The Break-Up Diet - Am I still in love with my ex Benny Jeee.....

Episode Date: December 5, 2024

What happens when the person you thought would be your forever walks away just days after celebrating a major milestone? That’s exactly what happened to me, and in this episode, I sit down with my ex, Benny, to relive the whirlwind of our breakup. Together, we confront the emotional chaos, the selfish decisions, and the bittersweet sadness that surrounded our separation. From attempted self-sabotage to the unexpected timing of the breakup, this raw and honest conversation is a rollercoaster of laughs, tears, and unresolved feelings.Breaking up is sometimes the best thing that can happen to you, and Benny and I are living proof of that. We delve into how ending our relationship became a turning point for personal growth and newfound ambitions. I became more physically fit and driven, while Benny found mental clarity and freedom that helped him excel both personally and professionally. We also debate the societal norms surrounding breakups, the need for alone time, and the often stark differences in how men and women navigate the post-breakup landscape.Relationships after divorce are a minefield of evolving priorities and societal expectations, and Benny and I tackle these head-on. We talk about the pressures of maintaining traditional partnership roles while desiring independence and personal freedom. And as we navigate our way through post-breakup friendship, we explore the complexities of moving from romantic partners to platonic friends. This episode is a candid exploration of the emotional highs and lows of breakup recovery, personal transformations, and the enduring search for happiness and fulfillment. Buckle up, because it’s going to be a revealing and emotional ride.Send us a textInstagram:@the_breakup_dietTikTok:@thebreakupdietEmail: [e-mail]

okay i'm here with my ex not my ex-husband but the one that dumped me two days after my divorce party i need to introduce myself yes hello my guess yes i'm benny i'm ilmsy's ex and i dumped her after the divorce party because i thought it was the right thing to do because i didn't want to ruin her party and i think i'm a moral boy but i guess we're gonna talk it out aren't we we are we are i have so many questions to ask whoa i'm honored i'm honored to be sat so close to you again really yeah do you want to get back with me maybe really yeah buckle up bitches it's gonna get bumpy this is the breakup diet okay all right all right the episode's gonna be good guys that's gonna be good i was really

nervous because you know i haven't seen him in ages i slid into his dm being like hey do you want to be in my podcast you know you say podcast like you say it like p o d k a r s t because i'm australian yeah it reminds me of my dad really because your dad's australian no because he's south african oh we're all the same yeah you are okay daddy normally I call you daddy okay I want to go back to the breakup no sorry I'm just excited to be here okay so I had a feeling you were gonna dump me in that last month we were together and i would try and get you to dump me either i would like self-sabotage or like run away from you like physically run away from him or did you yeah remember that time i stayed over i just ran i was like sorry i can't stay here anymore yeah but that's because

you thought you had an std no no that was the no that was a separate time so what was this time do you remember it was like the last time we like stayed over at yours i stayed over i can't remember that's crazy okay men men right so i tried to get you to break up with me on the week off the divorce party a couple of days why didn't you just break up with me well because i wasn't sure i still wanted to be with you i still want to be with you to this day but gotta change my answering machine now that i'm sorry we'll save it for later then just interrupt holy shit okay as i was saying i tried to get you to dump me two days before and you were like no no no like when we see each other the party's gonna be fine they'll be fine and then it wasn't two days after you show up with

a bag of all my stuff from yours are you gonna cry no it's traumatizing because like i'm like oh like he's coming over we're gonna have sex and you know my friends were over and i'm like oh guys like benny's coming around so i'm gonna be busy um he comes here with like a bag of all my stuff, my straightener, my lotion, etc, etc. And I'm like, what? What's going on? And then he dumped me. Are you gonna cry? Don't ask me that, Suzy, stop asking me that.

I don't want you to cry, I feel bad. Well, don't feel bad, I'm being really theatrical. Okay. Okay, so then you dumped me what the fuck it's funny to think about well i think towards the end because our relationship was that mega mega mega intense because it was like doing heroin it was really amazing but it was all consuming so when when it got a bit too much for me and then my life as me was suffering i thought i actually need to end it but then the last few times that i saw you like at carnival and stuff

we'd have like the best time i'm gonna be like whoa because we had such a good time but then there wasn't like another moment to save it really so i just thought fuck it i've got to go do it and then i came around with all the stuff it was very sad i was very nervous that's like one of the only few times i've been nervous in my life it was very sad it was so sad i know with the tesco the straight news are a bit shit though i didn't want them in my gaff the purple ones so it's our us yeah but it was a sad day i just think it was so selfish of you to do it after my divorce party if you knew if you were at my divorce party knowing that you were gonna dump me i introduced you to so many of my family friends as my boyfriend do you know how embarrassing that is for me and then i made you like a little sash that said husband number two yeah do you know how embarrassing that is for me and then i made you like a little sash that said

husband number two yeah do you know how embarrassing that is for me but if you if you tried to get me to dump you then why were you making a sash for me because i was trying to um save the relationship yeah yeah yeah you're living in fufu land like it just it wasn't the one anymore but there was no nice time to do a breakup you would have hated me if i did it before the divorce party no i think it would have been like oh that's so funny divorce and a breakup like double celebration yeah and then you would have got hammered and then you would have that you would have been so upset after when you were hungover because exactly exactly so like there was there was no i didn't like wake up next year i thought like at my divorce party i'd wake up next year the morning after i know but you were like being

sick on the floor so you just left me all by myself no no i took care of you if i vomited during my sleep there was no one home no i took care of you and I put you to bed and I put you on your side and I held your hair back whilst you were sick. I would do that even for my friend. So, you can't make me a villain with that one, but there was no nice time to do a break up. So you agree you're a villain? You're the villain. I'm not

the villain. She's just really sexy so she gets away with it. You're like Megan Fox in Jennifer's Body. Oh. Eat me. Do you want me to i'm halal okay so this podcast is called the breakup diet and it's been semi-inspired by our breakup so after our breakup i became more focused on the gym ambitious dare i say i've become hotter after you dumped me which is amazing because you didn't get to experience me at my hottest we still are so you think you've gone downhill no no i'm saying that i've gotten so much hotter

since you've ever been with me oh yeah, that's true. I agree. Yeah. So you haven't had me at my hottest, which is really, really nice. You haven't had me at my hottest, which is really nice. That's why it's called the breakup diet. Yeah, yeah. You glow up. You become more focused on your own personal stuff. What is the breakup diet for men?

For you? What was it like for you? Yeah. It was amazing. Really? Yeah. I felt very free because I felt guilty that with us at the end, it wasn't what you wanted.

And the fact that you have to see me once a week and i couldn't even commit to that showed that i was a bit fucked up at the time so um after it i felt very free it was sad when i did it on the day and then like a couple days after but then i was relieved and then everything really benefited really like i could focus more on my work um like I was going out more and I just felt very free so it actually helped me and started going to the gym more instead of staying in bed with you because you obviously are better than a workout but overall for me yeah a workout is probably better so you said you've gone hotter so have i which i have to agree with they were looked down um and yeah everything benefited my work i was getting more

jobs um like i hate talking about views and stuff but it's important for work and i've got more views and because i could think clearly and got more work because of it and and yeah and gym helped me even just have like a good mental baseline so so we're gonna get back together then we're not if you're gonna we're both too ambitious people so we're not gonna get back together I think I think that yeah it just it it really helped me and I was ready to put you behind but it I was I know but it was hard because obviously you're a great person and you're like 11 out of 10 so everyone got compared to you who I kissed after because obviously I've not slept with anyone else because I'm an angel um but everyone I kissed after um you know it that was a bit annoying okay that's

really strange so you broke up with me because you wanted to be alone why would you need to like throw yourself to other girls well i'm meant to just sit in my room and have loads of wanks and be alone you said you wanted to be alone bonking someone is different from being in a relationship with them but you're still that's still time it's not the same yes it is with me the only issue with us was have the expectation that i felt even when you gave me minimal i still felt it you know and it was like a personal that's crazy so all i would ask is let's hang out once a week because I'm busy too. And then you're like, oh, I want to be completely alone. And then you go dating a guest, which kind of defeats the purpose of being alone. I don't understand that. And this is not just a you thing. This is like a man thing. When men say they want to be alone, they just throw themselves in a million women, which is like you wanted to be alone and is that not more time consuming like the actual time it takes to shag multiple people is that not more i've not shagged anyone i've not

put some angel wings in me on this edit and a little halo um so it's different i let me i've got to speak for myself and me dating someone or seeing them is different from me being with them and then there's like no expectations okay what makes it different because the time is still the same it's still time being consumed out of your alone time that you wanted because it's more like you see them and it's done when you like someone you don't see them and it's done you see them then you text them then you plan the next thing even if it is only once a week it still happens you know what i mean so so it's the extra 20 seconds of texting that was overwhelming to you it was just that we called

that we were together and we called it a relationship which in my brain made everything different and that's why i didn't like at the end but it's just a word i know but i'm fragile i'm gen z i'm gen z too but it's just a word i thought you're a millennial um it's just a word look i've only ever had one proper girlfriend before you so i didn't know like what i was doing it was my first year working for myself so my second ever proper girlfriend and that's just the truth and that's how i was feeling but i'm sorry no that makes. I was hoping to get a more clearer answer, not just from you, but like on behalf of all men. Really? Firstly, I don't represent all men.

Okay, what's the point of you being here? I don't represent all men because obviously I don't think like that, but I still am a boy. So there are some things that boys constantly do that I know girls get annoyed about and you know men are just trash and i'd advise any girl listening or watching this to just be a lesbian because women are so much better i actually mean that from the bottom of my heart like if you were

into that i would say just be a full leather i know but men have all the money and the dick which you need sometimes to calm you down i know you're getting your head okay so in the context of a relationship where do you see yourself in the next 10 years i like that you did that with your hand did you know you're doing that no classic um very italian can you answer my question yes i just love you um so i think as you get older you know when you're a bit younger you have this nice idea of a family and everything but i've like i've realized what i care most about is my work and because i have to do it all myself i i really don't think i'll be in any form of relationship for quite a long time but 10 years is a long time i think it's fine for a boy because you change you know you do change as you get older you think uh i want to be single

forever i'm going to party forever but you do change but right now i can't envision myself in like any relationship oh thanks and and also as i get older the idea of kids it gets scarier because i've seen how it changed people's lives and my sister is 29 and her friends are having kids and the whole life changes and she's like are you gonna come out with us and they're like no firstly you can't even i didn't know this you can't give a kid a babysitter straight away you have to like be there as a parent which is a fucking ball ache and the second thing is like then as you as you do get older then you do have to sort of babysit which is another ball okay that's kids but in terms of a partnership with another woman no really not for a long long long time same have i scared you off no what has that i'm not trying to get back with you

but i will take you back really i actually would really. But it has to be no... Do I fold? I would, but with no commitments. It has to be like... What does that mean? So you want basically me, but then you want everyone else. Yeah, but you'll always be my number one because you're 11 out of 10. I'm a great person.

See, I don't understand. You found the perfect woman, 11 out of 10. What else are you looking for? Focus on your wife. My work has been doing bits. I'm very happy. Yes, I don't understand. This is not just you, Finn.

Yeah. Other men too. Yeah. They find the most perfect woman and they're still yearning for more. Okay, fine. What else are you searching for? Fine, do you want to marry me then? No, but I'm just asking. What else are you searching for? Do you want to marry me then?

No, but I'm just asking. What else are you looking for? I think men need they need to feel fully free. Go to war! It's like the opposite of being free. I think men need to feel fully free. Free from what?

I think in the modern era from commitments. I told you men are a letdown and that's why you should be a lesbian. But that's the truth. Speaking for boys and the ones that I know, they just need to feel fully free. But then

men wouldn't want us to do the same thing. Well, personally, I actually would encourage it but i know a lot of guys wouldn't which is bad and i can agree with you on that but me personally like go live your best life but why is the best life getting with multiple people it's not even that you have to get multiple people it's just like the no expectations on you is very freeing and that's why i was so much happier after we ended because i had no expectations and in your head you're like all i wanted to do was see you once a week yeah i don't like you ask for much this is how am i being made to feel like i was asking for a lot back yeah you weren't i know that you weren't but it was just the expectation, even that small level. It just didn't agree with me.

Because I'm a free spirit. You're just a selfish person. No, I think... Because it's the same with my head. You're telling me I'm the most perfect woman, 11 out of 10, but then you're still searching for more. Well, I just want to feel fully free. i won't say i'm searching for more and i think that's important is to feel fully free

it's not what i want to hear i'm sorry it is though it is like feeling fully free is is so important i think there's so much pressure in the modern world you know you have to date you have to do this blah blah blah i think regardless of dating i think if you can feel fully free then then you're on to what are you trying to feel free from and like attachment and people having expectations of you which you do when you're with someone no that is true yeah you have been married to fatty hello fatty i hope you see this um hope you're not stuck in ice somewhere blobbing along um i i just there's just a lot of pressure with everything that's why the modern relationship really struggles i think in today's world and regardless i'm sorry it only struggles because men

are just selfish pricks they are they are i'm saying it the facts of how it is but to girls it just like comes across as selfish which is true and that's just two sides of the coin isn't it this makes me actually want to be celibate for the rest of my life. Well, if it makes you happy, then I would encourage it. Why not? Yeah, because it's not like I'm...

Put a lock on your nun. Yeah. Really? A nice Bengali lock? Yeah. Whoa. That's quite hot. No one's got access to me anyway because of shit like this. This is just pathetic. Aw. So men do this stuff, and then there's this epidemic of men being so lonely,

blah, blah, blah. It's like, what do you guys want? No, I think men are obviously, they're just weaker than girls, aren't they? That's why you can't understand that feeling free is so important because men are weaker than girls so they think about things differently you know what i mean a girl is more likely to on her side to uphold a strong relationship and still do well in other things in life you know men are fragile and pathetic so like if one thing goes wrong it affects everything but a girl's not like that they just get on with it

you know what i mean no i completely get it it's just really like angering me i can feel angry tears like blowing out of my eyes so you guys want to be free but then you complain about being so lonely i don't get it well i personally don't complain about being lonely it's like more like news articles yeah yeah i'm the highest suicide rates in men yeah yeah so so what now no this has been like such a big bombshell to me because obviously you know i'm divorced and navigating this life as a single woman post divorce dating relationships this whole idea of forever is not there anymore so what happens now do i date for just now and not for the long term because men just don't care and they want to be free

but then if i don't date and i'm being celibate i'm missing out because this is my prime and then no one's gonna want me when i'm 40 and saggy so what i don't think you're gonna be saggy when you're 40 i think you also know that you're gonna be laying up for it i know but you've got to relate to everyone okay you're not answering my question so what now if there's no forever with men what do we do now this is scary maybe i should just i should have just been in my shitty marriage i was gonna say maybe at least i should have just been in my shitty marriage. I was going to say maybe. At least I would have been with someone who had a partner. You should have

stayed with the Norwegian. I should have just stuck it out. The Norwegian cruise liner. Chugging along. Okay. Are we scared now? Are you? Are you lost? Yes. My best advice is well you just have to try what works for you really because i feel like men ultimately not

in every case so i can't say ultimately but in nearly every case will let you down but you see enough flourishing relationships are just harder to find. So you just have to hope that one comes along. But, you know, my sister and all her mates have been in long-term relationships and they're married with kids and they love each other a lot. So... I hate that it's not up to me, though. I hate that it's up to the man. It's not up to the man as well.

It is because if I'm with a man that's always seeking for fucking freedom i'm never gonna have that forever with him that i want aka what i've experienced with you say again what do you mean did you miss that yeah basically i was saying shit i think i forgot to something about man no so basically the the whole idea of finding my forever is beyond my control it's up to the man it's not up to the man yes it is if the man's always looking for freedom say with you but not when they get that forever that i wanted to say with you yeah but but there's not all guys are not like that I know but then most men aren't and I can't change them

I can't change them also like as my dad said if my auntie had boys she'd be my uncle like it's just a fact of life you know what I mean are you happier after we ended um no I think I might cry not really

it's made me so confused really yeah it's just like you it's that is this gonna be my life now oh where it's just short-term relationship short-term relationship and no forever or no like i like, one time in the year. I know, but you've only had, like, two proper relationships. You've had the Norwegian cruise liner. And then you had me. So how are you basing your future off two relationships?

Yaz never makes me cry on podcasts. Really? No. Well, I'm sorry I'm not Yaz. Yaz is cuter than me. She is's so cute love you yaz um well you've only had two relationships so you can't base it off that one was a marriage which was complete custard brain behavior because you're in bright lights because you're from the most isolated city in the world so you're living your london dream and you got your head house pre-frontal development as well yeah yeah you go and and then and and then the sardine muncher got you a helicopter so obviously you're like wow i need to marry that

you know what i mean and then that ended and then you met me and it was great it was just the end what wasn't great so i don't know how you're saying is my really my life going to be actually your pattern would be another marriage next before your next short-term relationship so you're talking about all these theoretical things that that like you know that's not how relationships work people turn up in your life and it goes a certain way there's not like a repeated pattern you know yeah that's true i think i'm just feeling very hopeless and this might be because this is like the first time in six years where i've been properly properly single well you've gone like this is the sexiest that you've ever been as well

so don't be with men, otherwise I'll be ugly? No. Men do take my beauty away. No, they don't. I just think that you hadn't probably been single, so you didn't... It's good practice. Yeah, well...

Yeah, you have to... I'm normal and healed now. Surely, like, we can just get back to normal. It's just getting boring now i love the breakup diet i really do that means it'll be the final episode the relationship diet he hasn't got he hasn't got a boyfriend as well yeah and you both be with jews collecting us my little Shoes. Collecting gloves. My little nut. You want to get back together?

I'll have to have a think about it. What's there to think about? You literally said I'm the most perfect woman and I'm 11 out of 10. What's there to think about? Because the male brain is all effed up. Oh, you know what? Well, let's just leave it it i don't want to get back with you this entire discussion i really thought that it would ignite feelings back now i'm like

you know what if men are this complicated battling their demons between freedom and loneliness do i actually care for it now whoa oh the The tea is five minutes ago. Allow it. Holy shit. Okay. I like when you go all on it and say, allow it. All right. Now that I've decided that I don't want to get back together.

So you decided. I've decided. Yeah. Okay. She decided. Do you think we could ever be friends you and I 100%

like actual platonic friends 100% with a weird like sexual tension 100% really yeah you'd probably like I'd have to take you to Turkey

for facial reconstruction though because like God has made my perfect woman which is you so then how would you be friends with me in a platonic way if i'm the most perfect woman for you i probably just have to have eight wanks before any coffee date um i don't know if i if i saw you more as friends and i got used to it over time and i forced myself not to do anything then

I think that would be good practice and then yeah but it would be difficult to get there because you've got such nice boobs no it's because you've got feelings yeah obviously but you are great as well so

we could get there but it would be quite a long journey i think oh everything's a journey i know getting back together now even being platonic friends is that too much to ask for now benny so yeah unfortunately, is a journey for men because men are weak. Okay. Alright. Saz. I've just not been getting the answers I've been looking for. Bye.