The Break-Up Diet - He Treated Me Like His Girlfriend... Until He Didn't | ft. Jemima Rhys

Episode Date: July 22, 2026

Have you ever been heartbroken over someone who was never actually your boyfriend? Yeah... same.This week, Jemima Rhys is back on The Break-Up Diet and we're talking about the situationships that leave you questioning your sanity. You know the ones... they text you every day, meet your friends and family, make future plans with you, act like your boyfriend... and then somehow you're still "nothing."We're sharing our own situationship stories, the guys who gave us just enough to keep us hoping, and why those breakups can hurt even more than losing an actual relationship. We also get into the conversation every girl dreads—"What are we?"—and why asking that question can tell you everything you need to know.If you've ever found yourself overthinking every text, wondering if you were asking for too much, or hoping that if you just waited a little longer he'd finally choose you... this episode is for you.Because the right person will never leave you questioning where you stand. ❤️‍🩹 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, we could have been something great, but we're not because you don't want something. Yeah, we're not like I imagined it in my head. Yeah, I was like, I imagine you like waiting at the altar. Yeah, literally. Buckle up, bitches. It's going to get bumpy. This is the breakup diet. Welcome back to another episode of the breakup diet.

Woo! I'm back. Well, Mimi's back if you didn't just realize. So welcome back. Thanks. As my last one was so successful and all my enemies watched it, you know who you are. They actually, they actually did, which is kind of awkward. They still think of me. Yeah, I mean, they definitely knew who you were talking about.

Oh, brilliant. So today we're going to get some more enemies. Well, well, you are. Of course. And basically, I have a quick question I want to ask you. Of course. Have you ever cried over a boy that wasn't your boyfriend? Duh.

All the time, so many. I actually remember being, like, at school and, like, crying over a boy that, like, oh, my God, I must have been, like, 10. And I had such a crush on them. And I remember, like, crying, like, because they wouldn't look at me in the dining hall or something. God, I was more meaning as, like, an adult situation. Oh, oh.

Maybe, like, have you ever cried over a boy that wasn't your boyfriend? Talking about situationships over here. Oh, yeah. It's more because you, like, you've, you assume. that a situation would be different and you think, oh, well, we get on so well, things are going great. And then it's like, well, no, I don't want anything. And then you're like, oh, okay, great. Yeah, so in your opinion, what is the situation ship? Situationhip is, I guess, like, you're dating someone and you're, like, seeing them for a period

of time. And then when it, you don't obviously want to go in, like, guns blazing, like, okay, well, I want a boyfriend when you first start dating someone, right? So you obviously kind of play it cool for the first. like three, four months, and then you catch feelings for this person, and then you go, like, what are we doing? And they're like, nothing. I had to ask you because you normally, sorry, I'm calling you out a little bit, the normal you say every single, this is not now, because you actually do have a boyfriend, so this is like legit. But all the time, you're like, my boyfriend. Oh my husband. I'm like, oh, my husband. Yeah, and it wasn't your boyfriend or

your husband. Even with me, with my ex, you were like, on the first, like, week of us dating, she was like, oh, yeah, this boyfriend. I was like, it's not. I was like, it's not. my boyfriend. I just refer to them. I guess it's just easier. Like you just joke around with it. I'm like, oh, my new boyfriend. It's like one day in and you're like, fully thinking fucking crazy. Imagine if they, if they knew the things I would say, like, boyfriend, they'd be like, run. You'd be like, he's my husband. I'm like, okay. I know. I was a little, I mean, obviously I see someone. I obviously only date someone knowing, thinking that, okay, well, it will turn into something because I don't just kind of half-hearted. So I'm like, I'm all in or nothing.

So if I'm like dating someone from the beginning, it's like, well, you kind of assume it's going to go, well, I assume it's going to go somewhere and you kind of date thinking, oh, well, it could be my husband one day. So then I kind of go with that. Maybe you're like manifesting it. Yeah, a little bit. You're like, he's going to be my husband and then he's... No, they're not. You're like, run. Literally. Yeah, last year was an interesting year of situations. I was. say yeah you had a few situationships last year well i mean they were meant to be potential boyfriend slash husbands but they didn't really we thought every single one of them was i literally

literally i literally thought everyone i was like you never know like i'd be on one day and i'd be like okay i've met the one guys i met the one and then yeah he wasn't the one hopeless romantic i wear my heart on my sleeve a hundred percent so it works it works for me now but it didn't back then put it that way yeah yeah yeah What out of all, I mean, out of your situationships that you have had, maybe we'll go from the last, like, few years. Yeah. Do you think it was harder than when you've had a breakup from, like,

a actual relationship, like a boyfriend? Yeah, because I do, I think with a situation, right, it's kind of that what if you don't know how you could have been. Because you don't, it's like, with a relationship, right, once you're in it and you've, like, both agreed with boyfriend and girlfriend, amazing. And then you actually see if it works down the, long run and once that like honeymoon stage is kind of over you're like okay is this how are we

going to fit into each other's lives is it going to work and then I think with with the situation ship you never get to that point so you don't know and so it's kind of like how would you know if it's going to work or if it doesn't work and whatever the excuses it's not nice it's kind of like someone saying I don't like he was a human and I don't want you around anymore and you've like not even given me a proper chance you like only just got to see like the good side and the fun side right I think it hurts because it's like, well, we could have been something great, but we're not because you don't want something. Yeah, we're not like I imagined it in my head. Yeah, I was like, I imagine you like waiting at the altar.

Yeah, literally. And it did hurt. I've had quite a few. I mean, one last year that was a really, like, it was a bit of a confusing one because like all the signs of like a relationship. We were basically in a relationship without saying it was a relationship. And then I guess it was just a bit of a shock. because I was like, the fuck. Like, I did not expect that response when I, I mean, it was like six months in,

met each other's families, like, you know, we were at that point. And it was like. And you were acting like boyfriend, girlfriend. It wasn't like a relationship. It wasn't. It was like a relationship. Yeah, posting on social media, like introducing each other to the friends, you know. And then I remember we were at my dad's birthday and I think one of my friends was like,

oh, so what are you guys? And he was like, nothing. And then my friend was like, it's a bit weird. Why is he here? And I was like, yeah, it's a good point. And then of course, um, right, he said nothing. That's, well, yeah, I mean, maybe, I mean, maybe, I mean, something basically like, no, we're not in a relationship.

No, like, we're just friends or whatever. And everyone was like, well, why are you here? Like, why are you genuinely at my dad's 60th, like, meeting everyone? Like, why, why come on my family? Why do, I don't know. And also, like, if you're spending all the time together, like, you guys were spending all the time. like almost every day.

Then I'm kind of like, what is the... What's the point? What was the end goal? And so, yeah, and obviously then I just turned around and sort of, right. And then I heard that from my friend about a week later. And I felt like a bit of a pullback. So I was a bit confused. And I just said like, okay, so what the fuck?

Like what's going on? What are we? Because I'm not going to waste any more my time. Do you think from all your relationships now, do you think that men know earlier than six months if it's going to be something? Oh, it's a good question. Yeah, I think so, because if a man wants something, they'll get it, right? I don't think a man was going to chase someone and waste their time.

They're quite, I think with men, they're quite, it's like left or right. Like, you go, if you want something, you want something. It's like, it's literally black or white with them, right? There's no, I don't think there's that many games or maybe when they're a bit younger, but I think after, when you hit like 24, 25, it's like, either we're in it or we're not. And I kind of got to a point where I was like, I'm just going to rip the band of it off. And I was like, what the fuck are we doing? And I think he called me at that point.

And I just said, look, I'm not, I'm not going to waste anymore my time. I'm not here to, like, play games. I'm not going to get angry. But, like, where do we stand? I want to know. And he was like, I don't want a relationship. I was like, cool, we're done. Did you ever ask why?

Are you just like? I don't think I did on the phone. I just was like, there's literally, why do I want someone to sit and have a full-blown reason and tell me all the reason they don't want to be with me. I was like, if you don't want to be with me, there's literally no point me finding out the answer. it's shit, it is what it is, but like, what am I going to do, fish out all the reasons you don't like me as a human and want to spend time with me? It's fine, but there will be someone out there

that does want to have that and want to spend more time with me and live with me and all those things. So you're not my person and that's fine. But there was no point, obviously, don't get me wrong, it stings and it hurts, but you're kind of just like, very cool, it is what it is. And I remember just, obviously, I was a quick shock on the phone and it didn't, I didn't process it for like a few days. Yeah, because when you get told something like that, especially if you've been so close, like, which you had for like six months, doing everything. And then they just say that.

It's like, you don't really believe it? No, you were like, in, I was, I was a bit, I remember being like really taken back. And I was like, okay. Obviously, I thought the conversation would go otherwise. But. And you thought, you probably thought, like, he might then come back and be like, actually, I've thought about it. Like, that was just a response type of thing.

Yeah. And I kind of thought maybe my dad was like, you've cornered him. Yeah, but he should understand. Like, you know, you've got to pressure sometimes, like, to get a response you want. And I had a few of my friends say, do it. And if he comes back, then it's right. If he doesn't, then that's it. No, but also, it wasn't like you pressured him after one month.

You pressured him after, like, six. It's a bit different. And it was like, all the signs were that. So obviously, I was a bit, like, taken back. Like, okay, it's literally doesn't make a single difference. We're doing everything right now, but with just a label. Do you think it was because he, if he did shag somebody else, would go out with his friends and meet somebody else.

it wouldn't matter because as much. Maybe, but I don't, I don't think that was, I don't think that was the case. I think personally, when I, I didn't, I didn't hear from him for like two weeks. And then he had an operation or something. And so I think I reached out and I was like, look, I hope it goes well.

And then we ended up having like a brief conversation. We're like, okay, well, meet and have a conversation about what had happened because it was so abrupt. And obviously on the phone call, I was very much like, we're done. And he was like, you don't want to, I think we had dinner books. And I said, he was like, you don't want to go for dinner.

I'm like, what's the point? I don't want to sit at dinner and you tell me all the reasons you don't want to be with me. It's fine. Let's just leave it. I don't want to see you again. I'm done. You'll just never hear, and I'm quite like that, you know, you will just never hear from me again. I'm quite impressed by you being able to do that. I know we spoke about that last time, but I'm not like that. I like, have to go find out the reason. I'm like, tell me why you don't love me. Calling them. Why? Hello? Tell me why right now. Give it all to me.

Because then I feel like it just hurts more, but it's funny. did actually have a conversation because I was a bit like after after the two I think it was about it was around two weeks which is the time I think it you actually heal and you're like over it but obviously it was so abrupt and it was over the phone and he had sent a long message being nice about it but I still didn't really understand understand the reasoning and obviously then we sat down and like I spoke to my my boss actually is that I get at work she's very good and she kind of gave me a good understanding and she explained because she's had a similar situation and I kind of understood it a bit more from what I gathered. Whether it was an excuse of why he didn't want a relationship, I don't know,

but it was very much like my life is quite nuts and crazy. I wouldn't say I'm a normal person. I have a very complicated family. I have a lot going on and I have friends from all over the world, you know, that we all, we live a crazy life. I wouldn't say we're very normal. From what I gathered, it was like, I can't keep up. That's what I was kind of getting. And it was like, if he wanted a relationship, it wouldn't be with me because it's maybe too intense. That's what you like made sense of it in your mind. That's what, I mean, obviously there was, he was brushing over because he obviously probably didn't want to hurt me at the time. It is confusing and I definitely think lifestyles, not that I would say my lifestyle is like anything that Matt. I don't.

know. But I guess maybe for some people it's quite intense, it's quite full on and trying to fit in with, you know, the amount of events I have, you know, in the wine trade. And I don't know, I think maybe it was just like, it's hard to keep up and impress someone who's, you know, done it all, seen it all. Like, I just, that's kind of what I gathered. I was like, okay, I get maybe that's a reason and I was a little bit older. I'm mentally probably like 40 with the amount I've lived. I don't think you're mentally 40. I think you're...

The things I've done with my life so far at my, at this point, I'm educated in the sense of I've traveled the world. I have, I've gone through quite a lot of life experiences that most people have never been through and will probably never go through. So I think I was just a bit more, I needed to be with someone a bit older that had their shit together a little bit more that knew what they wanted. Like I definitely think girls are a little bit of. older anyway. It can be younger, but you can be mentally older and like more mature. For example,

like even my ex, he, like, okay, at the end, he wasn't mature. And like, as in mentally, I can see that more. But when we were actually dating, like he felt more like an old man than a lot of boys I would know my age or like, he just, they just, I feel like, yeah, the life experiences maybe and just, you know, I, I didn't know, like, it wasn't like he lived with mommy and daddy still, but it was like, There was just certain conversations. I mean, I'm explaining, like, very simple things of, like, the purpose of a credit card. And, like, I don't know. I was just like, I'm going to put my hands up.

Like, I'm not the smartest cookie out there and I never will be. But, like, there were just things that, like, I felt, why am I having to explain this to you? And why am I the one doing it? Like, I like to be a bit of a passenger princess and just, like, have someone help me and do these things. And I felt like it was, like, I was more of a mother. and I don't want to be a mother in a relationship. So then all those things that were like slightly bothering me throughout the last three or four months were like,

okay, now looking at it, it wasn't right. We didn't work and that's okay. I had a great time for most of it, but there were things that I was like, huh? Why am I the one? And like, I'm not, like I said, I'm not the smartest cookie out there,

but I felt like I was more educated with just like... Basic things, even though he might have. Simple things. Thanks. Yeah. But like, yeah, okay, book smart, he was very book smart. But it just, when it came to just like life experiences and life stuff, and I just needed someone to be able to help me or give me advice.

And it felt like I was the one giving me advice. And I'm like, huh? Yeah, you don't need that. And I, yeah, you just want someone to be like, no, this is what you do or this is how, let me help you. I'll help you do that. And it just wasn't. Yeah, stereotypical of like what you think a man should be.

A little, a little bit. Yeah. Like if you think, you know. Yeah. And so like, I just, it didn't work. But I wish him well, and he's not a bad person. It just, yeah, there were things. You guys aren't aligned.

We weren't aligned, no. And now you can see it because you're out of it. But are star signs? And it's so funny, because I don't know if you remember this. From the day I met him, I remember being like, what is your star sign? And I laughed and I went, we're not compatible. And the last person I had dated with the same star sign, again, that one fucking ghosted me. And I was like, it was a year of ghosting and dating.

idiots, I swear, but like, the last person I dated with the same star sign, I was like, disaster. So I probably was... What star sign is it? I think it was, it begins with an Ae. It was like, it wasn't a... Aquarius? No, I think it was an Ares.

It was an Ares. And what are you? So, people know. It's the same one as Beatrice. I don't know what she is. I know, like... I'm pretty sure it was an Ares. It's like March time.

Okay. And what are you? I'm a Virgo. Okay, so Aries and Virgo, don't go. Do not go. And I knew and I'm like a little bit of a crazy person where I like to read my saw sign, their saw sign, see how a line we are. Do their natal chart?

Have you done that? I don't know what that is. Okay. Well, then you could do it when they like went. If you know what time they're born, it's like a screenshot. Oh, when you get, yeah. At the same time and then you can see it gives you more detail. The sun and rising moon.

Yeah, you're, that's the next one for you to do. My family don't remember what time I was born. I think when you had it happens. You have to have a birth certificate. certificate. It's on your birth certificate. Yeah, I've got like six fucking sisters. So like my family barely on.

You have to have your birth certificate. God knows. No one knows what that is. Every person I've dated that isn't aligned with my star sign been a freaking disaster. I knew it. And I remember it's so funny when I said, what's your star sign?

I say we get on really well. And I love all my friends with that star sign. I'm pretty certain it's Neres. And all my friends I love with Nairis, and I get on like a house and fire with them. But dating them doesn't work. Like, no, no, no. How long do you think people should wait until they, like, ask what's going on with a situation?

So say, should it be like three months and then you bring up that conversation? Obviously, it's very different. Four to six. Depends on how much time you spend with a person. And, but I also just don't think you should waste your time. Stop wasting your time with, like, people that don't want something because you're just going to set yourself up to get hurt in the long run, right? Like, you need to, before you start catching feelings,

I think even in three months you could probably do it, to honest, because you could just be like, okay, cool, like, you know, what's your intentions? Like, what do you want from this? Because, like, why continue to date someone if you're not on the same page? I feel like some people do that. You've had, like, a rare case these days is what it feels like, of, like, somebody being actually authentic with what they're saying,

because I feel like lots of people love bomb you, especially at the start. I've been so love bomb, and I actually remember mentioning it. And my boyfriend was like, he didn't even know what it was. And I was like, no, I laughed because I was like, I've been loved for him so much. He didn't even know what the term was. And he obviously, it's like, oh, I'm not doing that. I just really like, you know, we get on really well. And I really, you know, and at this point, we hadn't even said the love word.

And I remember just laughing. And I was like, just checking or not. He was like, I didn't even know what that is. And I was like, okay, so you're definitely not then. And to end it off, what's a green flag that you now look for in a relationship? Like a green flag that you're like, yes, straight away. just my boyfriend all round that was cute

yeah but okay if you just have to have one that you're like yes yes yes I think someone just telling you what they want straight up this is what I want because you're literally just laying down your it's almost like you're laying down your ground rules

like this is what I want what I'm looking for very early stages so you just save any waste of time heartbreak and you're like do you like the same, do you want the same future? Do you want to get married? Do you want to have kids? Do you want to live here? Would you be keen for this? Like, just so simple, just asking you what you fucking want. It's so simple. And then you either say yes or no. And then if you don't, it's like,

okay, bye, it was nice to meet you. It's like an interview, right? You asked someone at a job, can you do, you know, can you do Excel? Can you do Word? Like, most people are. Most people, most people lie. Most people lie. Most people lie and dating. Like they lie and dating. Like they lion dating. Yeah, yeah. So it's kind of like you just need to ask. Like, you know, it's like a job interview. Do you like this person?

Do you want to do life with them? And it's like, just be straight up. I think that's a green flag. Maybe like another one is just checking you at home safe, like the caring aspects. And like if you're sick, do they check in? Because you can only choose one, like you can choose one family member and that is your boyfriend or your partner or your relationship or whatever, right? Choose fucking well.

because when you're sick and bed, one day, we're all going to experience a death. Someone in the family, our parents will have to leave this world at one point. You have to look at a person and go, will you be there for me when something like that happens? You need to know, when you look at that person, like, do I want to go through those horrific hard moments

in my life with that person? You know, because you're going to have to at one point, you know, something awful will happen and are they going to be supportive and they're going to be there for you because you want those times to be easier. So that's what you're going to look at. And if they don't check if you get home safe,

then they're going to fucking look after you when someone like that happens? Probably not. It's the saying, it's like, if it's not a fuck yeah, it's a fuck no. Yeah. You heard that? No, I haven't, but I quite like that. Yeah, it's like if you ask yourself, is it a fuck yeah, like he's my husband or like that's my person?

Then it's a no. Yeah. No, it's so true. And it's funny, from the minute I met my current boyfriend, it was like, I just, I was like, okay, you're just my person. I've met you. But it took me a long time.

It took me so fucking long to get that. Oh, I swear, I really, I pray. You just gave me goosebumps, which is funny, isn't it? Did I? Yeah. But yeah, I mean, yeah, because you fucking had to, you've had to go through all my fucking breakups, bless. You've been picking up, you and all the girls have been like picking up all the

freaking pieces for God knows how many years. But no, it takes time and you've got, you've got to just be patient as much as I'm not, I'm like the most unpatient person, but I'm so grateful I waited because then finally the right person does find you. you and meet you and you go through all these experiences you learn what you want what you don't want you become stronger you know when to say no you know when to to walk away and it trust me i didn't the first how many fucking boyfriends i had i never walked away and then finally i realized i was like you've just got to say no and yeah you you have got better at that over the years to be

honest like yeah you the first few ones you didn't walk away like that easily no no you stick and try to make it work and hopefully hope that they changed i think and then after the first time that you did just walk away, I feel like ever since that time, you've walked away. I think also because I have major separation and anxiety, like from just my childhood, right? So it's like the minute you meet a human being, it's kind of like you deal with the death, like they're leaving you. So it's like you don't want to walk away because you're like, oh, I can help this person. I can fix them.

I can change them. Or maybe they're just going through something. They're not like in the right space for a relationship. They've got to figure out their own shit. You've got to work. You've got to be the best version of yourself to find that person to meet, right? and you need to be like confident in yourself

because you're selling yourself it's almost like you know you're selling some flowers in a flower market you want to sell the nicest looking ones and you've got to be that nice looking flower because you want to be sold so it's like you heard that before I quite like that I just made that up

I quite like it I was gonna say a bit of meat like a bit of chicken no no no no flowers enough I was like you want to look like a juicy fish on the fish candle no but but like glossy eyes because you don't get the cloudy eye one and so I was obviously like you know

You've got to like, it's like you, you want to show off the best version of yourself, but you've got to be in that headspace to be that best version. And you know, you need to know your self-worth. And then that person will find you and then you'll meet that person in that right, when you're in that right headspace, if you get me. I got you. Yeah. And my last question is, do you have a piece of advice for somebody going through a breakup

where the man hasn't chosen her? So it might be like a situation ship and they've not chosen. Like, they don't want to be with that. Oh, they're like done. Yeah, they're the one. So like similar to my situation? Yeah, okay. You have one piece of advice for anybody right now that might be having that.

If it's meant to be, it will be. I really believe that. And if, okay, so like, you've got to rip the fucking band. They don't just walk away, leave. If it's meant to be, they will come back. Okay. Get a therapist because they fucking help because sometimes people get sick of hearing the same story over and over again.

And I felt bad because I pretty much call my friends like five times a day to literally say the same. fricking story and they're probably like yeah we had it 10 minutes ago um get therapists because also they kind of give you a bit more of an idea of what's going through the man's head or whatever or like the relationship why it didn't work and just give you some insight that it's not it's not your fault it may be something that they're going through or they're not ready they got to figure out their life or they you know then they feel that they want to provide and they can't at that very point so you have to look at it from all different angles so don't ever blame yourself and think it's you

maybe they're just not your person and there will be a person. And you know, like I said, you can pick one family member. Pick the right freaking one.