The Break-Up Diet - You Don’t Even Like Him… You Just Want to Be Picked. ft Alice Potts

Episode Date: March 19, 2026

If you’ve ever been obsessed with a guy who’s giving you the bare minimum…this episode might be a little bit of a wake-up call.Because sometimes it’s not that you actually like him.You just like the feeling of being chosen.This week I’m joined by Alice Potts, former London matchmaker turned dating coach helping women avoid the wrong men and finally build secure relationships, and we get very honest about what’s really going on in modern dating.We talk about why so many of us end up chasing men who aren’t choosing us properly, why “confusion” is usually a red flag (sorry), and how easy it is to mistake attention for something deeper. Because let’s be real… if he liked you, you’d know. And if you’re overthinking it, that probably tells you everything.We get into the patterns that keep you stuck, why you keep wanting the ones who don’t want you back, and how dating apps have completely warped the way we connect. And also… the slightly uncomfortable truth that a lot of the time, we’re not actually dating for love — we’re dating for validation.This is the kind of conversation you have with your friends after a glass (or three) of wine, where everything suddenly clicks and you’re like “wait… why have I never thought about it like this?”Because we’ve all had that situation where deep down we knew it wasn’t right… but stayed anyway. Overthinking every message, analysing every little bit of attention, and convincing ourselves it meant more than it actually did.If you’ve ever found yourself chasing, confused, or asking your friends “why do I keep doing this?” when it comes to men…this episode is for you.And if you’re ready to actually break those patterns, Alice offers 1:1 mentoring sessions to help you avoid the wrong men and build secure, healthy relationships. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

But I want him to like me, I want him to like me. And I'm like, do you like him, though? Exactly. Do you even like him? Yeah. And a lot of the time they're not. Would you want him to just like you? Yeah.

And a lot of the time, they actually don't even like them. They just want them to want them. You just want to be picked. Yeah. Yeah. Buckle up, bitches. It's going to get bumpy. This is the breakup diet.

Welcome back to another episode of the breakup diet. Today I have a very exciting guest on, Alice Potts, who is an ex matchmaker and now a dating coach. Yeah. dating right now is not it like i don't think it's it's it's not it's tough and i'm hearing this a lot has it ever been it though i think it has there's a lot of things have really changed and i think it's got harder but there's just an abundance of people think there are options and i don't think there are yeah i you know i used to have this exact disagreement with my ex yeah is i was like it's so hard to date in general because i was like to actually find somebody that's good looking that

you think's good looking, and all the values that you want and you have fun with. Yes, it's hard. Although I think in a way it's gone the other way where people are too picky now. There's no perfect person at all, but at least if you find somebody who's got like the core ingredients, then, you know, I think a big problem I find that people come to me with this. They're waiting for the finished article. And that's never really the case. As long as somebody is showing like really good traits, that good values and something that

you can actually like work with, then no one is going to be perfect as soon as you see them. So as long as like, you know, they're showing up well, they're kind, they align with what you want, then that should be good enough, but people are looking for perfection. Yeah. And I think that combined with this idea that there's just so many options because of apps and, you know, you can swipe if one thing isn't quite right. Yeah, or you get bored and or they take too long to reply and then it goes down and you're like not, Yeah.

No one sticks to anything anymore. Like, I don't think people give things a go. If one little it crops up, then it's like, okay, cool, I can swipe onto the next. Yeah. You know, people don't give it a go. A relationship I always find is made. It's not that you just find it. Yeah, you like grow together, don't you?

Totally, yeah. But then how do you know what you really, really value, like, the most, most important? Because I actually find that hard to know myself. Like, I think there's, like, things that I obviously can be like, yeah, 100% I want that. But then there's some that I'm like, do I put that in more than something else? Or you know what I mean? Yeah, 100%. I think as long as you are those things, first and foremost, then you should start attracting

those things. I always say to clients that come to me, it's like, okay, what do you value? And what things are like that you think of good values that you carry, then look for those in the other person. So for instance, if, you know, family life and wanting to settle down and start a family is important to you, find the person who also wants to do that. but in the same time frame as you I think people find someone who's potentially good

but they don't want these things for five plus years so like a huge like tip or like an easy thing to do is just find the guy who is on that same timeline as you and not just someone that you have to coerce or manipulate or change to think the same way you do basically how would you do that though like when you're first starting to date somebody

because I could imagine that for example I'm just thinking about like a stereotypical thing Like if a woman went on to a first date or two dates in or something, like early on and was like, I want kids like now, now, now. I feel like a lot of men, maybe this is me being like a stereotype, would probably be like, woo. No, 100%. Yeah, that's obviously going to freak anybody out.

Like, on a first date, I think there's ways of gauging how kind of serious somebody is quite early on. And it's not necessarily saying, I want these things with you. It's saying this is kind of what I'm looking at. looking for in general in general so it takes the pressure off them thinking god i've got to fulfill this role right now yeah and you know this person might not be right at all come date three but the key is to you have to be honest and you have to be open with this is this is why i'm dating this is this is i'm not here you know for a laugh like i i'm i'm here because i value family and eventually would love to find the one but take the onus of them yeah so it's less like the

pressure is them to fill it yeah it's like it might not be with you but this is where i'm at Yeah, okay, that makes sense. Yeah. So when you're on Matchmaker, what does that actually meet? Did you work for a company or did you do it independently? Or how does, and how did you come into doing that? Yeah, it's a funny one because it's not like a traditional role. Yeah.

So Matchmaker is essentially, so we work for a dating agency. So it's not like a hinge. It's not like an app. It's quite traditional in the sense that it's an introduction agency. So it's kind of like a membership. You have men and women who join. They typically join with. a fee and then we match everybody who is in that pool of people. Do people still do that?

Because to be honest, like that, I've, like, I've seen that in movies, you know what I mean? I think there's like some old rom-coms that that happens, but I've never in my life heard of somebody doing it. Yeah. Like, is that weird to say or like, am I just? No, and I think that's quite a normal idea. Like, people think it is quite archaic. Like, I've worked in two agencies in London. One was really quite old school. And, very traditional in the sense that we didn't even show photos. So they were going completely blind. And sort of the premise was that obviously it should be based on values

and what you both are looking for and not disappearance. And I've worked in one, it's a bit more modern and up today. And I think more appealing to maybe like a younger audience. Did you, when you, with the first one that you didn't see, they didn't see photos of each other? Did the matchmakers see photos of the two people? Yes.

Okay. Yeah. So we would obviously know what they looked like because we'd interview everybody who came in. and you know typically the men would be a bit like oh you know I'm not going to be able to find you attractive how will I know what she looks like so that would be a bit more of a trickier one where women were a bit more open-minded um so yeah I think typically how it would work is yeah everyone would be a member and we'd assign them another member sometimes we would go out and headhunt so we

would go to events or networking dues and have a specific client that we had in mind that we'd match them with. Okay. So then you just go in and you're like, are you single? You want to come? Kind of, yeah, a little bit. And we'd also have scouts that would kind of be around London or who would be out a lot and be like, oh, I work for this agency. Would you be interested in sort of joining and letting them know about it? Or I have a great client for you in particular. I think you'd be a nice match if you're single,

obviously. Oh my gosh. Is that actually so like a movie? I didn't know that that actually was like a proper, proper thing. Yeah. How do you match people? Like how, what do you really, besides just like maybe like basic values. Yeah. How do you know if somebody's a really good match or you think they would be? Um, we base it. Yeah, we would base it on values. So someone would come to us or we'd interview them and say, okay, for example, how do you spend your typical Sunday? So it wouldn't only just be values. It would be lifestyle matching. Like how do people, um, you know, spend their free time? How do they spend their money? What do they? like doing. So you say for instance someone enjoys more of the finer things in life and enjoys luxurious hotels and nice restaurants, that isn't going to match someone who's incredibly

frugal and doesn't like spending their money in that way. So I always sort of like coin it as finding two people who think a life well lived is similar. So how they spend their time and money is really important and sometimes it can be overlooked. So yeah, we base it on lifestyle. You don't have to necessarily have the same interests, but similar. interests and kind of just two people who are looking for the same thing in life and typically at the same time. This just pops my head because I did actually watch a movie. Yeah. Is it materialist or something like this? That's... Oh yes. It was quite recent this film. Yeah. How do you... So this just made a question. So sorry, I'm putting you on the spot.

Sure. How do you know the person that's turning up is actually like a good person and they're not just putting on a character? Is there any like vetting that has to go on? Yeah, it's a good question. and a lot of people do ask this. We have a lot of referrals, so a lot of people that would come to us would be someone who knew a member previously and has come well recommended. So there's typically that, it's word of mouth, quite a lot.

But I think because we've done it for so many years and matchmaking team, a very experience and understanding, you know, what someone's about. We obviously have sort of questionnaires and stuff that people have to fill in prior. We have to make sure, you know, people are single and hopefully people aren't lying.

Yeah. With a strong emotional intelligence or you kind of pick up if someone's being genuine. And sort of any flag that we see on a date that we send with the client that is a bit fishy, we would, you know, we would cut them immediately. Fair. Yeah. Yeah, because that was a big thing of that movie where it was like they just felt like that was a genuine person and then he was a weirdo.

Yeah, yeah, it's like catfish. I know. And then you feel bad because you're the one that set them up. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, totally. guilty and like, because you know what I mean? You've thought and then... 100%.

100%. It's putting a lot of trust in people to be like, you know, but then, you know, people could argue, well, I'm meeting strangers off apps. Yeah. But, and you don't know who people are like. But I think what people liked about the agency side of things, it cuts that middleman out. So someone has met these people. They've made sure they're okay and who they say they are.

And I think for a lot of people, that gives them a bit more sort of reassurance. What age graphic is it normally, really? Oh my gosh. So, so, well. wide so like I think my youngest client was probably like mid-twenties and I think we matched someone like in their 80s yeah not together yeah I was gonna say but yeah I mean it would be very very broad yeah oh my gosh still find love at 80 yeah you can you can what would you do if you didn't have anyone for someone that would typically a bit be a bit more hard and what would you say as well to the person that's like

come in like so hopeful to find love and like also they're probably maybe this is me being like naive thinking but like if you're going to a dating at a like dating agency you probably exhausted some other avenues maybe before sure this is kind of like your last hope yeah it can be a little bit for some people 100% and they need that helping hand I think this is kind of where I wanted to sort of start leaning out of it and go more into coaching is I did see there were flaws in the model 100% yeah You know, in the sense that the people that we were necessarily having on our books weren't really anybody that you can find, like, yourself or on an app necessarily. So, you know, there was that element.

But I think we typically wouldn't take somebody on if we were like, this person is like unmatchable. Like no one is unmatchable, but if we thought this is going to be incredibly hard or we haven't got people already, it's typically when we'd interview them, we think, oh, this person could be great. the cog's already going when you're talking to them and if we thought I don't think there's anyone here we typically wouldn't bring them on because it would be a waste of time because otherwise they're sitting on a database at such

waiting for just somebody to join and it can be a long time so typically we wouldn't sign somebody up if we thought we haven't really got anything suitable okay that's good and then yeah because otherwise it would just feel like they were wasting money like not totally and just waiting and it's like I've not been something on a date here

and it wasn't cheap right yeah yeah yeah Okay, so now you do dating, like coaching. Yes, yeah. What does that entail? How is that different? So you're just like, people are just, you're not matching anyone. You're just talking about dating in general. Typically, yes.

So moved away from the matchmaking because that was more just putting people in front of one another or at least like, you know, setting up a date. But what I was finding was that that's all very well. But it wasn't, people weren't really struggling to meet people as such. They were more struggling with the whole process. and be like how to be on a day, how to be after a day. And that was what I found a lot of people needed more help hand with. So now I do more coaching.

It's very, very one-on-one. So we talk specifically about their problems. So I will kind of guide them through if they're talking to someone really early stages. And they're like, you know, not sure how to, if this guy's good, is there really red flags, we kind of guide them through that. And typically I work with a lot of people as well who have had slightly more, I use it loosely, but more toxic relationships or bad relationships, and now they're moving into more healthier ones.

Often that in itself can bring up a whole host of problems because you're just not used to someone good. Yeah. And then you think the worse all the time, I feel, because you're used to it, or you're always, like, second-guessing everything. Yes, yeah, 100%. So it's very much, it's people who are just really stuck within dating, who are just not finding results.

And it can be, you know, I can tailor it. towards like helping people on apps like just to set your profile up better how to get better quality swipes and also just how to be on dates itself so it's kind of a it's an end-to-end process it's quite like weird with dating the apps as like different ones i went on here for like a week and i deleted it because i'm sorry but men are too horny on there that it's like aggressive it was like i was like i'm deleting this because it's actually aggressive really on hinge yes i find i'm hearing like fields like pretty racy for that What's that?

Feels. I've never heard of that. Have you not? I've only, I've only, I've only, I've only been on Raya and Hinge. Raya, no one talks to each other or they talk. Ryan useless. Yeah, they say, hey, then they don't say, then you say hey, and then it's like dead again. It's like, what happened?

Raya, Raya, Raya, I've, I had it for years and then it was just, it was too, too good to be true. Like, these people, like, do they actually exist? And everyone's traveling. No one ever stays put. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah. that that was just a no man's lad i'm paying like 20 quid i think it is fun for traveling though because then you can see where people are and like it's like yeah all these wonderful places

i'm like oh i could live in new york so why are i stalking you i could live in the york and then also there's a lot of pressure i feel like to be funny but then also you don't want to be cringe because they have all those prompts the prompts the prompts are the prompts the prompts are cringy yeah and i and am i funny to the girls but not funny to the boys that's what i always think like mine were very much so like break up diet coded so it was like i was like maybe this isn't the correct thing to be going in with like it's hard it's hard to strike the balance of not being naff but like you know not being boring it's tricky it's tricky yeah i know the prompts are cringy but i always find if someone's profile is like a bit too curated yeah particularly for a guy i'm like you've put too much into

this you should be busy doing other stuff like why are you not a work like yeah this is the this is the thing isn't it But then on the flip side, somebody's like, ugh, like these profiles so, like, gross too. Like, it's like a fine line. No one can win. No. Yeah.

I think meeting people in person is so much better. But then obviously, if you're not on these apps, you feel like almost you're missing out. Or the potential of meeting someone, I think. 100%. And I think it's just another avenue. It's just another way. Like, you know, think of it.

It's just like, you're living your life and you're still meeting people, but it just opens more doors. It just creates more opportunity. And I think use the right way. I mean, I met my partner on Hinge. So, you know, I'm all for it. This is why I went on it because I heard so many people. I've heard like, like 10 plus people that are all in like really good relationships with like decent men.

Yeah, yeah. And it's all on Hinge. Yeah, yeah. That was not my experience of that one week. I had to delete her because it was so aggressive. We need to look at what's going on there. But I bet you can have some quality matches on there and there's no doubt about it. There wasn't.

Hinge is hard, it's hit and miss, I think it's not maybe as good it used to be or like, what I hear a lot as is like people are not going out on dates as much. Like 10, 5, like 5, 6 years ago rather, people would be out like twice a week. I think dates were happening. And now, I don't know, it could be with the economy as well,

people have got the money to do it. Yeah. Like, it's expensive. Yeah. But, you know, for guys to be taking somebody, a girl out, you know, twice a week. Yeah, it's not cheap. It's a lot.

So I think people are more picky with who they choose. and yeah people are just not getting in front of people enough how do we fix that there's hope there's still hope you've still got to you've still got to use the apps you've just got to do I always say when people say where on earth can I meet people organically I often just recommend do your life anyway but just do it in a social way I know people use the gym and fitness a lot but if you are into that okay maybe not it's a that is a danger zone the gym is a danger zone because then if it doesn't work out you're just like running into them sweaty and no makeup.

True. True. A hundred percent. I agree. Gym, no. But then maybe go to a class. It just gives someone a chance to speak to you. When you're sweating on a gym floor,

but the same people that you see every day and no one's cute, that's a no man's land. But if you then try a new class, it's like someone may just strike up a conversation afterwards. You never know. So it's not about completely curating your life to meet a man. It's doing stuff you like, but just be around new people.

Yeah, that does make sense. I do get it. I do get it. I've had the reason I say no gyms is because I've had two experiences. One of them is somebody came up to me on a night out being like, you go to the gym and I was like, oh yeah. I had no makeup in the gym and I like run at 6 a.m. I'm like, okay.

And now obviously I'm like full makeup on it and night out, you know? And then this other person was like, I barely recognized you. So I was like instantly humbled. I was like, great. But they wasn't recognized. you but then they were like oh yeah i barely recognize you i was like okay charming thanks i know i barely recognize myself in the morning too thanks yeah okay fine jim's out where else could you meet them a lot of people say always like in pubs or something but then i feel like i don't know if i'm that

quite hard too i agree you know i i used to do the trawling of the pubs and the clubs and it's like yeah you may meet someone but no one's approaching that much you stay within your group group, like, is there much mingling? At the point you're mingling, you're probably all pretty drunk and it's late, and it's like, you're probably making bad decisions. Like, pubs and clubs, it's a bit on the out. Yeah. I think it's friends of friends, and something I've actually met some brilliant people who not necessarily have turned into romantic connections, but through new girlfriends. And I think people sleep on that. It's like, don't just, you know, meet friends, but actually, new girlfriends have got groups of guys that you don't know. And friends

of friends and best guy mates who, you know, you could be set up with. Yeah. So like, I've met a lot of new people through their own circles, which is great. And don't be shy to ask people to set you up. I was like, you javica. I was like, who do you know that's single? Introduce me. I only just started doing that because my friend was like, you have to be more proactive.

And I was like, okay, fine. It is a big. I was like, set me up then. I'm like, please. Yeah, everyone knows someone. Sometimes they're like, oh, maybe it's rude if I set them up. You've got to ask. Yeah. Yeah. And also if they're not like really, really close friends and it's not going to be awkward.

No, exactly. Then it's like great. So yeah. I've got something great, you know, 100%. I'm already thinking of a couple people. And so also I saw on your TikTok that you said that before you dated like unemotional. I can never say this. Unemotionally. Emotionally unavailable. Emotionally unavailable man. And I want to ask you about like how to spot those signs because there was a lot of them out there. Oh gosh. Yeah. 100% 100%. It was a long winded lesson for sure. And, you know, people typically say if you are emotionally unavailable yourself to some degree you're going to be attracting the same people. And that was quite hard to work out because I always thought I was, you know, really readily available for relationship. As soon as I met the right one, like it would be easy. But actually something,

there's always a blockage. There's always something that you kind of need to work on. So for a long time, yeah, it was 100% dating avoidance and don't know why I was attracted to them. Now, sort of coming out of it and on the other side and, you know, dating someone incredibly healthy and it's secure and it's a different relationship entirely. Yeah. It's like night and day.

I would say like the biggest things would be ignore all the noise and all the fluff and only concentrate on is he consistently seeing you like over time? And that means like, you know, actually setting up dates and getting in front of one another. this is not, he's calling you every day, ignore that. If he's texting you every day, that can go nowhere.

If he's buying you gifts, if he's sending you pictures of what he's having for lunch in the office every day, no one cares. It means nothing. But people think, oh, you know, because he's in contact and we speak all the time, then it's going to go somewhere. Not really. Yeah. You have to be savvy. People just can dribble and dribble and dribble and dribble and dribble and it goes nowhere. Yeah.

So as I say, ignore everything, buying gifts, introducing to friends and family. Like, it doesn't, who cares? Like I've had, I've gone holidays with guys within like pretty much a month and it's gone nowhere. It doesn't mean commitment. The only thing you should focus on is are they consistently seeing you over a long period of time and always showing up? What if you knew somebody that was like they did show up? But then when it actually became serious of a relationship, more serious and things could like turn into being like actually more serious, not just. just boyfriend girlfriend

sure but like I don't know you live together or you're more like a partner okay then they bold then they then it shows so you're actually in a relationship so you are going out but then like commitment in terms of say what you're like moving in or conversations of that happen or like real commitment of like deeper things than not just surface not surface level because there was

there's like deep conversations and you're like together but you as a partner don't really feel like they're 100% there and then as soon as things get like more serious where like you're together maybe three years or two years and you might end up like living together that would be like an automatic next step you feel like you can't ask them or you feel like you feel like it's wrong too because you know what I mean you're going to scare them off so that that to me also screams like they're unavoidable totally yeah you're totally unavailable. Unavoid it avoid it. Avoid it. You know, but they were turning up at the start is what my, because I've seen this happen.

Yeah, and you're completely right. You can be like emotionally unavailable within relationship as well. And that's like even more crushing because you almost live with that every day, but you will never be fully fulfilled yourself. Yeah. And that's hard because on the surface, this guy, you know, he's committed to me. He wants to be with me, but I'm missing something. You will always feel like a sinking feeling of like you're not fully there. and you can't really count on them.

Like you don't feel like if something really, like, okay, maybe if something like kind of general went wrong, okay, but more like really, really wrong, they would be there or you would want to call them. Totally. When you were dating before and you were a matchmaker, did you ever feel like if you weren't in a relationship that you weren't good at your job?

Yeah, it's a good point. Sorry, I know I'm jumping back and I just sort of it. No, no, it's a good point. Well, certainly, I mean, I was, when I was in one agency, you're single 100% I think people typically don't know if you are or not so like yeah I wouldn't say too much about my personal life

no it can also just be necessarily like a time it hadn't found my person at that time but I know what's good you know I can see it on paper what's good for other people type thing yeah no I agree like I don't think I don't think just because if you're a matchmaker you have to have a person no but I get it of course but I feel like a lot of people would be like well you're not married yeah it's like

Isn't it? I feel like I've seen this in movies too Like when I was younger about like marriage counsellors and stuff And they're not, if you're not married, they're like, well, how do you know? How do you know? Well, truthly, yeah, you think, why am I taking advice off you? Yeah. I know, it's true, it's a point.

My gosh. And with, like, dating now, what are some tips? I need to know the tips for myself, you know? Yeah, yeah. Some tips on how to like be good at dating, maybe? Also, this just pops my head too. is you said in a TikTok that you have to date multiple at the start. Yes, yes.

That, to me, it's just, number one, how are people not getting caught? Because I feel like London, like, although it's big, it's small. People know a lot of each other. Yeah, yeah. Especially, like, if you're dating in kind of small-dish pools. Like, that's hard. Also, there's so much, like, if they saw you on a date

and there's somebody else knew about it, like, 100% I reckon one of the boys would pie you off for sure, straight away. Yeah, if you got spotted, like on a day. Look, it happens, I'm sure. But I would say multiple dating is key. And there's two reasons for it, really. I think not only does, say for instance, you're dating someone and you kind of like them and it's going well, for the first point, it takes that person off a pedestal.

So you're not just so focused on one person or if he's going to text you, or you're waiting for a text back and you're, you know, you're betting on one person. It takes them off the pedestal and it just relaxes the situation a little bit. Yeah. you have options. Yeah. And secondly, it gives you, you know, this is early, early dating, but it gives you a chance to, not to be clinical, but to compare and contrast, to know what you like,

to know, oh, I quite like this about this person, he's got this trait I'm not too keen on. It puts you in that, like, abundant mindset. So you're not like the one being picked, you're choosing. And I think as soon as you change that narrative, you show up better on dates massively. So I think, yeah, you get to see what you like. It doesn't mean you have to be sleeping with them all necessarily.

I think you also don't owe anybody anything super early on. Women are so loyal, so early on. And let me tell you, I'm a matchmaker, men are not, okay? Men will keep their options open. Yeah, fair. So, like, oh no, I've gone on one really good date. Like, I couldn't date at someone else. Why?

Yeah, that's me. Men are. Literally, men are, let me tell you. That is so me. Yeah, don't be loyal early on. Okay, you've heard it here first. Watch out. The streets of London.

Yaz is coming. We're respectful, but, I mean, Very early on, like, you know, someone has to earn their right for your commitment and your exclusivity. And unless they're showing up impeccably, shop around. Yeah.

My friend always says that, this is funny, on Raya, she's like, go shopping. I'm like, what do you mean, go shopping?

She's like, go shopping. I did like, on Raya or the men. That is great. Well, it is a bit like that. It is a bit. Like,

you have to strategise a bit. And she says, she also, the same girl says, about having multiple. And I'm like, no, that's too stressful. It is stressful. It is hard. Particularly when you like something, you're like,

no, I just want to concentrate on that. I've got enough going on rather than dating five people. With work as well and then finding their time to like, you know, especially like going on dates, you want to look nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot of work. It's a second job, 100%. And also, like, there's a lot of, not every time you have to drink,

but there is like a lot of the time, like I feel like there's a lot of drinking. Whenever I've gone on dates, like, you end up drinking a lot, and then you're like, oh. No, I agree. London dating, yeah. It's, you know, I've tried the whole, like, oh, we'll just have two drinks. It's not, like, nearly turns it into a full-blown night out sometimes. Yeah.

I'm doing this three times a week. Yeah. I know what you mean. It's hard, but I think it's more just keeping that mindset of, I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket. I'm going to choose, and this decision's a big decision to make, until someone is really wanting to commit just to me and they vocalise that. Don't be loyal. Yeah. Too early.

I actually really like what you just said we're saying that you choose. Totally. Because I do, you do see that a lot, that the girls are. always like, but I want him to like me, I want him to like me. And I'm like, do you like him? Exactly. Do you even like him? Yeah. And a lot of the time they're not. Would you want him to just like you? Yeah. And a lot of the time, you actually don't even like them. They just want them to want them. You just want to be picked. Yeah. Yeah. I always think of this like analogy, like you can show up. Two different dates, two different guys, consecutive nights. You can have the same hair, the same makeup, same

outfit, saying the same stories. And one guy will literally think you're great. And the second guy would be like, absolutely not for me. But you've not done anything differently. It's so subjective. dating so whenever there's a rejection or someone's like I don't want to see you again you just think cool it's not personal yeah as soon as you don't take it personal then it's much easier to deal with so you don't need to ever change yourself yeah it's like that thing that people say about X is like there isn't really X if you like someone because like the it doesn't get you like it won't like stop like you might be like oh that's a bit weird or like I wouldn't but that it's not like uh-uh uh you know oh the

I have a thing with the ick. I like, I don't think the ick's real. No, I don't think so either. No, I genuinely think the ick is literally like, it's the defence mechanism and I think it's just your body's way of going, oh, let's find faults, let's run, any excuse

to get out if someone's nice. Because I'm, it's funny, I'm having this with a girlfriend of mine at the moment. She's newly dating someone, really nice chap, and I'm like, go for it. Like, he's really nice guy, you know, showing all the green flags. And she's oh no, I'm getting.

the ick, I'm getting the ick, and I'm like, no, no, this is just because you're used to absolute assholes and someone actually liking you, you've gone into panic mode. Yeah. So I think that is a huge, huge thing I actually say, not only to friends, but to clients, it's like push through the ick. Because once you're over that, it's great and you're like, shit, I actually really like him. Yeah. And then you're like, oh, now I'm bugged. That's a key piece of advice for anyone. Push through the ick, honestly. Unless it's a really, really bad ick, then like, you got to, you got to. Yeah, can the ick be changed? another thing yeah and for somebody that's like not hopeful for dating anymore what

would you suggest to like kind of change their mindset it's hard I think dating is tricky at the moment and it's not to be just scoshed but I do think there is a really negative narrative around dating at the moment and I know it's hard and I know it's different how it used to be and people are not even just going on the same volume of dates anymore but not all guys are bad yeah they really truly truly aren't and I think you have be realistic and I think I touched on this earlier it's like it's not about meeting a perfect person in their entirety when you meet them in the first three dates it is just looking for like great elements of someone that you can at least work with and this isn't about settling but it's also just being

realistic yeah I think we've almost got a bit too far the other way where we've gone so entitled as women it's like well if he's not taking me to a mission star wrestle on the first date he's low effort it's like yeah no actually no one's perfect give people a chance like I always say a relationship is made it's not found it's two people wanting it at the same time enough to make it work and you can make it something brilliant what we find is like people go on a day and it's like oh I don't see the finished article I'm just going to write it off then it's like no actually he showed lovely traits he did a really nice thing we did a little gesture at the end of the day those are things you need to look for

yeah not you know oh he's got you know shit uncle shoes it's like When you're in the relationship with him, you can go and buy the new wardrobe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those things don't matter. Yeah. Like, men, you can manipulate them to some degree. I always say that about fashion whenever I've had friends dating. They're like, ew, I don't like this thing.

I'm like, you can just change it. Trust me, you can change it. Especially if they have, like, one of their male friends say they look cool, then they'll want you to buy everything. Yeah.