The Blindboy Podcast - Ríthe Chorcaí

Episode Date: December 16, 2020

I speak about processing the bereavement of losing a friend and I read my short story Ríthe Chorcaí Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings you fuzzy husbands and welcome to the Blind Boy Podcast. If you're a brand new listener, and I'm guessing we've got a few brand new listeners because of the podcast last week, with the wonderful lovely Hosier. What a gentle, lovely cunt. What a tremendous man. I really enjoyed talking to Hosierier he's a he's a just a lovely chap but if you're a new listener if you're a yank if you're a yank and you're wondering why i just called hosier a cunt cunt is a term of endearment in ireland so that's actually a compliment i wasn't disparaging him he's a a magnificent cunt. But anyway, if you're a brand new listener,

I always advise to go back and listen to some previous podcasts, right? We've got hundreds of podcasts. Do we have hundreds of podcasts? We fucking do, man. We're up to about 170 or something. There's loads of podcasts, okay, about psychology, about art, about music. Go and wander through them. Go back to the start and enjoy some of them

rather than starting right now. If you're one of the regular listeners, lads, if you're someone who's been here always listening, if you're a heaven-sent Kevin, if you're a gasping Francis, then you know the crack welcome you're always welcome

okay this week this week's podcast is actually going to be short I never you know I have this feeling of being apologetic

because I'm doing a short podcast but loads of podcasts are like not a full like I usually do between an hour and 90 minutes there's loads of podcasts out there that are like a half an hour long, and so maybe I shouldn't be so apologetic that this week I'm

putting out, I'm putting out a short podcast this week, because I've just had an incredibly busy week, lads, kind of, I suppose it's been busy because of preparing for what's next year called it's 2021 it's 2021 that sounds like a weird year to say isn't it doesn't sound like the 2020 I can deal with that man

I've been thinking about 2020 2020 vision when I was in in leaving sir we had a book called 2020 vision when I was in in leaving cert we had a book called 2020 vision 2021 that's a strange one for me to get my head around going into 2021 but I've been prepping for 2021 because um I've been busy this week planning shit for 2021 and this has greatly distracted me so i don't want to i don't want to pretend and try and put do a half arse podcast out of my out of my arse you know when i do this

fucking podcast this this is what i'm envious of other irish podcasts where the podcast is basically two or three people simply talking about things. Or someone says, have you heard about this? Yes, I did. What did you think of that? Ha ha ha, ha ha ha. And there's your podcast. But I'm a silly boy.

And I like to do monologue fucking hot take essays, lads. Which require days of planning and writing to get them right so this week i just didn't have time i didn't have the time to fully formulate one and i don't want to pretend and pull it out of my hole so you're gonna gonna get a little bit of a short podcast this week but i do have i have i have tricks up my sleeve for an event like this i have tricks up my sleeve and you won't be disappointed all right and i'll be i'll be back next week to give you christmas cuddles i'll have some christmas cuddles planned for next week whatever that is mind cuddles i have a festive drink suggestion for you last year i gave you a recipe for mulled wine um make i had this drink over in

toronto i'd finished a gig in toronto and this this this lad was at the gig he was a fellow from glasgow and he owned a tea house in toronto and he came to us after the gig and said it was last year will you come to my tea house for a bit of crack so we said yeah so we all headed to this tea house it was called the Bampot tea house which I think in in Glasgow means mad bastard tea house and he gave us this tea which was basically we'd call it a chai latte but it's not like a Starbucks chai latte where you make it out of like a mix so make yourself chai masala as it's known we call it chai tea but that's ridiculous if an Indian person heard that they'd go why are you calling it tea tea because chai means tea in India chai masala black tea with

masala which is spices usually like cardamom cinnamon anise. You can get a chai masala blend, chai masala tea bag. So make chai tea. I did it. I just did it. I said I wouldn't do it and I did it. Make chai masala tea. I did it again. I just said tea masala tea. Make chai masala alright make it really milky and really sweet with milk and sugar so you have chai masala that's milky and sweet and then just add a shot of jameson

or bourbon to it so it's sweet milky chai masala with bourbon or jameson it's fucking amazing the way that the whiskey works with the cardamom and the cinnamon it just pops off it pops off and creates a new drink that's a match made in heaven it's like baileys for the hipster hipster baileys that's what it is but yeah i've been planning my

2021 because in the industry i'm in everyone's kind of hoping that 2021 will be somewhat normal so I'm going to start writing my new book um for me like I'm really looking forward to that all right I'm going to start writing my new book so I'm planning for that but I want to be able to new book so I'm planning for that but I want to be able to leave my house to write at the very least I like going to cafes I like being in public places to write trying to write short stories or fiction in my studio is difficult because I just like to look at the backs of people's heads you know if I'm sitting down with my laptop writing in a cafe and there's human movement and people to watch then i can never have writers block because if i get blocked i'll just i look at a man's hand and start writing about his hands and before i know it

i'm i'm writing i'm creating and i've been very busy but you know what as well lads a friend a friend of mine died this week and it's just a bit of a shock you know and and it's taken like I am I'm very busy but also a friend died and it's been a bit of a just you know when you're processing it's just processing processing death and the weirdness of processing death in coronavirus where i can't go to a funeral i can't you know what i mean it's strange processing death in coronavirus is strange but someone who i worked with for years, his name was David Johnson, and it feels strange saying was, David Johnson died this week, he was 60, and he is, he's a comedy producer, he's a live, he was a live theatre producer, okay, based in London, and he was a legend, a fucking legend, he was also, he, you know, he looked after Stuart Lee, did a lot of work with Stephen Fry, he, his death is

considered, like, the end of an era in Soho, in the West End in London, he was known as a theatre and comedy producer in Soho and Edinburgh. With a career lasting about 35 years. You know, a real fucking legend. And he died this week and I just found out about it. And I'm just processing that. I'm processing that and I'm very, very sad over it. And how do I explain the importance of David Johnson

so as you know most of you who listen to this podcast know that I started my career in the rubber bandits which was music music hip-hop comedy whatever you want to call it satire and 10 years ago we had a particularly big song called horse outside which changed my fucking career that that when horse outside happened it was like wow now i can i'm in a different league now i can be a professional entertainer now this is this is the moment that if i run with this i can be a professional entertainer now this is this is the moment that if i run with this i can be a professional entertainer but you'll also know that i i don't look back on horse outside particularly fondly that period because it was the height of the recession in ireland which was a very dark but that was quite fucking dark right so we have this huge song everyone in Ireland is listening to

it it's massive it's all over the radio um you can't make money from that like how much I got paid 250 euros from RTE for doing horse outside 250 euros 500 in total split between me and mr chrome rte didn't like monetize the youtube channel so horse outside has 20 million views but none of those views monetized into money so when you have a song back then the only way you can earn from it is okay you got to do a tour you got to do gigs right but like it was do gigs, right? But like, it was the recession. And I'm talking bad recession. So it was really hard to do gigs. Like, a lot of the young people were literally gone.

They'd left and gone to Australia, seriously. So when we tried to do our Irish tour of Horse Outside, this would have been 2011. When you're talking going to places like Mullingar or Leitrim or somewhere like that trying to earn your money doing as many gigs as possible off the back of having a good song

the young people were gone and the young people that were left didn't really have a lot of money because no one had any jobs because the jobs didn't exist so the only gigs that we had available they weren't like rubber bandits gigs where it's like we're in Mullingar on Friday night pay 15 euro for a ticket to come and see us it wasn't that we couldn't do those gigs the recession was too bad so the only gigs that were available to us were nightclub tours right and that's not crack i didn't know i was too young i was way too young i didn't know but basically the gigs that we

were doing were you turn up to you turn up to a nightclub people aren't there to see you people are there to go to the nightclub now some people might be there to see you but they're paying their five euros into the nightclub and it just so happens that on that night the rubber bandits are there as entertainment so we were doing all these gigs up and down the country but the problem with that is maybe only 50 of the audience want to see you so everyone's there in the nightclub in in kind of a shitty mood in general because the recession was so bad they're enjoying the Rihanna at half 11 then Rihanna stops and these two pricks from Limerick

with bags in their heads come out to sing a song about a horse and that means that 50% of the audience fucking hate you so we have to do these gigs where you've got some people going this is brilliant but then a lot of people going get off the stage fuck you throwing bottles at us now i know you might be thinking poor blind boy poor blind boy in your early 20s you had to go and do a tour and do loads of gigs and you're right you're right like there was a lot of crack as well and like if it wasn't for if it wasn't for horse outside and that tour i'd have just had to move to australia with my friends i'd have moved to australia or canada and i'd still be there right now and i probably never have gotten to become a professional artist so I'm fully aware of how brilliant and how lucky

I was for that but I'm also a human being and I'm a human being and and and I like it when people like me and I don't like it when people don't like me so having to gig three four times a week where 50 of the audience are screaming that they hate you are throwing things at you that's deeply unpleasant that's really unpleasant over a sustained period of time that cancels out the fun part you know what i mean because i'm a human it cancels out the fun part and it becomes it becomes traumatic after a while i you know i was waking up in terrors because it's like oh fuck that that gig last night in Tullamore where the person was screaming at us from the front row telling us to get off stage enough of that it sticks with you and it's deeply unpleasant and we did a full tour of that and it was horrible it was

fucking awful it really wasn't pleasant it wasn't a pleasant thing to do and after a lot of that it also it has a detrimental effect on on my self-esteem it had a bad effect on my self-esteem and had a bad effect on my ability to create i didn't want to write songs i didn't want to do anything like that because it's like why would i want to create songs when you're doing these gigs where 50 of the audience are throwing things at you we ended up doing a gig in london whatever the fuck it was we went over because of the irish people had left to go to london so we went over and did a gig in London and this man David Johnson who was a very very experienced producer in the West End in London had seen our show and he came up to us

afterwards and said I think what you're doing is fantastic I want to I want to put you on in Soho Theatre for 30 nights and we're like what you want to put us on in Soho Theatre for 30 nights and we were like what you want to put us on for 30 nights in London are you fucking mad and he's like yeah we're going to do it and I'm going to make sure it sells out so we were like

well fuck it man we've literally got nothing to lose this business of doing gigs in Ireland where people are throwing bottles at you anything's got to be better this this business of doing gigs in Ireland where people are throwing bottles at you anything's gotta gotta be better than this let's risk it not thinking it would sell it sell anything and he said I'm gonna take the gig the gig that you're doing the gigs which is us just going up doing songs we're gonna take that and turn that gig into a theater show all right it's not gonna be a gig it's gonna be a theater gig into a theatre show, alright, it's not going to be a gig,

it's going to be a theatre show, so it's going to have songs and it's going to have an overall story and all of this and he kind of showed us the ropes of how to do it, he used his clout and his influence and his brand to get us into Soho Theatre, which was a really fucking cool West End space that we couldn't just walk into. He was just this incredibly kind, generous, lovely person who lost money. That's the thing as well. Like, so we were doing 30 nights in Soho Theatre and we were selling it out but the thing is that's really expensive to do and he was putting us up in really lovely apartments in like Oxford Street and just making sure that more than anything we were having this amazing lovely time and that we were comfortable and we called him dahi which is the irish for david

and that's the highest that's the highest honor an irish person can bestow on an english person is to refer to them by their name in irish he'd be he'd be like taking us into the fucking the groucho club which is like this really exclusive like famous person club in London he'd be taking us into the Groucho Club I'd be there doing shots beside Jude Law I ended up gate crashing Harry Styles 21st birthday the fuck am I doing at Harry Styles 21st birthday you know what I mean and David Johnson be there sitting back roaring laughing looking at us and he'd just be picking up the tab every night probably two three hundred quid for us to be getting shit faced and just just doing it to be sound just doing it because he's like you're artists and i believe in your fucking art and i

don't care what this costs and what what the whole experience did for my self-esteem, my confidence, my belief in my work was phenomenal. It was fucking phenomenal. And you don't realize it at the time, but I realize it now looking back. He was losing money from doing it. And he didn't care because he was just like, I think what you're doing is really, really good. And I believe in it. And my current agent that I have in the UK, he introduced me to that agent. Also as well, because he was such a sound, lovely person,

that then trickles down to everyone who he chooses to have work for him. So his entire team were just these lovely, lovely people. And as well, like, this is this is something again I kind of took for granted at the time but now looking back I realize how important it was he a huge amount of his team was made up of of women and entertainment spaces like theater and comedy world tend to be very heavily male dominated and the spaces because they're male dominated tend to be quite toxic but under David Johnson's team like my my tour manager was a woman my stage manager was a woman I had this lovely inclusive space where the festering

toxicity that often occurs when it's just a lot of men like i i got to learn no that's not normal just because that's common that's not the best way to do things your team should be inclusive it's just so i'm realizing this week how much of where i am right now right in terms of the industry i work in work that i get my confidence my confidence to go over to the uk my fucking bbc series all that stuff how important david johnson was for giving me tools and skills to navigate my current job. And I mightn't still be doing it if it wasn't for meeting someone like him who truly changed my career and taught me things. And like I said too, when I said we were doing those horse outside gigs in Ireland where you've got an audience that are hostile, and I'm not blaming the audience.

You're doing these fucking, you're landing in someone's nightclub and they're not there to see you. So what do you expect? Not everyone's going to like you. But in Soho, with those gigs that David Johnson put on, he used his contacts. People were coming to the gigs with curiosity and respect, there to see a show. And, like, these London people that were coming to our earlier gigs, like, these were artists and journalists and theatre people and actors. Like, they weren't coming to, like,

let's go see these two lads from Ireland with plastic bags in their heads who were singing songs. That's not why they were coming initially they were coming because David Johnson has a new show on and it's these two lads from Ireland with plastic bags in their heads and if David Johnson is putting it on then it's good all right and we're gonna give it a shot do you know what I mean that's what he did then the work then gets better because when you're gigging in a nightclub in Leitrim

and 50% of the people don't want you there what you have to do is you have to go for base humour, you have to be all piss willy bum fart tits fanny, you have to go base in order to the lowest hanging fruit and that's how you appease people who aren't there to see you but when it's an

audience that are there to see you and they're willing to listen and put in the effort you don't have to be tits willy bum fart anymore then you can do things that are a little bit more challenging or a bit more clever or you can leave silence you can leave space that's where you can you can do things that are a little bit more challenging or a bit more clever or you can leave silence you can leave space that's where you can you can do a song like up the rah and people are listening for the satire or a song like spastic hawk you know what i mean and then for me as a performer then that's enjoyable because it's like all right i'm performing for an audience who genuinely like what i'm doing now you've got a feedback loop and that then improves my creativity. Like we ended up doing Shakespeare's Globe Theatre under David Johnson.

He set us up with those shows, those Soho Theatre shows in about 2013, which did brilliantly. Then he took us up to the fucking Edinburgh Fringe Festival and said, you're going to do this in the Edinburgh Fringe like a theatre show. We came away with an award, fucking most original comedians at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. And then we did Shakespeare's Globe Theatre. We're the first ever entertainment act to gig Shakespeare's Globe Theatre. We did two nights.

That was, I think that that was really proud for him he he framed he got the poster big poster of Rubber Bandits in Shakespeare's Globe Theatre and had it framed and had it in his hallway that was some fucking crack

we brought over about nine of our friends dressed them up as the IRA we were doing up the ra in Shakespeare's Globe Theatre under candlelight wax dripping on our bags he opened up

all those doors he opened up confidence in both of us as performers and i suppose it's just like i'm fucking sickened that here i am saying this shit on a fucking podcast to someone who who died suddenly that that's that's it you know what i mean instead of i'm sure i told him he was class many a time fucking pissed drunk at two in the morning but

ah Jesus Christ I'd love to just be sitting across from him and saying to him I'm doing really fucking well right now and I need you to know how important you are in helping me get to that fucking place and it's it's just a

weird feeling when that person is gone you know and when they're gone suddenly and i suppose i've been processing that all week and processing guilt processing guilt around it because things move so quick quickly with the job I'm in that I look back at the 10 years and and you fail to take stock and look at the people that are really helping you you know you just kind of go oh it's it's going well ups and downs and you don't go hold on a second this person here this person here didn't have to do this and they're doing it you know and you need to pause and you need to show gratitude and show empathy and chill the fuck out and for me what i'm what i'm now kind of working on and meditating on and this is a general attitude

i have around any any type of bereavement when a person who's had an impact on you when they die the way to the way for me like they're gone david johnson's gone but the way for me to give meaning to give meaning and compassion to the relationship that we had as working together as friends the way for me to give that meaning is for me to take the positive things that he did for me such as giving me a boost up believing in the work encouraging using using his position and influence to help my career the way i pay respect to that relationship is for me then to try and do that to other artists that i see coming up if you know to remind myself what can i do to help that person what can i do to boost this person what how can i help people and then that's that's rippling that's

what that's what rippling is it's just because a person is dead and they're not physically here their actions and the positive their actions and influence that they have on the people that they knew when they were alive those people can take those experiences and then apply them to their lives and then the person never really dies they ripple on in other people the positivity ripples on you know what i mean and that's my that's my kind of existential view towards any bereavement. Because I'm not an afterlife type of person. You know what I mean? And I don't think David Johnson was an afterlife type of person.

But Stuart Lee did a lovely little obituary for him this week. Where he pointed out that David Johnson is the last of a line of like soho legends like soho in london is a legendary place that i i did a podcast before on the history of it but it's its place in importance for entertainment internationally is massive and david johnson was a huge part of that and soho now is physically changing it's not that place anymore it's just absorbing into that kind of faceless london vibe it's being um gentrified i suppose you call it corporately gentrified That's what's happening in Soho. And Stuart Lee said that. David Johnson's passing kind of.

Reflects. It reflects that end of an era. For Soho. You know. So that's what I'm processing this week. That's what I'm processing this week. It's a big one. And it's hard to.

I can't go to a funeral. London's on lockdown, for someone like him, he would have the type of death, that would be, there'd be a big celebration, huge big party, huge big party,

that can't happen, which is really sad, I can't head over to London, and go on a mad one, with all the people that knew him, hopefully it will happen when we can but it's just odd it's a it's it's an odd feeling that i'm trying to process at home here in limerick so in lieu of a big giant hot take this week in lieu of that what i'm gonna do is is after the In lieu of that, what I'm going to do is, after the ocarina pause, as a little treat, I'm going to play for you a short story.

A short story from my first book, The Gospel According to Blind Boy. I'm going to play that for you. It's a little recording I did. First, let's have the ocarina pause, and then we'll get into the story. So, here's the ocarina pause and then we'll get into the story. So here's the ocarina. This is, there's going to be an advert digitally inserted here. I don't want to surprise you. Alright so there's going to be an advert inserted so I'm going to play my Spanish clay whistle.

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No, no, don't. The first omen, I believe, believe girl is to be the mother mother of what is the most terrifying six six six it's the mark of the devil hey movie of the year it's not real it's not real it's not real who said that the first omen only in theaters april 5th theaters April 5th. So you would have heard an advert for something there. This podcast is supported by you, the listener,

via the Patreon page, patreon.com forward slash The Blind Boy Podcast. Making this podcast is my full-time job. I adore it. I fucking love it. I love every second of making it. I love making it for ye because I know that ye appreciate it and ye enjoy it

and if you're listening to it it's because you made a conscious choice to listen to it. It's not like on the radio. I love doing it but it is my full-time job and it's a lot of work so this podcast exists because it's funded by the listeners right it's funded by ye it's an independent podcast um so all I'm asking is if you're enjoying the podcast if you're listening to a lot of the episodes of it just consider paying me for the work that I'm doing so for four podcasts a month which is the equivalent of about five hours of content all I'm looking for is the equivalent of a price of a pint or a cup of coffee once a month that's it price of a pint or a cup of coffee once a month and you can pay that at patreon.com forward slash the blindpodcast this also gives me full editorial control

I do have the occasional advertiser on the podcast but I'm not beholden to him they advertise here on my terms ultimately I can tell him to fuck off no one tells me what to do this podcast is funded by the listener for the listener so go to patreon.com forward slash theblindbuypodcast

and if you can afford it give me the price of a pint or a cup of coffee please if you can't afford it you don't have to you don't have to if you can't afford it you are paying for the person who can't afford it to listen everyone gets a podcast i earn a living fucking perfect beautiful model that's based on compassion and soundness, class also like the podcast share it, word of mouth

we just hit 25 million listens last week you don't see any fucking blind buy podcast billboards that's all because of word of mouth lads so thank you so much for that catch me on twitch three times a week

three times a week on twitch three times a week on twitch three times a week on I'm on twitch three times a week Wednesday, Thursday, Friday at about half eight I'm doing a never ending

live musical to a video game last week I was playing Cyberpunk 2077 I think I'm going to have a live musical to a video game last week I was playing cyberpunk 2077 I think I'm going to have a crack at it again this week it's very glitchy it's a good crack to make music to so you can come online you can chat to me

you can chat to me online live on twitch so do that god bless alright what I am going to show you this week is a special little treat because I didn't have time to prepare I am going to show you this week is a special little treat because I didn't have time to prepare I'm going to play

I say play because it's pre-recorded it's a reading of a short story from my first collection of short stories The Gospel According to Blind Boy alright, and it's a story it's a short story but I love it I really, really enjoy it I enjoy this one, I really, really do it's a story, it's a short story, but I love it. I really, really enjoy it. I enjoy this one. I really, really do. It's a good crack.

Also, it's not just a short story. It's a short story when you read it in the book. Also as well, look, it's Christmas. Consider buying one of my books of short stories, The Gospel According to Blind Boy, and Boulevard Wren and other stories. They're two books of short stories fiction that i've written over the past three years and they're available to buy online or in shops so please consider doing that actually if you want to get a gift for somebody who listens to this podcast i have no official march so if you see blind by march out there

that's someone doing counterfeit march and i don't receive any money from it so if you want to buy someone an authentic present if they listen to this podcast get them uh one of my books my two books of short stories but this short story anyway it's not just a short story here because what i did is i also composed music for it and I read it in this is almost like a like a like a Tom Waits style monologue that's almost that's how I read this one it's yes it's my short story but I've reimagined it with a kind of a musical cadence and then I I made a piece of music underneath it so it's something new now.

I suppose musical prose, sometimes I write short stories as if they're songs, do you know? But the name of it is Ríochar Cáir Cí, which is Irish, Gaeilge, for Kings of Cárc. Alright, so please enjoy. Chapter 10, Rha Corky We were both staring in the window of the jewellers, looking at the class feather earring. We tossed for it. I won. I bought the feather earring. My ear wasn't pierced so Ciarán did it for me with a Stanley knife and a lighter. We both had our savage denim jackets on. Fuck the world. We looked like Rod Stewart. Rory Gallagher

was gigging in a week and we had something big planned. We were going to poison him, skin him and then both of us were going to wear his skin on stage. We'd be legends in Cork. We couldn't wait to do it boy. He was playing in the Cork Opera House for the big homecoming gig. Rory is some man. We listened to the albums non-stop. Calling card, tattoo, stage truck, top priority, the lot. We worshipped him. We made our own Rory Gallagher patches

out of curtain and sewed them into the back of our denim jackets with wire. I'd one I drew myself onto a bit of beige fabric. I'd drew him with a marker. He'd a fine grin on his face and he was playing a guitar. But instead of strings it was a few lovely fannies and he was fingering them and they were making musical notes.

It was on my shoulder got me kicked out of the English market. We had it all planned. Ciarán has an uncle from Ballincollig who's a vet so he robbed some ferret poison pellets off him with our seats bought and all. Up on the balcony like royalty, up on the balcony, letting the hair down and headbanging over the edge. The plan was that we'd use a slingshot and fire the ferret poison into Rory's drink during the first song. Then he'd take a sip out of that and start to get pure poisoned. We were roaring our plan at each other non-stop, out in public and all. We

had a drink we made that was a mix of turpentine and cider. We called it coca-walla after white dog shit. We'd drink coca-walla and shout into each other's ears. Down an alley off Panna. I'm skinning Rory Gallagher, Ciarán. And then he'd grab me by the cuff of my jacket

and scream into my face. I'm poisoning Rory Gallagher with ferrets, Pais and Philip. And the two of us. And we're wearing him and playing his guitar. Fucking Philip and Ciarán, boy. The two maddest fuckers in Cork City.

As soon as Rory played the song Sinner Boy, which was about halfway through the set, everybody would go to the bar. You'd need a pint after that solo. Rory would go offstage to tune up his dobro. He'd always do the first half electric, then the second half acoustic,

and then back out with the electric guitar again at the end. Anyway, after Cinnabie, we'd rush past security. He'd be feeling the effects of the ferret poison at that pint. Ciarán would have a hammer with him, and he'd bait that off the effects of the ferret poison at that point. And Ciarán would have a hammer with him and he'd bait that off the face of the security lads. I'd have Rory in a headlock. Then I'd take out the Stanley and make long cuts from the side of his head all the way down each side of him. I'd have a pound of salt with me too. You rub the salt in under the skin and it pulls away from the flesh. We'd practiced it on goats and horses up in Blackpool. One night we both

skinned the goat, then drank a lot of caca walla and fucking terrorised everyone up in Patrick Street dressed as a goat. Running up off a woman from Montanati, shoving our goat horns into her arse and making her scream, up and down Panna. I was at the front of the goat, and Ciarán was at the back. We were drinking coca-cola under the goat's skin. We fucking destroyed Patrick Street by. People were climbing up stop signs, scared for their lives, thinking that there was a mad goat, who smelled like cider and turpentine,

trying to kill them on Panna. A guard came down to try and bait the goat with a truncheon but then he looked and saw that the goat was wearing four Doc Martens and not the regular goat shoes that they have, hooves by. The guard got pure wide to us when he saw that it was two lads dressed as a goat so we ran off, jumped into the lee and we sw swam for it. And all the blood from the goat skin washed off our denim. Fucking mad langers. We always wore full denim, head to toe, both of us. Identical denim. So anyway, after I'd have Rory skinned, I'd peel off the skin, and then we'd both climb inside it. The whole thing would take ten minutes.

peel off the skin and then we'd both climb inside it. The whole thing would take ten minutes. No one out in the audience would be wise. So we'd step out on the stage of the auditorium and start playing the dobro inside Rory Gatarr. Everyone cheering, clapping, headbanging. I'd control the neck of the guitar and Ciarán would handle the strumming. We did it before with a horse.

We skinned a horse in a garage in McCartan Street, and then we both climbed inside the skin and marched down to Panna again, inside a horse, and we both playing blues on one guitar. Everyone on Panna had their jaws around the floor, looking at a horse trotting down the road, playing blind-by-footers blues on a guitar but someone spotted

that the horse was wearing Doc Martens again though they got wide and we were attacked by boys from Toher we pushed the horse skin off and I fought the boys with the guitar and Ciarán had a varnished pine cone that he threw at a fella and it stuck in his eye we ran off bawling Rory got at her songs and went up the side of a house after drinking coca-cola. I climbed on Ciarán's shoulder. And I started banging on the first story window of the house. And there was a businessman in bed, in the nip. And I banged on his window and I shouted,

He's going to poison Rory Gallagher. And I'm going to skin him. And we're going to wear him. And the men started crying. Most nights we'd get mad on Cackawalla and if we hadn't skinned something, we'd jump on each other's backs and joyride around the roads, taking turns joyriding each other. the guards left us alone they were scared of us we were the kings of Cork then we'd find manholes and jump up and down on them

make loads of noise banging our shoes off of every manhole in Cork City we'd climb down chimneys as well we'd climb down chimneys and get our denim covered in soot and then we'd go into the living rooms of houses when people were all asleep

and we'd rot around together on the couches and get black soot all over the couches and we'd whisper, not so much that it would wake anyone up but we'd whisper at each other we're gonna poison Rory Gaddard and we're gonna skin him we're gonna wear his skin at his gig and we'd exit through the front window

and leave fingerprints everywhere because the sergeant wouldn't dare knock on our door about it and we were best friends and we'd go to a cafe and get a pot of tea and pour boiling hot tea into our mouths and spit it at each other too

boiling hot pots of tea by and no one would touch us because they knew well that we were the kings of Cork. Any night, we could come back to that cafe as a horse with a guitar, and it would stay with them in their dreams forever, haunting them. When you're drinking caca walla, you have to keep it down.

Enough for the cider and the turpentine to hop off each other so you get a mad buzz. But if you keep it down too long, the turpentine will kill you. So we'd drink warm grease by. We'd turn up at the chipper and the queue would part. They'd see the two of us in our denim and everyone in the chipper would back away out of respect. Gorgeous chipper. Fine fluorescent lights and marble draped on the floors, posh looking. Then we'd slam our fists on the counter and do out a drumbeat

and Enzo Scalacci, who runs the chipper, would give us a tin punnet of warm fat with a ladle and we'd drink from it. The grease would make you puke out the turpentine. So we'd run out into the road and we'd both bend over a bin enough distance so we didn't get any grease sick in our denim. And then we'd puke our rings up. We'd roar by. We'd howl and roar like bulls when the puke flew out. It'd rise up from our bellies and we'd roar as loud as we could as it came up and then we'd go jump on manholes with our Doc Martens, mad off the cockawalla, the kings of cork. A girl tried to break Ciarán's heart once so he shaved his head and buried the hair

on Clannachilty Beach and we fucking hugged each other and said we'd never let a woman in between the middle of us again. hugged each other and said we'd never let a woman in between the middle of us again. The night we headed to Rory's gig, we were fierce excited. The type of excitement where you'd want to spill all the blood out of your body just to drain it into a pail. And look at it. Swirl it around and get hypnotised, staring into a bucket of your own blood. Shove it back into your body before you faint. That was fucking Kewes boy. Up Lavitz Quay, down Emmet Place, rockers in their leather and patches and their plaid shirts and denims, with the long curls falling off their skulls. Crowds partying when they

saw us, a crisp night, type of night you'd drink out of a pint glass, cold and dry, where you'd see your breath getting lit up by the lamplight. I had to tie the laces on my Doc Martens, so Ciarán went ahead. As I was looking up, I could see him getting hassle off the bouncers. I fucking pounded up, slamming my Docs down on the tarmac,

screaming, making as much noise as possible. Do you know who he is, you fool? He's one of the Kings of Cork. I said to the bouncer possible Do you know who he is you fool? He's one of the kings of Cork I said to the bouncer Do you know who I am? said Ciarán I'm one of the kings of Cork The bouncer replied in the Jackine Dublin accent

I don't give a fuck who yous are He's trying to get in here with a hammer You're barred We started howling beating our feet in the ground. Spitting up in the sky. We'd come up to Dublin as a horse, boy. We'd run up to Dublin wearing a horse.

And you'll regret the day you turned us away. That line would usually put any bouncer in his place. But Rory was obviously bringing his own security with him. Foreign lads. And they'd never heard of us. Didn't matter anyway. Because there's a cellar at the back of the opera house and we could go in through there so we walked away like cool fuckers

and went around the side to Half Moon Street and kicked in the window of that cellar we both crawled in it was pitch dark boy tangy smell of sour porter Ciarán found a light switch but it didn't work though so we had to feel our way around the walls with our hands until we got a door. No harm. I noticed something on my foot and I went quiet. I reached down and I grabbed like a mouse or a rat or

something. It was squirming in my fist so I let go. Yes, but there was fucking loads of them running around the floor. I could hear them scuttling. There's mice in here. Ciarán, pull up your socks over your denims. Ciarán started panicking. He's terrified of mice. Calm down and pull up your socks, I said. I haven't pulled up.

Oh, Christ, oh, Christ, oh, Christ, he started. I can't handle this, boy. I'm not right with this, Philip. Give it another few minutes until we find the door, I said. Calm down. I can't, he said. I heard little patters on the ground. Ciarán was throwing the ferret pies and pellets on the floor to try and kill the mice. You stupid fucker. How are we supposed to shoot them into Rory Gallagher's drink? You've given them all to the mice. I'm sorry, Philip, I can't handle this. I was fucking furious with the cunt. The bouncer had already confiscated the hammer, and now this meant I'd have to skin Rory while he

was able-bodied, and he's a big fucker. I hadn't planned for a struggle. I was pure denied. I reached down with my hand. I searched for Ciarán's ankle and gave it a pinch so he'd think it was a mouse. He let out a mighty yelp. But in the meantime, I'd found the door and let the light in. Ciarán's on the floor with blood pouring out of his gob and his snazz. He'd gotten such a fright from the pinch that his knee came up and met his face. And he busted his own nose wide open so I started laughing like a lunatic like I couldn't stop I'd never seen anything funnier

in my life there's one thing that Ciarán hates more than mice it's being laughed at so then he rose up he grabbed my denim, he launched his teeth into my nose. He started biting down, like pulling, like really pulling as hard as he could, like. Didn't let go. She look, that's the reason I have the hole in my face, sure. I know you would be wondering. Myself and Ciarán haven't spoken in over 30 years since that night. So tell me about yourself anyway.

How are you finding Cork? Have you heard or already got a her in the Philippines? She's sure a fine looking woman for your age. Is this your first night at speed dating? අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි I hope you enjoyed that that was that was my short story Ríocharquí the kings of Cork

I haven't actually I haven't read that story in well over a fucking year because it's on my first book you know but it's mad there just listening back to it

because when I'm writing a story like that I don't know what it's I don't know what it's about I'm in a state of flow but obviously things are going to be influenced by my unconscious mind and my experiences and

what I was saying at the start of the podcast about going over to Soho and gigging places like the Shakespeare's Globe Theatre and kind of feeling a bit of imposter syndrome

I think there's an element there's an element, there's an element of that anxiety. The anxiety there, I think, was catharsized and channeled into that story, which is essentially about two fucking lads not feeling entitled to be in the auditorium on the stage and the only way they can imagine doing it is skinning Rory Gallagher.

And climbing inside his body. I would imagine. I would imagine that anxiety. Well sure fuck it. Yeah I'm a performer. Some of that anxiety. Channeled itself into that story. And found its way out in that.

Via that medium and vehicle. Via the skinned body of Rory Gallagher. Somehow. There you go. Look. Sure what's a fucking story. Only a waking dream? I'll talk to you next week.

Alright? I'll have some, uh, some, some head cuddles for you. Be sound. Rub a dog. Rub a cat. Rest in peace, David Johnson. rock city you're the best fans in the league bar none tickets are on sale now for fan appreciation night on saturday april 13th when the toronto rock hosts the rochester nighthawks at first ontario center in hamilton at 7 30 p.m You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game

and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. Thank you.