The Break-Up Diet - 9 Signs You Should Break Up With Your "NICE" Boyfriend

Episode Date: September 9, 2026

Okay, controversial one today — because sometimes the nice guy just isn't your guy, and I'm not sorry for saying it. In this episode I'm going through nine signs it might genuinely be time to break up with your boyfriend, even the ones who've technically done nothing wrong. We're talking loving the potential instead of the actual person in front of you, having the same argument on a loop, feeling like his mum more than his girlfriend, being lonelier next to him than you'd ever be single, wanting completely different futures, and the sneaky ways you start shrinking yourself without even clocking it.I get really personal in this one — plane, crying, phoning my mum personal — because honestly, I've done every single thing on this list myself. This one's for the girls who are six years in, three months in, or just nosy for a mate. And stay till the end because there's a little quiz that'll tell you everything you need to know, so don't overthink your answers, just say the first thing that comes to your head.Because at the end of the day, it's never really about choosing this man or that man. It's about choosing yourself. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

And I remember crying on the plane back from France with my mom. My mom's like, why are you crying? And I'm like, oh, he's such a nice guy. I just don't think he's my guy. Buckle up, bitches. This is going to get bumpy. This is the breakup diet. Today we're going to talk about reasons why you should break up with your boyfriend.

And no, I'm not trying to ruin anybody's relationship. But if you've been waiting for a sign, this might be. be your sign because sometimes the nice guy just isn't your guy. Sometimes you've known that you want to leave but you're just terrified to do it and sometimes you're in love with the potential and not actually who that person is and like who they are in their soul and their core and what they value. So consider this your breakup diet where we're cutting out relationships that drain us that leave us feeling like we're walking on eggshells that make us feel like we have to shrink as a person. So let's get into it.

I'm going to start with the reason of, but he's just not done anything that wrong or my friends don't hate him and he hasn't cheated. Like sometimes I think we stay in relationships way longer than what we should because we're looking for like a massive reason to break up with someone. but I do think sometimes you don't have to have a massive reason. Like they can be a nice person. They can not have done something super, super horrible, and they can just not be your person.

Not everybody has to be a villain or has to do this horrible, horrendous thing for us to not want to be together anymore. Another thing that I think people stay in relationships, and if you're doing this, you probably should just break out with your boyfriend, is if you're dating the potential. When you're dating the potential, you're saying things like, if he just spent a bit more time with me on the weekend,

then our relationship would be perfect. If he just didn't drink so much, if he just, you know, was more affectionate to me. There's always like if he just did this. And I feel like sometimes people just stay in these really, not great relationships because they're thinking, oh, he would be perfect if, if, if. But at one point you have to look at yourself and be like, okay, this person that I'm with, if nothing changed, or if I met him today for the first time, would I want to be with him?

You've got to be like, okay, who is the person actually in front of me and not just keep thinking, like, oh, he would be if he was this, because you don't know if he's ever going to be that. And also this is like a thing with life. I feel like people and like situations never go the way that you expect them to go. Like for myself, like I actually did this. I remember with my ex, I was always thinking like if he would just be a bit more, like put a bit more effort in, he would be so like such a great boyfriend. If he just, you know, did this, he would be such a great boyfriend.

But really I was just making excuses. you know, then if you have a breakup and you've been saying this the whole time, you just feel really annoyed because you're like, oh, I wasted so much time thinking this guy was so much better than what he was. If you're feeling like you're in love with somebody's potential and not actually who they are as a person or you're not sure, I would ask yourself, if he stayed like this, the exact way he is right now, forever,

would you still be happy with him? because whatever your answer is, I feel like if it's a no, then you could, if you don't leave that relationship, waste years and years in the he would be. And you don't want to waste your time if somebody's not going to change or not wanting to change. Another thing that means you should leave your boyfriend or break up with your relationship is if you keep having the same argument

over and over and over again. When I think about this reason, it's kind of like you have an argument, you guys resolve it, things change for like four days, then the thing comes back up, and then you argue again, and then it's a repeat. Like if you're in that sort of cycle where you're having these arguments, things change for a little bit, and then a straightaway you're arguing about the exact same thing again.

Maybe you can have that twice, right? If it's like a habit that they have to unlearn or something. But if it keeps and keeps happening and you're having the same argument, I get it, get it again, at one point you've got to be like, okay, he does understand what I'm saying, but he just doesn't care enough to change it. You know what I mean? Like you have to be like, okay, it's a conscious thing now.

Like he knows how I'm feeling. He knows the way that that's making me feel, but he's not putting in the effort to change it. I actually, I did have that with my ex too, but that's fine. Like, as in people can be different and it just means that your relationship is not, you're not aligned and it's not meant to work out and that's okay. But it is really hard when you really want something to work and if you feel like the person is changing and you see glimpses of hope that it is going to be different

and then the argument comes back around, that's a really tough spot to be in because you're just like you're so hopeful and even when you're so in love with somebody, even the small little things that they do right, I feel like feels a lot bigger than the things that they do wrong sometimes because you want to be with them. So you kind of let go a little bit of your boundaries, which isn't good, but I feel like that does happen quite a lot. Some things you could ask yourself if you were having the same argument over and over and over again is ask yourself how many times have you communicated this, like that you're not happy with this or that this is a problem or how that makes you feel? Ask yourself, how many times have you communicated this? Ask yourself, am I just

waiting for the argument to be resolved or actually work through the problems? And then a last question I would ask yourself is, am I waiting for an apology or an actual behavioral change? Another reason I think you should break up with your boyfriend is if you're being his mom. I've never ever had this. Thank God. I mean like, thank God because I don't think I would be able to do it. But like if you're doing things like doing all his washing, telling him when to change his bed, booking and organizing everything for him, reminding him he needs to go to certain appointments and do certain things. And you're also the one in the relationship that only is the only one that has all the emotional, like, capacity.

And like he leans on you for support, but you can't lean on him for support, you know, because he's like a child, then break up with your boyfriend. Because that's not fun. And you don't want to be in a relationship where you're, babying someone. Planning every date is also another one. You don't want to be with somebody that can't even plan a date. Even if your boyfriend plans a date and it's not like the best date ever,

it's so nice for somebody else to plan something for you. And I think sometimes people underestimate how far that goes. Like even if it's like a picnic in the park or a day out or I don't know, they've taken you to your favorite coffee shop or something. where they've like taken the time to make you feel special and plan something for you, I think that has to go both ways in a relationship. And it's very different being supported by your partner and being a supportive partner, sorry, and then raising a grown man.

So keep that in mind if you are feeling like a mum in your relationship. This is a big point that I think I personally didn't really, really really, was a good enough reason to break up with my boyfriend. But when I was going through my breakup, or just before my breakup, maybe six months before I actually had the full on breakup, I felt so lonely in my relationship. Like, I felt like I had a, like I had a boyfriend because I technically did, but I felt like I had nobody. And that feeling is probably one of the worst feelings you can have and is one of the big, big reasons I think that you can break up with someone. You should not be in a relationship with someone and be feeling more lonely than if you're a single.

I felt like I was a pest to my boyfriend at the time. Like we were a long distance. I felt like I couldn't call him because I was bothering him if I did or that when he did answer the phone like that he, I could just tell that he didn't want to speak to me. you know it was very much so like oh it would it was like a routine call and you'd call and then like practically hang up you know and wasn't interested and wasn't curious about what I was doing and it just made me feel so isolated and so alone another thing that I noticed I felt like a big thing obviously was I didn't feel listened to and it's horrible when you're feeling in your

relationship lonely because you also feel guilty because you're like I shouldn't feel lonely and then you also feel a bit gaslit like you feel like maybe i'm going crazy like maybe maybe i'm not lonely and he's just busy or maybe this or maybe that if someone is making you feel like that maybe you say and if they're still continuing to make you feel like that then break up with them break up with them because at least if you're single you can then talk to other people and not feel guilty. Like when you're single, you rely on yourself more, but it's okay because you know that. Whereas like if you think you have somebody to lean on and then they're not there, it reminds you of like a trust fall and they're just not there, you know? Whereas like if you're

single, you're aware that you're going to fall and probably hit the ground. Yeah, it's so isolating and so horrible if you are having that. So I'm super sorry if you are having that and right into me because I generally do relate, because I did feel like that. And I always like to give you guys a question. A question I would ask yourself if you're feeling more lonely in a relationship than you are, if you're a single, is ask yourself, is this relationship making my life feel less lonely or not? You don't deserve to have that and you should feel loved and supported. And like your person is your partner, not just your boyfriend, because there is a difference.

If you are in a relationship and you're not happy and you're thinking like, oh, I do want to break up with them, but you don't do it because you're scared to start again. Get a grip. Get a grip. Because the longer you stay in that relationship, that feeling won't go away. Because I had that. The feeling I was like, oh, but I don't want to go back on Rye or I don't want to go back on Hinge or I don't want to go back onto a dating app and be single again and then see the same people that I saw. I saw. before my relationship back on the app. Like somebody tell me why that is not the most depressing and most humbling experience ever.

But if you are not having a relationship and that's the reason you don't want to like leave them fully, you got to just do it. And yes, you might miss them. And yes, you might have a horrible breakup where you have like a few, not a horrible breakup, but you might have times during that breakup where you miss them and that you regret it, that you remember all the fabulous happy times and you forget about all the small things. But in general, if you're not happy in a relationship,

overall, that should and that will outweigh how long you are sad and you miss them during the breakup. Also, like, I do get it. Like, when you have to go on first dates again, like first dates are kind of a drag. You know, you'll have to get through all the surface level. You have to get all through the, you know, the kind of boring questions to understand someone as well. But just think about how much better

it is than later on when you're having an amazing great aligned partner. You know, you want to be with a partner that really gets you and you get them. So you got to just suck it up and break up with them if you're, if the only reason you're staying is because you're too scared to be single. So ask yourself, am I actually in love with this? person or am I just scared to be single? Also, another thing I would ask yourself if you're in this situation is if I met that person today, would I still choose them? Like, as in you just met them today. You didn't know anything about them. Like, you were going on a first date with that person. Would I still choose them? Do not stay in a relationship if you feel like you are shrinking yourself.

what I mean by this is I kind of briefly, I mean, they're kind of similar points to what I was saying earlier about with feeling lonely in your relationship, but if you feel like you can't talk to them about everything and anything, then you should break up with them because you don't want to be with somebody that you feel like you have to not tell them certain things because you don't know how they're going to react or not want to share good news with them because you don't know if they're going to be jealous or if they're going to say a negative comment. Like, I actually did have this too where I would not say, and this sounds really dumb, but say I bought a pair of shoes or something that was like a hundred pounds,

I would not tell my ex. And because I didn't want him to be like, oh again, or say something like sassy about it. Or I don't know, even if I bought like a really, maybe my mom, or my dad spoiled me and got me something really nice for Christmas, I wouldn't tell him if it was really expensive because I didn't want to get the negative comment that would come out of being like, me, me, me. Other things that could be like seen as shrinking yourself

would be like if you pretend you're okay with everything when you're not. So if you pretend maybe that him not putting an effort that you're kind of okay with because it's just he's going to, through a tough time at work, but you're really not, that's shrinking yourself. If you're not bringing up things because he called you dramatic once and you can't be bothered for the argument, that's shrinking yourself. You should be able to say and feel how you feel and not be criticized or you not feel like you can't say it. Like your partner should be able to listen and hear what you're saying and take that on board. And they don't necessarily have to

agree with it or disagree with it, but they should be able to hear you and be listening to what you're saying. If you start asking for less because you don't want to seem needy, I kind of mentioned this earlier by when I was calling my ex at the time and he was making me feel really lonely and insecure and I could tell he didn't want to speak to me, I stopped calling him as much and stop texting him as much because I didn't want to feel like I was being needy. You know? I feel like that is something that tells me you're shrinking yourself.

If you stop doing the things that you love as well, that's a sign to me that you're shrinking yourself because I remember I stopped seeing my friends as much. I stopped doing a lot of the things that I liked when I was shrinking myself with my ex and I ultimately became a miserable person. and I also became super, super insecure. That's another point.

A key point to me that you're shrinking yourself in a relationship is if you are becoming more insecure with that person than you were alone or just in general. Like I, when I stopped doing the things that I loved, when I stopped relying on that person because I felt like I was asking for too much, when I stopped being able to tell that person how much, like how well things were going,

or like share anything with them, I felt so insecure and I felt like I became a mute and I felt like I just went so internal and honestly that was so horrible and if you're having any sort of feeling like that, break up with them. Break up with them early because the longer you hold on to that and the more you start doing those little things, the more of them I feel like come into play and then you just end up becoming a bit of a shell of yourself and you lose your personality. Like I lost my personality so much. I couldn't even, by the end of it, I felt like so insecure in front of my friends because I was just internally thinking about so much stuff and like I just felt like a pest to everyone

by the end. That's literally how it made me feel. Sometimes I think like the biggest red flags in relationships aren't actually maybe what that other person is doing. It's actually how they make you feel about yourself and how you feel around them. Those are some of the big red flags that you should look out for. This is a reason you should break up with a boyfriend, which I feel like is very obvious, but people seem to ignore it and seem to just not think about it. And it's like that you want completely different futures, which sounds so obvious but I was speaking about this not that long ago and basically the person was like yeah he's a

great guy they're they're great together and we're great right now but we don't want any of the same things in the future like if you don't know where your partner wants to live what they want to do how they want to raise kids if they want kids if they i don't know all these like massive things then they're probably not your partner and if you're not heading in the same direction, honestly break up with them early and break up with them now because you're only going to end up breaking up in two years or three years or five years when all those things become a reality. Like if you know that you want to in the next two years settle down and start to have kids and your partner only wants to travel, then you're not aligned and that's

okay and it doesn't mean that they're horrible and you don't have, you didn't have the most amazing time, but you're just not aligned. Also, if you, like, have a partner and you want to start to build a life together, so maybe you want to get a house together, or maybe you want to, I don't know, move in together and they're not willing to do that, then that is a reason to break up with them because you can be on such different timelines and that's okay, but it's not okay in your relationship. Like it's not okay if you actually want to build a future with someone. I know like when you're dating somebody, especially if you're a bit younger,

it's scary to ask somebody what they want or I, I mean, I used to find that quite scary, but you have to not be scared of asking them what they want with their life. And if they don't really know, because I think like you can want lots of different things and that can be quite overwhelming. but if the general vibe is traveling the same way as you then I think that's a good indication that the relationship is good but if it's completely off like then you got to look at it and be like okay maybe we're not meant to be together I do think you can love somebody and just be and just not be compatible okay my last two points that I think are reasons big reason

and you could break up with your boyfriend is if you're constantly thinking about being single and that kind of makes you a little bit excited and I'm going to sound like a bit of a dickhead but I remember maybe it's because I have a podcast called The Breakup Diet but Ilma and myself my all co-hosts we used to talk about me being single that's not to say that I didn't have a great relationship for the most part but I was kind of excited by that a little bit and not because I wanted to go shag loads of people and run about London town and go on loads of dates. Not that. It was more that I knew the relationship wasn't correct from the start, but I held on for so long, like I said at the start of this whole episode,

I held on so long as I was like, he hasn't necessarily done anything that wrong. And I remember crying on the plane back from France with my mom. And this was early on when we were first dating even. So like you do know is what I'm trying to get at. Is I remember crying on crying on the plane. And my mom's like, why are you crying? And I'm like, oh, he's such a nice guy. I just don't think he's my guy.

And that moment really stuck with me because fast forward two years, we obviously broke up and I knew. I knew from back at the very start that he, wasn't my person. Back to the point of fantasizing being single. Like if you're out and you're always thinking other people are attractive, like obviously you can be in a relationship and think that somebody else is attractive. I don't think that's bad. But if you're always thinking other people are super attractive and like more than just, oh, that's a good looking guy or that's a good looking girl, then break up with your partner. Do it. Or is you're thinking like, I want to move here?

thing that I did that I think shows that I should have been single earlier is I was always thinking about my life and what I wanted to do. Like I know that I wanted to move to a different country or do something like that even for a set amount of time and that that would really excite me. But when I thought about it, I didn't think I was doing it with my partner. And you hear a lot of the time people will move to different countries and not even ask their partner. And I think if you don't really see your partner moving with you, somewhere because you want to experience a city all by yourself, then you're probably in the wrong relationship. My last point about a reason you should break up with your boyfriend is if you're waiting

for your boyfriend to break up with you first. I get it. It's so hard to have a breakup and it's so not fun to be the bad guy, especially if you're breaking up with somebody that isn't a bad person or hasn't done something necessarily wrong. Imagine how horrible it would be if you were like thinking about leaving your partner and that person knew about it too, but they were just like, oh, I'm waiting for them to do it. And then also you get such a bad ending of a relationship when that happens because you start to pick fights, you start to put in left's effort, you start to like distance yourself from that person. So your actual relationship with the two people becomes so much more toxic and horrible than if you are just the like bad person straight away like as soon as you're feeling like this isn't the right

the relationship like i want to break up with them break up with them and then i honestly think you have a better chance of maybe even being friends or having a better remembrance of that relationship after then if you go through this like weird few months period where you're distancing yourself you're putting in less effort it just makes the relationship so horrible and toxic But I have a little quiz for you guys that I want you to take. It's like a little test. You can't think about your answers. You just have to say what comes to your head straight away. So don't think just answer. If nothing changed about him, would I marry him? Question two. Do I actually look forward to seeing him?

Question three. Can I completely be myself around him? Question four, do I respect him? Question five, does he respect me? Question six, do I feel emotionally safe telling him what I need? I can't remember what number I'm on. Am I attracted to him? Do our futures actually match? Would I want my best friend to stay in a relationship like mine?

Question nine, if I knew for certain I'd meet somebody else eventually, would I be scared to leave this relationship? Anyway, thank you so much for listening to this episode. And my thoughts and prayers and vibes are all with you all. If you are having any of these reasons, you should not be feeling like you can't tell your partner or anything, that you're shrinking, that you're being his mom, that you're not having a partner, feeling lonely. You will feel, I promise you, so much better.

Maybe not straight away, but so much better. down the line because sometimes a relationship isn't about choosing this man or that man is about choosing yourself.