The Break-Up Diet - Don’t Do This After a Breakup- Do This Instead ft. Lydia Mae

Episode Date: July 30, 2025

Breakups hurt—there’s no way around it. But what if that pain is actually the catalyst for your biggest glow-up yet?In this raw and eye-opening episode, co-hosts Yaz and Ilmz sit down with breakup coach Lydia Mae, who shares the kind of real, no-BS advice that flips everything you thought you knew about heartbreak on its head. When Yaz opens up about still struggling to move on, Lydia offers a powerful reframe: those messy, tear-filled moments? They’re not setbacks—they’re your healing in motion.One of the most surprising takeaways? Lydia’s insight into how men experience heartbreak. Spoiler: it’s not the emotionless, move-on-quickly stereotype we’ve all been fed. With nearly half her clients being male, Lydia shines a compassionate light on the silent struggles many guys face post-breakup.This conversation dives deep into practical tools for recovery—from creating a “relationship reality check” list to break the cycle of romanticizing, to the unexpected power of dancing alone as nervous system regulation. Lydia even opens up about her own breakthrough with Reiki healing, showing just how deeply our bodies store emotional pain.Still checking their Instagram every five minutes? Lydia’s got you. Her take on blocking is one of the most freeing analogies we’ve ever heard: “It’s like peeling off the plaster every five minutes to see if the wound’s healed.”Whether you're freshly heartbroken or still carrying ghosts of relationships past, this episode delivers comfort, clarity, and real tools to help you move forward.As Lydia so perfectly puts it, “The hardest chapters, like a breakup, can often be followed by the most beautiful ones.”Ready to turn the page?Send us a textInstagram: @thebreakupdietpod TikTok: @thebreakupdietpodEmail: [e-mail]

Welcome back to another episode of The Breakup Diet. This is Yazan Ilms, and we've got an exciting guest on with us today. Lydia May, the breakup coach. Hi. I'm so excited to be here. Thank you for having me. We're so excited to have you here. We need you. Like, you're going through a breakup.

I've been through one that I'm still, like, hung up on him. Like, help. No, I feel like I've come at the right time then. This is all goes. Perfect timing, some would say. It's honestly, you think that it wouldn't be that. like hard to get over I feel like I actually feel like well I'm talking about me personally right now I didn't think it'd be that hard but I'm still like have days where I'm sad let's switch it up

we've been holding back way too much welcome to the breakup diet yeah and I think it's I think it's natural I think I know people say this all the time and sometimes I'm a bit like oh that that phrase but healing isn't linear and it's right reminding yourself of that and like having compassion for those days think a lot of people are like, oh, why do I feel so bad? It's been a couple of days of me feeling good. And then suddenly you might have a setback. Some people like to call it. But actually it's like sometimes when you have those down days, they're actually the most powerful breakthroughs. Because when you have those down days, that's when you have to really feel to heal. So to have those, like when you're getting to those points when you're really

holding on to those emotions and you're releasing them, you're letting them out, whether you're having a good cry or you are letting out for some frustration or anger, that's all a release of stuff that's stored in you, right? So it's always some form of breakthrough to have those negative emotions. And obviously, it's amazing to have those days where you feel really positive and upbeat. But also those down days, I often remind my clients that they're not always the worst thing. In fact, in many ways, they can be the most powerful part. So what do you do then?

I don't know if you have, do you have male clients as well. I do. Yeah, absolutely. So they're not all monsters. No, they're not. No. And actually, when I was going, when I was going into this line of work, what was really interesting was obviously I knew that the men went through breakups as well but I just didn't think

that men went through breakups quite how we did in that sense I was almost like because obviously from my perspective I was like oh you know they're monsters things like that but it really isn't it really isn't from my experience when I have a bad experience I'll be like that's it I'm done but actually men do go through breakups and actually you know obviously this is a sweeping statement it's not always the case but sometimes men don't really talk to each other as much and so I actually find that a lot of people that have been reaching out to me for support have been men. It's actually, I would say, an equal split, sorry, between men and women. I asked that question because, obviously, you said with, like, the breakthroughs, like,

there's a lot of crying and it's, like, a lot of talking. And typically, what I've seen, like, men don't seem to cry as much as women do. They just follow a lot of girls on Instagram. They do. They do. They do that. For ego boost. Is that for ego boost? I think there's lots of things that go on.

I think sometimes people act out of, um, if they want to kind of ignore their emotions, and not really deal with what's going on, they might maybe jump to a rebound relationship or jump to something new quite quickly or just completely ignore their emotions altogether and act like they're totally fine. I mean, women obviously do that as well. But I think it's been really interesting being a coach

and having 50% male and female clients to really hear male's perspectives and the fact that they actually often feel that they don't speak to that many people about it and that's why they seek help from maybe a therapist or a coach rather than, let's say, a friend. I was very surprised at how many male people were reaching out to me. I have to ask you.

Are only off them hot? So I really do have a very firm boundary with that because it's like almost like being like a like a coach. It's like, no, I'm here to help you. That wasn't what my question was going to be. I never crossed that boundary. It was just over here horny. Like, chill out.

I was like over here ready to ask like, I don't know, a meaningful question. Now I've forgotten it because you're like, are they hot? Sorry, ask. I don't know what it is. I'm sorry. But like, okay, in a serious note, it is nice to be able to humanize men because I'm on such a, like, man hate journey

that I feel like they're mean, they dump you, then they move on really fast, they don't care about you, like, once they're done with one body, they move on to the next. I just feel like, do they like women? I'm going to add to that, sorry, I'm going to start with it, I'm going to add to it because you feel like they break up, even if you've had a nice relationship, they break up and then they're instantly, you know, out in the clubs or out. in the bars are following those girls on Instagram and it makes you just feel like the nice person that you remember when you were with is just didn't even care even if they were the more

emotional one in the relationship absolutely and that's why it's so confusing like yeah why do they do that it really be a coping mechanism it really is it's like almost like that suppression like because you absolutely they go through the same process as as women like they they feel that void just naturally, whether the breakup ending was right or not, you still form an emotional connection and attachment to someone right. So even if it's the right thing that you part ways or maybe you want to like bargain and get back with them, it doesn't matter, irrespective of that, you form that connection.

So everyone has that process of detachment and our brain really craves what's familiar. So even when we break up with someone, we still might be seeking them and seeking that support. So people might go out and try and find it early on in other avenues. so they might go up and maybe get with lots of people or they might just do more self-destructive behaviours and things like that to try and cope and fill that void and have that quick connection. I just couldn't think of anything worse.

To sleep with someone. Sleeping with someone. But the whole new connection, building that, be vulnerable all over again, let your guards down. I'm two years on and I still don't know how to let my guards tell. Yeah, and I think that's natural as well.

I think it's about, I think when some people go through breakups, they want to move on quite quickly. I think that's like, it is okay to date quite soon. after it is absolutely like if you feel like you're ready to but also like i think there's something really beautiful about taking your time after a breakup to really go back to the drawing board and be like okay who am i now without this person like what are my values now this is something i do with

my clients a lot we'll go right sit down what is important to you because what might have been important to you if you maybe if you're in a six year relationship what might have been important to you at 22 might not be important to you at 28 now right so it's about really helping to like rediscover who you are independent outside that relationship they're really helps and being single for a bit after a breakup is a really beautiful time to do that because you learn to become your own support system as well okay but now i'm in this phase where i'm like okay i've discovered myself i love who i am the best i've ever like looked felt all that amazing love that but how do i like get back into the game about like sort of letting your guards down

hang on let's stop this for a sec subscribe and follow the breakup diet you don't want to miss another episode ask yourself those questions okay what is it that I am nervous about and almost like writing it journaling it and saying okay I would like to go on a date with someone what am I what's like the worst case scenario what am I really scared that's going to happen write it out like for yourself so you're almost like putting it instead of letting it just kind of like bubble up there you're really getting it out in the open and being like okay this is what this is what my fears are recently all these connections that I'm seeing around me they just seem so temporary like I feel like I'll never be able to put my guard down because by the time I do, he'll have left me.

One key thing I would say is like, put having boundaries and like not being afraid to set them and just knowing, okay, well, I'm going to start dating again, but I'm going to, let's say, be really transparent with the guy who I'm going to date with, like, not the first time, the second that you meet them, you know, I'm going to say, like, I guess, like, I'm not having sex in you too. I might. Well, you say that I, you know, like I am dating with the intention to meet someone. And I'm not saying it has to be you, but I'm just saying like that is my intention of dating right now.

And I think what I'm finding certainly with a lot of my friends is that like people are going out and they're dating and people seem to be being a little bit more transparent. I know my friends certainly are about, okay, I know we're going on a date and not to like scare you off. Like maybe a couple of dates in that be like, by the way, I am dating with the intention to eventually have a partner or I am dating. If you want to be transparent, if you're dating just to sleep with someone, again, like, okay, like that's also fine. But it's like being transparent about like your boundaries and like what you are. expecting on your attentions for dating and then i guess that other person has the option to say we're not aligned in that way like i'm not looking for that and i think a lot of my certainly all my friends if i spoke to have had conversations recently where they've saved

themselves a lot of time because they've realized that they weren't aligned with their dating goals as the person they're going on a date with so they've like kind of said okay called it quits do you think you have to go on a few dates to actually know you've you fit i think it can be arranged because I I've known people to go on a first day and like have that instant. I think the spark thing is what can cloud everything. It's like, oh, hey, I didn't feel that complete full body like crazy spark. That means that we're not compatible. And I think there are some people that can be slower burn.

It's like, you have people that are in really good friendships and then it grows into a really beautiful relationship. People often say best foundation for a relationship is to have a good friendship as well. So they're kind of more slow burn, which would be a couple of days, let's say. but sometimes you do have that instant spark for myself to be less fixated on that like crazy instant spark and just like for me it's like being really aligned in values

and having that like feeling like I'm connected and I feel safe with them I feel safe and secure and feel like I can be my most authentic self with somebody that like knows that their breakup wasn't right but it's still struggling to let go of them what would you say to do

I would say for this one to write a list and have it you can have it on your note up you can have it in your journal but like a list of the reasons why you broke up and it doesn't even have to be that you made that decision it could be that they did but write about almost like not to be negative but like write about all the things that were really challenging in the relationship and like also you can write on the other side like your values and what's important to you and like maybe write about ways that they didn't align and it's not to kind of point the finger and blame someone and

say what you're doing how they behaved was wrong and I was in the right all the time but it's more to be like okay like yes I might miss them but we're not right for each other for the these reasons. And having that, it's like helping you take those rose-tinted glasses off and to stop romanticising the relationship. Yeah, because that's what happens when you go through a breakup. It's so weird. You just remember all the good. It's all about the what ifs and the good stuff and all these fantasies and not the actual reality. Yeah. Yeah. And then you're like, oh my God, like, why? And then you're like, actually, I wasn't happy. Yeah. Exactly. But you have to, it takes a lot of reminding. Like, you have to just go, okay, well, I'm feeling like I'm really

missing them, which again is okay, but then being like, okay, these are the reasons. You go through those phases of breakups. There's often like shock and denial and then there's kind of like maybe anger and frustration. Then there's that bargaining phase, right, where it's like people want to start going. That's the worst phase. Exactly. It's when the reality is kind of here and it's like sinking and then our brain, obviously, as you mentioned, craves what's familiar. So it starts

like trying to claw back and get everything back to that familiar normal state, which was being in a relationship with them. That's the toughest thing. That is for sure the toughest. Yeah, I agree. That It came pretty fast for me, and then it was, like, pretty long. Finally, not in it now, but I was for a long time. What helped you get out of that bargaining stage? I think time knowing that it's not, like, which sucks.

And also, I actually looked back on my notes, so this is really bad, and this wasn't to, like, be mean. And I didn't do it every time. But when I felt quite bad in our relationship about something, just the way that it made me feel, I had dotted it down in my notes out, and I, like, saw it, and I, like, read them. And it's like, it's just, it's just about having like a really raw, authentic moment with yourself going, okay, they might not have known that what they did hurt you in certain situations, but being like, and also they could probably have a list about you as well. Yeah, doubt it. Are you sure? We're perfect now.

I think they'd be making lists, but like, yeah, it's one of those things where it's like, no one is perfect. And like, I reflect, I've done a lot of reflecting on my last relationship. And like, I look at it now at the beginning, I was like, oh, I was really angry and I was thinking about all the things that they done to wrong me. It's not, again, it's like, it's really not about a blame thing. It's about framing it as like, okay, how can I grow from this? Like, how can I grow from learning about what I need more in a relationship, what my boundaries are in a relationship, what is important to me? But then also, okay, what did I do?

How did I act in a way that maybe I want to do differently next time? So again, like, looking at it from a very self-compassionate lens and not like blaming yourself for anything you've done, but just looking at it as an incredible growth opportunity. How many breakups have you heard? Three, three, like, proper boyfriends, but situationships. I mean, I don't know how I couldn't count. The last breakup was after a four-year relationship. So that was like my longest term breakup.

So that was kind of the one that's been, I guess, was the biggest experience of going through all the motions, all the stages and took me the longest to get over. That was my next question. I was going to say, do they get easier? It really varies. I think every relationship is totally different. And like, I guess it's the circumstances.

Is it something that you wanted? Is it a mutual decision? Was there still a lot of love there? Or did you really drift apart at the end? Like, it really, like, had, there's a lot of varying factors. I'd say for me, the last breakup was the hardest because of the length of time that we were together. But then also, we lived together, had a dog together, like, you know, all those, like, kind of things, which made it more, even more of like, that was my normal one minute to have it pulled away. It was really difficult.

How did he rebuild your life after? I moved to London for a little bit. And I think being with, like, friends who are also, funnily enough, going through breakups as well, I think that was really good to have that connection of people that were at similar to stage. Don't get me wrong at the beginning, I didn't do the things that I would advise doing, right? So I think it's almost like the reason why I become a coach and I like to give advice about what not to do is because I did the things that you don't do, right? So I think throughout that process, I started to like, you know, think, okay, I'm going down this spiral now. What, like, was it across roads? Do I like keep going there and like ignoring hand feeling or do I have a really honest look at like where I'm at and throw everything I can at like my healing and really.

working through this. And so luckily, I went the other way, which was good. And then that led me here to becoming a breakup coach. So life throws curveballs. Breakups and curveballs. So when you say you threw everything at like the healing, what does that mean? I got to a point where I had lost like all hope. And I wasn't actually a very spiritual person at all when I was going through my breakup. But I had a friend who traveled India and she'd gone to go her and she'd had a Reiki, which is like an energy form of energy healing. And she said to me, just try Reiki. Like, it's really helped me through my challenging times of life. And I was like, not really on board with Reiki. Like, don't really get it. Bit weird. Like, like, don't understand it. But she was like, what have you got to lose?

And I think sometimes when you go through a breakup, you can feel this sense of hopelessness that you're almost like willing to be like, I'll try anything. Like, I'll try anything that I think will help me. So I'd start doing Reiki. It, like, my first session just completely changed my life. Like something 180'd in me. And I had like a really big release throughout the session. And from that from then i remember going home to my mum and her being like something like you've like something shifted in you i've gone goose fast it was crazy like it was a really incredible experience and i'm not saying that every time someone has reiki like they have like they might have this like really intense like release and things like that but what i am saying is like it's powerful

helps you release blockages in your body and obviously had a lot of blockages around my heart area with a heart chakra then on top of that lots of journaling lots of exercise things like that to just like pouring into your own cup and doing things also build you up and bring you joy is really important. So when you say release do you mean like how does it manifest? Do you cry it out? For me at the time like I cried so much like I went in and I was really like tense and jittery but then throughout the process I was very much like crying, releasing felt like kind of tingles and warmth of my body and cool as well and again like not everyone will have sensational experiences like that but yeah it was this is somebody doing it to you right? Yeah so with

break you channel. I've had it. Have you? Wow, okay. So I had a panic attack when I was, sorry, this is off topic of breakups, but you just remind me because I was trying to work out whether I had like something else, but I definitely have had it because I remember laying on the bed and he was like, I'm going to clear something. I had my eyes shut and he was like, I could hear him like moving his hands or whatever, but my eyes were shut and whatever. Anyway, I remember it felt like a hairbrush with the bristles. It were being like pushed onto my head like this, like face, so the bristles going into my head. And I looked. up and his hands were like up here and so that must have been that yeah maybe yeah it was for a

panic attack and I've never had one since so what I do with my coaching is like by no stretch is it like pressure because some people like aren't uprake and that's absolutely fine but for me I offer it get them to tune into their body as well and be like hey I'm like if you think about the breakup right now where are you feeling that in your body and they might be like my chest or my my my stomach my solar plexis area which is here I think that's what's really powerful about it is you help people release things that are holding them back, release those obstacles that are going on in their body. And that's, I think, the best way to get over breakups is, like, nervous system regulation. Like, like, making your body feel safe.

It's so big. One of my biggest chips for going for a breakup, and whenever I tell people this, they laugh, but it genuinely is the, I think one of the main things that move the needle with my healing journey, apart from Reiki, of course, which I just didn't talk about 20 minutes, but dancing. What I would say is, like, putting on, this is what I genuinely tell my client to do, put on your like a really a song that just makes you really happy bonus points if it's something that made you happy as a child it's like tapping into your inner child as well um but putting your headphones

on you can go into your room lock the door go into the bathroom and literally just dance like don't overthink how you're being you're just dancing for yourself you're dancing to like shake any stagnant energy off your body it really is powerful because you are you're releasing blockages as you're doing that you're also regulating your nervous system so you're letting your body know that you're safe. And the more that you let after a breakup, your body know that it's safe, the more it actually helps the process of, like, I guess, attachment as well, because you're making your body feel safe without them. That's so interesting. We've never heard about it.

All right, we've got to start hitting the club, babe. But also, like, if you've got a lot of, like, anger and frustration in you, it's like, you know when, like, dogs, like, shake as well, like, people, like animals shake. Like, it's a really big thing. Like, if you just, like, have a full body shake, like, they call it, like, somatic shakes. So, like, we just shake out all the stress. It's going to be us, like, in the mid-session. Yeah. Every morning, like I'll wake up and it started kicking my legs, they're shaking.

And I was like, and then I have this moment where I'm like, God, I've changed so much. Like the past few years, like, I started to get all my friends to do as well. And they're like, at the beginning, everyone finds it kind of funny. And then they're like, actually, I did that dancing thing. And it's like the best thing ever. I'm like, yes, exactly. This stuff works. Oh, I'm so excited to try this.

So am I. Okay. So what's something that you tell someone to change their mindset? So when they come into you and they're really struggling with their breakup, is there anything that you can tell them that, like, helps them initially have a mindset reset. Granted, this can be hard to do at the beginning. Like, it's not always easy to just, like, view it like this because you have to have time to, like, grieve the relationship and just be pissed off, basically.

But as we've taken time to heal and process, instead of looking at it is like, okay, I'm such a victim of this situation, being like, okay, how can I grow from, so we're saying earlier, that how can I grow from this? How can I learn from this? And actually, I think people often come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime, right? And sometimes when people come in for a reason or a season, sometimes the people that we end up with are mirrors to us and they can actually trigger us

in a lot of ways but that's like highlighting wounds that we might want to like dig up and and deal with so there's like always a growth opportunity there like what is it teaching me what would you do for somebody that's like can't stop stalking and looking at their stuff because it's actually really bloody hard not to we always say don't stalk we talk I'm an FBI agent like I am someone should hire me because I will work out stuff that I shouldn't know and it's kind of fun and that I think is a massive problem like why is it kind of fun to like be like oh I was right it's like a heroin hit I hate it I feel dirty afterwards that's what makes you feel dirty afterwards firstly having again compassion like okay that was

that was something that is very common to one right because you're craving again what's familiar you're like trying to have like that trying to have that emotional connection with them even if it's just through like social media and things like that I would always advise in the early stages about like blocking and muting because I really do think at the beginning it's really powerful and like if you I guess people mute sometimes but then they'll just like go on certain like or block them and then go on a fake account muting doesn't work for most people it's got to be like a block but also I want to like reiterate that it's like what reinforced it's like it's not petty like people somebody like it's blocking petty it's like it's not petty it's actually self-care and it's

like really like protecting your energy in that way and like ask us out okay how I did this last time, how did I feel after I did it? Did I feel amazing or did I feel a bit bad? I've actually made massive steps. I have not stalked him in literally like two weeks. Well done, yeah. Whereas before

I would. Yeah. That's good. Yeah, I know. I'm very impressed with myself and I also have a website so if anyone I don't know, have a website to see who they recently followed so I was I was deep in the, deep in the stalking. Deep in the hole of that. But I haven't used that.

I haven't looked at the stuff and I'm thriving. Well done. How do you feel about, like how do you feel towards yourself now that you've done that? For me, that in my head that I'm not wanting to do that. I'm like, wow, I'm actually maybe grieved enough and I don't want any more like pain. But you've sent a really clear message to yourself that you can go without it. You don't need it. Like you can still function day to day without having to check it.

Like you're sending a really clear message to yourself and to the universe as well. they like, you know, you don't need it. I think that's what stalking socials can be. It's like having a wound and like a plaster and like peeling it off every five minutes to see if it's healed. I'd always say to people do like set yourself, set yourself a 30 day countdown and like have it on your phone and be like, okay, at 30 days, if I want to, I can. It usually is, it gets to the point where someone will get to those 30 days and be like,

they'll be like, oh, I've come so far. Like, I don't want to give in now. Like I've done so long. So it's often like takes the weight. but also it makes it feel less scary. Like, whatever it is, like, celebrate those small, like, weekly wins of, like, not checking on, doing no contact. I didn't even say it as an achievement.

I just forgot to do it. And then I was like, that's even better. That means that it's, like, not even playing on your mind. It's, like, it's becoming less of, like, a conscious decision to be, like, I'm not going to. And just more of a, like, I'm great without it. I'm quite manic. I might not show that I'm manic, actually.

Like, I might be acting chill on the outside. I'm not chill on the inside, right? And then I do it so much that once I just don't care. You know what I mean? Yeah, you get it out of your system and then you feel like, ugh, I don't need to do that again. No, yeah. Like I'm not curious anymore. Yeah, it's the same thing.

I've seen so many girls being followed, so it's like, I don't need to see any more girls before. She's like boring now. Now I'm like, okay. That's what people always check first. It's not, I don't check the, I didn't check the grid. I check. Oh, no, no, no, nothing about, nothing about his grid. It was all on who he's following.

Right, and we all do it, but not letting you get out of hands. you know it's like part of your morning ritual you wake up check their socials but i think a lot of people yeah it does become it does become a routine which is so horrible like it's like a yeah it's like oh haven't done that yet let's go so something's missing today well over when i don't ask but yeah what would you do with somebody if they like have just found out that their ex has moved on and they've you know done all this progress felt really good and then like whenever it happens it's like a kick to the stomach you're like oh wait yeah they moved on so quickly Yeah. And I think when people see that their ex is moving quickly, I think it can obviously be really painful because it like stirs up a lot of like, okay, was I not enough? And I'm feeling all this pain and I'm not nowhere near at that point. How can they be at that point and I'm not? And it makes you feel like, okay, well, is there something wrong with me and you can be kind of really personalized experience. I think it kind of, not all the time, but I think sometimes it can be a little bit more ego driven than heart driven. Because actually happens quite a lot of my clients, like during the process of us doing this breakup coaching.

because they'll come to me at the beginning and then that might happen throughout the process is I like say use this right now as a way to choose yourself more fiercely so I was like right now it's not about them anymore it's almost like gives you I feel like it gives you a layer of closure

even though it can be really painful it can be a massive sting I think it really does help you shut the door even more and like yes it can be painful to I have a bit of hope ripped away like I have they moved on with someone else but I actually think long term it does the world of good

because it stops making you play on the what ifs it's more of a like, okay, well, they're actually moving on now. Going back to this beginning with men and women, so do men tend to feel it later? I have absolutely heard what you've said, that people sometimes, it'll be like a sort of male thing that they might jump into something quicker. But I guess, like, I've also known a lot of females, girls,

to do the same and, like, jump into rebounds. I guess it really just depends on where people are at in themselves and whether they're ready to, I guess, face those painful parts and, like, face their emotions in that way, rather than, you know, I guess, like, feeling a void in many ways. Yeah, like, I had a rebound immediately after my divorce. And when that ended, that's when I came to terms with the fact that, oh, like, I'm divorced. You know, like, the husband's gone.

Everything's gone. I'm by myself. Like, shit, where do I, like, start now? Yeah, like, I genuinely felt like my life started two years ago when I was completely single, actually just had no choice but to focus on myself and, like, heal. Yeah. You kind of get, like, almost get forced into it. Yeah.

But you've learned now probably through having a bit of time, being single that like you are okay by yourself and having that knowledge and going through life knowing that no matter what happens I'm actually sweet oh my god yeah myself like I'm okay it takes time to learn for sure and that's why I think a lot of people are very nervous about dating people that have just come out relationships they're like hang on have you have you healed and moved on from that partner or is that going to rear its head again and you're going to start processing that breakup delayed when we're together going out it's a really hard thing to navigate but I think trying to realize that maybe the narrative

that we run with isn't always correct. I feel like words can only mean so much. When their actions don't follow those words, it's basically manipulation. You were getting manipulated. Sorry, end off. Yeah. Yeah.

Absolutely, yeah. It's hard also. I just feel like with the breakup, people deal with stuff so differently. People do act in different ways. You're right with breakups. They have a, some people want to go, right, straight away, like, I'm going to really, like,

some people isolate completely, right? Some people might think, I don't want to speak to anyone. Some people will just start, trying to do some healing work and do some soul search other people might just run to someone out so it really is but i think it's what's difficult is when people aren't acting your ex-partner isn't acting the same way you are yeah we were together in the relationship why are you acting a way that i can't even fathom doing right now you know yeah it's like some people also go out drinking and want to do this i'm not like that i'm the officer i like like like to get home

i think one of the things i do say to my clients is like don't like trying to isolate yourself like if you need help like reach out to people reach out to me or reach out to family friends I think some people don't want to be a burden to their friends in many ways. Like, I don't want to keep boring them with me going through my breakup. I'm like, no, no, no. Like, how would you feel if your friend was struggling? They were looking at you and like saying, oh, I don't want to bother them. How would you feel?

And they'd be like, I'd be really annoyed. I want to support them. I'm like, it's the same way with you. Like, lean on your support system when you're going through it. Our breakup, I think, was actually for the best and like for both of us, but it still hurts so much. I think my reason is because of the communication being so different. what are some of other people's like things that people struggle with

self-esteem after a breakup I think it can really like knock people's self-esteem so that's a big one people want to work on and loneliness a lot of people feel quite lonely yeah I think that's definitely like loneliness and self-confidence are the biggest challenges alongside how do I sometimes people will come to me when they found out that their ex has moved on because that will kind of knock them

quite a bit and be like right I really I'm going to choose me now and try and get help and try and work through this in the healthiest way possible. Okay, I do want to end the episode in the positive note. Of course. What's been like the best success story you've had with your clients? So this might sound really cliche, but genuinely, every single client to me, like, they are a success story in their own, to themselves, right?

It's their success. Like, they have done all the work. So for me, I would say, and this, again, makes me emotional when I think about some of my clients that have come to me and filled out their forms of, like, their consultations and the way that they've spoken about themselves in the first few calls that we've had has been like obviously like lots of self-deprecation and negative talk.

And then to hear them a couple of sessions on having really moved the healing needle in their healing journey and being like speaking like, I am worthy, I do deserve more and I am good enough. And like hearing people say that when they were once saying the complete opposite genuinely gives me chills. And that's what, that's why I do what I do

because it lights me up so much to see people go from a place where they really are talking to themselves so badly to like having the most beautiful narrative in their head about themselves. And also they have their goals in the consultation form. They fill out when they're when they're like getting a discovery call with me. And they'll be like, my goal is to be hopeful about the future, let's say. And then to see them actually be that and be like, look, this is what you put. You know, although like maybe a couple of months ago, like now, look, look at you saying today

about how excited you are to move here or do this. And it's like the most beautiful thing to witness someone go through that and be like, breakups are really not the end. they are a new beginning in their own right so yeah i think it can be a really beautiful journey that was so beautifully said and i feel like okay my life's not over because i'm like this divorced old hag i say the hardest chapters like a breakup can often be followed by the most beautiful chapters thank you so much lydia this has been amazing yeah so insightful thank you guys 1,0.

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