The Blindboy Podcast - Titmilk Pinprick

Episode Date: July 11, 2018

Che Guevara, Bereavement, storytelling Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh, what is the crack, you erstwhile guffs? Take off your galoshes, rest your oxters on the banister. Would you like me to prepare you some bovril? Are you not itchy from wearing so much tweed? Welcome to the Blind By Podcast, you prick. It's fucking podcast number 40, I think, is it? Unless I'm egregiously wrong, I believe it is podcast number 40. Because I spoiled you rotten last week.

And I put out two podcasts. You had your regular Wednesday morning podcast. And you also had a live podcast on Saturday. Which got some lovely feedback. I was glad to have the live podcast back actually. Like not to put it out there. On. The Wednesday.

But to have it as a separate thing. Because it's a different mode. And my guests were fucking unreal. It was like. Again it was a live podcast. Where when I was doing it. I would have loved to have been in the audience. Just listening you know.

So go back and listen to those two if you didn't get a chance this is the third week where I'm complaining about the fucking heat it's still unbelievably hot we're in the grips of a very intense heatwave. And I don't think I've ever seen the likes of it in Ireland. I've never seen three solid weeks of fucking pure blasting heat. We've been in the high 20s. Limerick was 31, 32 there last week. We've been about 28 this week.

And it has to be fucking global warming. because I've seen shit I've never seen before like there's one or two trees that look like it's fucking autumn do you know like I looked I looked at a tree there last week and it's leaves were going all rusty and in my head I was thinking

oh fuck summer's over and I was like no leaves don't fall off till like October you stupid prick so this fucking tree is behaving as if it's October because it's burnt out of it it has no water no fucking rain and it hasn't had nothing but heat so a tree is dying and the tree must be 30 years old so this is the first time in that tree's 30 year old life where it has experienced that intensity of heat

so I think we're all gagging for a bit of rain just the familiarity of it do you know I've forgotten what it's like not too much rain even though we know well that's what we're getting we're getting a month of rain

guaranteed and it'll be cold so I'm going to start off this week by telling you a little story em it's half inspired by something I've seen online this week, it was something I saw online in the news that reminded me of this story, which I've never told you, I thought I had but I haven't, so it was about three years ago, four years ago, in Limerick, right,

In Limerick. Right. And. I was writing. Which TV series was it. It wasn't the 1916 documentary. It would have been. The rubber bandits guides.

For RTE. Those four documentaries about reality sex. The internet. And money. That I made for RTE. I was writing them. So it would have been around. August. September September 2015 we'll say, 2014 I don't know, but anyway, how I write TV shows is I usually work with, there's

a pal of mine called James Cotter, and James Cotter is fucking years and years in comedy, in writing television comedy. He technically kind of discovered us for RTE. He produced Republic of Telly, which is where we got our TV debut. And when we went up to RTE, we'd already been making noise on the internet. But when we went to RTE, our audition was for this fellow James Cotter. We did a ridiculous fucking audition. I don't even remember what it was but James saw it and said

this is nuts I want to put it on television so he gave us our break but James is who I write with whenever I write television he'll be like my my writing partner de facto

do you know what I mean most of the stuff I've done on RTE anyway and we're also working on something in the moment for a British television thing which I've teased you about but I haven't told you but anyway my writing

process for television is as such my collaborative writing process when I collaborate with somebody usually rent out like a fucking a suite in a hotel like a business suite where you've got a desk and a whiteboard and all that shit

so myself and my writing partner go in there, write 9 to 5 then having written 9 to 5 with some ideas we'll go for pints because it's a two-pronged process. I always encourage merriment.

Merriment needs to be a necessary part of the creative process because if you spend the day writing in a structured fashion, you know, writing a piece of television, then in the evenings it pays off to go for a few pints because you're relaxed then you're relaxed you're unwinding you're not in work mode but your brain is still thinking creatively and when you go for the pints afterwards problems uh creative problems that happen in the morning will resolve themselves in the evening so that's my writing process even to the point

that I'll write it into fucking contracts like if I get a gig with BBC or Channel 4 or fucking MTV or whoever I'll write into the contract my writing process involves pints so anyway we were out in Limerick having a few pints after a hard day of writing

and we were inside in a place called Nancy's in Limerick which is a lovely an outdoor bar type of area would have been midweek but a Wednesday was the only place that was hopping on a Wednesday so I was in there having crack, got to about 10 o'clock at night, and I noticed, Jesus, there's a lot of yanks here, there was about 20 Americans having crack in Nancy's, in the courtyard at about 10pm on a Wednesday so I had a few pints in me and I was like fuck it I'll introduce myself because I was curious I was like why are there so many yanks

out on a Wednesday night in Limerick this is odd now this was like I said 2015-2014 the height of the fucking recession in Limerick Limerick at the height of the fucking recession in Limerick. Limerick, at the height of the recession, was a very, very bleak place. Okay?

Nothing was open. Nobody was out. Nobody had any money. Very bleak. So I walked up to one of the Americans at the bar. And just chatting. How are you getting on? Oh, you're from Virginia.

Oh, right, what's the crack? And then someone else was from California and all of this, and I got chatting, blah, blah, blah, usual stuff, being nice. So I says to the yanks, what the fuck are you doing here? And then one of them says, we all work for a massive American company. They they wouldn't tell me what it was something to do with tech we work for a massive american company and we're scouting several locations in ireland for us to open a massive factory so immediately i was thinking fucking hell limerick limerick's

fucked like one of the reasons limerick was fucked to a big reason is that we relied upon a company called Dell who make computers. Dell were employing half of Limerick at one point, so when the arse fell out of that industry and Dell left Limerick, it really destroyed the city. So many people were left out of jobs, and also the fucking industries that relied upon that employment so in my head i was like there's a lot of yanks in limerick and they're obviously you know trying to pick a place to put this new business that could

reinvigorate the city could provide thousands of jobs and obviously they're looking at galway they're looking at dublin they're looking at Dublin, they're looking at Cork so in my head I start thinking okay if I show these people a good time, then in their heads they will associate Limerick with the place

where they had the crack now I know what you're thinking, like that's blind boy, that's a bit of a fucking long shot is it not? And it is, but I was thinking branding, do you know? Like, you know, if something is superficial as going to a city, having a good night out, that can leave an emotional taste in somebody's mouth that could sway their opinion towards limerick city and that's how branding work that's how that's how advertising works you know we're not fully

rational human beings superficial things and emotional connectivity will influence whom human beings you know um storytelling you know i wanted them to come away from limerick with a good story a good narrative we went to limerick we met a mad cunt he was sound we had unreal crack that's the taste i wanted to leave in their mouths so i went up to the fucking bar and bought him a round of drinks all right that's the first thing i did i bought the cunts a round of drinks. Alright, that's the first thing I did. I bought the cunts a round of drinks and I said, Welcome to Limerick. And there they are now with their free drinks. They're obliged to come over and stick with me for a bit.

I'm gonna fill your belly up with fun, yank. And rub your belly with the pleasure glove. I'll satiate your pangs for mirth, yank. That type of stuff so got them the drinks as soon as I got them the drinks then they had to come over chatting because I just bought them pints

so we ended up chatting and having crack now I gave them the full shebang entertainment mode you know I engaged them on everything from limerick's history and culture fucking told them about King John, King John's castle. I told them about medicinal cannabis comes from Limerick. I betrayed myself.

I paddywhacked, you know, for some of the southern gentlemen. I told the southerners about how in the Civil War, how the Confederate uniforms were made in Limerick City. Which is a fact. It's not something we should be proud of. They were the bad side. And then we kept going with the drinking. And I bought him a few more rounds.

Before we know it anyway. It's myself. My buddy James who's writing with me. And about 10 yanks. Wandering around the city city looking for a fucking nightclub so we eventually end up in Icon

and we're going at it we're going at it till about 3 in the fucking morning and I'm really happy with myself, I'm thrilled, I'm going I'm after being a good ambassador to these yanks. I'm definitely after showing them a good time. I'm after showing them hospitality, you know, bought them drinks. I personally feel that they're going to walk away from this night going, Limerick was lovely. Limerick was class. I think this is where we need to invest. lovely limerick was class i think this is where we need to invest you know i'd given them their emotional narrative that might possibly sway their opinion and it didn't matter that i'm after spending 150 quid on drink for the cunts didn't matter because i was doing it for limerick do you

know what's 150 quid to me if it means an industry happening in the city so then after i went for the last round of drinks now i'd bought them I'd say maybe four or five rounds of drinks at this stage one of the girls comes over to me and she pulls me away from the rest of the group and she says look there's something I need to fucking tell you because I feel kind of bad

all night and I'm like what what's the crack and she goes please don't tell any of the rest of the group that I said this to you know please and she was really fucking she frightened so I said what what is it what is it and she goes you need to stop buying us drinks we know what you're at I'm like what you're trying to influence us to invest in this city and I'm like well yeah I'm trying to show you a good time you know and then she goes we're not from a company and we're not investing in the city

we're soldiers we're in the US army and we've been lying to you all night that lad over there who was telling you about the investment he's my lieutenant that fella there he's the sergeant I'm a private

we are all u.s soldiers and we were on a stopover in shannon airport we're heading to iraq tomorrow but we had 24 hours and we didn't want to spend all that time in the airport so we snuck out of the airport put on regular clothes and we are not supposed to be in limerick city right now we're really not supposed to be here so i can't tell you so we have to come up with this story about investing in the place and i'm sorry that you bought all those fucking drinks so i felt like a fucking prick these covert snakes do you know the thing is with a shannon airport since the war on terror began, loads and loads of US war planes have been going to Shannon Airport near Limerick and Clare and stopping over

to refuel or whatever before they go to Afghanistan and Iraq. And that's what these cunts were. And they were illegally, technically an invasion you know technically soldiers on Irish soil because when they go to Shannon airport there's parts of Shannon that are technically US soil but you're not allowed outside of that with proper clearance and here they were invading Ireland

while invading my fucking pocket in Limerick getting three points off me and I felt like a goal and it really it left a bad taste in my mouth about the u.s army amongst other things that they do also but especially that yeah so that got my gut the reason it came into my head is i've seen a story on the internet during the week we've seen a picture going around of US soldiers in Shannon town in full fucking military uniform at a petrol station buying sandwiches. Which again, they're not supposed to be doing.

And it caused a bit of a scandal. And that reminded me of that fucking story, which I'd forgotten about. It's a weird history. It's a weird history there of the u.s using shannon airport because ireland is a neutral country do you know we're a neutral country i mean a lot of people are like the main worry was if you allow the u.s army to refuel their planes or do whatever in ireland you make yourself a target for isis or al-qaedaaeda because ISIS really don't have that much of a gripe with Ireland well they do because we're the west but we're not very high up on their list you know

I mean Bin Laden even wrote a letter saying that the Irish might be worth considering converting for Islam because of our history of religious fundamentalism and terrorism. But yeah, a lot of dodgy shit going on there that we don't know about. Accusations of... We don't really know what's on the US planes. What's been agreed is that soldiers are allowed to refuel in Ireland before they go... Refuel in Shannon Airport before they go over to Afghanistan or Iraq. Weapons are not allowed to be brought through Ireland but we don't know whether the weapons are on the

plane and controversially a lot of people believe that CIA extra rendition flights were brought through the country and that's basically grabbing people out of Afghanistan with no evidence and taking them straight over to Guantanamo Bay

and interning them without trial and that these people may have been brought through Shannon, which is a violation of our fucking neutrality, you know? In 2003, a group, they attacked a US war plane with a hammer in Shannon Airport which was quite gas and it was a Catholic group actually

they're like I don't fully know what the crack was but there's this group of Catholics that, now I'm no fan of Catholicism but there's one particular group of Catholics that on the surface they seem kind of okay now someone might tell me there's something horrible about them, but this group that attacked the US war plane, they're this weird brand of Catholicism where they actually look at Christ's life and go, we need to do what Christ would

do, and Christ essentially was a socialist, socialist you know he was about redistributing wealth and was kind of a nice guy and this group of Catholics are like well if Christ was around today what would he be doing well he wouldn't be sitting in the Vatican uh you know fucking accruing wealth what he'd be doing is he'd be trying to stop wars so they batter the shit out of US warplanes with hammers because that's what they believe Christ would actually be doing today, which I think is kind of gas. I think they might be liberation theologists.

Have you ever heard of that? Liberation theology is a brand of Catholicism that's popular in South America where it's Catholicism that intersects with communism and socialism. But Shannon Airport is weird. It's quite an important, it's historically a very important airport. Judy Free was invented in Shannon Airport. The first ever Judy Free was in Shannon Airport.

And most importantly, for the bulk of the 20th century, most importantly for the bulk of the 20th century shannon was the actual corridor to the united states if a plane came from america and wanted to go to europe or wherever else it had to stop in shannon airport i don't know why exactly but it wasn't allowed to stop in dublin or cork if you came from the us and you were going to london or germany the plane had to stop in Dublin or Cork. If you came from the US and you were going to London or Germany, the plane had to stop in Shannon. Simple as that. Also technology as well. I don't think planes were able to fly from America to Germany.

But you had to stop in Shannon. That was it. Up until about the 80s anyway. And my da used to work in Shannon Airport. He was involved in unions there he was a union man and he was big into fucking making sure workers had proper unions and all of this shit but anyway when he was working in shannon airport there was a vip room and first off this VIP room like I said if Shannon is the corridor for America for most of the 20th century anyone of any fucking importance if they were going to America or coming from America they were in this Shannon fucking VIP room I'm talking the Pope, Bob Dylan Mother Teresa fucking

Michael Jackson Muhammad Ali Frank Sinatra, Che Guevara the mad Russian cunts, Boris fucking Yeltsin actually Boris Yeltsin got drunk in Shannon and couldn't leave the plane and it caused an international incident

Nikolai Khrushchev Lenin like seriously anyone of any importance for the bulk of the 20th century if they travelled from America to Europe they were in Shannon Airport VIP room

as a given right so in this VIP room they had a lovely carpet obviously right because it's fucking VIP room so you had a lovely carpet, obviously, right, because it's fucking VIP rooms, you're going to have the best carpet in the world, so there was this green wooden carpet, mad fucking expensive shit, that had been there from, we'll say the 40s up until the mid 80s, so they decided to change the carpet, and my dad, who worked in Shannon, saw that, like,

hold on, they're getting rid of this fucking beautiful carpet. I wonder what they're going to do with it. So he asked whoever was getting rid of the carpet, he said, what are you doing with that carpet? And they're like, well, we're just throwing it away. So my dad says, do you mind if I take the fucking carpet? Because, in fairness, it's a class carpet, and I'm not going to be able to afford one of them so he took the carpet before it went in the in the the fucking uh into the skip and had it cut so that it went into my living room at home so I grew up

and in my living room and I all my friends used to think I was mad and I used to get in trouble in school as well for saying it too because they thought I was mad but I used to say to people the Pope has stood in my living room Michael Jackson has stood in my living room Bob Dylan has stood in my living room like a fucking fact I had a length of carpet that everyone of any importance in the 20th century had their fucking feet on and i as a child would get down on my hands and knees and i'd smell the carpet and i would absorb i used to love doing it actually because i'd be listening to like you know my brothers would be listening to david bowie or bob dylan and i'd get down on my hands and knees and i'd sniff the carpet and i'd imagine

sniffing the bottom of david bowieie's feet or John Lennon's feet or Kate Bush's feet anyone, they were all on that fucking piece of carpet and yeah of course everyone thought I was mad school teachers wouldn't believe me do you know, the Pope has been on my carpet get out of the class that's it

what's the carpet's gone now there's about a square of the carpet left as far it. Um, what's, the carpet's gone now. There's about a square of the carpet left as far as I know, and it's in the boot of my ma's car. And it was used for many years for a Jack Russell to sit on when that Jack Russell was being transported. And, yeah, that gets me thinking. I must try and salvage that foot of famous carpet

and donate it to a local museum. But my dad had a lot of stories out of Shannon Airport that I didn't know what to believe and what not to believe, you know, because he was a, he was a fan of a story being more entertaining than truthful.

But there's one story he told me and he ended up asking a historian about it and it turned out to be true. And my dad claims he met Che Guevara in fucking Shannon Airport and that Che Guevara was on his way into Limerick City to covertly have a load of fucking pints. Right? And apparently what happened is that Che Guevara now he's the if you don't know who he is the Cuban revolutionary

the legendary Cuban revolutionary his image is ubiquitous with communism you know that fucking black and white portrait of him

which was actually created by an Irish man Jim Fitzpatrick and the reason that image of Che Guevara is so famous is that Jim Fitzpatrick when he created the image of Che Guevara is so famous is that Jim Fitzpatrick when he created the image of Che Guevara was like well if I'm going to create this image of this socialist communist revolutionary I can't profit from it so he made the image open source meaning

anyone could use it and reproduce it that's why that image is so ubiquitous Jim Fitzpatrick doesn't earn a penny from it so here's the story my dad told me, right? My dad would have just been a young fella working in Shannon at the time. It was 1965, and Che Guevara was due to meet Krushchev, or one of those mad Russian cunts, or whatever. So, yeah, 1965,

Che Guevara, because he is travelling to Russia from Cuba, has to stop in Shannon Airport. That's a fact so apparently the plane was like a shitty Cuban thing and it broke down and they were on the runway for a day so Che Guevara

is like well I'm not fucking staying on this runway take me to the nearest fucking town and I go on the fucking lash please okay so his bodyguards were like okay let's make it happen and apparently that's where my dad met him briefly for two

seconds and shook his hand so my dad was aware of who he was also what you have to remember about Che Guevara is that he wanted to know about his Irish lineage Che Guevara was descended from the Lynch's the Lynch family were a powerful kind of Galway family who fought Cromwell and lost so fucked off to Spain and then from Spain went to Argentina I believe so Che Guevara had an Irish great-grandmother and he wanted to explore his Irish roots for the day that he was in Ireland. So Che Guevara snuck out of the airport and went into Limerick and apparently went on the absolute rip and got lashed in, I don't know, the Glentworth Hotel. Hanratty's Hotel. It was Hanratty's Hotel in Limerick. Che Guevara was in there in the 60s and crack was had and he was drinking and singing and having chats with a bunch of Limerick lads

Che fucking Guevara my dad used to tell me that story and I thought he was spoofing and then I went looking for a fucking local historian and it turns out it's true Che Guevara was actually in Limerick that is verified, he went on the lash

now one of the main reasons like I didn't Turns out it's true. Che Guevara was actually in Limerick. That is verified. He went on the lash. Now one of the main reasons. Like I didn't. Believe my dad. When he was telling me that. Is that. That's not the only. Fucking Che Guevara story.

Relating him to my family. That my dad used to tell. It was the second Che Guevara story. So. Forgive me. For thinking it was spoofing. Even though that one was proved right. The second Che Guevara story so forgive me for thinking it was spoofing even though that one was proved right the second Che Guevara story that I grew up with I've mentioned before on this podcast my uh great-grandfather or sorry my grandfather my dad's dad and two or three of my granduncles were very active in the IRA in West Cork in the 1920s. They were members of Tom

Barry's Flying Column. One of them was a captain, I believe. And the story that I heard is Che Guevara, fucking revolutionary, leading a guerrilla war against the u.s was studying studying revolutions and tom barry's flying column in west cork are considered you know they they would be credited with not inventing guerrilla warfare but very much fucking drawing the blueprints for guerrilla warfare these were just farmers who took on the british army and fucking won using non-linear warfare hiding in bushes fucking hitting and running and apparently again according to my dad shea guevara started a written correspondence with Tom Barry in West Cork, sending letters to Tom Barry going,

how are you getting on, Mr. Barry? I'm trying to lead a revolution over here in fucking Bolivia and in Cuba, trying to fight the Yanks and the Yankee puppet governments or whatever. Can you send someone over to train some of our lads or can you give me any tips in guerrilla warfare? And this correspondence was happening apparently but the hot take conspiracy that my dad used to say and this is the bit that i think is bullshit apparently uh certain heads in west cork reckoned that what shea guevara really wanted was that he was aware that President Kennedy was visiting

Ireland in the 60s and that what Che Guevara really wanted was to develop a correspondence with old IRA members so that they would allow it so that Kennedy could be assassinated in Ireland. And I had a grand grand uncle who was fairly high up in the guards, he'd gone from being in the IRA to joining the guards and that was the hot take conspiracy theory that Che Guevara was trying to get through to my

grand uncle, that's spoof, but I do believe that Che Guevara was in correspondence with Tom Barry and apparently my grandad was in possession of the letters so that's two Che Guevara stories that correspondence with Tom Barry. And apparently my grandad was in. Possession of the letters. So that's two Che Guevara stories. That my dad used to tell me. One of them I can definitely confirm.

This podcast was actually supposed to be about something. I had a whole thing planned out. But now. Stories my dad told me are flooding back. And they're too gas to not tell you em cause he worked

in the unions in Shannon for like fucking 40 years what was the other one yeah so this would have been about early 80s and they'd just started using

sniffer dogs in Shannon right the police in Shannon had started using sniffer dogs in Shannon right, the police in Shannon had started using sniffer dogs to find drugs and drugs and bombs so there was one particular dog that was highly highly successful

in Shannon at finding drugs and the dealers who were operating in Ireland successful in Shannon, at finding drugs, and, the dealers, who were operating, in Ireland, couldn't get drugs, through Shannon,

because this dog, was so good, so one day, the dog goes missing, kidnapped, now the fucking police, are heartbroken, police in Shannon airport,

are heartbroken over this, because, they love the dogs like, do you know what I what i mean they really like they have a proper relationship with them but as well as that if you harm a police dog the force comes down on you like it's you might as well be harming a guard it's taken very very seriously so this dog was missing for weeks and weeks and weeks and the police were heartbroken over it so one day the dog arrives back in the airport in a cage fine and healthy smiling wagging his tail thrilled not harmed at all missing for three weeks and beside the dog is a photograph and on this photograph it's a beach

about five lads wearing bataclavas beside them is about six foot worth of drugs and beside that is the dog they'd kidnapped

the fucking dog to find their own drugs that they'd lost on the beach. And then once the dog had found the drugs for them, they delivered him back safely to Shannon Airport. There was another gas dog story he told me. So when my dad moved from Cork up to Limerick in the early 60s if you were a young fella then accommodation was done in what was called digs

and digs is basically where you like I think it was usually like spinsters a spinster or a widow would have her house and she would let young lads she'd let them a room in the house room and board but you essentially just slept in the house and i think there might have been meals made for you but you like it wasn't your own place you were very much staying in some old woman's house so my dad stayed in one of these gaffes and he was in a room with about three or four other lads and it was one of those kind of small townhouses on a row

so it's like kind of like a bungalow but there's an attic as well but the attic isn't up very high the attic is maybe 15 foot in the air so the woman around the house I think her name was Mrs Finucane she had a little Jack Russell called Scott and Scott was called Scott because he was a prick he was one of these Jack Russells that was just incredibly vicious and snapping at people but barking non-stop do you know like when you walk past a small dog and they just bark at you for no reason scott was one of these dogs so because my dad was working in the airport and he was a young lad and he was living with a bunch of other lads who worked in the airport they used to work strange hours you know night shifts so they might work all night and have to sleep during the daytime

so they'd all have to sleep upstairs in this small attic and because it was the daytime scott would be up barking all day long and they couldn't get a wink of sleep because scott wouldn't shut the fuck up so weeks and weeks went on and the lads were getting no fucking sleep at all. Until one day, one of the lads in the room snaps. He goes fucking nuts. Scott was up in around the room when they were trying to sleep and barking. And one of the lads snaps and he grabs the terrier and he opens the window of the attic and he throws the dog out the attic window now it was a fair enough fucking uh kind of it was a bit it wasn't a huge

drop it was like 15 feet obviously it's cruel to be throwing a fucking dog of any height but it wasn't enough height to actually hurt the dog but anyway so dog gets thrown out the window and he comes back in and he's absolutely fucking grand and my dad was worried because he's like for fuck's sake you can't throw the dog out the window you could he could have broken his legs or anything so a week later they're all up in the local pub they'd finished work so they go over and there's a crowd gathered around by the bar

and there's one man in the centre and he's talking and he's got the ear of like a load of people whatever he's talking about it's incredibly interesting so my dad and his friends

go over they go what the fuck is this fella talking about and as they get closer they notice that this man he's got a full cast on his arm and he's telling everybody the story of the cast and what he's saying is i'm telling you lads that's that dog scott that little jack russell that miss finucane has stay the fuck away from him he's very vicious last week he jumped up in the air and broke my arm so obviously your man had been going past the house and when your man fucked the dog out the

window it landed on him and broke his arm but he didn't expect the dog to be coming from a window he thought this little jack russell had come Jumped six foot into the fucking air. And broken his arm. And he was regaling the entire pub with this story. And the same. The same fella then. Who'd thrown the dog out the window. A few years later. What about a year later.

He eventually he met a girl. And. Got engaged and got married right. But they didn't have a fucking house. So what happened was. Scott died anyway because he was old. And this lad who was staying in Mrs. Finucane's house. The rest of the lads moved out and he moved his new wife in. Into the digs in Mrs. Finucane's house, the rest of the lads moved out, and he moved his new wife in,

into the digs, in Mrs. Finucane's house, so now up in the attic, was just the lad who threw the dog out the window, and his new wife, staying in digs, in a fucking spinster's house, but because Scott was gone,

now he had to get an actual alarm clock, because he needed this alarm clock to be getting up in the morning because he finally had peace and quiet there was no dog barking so he gets this alarm clock and he's you know sleeping

upstairs in a room with his fucking wife and they're newly married so they're both bollocks naked in the nip all the time riding obviously because they're just newly married so he has an alarm clock to wake himself up to get up at three in the morning to go out to shannon airport but because again the alarm has gone off at queer hours of the morning it starts interrupting mrs fucking finucane so she didn't give a shit when scott the dog was waking the boys up

in the middle of the day but now when an alarm clock is going off with this lad and his wife upstairs Mrs Finucane all of a sudden her nose is out of joint so she used to when he'd go down she would kill him and say that fucking alarm clock that you have going off

at 2 and 3 in the morning I'm going to kick you out of the house because of it and they were only waiting to get their own place to move into, so what happens anyway, one morning, he's in bed with the wife, both of them in the nip, and the alarm clock goes off, so he reaches over immediately, and this is before fucking snooze alarms or anything like this, this is a fucking alarm clock, clock right so old school alarm clocks very very loud but they're wind up they're very mechanical they have a lot of mechanisms in them they're physical moving things so the alarm goes off your man wakes up he freaks out he goes fuck i can't wake up mrs finucane with the alarm so the second it goes off he grabs it and shoves it in underneath the sheets right

he's in the nip where does the alarm clock go because down to his balls the fucking turning mechanism on the back of the alarm clock starts to intertwine in his pubes and pulling at the pubes so all of a sudden now he's got this violently. Vibrating loud screaming alarm clock. Stuck onto his testicles. So he starts roaring. And screaming. And running around the room. So Mrs. Finucane gets up at two in the morning.

Runs upstairs to the attic. The wife is in the nip. Screaming with a scissors in her hand. And your man is running around the room with an alarm clock where his genitals should be screaming and roaring can you imagine that

can you imagine an alarm clock winding your pubes tighter and tighter to absolute fucking agony that actual story I used that that's a story my dad used to tell me when I was a young fella and I used to fucking

that's one of the ones I used to keep asking please tell me that one again because it was so funny I ended up using that story in the Channel 4 pilot that we got a couple of years ago I have an episode, I think it's

still on YouTube, called The Alarm Clock and I took that story about someone in bed, an owl lad in bed, getting the alarm clock and putting it towards his balls to stop it in the morning, but where I took that story was

it was a character called Grandad, it was Blind Boy's Grandad gets the alarm clock puts it to his balls then what happens is that the alarm clock and the agony of it in his testicles it causes a rip in the fabric of time so the Grandad's sperm because of this alarm clock ends up going back in time and to impregnate his own mother so it fucks with the fabric of time to the point that the granddad becomes both his father and his son and it leaves him with a bizarre sense of uh depression and longing for the childhood he never had because he's only after discovering that he's actually his own dad so how does it end he ends up embarking on a father son relationship with himself.

And breaks his back after he tries to sit on his own lap. And that was. Yeah that was inspired by that. That real story of the bollock alarm clock that happened. In Mrs. Finucane's house. Which wouldn't have happened. If Scott was still alive. Yeah so this podcast. It was supposed to be able to fucking...

I had a psychological theory I wanted to discuss. But it's just ended up me talking about gas stories that my dad used to tell me. How bad? But, uh... No, fuck it, my dad was great for that. He died when I was very young. He died when I was, uh... About 18 or 19 and it would have been at the height of my anxiety and looking back in it now like obviously it fucking broke my heart

do you know what i mean but a lot of positivity came from my dad's death. And I don't mean that in a disrespectful fashion. But like. It's one of these things around. You know I speak a lot about. With existence. Pain is in a pain. Disappointment. Death.

These are inevitable facets of human existence. Right. You cannot live life and avoid suffering. And. When you. Deal with loss and suffering and bereavement correctly we'll say when you take meaning from it it can give your life great meaning and that's kind of what it did for me like i i tackled my anxiety and depression at 19 but my dad's death was definitely a catalyst to make it happen because a lot of my a lot of the causes of my anxiety were it was the fear of becoming an adult and that's very common that's like so many people mental health issues tend to

present between the ages of about 16 and 20 that's quite quite a common age for mental health issues tend to present between the ages of about 16 and 20 that's quite quite a common age uh for mental health issues to present themselves and a lot of that is because of the massive pressure and the confrontation of suddenly going from being a child with parents that you look up to and having things done for you and being in the school system and that regimental thing to suddenly going you're on your own now you're a legal autonomous adult and

it's an existential crisis you're overwhelmed with the freedom that's what Nish would say do you know what I mean this is where concepts like God

become very convenient because as humans we you know we're raised by a parent figure up until a certain age

and I think the the part of our brain that needs God is when you get to an age where your parents are no longer there, this overlooking caring concept of a God-like figure replaces the part of the parent in your brain if you get me. Do you know? It's like you don't all of a sudden go to nothingness. It's like parents are gone, they're no longer looking over me. Great. God's looking over me now. Do you know.

I think that's what. That's one of the things that the concept of a God does. That's of benefit. To the human psyche. But. I don't really have that. I don't have that. The gift of believing in a God.

But. Also the psychologists. Is it fucking Erickson? I think it's Erickson stages of development erickson's theory states that at different points in our life we have various stages that we must conquer and between the ages of uh i think at 12 and about 18 the that stage according to Erickson, is known as identity versus role confusion. It's where to successfully conquer that stage, all humans must develop a true sense of self and identity and to understand who you are. Some people, they don't understand who they are by the time they get to 18 i would have been one of these

people i would have been quite emotionally immature and this led to it would have been one of the reasons behind my mental health issues with anxiety and depression and you're then thrust into fucking adulthood it's now you're out of school you're now an adult on your own you got to earn your own money you got to stand on your own two fucking feet and that's terrifying for a lot of people and it can result in mental health issues it did for me but when my dad died that was like as traumatic as it was it was like a sledgehammer that forced me into the next stage of development I had no choice then but to truly become

an autonomous adult because when my dad went the money went as well do you know what I mean like I couldn't become a fucking 18, 19 year old who stayed at home.

I had to actually now go, oh shit, now I actually have to sort my shit out, learn how to earn my own money and look after myself. But, yeah, from that bereavement, I get great meaning from it, you know. And one thing as well with bereavement, because again, I'm not a fucking, like, I don't believe in afterlife, I'm not particularly spiritual, I don't believe that there's a part of me that's able to speak to my dad, I believe he's truly gone, but you can find a certain degree of meaning in death, if you're not spiritual and it's through what's known as rippling and rippling is where like my dad even though he's dead he lives

on in my ability to tell stories like my dad was a was a raconteur you know if my dad told a story he was able to make it interesting you know the things that I kind of the reason you listen to this podcast really I mean people say to me why do I think my podcast is successful I mean a lot of the shit that I say there's nothing particularly novel about it you could read about it on the internet but what I do try and bring to everything I speak about is a sense of story to hook you in you know what I mean set up conflict resolution if you speak about any subject and there's a sense of story about it it automatically becomes engaging and i learned that from my dad so even though he's dead a part of him through rippling it flows through me in my ability to tell stories and communicate and i then get great solace and meaning from that do you know what i mean and maybe it's something to take on board if any of you

most of you i'd wager that fucking 60 percent of you have are currently either going through bereavement or have gone through one like suffering is unavoidable loss is unavoidable people you love are going to fucking die and it's going to be painful but there's great meaning in that pain and there's no proper way to do bereavement you know like the bereavement process is it's it's as unique as the relationship you have you had with the person you're bereaving is that a word bereaving it's as unique as the relationship you had with the bereaved there's no proper way to do it but a healthy way to go about bereavement is to search for fucking meaning within it and if you're fortunate enough to be fucking spiritual and you're one of these people that

truly believes you can speak to the bereaved person beyond the fucking grave and that works for you work away absolutely absolutely but for someone like myself i can't go there but there is evidence in rippling like that's that's a fact i grew up listening to my dad telling fucking class stories and being a good storyteller and he had a great appreciation of literature and writing and a huge, a great command of the English language and I took all these things from him and they're

that's rippling through me today in what I do and I get great meaning from that and great solace and comfort from it even though he's gone, do you know what I'm saying the only thing that does disappoint me and break my heart is like he was hugely he would have been very encouraging of me with my creativity when i was young do you know at a very young age if i i would have received a lot of positive encouragement from him if i showed signs of being a storyteller or being creative or

being knowledgeable the things that make my personality today that i do for a fucking living are no surprise the things that i received a hell of a lot of encouragement from him from and i covered that and how that happens in a previous podcast around the theories of Carl Rogers and conditional positive self-regard. But what does disappoint me is he didn't get to see the only aspect of the rubber bandit stuff. I started doing rubber bandits when i was 15 with prank phone calls that's all he got to see and he was kind of proud of me but not really as well because i was failing school pretty badly you know when i should have been engaging in 50 or in six year because i fucking hated school i failed my leaving cert when i should have been engaging in these things

i was with Mr. Chrome recording prank phone calls having crack doing that type of stuff and my dad loved the prank phone calls he fucking loved them he would kind of tongue in cheek like him because he knew it was I should be engaging in school

but he was dead proud of him but he never got to hear like he never got to hear like my favorite prank phone call is the bank I made that after he died you know he never got to hear he had no idea that I was gonna be a songwriter do you know what I'm saying like I started producing music and writing the rubber bandit songs after he died he had no idea I was gonna get a name

for myself as an artist you know all of these things that's what's very tough for me because he was very proud of me and my creativity when I was a kid and he can't see these things now I mean fucking hell like I'd give anything for him to be able to read my book

like he himself he wanted to be a fucking writer and he never did it and you know I had a great grandfather who was a fucking writer never got published but that rippled all the way down to me and I fucking actually got published who the fuck do you think showed me Flann O'Brien do you know and instilled in me a love of the written word and a love of writing, only him. So that's quite tough for me, you know? So a big battle for me in the early days, and this is when I speak about

the importance of having an internal locus of evaluation when it comes to your art. Around the time of Horse Outside outside when i was a bit younger and making waves for myself there was a big pain in my tummy where i just really wanted approval i wanted to show my dad the thing that i'd done i wanted to show him and go look i'm on the paper look i'm on the television look my fucking the music i'm making look how many people are following me on fucking Myspace or whatever. I wanted deep in my heart to be able to show him

and I couldn't because he was dead. And that was tough because what do you do with that, you know? And all I could do with it was to tell myself, do you know what, to be honest as well, as a mature adult artist it is it is not healthy to be searching for parental approval once you become a fucking adult

searching for parental approval for anything you do is it comes from an insecure place it comes from a childish place do you know it's, there's nothing wrong with your parents thinking you're good. But if you seek parental approval in anything you do, you're not being true to yourself as an adult. So that's kind of how I overcame that and worked towards what I call the internal locus of evaluation. When I create anything, the only thing that matters and what I strive for

my approval of it, that's it if other people like or dislike it, that's great but ultimately I must have an internal locus of evaluation for my creative work and not only for my creative work, for myself I can't be going back to my da

or my ma and looking for approval it's not healthy fucking hell Going back. To my da. Or my ma. And looking for approval. It's not healthy. Fucking hell. I wasn't expecting that podcast. That's pure and utter flaw now. I started off with the fucking story. About.

In Nancy's meeting the US soldiers. And it just. Spiraled from there. I allowed my unconscious mind to make the connections and I'm happy with that no what do we do

we do a fucking ocarina pause yeah the podcast there on fucking Sunday's live one the British Army are still advertising on this podcast well I don't know if they'll do it this week they definitely did it last week

so I listed out all the British Army's war crimes but I'm going to do the ocarina pause now which is a weekly digital angelus that we do on this podcast because the app ACAS inserts an advert for a product.

Halfway through the podcast or near the end. So I'm going to play my ocarina which is a Spanish clay whistle. And this ocarina is going to replace the advert. But it depends. You might hear an advert, you might not. But if you're lucky you're going to hear the beautiful dulcet tones of this clay Spanish ocarina. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH,

the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for?

Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. On April 5th, you must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start happening. Evil things of evil. It's all for you. No, don't.

The first omen, I believe, girl, is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. 666 is the mark of the devil. Hey! Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real.

What's not real? Who said that? The First Omen. Only in theaters April 5th. That was the Ocarina Pause. Hopefully you were not recruited to the British Army. Don't join them. Also, if you enjoy this podcast,

there's a few things you can do. If it's your first podcast, go back to the start, number one. Secondly, you can leave a review of the podcast. You can subscribe to the podcast. You can rate the podcast. All these positive things you can do, which podcast you can rate the podcast all these positive things you can do which i would invite you and ask you to do also this podcast is supported by you the listener there's occasional sponsorships but i prefer it when it's actually just fucking

funded by you the listener through the patreon page which is patreon.com forward slash the blind by podcast if you enjoyed this podcast and the other ones and you would be like do you know what i like that i'd give blind by a pint a month or a cup of coffee a month please do that give me the equivalent of a cup of coffee or a pint once a month on patreon and in exchange I'll give you five hours a month of podcasting and if you don't want to that's fine don't have to you can continue to listen for free it's a

model based on kindness and soundness and it's working out okay some people like to give me Patreon money other people are like I'll leave it a while or I can't afford it and that's grand so patreon.com forward slash

the blind boy podcast please contribute to the patreon because it also it's what keeps the podcast regular I don't think if I was earning

not enough to podcast I'd still be doing it but I wouldn't be doing it every week do you know I can treat it like a job now because I'm like fucking hell

this is actually. This is. Paying some bills. This is helping me. I'm earning a living off this fucking thing. Brilliant. So I treat it like a job. Every fucking Wednesday.

And the occasional live podcast. The odd weekend. When's my next live podcast? It's in Dublin. It's on the 29th of July. In the Ivy Gardens. And I'm looking forward to this one. I'm interviewing this comedian called Neil Hamburger,

who's an American legendary comedian whose act is basically like a hack Las Vegas comedian who tells bad jokes. That's his act. But I'm going to be interviewing him out of character. I'm looking forward to that so I think is that sold out? might be one or two tickets left and if there isn't

they'll release a few at the end so have a look for that I'll answer a few questions from you delicious cunts Derek asks do you do anything to manage your tinnitus? I was diagnosed with it last year, I still use earbuds for listening to music podcasts. Do you avoid headphones?

Yeah, I've got fucking tinnitus. It's a cunt. I have it basically because of gigging. Ten years of gigging and not wearing any earplugs. So if you're a young person in a band, please start wearing earplugs. Any earplugs you can get. Also, if you work in a bar, if you work in a young if you're a young person in a band please start wearing earplugs any ear plugs you can get also if you work in a bar if you work in a nightclub start wearing fucking earplugs i'm not joking okay you don't want tinnitus uh i have a continual high pitch ringing

in my ear and it is never going to go away that's it for the rest of my life. It's like being short sighted in my ears. But there's no glasses for it. There's no cure. So I just live with it. That's what I do. There's occasional things I'll do. I'll tell you one thing. My tinnitus tends to get worse.

If my mental health isn't top notch because I focus on it more. But to be honest, the tinnitus is always there but it may as well not be because I don't think about it. I just get on with my day and I don't think about it. There are some things you can do to reduce the tinnitus. Find out what frequency it's in. If it's high pitched, something like the sound of running water will cancel it out or

the sound of white noise will cancel it out but that's only a temporary bandage and when you stop listening to the thing that cancels it out it just comes back louder I avoid the shitty thing is I don't make as much music as i used to make

like if i'm producing music to make a song you're talking fucking eight nine hours in front of the computer making a beat nice and loud all day i can't do that anymore i have to maybe two hours max and keep an eye on the volume or else my tinnitus is going to be incredibly loud for the rest of the day. You can put your hands on the back of your neck. You can interloop your hands on the back of your neck and tap the back of your skull and that will turn it down temporarily for a few seconds. But again, just accept the fact that you have tinnitus accept

there's nothing you can do about it and just be thankful that it's like there's worse things you could have i mean tinnitus all tinnitus is is the illusion of a sound in your head there's no nothing harmful about it and there's no health. I mean there's people out here who fucking lose limbs. Or have chronic illnesses. Tinnitus is nothing. So just be thankful that that's the only thing that's wrong with you. That's what I do. And I don't think about it.

I get on it my day. And I do keep an eye on certain things that are going to totally exacerbate it. Such as making a rave tune for eight hours. I can't do that anymore. Niamh asks, Have you any hot takes on chemtrail conspiracy? I've heard for years that they're poisoning our skies to try and control us. My rational head just takes it as conspiracy theory bullshit, but especially now with the beautiful clear skies we are enjoying, I'm seeing some mad

pics online. What is really going on? There's no such thing as chemtrails. Chemtrails is bullshit. If you don't know what chemtrails are, it is a conspiracy theory that the jet streams that are left by airplanes are actually the government or whoever, the Illuminati,

spraying mind-controlled chemicals it's harsh it scientific evidence refutes it completely just like the most simplest one get friendly with anyone who's an aircraft mechanic i know two like often you'll see online as well they'd use as evidence they'll have a photograph of the inside of a 747 with a bunch of what looks like um the seats are taken out and it's all these huge canisters full of gas that's like a training airplane they're ballasts there's no such thing as chemtrails it's here's the thing with conspiracy theories a conspiracy theory it's a modern it's modern mythology it's modern fairy tales you know it's it's the most interesting

version of a story it's so interesting we want to believe it wouldn't that be great the government are flying planes around the place and spraying us with chemicals. They're not. Like, that's, it's just, it's not happening. Drew says, We were out drinking cocktails in Sydney and I had a flashback of the Almost Impossible game show. I completely forgot about this gas cuntism from yourself. Don't think you've mentioned this part of your career on the podcast. Can you fill us in on the details of how it all came about

and possibly give some of the listeners who haven't heard it a taste of the hilarious commentary em yeah the almost impossible game show it was a TV series we had on ITV in the UK

we had two series of it and it was made by Endemol who are this massive fucking company and it was this really shit game show right and like they had this kind of idea for a really shit game show where like it's almost impossible think of like you know wipeout have you ever seen wipeout it's really like it's really bad. And they came to us. With this really bad TV idea.

And. But the money for it was good. So I kind of sold out. And said. Yeah fuck it. I'll take it. But however. Here's the thing.

I figured. Even within this format. That's really. Not cool. It's a bunch of English people in leotards falling around in mud I figure the people who were running the show were really intelligent sound funny people they gave me complete creative control in how I did the voiceover on this tv show how myself and chrome did it. Complete creative control.

And they defended us to the last. So what we ended up with. Is first of all the name. That was a little joke. It's called the almost impossible game show. And it's on British television. ITV. The almost impossible game show.

Abbreviates to Tygues. Which is a derogatory name. For Irish Catholics Catholics which we are because I was like I want to have a fucking TV show in Britain called Tygues and when you turn it on it's a pair of Tygues laughing at English people falling over but

yeah fuck it I loved it two seasons of it I fucking loved it they would send me over an hour of footage over to Limerick every week, and it was just this huge, like an abandoned RAF airfield, and all these English people doing these impossible games where they fall into modem, whatever,

and basically giving carte blanche to write whatever I want over it. So ridiculous, surreal commentary. What I always tried to do was drop in like really smart references and shit to have it like to really confuse the viewer it's like you're watching it

and someone's falling over and all of a sudden I'm dropping in a reference to fucking Niche or James Joyce or something like that so the people at home are going what the fuck is this this is on ITV too this is a channel for thick cunts do you know? And it was grey crack. I fucking loved doing it.

And we did it for two seasons. And then what happened, it actually, it did very well actually. The fucking, the ratings of it were class. But, America came over, right?

America, MTV, USA, said, we like this show. We want to make it for America. So I then went and made two seasons of the Almost Impossible Game Show for MTV USA. We had an MTV fucking USA show in 2016. Now that was so surreal.

I just fucking went and did it. But the problem was, as soon as MTV got a hold of it, I was no longer working with the really cool, funny, creative production team who let me say whatever the fuck I want. So I ended up making two seasons of an awful, like, the show's already awful, right? entertainment but what made it good was i could juxtapose the shitness of it with some funny stuff and it ended up making it good you know and the americans didn't get that so when i would try and have a joke that's subversive or risky they would just shoot it down i wasn't allowed to make any references that were pre-2010 do you know so the american version is one of the worst things i've ever made in my entire life and thank fuck it was so bad well there's two reasons it was so bad it went out for one at

one episode in america two seasons had been made now. Went out for one episode. They cancelled it immediately. It was so bad. The other thing too. I snuck in a lot of fucking Irish curses. Like Gowl. And someone flagged it. And the Yanks weren't happy with that. But I did get paid.

For the American season. Even though it didn't go on air. So I don't give a fuck. But only recently. Yeah. I asked. Endemol. Who made the

Almost Impossible Game Show I said can you send me over a few episodes and they are they're going to send me over a few episodes of it and I'll see about

I'll stream them online or something I'll stream them onto our Facebook I won't upload them but I'll let you know I fucking loved it it was so much crack

and we had so much fun doing it I heard a rumour that they're going to try and pitch the two seasons that were already made they're going to knock on Netflix's door and see what they think of it but

don't hold your breath, you know what I mean I would fucking kill to do more seasons of the Almost Impossible Game Show or any other TV show with that team that I was working with where they basically gave full creative freedom to say whatever we want

and to completely defend us to the channel, that's the recipe for success, it was so much crack, so much fucking crack TV's fucking weird, you know it's one of the most fickle industries going

and just because something shit doesn't get commissioned because it's good do you know it can be very arbitrary why things do and don't get commissioned and a real skill you have to learn

when you're making television is to truly you have to learn when you're making television is to truly you have to learn the skill of like everything starts with a pilot now impossible yeah there was a pilot for impossible game show you have to learn the skill of making a pilot giving it your all but at the same time treating it as if it is going to get rejected because nine out of ten times it will and that's a tough skill to develop our channel four program um which was the first proper tv commission i'd been given you know and it was fucking channel four like i gave that my heart and soul but i truly i believed it was going to get commissioned and it didn't

and that was very tough on me now a few years down the line I should not have given a fuck about that at all shit gets commissioned shit doesn't get commissioned sometimes I get pilots sometimes they never see the light of day I just have to work on it but I've I'm I'm making a pilot at the moment and I can't tell you what it is yet I'll be announcing very soon and I swear to fuck I'm not even I've made that pilot and my attitude is

it is not going to make it to series that's my actual attitude and that's the healthiest attitude to have because then there's no disappointment and I can do that while still working on the pilot and making a good piece of work do you know what I mean it's mad

that's the skill you have to learn on television alright so go fuck yourselves, God bless I'll see you next week and hopefully next week the podcast will be about something the last few podcasts, I think I blew my load, with to post this going,

two podcasts, that are truly about something, this week was just a bit of a, a free form ramble, but I enjoyed it, go in peace, have some compassion for yourselves, compassion for other people,

and hopefully we'll see a bit of rain Thank you. rock city you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.