The Break-Up Diet - You Know It’s Over When…

Episode Date: June 4, 2025

Breaking up starts long before those final words are spoken. In this raw and revealing episode, we explore the undeniable signs that signal when a relationship has run its course - from communication breakdowns to fading admiration.We've all been there: making excuses for partners who miss birthdays, experiencing those uncomfortable silences, or feeling the subtle shift when you'd rather spend time with friends than your significant other. These aren't just bumps in the road; they're your intuition screaming that something fundamental has changed.What makes this conversation so powerful is our shared vulnerability. We open up about our own experiences with relationship endings - from the times we went "super psycho" near the end (because they'd stopped putting in effort that once came naturally), to moments of clarity when we realized we no longer admired the person we were with. The most profound insight? The distinction between seeing someone for their potential versus accepting their reality. Many of us stay trapped in the fantasy of who our partner could become rather than acknowledging who they truly are right now. As we discuss, men often choose based on present reality while women frequently invest in potential - a perspective that might revolutionize your approach to relationships.Whether you're questioning your current relationship or healing from a past breakup, this episode offers the clarity and validation you've been seeking. Trust your gut, see the patterns for what they are, and remember - actions speak louder than words. Ask yourself: are you choosing reality or fantasy?Subscribe now for more honest conversations about modern relationships, and join our community of listeners navigating the messy, beautiful journey of love and heartbreak together.Send us a textInstagram:@the_breakup_dietTikTok:@thebreakupdietEmail: [e-mail]

Hey guys, welcome back to an episode of The Breakup Diet. Today we want to talk about when you know it's over. Yeah, some signs basically to know when it's done. It's crazy because the signs can either be super vague or very in your face. Yeah, I feel like they're vague when you're actually going through it almost because you're in denial. And then when after like the reflection, you're like, oh.

It's like, oh, actually he kind of didn't like me. Yeah, actually he didn't wanna be with me. He threw signs and I was like, I can't see. Literally. I'm blind. Buckle up bitches, this is gonna get bumpy. This is the break up diet. I feel like that's anything.

It's like always when you're going through a situation, it's like the emotion is so high, right? And so bad. And then after you're like, why was I such a psycho? Why was I so upset? But sometimes it kind of makes sense when you're upset because your normal routine in your relationship has been disrupted.

So there are examples like, oh, he doesn't take you out as much anymore. He doesn't call you every night as he used to back in the day. Oh yeah, yeah. It like throws you off and it's natural for you to be like, what the hell? I have gotten super psycho towards the end of all my relationships. Like what? Super psycho how? Give it to me.

Oh, like as in I would wake up first thing crying, first thing like causing drama, like fights, blah, blah, blah. And I'd always bring back the past being like, but you used to do all this for me back when you first got together. Like, why have you changed? Like, what have I done wrong? Why am I not good enough? Like, oh, my God, God forbid I'll have that conversation again. No, but I feel like who do we have on? We had a guest on and they were saying about it's fine when you have communication, if it's a certain way the whole time, but when it changes,

like when they were spoiling you at the start or they had like a they're texting you all the time and then when they stop and it's that change you know that makes it like the signs. Yeah no that change throws you off and I hate that I felt like such a I felt guilty for being reacting to that it's not my fault. No yeah when people say like oh she's crazy I'm like yeah you crazy. Like, you know what I mean? You probably did something. I don't trust any men that's like, my exes are crazy. I run from them. That's a red flag.

If they talk badly about their ex, like really badly, or they say that she's crazy and a psycho, then I'm like, oh! I feel like it's a bit awkward when people talk about their exes in a bad way. I'm not like we've got a podcast and all, but like in like the context of dating, I don't think it's good to like shit talk your ex. No, I don't with mine. No, no, no. We only do it on here.

Oh no, I don't think it is a good to do either. Like if you're on a first date, second date, I think exes shouldn't even be brought up until like a solid six months low key. Or like brought up properly maybe. Maybe like vaguely like, oh why'd you end? The classy responses, oh we didn't work out. It's not a lie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, I feel like that should only be on like the fourth or fifth date then.

Like obviously you want to know if they have an ex because you want to know. Yeah. Because everyone's coming. If they're capable of having a long-term relationship. Yeah. Yeah. But, but I don't think it's like good to go into it deeply. I agree.

Shall we jump straight into the episode? So we briefly touched on red flags that kind of indicate that the relationship is kind of ending. What are some obvious ones? What are some subtle ones? We'd be like if you're, as we said before, like talking all the time at the start and you always want to have coals like before you go to bed and if those like slowly fade and you just kind of don't care to do it, you just stop caring about putting in the effort. Yeah, that's when you kind of know.

Yeah. Or like for me, we'd always make plans to see each other, right? And then I kind of knew it was over when I asked him like, when am I seeing you next? And he was like, I don't know. Yeah, I remember you saying that. That's so rough. Like...

I don't know. Well, can you help make a decision with me because I want to see you? Why not? Yeah, and also like, I don't know. It's like that's not very motivating, is it? No, it's like... Making you feel really special. Yeah, it's like such a kick to the stomach. And then like, before you know it, two days after, he's like, can I come around? We need to have a conversation. Oh, yeah. That's a very, not a red flag, but that's a very obvious sign that it's ending. Conversation. We need to have a chat. Yeah,

we need to have a chat. I haven't got that actually, but that would throw me. That would throw me. I've just got ghosted. I've not had, but like, can we have a conversation? Yeah. And I was very like, I acted dumb. I'm like, yeah, no, all my friends are around. Come around. And then they were all there. And he's like, oh, and I'm like, I told you, like one of my friends was living with me at the time. Like you knew that there was going to be a full house. And he had to like awkwardly kind of take me away. Is that when he broke up with you in your bedroom? Mm-hmm. Oh God.

Yeah, and then like- Why didn't he just come back a different day? I would have just held it in one more day and just like waited until they left or something. Yeah, I think my friends kind of got the hint before I did and they were like, oh, we're just gonna go down to the pub. Did they see when he like walked in

and kind of got a vibe? Oh. Yeah, I didn't get the vibe. Because I was like, this was two days after my divorce party, we were still having a debrief about that. That's so rude. You would have been fragile as well because of how much we partied at the divorce party. That was the worst hangover of my life.

I had to be sober for six months. It was that bad. Yeah, I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised. To be fair, it was that bad. Yeah I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised. To be fair it was very fun but like I'm not surprised. Yeah so for that to happen. Yeah that's just mean. Very mean. Because you're still hanging two days later, especially now. I also think like another point that's like showing that maybe they're not interested anymore or something like this would be if you're always making excuses for them.

Like they forget your birthday, okay maybe once you could let it slide. I know that's not ideal, but like you could. But you're like, oh no, but he was so busy with work. He finished work so late, that's why we couldn't do anything that day. Yeah, and then your anniversary, then Valentine's Day, then Christmas.

You know what I mean? There's always something, so you're always being like, oh no, no, no, but this happened, oh no, no, no, but this happened, or no, no, no, but this happened. Then I'm kind of like. The second you're overcompensating for something, that's when you kind of know that it's. But I think that's hard to come to terms with as well,

because if there's been like a few cases, but then also you're like, yeah, but. But do you think that that's just like somebody justifying it? I don't know. No I get it when like... Because life does get in the way sometimes. It does 100% it does but when it is very important moments I would take offence but then equally I would also show off front to my friends and family be like oh no guys like he's he's been so busy. Like work's been crazy for him. It's hard.

You already feel like an idiot. You just don't want to look like one. Yeah. Yeah. And also can make you feel a bit, that could make you feel crazy too, because maybe you're just like asking for too much and maybe like that isn't the standard, you know what I mean? Yeah.

It's like, I'm sorry that I celebrating my birthday is too much to ask for. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't make me feel bad about it. Or yeah, just because you didn't do that in your last relationship and she was okay with it doesn't mean I am. No, exactly. It's just not on.

No two relationships are the same. I was about to say if we dated, it would be different if somebody else and you dated, even though we wouldn't date. But you know what I mean? I get you. Like. Not too off on the tangent but sometimes I just think I feel like my friends, like the quality of dates I have with my girlfriends is so much better than men. Yeah I feel like dating is kind of boring especially when you're going on first dates and first things or it's just like. Because I have such amazing experiences

with like you girls. Yeah. Like the kind of stuff that we do outside of work, it's like we go to the most amazing restaurants, have like really nice meals and like, you know, it's such a vibe and with guys, it's like, oh, just like come around, we can go for a drink and then like come around after.

Yeah, I get you, it's hard. It's hard and also just like come around and go for a drink and then like come around after yeah, I get you. It's hard It's hard and also like it's sometimes if you want it to be more fun You know when you're on a girls night You have so much fun and you guys are all getting drunk tipsy and you're like just chatting shit basically and then When you go out with a guy and it's kind of more like reformed and you're kind of like So reformed and even if I am like a bit tipsy and like bubbly and stuff, I kind of feel like, fuck, like, is he gonna expect my body by the end of it?

As opposed to with the girls, it's like, I know it's just like a nice fun time. Yeah. The uncomfortable silence moment. Have you ever had an uncomfortable silence? Yeah, where like I've gone days without talking to my boyfriend in the expense of trying to be the cool girlfriend, not to be too chasey. Fair.

But were you like thinking about him the whole time? So it was rent free? Of course. Like rent free. Of course. He was like on my mind, rent free, and I felt like, oh no, maybe it's like I shouldn't chase because I know he's so busy with work. He was, like he was abroad for work. So, okay, so it was like the guy was like away and you didn't want to be like pestering

him all the time. Mm-hmm. Fair. Mm-hmm. And then I think that kind of changed the dynamic of the relationship where we just weren't talking as much anymore. Yeah, fair. And then you probably got used to like that habit. Frequent communication is very important in relationships. Yeah.

And when it's not there, that is a very obvious sign that it's on its way over. Yeah, and if you can't tell them everything, like if you can't be open with what you want to say, like if you're filtering stuff, I think that's like a sign to know it's almost done. Because you should be able to like talk to them about most things, even if they don't fully understand it. No, I completely agree. Like boys just have to listen. Exactly, just communication, we got to improve that system. It's honestly like anyone, also like if I'm on a I saw a TikTok right yeah like two days ago if I'm on a rant and I'm annoyed I don't

need your advice actually you know what I mean I don't want your advice you just shut up shut up let me have my rant don't tell me what I should do and then after after you can get me your advice when I've cooled down maybe the next day. I do think like giving emotional people advice is just not the thing to do. No! They're seeing red, you know? They're seeing red. I think like the best thing you can do is just listen. Like, there's just... That's almost why if you're going through a breakup or something, this is my new look on it. It shouldn't be like an impulsive thing that you decide because your emotions are so high. It's like something you have to sit on for a while, I think. Even if it's like a bad thing

that's happened, I would sit on it. Sorry, if something bad happened, like I would immediately. This is me like after double therapy. No, it depends on what it is. Obviously context is everything, but if something is like really bad. Obviously if it's really bad. Yeah. But like, I mean, if it's bad, but like, I don't know. I think there's context in it. Like I would sit on it for a day, but I would like, I probably wouldn't

respond and then send undone. Yeah. Like I'm not saying you're sitting there, you know, having a conversation. You get the news, you sit on it. You think like, what the hell? And then you just go. Cause then I feel like you've reflected, even if it's not conversation, you get the news, you sit on it, you think like, what the hell, and then you just go. Cause then I feel like you've reflected, even if it's not long, you reflected and then you cut.

Whereas like, if you're impulsive, then you're gonna have the thought always being like- Yeah, you're gonna be like, shit, did I make the right decision? Yeah. Yeah. So at least, not even if it's like not long, but I mean like, you don't talk to them. While they're seeing red.

Yeah, while you're seeing red, you calm yourself. Cause then also your delivery of when you break up is gonna be better. So then you'll win. It'll be more mature, more just classier. You wanna leave the breakup with your head held high. Yeah, and also then you can just give them even less. Because you can be like, yeah, okay,

I'm not into that bye kind of thing, instead of like, you did this, you fuck a gas, so I hate you, which I feel like you might feel all those things, but then it's almost there. Probably backfire you. Yeah. And then they're going to wonder, how does she just site say, like, I'm not into this bi after she's like yelled at me, like, how am I the bad person?

Exactly. Yeah. at me like, how am I the bad person? Exactly. Yeah. The emotional rollercoaster of mood swings, I think that's a sign when it's kind of over. I think it is a sign, especially for girls, because I think girls go through the break up so much before, you know what I mean? If they're the one breaking up, they're processing it, so if you're having constant mood swings,

that's kind of a sign. One minute you're like, I love them, the next minute you're like, think you're going to break up, it's really that. That is such an obvious sign because if you want to be with them, you would know 100% that they're your person, you want to be with them. You wouldn't even entertain the idea of, oh, I don't think they're the person for me. Because if you entertain that, that means you know they're not the person for me. Because if you entertain that, that means you know they're not the person for you. But then also, do you not find that like,

sometimes when you're really close to somebody, you can like sometimes really get annoyed with them and like, you know, like your mom, for example, I'm thinking about my mom. Love my mom, closest person to me, but like she annoys me the most too. No, I get it. Like you can have your partner be annoying,

but you wouldn't even entertain like, oh, I don't know if they're not the person for me because they did something annoying. Okay, okay. I get you. Yeah. I get what you're saying. Yeah. So if you're having mood swings and they're going up and down, like. If you're feeling indecisive about

whether they're the person for you, I think that's when you know it's gonna. Cause you think like if they were your person, you would just. You just wouldn't entertain that thought. Yeah. At all. Yeah. Yeah. It's also like on the reverse of like if somebody is like you know saying they love you in bed and all this sort of thing like in the morning when you wake up or whatever and then they're the

next day not speaking to you till three days later. That's like a situationship sign that it's you know it's done. 100%. I think never ever listen to just their words and ignore their action, you know what I mean? It's their action that speaks way more than words. If they say one thing and they act the other way, you know it's done. Action always over words almost. But it's hard because you can get so locked in and so trapped by words. You do get trapped by words but that's when you're like, okay, what's real and what's a fantasy? Let me focus on what the reality is and make a decision on that.

Yeah. And also you don't have to be like an overnight decision. You know what I mean? Like if this happens a few times, if this happens over the space of six months, then it's the reflection of, okay, I've had enough. I need to like, it's enough now, I shouldn't be having spirals with my partner. Yeah, for this long as well, like, it's not healthy. Yeah, and you can make excuses, like, you can be like, oh, they're really busy with like, oh,

they just got, they just like lost their job, or oh, they have no money at the moment, or, you know what I mean? But there comes a point where you have to choose yourself because living with this kind of emotional mood swings is not sustainable in the long run. Yeah and also because life does get difficult. Also like yeah you might, you might now be like having like a good life you know what I mean, pretty stable okay. But then imagine if something flips up in your life you want them to be your support and your calm and your stability, you know what I mean? And if they're not providing it

while things in life are going great. That's what freaks me out. Like that freaks me out for like when I'm older, you know what I mean? If you marry the wrong person or if you're with the wrong person, even as a partner, and then stuff does flip upside down and you want to lean on them and they're not there, I'm like, you must feel

so lonely. That's scary. Because at the end of the day, I think everybody wants support and everyone wants to feel like they can lean on someone. Yeah, that's why you're with them to begin with. So another thing would be like also we kind of said this at the start about people like talking about their ex but if they're talking about their ex all the time even if it's like subtle things but they're dropping in like oh she used to do this or oh this place reminds me of the time that I went to lunch with Evany like I just made up that name you know what I mean? Then it's like,

do you miss them? Why are you thinking about them so much? I think. I agree. And especially if they're like shit talking their ex still, you're kind of like, oh, you're obviously overcompensating for something. Yeah, you're still really hurt. And why are you still really hurt is what I'd be thinking too. I was gonna say from my experiences when a guy like shit talks a girl a lot, it means that they've got some kind of a feeling for that. Yeah, yeah, I'm kind of like saying the same thing but like when they're like,

you've got feelings. Because they really care. Like, yeah. You know what I mean? They still care so they sound really hurt because they're still like. That's when I'm thinking, ooh, is the ex kind of in the picture again? If you're thinking

about her, if you're stalking her, like... Yeah. That to me is a very obvious sign that the relationship is on its way. You just reminded me of something, so I know somebody that they basically were talking to this guy over the last like, this is a little story time, they're talking to this guy over the last like, maybe like a couple years, like 10 years, like on and off had a thing but never really been together, have had a flirty thing on a few dates here and there, but they both have soft spots for each other, you can tell. Anyway, he finally was

like gonna, you know, book a hotel and they were gonna go out for a nice date and all this, and then he randomly, like the week before, was talking about his ex to her, right? And like kind of like showing them how they broke up and all this sort of stuff, like showing her messages and all this sort of thing. And then he's randomly, they were meant to go this weekend to the hotel

and like have this whole romantic weekend getaway thing. And he's just suddenly gone, like switched his whole communication, which is like, she's like, what the hell? And she's like, this guy I've known for like over 10 years, and now he's suddenly done that? Like, what? And I literally the first thing I said is, if the way he's not spoken to you like before is like that, she's like, it's not the same person like over text, it sounds like I'm like, he's back with his ex. And she was like, it's not the same person like over text it sounds like. I'm like he's back with his ex and she was like that's the first thing I thought and I would just pay money to know now if he is. So if he is I'm gonna

come back and tell you because like it's just crazy how he was like obviously showing text messages of them breaking up and like all these things that she did and then they were gonna go on a you know holiday and now suddenly his communication has changed he's gone cold and it's obviously because he feels guilty or and like is like wants to get back with the ex so he doesn't obviously want to take the person I know out. Oh the sign is so obvious. Yeah. It's over. That's over. So another sign you know it's kind of over is when you're actively choosing to hang out with your friends over your partner. Yeah, I think so.

I think that is a sign. I think there's like, you obviously want to hang out with your friends too, even when you have a boyfriend and all this sort of thing. But then I think if you're always choosing to like go to the pub with your friends or go on a walk with your friends instead of going on a walk with your boyfriend or that, then I'm like, oh. Yeah. I think if you're like actively kind of avoiding your boyfriend, there's, there's something in your intuition telling you that you need to end it. So why would you be avoiding your boyfriend? It would be like if you're, you don't have as much fun. Yeah.

If you don't have as much fun, something really bad happening, you're like, Ooh, I need to like distance myself. Yeah. But I also don't know how to like make the decision at the moment. Let me just distance myself right now. Yeah. It is a hard one because you also, you do want to see your friends and you don't want them to be like, you're not saying anything because all you do is see your

boyfriend, but then also you do, you to see your friends and you don't want them to be like, you're not saying anything because all you do is see your boyfriend. But then, also, you do, you should see your boyfriend. And you should want to see your boyfriend or your partner. You should want to spend the time with them. Because they should kind of be the closest. Like, they've been the closest to you. You get what I'm saying? So like... Yeah, but it's just something that's telling you.

Yeah, then yeah, it's obviously... Then you know it's over. Have you ever had it when you've tried to see your friends over your boyfriend? Oh my god, all the time. Sorry. Every relationship I've like seen. Yeah, my first relationship, yeah, I would like actively choose to do something with my friends because the plans were just better. He like stopped making efforts with like fun dates and I'm like, you know what? Let me just go to the restaurant with my girlfriends. Did he care about that or he was just like, no I'll go. I could tell he was hurt but I think he felt a bit emasculated and didn't feel like

saying anything. Fair. His problem not mine. Yeah. Fair. So he was like, oh. so you are going to art. Oh, like it was called art. Oh. Yeah. I've done that. Like I've done that, like not necessarily that exact thing. I can't think of it, but I definitely have been like, oh, so you're gonna do that? That we talked about?

That weekend, this is like a side topic, but sometimes girls, when they say something, they mean something else. Like. I've been there. But I do it like, oh, what do you wanna do? I don't mind. If I give you two options.

I think it's a stupid generation where we're like forced to act like we're too cool to care, we care. I hate that we have to be so nonchalant, be like, oh no, no, no, like I don't wanna be too much. I don't wanna like say how I feel because that's gonna be too much. I don't want to like say how I feel because that's going to be too much. I don't know if that is it though. I feel like so many people are so indecisive

also just with decisions too. Like that could be it too. You know what I mean? Like I have it with my parents. Like my mom will sometimes not make a decision on where she wants to go. Even though I know that she wants to go to this place. I'm like, I know you want to go there.

Just say you want to go there. Don't say you don't mind. But then I do the same thing. And I'm like, oh, that's so annoying. Why is everyone so indecisive? Exactly. People need to be more assertive with their decisions. Yeah, just tell me what you want. Yeah. And if I don't want it, I'll tell you and then we can change. Yeah, it saves like a 20 minute conversation off like back and forth. It's pointless. Or you go to the place that they choose and then you say, Yeah, it saves like a 20 minute conversation off like back and forth. It's pointless. Or you go to the place that they choose and then you say, I wish we went to the other place. I'm like, that drives me.

I'd be like, get out. I'm like, oh, you are testing me. I will have a date by myself. Get out. You didn't have to come with me. Yeah, just you got to say something. God. So what's another telltale sign that you've seen or you've experienced where you're like, oh it's over?

When people ask you about them and you can't like really talk about them I think that's a sign or you're not like excited to tell people about them because like I like to look up to someone and think that they're the best person ever and like admire them. Oh 100% yeah. So I know that it's open for myself. If you're no longer like admiring them anymore. When they've been taken off the pedestal. That's when you know.

Yeah that's a massive one for me that I'm like okay I don't actually think you're that great which is so rough which they might be but like before I was- But not to you anymore, and that's okay. Yeah, and before I was like, oh my God, you could do anything and I would be like mesmerized almost. Like as in not anything, but you know what I mean? Like you're like, they just think they're the best version. I think that's the sign.

Yeah, when you no longer see that best version of themselves, that's when you know. I think when the reality starts to seep in, you're like, oh, you're just like this idea that I projected on you. Yeah, because I feel like a lot of people hold on to hope and the fantasy of what the or the potential, sorry, of what they could be. Potential. Potential is a big thing. Yeah, because, okay, yeah, they might not be where I want them to be right now,

but they're working really hard and I can see that. And they're, you know, they're gonna be this or they're gonna be the best dad or they're gonna be, you know what I mean? The best boyfriend when they stop working 12 hours in finance, you know what I mean? Like it's always. Yeah, I think we put way too much emphasis

on the potential than the reality. Yeah, and I think that's hard too, because also you don't know what the future is going to be. So yes, you can look and be like, that's what I hope it's going to be, but then you don't know. So you could be wasting and not even wasting, you could just be like suffering through the present. Cause I like kind of spoke about it with men I've dated and they've kind of said,

cause I've kind of talked to them, like, you know, women always choose the potential over the reality and they've been like, no, we chose the reality. Like we never go out with someone thinking that, oh, she will potentially be really hot. We only go out with someone if they're hot, if they're my type right now, nothing else. I'm not going to go out with her being like, oh, she will be this like Naomi Campbell model. No, I'm only going to be with Naomi Campbell now. Fair, fair.

And I think that's quite inspiring. And I've kind of taken a leaf out of their notebook. Yeah. Fair. So you're only going to go out with them if they're hot now. I'm going to go out with what's real. Yeah, fair. If they've got a great job, if they've got the ambition, the drive,

they've got the looks as well. High standards. High standards, same iconic you. Consistently hot. Love that. Anyway, I think the like points to like, make clear from this would be, trust your gut, see the signs. If there's a repeat in things as well, like if you're repeating, repeating, is that a word? Had a consistent like up and down,

you know what I mean? Of the emotions like hot and cold, the mixed emotions thing, or he's like not put in effort consistently, not just like two weeks out of like the three years you've been together. I'm talking it has to be like, it has to be a long term kind of thing. And then just like see the signs for what they are. Yeah, look at the actions, not the words, choose the reality, not the fantasy and ultimately make a decision that benefits you. It's hard at the start. It's even harder to stay in it for longer than not. 100%. Thank you so much for watching.

We hope you've taken something from this. Yeah, thank you. And see the signs.