The Break-Up Diet - Jess Hobbs on Why Being Selfish in Your 20s is the Best Thing You Can Do

Episode Date: April 9, 2025

What happens when your wanderlust collides with your love life? Jess joins us to share her refreshingly honest perspective on choosing adventure over romance, even when the relationships were genuinely good. As a fellow Australian in London, she offers a unique window into the expat dating experience and why Aussies abroad seem to find each other everywhere they go.Our conversation tackles the modern dating landscape with unflinching candor. From the frustrations of dating apps producing "pen pals" who never actually meet up, to the nerve-wracking art of making eye contact with attractive strangers, Jess shares both practical advice and entertaining anecdotes. Her experiments with meeting people in real life instead of through apps reveals both the challenges and unexpected rewards of taking dating offline.Where this episode truly shines is in challenging conventional wisdom about relationships. Jess embodies what it means to be "selfish" in your twenties in the best possible way – prioritizing personal growth, travel, and self-discovery over settling down. Now approaching thirty, she's neither desperate to find someone nor closed off to possibilities, but instead occupies that rare sweet spot of genuine contentment with her single life while remaining open to someone truly special.Whether you're nursing a broken heart, contemplating a major life move, or simply trying to navigate the bewildering world of modern dating, this conversation offers both practical wisdom and permission to put yourself first. Because sometimes the bravest thing you can do is choose yourself – even when it means saying goodbye to someone you love.Send us a textInstagram:@the_breakup_dietTikTok:@thebreakupdietEmail: [e-mail]

Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the Breakup Diet and today we have someone very exciting here. Would you like to introduce yourself, Jess? Hi, I'm Jess. I'm another Aussie in London and I'm so excited to be here today. Thank you for coming. I like that we've scouted out another Aussie. We have.

We can't avoid each other. It's like a thing. That is an Aussie. We have, we can't avoid each other. It's like the thing. That is an Aussie thing. Yeah. Like they all kind of, do you have you notice that when you're out? Yeah, mom's like, do you have any British friends? I'm like, I don't think so.

But we have this theory that we think Australians that are abroad are better than Australians that aren't abroad. Yes, because you're all like here for the same reason. And I feel like you've got like similar interests. You want to be overseas. So you just like click with them. Yeah, definitely the same like vibe, same life chapter.

Exactly. We're not off for a house. Honestly, all my friends back home love them to death, but they're like married. They have two kids. The momsy theory. Love them. Love you. Love you guys.

But they just haven't sorted way faster. Is it mean to say their outfits as well, like the smock dresses? It's just different. But yeah, like I was just home recently and like it's so good to catch up with your friends and nothing's changed. Like you just slot right back in.

It's like a time catch up with your friends and nothing's changed. Like you just slot right back in. It's like a time machine. Yeah. Going back in time. But it's also just like so different to my friends here. But because I feel like we would have at least three character developments till the next time we go back to us for Christmas. And then honestly, it's actually true. And we probably would have had like five breakups and our friends are like happily...

They're like, I'm onto my third kid. I'm like, okay. So I want to be the 40 year old mum with like a toddler and all their kids are like teenagers, but that's fine. Yeah. We're gonna get there. I think you have stories to tell. Lots of stories.

When I'm, when I settle down, like best believe I'll be ready. Buckle up bitches, this is gonna get bumpy. This is the breakup diet. Have you had a breakup? Yes, I've had lots of breakups actually. How many is too many for the soul? I've had lots of breakups actually. I honestly, but not to sound like, I don't know what the word is, not cocky, but like, I feel like for the most part, it's been me doing the breaking up because most of the time, women and male fields, literally. No, but it actually is.

I'm like, I'm very independent. And when I get my sights set on something like moving overseas, it's mainly I want to move overseas. I end up ending a relationship. But like when I want to do something, I'm like, you're getting it my way. Like boss bitch. Pretty much. But yeah, my last relationship ended because I was moving to London, but that was like a beautiful relationship

and it ended really nicely. Like it just wasn't gonna work. That's nice that you have a nice breakup. Yeah, he was so mature about it. And he was like, I don't wanna go there. You don't wanna stay here. Like it was nice how it lasted kind of thing. When you have a nice breakup, do you find it harder to move on because they're so nice?

I wanna say no, because I was moving to London so it was like I was distracted. Yeah I was excited I like had no other choice but to just like move on. You were like forget about him. No but it's true like I was so busy settling into London that you just kind of yeah. I feel like it's better if you have a breakup and you're the one that moves away because... Yes. Oh. I can't imagine having like a nice breakup and just being in the same city.

Like how does that even work? Surely you just end up... Yeah, you just feel like, oh, okay. Yeah. But I've also had some bad ones. Not really bad, but just like yeah And nicely I guess all to do with when you were moving. Yeah Most of them were because I was moving one of them was kind of like a whirlwind relationship

It was kind of a funny story. What would you mean? Like love bombing or no, I mean mean no I have to think there's a little bit of something well I mean I was living in Greece and I was working there for a few months for summer and then I met this South African guy long story short I ended up moving to Cape Town for a few months and like had the best summer there and then he came to Australia and then as soon as he came to Australia, I was like, okay, I'm over it. You got the X.

Yeah, well, I think once I was back in, out of the travel overseas bubble, and I was back in my life, I was like, and then I was moving to LA. He was like, fuck it, I'll come with you. And then he came to LA with me. And then it just became like it was my story and I wanted to stay there and like build a life and he couldn't

he didn't have a visa so then he left and then it just got really messy he like went back to Greece ended up dating one of my best South African friends which I found out through Instagram but yeah. But yeah, he was really nice, it just ended badly. It was messy. Did you have an inkling? Like when that- No, no, because she was literally messaging me, like, you guys are gonna get back together.

Like you guys are meant for each other. My God, I'm sorry, that's so- It was, to be fair, it wasn't really rough. It was kind of just like, what the fuck? Like, what is happening? Yeah, it's just, it wasn't really rough. It was kind of just like, what the fuck? Like what is happening? Yeah, it's just the betrayal of it. Yeah. You don't expect it.

Yeah, and he just turned into like a really mean person. He just was surrounded by like, his best friend was also just a dick and like, just bad influences and it turned him into not a very nice person, but anyway. No. We forgive and we forget. That's good.

So would you say that you would be fine with him now? Are you that level? I mean, he actually lives in London. And you said that most of your breakups are like when you're, you know, you've moved places. Have you ever had it when you haven't moved to a different place and you just had like a breakup because of another reason?

Yes. My like first relationship, I just ended it because he was ready to like, he was just too serious and I was like, I'm 18, like I wanna have fun, I wanna go out. And then that ended just because I was, didn't wanna be in a relationship. So where is he?

Is he married and settled down? He's engaged, yes, yes. So he's happy. He was lovely. He He's engaged, yes. So he was lovely. He was like, mom was like, he was such a nice boyfriend. And he was, but just wasn't for me. And then I had my next boyfriend was like, one of the ones where it was like,

you've been best friends since high school and you end up together. And then that one ended badly. Did you lose the friendship after? We still like see each other now, but. That's a years later. Yeah, but yeah, that was just quite toxic in the end. So that one had to end just cause it was like

not good for either of us. Can you, you don't have to, but can you elaborate on that? Like toxic how? He moved to Brisbane essentially because I was moving and he hated it and just just yeah, mental health issues. And then it rubbed off on me and then it was just like a whole, it was just not good. I get you.

Yeah, and then he moved back as soon as we broke up. So like he just really didn't wanna be in Brisbane, which is fair. I see like on your TikTok that you document, you know, finding, you know, a man in London and stuff. Can you tell us a bit more about the dating scene, you know, in London? The honestly, like, it's not that great. No, I mean, I'm on the app, girl. I'm on the apps, but they're pretty rubbish. Like what apps you on?

Hinge and Raya. Well, I've actually paused Raya because I'm like, so excited. they're pretty rubbish. What apps are you on? Hinge and Raya. Well, I've actually paused Raya because I'm like, so expensive. No one ever meets up on it. Exactly. And Hinge is actually also kind of bad with that. Like I'm not looking for pen pal. Stop, they get my number, they message.

And I'm like, are you gonna take me on a date? Like I'm not here to text you. Like I don't know you. Yeah, I get you. They're so annoying. They're just like not good at- Action. Yeah.'t know you. Yeah, I get you. They're so annoying. They're just like not good at... Action. Yeah.

You want action, man. I want action. I want to see. I want action. You need to get back out there on the dating. Yeah, but then like, I stopped the apps because like I'm actually sick of this. I did have like a couple of like little situation ships,

but since then, like I've not properly dated anyone and I was so sick of that. So I was like, I'm literally done. And that's when I started the series, trying to find a man in real life. Cause I was like, let's try and meet men IRL. And that's just ended in me and my friends going out and getting wine drunk and having fun.

Yeah. Are men attracted to women in London? I don't know. I think they just love themselves. They're just like... Princesses! Yes! They think women should come up to them.

I don't know. Which I think is also fair. Like if I really am into someone like, oh, firstly, you wanna try and get some eye contact to know that they're kind of interested back. And it's very- Yeah, actually give us some tips on how you are getting them to come up. Okay, I can give tips, but like I'm not an expert.

So me and my friends always talk about eye contact. Like if you see someone that you think's cute, try and get eye contact with them multiple times. Because if you keep catching each other's eye, like you're obviously both kind of keen on each other. You know. Or they think you're just like a weirdo. They're like why does this girl keep staring at me?

That would be my, if I had to do that, that would be me. But you can kind of tell if they're like, or if they're like holding it. Okay, okay. And then I guess, yeah, if you keep, hopefully they would come up to you, but if they don't, that's when like my heart is going to palpitate because that's like the anticipation with the next move. We're staring.

I have a lazy eye as well, so I don't know how long I can hold the stare for my heart's racing. I've got like sweaty armpits. It's nerve wracking. But okay, the one successful story. It's amazing, I got me sorry. Darting across the room and they're like, you okay?

Where is she looking at me? It happened, I kept looking, but he was like standing behind me. It was actually a whole group of guys that were good looking. I wasn't just looking at one of them and I kept turning around and they obviously saw. It's like bingo which one. And they were about to leave and I was like watching them leave and one of them turned around and he's like, like, oh no, I think he waved at me.

And then he like went like that to himself and I was like, yeah. And then he came over, he's like, are you looking at me or my friends? And I was like, I mean, you're all cute. And then he got my number he's like, are you looking at me or my friends? And I was like, I mean, you're all cute. And then he got my number from that. So. Success. Yeah. And if it doesn't work out, onto the friend. Now I'm telling you. Exactly.

No, but yeah, I think it's all in eye contact. Okay, so say the guy doesn't walk over to you. How do you walk over sexually? I'm talking a big game, because like I sit there and I go, I'm too scared. But I think the more drinks you have in you the easier it is. Okay and the more the easier. Courage. Hey I think you're cute. This is what me and my friends always debate. I'm like am I literally just going straight to the point and being like hey I think you're cute like are you single? Or my other friend's like no don't say that like that. Like, you just need to be like, hey, how's your night going?

I'm like, just wanna get straight to the point. Like, no chit chat. Action. Instagram makes communication a bit childish. Yes. It makes it like a game where they don't speak to you with words. They'll like it.

Exactly. They'll send you fire emojis. It's like- They don't action. I feel like instant it for me, if they ask from, if I'm on hinge, they ask my Instagram, instead of my number, I'll like not reply. Unless I think they're like really.

That is a good it. Because my theory is they get your Instagram and then they have like instant access to you and your life. One, for one thing, like they can't get the full picture of you because Instagram is obviously a highlight reel and it's like how you want to portray yourself. But they're seeing what I'm up to, like they don't really feel the need to get to know you.

Yeah, it's like, okay, I know her now. Like they might still be into me, but it's just not this like, I don't know. That's what I find. There's no element of surprise anymore. Yeah, I don't know why it really irks me. I'm like, I don't. And then if they never meet you,

then you've just got this graveyard of like. Weirdo men. Yeah. Liking your story. But I also think it's an ache of a guy has a- Has a better- Yeah. And you don't want them to outshine you.

Like if they're getting better content than you, then it's like, they can't win, honestly. Social media is for the girls only. It's for us to stay in touch. It's for us to connect. Girls only. Yeah, when a guy's like, they can't win, honestly. Social media is for the girls only. It's for us to stay in touch. It's for us to connect. Girls only. Yeah, when a guy's like, oh no, I don't really go on social media,

I'm like, hot. Yeah, to be fair, if they don't have a social media, also hot. I think. Yeah. I mean, I like to stalk them though. I would like to stalk them, but then also kind of hot too. I know it's a...

Sometimes it's nice not knowing. Yeah. Or also like when I see a hot guy on TikTok, I'm like, oh my I know it's a... Sometimes it's nice not knowing. Yeah. Or also like when I see a hot guy on TikTok, I'm like, oh my God, it's so hot. And then it's like, wait, but I don't want my boyfriend to be posting thirst traps on TikTok. You're picturing him like getting his tripod out,

like licking his lips. Yeah. Like, coming from the air. Doing a fit check. But I'm also like, oh, but when I see it, I'm like, oh my God, it's so hot. Okay, so obviously dating, you and I, we get it. There's just ups and downs. You either see it, I'm like, oh my god, it's so hot. Okay, so obviously dating, you and I, we get it. There's just ups and downs.

You either want it, you don't. I'm in that stage where I'm so happy being single, but there's like a part of me that's like, I should be out because I'm young and that's what we should be doing. How do we get back into it? I feel like I'm the same, I go through phases. I am so content with my single life.

A lot of my friends here are single and we just have so much fun together. And I'm so fulfilled in all my friendships. I don't feel like I need a partner, but also I'm turning 30. So I feel like I need to also be getting out there. So me and my friends are trying, what we're trying to do to get back into dating

is just make it a bit more fun. Cause I feel like we went through a phase last year where we were like, what's the point in dating someone? Like if, you know, you're not gonna marry them kind of thing. That's exactly what I'm thinking. Yeah, but we're like, You just put stress on it.

Exactly. And then you like get more picky. I don't know. So we're just trying to like, just have fun with it. Do you find it hard having a breakup or not really? Like to move on, because you said you've had a few. So are you like somebody that looks at it like there's always going to be somebody else?

I've never had a breakup where I'm literally like, I can't breathe. Really? Ever. That's so lucky. Ever. You're like, you're the heartbreaker. Well, yeah, I don't know, I just, it is what it is. I know I'll find someone one day, like I'm just a big believer in like trusting the universe

and I genuinely just know I'm gonna find my person. So I'm not a big believer in like trusting the universe. And I genuinely just know I'm going to find my person. So I'm not stressed about it. I think, again, it helps being in London and being surrounded by friends who are on the same page because you don't feel that outside pressure. As soon as I'm home with my friends who are all settled down, I'm a little bit more like, shit, I'm behind. Yeah.

But whenever I live overseas, even in LA, all my friends are even older than me. And like a lot of them are still single and it's just like more of the norm. So there's like less pressure. But I just, I just know I'm going to find someone. So I just- So you're not worried? No.

Have you ever regretted it? There actually was one that I got a bit hung up. We actually weren't even properly official, but like we pretty much were before I moved to Greece. We were seeing each other and he was also from, like we lived in Brisbane, but we knew each other from Cannes. And that was one of the, we probably were in love with each other, but we just like never, because he knew, we knew I was moving overseas.

We like never made it official. And then he was kind of waiting for me while I was overseas and I ended up going to South Africa and then when I came back and like saw him again I was like I fucked up and then literally for like a couple of years I was kind of like stuck on it just a little bit like oh that actually could have been something really nice but he's engaged now so but that's really the only one and we weren't even like officially boyfriend girlfriend, but that's probably the only one where I was like,

kind of regretted. It's always those ones where it's great, like there's most clear label that messes with your head. Yeah, exactly. I mean, he wasn't even a situationship. He was like, we were seeing each other like seven nights a week, we were together. But there was a situation.

Yes, yeah. It was kind of a situation shit. Does it help you with moving on when they have a partner? It depends. I mean, I guess part of you is kind of like, oh, you moved on. But I guess it makes it easier because you're not going. There's just no option to go back anyway. So it's like, all right, I can move on.

Do you stalk the new partner's Instagram? Well, his new partner, I kind of, she was also from, I didn't know her, but like, again, we've been to so many like events together where they're both there. My most recent boyfriend, he actually got a girlfriend quite soon after we broke up. And it was more so my friends like doing the stalking and being like, oh my God, I think he's got a girlfriend quite soon after we broke up and it was more so my friends like doing the stalking and we're like oh my god I think

he's got a girlfriend and like sending photos but I don't really honestly I genuinely don't even stalk exes you are so well I hope I can get through life without having one of those breakups where you literally just like spiral Yes, nicely. You've not had the crying like serious gut crying Yeah, do you think it's like an age thing? where we're at an age where it's like I've Like fucking 30 year olds, scrolling through Instagram,

looking at girls who are like 24. Do we wanna do that? No, yeah, exactly. It definitely, you just become, and you're just like more sure of yourself and you're kind of just like, I don't need that. I reckon I've probably been more caught up on situations and relationships,

but I feel like that's kind of quite common. Yeah, super common. The breakup from a situation ship, I think is worse that's kind of quite common. Yeah, super common. The break up from a situation I think is worse than worse in a relationship. I was in a situation for like a year and a half, almost two years. It's such a mind fuck and I never want to do that shit ever again.

Yeah, I don't want to do that. It's not fun. But I'm also like, yeah, do I have one more in me? No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. When I see like a hot younger guy on here just pop up and I'm like, you would ruin my life. But like, I kind of just want to roll with it for a little bit. Cause you're really hot.

But then I'm like, no Jess, you're turning 30. Can't do this anymore. I mean, I feel like you could do it if you want to do it, do it. You know, I want to really loving, beautiful, caring, handsome. You need, I feel like you need more convention. I'm trying to manifest. I showed my friends this guy that I was talking to on Hinge the other day, and they were all like, he's really hot, but he's going to ruin your life.

I was like, yeah. But sometimes the really hot ones are actually really nice. They're like, yucky and nice, so you don't know. You never know. You don't know. You never know. And then sometimes the ugly ones, they actually ruin your life.

Exactly. Like that, because you don't expect it. Yeah. And then you're like, I gave you a chance about. You're like, no, they're not a fuckboy. They wouldn't do that to me. Trust me, they're not like that. And they do it.

And then that's rough. So you don't really find moving on from like a breakup that hard really? Oh my god. That's so nice. Yeah. I'm sorry. But I don't know. Is that a bad thing?

No, I think it's a good thing. Sometimes I think I have commitment issues. I'm like in a relationship for a year and a half, two years and I can't have done. But I obviously just haven't found the one that makes me, I'm waiting for that. I'm waiting for that love that's literally just like a healthy obsessed, you know what I mean? Not it's, yeah.

Is it just an ick that gets you or? Not even an ick. I think I just get like, it honestly is always, I'm moving, I'm leaving. Bye. And sometimes relationships do run their courses. Some are meant for 10 years, some are meant for just a year. Yeah.

Do you have it when you think about it for a while, like when that's happened, or is it more like an impulsive decision? It's usually, like I've thought about it for a while. Like when I got into my last relationship, I knew that I was moving back overseas. Like from the start, I wasn't even looking for a relationship because I was like, I know I'm gonna go back overseas.

And I kind of said that to him from the beginning, but he was quite a bit younger than me. And he, at the beginning, he was like, okay, cool. Like I'd like to move overseas as well. And then when I said I'm going to London, he was like, I'm not going to London. Because he was like, so far, he just couldn't do it. Which is so fair.

But that's the thing, like I wasn't willing to like compromise and be like, where do we want to go? It was like, well, I'm going to London. So I'm very selfish. I've been very selfish in my 20s. That's what we need to be though. More women need to be selfish in their 20s. Cause a lot of them are so boy crazy

and wanna settle down and do this. They never do stuff for themselves in their 20s. Exactly. Yeah and then they regret it later on. Exactly, I genuinely don't regret anything from my 20s. I'm glad that I've had lots of relationships because I feel like I've learned something different from every relationship.

And now I know what I like, what I don't like. I think it's good to date and have boyfriends, but I'm also so comfortable being single that I'm like, I can wait. That's a nice place to be because it's like whatever happens, we're winners, we're fine. Like they have to be pretty, at this point now, like they have to be pretty amazing for me to like make room for them. Because I'm like, I'm Jen Park. It's like my social calendar with my friends. I hate having to make time even to just date.

I'm like, my friends are going for wine. It's like, I've got to go on a date. How do you juggle time with dating and work and social, like and your social scene. To be honest, I haven't been dating like that much. But my thing is dates are for like a Wednesday night, in my opinion, especially the beginning. Midweek. Midweek.

Because you don't want to waste your Friday and Saturday on a shit date. What's your ideal date? A wine bar. I love going to wine bars, cliche, but and if he suggests a wine bar, that's like one of my, like this guy is Aussie guy actually went on a date with, he straight away suggested one of my favorite wine bars. And I was like, we're gonna get along.

Yeah, I think wine or like drinks to start off with. And then maybe the first couple of dates, just drinks and then lock into a dinner. Nice dinner is so high risk for first day. It is exactly three meals. Yeah, I actually saw a podcast. It was about modern dating. And they actually suggested don't even lock into I actually saw a podcast, it was about modern dating and they actually suggested don't even lock into drinks, like do a coffee,

which some people have mixed feelings about, but I actually kind of liked that, like a coffee and walk. Coffee date in my neighborhood, so I'm not making that major of an effort. Yes, go for a stroll. If there's a vibe, maybe then like. No.

But then I'm like, I need some liquid courage. But then this person was like, no, it's better to try and have conversations initially, like sober, cause you can see if you actually like them. It's not just like, you're just drunk. And you're like, oh, they're so sexy. Cause sometimes you've gone on like six dates and you realize you've been drunk every single day

and you're like, wait, do I actually like them or am I just tipsy? That's actually smart. So, okay, coffee dates are in. Yeah. Just cause it benefits me. I haven't actually done one yet. I need to, but I do like that idea.

I disagree with you guys. You wanna look sexy. You can't look sexy on a coffee date. But naturally like. I feel like I could style my maxi puffer jacket just for you. Yes. Your basic fashion. Yes, right.

No, you can still look hot. No, I like a moody, dark restaurant, you know, where you can like... Yeah, that's why I like the wine bar where it's like dark and moody, you know? So you've gone through a lot of breakups. Do you have any tips and tricks for somebody going through a breakup? I think cut all comms. Like unfollow each other, block them if you need to.

That's what me and my, well, he blocked me. But he told me before we broke up, he's like, I'm gonna have to block you like when you move. Cause just so fair, I was like in Mykonos, like whoa. So I think yeah, cutting communication, like just no contact. It's the only way. And do you like soft block?

So do you unblock at a certain time? Yeah, I think he's unblocked me now, but we don't follow each other, but like he's unblocked me. It also depends how it ends, I think. But I think no communication is, no matter how it ends is the best way. Otherwise you're just always gonna have this. It just drags it out unnecessarily.

Like I broke no contact and it just dragged it out by another year. Exactly. Waste of my time. Exactly. So I think, yeah, no contact and it just dragged it out by another year. Waste of my time. Exactly. So I think, yeah, no contact and just put all your energy into yourself and learning how to be happy with yourself. Like don't go on the apps when you break up,

like just, yeah, spend time with your friends. No, I don't think so. I think it's better to just be with your friends and learn to be happy by yourself. Cause then when you're ready, you're like so set and content with your life that it's just like an addition. It's not like you're seeking this to like fill a void.

Being a friend to somebody going through a breakup, how can you support them? If you can just be there for them. I had a friend who recently went through a breakup, like they moved to London together, they were living together. It was kind of out of the blue. It wasn't a messy breakup, but it was still like a shock and she just needed to be with her friends like as much as possible.

And if you can do that, like do that. She would come have sleepovers. Nice, yeah, so nice, not alone. You do feel like isolated. That's the thing, you feel lonely. So like we'd go out on a night out and she would come and stay with me. Cause she's like, I know if I go home,

but I'm just gonna spiral. So we'd like have a sleepover. You feel lonely even if you are lonely in the relationship. It's weird, you feel so much more. That's the worst kind of loneliness. I never wanna feel whatever. Yeah. Yeah, the loneliness.

And he's right next to you. He's in bed with you and you still feel so lonely. The worst. You'd rather just be alone and lonely. Yeah, actually, yeah. Well, the worst. You'd rather just be alone and lonely. Yeah, actually, yeah. Well, thank you so much. It's the hurry. You've been so great.

This has been fun. Yeah, so great. 2025, this is our year. It is our year. Dirty 30, new decade. Yes, yes. New husband. Yes.

Yeah