The Comment Section with Drew Afualo - BEING A LEGAL BADDIE Ft. Dellara | Drew Afualo | THE COMMENT SECTION EP 54

Episode Date: February 22, 2023

[video available on Spotify] You can grow thicker, healthier hair and support our show by going to Nutrafol.com and entering the promo code TCS to save $15 dollars off your first month’s subscription. This week, Drew welcomes Dellara to the show to talk women working in male-dominated industries, the fantasy of opening a club where only hot guys can get in, why you must disrupt to succeed, and so much more! Drew: https://linktr.ee/drewafualo Dellara: IG / TikTok Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

So the whole logic behind women not being able to show skin in the classroom is because it distracts dudes, right? But when I was in a class where I was attracted to a guy, I would do so much better in that class. Like, I would be more motivated to show up to class. We're just built different. That's why. But I'm thinking, yeah, actually, it is because we're built. Like, they malfunction and we flourish. Yeah.

Hey, everyone and welcome back to another episode of the comment section show. starring me, your favorite, everyone knows me, but today I have bangs. Everyone would be nice to me while my bangs. They're not real. Anyways, moving on to this very special guest of this episode, the one, the only, Dalarra. Woo-hoo! A.k.a. Legal Batty. Hi, everyone. Period. So happy to be here. I'm so happy. This is a long time coming. It really has been. And we have so much a discuss. We do. I was just telling Dalarra that she's one of the people that has been recommended. many times and I was like, I'm already heavy you guys, she's on the schedule.

She's two steps ahead, always. Always. You think I wouldn't have a bad bitch lawyer on my show? You're out of your mind. You're out of your mind. You think I wouldn't have her on my show. I'm so excited to have you. So happy to be here. We go way back.

We go back. I remember following forever. It's been a minute and it's been so beautiful to watch your journey and the way that you are changing the world, changing minds, changing vibes. And I'm just honored to be a witness to the great. Nice.

Stop. Same to you. Honestly, I was blown away when I saw your content, mostly because I love a smart bitch. Let me tell you something. Takes a smart bitch to recognize a smart bitch. Period. And I love one that upsets men because she's so smart.

Facts. And hot. So there you go. It's a cool, it's an interesting position to be in. And it's one that I want to leverage for good for sure. Yeah, absolutely. So how did you come into? content creation as a whole because obviously you went to law school you were you passed the bar

and then you kind of fell into yeah it was you know it was totally kind of by accident I started making content as a way of staying accountable to myself for this 30 day challenge I was doing I was like I want to meditate 10 minutes a day read 10 minutes a day um drink this much whatever and I was like this is me day one and um follow along for the journey cool and then day one ended up going viral and I was like okay, I understand kind of how, like the power of TikTok. Yeah. But I was like, I'm not a fitness girly. I'm not a wellness girly.

What value can I provide through this platform? And at the time I was studying for the bar exam. So I was like, why not allow people to come on this journey with me? One, again, as a form of accountability, but two, to be a form of representation for women and women of color who are also on the same journey with law school or just trying to grow and better themselves and it was so cool to have like community behind and there was also pressure because if i didn't pass i would have it would have been a a thing but i'm so grateful i did yeah and then i told myself i um i wanted to be a legal correspondent on a national news network and i was like okay how do i

how do i get there yeah and i and i thought maybe it would be by taking a judicial clerkship which i did because i was exposed to so many different areas of the law yeah but it was not what i thought it was going to be and I and I realize I'm like why not just why not just be a legal correspondent on TikTok like why not just put the video just do what a legal correspondent would do I love that and I started doing it and then those videos really started popping off people are really enjoying it and it was amazing like the like I was getting more views than traditional legal correspondence on national news networks and it was just this evolution kind of of this dream and this journey and and And I think people just really enjoyed seeing women think about these topics in a nuance in a unique way.

And things have kind of just gone from there. And I'm so grateful for the community that we've built. And to really just think about things differently and have more critical conversations of the current events that are shaping our world. Yeah. I mean, well, that's the tea of it all, isn't it? because obviously media is ever evolving. It's constantly changing and shifting. And the reality is millennials and younger are getting all of their news primarily from social media.

So like it, why not steer into the skid? That makes a lot of sense why you would be like, I mean, I'm already here. I literally passed the bar. I might as well do what I wanted to do, but do it on my own terms. Exactly. Which is a power move, honestly. It's a power move. And it's also like a freedom move.

And something I really want to do with my platform is give other, specifically women, the permission to play by their own rules in a world where we grow up in having to play by other people's rules, oftentimes men's rules. And I think something that I have really been exposed to through my journey of becoming a lawyer is that you're so often pressured to be more masculine in order to be more masculine in order to be deemed more professional. And that's something I've always rejected. I love leaning into my femininity. And granted, like, femininity even is a social construct, but I guess like traditional notions of femininity as a way to access power, as opposed to leaning into masculinity.

And I do have a lot of masculine energy. But I think it's about it's about celebrating both instead of conforming to succeed. I would rather disrupt to succeed. That's true. That's T, honestly. I think it's also another, it's just yet another facet of white supremacy anyways because as women of color were already masculinized more than white women especially. So like, I mean, for me, they constantly tell me, like even if I'm keying, laughing, silly goose time, they're like, why are you so aggressive? Right. And it's like,

I wasn't even, yeah, I was giggling. Literally. I was giggling. It's just, everyone, There's so many people who are committed to misunderstanding you when you show up as your authentic self. And that's really what it is. It's not about being more girly. It's not about being more masculine. It's just about showing up as your authentic self in whatever space that is, whether that's a male-dominated space, whether that's a female-dominated space or just a balanced space. And not feeling like I am going to be punished for showing up as my authentic self.

Yeah, absolutely. When I worked in, because obviously the topic for today, we're going to talk about working in male dominated spaces. Speaking of that, because we both know, because I used to work in sports. But even when I worked in sports, when I was there, I always had long nails. I always had lashes. I always wore makeup, all that kind of stuff. I can't tell you how many times people would comment on that. Those backhanded comments from, well, pickmes, which is like internalized misogyny.

Right. Which is like, oh, I don't have time for stuff like that. And I'm like, yeah, I can tell. Here's the other thing. And I can imagine this was your experience working in sports is as a woman, you're expected to know twice as much. You're supposed to be on your shit on a different level. And I was thinking about it the other day where I was like, any male dominated space, women have to be just like way better than the average person in order to be taken seriously. But when I think about a female dominated space, like for instance, let's say nursing.

Yeah. I don't think maybe I'm wrong. But like if a man is in that space that he has to prove himself or be twice as good. And that's an interesting double standard. It's the same thing as being a parent. Right. Like when men are seen alone with their children, they're like, oh my God, what a great dad. When women are seen alone with their children, they're like, that's her job.

Right. What do you mean you want a gold medal for being a caretaker, 80? And that's the irony and the double standard of it all. Especially like when I was in college, I was a sports editor of my school newspaper. the last two years I was in college. That's impressive. So one year we did March Madness, like with my team. We were just like, oh, let's do March Madness.

So we like filled out brackets and all that shit. Like we all did it together. And I remember when I filled that out, I was like, well, I got to go home and study because like I don't know that much about basketball. Like I know basketball, but I just didn't know enough about the teams. There's so many teams in March Madness. I was like, well, I have to go home and study. I literally said that before I filled out my bracket,

the way that these bitches were dogging me, Like all these men were like, oh, you have to study. You to study sport. Guess who won? Me, bitch. Period. And I take that to the grave. That's the best revenge.

That's the best revenge. Even when I was in law school, it's interesting. The hate that I got was never from my female peers. It was only from the guys like, oh, she dresses like that. Let's see what her GPA is. Let's see how she does, you know, after her first year of law school. So sledge, shamy and misogynistic. So slit shaming.

Exactly. Whereas my female peers would come up to me and say thank you for showing up the way that you do to law school because now I feel more comfortable to show up expressing myself as opposed to like in sweats or like covering up my identity. Yeah. Dim myself to make other people comfortable. Yeah. Especially men. And that's just something I have rejected my whole like even in high school, Drew, I would show up to school like in five. heels like a mini skirt like I was I was walking the line between like getting punished by with dress code which is such a bizarre concept it's also only applied to women only applied to women the only ways that in which it's implied applied to men is when it's like vulgar language on shirts and stuff and it's like with women it's like collarbones here's the thing here's the thing and I actually think it's so crazy is when, so the whole logic behind women not being able to show skin in the classroom is because

it distracts dudes, right? But when I was in a class where I was attracted to a guy, I would do so much better in that class. Like I would be more motivated to show up to class. We're just built different. That's why. But I'm thinking like, yeah, actually it is because we're built. Like, they malfunction and we flourish.

It motivates us. Yeah. Like, that's like, I was, that's tea. I was just talking to my mom about. that, like, how, like, we're built so differently. Like, we can focus on a million things at once. Yeah. But you give the average dude one task.

Right. It's going to be a whole day thing. Yeah. He's like, I got to mentally prepare for my task. Whereas, like, women can do every, like, aside from being like a partner or spouse or a mother, right, they're also working, providing, cooking, cleaning, all of those things. So they're just built different from a very young age. We're, like, taught, you need to be.

be able to do a million things. You can't just do one. Now, do you think that women are built different innately, like we are born different? Or do you think it's because we have to grow up in a world where we have to work harder in order to receive the same things or be treated the same way? Or do you think it's like a mix of both? I think it's more so influenced by the culture, I think, because naturally speaking, like we all only had one task, which was like hunting and then gathering, right? Which is pretty much it. But then men figured out that women could also hunt so they're like, why would I do that when you could do all of it and I could just stay at home? Which is the real tea because their misogyny is like, oh, women stay at home and men go to work. Right. But it's just, it's the most, it's such an imbalance of power, but it's also so typical, like women are just used to it at this point. Yes. So they're kind of like, well, I do think it's evolving though. Yeah, absolutely. And the reason why it's evolving is because it's the first time in history. where women have more access to financial freedom than they ever have. And so it's creating almost this new market of men who are kind of like down to be, stay at home.

House husbands. And I think in that pursuit, there's also this transition of like guys caring more about their appearance. Yeah. Guys wanting to be bad bitches. Like guys want. And I'm kind of here for that. I love that. Because the economics of hot girls and hot guys is just.

so ass backwards. A guy goes out to a bar or to a club or anywhere. Guaranteed you'll see at least like five beautiful women. I am lucky if I walk in anywhere. Anywhere. And I see a seven. I'm lucky. Like truly. Like there are so many guys in backward baseball caps

and cargo shorts and so many stunning, gorgeous, creative, talented, beautiful. Literally. Like, kind women. It's a sickness. And it's, and it's up the economics of dating. The ecosystem is unbalanced. And so I really am excited for this shift now that women are stepping into their power and not needing to depend on a man that maybe we will start to see a little bit more.

Yeah, it's like every small step forward is still a step forward. So it's definitely way, way, way better. And it has evolved entirely. It's still garbage in a lot of ways. But we're all hit to the game now. Now everybody knows. Yeah. And to your point about, you're lucky if you see anyone hot when you go out, like, as men.

Yeah. Very attracted to men. Dress codes for clubs are like this indicative of that. True. Like for women, it's like you have to be dressed hot in order to like get in. Right. With men, it's like you have to wear a collar shirt. And you just need to spend money.

Yeah. And none of that is like wash your ass like at all. So like women have to come like dress to the nine's and men are like, well, like, I iron this shirts so there you go. Also clubs are like incredibly racist as well. That too and fatphobic. And fatphobic and that's something I feel like that isn't discussed enough. I have like a dream. And it's a funny dream but I really want to open up like a lounge or like a club or something where it's just the opposite where only hot guys get in and women are the ones popping bottles because I would pick I would I would drop a couple of racks just to guarantee that I can go out with my friends and be surrounded by just. like attractive men. Because no weirdos

allowed. The option doesn't even exist. Even if I wanted to spend $50,000 right now, I can't tell you a certain like one location where I could have that experience. Where they guarantee you at least five at least five just five. Guys? Oh my gosh. They're so spoiled. They are. They are because women

put everything in their whole pussy into their looks and it's like it's and men are like you only do that for the opposite sex which is not true. It's not true. Especially at this point. Like at this point, especially at this point, like they do it because they are hot and why wouldn't they want to show that they're hot? Yeah. But men just like...

I have been reflecting, though, and I've been asking myself how much of the way that I present, which is like pretty like hyperfeminine, is because I genuinely enjoy expressing myself this way. And I think I do. Because since I was a kid and I was even exposed to like all the bullshit, it's just I didn't want to wear pants. Like I just wanted to wear dresses. I've always just really leaned into, it has traditional notions of femininity. Yeah. Or how much my identity is shaped by like...

The male gays. Yeah. It's hard. It's hard to... I think that's a big... Well, first of all, there's a power in admitting that. Yeah. And second of all, that's part of the process of unlearning your internalized misogyny is

admitting where you may be falling short in those areas. Sure. And for me, like for me, I've always been super feminine. too. Like feminine presenting, I love, when I was a kid, I loved makeup. I loved doing my hair. Like, when I got into clothes, like, I would be overdressed all the time. Because that's just like what I, what I loved. Even when we got punished for it, I still continued. And that's what tells me that it's from my heart. Yeah, exactly. And I think, same with me. And I think when I got to the age where I started becoming a picnic, because we all, like, inherently become one. And then we have to get out the other side of

the forest just like come out the other end. Back with me. When I came out the other side, I realized that certain parts of my feminine expression were specifically for the male gays. For example, I felt like I always had to wear something tight. I always had to wear something low cut. I always had to wear something like that, which is tea. But that's mine too. Like mine's really tight. Yeah.

But I'm saying when I was in the throes of my picnic face, I wouldn't wear anything that hid my figure. Nothing. Yeah. Because I'm like, well, that makes me look bad. It makes me look bad. That makes me look bad to men. Yeah. That wasn't a conscious thought I had.

Sure. But when I unpack it, that is what it was. Yeah. Which made me more comfortable wearing baggy things, which is, again, another way where you're steering away from the male gaze. Does that mean I wear that all the time? No. But I think it just unlocked a different side of my fashion sense.

Yeah. Because I was depriving myself of like baggy jeans. Sure. Or like sweats or like things that I thought I could dress up and make fits out of. It's like the reverse Billy Eilish pipeline. Exactly. Exactly. Which I love that for her.

Yeah, exactly. It's all about balance at the end of the day. I think so too. But yeah, I've been committed to this shit since day one. Well, I've always been a glam bitch. I came out of the womb, like in heels. Like, truly, truly. I've always been a super, super glam bitch.

So that's why I love. I've always loved makeup and hair and nails. As soon as I was able to get nails, I got them. And I was like, this is my whole life now. Right. I'm this girl in that. 1,000% It's in the budget forever now

I'm gonna make sure I can always afford nails Yep I love that And lash extensions bitch get out of town Oh my God I've for the last five years

I have been addicted All through law school Before law school even And then I would get airbrushed Tans They just make me feel snatched All of it It's all it's all tied together

But since we're Since we're talking about I love your Valentine's nails By the way Thank you My Valentine's Can we get to zoom in On the nails

Period. So we're going to be talking about working in male-dominated industries, obviously. For those of you who don't know here on the comment section, what we like to do is we bring videos that I was tagged in that are applicable to our topic today, and then we key, key, laugh, rip them apart, whatever is necessary. So for this first video we have, it says in this video, a woman reacts to quotes appearing on the screen that say things like men have told her, or say things men have told her in work environments. Like, this is a male-dominated industry. He was just a better candidate for the screen. the job and men are just better for leadership positions, which is hilarious to think about. It's actually scientifically not true, especially considering how all the world's problems have been caused by men. Facts. So maybe they're not the best. I think the issue is that we pick leaders based on confidence and not based on merit. And men beat women out on confidence, but women are more competent leaders across the board. Like, Across the board, there are so many studies, like huge studies that confirm this. And I think that it makes sense, right?

Going back to what we're talking about earlier, the ability to multitask, the ability to have the emotional intelligence to assess a situation. Yeah. To be a multidimensional nuanced in the approach as opposed to this very tunnel vision type way of solving problems, more creative, more creative problem solving. Yeah. And also like, yeah. easier to approach less narcissistic, less sociopath. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Narcissism, like personality disorder, that is overwhelmingly men are diagnosed with that more than women. Yeah. And it kind of goes back again to this nature and nurture thing. Like, why is this happening? Because I don't want to, I don't want to believe that like men are just like born like, like this, you know? Like, truly.

And when we think of, you know, the violent statistics. I mean, just, I'm very data driven. I'm very data driven. And I try at the end of the day. To make sense of it.

I have to. And that's part of the reason why I even like was so passionate about my traditional education is because I never wanted my beliefs about the world to be like, okay, you're just being emotional. Like this is just your perspective. Like it's always been imperative for me to use data and science to prove the fact that the way that I feel is valid, which is f***ed up in itself.

Because the way that I feel should be valid without. Regardless. Exactly. Like my experience is valid. That's the lawyer in you. You need the evidence. Yeah. And as a woman, like in a male-dominated space, like even, let's say in law school, a hyper-feminine presenting woman, you raise your hand, all eyes are on you. What is she going to say?

When a guy raises his hand, it's just like, okay, like, whatever. And so that also adds an entire different level of pressure of an opportunity to fail, an opportunity to choke. And then when the woman chokes, it's like, of course she choked. Yeah. And it's like, well, that makes sense because she's a woman. Of course, all she cares about is the way that she looks and the way that she dresses. She doesn't actually care about the substance and whatever. Yeah, she's not actually smart. Yep.

I've had a man say that's who my face was. Oh, I believe it. He told me, you're a lot smarter than you look. Yeah. And I was like, what? Because I was literally training him for the job that he was going to take. Insane. And he was like, yeah, you know, like, when I saw you, I just figured, like, she's probably

not very smart, but turns out like you are. I couldn't believe he said it to me so confident. It costs zero dollars to keep that shit to yourself. No, literally, like, some thoughts. What do you get, like, but there are just. Some thoughts. Yeah. Should stay up here.

And it's literally, it's like a shock. It's almost like word vomit. Like, they just can't help it. They can't help it. Yeah. So they say it and then you're like, that was rude. Whereas like women possess the emotional intelligence to be able to filter those thoughts. Yeah.

How would this person feel? How is this going to come across? There's always like two lines of thinking that are happening. Like my thoughts in my head and then how is it going to be received? Whereas I feel like men just don't have that. They don't have that. Like innately, they genuinely don't have that. Like your words can impact others.

Yeah. They don't think about that because consequences, especially. like metaphorical ones or like verbal ones are not very common with them like they're so used to being unchecked exactly and so many different facets of life especially like cis het white men yeah but all men inherently are not used to consequence especially emotional consequence which is why they hate me yeah yeah exactly they're never ever held accountable for the things that they say absolutely to them they're like these are just words yep and they aren't they uphold such a greater oppression structure.

Absolutely. Which they don't realize because they're stupid. Yeah. That's the tea of it all. Stupid and unchecked is like a dangerous combo. It really is. I mean, that's where we get Trump, you know? Like stupid and unchecked.

Yeah, literally. And just like, and all the people that follow him. It's like an endless supply of like stupid cronies. Like it's like literally. And when I say stupid, I mean like genuinely like your IQ is too low. Yeah. Like it's very, very low is what I mean. Like what just came out of your mouth?

Like you could have said a hundred other things. Yeah. Where's the logic? Where's the critical thinking? There never is. And so sometimes people will tell me like, why don't you ever want to debate these people? Right. And someone actually wrote to me recently.

They said like they took this like speech and debate course in college and they told me that their professor said in order for there to be a debate, over 50% of the room has to agree to the other side. If it's overwhelmingly like that's bad, then there is no debate. There's nothing to talk about. Right, right, right. So there's no, there's no leg to stand on in that sense, but it has to be at least 50% of the room has to agree with the opposing side in order for there to be an actual debate. Yeah. For there to be a controversy. Exactly. For there to be conflict at all, there has to be an overwhelming amount of people who also, who disagree with you. But if like the overarching agreement is that this is bad, then there's nothing to talk about. Right. And

And in essence, like the same sentiment, fat phobia, for example, is something they love to talk about. And they love to stress that it has something to do with health. Like, oh, I just care about people's health. But see, you don't. Because if you did, you would care a lot more about eating disorders. You would care about bodybuilding and what it does to their bodies and how unhealthy it is. Yeah. Because they're on the other side of the spectrum.

You would care about unprotected sex. You would care about smoking. You would care about vaping. You would care about drinking, all of which affect your health far more than what someone's eating. in their personal life. Or like having a clean space. You walk into their apartment and it's like there is no evidence of health at all. And that's why I said that's not a concern for health. That's a mask to guys your inherent. Hatred. Yeah. Like hatred of fat people. And that's, you feel that way because you've been taught your whole life that if you look that way, you got to hate yourself and

you see someone who doesn't hate themselves and you feel short change. Like you're like, I've been doing this my whole life and people still hate me. Yeah. And I don't have a girlfriend and I'm broke and this person is fat and they love themselves and they're happy. Why are they allowed to be happy and I'm not? Exactly. So it's a hatred thing. And that's why I'm like, if you're going to say it, stand behind it. Stand behind it then.

Right, right, right, right. Like, I don't care. I don't like when they try to mask it as anything else than what it really is. 1,000. So there's also the lack of logic in that. Yeah. There's nothing to talk about. There is no logical reason why you would hate someone who has nothing to do with you.

Yeah. There's no logic. There's no logic behind it. A lot of times it also has to do with the families that they grew up in and the generational trauma and the hatred that their own parents had for themselves and just being exposed to that. And it's heartbreaking. It's really heartbreaking because I just, I want a world where, again, going back to what we're talking about earlier, where everyone can just show up as their authentic selves and not be punished for it. Yeah, exactly. Like let people live. Yeah, exists. Like just for existing. It's crazy how it works Why do you have to be a hater? I don't know I just like That's why I said

A hater Because some people are like Oh I'm a born and bred hater I think a hater Alia actually talked to me about this But she was like A funny hater is like someone who like Doesn't like Game of Thrones

Yeah It's like art In some sense Like you just like aren't swayed by things That everybody else loves 1,000% And she was like When you're a hater who like

hates people who are living their lives openly and freely Because you can't do that in yours you're a loser or a hater. That's a bar. That's a word. She's like, that makes you a loser. That doesn't make you a hater.

I was like, that's so true. And it's also so. Winners don't hate either. Truly. Hot people don't hate. Hot people don't hate. Rich people don't hate. Just people who are happy and content

and fulfilled in their lives. They don't hate. They don't spend their time. Yeah, they don't spend their time doing that. Or they mind their business. That's free too. But some people don't utilize that nearly as often as they should.

Okay. Let's get into these comments. Let's do it. This first one says, that's literally never happened anywhere I've worked before. When a woman got hired, she became lead even if she had no idea what the work was. Well, that's just a lie. Well, that's also because women are better leaders. Yeah.

But it's also a lie. But also, like, did she become a lead even if she had no idea what it was? Or did you just tell yourself that because you got passed up? Oh, 1,000 percent. Loser. Loser. Luser. Okay.

This next one says. It's a fun game. Right. I love that. This one says, we have the same rights, but women have more power nowadays. And if you disagree, you're biased. First of all, it's biased. I know. Like, what? Don't use big words if you don't know how to use them. Oh, that's my pet peeve. I know, same. Same. Or when they make up words or use words that are actually made up, like irregardless. Oh, or conversating. Yeah. It's not a word. Yeah, don't do that. We have the same rights, but women have more power. We don't have the same rights, but women do have more power than they did. Women have more power than they did. Like 100 years ago. Women have, you know, a ton of inherent power. But at the end of the day, I always think of this example that I learned in college.

And it's a reference to the racist society that we exist in. And it's like a thought experiment where two people are gambling for 400 years. And for 400 years, the white, it's a white and a black man, right? The white man has been cheating and keeps winning, keeps winning, keeps winning. 400 years later, he says, you know what, let's actually, I'm tired of cheating, I'm sorry, like I'm the worst. But moving forward, let's have, you know, an equal playing field and we are going to move forward, fair play. Okay. And the black man says, okay, but what about all of your winnings?

He's like, no, I keep these. Yeah. But moving forward, we're going to play fair. What people don't understand is that there is generational disadvantages for people who have been oppressed under these structures. And so even if, like, let's just say, okay, now in the work environment, like, women are being elevated, that's to offset, you know. The hundreds of years before. Exactly. And so to look at things in a vacuum and without the context of the structures,

that we exist in is stupid. Yeah, it's just like, come on. And it's irresponsible on top of that. And you also don't, when they say things like that too, and I love that example. I love examples like that. Yeah. They don't factor in either the conditioning that it has embedded in everybody. That includes men who still think like that.

Yeah. So like you may be ready to play fair, but that doesn't mean everybody else is ready to play fair. Exactly. And so she is still actively. fighting against those who don't believe that they should be playing fair at this point. 1,000%. Regardless if there's one person who's like, it should be fair.

Yeah. There's a hundred others who don't believe that. And let's just say hypothetically, let's just say it is fair. As a woman, you have spent your entire life being punished for the things that the man has not been punished for. And so we are

coming to the playing field equipped differently. And so even if the rules are applied, completely, you know, fairly and uniform, there's still a disadvantage. And, and again, and maybe it's a feminine characteristic to assess the context in a way that men don't. But it's just so lazy to think like that. Well, yeah, I agree. It's also a lack of intelligence, I think, too. Like, to the same point about, okay, so you know how misogynistic men are like, women can't be leaders because if they're leaders, what if they get their period and they get emotional?

which is just like, if you've never f***ed a woman, just say that, that's one. But two, also, when women are, okay, so let's just say like the period thing affects everyone exactly the same. That's why I'm like you also don't know body chemistry literally at all. Periods don't sit the same in every single person who has a uterus. However, let's just say it affected moods. It affects my mood sometimes where I like, I feel a little bit more on edge.

So things rub me the wrong way differently. The difference is that because women, have been conditioned to prioritize other people's feelings their entire lives. Women and anyone who doesn't adhere to a straight man, a heterosexual man, whatever. Like women have this like forethought already, this empathy. It has grown and fostered and they have it and they hold it so dearly. Yeah. So even when I'm being in my most irrational state, I have the ability to tell myself I'm being irrational.

One thousand percent. Men don't have that. They don't have the self. Have you ever seen a man like a man, man, man, get mad? Like in a bar. Like, he gets drunk. Unprovoked. Yeah, unprovoked.

Do you see, like, you know how they have those jokes where women are like, look at me. He only listens to me. Look at me. He can't see past his own rage. And it's like something very small that sets him off. Yeah. And nothing can deter him. The only thing he sees is violence or red at that point.

He doesn't have what other women and femmes have, which is like, this is me being irrational. I should think about the consequences. What if I do this? What will happen? They don't have that. I think there's also, no, 1,000,

they don't have that. And I think now that I'm thinking about it, also has to do with the fact that there is a consequence to being perceived by women or by men as women. That doesn't exist for men. And so we have to not only think of how am I feeling, but also how will the expression of how I'm feeling be received by others. And I think what is self-awareness other than that? And because men just don't need to think that.

Exactly. They don't. Yeah, ever. They don't know that unless someone like me on TikTok tells you that. That's the only way they hear it otherwise. Because no one in their life is holding them accountable. The way that they're constantly, constantly holding women and femmes accountable. One thing about me, a man's going to be in my goddamn business.

Yeah. Every second of every day, bitch. someone's they're going to be in my business yeah minding business that does not pay them right that i'm never truly alone they're always going to be there with me yeah no matter what because that's just what they're conditioned to do and the and the funniest part of all of it is like you're paid and they're not like you you are literally hating and taking time out of your it's just it's just yeah sometimes one time this guy wrote like well it's just regular hate but he was just writing like how much he didn't like my laugh and then i was like

well my laugh pays the bills is yours facts I don't think so bitch okay last comment on this video it says maybe you're around the wrong men there are plenty of men who should make your world

who should make your world more amazing than you could imagine try a nice guy is that a bot comment that can't be real right try a nice guy hey hey ever thought of ever thought of like hanging out with someone nice ever thought of that

Oh my God. I can't believe I didn't come up with that on my own. Where'd you get that from? Oh my God. I should teach a seminar. Life coach. Not the plight of the nice guy. And it's like never the never the real nice guy that's saying that. It's the misogynist under the guise of, I'm harmless.

I'm the nice guy. I'll treat you nice. But really I feel entitled to your love and I feel entitled to your. I'm going to be nice to you as long as you do what I want. And then as soon as you do what I want. And then as soon as you don't, I'm going to take it off like Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and then I'm going to kill you in an alley. Yeah. At the end of the day, no one is entitled to your time and your energy, even if you are the nicest person in the world.

Right. And you can't by punishing someone for not treating you the way that you want to be treated, you are just inherently not a nice guy. Like by definition, you're not a nice guy. Like you are a transactional, like selfish. a bit up person. Yeah, well also, like, if you want to be called nice, I'll give you nice, but you're not a good person. Lots of terrible people can be nice.

Yeah. You know what I mean? You know how many nice people I've met that have been the worst people I've ever met in my life? So true. Like, and that's why someone said it's more important to be kind than it is to be nice. One thousand percent. And that's because women and femmes are constantly expected to be nice.

Yeah. Like always. They have to consistently hold space for men and all of their, shortcomings. They have to be patient, gracious, and kind, and they have to hold empathy for them and support them and not get mad at them. And that's why I'm like, don't you

think like, wow, why did I try a nice guy? Right. And most of the time, I don't know, like, the amount of dudes I've met that I've actually been like, cool, very few. Yeah. I've met tons of shit ones, though. Yeah. I've met hundreds of terrible men. So many.

So many. And, you know, I have met so many amazing women. And just like, God, me too. Like, I just, I don't know. Maybe I just haven't been exposed to a lot of shitty women. That's, yeah, it's no same. Literally, hardly any of them. And if, like, and if I was exposed to a shitty woman, it was, um, a white woman.

And she's racist. So there you go. Like, it's okay. And so then you're not a good person by definition. But I think, like, even, like, that's why I feel sometimes, like, I don't feel bad, but I feel sorry for, like, pick me's. Yeah. Because I always think, like, you need your girls.

Yeah. How you go through life with no girls with no bitches? Period. Like, truly. You're going to be like those men. Pussyless forever. Not me. You know what I mean?

You need your girls, man, like at the end of the day. And I also think, too, like that this whole nice guy thing is another reason why even when I first started on TikTok, like before I started like ripping the actual spine out of the throat of men I hate. I was literally talking like about dating and like my own misfortunes with dating. And in the sense that I'd come across terrible men and I'd be mean and then and eat grass and they would just lose their minds. Yeah. And so when I was younger, I was a lot meaner.

I was like, I was on hinge when I was younger. Yeah, like when I was in my early 20s because I was so unafraid. I wasn't afraid of anything. I had no fear, which is not a good thing. I don't recommend that, but I'm also large. So it was just one of those things where I was like. a terror if men were rude if they were disrespectful it tracks been about this it tracks but when I was younger I used to I never felt bad about getting free drinks

I never felt bad for ghosting I never felt bad for saying no I never felt bad for anything like that and I would tell my friends all the time like you don't owe him anything yeah yeah I don't know you oh my god yes I had a beautiful girlfriend of mine just like the definition of a bad bitch she went on a date that was so bad that she's like, I just, I don't want to date for a really long time, but I said, like, my love, the fact that you allowed the date to go that long. Yeah. And it was like a two-hour, like, you should have left five minutes in. And that comes from like this people pleasing, this wanting. And that's not her fault. It's not her fault. No. It's not her fault. But I, I think that that's something that should be promoted. When you're

not having a good time, when someone's making you feel uncomfortable, when someone's disrespecting you. when someone's, you're just not having a good time period. You don't owe anyone anything. And in fact, I would be hurt if someone was sitting across from me and didn't want to be there. Like, don't stay if you don't want to be there. In any situation, business, romantic, friendship, people should only be in spaces that they desire to be in. And to think that you're doing someone a favor by enduring it is actually, it's backwards. Like, it's fucked up.

I wouldn't want someone to do that to me. Well, and it's not fair to you. Yeah. Like, it's, it's, and I think too, like, with the whole, like, um, buying drinks thing because, like, men have, like, really tried to, like, come for me for saying, like, I promote free drinks because I do and I still do to this day. Love that. Love that. And I always say, you know, well, first of all, you don't, like, you have to think, like,

why is this man approaching me? Yeah. Is it because he saw me and he was like, she looks smart. I wonder what her favorite book is. No, bitch. That's not why. So he has different intentions than what he acts like he does after the fact. 1,000%.

It's like, well, I just wanted to get to know you. No, you didn't. Yeah. No, you did not. Then, like, ask my name. Yeah, it's just. So I was like, do you know how many times in a club I've been like, then what's my name? Right.

And they don't remember. You know why? Because they don't give a shit. And that's why I'm like, I don't feel bad. Yeah. I don't feel bad. Not even a little bit. Like that song, get that bread, get that head and leave.

You offered. Yeah. Like, I didn't force you to. Are you expecting something in return? If you are say that, but you didn't. And so I am actually doing you a favor by assuming and giving you the benefit of the doubt that you're a nice person. Yeah. And I don't.

I assume you're terrible always. But I'm going to get that free drink for sure. Yeah, exactly. And that's why I'm always like, it's one of those things where you're like, it's all about intention. Their intentions are never 100% pure. If they say that they are, like in situations like that, if they say that they're lying and then that's an even bigger red flag. Yeah. Because just be real.

Like why did he come up to you? Was it to like Kiki and get to know you and laugh and make you laugh and make you feel good? No. It was to get something. So you want something, he wants something. Even playing field at that point, that's what I say. That's called making the patriarchy work for you. Exactly.

Instead of against you, which is a good thing. So for this guy, try a nice guy. Try these nuts. How about that? Try these nuts. That's incredible. Okay, we'll move on to the next video. Okay, so this one is two women are having a.

debate on a podcast. The first woman is saying we need men because of the male dominated industries like automotive repair, electrical power carpentry, etc. The other woman is arguing that just because men dominate those industries right now doesn't mean that women can't be great in those fields or that she personally depends on them to survive. For example, she can fix her own car. Right. Which is T. I love that. Yeah. Okay. And so this first comment says, does her own carpentry? mean she made a picture frame once made a picture frame or hung a picture frame is that what you meant? Like literally what bitch is what what feminine bitch is making their own picture frames seriously I don't even know how to do that yeah girl what this next one says fix my own car

fix my own car in quotes takes it to the dealership you don't take it to the dealership to get it Fixed. I mean, maybe Are you guys okay? I don't know shit about cars and I don't take my shit to the dealership. It's the body shop, right?

Yeah, like Like, don't you buy a car to dealership? I mean, yeah, you could get like your car service if you have a lease but if you buy a car, I don't know. No, that's why they wouldn't know. Yeah, exactly.

You don't own your own car. You probably don't. Yeah. This one says the thought of her climbing 120 foot double circuit power line and working on it is by far the thing ever. I needed that laugh. Why would that be funny? Wouldn't that just be impressive?

Like, it's like what? Yeah, a lineman, like an electrical lineman. They're going to send a bitch with no information. That's like one of the most dangerous jobs in the world. They're going to send a girl with no info up that pole and they're going to be like, good luck lady. Good luck fixing that without men. And you wouldn't laugh. You would literally have your jaw on the floor and admire that woman. If she's going up there, that means she's qualified to do it. Like, are you guys stupid? Oh my God. Your massages and jokes don't even make sense. They don't even make sense. It's, they should, okay, first of all, one of these women is a pygmy. Men because of the male dominated industry. She's like, and that other girl has a point. Just because they dominate them now

doesn't mean that women aren't capable. It means that women have been pushed out or excluded for a long time. Exactly. And at the end of the day, there are biological differences between males and females, like strength-wise or, you know, there's just, there's differences. Yeah. And so if there are things that are designed, I mean, if there are things that the biological advantage will give you a leg up, then it makes.

sense that there are more men in that industry. But if there's always going to be anomalies, right? There's always going to be women that are just as strong or just as capable. And my question is, why not, you know, take whoever's capable. Like why, why try to box people out or exclude? What's the logic? It's just, there's no logic. It's just power, a power exertion, I think, more than anything. I think I was studying sexual assault in the military. while I was in college. And it, in my research,

it seems like because men are so used to their groups that are exclusively men that even when a woman who is just as capable comes in, it like,

it makes them feel uncomfortable because it like breaks up like the bro camaraderie or like they feel like they can't talk about the things that they want to talk about. And I just think, I don't know.

I don't know. It means that can't be disgusting. I don't know. I'm thinking about it though. Yeah. Well, it's for different reasons. Yeah, it's because they want to be disgusting. I'm thinking about if I was like in a female space where I'm used to just being around women and a guy wants to show up, the reason why I don't want him to show up is not because I want to be discussing.

It's because I don't want him being disgusting. Exactly. It's like I feel unsafe. Whatever that may be, whether it's emotional or physical. Well, and that's like the tea of it all is like it's the knowledge and the intention behind it. It's like women get upset. Like, for example, a lot of women have told me that they feel really uncomfortable going to the gym. Yeah. Which makes sense.

Yeah. Because have you been to a commercial gym? Yeah. They're awful. It's bad. The amount of disgusting people in gyms, like, and I'm talking men specifically, and it's because they heavily populate them. Yeah. And they, like, it's almost like dogs where they just pee everywhere and it's like, this is ours.

And it's just like, it's creepy, it's weird, and it makes them feel unsafe. And it's not because they're like, oh, I'm better than men. It's literally because they feel unsafe, whether it's emotional, physical, whatever it may be. And can you blame them? Like, can you literally blame them? Like, that's why when men are up in arms about female-only gyms, like women and femme gyms only, when men aren't allowed, they're like, what kind of segregation is there? Right.

And it's like the threats are different. The reasoning is different. Yeah, it's literally like it's exclusionary. Because you're incapable of being awful. Like you're incapable of not being terrible. Yeah. And if you had fixed that a while ago, then we wouldn't feel the need to cultivate spaces like that.

Right, right. But women want to work out too, and they want to work out in a space where they don't feel like that all the time or have fear or anything like that. Yeah. Nobody would want that. Yeah. And the thing about exercising is like you have to wear certain things in order to be comfortable.

And so, like, there's no, like, I can't even. I'm not going to work out in baggy clothes. Yeah. And I'm certainly not going to work out in baggy clothes to protect myself. Exactly. Again, let me just be me without feeling unsafe and without feeling punished. Yeah, exactly. And it's when it comes to this video about like heavily populated, like when you were talking about biologically.

Yeah. That goes both ways. Okay. Because a lot of men like to use that and be like, well, men are just genetically stronger. Some. men are genetically stronger. I can promise you right now there are many men that I am stronger than

that I'm faster than than, that I'm more athletic than. That's why I said that some there's a big asterisk next to that because some men biologically are weaker and smaller than me. And I identify as a woman. So that's my point.

Like it goes both ways. Like in the same sense like men are just, they always say like men are genetically smarter, which is also not true. That's just not true. That's not true. Literally at all, our brains all come out the same as far as like the way that they're little peanuts when we were born. You know what I'm saying? I mean, they grow over time. So like that's not true either. I put out this TikTok in the very early days of my of my TikTok career where I said it's funny because it's like the norm to to know that women

mature faster than men, right? Yeah. And it's interesting that we don't tell men when they're growing up or boys when they're growing up to look up to women as sources of intelligence and maturity but instead we we tell girls to like it's it's just so backward like if it's the biological truth that women are maturing faster than boys like then why shouldn't they be looked up to as role models yeah and it's it's just as far as men being genetically more intelligent there's just so much data to negate that. I mean, look at schools. Look at the education system. Well, they don't care about that, do they? They don't care about facts. That's why I said there's no point in debating them because they don't care about facts. They care about biases. They care about prejudice.

And they care about feeling validated within those biases. Like, they only want to listen to people who agree with them. And that's why I said, you don't want to debate me, you want to argue. Yeah. And those two things are not the same. And one of them's a big, fat waste of my time. Actually, they both are. but so I'm not going to debate you but I'm sure as hell not going to argue with you either. And that's why that's also, it's funny because one time I did this show and like it was like a like a Zoom interview type thing. And they had me on and they had these dudes on that they like, I actually ripped to shreds.

And they said, do you guys want to talk to each other? And I said no. I got nothing to say to those men. And they didn't really want to talk to me either. So it kind of worked out. And so I got to watch them be interviewed. Mind you, they're being interviewed by these two men who are, one of them's a licensed like psychiatrist and the other one's a licensed therapist and psychologist, whatever.

They're very different. But they're both like literally medically licensed and to work in the medical field. And they're explaining to these men the reason why you feel this way is because you're underdeveloped mentally. Wow. They said that to their face. Wow. These are doctors and they're also men.

So they can't use like, well, she's a woman. Right, right. She's biased. Literally. Like one was white and one was a white man and one was a black man. Yeah. And they both were saying the same exact thing. They were like, they call it the caveman theory where it's like you have a caveman brain.

Your brain is still like me, man, me strong. And that's like where you're at. He said the older you get, the more that hopefully, I hope you get out of that stage. And he was saying it's called like a young, athlete phase. Like they think they're on top of the world. They're invincible. Nothing can hurt them. They're never going to die. They have this like confidence and arrogance about them, which feeds the caveman brain. It's like, well, clearly I'm being validated because nothing bad ever happens to me and no one's ever mean to me and blah, blah, blah. And then they come across someone like me and they like short circuit.

Yeah. So when I talk to them, I like explain to them like it's pretty simple to me why what they said is bad and harmful for whatever reason. And the guy told me that he said, just out of curiosity, how come you didn't want to talk to them? And I said, because I have nothing to say to them. Like, they're not going to want to have a discussion with me. They're not going to listen to me. A misogynist inherently believe women are lesser than, not smart. And they believe they're superior to them.

So what makes you think they're going to listen to me? Yeah. When I explain to them, hey, you shouldn't say things like this. They're harmful. Right. And I was like, I have nothing to gain out of talking to them, so I don't want to. Yeah. And he said, that's a sign of emotional maturity.

One thousand percent. And then he's also a sign. of high intelligence when you pick your battles pick your battles when you're like that's not worth my time yeah because I have nothing to prove to you yeah and so there I was like period no I mean debate can be very powerful I competed in collegiate speech and debate and it was like my whole life for for two years and what's really beautiful about proper speech and debate is the fact that you don't choose which side of the debate you have to defend you're given the side of the you're assigned your side of the debate and

you have 30 minutes to prepare. And what this does is it forces people to engage with thoughts and beliefs that they don't necessarily agree with. And it's a beautiful thing because you have a more, even if I, like let's say I have to debate that like men are superior to women. It strengthens my arguments for why men are not superior to women because I can identify counter arguments and I can like have a clear picture of like what is, what is my opponent's thinking and what are they going to come forward with. And I really, I have this like dream and this

belief that I, so the problem that you and I face when we were growing up in the education system was access to information. But the problem kids have today is too much information and being able to discern between what's good and what's bad. And I think if like we implemented speech and debate at a K through 12 level, it would be one of the best ways to combat this, this very polarized world that we live in because our news feeds, our social media feeds, they're all echo chambers. It's all what you already believe in.

And something like this would force people to engage with ideas that they don't believe in and just become more well-rounded, more empathetic. You have to listen to the other side in order to win. If the objective of the debate is to win, you're forced to engage with these other ideas. And that's where I think debate is productive.

Yeah. But if you're debating just to prove something you already believe. It's going to be two ships passing in the night. Yeah, it's like, it's not a debate. It's not a debate. It's an argument. It's an argument. It's yelling at each other. He said, she said. Yeah, it's just a fight at that point. There's no logical reasoning behind it. It's literally just, I believe this. You don't believe this. And that makes me not like you. I want to hear myself talk. Yeah. Yeah, that's another one too. Like they want me to listen in the sense that they want to just be able to scream their point at me. Exactly. No. Yeah. I'm not going to give you that. And there's a power in that too because when I was younger, I would fight all the time. Like all the time. Like if men wanted to debate me on literally anything, I'd be like, suit up, bitch, let's do it. Because I was so confrontational because I'm so convicted in my beliefs, which is not necessarily a bad thing. But then after a while, I realized that this is me serving them.

Like this doesn't serve me at all. Like trying to prove like it's such a waste of life to try waste time. proving that you deserve to be respected as a human to a man that's never going to feel that way. Yeah. It's a waste of time. It's a waste of life. That's why I feel so sorry for pygmies because I'm like, life is far, far, far too short. It's far too short.

To waste it doing that. Like to try and please them when you never really will please them. Yeah. They're never going to be 100% happy with you. There's just way more productive ways to solve these sort of injustices. Well, and I think too, like your energy would be best spent, uplifting other people within your community or uplifting people that have since converted to our community. Like, it's much more productive to spend your time doing that than it is to fight men who just want to fight.

They don't want to win. They want to win, but they don't want to listen. They just want to fight. 1,000%. There's no point. I'm too busy. Two booked and busy. Both of us are.

Two booked and busy. Period. Yeah. Okay. So we're coming to the end here. I'm sad. Obviously, we had a very, very intellectual conversation with Ms. DeLara, Ms. DeLara, Ms. Lawyer. Miss Legal Badi. But what is it that you want? I guess like women and femmes to know,

especially when it comes to operating in male-dominated spaces, trying to thrive in male-dominated spaces. Yeah. What are your like, what's your like best piece of advice for them? I think it's to resist the urge to conform because that makes the path easier to success. I think the only way that we can change the world is by continuously showing up as our authentic selves in order to liberate the next generation and the people that come after us. And sometimes that will feel scary. Sometimes you'll have to work two, three, four, five times as hard in order to maintain a sense of confidence and whatever pursuit it is that you are. trying to achieve, whether that is being a woman in STEM, whatever it is that you want to do.

But to just, for the world, we have to maintain our authenticity so that one day I can walk into a boardroom with my yiddies out, like just like this, and people have to take me just as seriously because they are judging me based off of the merit of what I have to say and not the way that I present. Yeah. And that's the world that I want my children to grow up in. Yeah. That's the world everyone should be able to exist in.

Period. One where they just feel safe being themselves and that they're not going to be questioned. They're not going to be undermined. They're not going to be judged simply for leaning into an appearance or a form of expression that isn't mainstream. Yeah. Or what they consider to be appropriate. Yeah.

Just keep being you. because it makes a difference. It really does. Period. I love that, Miss America, aka Delaura. Okay, so thank you so much for coming on this episode

of the comments section. I adore you. You're the best. I love you. I stand a smart bitch. Make sure all of you go follow Dallara. Where can everybody follow? You can follow me at Legal Baddy

on TikTok and at Dallara on Instagram. Just launched a new podcast. You want to tune in. We get into some of the topics we talked about today. Love. It's been a lot of fun.

I love it. I'm so happy to eat. Congrats on your podcast, bitch. I'm so happy for you. Thank you. Make sure y'all go follow DeLara on literally everything. She's incredible and amazing. Even more amazing in person than she is online.

But you could definitely learn something from her or you could just admire how hot she is. Either one, it's a win. So thank you all for joining us on this episode of the comment section show. Make sure if you want to watch full episodes of our show. Oh my God. Me tripping over my own words. Like I haven't said this a million times. full episodes drop every Wednesday on the past your bedtime YouTube channel you can subscribe to that channel to make sure you don't miss any you can also stream the comment section on all streaming platforms Spotify have a podcast Amazon you guys know the drill anyways I'll see you next week bye