The Break-Up Diet - Stop Trying to Be Chosen. Choose Yourself. Part 1 with Lydia Mae

Episode Date: February 19, 2026

Breakups have a way of making you feel like you’ve been unpicked. Unchosen. Replaced.And suddenly you’re left wondering… who the hell am I without them?In Part 1, I’m joined again by Lydia Mae, breakup coach and Reiki therapist, and we’re talking about what really happens when a relationship ends. Not just losing them, but losing parts of yourself along the way. Why we tie our worth to being chosen, how we slowly abandon ourselves in love, and what it actually takes to rebuild self-trust after heartbreak.We talk about the truth that people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, and how accepting that can be the difference between staying stuck and moving forward.Because here’s the thing: knowledge is power. When you understand your patterns, your attachments, and your emotional triggers, you stop blaming yourself and start growing.And maybe the most important reminder of all, your body is your biggest compass. When you learn to listen to it, you stop chasing what isn’t meant for you.If you’ve ever felt “not enough,” stayed too long, or lost yourself trying to keep someone… this episode is your wake-up call.Press play. You’re not alone in this.Connect with Lydia Mae:TikTok: @LydiamaecoachingBook a 1:1 session with Lydia:https://www.lydiamaecoaching.com/book-a-session-1Explore Lydia’s breakup support courses:https://www.lydiamaecoaching.com/breakup-courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So before we get into this week's episode, just to let you know, this is a two-part episode with Lydia May as a guest on. So if you listen to this week's episode, make sure you come back and tune in for next weeks as well so that you get the full experience. And I hope you really enjoy it. And also, if you're not already subscribed to the breakup diet, do that right now, please. Buckle up, bitches. This is going to get bumpy. This is the breakup diet. Welcome back to another episode on the breakup diet.

Today we have a very special guest who's actually come back to the breakup diet. Lydia May, welcome back. Thank you for having me again. I feel very, very honoured to be asked back. No, I loved our last episode, so I had to get your expertise on. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that.

If anyone doesn't know who Lydia is, she's a breakup coach. I am indeed. Give yourself a little bit more of an intro. Yeah, so I am a breakup coach, as you mentioned, and I'm also a Reiki therapist as well. So my way of coaching is I bring in a lot of holistic practices. So I do things like breath work with clients and Reiki energy healing, a lot of somatic work, nervous system regulation, grounding and things like that to help people move through the process of heartbreak. I love that.

I love it when someone like has so many different avenues that all feed into the one thing. It's like makes it so special. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And it's been quite nice to add more strings to the bow as well and kind of knowing from my own experience what really helped me move through that process and bringing those. things in and helping other people use those tools on their own journeys as well. So that's kind of what the fire behind it is is knowing what work for me and helping people use those tools as well. It always makes it such a big difference, especially for somebody that doesn't know where to start. Exactly. Because it can be, obviously, breakups can be extremely overwhelming, but they're also

very, very transformational. So it really is like an honour for me to do what I do and really help people going through what can arguably be one of the hardest chapters of their life, but ultimately the most transmacial and really beautiful and actually so powerful as well. So yeah, that's why I love doing what I do. And you're doing a great job. Thank you so much. Thank you. So today I was thinking basically I want to talk about like identity and what to do after a breakup when you don't really know who you are anymore. Yeah, for sure. So I wrote down some like internal thoughts that I think lots of people have after a breakup when they're struggling with identity and being like, what now? I'm ready. Internal thoughts, we love them. Let's go.

If I'm not somebody's girlfriend anymore, who am I? Obviously, after a breakup, there's this massive identity shift. And also there's this layer of grief because you're not really who you were before the relationship started. You're not who you were in the relationship. That kind of role in identity is gone. You're not quite who you're becoming yet and who you're evolving into outside of this relationship. So you're in this weird kind of like void initiation period where it can feel really uncomfortable. but this is this is where the magic happens this is where people really truly reconnect with

themselves but reconnect with i don't want to say this new version of themselves because obviously you can kind of like dig out all parts of you that you might have lost in a relationship but also like really start to have a chance to be like okay who am i now what matters to me now what makes me tick what do i want to achieve out of life and having that kind of quietness and space to be able to achieve that essentially you know what i find hard with that is that when you're in the breakup and then you are like trying to figure this all out but then you're also hit with like the wave of grief and it feels quite overwhelming to want to make those changes absolutely and so that that's another thing i say is like having compassion for yourself is so critical especially in the early stages of a breakup

like allow yourself space to have that grief and i also i'm a big advocate like you have to really feel to heal you can't just go right i don't want to deal with these emotions and these feelings i'm just going to go from here to here i'm going to distract myself and feel fine and hope i dust it all under the rug. If it was that easy, we'd all do it and be like, yeah, I can skip over the feelings bit, skip feeling emotional and just crack on. So this is why it's like you have to allow yourself to hold space for that grief. Have a bit of time where you feel upset. Have a bit of time where you miss the identity that you had. Like allow yourself to hold space for that because if you do that, you'll allow it to truly move through. You'll truly be processing it. And then you'll have a

clear a mind, clear a heart. You would have shed in some of that to be able to have you, to be able to get you to a point where you have a lot of clarity moving forwards and I have a bit of mental space to be like, okay, what's next? So don't rush to that point. Just allow yourself to shed first, allow yourself to, to move through it. But how do you know how long to allow yourself? Because that's something I struggled with was, it was like five months and I was still just feeling crap. There is no, I mean, obviously this might sound like not the answer you want, but there really is no timeline. There are some people that feel like they really have like a massive purge over, let's say, a couple of months and then it's fine.

Some people will take a bit longer, but like, it really is about you tuning. I think the way to kind of, I don't want to say speed up, because it really has to be as long as it needs to be to do it fully. And I don't want people to kind of rush the process. But it's also about like really tuning into yourself. I think the most important thing is tuning into yourself daily and being like, okay, what do I need right now? Am I feeling about anxious?

What can I do to tell that? Am I feeling stress? What can I do to help? Like, really just tuning in, how does my body feel? Do I feel really like light and free and kind of like expansive? or do I feel quite tight and restricted and kind of really like just go off how you're feeling day by day,

taking it day by day rather than looking too far into the future? And then you'll have more clarity in that moment and on those kind of days as well. You have moments of feeling happy and you have moments of being like good and fine. But then it's just like this cloud that's like kind of in the back of your head always that kind of like enables you from like fully being yourself, I feel.

Yeah. Why do you think people lose themselves so much in relationships and don't realize it until it's like done. The reason why I think people can lose themselves quite a lot in relationships is that sometimes, and I've been guilty with this myself, is we can confuse, like, love with, like, self-sacrifice. Obviously, you can feel love for them and still, you know, have this kind of self-sacrifice.

They're not kind of like one or the other. But, like, we can have that confusion between thinking that it's, like, the most noble thing to do for the person that we love is to, like, sacrifice ourself for them. And so I always say, like, it's just really, really important that when you're giving to someone, obviously there's always going to be a degree of compromise in every relationship. People have different needs and kind of desires and wants and things like that and different goals. So it's really important, obviously, that you kind of co-create

in a relationship. But it should never be at your own detriment. And I also want to obviously say that there will be times in a relationship where your partner might need more kind of emotional support, let's say, from you. They might be going for a harder time. And it's like you're carrying a bit more of the way. But again, that should not be at the detriment to your own needs. So, whether that's you, if you need more, like, kind of, um, to be able to offload, like, maybe you can go to friends or family or if you need a bit more kind of mental clarity. Maybe you have, give more time to meditation. It's like, you can still give to people, but never at your own detriment. I think that's why when we kind of get to that point of like, we're being very willing to self-sacrifice in order to

keep love as well. I think sometimes people think if I kind of put my, make my needs known or if I don't compromise in this way, then I'm going to lose this harmony. I'm going to lose this piece of the relationship, which is actually so far from the case because when we don't kind of consider our own needs in a relationship, it can often turn into an underlying kind of frustration or maybe even resentment because you're like, you're feeling a certain way, you know, you're not filling up your own cup and you kind of want to turn it and blame someone and be like, maybe it's, maybe it's because I'm giving so much to you. And that person might not even be aware that you're kind of swallowing your own needs for their sake. So it's obviously, that's kind of why it can

happen quite a lot in relationships is trying to keep the peace and trying to keep the love and keep things steady in that sense. When somebody is in a relationship and that's happening, so you feel like maybe you're giving, you're giving, you're giving, you're giving. And the other person isn't. Do you think that the other person that might not give in this relationship is, it's just because they don't see it as like a long-term relationship? Or do you think that they're not self-aware that other person or what is going on there? Could be, like literally could be any of the above. It could be a range of things. It could be that I mean there are some people that are much more comfortable take take take and not really wanting to give back. It could be, you know, how they view the

dynamic and what they think is kind of the right dynamic for them. But if it's not the right dynamic for you, it's not going to be a good fit, right? So I think it's maybe it's like about having, because sometimes people can innocently be not giving back to the other person as much as there's not really kind of that, that ebb and flow. So sometimes it can just be a conversation. Like, look, I need, I think it's about being really honest with our needs and really kind of speaking our truth and being like, hey, like, I feel like I need a bit more of this. And actually, our needs can change throughout relationship. Sometimes we might go for a period where we might be feeling a bit like not that confident and we might be like, I maybe need a bit of this or this.

Like, it can all just very much evolve throughout the relationships. So just kind of keeping that communication going as well, um, in a, in a relationship. How come after a breakup, you can feel like not enough or not wanted or, you know, like that's quite a big thing I think we are. ask ourselves. Not chosen. Yeah. So this is a big one. And I think there's obviously,

there's often quite like a loud narrative in our heads when people go through breakups, especially if they weren't the one to end it. Like, okay, what could I've done? And that's the worst rumination because it's just like, you almost have this guilt and blame all this stuff. But it was like,

why wasn't I enough? If I was maybe this, more this than I'd be, I'd be accepted or if maybe I was more that. And it's just about making people, allowing people to realize, like, it's never to do with your worth.

It can be to do with misalignment in kind of needs. It can be like not the right timing between two parties. It can be about someone's kind of capacity to hold you. And again, that's not to put anyone down saying you're not capable of hold. It's not like that at all. It's just like two people can have like different capacities on what they can hold and what kind of relationships they can bloom and prosper in, right? So it's, but it's never about our worth because we are born worthy.

We are inherently worthy just simply because we exist. And I think it's very natural. but I think we really personalise it and we go, okay, suddenly, like, cameras on us, what's wrong with us now? Why haven't we been chosen? But it's this big thing. And I know people always say this.

It's like, rejection. I hope there's no eye rolls with this because people always say it's like rejection is redirection. And I think when you think back to like, let's say like Kavan times, like we're going back because this is what everything pretty much stems from this. Yeah, I'm tuning in right now. What it's really interesting is that like if you think about it, like people were part of tribes and communities, being rejected.

from a tribe would essentially be like it's a complete and utter threat to your safety because you've not got the backing and protection of a community and a group, which is why as humans, like we are wired for connection. We want to be part, we want to feel like we belong,

we want to feel that kind of community, we want to feel that kind of comfort of being around people, which is why on our nervous system, rejection can literally feel like a complete and utter threat to our safety. But obviously, someone not choosing you or not saying that like, I'm breaking up with you or like, you know, getting rejected from a job.

Like, it's not actually like a direct in that moment threat to our safety, right? But it's like it can feel like we feel the sting and our nervous system can feel that sting as though it is, which is why it hurts so much. But it's just about thinking that actually, as I mentioned, rejection is redirection. You have a lot of people that if you think about loads of celebrities that everyone has been rejected in life in some form, the most conventionally attracted people and those intelligent people, like everything is people have been rejected for years. And it's a canon event. You can't go through life without being rejected in some way, right?

And it's like, it's actually that rejection that shapes us because it forces us to go, I actually need to give myself this validation. I need to kind of like build on my own self-worth and be like, okay, you might have rejected me, but that doesn't mean that I'm not enough. That means that, like, that just means that we're not the right fit. And that's okay. And being at peace with that, like, what is meant for you will not and cannot pass you by? So if they've walked away, they were supposed to walk away.

And someone else is going to walk back in. Yeah, exactly that. You're clearing space. view it as clearing space. Yeah, that is the way to think about it, but it's so hard to think about it. I'm saying all these things, but I remember how I felt in the moment.

Like, obviously, it's just about challenging yourself, right? It'd be like, holding space, okay, I feel this way. And then that other voice coming in, be like, let me maybe look at it like this. Just that kind of perspective shifts every now and again when you go through a breakup.

You don't have to force positive thinking constantly because that's not realistic. Yeah, when you're going through it at the start, a lot of the time, it's just negative, like, which sucks and it's not good for you because you shouldn't be thinking negative, but like it's almost impossible not to. Yeah, you have to have to have to think, think those thoughts to like allow it to move through

you and allow yourself to release, but then you can kind of shift it back. It's kind of being like, okay, allow yourself to cry, but then there's that little nudge, like, you know, you're going to be okay and let's maybe think of it this way moving forwards. How much of our confidence do you think is like linked to being picked by somebody else? Depend. It really does depend from person to person. And I think especially if you've had situations where maybe, in early life or childhood or maybe in your teen years or even in adult relationships where you have felt like you've had to earn love or prove yourself to sustain love. I mean, as I mentioned,

we're inherently worthy. Like this isn't the case. We should never have to earn love. We're all worthy of love. But yeah, it's like I think it's when when you kind of had that mirrored to you throughout life of like, I need to prove myself in order to be worthy of the love. I think that's kind of when it can have that effect. How do you notice that on yourself if you, you like haven't ever had therapy or you haven't had that many relationships. I think it's about measuring. That's a really good question. I think it's kind of about measuring how willing you are and thinking about how willing you are to self-sacrifice in, in relationships. So you're like, okay, am I willing to completely compromise on my

boundaries? Am I willing to completely throw my needs to the side? That's often the kind of signs of someone that might feel like they have to earn love. It's like, okay, whatever you want, whatever you want, I'll change myself, I'll mold myself to be the version of me that you need me to be, right? I think when we can kind of see those patterns and behaviours, that's often when we might be kind of feeling like we need to mould ourselves for other people. And if you did see that in yourself or you did see that in a thing, how would you, like, what would you suggest that they do? So I would say that, like, with this one, it's about really trying to tune into your body

and really tuning into your knees. And I think the way to really build self-worth and self-trust. it kind of works the same way is every single time you hold a boundary. And I think self-trust and, and like self-worth are built in micro-moments. I don't think it's always this big dramatic thing. Like, I suddenly decide that I'm worthy. I mean, we are all worthy,

but it's like they can't just be sometimes this breakthrough moment. I often think it's made more so in these little micro moments where you slowly choose your, like, where you choose yourself, sorry. So it could be like, for example, you've had a really stressful day or like you're having a really stressful morning. You're like, do know what? Right now I feel like I need to just take some time and go for a walk. That's like a micro moment of you choosing yourself. Or maybe you're, you're mind spinning,

you're feeling and anxious. Okay, I'm going to take 10 minutes to a meditation or I'm going to have a nice warm bath. Or I feel like I want to speak up about something. I actually feel like I want to speak my truth. Those tiny little moments, even if it's in a small conversation, things like that, they add up because you're sending a really clear message to the universe, to yourself and to the people around you, my needs matter. My needs matter. You matter. You matter. You matter. But I also matter. and that's not you being arrogant or selfish. It's just you're saying that everyone matters, but you also do too.

And I think that's just as important. So it really is in those micro moments, like just challenging yourself daily to choose little times where you can choose yourself. Tuning into your body, okay, do I feel quite anxious today or do I feel a bit restricted? And like, what could I do to help? What can I do to my help?

Do I maybe need an exercise or go for a run? Or should I read a book or should I listen to a podcast that lists me up? Or do want to dance my favorite song? Like just really tuning in and being like, okay, what do I need? Like, I'm not being afraid to ask yourself in that moment what you need as well. So I, I think I said this to you in our last podcast episode, but like I have an equal split of male and female clients,

and it's been really interesting to see male perspectives as much as like females. And I've seen what you've described that happened in a lot for my male clients, that they've seen, they've compromised a lot in themselves as well, in the relationship. So definitely does happen on both sides. what I will say as well is that I think society has you know not I think I actually think things are shifting a little bit now which is is good but actually society is often given women more of this like attaching more status and value if you're in a relationship I don't agree with that I completely you know completely against it but this is kind of what society I think over a long

period of time has put on us reminding yourself like actually it's okay to just go on a bit of of a journey by yourself and not wanting to kind of rush to tick a box of marrying someone, but someone that doesn't feel aligned with you. And it's okay to take your time with that. And also just cover yourself and get some of your goals kind of ticked off in the meantime. People do in relationships is like you want a relationship so much that you do all the compromising. And then when you're actually in it, you're sat there and you're kind of like, do I even want this? Is this what I actually want? But you're too scared to break up or you're too scared to be alone because of all of that because of all of the society things and also just being alone is

quite scary sometimes. I didn't say to my clients when they're having these thoughts like I'm behind or I'm like I'm not enough and things like that it's kind of like whose voice actually is that is it societies is it from family members maybe or is it from you know where is that voice coming from because it's often a perception that we've made based on our external environment right and it could be something that we genuinely feel in ourselves but it's our job to kind of rewire that and help ourselves see it differently because I see so and also I think you can be in a little bit of a bubble as well. I think if the people around you of like your core like social circles are all getting married having kids doing all these things at a certain age, you can kind of feel a little

bit like hang on, am I the only person? But actually there are so when you're when I allowed my algorithm to become a little bit more about single women in their 30s like thriving and having fun, you realize there's so many people out there that are doing what they want to do with their life and not kind of like trying to stick themselves in a box for society. And it's not to say it's like getting married and having kids, be useful thing. But it's not for everyone. And also not everyone is, it needs to, wants to do it at a certain point. So not everyone wants to feel, feel rushed. It is true. It's just, it's hard. Maybe a good thing to say to people would be if you're feeling that way, you should ask yourself if everybody else was like in my exact position of being single

and like having a great life without a partner, would I still feel the same? same way. Yeah. Some clients will say to me, like, I feel like I look like this to people. Like, you know, I feel embarrassed that I'm single in my 30s, whatever it might be. And like, but then it's like, actually, hang on, if you saw someone who is like a single woman or man in their 30s and they were having fun and just like kind of living life and like achieving their goals they wanted to achieve, would you look at them and be like, like, you're a loser, you're behind. You'd be like, no, like, like, go at it. Like, amazing. Like, that's really empowering. Like, like, you're doing what you want to do. like so I think it's like we often have a really harsh lens for ourselves but not so for not so much for other people yeah and why is that right give ourselves that same compassion that we give so freely to other people my next internal thought is if I chose the wrong person last time yeah how can I trust myself again question I get a lot so you never like you didn't choose wrong I don't like people saying like I chose the wrong person because of what it is it's like you chose what you thought like what you thought like what you think you

thought was best for you or you thought that you wanted at the time based on kind of like the knowledge and the tools and the awareness that you had. So I would say you can't judge past actions with your present level of awareness. You can only judge your past actions with the past awareness that you had because if you were back in that situation at the same time, all the variables the same, you would have made that same choice with the knowledge that you had and what the desires that you had, right? So it's not necessarily about kind of saying I chose wrong. It's just like you have more awareness now and you might come out of the relationship with more awareness on your needs and boundaries you want to set and maybe ways that you dimmed yourself in the relationship that didn't

really feel right and like parts of yourself that you're like actually like that I didn't feel really authentic and so now is a chance to hold those boundaries and it's almost like take it as it's like information it's not like a criticism I made these wrong decisions it's like you know when we say like people out failing forwards and again by no stretch is kind of having a relationship a failure like ending as a failure but what I'm saying is like you can kind of make these decisions that like maybe haven't ended the way that you wanted to end. But these are like learnings for you to take on moving forwards on like, okay, what matters to me now? What's important to me that maybe wasn't important to me when I first got into that relationship. But it's really

important to me now and allowing ourselves to evolve through the relationship too. That is so true. What I wanted at the start of that one is so different to what I want now. And also I have learned so much from that relationship of knowing like what I actually need, which before I had no idea. Exactly. And that's, this is what I mean. It's like if you had chosen a different person, like you might not have come out with those kind of like under that understanding. So it's almost like, I always believe that people come into our life, sorry, for a reason, a season or a lifetime. And it's the reason and seasons that can be really challenging because they make us really reflect and personalize and kind of, it's all my fault and things like that.

But it's like, it's through that that you understand. Like, actually know, like, I actually learned, it might have been, it might not have been a healthy relationship or it might, might have really upset me or hurt me, but I learn so much from it. Yeah. And that's so, that wisdom, like, knowledge is power like going through life with that kind of knowledge about yourself and what you need and what boundaries you want to set is is invaluable like it's priceless it really is with somebody though that basically has might might have had a few breakups and now has all these very strong boundaries how do you not go too far though because i could see that going the other way where for sure you're so like no i need it to be this this this so you just yeah there's there's absolutely got to be

a balance i think it's like about like there's obviously got to be a degree of kind of compromise but I think our body is our biggest compass right this is where you kind of need to let your body and your intuition guide you rather than your logical mind kind of being like yeah this this and this this is a boundary I'm not willing to compromise that you can't be so rigid sometimes because someone might really need so that there might be it might be a healthy thing to be able to compromise in certain situations but I think it's like when we get really kind of fixated I think it's got to feel right in our body so I think if we feel at the concept of like neglecting our boundary if we feel quite restricted or a bit anxious or a bit hollow and empty, that's a sign that we shouldn't

be neglecting our boundary in that situation or, like, or, you know, or maybe not compromising in that sense. But like, if it feels like expansive and it feels like, actually, it's like, you might, you know, be a bit guarded and maybe not want to like open up to someone new, but you're like, actually like, could I grow from this? Could I go from like opening myself up? And there is potential here and things like that. But also, we're not always going to tread perfectly. And then that's the beauty of life is that we don't tread, you know, and skip everything that might hurt us and things. You can't live like that. It's not realistic. So it's just like allowing yourself to like be led by your heart and your, and your intuition and not let your mind kind of try and rationalise

everything too much. Yeah. Obviously we need it in there sometimes. But I think a big thing is like our ego versus our intuition. And I think I was like I think it's obviously not always the rule of thumb. There's always going to be kind of caveats to this. But I think a decision with ego is often something that all give us like this short term pleasure but long term discomfort. And our intuitions are often the thing where it's like short term discomfort. You have to most like your intuition's waving at you like, hey, you kind of know you shouldn't do this. You're like really want to that. Whereas you know it's like going to give you like the intuition side of it is usually like long term peace. We've all got to have like intuition and ego or ego protects us in many ways. It just can't be

too loud. So we need to make sure that we allow our intuition to be a little bit louder. So How important do you think first impressions are then? I think they are important. And I think we can have, definitely have gut feelings about people. But I also think we've got to remember, especially in the dating world, like people are guarded.

Yeah. And they can be guarded for so many different reasons. And I know I've sometimes been on first dates and I haven't really given my authentic self because I felt a bit nervous or I felt kind of wanted to mold myself a little bit and things like that. First impressions, of course they're important.

But I don't think, yeah, I think it's important to sometimes. try and maybe see a little bit beneath that and see that actually maybe people aren't giving their 100% authentic self right away because there might be loads of reasons for that. It might feel nervous and things like that which all come into play. So I think it's a balance, isn't it? It's just mainly like what your gut's saying. I think it's definitely if you have had a consistent feeling or like some signs more than once,

then it's like, oh, they get louder. Like if you ignore the red flags that, or if you know all the things at the beginning, which don't feel right, it gets, it gets louder. I was just so teary all the time. Didn't matter what and I didn't know what necessarily thought. I was like, like there'd be a few times. Like obviously you had an argument or whatever, then okay, that makes sense. But like a lot of the time, and I was just like so internally.

So this was after your breakup, you felt like you're crying a lot or during the relationship. During the relationship. I was just so stressed. Like so teary all the time. So like just jittery. Feel on edge the whole time. I didn't feel like I was in my own body. Yeah. At the end of it, I kind of isolated myself because I wasn't happy in my relationship,

didn't want to talk about it with my friends because I didn't want a bitch. You know what I mean? So I internally took it, but then I had no one to talk to it. And then when I did see them, I was so like inside. It's such a weird. The only thing I can relate to that exact feeling was when I was like 14 and anorexic and I lost my whole personality. It's you're in the room, but you're not in the room. Yeah, exactly. And I think that's, it can be sad because you're scary, isn't it? Because you're like, hang on, I'm, I feel like I don't even know where I am, what I'm doing kind of things. And it can feel really like, you know, stabilising in many ways as well. But I think it's like, yeah, I think the gut, the voice gets, like, the intuition really does

get louder and louder. And I feel like if you feel like you're dimming yourself and you're, like, losing your voice and things like that, and that's a sign to, to get out, basically, like, because it should never be, like I saying, like, giving to other people should never be at your own detriment. Like obviously you can put other people first in some situations. I mean like some people might need more in a relationship and more emotional support at different stages, etc. But it's like should never be at your expense of your happiness and your nervous system,

like your regulation, like your nervous system as well. Like you've got to feel emotionally safe in a relationship. I think that's really, really important. Yeah. And you can talk about like anything and not feel judged or. Yeah. And obviously like no one's like the finished product. Like we're all evolving.

We're all growing. So like no one is going to be completely perfect. So there's always going to be things to work on in relationships. But yeah, again, it's like you've got to still feel emotionally safe in that relationship. Like they can't be having your nervous system on in fight or flight consistently. You know, and I think it's, yeah, it's about allowing your nervous system to go back into more relaxed state. And don't get me wrong, there'll be anxiety inducing situations in a relationship. Of course there will be.

It can't be like that all the time though. And also, I think it's important to say that it doesn't necessarily mean that they're a bad person or anything. it's just that you're not like working together. Yeah, absolutely. And sometimes it's a conversation. Like someone can make you feel really anxious about something. You're like, you have the conversation. They're like, oh, okay, oh, I didn't realize that that made you anxious.

Or I didn't realize, you know, and then like you can move forward from it. So it's like not always like point in case. It's just reach. The main thing is like really just tuning into your body and understanding what your needs are through that. Like how do situations make you feel? And then it can be a conversation with someone about, okay, I'm feeling this way. Like, can we talk about this? Can we hold space for it?

How do we want to move through this? Like, I might need your support with this, and maybe I can do this differently. And maybe how do we work through this basically and having that communication? Communication is the biggest thing always.