The Blindboy Podcast - Parsons Arse Party

Episode Date: May 15, 2019

How emotions can make us "dumb" and "Stupid" Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello you filthy breeders. Welcome to podcast number 84 of the Blind Boy podcast. How are you getting on? I hope you've been having a lovely gentle time and enjoying yourself. If you're a brand new listener, because there's been adverts on Acast getting new listeners in, so if you're one of these new listeners who's never heard the podcast before, go back to an earlier episode. You don't have to start immediately now. And also, if you're listening on iTunes, subscribe to the podcast and leave a rating and leave a comment.

Not even if you're a new listener. If you're an old listener too. I'll tell you why. Like the past six weeks or two, two months. This podcast has been available on Spotify. Which is class because that's handy for a lot of people. A lot of people want to listen to their podcasts on Spotify. I do it myself, you know. Because you're just in one place and it's handy.

But the kind of slightly negative thing for me with people listening on Spotify is the most important app for podcasts is iTunes. Specifically, if a lot of people are listening to you on iTunes and they're leaving ratings and leaving comments and subscribing, lot of people are listening to you on itunes and they're leaving ratings and leaving comments and subscribing you're more likely for that podcast to then be suggested to other people or for it to appear in charts and things like that so i've had a slight drop off because so many people have been going over to spotify so even if you are listening on spotify if you'd like to do something sound just head back over to iTunes for two seconds

and leave a little rating for the podcast just give it a few stars and you can even leave a comment if you want that actually really helps me so do that if you get the time please so it's May it's May and I fucking love May lads

I love early May in particular. It's, I think it might be my favourite time of the year because it's so optimistic. Just in terms of the weather. I speak a lot about, you know, looking at your environment

and looking at the weather and trying to find meaning in it. In terms of a here and now existence, you know looking at your environment and looking at the weather and trying to find meaning in it in terms of a here and now existence you know if i go for a walk or a run i try and be present in nature i try and take note of the smells take note of the you know the feeling of the ground is very different to the feeling of the ground like in in november if you're walking. It's squishy. It might be hard if it's cold because of ice. You might get a little bit of cold in through your sock.

You know. All these things I try and be aware of. In May it's totally different too. But also the smells and the colours are completely different. And to be honest. Like I do. I search for beauty. In the death and decay of November. And it's hard going.

You know, it is hard going. You really have to look for it. But in early May, it's served to you on a fucking platter. Just look at the trees, like the quality of leaf that's on the trees at this time of year. It's this gorgeous emerald you know this really young vibrant these leaves that are just

fresh out of their buds and they give off this lovely smell of dew or whatever I don't know what it is and the flowers are out as well bees are having great crack, wasps are having crack it's a very optimistic time of year the birds lads the sound of the birds the chicks are out they're getting fed i love early may

mornings and evenings so what i've been trying to do is as you know i love my running i love to run three four times a week for my mental health it's a huge part of my mental health regime and I I've been doing it in the mornings and the evening I've been splitting it into 5k in the morning, 5k in the evening so

what was it I wanted to yes, this is what I'm tying together people are always asking me do i take supplements i do take one or two now i don't know whether supplements work or not case in point go into fucking holland and barrett look at any supplement and on the side of it it never says what it does it will never say to you this supplement is good for your eyes that to me says because they legally can't prove it so a lot of supplement stuff the science behind it is ropey so i just go on experiential i take zma that's keeps your testosterone kind of level i suppose at 25 your testosterone fucking dips off

so if you take zma it's just zinc magnesium and vitamin b6 apparently that will keep her testosterone levels healthy which means that if you're exercising you have good testosterone in your body and you sleep better i find it works i don't know could be bullshit i also take turmeric for my lungs don Don't know if it works, having a clue, but what harm. But then, yes, another supplement I've started taking recently, which, personally, I do think I'm noticing a difference. Unfiltered apple cider vinegar. Teaspoon of it into a pint of water, morning and evening.

The reason I got it is I had these itchy palms, and I didn't know what it was. And I think what it was is I did two courses of antibiotics there a couple of months ago and that can fuck up your stomach bacteria like when you take antibiotics especially two courses of them it will kill all the bacteria in your body and you need to have a good balance so I think mine was off and expressed itself as this weird skin infection or itchy palms or whatever the fuck i had itchy palms and itchy elbows so i took cider vinegar and it went away in a day so that to me says the probiotic qualities of unfiltered apple cider vinegar

sorted out but another unintended consequence i get very sore knees after running if I do a run the next day my knees are swollen and sore and things like climbing stairs are a bollocks and I hate it because I fucking love running but I also don't like having sore knees when I'm climbing up the stairs that literally went

as soon as I started taking this apple cider vinegar so I'm able to run in the mornings and the evenings, no knee pain, I don't know what that is, I don't know, I looked it up and apparently, there's claims that apple cider vinegar can be very good for, your joints,

do you know, but none of it's proven, that's the problem, there's no hard science behind it, it's more kind of anecdotal, But my experience of it, yes, it has gotten rid of my knee pain. I don't know, is that a placebo? I'm not sure. But why am I talking about apple cider vinegar? Because someone asked about supplements. Am I sponsored by big vinegar? No, I am not. I am not sponsored by any supplements nothing i'm answering a question you cunts all right what do i want to talk about this week this week i've got it's a hot take it's something what i want to i want to investigate something this week and it's something that I've learned over the years

just in my experience of living and dealing with myself and dealing with people. It's the hot take about how emotions can make us stupid we'll say now first of all I don't like the word stupid I don't use that word I don't

I specifically don't like the word stupid as a fucking label you can disagree with me I genuinely don't think there is such thing as a stupid person I don't think that's I just don't think that's the case I don't I'm is such thing as a stupid person i don't think that's i just don't think that's the case i don't i'm not into this concept of fucking iq where you measure people based on

intelligence in my dealings with people you just i don't think stupid is a thing I'm much more interested in there's a model of intelligence called it was started by a dude called Howard Gardner and it's known as the multiple intelligences model and this is the more modern appraisal of human intelligence it's closer to

if you've ever taken like an aptitude test it's not far off that so what multiple intelligences says is that rather than humans being we'll say an iq which is a number a determinative number instead humans are on a scale where we all have different varied multiple types of intelligence and some people are stronger in this place and some people are stronger in that place that's what I believe and it's how I experience humans so what I want to get at is a lot of people

I'm trying to do this now without using language that's not shitty right so if I use shitty language understand that I'm using it as I'm using it in the way that it's used in society rather than me using it right now.

So people who we would, people who behave in ways that we would traditionally call dumb or stupid, a lot of it in my experience, it has nothing to do with intelligence. It has to do with emotions and the literacy literacy that a person has around their emotions and how that basically overrides cognitive decisions cognitive being rational thinking decisions okay and a lot of these people if you consider them stupid dumb silly whatever you want to call it but just buddies of yours friends of yours you go oh they're they're thick they can't be relied upon they're forgetful they have shit memories. If you ask them to do a task, they'll do it arseways. They won't turn up on time.

They'll fuck things up. These type of things that we say about a person. And then you'll go, don't rely upon them, they're thick. Like, I've dealt with many, many people with these labels. Through work and through socializing in my life and I've never found that to be true instead what I've found is these people and actually I should stop saying these people because I should include myself in this as well it's about emotional literacy not understanding and being able to correctly label your own emotions will mean that your decision making your memory all this stuff

is negatively negatively impacted by this and as a result you will behave in ways that would be labeled as thick dumb or stupid and it's really fucking unfair um another issue i have as well just as an aside with the you know labeling people as smart or dumb like if you get me like you listen to this podcast so if you get me talking about art we'll say or music something that i'm confident in knowledgeable about something i innately understand you'll come away from that and you'll go wow that that fucking blind boy fella is really smart jesus did you hear him talking about uh music or did you hear him talking about uh art paintings how does he know so much he he he's smart he's intelligent right and i get that a lot from people people go jesus you're really intelligent the way you speak about art and music and

yeah because within my multiple intelligences i'm very strong in creative fields so therefore not only have i an innate ability in those areas i'm also comfortable in those areas it doesn't trigger any negative emotions for me i actually feel quite confident in those areas. It doesn't trigger any negative emotions for me. I actually feel quite confident in those areas. So as a result of that, the speech from my brain to my mouth is uninterrupted, enthusiastic passion. And we then read this as someone being smart. But when I'm in situations where none of these things are being spoken about let's just say my my weakest area will say is in maths i'm very very very poor in maths

unbelievably poor i have difficulty counting my fingers and that's not a joke when I'm in these situations and if someone only met me in those situations they would walk away thinking he's thick he's thick as pig shit and several things happen like let's just say I go to a shop if I go to a shop

and I'm buying something and I'm handed back change if the person behind the counter was to ask me how much change did I give you first off I'm naturally not great at counting change number one then what happens and this is the big big issue like that will emotionally trigger me so if I'm asked put on the spot in a situation to count change

what happens is a big load of fear comes up in my belly I start to experience anxiety and I go oh fuck I am shit at maths I know I am shit at maths my entire life I've been shit at maths now I'm an adult who's barely able to count I have shame around this I'm now being asked in a

shop to tell them how much fucking change I have and I can't count this shit in my hand now the thing is if I was able to relax around it i probably would have a i'd have a good chance at counting that change i wouldn't be the best at it but i'd be able to but because i'm putting the spot my emotions kick in and now i'm definitely not counting the change and i would probably run out of the shop say something really stupid or just grab the money and throw it into the fucking the nearest poor box so i wouldn't have to count it and leave and that person's experience of me would be what's that person's problem are they thick so in situations where i'm being asked to count my behaviour would be labelled as stupid dumb or thick and

if I was in a job we'll say where the only skills that are asked of me are my numerical ability I would be labelled as an unreliable thick stupid person, I'm using quotes for all of these

now these are all quote on quote I'm not using these labels I'm using quotes for all of these now. These are all quote-unquote. I'm not using these labels. I'm saying this is how society sees it. So what I want to talk about this week is how emotional flooding, we'll say, how a surge of emotion in our body can bypass our cognitive abilities and cause us to behave in ways that are seen as or labeled as thick stupid or dumb and why a lot of friends that you have that you might label as being these things

or yourself are actually not and how we can work around it so what i want to get at in this in this podcast is you me all of us right we have aspects in our everyday lives where we're essentially behaving in a dumb or stupid way. Okay? Now, I'm going to... What do I mean by that? What I mean is... Everyday situations throughout your day where you're not...

The tenets of this are you're not solving problems effectively. You're not behaving in tenets of this are, you're not solving problems effectively. You're not behaving in your own best interests. You're not getting what you want out of situations. And most importantly, later on in the day, with hindsight, when you look back, you're able to see that you're kind of going why the fuck did I say that why the fuck did I do that why did I back away from that

and then in a more toxic way you can find yourself going why am I so fucking stupid why am I so thick that's the more toxic end of it which can reinforce it's like Why am I so thick? That's the more toxic end of it, which can reinforce. It's like you're aware of these things in hindsight,

and we all kind of have this, and it doesn't really have to be that way. My life used to be full of this shit, and then I got around it. So I'm going to talk about some of the examples and how you kind of get around it. Here's the classic which everyone can relate to right this is this is a real fucking classic think back to when you were a teenager and you really really fancied somebody you know a boy or a girl, whatever, this person who you had a crush on and you're a teenager. And then you're placed in a situation where you have to speak to them.

You know, you're around them and you have to now have a conversation with this person you have a crush on. And firstly, think of how it feels well it's kind of you feel anxious not anxious in that threatened way but you don't feel at ease you feel self-conscious I mean I remember

if there was 15, 16 talking to a girl I fancied, my mouth would go dry. I'd have difficulty forming sentences and words. When words or sentences did come out, it would be something which I would later label as fucking stupid or dumb. And they leave, the girl or the boy leaves and then you're back talking to your friends

and you're normal again, you're able to be you and you're left going, how the fuck am I supposed to ask this girl to go out with me when even being around her, I'm a thick bastard and that's a common thing for all fucking people, the heartbreaker of that is, and this is the old cliche where it's like, nearly everyone, especially when they're a teenager, will say, the person that you fancy never fancies you back, and the people that fancy you are the ones that you don't fancy, and i think there's a really simple emotional reason for that like how how is another person supposed to find you attractive if when you're around them you're a bumbling eejit

who is essentially like not only is a bumbling but you're giving off energy that's very anxious and you're also not comfortable in your own skin you're not yourself so no human being is really going to find that endearing or attractive that the micro signals of that are not going to draw another human towards you and most likely it would push someone else away and that's the tragedy of that kind of teenage puppy love shit you know also as well we tend to universally we tend to be attracted to people who make us feel at ease when you meet someone and they're so comfortable in themselves that they're cool and relaxed and calm, that's attractive, do you know what I mean,

so that explains why the people you don't fancy, fancy you, because you're being yourself around them, but anyway, why does this happen, why, what the fuck is that, what's the point of that, well, what it is, is, now I'm no expert on the fucking human brain, I'm not trained in this, I'm not studied in this, so I have a very basic knowledge that I would have gleaned from just books I've read, okay, so this would, anyone who studies the brain will laugh at me, but here's the gist of it, so there's a very primitive part of your brain called the thalamus or the hypothalamus. And this is, it's an immediate kind of sensory tiny part of the brain that is quite, it's not very complex. It perceives food, you know, if something is nice, if something is threatening, that's what this part of the brain does.

But it's the, it's the alarm of the brain we'll say it's not responsible for complex thought it's responsible for the immediate detection of sex food or danger and this part of the brain alongside the amygdala have been parts of our brains billions and billions of years before we were humans going back billions of years ago these were the parts of the brains the the thalamus and the amygdala these are the parts of the brain that are responsible for triggering emotions and they're not about thinking we'll say the part of the brain that's about thinking, that really complex human part of the brain that took millions of years to evolve, that region is called the neocortex.

If you're relaxed and you're listening to this podcast and you're taking in what I'm saying and not only taking in but you're engaging with what I'm saying and you're simultaneously listening to me agreeing with me disagreeing with me thinking of situations in your life that apply to the shit that I'm saying that's you engaging your neocortex the really complex part of our brains that's responsible for problem solving understanding things ideas that's the neocortex so when we perceive an immediate threat or a desire these emotional things when that's really intense what can happen is the primitive part of the brain, the amygdala and the thalamus,

they can kind of take over and they can bypass, in a sense, this lovely big neocortex, which is responsible for rational, measured thinking. So what happens when you are talking, you know, you're 15 and you're talking to the girl that you fancy, what's going on there? Well, what happens is, you know, first off, fancying someone and being in love, they're mad weird things that that does to the brain. You know, they're fantastic. You know, the butterflies in the stomach, they're all quite similar in a way to how we experience anxiety but it's like good anxiety um and there's a mixture of good and bad anxiety you know it's getting at the deepest part of yourself that needs to reproduce and pass on your fucking

genes but the thalamus and the amygdala kind of perceive it as i don't want to say it not a threatening situation as an emotionally stimulating situation right that's what they perceive it as an emotionally stimulating situation so they go into overdrive they don't really connect with the neocortex the part of yourself that wants to have a regular normal conversation because a threat is perceived. Now there also is the other threat. Actually this is a big part of it. When you're 16, 15, you're really, really, really fucking insecure. No, like teenagers don't have adult senses of self-esteem. It's quite normal for a teenager to have low self-esteem because teenagers are finding their sense of self.

So they don't have a solid sense of self to ground themselves in in the first place. So I think as well, thinking back to that teenage situation, talking to the person you fancy, it's the threat of rejection and what rejection means for somebody who doesn't have a solid sense of self if you don't have a solid grounding in self and you can't go home later on that day and say you know someone else's opinion of me doesn't matter you don't have that when you're 15 the girl you fancy doesn't like you it is heartbreaking or the lad you fancy doesn't like you it's heartbreaking because you've placed all your self-worth and value in their opinion of you and you also want them so the brain perceives it as this big emotional threat and when the

amygdala and the thalamus take over your brain they can do three things and three things only. Fight or flight. We've spoken about this before when it comes to anxiety. When it comes to anxiety, the fight or flight response kicks in. But this isn't really a full-on anxiety situation. The third thing it will do is it will freeze. So when you're there talking to that other person you fancy and your mouth is dry and you've butterflies in your stomach, and you can't talk, and you can't form sentences or words, freeze has kicked in in that situation. Freeze has kicked in.

And the mad interesting thing about that is, like, you can trace that through evolution, evolution again right back to when we were lizards before the dinosaurs like i said this emotional center of the brain the thalamus and the amygdala they're billions of years old and they're the first parts of the brain that developed in the earliest creatures that came out of the oceans even the fucking fish the first brains that ever evolved had these thalamus and the amygdala and i've spoken before about you know when you experience intense anxiety you can feel you can feel like you need to shit you can feel like you need to take a shit right uh literally shitting yourself before i said the reason was the little lizard a billion years ago if they shat themselves they could evacuate their fucking bowels they'd lose half their weight as a result and they can run

away faster so that's the flight response okay um that can happen during intense anxiety situations and that's why as well I think people with anxiety over a long time end up with stomach complaints. But freeze is a different one. The little lizard who is about to get eaten by another lizard and feels this threatening situation and their amygdala kicks in. Our ancestors, like lizard ancestors, they can freeze. They play dead. They don't move.

So that the predator or the threat simply goes this is not food i must walk away so when you're 15 16 talking to the person you fancy the lizard brain from a billion years ago kicks in and instead of being a you know trying to let the other person know, I fancy the fuck out of you, will you go on a date with me? Your amygdala has perceived them as a predator and your food and you don't want to get eaten, so you freeze. And the reason I'm talking about having the crush when you're a teenager. Is that I think that's. Ubiquitous. We've all fucking had that. That's a part of growing up.

And it's not really relevant. Once you get to about 1920. That's not really that relevant. You move on beyond that. But. The mechanism. Of. Essentially freezing. And then later on that day saying to yourself

that was dumb why did i behave in such a dumb fashion that shit we do carry on into adulthood like i said that's what happens me if i'm placed in a situation where my numerical or mathematical abilities are kind of brought to the fore I will freeze and I'll do some dumb shit I'll throw the coins on the floor I'll run out of the shop I will not behave like an adult it will trigger me emotionally and I have to have an awareness around it um just one really really silly example but i do think it's relevant in this situation i'm an adult man i can't roll joints i'm unable to roll joints okay now i'm an artist i'm good with my hands i can make things i can paint but if you fucking hand me the you know a bag of weed and some skins are not even fucking weed if i just have to roll a cigarette i can't fucking do it my hands will

freeze i have to be really aware around it even when i tried to get better at it it's difficult When I was 14 in school, what was it? We'd all just started smoking weed. Or no, it was hashback then. We'd all started smoking anyway. So I rolled a joint at home, right? I rolled a joint at home. And I was just learning. And I kind of made a bollocks of it right

I made a bollocks of this joint and I'd managed to lick the sticky part of it so I fixed it with pritt stick ok so I'd made the joint it was grand and I'd hidden it in do you remember those white marker pens that you could use to erase

ink I'd managed to hide the joint perfectly in that so I took it out anyway and I was showing the lads and I foolishly told one of them this joint didn't work properly so I stuck it with pritt stick and this ended up passing around and I got a huge slagging being called pritt stick by the lads because I tried to roll a joint with Prittstick and this was a massive social faux pas in Limerick when I was a teenager if you were hanging around with lads

and you were supposed to be a hard man he can't roll joints, he used Prittstick so I got such an immersive slagging from it and because you're 14, 15 I couldn't really take slaggings even though the lads were having crack I didn't perceive it as a bit of fun I would have perceived it as bullying

and not very nice and embarrassing and it's stuck with me since so I'm now a grown fucking man and when I'm put in a situation where I have to do a rolly or a joint I will freeze my brain will freeze. My brain will freeze.

And even I try and try and try to get good at rolling, I can't fucking do it. Because my muscle memory has tied in with this experience of being called pritt stick when I was a kid. So therefore when it comes to rolling joints, I'm thick, I'm an idiot I wonder was that too much of a digression was that too bizarre a way to try and illustrate the point I'm trying to make the point I am trying to make is that at times

our brains still rely upon very very old school mechanisms around emotions, which can lead us to not make the best decisions for ourselves, to lead us to act in ways that aren't in our best interests, that aren't in the best interest of people around us. Because a part of the brain kicks in, unique to all of us, that basically says, fight, flight or freeze

before I move on with it let's get the ocarina pause out of the way quickly because we're half an hour in the ocarina pause I don't know if there could be a digital advert I'm just giving you a warning. Oh, thank you. No, no, don't. The first omen, I believe, girl, is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying.

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I have the old ceramic ocarina back. Lovely sound offer. Fair play to her. Also, this podcast is sponsored by you, the listener, via the Patreon page. If you're enjoying the podcast, if it's taken up a nice part of your week, if I'm accompanying you on walks, if you enjoy it, please consider becoming a patron of the podcast. It's basically, you know, if you met me in real life, would you like to buy me a pint or a cup of coffee once a month you can patreon.com forward slash

the blind boy podcast the patreon page is what keeps me going it's where I get my wage it makes huge difference to my fucking life it brings me great security and happiness thank you so much to everyone who's a fucking patron lads i really

mean that so much thank you so much you keep the podcast going and if you'd like to become a patron you can please consider it so on to emotions and how certain emotions can make us quote unquote be stupid. I spoke about emotional intelligence or sorry, multiple intelligences which if you want to boil down what multiple intelligences mean you can't judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree.

Fish swim. They live in water. They're brilliant at it. Okay, they're fucking class. Ask a fish to climb a tree and they're brilliant at it they're fucking class ask a fish to climb a tree and they're going to look pretty shit and they're going to look useless and they mightn't survive

here's a classic example I always kind of think of do you know your man Elon Musk so Elon Musk is he's a billionaire he runs Tesla I know he gets a lot of flack people say that you know all he does really is is he comes up with mad ideas and other scientists figure it out well look Elon Musk is obviously brilliant in his field in his field talking about what he knows about and doing his thing he is at at the very least what we would consider to be a very intelligent person.

He's smart enough to be a multi-billionaire in the industry that he's in. So we have to go fair play on that. He's good at his job. Exceptional. But if you've ever seen Elon Musk on fucking Twitter he is incredibly dumb, irrational reactionary and

I saw a lovely quote once about Elon Musk where someone said it's nice to wake up in the morning and see that even though Elon Musk is this incredibly successful billionaire he still he still ruins his morning in the same way that I do arguing with assholes on Twitter

and he went through a huge period of arguing with people on Twitter to the point that he said some shit on Twitter that caused real you know real trouble in the real world he has shareholders in his company and he went on Twitter one night and said something like he was thinking of making the so his company

was public and it had shareholders and he was thinking of making it private again he just decided this is what he needed to tweet and it caused real life stress it was for anyone watching looking at elon musk this quote-unquote genius if you judge him on his social media ability the man is thick as pig shit okay it's you're left going wow why are you tweeting such stupid shit and i think it's a big thing with twitter our celebrities that we look up to that we perceive as geniuses in their field and then

you see them on fucking twitter and they're just rolling around the mud arguing with people saying silly things that they regret later we look from a distance and go jesus christ will you stop somebody stop this person well that to me just means that when it comes to social intelligence elon musk isn't great and he is being overcome by perceived threats and emotions he's not engaging his neocortex and he's making these really emotional decisions about what he needs to tweet I think Donald Trump is another example

Donald Trump someone needs to take his fucking phone off him now I don't know how smart Donald Trump is but as president of the fucking United States if you look at his twitter you go jesus fucking christ will you stop donald you're going to start a war with iran this is this i i see this behavior as incredibly dumb and stupid why are you doing it but this incredibly dumb stupid behavior and

just to use elon musk as an example it's not stupidity or dumbness on a cognitive level what it is is the emotional brain taking over and the rational problem solving here and now in the present moment neocortex not being engaged and every single separate emotion that we experience has its own little version of this where it can act as cause us to behave in ways that are detrimental

to us anger right grown men get into fights okay you know the story you're out with your fucking mates and

we refer to these people as hotheads which I think is quite I think it's quite a beautiful apt phrase and I don't know how I don't know how on the ball it is or whether whether it refers to we'll say the the amygdala but the amygdala is at the front of our heads it's right there on your on your your forehead and sometimes when you get really emotional your forehead can feel actually hot and the phrase hothead is quite interesting in terms of that so you're out

with your fucking mates one of your buddies is very easily triggered into fights this can be someone who could have a family he could have a fucking job and all of a sudden this person is triggered by some slight with another lad or whatever you know a comment is made a look is given and now all of a sudden this person is putting themselves in a situation where most importantly

when two grown adult men fight there's a very strong chance that someone can die, people die in fights, okay okay hit someone a slap they fall on the ground they hit their head off the fucking curb they're dead that happens secondly you put yourself in a situation where you could be arrested charged with assault you could lose your fucking job you put all your friends lives in danger and their livelihoods in danger but yes time and time again every fucking weekend

and drink doesn't even have to be involved drink just makes this shit easier you have someone making incredibly silly and dumb decisions that they now need to get into a fight with another grown adult human despite all these consequences. And you could be looking back going, that stupid fucker. Similarly, not in a physically violent way, but have you found yourself getting into, we'll say your anger is triggered.

The angry part of you is triggered but usually with someone you care deeply about a partner or a sibling or a good friend and something they've said or done has caused you now to experience a degree of anger where you feel it around your body your teeth clench your fists clench and now all of a sudden you don't feel like you have control over your words anymore or your actions and this person who you care about and love you're now saying the most hurtful thing you can possibly say to this person the most horrible hurtful thing that you don't even believe you just know it's going to hurt them in the moment and you're saying this to them and then you have to leave that situation and later on you go why the fuck did i do that why did i say that really really mean thing to

this person that i care and love about why was I so silly I don't even mean it that right there is what I'm talking about you're behaving there in a way that could be perceived as dumb and silly it's not within your best interest it's not within the best interest of the other person it's not in the best interest of your relationship and it can it can work as well with uh social situations if you're the type of person who is anxious in social situations in general you could be quite an intelligent person on your own or maybe with another person but then you find yourself in a group of people and you're saying silly things to try and make other people laugh or you're giving people too many compliments or you're unable to even a conversation is brought

up about something that you should know about and you can't even recount the facts and you're consistently terminally shy and aware of every element of your behavior and very self-conscious and completely unable to effectively communicate use your vocabulary even listen properly to the other person. And then you leave that situation and later on you go, what the fuck did I do that for? Why are you so stupid? Why are you behaving in a way that's so dumb? And in each of those situations, in the anger situation and in the situation with the social thing, every time the same thing has happened. The primitive part of the brain has taken over.

It has caused a flood of emotions which has asked for, in the anger it's a form of fight. In the social situation it's not fight, it is is is a freeze as such when when you're in a social situation and you're so self-conscious that you become subservient to other people that when you're in the social situation you're not meeting the other person as they are instead what you're trying to do is to please them to either to be so anxious that all you want to do is to say things for them to like you that is a form of freezing that's the part of your brain telling you to freeze because freeze is basically your emotional brain is saying this other person is a predator they want to kill me

so maybe if I wag my tail it's like a little dog think of we've bred dogs to be subservient dogs used to be wolves that would stare us out of it and attack us but we found the friendliest wolves

and bred very very obedient subservient dogs and some dogs when you meet them they will put this lovely little smile on their face wiggle their bodies wag their tails and then get down on their backs and show you their bellies

to let you know you are the boss please don't hurt me a lot of us do that in social situations lads and that can be crippling for a lot of people because as adult humans we know our neocortex the problem-solving intelligent part of our brains understands and knows i am not subservient to other people other people are not better than me we're all the same age we're all at a fucking party why did I lick everybody's

arse why when I spoke I fumbled my words out why did I feel my face going red why did I shower someone in compliments? Why did I say those things that I know are so dumb and I did it in that situation? You turn into the little dog in that situation because that's the freeze part of your brain was triggered by the amygdala and the thalamus, right? And the knock-on effect from that which can be shitty as adults both those situations what comes with them is a great amount of shame the man who goes out and almost has a fight or does have a fight, in the moment they feel justified, they feel angry but the

next day they don't. Unless they have kind of sociopathic tendencies or such severe elements of anger that they won't take any ownership and even the next day they're saying no that fucker in the bar was wrong he deserved it but most adults won't do that most adults the day after will say oh for fuck's sake everyone was looking and i was squaring up to a grown man and everyone was embarrassed and now i feel very embarrassed about this that degree of shame about reappraising your behavior in a shameful fashion and essentially self-flagellating that shit's not good for mental health long term at all similarly the person who is so shy in a social situation the next day who is sitting down on their couch engaging their neocortex the problem solving thinking part of

their brain the part of themselves that's confident they look back and say for fuck's sake why did you lick everyone's arse you piece of shit and then you now have a negative cycle of self-talk around subservience which ultimately what it does it just makes the problem worse it makes you want to avoid social situations because you think what's the fucking point i'm just going to go to that party not enjoy myself be worried about being nervous be concerned about having a red face feel very fucking anxious and i'll do it all again so i'm just going to avoid it and it can lead to avoidance behaviors and it can lead to issues with connecting with other people, with intimacy. All because, not all because, but a factor of it being the emotional part of the brain took over. And it caused you to freeze like a small dog wagging its tail.

And what both of these things are what I call it sometimes it's when you're it's when I feel like I'm living in my head that's what I say it's like that social situation I described there

I would have done that when I was 19, 20 at the height of my anxiety and social situations were a trigger for me I would have done that I would have done that when I was 19 20 at the height of my anxiety and social situations were a trigger for me I would have done that I would have found myself in groups of peers not connecting with people not being myself really feeling the need to impress people as opposed to just simply being there and going no how I am is good enough I don't need to impress anyone I just need to have

crack that was a big big one for me it's not anymore thank fuck but how I remember experiencing it as living in my head you're never

a good way to spot it is someone who's like that they don't have a real ability to verbally communicate with other people classic example you're having a conversation with somebody you're so self-conscious that you're not really listening to what the other person is saying what you're doing is you're waiting for them to what the other person is saying. What you're doing is you're waiting for them to finish speaking. So you can speak. And that's not communication. And it comes from an anxiety of not being in a social situation. Because ultimately your self-esteem says I'm not good enough.

I'm not as good as these other people. I'm not a real person. And people pick up on this shit. And it can have... The problem with that behaviour is... Some humans can... Pick up subservient behaviour. And...

In a very pack-like way way kind of run with it and then you end up becoming the runt. You soon find yourself being the butt of jokes and things like that you know and that can be very tough for people with social anxiety who are in these situations and it can make people very angry and resentful of other people we can also find ourselves being with our emotional brain being engaged you know not even in situations the lad who is starting to scrap in the pub you know that person's trigger is anger you know what gets their hypothalamus and their amygdala to take over the brain is the emotion of anger but like it happening in a pub and manifesting itself as a potential physical fight that's an exceptional circumstance it's only a small percentage of

people whose anger will trigger their brains in those situations most people it doesn't manifest as scrapping in a pub what it manifests as is intense anger while they're on their own being on your own in your room or whatever, and really fixating on an argument you had with someone the other day or an argument you haven't had yet or thinking about what you should have said or thinking about what you would like to say but truly experiencing it as rage on your fucking own, okay? it as rage on your fucking own okay a lot of people live their lives in that way which means you're consistently living in your head

when you live that way where it's a non-stop rage-filled fantasy of getting revenge or wronging rights perceived writing perceived wrongs all these things that's a consistent existence or large parts of your day where you're not engaging the neocortex so you're essentially hot-headed all day and only the emotional brain is being used. And you're then expected to behave as a person who is supposed to be making rational decisions. So you're sitting at your office desk. You have responsibilities and demands and jobs to be done. And now all of a sudden you're incredibly forgetful. Your memory is unreliable.

You can't stick to deadlines. You can't envision goals. You can't plan. Your timekeeping is shit. Here's a... Yeah, that's another fucking thing, lads. When you live intensely emotionally, right? when i when i say emotionally i mean the emotional flooding the intense stuff in your head when you live like that you don't perceive

time correctly okay a bit like because there's good things with this as well if you have a lovely daydream for yourself a nice peaceful relaxful relaxing daydream that's a form of emotional flooding that's good when you hear a joke and all of a sudden you scream laughing that's the same thing it's the primitive part of your brain that does that too but these are the positive things but when it's the negative emotions such as rage and anger you could spend an hour sitting on your bed or sitting in your office and you're staring into the abyss fantasizing about arguments that have happened or haven't happened an hour could pass and you'd go fuck me was that an hour i thought it was five minutes. That can destroy a person's ability to truly function as effectively as they can be as a human being. Because the neocortex, the thinking rational part of the brain, is not being engaged.

So how are you supposed to plan? How are you supposed to have deadlines? How are you supposed to set and meet goals? How are you supposed to plan how are you supposed to have deadlines how are you supposed to set and meet goals how are you supposed to live a meaningful existence when this is the way it is now imagine how that person has been perceived by their co-workers don't give them that job their head is up their arse they missed three deadlines last week they keep coming in late they're thick, they're fucking stupid don't rely upon them

the simplest things in the world you give that person the simplest fucking task in the world and they will let you down they're thick as pig shit fire them, out the door the person the person might be incredibly capable of their job they might be very intelligent well able to do it but the problem is the emotion is stopping the

engagement of the rational problem solving thinking part of the brain it doesn't have to be anger it can be worry you can worry a lot worry is anxiety essentially you're focusing a hell of a lot on terrible things that might happen that haven't happened various fantasies and scenarios of how things will go wrong how you will be rejected how you will end up same shit what does that do to your memory if you're thinking anxiously non-stop living in your head the amygdala and the hypothalamus doing their thing your memory is fucked you can't remember what happened two weeks ago your perception if you're living that way for six months of the year for an entire fucking year people can live that way because you're not here and now engaging the fucking neocortex experiencing life with all the smells and sounds and sensations and emotions that go

with it you're not perceiving time properly. So your perception of time and memory is fucked up as well. And a lot of us go about our lives this way. And people around us look at us and go. They're fucking thick. They're incapable. They're stupid. And it has nothing to do with these things. It's not a lack of cognitive ability or skill it is simply

that we're being slaves to our negative emotions so how do you kind of get around it um a big one The biggest of all. Having the self-awareness. To know when this is happening. That's the real key. That's how I started. When I was in social situations. Because that was my trigger.

Anger. The odd time. The odd time. The odd time. No, actually no, I would... My main trigger would have been the social anxiety situation. So if I found myself in a challenging situation such as being at a party and I would be coming away from these parties feeling drained, feeling unhappy, feeling as if I said and did things that were foolish that i was self-conscious i would train myself the first part was obviously learning this shit that i'm saying to you now

the beauty of psychology is and i get it a lot from feedback with these podcasts and i know it myself because this shit that I'm talking about, I might have read this in books 10 years ago. When you hear something about psychology, about a way that you behave, and you click with it, and you say to yourself, fuck it, that's what this is,

it doesn't feel like you're hearing something new. What's actually happening is that you're simply receiving words for something you already knew deep inside in your unconscious. So if you're listening to this going, fuck it, that's exactly how I am at parties, or that's exactly how I am in the office with anger, you know this already. You just don't have the language for it, so

by me giving you that language, it just unlocks a key, and then you get this lovely feeling of catharsis, because you're like, finally, I fucking knew this, I just didn't have the words for it, so that's step one, to be honest, step two, and it's how I enacted it, is I became aware that, okay, when I'm in social situations, when I'm in parties, when I'm talking to a group of people, more than one person, I find myself really fucking behaving differently

and behaving in ways that I don't feel is me. Trying to impress people, going out of my way to make people laugh giving someone too many compliments doing these things that afterwards i feel a sense of shame i feel like i became a little dog who rolled around with his belly and wagged his tail and begged everyone not to kick them that's basically what i would do 10 10 12 13 years ago at parties I'd become aware of it and I'd say right how do I tackle this so I would start

to notice ways of being whether it be how my I'd find myself I'd rub my knees a lot maybe you know when you're, it brings up this energy

and the energy has to go somewhere, usually through your limbs. So you'll find yourself, classic fucking example, lads. If you want to look at a group of people and spot the person with social anxiety, what are they doing? They are the person who has a beer in their hand and what they're doing is they're slowly peeling that beer off the label or slowly peeling the label off the beer or they have a beer mat in their hand and they're ripping the beer mat to little pieces and they have a pile of beer mat in front of them that's the person who has social anxiety because the emotional flooding that's happening in their

brain and all the anxious chemicals going around the body they have to manifest themselves in some type of physical self-management behavior such as playing with a label or playing with a beer mat or for me it was yeah i would have been ripping ripping all the fucking labels off the beers or rubbing my fucking my knees or biting my nails so i would become aware of these physical markers we'll say so i'd go hold on a second i'm i'm ripping the fucking thing off this beer now i don't need to be doing that and if i'm doing that i'm not engaging in conversations so i would take the the beer label ripping off as the sign and I'd go right I'm in my head right now and I'd

check in at myself I was also meditation is very handy for this shit remember a couple of weeks ago I did the guided meditation with Chi and that guided meditation at the start of it I did what's known as a body scan the body scan that is the

opposite of this negative shit I'm talking about now. If you want to get out of your head, if you find yourself consumed with anger, consumed with worry, consumed with anxiety, and your amygdala and your thalamus are what are driving the, they're at the driving seat basically. If you want to disengage them and get back into your neocortex, the big, big complex part of your brain that problem solves and experiences emotions properly if you want to get out of that a great way is the body scan exercise and i would find myself doing that in

social situations so i'm going right i'm fucking with my beer mat i'm fucking with my beer label body scan quick body scan so i'd shut the fuck up and i'd silently sit and all i'd do is i would from the floor up to the top of my head i just i'd be looking at people i'd be nodding my head or i might even go away to a little corner myself and i would i'd go i noticed my feet on the ground and then I'd imagine like a light going up through my body and I'd say I can feel my calves I notice my thighs and my arse on the chair I notice and feel the small of my back and my shoulders against the chair and finally I notice and feel the top of my head and then once I've done that I'd go I am in a room with

lots of people it's a bar and I'd say these little things internally to myself about what I'm doing and where I am and I would make damn sure that I'm physically in my body checking in with my environment because what that does is like that's really complex think of the complexity that you're asking your brain in that situation you're thinking about yourself you're using abstract thoughts you're focusing your mind's eye down into into your foot into your knees the amygdala and the thalamus your lizard brain they don't do that shit that's the neocortex that's the really complex i'm fucking with the uh my thing here now the the pop shield but those are the complex pop shield's gone those are the complex part of your brain and that's what

you engage with a body scan so i I would do this in social situations. All of a sudden my breathing changes. I'm now breathing slowly. Like when I meditate. So then the second thing that I would do. Is I would say to myself. I'm anxious in social situations. I'm under no fucking obligation.

To really. I don't really want to speak to anyone. I don't have to. So what I started to do. I started to become really, really good at just listening. If you're a socially anxious person, and you find yourself needing to please people, or you find yourself embarrassing yourself, shut the fuck up. Just breathe, listen to someone, be mindful of eye contact, check in with being relaxed, get really, really comfortable in another person speaking to you and let them talk

and nod your head and listen to what they're saying and if they're talking about something that's sad check in with the empathic sadness that you feel by simply listening to someone telling you something sad or if they're telling you something that's angry or if they're telling you something that's funny and i used to start to practice this in social situations and all of a sudden it stopped becoming I didn't get have the social anxiety I didn't mind being at these things I found that I don't need to tell people these things that are happening in my life I don't need to make someone laugh I don't need to impress someone all I need is to be present for them and if I feel like speaking I will when relevant but I'm not going to talk for the sake of it and I'm listening to what they're saying and I'm not waiting for them to

finish so I can blurt out whatever the fuck so they think I'm cool and it all happened around essentially mindfulness being aware of my environment understanding and spotting when i'm getting these emotional triggers and actively doing something about it not at home in my bedroom but in the social situations and it really worked I'll tell you another fucking thing. And this is really fucking mad. I used to think. If I go to parties. And I speak and talk. Or.

Talk about stories. Or facts that I knew. Facts actually. That's what I'd do. Just be roaring facts at people. Because it would keep me from a genuine conversation roar facts about fucking giraffes necks or whatever

in the hopes that they would think that I'm interesting or they would think that my self esteem was telling me that I was another piece of shit so that if you roar facts at someone they might at least think you're interesting when you learn to simply listen and say nothing people end up thinking that you're fucking interesting because people don't want to hear what you're saying people just want to be heard so if you're a socially anxious

person and you can go to becoming the person who sits back and simply genuinely listens and genuinely reflects the emotions that the other person is saying a knock on effect is people will think you're interesting even though you've said nothing because what you've done there is you've satisfied their need to be heard do you know

with anger same shit become aware if you're sitting at your desk with anger, same shit, become aware if you're sitting at your desk, and you're fantasizing about an argument you might have had, or going to the extreme, and you're fantasizing about choking someone,

or hitting them a slap, here's the thing, do you really want to carry that person around all day? If your anger is to such a degree that it's affecting your fucking work your home life that you you you finish your work day and you get into the car and drive home an hour has passed in the car and you don't even fucking remember the journey you might as well have downloaded yourself from work to home because you spent the entire journey gritting your teeth really sit with yourself ask yourself why the fuck am i giving my time my life away to this fantasy person in my head who i'm arguing with with shit that hasn't even happened yet or shit that has happened that I've no control over or shit that hasn't happened yet that I don't even

know will arguments that don't exist other than the fantasy in your head really rationally sit with that and engage the neocortex and say and say to yourself do I need this in my life and use the same grounding exercise catch yourself in the moment fantasizing with this anger and ground yourself use a simple grounding exercise check in with your body feel your feet on the floor. Feel. Notice what the anger does to your body. Notice your teeth clenching. Notice your shoulders hunched. Your fists clenched. And relax it all.

And doing this again. The complexity of these actions. Is going to. Your hypothalamus. Or your thalamus and your amygdala. They're not. You don't need them anymore. Do you know what it's like?

It's kind of like if you're fucking driving a car, right? Imagine trying to drive everywhere in first gear. Do you know what I mean? First gear in a car is quite useful for one thing. You start up the car, you get into first gear, and it's very powerful at the start, and it gives you that initial boost. First gear is the thalamus and the amygdala. It has a very limited purpose.

But if you try and do a full journey on first fucking gear, forget about it. It's really irrational. You'll fuck up your engine. You'll use all the petrol. It'll be loud. It's really irrational. You'll fuck up your engine. You'll use all the petrol. It'll be loud. It'll be uncomfortable. It's disturbing for everyone else on the fucking road.

That's what this is. So say to yourself. Do I want to be living my life in first gear? Or do I want to move up to fourthth or 5th or fucking cruise control and relax and that's what it is you can't start a car on fucking 2nd, 3rd, 4th you need first gear, it serves it's purpose

but for an entire journey it's ridiculous so check in with the body, check in with the emotions feel yourself present and do that as much as you need to do throughout your day when you feel the primitive emotions taking over

and causing you to behave your life behave in a way that dumb and thick and stupid and is against your own interests and the interests of the people around you take responsibility for it in the moment same with worry these are all really

achievable things and I just wanted to talk about it this week because it affects everyone, it fucking affects everyone and it's just one other little aspect of mental health. That we kind of look over. And then to kind of finish it too.

Think of the people around you. Alright this is what we can use. Not just for ourselves but compassion for other people. Your friend who's forgetful who shitted deadlines who looks as if they try but when they do try it doesn't work out the friend who you find yourself calling thick stupid unreliable try not doing that instead ask yourself is the instead of this person being thick or stupid or dumb or these horrible labels maybe they're living in their head maybe their emotion is taken over and as a result they're behaving in a way that you perceive to be dumb or stupid. And then ask yourself, what can I compassionately do to maybe help them or assist them?

Or if not even to help them or assist them, to give them a break, to relax. You're at a party, you're chilled out, you're grand but your friend is a ball of fucking nerves don't snap at him let them be a ball of nerves figure out a way that you can relax them without

causing them embarrassment your friend who is a hothead and is going to start an argument maybe don't call him a stupid cunt maybe don't tell him to cop on maybe try and use an approach that's much more closer to love and compassion and friendship and see how that gets you because that's another thing compassion and love especially around anger that would cut straight into anger honest compassion

honest compassion comes about by disclosing your own vulnerability as such instead of going here jar cop onto yourself start another fucking fight I'm not fighting

I'm not getting into a fight now because you're going to start one go up to jar and say Jesus jar you look very angry Hop onto yourself. Start another fucking fight. I'm not fighting. I'm not getting into a fight now. Because you're going to start one. Go up to Ger and say. Jesus Ger. You look very angry. I'm picking up from you. That you seem to be very angry.

What's that about? And then Ger will say. That fucking idiot over there. He looked at me. He looked at me this way. Or he thinks he's fucking great. And then say something like. And how does that feel Ger? And those type of questions those are questions that psychotherapists use basically to override the emotional brain and get the neocortex going if you say to juror i'm noticing

you're really angry juror in a fucking pub and you're going how's that feeling for you you're really angry, Jer, in a fucking pub and you're going, how's that feeling for you? You're not going, because the wrong answer or the wrong thing to say is, he's not looking at you, Jer. He doesn't think he's full of himself. Cop on. These, all these things, they just serve the emotional part of the brain. But when you say, Jesus, I'm noticing, Jer, you're really, really angry.

How's that feel? Jer then has to stop and engage the neocortex and go it feels feels a bit silly to be honest yeah because i'm thinking about getting this pint glass and twisting it into his face that wouldn't work out too well for me would it it wouldn't sure no i'm glad to see you using your neocortex do you want another pint problem solved and that's known as open questioning i might do a podcast on that at some point actually that that's a technique that psychotherapists use if you've been to therapy and you think the therapist is doing fuck all

and they're not telling you anything yeah their job isn't to tell you something their job is to ask you questions in such a way that you have to search inside for your own answers do you know right 80 minutes into the podcast i enjoyed that i do i do enjoy and i'll i get something out of those those podcasts as well you know i i like doing podcasts like this because it allows me to check in on shit that I use this stuff in my mental health regime and I hadn't thought about this emotional stuff about emotional triggering like that hadn't thought about it in a few years and just it popped into my head to do this podcast so even even doing that and speaking about it it brought a lot of stuff up in me that was relegated to the pre-conscious mind, we'll say.

And now it's in my awareness again. So thank you for sharing that with me, you pricks. All right, God bless. Have a lovely week. Enjoy yourself. I'll be back next week. Yart. Thank you. Thank you. rock city you're the best fans in the league bar none tickets are on sale now for fan appreciation night on saturday april 13th when the tor the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm.

You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.