The Break-Up Diet - I Loved Him So Much… I LOST Myself (ft. Holly Valentine)

Episode Date: December 11, 2025

This week on The Break-Up Diet, we’re joined by Holly Valentine — the TikTok breakup girlie who turned her heartbreak into a full-blown community of women healing right alongside her.Holly gets real about the breakup that made her lose herself: the on-again-off-again chaos, the begging and bargaining phase she’s now emotionally allergic to, and the moment she hit rock bottom and said, “Right. I’m done.”She talks about blocking literally half her hometown, skydiving two weeks after getting dumped (because why cry when you can jump out of a plane?), walking for hours just to feel human again, and the terrifying-but-freeing reality of realising she had no idea who she was without him.We get into losing your identity in a relationship, rebuilding your entire life from scratch, learning to be alone for the first time, and the power of choosing yourself even when your ex is 100% stalking your TikToks. (Hi babe — enjoy the content.)If you’ve ever rotted in bed after a breakup, checked his socials like it was a full-time job, or fallen in love with a man so deeply you forgot you even existed… this episode is a warm hug, a wake-up call, and a group chat all in one.Grab your iced latte, re-block your ex (again), and heal with us. 💅💔✨ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

let's switch it up we've been holding back way too much welcome to the breakup diet okay welcome back to the breakup diet today we have a very special guest holly valentine who has documented her breakup on tic-tok so we want to know we want to know more about your breakup about your journey, everything. Have you ever done a podcast before? No, no, this is my first one. Well, welcome. We're excited to have you.

Thank you. What inspired you to document your breakup journey on TikTok? Like, it's hard as it is for us to be open on here, let alone like TikTok. I think because I was just going on and on about it to my friends and then I was just getting annoying. And so I was like, why not just post on TikTok? I mean, I have no shame or embarrassment. I just do these things and you meet so many people and I made so many like new friends from it and you get so much support from others and like if people are also going through it you're not

annoying them talking about it so it's just kind of like I was feeling lonely and I just wanted like a bit of a community and yeah it was the best thing I've ever done and TikTok is like the best way of building community right like you really do find your people as like you post more and more yeah definitely did you see other people do that like other creators do the that kind of thing because it wasn't that it's kind of a massive trend is it only kind of popped up the last few years right yeah yeah definitely and I think like you know on TikTok if you search like one thing like your whole few page just turns into that so it's just breakup content and like breakup advice and I was like you know what I'm just going to go for it I'm just going to do

videos and then meet people also going through it so what was it about this breakup that made you want to talk about it online um it was a bit of a traumatic breakup in the sense that I, like, nothing traumatic happened, but personally, I just lost myself, like, in this relationship. I didn't have any confidence coming out of it. I'd, like, pushed away a load of friends. I was just so invested in this person that I, like, completely lost my identity. And then I was like, right, I'm kind of at rock bottom in a way, like, I might as well just post about it and, like, build myself back up. Were you ever scared doing it? Because it is quite, like, because you're being super vulnerable you're not just saying your day to day you're literally you're putting yourself up

to get like criticism or you know you're it's a breakup like it's quite an intense emotional side like were you ever scared i was scared like if people i know found my videos i don't care about strangers opinions but like what people that i know of i'm like block yeah i went through like i was thinking right everybody i know who like lives near me who my parents might know so block them and I thought I blocked I have hundreds and hundreds of people blocked and but still people still found me and they were like even people I don't know they're like oh I recognize where you went on a walk like I'm from your city as well and I was like great but no I got over that really quickly because nobody cares and like people even ask like oh so you're posting on TikTok like

I want to start doing that but really nobody cares I feel like at the end of the day people admire you more for putting yourself out there which is why like you're here in the situation like this like yeah and you're not being nasty you're just saying your journey yeah i think it's a fine line between being horrible about an ex and like putting somebody else down and then also just documenting your journey and your personal feelings i mean i find that hard with ours yeah i mean i'd never like talk about him or like dig at him no matter how much i want to on like or say anything that would like lead him to be identified so you know i just try to make it about me because it is your journey yeah yeah about just me my life and i feel like that's that makes it okay what's been the

hardest part of the breakup journey for you so far hang on let's stop just for a sec subscribe and follow the breakup diet you don't want to miss another episode i think it's just kind of getting used to just like being on my own i think because obviously like he was kind of my best friend as well in the way and his family like i was super close with his sisters and it's just kind of like rebuilding my life like knowing i'm not going to be involved in that anymore and you know the mutual friends and i just had to like leave that all behind and it's just like just basically rebuilding my life completely and i've kind of struggled to do that it just feels like a new life like a completely fresh start to what how i thought my life was going to go

it's so weird it's kind of like i always think of it as like a delete on the you know when you or you put something in the trash in the computer and then it's like if you do this message it's gone forever and then it's just like what the hell and it's gone forever and you're like okay what now but equally it is a start of a new chapter an exciting chapter and you know there's something to look forward to with that you know on your TikTok I saw that you said about you were trying new things to kind of rediscover yourself and you know what you like doing what's something that you've tried I went skydiving like like what like two weeks after and two weeks I was still, like, depressed, struggling to get out of bed, but I'd already, like, booked it

before. And then, you know, I was kind of, like, doing this. So I was like, I was going to cancel it, but I was like, I need to do it. I need to feel something. Like, I need the adrenaline to get me out of this. Oh, my gosh. So I did that. That was crazy. And it did help. That is so inspiring. That's, like, a solid practical advice. Like, sometimes you guys just got to, like, jump out. A hundred percent. Jump out of a plane. That's wild. That was so scary, though. And like if I get depressed, like the first place I would go is like a theme park or something olden towers, like because like literally the adrenaline, I feel like it, it makes you feel something, makes you feel so much better. That's good. I like that. Replace like the depression

with endorphins. Yeah, exactly. That's actually a really good piece of advice. We haven't heard that before with like changing it up. So thank you. But apart from more like normal things you can do. Not everyone's going to do that. I just started, like, walking every single day. That's, like, all I could do at first for, like, one to two hours. Did you listen to music or, like, anything, podcast when you were walking, or just in your own thoughts? Just music, yeah, just music or sometimes just silence. Could I recommend you a podcast?

Would you listen to, like, sad songs or, like, happy songs or what? Because we always get, like, a mixture. I personally couldn't listen to sad songs because I just cry. but I know some people that when they're going through a breakup they only listen to sad songs and they just want to feel that emotion till it's death I feel like the first like couple days it was like exclusively sad no I couldn't even listen to music at all really because it would just make me sad but now it's just anything I have such like a broad taste of music how long has it been since the breakup two months oh my god this is fresh yeah it's so really fresh but you're doing

so well like your confidence and everything you're like you're fine thank you me two months afterwards i was prying at every single thing so you're doing really well can you talk to us about your like journeys so far like in the first few weeks how are you feeling with like maybe your mindset and like the everything and then maybe go on a month later and to like now so it was one of those breakups where it wasn't like the first time we've broken up like the weeks leading up to it was like on and off so i feel like i'd already had like I'd already done, like, all the begging, the pleading, the, like, really embarrassing stuff. The bargaining period has been done, yeah.

That was, like, during the actual relationship. So when, like, it actually ended, it was kind of just, like, a flip point, a flipping point where I was just, I was so angry, more at myself for, like, putting up with this and going back, and also at him for, like, messing me about, that I just kind of hated him. And I was just, like, it's done. Like, we will never be together again, like, in my head. Proud of you.

Yeah. even though I wanted to be so like the first couple weeks I was super sad and um we stopped talking like straight away but we'd spend like all day talking before that that I just didn't know what I was meant to do with myself and especially like I don't have like a proper job I don't have anything to do I was just in the house by myself knowing I need to get myself out but obviously I didn't want to do that I just wanted to stay in bed yeah I was just kind of like rotting away yeah the first weeks i found really hard obviously like your appetite goes you can't sleep the breakup diet yeah the breakup diet but then i slowly like all i could do was going on walks and that slowly like i was then

getting out the house and i feel like it wasn't necessarily that i started to get over it i think life just started to move on in a way you know like different things come up and then i had like within a month it was kind of like on and off i wasn't feeling like super depressed every single day. I was feeling a lot better. But then obviously I had bad moments and I feel like kind of all breakups within like the first month. You know you're going to talk again at some point and it's all on and off. Yeah, that was all a bit backwards and forwards. But now like within the second month it feels still feels sad, but it's a lot more settled because I know like we're not going to talk again. There's no hope there. Yeah, that's all gone. That's kind of nice. So it kind

gives you the peace to move forward yeah definitely i think that's the hardest when you're going through a breakup and you have like although you're broken up but you have this like conflict of hope because you want to speak to them and you want things to change because obviously you love that person so it's like a really hard thing to process and like deal with because even if you're so full of hate you still like miss them and you love them and it's even if you're not right it's so many conflicting emotions all at the same time so well done for getting through it like the hardest part the hardest part is the first month so well done thank you when those tough times like you're having those tough times

how do you kind of get yourself out of it besides the walking is there anything else um is it talking to your friends is it i don't know i just have to get out of bed basically like it could be do anything but i found out whenever like i have these weak moments it's because like I'm lying in bed feeling sorry for myself. It's because you're not busy enough. Yeah, it's because I'm not busy. I just need to get myself busy. And I feel like that's also like the TikToks because I would have nothing to do.

But if I just thought, right, I want to film today. And you know, like my videos are only a minute, but they don't take a minute to film. They take all day. Yeah. And that takes up so much of my time. But it like gave me something to do. It gave me a purpose, like a reason to kind of go on. And I was like, I don't want to embarrass myself anymore online than I already am.

So I've got to like, I've got to do something. I've got my, get myself together at least for that. And I feel like that really helped as well. So in your TikTok and earlier right now, you said that you lost yourself a bit. Why do you think that was and how do you rediscover yourself now? I don't know. I just have this problem where I just rely on other people too much. Like I've always like with any boyfriend before I completely lose it.

Like I just lose all my identity and I am that girl that will pick my boyfriend. and it's just kind of like learning where that comes from and that's because I'm trying to like feel a whole within myself. I'm not able to be independent. I'm not able to spend all my time by myself and it's just kind of like learning how to like bring myself happiness and like validate myself and not need that to come from somebody else. Yeah. The best way to deal with everything is to find that home within yourself. Yeah. It all like starts with self-love. Yeah. It was just just getting comfortable with being by myself and realizing that this relationship is obviously ended for a reason. I can't be with somebody just because I don't want to be alone.

Like, yeah, obviously, I love them and everything. But a lot of it is because I'm like making up for what I don't have within myself. So it's just kind of realizing you really do have to be by yourself and be able to like be on your own, look after yourself without anybody there before you can have a like a healthy relationship with somebody. Yeah, you have to have boundaries in place as well. When you now go in to your next one, you have to like how to make sure you keep those boundaries. We always talk about that on us. It's hard, but...

You don't need to lose yourself to another man. No, exactly. Like, lose it to the bag, like, commit to the socials, commit to your career. With your breakup, obviously it was quite recent, really. Do you feel like you've had closure? even if it's not from them but like even maybe it's something you created by yourself do you feel like good about it at this moment in time i feel like i've been thinking about this a lot but i don't think i believe in closure because you know i went back so many times and not just

like this relationship like others i've been back so many times and i don't believe like you can really have closure i feel like that comes within yourself and because there's so many times I thought it's so much easier if I just go back to him, you know, we get back together and everything's okay. But I really think you have to like accept that within yourself and have the strength not to go back and decide like I'm going to move on now. I'm going to live for myself. I'm not going to go back there. So I feel like I had to create the closure within myself to know like I've walked away and I need to stick to that decision. Did you create it just by asking yourself like questions and thinking it over or how do you think you came to like that conclusion

part of it is like because i was broken up with that makes it really hard because if you're like when you're dumped you want that person back even if you don't want to be with them if that makes sense like just because you've broken up with me like all of a sudden no we need to be together like we can't break up but after kind of a month and when he decided he reached out to me and wanted to be with me that's i feel like that's the moment when i kind of got like my closure and I realize, no, like, this is just a mental thing in my head. Realistically, I don't actually want to be together. So you kind of had it when once he came back and you realize, no, I'm not doing this because

I want to really be in it. It's not right. I'm doing it because a little bit of an ego. Oh, yeah, 100%. Even if you know it's not right, you still want them to want you. And then, yeah, when they do, you're like, oh, actually, maybe not. That's really not good. So is there anything that you've learned about yourself during this breakup that you were

surprise to learn. With breakups for me, I've gained so much strength in the fact that, oh, I can actually live my life by myself on my own terms now. Like, there is no way a man, especially a man from my past that's going to let me stop living my life. Do you know what I mean? I think that was my big, I guess, my strength, knowing that, oh, I can be independent. I can do what I like. I can live in a clean space now because we all know what it's like living with a man. Like, They can be so nasty. So that was kind of like my strength. Yeah, what was yours?

I gained a lot of confidence from my relationship that I was scared that when we broke up, that my confidence would go because I wasn't confident before. Knowing my own worth and like my own standards, that was a massive strength that came out of my breakup. The source of your confidence is now you, not him, which is really powerful. Yeah. That's the thing with life, isn't it? It's these breakups.

life experiences that mold you into so much of a better person mine was like I've always been a relationship girl like my whole life I've always had a boyfriend sounds so terrible you know it's always been one person okay heal for a bit then I meet the next person I never actually like sit in a discomfort of who I am and being by myself that's probably 99% of my problems that I'm not happy with just being on my own and um because it's so much easier than the first person who shows you attention you just be with them and you think it like validates you and you're like yeah I am like worthy I am lovable I am all these things I can do whatever it's just being able to like now be by myself and have to like tell myself those things and believe it

and like actually love myself and not have somebody else giving me any love and I feel like that's that's so hard to do like it sounds you know simple like people say all these little things you can do but it's really hard to, like, truly love yourself and be happy with yourself. And believe it, yeah, really believe it. What's hard about it? Is it not harder to be a loser that hates yourself and, like, seeks validation of men? I think it's so much easier to be a loser. Yeah, actually, I agree, you know.

I feel like that's why I've been in so many, like, not even just toxic relationships, but just unhealthy ones where, like, they get away with saying all these little things. And it's just because, like, I accept it. And obviously, I know it's wrong. Like, I know, oh, I shouldn't have let him said that to me. me or I shouldn't have let him do that. But because, like, I did turn into a bit of a loser. I was like, yeah, okay, whatever. I accept it. Like, I'll, I'll be angry at you, but I'll forgive you. But yeah, it's just about coming out of that, like, deciding, I'm not going to be

a loser anymore. I'm going to, like, know who I am. And I guess that's the power really, like, putting your foot down, being like, actually, I'm going to choose myself. Yeah. And it's me. I'm choosing myself. It's not a man choosing me. It's me. I'm picking me. Exactly. Yeah. Do you have any piece of advice for somebody going through a breakup right now? I have those of advice. What I tell anybody, any girl who messages me, is just don't talk to them. Period.

No contact is the best policy. No contact. Like, even if you have all this, they're the most amazing guy and you think, oh, we're going to sort it out, get back together. No, never talk to them again. Like, that's honestly the only way to do it. I don't know. Maybe it works for other people and you hear like these stories where they get back together

and it all works out. But I'm like, no, that's not for you. That's not for us. No contact is the best policy. I've, like, never seen any one benefit from reaching out to their ex. Me? Me. It just dragged it on.

No, but it made it a lot better. I don't have any sort of hate or resentment now. Whereas, like, before I did. I'm still team no contact. I think it's probably better no contact, but I think it's specific on situations. I needed it. Otherwise, I would be a lot more of a resentful person. But I agree with it.

It's probably better if you're in a toxic relationship. or it's depended on the breakup as such. And it helps you move on so much faster because you're like, okay, he's in the past, I'm living in the present, I'm not bringing the past into my present. Yeah. And also, whatever you do, don't look at what they're doing. Don't look at their social media because, I mean, yeah, I'm upset about it. I still find it hard, but I really believe the less you know, the better because I have

no idea what he's doing right now. That's helped me so much because he's just like not at the front of my mind anymore. I don't know. oh he's here he's with that person he's following that person like it's just making it so much worse and longing out if you do things like that at the end of the day it's really like none of our business what they get up to after we're not in a relationship like why am i centering my life on this person from my past like there's no way he's going to have power over my thoughts now i mean it's so tempting though i did do that too like i'm not going to lie i did do that too i looked at it for so long

it was so entertaining i can't lie but also it was like i i couldn't help hair like but it's not good that is actually really not good it's like a heroin addiction that's dirty don't do what it is literally heroin and then you get you get the hit and whatever you get the withdrawals again and you have to do it again and yeah it might like validate you and make you feel better and you're like oh yeah he's he's not seeing anybody he misses me but then one day you're going to see something you don't like and you but you don't even know like what the story is behind that you could be making things up or i don't know might be true and then you were going to feel awful and you're never going to forget that yeah so i think it's just just don't look it'd be hard being your ex if you're all

over ticot popping up everywhere you you're like that's not a you problem though that's a him problem but you're giving advice it's not like you're like trash in them and it's not like you're like showing off guys and stuff i know i know but still he a hundred percent watches i mean he already followed me and then I saw like he unfollowed me so we love a fan yeah he's a fan I know 100% he's checking yeah from an ex to a fan pipeline we love that let them watch I think that's good that's the thing because at first know people are like aren't you embarrassed like what if he sees he's gonna know like you're upset and I'm like I don't care it's not about him anymore like he broke up with me it's not about like showing I'm better than you or I'm over it I've moved on it's

solely about yeah you building your own community I'm upset about it people get hurt after breakups but it's about me like making myself feel better and get to the point where it's just just about me a lot of people try to be like super fine after a breakup especially on social media like you see girls posts like a lot acting at like parties or like you know going to nice things all this sort of stuff but I think there's a lot of I actually think it's nicer to either go silent on it or if you're gonna document it you're not just pretending you're fine and totally over it the next day like whenever I see that. I'm like, do you not have a heart without being like horrible? And I know it's like a coping mechanism and I get it. Like I also have boasted stuff where I've been out after. But I don't know.

If you get people who postings to kind of, you know, be like, oh yeah, I'm okay or like show him what he's missing. But I don't know. You don't know what he's going to think about that. But what it's going to do within you is make you think, you know, I'm still reliant on this person. I still need their validation. It's going to make you feel so much worse. So I think. it's just best do nothing do everything for yourself when you posted a video at the start did you look to see if you'd seen it i know he 100% has i mean he's obviously going to be curious i mean he used to follow me so yeah and you would be like if your ex was posted something you would be i would be so but yeah it was just i was kind of at first i was like oh gosh you know and him

and his friends as well what are they going to think they were going to be like sending it to group chat and laughing at me but then it was just thinking like so what if they do that like i don't care it's not like the world keeps spinning it's not about you anymore yeah it's about me i had like his friends out of nowhere just like follow me and i'm just like you mean you're doing that for a reaction so i don't care did you have a breakup with the friendship group like as in where were you guys very intertwined and then did you find it hard to like separate that element well it was actually hard because i was like super close friends with sister before we were together that's how we met so and that's never a good idea like never date your

friends siblings such a bad idea but that friendship kind of like naturally ended before we broke up which I feel like was lucky because I don't know what I would have done if we broke up and I was still I lost like one of my friends as well and it must be awful to feel like in the middle as well maybe it's a sign yeah that's why the friendship ended to kind of pave the end of your relationship I'm glad it's just like a clean slate like there's no no reason for me to ever like be involved or with his friends or family again yeah it would be hard if you were still friends close friends with the sister because then you would have intel on your ex without necessarily even wanting it like and a reminder yeah and you know i'd be complaining about him and then she's probably like but that's my brother

yeah and i'm saying all these horrible things about him yeah it's actually such a awkward, I know. I'm glad that didn't happen. Congratulations on your healing journey. You're obviously doing so freaking well. You've built an amazing community. Thank you. Yeah, and you're touching people. Like, as I said at the beginning, like, we've seen your TikToks. It resonates with a lot of people. Like, we're all going through it collectively. That's the best thing about it. Like, I started doing it so I could, like, get support and meet new people. But it's so nice being able to help other people as well and just kind of you know making everybody feel better and nobody feels alone in it because that's the worst thing ever when you know you lose somebody you love

and then you don't have anybody else so yeah it's really nice to have a bit of the community yeah thank you for coming on and sharing your story and your journey thank you so much Oh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Thank you.