The Break-Up Diet - Stop Making Excuses For Bad Friends. HISTORY Doesn't Mean Loyalty.

Episode Date: August 12, 2026

One minute you have a huge group of friends, you’re doing everything together and genuinely can’t imagine not having them in your life... then suddenly you’re 26 wondering how you went from being inseparable to barely speaking. And sometimes, there wasn’t even a big falling out. You just grew up, changed and realised the friendship doesn’t fit anymore. In this solo episode, I’m having a proper chat about friendships in your 20s — the good ones, the one-sided ones and the ones we probably hold onto for wayyyy longer than we should just because we have history. I’m getting into friendship red flags, jealousy disguised as “jokes”, backhanded compliments, friends who only show up when it suits them and that horrible realisation that you might be putting way more into a friendship than you’re getting back. I also talk about my own experiences with losing friends, why friendship breakups can genuinely hurt just as much as relationship breakups, and learning that having a smaller circle as you get older really isn’t a bad thing. Sometimes quality over quantity is the biggest glow-up of all. Basically, if you’ve been questioning a friendship, feel like you’ve outgrown someone, or you’re grieving a friend you genuinely thought would be in your life forever... grab a coffee (or a wine lol) and come have a debrief with me. 🤍Because having history with someone doesn’t mean they automatically deserve a place in your future. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Friendships in your early 20s can be so confusing, so weird and hard to navigate because one moment you're like inseparable. You're doing everything together. You don't need to check in if you're seeing them on Friday night because you know you're seeing them on Friday night. And then it can switch and you can be questioning like, are we even friends anymore? Do they want to hang out? And I want you guys to remember that if something like that has happened and, you're left wondering like what the hell is going on not everybody in your life even if they have been in your life previously deserves to stay in it long term and also it's okay if they don't

because people do come into your life for seasons and reasons but not necessarily for a lifetime Buckle up, bitches. It's going to get bumpy. This is the breakup diet. Not every single friend you make in your early 20s, in your late teens, is going to stay with you until your 30s. And I feel like a lot of the time they don't. Like if I'm thinking about my own personal stuff, like I seem to have way more friends when I was 18 until 21. Like I had a massive group of friends, lots of different friends all over compared to now.

I don't have as many friends, but I would say I probably have better friendships with the people in my life now than what I did back then. Because I think like when you're in your early 20s, you're meeting way more people and you're, I don't know, you're at uni and you meet a bunch of people. And then you're starting a new job or you're, you know, you're out and about partying. you just you meet a lot of people but it doesn't necessarily mean that those people are going to be your right or dies and actually be good friends and you have a great friendship with them and you don't necessarily have to have like a massive fallout or have something really nasty happen to have a friendship breakup with those people you can just drift apart because I think when you're 20-ish to when you're like 28 even, not that I'm 28, but what I've noticed even from 20 until 26

is that my priorities and like what I like doing has changed so much. So when you're navigating friendships, you don't always have to have a massive explosion and have a massive argument or whatever and have a friendship breakup because of that. You can also just drift because the like, values of your friendship and cement probably weren't that strong to be given with. So some things that I think, like, when you do have a really genuine, good friend and friendship, some things that, like, help you keep your friendship alive are someone that celebrates your wins for you and isn't, like, giving some weird, jealous or, I don't know, weird energy

when you get something good in your life happen. I remember when I was, I think, 21, I had a friend who she just wasn't like happy for me for things. And I had to really look inwards and be like, do I want that energy around me? Like I would, for example, I would be talking to a new guy. And this sounds like such a small thing. But I was talking to a new guy. And before I was really insecure. And there'd always be a negative.

Like it would always be like, oh, yeah, but he's that. Oh, but that. but me you know like nothing was ever felt good enough and I had that even with like work things like I remember I got a job and they were kind of like in private would be like being like oh my god that's so good but then in public it's like oh but she only gets this or oh but like you only work one day a week or oh but you know what I mean like it was kind of like putting me down So I think good friends have to be there for you and like support you and celebrate your wins with you. Like they also have to be like a cheerleader for your life too.

And saying that as well, like they can't be someone who when you tell them good news, they can't just like switch the conversation and then be talking about themselves or switch to conversation and just be talking about gossip or whatever. Like a good friendship is somebody that is like curious. about your life and wants to know more and wants to like talk to you about things that are important to you. So yeah, that's something that like I learned over the years of like good friends and why quite a few of my friends, not all of them, but quite a few of my friends that I made, maybe at school or maybe like going out in London are still my friends now. Not all of them, but like a few of them

are. And something else that I notice is that they're always there for me, no matter how insignificant it might feel to them. For example, like, I have one of my good friends. She's, like, super intelligent, super good job, everything. No matter how busy she is, if there's, like, a problem or if I'm going through something, I know, like, if I call her, she might not get back to me straight away, but, like, if I say, like, it's urgent or I need her advice and something, to always carve out the time to give me that advice or talk to me about it. I actually have a few friends like that, but they always like putting in this conscious effort to make the time and be there for me,

even if the problem might not seem big to them. Something else that's like I've noticed with having some good friendships is they respect boundaries. So I think as we get older, obviously everybody gets busier, your time is so precious. and sometimes if you can't give your time because of work commitments because of la la la you want to have friends and be in a group of people that understand where you're coming from and won't make you feel bad if you can't make something or won't like put you down you know they have to like respect some of your boundaries whatever those boundaries may be and obviously i'm not saying you have to be the friend that's like super difficult and complicated to like see or like make time You know what I mean? Like you have to, your boundaries have to be like reasonable boundaries. But I think good friends and good friendship, you have to respect others' boundaries. You also got to be in friendships that make you feel like you can be totally yourself.

Because I think sometimes, especially in your earlier 20s, you don't really know yourself too well. Maybe this was just me. But I felt like sometimes I would perform a bit as a friend more. Like, I don't know. I didn't feel like I could genuinely be myself. It was more my friendships were more like transactional of going out, for example. Like it was like, we were more like party friends and I was like, that was more the facade of like actually being genuine good friends that I could say anything, do anything with. And I think good friendship is a friend that might not always agree with you on things too.

Like they can challenge you when you need to need to be challenged or like tell you if you're fucking off and you not be so offended by it, but actually like take it on board and be like, okay, no, they have my best interest. And like, I'm going to take that on board because if they're saying that, like maybe I do need to work on something. So yeah, those are some things that I think like, like help you keep friendships for long periods of times. Like you just got to be your friend's cheerleader.

You've also got to stick up for your friend and, like, be there when they need you and celebrate their wins, which is the cheerleader thing, and check in and help them, talk good about them, like praise them when they're in the room and when they're not in the room, you know, like give them opportunities if you can help. Like, I think I like to do this wherever I can help somebody out, like even a friend, like if I know somebody that's looking for a job and I know my friend would be an amazing PA, and has been looking for that, like, I'm putting my friend forward, you know? I think all that sort of thing is just so good to do.

I mean, it's not a necessity to do that, but I think, like, that is, I think that is being a good friend. Maybe it's just because I do that, but I'm like, it's a good friend thing. But yeah, I think you need to be, like, trying to get the best out of life for your friends as well as yourself. It's not just all about you and your benefits from being in a friendship. And some things that I think people dismiss quite easily in friendships are like actually quite big red flags. Like if you're in a friendship with somebody and they are always giving you backhanded compliments or like insulting you in group settings, that's a massive red flag because they shouldn't be like putting you down especially in group settings. I remember years ago I had a friend and we were all in a big friendship group and she would always put down one of the other girls in the group and it might seem like small diggy things

but if you're always doing that like it builds up and then that person like obviously was like getting hurt by them because if you're constantly just having somebody like dig at you for everything and anything whether it's making the rest of the other group laugh is not funny, you know? So I think that's a massive red flag that people just seem to dismiss quite easily and don't actually like pick up on it. You need to look at, yeah, like how somebody is treating that person in different group settings or treating you in different group settings. You know, they shouldn't be changing dependent on the different group that they're in. You know, like they shouldn't be changing their attitude towards you. They also shouldn't be jealous of

you. Jealousy is like such a weird one and I know like when you're younger I feel like a lot of girls especially I don't really know about boys like you can sometimes have jealousy in groups for different situations but especially as you're like getting older and you're in your like mid to late 20s jealousy is a massive just red flag in a friendship relationship some of the signs that your friend is a bit jealous of you is like when you're telling them this good news you you know, you're excited to tell them that you have a new job, that you have a new boyfriend, whatever it may be, they instantly, like, change the subject and don't want to talk about it. They change the subject to gossip.

They change the subject to be about them. They change the subject, I think, especially when you have good news, if they're just instantly onto the next thing. Like, I think that is a sign that they might be a little bit jealous of you. And I don't know if that's controversial, but I think it just is. or like they disappear when you're doing well and then they reappear when you're struggling. I'm like, that's a bit weird, you know? Like, surely you want to be around for the good times, you know?

And then when I'm like, they're like feeding off the bad times. I think that's like a sign that somebody's a little bit jealous of you or if like every compliment is then followed by a butt. So you look really pretty, but you went on a Zembek. Like that's an example. you look really pretty, but you're covering all your acne with foundation. Or like a work one would be like, this is like a scandalous work one. Like, yeah, you got that job promotion, but you did sleep with your boss.

You know, like, okay, that might be like valid, but also, you know, like if they're always having a, like a butt after giving you a compliment, I'm like, I think they're a little bit jealous or I think they're like, you know, there's not giving good, good vibes towards you. There's a little bit of an evil eye going on. Something else that, like, shows to me that a friend is jealous is, like, if they're privately, like, supporting you, but then they publicly never support you, which is kind of linked to the story I told earlier,

like, if they're privately, like, actually being, like, quite a good friend, and then in front of everybody else, they're, like, putting you down, I think that's showing jealousy. It's also, it's just not nice, because, like, it's so confusing for the friend that's having that happen to them. Like either be so supportive of your friend all the time or don't be. Don't be like trying to play good cop bad cop to like keep control of people. Something else that I think shows that somebody might be jealous of you is if they are always comparing and not celebrating you. So like

if they're always comparing every single one of your situations to themselves or comparing it to somebody else like I think that shows that they're a bit jealous of you because you should just be happy for your friend and yeah that's it you should just be your friend's biggest fan and you should be happy of them so when you're losing some of these friends and like obviously we all lose friends from the our 20s to the late 20s and stuff like this like because of so many different reasons like they don't all have to be negative reasons that have like massive fallouts and massive like arguments for you to lose friends in those times. Like I said earlier about it just being like,

I feel like when you're in your early 20s, a lot of your friendships I've found are very like convenience based. Another red flag that I think we sometimes don't acknowledge or that's quite subtle in friendships is like if your friend is not there for you like when you need them, but it's just only there for you when it suits them,

I don't think that that's good. I think that is a red flag that I feel like people don't realize soon enough in friendships. Like, a friend should not only be on a time frame when it suits them, really. Like, I know you have to have your own boundaries and you have to make sure you're not always giving, giving, giving, but you also sometimes have to prioritize your friends, even if it's an inconvenience for yourself. Like, put it into this scenario. So say this is like a very simple one of like after work, you have a meet up with a friend and you would prefer to just go home straight away after work and watch Netflix or go home and go to the gym.

But you want to meet your friend and she finishes an hour after work and you are going to meet her in an area that's maybe close to where you work, right? So then basically you have to stay at your job, like at your work. like at your workplace for an extra hour or hang around for an extra hour doing whatever just so you can see your friend and have a nice catch up to make it like align with times when she finishes and have a nice catch up like I feel like sometimes you have to do these sacrifices that might be a bit annoying for you to like prioritize and nurture your friendship with your friend especially as you get older like as you get older I feel like

friendships are harder to keep because you have to put in more effort. Like you're not, as I said at the beginning, you're not just like seeing them every single Friday at the pub because people have so many different things that they're doing and are busy and your time becomes more precious. And yeah, so if you are, if you do have good friends and good friendships, like you have to put in the effort where it's needed to keep those relationships from both sides. And talking about effort, like effort also shouldn't be all one-sided, nor does it have to be like 50-50 all of the time. So what I mean by that is like if you're in a friendship and you feel like you're the one who only is the only one who ever reaches out, is the only one who ever makes plans with that person, is the only one that like is checking in, you know?

like you shouldn't be in a friendship where you feel like that because ultimately you're going to get drained and you're going to end up feeling like do they even want to be friends with me or do they value my friendship or like you're just going to be like do they even care what I'm doing type of thing. So another thing that I think you see actually when people are going through breakups that I think is a red flag is say you're going through a breakup and your friends aren't there for you. So basically what that point is is, if you're struggling and your friends aren't there for you, then that should be a massive friendship red flag. Because you are going to go through tough times in your life.

And if your friends and your friendship is actually like important to you, those friends should be there no matter what. And it doesn't mean that they have to be there physically because I know everybody has jobs. And sometimes you live in different countries. to your friends, but you have to, like, show it in other ways that you still care and can support them. So whether that's sending them a nice message, if they're going through a breakup, or giving them more phone calls than you normally would, or going for a walk with them, like, you have to show it in other ways. And obviously, there's more that you could do or other things that you

could do, not just what I just listed. I'll give an example. So whenever I've even gone through, like situation ship breakups or whatever. I remember this is not something recent, but I have had it where I felt like my thing didn't matter two friends in my life at the time. And I just remember having such a, you know, her feeling because I was already feeling like rejected and lonely because I've had like a situation ship breakup and not feeling good enough. And then also my friends at the time didn't even seem to really care or seem to like be there for me even though it I was really hurt so that's like an example of like something to do with like breakups and that situation that I actually had and I think then if you are having that sorts of things like you have to

ask yourself like why am I doing that for them like why am I moving about my entire day if they have a breakup like a situation should break up and like you know, answering the phone every single time, they're calling me at two in the morning because they're super sad and saying, I'm saying, come over if they never do anything for me in return when I need support. Like your friendships, like a massive thing of friendships

is it can't all be one-sided because that's not a friendship. And that also goes into like if they only talk about themselves. Like if they're not curious about your life, like I had a friend tell me this, like not that long ago. that she'd been traveling for a year and she'd come back to her old friendship group

that lived in her old city and when she came back for the first two hours of them meeting not one of them asked her like about herself asked her about anything that had gone on in her life for the entire year that she was away so it was just like she just left the conversation feeling a bit hurt and a bit like

what the hell like do these girls even care that I was gone for a year. Like, did they miss my friendship? So yeah, that is another red flag to look out for. Friends that are just using you as like a microphone, basically. Let's talk about friendship breakups. So say like friendship breakups can come in lots of different variations, like a normal breakup. Like there's lots of different ways and reasons and situations as to why you might have a friendship breaker. So obviously the different situations, you have to navigate it differently. But sometimes I don't think you need to have like a closure conversation with a friend,

especially if they were like a party friend when you were younger and then you just drifted apart and nothing really happened minus you just your paths went different ways, you know? Then I think fine. And like, you don't need to have some sort of big closure conversation with a friend. The only time, like, I think sometimes a closure conversation can be nice when you've had a friendship breakup is if you guys have had like a massive argument, you know, and it just was very abrupt. Then, okay, yeah, it might be nice. You don't need to have a closure conversation, but it might be nice if you like understand even where they might have been coming from on their side. And like they hear and listen to why you got upset about something too. but I think people often don't like accept that friendship breakups can be just as difficult as

relationship breakups like I know you're not having like intimate ties with your friend but also friendships can be so layered as well and like you can have friendship breakups that you've been friends with that person longer than any of your relationship breakup so you also have to grieve like all the nice times as well. So you've got to give yourself some grace. Like if you are going through a friendship breakup, you're allowed to be upset and you're allowed to go through the phases of the breakup.

The one thing with having a friendship breakup that I struggled to do and struggled to navigate myself personally was knowing when to let go. Because a lot of the time you can have friendships and you can feel let down or you can get upset about something or, you know what I mean? And it's kind of hard to know when enough is enough because I think sometimes you let people get away with more

because you're such good friends. So the way you figure that out is like, I think if you've had a conversation about something, so for example, they're making backhanded comments at you, right, in group settings, just using this as an example, and you've noticed it a few times, and you brought it up to them maybe a few times, maybe even once is enough, but you brought it up and said, look, like, I really don't like it when you do that.

Like, it's putting me down in front of other people and it's making me upset. If they consistently don't listen to that, maybe, like, give them one more chance after that. Like, if they do it again, maybe one more chance. And if they do do that, then you've got to be like, okay, and take your distance. And take your distance and protect your peace. you know, if they are doing like any of those bad kind of friend things that I mentioned earlier, then are they that good in your life? And just because you like have history with them doesn't mean that they should be your friend,

you know? And I don't, I personally don't think that friendship, time equates to like being the, your bestest, bestest friend. Like obviously it's amazing if you have a lot of time with somebody that is such a good friend. But sometimes you know people for a long time and they, they're not as good of a friend to you as somebody that you might have met only six months ago, but is giving you all these, like, great friendship things, you know? So, yeah, that's something that I think about that.

And then also friendships as you get older and you get into your mid to late 20s, you kind of start to pick quality over quantity as brutal as that may sound. And I know, like, I kind of said it at the start, like I had a lot of party, friends and like although they were brilliant and great people now like I want good genuine people that want the best for me around me I don't want to have a friend there just because I want to go out to a bar you know so that being said like your core group tends to shrink but become stronger okay so that was like my little chit chat about friendships and yeah I just want to leave you guys with, I think friendship isn't about history, it's about consistency, and the people that love you

and support you and generally want the best for you and choose you will choose you. So they will be turning up for you, they will be making the time. And if they're not, then it's kind of time to make the shift because you only want the best people around you and you should be uplifted and feeling your best and you should be able to be utterly and totally yourself, you know? And you literally get to choose your friends. So make sure you're choosing good people that you also respect. I think something that I hear a lot of people say all the time is like you are a reflection of your friends. So think about that. Like if you want to be known as being similar to your friends, then great. I mean, I don't know if this is a

best thing to say, but you get one of the saying, like, I always want to have people that I admire, respect, love around me. So I think you guys should have that too. And one question I want you to ask yourself is, if you met that friend right now, but knew everything about them, about how they act, what they do, like their values, what they talk about, would you still be friends with them? Or would you want to be friends with them?