The Blindboy Podcast - PJ Gallagher

Episode Date: December 28, 2022

PJ Gallagher is a comedian and broadcaster, and we had a gorgeous chat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Crown the goat, you drowning ronins. Welcome to the Blind Boy Podcast. I wasn't sure whether I was going to put out a podcast this week, because it's just been Christmas. It's just been Christmas. But I managed to find a little bit of time to put this episode together. I didn't want to be breaking your routines. I didn't want to be breaking anyone's routines, because I know there's people who listen to this every single week. And it's only a couple of days after Christmas you're probably having your little walks

you're having your little walks no one's back in work yet no one's back in college yet your family are driving you fucking mad so you're having your little walk so I've made a nice podcast for your little walk. I have a conversation with the wonderful, kind and funny comedian PJ Gallagher, who's a broadcaster and a comedian. And we had this chat in Vicar Street a few months back in Vicar Street up in Dublin and it was an absolutely, it was a class gig so this is a podcast full of lots of laughs and the second half i have to do a little content warning the second half is about mental illness because pj is someone who has experienced mental illness and he speaks about that but even though i'm giving you a heads up about it he speaks about it with a huge amount of humour and compassion.

So here's my chat with comedian and broadcaster PJ Galloway. Sorry, I left you waiting. I didn't mean that. You're grand. So, I don't know, where do we start? I mean, you're a gas cunt. You're a funny man. And when I was... You're one of the people. You're a funny man. And when I was,

you're one of the people that I would have seen on TV that made me feel, like when I was younger, before I even, I'd been in school, and I'd go, this cunt, what he's doing,

it makes me feel like this is something I could at least attempt or try. You know, seeing you on naked camera in particular. And as well, the fact that you had Maeve Higgins was unreal, because I'd never heard, like, now I know she's

from Cork, but Cork is just Limerick's older brother. But even hearing her accent on TV made me feel geez, it can't be that hard if she's in Cork, you know? Yeah, I don't know, it feels like it's so long ago now. What it is?

Yeah, it's proper retro telly. You started when, 2005? 2004 we made it, yeah. The first year we made it in 2004. And, like, it was a different world then, though, you know? Yeah. Like, everybody has a camera in their pocket now. Nobody did then.

Like, literally nobody did. So people were more kind of innocent than themselves. There was no sort of suspicion. If you were a weirdo, they were just trying to help you out. So it was kind of different. Actually, that's true. It would be very different now, wouldn't it? It is totally different.

Every time something happens now, people automatically think, what's going on? Who's looking? Is anybody putting this on their phone? You have to be so conscious all the time about being filmed, and back then, it just wasn't a thing, like, you know, you could just talk to anybody at any stage, and, I don't know, you kind of got people at their best, I think, because they were so unaware that you were

doing, because you would walk up to someone in Dublin and say, I've lost my monkey, and Dublin people would get irritated with you, but they'd still want to help you. So it was like, where did you last see the fucking thing? I was like, I'll help you now, you prick. But a better shit to be at. But they would help. And they'd be annoyed with you constantly. Because they'd feel guilty if they didn't help you out.

I don't know. I think it was just good that way. We always kind of saw it as more a sketch show that's what I fucking loved about it yeah yeah because the thing why it was so important to me

was so I'd have been I never saw it as just a hidden camera show because I'd seen hidden camera shows on fucking Sky or what was that one

it's not Jeremy Beadle smile you're on candid camera remember that shit camera shows on fucking Sky or what was that one? It's not Jeremy Beadle. Smile you're on candid camera. Remember that shit? And then there was Jeremy Beadle and there was a few more and I didn't view years in that way even though those were the mechanics that you used.

We always thought it was like a sketch show but the straight man didn't know he was in it. As long as I looked like the idiot we were always happy, you know. Because what I was doing at the time in school, I was doing prank phone calls. And I just thought I was messing. I was doing these prank calls,

but I was inventing characters. And the other person on the end of the call didn't know that they were in this sketch. But I didn't consider what i was doing creative i thought it was just being a little shit and when i saw what you were doing i was like holy fuck this is a sketch show it's just the other person doesn't know they're in a sketch show but you were inventing characters you had characters with catchphrases, with all of these things, and you're writing comedy on the fly and making it happen.

Like, you had Jake Stevens. Yeah, I know. Like, it's just such a weird character, you know? And that all just came about because I was working in a job I fucking hated, you know? I was working on the building site, and there was one guy that worked with us. I won't say his name or whatever, but he just talked about sex all the time.

Yeah. But he hated using... He hated bad language. So that was it. So he hated... So he'd be like, I was there with me board the other night and the big whew on her. It was like fucking hell, man. And it was the most...

So irritating looking at the paper and saying I'd say she has a love you you know it was so stupid and I remember just being so irritated by it and then you know and then it just came good you know I told that story to the lads we were filming with one day because the whole Jake thing

was a total mistake you know we were supposed to do a completely different sketch and then it all went wrong and the guy that we were going to do it on wasn't there so we just had this blue suit and I thought I'll try this lad. He was doing my head in for a couple of years so I'll try and do other people's heads in by doing the same thing.

The paper come into it. I think that was just trying to think of something to do with my hands. It was just like I guess you you know, you come up with a voice and then you let the voice frame how you walk

and then how you walk. Whatever clothes you put on makes you act differently. It just kind of felt like, and he used to read the paper all the time too. That was a bit of it. Like,

he would read the paper and point out like all the, and the, like that was his, you know, you know you know like working a Sunday and just

you got this fucking lad whistling in the corner at women's in bikinis like it was just ridiculous how did you go

from just being a young lad called PJ to being on TV because that's the there was no fucking internet so

like did you do stand up first yeah yeah oh yeah yeah I did stand up for years. Yeah, yeah Really? Yeah for ten years. I was doing stand-up before. So what age were you when you started naked camera? I was 29 I think I started doing stand-up in 96

Jesus it feels like And obviously it was a the best thing about stand-up back then though was there was only like 12 people doing it you know yeah there's so many people like there was literally 12 people i could name them for you now like and and nobody thought it was going to be a career it was a way you go into town and you realize if you talk for 10 minutes in the international you'd get enough money to get pissed until friday and it was like it felt like a scam, you know, so. But you never thought it was going to come of it, you know. Like I was saying,

I say to you before, like, I never thought it was going to be a career. I just kind of wanted to find something I could be good at. And I didn't really

give a shit what that was. That could have been anything because I was terrible at school and I wasn't great at sport. I used to catch balls with my face, you know.

And the old man loved sport and all. I was trying to impress him too you know and and then like I couldn't wasn't good at any sort of labor stuff so I kind of wanted to just find something that was good at you know and that turned out to be telling stories I suppose because we were saying that backstage on the same like and I was awful at school I fed my leaving cert I spent the same like I was awful at school I failed my leave insert I spent the entirety of school just being called

a stupid prick and when you don't I didn't get the leave insert you didn't either I didn't do it at all no I had an argument

with a haircut when I was 16 and I just went I'm never going back to that kid what type of haircut was it? oh it was fucking stupid I was like

it was what like. I was like, it was what, like 1991, so I had all me head shaved with this big fringe. But me fringe... They never had a name, man. We had them in Limerick as well. I don't know if you remember those.

All shaved and there's this really long fringe and it used to be a competition to who could have the longest. Yeah, but I have curly hair so it turned into dreadlocks and people used to call them my shit sticks. Okay, yeah, yeah.

Because you can't wash the fucking things, you know? It's just like lumps of shit hanging out of your head. And then, because you can't see it, I would put it over my ear. And then it got this natural V across my face, you know? Because there used to be lads who were blessed with beautiful straight hair,

and the coolest thing a lad could do in the 90s, before 1995, was all shaved, then just this long, long piece of hair. And if they were able to blow it out of their face, with fag smoke. Yeah, yeah. That was it. It was it. You were so cool. Yeah. But I just had shit sticks, you know. And then I tried to grow me hair long.

And because it was so cool, I just grew a beard on the back of my head. It just kept going out, you know. It just got wider and wider. And they were like, cut it off. And you were like, fuck off. I'm 16. Now I can do what I want. No, I cut it.

They said cut it shorter. So I cut it halfway. And then I went to the school and they said cut it again. And I it shorter, so I cut it halfway. And then I went to the school and they said cut it again. And I went, I'm not cutting it again. I don't know. I just knew I had enough. And you know when the adrenaline starts to kick in and you go,

I'm going to do something stupid and your voice gets wobbly. And I went, oh, fuck off. And he was like, oh, yeah. And then they went, we're going to talk to your parents and I was like yeah well I'm never coming back and they said

really and then I went around to when I started I couldn't stop myself I realised how empowering it was it was just like

fuck off and then they sent me to the foremaster and told him to fuck off and then he sent me to the principal's office and he wasn't there

so I waited and when he came in I told him to fuck off and then I went me to the principal's office and he wasn't there so i waited and when he came in i told him to fuck off yeah and then i went home i mean i was like what's wrong now i told him all to fuck off and i'm i'm not going back ever again and she had the weirdest reaction by going i'm so glad to hear it i've been going up there every week for three years like she was just like as long as you're not sitting around this house you're going to get a job you're going to work but like she knew that she knew it wasn't the right place for me. She knew it, you know.

It was destroying me, confidence being in there. I hated it, you know. See, that's the other thing as well. It's like, if you're not fucking fitting in, it's destroying your confidence. So you are better off out of it if it's making shitty your fucking, your well-being. Like, I fit in with the kids, you know. I fit in with the other lads.

But then, because, you know, there was classes, there was like 30 kids in the class. Yeah, yeah. Like, I fit in with the kids, you know? I fit in with the other lads. But then, because, you know, there was classes, there was, like, 30 kids in the class back then, and whatever. And then there was five classes, so they just got all the kids, like, fucking hell, some of the kids, like, there was kids in our class.

Like, they weren't, we just weren't suited for school. And I remember one lad, we used to call him Mr. Kelly, because he was so overdeveloped. Do you know that way? Like, he just, like, even when we went those lads in 60s who look like TDs yeah exactly yeah that's it if they take off their trousers in the shower and they've a big daddy cock on them it's not even the same color as the rest of them like in a fucking hell hair and all you're like

where'd you get that it's like you rubbed it off as helpful. I'm just kidding. But like there was these lads, they were probably held back three years already just because, and kids who definitely had mental health problems and fucked up families and then just lads who are wild and then fellas like myself

who just can't sit down and think, you know. So they put us all into the same class and sure it was uncontrollable. You're the exact same as me then. So you got thrown into the class where everyone who's bad gets thrown in together. Yeah, yeah. And then it's fucking hilarious

because in other classes, lads go on the bunk, you know. Yeah. In our class, the teachers went on the bunk. Yeah. They were like, these lads aren't fucking, they're never going to do anything anyway.

So, you know, it was no harm missing our classes. What I found with, so I had the exact same fucking experience because for me it was undiagnosed autism. So it was just, in my school there was, I don't even think there was 30 in this class,

it was like 16. And it was before junior certs, so you kind of couldn't get expelled. And just, what you had was the likes of me who was autistic then you had other lads who deeply fucking traumatized lads who came from hard situations you know what i mean so i'm in class with very hard lads then other lads who are just mad and then but i was one of them but i was like how do I cope in here?

And one of the shittiest things for me with school was I learned to cope by... So I wasn't hard. I wasn't going to fight anyone. And I wasn't... I had to become a fucking mad bastard. That had to be my thing. My way of survival had to be,

well, this lad won't fight, but he'll do fucking anything. He'll roll a joint in the back of the class. He'll tell the teacher to fuck off. Now, I hated myself when I was doing it, but as long as I got everybody laughing, I was kind of safe. If you can make everyone laugh,

you're not getting picked on. Because that's the thing. How do I not get picked on in this class? And I can't fight anyone because I'm not a fighter. Can I make everyone laugh, you're not getting picked on. Because that's the thing. How do I not get picked on in this class? And I can't fight anyone because I'm not a fighter. Can I make everyone laugh? And that really ended up working for me because I didn't give a shit about schoolwork. I should have given a shit about it.

And then you just get bolder and bolder and you get the label of being bold and then the teacher stopped teaching you. And then you stop getting asked for homework. I stopped getting asked for homework at 13. Oh yeah, yeah. They just don't ask you anymore. You get fucked out just because someone else did something.

Who did that? Someone else was behind. You get out and gather her, follow them. But did you ever start to did you experience a sense of pride in how bold you could be? Yeah, there was definitely pride in... Like, if someone calls you bad often enough, you'll show them how fucking bad you are.

Yeah. And then the other kids in the other class know who you are just because you're so mad. Yeah, and then you're like some head case, or you're the lad that doesn't have to wear his uniform anymore. Yes! I didn't have to wear the uniform. Yeah.

Because there's no point. There's no point. They don't give a shit. You're the lad that can go to the toilet without putting his hand up. Yeah! They're just glad to see the back of you. Yes! I didn't have to wear the uniform. Yeah. Because there's no point. There's no point. They don't give a shit. The lad can go to the toilet without putting his hand up. Yeah! They're just glad to see the back of you. Yes. So you get all this stuff starts to happen and you take pride in it.

If you need to piss, you'll wait for the fucking teacher to come in. Because then the other thing that happens too is some of the teachers then try to be friends with you as a way to control you. And then you look like the fucking coolest lad going and the teacher's going oh there he is now the little gorrier and the thing was I used to love it until I got fucking expelled

until I got to 18 and then I'm like oh shit I feel like a fucking loser do you know what I mean? yeah because you go into the world yeah because you go into the world and then you go into the world and it doesn't matter

how much of a mad like I can try and roll joint at the back of the bus if I want yeah it doesn't work like that in the real world

no the party's over yeah yeah the party's over and I suppose do you always think like I haven't done this one thing that everyone else has done

you know like you're listening to your friends talking about going to college and you're listening to your friends talking about going to college and you're listening to your friends talking about having those leaving certain nightmares. And like, I never sat an exam on my life, you know? I'm proud of it now.

Like I never did any of that shit. But, you know, at the time you start thinking, what the fuck am I going to do with myself? You know, I suppose I was lucky that there was always, I just was, I've always been very lucky in people I've met. You know, like when I walked into just a work experience in a warehouse at 16 straight out of school, Jason Bourne was working on the cables counter.

Okay, yeah. So if it wasn't for that meeting, then I never would have thought stand-up would be a thing. So meeting Jason is what got you into stand-up? Yeah, because he wanted to do it but he was afraid to do it on his own so he just wrote sketches

and he kept booking me to do it like I had no interest in it you hadn't heard of it beforehand yeah yeah I didn't really know what it was

to be honest and then you know I was just very lucky things just led into themselves but the other thing too and this is what you said

to me backstage and I agreed with you is the shame of fucking up school because there is a shame about it I was very driven to do something to prove to myself that even though you fucked up school

even though you failed your leaving cert this TV shit, this comedy shit music, fucking do that. And I was doing it as a fuck you to the teachers, but also for 16 year old me to go,

you're not as bad as they say you are. Do you know what I mean? And in fairness, like when you do stand up or you do these things and you have a whole room of people laughing, like there's validation in that, you know.

But did you ever feel that you practiced it while making the class laugh? Oh, big time, yeah. Because it's the same buzz. Oh, it's the same buzz, yeah. When you get a room laughing, it's being right back in school, and it's like I'm not getting digged into the back of the head today. Yeah, but it's also a weird way to make a living. Like, you're definitely... It's very odd, yeah.

Asking people to fucking give you a round of applause just for being on time for work. It's a strange it's a strange fucking way to live you know like you're definitely asking people to like you

all the time you know like it's I don't know it's the ultimate showing off and looking for attention

I suppose really you know so I remember people saying you're an attention seeker so they're fucking right of course I'm fucking in yeah it's like calling a model a poser like that's the fucking job you know the job is looking for attention and trying to make it work there while forgiving it to you you know that's the job you

know so and i suppose you feel like that that's the one thing you're good at but then the problem is you start thinking okay i'm good at this but is it actually worth anything? That's the other side of it then. So I guess that's where doing the TV stuff and all of that, that's where that comes into play. That's when people start saying, you know, like the small things, like I was having a difficult time and me and my old fella laughed at that, and then it's the last thing we remember laughing at

before someone died or whatever, you know, that sort of stuff. And you start thinking, oh, well, that's, you know, that sort of stuff. And you start thinking, Oh, but that's, you know, it makes a difference. Maybe on a very small level, but it makes some sort of a difference.

So that's what you bank on. Cause I'm, I'm cause as well, I would like when I was doing rubber banded stuff in particular, I was thinking it's good fun, but what's the fucking point in this? But then when someone says to you, I was having a low period and your video made me laugh,

or one thing I enjoy about this podcast is my favorite messages are when a parent will establish a relationship with a child because they're both listening to this podcast. So I can have someone, a parent in their 60s and a child in their 20s

who didn't have much of a relationship. Yeah. And because they're both listening to my podcast, they're now talking and they're friends. And I love that. And that makes, because at the end of the day, who gives a fuck about ratings

or who gives a fuck about applauses? Like they're empty things. But if you think that it's making a little difference in someone's life, then it feels good. Because the other thing with yourself, and this is because we did a live podcast before in Dun Laoghaire, was it? Yeah, that's right, yeah.

And my fucking hard drive broke and it never recorded. I'm cursed with fucking... I've done three interviews with Tammy Tiernan and none of them fucking recorded. But, like, you do loads of work. You worked with suicide prevention you were out on boats you were doing loads

of volunteer work I mean what drives you to do that and you don't really talk about it like you literally this is a thing you do

where's that coming from the desire to help I don't like fucking hell I think a lot of that comes from being adopted and stuff as well

to be honest you know there's always no matter what happens you'll always feel like you're a lot of that comes from being adopted and stuff as well, to be honest. You know, there's always, no matter what happens, you'll always feel like you're a bit of a mistake. You know, you're taking up space and, you know, you're kind of trying to fucking, I suppose, justify your existence in a way, you know. And people will be there, oh, you're a great fellow. I'm a me whole a great fellow.

I'm trying to, like, it's a lot of it is for me. Like, you know, so when I was doing the blood bike stuff or the lifeboat stuff or whatever it's kind of a way of trying to say no no no you're like

you're worth something you know but the problem is it's it perpetuates itself you know every time you do something you feel good about it

then you fall off you feel oh no I'm still a mistake I'm still an accident you feel guilty about feeling good for it yeah and then You feel guilty about feeling good for it. Yeah, and then you feel guilty about feeling good and you have to do it all again and whatever else.

But at the same time, that's all right, you know. But I think it comes from that, you know. I think it comes from that. And as well, like I grew up in a house that was literally a social experiment, you know. How do you mean? So my ma and my da lived in the house and we had six schizophrenic patients that lived in the house with us.

That sounds like a lot. Yeah. So there was this... It was the Eastern Health Board at the time. So the Eastern Health Board decided in their wisdom that they would take people from the hospital environment which was very different back then, put them in a more domestic environment and that they'd need like sort of 24-hour care but not because they could leave the house or whatever and just give me ma all the medication to give them and whatever.

Why your house? Was it like I chose a random house in Ireland? Well this is the thing. I thought it happened all over Ireland. I thought this was a thing. I thought like, that's what happened. And then we went to write, we wrote a show about it

because I tried to do this in stand-up, but it doesn't work in stand-up. No. But you're like, can you relate to my experience, everybody? When you get up in the morning and there's four schizophrenic people in the kitchen. Fucking Jerry Seinfeld.

Yeah, when you're literally wrestling. It's not Airplane Peanuts. I swear to God, literally you're wrestling away an invisible Spanish-speaking gorilla. You know, like, it's fucking... Like, just... The house was fucking mad. It was mad. It was fucking mad. It was mad.

It was fucking mad. And the thing is, people would say, you know that lad, he's always hiding in bushes around the street. He fucking lives with me, man. He fucking lives. He's in the room next door to me. He fucking sleeps there. His name is Francis.

And you're the lad who walks around in an overcoat all the time and this big hat and he fucking goes like yeah he's in the other fucking room on the other side like so so it was it was crazy you know it was fucking crazy I mean my trying to balance all this and all send a fucking dog what helps us six schizophrenic patients two kids then says, we need a fucking dog. So she went and got a dog. And me Elvin was useless. You know, like he's like,

oh, I'm going to mass and a two day mass and he comes back fucking locked or whatever. So, you know, me ma hiding wine in the hoover. Like the fucking,

it was just, like, it was just wild. And then you go into school and they say, sit down and be quiet. Are you out of your fucking mind? You know where I just came from? And that was what they'd say,

we're going to call your parents. I was like, fucking go for it, man. I don't want them coming in here. So it was just like, and then me and Una McKay, we did write the show madhouse about that experience because we i couldn't make it work and stand up at all you know and uh and it was only then we realized that there was only four houses in the country i think that were doing this but like how

did you end up being the house was your man nurse like what yeah she was a nurse okay so my man had a history of nursing she nursed in because she could care for these people. Well, they thought she could, but it was a terrible idea. Nobody can care. Not for six. I remember when I went into the hospital, it was actually very funny. I went into the hospital,

and I was in St. Pat's, and the reg doctor comes out, and they ask you everything. Name and address and your history, family history. And she was writing it all down, and there were six schizophrenic people in there and she just stopped writing and stared at me if i can shock her i'm doing really well so it was like yeah so it was a strange existence

and then you don't get a lot of attention when you're in that environment you know because someone else is taking the attention looking after so you go to school and yeah you kind of that's where you can get your attention is with the laughs and with mates

and lads and you know being disruptive or whatever but how young were you like were you under the age of five like

no no it wasn't no I think it was it was like fucking long time though like it was I think she did it for 14 years no I think it was it was like fucking long time though like it was I think she did it for 14 years

or something so it was right through our youth you know yeah right through our youth but did you ever

have difficulty then kind of I mean the thing with schizophrenia is you've got someone who is hearing and seeing things that aren't there

yeah well I think like this is the thing the diagnosis, was it schizophrenia all the time? I don't know. It definitely was with some lads, because just, like, you know, one lad who would bark

and, you know, and then another man who definitely, he thought, there was this man called Barney he used to think was following him around the house. That was it, like. But then there was people who, like... But did you have to entertain the idea of Barney as to live normally in the gas?

No, not Barney, but the dog in your man's belly I did. That's true. Yeah. But it depended on the people, you know. But I think there was people then who were just institutionalised who probably didn't have to end up in our house, you know, who were just, I don't know, they probably, like, if you had anxiety and it just was let go and go and go and go

and then they couldn't care for themselves and then they end up in an institution and then they end up in a gaff. And you just can't look after, you know, you're just not able to look after yourself, really, you know. So I don't know if those people were, but that's what I was always told. Because you're talking there, I'm guessing, the 1980s or early 90s? Early 90s, yeah. Right through the 90s, I suppose, yeah.

Because we didn't have language back then. Like, I remember... Well, there was no mental health. You were either mental or you had health. Or you had... That was spoken it. The thing we had was, oh, his was no mental health. You were either mental or you had health. That was fucking it. The thing we had was oh, his nerves are at him. What the fuck does that mean? Or he's taken to the bed.

His nerves are at him. Great character. Nervous breakdown. I suppose we don't even say that anymore, do we? Not really. I've been saying it lately. I don't know why. Because you're from the era. It's just, I don't even say that anymore, do we? Not really. I've been saying it lately. I don't know why, because it's not the right thing. Because you're from the era, but we don't... Yeah.

It's just... I don't think you can open up a book and Narvis Breakdown is there. There's different, various things. Yeah. What age were you when you found out you were adopted? Oh, I always knew. I always knew. I remember the time I found out everybody wasn't.

Wow. Yeah. No shit. I was chatting to a fella called Owen in primary school and we were having a chat and it suddenly became apparent in this chat that he was still with the parents that he came out of. And I remember thinking, fuck, like, that poor fella, they couldn't find anyone for him.

Yeah. Like, I was like, no one wanted him. Yeah. I was like, no one wanted him. Like, it was, oh my god, you know. I'm feeling really sad for him. I mean, like, in my head, you know, you got born and given to your folks and I don't really understand the logic of it.

And then there was weird moments, like, the day I came home and I just had a sister. Like, no one was fucking pregnant. You know, nobody was saying there was weird moments, like the day I came home and I just had a sister. No one was fucking pregnant. You know, nobody was saying there was kids on the way. I was like the seventies. So I just came home and there was a baby in the cot and I was like, who's that? And my dad says, that's your sister. And that was it.

End of conversation. So you know. And you struggled with stage fright for a while, didn't you? Yeah, I always did. Yeah. Always did. I always found getting on stage... This is fine.

I don't know. This is totally different. I'm sitting here talking to you. There's a... Everyone is sound, though. Yeah. But everyone is sound. Even when you're doing stand-up,

you know they're on your side. But I just could never get it out of my head. I was like, these people are after paying 30 quid in and then I'm going to be the one who's ruining their weekend

or whatever I couldn't get it just the weight of it I couldn't shake it or the fear of being found out or thinking I'm going to come out here

I'm going to do a shit gig and then I'm going to feel exactly how you should feel because you're shit that sort of crap goes on in your head so I've always had bad stage fright it's not stage fright it's fucking anxiety i did a whole

documentary called stage fright but it's actually what it was anxiety yeah that's what it is you know but public speaking is terrifying anyway so for me and and this room in particular is actually quite fucking special to me because like i was riddled with anxiety like when i got expelled from school in that period afterwards i went agoraphobic couldn't leave the gaff right for a good while full on and then there was a band playing here in vicar street and this was nearly fucking 20 years ago called called The Flaming Lips, and I loved them. I fucking loved them. And my brother just said to me, I know you haven't left your room in six fucking months,

but do you want to go to Dublin and see this fucking gig? And art was the only thing for me, like the love of music was the only thing that could allow me to transcend the terror inside me. So I just said to myself, these cunts are from fucking America and if I don't see them I might never see them so my brother brought me up here

it took about six hours to drive to Dublin because I was puking out the side of the car riddled with the anxiety so much and my fear was like just being in a crowd that I couldn't do it I was going where are the exits and I was over there

down at the very end as close as possible to the sound desk and for the fucking 90 minutes of the gig I didn't have anxiety because the show was so amazing and I always remember that because I'd get stage fright as well and I'd think fuck it what if I'm not able to go out

but then I remind myself I was there over in that fucking corner a long time ago, puking with anxiety, and now I'm here up on stage, and it's grand. I conquered it. It's fine. It's done.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I do know what you mean, and it's great to do it and everything, but for some reason, you can get stuck in a loop, you know? Yeah. Like, sometimes you have that experience,

and it gets you so far, but would you put yourself in that exact position again you know like if you it would be the same fight all over again you know have you ever not done a gig because of it no no you always go always yeah always went through with it yeah yeah and then immediately after the gig do you get the feeling of that wasn wasn't so bad? So, when I was touring all the time, whoever was doing support, I'd say to them, this is the last joke I'm going to do of the night. And I'd tell them what the joke was going to be,

and then I'd ask them to pull the car up to the stage door, and I'd tell the joke, and fucking run off the stage, and get into the car, and be the first out of any every night every night i had to put space between me and the venue before i could relax wow every night i do it you know so that was just that was the only way i had to get out i had to run and then down the road like you know you start to calm down and think oh fuck okay that's grand it went well and not so bad and you get home in one piece

and then the adrenaline starts to wear off you get hungry every single night that would happen the thing is I'm similar do people's positive comments ever make a difference to you like if you're going

out there and people are clearly going, I enjoyed that, I'm clapping, and then afterwards they're on fucking the internet going, that was a great gig, thanks for that, PJ. That was money well spent, I had a great night. Yeah. Does that external words ever reach into you to quench that anxiety, or is it too deep?

I think it's too deep and I think what'll happen is you'll start if you start believing all that good you're gonna believe the one bad you know like you

you you like people have an amazing ability you can stand in Vicar Street here 1100 people can be laughing their arses off

and there'll be one cunt up the front staring at you and you will remember his face for the rest of your life yeah you know like you've literally a thousand people going fuck that was brilliant best show i've ever seen amazing and all you'll see is that wanker fucking fuck you you know like you just and and you'll

think he's right he he's the one that's right they're all mad you know they don't know what they're talking they're on fucking cocaine or something but he's right you know i don't know what that is i don't know why we do that but everybody does it's our opinion of ourselves it's like it's what you were saying earlier like if your self-esteem isn't fucking great and if your internal voice wants to say i'm gonna get found out this is shit my whole career has been an accident which is shit I deal with as well. For me, like the journey that I'm on, I have to learn how to hug me as a child.

Yeah. Do you get me? Yeah. And it's fucking tough. I need to, and I haven't figured out how to do it yet. I need to give that child, who I now know was fucking autistic

who was being called a piece of shit every day to give him the hug that he fucking needs and the problem is I'm trying to fucking do it in the wrong way and sometimes I try to do it with external praise and it's what drives me and it's like

maybe if I write a fucking best selling book maybe then he's okay maybe if all of these fucking and it's what drives me. And it's like, maybe if I write a fucking best-selling book, maybe then he's okay. Maybe if all of these fucking... And it's not. But you'll always find an excuse. I remember doing therapy once, and the therapist, it's so stupid, but you just find a way not to believe it.

And she was like, look, and she goes, there's a kid outside the window with her mother. And she goes, see that kid? That kid, the window with her mother and she goes, see that kid, that kid, the size of her, you know, that child, if she came in and told the stories

you told her, you know, how would you feel? And I just remember thinking, that's a girl, like, I'm not that kind of girl. You're like,

you straight away just counted it. You're like, no, that's a girl, it'd be different. But the therapist was trying to get you to...

I'm not a girl like I don't know the difference she was trying to make that kid young PJ yeah she was and straight away I was going

no I'm not buying a fuck off like no no you know you just don't so it is really hard you have to like

I don't know kind of but it has to be you that does it you know you don't believe anyone else you can't it has to I haven't know. But it has to be you that does it, you know. You don't believe anyone else. You can't.

It has to... I haven't fucking figured it out. I'm nowhere near it. But, I mean, I'm just fucking managing it. I think you can all have a little pint now. It's nine o'clock. You can all have a little pint. And you're a Tuesday night crowd.

You don't seem too hungry for pints, are you? Who's having one? Wow that's like 40% of the audience So we'll be back on in about 15 minutes with more Merriment and Crank Time now for a small little

time now for a small little ocarina pause even though I don't have the ocarina with me what I do have I have a collection of short stories by the South American writer George Louis Barhe

and I'm going to flick the pages of this while an advert plays On April 5th You must be very careful Margaret It's a girl Witness the birth Bad things will start to happen Evil things On April 5th, you must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth.

Bad things will start to happen. Evil things of evil. It's all for you. No, no, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? It's the most terrifying. Six, six, six.

It's the mark of the devil. Hey! Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real it's not real it's not real who said that the first omen

only in theaters April 5th Rock City you're the best fans in the league bar none tickets are on sale now for fan appreciation night on Saturday April 13th

when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm you can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game

and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. Can you hear that? Magical realism at a thousand miles an hour that was the flicking the pages of a George Louis Barhe

short story collection pause you'd have heard an advert for something support for this podcast comes from you the listener via the Patreon page

patreon.com forward slash the blind boy podcast if you like this podcast if you enjoy it if it brings you This podcast comes from you, the listener, via the Patreon page, patreon.com forward slash TheBlindByPodcast. If you like this podcast, if you enjoy it, if it brings you solace and joy, please consider paying me for the work that I'm doing. All I'm looking for is the price of a pint or a cup of coffee once a month. That's it. If you can't afford that, don't worry about it. Because the person who is a patron is paying for you to listen for free.

Everybody gets a podcast. And I get to earn a living. And if you're enjoying this particular episode. This is the type of fun. That we have at my live podcasts. This is the type of enjoyable merriment. That goes on. So I do have some live podcasts.

In 2023. If you're interested in coming along. And. 21st of January January I'm in Waterford in the Theatre Royal February in the Cork Opera House on the 15th of February March I'm in the Waterfront in Belfast on the 4th of March then Wednesday the 22nd and 24th of March I am in Vicar Street which is where this podcast that you're listening to was recorded my Vicar Street gigs are unbelievable crack I do about six Vicar Street gigs a year I just fucking love the place it's a wonderful room and I have my podcasts mid-week because

I don't know there's a different energy there's a different energy mid-week it's like going to the theatre or going to the cinema so those two gigs in March it's a Wednesday and a Friday so Wednesday the 22nd

and Friday the 24th the Wednesday I don't know Friday the 24th the Wednesday I don't know, Friday would be a tiny bit more chaotic tiny bit more chaotic because people are having one or two little drinky posts, and then Wednesday is, although this podcast

is quite fucking chaotic and I think that was a Tuesday night come to whatever one you want, alright and then I'm in Canada in Vancouver and Toronto in April, is it? Oh, in Drogheda

on April the 1st. Alright, come to those gigs if you want. You can look for the tickets on Google. If you don't want to that's fine as well. You can do something else

with your time. The fucking the mid-show music there. No, I said to the sound man, I said just pick one of my playlists, one of the Rubber Bandits playlists, but I think he picked the New Jack Swing playlist.

So for about 20 minutes there it sounded like the ending credits of an Eddie Murphy film. What were we chatting? We were chatting backstage about just the difference in the comedy industry. Like, I mean, like, you were lucky in that. You got into TV comedy just at the end of the golden age

when this was something you could fucking earn a living out of it. And then I got into it at the end of that but I didn't know like I got onto RTE in 2010 but I didn't know everything was falling to shit and that being on television meant nothing

yeah I suppose yeah there was that there was that time when there was very few stand ups and a lot of opportunity I suppose you yeah, there was that. There was that time when there was very few stand-ups and a lot of opportunity, I suppose. That was happening because all of a sudden, Des did his thing and his show went really well. And you had DVDs. And you had DVDs, fucking DVDs.

That you people used to earn a living from, DVDs. Oh, yeah. Jesus, I made more money out of a DVD one year than I did out of all my gigs. And I remember standing in HMV one day, you know, and this woman

was in front of me in the queue. And she had, like, a Neil Delamere DVD, a Daryl Breen DVD, and she had my DVD. And then someone came over and says,

oh, I found the one you were looking for. And it was Dez's. And they went, oh, brilliant. They put that one back and it was mine. It was their fucking thing. I almost took one you were looking for and it was Dez's and they went oh brilliant they put that one back and it was mine and it was their

fuck's sake I almost took pride in myself there for a minute but Dez lives in the Hamptons because of DVDs from the mid 2000s

yeah there was big money to be made Universal came over from London and started signing lads and great deals

and they were signing people who hadn't done anything yet on the off chance they would make a dvd you know yeah that when if you ever did get to that stage they you would guarantee to do it with them like there was a time there there was a a lot of money going around you know i think we probably didn't know how good we had it and it was going to end very suddenly yeah very much so yeah very much so yeah just that

I always because when I think of the Celtic Tiger I just think of fucking pink shorts very large boot cut jeans pointy blue pointy brown shoes

and a DVD under each arm a Des Bishop DVD under each arm and then a Paddy Casey CD in your collar breastfeeding a pint of Bulmers A Des Bishop DVD under each arm and then a Paddy Casey CD in your collar. Breastfeeding a pint of Bulmers. I don't know how to say this.

So you recently spent some time in a mental hospital. Yeah, I did, yeah. Yeah, so I was in the week before, or two weeks before Christmas I went in last year and I got out on the last day of February so I think it was 11 weeks 11 weeks

yeah 11 weeks in St. Pat's in St. Pat's yeah which was not something I ever thought was going to happen you know

because I'd never I just had we were saying no one says a nervous breakdown anymore but also like people didn't go to mental hospitals, they went to your house.

Yeah, well that's true, yeah. Of all people, they end up like, I'm just glad they didn't send me back to someone else's house. And suddenly I'm the guy, you know your man that walks around the street. But yes, I suppose I had a proper, I don't even really know how or why it happened, to be honest.

It was just, there was no real... But nervous breakdown is the word that works for you. For me, that's the word. Other people would say that's not for them, but for me, those are the words that work for me. I don't know if it's a generational thing or whatever, but it was getting worse. It was from maybe the end of the summer last year.

I went with my partner down to Cork and then I just started getting very, a lot of anxiety about everything. Like on stupid fucking things. Things that like, you know, I'm going to lose my job. Like just crazy things, no basis,

but just really fixated on it, you know. And getting worse and worse and worse. And she was doing everything she could to keep me active. And then I was slowly just developing. And then I was with me ex-wife. We were walking through the Phoenix Park. And thankfully when we broke up we stayed best of mates and all that stuff.

And I don't know how to explain it or what happened. But the world collapsed. And I mean the world collapsed. I fell to my knees. I was talking about just, that was it. Just couldn't function anymore. From that point, I just couldn't function. Was turning up to work in Nova,

going in every single morning, completely detached, couldn't find the joy in anything, lacked all spontaneity, wasn't able to engage in conversation. I was trying to just live day to day. Then it started to become hour to hour then it was moment to moment then second to second and got to the point where everyone around me and

the psychiatrists and everyone was saying you have to go to hospital because we had i was on so much sedatives you know and that was just to try and slow my thoughts rather than anything else you know they weren't making me better. They were just stopping me harming myself or whatever. I was on so much sedatives that then I just wasn't myself at all anyway. Completely lethargic. Started to kick in.

For some reason, to me, going to hospital was the worst thing that could happen. I don't know what I expected it to be or what I expected to happen, but for me, the sickness and me going whatever direction that was. I don't know what I expected it to be or what I expected to happen. But for me, the sickness and me going whatever direction that was leading me going to hospital

was the worst thing. I thought if I went in there, I'm never getting out. Like all my worst fears are going to be confirmed. Maybe one day I'll be able to not feel like this. But if I go in there,

I'll never get out. And eventually I just got so sick that it didn't matter anymore. Did you make that choice? Did you choose or did someone have to bring you there? No, I made the choice, yeah. Eventually I just thought it doesn't matter anymore. Like, it can't get worse than this.

And I said it to my friend Stephanie Preissner. I just woke up one day and went, I just, this is it. I can't deal with this. And Stephanie was, I woke up and she'd left a message on my phone. And the message just said, call me anytime. No time is too late. No time is too early. I'm always here for you, pal.

And I called her at four o'clock in the morning. And then we went out for a drive and I accepted I had to go to the hospital. And me ex, Mrs Lane, she was, you know, delighted for it to happen. And my partner at the time, Aisling, then we had like a 10-day wait to get a bed. And I remember she took me for breakfast on that morning that I was going in. And I was like, this is like my last breakfast. She goes, it's not your fucking last anything.

Like, this is, you know, you're going to have lunch now in three hours. It just won't be fucking here, you know. She was constantly trying to make, like she was always saying, like, this is, always saying I know it sounds terrible because you can't believe it because depression tells you it's so real and everyone else is the problem depression tells you everyone else is fucking

wrong that you're the only one that can see how fucked up everything is and that's even more frustrating and she was always just trying to say you're going to wake up tomorrow, you're going to have lunch later know you'll be in hospital but you'll have lunch you know you're gonna and uh she took me in and and that was the that day was just so surreal because it was in the middle of covid you know or not in the middle of covid just coming to the end of covid really i suppose so you're in a room and and you're just sitting there for four or five

hours i think it was while you're waiting for your test to come through. And then they bring you onto the ward. And going onto the ward was, I remember getting a fright at the start because this woman ran up and gave me rosary beads. I was like, what the fuck is this place? But they brought me into the little room, you know, and this room was going to be my home for what I thought was four weeks tops. Like that was, I went to my boss in Nova I was there it's four weeks tops it won't be longer than that what I was thinking like four weeks they would have told me aunt to get me in there as both and then I was in this room and so

surreal and like didn't know what to do didn't know what to think like it felt like a sell to me at the time little do I know that would become the only place in the world I'd feel safe in within a matter of two weeks, three weeks, you know. And walked out into the common area, because there's just this area where you're not supposed to call them patients, service users is what they call them. I always saw myself as a patient.

I didn't know what's so wrong with that word. So I saw the other patients there, and one of them, this amazing woman, she just came over and says, you look a bit stunned, I'm going to show you around. And she started showing me around the hospital, and I got talking to her. We became quite close when we were in the hospital then. I suppose you do.

And the weird thing about being in a hospital is, everybody gets it. That's what I loved about it straight away. Everybody gets it. So you could go over to someone and say, how are you? And they just stand up and walk away, and you go, that's grand. loved about it straight away everybody gets it so you could go over to someone and say how are you and they just stand up and walk away and you go that's grand it's fucking grand

if you're not in the mood I get it we're in fucking hospital what's lovely about that is the pressures of society it's gone it's fucking gone so you can relax it's fucking gone and then after a couple of weeks I started not feeling anything

there's this weird patch of recovery where you don't feel bad, you don't feel good. You're just sort of observing everything going on. And then I started feeling really good. After two months, I'm starting to feel myself real confident, but only good in that environment. The thought of leaving was terrifying then. So I was like, oh, I love this place. Like, function here. I play bingo every fucking day and, you know, I won a face cloth

and a Mars bar yesterday and, you know, fucking tomorrow we're going on a guided walk of the fucking Kilmainham Hospital and, you know, and all this stuff you think, because one woman told me,

she said, one day in here you're going to win a face cloth and think it's the best day of your life. Like, I was like, literally going, I can't fucking take this shit anymore. And sure enough, I won a fucking face cloth. And I was like, yes, you bastards! And then you win toothpaste and you're all upset

you fucking have toothpaste. So this hospital environment, it becomes a real community, you know? You get to know other people in the wards and you meet for coffee and you walk the garden together and you do activities together you find out what you're into you go to sound meditation and laugh your bollocks off because someone bangs a symbol behind your ears whatever the fuck it is you know and I got to this it genuinely got to a point where Jim that I was working with you know he was much more stressed outside a hospital doing the radio show than I was in the, you know, he was much more stressed outside of hospital doing the radio show

than I was in the hospital. You know, so he was ringing me going, what the fuck do you want me to tell people? Because I was still covering it up, you know. I was like, I don't know, just tell them I'm working. You just dipped off the air and people are like, where's PJ? I just went missing off the air for three months,

you know, just completely went missing. And what was your thinking at the time where you're like, like you didn't want to tell the radio listeners he's gone into St. Pat's? Yeah, I was obsessed with the cover up

because, I don't know, like, this is the one thing that I sort of took out of it was, you know, people talk about mental health.

Mental health is this big thing and, you know, it's great, go walk and eat a fucking salad, you know, talk to your mates. Yeah.

I didn't have mental health problems. I was severely mentally ill, you know, I was mentally ill, you know talk to your mates yeah i didn't have mental health problems i was severely mentally ill you know i was mentally ill you know so it wasn't anything i could do for mental health like i i needed 24 hour round the clock you didn't ring brezzy you didn't ring brezzy or no i didn't ring brezzy you're sitting in the hospital someone get me the fucking Brezzies you know I need to hear some music but like

so I was like I was critically ill you know really properly ill and then and there's that period they have to take you off

the sedatives and then to get you on the drug that suits you and then when they give you the drug first it has side effects

and you have to see if they go away it's a long process. It takes time. Why two months? I thought it was four weeks. I was in for four weeks and they said I don't remember after four weeks I knew

I didn't want to go. And then six weeks I thought maybe I'm ready to go and they went you're fucking nuts. But you could have if you wanted to but they're going we think this is a bad idea yeah but in fairness you get you really

I really got to trust the team I had you know like you've got a whole team I've never had it in my life you know you have a whole team of people

you have three doctors like a whole ward full of nurses you've got your other your other patients that are with you you know

you've got then the counsellors the therapists the, the pharmacists, you know. And everybody really gives a fuck about you, you know. So that's why it's terrifying leaving. Because all of a sudden you're back home on your own and it's just a phone call every day, you know. Because how much of that process too was, obviously you're getting this class treatment, but just knowing, holy fuck, look at all these people whose job it is to care.

Yeah, I remember my ex, she had cancer, you know, and she was, she got, she beat it and all. She's brilliant. She's 100%. She's in great form and fetal. And I remember her saying, wait, you see what it's like to have a whole team of fuckers working on you.

It was like, what? She goes, I'm fucking telling you. She goes, wait, you see what it's like to have a whole team of fuckers working on you. I was like, what? She goes, I'm fucking telling you. She goes, wait, you see, when you walk into a room where there are six people and all they want to do is make you better. I just remember thinking, you fucking cancer, you maniac, you know? But like, then I went in and I had that exact fit. And she came to visit me. She goes, great, isn't it? I went, it kind of is, you know?

It actually kind of is, you know. It actually kind of is, you know. And I'm very aware that I'm very privileged to have had that experience because I had health insurance and I nearly cancelled it like the year before because I realised I was paying for fucking child psychology and all this. I don't have fucking kids.

I have two dogs. You know, I had all these things on the policy I didn't need. so i nearly cancelled it and thankfully i didn't so that's why i got that care you know like so many people just can't so i'm very aware of that you know i was just very very lucky i could you know i was able to get it that's that's one of the things one of the difficulties with speaking about fucking mental health in this country and one of the difficulties with speaking about fucking mental health in this country, and one of the reasons why, you know, the phrases you mentioned earlier, oh, just go for a run, are for me, it's like, just open up and just talk.

Like, I feel like a prick saying just open up and talk to somebody when they can't access services. It's like, the thing is with, when you're in the throes of a lot of shit, opening up and talking to a friend is very useful, right? Because it's a bit like turning on a tap. But I'm not going to tell someone

to turn on their tap if they can't ring a plumber. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And that's where we're at in this country. It's like, open up to your friends now and tell them about your depression and anxiety. Great. Now what do I do? Yeah. And that's where we're at in this country. It's like, open up to your friends now and tell them about your depression and anxiety.

Great. Now what do I do? That'll be six months. Six months of fucking waiting. If you're fucking lucky. If you're fucking lucky. Up to two years some people wait, you know. It's a difficult conversation.

People don't make it, you know, like that long. No. Yeah, it's a very difficult conversation. And because the people who are that sick, they find it very hard to speak up for themselves, you know. And also the other thing I had was the three people I'm closest to in the world are women and that makes a difference you know like because I had like uh my ex-wife my partner and Stephanie my best mate and like women won't take no for an answer women know how to communicate no women don't just look for a solution. It's like, you know,

like, here's... Women know how to listen. I know men, some men do too, but my mates didn't. Well, it's not part of our culture. I got out of hospital and I went to the pub, right, the week before.

I did the late, late. And I was sitting there with the lads and I was listening. I want you to know, before it comes out, I was in hospital for you know nearly three months at the start of the year they all went

oh yeah we know yeah I was there how long have you known oh we always knew lad seen you in there and told us months ago I was there well why didn't you

fucking say anything why didn't you text me what did you say like so it just shows like even though they knew nobody brought it up no one said it

and they were just tipped along like I don't know like if I broke a finger, people would say if you have a sling, your head is done in people go, what happened, what happened, what happened you go to the hospital for mental illness and it's just, people still don't want to

talk about it, you know and that's the thing, that's a metaphor that I fucking use frequently when speaking about mental health conversations is everyone knows what it's like to break your fucking leg

and get a cast what happens your phone like maybe not as an adult but when you're younger it's like can I sign it can I draw a Mickey on it

but it's this beautiful healthy celebration of someone's injury yeah and then it's like I've got anxiety

I've got depression and people go quiet. Yeah. And that's why too, a couple of reasons that I wanted you on tonight, obviously we had a great chat before and it didn't record.

The second one is, the second one is, I don't think the space exists in TV and radio right now to have a decent mental health conversation and it's no critique of the presenters, it's just the fucking

format. I'd often get a phone call and news talk or whatever, will you come on and talk about anxiety? And it's like, how long have you got? Seven minutes? No, I will in my fucking hoop. I will not because I can't talk about anxiety for seven minutes

without reducing it to I fucking hope. I will not, because I can't talk about anxiety for seven minutes without reducing it to, I have to fucking reduce it to bullet points and platitudes. And what's going to end up happening is phrases like, just talk, be kind.

You're going to end up seeing them on pillows in TK Maxx. Yeah. It's living in the flow, but it means fuck all that. TK Maxx. Yeah. When you hear that. It's living in the flow, but it means fuck all that. It means fucking nothing. We lose the meaning of it. And the traditional media space

can't provide space for these conversations. A podcast can. You can actually speak about emotions. Like tonight you spoke about your childhood, so you've got valuable context. The other thing too, I knew that I could bring you on, talk about something like mental fucking illness

and we could both laugh about it. It's so important. While still caring about it. It's so important to laugh at it. The lads I've been speaking to, the curiosity in lads now is totally different. And people aren't afraid to, because I laugh about it now,

they're not afraid to ask stupid questions yeah that's and you have to ask stupid questions i was i was in the pub the other day and the fella goes so you know when you were in the hospital and all was there like fellas that thought they were sonic hedgehogs and all he goes that's not what the fuck it is but there's no fucking sonicedgehog people in there. They're normal fucking people who need a bit of help for a few weeks. But that stupid fucking question... Needed to be asked.

And we had a great laugh, and now we're in it, you know. We're in those conversations. They call me Randolph McMurphy down at the pub now, which is the guy from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. They're all like, here's fucking Randolph. Look at him. He now which is the guy from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest and like they're all like here's fucking Randolph look at him

he's not swinging he's depressing you know and like do you want to point your depressing cunt like it's all these

things but because I know these people and that's that's kind of how we start talking about it and that's the signing of the cast

that's the sign that is it that is the signing of the cast you know it really is lads who they were totally ignoring it and then and it's not so much even slagging but it's just being able to make light of it so that you can keep the conversation going you know take the weight out of it I

suppose. I think it's very important anyway I really do you know I like if it wasn't for the lads I was talking to who, like, and even now, some people are going, say your fucking missus regrets doing it to help you. Does she?

Like, whatever. Like, but it's just fine. You know, you need to, if you don't laugh, you're really fucked, you know? And outside of that, like another thing too,

like, because you said to me backstage that you feel that medication really works for you more so than therapy. of, like another thing too, like, because you said to me backstage that you feel that medication really works for you more so than therapy. It does, for me it does, yeah. And that's a totally grand, that's a fine thing to say, because the thing is

like with mental health treatment, it's everyone has fucking unique needs and everyone is a unique person, so whatever the fuck works for that person is right for that person. So, I mean, throwing pills at everybody, that's obviously not going to work because everyone's different.

But in the same way, throwing CBT at everybody is also fucking bad. You have to have things that meet the individual needs of the individual people. I also get to feel some control by taking the medication. You know, I fill out my king and I go, right, that's Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. taking the medication, you know, I'll fill out

my king and I go, right, that's Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, like every week I see it, I feel like I'm managing it, you know, and because we spent so long getting it right, you know, I feel like there's an achievement to it, you know, so yeah, there's that as well, you know, like, so that's what, that was what worked for me. That was, focusing on that really worked for me. And drugs work, you know? Yeah. And now I just have to be careful. That's it.

I'll never be that sick again. That's the great thing I took from it. And it's a wonderful thing to be able to say that out loud. Yeah, because I know what to do. I know what to fucking do now, you know? Yeah. And it's happened. I had a bad day.

It's actually kind of funny because I had a bad day and straight away it was the first bad day i had since i got out of hospital oh here we go again i'm spiraling i'm gonna end up in another three months whatever and then you know an hour later i was like i'm sorry to have worried everybody i'm actually fine i think i just had a fucking wobble there. You know, I thought, you know, Stephanie's on the phone, fuck you, you know. Don't fucking do that to me, you know.

So that's, you know, that's it. Outside of, we'll say, managing your medication, right, what also works for you?

And I'm talking like, you know, going to the gym or you love your motorbike. For me, I've seen you on fishing videos on YouTube. Very, very fucking odd fishing videos, man. I was on YouTube once at four in the morning, right?

And like, I'm going, I don't know what I was doing. I was going down a fishing hole because that's what I needed to do then. And I see this cunt, like, fishing eels out of a wall. And the thing was, it wasn't even PJ Gallagher goes fishing. It's like just a fishing video on the dodder. And he's dragging eels out of a wall. And it doesn't even credit him.

And I was like, I'm after smoking too much hash. Actually, what the fuck was that about? Why the fuck is there a video from 2011 online of you dragging an eel out of a wall I was I was doing a documentary with Francis Barrett at the time About travelers and all that Francis wanted to do a documentary about travelers and he asked if we would do it with him because scratch productions and One of the days the lads wanted to go fishing and I ended up up to me bollocks of water

pulling them eels out of a wall which I didn't know was actually illegal until after we'd done it. So I was like, oh, this is great, you know, and they were showing me how to catch the eel

and then the video went up on YouTube and we got a letter from, I can't remember, some fisheries boarder saying something, that's fucking illegal. So we were like,

oh, right, whatever. Yeah, so I don't, like, yeah.er saying so that's fucking illegal like so we're like alright whatever yeah so I don't like yeah it's not a regular thing you do not a regular it's the only time I've ever been fishing in my life and what about them exercise yeah yeah what else works for me I don't know for me now it's that the openness really works for me because uh i immediately know there's people that can look after me the knowing that i can access the hospital is a great relief um not being afraid to pick up the phone to the doctor the psychiatrist whatever i just know what to do now you know i know what to do so when i feel it slip or if i felt it slip like i'll be on it immediately like, I'd be on it immediately. Like, months, man. I was

really, really fucking sick for months and just getting up and hoping it would go away. And turning up to work. And everyone told me it wouldn't. And it got worse and worse. And the doctors were telling me it wouldn't. And, like, I'm paying the doctor to give me advice. He says, go to hospital. I'm like, this guy doesn't know what he's talking about.

And then I go back the week after. You know, and then it was at the stage where he had to ring me every two days you know checking in you know

just resisting just resisting I can't tell you what that is I don't know what it was it wasn't pride I don't know

it wasn't I just don't know what it was I just like mental illness just tells you don't fucking do anything you know if you do anything

it's going to get worse that's the weird place you get into no matter what i do from this point it's going to get worse you know caged in zombie apocalypse they're all around the house i'm not going to get out of this but maybe i can just stay here and exist for a while you know what was what was the effort of fucking having to show up to a radio show every morning and be a breakfast radio presenter which is an exceptional amount of enthusiasm required for that fucking job it was horrible

like if anyone that listens to the show now and listen to it back if you were to listen back to those shows now you'd hear it all I'm doing is just agreeing with Jim was anyone coming in from above going what the fuck yeah no they did

and Nova handled it perfectly like I mean they couldn't have handled it better like really perfectly so Whisperer started there's something wrong with PJ

there's something wrong he's not himself you know any listeners texting in no that didn't happen but people who saw me knew and other presenters

from other shows were like what the fuck is going on you know and eventually it got to the stage and this was the hardest thing for me the whole bit was to go into because I thought if I lose this job this is the only work I have left in the whole world is this job that's what I thought. Was the theme of some of your anxious thoughts I'm gonna lose my job I'm gonna lose my house over and over I'm gonna be homeless homeless I'm gonna be homeless I'm gonna I won I'm going to be homeless I'm going to be homeless I won't be able to feed myself my mom's going to be destitute

I won't be able to pay bills I'm going to be nothing I'm going to be you know just wait like couldn't stop it coming and coming and coming

over and over and over and over again and then you tell yourself what the fuck there's nothing wrong with you were you sleeping only because I was on sedatives okay

to be honest but when you woke up did you suddenly get you wake up and you get terror honestly two seconds

in your day yeah and I mean two seconds in your day it's weird where you forget and then all of a sudden you feel it coming down

to you again that's the worst that's the worst those mornings were the fucking worst the fucking worst they The fucking worst. They were awful. Like just getting up, getting out.

Because I can relate to that. Like I obviously didn't have it to that extent, but I had severe anxiety over the pandemic, but similar, just not to that extent. But the little two seconds of clarity, not clarity, the little two, you wake up and you have two seconds of your brain doesn't tell you that shit is bad

and when your brain kicks in with the anxiety and the adrenaline those two seconds of calm and clarity feel cruel I'd rather not have them I'd rather just wake straight up with the terror than to know what it's like to not have it

yeah, it is that really is it, it's like to not have it yeah it is that really is it like it's like just starting all over again every day knowing oh here it fucking

is again and then looking forward to the end of the day because at least you'll be asleep you know you can take

a sleeping tablet and you can take a sedative and you can put your head down and you can turn on some bullshit on the

laptop and eventually you'll pass out you know that's the only thing you have to look forward to you know that's that's it which is a very short term solution yeah well yeah because you close your eyes and it feels like you've opened up again the second later like yeah so with that oh of course that's not real sleep it's not going under with an aesthetic a light switch you know like you can take sedatives and look out the window just go daytime nighttime daytime you know uh so there's all of that like and then so i'm just not believing that you can really get that much better you know asking yourself stupid questions how am i going to live like this what can i do to stay like this

you know and were you given a diagnosis uh yeah recurrent depressive disorder so it will come again but it will never be as bad it will be totally manageable now and and the next time when it does you have a set of tools that you didn't have the last

yeah totally yeah and I also have a bunch of people who will be around me and slag the arse off whatever it is you know

I know it's going to be alright but that belief and hope and understanding is fucking huge as well oh to know that it's going to be alright but that belief and hope and understanding is fucking huge as well oh to know that it means that weirdly

this has been the best year of your life because when you come out of that hospital and you realise you can look after yourself and everything you were thinking for months and months is fucking bullshit you smell the air different I know that sounds ridiculous, but you smell,

like to the point that I was so happy, my ex-wife goes, will you go in and ask him if you're having a fucking manic episode because I've never seen you this happy.

She was like, I've never seen you this happy. There's something wrong. And I just thought she was right. I went in and said, do you think, and he's like, no, you're just,

you're just enjoying yourself, you know. He's like, you're just in a good mood, you know. You're not spending crazy amounts of money you're not going out and doing drugs none of the signs of a manic episode

it's just in a good mood you know you're just enjoying life and this year has been the best because it's just been the fucking best you know like having hanging out with mates and whore and hanging out with new partner Kelly and all.

It's just been amazing. It's just been fucking amazing. You know, it feels like nothing can go wrong. Now I'm really fucked. But on top of it all. I'll probably fall off my fucking bike going home. On top of it all, PJ, you're doing a wonderful service because, like, it's great to have people speaking about mental health issues.

And I speak about mental health issues. But, like, you need people talking about fucking mental issues and I speak about mental health issues but like you need people talking about fucking mental illness yeah mental illness you need people talking about it's not just I feel sad today go for a fucking run it's like no I'm mad that is it though

and I'm still in touch with a lot of the patients we have a whatsapp group and we do these like loony lunches you know and like we're all different ages and i mean like from 17 to fucking 60 do you know what i mean and we're always sitting there going this looks like we're some sort of fucking cult or something like there's definitely the staff are going how did they meet what have they got in common you know uh and and that is it you know it. It's like, I don't know.

But did the therapists ever put any... Surely they investigated thoroughly into... You had a unique childhood. You grew up around people with severe mental illness. Did they investigate into that and go... Not so much... Learned behaviour or... Not so much because it was crisis management.

So it wasn't like what's happened in the past. Yeah. The therapist I had at the start, she was amazing. Like she just goes, this is going to sound ridiculous, but we're going to just sit here doing breathing exercises. Yeah. You're going to have to learn to breathe again. Yeah.

Like learn to breathe. Because I'm guessing your breathing was very shallow, quick breaths. You don't think about it. No. I had forgotten how to breathe. Yeah. I know that sounds fucking mental, but I did. So she was amazing. She goes, we're going to teach you how to breathe. I know that sounds fucking mental but I did. She was amazing.

She goes, we're going to teach you how to breathe. We're going to go through these exercises. You're going to find ones that work and you're going to find ones that don't work. I'm just asking you not to write off the ones that don't work to say that this whole stuff is bullshit. We'll find something that works. I've had psychologists on before

speaking about the benefits of breathing and for me when I had really bad anxiety when I learned how to fucking breathe specifically from my diaphragm I was like holy shit man there's free drugs and it's in my lungs

my anxiety went from 10 to 6 or to 5 simply by allowing enough oxygen into my body because when you're really fucking anxious, all the breathing is from about there up and you're not getting that oxygen. And then all the fucking anxiety chemicals in your body are going nuts. So how did you feel after that first breathing session?

It took me a while to find what worked for me. So there's different ones. So there's imagery stuff. You know, you imagine leaves going down a river on your thoughts or anything that didn't work for me and then you imagine like the sort of perfect place ones and that's or safe space ones and that didn't work for me because i was actually in the fucking place i thought was safe so it didn't relate you know my little room was the safest place in the world and then there's this one a body scan you know yeah and you do this 15 minute body scan safest place in the world and then there's this a body scan you know

and you do this 15 minute body scan and I thought I swear to God the first time I did it it felt like it was 30 seconds long and I just

was like a light walking on air I said fuck that works you know that really works and they were like

yeah we know we tell everyone about it like it's not a secret but uh but just it like it just that was what was gonna work for me you know and the body scan is because i use that too and it's fucking amazing thinking about your ankles like because when you're anxious you're not you don't even know if you have ankles like i told you i spent six months of my life i spent six months of my life literally afraid of my shadow. I thought my shadow was possibly a different person

and I didn't want to look at it. And when I started doing body scans and was like, I fucking notice and feel my feet. I'm thinking about the back of my fucking leg now and really bringing it in. You're grounding yourself. Yeah, that's it. Full bodily awareness.

And then all of a sudden, things seem calm and rational. And now, for me, it's like, I trust my brain now. It's just a shadow. Everyone has them. It's not a different person. But when you're fucking really bad,

the shadow, I convinced myself my shadow wasn't me and it was going to attack me. Yeah. I know it's funny. It is funny though. But that's the other thing. That's the other thing we spoke about was when

you recover, like especially if you have a comedic brain, it's lovely to reassess it as being, that was actually quite funny there when you were afraid of your shadow for six months. That would actually be a really good comedy sketch. Yeah. Like even like Jake Stevens, the character,

like, that's, that's, he's a very mentally ill man, you know? Oh, yeah. I think if I look back, all me characters are some form, they represent some mental illness or some description. Yeah. And then, as well, when I went to the hospital, I remember thinking, everyone's going to be talking about me, you know? This is the thing, everyone's going to be talking,

everyone's going to be saying, he's fucking mental, he's this, he's that, he's the other, you know. And it'll be real negative or, you know, I always knew there was something up with him. Whatever, all this stuff. And then you get out of the hospital and you tell the story and no one gets it right and you realise, no one was fucking listening at all.

Like, so I told, like, I was telling the story about meeting Stephanie Preissner. Like, I met her last year. I was in the worst state I was ever in. I met her then last week. Met her with her new baby. We had a lovely day out and coffee, and I was thinking,

fucking hell, this is great. And I put it on Instagram. When everybody starts going, you're going to be a great dad. This is not my fucking baby. Listen. Listen to the story. And then they thought we both met in the mental ward.

I was there. No, she was never in hospital. You know, and it's moments like that as well that let you know this isn't a big story for anybody else. It's only in your head that these are big stories,

you know. There is a fucking part of myself that's thankful that this didn't happen to you in like 2008 because if you arrived in the hospital in 2008, every single patient

would think that like this is just a big sketch and he's here and there's cameras hidden everywhere, which if you're experiencing mental illness, imagining cameras places isn't great. They may not have been able to let you in. It's for real.

There's this weird synergy I have with Kelly Harrington. So the week before I went into the hospital she was on the show with us and over right that week and she really helped me without knowing because you know

she works as a cleaner in Vincent's hospital and she goes oh no in the ward I work on she goes it's just normal people you'd see every day

and she had no idea what she was saying but the comfort I got from that you know and then the week I got out of the hospital and I was back at work,

she was in again. And then it was on the Late Late Show and she was on the week after. And it's just, I have this weird synergy where, you know,

and she, when I told her, listen, I was there, Kelly, before you're here, because I mentioned you in a podcast, I was in St. Pat's and she goes,

oh, fucking, she sends me like a message, the prison. I was like, no, I wasn't in St. Pat's and she goes, she sends me a message, the prison? I said, no, I wasn't in prison. And I went to the hospital and she goes, right, right. She goes, now this might be a stupid question, but was it like an undercover documentary

or were you a patient? I said, no, I was a patient. I was like, how the fuck would I be undercover? People go, you're a ringer for a... No. I'm going to, because I'm conscious that fucking PJ has to get up

at five in the morning to go on the radio. I'm going to open up the audience now for some questions. Sorry. So I'm an artist and I go to NCAD across the road. And last year,

I recently channeled a lot of my trauma into the work that I'm doing and I found it most successful but also most mentally taxing on myself so how do you feel both of you that you've channeled your trauma or your whatever's happened to you in your life into your art and how does it work

for you? So that's a tough one especially because I went to art college as well and some of my tutors would always recommend if you're doing work and this work is deeply fucking personal you got to be careful because we're gonna have to critique it at the end of the year and when you bring your own trauma into a piece of work something that has to be assessed like it's not art in the real world. A tutor has to go, you pass, you fail. That's very fucking tough. Because the hardest thing with

art, I find, is separating your identity from the fucking work. It's really, really difficult. Incredibly difficult. Like now I'm a fucking adult. never really have I never like my so I often get asked like with my short stories in particular like why are your stories so fucking mad

like that story I read tonight like was pretty normal and it's that's about mental health but most of my stories are fucking nuts like I've got a story

about turning Padre Pio's corpse into a drone and I've I've got a story about turning Padre Pio's corpse into a drone. I've another one about set in the 1970s where someone wants to skin Rory Gallagher and wear his skin. And people go, what the fuck are you doing this for? And for me, what it is, it's a combination of my autistic brain

and also being anxious. So for me, the world is a very confusing place and it has been from a young age. The world is confusing and it's frightening. So I always found a great way for me to deal with the terror of being alive is to make anxiety my friend. And the best way to make anxiety, because when you're anxious, being anxious prone, and you'll understand this

too, being an anxious person and then also being creative is a terrible fucking recipe. Because what happens is that your capacity to imagine things creatively turns on you viciously. So now I'm anxious and I have the ability to imagine all the different terrible things that happen until I think my shadow's attacking me. So what I would do is I'd go, maybe let's write a story about my shadow attacking me. Let's think of the most fucked up, terrible thing and then bring humour into it and now it's my friend. And when I write, I feel healing, I feel catharsis,

I feel a therapeutic thing. But then some fucking prick from the Irish Times will review it and say, this says nothing about the human condition. I don't believe in gatekeeping literature, but actual quote. And then it fucking hurts. But the thing is, is that I, as an adult, critics are entitled to fucking criticise me. Critics are entitled, people are entitled to not like my work.

And if I get deeply hurt by that criticism, that's all on me, and that's what I have to work towards. And that's what I'm talking about, hugging my inner child. When a critic says, your deeply personal work isn't good, the wound that I feel, it's not my wound as an adult, it's my fucking wound as a child.

It's the child that told he was stupid and I need to fucking hug him or else I'm going to get, I'm going to petrol bomb the Irish Times office. Do you know what I mean? How do you feel about that? I hope that ends up in the fucking Times offices. Do you know what I mean? How do you feel about that? I hope that ends up in the fucking news now.

Yeah, I really do, yeah. Well, I don't know. For me, I did it in our space, to be honest with you. I got it all wrong. I wrote two shows. One about my adoption

that I did with Joanne and then we did the Madhouse show which was about growing up in a house with everybody else. And I did those two shows almost as a way to prove to myself

how okay I was with it all. And as I did the show, I realized I'm not fucking okay with this at all. And I think I've literally only just learned now, like, and I mean in the last two years, maybe. Yeah, to do that stuff and to do it right, you probably do have to be more comfortable with it. And I was too open and I kind of hurt people along the way,

which wasn't fair. How come? Because I suppose I was talking about my adoption and stuff that was personal to other people, you know. And it affected people who deserved better, to be honest. It was, I told, I thought I was just telling my story, but you forget everything you fucking say affects other people, you know. And then with the Madhouse show, my ma was totally cool with it,

but I know that maybe my sister was't at times I'm not really sure because and I also left her out of the story in a huge way so so I probably wasn't that was definitely

those two shows were trauma shows they were whereas everything after that now I have a much better take on it now it's like

I like making jokes about stuff that everybody has in common you know I guess on the radio it's much I like making jokes about stuff that everybody has in common you know I guess on the radio it's much more spontaneous and it's easier it's easier but it's more natural and I genuinely joke about stuff that is completely like like what am I trying to say I genuinely joke about stuff that is very true to me, that I'm definitely okay with. When the audience hear it, they fucking know

that's alright. You know that way? When we did some of the adoption stuff, there was moments where the audience could read it and go, I don't know if that's alright. When the Madhouse stuff and even the joke about there was no mental health, you were either mentally or had health, you could see some people in the audience, that's not alright.

Some people who were mentally ill at the time went to see that show and came out and says listen I'm not too fucking sure I like some of the stuff in there and they were right because it was me trying to tell myself everything was okay uh whereas that's different now now you know that is different so I don't know if that answers your question or not. Did you have a lot of people who went through adoption coming to your adoption show? Oh, fucking loads. Jesus, loads. Some of them hate me

because some of them don't like the fact that I can laugh at my own story. And then genuinely, the amount of people who stopped me and told me stories like, my husband doesn't know, my kids don't know. Like, deeply, deep shame don't know. Like deeply,

deep shame. You know, nobody knows. Like I was literally the first person strangers had told. And then other people who had much more horrific story, like very horrific story. I don't have a horrific story. You know, my parents stayed together and went on and had a bigger family and uh you know so everyone sort of came out with okay i guess it's actually weird that i have the same name as my oldest brother and we're both the oldest brother of the same family but uh but but you know so but loads of that and this last week now when we did the adoption stuff and i did the stand-up stuff this last week since we did the mental illness stuff i have never had-up stuff this last week since we did the mental illness stuff I have never had a reaction like that before

like I've done the late lady loads of times and thought so I thought I knew what to expect fuck never the amount of lads

especially and people who talk with their brothers their husbands mostly about men and then there's like women as well

but I'm talking thousands of messages, thousands fucking thousands of messages mentally ill over the past two years it just shows how fucked up the society is that we're all you know, those pressures

I don't know, I wouldn't say the society is fucked up, I'd say it's the structures of society this is what happens when the structures aren't in place and And they're not. And the other thing as well, any time, now this isn't, not the mental illness conversation, but any time you hear the fucking

mental health conversation in Ireland, you can't separate it from the housing conversation. That's just how it is. Who the fuck isn't terrified about housing or rent in all of Ireland now? That's just how it fucking is. So when that is there, you're going to experience mental

health difficulties because part of your reality is terrifying and that's a given. So if you hear any politician talking mental health, you go, and what about housing, sir? Or madame? Well, you can't call them madame. Miss? Mrs? I don't know. Mary Harney? I don't know. Mary Harney?

I don't know. I'm going to take one more question. Do we have a mic upstairs? Because I don't want to be unfair to the people upstairs. There is a mic upstairs, yeah? Yeah. Does somebody upstairs have a question? Yeah.

Over yonder. Hello, blind boy and etc PJ or whatever etc PJ no I really do have a question I've always wanted to get on stage and show my personality

how did you get over the stage fright for both of you obviously it was this arena where you had yourself here a couple of years ago it's sentimental to you but how in general would you try to get over is it just experience just trying out um for me it was so when i was first given the opportunity to go on stage, I just fucking, like obviously I was terrified. I just knew I either fucking take this or I don't.

And it was as simple as that. I either take this fucking opportunity and do it and fail on my whole or I don't. And the thing is, I never want to, I never want to look back at anything and say, I didn't do that because I was too scared to try. I don't mind looking back on gigantic failures. Failures are actually grand, but I never want to go, I had a chance, I didn't take it because I was scared, and there's nothing I can do about it now because time has passed.

So my first ever chance to go on stage, we'd released songs on fucking myspace they got big and then unintentionally someone's like now you have fans and they want a gig so i'm like well fuck what are we supposed to do i think it was that weekend that we come up with the ideas for the plastic bags and we just said we just have to fucking do it. I know we only have two songs. Just fucking do it. So, like, feel the fear and do it anyway. If you really, if you genuinely want to get up on stage and do that thing you want to do, feel the fear, do it anyway,

and lean towards failure. Expect failure. Because if you fail and you die on your arse, you'll feel fucking amazing. But if you don't do it because you were scared to try, you'll feel like shit. And that's a guarantee. What would you say?

Very much that. I remember asking comedians, I was always in an awful state, and Kevin Gildee told me once that his son went to him and said, where do comedians go when they die? And he said, to the dressing room. And that's the worst that can happen. That's it. That's the worst that can happen.

You die on your arse and you go home. And you can think of all these situations in your head. They're going to stare at me. They're going to be silent. No one's going to laugh. My jokes will be shit. I'll be this, the worst thing that's going to happen is you'll go home and watch TV that's it, fucking try

like you can only succeed you know, do shit gigs it's alright, when you come off stage and the next person is on and they're funny you're forgotten about anyway so, yeah the other thing as well with dying on your arse and failing, right?

So if you're a performer and your profession, so that's your profession. If you're like a fucking fireman, right? Your profession is being around fire. So firemen practice being around fire for the laugh. They put on all the clothes and they get into a room full of fire. And that's what they do. Now that's terrifying but they fucking have to do it because they're going to get a call

on Friday. So going up on stage, dying on your arse having people... I once did a gig in fucking Dulique. Like no one knew who the fuck we were. We hadn't been on TV. The audience thought that we were two cunts

up from Limerick who wanted to fight them. Half of them were doing cocaine out of their nails. And people, we weren't just dying on stage. People were throwing things at us. And one fella grabbed me by the collar and said into my ear, you know what you're doing

requires no talent. You just have a bag in your head. That's all you're doing. And then he walked away to the bar. I died on my hoop we were chased out of town literally I remember Mr. Chrome running bare chest with the lights of Dulig, and worst

thing that happened then, the check fucking bounced for the gig man, I am so thankful that happened I fucking, that hardened the fuck out of me. The worst thing that could ever happen happened and what did I do? I went home and I watched TV and I did a gig the next week.

It's true. Fucking do it. It really is worth, and nobody gives a fuck about your success stories as well. Everybody loves a debt. I had a Russian man throw me over his dinner table at a gig. I had 220 accountants chase me into a fucking car park. You know, and like, all this shit has happened. And then we were in, I watched one comedian die so bad in his ass

that when he finished the show, no one clapped. And one man stood up and said, didn't there used to be a pool table in here? Like, that was fucking it. And they are all good fucking stories. If you die, you're going to have a story that will be funny.

Alright. We're going to call it a night. Because everyone has to be up for work in the morning. Thank you to my fantastic guest PJ Gallagher. Thank you to Oli for being sound cunts have a beautiful night I hope you all enjoyed that alright and I'll catch you next week

hopefully with a hot take in the meantime rub a dog and wink at a swan dog bless you all. rock city you're the best fans in the league bar none tickets are on sale now for fan appreciation night on saturday april 13th when the toronto rock hosts the rochester nighthawks at first ontario center in hamilton at 7 30 p.m you can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. Thank you.