The Break-Up Diet - Watch What He Does. NOT What He Says. He’s Not That Confusing.

Episode Date: April 15, 2026

If you’ve ever said“he does like me… he’s just confused… stressed… busy…”LADIESSS… this episode is for you.This week I’m joined by Yasmine Gould, a life alchemist, and we get into it.Because at what point do we stop listening to what he’s sayingand start paying attention to what he’s actually doing?Be honest — how many times have you sat there over-analysing a text, rereading messages, making excuses for someone… when deep down you already knew something wasn’t right?We talk about why you keep ending up in the same situations, why you ignore red flags when you know they’re there, and why someone can tell you everything you want to hear… but still not show up for you.LADIESSS — actions speak louder than words.And if he’s showing you something… believe it.We get into patterns, self-sabotage, and that uncomfortable truth no one wants to admit:you’re not confused… you’re just not ready to accept what you’re seeing.Because if he actually wanted you — you wouldn’t feel like this.It’s giving mixed signals, bare minimum, and convincing yourself it’s enough when it’s really not.A little bit of a wake-up call, a little bit too relatable… and probably exactly what you needed to hear.If you’ve ever ignored what’s right in front of you just to keep someone around…go on, press play. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi everyone. Before we get into this episode, could you please subscribe, follow the breakup diet. It really means the world and it means I get to keep making these episodes. So if you could please do that, I would be forever grateful and I hope you enjoy it. Welcome back to another episode of the breakup diet. Today I have a very special guest on, another Yasmin, Yasmin Gould. And we're both tourists too. I know. What are the chances? And what do you do? Tell me about yourself. I think of myself as an alchemist rather than a coach. And I essentially teach people how to use their emotional compass.

So we obviously experience a very wide variety of emotions. And we seem to live in a society that programs us and manipulates us to avoid feeling the uncomfortable ones. And actually they're really important information for us on how to make changes and movements in our life? Like heartbreak. Absolutely like heartbreak. That would be. I think it's one of the most profound ones for, I mean, we've all experienced it at some point in our life or another and sometimes it doesn't look like the stereotypical romantic sense. Some people are heartbroken by their parents or their children. And so I

think really essentially what I do is I teach people how to use their trauma, their pain, their uncomfortable experiences, not only to their advantage, but I literally teach them how it's a catalyst and a vehicle to the highest version of yourself. Buckle up, bitches. It's going to get bumpy. This is the breakup diet. And how did you get into that? Because most people obviously don't want to sit in it.

Like in general, like you don't want to sit in pain. Like, is it anything that you just like, we're like, okay, I actually want to try help people? Yeah, I think it was a really gradual unfolding. So, I mean, now I'm in my 30s. And from a very young age, this is going to sound so cliche. I knew I was different. We're all different.

I don't want it to sound narcissistic. That's not how I mean it. What I mean is I didn't quite fit in. I was quite unusual. I was always a truth seeker from the age of four. You know, it didn't really add up to me the whole like Santa Claus story. And so I just kept picking and picking and picking and picking the details of just. And then I went to school and told everybody once I'd found out that Santa Claus wasn't real.

I was like, everybody, this is like the adults are trying to get us. to do things in order for Christmas presents, Santa Claus isn't real. Okay. And I think that that has been, like I said, a theme throughout my life, like the seeking of uncovering and like going deeper. Continually going deeper, yeah, absolutely. And ironically, my birth chart massively lends very well to this. I think that some of us are born to really explore and build certain things in life.

Some people are born to build AI and further the planet in certain. ways to do with technology and other people are supposed to do that with food and agriculture. And for me, it was very clear from a very young age that not everybody was suffering in the same way. And I grew up with a single mom that was a teacher. And so one thing that I think my mom did really, really well was that there was never any conversation that was off the table. So I could ask my mom anything at any age. And she was very good at giving me age-appropriate answers for really big topics. So my mum, being a teacher,

I was asking her about things like child psychology and child abuse from a very young age. And I was asking a lot of questions about all sorts of things. And I wanted to know, well, why are some people abusive and why do some people get abused? And why do some people get treated like this and other people never get treated like that?

Like, what is that about? I was reading and researching psychology and human behaviour before I even really knew what that was. Sometimes even now I have clients that are therapists and psychologists and they say to me, you know, I've got more on paper education than you, but I don't get it the way you get it. Why? And really, I think that the answer to that is because I've learned it and embodied it from such a young age, you know, so from the age of maybe five or six, really, I was asking a lot of questions about human behaviour and then throwing myself into studying. As soon as the internet came around, it was, I needed to know why. Like, why do certain people do this? Why does this happen to certain people? what's the root cause. And not just the study of it, but then I started to look at the patterns around me,

the patterns of behaviour, patterns of experience. That came a little bit later. That wasn't happening when I was like five or six. And see, I just started to pay attention to patterns and I think I threw myself

into every sort of healing modality once I realized, hold on a minute. There's a lot of things that seem to keep coming my way, but nobody else that I know around my age is having any type of experience

that's similar to this. And so then I started to look at what was I doing? What have I adopted? What am I doing that invites this? What is this? What would you do for somebody that doesn't, isn't like self-aware or doesn't really realize that they're living in this pattern of like basically self-sabotage? Well, I mean, hindsight's a beautiful thing, right? And so I think one of the reasons that we work with a coach, a therapist, whoever, is because we will have blind spots, all of us, myself included, every single therapist. There's nobody on this planet that sees themselves completely clearly. It's not possible because we have a human ego.

working with somebody that can point out your patterns to you is really important. So one of the things that I get a lot of feedback for from clients and from friends is that my ability to, I can hear a scenario and I can slice through it in seconds. So it's like, I can hear a scenario of what's gone down and what somebody said. I can be like, oh, well, they feel like this. And it's very obvious to me. And I'm sure there's, you know, many other sort of therapist types of people that can do the same too.

It's very clear when you understand human, like human behaviour. is a language. And even when you look at language in itself, if you think about the word dis-ease, this is an example I use a lot of dis-ease, a body that is not at ease. Disease doesn't exist in easy bodies. Bodies that feel healthy,

that feel taken care of, humans that are happy. Disease is not common there. I've never thought of that. Sorry, I'm like, wow. This is how my brain works. I'm always looking at the nuances and everything. And it's just natural. I don't do it on purpose.

I'm not, I don't have to switch it on. This is just how I am. You know, I can be walking down the street and I'll instantly know if there's like danger, you know. I'm just hyper aware and hyper alert. And I would say that's probably a trauma response. Like I grew up in a household where I was sort of like walking on eggshells all the time in constant fight or flight, probably from the age of about 6 to 16.

It was constant fight or flight in my household. And then the fight or flight continued after that too. And so I think that that hyperfixation and hyper awareness is probably just a trauma response. but there's lots of people that've got trauma responses that've changed the world in a very positive way, so I'm not upset about it. But to go back to your question, what would I do for a client? If I'm working with somebody and we're trying, and I'm, what, let's say I can see something that they can't see yet. You just facilitate your questions to get them to look at the thing that they're not seeing.

And sometimes they're not ready to see it. So one of the things that I notice, when a lot of people sort of, they begin their spiritual awakening journey, as people call it, where I personally just look at it as you're reaching new layers of consciousness. And that's what a life alchemist does. I don't know. I've never met somebody else that calls themselves a life alchemist. I just feel like I'm not a coach and I'm not a therapist. I teach you how to transform.

I teach you how to take what is uncomfortable and turn it into your power. And that is alchemy. So I don't know what else to call it. I don't want to be considered a coach. I don't think I coach people. You could maybe say a mentor. I don't necessarily know that I'm a therapist either. I'm someone that if you,

were trying to heal something in your life, I've done nearly every healing modality on the planet to excess. So if you want some shortcuts, I'm going to definitely be able to nudge you in the right direction. There's very little that I can't work with because I focus on energetic patterns rather than specific things, but let's say someone's in, you know, the thick of addiction. I wouldn't necessarily be the only person to help. You would need a whole team of people to help somebody that is at that level of disease, you know? Yeah, it depends where you're I work with a lot of people that are going through like significant changes in their life or they're somewhere further down the spiritual awakening journey, you know,

like they've already had a little bit of an introduction to pain transforming them. I work with a lot of people that are going through things like big breakups, divorces, their whole life changes, you know, like maybe they're living one place in a house and then they lose their job and they find out that, I don't know, their partners cheat on them and they're going to have to leave or, you know, whatever it may be. I'm the sort of person that I'm going to come along and I'm going to hold your hand through that and we're going to make it the best chapter of your life. I'm going to show you exactly how

to take that pain and turn it into absolute gold. And I'm not going to do that by giving you any pills or by taking away your pain. But I'm going to teach you and facilitate it, make it easier for you to sit in it and pay attention to it. And then I'm going to teach you how to understand what it's saying to you. Like you did stuff with astrology, you did plant medicine. You do, sorry, not dead. Obviously, patterns and drama. Yeah. Yeah. Is those like the main, the main? There's nothing that I don't really work with.

So it just depends what I'm very honest about. If somebody comes to me and I don't think that I can get the best for them, I'll refer them to somebody else that's got a better suited skill set. Because my skill set is unique and unusual, but also quite broad. And you know, sometimes also it's just not quite like a personality match as well. Like sometimes it's that like maybe they're a guy and there's certain guy things that they need to speak about that I won't be able to help me with simply because I'm not a guy. And that's okay.

I listen to wherever they're at. And wherever they're at, it's, it's just instinctive. I just know what to do with them. It's kind of like a hard thing to explain, I guess. But it depends what they come with. You know, let's say I've got somebody that's stuck in a relationship and they've been in the relationship for a really long time and they don't know whether they should stay in this relationship or not.

Well, if you've been together with somebody for nine years, that's a long time. There's a lot of things to unpack there. And so for people to identify, like, is this something that can change? Is this something I can be happy with? And a lot of the time people don't know themselves. They've been stuck in a rut for years. And it's like when they got together, that person was perfect for them, but they've changed in ways that are different, and they don't

even know really what they want anymore. So I always bring it back to self. I don't make the other person or anything outside of themselves the problem. We don't make anything the problem. We just look at what do we need to realign inside the person? Because life is really quite simple, but it looks complex. So I have this saying where I say, you know, the universe, she's your co-creator. She's your co-conspirator. And she is whispering to you, and then she's talking to you, and then she's shouting at you and then she's screaming at you and it's up to you how much you want to get screamed at. I used to always be feeling like the universe was shouting and screaming at me. And that's because I didn't listen to her when she whispered and I didn't listen to her when she spoke. So then she had to

give me louder experiences to be like, hello, you keep going in the wrong direction. This is not what you're supposed to be doing. And that's why this is uncomfortable for you. Stop doing that and it will get easier, you know? And the other side of that is the universe she speaks in this language. it's like binary. It's like if I manifest a car that I want, and let's say I want a black Porsche, Kyan, and I want top of the range, everything done to it, and I seem to get one that is top of the range, black,

but it hasn't got anything done to it. That's to say 70 to 80% of my manifestation. That's great. That's a really good manifestation. But if I'd accepted somebody giving me, I don't know, Perjo 306 before that, Well, if I say yes to that, then the universe is not going to give me the thing that I ask for. You see what I mean?

It's like, if I, if I'm in a relationship with somebody that treats me in a way that I don't like and I don't say anything about it, I don't say any boundary and there's no consequence, well, I've said yes to it to the universe. She's going to keep sending me more of it. I try to encourage my clients or people that I work with or anybody I speak to. Don't think about that person did this or that person said that. That part is relevant for sure to think about it in that capacity. But you kind of want to think about it like if the universe was using this human being or this experience or this situation to communicate something to me, what is she trying to say?

And if you keep saying yes to behaviour that you don't like, you're going to get more of it because the universe doesn't understand yes, but. She understands yes, no. So if you say, no, I don't want that thing or no, I don't want that behavior, she'll stop sending it to you because you've made it very clear you don't want it. you're co-conspirating with her. You're making your life with her. So you want to be giving her very clear instructions about what you want, which means your words and your behaviour need to match. Yeah, I actually find that quite hard.

I've had this discussion a few times on this podcast where like, like I know all the things like you in the ideal world, I could be like, oh yeah, I want this, this, this, this. But then I find it hard on putting what I really want and what generally in my soul feels better to take and what I would not take, but what I need, and then stuff that, like, I need but don't need. You know what I mean?

Like, really. I find that hard. So whenever I've, like, thought I'm manifesting, maybe this is completely wrong, but, like, I've tried to feel, like, because what I've heard in general is, like, you feel, you try to feel what you want as well. So, like, say, for example,

the partner that I would want is somebody that's, like, nurturing, supportive, there for me, motivated like you know what I mean like also like inspiring towards me too but I want I know I want those qualities but there's lots of other qualities that I also want but it's like picking which one and then being very clear on those I find hard okay let me give you an exercise to do that I give to a lot of my clients so I want you to create a list and you're going to have a must have's list your compromisables and your deal breakers your compromises you're compromises you're

compromisable should be your biggest list. Your must-haves are things that you cannot go that. So for me, for example, any type of violence, like verbal violence, physical violence is an absolute no-go. We'll not have any type of violence in my house whatsoever. There'll be no screaming, no shouting, no throwing things anywhere. There'll be nothing like that. That's a deal breaker for me. It's absolutely, you could be perfect for me in every other way. But if you do that, I just, I cannot. So on my must-haves, it would be they have to be like a loving and nurturing person in the sense that like animals like being with them, kids like being with them, I could leave my grandma with them, etc. These are must-haves. That's not something I can compromise on. Neither of those things are compromisables. Things like, I would prefer to have a tidy partner. But if you're really messy, but you're super nurturing and loving and kind and all the other things that I want, we can get cleaner. That's not a problem. I can compromise on that. So I want you to come up with a bunch of compromisables and your must-haves and that's going to help you.

Because then when you meet somebody, you're like, oh, that's something I can compromise on, but they've got all the things that I really, really, really want. And all the things that are deal-breakers for me, they don't have. And that's how you fine-tune it, because nobody is going to come ready-made and you will not be really made for anybody. It's an illusion. There's no such thing as the one. The one is you. I think the initial clarity is where I start with a lot of people.

But also, you know, sometimes people come to me when they're on the floor, to survive and I have to build them a lot. I'll have to help build them before we can get down to like some of the more exciting, juicier parts. And it just depends when people find me, I guess. When somebody is like in that really dark, juggling stage, what is something like a day-to-day practice that you could do? Obviously, every single thing is different depending on the situation and what it is. But what is something that like maybe a common thing that you suggest that people do to try to really just depends on, you know, like if I've got someone that's struggling to get out of bed every day and they're like on the edge and they feel like you know

like death i literally we just we give them a to do list every day and it's you get out the bed you throw your duvet back and you let it air you open the window you open the curtains you let some light in you brush your teeth take a shower you change your clothes that detailed that detailed because this is because every time you do a tick on your list it rewires the brain yeah so we make details of just taking care of yourself. Because when you're at a stage in your life where you're so depressed that you wouldn't even mind dying, you can't even be bothered to make yourself food. Like it's so painful that your body and your mind is shut down. The fact that you're able to get up, open a window, air your bed, take a shower, change your clothes and brush your teeth, that's an achievement.

For those people on the edge like that, that's an achievement. And so every day that you're ticking that off, it's like, okay, cool, maybe now today you can put on a load of laundry and you can it. Fantastic. Okay, how do you feel about ordering some food? How do you feel about cooking yourself a meal? How do you feel about putting some berries in a bowl with some fruit and just sitting down and eating that and looking outside? And just, how do you feel about actually leaving the house today? Just depends where you're at, right? And if I've got someone that is, has got three kids and their husbands left them for another woman or their husband found out they were having an affair, depends on the situation. I've got to think about.

the kids. I've got to think about what they need. I've got to think about what she needs or he, depending upon who I'm working with. I've worked predominantly with women, but I have a fair few men that come my way. I really enjoy working with both. I have no real preference. And then, you know, so I have to go through the checklist. I have to think about what they have to think about. And then not only that, but then I'm looking at the outside picture. So if there's been violence before, we don't know how the husband's going to react to her having an affair, what do I need to ask her to help put into place things to their safety? Is there a risk that he could and take the children, is he going to close down bank accounts?

Is she going to have access to finances? So I have to assess the whole situation. Whole umbrella as such. Yes. And I think, like I said to you earlier, my brain, the way it operates, the way it's so, it pays attention to details in ways that I don't really know anybody else that does it. It definitely exists for sure there will be other people that do it. I just don't know anybody else that does it.

It's just my ability to scan and foresee. and recognise human pattern behaviours. I ask a lot of questions. So I'll be on the phone. I'll be like, has your husband ever done this, this, this and this, what's his personality like? I also like to look at the chart as well

because there are certain things that you can see in certain people's charts that can definitely lean in certain directions, right? Is the natal chart the same as the chart? Yeah, birth chart, natal charts. It's the same thing. Okay. And that's just when you're born

and what's happening with like all the planet alignment. So we've got different areas of the sky that are named Ares Torres, Gemini, etc. and where the stars are when you're born, your birth chart, that particular minute that you're born, the way it's captured, that's your birth chart. Okay, okay.

So it just depends what the situation is. Sometimes it's as simple as I've really gone through the divorce, I'm on my way up, but I'd really like to fine-tune this and I want to make sure that I've got really good skills for finding the right person for my next relationship. Or I've had one before where it's like two best friends going to business and then they're really not having a good time.

and they don't like it's been their best friend for 20, 30 years and that relationship's going to come to an end now and they don't know how to maneuver it and it feels very unfair and basically friendship breakup and or a work breakup one well both and also what happens then to the business financial income you know a lot of people think things are separate none of it's separate you know every time we go through anything that is emotionally challenging it's designed to make you evolve so when somebody is speaking to you from a triggered place and they are inviting you to meet them there. You know, like saying horrible things to each other, whether they mean it or not.

Your job is to invite them to meet you back up here and to not go down to that level. Because nobody can make you feel angry that isn't there inside you. Nobody can make you behave in a way that's not you already. So if you're not happy with the way that you're showing up and your answer is, yeah, but they did that first and that made me do that. that's bullshit. What you just said kind of reminded me of how people communicate differently. For example, I've never shouted or anything in a couple.

But then I don't get that angry. Whereas like when somebody get angry at me, my response is I go actually mute. Like I can't speak. And I let it's a weird. So you go to a free state. Yeah. I just don't speak because I know if I speak it's going to make them worse and then it's better to like let them cool off and then talk. Is that me, whether I'm knowingly doing this?

Is that like kind of meeting somebody when they're a bit? That could be a couple of things. So part of that could be, so first of all, let's recognize that women are prey and men are predators. So if you think about traits of prey, like, if you think about rabbits, rabbits of prey, right? What have they got really good hearing? Same with women. Like women naturally are known to be awake for the baby, etc. Men can sleep through it more easy.

Stereotypically, right? women are prey men are predatory so there's an essence of certain things being built into women that we're more likely to run or freeze than fight back in a lot of instances so when somebody is shouting or aggressive or they're triggered that will naturally for a lot of women not all but for a lot of women will naturally trigger you know your fight or flight or freeze responses because fear of abandonment fear of rejection fear of violence has now been activated in your brain It's quite a natural thing for a lot of people, particularly the weaker person and the dynamic, to freeze and to not want to aggravate the situation.

So there's a part of that could be instinct. And a part of that could be an inner knowing. You know, maybe you saw that growing up. Maybe if you saw anybody shout, you'd see the other person be harm and not do anything to further the dynamic in any particular direction. So I mean, I don't know how you grew up. there's a few things that could be going on there and that doesn't make it right or wrong good or bad personally i don't think it's a bad way to be at all to allow the other person to some space and time to

calm down but also sometimes people being quiet can be bad yeah well it can be annoying for the person yeah yeah they do not only get some sort of reaction you know they do not even that doesn't necessarily mean it's a good or a bad thing you know god and do you think all the ways that you react will come down to basically early life a lot of them yeah yeah that's not to say it'll all be the same right like I'm sure we've all heard that story about the alcoholic dad that had two twin sons I don't even know if it's you not heard it it's like there's a man that's an alcoholic he has two twin boys one grows up to be the opposite of what his dad was and one grows up to be just like his dad so it's choices right so you can like I grew up in in a household that was very aggressive and like

I said to you in my early years like there was definitely a streak of aggression in me I definitely wasn't like what I saw, but it was in there for sure. And ironically, there'd be certain things that certain people would do that would make me feel enraged the way that I saw demonstrated to me. And it was only through the work that I did on myself and knowing that I absolutely did not want to be like that, I did not want somebody else to have an experience with me the way that I felt with the people that I was experiencing that with, right?

So it was like, I know that I don't ever want to make anybody else feel like that, ever. So then that was when there'd be certain moments where I'd catch myself behaving in a certain way. And I'd be like, this reminds me of what, that person that does this to me, what this, I'm being like them. I don't want to be like them. So it was a conscious choice and decision to then realize, okay, well, how do I fix this? Because this isn't normal. It had to come from you wanting to do that too. Absolutely.

Like you can't, you can't take account to the wool, so you can't make them drink. Yeah. And so, you know, this is why I always say the behaviour and the words have to match up. So like, I get so many women come my way and they just don't understand the male brain. And it's like that, you know, they'll be seeing a guy on and off for a long time and the guy's not consistent. But when they're together, they have an amazing time and they can't work it out. And it's like, listen, somebody's behavior tells you everything that you need to know. The words are cheap.

Like, forget any text they've ever sent you. Forget any word they've ever said to you and look at what they do for you. Are they there for you when it's inconvenient for them? Because a man that loves you will be there for you when it's inconvenient for them. It's that simple. They will prioritise you. Like it's really that simple. Rain or shine.

Money, no money. Makes no difference. Yeah. Makes no difference. If a man wants you, you will know about it. It is that simple. And it's just like a lot of people really grasp that. They get lost in the details.

But again, if you know about human behaviour, is it's like if somebody comes in here right now with the winning lottery ticket numbers in German I don't speak German so it'd be useless to me so if you don't speak the language of human behavior and psychology you'll think you know and you'll spend months wondering about something or someone and then one day you realize something about human behavior and psychology and you're like oh my god that makes sense yeah yeah and so I just spent my whole life doing that to offer you guys shortcuts so that you didn't have to I love that I think that's the best way to end this one because that is the best. If you need a little cheat code, over to Yasmin.