The Break-Up Diet - Do I Actually Like Them… or Do I Just Want Them to Want Me?

Episode Date: January 1, 2026

It’s the first episode of the year — and the first solo episode of The Break-Up Diet.No co-host, no script, and way too much pressure… until I realised that’s kind of the whole problem.In this episode, I’m talking about letting go of the January “glow-up” pressure, navigating a new era of the podcast alone, and why you don’t need to have your entire life figured out just because it’s a new year. After a year full of breakups — romantic and work — I’m reflecting on what I’ve learned, what I ignored, and how I’m approaching this next chapter differently.We get into:Why January can feel lonely (and why you’re not broken for feeling it)The difference between actually liking someone vs. just wanting to be chosenSituationship red flags you should not be entertaining this early in the yearHow to do a “reset” without burning yourself outSimple tools to figure out what areas of your life actually need attentionMy non-negotiable rules for a glow-up that’s about standards, not aestheticsThis isn’t a “new year, new me” episode.It’s a new year, less bullshit episode.Whether you’re fresh out of a breakup, questioning your dating patterns, or just trying to breathe your way into the year — this one’s for you.Happy New Year 🤍 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Buckle up, bitches. It's going to get bumpy. This is the breakup diet. I want to start this episode off by saying I need to chill the fuck out because the amount of times I have filmed or tried to film this episode is actually ridiculous. And I've kind of caught myself because I'm like, why am I putting so much pressure on myself to get this first solo episode to be like perfect and great? And it's a first of January and I need it to be like,

like good and motivational and I'm doing it all alone now because obviously Ilma has left the podcast and I'm doing it alone and now I'm also putting so much pressure on myself that I've just had to literally refilm this maybe four or five times and then I was like why am I stressing myself out so much and also the whole point of like what I wanted to speak about today and in all those previous episodes that I've filmed and like cancelled was about not putting so much pressure on having to have this massive glow up in January because it's the beginning of the year and you need to like shift your whole life and make it better and everything has to be like better in every department you know and I'm sat here not even able to film because I'm putting that pressure on so

basically I need to breathe we all need to breathe, although it's the beginning of the month and it's like a new year, that doesn't mean we have to like stress ourselves out. Because life is already so stressful already. We do not need to be adding more stress to ourselves. So that is what I want to speak about today. And I also want to, I do, although I'm saying, don't stress yourself out and have to have a massive glow up, I think it would be fun at the end or maybe in the middle of this episode somewhere talk about how to feel better within yourself and like make your life like basically reset and glow up this January if you want to. But I also want to say you do not have to do it in January to have a successful year or the beginning of January to have a successful year.

If you want to do this like reset and you know self-development type of thing, you can also do it in February. That's okay. Or March, you know, wherever you want to. to do it, whatever you want to take this episode and have this reset, you can do it. I kind of mentioned it at the beginning, saying that like obviously this is a solo podcast now. Ilma has left, unfortunately, which is very sad. So I had a work breakup at the end of last year too. I had a massive year of breakups for myself personally.

So I had my first ever relationship breakup. Obviously, if you've listened to the podcast, you would know this. But if you haven't and you're a new listener, and you're tuning in on the first day of the year, then welcome, and I'll give you a little backstory. So yeah, I had my first ever breakup from like a two, just over two year relationship. That was really hard.

And something I learned about myself, I learned about myself was that I don't take my own advice. You know, I was bad after my breakup. Like, I was not, I was not level-headed and I was not giving good advice to my, like, I was giving good advice, but I was not taking it. So that was kind of funny to see because obviously like with my friends, or not obviously, with my friends, like, I'm normally that person that they go to for advice because I'm like quite understanding and like level headed a lot of the time. So yeah, it was kind of funny when I was

going through my own breakup that I wasn't like that at all. I was kind of shocked of, shocked to myself. Maybe in an episode this like this year or not maybe, I definitely will. I'll tell you guys all the crazy things that I did. post-breakup because I definitely was a little bit crazy and I'm just going to hope that my ex doesn't watch this because I mean he knows most of it anyway but make sure you don't judge me and also keep in mind that this was my very first breakup so I feel like your very first breakup you're allowed to be a little bit like cuckoo I think it's allowed you know anyway I also at the end of last year I had the work breakup with elma because obviously she's not doing this anymore

And although we haven't had a fallout and like there's no bad blood, nothing like this, it's like a new era for the podcast and I have to navigate how it's going to run now. Like what I'm going to do in this new year, who I'm going to like have on and it's all like a decision by myself. So although this like new era is exciting, it's also really scary because I said at the beginning of this podcast, like I have to do things alone now. Like, I don't have a partner there to bounce off with me. I don't have, like, someone to even bounce ideas off with. I don't have someone to, like, put in their input as well, which, like, makes it very stressful.

Because at the end of the day, if you guys don't like listening to this and if you don't want to listen to the podcast anymore, that's on me. Like, that's because you don't want to listen to me, basically. And, like, what I'm putting out alone. So, 2025 was a massive, massive year for me. and sorry I'm kind of doing like a wrap up in this episode. It's because obviously on Christmas Day we had Elma leaving the podcast. So Merry Christmas, everyone. I hope you celebrated well and I hope you got spoiled and spent time with loved ones.

And I hope there wasn't too many family dramas or awkward chit chats around the table. And then also, happy New Year's because today is the first of the month. obviously I'm not filming this on the very first day of the month because I'm going to be in Barbados, which I'm super excited about. And this trip was actually kind of booked because my friend and I, we were like, we need to do something fun to end off this really crappy year that we just had. So we've decided to go, we decided to go away for Christmas and for New Year's and have like, just a fun girls trip to really set the tone of the new year as being more fun.

But yeah, happy Christmas and happy new year. So although January is like a stressful time I find, don't be too hard on yourself this January is what I want to get at. Because January is a month, I always find it's quite lonely and you're not alone. Let's talk about today maybe some ways you can not reset your life because I don't think you need to reset your life. But if you're wanting to have a year that's productive and has less bullshit, then maybe some of my tips in this episode and some of my like pieces of advice can help you to do that. So we're not having like a new year, new me. We're having a new year less bullshit.

Anyway, so my friend was telling me about something earlier. and it's basically, it's called like the wheel of life. And maybe I'm going to insert a photo so you guys can see what I'm talking about. But the wheel of life has like lots of different categories in it. So you basically look at this wheel of life and then you rate yourself from one to den in each of these categories. And the categories are like family, finances, fun, partner, career, community health, friends. Anyway, so you basically rate all these different categories out of 1 to 10. And then as a starting spot of like what to target and what to like work on first,

you go with the lowest rating. For example, the lowest categories I think for me would probably be finances. My health is pretty good. My friends are pretty good. my, I mean, finances, a partner, that those two categories I definitely should work on. And then maybe fun? Yeah. Because I have good friends. I have good health. I have good, a good community. I have good family. Yeah. Oh, career. So those are like my lowest ones. It'd be the finance, fun, partner and career. So those are the categories that I'm probably going to end up working on.

And when I do this wheel properly and actually like rate them properly on how good they are right now, then I'll know which ones to start with because they have the lowest rating. It's basically helping you pinpoint where you want to start so that you can, you know, have a balanced life and like make it all work together. tab a thing is where I'm going with with this. So that is something that you can do that's really easy that can help set the tone of the year really fast and also help you get on this like path of like success because that's what we want for 2026 is success, you know?

We want to have a balanced life, I think. Well, that's what I want. So I'm hoping that somebody else is listening also wants that. Another thing that my friend told me to do in early 2026, and like at the end of 2025 was to pick somebody, like if you have an idol, you basically put them into your life. So if they,

you ask yourself, if they were able to run your life and like make all the changes, what would they change in your life right now? So that's like a good question you can ask yourself to like, you know, make you think outside of the box of like, okay, maybe I need to change that or maybe I need to work on this

to them be better. So yeah, that's basically like my two little tips and proactive things that you can do to help you like think about what you want this year, who you want to be, where you want to be, what you want to be doing, who you want to be doing it with. Because those are all really important things that like we're kind of conditioned at the beginning of the year, like January to think about. So instead of like getting down and being like lonely this January because there's a lot less like festivities going on because obviously in December there's so many plans that happen and like people are so social that in January you sometimes feel a bit lonely because it's like there's not as many plans and people are hermitting

a bit more and like taking a bit more time inside maybe especially like in London. So with this spare time that you have, I would be thinking about those sorts of things because you might as well. Like if you can't say what you want and if you can't like visualize what you want, then I think that's a problem because I think it's good to be thinking about those things so that you can like manifest it into your life and you can make it a reality. So yeah, that's my two little tips with that. January is like a month of situationships. So if you catch your going into a situation ship this January, be careful. Honestly, be so careful because situationships can just make you lose yourself and they can be so toxic and you can just like

second guess so much and you don't need to be doing that. And I really highly advise you don't do this at the beginning of January or in January at all because it can just like totally mess up your entire year and we want to be like succeeding this year and we want two thousand twenty six to be a great year so i'm really really advising you not to have a situation ship in january at least at least do it like if you're going to do it like do it maybe february no have a situation ship maybe like just before summer or something or in summer so that you can like go traveling with them or something like this. Situation ships and like how to spot like red flags in the situation ship.

So basically if they're not making plans with you in advance and it's always like very last minute, I think that's a red flag to look out for. I think if they never want to leave the house, that's also another red flag to look out for because just because you're having a situation ship doesn't mean it has to be boring and doesn't mean that like they don't have to put in any effort. That's another one. Like if they're not putting in any effort, that's also like a crappy situation ship.

At least like get them to be putting an effort if you're having a situation ship. Like you might as well get the free flowers and get the nice dinners and all this sort of stuff. Like utilize that. If you are going to do it, utilize it is my piece of advice. And also stop compromising your own time for someone that wouldn't choose you. 100%. That is a, it's not a red flag, but this is just more like a general tip in getting into a situation ship. If you are in one or you're kind of want one or anything like this, I would just say, like, make sure you don't compromise what you love doing and what makes you happy because you want to

see them more and they wouldn't do it for you. So as long as you're like on your right path, then do it, have fun, whatever. But if you're starting to like sacrifice those things, then I think you need to like really think about it a bit more and do some like realignments is my piece of advice. And my last thing I want to say in this episode, sorry, it's so up in the air and la la la, la, but something that kept coming up for me when I was talking to friends and friends of friends at the end of 2025 was like a question I kept asking people when they were telling me about different situations is and also that I was asking myself to be honest like I definitely asked myself of this a few times was do I actually like them or do I just want them to like me?

And I feel like a lot of the time you kind of like whether because of your ego and because of like all these different situations before and how stuff has played out in the past. You just want people to like like you and choose you. And especially if you've gone through a breakup and you feel like they've not chosen you, then you kind of look for that when you're dating and after. So a big question this year when you're dating and if you're unsure and if you're like not sure of your own intentions, ask yourself that question. Ask yourself, do I actually like them and do I actually want them?

or do I do I just want them to want me? Because I feel like a lot of the time it's you just want them to want you. And the moment they do, then you don't really like them. Or you're like, oh, it's not all that. So, yeah, we need to kill that in general because you should always be thinking, you shouldn't be like just wanting somebody to want you because that's just like an ego thing. You just, you need to be sure and confident.

And that's something that we all need to do for 2026 is be sure on ourselves and not make decisions just because they're ego. Okay, I'm going to do a little quick little thing of. I know this whole episode I've been saying don't have a reset if you're like, you know, don't put too much pressure on yourself to like have a reset in January. But if you're wanting to have a reset and you're wanting to have a glow up, I do have some tips. So I'm going to give you like five rules to have this glow up and this reset in January

to start it off with like a bang. you're wanting to do that, but you don't have to just do it in January for it to be successful. Keep that in mind. Rule number one, stop entertaining people that wouldn't choose you. Okay? Stop it. Because it's not good and it's not going to help your glow up and it's just you're not going to get anywhere by doing that. So that is my number one rule, my very first rule, sorry, of this glow up reset era. Number two is upgrade your standards, not just your outfits and not just your like physical appearance. You need to upgrade your standards, especially in dating and set the boundaries and make sure you're clear with what you want

and stop letting shitty men and shitty boys and shitty things into your life. That also includes friends. If they're not like turning up for you the way that you're turning up for them, then bye bye. See you later. Rule number three is be obsessed with your own life. So make your life the main character. You don't need to like be looking at people's social medias and like influencers or celebrities and be like, oh, I wish I had their life. Try to make your life something that you would be proud of and something that you would be like, oh, not even something that you'd be like, oh, I wish I had that because you have that. You need to make your life amazing. And if that means you need to like grind.

a bit more in a certain category, do that because it won't be forever and then the payoff will be massive. Number four is discipline is sexy. So I think you need to make good habits this year and yeah, stick by them because, yeah, discipline is sexy being somewhere on time. Like if you tell your friends you're going to be there on time, be on time. If you say, you're going to start doing more Pilates, make that a habit. So do that. And also, I know that I'm doing rules right now, but I just had a thought is I heard this piece of advice and I think it's really useful for somebody wanting to like, you know, reset bad habits and like, you know, make good plans for the new year and be successful is don't write a list of things to do, write a list of things

that you want to not do anymore because I think it's easier to like take away a bad habit than to like implement one sometimes and I actually did hear on a podcast that if you are trying to make a new good habit or do something you have to like sync it up with a habit that you already have. So for example, something that I do is like I really love to go to the gym in the morning. So I don't know how they do this but they so say I want to. to then also make sure I only drink matcha and less caffeine. I then go to the gym in the morning instead of like getting a coffee after I'd be getting a matcher.

I don't know if that makes sense, but like you kind of link it up with the habit that you already have. So that way it's like doesn't feel like you're having to like go out of your way to like do this whole new habit starting off. You kind of just like add it on if that makes sense. so that is a little tip another rule i have is stop explaining yourself too much that you don't need to explain yourself too much if you have a reason to feel a certain way and like you know the way that that's made you feel say your point and leave it you don't have to then give examples and

like backtrack and like overthink things and all this sort of stuff so i think stop explaining yourself. That is a rule I have for 2026. And my final rule of like this glow up, if you must, is you have to be the one who's choosing to have this glow up and this reset and this, you know, whole new era. Because if you're doing it for somebody else, you've already failed. Like, you've already failed. And there's no point because you can't sustain it. So, keep all of those in mind and I hope this like glow up step by step is helpful so yeah thank you for listening to the breakup diet sorry it was a bit random I'm hoping I'm gonna get better at these but at the moment it's a bit awkward and it's a bit like hard because I'm so many different ideas and

so many different thoughts and no one to like help steer the episode in the correct direction but please keep watching keep listening it's only going to get better, I promise. And if it's not, at the end of the day, it's fine because this will just stop. So, thank you for listening. And I hope you have a great rest of your day, or, you know, I don't know when you're listening to this, but have a great time doing whatever you're doing right now. And lots of love, happy New Year.