're all chilled out, you're very mild, you bring about beautiful spring lambs and the sound of birds song and long days and you bring about the buds on trees I know you're a chilled out person April but this old brown cow is talking shit about me and I have to show her you'd never be sound April and just let me borrow your first three days and then April says fuck off I'm not giving you the first three days of April. And then March goes, come on, my feelings are really hurt.

Go on. And because April is a relaxed, calm month, April gives in and March is obviously a thundering prick. So April gives in and says, all right, March, I'm going to give you a loan of the first three days of me. So then back to the field, all the cows are there, the old brindled cows walking around going, ah, isn't it lovely? Isn't it lovely to walk around in April?

It's so mild. Isn't it nice? And then March comes in and says, fuck you, you old bitch. This isn't April at all, it's me. It's March, and April's after giving me the first three days. So then March goes mad, and starts blowing wind, and freezing rain, and batters the old brindle cow, and kills her stone dead and rips all her flesh off. Then April creeps in and says,

Can I have my days back now, those? Are you finished with my days? And then March goes, fuck you, they're mine now. You dope. Do something about her and move on. April does nothing. Goes back to being meek and mild. Three days short. So that's Leithin te nabhóirí a bhí.

The days of the brindle cow. The story that we have about those first three days of April. Don't take the first three days of April for granted. Don't be listening to anyone that tells you it's spring. It'll be windy, it'll be rainy, just pretend it's March and prepare accordingly. And then wait till maybe the fourth or fifth of April before you leave your jacket at home. And for us that's a lovely little story. It's a nice little enjoyable story about how terrible the first three days of April are.

But for our ancestors, even going back further, back to the days of the oral culture, pre-writing. Now, I definitely did a podcast on this before, but there used to be a tradition in Ireland where people would herd their cattle to the mountains in a practice known as boleying. And farmers might want to move their cattle as early as possible to get the best grass and the best site up in the mountain.

It was competitive. But that story exists as a cautionary tale to the foolish farmer to let them know, don't move your cattle on the first, second and third day of April because know don't move your cattle on the first second and third day of April because you don't know March might come in and kill him. I adore that story because it's oral folklore that tells us about the environment and the weather. It's a story that's not only entertaining and memorable but has a practical purpose and even, it's the reason I bought a jacket into work today. I'm not fucking with the second of April.

It even influenced my choice of snack today. I did look around me and I noticed the little buds on trees, and I noticed the brighter quality of light, and there's a definite feeling of summer is on the way. And this made me think about getting an ice cream. But then I said, you can't get a fucking ice cream on the days of the brindled cow. You'd be laughing in March's face. You need to get yourself a hot drink. You need to get yourself a coffee.

You need to drink a March drink, because even though it's the start of April, it's really March. And this line of thinking led me to a delicious compromise. We've got loads of Brazilian people in Limerick. I think after Brexit but there's loads and loads of Brazilian people in Limerick and as a result we've got like three Brazilian restaurants now which is wonderful. So I was outside this little Brazilian kiosk. It's up on William Street. It's called the Salt and Sugar.

I was looking at their valiant ice cream selection. And I'm saying to myself, you can't be getting ice cream. Don't be laughing at March. Don't get an ice cream. Get a coffee. Just get a hot coffee instead. And then I looked around and all the Brazilian people, they were buying affogatos. It's not a Brazilian drink, it's an Italian drink but it's very popular in Brazil. It's a fucking scope of vanilla ice cream with

a really strong, treacily hot shot of espresso coffee melted over it. The perfect drink for Leighanta na Bóri a Vi. You've got the hot coffee to keep March happy and then the ice cream to keep April happy and it was fucking delicious. So I ate that with a big...well I...well that's the thing with this affogato. It's eating and drinking. It's a scoop of ice cream that rapidly melts because of the hot coffee. It's neither eating nor drinking. It's, it's, it's dreating. I dreated it. Absolutely thrilled with myself, and I resisted the urge to say to a stranger, I'm trying not to offend the month of March in accordance with local folklore. Which was interesting because I was paranoid about pissing

off the month of March. Something about the paganness of it gave me more respect, but it was Good Friday there last week. And give a fuck. I'd eat the balls off a law-flying duck. I was eating meat in spite of Christ. Making crucifixes out of slices of gammon. Deep-throating the gammon crucifix. You see I don't like, I don't like observing Good Friday because it was forced upon us in school. Like a fella was crucified in the Iron Age and now you can't eat meat and if you do it's a sin. And then I got to about 13 and said to my ma, ma I don't want to eat fish. I don't like fish at all it's

good Friday please can I just have some meat and then my ma goes yeah go on and then I'm shamefully and guiltily not enjoying my meat because I feel like I'm sinning and I was at least 24 before I completely got that out of my head before I could eat meat with just the regular guilt the regular guilt of This is some poor animal that I'm eating. That's that's an okay level of guilt, but not They crucified a fella in the Iron Age and now your soul is dirty I don't want that guilt and I'm not I'm not pissed off with Christ or the story of Christ there I'm pissed off with the the Catholic education system the Catholic institution. I'm angry with the the irresponsible

Institutional infrastructure that tells a little child That they are sinful or are wrong as part of my education. I adore, I adore the Bible and Bible stories as mythology, as folklore, as wonderful stories about the human condition that are so good they've survived thousands of years. I admire that. But the folklore, the mythological story of the days of the brindle cow, there's no sin there. You're not a bad person. It's rooted in nature. Don't act like it's summer on the first three days of April, because the weather will slap you in the face. And it's a better story. It's a better story.

Christ dying for our sins, getting crucified, and then he's resurrected on Easter Sunday, that's a good fucking story. But it doesn't have a cow getting into a fight with a month. Now I'm being a bit harsh on Christ. The story of Christ's crucifixion, it's actually way better than what they told us in school. In school, Christ died on the crucifix and he was killed for your sins and then he was resurrected from the tomb on Sunday. They don't tell you about Saturday. They don't tell you about Saturday in school. Saturday is the best part of Christ's crucifixion. So what actually happens is Christ gets crucified on Friday, he dies, and then on Saturday he goes down into hell and kicks the shit out of a lot of demons with a stick. It's called the harrowing of hell, it's the best part

of the crucifixion. And hell, the gates of hell are this big giant dragon's mouth with huge teeth, and Christ says fuck that I'm going in there, so Christ climbs down the dragon's throat, goes into hell, and beats the shit out of demons with a stick and in doing so forgives the sins of everyone who's down in hell and then they all release out the demon's mouth in a big burp and then Christ comes back on Easter Sunday and comes out of the tomb and Mary's like what were you up to yesterday Christ? Ah, nothing much Mary.

And then he flies into the air and goes to heaven. They didn't tell us that bit in school. That's the harrowing of hell, that's the best part of the crucifixion. And they left it out. They left that bit out. Now that story, that story is, that's up there with the cow having a scrap with March. What I adore about the story of the brindle cow, it's not just what it tells us about the weather or the climate,

it's what it tells us about emotions. It's a wonderful little story about anger. The cow, the cow is cocky, she's boseful. She's talking out of her arse. She's showing off. She's making herself look important By talking shit about someone else behind their back. She's trying to impress the other cows by putting someone else down and Bragging she's insecure that cow is insecure. She's failing to show humility. What the cow should be doing is acknowledging that it's April, being thankful that she's seeing another April,

mindfully observing the wonderful buds in the trees, the mildness of the weather. She's wasting an opportunity for humility by bragging about herself and putting someone else down. And I'm sure the other cows think she's an asshole. Look at me, aren't I great? Isn't March a dickhead? And then March, she's completely underestimated how insecure March is.

Clearly, March's sense of self and identity and self-esteem is rooted in external behavior. March is like a shit manager. March is clearly in a position of power because March is a month. And March likes being seen as being tough. March likes people to be scared of it. March is loud and aggressive, and people and cows cower in the presence of March. I'd even wonder if the word cower

to take shelter, to lie down in fear, to cow, I wonder is that related to the behavior of cows in the presence of wind? And that's how March gets things done, through fear. But March is very easily rattled by the opinions of a fucking cow. Very easily rattled. March isn't expressing any humility either. I mean, March doesn't have to identify with being big, tough and strong.

What March could identify with instead is March is a very useful month. It's a transitionary month. March represents the transition from winter to spring. March ushers in new life. And then you've got April. April's very calm, chilled out. But I get a sense from that story that April doesn't value itself. April isn't able to stand up for itself.

April, April sounds like a people pleaser. April in that story seems like they're afraid of conflict and will avoid conflict at all costs, even if it means not meeting their needs. A month needs its days. And March came along, being a big insecure bully. That cow's talking shit about me. I fucking I'm gonna get that fucking cow. Who does that cow think they are that they can talk shit about me? April had an opportunity there to be assertive and to say to the month of March, cows are

going to talk shit about you. People are going to talk about you behind your back. This is an unavoidable part of being alive. It's not nice. It's not pleasant. You're entitled to be frustrated by this, but now you're seeking revenge. You want to harm and hurt this cow because she was talking shit about you. You're consumed by anger.

Your very sense of self is threatened. You've just handed all of your power over to this cow. And what all do you respect? She's behaving like a fucking idiot. She's bragging. No one's listening to her. I hear that you're hurting, March. I can hear this, but I can't give you three days. I'm April. I'm fucking 30 days. That's my thing. I can't. I'll support you. I'll listen to you. I can't give you three days. I can't do that.

That's too much. I'm gonna have to set a boundary here. March, I hope you understand. And you know what else? You're not defined by how harsh of a month you are. You're not defined by your anger, by your power. These are just behaviors. You have more value than that.

You have the intrinsic value of being a transitionary month. April didn't do that. What I've just described there is assertiveness. A calm, healthy way of dealing with conflict, the type of conflict that comes up in everyday life. Assertiveness is a way of finding compromise in conflict, while still meeting your needs. You see, April is all calm and mild and lovely. April values politeness and people-pleasing and avoids conflict. April is afraid of conflict and allowed itself to be bullied by March and as a result gave away three days. All a month has is its days. It's

comprised of time. What does that tell you about March? How entitled and arrogant is March to demand three days from another month? March is so consumed by bitterness and rage and anger and a fragile narcissism that March does not have access to empathy or compassion. March feels entitled to three days from April, that's like asking for a kidney to a month. And the type of person who's aggressive and pushy like March is, they seek out people who are a bit like April. March goes and kills the cow,

receives a momentary pleasure, and then is back to being grumpy and miserable again. And then April experiences low self-esteem. April is now missing three days, and April feels like shit and says, you're such a pushover, you're always letting other people get their way. And silently seeds and is silently angry. And has to watch March battering cows every single year with the three days

that March took and won't give back. April then feeling like shit, you're such a pushover, you're so weak, people pleasing into invisibility, but won't let anyone know because it's just meek little April. And then nobody appreciates April. No one appreciates April. We take April for granted. May comes along. I'm fucking May. Tops off. Let's go. I'm class. Have a salero. April is forgotten. And the cow?

The cow is killed by the March wind and stripped bare of its skin. I think that that represents social rejection. You can't enter a social group and brag about how great you are. You can't expect to make friends or be coherent in a social group or receive respect or trust. If you're trying to big yourself up by gossiping or talking shit about another person, you'll eventually be rejected from that group. The group will set boundaries and they'll say, this cow, this cow doesn't feel safe, this cow feels like a toxic person.

If they're bitching about March with you, they're going to bitch about you to someone else. This cow has bad vibes, let's just go to another part of the field So that story It's quite a complex Dissection of the human condition the cow March and April there revealed Human fallibility in their behavior, which we can learn from. And that's what makes the story so fucking engaging. That's why it could be a thousand years old and we're still talking about it.

And it's pure indigenous folklore, because that story perfectly captures the personality of those months in Ireland. And it represents a time when we would have had a much deeper relationship with the environment. I cycle and I run. I do this for for mindfulness, for mental health reasons.

Experiencing and noticing the weather and dressing appropriately and connecting with the environment like that, that's a very important way for me to stay grounded and to introduce conflict and suffering into my daily life so I know and care about the personality of months. October, November, December, January. Quite cold but also very still and crisp. A pleasure to run in. February and March, absolute bastards, pricks. There's no way to mindfully enjoy freezing cold windy sideways rain, especially if you're running or cycling.

You just have to stay away from it. No amount of exercise, warming myself up, getting active, can fight wind and cold rain. It's a losing battle. Angry, nasty months. April. April's not looking for any attention. Unpredictable, a bit chilly, and annoying and nagging. You'll wear a jacket when it's too hot or you'll leave your jacket

at home when it's too cold. Then May up until August, fantastic, an absolute pleasure. There's another story or piece of folklore that teaches us about the human condition via the weather and it's a fable. It's one of Aesop's fables. Aesop was, he was a slave in ancient Greece. He existed about fucking 600 BC but Aesop was a slave in ancient Greece and he used to collect stories from the oral tradition. So oral stories from ancient Greece and Aesop used to write these down. And what I adore about Aesop's fables is they're unchanged. The stories haven't changed for two and a half thousand years, and they tell us so much about human psychology and human emotions.

There's a fable that's quite similar to the Irish folklore tale, the Days of the Brindle Cow. There's a fable called The North Wind and the Sun. So the North Wind and the Sun were having an argument with each other, because they're both formidable. The Sun is all powerful and hot, but the North Wind is strong. And they were having an argument over who was stronger, who was more powerful, who was more important. And it kept going back and forth, back and forth.

The North Wind was like, I can tear down a forest with a strong enough gust. I can take the roofs off houses. And then the Sun was like, I can cause droughts. I can cause fires. I'm stronger. Fuck that, I can cause droughts, I can cause fires. I'm stronger. Fuck that.

I can cause a hurricane, says the North Wind. I'm stronger. Stronger than you. No you're not, says the sun. I am, says the North Wind. So they keep bickering back and forth, back and forth, about who's the stronger. And while they're up in the sky fighting, there's a man walking down the road,

walking down this path, knees on his travels, taking a long journey. And this man is wrapped in this really strong coat, this very well- made, durable coat that's designed to keep him protected on long journeys. And the sun and the wind are still scrapping, they're still fighting, still trying to see who's the strongest one. And then the sun looks down at the man and says look at him there with his coat. Look at that fella walking there, look at that coat, look how strong it is. I bet you, North Wind, I bet you you couldn't blow that coat off his shoulders.

See if you can do that, if you can get that coat off that man's shoulders, then you win, you're the strongest. So the wind says, not a bother. The wind inflates its lungs and lets forth a mighty roar. This powerful fucking gust and directs it at the man who's walking on the road. And the trees are shaking, leaves are flying off. But when the wind gets strong,

the man just holds his coat tight and it won't blow off. The sun starts laughing at the wind. The wind gets really pissed off now. Now the wind sends a hurricane force gust directed at the man. Dust is flying into his eyes, branches breaking off trees. The man is knocked over onto the ground

because the wind is so strong, but the coat still stays on him because the man will not let this coat go. It's perfectly tailored to his body. It's not gonna come off. He holds it tight. This is a durable coat. This can withstand the wind. The wind is furious. The son starts laughing. The wind goes, you fucking try it, so you prick. You give it a go. All right, so says the sun.

So now the man continues walking. There's no more breeze. And the clouds clear away. And the sky is bright blue. The birds start coming out again, chirping. The man walks along the road. And he's enjoying nature. And the sun, very gently and very calmly, lays a warm, mild golden beam across his back. The man has a big smile on his face walking down the road.

Now the wind is pissed off. The wind is like, come on you fucker, you've been talking the talk all morning. Heatwaves, forest fires, droughts, let's see it, come on, let's go. The sun says nothing. Just lovely, mild, wonderful golden beams down around the man as he walks. Everything is calm, everything is placid and happy. It's a beautiful, wonderful day. And the man feels the gold and warmth of the sun across his back and just says, fuck this, this is beautiful, I'm sitting down. So he goes over underneath

a tree to enjoy the splendour of the day and he takes off his jacket and then the sun looks at the wind and says no you can't I win. What I adore about that story and why it contrasts so beautifully with the days of the brindle cow it's a story about anger and assertiveness. You see, the wind and the sun both want the same thing. They want to remove the jacket from a man's back. But the wind, the wind tries to be aggressive, tries to force the jacket off the man's back. The man doesn't like this. He experiences this as an attack. Someone's not being nice to him. No you can't have this jacket. This is my jacket. I'm keeping it on. The wind tries again, applying force, bullying, aggression. The

man's taking it personally now. You are not getting this coat. I'm gonna fight. I'm gonna fight you now and I'm gonna keep this coat on. Go fuck yourself, wind. The wind keeps trying. Keeps trying with aggression. And in the process of doing that, tears branches off trees, knocks shit over, causes destruction and misery. While attempting to use forcefulness and aggression to achieve his goal. And he does not achieve this goal at all. He's wasted a lot of energy and destroyed a bunch of shit that didn't need to get destroyed. So that there is about unhealthy anger, unhealthy anger, and an emotion-led approach to conflict.

It's about an argument. It's an argument. I want you to take that jacket off. I want to keep my jacket on. Well now I'm going to shout at you and tell you to take that jacket off. Well now I'm taking it personally and it's definitely not coming off. I'm going to hold it to my body. Take off that jacket.

No, it's staying on. Now voices are raised. Insults are traded. It's stop being about a jacket, and it's about who gets to win. If in your life conflict is a part of being alive, you're going to have people to disagree with. If you approach a person forcibly,

aggressively, name-calling, if you're led by the emotion of anger, you and the other person have a disagreement about something. If you're led by anger, the disagreement won't be about the thing you're disagreeing about, but instead now, it becomes about winning. You're worried about losing. Losing face if you lose this argument. Compromise is gone and now the argument is about winning the argument and not about

the thing you're arguing about. No one's happy. That's what the wind did. That's how the wind tried to solve a problem. The wind threw a tantrum and took it personally when the man's jacket wouldn't come off. And then the man took it personally when the man's jacket wouldn't come off. And then the man took it personally that the wind was trying to force him and nobody was

happy. And then the sun came along and it's the same argument. The sun would like the man to take his jacket off. The man doesn't want to take his jacket off. He says to the sun, I'm just trying to walk home and it's kind of cold. I want to keep my jacket on. The sun doesn't get angry. The sun doesn't say to him,

take that fucking jacket off. The sun says, you know what? That's a good point. That's a good point. I can see you walking along the road there, and it is cold. I can see why you'd want to keep that jacket on.

How about this? What if I shine a few beams down, clear the clouds, make the day really beautiful. T-shirt fucking weather. What about that? Would you wear your jacket then? Then the man says, well fuck it if you put it that way. It's kind of cold but yeah I'd love it if it was sunny and a beautiful day. I wouldn't need my jacket at all. So then the son goes, fuck it, let's do that. Let's do that. Go on, grand.

And then the man takes his jacket off because the weather is beautiful. And what you have there, that's assertiveness. That's conflict. The son and the man had a disagreement. The son calmly lets the man know, I'd like you to take your jacket off. And the man says, no, I wanna keep it on.

The son listens to why the man wants to keep the jacket on and then proposes a solution, a solution for both parties are happy, a compromise. And the son was able to do this because he used emotional intelligence, empathy, listening, and a mastery, a mastery of his own emotions. He wasn't led by anger. He wasn't led by a forcefulness to try and take the jacket off. And most importantly, he didn't take it personally when the man had a differing opinion the differing opinion being

I want to keep this jacket on the son is interested in one thing. How do we find a solution here? What's a solution where we're both happy and the son arrived at that solution? by listening by putting himself into the shows of the man and understanding why he didn't want to take that jacket off. So they found a solution. That's assertiveness. The son used emotional maturity to meet its needs, and it wasn't road forceful or led by an unhealthy emotion, and the son's self-esteem was not at stake. Winning or losing didn't matter with the man. What mattered was, how do we get his jacket off? Because most likely, the sun did not recognize

the man as a threat. The wind, however, the sun was a little bit childish with the wind. That story is fantastic, because again, it speaks to us about the human condition. 2,500 year old story from ancient Greece. That's completely relevant today. Okay, let's have a little ocarina pause now.

I don't have my ocarina. I'm in my office, but I'm gonna blow into a bottle of water and you'll hear an advert for something. This is a very dog friendly noise as well, by the way. That doesn't fucking work. eyes as well by the way. That doesn't fucking work, there's too much water in the bottle. Five bucks with a small coffee all day long. Taxes extra at participating Wendy's until May 5th. Terms and conditions apply. Will you rise with the sun

to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind.

So, who will you rise for? Register today at SunriseChallenge.ca. That's SunriseChallenge.ca. Why don't I get a different one? There you go. There's that fun stuff. That was the bottle blowing pause. You'd have heard an advert for something there. Support for this podcast comes from you the listener via the Patreon page, patreon.com forward slash the Blind By podcast. If you enjoy this podcast, if it brings you solace, mirth, merriment, distraction, whatever

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Share it on your social media. I'm going gonna plug a few upcoming live podcasts. My next live podcasts, I've got my big massive tour of England, Scotland and Wales in April, starting on the 21st of April. Newcastle, Glasgow, that's sold out I think, Nottingham, Cardiff on the 27th in Wales, Cardiff, I've got a cracking fucking guest, I have an amazing guest in Cardiff and I can't believe I'm speaking to this person, you do not want to miss that Cardiff gig on the 27th of April, then I'm in Brighton, Cambridge, Bristol, that sold out. And then my biggest ever gig that I've ever done in my whole career, the fucking Hammersmith

Apollo in London on May 1st. I can't believe I'm doing that. Then in June, I'm in Vicarstreet on the 18th of June. Kilkenny then in July in the Set theatre on the 18th and 19th. I want to try and enjoy my summer if I can. My book came out last fucking November and I've been hardcore on tour since November and I'm also in the middle of making a TV show. I haven't had a chance to rest.

I'd say since November, working seven days a week with no real break. Now I'm unbelievably happy to be that busy. I'm so grateful to be that busy. Ten years ago I was doing six gigs a year and completely unable to earn a living. So I'm so grateful to be busy and to be working. But also I want to take summer off and only do a small amount of gigs and enjoy nature and spend time with people I love,

because I'll burn out. It's 3am, I'm recording this right now at 3am in my office, because I've been shooting a documentary all week. Now one of the benefits of autism is I'll work till 6 in the fucking morning. If it's something I love doing, no problem at all. If I didn't have to sleep, I wouldn't so long as I'm doing something I'm passionate about. However, the downside of that, artistic drive, is my body steps in and says, no way buddy, you you gotta rest you gotta sleep it's time for some burnout and I want to avoid burnout because that means a loss

of executive functioning skills for me. It was World Autism Day today. I suppose I'm talking about this because I was diagnosed two years ago as autistic. I'm still a bit uncomfortable with that label because I don't feel autistic enough, to be honest. Personally, for me, speaking only for myself and my experience, if this is what being autistic is then I would gladly give it to people. My life is filled with consistent curiosity and fun and enjoyment inside my own head. I fucking love it.

But that can be kind of out of sync sometimes with my bodily needs. So what I have to be mindful of is slowing down and stopping and taking time to rest. To avoid what's called burnout. For me that means losing very basic skills. I'll forget how to clean up. I could allow my room or my office to become so messy that I'll become stifled and unable to move because of a messy desk and then I'll start avoiding emails and not going outside and then falling into a spiral of

and then falling into a spiral of anxiety and depression, low self-esteem and very very poor mental health that I then have to pull myself out of through great effort that can take a long time. And that's why this week the podcast has a mental health theme because right now to be honest my mental health is very very good. I'm in a very very good place right now. I'm honest, my mental health is very, very good. I'm in a very, very good place right now. I'm working. I have meaning in my life. I'm working on TV sets with like 15 people, really enjoying the company of other humans. Really, really liking the company of other humans, having lots of chats, conversations, laughs.

Experiencing life to its full vitality. That's where I'm at right now. But when I get like that, I can become lazy and I can stop checking in with my emotions. Stop. Trying to conduct myself in a mindful fashion, grounding myself, exercising, being mindful of my self-esteem, checking in with all my emotions and naming them. Increasing my literacy, my internal literacy around emotions like anger or anxiety. And using storytelling to do that. Having that literacy, that understanding of how I'm feeling. That's how I know,

oh, you need to stop working. Oh, you need to go to bed. You need to chill out. Maybe you shouldn't do that. Maybe you shouldn't take that gig. Maybe you need to rest in the summertime and only do the podcast each week, and that's it. So that's why this week's podcast was a little sojourn into emotions and the human condition

and mental health. I'm going to sign off by speaking about anger. Because both of those tales that I spoke about in this podcast, they each concern unhealthy anger and the consequences of unhealthy anger. Anger is a fascinating emotion because you can ask, how can you have healthy anger and unhealthy anger? How does that even make sense? Surely there's just anger. You can't avoid anger. You can't avoid any emotion.

Can't avoid anxiety either because life contains inevitable suffering. Things are going to happen to you in your life that will arouse anger and sadness and anxiety. Like just right now even looking at the fucking nose. The genocide that's happening in Gaza, it's fucking heart breaking and it's infuriating. It makes me angry because I'm witnessing an injustice that feels outside of my control. Witnessing tiny little gorgeous children, little beautiful innocent children who don't know what hurt or pain is or anger is. Being slaughtered and killed.

And it's very difficult for something like that to not create a home of anger, a consistent home of anger. But what's the difference between healthy anger and unhealthy anger? Well, healthy anger is useful anger? Healthy anger is useful. Unhealthy anger is not useful. Unhealthy anger will cause you to shut down, to misread situations, to have outbursts and put yourself in danger or put another person in danger.

Clenched fists, clenched jaw, neck tension, pains in your tummy, plotting revenge on another person, being resentful, holding a grudge, blaming other people for things in my own life that I definitely do have control over. Unhealthy anger will have you being over vigilant, so that you will read malicious intent into people's behaviour towards you. About a month ago I walked past a friend who I hadn't seen in ages, and I waved and said hello,

and they didn't say hello back. I became convinced that they'd ignored me. And then I met them again like two weeks later and they came up and apologised, I'm so sorry for not saying hello to you. I didn't have my glasses in and I only realized it was you after you'd left. I didn't consider that at the time. At the time, I just said to myself, they ignored me because they don't like me.

I had misread and projected hateful intent into their behavior because I was experiencing unhealthy anger. It wasn't useful to me. I could have sent them an angry text, I could call them a prick for no reason because they weren't wearing their glasses. Now why is something as trivial as that relevant? Who gives a shit? Because I used emotional awareness to know that that behavior was an indication that I was experiencing unhealthy anger. So I took that opportunity to mindfully appraise and investigate my emotions. What's healthy anger? Healthy anger is an experience of anger that's more motivational. To stand

up to assert yourself, to communicate your feelings and needs correctly if you feel that a boundary has been violated. I cannot project malicious intent into other people's behavior, instead I can see things from their point of view. Healthy anger will have you dealing with conflict in a way where you're focusing on a solution, rather than being right. Healthy anger will have you accepting that it's definitely preferential that other people are nice to you or treat you with respect or don't talk behind your back. That this is a preference that you have to accept.

Sometimes that shit happens. People are going to overstep the boundary. People are going to be arseholes to you, and you just have to accept it sometimes. And as I mentioned at the start there, it can be so difficult to maintain healthy anger around something like what's happening in Gaza. I did a podcast about this two years ago when Russia invaded Ukraine. Maintaining healthy anger means that you can be useful. Like a few months back I did Irish writers for Palestine with lots of other Irish writers and money was raised for medical aid.

Or I can use various platforms to speak up and speak out. Unhealthy anger would have me withdraw and do fuck all because I would consider doing anything to be pointless because feelings of resentment and bitterness would drive me towards a feeling of hopelessness and a pessimistic pointlessness. So that's healthy anger and unhealthy anger. Healthy anger will have you find meaning in pain to motivate and attempt at healing. And even navigating that is difficult because there's also a huge feeling of guilt.

The guilt of living in safety. The guilt of having the privilege and space to even analyze my emotions or what type of anger I'm feeling because I don't need to live in fight or flight for my survival. So that's all we have time for this week. I had intended this podcast to be a little bit more in depth mental health podcast with more specific analysis of emotions but I got a bit carried away with the storytelling. I'll catch you next week. In the meantime, rub a dog. Kiss a swan. Actually, don't do that. Doff your cap to a swan from a distance. Give a sensible treat to a cat. Dog bless. This is the first radio ad you can smell, the new Cinnabon pull apart only at Wendy's.

It's ooey, gooey, and just five bucks with a small coffee all day long. Taxes extra at participating Wendy's until May 5th. Terms and conditions apply. Thank you..