The Break-Up Diet - Stop dating men who want GIRLFRIEND benefits (without the label)

Episode Date: January 22, 2026

If you’re exhausted, confused, and low-key over dating… this episode is for you.Dating in 2026 feels like a never-ending cycle of situationships, mixed signals, low-effort dates, and men who want all the benefits of a girlfriend — without the label. And honestly? I’m tired. The bare minimum isn’t enough anymore.In this episode, I’m talking about why dating apps feel soulless, why situationships seem to last longer than actual relationships, why “what are we?” feels like the scariest question ever, and why giving girlfriend energy without the commitment is the fastest way to burn yourself out. Breadcrumbing, ghosting, over-analysing texts, settling because you’re tired of dating, and staying longer than you should because being single feels scary — it’s all in here.STOP dating men who want GIRLFRIEND BENEFITS without actually committing.Girlfriend Benefits. No Label. No Thanks.This is your friendly (but firm) reminder to raise your standards, walk away when the red flags show up, and choose yourself.If you’ve ever deleted a dating app just to re-download it a week later, accepted the bare minimum, or stayed in something that left you feeling confused instead of secure — you need to listen to this. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome back to another episode on the breakup diet. Before we get into this episode, I want to ask everyone who's listening right now or watching, could you please subscribe and follow the breakup diet on our social media accounts? I'll put them in here. It would honestly mean the world to me. And yeah, hopefully then I can keep making these episodes, get even more exciting guests on. And it's just going to be a better future. So please do that now.

Buckle up, bitches. It's going to get bumpy. This is the breakup diet. Today, we're going to talk about a topic that I am struggling with and a topic that is hard to navigate. Dating in 2026. What the hell is going on? I feel like my friends are on two different avenues.

Half of them are like getting married, about to have kids, life all figured out. The other half we're out here acting like we're 18. and we can't even sustain like a man that's going to consistently text us back. So I don't know what we're not doing and that they're doing, but let's talk about it today and uncover some truths. So basically the state of dating right now, in my opinion, is just a minefield. So basically there's so many options, this is what I think, there's so many options that it makes people allergic to like pick one or yeah as soon as you

aren't like replying fast enough or if you're replying too fast they're just like uh itch onto the next so it makes like dating very like it's like a quick turnover and that's why i think it's really hard and i feel like people are getting so locked in on what they think that they want like the the base level things of like are they tall enough are they um do they have a good job straight away, like on the dating profile I'm talking about, straight away that they don't even like give that person a go. So that's why I think dating is really hard because we're on all the dating apps and everyone is or if you're not on a dating app, you're on social media and straight away you see like

their profile and you have a perception of them or they might have put up something like oh they're 5'9 and straight away you're like, nah, next. But then they might have all the actual important qualities like really important qualities that would mean a lot more to you than just their height. They might have those, but you're already X them because they weren't six foot. And I'll be honest, I'm guilty of it. I am so guilty of it. If somebody says they're under six foot and I'm only five, five,

so the audacity on myself to click X is just a joke. But I'm not the only one that does that and I know that everybody is doing that. So, yeah, it's hard and how do we unlearn that? No idea. No idea. I think you're just got to meet people in person, to be honest. I think dating apps are almost on the way out and we need to bring in meeting people in bars again because it's just boring. It's honestly just boring. And another thing with them is that I always find it hard because I'm like, how many blonde girls are you talking to at the same time? Or how many girls that look exactly like me or I don't know, how many girls or just girls? How many girls are you talking to and sending like the same kind of messages or the same jokes or how many girls have you invited out on this Tuesday night? Am I just one? So that's something that like really gets me on dating apps and is just like confusing.

Plus like what I find hard also about dating right now is that with these apps or when you're talking to somebody, if you don't reply straight away, then. and you sometimes forget about it, and then they're like down the bottom and you have all these other matches, or you know what I mean? Or you just like, are lazy to, and then it's too far, and then they lose interest when you do.

Or if you reply too fast, then you'll seem like too keen and too eager and too, you know what I mean? But the reality is you might have just seen their message come through and been on the app at the same time and just thought, oh, I'll reply. It's not that deep. But lots of the time, like if I get a message super fast, say I message someone and then they message me straight away back. I'm like, oh, ick. So it's just,

it's a tough world out there because you can't do anything right. You literally can't. You're either too keen. You're either not interested enough or you're too late that you feel like you're left behind. So what are we doing? The answer is I don't know. I don't know what to do. If anybody knows what to do, feel free to DM me because I would like some tips and I would like some help because I'm not very good at dating. I'll be honest. I'm not that good at dating. I mean, I don't find it boring.

That's a bit bad. But, like, I think it's fun when you're going on dates and you really connect with somebody. But I find boring, I find dating so boring when you're talking to people over apps or you're going on these dates and you're having the same conversation on repeat. That's what I find so soulless about it and so, like, draining. because you just feel, you just feel empty and you're like, will I, will I ever meet someone? Something else I want to say about dating apps that, like, I think is quite relatable, is when

you go on a spell of bad dates or you go on a spell of okay dates and you still haven't found that person or, I don't know, you're bored of just like saying, hey, how are you? What happens if you often delete the app? But then Sunday comes around and you're alone at home and you're like, what the hell am I going do. So you redownload the app. So it's like this constant cycle of deleting, re-uploading, with a small glimpse of hope that you're going to now, it's going to all be different and you're going to meet somebody else. And the reality is probably by the time it hits one week later, you're going to be doing the exact same thing. So honestly, I think collectively, as people,

we need to remove it. Remove people from dating apps that aren't going to turn up as a genuine partner. because that's also another problem with them that now people use dating apps just to just to feel like a void of being a bit lonely and will match with people just because they think they're hot but they don't actually care about anything else or want anything else so then these like nice decent people are out there waiting to meet somebody and they're just left with these bumps so that's my rant about dating apps and like how they're just shit basically and soulless and don't get me wrong. I have been guilty of like talking to somebody. I'm not too interested in, which is probably something I shouldn't admit because I've been wanting to text someone and it's kind of entertaining to

text them. A bit bored. So that constant texting. And yeah, that's basically it. So I think there has to be some sort of vetting that goes on or something needs to change because this isn't fun anymore. It's not. And I'm over it. Okay. Now I'm going to move. away from dating apps. I'm probably going to circle back and talk about them again, but let's talk about some more problems about dating in 2026. I'm going to start this off because this happened to me recently. Low effort dates. So this is a problem with dating right now. Like people aren't making the time to be like, let me take you out for a drink. Let me take you out for dinner. Let's go out for a coffee and a walk, which this time last year I would have said, who the hell wants to go for a

coffee and a walk. But honestly, me. I would prefer to go for a coffee and a walk than get a text saying, why don't you come to the club? No. Number one, I don't want to go to the club. Number two, what? So I can sit there and scramble, like against another 10 girls for your attention that I don't even know if I want your attention. So that is out. Low effort dates. That is a massive problem that I think people are doing nowadays and it needs to stop. And I get the argument of like you don't want to invest so much when you don't know someone. But that's where I think you can plan like at least a one on one thing that you do together. And that doesn't have to be something really expensive. Like I said at the start, like not at the start, but like I just said, you could do a coffee date and a wall the first time

if you want to kind of get the gist of someone. Another problem is, people are overthinking so much when texting. So you'll get a text and you text something back and then they don't reply and then you're sat there thinking, oh my God, was I weird? Did I say something that was like put him off? Did it give them the egg? When you literally could just be replying something very, very normal and they basically, because they have all these other options and or they're just busy could leave a longer time to reply. or not reply at all. And then you're sat there doubting yourself thinking like,

what did I do when really it's got nothing to do with you? So I think that's also a massive problem nowadays with dating because you overanalyze and you think so much about what you're sending and especially now with people like putting so many of messages into chat GBT and getting chat GVT to reply to boys for them. That is a problem because number one, you're not using your brain at all. Number two, why are you asking your computer to like reply for you? Like that's so not organic.

And then I feel like the fundamentals and the whole relationship that you have with this person is starting out on the wrong foot because you're literally asking a computer to write back to your potential partner. The next one that I have is, sorry, I've written a list so that I don't forget things, is situationships are lasting longer than relationships. Why are there so many cases that I keep hearing about where people will be having the most amazing time basically acting like boyfriend girlfriend. I'm talking going on trips together, meeting people's families, hanging out three to four

times a week, hanging out, going on dates, but then also just hanging out, chilling at home, calling all the time, texting all the time, being like there when there's a problem. and helping, but then they don't want to actually be under the label of a boyfriend. This one confuses me so much because I'm like, then why did you bother putting all the effort in before and why did you meet my dad and why did you come on my family holiday with me if you don't, and why are you spending four nights of the week with me and saying how much fun we have together and like you can tell that we really enjoy each other's company, but then you're not wanting to be my boyfriend.

And I don't think that this actually isn't something that I've had recently. I mean a little bit of it, but maybe I'll go into that at the end of the episode. But this is something that I keep seeing with friends and friends of friends, that these boys will basically be their boyfriend, probably even doing more than what a boyfriend would do after a year, but then they don't want to be their boyfriend. Like someone explained that to me.

Honestly, if you're unemotional, no, emotionally unavailable, do not put in those hours before, like, of doing the most because it's just confusing. And then it's like, why? And then I mean this kind of answers why they're probably doing this with this next point. But my next point was men wanting girlfriend benefits, but the girl not being their girlfriend. friend. And this is probably, that's just answered that question of why they do it. This is probably why they do it because it creates as like false reality. Like the girl isn't going out there and meeting other people. You're spending a little of your time like thinking about that other person. But then

if they were to go out, like those men were to go out, it doesn't actually, and they were to like meet somebody else and start talking to somebody else, you have no responsibility or loyalty. to the girl that you're seeing that's acting like your girlfriend. So that is probably why people are doing that, which just sucks because you can't have your cake and eat it too. I'm over it.

This is my service announcement to females. Do not give a boy boyfriend treatment if he is not your boyfriend. And I get the whole argument of like, you want to, if you're trying to like get a man and lock them down down a man. A lot of the time I feel like women will, you know, do all these little things because it kind of shows them what they could have.

And yes, okay, I think that's smart to a degree. But then also don't do it consistently. Maybe you like cook for them once, but you don't keep doing it because then they'll get used to it and then they'll take advantage. And then when they don't want to commit to you, you'll be like, why did I waste all this time? effort on this man. So that's my piece of advice on that point. Another one is with dating right now, I feel like people, maybe this is because like once you have been out on the market a long time and

you're going on these dates and they're not being successful or you're lonely or there's lots of different reasons why you want to be in a relationship. I feel like sometimes people are settling even when the red flags are apparent. So this person will show you what they're like. They'll show you these characteristics that you don't like and you know you don't want. But you keep latching on and you keep trying to make it work and you keep pushing it behind because, number one, you don't want to be alone. Number two, you're tired of dating because you have dating burnout and you'll just want to be like more at home and settled and whatever. And then it's just so, so detrimental because you could end up being in a situation with this person for the next

five months and the red flag that they showed you in the first two weeks is the reason that you then break up later so i think you have to be quite brutal with dating now so if they're showing you something maybe not if they don't show you something once like they show you a few times that they're controlling for example in different in different ways or in the same way walk away early walk away so early because the longer you say with this person, the more you're putting up with it and the more you're going to be like, oh no, but this great time we had, this, you know, he took me here and we had such an amazing time so that doesn't really matter or he was so great when he supported me when I lost my job. No, if he's showing you he's controlling or if he's showing

you something that you really don't like at the start, walk away early. Walk away so early because you're just going to waste your time. And it honestly is so much scarier to be with the wrong person, I think personally, than to be single. Even though being single can be tough and can be lonely at times. Something else with dating right now is you'll be talking to someone, going on date, seeing them quite regularly,

and then suddenly they ghost you, or they disappear for a bit, and then they pop back up. Or what happens a lot is that when you meet somebody else, you really like them, then suddenly they pop back up again. Like, I keep having this happen. Whenever I like someone, like actually like somebody, then suddenly all these exes, or not like ex-s situation ships, ex-guides I used to talk to, whatever it may be, start popping back in. Or, or another one is like you don't have anyone to talk to. Your DMs are dry. Your dating up is dry. Your interactions outside is dry, or you meet one person and then you meet like 10 and then you get a bit cocky

about it and you're like juggling how many people at the time and then suddenly they all disappear again. So it's actually crazy how that happens with dating. I feel like that's quite relatable. I don't understand it and maybe it's like an aura thing. Maybe when you meet one person, you're just giving off this good aura and these good vibes and then more people are attracted to it, I don't know. But if anyone knows why that happens, but it seems to happen a lot. So, also, is this just a girl thing? Because I've spoken about this with my girlfriends, but I haven't spoken about it with a boy. So if a boy is listening, could you please let me know?

Because that would be interesting. Sometimes you get lots of people, like, interested in you, and then other times it's, like, dry, but they tend to come at the same moments, always. Or if you're actually moving on and like somebody, then they come back. With that as well comes a lot of like breadcrumbing. So I think in dating right now, people are breadcrumbing each other. So what that means is like you might go on a date with somebody. You have quite a nice time with them.

And then I don't know, you're not that interested. But here and there you'll give their story alike. Or here and there you'll send them a quick like, oh, when are you coming to visit me? Like if someone is just doing that like every few weeks or every few months or every few months but then ignoring you the rest of the time ring ring that is a red flag and sorry they're just a bit bored and they don't like you that much because if they really like you i truly believe they make time to see you and they try to see you and yeah or they try to have contact with you they're not like dipping in and out because they can't because if you really like somebody you

you want to talk to them a lot and you want to like be in their life and you want to spend time with them. So if you're diffing in and out, I don't care how busy you are, then you don't like them that much. Something that I find really weird and like I have done it. I have been in a position where I feel like I'm too scared to ask, but asking, what are we? Because number one, that you're scared to scare that person off, you're scared to lose them and so you settle for, you literally settle for the unknown because you're too scared for a change. But sometimes I think you have to just do it. So this actually happened to me recently.

I was in a situation ship and I asked, what are we doing? And it wasn't the answer that I thought it was going to be. And that can be really hard because I definitely thought that, I definitely thought it was going to go a different way, which is fine. and probably for the best that it happened, but it doesn't mean that that didn't hurt and it doesn't mean that I wasn't scared to ask that because I think in my heart I knew

that it was probably going to be that answer even though I wanted to believe it wasn't going to end, basically. So I think with dating nowadays, you shouldn't be scared to ask that and if you are scared to ask that, then they're probably not the right person. And if they are going to walk away from you or the relationship is going to end

because you ask them that after a month of dating, after two months of dating, then they're just not emotionally ready, emotionally ready for a relationship. And or they just don't really want to be in a relationship with you and you have to kind of take the L and move on and hopefully, and not even hopefully, you will meet somebody better and more aligned to you and somebody ready to be your partner. This is like a phrase that kind of gets used a lot, right person wrong time.

I feel like in dating lots of people use that phrase. I don't like that phrase and I don't think that phrase is correct because if they are the right person, you both try to make it work and you both work at the relationship together and grow together. So I think we need to cancel out that phrase of right person wrong timing. I don't like it.

It's done. So on the breakup diet, I'm blocking that phrase because I don't like it. I just think it's dumb. You should both work at it together and then make it the right time. Something that I have experienced and something that I know people also have experienced,

experience is when you're dating somebody, you might have the most amazing time, you might have so much fun together, but you're never really having any deep convoes. And I think a lot of the time people are confusing excitement with real connection. And obviously you don't have to figure this out straight away when you're dating somebody new and all this sort of thing. Like, it should be fun. But I think if you're never having these deep conversations and don't really know what each other want each other wants down the line and have similar values and voice those, then your relationship is loki doomed. And yeah, that is my opinion on that. Because if you're only ever just having fun and no depth, I just don't think it's going to last. And I feel like people are struggling

with that nowadays because you want to have fun and you want to be super upbeat all the time and then they're not asking these deep questions because people are scared that the other person's going to walk away or not want to talk about it or they're not a guy that talks about their feelings. Well, grow up. If you're like in a relationship with somebody or you're talking to somebody and you're taking them on dates, you should be able to talk, you should be able to talk about your feelings or at least say what you want in the future is my opinion. This is also something, this is one last thing that I think people are doing and I know that I'm and dating is I will go back and if I really like someone, for example, or if I have a history

with somebody, I will go back more than once just because I want to try and I want to keep trying to make it work. But the reality is if those problems that you broke up for, if nothing's really changed, then you're just going to go into a cycle. of keep breaking up and breaking up and breaking up again. So it's a hard balance between knowing if somebody's changed and then also just like letting go. And I don't do this.

Like I, after my last breakup, I ended up seeing my ex again and I really wanted to try again and again. And because I thought we both live in London now, it's going to be fine. All our other problems aren't going to matter. And thankfully, he is a stronger person in me in this regard, or more stubborn, I guess, that he basically said no, because he doesn't think that we align. Which, to be fair, he's probably right, which I hate to admit, but he is probably right. But I was that type of person that wanted to try to see, because we now lived in the same spot,

that if it would be different. And probably, I mean, no one knows, but probably, it wouldn't be, but I definitely wanted to see. I don't even know where I'm going with that, but something I learned. In a relationship, if you're both not putting in the work to be together, both of you, then it's not going to work. No matter how hard one side tries, it's not going to work.

And I think in general, in relationships, if you're both not putting in the effort, then it's just, it's doomed. because one person's going to get burnout, one person's going to end up dropping the ball, and if they're the person that always does all the work, then what's left, basically. So that is my tip, or not tip, that is my resolution, if you must, because I know we're still early in the year. I will not date somebody who does not put in as much, or at least try to put in effort into making that a relationship with me work.

And if they don't, that is an immediate red flag for me and I'm walking out early because I ain't got time for that. I'm 25 and I ain't getting any younger. So see you later and thank you for listening to this episode.