The Break-Up Diet - Am I wasting my time in a rebound relationship?!

Episode Date: November 28, 2024

Ever wondered why we often seek a rebound during the frosty months of cuffing season? As we navigate the emotional labyrinth of post-breakup life, "The Breakup Diet" returns with stories of surviving winter's loneliness. We unpack the science and silliness behind choosing a rebound partner—be it a mysterious stranger or a familiar face from your ex's circle. With humor and honesty, we reflect on how easy it is to get burned when seeking warmth in new arms and how, surprisingly, these rebounds can become a path to self-discovery and growth.Does the allure of casual flings really make dating more exciting, or is it just a facade? Our candid conversation explores social media strategies designed to provoke jealousy, the potential of a casual connection evolving into something more substantial, and the common letdowns when rebounds don't measure up to past partners. Sharing our blunders and breakthroughs, we offer insights into managing expectations and emotions in this wild rebound journey. It's a rollercoaster ride filled with laughs and a few tears, but one that promises relatable advice for the heartbroken.In a world where casual relationships are often hailed as "cool," we dig into the reality behind this mindset and the challenges of turning rebounds into lasting friendships. From dating apps to trendy social spots, we reveal strategies for finding a rebound that fits your lifestyle without overcomplicating your heartstrings. Introducing the idea of a "rebound diet," we advocate for a healthy balance and clear communication to enjoy the benefits of a rebound minus the drama. This episode is a humorous yet heartfelt guide to navigating the rocky terrain of rebounds, encouraging listeners to embrace growth and look forward to new beginnings.Send us a textInstagram:@the_breakup_dietTikTok:@thebreakupdietEmail: [e-mail]

Hey guys, how's it going? Welcome back to The Breakup Diet. Hope you haven't gone anywhere, the diet still continues. I'm wondering, have you ever had a rebound relationship? I can't lie, I am kind of digging through the X-Files in the inbox. Yeah, obviously, when it gets colder, you just, you know, it's cuffing season, you've got to find someone. Well, you don't have to, but you feel like you do. Yeah. Because you don't have to, but you feel like you do. Yeah. Because you don't want to, like, brave the winter alone. I've done that.

I've done that last winter, and I literally had to go on the strongest SSRI possible because it's horrible. I'm not trying to scare people. Buckle up, bitches. This is going to get bumpy. This is the breakup diet. You ever done a single winter? Yeah.

How was it? Rough, you know, but I got used to it. You know, you know what's coming, you brace yourself. You go on cute trips to like Soho Farmhouse with your girlfriend, that kind of vibe. Okay, that is fun. I love my girlfriends, but it'd be fun to go with an ex. Yeah, it would be fun to go with an ex.

Is that not what we mean by rebound? No, rebound means like if you're out of a, so you have a breakup, right? And then you have a relationship straight after your breakup when you're not really quite healed oh interesting you know it doesn't have to be it could be with a stranger it could be with somebody you know could it be with my ex who dumped me don't think that you should do it with him but it could be but i don't think that's a rebound because you're not rebounded from him. Like, you still love him. That's for another episode. Yeah.

Okay, Elma, what do you think a rebound relationship is? I think a rebound is when you're avoiding the inevitable, when you're trying to not be alone, keep your mind occupied from your ex, moving to the next, till it, I don't know. Sometimes rebounds can, like, go one way or the other. If it's good, amazing, you're in a new relationship. If it's bad, you're single again. You've got to think about two exes that you lost.

Yeah, I feel like rebound can sometimes hurt more because it's like you don't expect them to hurt you because you're so hung up on your ex and then when you enter in trying to be all cool and casual and then you get hurt by your rebound you're like it's double whammy you're like back to back pain. You have to acknowledge how messed up you are from the first relationship. And then the second one. Yeah. So you're doubly left alone. But it can be fun, right?

Yeah. I've had some really great rebounds to the point that it ended me up in another relationship. And when that ended, yes, I i was messed up this was shortly after my divorce i thought okay this guy just a couple of months not even a couple of months maybe a couple of weeks you know just some just something to take my mind off and then that went on for 10 months then he ducked me dealing with a divorce and an ex-boyfriend yeah in the same winter oh on top of that a best friend breakup so three of those in the one winter i'm telling you this cuffing season i'm gonna be on the rebound hunt i'm gonna trying to get cuffed i don't think you have to be on the rebound hunt i feel like try to get cuffed i don't think you'd have to be on the rebound hunt

i feel like you've healed or have you not healed i'm not sure we're gonna find out with the next relationship so say you've just broken up with your boyfriend and you're on the hunt for a rebound right you're out in london on the hunt for a rebound should it be a stranger or should it be somebody within circles so that it gets back to your ex what do you think depends on how messy i'm feeling if my ex did me dirty i would honestly just rebound with his best friend men are so easy they don't have bro codes i would do that if i hated my ex why would would you hate him? Say he cheated on me. Okay, then you're going to go straight in with the best friend.

Yeah. Hit him where it hurts. No bro code. Yeah, no bro code. What's mine is yours, baby. I think the dream fantasy rebound would be your ex's favourite rapper or footballer. Yeah, because, yeah, that would be good that would be good then you could just like hit him with that and they'd be like because i don't think men care

as much about good looks like they could be like oh he's good looking but meh whereas like say i broke up with my boyfriend if i saw he went out with somebody better like way better looking that i thought was just like the supermodel i'd be like shit i feel like men go for status yeah a hundred percent status is everything to them so hit it where it hurts yeah okay so you were going on about the hot rebound if your ex allegedly went for a hot rebound how would you feel if she was ugly you know i don't know how to feel because one half i'm like haha i'm better looking in the other half i'm like oh that now makes his like like his value go down so then i'm looking at him and i'm like, I dated somebody that dates ugly people. Am I ugly?

Yeah, I think because of that, I wouldn't mind if the girl was hotter. It would hurt. No, no, no, no, no, no. It would hurt. No, we want them to be like mildly less. Mildly less. Okay, how would you feel if they looked exactly like you? I'd be like, do you want to just get another carbon copy of me? If the ex's new girlfriends look like you, do you think that's an upgrade?

No. It depends on their status. Then I go into status. Then I'm like, are they cooler than me? Dude, not possible. Not possible. I work with you. It can't be possible.

What do you think the difference is between a rebound and just casually dating because like could your last one be a casually dating situation or is it a rebound it was definitely a rebound because i was too scared to be alone so the people that i would see now i would say casually dating but i'm not seeing anyone and i think every episode i bring this up yes when are you are you going to set me up? I told you it's coming. You know it's coming. You know it's coming. Don't even act like you don't.

You're like asking me, trying to probe me when you know I've done it. I'm just trying to get more information out of it. I've done the groundwork. It's for you to bring it home. So the ball, balls, literally is on my court the balls are in your court wow i'll be juggling yes i'll be juggling them if you're still stalking your ex's social does it mean you're not ready for a rebound i think that's a perfect time for a rebound you're obviously still got your ex in your head,

but you need to get him out of your head. And the way to get him out of your head is to get in somebody else's head. Okay. Who here has pretended to be on a rebound date to make their ex jealous? What? Wait, this kind of behavior I expect from me, but not from you. obviously well obviously i have i feel like most people have wait what did you do was it on insta what well yeah like you gotta the reason i feel like i could give advice on this topic is because i have done some questionable things like i have posted a story or like you know dropped in conversation that I was

on a date with somebody else so what would you post on your socials like nothing to bait like maybe just like an arm or something but I don't like that and don't do that I think that's bad like I don't agree with that now I think that that that's so obvious, but I have done it. Have you done it? Well, I've done it for Valentine's Day this year. Shut up. Yeah. Valentine's Day is like next level.

That's the big leagues. You're doing it for the big leagues. You're like, fake it till you make it. Oh, and I faked it for sure. Basically, I was like to my friend you know terry yeah yeah yeah so we were going to organize a cute dinner and i said why don't we do it the night before valentine's day i get some content out of it and he's like okay yeah let's do it and i suggested to get pasta and he said no no no get sushi it's a more realistic sexy takeaway meal and i'm like

okay fair i get it that's giving like new york even though it's just sushi new york businessman you know some sexy international man and then i said hey babe can you put a watch on that's that's bad no that that i get the vision keep going he had his um he was in his pajamas and then i basically get him to put his arm out get the watch get his hands with the chopsticks and the sushi posted it it got seen by the person who needed to see it do you think it works did you get any like follow-up from that not from the, but it was extremely validating that he saw that. That's all I needed. Yeah, but that's the thing.

When you do, like you post a rebound, I feel like they might see it, but not actually see it. You know when you like quickly go past a story or something. And just tap through it. You know, that's why I feel like to be more proactive, you've got to go the step further and you've got to drop it in conversation or get your friend to drop it in conversation to one of their friends oh that's dirty but what would happen if you're not friends with his friend that social media is it yeah get your gay friend to wear his rollie yeah

your hot gay friend yeah oh exactly the way they're built can make any straight man jealous. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Have you ever caught feelings for a rebound? Oh, my God, yes. My stupid ex, he was meant to be just a post-divorce rebound. In it for 10 months and then got dumped two days after my divorce party. Did it hurt double because it was like, you're rebound, you dirty so that's like on top they shouldn't be allowed to that's the thing with a rebound i think you have to like go into it so emotionally unavailable that it can't hurt you

that's the thing we completely both of us we both spelt it out saying, let's not fall in love. I told him I came out of a really serious marriage. So I'm not looking for anything. Somehow when you say that you're not looking for anything, they come find you and you just get wrapped up in this crazy romance. So from rebound to romance and then to get dumped and you're fully alone and you realize whoa i'm single for the first time in six years damn that's never happened to me rebound to romance i don't even get to the romance part i get dropped off before then you're in the romance now shut up yeah that's that's one that didn't start But that wasn't a rebound. True. Very different. Respectfully.

So, you know, what's the difference now for you? Would you be going into a rebound relationship or would you be casual dating? Okay, so I did go on multiple rebounds after, can I just say his name? Benny. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure you can. Yeah. Okay, so after Benny, i had rebound dating phase and it was just terrible because my ex and i we both have really similar personalities he's very upbeat and hyper like me so all the people that i dated after they were so boring in comparison yeah i was

just about to say there's nothing worse than a boring rebound. At least if you're going to get a rebound and you've got to put yourself through that trauma, you might as well go for somebody funny. Yeah, so we dated for three weeks, found his personality absolutely boring, but I just thought, you know what? Lives downstairs, easy. And then, and then, he dumps me on New Year's Day. Why? It's bad as it is to get dumped by someone you don't like, who you didn't even want to begin with, really. And then on New

Year's Day, and it's for the dumbest reason ever, Yaz, you're gonna die. I hosted a little New Year's Eve party and he was pissed off that I didn't want to go downstairs after. That's so petty. That is so petty. But also, isn't it a dumb thing if he wasn't your boyfriend though? No, he wasn't.

But he was like, can I come around? I need to have a conversation with you. And I had my door double locked because I did not want to see or speak to this man. And I said, just text me, please, what is it? And he goes, what you did last night was disrespectful. I didn't enjoy being treated like that.

Because you didn't want to go down to his New Year's Eve party. Why are you, like? I was hosting something and he thought I was going to ditch my friends to just go downstairs. I know this boy is giving the opposite of big dick energy. What's the opposite? Shrivel dick energy. Shrimp dick energy.

Shrimp dick energy to interact. Ew. That was too far. That's the proof. Anyway. Jade. The worst rebound ever, Yaz. So did it help you, though, get through your, you know,

who you're rebounding from? Did it help at all? Or did it just prolong the inevitable and make you more sad and more angry because you got all this more, like, frustration? Definitely made me even more pissed even more like sad that i'm alone the fact that i couldn't even find a fun rebound and to get dumped on new year's day that to me was just a sign for me to not to stay away from men and focus on my career yeah i get you i get you do you think that rebounds are like always destined to just to stay away from men and focus on my career. Yeah, I get you.

I get you. Do you think that rebounds are, like, always destined to just fail? I mean, I've had experience when it's ended horrifically, a.k.a. New Year's Eve, but then it also spiraled into a fun romance. When things were good with Benny it was amazing but when it ends even when it is good it hurts yeah so much more I think take me back to your single days have you had multiple rebounds at the same time I guess I kind of have because I've been on dates with lots of people even if it didn't go go through with anything else besides getting taken out to dinner, I definitely would have a few.

Because then if you're so spread out on these different dates, you can't get hurt by the one. That's actually so true. And you're healing anyway, so you might as well chat to all these people instead of just one. Run me back to your original point. So necessarily, do rebounds have to be this long i don't know a couple of weeks thing no i think a rebound should only be strictly if it's just a

rebound maybe two months and that's a max the max because you want him to get you distracted on the first you know couple months when you're like healing, trying to work through things, not feel so lonely, and then you let go. And when you let go, you let go of all the other past relationship, you let go of him, and then you're ready to find your perfect match. I love that. Okay, so with you saying that your rebounds were say one or two dates is that enough of a rebound do you feel to actually what be a good an actual rebound yeah for it to make you feel okay

fulfilled i'm out i'm single this is great just because i went on one or two dates with these people didn't mean i was feeling fulfilled like they're fucking boring that's the problem you're either gonna go for really fun but then really fun you get looped in really boring you can go on one or two dates and just be like well i wasn't alone but i wish i was alone i just feel like the boring ones make you feel the most discouraged from dating. Yeah, yeah, that's the worst. How do you know if a rebound is, like, unhealthy and it's not just, you know, that toxic lust? Oh, I think it would make it unhealthy if the boundaries were a bit blurred. Say if one person caught feelings and the other hasn't really disclosed their intention.

They haven't said that, hey, I'm not looking for anything serious. They haven't had that conversation. I think that makes it messy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I was thinking about, like, rebounds, right? How would you feel if you found out that you were somebody just somebody's rebound dead i would die i'd be so upset i'd be like ah

i didn't like you either it's like okay it's funny if i do it's ha ha he he if i do it but if it's done to me it's like are you like on crack like are you sure i'm wifey material not anymore no she is she has the certificate to prove it for it to be done to me it's like who do you think i am some two-dollar bitch from the street fuck out of here yeah but if I did it to you you deserved it if we did it to men it's like girl boss powerful feminism it's cool encouraged

the breakup diet encourages it so do you think that if somebody is broken up with the best thing to do is get a rebound or what do you think the best thing to do is so I think I'll answer the best thing to do is get a rebound? Or what do you think the best thing to do is? So I think, I'll answer it. I'll answer my own question.

I think that a rebound is crucial if you've had a toxic relationship, but if you've had a healthy one, don't have a rebound because if the rebound goes badly, you'll just be way more sad about your ex because you actually had a good time i attest to that it makes sense right genuinely because it's like if the toxic it's already toxic so if he treats you badly you know you're already used to the toxicity you're already you're swimming in the same waters but i think when the relationship was so toxic the rebounds become fun because you just feel so free nothing's toxic anymore you're just telling people hey

i got out of a shit situation let's just keep it chill and chances are the man's gonna be all right with it historically for me it has yeah i think so because men like to say that they don't like want anything serious even if they do i mean what is that what is that why is it considered cool it is because that that's what it must be it must be considered cool to be casual i don't think that's cool I think it's just lame because your hairline's receding, brother. Genuinely, why are you 28 with a receding hairline saying you're looking for something casual? Yeah, like, why are you looking for something casual? Your sperm quality's going down, brother.

Why call everyone brother? Have you ever had a rebound where it's turned into a friendship a super platonic you guys are mates now i don't think that you can really be friends with anybody that you've been with really i don't know if you want it it's a bit awkward because you never know if one of you get a bit drunk or something i think you can be friendly with them and you can do passing of like hi bye have general chit chat you know surface level but i don't think you can be core core friends because where's the boundary and also it's fine before you've crossed the line but then after i don't think it's fine completely agree and it's so strange with rebound and friends how would it even get to that

rebound to friends yeah i mean i feel like that's something if you really both weren't in it okay yeah that actually does make sense so maybe a couple of dates and like each other as people but not in that level yeah actually yeah so maybe you could have a rebound and then not have anything sexually basically and then it's just a friend yeah yeah so basically you go on a couple of dates nothing's happened so it's been platonic from the start the thing is with ever my rebounds after that it just would have ended you know you go on the dates even if you find it's just platonic you know from those dates and then it just goes because you have to they ask you out again and you're like sorry i'm just starting the right headspace i said that so what you say never ask any questions Perfect. It says everything without saying anything.

Yes. He's like, what headspace? Can I help? And I'm thinking, nope, you can't. Cool. Yeah. See ya. Yeah, the perfect way to end a rebound would be to say it's a you problem,

basically, and then they can't ask any more out of it without a ghost, because I don't like ghosting, to be honest. Bang. So this is more, I guess, for me and for all the single people out there. What are some tips of finding a rebound? So I think if you're not finding them on socials i'd be finding them on well dating apps obviously to be honest pure dating apps like raya tinder hinge or i'd be going out to like hotels actually hotel lobbies but like cool hotels like the addition one hotel that kind of vibe hot because like the addition yeah the addition sorry i cut you off the

addition and the one hotel is like you're taking this stuff international you know those la new york businessmen bang i'm sorry where have you been because i've never done this before i don't know i keep my secrets to myself well you need to start spilling it's for the diet where in the hotel is it at the bars at the hotel yeah like they're they're late bars though oh my god that sounds actually dms yeah yeah i get you what if hypothetically my dream man is some quiet finance bro super quiet humble isn't in this creative world like us where would i hypothetically find them in person lulus really i've never been to lulus it looks really pretty from pictures

yeah yeah it's fun that any finance bro you want is in lulus interesting and you're saying that you don't want one with that's quiet i want one that's actually quiet that's not in the creative industry like us someone completely different out of this world and is just my just my supporter he's not my competition if that makes sense fair enough would you tell your rebound point blank that you're not over your ex hell no hell no that's between me myself and i and all my girlfriends i was very very curious for your answer because you're kind of unhinged. So I was thinking maybe you're going into the room being like, I still love Betty.

Oh, I'm not anymore. Who said that I'm still in love? How long do you think it is safe to keep a rebound before it's like a bit getting into the, you know, love zone. I think you'll feel it when it starts feeling a bit suffocating and when it's not serving you the way you wanted it to. Yeah.

You know, you've got that quick hit of validation, that dopamine rush. After that, if they're starting to have expectations on you if they bring up parents maybe even friends yeah i would take a step back yeah fair enough but then in reality i don't ever take steps back and i go yes i'll meet your mom yeah i'll meet your friends i'll come out that's what happened with my ex and I. Yeah, fair. I had no boundaries, even though I kept on telling him, oh, dude, this is going to be a chill, no pressure. But that just made it worse for you in the end, didn't it?

Oh. Yeah. Completely exploded in your face. Yeah. Cooked that one. So maybe you shouldn't give advice on it because you didn't follow the rebound protocol the rebound diet yeah the rebound diet is a strict two months max you know then you move on and be detached i

think that's the secret of a good secret source if you yeah the source that was within has to be detached oh but yeah i don't know i feel like if you're going through a breakup and now you're entering into your rebound era you know you gotta just keep detached and communicate yeah tell them what your expectations are ask for what their expectation is if it matches amazing have the best two months of your life and i'll see you at therapy after but how do you keep yourself unattached really because i don't think i could i couldn't yeah so we're saying keep yourself unattached and we can't take our own advice so that's what we want to do be better than us yes that's what we're trying to sell at the breakup diet be better than us