The Break-Up Diet - Breakup Secrets You NEED to Hear with Paige Moyce - Part 1

Episode Date: January 16, 2025

What if the path to healing after a breakup lies not in winning back an ex, but in winning back yourself? Join us as Paige Moyce, a seasoned Relationship and Breakup Coach, shares her journey from unhealthy attachments to emotional freedom. Through her powerful insights, Paige dismantles the myths surrounding the "no contact" rule and highlights the significance of personal growth and self-care. Her story is not just about endings, but about new beginnings—a tale of rediscovering happiness and security, step by step.We then venture into the labyrinth of toxic relationships, shedding light on the manipulation and boundary-breaking behaviors that often bind us. Through a candid personal narrative, we explore the challenges of breaking free from familiar yet damaging dynamics and how therapy can offer a vital perspective. Reality training emerges as a guiding light, empowering us to recognize patterns and move forward with clarity. This conversation is a reminder that acknowledging the truth is the first step toward emotional recovery and self-discovery.The episode rounds off with a deep dive into the intricacies of trust and communication in relationships. We explore the emotional baggage that follows betrayal and how understanding and patience can build a safe haven in new relationships. Highlighting the value of emotional intelligence, we discuss how partners can navigate differing communication styles and conflict resolution, fostering a harmonious connection. Whether you’re dealing with modern relationship challenges or learning to compromise in disagreements, this episode offers a roadmap to healthier and more fulfilling partnerships.Send us a textInstagram:@the_breakup_dietTikTok:@thebreakupdietEmail: [e-mail]

Hey guys, we've got the most amazing guest. I would say probably the most perfect guest we've had so far. Introducing Paige Moyes, Relationship and Breakup Coach. Oh, thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here, honestly. So excited. Thank you so much for coming on. Like, honestly, we need to get somebody with actual good advice.

Ilma and I are out here bullshitting. Let's be honest, I think, man, Yaz is in a really happy relationship. We need the expert. No, for sure. I feel like as well, there's so much out there. Like sometimes I see things and I'm like, oh my God, please don't tell me people are listening to that.

Like that's wild. Like what is going on like buckle up bitches it's gonna get bumpy this is the breakup diet and I mean everyone's gonna share their experience and that's great but yeah there is a way to do things that's going to make it like a million times easier so what's an example of that i'm curious like the whole go no contact to get your ex back disaster like walking talking disaster that is not going to happen if your ex comes back it's a coincidence playing that game like doesn't bring anyone actually back and if it does

how long is it going to be for before you have to play that game again to get them back i mean and you're going to i say this to every client like please don't expect to go into it and be perfect it's like a like a diet like like to expect perfection is wild you're not going to reach that bar and then when you don't you're going to beat yourself up and then you're going to look to them to comfort you then you're in that whole cycle of feeling like you need them so like except you may break it except you may say you know something to them that you're going to look back on and go why did i say that why did i do it i don't even feel that way like it was a moment of weakness or like emotion um and just take it literally day by day but definitely not doing it with like the idea of a game because it just always ends in disaster because human condition is not a game yeah and

then they end up playing a game back to you and then you're back on their chessboard so like you think you've got like them on yours but you you don't really in that situation because you're grieving and like any human that's grieving you just need to focus on you and not be yeah playing okay so what do you mean like when people say focus on you like yeah what does that mean it's so annoying isn't it when people say that you're like i i never used to paint but now i'm not it's the most frustrating thing so many clients will be like so i'm focusing on myself and i'm like so what are you doing they're like just thinking about myself and literally so i think like unpacking the relationship is really important because actually when you're doing that you you're healing, you're processing and without psychological processing, you can't heal.

You can't put it away. You know, it's a bit like a book. You have to read it from cover to cover before you can put it on the shelf. Like all the time you're like skipping chapters or avoiding chapters or repeating old chapters. You're never getting to the end. Like you're just sitting in the same loop. So I think really processing the relationship allows you to go, okay, you know, what responsibility am I going to take? That's probably going to give you things to work on, which means you're in turn focusing on yourself, but also you get to give some of the responsibility to them. And normally in a breakup, you're carrying far too much of it and so it's important to like healthily separate the kind of cloak of responsibility I call it um so that's really important but also like rebuilding what makes you happy and you might not know straight away like

what makes you happy what makes you calm what makes you feel safe what helps you feel soothed like there's all these different layers of who you are you're not always going to be happy but you can always make yourself feel safe and calm and wanted and content that would be so hard yeah and you're trying to feel you know happy or safe after especially if you went on that person like that person was your safety net or you felt supported by that person and then you lost them yeah so hard which is why like breaking it down is really important i always say to my clients like don't look at it as like one giant book just one chapter at a time like if you just start with safety and go let me just explore it like and see what comes of it like there might

be things that don't work that's fine but at least you've tried and you know that now um but also like not putting yourself under pressure to have it all figured out like get through the first stages of grief and then like tackle those things like don't try and do it all when you're like heartbroken not eating like don't then tackle like self-esteem in that as well like just just take your time and yeah then then you get there and how come you are a breakup and relationship coach have you had your own experience or yeah yeah for sure was it bad one which everyone's always like oh you must have been through hundreds i'm like no i actually only went through one but it was after a five-year relationship so it was like a heavy one and it was like my first what I thought was love I now know

was not love it was just a really unhealthy attachment but at the time we'd met when I was what 15 16 like you're at that age where you're a baby like you think this is you're gonna marry this person and you're that person that's like met them and that's it and then they're not it but you make them it and I think that was the mistake I made so when I went through that breakup I mean he cheated loads like tons but I didn't know until after I'd left and to this day I never confronted him on it so he didn't ever know I knew so closure did you get any yeah because I think I was I'd grieved while I was with him like I was slowly detaching in the last year thinking like this isn't right I don't trust you

you call me a psychopath like is any of this normal like and then I went into therapy and that was really helpful because it was like an impartial not like a friend or family member who didn't particularly like him anyway so when they'd say something I'd feel defensive whereas when it's someone that has no involvement like she's not gonna be saying anything unless she's witnessing that so I detached really slowly I actually remember the moment I thought this is done because he was like oh we should start looking at what we want to do for a house one day and I actually remember feeling sick I felt physically sick I thought oh my god I'd be in a house with you like and I don't trust you as far as I could throw you like

god help me I don't I don't want that so your body basically kind of told you yeah my nervous system now I know was like hell no this is not a safe person like what are you doing and so I ended it within like the week and you ended it yeah I ended it did you ever feel like it was a mistake or not because you took so long to come to that decision because for me I like just thinking about it if I took a long time to do it and you're thinking you know about the scenario so much and then you finally do it and then you're like oh my god have I just lost you know what I mean yeah for sure on the lead up yes because I think as well like brains are wired

for comfort and familiarity they're not wired for you to be happy like that's an active choice and that's why it feels so hard sometimes to fight against what's normal and comfortable and what's healthy and they can be two two different sides of the coin. And I think that was normal. So everything in my being was saying, stay, work harder, be more patient. What if he goes on to be great for someone else? What if you look back in 20 years and go, you lost your soulmate? All of those what if horrible thoughts that make you feel so anxious were there. But deep down, like my logic was like, he's had secret email accounts. Like you found this, you're like, come on, Paige, like does your soulmate, are they going to treat you that way? Probably not if they're your soulmate.

Like they're going to, they would hurt if you hurt. So they're the last person that wants to hurt you. So once I did end it end it i just remember him saying you've ruined my life and i was like i've ruined yours like i'm like okay i'm being gaslit here like what's going on um and then literally a month after i found out he'd been having sex with someone else for like a year so i was like you cheeky can i swear on here yeah yeah you cheeky bastard you've just told me i've ruined your life and you were sleeping with someone else for a year what what is that about men like why i i see it with like people i know and stuff and they they have these boys that will cheat and cheat and cheat but then they still you know when

they break up like the girl finally finds out they break up but they still do everything to try to get them back just to have that like power over them but then they're like they're going and like i'm thinking of one particular person and they keep messaging they keep making email addresses to reach out to my friend and i'm like what are you doing yeah it's such an ego thing it's like they want to know they can still have you, which is so selfish. And whenever I hear that, or whenever I have a client that's going through that and they're like putting their boundaries in, you know, blocking them, like really taking back the reins on the situation, it's like a red rag to a ball. Like that person is then like, well,

now I want them more because I can't have them. And it's like, but if you thought they were that special, you wouldn't have repeatedly done the same thing with no accountability. Like everyone can make mistakes. We're all human. You know, none of us are perfect. None of us have a crystal ball, but if you're repeatedly cheating on a person and ruining their self-esteem and just generally not being a good partner, you know, or a good human being at that point, like let them heal. Like do the best thing you can do after hurting them, and go, do you know what, I'm not going to be selfish in this moment, and get the ego boost by getting them back, when really I probably don't really want to be with them, or I wouldn't have kept doing that. I'm going to let them go go and repair the damage I caused. But you're not

dealing with someone with high emotional intelligence at that point. You're dealing with someone that's usually highly egotistical. So they just want what they want, irregardless of what that does to you, which the sooner you accept that with a person like that, the sooner you cut that cord and you're able to go, do you know what? I know what game you're playing and I'm not playing it too anymore. But it is hard when you secretly want them at the same time. So it's difficult. Yeah, because I can imagine

when you have like a toxic relationship like that and you keep going back and you have this like yo-yo, how do you actually break that cycle without, you know, for somebody that isn't going to therapy or something, how do you actually get to that point of like, that's enough? Honestly, reality training is the best thing you will ever do in your life. So I give it to all of my clients. So you write a list of all

the times you felt hurt, sad, disrespected, whatever it may be in your relationship. You write all of the facts of how it happened, how you found out, what it looked like, etc. On the other side of the paper, you write how it made you feel in the moment. Was your heart beating? Did you feel sick? Did you feel panicked? Like what did you feel? Like take yourself back. Every single time your brain gives you a positive about this person, you read that list and you like put yourself back into those times. It strengthens your logical cognition. So when you're going through that toxic cycle, it's your emotional brain. It doesn't have to use any logic annoyingly or any facts.

The logical brain can only use facts, can only use evidence-based thoughts. So the more you strengthen that logical part of the brain, the more, I always say, the logical brain becomes like the driver and the emotional brain becomes the person in the passenger seat, which is fine. You want your emotions, but reality training just on repeat or using a friend to do it and being like, read me that list, like take me back in this moment. You find that then you start to get angry and that's when you know you're halfway through your grief and you're you're over the hill so yeah reality training is important and sometimes like rereading old messages can actually be helpful like at the

right stage can like bad messages yeah reread them and be like oh my god you see i'm maybe i'm a bit impulsive with that like as in if i get in an argument it tends to be when i'm drunk but when i get an argument i'll just delete our whole chat and everything i'm like you suck you're blocked and then i'll wake up from my drunk save and that like that's why sometimes like the odd screenshot can be helpful like just have a folder just be like that's the x file and i'm gonna go to this damn file remind myself one more on you like and just like let yourself get angry i think a lot of people like struggle with anger and i did personally like very very much struggled with anger i didn't like feeling angry and it isn't

always nice it's such an ugly feeling yeah i hate it it's not nice but like let it like you it's a it's a fire that burns brightly but like goes out very quickly so while it's burning like let it burn like burn it because you can't last very long on anger like no one can stay angry for days and days and days and weeks and weeks and weeks at the same level um so yeah let your anger come in and imagine it's like your best friend or your sister when you're rereading their messages and think what would i think of this man if like the shoe was on the other foot and it wasn't me at like the other end of this treatment it was someone i love yeah that's the thing, isn't it? You can always, for example, you can always give somebody else advice, but to take your own advice is so hard.

Yeah. In one ear, at the other. It's like, no, it doesn't apply to me. You should do that. Yeah. That's the right thing to do. Oh, for sure. I like it myself.

I mean, I'm lucky now I'm in an amazing relationship. But like when I was in that five-year relationship, I've always been the friend that gives advice even before I did this job. But like when it had come to myself, yeah, no way. I'd be like, oh, but maybe he's telling the truth. Even though there's like a whole page of evidence to say otherwise, maybe on the off chance where like now I look back I'm like oh no like the facts were the facts for a reason but you just don't always want to

take it no so you say you got cheated on going into a new relationship how did you not take your baggage so I don't know maybe it's just me but if I got chewed on a lot and found out all this horrible stuff I would be going into my next relationship like having being like thinking he's gonna do it even though he's a different person how can you not and I think not beating yourself up for that is important first of all I think a lot of people are like I must go into this new relationship like not doing that and that in itself is a problem because that's a natural safety mechanism. So the sooner you accept that, the better. However, it's like a team effort, I always say.

So like being with someone that helps you feel safe, but knowing what helps you feel safe so that you can actually recognize it is really important. But also mean when i went into my new relationship i was still training in psychology so i hadn't fully gone through it yet and know what i know now and i did check his phone like and i'll always openly admit that we'd probably only been seeing each other like six weeks i was like right i need to get ahead of this like i was on hyla how did you check his phone six weeks in yeah six weeks in i was like figuring out the password how do you do that i've been with my partner for like two years and i haven't i don't even know his password i mean date of birth it was like i'll be honest like i i wasn't a genius in that moment and we laugh about it now he's like you checked my phone i'm like i i did check

your phone so you guessed the password it's not like a muscle training no no i guessed i thought born in 1990 i mean i always say this not all men are as like complex as like we give them credit for sometimes it's just the birthday and it's like you try the simplest thing and it works. And it was that. And I went like, I got angry because I saw like old messages before he knew me. Like it's the typical woman thing where he was like, I didn't know you existed. I was like, but still. That's legit me.

That's legit me. I like see like my boyfriend talking about something like that is last week. I'm like okay cool yeah literally i was like but you know you were you know complimenting her on whatever and he was like okay but this was a year before i knew you like i'm not sure what i was was i meant to be rude like because i somehow knew you were coming like what was i meant to know so i was still like a little extreme. And like, we laugh about it now, but I did check. And I'm always honest about that.

I didn't go in like Dalai Lama, super calm. Like, oh, it's all good. Like, no, I still had major trust issues. Like, I didn't want a boyfriend. I was as cold as ice. Like, I was very much like, no, I don't want to be with anyone. Like, this will be my terms. When really, I really liked him. Like, and I think that was what was frightening me well how long after so your previous relationship did you meet this this man quite soon like three

months no yeah no it was quite soon it was soon and that's why we say you can't choose the time in. Because in an ideal world, no, I didn't want to be with anyone. And I was very certain on that. My therapist was very certain on that. Was that just like a self-protection thing? Because you were so hurt from before and then you were like, you know. Hugely. I was like, all the time you're not my boyfriend, you can't hurt me.

That was like my logic. All the time we're just seeing each other, I can walk away just as easy as I walked in. Because there's nothing official, you can't embarrass me. And I think that was from the last relationship, I felt very embarrassed. A lot of people knew what he was doing. mutual friends, his friends, people that were acquaintances, like people that I knew just to say hello to all knew what he was doing and would see what he was like. And so I just felt like I looked like an idiot. Like I was walking around like in this like dazed world, having no idea that he was sleeping with all these girls behind my back, pictures he had secret email accounts it was endless how did you find out i bought him an ipad so that's when i found the secret email account and the absolute moron had like backed everything up to his iCloud so he's oh can you set it up for me so when i logged into everything i was like i didn't know he had this like hotmail account he always had an

iCloud account and then i went in and he like saved all the naked pictures of the girls like in like as draft emails so it got to an awful lot of effort for these pictures yeah he's like no it's my best friend it's my best friend now i look back i'm like why do you have your best friend's naked weird yeah like who does that that's weird so i think that's why i checked the phone when i was with who i'm with now because i was like well that holds subconsciously it was like that holds everything like if you're gonna find something it's gonna be there but the ex actually sleeping with other people a girl come up to me is how i found out in the toilet of a little pub the most random pub in the world

wait so she told you that she was sleeping with him yeah for like a year how did you have like photos on social media or something and she worked it out or she had known about me for ages and she still slept with him yeah but the thing is like although you look at it like how could she do that but she's not actually really she's in the wrong because she knows, but not really, is she? It's hard. It's like girl code versus relationship code. It's such a fine line.

And if she liked him, like, if she actually was like – She was young. Yeah. Like, at this point, I was, like, 20 and she was, like, 17. Oh. She's young. She's exciting. Yeah. And he was, like, yeah she's young yeah and he was like 22 oh so he was that bit older he had a really nice car like i can see how she would have thought if anything i'm not like now i mean i'm not angry either of them now but like her especially i actually feel a bit sorry for her

because i'm like as a 17 year old girl and he drives this fast car and like you know he's got a really good job and I can see how she would have thought oh and he likes me like and I'm 17 and like he obviously doesn't love his girlfriend and he probably made me out to be a lunatic you know so she probably had an opinion of me that wasn't fact but, she came up to me and just said, FYI, I've been sleeping with him for like a year. And I was like, okay. Actually, good of her to tell you because lots of people wouldn't. Lots of people wouldn't.

No. No. And I almost think, though, they had this relationship because they were together after. So they then ended up together, I believe, for a few years. Oh, my gosh. And I think it was this like tit for tat, like throwing daggers at each other via me at that time. Like, well, I'm going to tell her that you were sleeping with me. And like, I'm going to do this.

That's how it felt. Like I was in the middle of that. But neither of them were really having my back. They would, I was the person that didn't know anything so telling me something hurt the other one in some you were just used as bait for sure yeah now i'm older i'm like yeah i can see how that worked that's horrible and then did you see so you said that they were together for after for a bit did you see it on like social media or something no i had them both blocked yeah just because i was like what's the point like and genuinely when i ended it i was done

i had no emotion towards him at that point i actually walked through a pub and saw him with another girl and felt nothing i actually felt a bit sorry for them i thought these poor girls are going to get the same treatment if not worse because if i was his girlfriend and he was doing that of all these years then bloody hell what's he going to do to anyone that like he's not even serious about yeah because i feel like a lot of people when they break up with someone they think like they're going to be amazing and such a changed human they just take all the good parts because like i don't know when you're going through a breakup you just remember all the good parts it's hard to remember all the bad you just like romanticize yeah absolutely you do and i was really glad i didn't do that you're so lucky i didn't do that i and i honestly didn't hate him

either i was indifferent no i would hate him i would be like sorry to the girl too i know i hate you i hate you and i hate you all my friends were like that they were like if we ever see him anywhere like but i was like i think because i've been detaching and some of my clients are like that they're grieving in the relationship they go through the heartbreak while they're still with the person. Yeah, a lot of women tend to do that. Men don't. No. Men, it's after. And normally months after.

Unless they genuinely were madly in love with the person, then it's straight away. But women typically detach while they're with the person slowly, so slowly that by the time it's over, the man is like, where did that come from? And it's like, she's been telling you for months. Like, what do you mean where did that come from? And then she's done. She walks away, which was definitely me. I was done a year before that relationship ended. So even though, yeah, technically I met someone three, four months after, really it was like a year and three, four months because it was going through the motions with that person at the end, sadly I think he was doing the same with me he definitely wanted to be with this girl

I don't think he had the balls to leave me and I didn't really have the balls to leave him at a certain point so someone had to do it and I don't think he's a bad person actually and I love and and his mom's lovely so like now I look back we were just young young and like we didn't have fully logical working brains I always say that like for men it's like 25 before their logical brain is here like to stay and for women like 23 so my god like we were both not thinking with any logic and if anything I'm glad about it because it's made my relationship now so healthy that i'm like actually sometimes you need a really crappy one to like no i don't want that and then you kind of like flip-flop to the other side and go okay that is what i want but unless you go through you don't always know so when you go to the next relationship

yeah when you went into the next relationship, sorry, when you went into the next relationship, how did you not have your guards up? Because after my divorce, I've been guarded ever since. And I still am two years on. Yeah, of course. I did at first. And he would say that. I was very like, he couldn't read me. Whether I liked him or he didn't know.

And I didn't know for him either. And we're very similar like that um honestly it was like this is what I expect and making that quite clear and he was well entitled to tell me what he expects and I had to kind of give him a chance to meet that because I thought otherwise what's the point like if I'm going to keep moving the goalpost no matter what he does i'm i'm not being fair and he hasn't given me any reason and he never has given me any reason to doubt who he is as a human being but also not rushing into like labels like letting someone show you who they are just let them show you like let them show Like, if there's certain situations that you know

maybe triggers for you, see how they behave in that. Like, after the phone thing, he was, like, he laughed about it and he was like, okay, you've gone from my phone. Clearly your last relationship's affected you, Paige. Like, what? I haven't done anything, though. Like, so where are we at with this like he was very like didn't get angry at me didn't shout at me didn't like mature it didn't make me feel stupid he was

like but i haven't done anything so like this is where we're at the difference is you felt you're dealing with a mature man we haven't done yeah you need to because that matters you can have all the self-awareness in the world and be like no guards up but if you're meeting morons you're gonna put your guard up like why are you not going to like you can't blame yourself for that but like the right person will help you feel really safe like he makes me feel really safe like he if we're in a room full of women it's not like behaving in a different way because there's really beautiful women or like you know keeping me at arm's length because of this or like he will shout from the rooftops from when we were together that we were together there was no like

oh should we give it a bit longer or like I don't want this person knowing were together there was no like oh should we give it a bit longer or like i don't want this person knowing or like there was no sneakiness around it so that helped me bring them down but also awareness of like these guards are up because i was in a not very good relationship so it's going to take me a minute and that's okay yeah and then as soon as they like came down you just became now you wouldn't check or anything nothing since that time like however many weeks in i've never bothered i just feel like if i needed to that would probably tell me everything i need to know if that like you know woman's intuition is there it's never off and even if you're slightly off you're on the right path like usually so for me i'm like if that, like usually. So for me, I'm like, if that

intuition was there, like that for me would be the problem. Now, I wouldn't stress myself out, like going through everything and being on that like adrenaline rollercoaster that happens. I would just be like, clearly, this is a miss. Like why? Like what's changed now? But at the beginning, it is hard. but someone who's patient and emotionally intelligent will understand that because they might have been through their own things so therefore they're gonna meet you on that emotional level someone who hasn't is kind of just gonna roll their eyes and be like we'll get over it and he's like well when you're hurt like you wouldn't say that to someone that's just broke their wrist

this is just a mental wound you might not be able to see it but it still exists but how because nowadays it must be really hard going through a breakup because of like all the social media and stuff that like i feel like cheating or yeah anything is so easy that you know what i mean like it must be so hard to just be so trustworthy yeah and i think because the temptation is everywhere oh my god but also i'm a big believer in if you've met your person on like an emotional level a physical level a psychological level like nothing really compares to that feeling like a feeling like you can trust them. Like I know with like my fiance, I know I could trust him with any decision on my behalf. So therefore I trust his own decisions. Like, and I know that he communicates if something was going

wrong or if he wasn't happy, he'd be the first one to be like, I'm not happy. He wouldn't sneak around and do anything. So it's almost meeting someone with the same values. But a lot of people can say that that's their values. So it's really letting them show that that's their values, you know, with how they talk to you, with how they deal with conflict. I always say, you'll know how healthy a relationship is and the kind of marker i suppose is how they argue what if they don't argue good that needs to be fixed it depends that's my downfall we argue really bad in what way so he's gonna hate hate this. Oh, well. Podcaster. Here we are. Good job. Good job.

So basically, he's a very defensive arguer. Yeah. So I can't deal with that. Like, I'll just shut off. Yeah. And if you come aggressive at me, like, not necessarily, like, shouting just the way that it's said or anything, I can't process it. I, like, shut down completely. and i don't have that with anybody else never had that in my life yeah but with that i can't i just can't talk but then also i can't go to sleep at an argument like i want to fix it straight away even if it's not 100 i don't want

to go to bed like yeah you know being upset but he's the opposite. Whereas he needs time to cool down. Otherwise he'll like make it, it always ends up way worse. Way worse. Yeah. That's super normal. I just want to say that like most people don't have the same arguing styles at the beginning or even a few years in. Like it takes patience. I always say to clients who are in that position, like meet in the middle. It doesn't need to be one person's way or the other. It can be somewhere in the middle where it's like, right. I always say like, put a level on the argument. Like level five is like, we are losing our shit. Like this is not the time to be trying to like discuss it.

Like emotions are too high. Level one is like, you've annoyed me. You keep like leaving all the doors open or whatever it might be like so almost like putting a level on your argument and both agreeing to that like in that moment for you it might be a level two for my him it might be a level four let's just say i'm gonna okay you're sat at four you're sat at two how long do we think we need like let's just take an hour and then let's just re-come back but let's remember before we take that out we love each other we to fix this. But having those affirmations with

each other can be really good of like, we love each other right now. We want to fix this right now, but we're strongly disagreeing because we're two separate humans. Let's take an hour, come back. If in an hour we're still not there, that's also okay, but we can't keep doing hours so like what you each do in that hour is going to be important so he will obviously need to cool down and figure out what that looks like for him you will need to cool down but in a different way kind of settle the anxiety probably of having this argument and knowing he needs to cool down so it's like what you do in that time matters but reminding yourself that you love each other. Like this is an argument, unless it's over something like incredibly serious, like realistically, is it more important

than that love? And when you ask yourself that question nine times out of 10, it's like, no, I'm just annoyed right now. But it is finding that balance. When I first met my partner, we had very different styles of communication like we have different upbringings we have different brains like it's okay I was a big talker he was less of a talker he was more of a let me just think about it and we'll talk in half an hour but that would make me very anxious because I'd think but like I just want to solve it this is stupid I don't get this so over time he's learned to communicate a bit more and i've learned to like not panic because he's still going to be there

but it's having that reassurance in an argument can be important especially for the female typically it's just a bit of like it's gonna be fine it's just you're both humans and you're gonna react to anger and things differently it doesn't mean either of you are wrong it's just like your middle ground is gonna look like something so you just gotta find it good to know oh good so guys thanks for listening to us for part one but keep in mind that this is a two-part episode so we got part two coming out next week so part two we'll dive into more of Paige's unique niche as a breakup coach some of the common mistakes people do when they break up and of course the stages of a breakup yeah so tune in because it's going to be a good one