The Break-Up Diet - The Truth About ‘Perfect’ Lives (and What No One’s Posting)

Episode Date: April 30, 2025

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by the pressure to have the perfect life? The perfect job, relationship, apartment, savings account—and to somehow make it all look effortless?"Breaking Free from Perfectionism" tackles the impossible standards we set for ourselves and how these expectations intensify after significant life events like breakups. We explore how society gives you grace in your early twenties, but the moment you hit 25, suddenly there's pressure to have everything figured out—from career trajectories to marriage prospects.The conversation dives into social media's role in perpetuating perfectionism. Those picture-perfect relationships you see online? Usually just carefully curated facades hiding messy realities. We share some shocking examples of seemingly ideal couples whose public personas masked serious private struggles. What appears polished and flawless often conceals years of hard work, failures, and persistence that nobody posts about.Financial perfectionism gets special attention as we question how people manage impressive investment portfolios and savings accounts while basic necessities become increasingly expensive. Where is this money supposed to come from, and why aren't more people talking about the struggle?The episode's most powerful insight comes in shifting focus from perfectionism to consistency. Success rarely happens overnight—it's built through consistent effort over years. We discuss reframing your journey as the "waiting zone" or "summer after exams"—that period where you've done the work and are simply waiting for results to materialize while enjoying the process.Ready to break up with perfectionism and embrace your unique timeline? This episode offers practical wisdom for anyone feeling behind, inadequate, or stuck in comparison. Because nobody—not even that seemingly perfect person—has it all figured out.Send us a textInstagram:@the_breakup_dietTikTok:@thebreakupdietEmail: [e-mail]

Welcome back to another episode of The Breakup Diet today. Perfectionism. I don't know what you're talking about because I am perfect, Dilma. Have you not realised? You are perfect head to toe, inside out. Like I work with you 24-7 so I know you're perfect but... But nothing! No, but nothing. I have nothing to say.

Like you are living definition of perfect. But it is kind of a thing that we all struggle with, especially, not especially in London, but I think maybe in this age bracket where everything feels like everyone's got it, everyone's got the perfect apartment, the perfect job, the perfect boyfriend. Or they're on the track. But like seriously on the track. Yeah, they're like on the most perfect come up. Like even their come up is perfect.

Buckle up bitches. This is gonna get bumpy. This is the breakup diet. Wherever you're watching this via YouTube, YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, like anything, could you please like follow us, subscribe, whatever, because it really helps. Tilda- We're a growing podcast so every bit of support helps. Evie- We really appreciate it. It's actually such a weird age being like in your 20s to late late twenties, like mid to late, because you're expected basically from 20, 20 to 25, it's kind of cute.

You're young, you're naive. It's cute. Bang! 25 happens. Where's the husband? Where's your job? Where's your mortgage? Where are your dogs?

Yeah, you can't be on the like, streets anymore. No, you can't be on the streets, you can't be on the minimum wage. You know what I mean? Like, I'm like, I haven't be on the like, you know, streets anymore. No, you can't be on the streets anymore, you can't be on the minimum wage, you know what I mean? Like, I'm like, I haven't even made the minimum wage. I'm like, fuck, I'm behind. I'm always behind, but I'm even more behind. That's how I feel, I'm like, It's a lot.

And I feel like not only that, there's also perfectionism in mastering the breakup. You've got that pressure to be the perfect one after the breakup, as in. Yeah, win the breakup too, which is not good. The perfect win. Yeah, basically the perfect win where you've had the globe, you've got the hotter current partner,

you've got a better career than them now. Yeah, that's hard. That's a lot of pressure. Honestly, I feel like perfection equals pressure. I don't know why I have such a weird stutter today, but I can't speak properly. I just said pressure. Pressure. Stress is what perfection is

and I didn't have time for it. But then I want it too. Yeah, I want the perfect life and... I feel like we have the perfect life if we kind of... Grab it by the balls. So that's what you look like you were doing. You're like... Yeah, I haven't done that in ages.

I feel like you're pretty perfect. As're like... Yeah, I haven't done that in ages. I feel like you're pretty perfect. As in like, you are, you are. Let's kiss. The facelift helped, I'm joking. It did. Back to being perfect and having the perfect breakup. There isn't really a perfect breakup though, because every breakup is different.

Yes, the perfect breakup, the ideal one would be to win the breakup. Be the most successful, best looking partner after, act like, yeah it hurt you but you've moved on so easily and you're just better. Which actually we preach, so maybe we should... We should. We should. Shit. Shit. But realistically, it's okay that it's not, and it's okay to not be proud of what you do after, I think. Yeah. No, I get you. You don't need to be on this constant hunt for perfectionism, especially after a breakup

when you're going through something quite drastic, you're mourning a loss of someone who's technically alive and who might be living just around the corner from you. Like, remember what our favourite breakup coach said, Paige? Six weeks, the first six weeks after a breakup is shot. I feel like- I always say this. Yeah, I feel like you are, even if it's not like, even if you were over it after like two weeks,

you'd be waiting for the six cause you'd be like, no, I'm still in shock, yes. I'm like, no, it's not, that's just a general thing. It's not always the case. It's not always, but I think people should take that into account before they start applying this pressure to be perfect after the breakup, you know? Yeah. To be fair, to be perfect after the breakup, you basically can't react until after the... you're angry. Because you're gonna be angry. You're gonna be angry, you're gonna be upset, you're gonna be hurt, you're gonna be, I don't know...

Sad, horny. All the waves of emotional, like, bubbles. Yeah, so if you want it to be, like, I don't know, perfect so that they are like, what the hell? Then you just have to not react, really. Basically, you gotta be nonchalant, and I feel like being nonchalant after a breakup is not possible. Yeah, you're just fake if you do that to be fair. No, like you must be like, I don't know, either hot off like rock, steel, heart of steel or... Yeah, or you didn't care or you're just like faking it.

Maybe the beta blockers are working. Yeah, I don't know what it is, but yeah. Yeah. But you know, you could also, another thing of being perfect or having the like ideal would, not just in breakups but people having it in relationships. Because we always say this too, social media. And just everybody else, because everybody, obviously, your close friends you probably

bitch about the small annoying things because it's more fun to talk about the shitty things with friends than the good stuff. But everybody else, you probably say only the good things. Lryenha And especially on social media, you're only going to post the highlights of your relationship, the Valentine's dinner, the holidays. What social media sells you off this relationship, it's not the real full story, which I think... Yeah, because imagine also, sorry, you just triggered me because imagine, and I was like, what? Because imagine if you post, you were with somebody and then they posted after your argument and you're with them and you're crying being like, he texted this other girl that he met on the night out with all the boys and you're crying on TikTok straight away.

And you're not breaking up, you're still in a relationship. That would be wild. I feel like that is kind of the norm. I've done that, I've been on the other end. That's why I can wholeheartedly say what you see on social media with relationships is not the real deal. Like I used to do like reels with my ex and We looked like the cutest like married couple Go where we are now. Yeah, and it's also that I watched that that documentary. This is so gross Sorry, I know all this hair on my head like a little rat Is that documentary Gabby Petito, right?

Yeah, wild. That is, listen, we could talk shit for another 45 minutes. Watch that documentary, that is what we're talking about. What the hell? They look like they had such a happy life, or there she's saying to other people she's fine. Not fine, killed her. And then killed himself. Sorry, this is really rough and really not nice, but Jesus.

And you would think if you didn't know them, I reckon they're followers, not that I really, I didn't follow them, did you or anything? I didn't know who they were before the Netflix thing, but I reckon if we did, we would have thought that they were like this cute, wholesome, travelling couple together. Oh my god, so exciting. I mean, think about Molly, Mae and Tommy. Like, we thought that they were it. End game.

You just did not see it coming. Yeah, but they're probably getting back together, no? Probably. But, you know, in her documentary, she said that during her sister's wedding they had like an explosive argument and then, look, she posts this. Yeah. The most magical weekend or whatever, you know? You just can't take anything on social media. Yeah. You can't. But then it's hard not to if you're seeing it day in day out you're looking at it Also, it's hard because not everything on social media is fake So then you are actually looking at something to mean like oh no

I know that she definitely did that and they had a great time. So then maybe maybe they did Yeah, how does someone separate from that really and the whole built-up expectation in your head of like wanting that? Thing is when you see other people having their perfect relationships, I think sometimes you just have to accept that, you know what, that's their life, that's okay. I'm living my life and my life is actually pretty great. If you're healthy, if you've got a job,

if you've got a place to live, I think like, fuck, practice some gratitude. Yeah, I get what you're saying. I get what you're saying, but- It's hard. Yeah, and it's not realistic. It's hard, because it's just in your face 24-7. Like, you can't escape perfectionism.

You know, even- Even us, even our episodes, you'll never see like our tech issues. You might maybe on TikTok, but like the amount of tech issues we have or like guest dropouts or whatnot, like... Yeah, or just not knowing how to fix a problem. No, exactly. And then you see like... Or uploading. And there is a problem and then it's too late and I either have to take it all down and then we lose our views and we lose our stuff and then... Yeah, but then obviously when you see the final results you see us talking

perfectly. There's no stuttering because God knows how many times we've started in this episode alone. Yeah, like everything you see on social media, I think media in general is basically just... FakeAKE NEWS. Yeah. It's so curated that it's not real if you think about it. Even with like news, the way it's filmed. But isn't that why everyone likes TikTok so much? Because it's like meant to be more authentic? Yeah, it can be. But it says authentic, that even that is not authentic.

Yeah, because we would never post like, I don't know, shitty reels with the subtitles not working. Yeah, yeah, or yeah. Yeah, they say that, but even then, like. It still feels good. There's still pressure to make sure you've nailed it. Yeah. There's like a perfect level of authenticity like you want to achieve because you want to

be able to appeal to the brands but then you also want to appeal to real people. Yeah. It is just... And also even if you are putting out something and you're not like an influencer or something, you probably want to give off a certain image as well. So everything's a facade. Don't take everything literally. Be kind to yourself.

Yeah, literally be kind to yourself. Do you find more pressure because you're almost 30? Oh my God, the pressure of perfectionism. It's definitely there, but at the same time, I've been through so much in my early like 20s that- You've lived a hundred lives. I've lived a hundred lives. Like the divorce and being on the brink of homelessness

right after the divorce, I think that has kind of shaped my perspective on life and has made me become more kind to myself and has made me grateful for what I have. So like, if I look at everything that I have right now, I would say my life is pretty perfect. Like, I get to work with you 24-7. Like my day job's fine. I live in my dream apartment with one of my best friends. And we're close. Like I'm not far away from you anymore. All the opportunities that are coming from this.

You're going on dates again. We're going on dates again, we're back in the streets. A sexy hot bald guy is in the picture, we'll keep you updated. You know, like I feel like I've got everything, but then who knows, maybe from the outsider's perspective people are like, oh she's divorced, I'm 30 and blah, blah, blah. But I don't care. I've got everything that I want. No, I feel like you're in a really good spot.

I think so too. But the thing is like as perfect as my life is, it still doesn't stop you from having ambitions. Yeah. You feel like you want to be doing more or could be doing more. Yeah. Yeah. But I think I've like finally mastered the middle balance where like I'm ambitious,

but I'm also equally grateful for where I am. Yeah. I think that's the perfect thing. You have to be balanced. Exactly. And I think that kind of gratitude, maybe it's not the case for everyone. I just feel like sometimes you have to be dragged to rock bottom for you to be grateful for what you have.

Yeah. It's like a breakup. It literally is the same feelings. Oh my God, yeah. You know what I mean? I was about to cry. Yeah. It is the same feelings.

Whenever I feel in the trenches, not for a breakup, but just in the trenches, feel so rock bottom, not straight away, but a little bit later, I normally am excelling or the next day I'm excelling in like grasping what the hell I'm gonna do to fix something. Yeah, sometimes you just really need that one moment and socks, it has to be a shitty moment,

but that one moment to kind of give you that push, that click for you to be like, okay, I've got this, I'm actually doing fine. Yeah. But yeah, there's not just pressure with love life for women in their 20s, pressure with career, the perfect job, the perfect apartment. Knowing exactly where you're going to be in 10 years. What? Just two years ago it was like normal to just be partying and that's it.

Kite- Yeah, your job was just like- Lae- To have fun and live in the moment. Kite- Yeah, that is the switch isn't it? Because you're like, you have your job and you live for the weekends, but you work hard in the week or whatever, but you can't wait until you get off to go party, and then it switches and you're like, oh no, people love their jobs now. Yeah, suddenly it's like, oh, you have to care about a career progression?

Yeah. What do you mean? I just got here. Yeah, bang. And also if you want to be moving up and actually doing well, isn't that the thing about switching roles? Oh yeah, you've got to be job hopping, or you well, isn't the thing about switching roles? Oh yeah, you gotta be job hopping, or you gotta have the perfect network.

Are you networking enough? No, I'm not networking enough. Actually, we're not, we need to get out of the house, Yaz. Oh yeah, yeah, we actually do. But I was just talking about in general, no, I'm not networking enough because you give me so much fucking work that I can't. How am I meant to network?

Because right now, what's on the list? So the perfect job, but then to be able to keep that perfect career, you need to network. And then if you're not networking, you're not gonna move up. And if you don't move up, you just seem stagnant and you're a loser because all your friends are now suddenly vice presidents and you're still just an analyst like yep it's tough and the next thing

you know like everyone's got a mortgage or they've got this like luxury right that bang kids you know what i mean bang married again bang. That's what it is, it's scary. Like I feel like anytime that I feel like I'm getting close to something, like close to you know mastering that thing, bang they hit me with something else. Close to getting like, I bet you, when we start getting massive with this podcast, bang! Bang, our best friend is gonna have an Oscar. Niamh- Yeah!

Evie- No, like seriously. Niamh- I mean that would be quite lit though for them because then you know. Evie- Yeah. Niamh- Shhh. Niamh- I love successful friends, don't you? Evie- Yeah, we're only friends with them because it's successful. Niamh- No, or like, bang, they're having a kid. That's gonna just stress me out in general. And they're having the kid on purpose.

Yes. Like they're not on the pill anymore. Yeah. They took the coil out. Yep. Because they're ready. Because they're at that age where they should be. Bang. Scary. Bang. Don't have any friends anymore because they're with their family the whole time and their friends don't matter. Yeah. And it's like you don't want to be that loser friend that's like oh like let's go

out. Yeah. And they're like oh honey like I've got school fees and you're like what? Yeah. What does that mean? Yeah it's scary. Honestly life is kind of scary and it's way more fun when you're younger like when you first leave school.

Oh yeah yeah. Yeah you're in uni. Straight out of high school, college years. Yeah! Those first three years. Yeah. But the thing is, you can turn around this perspective.

The great thing about life is that we don't have to be on the same journey as everyone else. Yeah, this is true. Like, we don't need to have kids. We're not ready for kids. Our friends are and that's amazing for them. Which is why I think you should just be kinder to yourself and remind yourself

that it's okay to do your own thing. Yeah, it is okay, but there's just expectations. Yeah. There's expectations and there are timelines for women especially. Ugh. But when I say, because I've like, I've dropped out of the timeline because of my divorce, which I'm so grateful for because I no longer have to be part of that race anymore. And I think you just need to shift your perspective.

Maybe sometimes the timeline's not real. Maybe it's not for you. Maybe you can create your own timeline. Yes. And I think that's, that's what's perfect about life because it's your life. You can create your timeline. You can control your life. You're very inspirational right now.

I feel like you need, you're on the stage, you know, and people give the things and they're like, you can do it, just believe. No, but that's true though. No, I believe you. Oh, I believe you. I didn't say anything, I was mesmerized. But I believe you.

I believe in you. I believe us. I believe us, I believe in you. I believe us. I believe in you. I believe we're all meant to be successful in our own unique ways. Besides our ex. Look, my ex is fat now. I've already won. Successfully fat. See, and that's perfection for him because he gets to eat all the pork butties that he

couldn't eat when he was married to me. There we go. Yeah. Great. We love that. He's on his perfect journey now. I no longer have to not feel gaslit for not wanting to cook pork. There we go.

I'm Muslim. There we go. Yeah. It all works out. Another thing that we're meant to allegedly be perfect at is managing our money. Yeah, I find that one hard. I haven't think of it. I'm on TikTok and it's so funny how we're like, oh, TikTok's more authentic and less

like pressurey. Babe, I'm seeing this like 24 year old girl who's got 75,000 pounds in savings. Mind you, she's like from a normal working class family. So it's not like her parents helped her out. And then she's like on track to retire by age 40. Like... What? Yeah, cause she's like got all these investment hacks

and tricks and stuff with the stock market. Can you send it to me? I will, I will. It's insane the amount of knowledge that we have access to yet. We still feel like we're behind. You know what I do? I will get really stressed about this, sorts of things.

That's a new prime example. Get really, really stressed about it because I didn't have an ISA. I was like, what the fuck did I do? Neither do I, do you? I only just got it. No one told me that and like my parents didn't know so they didn't tell me. They're not from the UK and then bang and I was like oh my god and then I basically stressed set one up but I haven't

actually done anything. It's been like that for the last like four months. You know what I mean? And I could have been getting like an extra thousand. I think you can put like four thousand in and get the extra thousand. But like that is another prime example of what I do. I will stress about it. I'll sort it out. I'll do all this stuff. I'm like, yes, I got it. I got my shit sorted and then and then I just don't do it once I've got it. It's just insane because why is there pressure for us to have all this money when where is this money meant to come from? Yeah like also how do people

have like a the minimum wage I don't understand and then still invest and then still even just buy groceries sorry but why are groceries so expensive? This is a full blown fucking rant this episode, but what? I spend so much money not even going out, not leaving the house on my groceries. I look at my credit card bill and I'm like, how am I spending this much when I don't even have like a Chanel bag or a holiday to like back it up, if that makes sense? Yeah. Like, where is this money disappearing into yet how are people saving? I don't understand. I genuinely don't understand.

How are people getting this mortgage? I don't know and then also they're not just putting it into the ISA they're also investing it in all these other funds and all this other stuff as well and then also they have like a side business that's taken off that they then have about ten avenues of income just coming in and out and they don't and then they also have the time to only work half a day. What? Like how do they hack it? Like what the actual hell? I don't understand.

Or do you think it's all a facade and it's all just fake it till you make it and then bang? You know what, that could be it because sometimes you don't actually realize how hard and how much like blood, sweat and tears is going through someone's hard work behind the scenes. Cause like we said with social media, we only see the final product. Yeah.

Even with like our friends with jobs, we only hear about like, Oh, they've got the promotion, we're celebrating that, but we don't actually know how much work they've put into it. Yeah. But if they're still like, I don't know, out and about all the time, I'm like, how? I, drugs? Yeah. Loads of Adderall or something.

Like, I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, straight from America. Superhumans. Like Elon Musk has got a secret deal with them and then they're just excelled and I want to get've just excelled. Yeah. And I want to get on it. So.

Yeah. Yeah. Do you have anything that you want to break up with? Well, breaking up with perfectionism was something that I have successfully broken into, and I think I've replaced perfectionism with the art of consistency. replaced perfectionism with the art of consistency. I think when you focus on consistency instead of perfectionism, you definitely work more harder, you get more done because you're not confined to perfect expectations and you're just putting in work and you're going. Yeah. I think that's what the source is.

Maybe that's what everyone's doing. Everyone's just probably being really consistent with their work and they are now finally seeing results because these things take time. The perfect result takes a lot of time. Yeah. I don't know though, because I feel like like the only reason I'm contradicting you is because I feel like whatever job I've ever had, right, even if it's not been like a serious job, but like I've taken it seriously,

I put in so much hard work, but none of my consistency has shown up. And that's what I find very hard, because I'm not a perfectionist, but like, I like to give stuff a good go, don't get me wrong, and I try my hardest, but then when you don't get the result that you want, it kind of makes you lose like faith in that whole process. I think what I would do in your position is maybe think, okay, look, I've put in a lot of work, commend yourself for putting in a lot of work and just think, look, maybe this is a lesson, maybe this is a redirection, you know, you don't have to force this path onto you, you know.

I mean, my redirection was to this, So exactly, it got you to the place that's meant for you. And this has been meant for you for years. Like, say with us, when we pop off, it's going to look like overnight success. Actually, no, it's going to be how many years like you and I have been working together, plus the three years on top of when you wanted to do this, when you first bought these equipments. Yeah, that is the thing about like popping off, especially on social media. Like Alex, oh, wasn't she, she started years before doing posting all the time.

Yeah. And then like sometimes when people look at all these like new artists that have come out of nowhere like look at Tyler, Tate McCray, they have been working at this since they were kids like since like 2018 and even that's still like considered early. Stuff like this takes a long time. A successful career takes a long time, no matter what it is. My friend, I'm not gonna say who she is, but she just got her first six figure bonus. Oh my gosh.

100K. Oh my gosh. Bonus on top of her base salary. But that was like seven years of hard work. She was not gonna get that like a year out of uni just like that. Everything unfortunately, like the perfect result unfortunately, is gonna be years. Yeah. But I think it's, it's an exciting thing because it's like, oh my god, I get to be in the waiting zone. As long as you're doing the work, you're in the waiting zone for the success.

As opposed to being a bum in bed, fantasizing, oh, I wanna do this, I wanna do that, and not getting shit done because you're like, oh, but I don't have the perfect equipment. I don't have the perfect, I don't know, body phase. I don't have the perfect resources. Instead of fantasizing, like you're out here getting work done.

Yes. I like what you just said. You know, the only thing I'm going to retain that I want to change because it's not sexy enough for us is the waiting room, that word, because it reminds me of the dentist, if I'm being completely honest and I want the waiting room to be a bit nicer like the I don't know I think like cuz I'm loading zone no that sounds like a supermarket you know what I mean I need something like a bit like that phrase literally from my actor friends

because he's like oh no like the show's coming out I'm in the waiting zone I'm chilling yeah maybe it's the chill zone. The chill zone. Maybe they're like, yeah. Like you've done the work, just sit back and relax and wait for the results to pop off. Yeah. Have faith in yourself. I've just got it. Okay, so you know when you do like your exams at school

and then you're in the summer after you've done the exams and you're getting the results, but you have the best summer of your life because you have no thoughts that zone. Oh, so think of life as a summer holiday, like an endless summer vacation before life is about to get good, good. Yeah.

Yeah. Enjoy that journey. Yeah, I think that is a good way of looking at it. I like that we came to that. Yeah, exactly. I think that's what it is. But yeah, you have to let go of the pressures of being perfect and not starting something or doing something because you don't feel like

you're good enough. You're good enough. Because chances are, you're good. You're capable. Yeah. Just do what needs to be done. Get the work done. And you learn along the way. That's also the thing, you're never gonna be where you started. You don't start your journey and something goes wrong, you're not gonna go back to being at the same spot. No, because you learn from it and you take that lesson and you literally just elevate.

That's what's amazing about mistakes. If you're perfect you don't learn shit because you're already perfect. And no one's perfect. No one's perfect. Becky from the gym is not perfect. I don't know. I'm not perfect. No, neither am I. Like. And it's okay. Yeah and I'm okay with that. Yeah. And I hope you guys are too. I'm kind of okay with it, I'm getting it.