The Break-Up Diet - Living With Your Ex After a Breakup

Episode Date: July 8, 2026

This week, we're talking about one of the hardest breakup situations I can imagine... living with your ex.If you've ever found yourself trying to heal while still sharing a home with the person who broke your heart, you'll know just how confusing it can be. One minute you're crying in your room, the next you're bumping into them in the kitchen pretending everything's fine. It can make moving on feel almost impossible.In this episode, I'm sharing the biggest mistakes I think people make when they're living with an ex after a breakup, from slipping back into old relationship routines and overanalysing every little interaction, to why boundaries aren't just important... they're essential. I also talk about the things that will genuinely help you protect your peace, start letting go, and remind your brain that this chapter won't last forever.If you're currently in this situation, or you're counting down the days until one of you finally moves out, I really hope this episode makes you feel a little less alone. It might not feel like it right now, but I promise there is life on the other side of this, and one day you'll have your own space, your own routines, and your peace back.I hope this episode gives you the comfort, reassurance and little reality check you need if you're navigating one of the toughest parts of heartbreak. 🤍 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome back to another episode of the breakup diet. Today I want to talk about what to do if you're going through a breakup, but you still live with your ex. Because I've had quite a few DMs recently asking for my opinion on this and my thoughts on that type of situation. And my thought is, you're a much stronger person than I am because I think I would go crazy. It's probably the hardest breakup type of situation and environment you can be in after or one of them. So I want to give you a big hug if this is you right now because

generally I think that that's so confusing for your brain to navigate because how in the hell are you meant to move on from someone when you're literally hearing them, smelling them, bumping into them every single day? It's so hard to put in those boundaries. It's so hard to allow yourself distance to grieve. I mean, you can't. So today I want to talk about some of the do's and some of the don'ts if you're in that situation to try to make it the least offensive scenario in probably like the most offensive breakup situation that you can have. The reason I think that this is so hard, this type of situation, is because when you have a breakup normally, you, you split, you know, you go your separate ways, you get the luxury of distance,

which literally allows you to be able to picture your life without that person and slowly de-attach, but if you're living with them, that's like impossible to do almost because you're seeing them all the time. Although this situation sometimes can't be, like you sometimes have to go through this situation because, I don't know, you're on the lease together. You've got kids and you don't want to do that. You haven't got the money to get your own place. You know, you're waiting because it might be in six months. So there's like lots of different reasons that you could be stuck in this type of situation. And I'm so sorry if that is you because it's so hard to navigate and so confusing. It's just the worst because your brain

can't let go and it kind of almost doesn't realize that you guys have broken up, I feel, sometimes. And also I was thinking about, like, imagine you're crying over somebody, your ex, in another room, and then you finally get yourself together, and you're like, brilliant, I'm going to go make a cup of tea, like, I've been crying all day, and then you bump into him in the kitchen, like, nothing's going on and nothing's wrong, and you're just, like, have to be, like, reminded again of him and, like, see him in the flesh. No. I don't think I could do it. If there was any way I could get out of that situation, I think I would be.

Buckle up, bitches. It's going to get bumpy. This is the breakup diet. Hi everyone. Before we get into this episode, could you please subscribe, follow the breakup diet? It really means the world and it means I get to keep making these episodes. So if you could please do that, I would be forever grateful. And I hope you enjoy it.

A big mistake I think people make when they're in this type of situation, so you're living with your ex, but you've broken up, is that you pretend you're still in a relationship, so they're still getting girlfriend benefits, you're still, you're still doing coupley things. So maybe you're watching TV together. You're like, oh, should we watch Love Island at 9pm? Like, you're cooking together, you're ordering takeaway from deliverer being like, oh, do you want anything. Like there's all these small little things that seem very insignificant really, I think. But if you're doing all of those, your brain literally does not know the difference from being in a

relationship and not being in a relationship. So I think if you are in a breakup and you're living together, you have to try to stop doing coupley things. Also, another thing that you could be doing is like doing their washing, like girlfriend. If, well, ex-girlfriend, but you know what I'm trying to say. Like, if you are still doing their washing because you live together and it's easier and he had some whites to throw in, look yourself in the mirror and say, get a grip. You should not be doing any of their stuff anymore. If you guys are going through a breakup and you're living together, they lose all those girlfriend benefits of living with a girl. I think a massive point and the takeaway of this point would be if your relationship ends, your routine, your relationship routine

also has to end. Again, now can we talk about how delusional heartbreak can make you because I know when you're going through the heartbreak and you're, you know, feeling in the waves and you're going, you miss them, you regret it, you're only remembering all the good stuff. It's so easy to be like, especially if you're living together, to be like, oh, he made me a coffee. So he must want to fix our relationship. Oh, he laughed at one of my jokes. So he does really miss me and he does think I'm hilarious and he definitely wants to get back together. Like it's so easy to convince yourself that these just acts of kindness are more than what they actually are. So a big tip of mine is don't romanticize your mundane life or the like small things that he might be doing and turn it into a rom-com movie because kindness doesn't mean reconciliation of the relationship.

and he might just be thinking, wow, this is a really awkward situation, and I don't have to be a dickhead, I'm going to make her a coffee because I'm already making one. And it might literally be as simple as that. But if you're somebody like me and would be going full with the Lulu, be like, oh, he never made me a coffee when we were together that often. He only did it on special occasions. So he must want to be back with me. Stop yourself. Stop yourself because you're going to turn crazy. You're going to turn full crazy and you're going to convince yourself. that it's not over and I know that it's so easy to do because you're literally seeing them every day. I do get it. Like if you're, if you're living in the same spot, in the same place and you're together, it can be very easy to forget why you broke up in the first place.

But that's when you need to go back to your list on your phone that you have all the points. To be fair, I genuinely think if you are living with somebody after a breakup, you should have a list on your phone of all the, bad cons because you're going to have to remind yourself because it's so easy to forget. This is a point that I would definitely do if I was living with an ex because I would just be so hard not to is don't become like an FVI agent at home. Like stop trying to overanalyze also all the points. So for example, if he is wearing aftershave one day and he doesn't normally wear after shave

and then suddenly you're like, oh, who's he put that after shave on for? You know, and then you're staying up late or you're waiting until he comes home so that you can hear when he comes home to hear if there's other footsteps or you're, I don't know, thinking, oh, he put on that nice jacket, he only wore that jacket on our anniversary. You must be going on a date. Like, you're going to drive yourself so sick if you do stuff like that. So I think if you're in that situation and you're starting to do those sorts of things, you need to get out of your house, go for a walk with a friend and just be like even better if you're

doing it where you're like waiting up for him to come back home so you can like hear if there's somebody out or anything like this. I would suggest you go stay with a friend that night so that you're not paranoid and you're not listening out because you're just going to make yourself so sick and so much more sad and obviously healing is so different for every person. His way of might not be the same as yours and I know that's so hurtful and it can suck but you have to put in those boundaries for yourself so you don't become like a forensic I think that's what it's called like a forensic detective or anything because then you're literally going to be almost swiping fingerprints you know I mean us girls we can get pretty creative so try if you're even

having a small glimpse of doing any of those first things that I just said try to be strict with yourself and put a boundary in from the very start because otherwise this whole situation of living with your ex under the same roof is going to become so painful and difficult already more than it already is now this point that i do not want you to do is don't keep bringing up and reopening the relationship and the relationship wound and the breakup so don't be asking every single night at 10 p.m. Why did we break up? Was I not good enough?

What happened? Because if you keep doing that, it's going to be so draining. Your living situation is also going to be so awkward and you're going to be on eggshells because at the end of the day, if he's smart or if she's smart, is she really, really going to say the proper reason as to why they broke up if it's a hurtful one? Like, I don't know if anybody does.

Allow yourself to have maybe one more conversation if you want to, where you can ask the whys, the do you miss me? Why didn't it work? Have you met somebody else? What was it about me that you didn't see long term? Did I do something? You know, all these sort of questions that you might ask yourself after a breakup. I think you can allow yourself to do it once after you guys have broken up

and then maybe a few weeks or a month later, if you're still living together, you can ask. Because I think it's kind of impossible not to, especially being under the same roof. But I think you have to put in a strong boundary with yourself and do not keep doing that. Like do not keep asking the same questions. Do not keep opening the wound

because it's just going to get so awkward. And also there's only so many times somebody can say they don't want you and you don't need to keep hearing it, especially if they're being really honest about it. This is something that I made a mistake with in my own breakup. Like, I let my ex tell me in so many different variations that he didn't want to be with me. And honestly, it didn't really get easier at any time. It still hurt because there was a new kind of a new angle from it.

So my advice is to you is, yes, have that conversation. once, maximum twice if you need to, and then don't do it. You honestly just have to kind of remove yourself totally. I wouldn't even be having conversations where you ask too much about their day to day if you're broken up because you're just going to get sucked back into that universe that you were together with him in, you know, because you know his friends, you know what he does, you know his routine. So if you're constantly reopening that sort of stuff, you can also work out things that might not be making sense and you're just going to drive yourself even more to Lulu.

And one thing I want to say is literally nothing good comes from a conversation after 10pm, especially in a breakup. No, don't do it to yourself. Stay strong, stay guarded with that. Now this is quite an obvious one, but I feel like if you are exes living under the same roof, it's something that you're probably going to end up doing at some point. you really should not do this and do not let yourself do this is have sex with your ex. No. Number one, they do not get access to you like that anymore. Number two, it's going to keep you

stuck in this relationship loop. Number three, if you're a woman, you're literally, don't mean like release a hormone when we have sex with them so you're not even allowing yourself to move on. Number four, like imagine if you do have sex with them and then they're on a date the next day and you're like but we had sex last night but he's like but we broke up and we're not together because I feel like men can de-attach a bit more than women can when it comes to intimacy so do yourself a favor and don't have sex with your ex don't do it I don't care of your six apparel's deep and you're feeling like a bit of frisky time? No. I actually think you should, in that case, if you really want frisky time and that's your M.O. Find somebody out. Find somebody out because it will be a lot less hurtful than doing

that and then them still not wanting to be with you. I promise you. And like I do get that it's really easy to do something like that. Like it's familiar. It's like you were really close. It's easy. It's easy because they're there, you're lonely. Like, I do get how people can do that, and it's so normal. But you can't confuse closeness with closure. Like, being close to somebody doesn't bring you closure. And then also, every time you sleep with someone, you're in a relationship with and, like, had that deep bond with,

you're literally putting pause on your healing. So you're prolonging your healing. Okay, so that was some of the, do nots that I was thinking or like some of the mistakes and things that you shouldn't do if you're in this horrible situation. But now I think I should talk about some of the things that you should do. And this first one I kind of have been talking about throughout. And it's basically creating boundaries with yourself and with that person.

It's both. This is probably one of the biggest things that you can do to like help you actually navigate this situation the best way possible. So when I say create boundaries, obviously there's like boundaries to do with the relationship that you guys are no longer in. So don't be texting them like you're together and texting them if you don't really need to be texting them. So don't be texting them from different parts of the house. Don't be texting them if you're out and you forgot fairy liquid and you're wondering if they could get the fairy liquid. Like honestly, don't find the small excuses to text them because you want to talk to them more.

You need to just be very strict with yourself and just don't be rude, like, but put in these boundaries. So, for example, a boundary would be sleep in a different room if you can. And if you don't have another room to sleep in, put that man on the couch. Put him on the couch. Or try to stay at your friends so many more nights. Or, you know, if he doesn't want to be on the couch, get him to stay at his friends. Things that you can do to try to separate as much as possible. Also, another boundary you have to have in place is respects each other's spaces.

So if you can, obviously, I'm talking like the house or the apartment has more than one bedroom. Try to make his zone and your zone. So you're not having to be on top of each other all the time. I think that would definitely help. I do think with this situation, boundaries aren't rude. They're literally necessary. they're necessary for you to get on with your healing, for you to actually accept the breakup,

for you to live the best possible life in that current situation. Without the boundaries, it's all going to be super confusing and you're going to spiral every single day and it's just going to be the worst situation to navigate. Something else I think that you should do is create a life outside. of the house because I'm not going to lie, you need to be outside of this house as much as possible.

Go out with your girlfriends, go out for coffee, go for long walks, take up extra time at work. And if you don't want to do that, go to your friend's house more. Make all these plans that get you out of the house. Go to Pilates. I don't know, there's so many things that you can do. Pick up a new hobby. There's so many things that you can do to get you out of that space and, out of that environment. Say yes to plans. I think if you're in this situation, your favorite

new word, not your ex, but your favorite new word in general should be yes. Yes, I'll go for dinner with you guys. Yes, I'll go to Pilates with you. Yes, I'll go for a weekend in Micanos with the girls. You know, because the walls are literally already too thin in the house and they already know too much, you don't need to be giving them even more info. Something that I think I would struggle with in this type of situation especially is comparing my healing just because they're like laughing or just because they're, you know, seem to have everything sorted and the breakup doesn't seem to affect them that much and they're going out with friends and they're, you don't see them that upset or anything doesn't mean that they're not upset and you have to

be really stern with yourself to not compare your healing process because literally everybody heals so differently and especially not all the time but especially men and women what i see to what i seem to hear and what i what i experience was the men tend to go through the breakup almost a bit after so the first few months they don't seem nearly as hurt and they seem kind of fine whereas I know in my experience, I was so hurt the first few months and then I kind of was coming out of it. So a big piece of advice is do not compare your healing and try to just let them do their thing, you do your thing and stop over-analysing if they're okay or if they're not okay and if your feelings seem similar to them that day. Like it's so unhealthy. Healing isn't a race. So remember that.

Now, this is something that I think will help you in this weird situation that you're in, is you need to plan your future. And what I mean by planning your future whilst you're still living with your ex under the same roof, is save money, look for rentals, you know, think about what you really want to do in your life, where you want to live. Maybe you could even make like a Pinterest board of like special things that you want in the apartment. now that you don't have to think about that man or you don't have to think about that person. I think visualizing what you want your future and your future place to look like and all of that

without that person is so healthy. And also it kind of reminds your brain that this situation, although it's really crappy right now, isn't forever. So you have something to look forward to. You have something to like plan, get motivation for, get excited about. And I think that would really help. And then my final do that I believe you should do if you are currently living with your ex is stop relying on your ex for emotional support and being your best friend because your brain will just get too confused and it's very easy to confuse all of those emotions. And you know what? you kind of have lost that best friend, at least for a period. So you need to, in that case, lean on your friends, lean on your family, get a therapist. Like, I do think you should be seeking

help from somebody else. So I hope you enjoyed this episode and I want to leave you guys with something that you need to remember if you're currently going through this situation. So if you are currently living with an ex after a breakup, I promise you, this is not forever. And one day you will have your peace back because you won't be over-analysing every conversation. You won't be listening in to hear when they're coming home. You won't be caught literally seeing them, hearing them, smelling them every single day. Like that distance will really help. And you have to remember that you have a new chapter that's about to begin very soon.

That's going to be all yours. you're going to have your own place or you're going to have a shared place with somebody else. And you literally, what's actually amazing about this situation a little bit, like a little nugget that's kind of nice, is that once you are finally out of it and you close that front door, right, get to leave that relationship behind you and start fresh in a new place with somebody else or by yourself, and you get to make that totally your own. So your peace will come back to you.

if you have gone through a situation like this, please write in and tell me, like, how you navigated it or what you found difficult. If I didn't mention it today, I'd love to hear it. So thank you so much and I hope you enjoyed it.