The Break-Up Diet - The Relationship Wasn’t “Fine”… You Were Losing YOURSELF. ft Vikki

Episode Date: May 27, 2026

This week’s episode is for the girls who have ever sat there thinking:“am I overthinking… or is this relationship actually making me lose my mind?” 😭I’m joined by Vikki and GIRLS… we get INTO IT.We talk about breakups, attachment patterns, emotionally unavailable men, relationship anxiety, gut feelings, nervous system triggers, and why women ALWAYS seem to know something is wrong before they’re ready to admit it.Because why are we crying, anxious, overthinking everything, losing sleep, and feeling emotionally drained… while simultaneously telling ourselves: “no but he’s actually such a nice guy” 😭We get into relationships that look “fine” on paper but secretly leave you exhausted trying to make them work, plus the difference between anxiety vs intuition — because sometimes your brain is spiralling from past trauma… and sometimes your body is literally trying to warn you.We also talk about no contact, blocking exes, why heartbreak feels like withdrawal symptoms, and how your brain will ALWAYS try to run back to what feels familiar… even when it was terrible for you.There’s also a huge conversation around people-pleasing in relationships, ignoring red flags because you love someone, making excuses for emotionally unavailable people, and how women so often end up becoming collateral damage from men who haven’t healed their own issues.And honestly… some parts of this episode feel like a personal attack 😭Like convincing yourself: “maybe I’m just anxious” “maybe I’m expecting too much” “maybe I just need to calm down”Meanwhile your nervous system is in absolute SHAMBLES every day you’re with them.We also get into healing after heartbreak, learning your non-negotiables, wanting peace instead of chaos, and why the right relationship should feel emotionally safe — not emotionally confusing.This episode is emotional, comforting, self-aware, slightly chaotic, VERY relatable, and honestly feels like one long conversation every girl needs to hear at some point in her life. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So your brain, when you go through a breakup, is like freaking out because there's so much uncertainty of like, what the hell am I going to do? So it then keeps trying to revert back to the familiar. Even though it was terrible for you, so you look, the amount of times I would have to like have a word with myself and be like, Vic, hon, no, no. It's not good for you. Like, like, like an addict. And maybe, like, I would get my friends to kind of be like my accountability partners. Like, I try not to do things on the sly. Like, I tell them.

and be like, no, no. Don't do it. And I'm like, okay, okay. Buckle up, bitches. It's going to get bumpy. This is the breakup diet. Welcome back to another episode of the breakup diet. Today I'm joined by Vicky.

Welcome. Thank you so much for having me. No, thank you so much for coming on. I literally have seen your TikToks for, like, I want to say like a year already. It's from the beginning that I started this. I was seeing your TikToks. way. I know there's been a lot of breakup videos. Was this like the first thing that you decided to do on TikTok that kind of like got traction? Yeah, I've kind of been in the TikTok space for a little while

and I love creating content, but I've always wanted to like do something with meaning, but by no means with me creating this breakup content, did I actually think it would gain traction? I kind of started it. I think a little bit just for my own healing with what I was going through. When I went through the breakup, I was finding videos online on YouTube and TikTok that were really helping me. And I don't know what possessed me one day to just get in the car and sit down and just, I just started talking to camera and just thought screw it. I guess you kind of build like a community after that and like you would have had girls probably reaching out to you as well, being like saying their experience as well.

A hundred percent. And I think in my head I was like I've kind of created like a little, it's kind of sad, but like a broken hearts club. No, it's not sad. Honestly, it went crazy. Like, there were thousands of comments and DMs. Some people were like asking for advice and I was a bit like, oh, I'm not a qualified professional.

I'm just more of like a hype girl and a cheerleader. When I went through my breakup, I'm so blessed with like the most amazingly supportive family and friends. But everyone was in relationships with kids or they had not been through a breakup which after nine years for me of being engaged to someone, it felt like a divorce. So there was like no one that I could really speak to that had actually been through it.

So to have someone maybe online for people witnessing me actually, like freshly going through it and then someone just being like, do you know what you're going to be okay? Here's a little bit of advice. Built a really gorgeous community. So how many breakups have you actually had then? I'm a lover girl. Like I'm a relationship girly.

So like when I was like 14 to 18, that was my first like love. like full-blown relationship, there was that breakup, and then there was the guy I was engaged to with for nearly nine years. That breakup was actually two years ago now. But then since then, I actually got into another relationship with a guy who I'd been friends with for years. And recently a few months ago, that ended. Is there anything that you found different between each breakup?

Have they all been very different? I think the first one was like, I was so young. So I guess it didn't really count, But I think the key sort of personal theme, I would say, in my last two breakups is I kind of felt like I lost myself a little bit in both of them. Like the guys were totally different. They could not have been different in terms of personality. But I think I've noticed a bit of a pattern in like maybe what I do in a relationship. Like no one's perfect.

What's your one tip, like a very good immediate tip for someone to go through a breakup then? Contact. And does that mean like everywhere? Even like you can't even have them on social media. Oh my God, social media is the worst. Yeah, absolutely get them off social media. You have to just block. Even I'm not a girl that likes to block and cut people out.

I'm terrible at that. Like I'm such, again, I'm such a lover girl. So like my ex, I actually, the one that I was with for nine years, I ended up actually like supporting him through the breakup. Once I'd got through the pain of it, it's just the person that I am, I guess. And my friends were like, what are you doing? But I was like, I can't not. But for the first, like, I would say 30 days,

because it takes 30 days to break a habit, cut them off everything. Because if you've got one foot in and one foot out, you're going to be taking like two steps forward, 10 steps back. And I think just blocking them out of your life, you can then avoid the temptation of like, oh, I'll just message or, oh, I'll just do that.

Because your heart's going to want to do that, but you've got to listen to your head, I think at that point and just be like, absolutely no way. I just need to stay away. And that is probably the hardest thing. You could not be happy yourself in this relationship for ages. Okay, maybe the breakup happened. And then you still decide like, oh, but he was so nice at one time.

Exactly. You know what it is? And I've learned because I'm really into like psychology and all of that. Your brain will always try and revert back to the familiar. so even if you've been with someone and say at the end of it it got really, really bad and what was familiar to you was like trauma and really tough situations, that consistency of like trauma and bad times, that is what is familiar to your brain and that provides certainty. So your brain, when you go through a breakup, is like freaking out because there's so much

uncertainty of like, what the hell am I going to do? So it then keeps trying to revert back to the familiar. even though it was terrible for you so you the amount of times i would have to like have a word with myself and be like vick hon no no no no this is not good for you like like an addict like you just and maybe like i i would get my friends to kind of be like my accountability partners like i try not to do things on the sly like i tell them and they'd be like no no don't don't do it and i'm like okay okay if you've got that support network around you to like share what you're doing with people is probably a really good thing as well if you are going through a breakup.

Yeah, I would share it and then if they tell me no, I'd be like, don't care I doing it anyway. You don't understand. I was thinking actually like when you go through a breakup where you've been hurt and they've given you a reason to leave, it probably hurts more because of the pain of that hurt and the heartbreak of what they've done to you. But I feel like you can get over it a little bit more quickly. Oh yeah.

because if they're a dickhead or they've done some dickhead moves and be like that's not my guy whereas like if you're breaking up because of circumstances or you love them but it just can't work because the timing's wrong or you want different things that's when it can like long it out so sometimes I'm like well the worse they are the quicker because even though you're not right together maybe but you still have a lot of nice and they might be a nice person So then the whole time you're like second guessing, even if there were definitely moments in that relation where I was very not happy, like not happy at all. But like it still wasn't like that he, for example, cheated or did something that I know about or anything like this. That it was like

makes it a bit easier even though it's so horrible. Yeah, exactly. Be like, no, I can't go back. Yeah, 100%. And especially if like you're the one doing the rejecting and having to be the one to say this isn't right for either of us. Oh my God, it's, it is the hardest thing in the world. I had a guest on and they said, and I really liked what they said with this. It was like, the universe will give you, like, it will tell you what it wants you to do, right?

But at first it will whisper, and then it gets louder and gets louder. And then, like, it will get to a point for me was like when I was obviously having so much anxiety all the time and I didn't know why, and felt so teary and so introverted with friends, everything. that was obviously it screaming at me and then and then we had the break up so it turns into a shell and I truly believe the universe will not give you peace in something that you're not supposed to settle in

and I feel like you know when you're with someone and you've got a feeling inside that something isn't right but I think again as women and not to like gender stereotype but when you get into your 30s, if you do want to have children, there is more of then a pressure on finding someone because of our body clocks. So I think sometimes maybe we try to make something work and the universe will be like, no, and it will keep making that person or life mess up and it will get like you say, bigger and bigger and louder and louder. Sometimes yeah, it takes it to the point where then it has to snap or you have to snap. But I think it's so hard to then, like,

have that discernment to, like, walk away and listen to your gut prematurely. Like, I've certainly in my relationships, like, I'll let it play out until, like, the worst moment where I get to a point where I'm like, okay, there's no going back now for me. Because then I think I know, like, oh, I don't have any regret.

But then it's always, it's always the way. The red flag that your gut responds to at the start, always the reason, then at the end of the relationship, this is what I've always found with me, is the reason that we've ended up breaking up. Yeah, it is. It always is. Mine was too. And it's also funny how, like, for example, I just said my response in that relationship was, like, the anxiety. I remember breaking down to my mom. We were on a flight. And I was, I think we'd just become boyfriend, girlfriend or something like this. I remember, like, so it should be really happy, right? And I just remember crying on this whole flight. And I didn't know why I was crying. And I was like,

I just feel like he's such a nice guy but I just didn't feel like he was the one but I remember crying, crying, crying. And then you forget, because you then have such amazing times too and you see them again or you like have an amazing trip together or you like have an amazing weekend

or whatever you do and you forget about it. So then you like let it go and then that feeling might pop up every month and then it goes and it's like, it's hard also I think when you're in a relationship and you might have had a bad relationship before not to take the things from before

into the new one. Oh 100%. Yeah, you can, I think that's the difference with you'll carry anxieties into the next relationship and it's like how to differentiate between like your own anxiety that you might be projecting on the relationship because of what you've been through in the past which is so normal. Like of course that's going to happen. And then like the gut feeling and I think the anxiety will tend to be a little bit messy and loud. Whereas a gut feeling, it would just be like a little voice in your head that I'd be like, ooh, I didn't love that he did that, but we'll

keep an eye on it. Whereas anxiety would be like, he hasn't even done anything. And your brain's like, oh my God, but what if he doesn't text back? And then what if he's going to hurt me? And what if he's going to do, do I think there's... That's a good way to look at it. Because I was going to ask you, how do you know when it's like a fear of your own and when it's that? I think it's that. I think anxiety from my experience and from what I've learned is like it's more chaotic. And it's not necessarily in response to something they've done. It might just be your brain just going off on one. Yeah, and the gut feeling. It's interesting as well because when you were talking about when you're on the plane and what you said to your mum, you were literally saying, I just feel like

whereas your anxiety would be like, but what if I think, and it's coming from up here? So it's like noticing like what is a feeling, like a calm feeling and what is like this chaotic? Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, is it to do, with a gut feeling. You kind of have to let it like lay out a little bit. And I think the thing that I've learned in going to like a new relationship now is not to let myself get like attached too quickly because when you keep like you're in it but you're kind of like a little bit, you know, at arm's length, you can hear your feelings much better. I feel like I'm way less chaotic than I was before. How long would you say to do that for though like to hold yourself a bit more like reserved i think i wouldn't put a time limit on it as long as you

need to feel the feeling of safety i think like as women this is what i've learned we want to feel safe emotionally physically mentally and you've got to let the guy like create that environment for you to feel safe and i think you'll just get to a point where you're like oh rather than just listening to what he's saying, because I've been really terrible with this before with guys, like they'll say words and I'll be like, okay, yeah, they've said it. So that's going to happen and then it doesn't.

And I'm like heartbroken. You'll just get to a point where you're like, oh, they actually are who they say they are. And the actions align. And then when you feel that feeling of safety, and also when you've given it maybe long enough that your nervous system's like, okay, we've been together a good few months now

and my nervous system's chilling. Yeah. You know, like for you, at the start, and I actually had this with a previous partner, even before we were together, it was chaos. And I'm like, what, why did I walk into, but should it would a color right? Yeah. Well, also, I, for my brain, I don't know if this is, like, relatable, but I, like, will blame everything else besides the actual, like, I'm like, no, no, no, it's not, it couldn't be that. It must be because, like, this person at work, having a stressful time that's now put it on, you know what I mean? or especially if you're an empath and there, if you are an empath and that person that you're

with is behaving a certain way, you know, you then sort of assign something to her, oh, but poor them they went through that or they're really stressed at work or they went through something that's caused them to be like that. But I think I've now had to be really hard on myself to say, okay, Vic, that's great, but you cannot be. collateral damage, end up being hurt and being collateral damage, because of someone else's problems or issues that they haven't gone and resolved or at least become self-aware of. If you end up getting hurt because of someone else's shit that they haven't resolved, you have to get to a point where you're like, actually, no, that's not my weight to carry.

That's not a good enough excuse. and no one's perfect. Like, I'm not saying everyone's got issues. I've got issues. But you've got to know that that person is aware of them and at least working on them so that you're protected from it. Yes, you're going to support them, but you can't end up being the punch bag or getting hurt

or being cheated on or lied to because of their unresolved wounds or because of a man who's at war with himself and you're just there. Now your nervous systems in bits. because of someone else, like they've got to, and everyone's got to, like, be aware and, like, work on yourself, but you have to, like, this is, this is me actually, like, telling myself, Vic, if I go into something again, if I meet someone, and they're like, do you know what, I've gone through this, but I'm working on it, great.

But if they're not self-aware and I'm getting hurt as a result of it, no, drop me out. With, like, my life and my future is thinking about what actually is really important and, like, what I really want and what my actual non-negotiables are in a relationship, how many I should even have, like, you know what I mean? Because I don't want to have like 20 and then like, you know, it's hard to prioritize, I find. Yeah, 100%. I think the first step you've got to do is like, before you even think about what do I want in a partner, you've just got to think about like, what do you want for you in your life and what's just important to you as a person? Because I think that question you'd be able to answer. But then I feel like you have split personalities. Like I don't

know if you've had like, like not personalities, but things that you like, I don't know if you've seen that trend on TikTok where it's like the beach lifestyle, but then it's like the city, city or like, you know what I mean? Like it's like you're in bed at night and you're like wearing a face mask. And then like the other clip of the video that is switching between is like you going out and having fun with your friends. So like, for example, I love that. the beach and I love like I've from Australia and I love all that lifestyle but then also I love a city so even on that I'm like really though where would I want to be that what I would say is take it like one step deeper so rather than it and this is just in terms of like I'm so passionate

about like how to figure out what you want in life and like your purpose and what makes you happy and I think the biggest thing for me is rather than trying to envision like what is my I'm supposed to look like, what am I going to be doing? Take it one step deeper and be like, how do I want to feel? So I'm like you, I value like peace, tranquility, like independence, like that chill life. But then I want variety and I want fun and I want playfulness. So it's like, what are the feelings in life that are really, really important to you? And you could totally flip between the two. So for you, in terms of, yeah, you want that like to, like, to. And you're lifestyle where maybe your body just feels like at peace. Maybe you don't want like a real high

pressure job. Like some people absolutely thrive off that. Like they, they actually thrive off stress. But maybe for you, you want to do something that you really enjoy, you really love, but you can organise your own schedule. And like, like, it's more of the Australian, like lifestyle, isn't it? Where you can wake up, do what you need to do, go for a walk, do your job. But then at the weekends, you want some spice and variety as well. Like you need both, equally. So it's like, if you were to live your best life, what's important to you is like how that would make you feel. Some people don't value variety as much. Some people literally could do the same thing every single day. And that's what makes them feel really happy. Like they want that certainty.

They don't really value that sort of variety, that side of things. So I think it's like getting clear on like, what do you want to feel vastly in your own life? And then the next thing, things sort of like when it comes to non-negotiables with like a partner, yeah, decide whether or not like, do you want to have a family? Is family life important to you? Because as a woman, I think obviously that is really important to make sure at the start of a relationship, because of what I've been through, does that person want the same thing? Because you can't have your time wasted because time is the most important thing for anyone in life, but especially for women if you do want to have a family. But then after that, if you're trying to decide between, okay, what are my nice to

have and what are my non-negotiables? Again, it's linked back to like how you want to feel in a relationship. So for me, for example, and it's always based on like how you operate as a person, I'm a really deep thinker. So if I'm going to be spending my life with someone, I want to be able to have someone where I'm like, can we just chat about this or can I bounce this idea or you or if I'm doing something wrong I want that person to be able to say to me babe have you thought about this like can we talk about this together or if we go through a problem whereas some people they're just they just don't have that they're just not too bothered or maybe they don't I like a lot of emotional depth but for someone else it might not be important so it's like thinking about

those sort of things that again that would make you feel safe and seen and heard in a relationship What I would actually do is, if you use like chat GPT or AI, is brain dump. Chat GPT, if you do use it, we'll probably know you already. And I did this recently. Brain dump, like, everything about like yourself and like how you want to feel in life and like what you'd love to look for in a partner and say like, can you summarize like what my core values are. That's actually good. And also what you can say is this is what I've been through in a previous relationship

and why we ended up splitting up and it kind of like then spits out like well this is what matters to you and it like just summarises it because it's really hard for us to be like what do I want like to put it into words because we never get taught how to do that when we're kids right so mine was like you want emotional depth

and maturity but just a bit not in a condens anyway but just like yes because I want to be able to talk to someone you know and like express my emotions and then do it back independence was like a massive one for other people it might not be independence, communication, like autonomy, like, and a massive thing for me is like creativity,

but it was like, you don't necessarily need to seek that in another person, but they must be able to give you space to be creative. Do you know what I mean and like appreciate that as well? And then it can sort it into the categories where it's like, are they over six foot two? Do they they look like Jacob Lordy? Do you know what I mean? Like the things that are like, they're nice to haves but they're not like the absolute essentials or for me i absolutely love music and like with my ex we used to go to festivals nights out together we'd listen to the same music in the car but would it be a deal breaker if we listen to different things no but it's yeah so it's just like understanding like what's the difference between the two but i i'm scary but honestly it's it's

really good at helping you to like profile who you are and what you want to see i use it a lot in general but I've never done it for that and I'm actually going to do that. Honestly, do it and like literally tell it like give me like summarize it and five bullet points. I'm going to talk to it and do it as well because you can just put the voice thing as yeah. Talk to it like it's your diary. Yeah. How it does it. It's wild.

Mine chat, chat, GPT is hilarious as well. Like it talks to me in my tone of voice and it's like, hey babe. Oh, does it? Hey, lovely. It gives me emojis and everything. It's like my, my chat, honestly chat GPT is. is amazing at helping you just like figure out or just put into words, this is what your values are, this is what you want, this is what,

the questions that you should be asking then when you first meet someone. That's really helpful. I'm going to do that myself. Honestly, it was save, yeah, a lot of time. Okay, my last question is, what's something in your life now that you love that probably wouldn't have happened because of your breakup? one of your breakups? I think for me personally, the life that I live now in London, like I used to

live in Birmingham, we'd bought a house, it was like we had a dog, we were living this family life, and now I have my own apartment that I pay for all by myself, it has this amazing view of like the teeny tiny shard and the London eye, like I always dreamt of living in London when I was young, the job I do is now my dream job. I would never, ever, ever have been able to do that if it went for the breakup. It ended up opening this crazy door of opportunity that I wake up every day and I am so grateful for. And I think that's the thing like when you go through so much loss, it makes the gain like so much sweeter. And I think just having that gratitude every day it's really strengthened me and it's like everyone's like you're so happy. Like how are you

doing so well, one, because I'm like, so happy living this life. But number two, I think you also gain so much, I don't know, like strength and you, I don't know, you feel proud, knowledge, yeah. And I'm like, my little me is like, woo, go girl. And I'm just so grateful every day. I'm grateful for my friends. And I think if you are like going through a breakup currently, my biggest piece of advice. And I think this is for anything in life you've been going through like any form of loss or hardship. I make too emotional thinking about it actually. I feel like there is beauty everywhere

and it's like just be grateful for the little things and do something for yourself every day that makes you feel like warm inside. Even just like making like your favourite cup of tea taking five minutes in the morning like I would either go and scream in my car or like put on music really, really loud and just dance in my kitchen on my own.

and if you just look for the beauty and everything that you're grateful for in life, it just takes your mind off of the loss and focuses on all the good that there is. And that sounds so deep and so big, but I think having that mindset, every time you feel yourself like going down a hole of like, oh my God, but I'm nothing without them. It's like, look at all this that you have to gain. My final piece of advice to anyone going through a breakup

or if you've just gone through a really tough time in life, or if you're just generally doing life at the moment because it's tough at the moment. I think as adults we forget to play and have fun. And I think I got to a point in that breakup where I was like, I'm sick of being in survival mode and feeling shit and crying. And I think I just woke up one day and I was like, I'm just going to focus on having fun. And that became my focus.

And just doing things every single day that would bring me joy and like starting new things. Like I started boxing, me and the girlies. The girlies took me away on like a surprise holiday. I went vintage shopping, bought myself a load of outfits that was like this new version of me, cleared out my closet, like made way for like the new me. And I think that is like the top of like my focus at the moment in life. It's just like.

Having fun again. Having fun. And I think sometimes you get so, oh my God, everything's so. terrible and it feels so bad and I can't believe you did that. I can't believe this bad thing's happening in life and me and the girlies always say when we're freaking out, we're like, hon, we're on a rock and it's spinning. Who cares? Do you know what I mean? Like, we get so freaked out about everything and it's like, oh, screw it. It's fine. And just lean on your friends and family and just have a bloody good time. Go dancing. Enjoy the ride. Enjoy the ride because it's a

bloody roller coaster.