The Break-Up Diet - Don’t Settle. Don’t Stalk. Survive.The First Month Post-Breakup Is Hell.

Episode Date: July 9, 2025

Ever found yourself obsessively checking your ex's "last seen" status at 2 AM or tracking their location through an app they forgot to disable? You're not alone. Breaking up in the digital age brings a whole new dimension to heartbreak, and we're diving headfirst into all the messy, embarrassing, and counterproductive mistakes we make during this vulnerable time.From stalking social media accounts to overanalyzing past conversations, we candidly share our own cringe-worthy post-breakup behaviours and why they're so hard to stop. We explore the psychology behind these patterns and discuss why the first month after a breakup is typically the hardest – with each week bringing its own unique challenges before healing truly begins.The conversation takes a fascinating turn as we examine how differently men and women tend to process breakups. Why do men seemingly move on faster? Is it emotional suppression or something else entirely? And what does modern dating in a global city like London look like when everyone has endless options at their fingertips? We don't hold back in discussing how dating apps have created a disposable dating culture where genuine connection feels increasingly rare.Perhaps most importantly, we advocate for maintaining high standards rather than settling for convenience. From social media behaviour that signals disrespect to the importance of finding someone who genuinely adds value to your life – we're passionate about the belief that true love shouldn't constantly feel like hard work. If you're navigating a breakup or trying to figure out what healthy love should look like, this raw conversation offers both solidarity and hope.Subscribe to The Breakup Diet for weekly episodes that combine humour, vulnerability, and practical insights. And stay tuned for our upcoming special as we take our breakup wisdom across the Atlantic to New York City!Send us a textInstagram:@the_breakup_dietTikTok:@thebreakupdietEmail: [e-mail]

Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the breakup diet. Today we're going to be talking about common mistakes you make during or after a breakup. I'm so guilty of them. I've missed so many, like so many that are so not helpful. We're just going to air it out. Use us as a cautionary tale. Okay, what have you done? I can list off one straight away. Looking at their WhatsApp scene, like last scene,

that one is nasty because you're like, oh, maybe they're doing the same thing, but then actually, no, they're probably just talking to a new girl. Well, I've still had his location on. I think he forgot to turn it off after he dumped me. So I would just like watch it relentlessly. I would try and like figure out and put two and two together.

Let's switch it up. We've been holding back way too much. Welcome to the breakup diet. So like if he was at like a different like restaurant, I'd try and match it with like a girl's story that he's recently following to see if they're like on a date. So like me? Yeah!

That would be cool, I was using Raya location. Yeah yeah yeah! I used like actual Find My Friends on Apple because he forgot to turn it off. He didn't turn it off like three months after we broke up. I could not have that, I would actually go nuts. I would be doing a full blown run in, 100%. It's crazy because like, while I'd be like stalking his location,

I was like in my slot error. Why did I care? Cause I was clearly moving on and doing stuff. Why was I like looking at his? Why was I looking at his WhatsApp activities was I looking as what's up activities? Yeah Because you want to know obviously like a breakup is so like it's like an ending and like and then you it's like a habit Before that you always talk to this person you always with this person You know so much about them and then puff this gone

So like it's hard to like rewind your brain to not care about this person that you have cared for for so long Why are your brain to not care about this person that you have cared for for so long? It takes so much time for you to like not care. Apparently it's meant to be half your relationship and I was like, oh, Jesus Christ, no thanks. A year does make sense. I'm not pining over somebody for a year, sorry. I've already had enough of myself.

Like I haven't, I still am obviously and it's been like what? Six weeks or something maybe maybe a bit less the first month I'm telling you is the worst if you can get through the first month the next 11 months is gonna be like cruisy it gets I better and better Significantly as each month goes because my first month actually got worse at the end So like yes, yes, so like the first two weeks, obviously I was really sad, don't get me wrong. Like I was still really fricking sad and everything.

But then I feel like I was kind of just pushing it a bit. And then week three, and I don't know if this is God, that obviously was trying to tell me something like he's moved on or whatever properly, fine. I don't know, this is me speculating. Like, but I was so sad on or whatever properly. Fine. I don't know, this is me speculating. But I was so sad on that week. Like so much more sad than any other time. I was crying all day, every day, all night, all the time. Then week four I kind of went away at the end. So that kind of... I still cried when

I was away drinking. And then week five I have cried a few times but not nearly as much and not the same level of tears like the same misery. It's less intense and just there comes a point where you're like oh I'm kind of done. Yeah I feel like I need to hit that point soon because it's just getting ridiculous like how can I be crying about somebody that's already like with somebody else? It's cuz you're a woman you've got class men don't they just need to like get under someone immediately they don't know how to be alone women know how to be alone we

know how to be independent that's why men are like threatened by us mmm I just don't get it I know we spoke about this already but I don't get it I don't get how I just don't it doesn't make sense you know what I mean like I don't get it. I know we spoke about this already but I don't get it. Like I don't get how. I just don't. It doesn't make sense. You know what I mean? Like I don't need like a quick validation hit or to know that I can go sleep with somebody attractive. Like I don't need that. It's because we're women. We know we can sleep with anyone we want. We just choose not to. We know that there's so many options. These men, they'll just go for whoever that's like right in front of them. They don't want to make an effort, but they want to have sex. So they'll just go to literally who's there two meters away. We're so much more different. We're so much more better. In a year's

time, you'll have fully moved on and he'll probably just like thinking about reconciling his year, being like, shit, this happened, I've done this, fuck. Like what? Yeah. I don't know, I think like also women look at things differently, maybe this is just me though. I don't think that there's that many people that you really get on with and like, you know,

have a really special connection with. It's so hard to find that connection now. Yeah, but we had not arguments, but disagreements about this because he was like, no, there's so many people out there. And I was thinking, he said that to you? Yes. That's a red flag.

No, but I mean, he was meaning like, I've obviously we talk about breakups because obviously we have a breakup podcast. So like, and but he would be like, he'd be like, no, yeah, there's so many like nice, good looking, like people in the world like in general like I don't agree with you thinking that is so hard but I was like yeah there are so many nice good looking people but I think to get to a deep connection yeah that's hard that takes time some people don't have the patience for it anymore you know what other awful what other mistakes have you done common mistakes that I've done

stalk the other girls to find like tea and I would find tea so like on their story highlights I would like find the back of my exes I'd be like wait what? He lied to me he said that he went to like a dude's games night but there's girls there that makes no sense or like the worst of it was when she posted like Like a dump and he was in it. They were dancing together like a video of them dancing We got together then we were like we've just ended but like it was at a festival when we were still together Do you know what I mean? It is bad Instagram is bad you have to go through it though like even I

Listen sound so psycho, but hey, hey I'd like was playing stories of the new girls Obviously and like I can hear his voice in the back of like a video as in like and I just it's only like two Slivals and I'm like, that's his voice You just know I'm like, oh great, so you're in the park. Right, it's hard. I think it's such a easy mistake to make because you're inquisitive, you're curious,

you wanna know like, what's happening. And also, you know what the problem is? It's kind of fun. It's kind of fun to detect it, but then it's like, your heart drops. Like when I found out this other stuff and then like, with the photo and like him then commenting on the photo and all this like I in my heart like I thought that the two months before no two weeks before but I was also like there's a bit of me that was like no

like surely not and then like I found, burst out crying straight away because I was like, I was right, I was right. A woman's intuition never lies. A man will lie a thousand times, but a woman's intuition would never lie. So if you have that gut feeling, run with it, it's probably right. Yeah, so how about when you don't trust your gut feeling, but then also like, I feel like sometimes it could also not be right be right but I don't know. Yeah but it's better to just go with it. I didn't date a cheater from what I know but like when you're dating somebody that is like a cheater it is all that sort of stuff they're so good at flipping it that you don't feel like you're valid in the way that you feel so you almost- Oh they're great at gaslighting you when I got cheated on the gaslighting? Holy shit at gaslighting you when I got cheated on the gaslighting, holy shit, he would put the blame on me and say,

no, but you did that. Yeah. Don't put it on me. Yeah, but then also you kind of believe it. No, no. No, no, no, not necessarily that level, but I'm saying like, if it's a small thing, like, oh no, you did say that.

And then you're thinking like, did I say that? That's how they get you and this wasn't even to do with cheating but like you know what I mean I was like maybe I did and I was like but no I didn't I don't remember that. Oh this is like giving you PTSD. You know what I mean it's like it's weird thing and it's a weird thing going through a break off and then you over analyze everything I feel like that is a mistake. Hang on, let's stop this for a sec. Subscribe and follow The Breakup Diet.

You don't wanna miss another episode. You're gonna do it, but it's actually such a mistake because I'm looking back now at my relationship and analyzing almost every single thing. And I'm like, I can almost find fault in like so many things. And I'm like, it's actually horrible. It's actually horrible. Like the red flags were there, but they were pink when you were together yeah because you

just don't want to see them either no and like I actually do think he is a good person and it was good like a lot of our I don't want to be like so negative on it like I don't otherwise I wouldn't have stayed with him so long but then I'm like because of the breakup I'm obviously remembering all the happy times but then you pick at those happy times to find the bad things too, to try to like, maybe it's justification or maybe it's just like... When you kind of focus on the reality, you're realizing that, oh, okay, like, there was actually a lot of things in our relationship that I kind of should have noticed. Yeah. And also, I just don't think it should be hard. It shouldn't be hard. Like, if you like each other, if you want to be with each other, you both try to make it work. Yeah, I don't get when people like marriage is hard, relationships is hard, it shouldn't be hard.

Why should it be hard? If it's someone that you like, why would it be hard? Yeah, that's what I don't get. People romanticize the hardness of it all. I don't get it either because like, yeah, it shouldn't be hard. No. As in like, yeah, okay, you'll both maybe go through dips

and stuff, but like you're both maybe go through dips and stuff, but you're meant to support each other and then build each other back. And you know that you're a unit almost. Even if you have your own individual things that you do, your own goals, whatever, it should just be that you're adding to each other's life and try to build each other up. And that's why it's not that hard to make time to see someone or make time to like do

Small little things that makes them feel special or like and if it is hard that is like That just means it's wrong. Yeah, that means you're not in the right relationship. So they should want to do things with you and want to Help and want to support. Yeah, but when you see those signs you should take them and leave Like I'm not gonna be with someone that doesn't want to be with me. That's not my soulmate. My soulmate is gonna treat me the best. This is what I've noticed with dating apps, because obviously I'm on dating apps now, right?

Because I feel like there's so much out there, and they're obviously, which is really horrible, probably talking to like 10 different people on this app, that there's so much availability, there's so much availability, there's so much access to so many things, there's all these new shiny toys all the time, somebody hotter, somebody more successful, all this, that like, it's actually hard. It's really hard to build a connection with somebody and like, not just get distracted. I think so too, because I think people are like, oh if I got her I can find someone that's 10 times better than her.

Not even necessarily that, like, yeah, but then also just be on to the next thing. Actually committing to it, yeah. Because like, obviously on our phones, we're scrolling all the time, there's the next video, next thing, next post, next trip, next this, like, you know what I mean? And now I'm like, is that just

what people think about relationships? Like, is anybody actually really being monogamous? I actually don't think so, especially in a big global city like London, where there's options everywhere. And it's not just options from the city, it's like options from people coming in and out of the city. It's honestly not the place for love. London is a hard place to find love.

I want love, like I don't want to- I want love too, babe. Yeah, but- But I'm not settling for whatever's out here. Hell no. No. I'm not going to settle for somebody just to fill a void or to get the job done fast. No. To kill some time. Like fuck that. No. Absolutely not. So I'm good with waiting and I'm good with being single in London because it means I can focus on my career. London is a great place for Korea. I'm seeing it everywhere around me where the guys are just not committing.

There's just so many games and stuff and like in my like friendship group, like a lot of people they're just like giving up. Like they just start putting up with people that are being mean to them. These guys being mean to them. That makes sense but it's also just sad. It's sad that the concept of love is dying here. I saw something, I think it was on Paul Bronson's something. Yeah, he's great. Oh, it was on Cheetah on Netflix or Cheated or Cheating or something. He was like, said about marriages in our generation and he was like, I think there'll be the least

amount of marriages. I think so too. But he said maybe the best amount of marriages but the least. Yeah yeah the marriage is going to be strong and the best but there's not going to be that many. I reckon so too actually. It's really sad like I just even like the concept of dating doesn't make sense to me anymore where like you're expected to get intimate so quickly Without commitment. Yeah, I can't I don't think I can do that. No stuff that like without commitment I'm gonna sleep with you on like the second third date why because you bought me like three nice meals Yeah, no, I can't No, like I actually need like a degree of commitment. Yeah, and that's not going to work. Guys are not going to agree with that. Where does that leave me? Like out on the benches? Like on the bench,

on the bench collecting bob blisters. I mean, I guess that's better than gonorrhea. Yeah. To be fair. I feel like women have also changed too, like a bit there, like because they want the men, men and lots of the women have lack of standards of that and will just sleep with them early or do all this sort of stuff because just to get the man yeah i've done that oh my god yeah like i've lowered my standards so much in my last relationship and for what like everyone telling me he's so ugly yeah yeah. You were saying this earlier about how standards, um, your standards

have changed so much now. Yeah. It is so easy to date when you don't have standards, as in like, you could go out, even if they're just like a good looking boy, it's like they've got nothing else about them. Like fine. In my cases, they don't even need to be good looking. Yeah, but like, you know what I mean? It's actually quite easy. Like literally post divorce when I was dating, I had no standards. I had no like, oh, I'm only dating just for fun. I was ran through, like I would go to like three dates in one go, like two in one day even.

Like I would just like, there was like a good three months where I was just like out out out gosh yeah and like I had the best time because like I didn't care that these guys were dumb I didn't care that these guys were just like to me I didn't see them as human to like me I was just like I want to conquer London city that kind of thing yeah after doing all that I'm like That kind of thing. Yeah. After doing all that, I'm like... It probably just hit you after being like, oh gosh.

Like you just see people. Wake up. Yeah. And I feel like because I acted like a man, I kind of was like, oh, like this is not for me because if this is what men like, if men like easy hot girls, I don't want to be that anymore. It is weird. It honestly is weird and I'm not excited to go dating to be honest. Well you don't have to date. That's the great part. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. No the thing is I want to date because I do want to find somebody else and like I actually do

because I do really love love. Same, I love love. And I think it's so nice to like have somebody to like offer a different perspective as well like it's men and women are so different so like it's nice to have like somebody that's different around you. Yeah that's different and gets it. And like builds you up like if you're in a really good obviously I only want to be in a good relationship. Yeah.

And like all this sort of stuff. Like I want that. Like I don't not, but then it's, but then I'm scared to date. Maybe I just have to date an old man that's like gone through it already. That's like, just going to hopefully just be nice. Like 35 plus now, 35 to 55. To be fair, mine's up to like 40 something. And I was thinking like, yeah, is this actually a bit of a joke? But I was like, you know what?

Stuff there. They look good at 40. Yeah, they do. They've got really nice bodies, like nice hair. They still have hair. Maybe because they have to like finesse more because they're like going into the later stage. So they're like, okay,

if we haven't found the one, we've got to lock it down. Whereas like 30, they're still like easily fit. They're still a bit childish. Yeah, and easily fit. You know what I mean? Like they don't have to work that They're still a bit childish. Yeah and easily fit you know what I mean? Like they don't have to work that hard probably to keep their body. Whereas like if they still haven't found a girl by the 40 they're like okay now it's time to lock in. So maybe that's my solution I'm just gonna date an old man. Yeah just someone slightly more mature and it's nicer. I found the dates more peaceful and less chaotic. I've like grown out of the chaos because I'd be dating like early 20s.

So I've never dated somebody with chaos to be fair. But like thank god that because I think I would be fucking nuts. Like actually it gets so addictive. Yes, like it becomes like a heroin rush because you just like match each other like energy and it's like And the breakup after that would be nuts. It is colossal. Cause like the last person I was with, like he was like my twin.

He was just as crazy as I was. And that breakup, even though he was nice and all, it was like my world shattered because like that dopamine was gone. That dopamine source of chaos. So fun, I really miss it And like I would love to one day like I don't think I ever would put to like lower my standards and have fun like just one more time, but

Equally at the same time the next person I want to be with I wanted to be like my boyfriend Yeah, like the next person I'm gonna sleep with is gonna be my boyfriend. Yeah Same to be honest. Like I just can't do casual sex. I don't think that's fun either if I'm gonna sleep with is gonna be my boyfriend. Yeah, same, to be honest. Like I just can't do casual sex. I don't think that's fun either, if I'm honest, I just don't. I don't wanna go to his and I don't want like a random guy to know my address. Like. Yeah.

And also just the break off from like a casual sex thing, like no, no thanks, no thanks. I just don't find it empowering anymore. It's crazy, cause I was watching Sex and the City, like the old season for the first time, as like a grown woman now, and like they were talking about like, we gotta have sex like men, it's empowering.

And it's like, no, it's not. Ew, I was just thinking- To have sex with no commitment, with no respect. I was just thinking about men having sex, and I was like, that's so gross! That actually gives me the ick! Eww!

That is so gross! No, when they're on top of you and they're sweating and they do that face and that weird grunt and it looks kind of animalistic and then I have David Attenborough playing I mean that's not what goes through my head No, that goes through my head. No, like that goes through my head cause I'm like. David Attenborough.

No, cause it just feels so animalistic and like silverback gorilla like. The male species. Yeah. Oh God, no. Yeah. The male does a dance to prince or female. Like I just can't. The next time I have sex, I'm gonna think about that. That's so rough. No, seriously.

I just can't. I actually, you just ruined it. It's already ruined for me, but you just ruined it. Oh, it's been ruined. I'm just gonna think of David Attenborough. Fucking hell. God. We've gone so off topic. I know we're meant to be talking about mistakes but I think it's better. I think we've covered it basically. No there's so many more mistakes you can do. You could be messaging the girl. Do you think that's a mistake? To message the new girl? I do. To an extent, I feel like context does make sense.

If that girl was in the picture when you guys were together, I would 100% make it a point to be like hell for her. Yeah, yeah, yeah, fair. If she knew. Fair, fair, fair. I was on the phone today, and I was talking to one of my friends, I was like, oh, have you ever got that hey girl text? Because I've never got it.

Oh, I've got it. Oh God, I can't go to that after. And she was like, even though he was cheating on her. So this guy was actually cheating on her and she found out, like she knew. And she was like, I knew the girls and stuff like this, but she like never got that text. And I was like, where's the sisterhood? Like if they knew about her too, unite women. Like if he's done that to her, he's gonna do it to you.

Sorry to break the news. Like let's be honest, like they do, they do. I think cheating is a mindset and you obviously do not have strong willpower because anybody can cheat. Sorry, but if you're in a relationship, even if you're ugly and you go out, and like if you have something else that's going for you, you're funny, I don't know, you have a good job, whatever, like you obviously have some unique selling points, you can cheat. It's just a choice. Yeah.

I don't like that it's so rather be single than to be embarrassed one more time by an ugly guy again. Seriously. I never want people to be like, why is she with that guy that's cheating on her? I much prefer people being like, oh my god, why are you single? You're so pretty. Cheating's a nasty thing, actually. It's a disgusting dirty thing. You know what I believe in karma and if you do that to somebody like multiple times or whatever I truly believe you will get it back. You just you might not find out about it but or something else will go wrong. Yeah something else will manifest really badly. How do you feel about guys following other girls when you're in a relationship?

I don't think it's okay. Thank you. I don't think it's okay. Thank you because people are making it seem like as of us too much to ask for now. I personally don't think that's okay and I let that happen like twice and then I said not a lot but I still did. And even if they, and I think context is everything, obviously if they had already met before but then why aren't they following each other from before? You know what I mean before you started dating them like I think if they're going out and getting girls Instagrams There's so much intention behind that and to me that is cheating. I

Did not do that. The only people I followed were gay guys. Yeah. Yeah Like yeah, you know what I mean? I think so too. I think it's so disrespectful to your partner when you're following all these like hot people. Even just like the idea of being with someone who's already following a lot of girls, I'm not okay with that. Even if they're just girls that they know from the past, I'm not okay with that. No, I do this. First thing I'll do- Say if they follow too many girls, I'm out. You're done.

You're done. I don't need to have a conversation. I don't need to do any of that. No, no, no, you're just done. Yeah. Because number one, you're so desperate. That's the fact of it, that you have to like- Is your, no, but I think it's like,

is your dopamine receptor so fried that you need to be constantly looking at hot girls, hot naked girls? Also, like half of them come up on your explore page anyway, probably. You don't have to follow them. You could just look at it there and have a quick wank. That's what it is. Then follow them.

You're actually, that's terrible marketing. You're literally just telling everyone that you're a porn addict. I'm sorry. Yeah. You need to like jack off 24 seven. Like that's what you're telling me. Yeah. Can we manifest the next person we're gonna be with? He's gonna have max 200 followers following max 100 people.

The women are like his distant cousins or girls from high school. That's it. Yeah. And to end my manifestation, this guy's gonna be handsome. He's gonna have abs. Fair. Fair. I feel like I'm not asking for much. No you're not. You're actually not. That's actually not that hard. Let's be honest, it's not that hard.

I hope we find it together, Yaz. Yeah. Like, I would love to fall in love. Yeah. Sorry! No! I think you deserve that. You deserve that. I've been out of the market so long. No, but you deserve that. Like you're a great catch when you've been single for a while or you haven't found somebody else because you just like give up. I've only given

up because I'm not seeing examples of healthy love around me. That's what it is too. Like also there's so many people where I could be like, yeah, but I would never ever want your relationship. Yeah, the relationships I'm seeing right now, I never want that. No. No offense to my friends. No, yeah.

Like. But then that is because you're friends with them, so you've probably heard the bad things, which obviously adds an element of like. Bias. Yeah, the good stuff you talk about, but then it's not as like, analyzed, or it's not as, not necessarily fun,

but like, people ask and I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I think I would love to see like, a positive example of love before I go into my next relationship. You know who actually does look like they do, and we don't know them at all, is Alex Earl and her boyfriend Braxton

look like they have such a cute relationship like on TikTok I don't like obviously we don't know them because we're like at all but I'm like I want that I want that she looks like so like herself he looks like boosts her up obviously we don't we don't know the full story but from what we're seeing they just look very comfortable and happy and I think that's more than anything in life I want out of my sex relationship. I just want to feel safe. What do you want Yaz? Safe, supported, I want to have trust, loyalty. One of my big things is I like to admire somebody, which sounds really weird, but I like to look

up to them because then it makes me better. Yeah because they'll inspire you. Yeah so someone who's like motivated and driven and thoughtful and selfless and you know what I mean determined and I don't know that all those things which are all like massive things tall has to be tall I love a tall man it just It's that and funny. 5'8'' is fine for me. Really? I don't like too tall. I like being taller than when I wear heels. That's giving model energy. Yes. I like that. Oh no, I'm so the opposite. I'm like, I'm

your little girl. I'm like, I have a bad upper back problem, so always looking up it hurts my back. So if my soulmate is 6'5, like... Fair enough, that's my dream, hello. That's good, we have different types. Yeah, that's amazing, we'll never fight over the same guy. Perfect, perfect. To be fair, no one's ever fought for the same guy as me. No, because the hero, no, but Miami-Mil was hot.

He's got a girlfriend and she's so hot. And she's got such big boobs. And it's natural. Oh god. And she's a DJ, like she's a cool girl. It's fine, we'll find another one. We will. There'll be another one. Every time there's a guy from

America in town I'm like, match. Americans do have something. I feel like we need to go. Please. Can we go like New York, business man, sexy, hello, breakup diet takes New York. November, would you do that? Yeah I would. Oh but I kind of think like November's more Miami, no? No, cause like November is like autumn in New York and then we moved to go to Miami for Art Basel, ended there. I'm so down. I'm genuinely down.

Okay. Ah! I'm so excited! Break of diet takes the big apple. Listen, I will stay single until then because I think... Mike, you know when you feel something in your bones? You know, you feel it. Oh my god, no.

I can see myself. You just gave me shivers, Jess-san. Let's go. Okay. Okay, thanks guys. We got stuff to do. To the next one. Bye! Thanks for watching!