The Break-Up Diet - Cheating Isn’t a Mistake. It’s a Choice.

Episode Date: November 13, 2025

Cheating isn’t a mistake. It’s a choice. And in this episode, Yaz and Ilma are saying what everyone’s thinking.From “once a cheater, always a cheater” debates to the FBI-level tactics girls use to catch them out (yes, we’re talking Uber reflections and memorising passcodes), this one gets personal, hilarious, and just a little bit savage.The girls unpack why people cheat. Is it boredom, lack of willpower, or just pure horniness? And what about the double standards that come with it? Why is it that when men cheat, it’s “just a mistake,” but when women do it, it’s war? Yaz opens up about her own experience with betrayal, Ilma confesses to a revenge cheat, and together they tackle everything from love bombing and lying to the brutal aftermath of rebuilding trust.They also question whether cheating should be illegal (yes, they said it), why social media has made everyone replaceable, and how the line between flirting and full-blown betrayal is blurrier than ever.It’s raw, funny, emotional, and painfully real. A mix of girl therapy and chaos you won’t want to miss. Whether you’ve been cheated on, cheated back, or just love hearing the tea, this episode will have you screaming “same” at least five times.Because at the end of the day?Cheating isn’t a mistake. It’s a choice. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

let's switch it up we've been holding back way too much welcome to the breakup diet Emma do you believe once a cheater always a cheater yes really well it depends on the context if the cheater is a man there'll always be a cheater but if you did it you can you can be a reform cheater I've done it and I'm so reformed In fact, I'm so reformed, I'm celibate Hang on, let's stop this for a sack Subscribe and follow the breakup diet

You don't want to miss another episode Fair So I've learned My lesson, I guess But there's different levels of cheating So what would you say to somebody that like Their level is different You know what I mean?

You know like, oh Liking girls' photos isn't that bad or you know what I mean or everyone has very different definitions and different boundaries when that comes to that you know what I say to that convenient pick and then choosing what they like no no it is convenient I think too I think there should be harder ground lines on that I think it should be made illegal to cheat yeah like especially when they're it's marriage. Fact.

I think it's ridiculous for someone to just, like, throw away their vows, act on, like, 30 seconds of lost and for them to not have any legal, like... Implication? Yeah. I mean, there is no, because isn't when you do, like, have something like that happen, isn't there, like, if you cheated, it's worse for, you know? I don't know. Not really.

Yikes. Put that in. Exactly. So we need changes like that in the wall because everyone cheats and I feel like they don't learn their lesson. They just keep cheating. Yeah. They don't understand how much they hurt the other person by cheating. Yeah.

In general, when people think it's almost cool and they'll accept it, like they'll accept a cheater even though they know he's a cheater. And I'm like, I get like you can't help who you like, but like, come on, he's going to do it to you. I kind of think a little bit I agree like if he got you because he cheated with you he's going to repeat the same patterns yeah that's the thing isn't that

they might not straight away because they're not like bored and then once they get bored and complacent that's when it happens I honestly think cheating is a lack of willpower I agree like everyone could cheat if they wanted to yeah especially women women could cheat all the time anytime

because of the way men like hit on us, approach us, all that kind of stuff. We have temptation everywhere, but we don't act on it. We don't want it. I mean, not all women, some women do. Like, typically men more. I feel like lots of women now. Men cheat way more than women. Way more.

I think women might cheat more now because they're so used to men doing it that now they're like. Yeah, that's why I cheat. I cheat out of retaliation. Retaliation cheat. Yeah. I mean, I don't really care the judgment from it. I just felt like he had to feel what I felt.

No, fair. It was like a whole, like, painful revenge thing. No, I get it. Lots of people I feel like would do that. Yeah. So I didn't mean to laugh because it was judgment. I meant like... Yeah, no, I meant like from the listener side.

I mean, yeah, you would want them to feel that pain too, especially like if you were so blindsided, which you... So blindsided, that's the thing. You just... The way these men love bomb you. and you just feel like oh why don't and i believe what they say if they say they love me why should i not believe it and then you see that's what i think actually with cheating is the worst thing i don't even necessarily think it's the act which i know might be controversial to

some people i think it's the lying in the deceit that comes with it 100% that hurts way more because you're unpacking like so was the last like so-and-so time to gather a lie to you did it mean anything to you yeah and just the sense of worth that you had after is so teeny like I never want to go through that again but yeah it's hard to like just trust people and not think that they're going to do it but you kind of have to if you're in a relationship you kind of have to until you're proven which is the scary thing realistically because otherwise it's not going to be healthy at all no not at all and I think that's probably why I don't date or even like romanticize the idea of like having a partner again because it's not even me like

I've done all the healing and stuff like that. It's the fact that everyone is so readily disposable and available. If it wasn't for social media, I would have more faith in the concept of relationships. Because I just feel like everyone thinks that they can do better because they've got access to all these better people from social media. I even think it's better people. I don't even think, which is like a funny thing, isn't it?

Lots of the time when people cheat and I'm not trying to be like, they're hot or they're not. but a lot of the time it doesn't even come to looks at all. No, I don't understand it. Like, you think about how many beautiful, for example, we're talking about women, but beautiful women that get cheated on. Beyonce, Shakira, Adriana Lima. Yeah, didn't like Megan Fox as well?

Like, you're crazy. And then there's no hope for us civilians over here. You know what I mean? Like, it's just opportunity and lack of willpower. Exactly, and I just feel like right now, because of how accessible other people are from, social media, people are just going to do it. That's why I've kind of retired out of the relationship dating game.

I just don't need it. No, sad. It's sad for the men, not sad for me. Fair, fair. They can't get you. They can't have access to men. I feel like it's better for me at this stage of my life. I think cheating is such like a horrible way to break up, actually.

Like, that is tough because, yeah, the blind side of it, the abruptness of it, most likely. And then even if you end up taking each other back. You still don't have that trust. The relationship isn't what it was before. No, and you have like, what, six months of even just rebuilding it, at least, you know? And then even every time you get drunk or something, it's probably going to come out. Yeah, because I got back with someone who cheated on me.

And exactly, every time we'd go out, I would always bring it up. I would always, I think, honestly, on a monthly basis, we would bring that up for like three years after. Yeah, it's like impossible not to. It's just not worth the energy. And what's the crazy thing is, before he, like, cheated on me, he would accuse me of cheating on her. That's like the, that is the alarm bells that should go off.

Yeah. That, now I've learned that. I don't think I've been cheated on, but I don't know, obviously. But, like, that is something that I tell people now. if they're so, like, possessive on staff and, like, accuse you of stuff and don't want you to do this because they don't trust you. It's because they're doing what they think you would do, but they're probably doing it worse. Yeah. Like, I went on a girl's trip a couple of months ago, and my friend's boyfriend at the time would call her accusing her the worst things, being like, oh, you've gone to Santa Pei because you want to get with all these other guys and stuff.

like you're dancing on tables, turns out he was cheating on her. It's always a case, and it's honestly always a case. But they spin it in such a way. And to be fair, we're talking like... And they genuinely make you feel bad. They genuinely make you feel like, oh, what if I am doing something wrong? Yeah, yeah. It's such a whirlwind of emotions.

It's such a, like, head-like game. Yeah, and why are girls, like, why boys so good at it, actually, too? I think because a lot of the time, I don't know if this is every girl, but, like, You want to, like, please people? And I don't know if that's, like, necessarily the correct thing to say. But, like, you want to, like, I don't know. You want to prove how much you love them. You want to prove that you're a good girlfriend and stuff like that.

Yeah. And then they, like, take that to their advantage and, like, spin it. And then you feel like bad. And you're like, I didn't do anything at all. But you've made me feel like I've done something. Even though I know I haven't done something, I'm pretty sure you know I haven't done something. But now I feel like I have done something. It's honestly like a power trip from their side.

now that I think about the way you've described it I think for them they know it's a game and they love to see you just like I don't know kind of beg for their validation and beg to prove them do you think that do you think they genuinely go in thinking that or do you think they just like because they're so guilty they are obviously projecting

yeah 100% and the power trip makes them feel good for their guilt I don't think I could ever cheat on somebody like that would actually eat me alive like as in and I I think, like, when the women cheat, it's a lot different. We don't cheat just because there's a guy out there. We cheat because, like, we're not getting our needs met in a relationship.

And also, there's other implications that could go on, like, as in... It's deeper. Yeah. It is deeper. But then also, when you put in alcohol, you put in something else like this, then I think it's, like, you could make a mistake. I don't know. I didn't like to say that, but you probably could.

Yeah, but honestly, I don't care if I sound controversial. I love seeing women cheat. for you. They do it to us all the time. Men treat us like that all the time. Why can't we? Fair enough. If you want to do it, do it.

There's no judgment on my side. Fair enough. I mean, listen, I'll support, I'll ask questions later and I'll support you. I support women's rights and women's wrong. You know what? Have you seen that thing that's like, um, you tell you if your best friend doesn't like back you when they know you're wrong and then they like later like, dude, you shouldn't fucking done that.

But to everybody else, she's like, D did not do that. Oh, yeah, like, I will defend my girl who cheats. Yeah, to be fair, so would I. Like, I would be like, she absolutely did not do that. Yeah. But no, she didn't. This is so bad by coming or else, but yeah.

You know what? The men would do the same. Exactly, and they do way, way, way worse. Yeah. And if she's cheating, there's obviously a reason. Oh, exactly. When men do her, they just do it out of, like, horniness. They don't think.

In insecurity, yeah, I think. I agree. It's an insecurity thing. Like when they get the hot girl finally and then they feel like they need to like put her down a notch and humble her by cheating or not. Yeah, or even that they forget what they have. Yeah. You know what I mean? So then they need the like validation hit of talking to other women.

It is honestly pathetic and I don't respect it. And I feel for people that have had their relationships ended because of cheating because there are times where like your relationship could be so perfect. And then the cheating happens out of the blue. Like, how would you even, like, process? I know that must be so difficult, honestly. Like, I'm so sorry for anybody that has that because, like, the mind flip of that,

you almost wouldn't believe it. But that's probably why they get back. Because you are, like, a lot of the time. Because you almost, it would be so hard to, like, actually be, like, that happened. Yeah. Like, you just feel like, who was I whip this past few, like, however long? Yeah. Like, did I even know?

this person like I was vulnerable and intimate with this person and I feel like they took advantage of me and now I don't even know who they are. Yeah. It is really scary and I think my piece of advice for that is that they've obviously taught you a painful lesson but a valuable lesson. They've done you a favor by treating you like that because God knows they could have done that to you with a ring on your finger with a baby in your stomach. Yeah. I heard actually a really bad story like not that long ago that a girl, which, this isn't necessarily cheating, but, like, I just thought this was wild, that this girl was out with her husband, I think.

I'm not sure if they're married or whatever, but she's pregnant. And she goes to the bathroom, and they were, like, sat together the whole time. And when she went to the bathroom, this other girl came over and sat on her husband's lap, just like, as soon as she went to the bathroom, and she came back, and she was like, the hell? Like, but that girl had been sat there the entire time.

What? Sorry, what? goes through your head that you would do that I don't get it like and also why was she sat there long enough to the point that

the husband wasn't saying anything yes so many like what the hell but I'm like what yeah I also you know what I don't like I think you are the scum of the earth and I'm going to say it don't care the scum of the earth if you

which I know when you like somebody you can't really help but still are like you see a couple that are in a relationship and you're you become friends with the the other male partner and then you're like inviting them to suffer as a couple to obviously like sort the vibe and then when they break up you pounce like a motherfucker after consoling them on their breakup i think it's the most desperate pick-me-ass shit ever and i could never be friends with girls like that i have a story to know you but i tell you off camera oh my god nothing to do with none of my friends yeah no we will

chat but yeah in terms of cheating the perfect breakup survival kit what are we doing yes this might not be that good but I would for your own self find out try to find out what actually happened

get the answer if that brings you clarity or closure yeah don't trust what he says if it's a guy like don't take forward he says he's going to like freak out and then try to grovel back for sure a lot of the time. But like, yeah, try to find out the answer.

Cry so much. Like, fuck. Let it out. Except you got hurt. It's painful, but you have to accept what's happening. And I think just do a perspective shift and think, okay, he's done me a favor. Yeah.

This could have happened way, way down the line. Yeah. In fact, it happened. Instead, it had. happened while we've got no kids, no legal obligation to one another. Yeah, at least you know earlier. Exactly. And you've left relatively unscathed yet emotionally. Like, you will be able to pick yourself up and you know that the right person would never do that to you. Yeah. But what about people that actually do cheat and then don't again? Like actually though? Because like, you know how

there's like, you know, we talk a lot about boundaries, right? And a lot of the time I feel like people don't know the boundary until it's cross and they're obviously like sleeping with somebody else is like obviously if you're in a relationship you know not to do that but for the like smaller things that might not be the same for every single person that's where it's a bit hard I think but I think that's like up to you to tell them up to you to communicate yeah like you have to be like honest with what your insecurities are with what is a trigger point for you yeah if you don't want to talk to them about it talk about it with your therapist so you know how to deal with it, if, God forbid, you cross that bridge.

Yeah, that was good advice. I've been there. How did you deal with, like, that betrayal? The first time I handled it terribly, I cheated back, and it was just, like, a toxic, toxic cycle. The second time he cheated on me, that was when I'm like, oh, I'm done. Fair. I'm done.

Like, I don't need to know who this person is. I don't even know need to know the why. I'm so done. Fair. Like, I'm in my worth. I feel really pretty. I feel smart. I feel like all these amazing things.

Why should I ever, like, continue to share that side to someone that doesn't deserve it? Yeah. And I think, like, reminding myself day and day out was the way for me to cope. Fair. Because a person who would do that to me does not deserve me. Yeah. You know? And also, I don't know how you could do it to somebody knowing how that would make them

feel that's what i don't understand like how if you you know even a lot of the time when people cheer and they want to stay together and stuff like this knowing the impact because there's so many stories out there there's so many things out there that you hear about and all this knowing all of that like no one's that naive like you know it would hurt somebody that you're super close with so why would you want to put them through that that you did that i don't understand because i have asked him all those types of questions and he just wouldn't have the answer. Maybe it's because of the women and men are different. That's the thing.

Like they don't, they are horny and disgusting. Yeah, and I felt like he was ashamed to tell me that he did it out of horniness. Yeah. It's, oh, it's annoying. It's just unfair and it's unfair to the good men out there because we're kind of generalizing things and saying that all men cheered when I'm sure there are amazing men out there. No, they definitely are amazing men out there. It's just they're clouded because of all these bad ones, you know?

There's just too many bad eggs right now. Yeah, and it's just been made easier with social media and dating apps and all this sort of stuff. Have you seen those TikToks that go off that's like, how long you've been in a relationship and it's like this girl interviewing somebody on the street and then they're like, oh, like two years. And then they're like, do you know if you're part? is on any dating apps and then they search are right there and then a lot of the time they are and I'm like, that is wild. That's so toxic.

Like, wild. Also, how are they not scared that somebody they know would see them on there? Like, surely they all have friends and surely someone's single and would see that. I think it's just peak desperation. It's sad. We kind of like broached this earlier, but cheating when like the relationship isn't good just to like get out as a reason that's just dog that i don't know if that's the same but that's like i felt right that's like a terrible move like just just be get some balls or just communicate

tell the truth say you're not happy it hurts way less than to actually cheat it's horrible yeah you break up and then you can go have sex with whoever straight away there you go yeah give it a few days i mean it's not nice but like realistically it's bad than cheating on them and then slightly a bit more moral slightly yeah i mean still not nice but at least it's like the better thing to do the better option is to just straight up tell the truth this relationship isn't working i'm so sorry do you know any cheating stories i actually know like i've got so many cheating stories and they're so triggering yeah okay fair fair go on i only have what that like i just love is like how um this person caught like they're

ex-cheating and it was like they um obviously already had massive hints and like all this sort of stuff and this is like there was lots already gathered but it was like looking into the car the like taxi it was like dark and they were going back from like a um dinner reservation they were looking to the window and they were like hmm oh my god I can see his whole phone in the reflection oh my god and then they were like how am I going to get him to like open his phone password you know so they were like oh how long so it over going to be? And so obviously then he had to like open his phone. And she's like, how long is it even going to be like this? They're looking out the window and they type the code

and obviously remembered it to then go on to it later. I was like, that is some FBI skill to think to do that and remember the password and everything. Yeah. I was like props to you. I hope you caught his ass. Me too, honestly. They did. So there we go. Yeah. I just feel like the cheating stories, especially off this year, are some of the horrific stories I've ever heard. They're only just getting uglier and uglier with it. And I am like, at this point, like, what is the point? I am completely taken myself out of that. Yeah. It's just so unappetizing. Yeah. And for somebody, right, that might be bored in their relationship, okay, and then thinks that they want to cheat or you know need some excitement or I don't know like doesn't want to go out with

their partner surely it's so much more effort to like cheat and like keep up this lie and like do all this stuff than it is to just like focus it on your career focus it on your relationship it's not the right one switch it out yeah like why do you have to do that cheating is such jobless behavior like what do you mean you have time for another person use that time to get a better job to get a degree to do something with your life. You level up. Right? Listen to a podcast.

I don't know. Yeah. Like do something better with your life. Go to the gym. Go to the gym. Go to therapy. Do something else because it's just pathetic. Yeah.

It is pathetic. I am not trying to be all like gloom and doom, but I'm only like, I only have this opinion because it's factually based. but the cheating rates are only getting higher. Like, I'm just not interested. Yeah. I would go bat shit if I knew somebody cheated on me. Like, I would not be giving good advice at all

because I'm not going to lie. Like, I just know myself, and I'm not going to try to pretend I wouldn't. Crazy busted over here. Don't do it to me because just don't do it. you learn a lesson of your lifetime yeah honestly honestly like my person learnt a lesson of his lifetime like i really gave it to him but i never want to go through that ever again no i never want to feel that anger that hurt any of that ever again like i just have to protect my peace it's not

worth it fair fair it's such a shame because like i love love and all of that but in this day and age, and I think in this particular city, I'm not even going to put myself out there. Yeah. It's too scary, too, to be fair. It's also just not nice. It's really not nice. Like, I'm too busy to put myself through that. You know what I don't get, which, sorry, that just triggered me is people that cheat and then

still want to stay with the person, but continue to cheat on them so much still, I'm like, what? like as in like what just be single and like or even have a massive situation where you can have constant sex or somebody or something but be single it's crazy because like you can get anything you want especially in this day and age why do the wrong thing and hurt someone yeah and especially they're like a nice innocent person that has literally done nothing wrong and then you go and do that and send them with some trauma.

Like, that is just a nasty gift you're leaving them with. Hopefully, they don't, like, take that on. But, like, Jesus, that's hard. Yeah. I know this episode, we've come in so hard on such a touchy subject. We do want to leave it on a positive note. Like, at the end of the day, your life does not stop if he's cheated, if they've cheated. And it's not a reflection of your self-worth either.

At all. It's nothing to do with you. Yes. actually nothing to do with you. It's all to do with the person who has done the cheating. Yeah, clearly they're an insecure person. And it's a blessing that you don't understand why they did that because clearly you don't have that streak in you to do that. Yeah. We're like speaking about people that are serial cheaters and doing it. I think there's a difference between a serial cheater and somebody that genuinely makes a mistake though. Like with alcohol involved, obviously I don't

want to condone that and say don't do that. And I think you should have enough willpower to not do are but there's definitely a difference i a hundred percent agree and yeah you just got to like let it go which is the worst thing ever the worst advice ever you just got to let them do their thing because they'll do it to somebody else and thankfully and hopefully it won't be you again Mm-hmm.