The Break-Up Diet - He Tried to Kiss Me While I Was Crying Over My Ex… ft Esta Fiorani

Episode Date: March 5, 2026

If you’ve ever tried to go on a date before you were actually over your ex… this episode is your warning. 💔This week I’m joined by one of my oldest friends ever, Esta Fiorani (we’ve literally known each other since pony camp when we were kids 🐴), and we’re getting very honest about what it’s really like going through a breakup after a long relationship.Because sometimes it’s not a dramatic cheating scandal or a toxic situation.Sometimes it’s just…Six Years Together… Then Nothing.We talk about breaking up with someone who isn’t a bad person, when your partner is also your best friend, and how weird it feels when someone who was part of your everyday life suddenly isn’t there anymore.We also get into the chaos of trying to date again too soon, post-breakup glow-ups, crying to your friends for the 500th time, and why healing after a long relationship is honestly a full-time job.And yes… at one point in this episode we talk about the moment that perfectly sums up post-breakup dating:“He tried to kiss me while I was crying over my ex…”You can’t make this stuff up.If you’ve ever left a relationship you still cared about, missed someone you know wasn’t right for you, or had your friends drag you through heartbreak one wine night at a time… this episode is for you.Welcome back to The Break-Up Diet. Buckle up, girls. 💔✨ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'm upset. I think me crying over my ex twice without being able to stop should be an indication that I don't want to kiss you. I don't care if you paid for my drinks. At least a kiss on the cheek. No way. Buckle up, bitches. It's going to get bumpy.

This is the breakup diet. Guys, welcome back to another episode of the breakup diet. Today we have a very, very old friend of mine on, probably my oldest friends. probably we've known each other since we were like i was eight and i think you were five yeah something ridiculous like that to be fair yeah we used to do pony camp together which is really cute we have like a photo maybe we should insert the photo yeah we'll put the photo here yeah it's really sweet so this is esther fiorani hi everyone and ozzie also dutch as well yeah and she's coming on the breakup diet today

to just chat really we're going to chat about breakups relationships i want to ask in this episode i want to ask Esther about a breakup when you've been in a six-year relationship with someone, because that's a long time. It is a long time and it's really hard to get over someone, especially when they're like your everything, they're your best friend, but the relationship isn't right. And it honestly took me so long to get over it and all of the healing I had to do and everything. But yeah, I would not recommend. But again, after it kind of gets to that stage in a relationship where it's like, okay, what's next? And I didn't really see a future with that person. But it was definitely really, really hard to navigate and just missing that person and not having them as your best

friend or immediate person to even contact or anything anymore was extremely tricky. Also, what I would imagine would be hard is when you're so integrated for so many years, like losing the friends that you have together, maybe, and also even their family. Yeah, and their family as well. I was really close to his mum too and his brothers and then even just having like no contact after that was really, really tricky. So, yeah, I don't think it helped like working. alone and remote as well.

Like I really struggled after the breakup. I had so many regrets as to like why I broke up with him and everything. And I think you just really have to remember why you broke up with someone that you weren't happy. Like I was not looking like myself. I was very unhappy for a long time. But it's so hard because I definitely broke my own heart in the process. Yeah.

And also I feel like it's hard when you break up with somebody when they're not like a bad person. Like he wasn't a bad person or anything and he didn't do anything like bad to you. And that's what makes it harder. When you know it's not right, but you still have a lot of love for them. And you've been together so long. And then it's like you don't want to hurt them, but then you know it's not right. So you both are getting hurt along the way anyway.

100%. Like even just little things were just constantly fine. If things did happen in the relationship, we wouldn't really overcome them properly. I think our communication was something that was definitely off throughout the relationship. But definitely, like, even after the relationship, I think I jumped into dating way too soon. And I went on my first day and I remember it so clear. How long after? Probably like two weeks, I'm going to say.

Something really, I don't know. I was like, great, let's get into it. Like, let's not waste time. There is no right reason, but it is like, I don't know. I couldn't do that. Like, I just cry. I couldn't even for three months later. I just cried.

I was not ready. So I went on date, really lovely guy, took me for dinner, took me for drinks, walked me home, went to kiss me. And I just wasn't feeling it at all because I just wasn't over my ex at all. I was not ready to date. I recommend do not jump into anything before you actually heal because you're wasting other people's times as well at the end of the day. And I remember my friend and I were walking like 30,000 steps.

Just listening to music like my Spotify wrap up that year was depressing or it was just like techno music, whatever. But went on the date with him. He dropped me home. And then I remember just like breaking down and I had a new roommate at the time. And I was just like, I need to get out of the house. So I ran to the park, got my steps in and I just couldn't stop crying. I had a full face of makeup on as well.

And my phone was on like 2%. I'm in Melbourne. I'm at the park. It's like late. It's probably like 10 p.m. or something. And I'm like, I can't get home because I'm hysterically crying at the park. So I call my best friend Molly. And she's like, okay, come to mine, made me tea, put me in a hot shower.

I was, yeah, unwell. And it was so funny as well at the time because I just had my Botox on. I was like proper Kim K crying in the mirror. And I'm like laughing. Yeah, I think it's also really important to have. that one friend or a few friends that you can really rely on through a breakup too. Like the amount of times I call Molly or even you guys through it all and you're probably just like, oh my God, shut up.

You have to be able to say the same story so many times because when I'm going to break up, I go through it so many times. And you can't, one day you might not speak about it as much, but then believe in the process. It will come back and you have to have another week of like solid debriefing the same idea a hundred times and it does get better i think changing your environment or going on a holiday with your girlfriends and getting out of the routine that you had with that person is definitely something helpful that's something i did wrong i stayed living in the same house with all of the same memories and that he moved out yeah he moved out oh god so i was in the same house

and that's bad my dog it's like the same energy you need to erase space and get all of that juju out because yeah the memories will come back 100%. I even had that here and that was like not nearly the same level like I never lived with my ex here or anything. It was just like the very beginning of our relationship. We spent a lot of time like in my house and I had all those happy memories and even that to me was so triggering because every time I walked through the house I was like and that was only maybe two months at the very beginning like but yeah it's like ruined your Zen place. No it does so if you're going through it make sure you move out of the house you were with your ex and also like start doing new things and build up your own routine as well like what did you what were you doing

and what did you like doing before this particular breakup what do you remember what you did you did you go out a lot did you i did go out a lot at the beginning which was quite what's the word detrimental i guess in a way like it was so much fun going out with friends and stuff but i wasn't ready and i would find myself getting quite drunk every weekend and yeah i think i was just on the search for someone to kind of fill the void and I wasn't focusing enough on myself. I did pick up hot Pilates and drop 12 kilos. So yay for that. Breakup, glow-ups are real.

So make sure you jump on that 100%. When you did like break up and everything, was it like a seamless breakup or was there kind of a little bit of a back and forth? Or was once it was like done done done, was it just done? It was pretty done done. We didn't even have a proper conversation about it, which was really weird after such a long, I guess, relationship. But yeah, it was pretty done.

You guys had kind of broken up a few times, but not, right? Like broken up, got bad. No, not so much break-ups. Just more of a break when something happened. That's something that we didn't have is like good communication. So, yeah, it was just a bit like cut, just done straight away. We hardly, we didn't even speak after that. I would find that so hard.

I know that's probably the best. It probably is the best to actually move on to just cut all communication and be done. I definitely do think that is the healthiest thing actually, but it's so, so, so hard to do. It is so hard. I've definitely sent some messages back in the day to him. I also ran into him on a first date fresh after the breakup. How long after was it?

I think it was two months after. Okay. And he was on a first day. How do you know it was the first date? I'm not sure how they were sitting and everything and I was in the restaurant. I walked in. It was so awkward. I fully introduced myself to her and said hi to him.

and my friend was like, this is so awkward. To be fair, I think, like, I know that's probably not good, but I probably would have two. You worked together like six years. So fair enough. Like, I probably would have two. And you didn't end on like nasty, nasty terms. Like, although it's not nice, you probably didn't end up on bad, bad, you know?

Exactly. So, I mean, you're going to be staring at each other anyway and looking at each other anyway. Like, it's awkward. So you might as well go off there and be like, hi. Exactly. That was my thought process. But they ended up leaving, which is probably understandable.

but it was so awkward. Hi, I'm his ex-girlfriend of six years. Who are you? Yeah, pretty much. No, I went up. No, I didn't say that. I didn't say that. I went up and I was like,

hi, like, obviously gave my ex a hug and a kiss. And then I was like, did the same time. I was like, hi, I'm Esther. Then you could kind of see it like clocking in her mind. And I was like, this is just so awkward. And I was so tipsy as well. So it was just, yeah, awful. I mean, that's probably better because then you would have been more confident.

Like, as in, you know, do you think she would have known or do you think she worked it out from that moment? Because if it was the first day, You probably haven't talked about exes. Yeah, but I do think you do a little stalky stalk on the Instagram before. Did he have photos of you? I'm not sure if they were still up or not, but maybe. If it wasn't a first date, then she probably knew, but otherwise, I have no idea.

Oh, that's all good. To be fair, if it was a first date for me, I'd probably know. Yeah, you've got to do the due diligence. You know, you've got to go, you've got to go in and see if there's any girls on their Instagram page, because otherwise, they might have a girlfriend. Yeah, you never know these days. You actually don't know these days. People are rats.

Ratt-tat-tats are out there. Okay, so then you saw him with this new girl. How is that seeing your ex on a date with somebody else? I mean, I did cry that night and send him a weird message. No, fair, fair, fair. I know the message. We won't say the message. Not going to say it.

Yeah, fair. Okay, and going back to, obviously, being with somebody for six years. How did you really, like, cut the routine with them and all this sort of stuff? You said you went walking, you said you hung out with friends, but how did you like when you were feeling sad in the house that used to live with him, what did you do? I mean, I did cry a lot, especially at night, and I would call my mom quite a lot, my best friends at the time as well.

But to get out of that, I was really just like focused on getting really fit again and looking my best and feeling my best as well because I did kind of lose myself and like what I like doing. So I just got into that, started hot Pilates, started the gym, hanging out with friends a lot more, coffee dates. and that kind of heals. And then I do think like a holiday kind of resets everything to be fair. I think a holiday is actually so good.

But the only thing with a holiday is you have to be ready to, I think. Otherwise you're just moping around in the hotel. Me and Monaco. Yeah, you were Monaco. Yeah. You were not ready for the streets. No. I was just like crying the whole time.

And I was like, this isn't fun. And it was totally like one of the most fun things you can do. And I'm just there like, I'm having so much fun. You have fun, but you could tell you were going through pain, but then we were all trying to, like, maybe overcompensate on, like, you're having fun. You're having so much fun. I was like, oh, yeah, so much fun. I miss my ex.

I wish I could go back right now and do it, and I wouldn't be as sad. And then I had a friend with me, a lesser, like, obviously, the first time we went out, and obviously then when you're drinking and you're out and you don't sleep as much, you'll then even a bit more, like, sensitive. Yeah. So I'm even heightened on my heightened, you know? and then I remember we were drinking all day and then I obviously started getting sad

and then she wanted to go out and I was just like crying I was like look you just go out she's like I don't want to go out alone I'm like you just go out because Yaz is just sad you're like I'm not gonna have fun I'm sorry I know I know this is the worst thing ever but like I'm just sad you gotta get out your friends got to drag you out they're got to be patient with you because it will take a long time

and yeah I think that's honestly the best thing just hanging out with friends doing things you like and slowly it gets better i promise was your six year breakup do you think that was the hardest breakup for you because you've had a few like in your life obviously yeah i think after all of my breakups i've been like i get very emotional after and i'm like i always have regrets on if i broke up with someone and i don't know why that is but you just really need to remember why you did it and write that list of like why you did it yeah some people say that they printed out and like actually look at it because when you go through a breakup it's so easy to forget all the bad

things and you just like focusing on like all the nice memories and like all the nice times and then you like start to regret it exactly and you also wouldn't have broken up with them if you didn't feel like it was necessary yeah if you felt safe and happy like I feel like your brain's like wired to stay in it if you are happy and I think yeah you just kind of lose yourself and you can see it even like in photos when you aren't happy, like how you put like, you're not glowing, you're not, yeah, you just don't feel like yourself or look like yourself either. It's funny when you look back at photos. I have this one.

I look back on my like phone, you know, the previous years. And you can look and see like, you know what was going on at that time. But no one else might not, but you can be like, oh, geez, I was not looking good there. And this is probably why, you know. Yeah, exactly, exactly. But when you're in the moment, you sometimes don't realize. No. Which is scary.

I know. and it honestly took so long to get over them. I think, I don't know, back to your question about if that was the hardest breakup, I think I regretted it the longest out of my other breakups. And I also feel like it's so hard to break up with someone. I haven't been broken up with, touch would, but I feel like just the guilt that you experience of like making someone so unhappy in that decision as well.

And then also, of course, yourself, I feel like that would be trickier than being broken up with. I've only been dumped. and like although that was so hard and so hurtful, I could not dump someone, I don't think. Like, I just, I would regret it. Yeah. I would second guess myself the entire time. I just know how I am.

But then I've always been told this. If you don't know what to do, do nothing. But I don't think that's necessarily the best advice either because if you do nothing for so long and you know you're unhappy, then I'm like, but I think you have to, if you're going to break up with someone, you have to, have that thought a few times and like then I think yes if you're having it multiple times you should if you've had it once because he's pissed on the floor and you're annoyed and blah la la then I don't think

you should do it it's only when you've like had a recurring thought or you're unsure absolutely for several months and I'm like you probably should what my friends kind of did and what I also have done to a friend in a similar situation I've given her a cutoff day I go okay in six months if you were still talking to me about this, this is the date, and I'm going to tell you the things, because you do kind of like, oh, but he does this and I love him for this. And what if you can't find everything of that person and someone else? And you can't. Just having that date of, okay, this is going too long. Like, you don't want to waste your time either. Yeah, but what would you say then for somebody, for example, they're great for the six months spell that crosses over that date. And then

five months after that set date, the problem is then back again. But I feel like when you see that calendar event or that timer in your phone and if you're still kind of feeling uming and a Ring, then it's a no. If it's not a fuck yes, it's a fuck no. Like as much as I love that person, I didn't experience the things that I wanted to experience and me doing those things that always kind of created problems within our relationship, obviously because I was traveling and working remotely and doing all these things. And that obviously wasn't making the other person happy either. So I do really think in your big end 20s do the things you want to do. Otherwise, you're not going to be happy later on in a relationship per se.

Yeah. Because you haven't done the things you wanted to do and you haven't done the self-development. It's hard though when you first start dating somebody and also even when you're in a relationship because you do want to see them and you do want to spend time with them. So you do compromise. What I found like I did, I did sometimes not do things, even though my ex would be happy for me to do them, like never told me not to. I did find myself like adjusting my life because I wanted to spend time with that person. But then also I didn't do some things that I wanted to do even though I could. So it's like a hard balance, isn't it?

It is a hard balance because you like obviously don't want to hurt the other person or you do want to focus on that person. And obviously a relationship is two sides and you have to meet in the middle. But I also believe that you still need to do the things you want to do. Otherwise, like what if it doesn't work out between that person or what if he dumps you later on? and then you haven't done the things thinking that he was the one. Exactly. I think your partner has to support you on the things you want to do. Of course, you have to compromise within the middle.

But ultimately, if you're like, I want to do this, they should either support you or maybe you can have a, I don't know, a conversation or, yeah, I just really do believe your begin 20s, even mid, you should be focusing on your career, your goals, the experiences you want to have alone and with your friends and everything. And then I guess the right partner will hopefully come. So with your specific breakup of like a six year, what would you tell your friend if they were going through the exact same thing in that first month? Block on everything. I did not do that. I was stalking for a little bit too long. And also, yeah, get out of the routine of what you had with that person and new space, honestly. I think being in the same space that we used to live in together for so long did not help me at all. When you say get out of the routine, what do you mean, like, for example, if you went to a coffee shop with this guy all the time?

Yeah, obviously, yeah, yeah, yeah. But also, I think you need to shake things up so it's all new, a new experience. Of course, it's difficult to say move out of your house. If you live there with your ex, of course, there's different circumstances. But you need to otherwise rearrange the room or just kind of change things up so it's not the same as it was because that person's not coming back. Like energy is being absorbed into the walls or the furniture where it was. No, honestly, you've got to get the sage.

Yeah, did you get the sage? I think I might have gotten the sage at one point. I would have hoped that you got the stage being from Byron. I know, you have to. You've got to cleanse the space. You know what I did? Which is actually so cuckoo. But I'll tell you is you have to...

I got told to do this, though. So you have to basically, like, have the conversation, like the ending conversation where you say, without them there. I'm talking about this is like to yourself. You're talking to yourself like a person. Not even to the mirror. Like, you are my ex. I'm talking to you like this.

And you say everything that you want to... to say to get off your chest that maybe you didn't say and then you have to show them out the door so you literally have to like show them out your front door get them out or open the window get them out like you have to be like now you can go goodbye out of my space i quite like that good advice i don't know if it was a guess that also a little bit byron bay of you no but i think a guest told me actually and i was like oh and you just reminded me yeah and shaking like you have to when you're going through a breakup to remove the trauma in your body or stuff like this like stuff that you can't just talk out you have to do like dance around your living room or shake it out that's why exercise like lots of

people like to do exercise after they break up because it like clears their head but the actual thing of it is because it like moves I don't know not a scientist or I'm not a rakey expert I also think like journaling is really helpful maybe getting a therapist so you're not like telling your friends too much all the time as well. I think if I could redo my breakup, I would get a therapist, like, staff. I think it's really hard with a therapist, though, like not to shade therapy, because I think it's really good and really helpful, but I think it's actually detrimental if you don't get the correct one. Yes, agree. Because whenever I've tried to have a therapist, I don't think I've had the correct one, no shade to them. I just don't think that they were the

right suit to me personally. And then I find it a waste of time. How does this make you feel? And I'm like, obviously sad, babe. Like, no, I'm crying. Okay, no, I want you to tell me how I get over this and why I'm feeling like this, or what is like the childhood trauma or my experience as to why I can't let go, basically. Yeah, or why I keep falling into this pattern, you know? Yeah, but then you also have to go around speaking to this therapist for like a few sessions too, which is also expensive.

So it's actually really hard. It's a commitment. Therapy is a commitment. They say you have to date your therapist. You have to like find the correct fit. And then I think when you do that they're wonderful. No, 100%. Like so many of my friends have amazing therapists, and I'm yet to find one.

What do you think about friends recommending their therapist? I don't know how I feel about it purely because I think it's good, like if you find a great one. But then also that therapist knows about your detouroma, knows about your friends' detourma, and then what if you guys have a full? I don't know, you know what I mean? I'm like, oh. I think you have to keep it quite separate. I think so.

Unless you like, they know that you're really going to violate. with that therapist. Yeah. I think it's fine then. I mean, I do think it's fine. I'm just being sensitive. But you know what I mean? I'm like, I don't know.

I get it. I get it. But it's all confident. Yeah, I know. They can't say anything anyway. The thought that they could. But imagine the T. The therapist is just like,

he-he, this and this is happening. Could you be a therapist? It's very, very interesting on like how the human mind works and how we can overcome certain patterns and everything too. It's all the mindset. It is. And the energy you give you give off too. One of my friends is a therapist or a psychologist.

just got her master's and has done 10 years. And I asked her something about my most recent breakup. And she kind of gave me like very, is the word unsolicited advice maybe? I don't know if that's her career and just like all of the advice that she's kind of given up to other people and the stats around it all as well. And I think that was really helpful in my latest breakup and just kind of like overcoming it just with more of that authority, but she still send it in a friend way. Whereas I don't think some therapists can really be like, babe, like you need to. to let go like it's actually not okay. When you talk to a therapist, you take their advice more.

Like even if your friend says the exact same bloody thing, like I told you the same thing and you were like, no, but which I get. Because if it's somebody else who's like not biased, who hasn't heard any other backstory as well, it does make a big difference. It's also nice to know that you're not the only one that might have had a similar thing. Exactly. That's why you should tune into the breakup diet

because we get lots of different people on and they say, you know, experiences that you might relate to. And this is how to get over a six-year breakup, six-year relationship breakup. You mentioned really briefly that you went straight back out there. You don't think that helped or you do? I don't think it helps. I mean, by straight back out there, I want to one dinner date and cried myself to sleep, basically. Did you cry it on the date or after?

After. Well done. You held it until after. After the date. You're doing better than I did. You cried on the date. I'd not tell you that ever. My second date back ever.

My first date back ever was also a shit show. It wasn't even bad, but it was so bad that I ended up going home and just like looking at my Instagram cry and looking at his Instagram crying and then being like I miss him even more then I waited another month to go on another date because I was traumatized went on my other day

and he didn't even say something that was about my ex or we weren't talking about my ex at all but he did something that reminded me of him and I just lost it when I say and I wear like a lot of eyeliner black I couldn't stop crying

raccoon in front of him to the point of me. He was like, you can go to the bathroom and I was like, I'm so sorry. And I couldn't stop Hester. Like when I say I'm not even exaggerating, I couldn't stop. I went to the bathroom, came back after I had like sorted myself out. Did you get the bill? Did he get the bill? No, no, no, no.

Came back after I sorted myself out to try to like, and then he came back and he looked in me like it was like a like a hurt puppy. And then I tried to justify why I was crying, obviously trying to say that it wasn't really about my ex and then I started crying again and then he tried to kiss me no yes he was like well i better i better get my like my drinks work let me try to kiss you and i was like no i'm upset i think me crying over my ex twice without being able to stop should be an indication that i don't want to kiss you i don't care if you paid for my drinks at least a kiss on the cheek no way No way.

I do think dating helps you because if you find someone that you actually like, you kind of get over your ex. I do think it does help distract you. Yes. You're distracting yourself to you don't care and then they're great and then it goes into that. But if it's not, two steps back. Yeah, no. One step forward, three steps back. I was like traumatized.

He still tried to see me after. I still had to send him a text. Well, after you were crying on a date about your ex. Yeah, he got my, it's like, yeah, also he was such a gentleman. He was such a gentleman. paid for my whole thing, then got me an Uber home as well, and then wanted to take me out still. So obviously I've got game because I was crying about my ex twice

and not a little bit, like not a one tier. We're bawling. Balling. Balling. Like so embarrassing. Okay, here's a question. Obviously, if you're not 100% into someone, would you continue the whole day or would you escape?

I would try to leave, which is what I did. Like, I didn't do it in a mean way where he would know. I mean, obviously if you listen to this, he would know. But it was very well done, orchestrated. My acting classes from years ago came in. Because I didn't want to make him feel bad because he did nothing wrong. So I left it like one drink and then I kind of had an emergency. I mean, fair, you've got to escape sometimes.

Yeah, I did. I did escape. And then I had so much fun. Probably one of my most fun nights out in London. I think it's because I was like an escapee. And I was like on the run. Imagine how awkward it would have been if he then went out and then went to the same place around you. I'm sorry about the club and you're like, hi, emergency, the club was calling.