The Break-Up Diet - Delete the Texts. Don’t Compare. How to Actually Heal Post-Breakup.

Episode Date: September 17, 2025

Healing after heartbreak isn't just about surviving—it's about creating boundaries that protect your peace and rediscovering who you are beyond the relationship that ended. When we asked what content you wanted more of, the answer was clear: our Do's and Don'ts episodes resonated deeply. So we're back with fresh insights on the habits that help you heal versus those that keep you stuck in emotional limbo.First, let's talk about digital self-sabotage. Those late-night scrolling sessions through old texts searching for hidden meanings? They're not serving you. Neither is that secret folder of photos you're keeping "just because you look cute" in them. We candidly share our own post-breakup mistakes from searching conversations for specific words to monitoring story views from fake accounts—and how these behaviours only prolong your pain.You know the drill: it’s 1am, you’re deep in the camera roll, zooming in on old screenshots like they hold the answers to life’s mysteries. Or maybe you’ve become a pro at refreshing your ex’s stories from a fake account (don’t worry, we’ve been there too 🙋‍♀️).But here’s the truth — those late-night stalk sessions and “just one more scroll” moments aren’t helping you heal. In this episode, we’re breaking down the real Do’s and Don’ts of moving on: from why saving those “cute” couple pics is secretly sabotaging you, to how comparison traps keep you stuck, and why trying to be the “cool, unbothered ex” actually slows down your recovery.We’ll share our own messy mistakes (yes, even the cringe-worthy ones) and give you the strategies that actually work: reward systems for no-contact, simple shifts that help you reclaim your space, and how to romanticise your single life instead of reliving the past.Because healing isn’t about faking it till you make it — it’s about protecting your peace, setting boundaries, and filling your own life with joy again.So grab your headphones, block that number (seriously), and let’s get into it. 💌 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi guys, welcome back. Because everyone liked our do's and don'ts episode so much, we've come back with a part two. Back by popular demand. Literally. Okay, so let's start with the don't. Let's switch it up. We've been holding back way too much.

Welcome to the breakup diet. To start with, do not read old messages like their literature. Like, this man is not Shakespeare. You're just self-sabotaging yourself. You're going to read it. You're going to feel shit. I get where people come from when they do this because there's like this weird dopamine rush. My biggest toxic thing that I did, which we suggest you not to do, I would search up on conversation, the word beautiful, and see how many times it would like come up, be like, oh, one out of 237, or I'd like search up, I love you.

But then, to flip a don't into ado, search up. disappointed, search up upset. Oh, with your friends, like, do you feel? No, mine would, you see, for me, that wouldn't have come up because I, when I break up with somebody, I'd delete everything. Good. That is a smart thing to do. Purely, because I self-sabotage. The first, like, week that I didn't, I was rereading all conversations, being like, well, you obviously didn't mean it when you said, I love

you so much there, because you knew you were going to break up with me. Yeah, it's just, I think you've got to, like, give yourself a painful reminder that it ended. It ended for a reason. There is no point in torturing yourself with the past. Yeah. Plus, like, you don't need to reread it. For what? What value do you gain out of it? Nothing. I think with that, to cope, give yourself a time limit on how often you check those texts. I think you can keep them for like a week or two weeks and then it's dead. It has to be dead. Like, come on, at some point, you have to choose your sanity. Because words or words, if there was no action followed, buy those words it's just words

hang on let's stop this for a sec subscribe and follow the breakup diet you don't want to miss another episode you know what you should not do as well is keep their photos like in a hidden you know location and then like could go into that big folder of all your love no do not do

that okay but what if I look really pretty in them well then you're cropping him out cropping him out I have this one picture of my last ex and I like I can't get myself to delete it because I just look really pretty. Yeah, well, why can't you just crop him out of the photo? Because he's, like, kissing the side of my face, and it's just such a cute picture.

Put a massive broken heart in front of his face. Oh, but he looks really good, too. Ew. Like, it's just such a cute picture. Okay, maybe you can keep one, but delete all the other rest in the album. Like, I promise I'm over him. It's just... Well, I'm sure you can take other photos.

where you look just as pretty, if not more. Kill the memory, kill it. Like, I didn't, like, I get not deleting every photo, but I did, you know what I did do is unlike, because, you know how you have, like, favorite, favorites? I would have, like, loads of favorites of us. Yeah. Or, you know, trips or something, and then I just unfavoured them. I think a tip is, because Apple groups up people by photos, go to your ex, delete everything,

because it is honestly just not worth it. Like, I know I'm being all like, I look so pretty in it at the end of the day I should not be latching onto it because there's no point but also when your new partner comes along and then would see this massive album of your eggs that's so awkward like I don't want that because I have like still pictures of us on my favourites imagine if I'm scrolling and like the new guys like

who's that I could dodge and be like oh my gay bestie yeah like you need to have if you're not deleting it you need to have some sort of cover you need to cover it up somehow Well, at the end of the day, what we're preaching, which I need to practice is delete those pictures. Yeah. The next one, don't compare who you're dating with your ex. They're not the same person. And also, you almost have to just, like, erase it from your memory.

It's hard. Yeah, I know. Easier says than done. You're like, do not do this, but, like, you're definitely going to do it still. Yeah, but it's fine if the people aren't the same. If anything, it's a good thing they're not. the same. You don't want to be with the same person. I don't want to date someone who's similar to my ex. I don't want that. Especially my ex-husband. If anyone that I date mirrors even the

slightest bit as him, I'm like, oh, I'm out because I am not doing that to myself. And that's the same principle that you guys should apply as well. But that's comparing. That is comparing. But okay, let's rephrase it. We're like, do not compare, but you have to compare to find out if they're similar and then if they're also in a little ditch. Okay, I do think maybe that is the best way to approach. If you are going to compare, do it in a way that's actually constructive. Don't compare if you're going to be yearning for your ex because that just means that you're not ready to date

and you need to like take a step back. Don't rush into something too far. If you're still in the stage where you are comparing every element, you've rushed. You haven't moved on. Maybe it's not the time to date. Do not go on a date and then stalk your ex's socials and then cry about it at home alone. That's not good for yourself.

No, I think there's just no point in torturing yourself. You're dragging yourself back to the past. Why is that? You want to move on after a breakup. You want to accept the past. There is no point in stalking your ex as you're trying to move on. Yeah, but it's so hard not to.

I get it. Especially if you have a bad date or something. And then you're like going, oh, I wonder what they're up to. And then you go on. And then you're like, ugh. I can't lie. like stalking your exes on Insta, it kind of feels like getting off to porn. Because you're like, you want this like dopamine rush, you want it out of your system.

By the time you've like got that dopamine hit, you're like, ew, put that away. Yeah. It almost is good though if they're inactive ex and then they post and you're like, ooh, you don't look good. Do not try to be the cool ex. You don't have to pretend to be the cool X because you are the cool X. be who you are. I know it's like a fun coping mechanism to make it seem like

it's a competition who's won the breakup but at the end of the day you don't want to think about them. No. Your self-growth is a journey between you and yourself. I don't think shutting your emotions away like in a box to try to be nonchalant and stuff

is good at all because that's just prolonging it. For example I'm not the cool X. If I have an impulse to message, if I have a of like a need to find out something or do something I'd do it and I've put my hands up I will call you ten times I don't give a

flying fuck you know what I mean I'm not cool about it I'm not like oh I don't care because I feel like you get over it faster because you you express or you let it out you let go of it and then it's done whereas like the other people that are like fester on it and it'll linger in their body for ages

and then like it'll come out like a year down the line yeah get out of your system whether it's talking to your ex again just to get that closure or therapy or finding a new hobby or talk about it with your friends but definitely don't let it sit with you for too long because that is what will kill you and that is what will hold you back from moving on yeah let it out to let go fuck yeah shakespeare i'm gonna get that tatted right here shakespeare this one's me this one's like a direct like this is so me oversharing with strangers for validation that is so me i be on

the internet doing that i really shouldn't are you trying to trauma bond someone when you're on a date being like he did this to me so you know they feel that not on a date okay good oh my god speaking of dates do not on a date talk about the bad things your exes did the new date does not need to know your weaknesses what actually triggers you don't do that yes do not talk about your ex on your date, to be honest. At all. If they ask, I just go, oh, it didn't work out. Yeah, I just say, oh, we just want different things. Yeah, and hope for the best that he doesn't listen to the podcast where I've spilled 10 reasons why. I've divorced. Yeah. Don't listen to the podcast either. If you're on, stop it right now. This isn't for you. It's for the girls only. It literally

is for the girls only in how to cope with their breakup. But circling back to oversharing to strangers for validation, like, baby. You don't need to do that. You can find the validation within yourself, just existing within yourself and reclaiming who you are. Also, do not. Do not turn, which I am guilty of this, your friends into spies because you're not in pretty little liars. Like you're not, you guys aren't trying to, you know, catch out someone or detect something.

You guys aren't trying to solve a murder. The point blank is the relationship didn't work out. This is just a very normal thing to happen in the course. of your life, and it's a good thing. Do it for a little bit, but then you've got to stop doing it, is what I say. Yeah. With all these, to be honest, with everything that we say, you've got to do it. Because it is human nature, like, by humans, as humans, as default, we are quite inquisitive.

So obviously, don't be harsh on yourself if you do, like, slip up and make a few mistakes. Yeah. You're human. But if you were like, you know, AI generated and you could just follow a list, stick by what we say when we say don't do that. We're all just here to look out for your best interest because at the end of the day, we just want to help you guys move on

and find your self-worth and reconnect back with yourself again. And do not. Ready? Do not cling on to their friends or their family. That is their family. That is their friends. Let go of them.

Like, you can't become besties with their best friend suddenly. And you cannot suddenly be texting their mom even if you miss her, like, miss hanging out with them. No. Yeah, parents is. like an absolute no-go. Yeah.

But I do find it like, like I miss his girlfriends. No. Unless you like, I don't know. No, I take it back. No, no, no, exactly. I get it. It's hard. Yeah, because then you're going to be finding out Intel as well, even if you don't want to.

Like, you will be finding it out and you're like keeping that flame semi-alive. Yeah, I agree. I agree. Kind of makes it seem like as if you're longing out for hope or something. Yeah. And yeah, you're just reminded of them because at the end of the day, you met through him. Yeah.

Or her. Yeah, exactly. So not the best idea. And I think if you are still following his community, I guess, on socials, muting is the best solution. Because I would see my exes on, like, through his friends. And it would, like, make me, like, my heart would sink. At the end of the day, what his life is, what he is up to is really none of my business

after I break up. Yeah, true. Even though this isn't necessarily a do not. See, I blocked straight away, right? Not straight away, but pretty soon after. Yeah, yeah, of course. But then I was looking because my ex had alternate accounts, fake accounts, that he would alternate between to look at my stuff.

I found myself looking more at my story of who'd seen it to see if those two different accounts were looking at it, even though it wasn't his actual name. Now I have his normal on my account. I don't check my story as much at all. I know he's going to watch it. Whereas, like, before, because I had blocked him and I'd been, like, very like this, but I knew he had fake accounts.

I was, like, searching it up. Like, if he hadn't seen it, I was like, oh. Yeah. Yeah. It's just no point. They're going to do what they want to do. If they want to watch your stories, if they don't, it really is their prerogative. Yeah, and don't try to change them.

Like, even after the breakup, like, don't try to change them. Oh, my God, because it's not your place anymore. No. Also, you shouldn't have to try to change anyone, really. Yeah, 100%. If they're destined to be above. They're going to be a bum for the rest of their life. And that's none of your business anymore.

Yep. Do not make excuses for all their bad behavior. Like, you don't need to, like, justify it and be like, oh, they actually were a good person. Because when you go through the breakup, you just kind of, it's so hard to, like, remember, like, all the times you're really sad, I think. Because you kind of just, like, latch on to, like, just the good times. Or even if you know the bad times, you just, like, it doesn't matter because you're, like, clinging onto the familiarity. Yeah. It's so hard to say.

No, your brain just does this thing where it's like yearning for what was normal. Yeah. On a psychological level, it makes complete sense. But you've got to set yourself a time limit on that. Do not stay in a situation shit. I would know this. By experience, do not stay in the same situation ship loop. If it didn't work out the first time, it's not going to work out for the second, third or fourth.

God forbid you even go for a second. you're better than this, basically giving myself advice. Like, you deserve to be with someone that actually really likes you and wants to be with you and not just for your body. Yeah, and on that, do not recycle X's. Don't, don't do it, because unless you just want to have, like, SEX or something like this and you feel like you can fully de-attack, I personally couldn't do that. But do not recycle them.

Because at the end of the day, what you're doing is stopping yourself from meeting out people that are more aligned to you better suited to you and come on like you owe yourself to meet new people yeah yeah you're just wasting time but then i don't know because some people don't some people like get back together and then they're amazing after i don't know i feel like yeah the context of everything but i do recommend like meeting on not a situation ship loop If you want to go back, make sure it's, like, iron grid, like, you guys are it, completely official. There's no weird openness, ambiguity. But if it's like a situation ship, like, come on.

Yeah, have standards. Seriously. It'll probably make you want you so much more as well, the fact that you're done and, like, don't want him back if it was a case. Yeah. Also, I feel like people expect that. They expect, like, now that you're single and, like, your old situation ships, they're probably thinking, like, oh, she's going to want to get on it. Like, no, I really don't.

No, like, I think it's a flex if your ex never reaches out to you after a breakup. Like, he would know that, okay, she has enough self-respect to never actually want to get with me again. Like, none of my exes have reached out to me to this day. And I'm like, oh, my God, I'm so grateful because I don't look like a mug to them. Like, I've made it so flippin clear to them that I do not want them, the biggest flex. And I think that is the way to be. That is good. Yeah.

But you did go back to it. Um, yeah, that was on my terms. Oh, yeah, fair, fair. But still not good. Okay, let's move to do's. Yes. Build a no contact reward system. Yeah, so, okay, give us an example, though.

We need a bit more contacts. Yeah, so basically, I am a big preacher of no contact. As soon as you're done, there is no reason for you guys to still talk to each other unless you have kids or, like, legal shit going on. But with a no contact thing, we get it. it's really hard to like immediately like cut someone out of your life give yourself like a little like I don't know timeline like okay it's been seven days okay it's now been 30 days wow it's six months oh my gosh it's been a year because by the time you like get to the end of the timeline like

your seven day period or your 30 day you're like I've gotten this far do I want to like why would I do that to myself like jeopardize my improvement yeah true and also with no contact. It also means no contact anywhere. That's very clear. Like you can't just be like not speaking to them but then stalking their stuff because that isn't no contact, which is something I learned recently. Like you have to be fully just not done. Yeah. Okay. Another like more simple one is do watch something or like get into a TV show or like a funny podcast. Actually not this one at this point because because we're on breakup. So we don't want to be like reminded of your breakup. I feel like you need to watch something like a like a TV show or like something to take your mind off it completely doesn't need

to be a relationship be lovey based yeah something that's just like fun easy to watch that you laugh at yes you know because you're sad all the time you do not want to be like sad all the time so do watch something that just makes you laugh okay a random niche of television content that we suggest you watch Japanese reality TV shows it's more like game based why is this we I've not been briefed on this Sorry, I. So, Japanese reality TV shows the best because it's not relationshipy, lovey-dovey-based, because everything on Western TV, it's all just love, sex, hook up, like, the perfect match, new man, love is blind, love island.

Yeah, true. Japanese TV show is, like, classic, like, just games, really funny, trivial stuff. Like, there's a game show that I watch on Netflix. it's like how specifically you can cut things right in the middle and they're like measure it by the millimeter it is so deeply satisfying it's so interesting because you like learn about I guess like the surface area of objects I don't think it's bizarre I think it's a cool way to like get your mind off things that you know what I also would suggest is like cooking like yes this I don't watch it on TV but on

TikTok, like new recipes and people are doing it and I'm like, and they're talking about stuff and they're like cooking and or I'm like, oh, or they're like doing something like very satisfying, I guess maybe cutting something. Yeah, yeah, like cooking content is so good. And it's like educational as well because like you might want to do that recipe. Yeah, true, true. Okay, another one is do change your space in some way. So say like even if it's just like, so you're in the nest of the breakup, you're changing your. sheets you're buying a new plant you're i don't know doing something to like switch it up a little bit a revamp is actually so helpful it gives you something to do and it kind of like marks a new chapter of your life

you're like okay let me actually buy that piece of art that i wanted yeah reset yeah or like let me i don't know even just like having an air freshener like incense sticks the energy is like getting flushed it's like yeah a new era yeah you honestly have to just clear out the room honestly open up your entire house, your entire apartment, and waft all the air out, even if you don't have sage, just push it out. 100%. Because honestly, when you have, like, a new space, it just declotters your mind. Yeah.

And it kind of, like, tells your brain, like, okay, we're going through a little change. Like, it kind of grounds you back into reality. Yeah. Yeah. And it's also just nice to just, like, have something new. Oh, 100% like, fresh new sheets. like from the store, like a new print or something. Yeah.

Okay, one thing you're going to do, you're going to romanticize the shit out of your life. Yeah. Because life is great. If you really think about it, if your relationship ended, if you're like in a safe, healthy position, like, you are so lucky.

Even just going out and having like the most amazing conversations with your friends. Oh my gosh. Yeah, just like romanticize your friends. Romanticize even just like going to work. and having like a purpose on a daily basis. And romanticize investing time in yourself. Like self-care, you know, feeling good, you know, working on yourself. You've got your life back again.

Like, you get to have the exact routine that you want and you don't have to change it for anyone else. Like that space that someone else took, you're getting back. So romanticize the shit out of it and make the most of it. Yeah. And it's actually, it is kind of fun too. Like, it's just. fun being, dude, life is so great. Yeah. Like even for myself, like today I'm like, oh,

I get to do like fun little errands. I'm like seeing you. I've got like this purpose that I'm doing like podcasts. I get to talk about positivity and like we've got a guest after this. And then like tonight I'm just going to like stay in, get delivery. Like little things like that is so joyful. And sometimes we forget how privileged our lives are. Yeah, literally. We like look at where we live like we live in such a safe i'm i know it's london but like yeah we're like safe yeah we have a nice light be grateful gratitude is everything i think gratitude is such a great way to heal because you won't feel that grateful straight after you just know exactly because you're just like wallowing which is so normal but after the tears have like shattered like

it's such a nice mental exercise to be able to be like oh my gosh i have this to be grateful that to be grateful like list those down yeah list what's good in your life yeah i think when you can visualize it you're like oh wow i have this much going on for myself little exercise what's top five things you're grateful for right now my friends my family grateful for us like doing a passion and like sticking by it and i'm grateful for myself because i am a great fucking human and i am the prize you're the one that brought yourself this far do you know what i mean yeah like this journey that you're on like with your breakup like you've come so far because it's a choice that you made yeah giving yours okay so the same like friends and family my health that is so important like the fact

that we're able-bodied i can use every single part of my body without fail that is like something that you have to be grateful for grateful for just i guess same as yours basically the ambition and motivation. Grateful that you're a good person and you're nice and you're funny and you're kind and you're good-hearted, all of that. No, like the best support system we've got, don't you reckon? There is not a moment in my life where I feel like I'm alone and I'm not loved because there is so much love around me and I feel that like every day, whenever I'm hanging out

with like, you or like any of my other friends, I'm like, damn, like, these are my people. Like, this is what love is. Like, I have completely reclaimed my definition of love now. How lucky are we? We are very lucky. I hope you're doing this exercise with us. You list down top five things you're grateful to, okay? Because, like, even just doing this, I feel like, oh my God, I feel amazing.

Yeah, I feel amazing too. But also, I feel like, Jesus, I even forgot about, like, a massive one that's so, like, health. Like, how did I forget that? Right. Another thing that you should do is write down what you do not want. Oh, that's a very helpful and powerful exercise. And I don't think you should, like, stare at it or anything because you don't want to, like, manifest that into your life. But I think you should write down what you maybe didn't like about your last thing and that you do not want to repeat ever again.

Yeah. And I think when you write it down, you can actually, like, visualize, okay, these are actually my future boundaries. Yeah. Back to the lists. Make a list of all the small wins. Even if it's emotional. Even if it's like, oh my gosh, I didn't cry today. Yeah.

You know how it is. like the first month of a breakup, the first two months even, you are just crying. No, I mean, it happens. I was like that for the first three months as well. It is a big shock to the system. It's not like you're crying every day though. Like it's just like a one random day and you're like, oh, Jesus. It happens.

It's human. Also, where women like hormones do like play a factor. But celebrate the wins. Celebrate the fact that, oh, I only cried once this month about it. All the wins, you've got to take them. and you've got to do something for it. You can't just be like, woo-hoo, you know, go out with a friend or get a deliverer or, you know what I mean?

Yeah, do something nice for yourself. Like, always just treat yourself. Yeah, literally. Treat you better than any man could. Exactly. Like, you have that power in you. Yeah. Elma, this is for you.

Practice saying no. Without feeling, like, bad about it or having to explain it. No, I 100% agree. Like, you really do need to, like, put yourself those boundaries, say no because it's like a health thing as well. You don't want to burn yourself out by committing to so many things, so many activities. That has been like my biggest challenge this year because I think my first instinct, I guess, after breakup was like, I'm going to say yes to everything.

I want to be in the moment. I want to be with all my friends. I'm going to say yes to this holiday. But like this year I'm really learning like the wrath of it because I am consistently burnt out. My back hurts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I literally sleep on, like, two hot water bottles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got to, you've got to just preserve oneself. A hundred percent. You're, like, doing this out of the self-interest of your health.

Yeah. The health that I'm grateful for. I'm about to go back to them. You've got to maintain it. Yeah. Anyway, so that's our do's and don't, to be honest. There's probably going to be more. We'll think of them and we'll come back. Maybe they'll be a part three. I know. I feel like the list will keep growing and growing as we learn more things. and I'll break up tired.