The Comment Section with Drew Afualo - BLOODSHOT DIVAS Ft. Katya Zamolodchikova | Drew Afualo | THE COMMENT SECTION EP 62

Episode Date: April 19, 2023

[video available on Spotify] This week, Drew is joined by the legend herself, Katya, to unpack what it means to be bald and beautiful. They talk owning your hair loss, the curse of "manly men" and Home Depot, a message for Gwyneth Paltrow, and so much more! Drew: https://linktr.ee/drewafualo Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Netflix is a turd factory. And a lot of people don't know that they're like a media company, you know, where they produce like television and film. It's actually a big, uh, shit factory where they pump out huge long turds. And they make you want to eat those turds. And then we have to digest that. I would do anything. I would eat shit for free.

But, you go on and welcome back to another episode of the comment section show starring me, your favorite. Everybody knows me, though. On to the guest, blah, blah, blah. me. The guest today is the very special, the

iconic, the hilarious, the legendary. Katia Zamlochukva. Yes. Did I get it? Yeah. English,

American people say Zamalachikova. Yeah. But I believe Russian people would say Zamlochikova. Samlochikova.

Yeah, yeah. Look at me. You're so Russian. International. Citizen of the world. Yeah. I'm a Russian spy.

You call me, bitch. I'm so happy to have you. I'm happy to be here, honestly. You're an icon. Thank you. Can I, like, be so vulnerable with you for a second? I wish you would.

When I was working nine to five, like years ago, I found, because I love drag race. And I found your guys' show, like, uh, which is what you're wearing the merch for. Yeah. And I would watch you when I was at work. I would listen to you guys. I would crap that bitch. Time theft. Truly.

You stole time from that company. Listen. Merrill Lynch, fuck them. I like work for the U.S. government. Yeah. The State Department. apartment can fuck off.

They're like, what are you? I was like, a preschool teacher. Heart surgeon. It's like on the top, on the clock. Oh my God.

No, I'll listen to you guys. I'll crack up. Really? Yeah, and even now, like, I know you guys have your show

with Netflix on YouTube and I, sometimes I'll tell people they'll ask me, have you seen this show? And I go, yeah, but when I say that, I mean, I watched you guys watch it.

Yeah. And I feel like I gathered all the information necessary. I mean, yeah, because I'll let me tell you about Netflix is a turd factory. and a lot of people don't know

that they think they're like a media company where they produce like television and film. It's actually a big shit factory where they pump out huge long turds and they make you what? And we have to eat those turds and then we have to digest them.

I would do anything. I would eat shit for free but no we have to suffer through some of the stuff they do is great obviously no production company besides HBO is perfect and but they yeah it's we have to watch some trash for three mother fucking hours

and they love to watch you do it sometimes are you like they love to pay us to do it often tricks and I were like our producers Jennifer the most amazing woman in the world and we're like Jennifer what did we do to you for you to inflict this unbelievable suffering upon us did we did I in a fugue state murder your entire

extended family last night Did I do something? Because why are we doing this? In another life? Did I do something to you? Is there generation? Is there, am I a serial killer? So, yeah.

But I mean, it's, we just did it the other day. And we watched a show that was incredible. At the end of the day, but before that, I started to, I started to really, not dissociate, but to really ask myself some hard questions. Like, could I use this coffee cup to kill myself? You know? You're a real creative moment. Yeah, it was intense.

But, you know, my lack of gratitude has no boundaries. It's unbridled. Yes. But thank you. That's a really nice compliment. Yeah, I'm so glad. I'm so happy to have you. You're unbelievably funny.

And you're led. You've been in the game for a long time. You're calling me old? You're saying I'm an old cut? I mean, you said it, not me. I am 40 years old. And you don't look a day over 41. Yeah.

Let's see. In two months, I will be 41. And let me tell you something. as a woman in Hollywood, which you are, can we please stop talking about age? I know. Can we stop it? It's so terrible.

Like, who, younger is better? We want wet, do we? Like, we want wet skin? Does everybody want wet skin? Every time they say that, I think peto. Pito. Pito get in. That's what we're, that's where we're living.

I think, like, big, big pito. Yeah. Why do you care so much? Also, I've had to, like, I just talked about this with Bob when I had Bob Balaban? Bob Balaband? The one and only. Bob Hope?

I bought a Valiji board brought him back. Is Bob Hope dead? I hope not. Me not even knowing? Wait, who's I think of? I hope not, right? I hope not. Is Bob Hope dead?

I think he's fiercely dead, yeah. Okay, well. Bob Barker's also deceased. I don't want to say that that makes me feel better, but like, I'm glad I didn't assume and he wasn't dead. Well, people really don't die, you know? That's true. We just shift from veil to veil. Sorry.

You just had Bob on and... Yeah, and we were talking... I don't even remember where I was going with that. What was I talking about? Okay, we were talking about... Okay, we were talking about... Yes, yes. I was telling...

Because Bob asked me, too, how old are you? Uh-huh. And I told him I'm 27. I'm going to be 28 this year. And he was like, oh, okay. And I was telling him how... People think I'm younger for some reason. Like, they think I'm like 19, 20.

Because you dressed like a slut. Probably. Yeah. Probably because I'm a big fat... Hore. Oh. Margo Martindale would like a word And doubt is

You don't have to be a young to be a big fat slut You don't want to talk about my early 20s I'm telling you I'd rather than think I was older Maybe that's controversial But I almost get offended when they associate me with Gen Z No like hate to Gen Z Oh I just feel like I'm very obviously a millennial Well okay

The thing is like the things that I am tired of are like you say your age and then they say, oh, you don't look that because if you did, how dreadful would that be? You know what I mean? Thank God. You don't look that old. Yeah, the first thing we do, or the first thing that happens when a woman is met is like, oh my God, you look amazing. You don't look your age. That's the only like the most readily available compliment.

And I think that is so pitiful. It's also very backhanded. And it's very nature. Yeah, it's stupid. But when you do get older, who knows what you're going on. It's a rap. Yeah. Yeah, paper bag, that shit. I think I'd rather, I would rather be thought to be older.

I'm something honest. I had, so for my 39th birthday, I threw a 40th birthday party. And at this point, it's all watched. I said, here's the big four. Oh, I got the balloon, the four in the zero. And had a big bash. It was right as COVID was after the hoax. was, you know, nearing its end.

Yeah. And I had a blast and I fooled many close friends. And I just thought it was fun to like, you know, I was really trying to soften the blow of turning 40, so I just did it a year early. You're all, that's me projecting. Yeah. But it worked.

It worked. Yeah. Like Alia said, oh, I'm not going to talk about that because then we're getting an R. Kelly. Oh, yeah. Age ain't nothing but a number. It is a significant number in some cases. Yeah.

Statutory rape. It should matter in some case. Yeah, for sure, it should matter. I think, too, with me, I'm like, I'm a grown man, so I'd rather be treated as such. You know what I mean? I always think, like, you could treat me like a grown man. You could treat me like your dad.

That's cool. I prefer that. You can have me fix the toilet. That's totally fine. Put the door out, take the door up the hinges. Just play the Home Depot song. I'll walk around. What's the Home Depot song?

You know, it's like that do, no, new, new, do, do. It's like, man, man, you know what I mean? Home. Depot. And now I'll just go and I start opening, doors and cabinets just to test them. You know what I mean? I'll just walk around your house and start doing an inspection.

You'll take them in the car and drive somewhere with no map. We'll get there. I know how to... I don't need to ask. I'm a man. You look away, you look back, I have a tool belt. You know what I mean? Walking around. You're putting up poles on the wall. Yeah. You're doing certain things. Cock. You're cock and shit. And I don't laugh.

Mama, you don't laugh about that because I'm a grown man. Because that's C8. Thank you. You are nuts. I think that's why I would prefer them to see me as my age or older. I just don't like, I don't really want to be looked at as younger. Well, no, I mean, I'm, you know, when I was growing up, I, from, let's see, from as early as I can remember, I've always gravitated toward older people, like mentors, teachers, like all my friends were older.

And it wasn't until recently that, like, when I got into drag here in Hollywood, how Holly weird, that everybody seemed to be younger. And I was like, oh, I'm the old maiden type of person. And does that mean that my emotional intelligence has been arrested or is regressing? Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I feel you. And then I started dating or having dalliances with younger men. And I was like, am I a pedophile?

What's happening? So, you know, now I'm just looking for Jerry Wynetrob. He's 50. He lives in Boka and he's rich. There you go. You know? Yeah, I feel that. Yeah.

He has multiple properties, one in Boka. He's definitely, yeah, he has a, he's got one. Oh, I'm like, Martha's Vineyard. Yeah. Yeah. You know. For different seasons of the year. Yeah, snowbird.

Snowbird. I feel that. Yeah. That's nice. That's a beautiful. It's nice to dream. It's nice to have unattainable gold. What else gets you out of bed in the morning?

Oh, my God. Coffee. Don't talk to me until I've had three liters of coffee injected up my ass. That's what people think when they think millennial. They think coffee enema? Yes. No, they think like the shirt that says Like, it's wine o'clock.

Oh, it's five o'clock somewhere. Yeah, one of those. It's five o'clock somewhere. They use the word like dogo unironically. Oh, okay. Now we're really getting into that. That's older millennial but also white. So then I think like, when they say I'm a millennial, they're like.

Oh, white people, just get rid of them. I'll go first. I will go first. I will be, I will jump into the volcano first. And I have enough influence, I think, online to definitely encourage. some people to follow me. I mean... Come on, Cracker.

Let's go jump in this volcano. Sorry. That's called a cult. Yes. Yeah. But I don't want their money. I just want them to die. Just the influence.

That's more than enough. That's worth its windmill. Yeah. Let's talk about these nails. Oh, my nails, yeah. They're very Cinderella. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Cinderella. She was scraping the shit out of that house and cleaning with those nails. Do you think that... Child abuse. There's Cinderella in that when you hold a baby, you puncture its skin. It's Cinderella's and my friends are rats.

You know what I mean? I think so. Okay. So, like, another stupid thing that a man would say, like, how do you wipe your ass with those? I know how that happens, because I've worn long nails. And if they're acrylicly bonded to the skin, they're a part of your body.

You know what I say? I don't. You say, I shit into my palm and I throw it at the mirror. Yeah, I just say I don't, I don't wipe. Mama, wipe what? I haven't gone to the bathroom in six years. I don't poop. Did you see me?

No, it comes out of my mouth. Sorry. Oh my God, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm sorry. I'm a big fan of you. Thank you. That's basically the point.

All right, let's talk about Palestine. I'm a really big fan. Heavy hitters only today. But today on the show, what I want to do. to talk about is being you have a podcast with the wonderful tricksy yeah uh called the bald and the beautiful yeah i do how long have you guys been doing that now uh we have been doing it i think we passed a hundred episodes oh my gosh yeah i think we thought we're going to do it for maybe like a couple weeks and um and it started as um she wanted to do like a theme um i don't think she's ever i don't even think

she's aware of the soap the bold and the beautiful um but it's obviously a play on that and um uh and it's like, oh, we're bald and we could have guests on who could talk about beauty in some regard, you know. And it's kind of started out like that, but we quickly realized that we don't like having guests. Because three is tough. It's hard, yeah. I mean, she doesn't listen to me.

So how are we both going to like... You can't all pull focus. No, and we... It'd be really hard. One time we had four of us on the pod once, and it was utter chaos, unlistenable. But so it's quickly devolved into just like phone conversations that

happen to be between friends that are taped and monetized you know but we are bald so that's true that's true and you are beautiful and i think like so like there's a lot of discoloration happening here please ignore that but i shaved it um is weird to ask you to feel the back of my head no okay so go down as long as it's okay let me see wow it's very smooth it's giving cranium oh it is giving it is giving it is giving skull do you see what my hat says as well I can't really read it. This thanks a lot. Bitch?

Yeah. Do you tell people to fill your head and then tell them to read your hat? Mm-hmm. There you go. You said, and that's how I met Trixie. Yeah. So we do the, it's a really fun thing. You know, I don't know.

It's a, the advertising is interesting. For the podcast? Yeah. Yeah. Because, of course, that's a, that's, we make money through ad. You know, I mean, you know. Yeah. And I, she is a diehard capitalist, and I am not exactly that.

A hippie. I would say, I'm like a, I definitely lean more towards like, socialism. I would even say like. Communists. Anarchy even, you know, like, but, but, you know, these are prodig shoes I'm wearing. So I'm a hypocrite. Yeah, I was going to say. Yeah. But my underwear cost $3.

and it came from somebody else's house. And you know what? Life's all about balance. I mean, you... It's about divine feminine and the divine masculine. It is. No, that's not a joke, though.

I have underwear from, like, a long time ago, too. I listened to your show with Trixie, and y'all talked about underwear for a very long time. We did. That's because she's a nasty slut. She is... She came on this set, and she corrupted me. She is a gutter.

She is a gutter pig. A pit viper. She is. Yeah, she is. She is a hell person. She came on here with her sinful ways and she seduced me into talking about things. And she caught you in these godless times in a state of vulnerability. She sure did.

And she turned you. She sure did. And I can see the devil in your eyes now. If he can lead you to it, he can lead you through it. Yeah. Yeah, but I like doing a podcast. It's a fun way to make money by not doing a lot of work. Well, you were telling me before you love to talk about yourself.

I do. apparently but so we're talking about aging brain damage the deterioration of the mental faculties the degeneration of neurological processes that occur yeah I have repeated stories so many times and I think the main our dynamic is best described as like texter once I was like oh my god girl we really have told the same six stories over and over. Do I have dementia? She's like, she's like, yeah, I know, girl. I think your brain is dying and I'm just too self-centered

to notice. And I was like, that's a true friend. That's a true friend right there. That's a true business partner. It truly is. I think you have to in order to survive. That's why like you guys. You have to have brain damage in order to survive?

No, you have to like not pay attention. One of you needs to not pay attention to the other to stay friends. Because then she just keeps revisiting all these old stories. She'll never get tired. Oh, wait, it is like dementia. It's like, hi, who are you? So it's like the first time every time. Yeah, fall in love every single time.

You wake up, you fall in love all over again. It's like Groundhog Day. You know, when I posted about having an episode with her, I said I, because I've gotten that comment before on, like, I think I'm like almost to 70 episodes at this point. Well, sounds like all these people are sitting around not listening. Not telling you. Hey, honey, Drew, I think you told the story before. You know what?

And they let me do it. Yeah. And you want to see you fail. Because we're all getting paid at the end of the day. So you're going to sit and listen to these stories, which is what I think. But I've gotten that comment before where they're like, I feel like Drew repeats stories. And I'm also a Virgo. And I know Trixie's a Virgo.

What are you? A Scorpio? Mm-mm. Are you like water, air? Neither of those things. Really? Mm-mm. Are you an Earth sign?

Mm-hmm. No way. Are you tourists? Yes. Oh, my God. I love tourists. You do? Yeah.

I get along with Taurus really well. I found it. So my, we vibe. My witch friend who's like an actual witch and has a great,

great super encyclopedic knowledge of all things a cult and in astrology and all everything. She described my astrological profile, my chart, as a giant army tank

careening down a muddy hill, but one that could get derailed by a twig. And did you say, I said T. Yeah. You said, oh, period. Yeah, I was like, period, bitch.

Yeah. So whenever I have a question about astrology. I was going to say, you give me Aries energy, but I don't know if that's... Aries is a fire sign? I believe so. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Aries. Yeah, I don't know. I mean...

Aries men, especially, I feel like... Excuse me? Listen. Aries people. Okay, thank you. As a whole. Yeah. I feel like are very, um, they have these chaotic thoughts and all the time and then sometimes

they give in to them. Oh, Mama, I'm always giving in. This is a sometimes scenario. Yeah. That's why it surprised me that you said you were Torres. But you are very, I think, are you very grounded? I am low to the ground and that I'm constantly on the floor. Looking for shit.

Uh, in shit? Like covered in shit. No, I'm like a mud person. I, um, I, uh, so the, the qualities that I know that. typical of Torians are like sensual, materialistic. They love the comfort of home, of textures of like sumptuous, like, you know. Like home bodies kind? Yeah, absolutely.

I would definitely. But, you know, I mean, I think with astrology. What if when you said that you just described like someone awesome, beautiful, sexy? I think Torians are known for like, you know, insanely high IQs. So funny. Extraordinary social acumen. I mean, so funny. Preder naturally gorgeous, almost too generous for their own good,

but somehow selfless and eternal. Like, beautiful in a way that she doesn't know it. Yeah, you know, it's like Linda Evangelista if she just worked at the bank and she never pursued modeling because she had no interest. But what do I know? That's just the stars. That's the planet.

I don't have control over that. I can't control with the stars. No, but they're like, I love creature comforts And I love, I love, like, I love, like, nice stuff. But not, like, expensive stuff, just nice stuff. Yeah, nice quality stuff. Like, you know, we're, and we're very, like, I love to feel the earth. No, I do.

I bet. You walk your own barefoot a lot? And I walk in my hands a lot. Oh. Like, handstands. Okay. I love to do that. That's a little nightmarish.

You think so. You think so. I'm real with you. Okay. Yeah, you took that hat off, start walking on your hands and your feet. Mom, I might have to run. When you see these veins bulging. and this turns into a tomato.

And then you start running on all fours? I may have to kill you. Or crap walking like Reagan and the Exorcist? Yeah, I mean. Well, so my, I'm going to call her... Your witch friend. Yes, my witch friend. Her name is Vallada.

And she told me one day to wear red underwear for good luck. Okay. Like panties? So I have a red belt, red underwear, and red socks. All the time? And red eyes, bloodshot diva. And you're on your period. so red.

That's why we're, I mean, that's the real reason. That's why you're at war is red. Yeah, yeah. Well, the period is brown. It's clotted and it's, oh my God. It's old blood? Shunky. Old urine and lines.

Well, a lot of the, I mean, if you, if a person, if you're a person who does menstruate, you know that, it's not like in the Cotex commercials. It's not this, like, liquid that is just, like, water. It's not like red water. It is sometimes chunky, coagulated, really fucking heavy. It's like mama gravy on Thanksgiving day. I wrote that book. Yeah, gravy boat.

She's exploded in my jeans. I saw it sweet ones that said, I just found out when people men straight, they get the shits. And that's how I know people with uterces are the superior gender. It's, honey, there's not a question about it. And I know this is so tired. But if the script were flipped, it's, you know, people say this all the time. It's like, you know, tampons would be like hung from trees. And there would be two weeks off of work every month.

And it would be, you know, there'd be free bleed Fridays and like it would just be a whole different scenario. The world would be much more accommodating. Men were had to deal with this. Yeah. Sometimes unbearable physical trauma every month. Oh, yeah. And it's crazy. I mean, I've had so many female friends in my life who've had such difficult periods.

Yeah. And the shits. Sometimes you get the shits on your period. How about cramps that immobilize you? Truly. That's insane. Pooping at the same time. Yeah.

Sometimes women sit on the toilet. shit in their brains out. Yeah. They have like the hot water bottle, like, and they're holding on their stomach because you're getting cramps at the same time. Yeah. They're shitting your brains out.

And you got chunky blood flying out of that puss. You know what? Talk about it. And then they go to work the next day. Yeah. And then they have a baby. And then how about this one? My fucking sister, Dr. Karate-sick,

um, uh, she had a baby at, uh, 37, 38. And, um, her boss, she doesn't work for him anymore, but asked for a meeting a week after,

after she gave birth. A week after. We wanted to know where the fuck she was at? Yeah. Were you at home? He said, I know you just had a baby, but you're being really selfish. He's like, why don't we schedule a meeting

around your child's nap time? Mama, that child is, that's a seven-day-old infant. The nap schedule is not set yet. Eyes not even open yet. You know, they're like hamsters or their eyes don't open yet? It's a wet blob that only screams and shits and pisses.

Napschedule? Napschedule. It's crazy. You know, let me pencil you in right away. Yeah. I talk about pooping a lot of. lot on this show. It's okay. I've shit myself many times and probably will do

again. I've never done that. Get out of here. I've never pooped myself. I can tell you that much. You've never pooped. We have somebody else do it for you? I've never shit my burgo. Oh shit. Okay. Well, mud people, tourists. When I got the gonorrhea shot, I'm sorry, this is a repeated

story, but I haven't told it here. You know, I got the gonorrhea shot for a gonorrhea scare that was not confirmed. I just got it preemptive, you know. Gotcha. And that nurse certainly did not tell me some of the side effects that were very likely to occur. She did not advise. Including loss of the ballot control.

Like immediately. But you're going to shit. You're going to shit. You're going to have to shit real hard. Like immediately? Yeah. So I went to. Did it happen like right after you got it or was it kind of like a slow burn?

It was maybe a couple hours after. And I certainly was recording a podcast with a friend. And thankfully, for some reason, I was wearing a speedo underneath my pants. Very tight one. I don't know why. It's a little diaper, huh? And I started to feel like real ill. So I was like, oh, I got to go.

Left, puked in the middle of the street. In the middle of the street, broad daylight in West Hollywood. Very embarrassing, not drunk. And then got to the intersection walking home, farted and bam. Blew shit into that speedo. Well, you're just walking home? Waiting for the red light. Blue shit into the speedo.

It was so... Damn, did you try to, like, cup it at all? Or did you just speedwalk? No, I just sat down. I'm like this. No, it was just really awful. But, so don't get gonorrhea. I would assume so.

You know, try not to get gonorrhea because that shot is also painful. Really? Yeah, it's really painful. Yeah, I've never, never quite... That story sounded recent. No, it was about probably four years ago. Oh, okay. So recent enough.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I have shit my pants. Um, no, I haven't, I haven't since then. Yeah. Not since then. You have a calendar that's like, yeah. My advent calendar, you know, like counting the days. I, but also I don't drink so that I feel like is, uh, yeah.

It helps you avoid those. Oh, I don't drink alcohol. I drink a lot of G. I'm just kidding. Do you know about G? I've heard of it. I don't know a ton about it. I wouldn't say.

I'm very well versed. Okay. It's really. But I have not pooped myself. yet anyway. Never saying never. 27 years never pooped. Not myself, not in my pants. I never shit in my pants. Okay, I get it.

I got it. You think you better than me. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm better than you. Yeah, well that's, it has been made clear. Yeah, I'm an old cunt who shits her pants. Maybe that's the age. Yeah, you know, something to look forward to for me, I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just you wait. If data management is slowing

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what did I do? Yeah. What is the carmic comeuppance that I am currently suffering through right now? I'm certainly paying the Piper right now, and I don't know exactly what I did to deserve this, but if you make it stop, maybe I'll go to church. So you have pled with God to relieve you of battle, like terror? That I can confidently say.

You know, I used to get cramps when I was in high school, and I remember gas, gas, gas. Like, they turned out to be gas or something. Yeah. And it was like, I used to like, bowl. I'd be bowled over on the floor at 6 a.m. in the bathroom, one bathroom of five people. Oh, man. And just like praying for God to just take my digestive system away.

Just, please. Just put a fish tank in there with something. It was just horrible. Yeah, it is pretty bad. Intestinal trauma is no joke. I'm like, and this is sponsored by, and it's medicine five, yes. Colostomy bags. Wait, what about Ozempic?

Do you know about Ozzympic? Yeah. Did you read that blurb about every gay at CIA? is currently blowing up the bathrooms because they're getting those shots like it's going out of style. Yeah. CAA the agency.

Yes, honey, creative artist, creative artist agency gays are blowing up the bathrooms. Remus! Because they haven't discovered Adderall apparently. Oh my gosh. I have heard about O-Zempic. I have about the new diet trend.

It's so crazy. Almond mom stuff. Have you seen that? No, what's that? With Gwyneth Paltrow. Oh, Mama, Let's get into it. Oh my gosh.

The original almond mom. They were calling her an almond mom. Because why? Well, they describe almond moms as the moms who like, they'll be like, oh, I'm starving. And then they have an almond. And then they're like, are you not stuffed from that apricot we had earlier? Yeah. Honey, we just smelled a bunch of cotton candy.

Are you not? You're still hungry? We ate two baby bells and you're starving still? Yeah. We just passed a Burger King. You're not, you're still hungry? The almond mom. She was, some people have.

Of course, this is not a thing you do, but people are talking about this. She has orthorexia, which is like... Is that from the long-haul COVID stuff? No. I saw that. Well, so, yeah, so there's a whole... I mean, listen, we don't know her, whatever.

We're just being assholes. But what she describes and... But the thing is, because she's a wellness guru, who has a million-dollar business... I know. That is predicated on her lifestyle. And wellness. Wellness is...

It's just disguised my phobia to me. be honest. Oh, it is a... It's veiled. It is a sham. It is a charlatan city, you know, run by... It's just crazy. Anyways, because I come from the yoga world.

I was, like, trained as a yoga teacher in Boston. I know all this... The wellness stuff, blah, blah, blah. But anyways, she's... Orthorexia is like when... It's an eating disorder where you're obsessed with healthy eating, dietary restrictions. And counting, right? Yeah, yeah.

And it often materializes in malnutrition. because you're like, you're hyper fixated. Hyper fixated. And, you know, she as, that whole thing is like, well, she was having a conversation with her doctor.

It's like, yeah, but you were doing it publicly, bitch. I know. Well, you know what you're saying and you know you have a platform.

So it's like, the harm that it ripples out should be something you consider, but I don't think you care enough about that. Well, because, like I,

for example, would never call myself a role model. I think the fuck she does because she's also, because it's goop. Yeah. That's like her whole. She's selling a whole lifestyle.

Yeah, it's a branding thing. So, Gwyneth, if you're listening, I'm glad you got off from crashing into that elderly man skiing bitch. I forgot about that. Uh-huh. Oh, indeed. But in the trial, she was definitely giving Fay Dun away, which is really exciting. Because I hope that she merges into that kind of character.

Just eschew the whole wellness thing and become a f*** cunt. You know, drown people in your sauna in the base of it. in the basement. There you go. There you go. That's the only way to go out at this point. You got one or two options. That being said, I do love Gwyneth Paltrow.

And I wish the best for her. And if we ever have an opportunity to work together in the future, I'd be happy to do that. Just tell her. That wasn't me. That was Brian. I don't know her. Exactly. I don't know that.

I don't see her. She's such a bitch, huh? I know. Yeah. Okay. So we're talking about being bald and beautiful. Yes. Yes.

That's what we're talking about today. So for those of who don't. know here on the comment section what we like to do is I bring videos that are applicable to our topic today and then we kiki laugh about them talk about them whatever all the fun things so this first one is I just described them so this bald man wearing a suit who described himself as a coach in his username is talking to the camera and telling men that he gets laid even more now that he is bald he says being completely bald is sexy but balding is not and basically just keeps talking about how much pussy

he gets now. Oh, okay. He's drowning in it apparently. Okay, yeah. Because he's, because of his bald head. Of course. So, what are your initial thoughts? You know, I can't, I can't speak to the experience of drowning in pussy

per se. But I do, I think maybe, I would say that maybe he's swinging and he's taking the pendulum into the opposite direction because there is such an incredible, I mean, when I, I, I, I, I,

observed just in the last like four or five years is the most intense fear and shame for men about being bald to the point where every single mother-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h got to turkey. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Mama. Rupal has this a euphemism for dying, say, you know, so-and-so has left for Paris. And I say, well, she gone to Turkey. It's like this. She had a layover in Turkey.

Yeah, she, did you hear her? She went to Turkey. And they go to get the hairline surgery. And also maybe to fix the grill. They do a bogo, two for whatever. Oh, yeah, two birds, one stone. It's very cheap in Turkey. And they specialize it in Istanbul. Yeah.

In any case. But I just, like, I've never had good hair. So in my mother, I've inherited most of my mother's side of traits, which is thin, shitty hair. Because my dad's side has thick, huge head. It's giant jaws. Well, most balding, especially in men, is inherited through their. maternal side. Yeah, so that bitch.

So, so bald or balding, it's your mom's fault. Yeah, Pat, you know what? You're going to pay for my next wig. No. No, but she has had, she has thin hair, her sister has thin hair, and, you know, her father went bald very early. And it's

um, guess what? You can't fight the moonlight, bitch. Yeah. Take a page out of Leanne Rhyme's book. I say, go go where the wind takes you at that point. And where's the wind taking you? To turkey? To baldness. Yeah, yeah. So, but, So, but like the balding versus bald, like, when you, you have to be real. It's like, you look in the mirror and you say, all right, I'm 24.

And my hair line is, has significantly receded to the point where, you know, it's going way back. It's running away from my eyebrows. And I've, and there's a patch up here. What are the options? Yeah. These are the options. You can go to Turkey. Yeah.

Try that. Not guaranteed. Well, you can shave that f***. That's what I'm saying. And then save yourself thousands of dollars in barber and salon fees. Yeah. Do it from the comfort of your own home.

Be your own boss. Suck a dick. You know, like, it's just so simplified. Life is so, so simplified once you just... Shave it bald. Put some lipstick on. Yeah, lashes.

Blas. Get a sex change. No. Put on some thigh high boots. Yeah. Hit the stroll and make some money. Get to work, bitch. Get to Hollywood Boulevard. Claim your corner.

You just, I think it's such a, you could have your real drama moment. Like, you could play the most dramatic, terrifying symphony. Turn all the lights off, stare in the mirror, shave your head bald. Night on Bald Mountain, Musorski. Slow. There you go. There you go. Just shave it bald slowly and terrifyingly.

Crying. Menacingly. tears like ugly crying and then after you do that put lipstick on still cry it has to be all live streams or else it's for nothing gotta go on TikTok live and do it

collect the bag and then you know get the bag and then go to yeah I mean I'm not joking every drag racer I knew I know besides me and Trixie honestly I think has gone to Turkey I'm not gonna shout

I'm not that they're ashamed I don't know but some people have Um, my, my, my trainer went to Turkey and I think he like was public about it so that they could pay for it, you know? Yeah. It's like that, which is great. But I mean, I don't give a fuck. The most black mirror shit ever, huh? The most what?

The most black mirror shit ever is like posting at your like, aesthetics place to get free filler or whatever or, um, Botox. I'm like, work, bitch. Yeah, it's, it's, I think I, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna, I try to, I think I, I definitely considered doing it many times because I just got Botox. yesterday and pitch that bill was ridiculous. It's expensive. Yeah. But it all depends like,

I mean, I've gone, I've had, you know, off-label Botox and from people who may or may not have any experience with medical science. Allegedly. You know, and it's very cheap. Or you could go to the med spa

and Sienega and kind of, you know, get a real, a great nurse who is very qualified and then you pay an arm and a leg, but whatever. But it's worth it at that point, I feel like. I think, too, I've talked about it. Like, my family and I would call it going power bald.

Oh, what's that? Like, when you start thinning, shave it. Then you're like, Professor X, like Powerball. But you're Professor X, Vin Diesel, the Rock, Bruce Willis, the blue guy from Watchman. He are... The Blue Man Group. Mama, the Blue Man Group. They're also bald.

And so talented. Jody, Turner, Smith. Not necessarily bald, but clipped. Yeah. There's a power in the agency of it, I'd say. Absolutely. It's not, it's, I think that's what bothers me. It's the, it's the desperation, the sadness in the, in the, the,

clinging to the youth of it all. Yeah, it's like, the inability to accept the reality of the situation. And it's a defeated, desperate, kind of pathetic attitude. And like, also it's like, girl, get a, f***ing grip. Also, for me, Buddhist monks are always been a, not only a spiritual, but a sexual idea. deal. Gotcha. Mama.

So, if I see that monks on the street, they better watch out. Balt, bald. And I do see them on the street. I see them in those beautiful orange robes. There you go. With them bald-ass heads. And I say, well, my boyfriend, my boyfriend has really long hair right now.

Like, his hair's, like, as long as mine. What the fuck? And I'm, we're Polynesian, so, like, Oh, I'm so sorry. Well, Polynesian men have really long hair. That's, like, a thing. It's, like, a beautiful thing, because we're in. indigenous so we we take a lot of pride in our hair like long hair especially men so he's told me he's

like if i start balding i'm shaving it immediately powerballed growing out the beard oh love that i'm committing different hair yeah we're going in different directions yeah just switching well my best i was in my best my best friend in my i share studio with um this amazing artist um named andrew and he has there's Andrew and then there's his hair it's two two distinct and powerful it's unstoppable entities His hair is We went to Italy And on one day Three different people

Said he looked like Brad Pitt From like Legends of the Fall And he's half Chinese So like I mean his hair is a Is a They were just gassing his head up His hair is just

We are We are totally polar opposites His hair is a force of nature Is it like lusus locks Like Fabio on the cover of romance novels It's long You know he does different He has his friend

Colour it Dubalia and all this stuff. That's what my boyfriend has to. Oh yeah, it is sickening. It is absolutely, it's gorgeous. It's gorgeous. And it's such a production and a drama and a story that unfolds every day. Like when people call him, he has to be facing away from them so he can turn.

Oh, honey. Someone literally said to him at a party, Andrew, it was so nice to see you in your hair tonight. What if it has a mind of its own, no? I don't doubt that it does. It's like, it's living on his shoulder kind of thing. Every once in a while I like to ask him, I was like, who would you do if you woke up and somebody had clipped all your hair off? And that somebody was me and I was standing over here.

And he's like, I don't even think, he doesn't even think it's funny. Have you seen Tangled? No. Oh, okay. I was going to say, the Tangle, obviously it's Rapunzel. She's got the long luscious hair. And then there's Mother Gothel, who's the evil old witch. Does she snippet and try to sell it for tracks?

No, she sings to it and it makes her young. And I was like, did you see that and say, it's nice to see yourself represented in media? Oh my God. That's you. That's seriously. Well, can I tell you something that's a little bit weird and I won't go on too long about it? Sure.

So I had a psychedelic experience recently where I was, I entered into this realm where it was sort of a kaleidoscope of women, not from Earth, not quite old, not quite young, who all had long silver hair, but not gold. I mean, not gray, silver, like made out of the metal. Interesting. Long, long, long silver hair. And they invited me to enter their. hair. And this happened right after I learned that the topic of this was going to be bald. And I said, I went in there.

I dived into this like this infinity pool of long silver like witch hair. And I said, thank you. That's the end of that story. He said, hi. Hello. Hi. That's like you got to watch Tangled now. That's you.

Yeah. Is that a Disney joint? Yeah. She's like an old, old witch like old hag. Is that the girl who's red hair? Right hair? No, she has long blonde hair. Oh, yes.

But then at the end of the movie, I'll just spoil it for you. Well, I guess it's just like disobeying your parents and finding your real parents because she's like kidnapped and raised to believe that that is her mom, but it's not.

And she's keeping her hostage in that tower because she wants the hair. Oh, it's Rapunzel. Yeah, so she brushes it and sings to it. It keeps her young. Wow. So then she meets, she sneaks out, blah, blah, blah, meets a handsome guy, of course.

They go back, and then she's trying to capture her for her hair and he cuts it off at the end so she just crumbles into ash like she literally like disintegrates into ash the old lady but when he cuts it he doesn't even give her a good cut oh my god he chops it no layers at the back yeah oh my god bitch he gave her like um john and k plus eight special the goslin yeah spiky at the back bang in the front oh man and i just thought does he really love you because why did he cut it like that why didn't he get a professional Why didn't get Vidalcest as soon up in here? I just think like move it down a little.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, textureize it. Razor cut. Yeah, give it. Take your time. Damn. I mean, when I learned like, because I worked at a wig store for many years. Oh, okay.

Well before I started doing drag and I, as a white person, I was blithely unaware of the fact that many black folks and people of color wore wigs every day. You know, they just wore wigs every day. Yeah. And I had no idea. Because where I grew up in the white suburbs of Massachusetts, I never met a person who wore a wig. Yeah. And it was just fascinating.

And then I learned about, like, you know, how a lot of this weave hair, like the human hair weave hair was sourced. Mm. And it's pretty wild. Yeah. Slavic bundles. Yeah. Slavic bundles.

You know, when I started working with my hair makeup artist now, like he wigs me sometimes, like he wigs me down. like sometimes, but when he first put a wig on me, he was, like, messing with it, and he was like, it looks so awful, and I can't figure out why. And I was like, I think it's because I have a widow's peat. So my hairline's like a heart shave. Okay.

So when he put it all the way to the front, it was Teresa Judey. Yeah. It just looks very wiggy. Yeah, you got to do a fall. Yeah, it's very clearly a wig. And so now he, like, puts him halfway back on my head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So my real hair lines out.

Yeah. I mean, that's the way a lot of people do. It's a lot of, this pop star and the Ukrainian pop star that I adore usually does that. And it's like, you just, I don't know. Most people, though, I mean, I think most people who don't wear wigs and especially, especially white people, they don't know nothing about wig technology or the magic of hair, hairography and stuff. Yeah, like, I went to the Oscars recently.

You did? Yes, bitch. I went to the Oscars. The Academy Award. Yeah, I hosted the carpet for the Academy. Like, the Academy hired me to host for them for their tickets. talk. So that was like a whole gig and a half. Like it was crazy the whole experience. When I went though, you know, the outfit like you... Who did you talk to that you love the most? Probably the

rock because he remembered me. I met him back in October. I hosted his red carpet premiere for Black Adam like his movie. I just watched that. Yeah. And he remembered me. It's very camp. I actually, you know, I didn't hate it. That's what I'm saying. It's very camp. Like I'm like, it's fun. It's a good time. is exactly what I thought it would be. Yeah. I thought it was going to be pure hot trash. And I liked it. Anyway, so, go ahead.

It's fun, yeah. So him, I met, like, what's what did I talk to? Julia Roberts? No. I did meet Jamie Lee Curtis to talk to her. You did? Yeah, she's so cool and so intimidating. Really?

Yeah, like, I was just telling my sister this. I have a podcast with my sister, too. But I, like, when you talk to Jamie Lee Curtis, she listens to you as if what you're saying is the stupidest thing she's ever heard so I was literally yeah she listens to me like this the whole time I was talking

she was like this that's amazing yeah yeah she was like this and then I was like I thought what I said offended her but then she was like she was just taking time to think and she took like 30 seconds

and grimacing while doing that yeah and then she answered me very honestly and she was like that's a great question and then she moved on and I was like oh you want to hear some realty I won't say who it was. You have to. Of camera.

I'll tell you off camera. But a certain A-less celebrity was walking the carpet. I'm nutting right now. Oh my God, I have to hide my bones here. She was walking. And you know, like, at those huge carpets, they scream. They're like, like, if it's like. Julia.

Like, yeah, like Julia Roberts is walking. They're like, Julia, Julia, Julia, Julia, Julia, Julia. It gets more and more frantic as they walk because if they don't get to your attention, they won't stop. So everyone, this person is walking. She's huge. Everyone's screaming her name. Huge as in.

Like a huge A-list celebrity. So she's, everyone's screaming her name. And she stops for one guy, right? And she's like, oh, hi. You got one chance. One question for that bitch. One. He goes, because the carpet, mind you, was not red this year.

It was champagne. And so he goes, what do you think of the color of the carpet? She goes like this. she looks him in the eyes, bitch. She goes, what a ridiculous thing to ask me. Of all the things you could have asked me. I don't know. It's tan, turned and left.

That woman, Michelle Obama. The way I was like... I mean, I think that's a perfectly... I don't think that's country at all. It was hilarious. I have never... If she read me down like that, I'm laying in the middle of Hollywood Boulevard.

I'd be like, I'll be right back. I just have to douse myself in gasoline and light a match. I'll be right back. And then I go and I like pretend to pull a gun so that the police open fire on me. You know what I'm saying? I'm not making it through. I wish it was Helen Mirren. Because I saw her after, I saw, I walked by her at a hotel in Beverly Hills after, I think must have been the Golden Globes.

And she was, you know, walking down a hall past her. And in the, I don't know, eight to ten seconds that I realized it was her in no. noticed her. What I perceived from her body language and her facial expression was that not only would she strangle me with my own entrails, but that she would use them to string me up from the Hollywood sign and then shoot at my corpse with a big gun. And then take credit for it. She was so scary. She probably hung over. Well, even the person that did that, the lady that did that. Jennifer Lopez. Not even. I don't even think she was there.

She said it in a way that was like so like. Yeah. Why are you wasting my fucking time? Which almost made it worse. Like she wasn't trying to be mean, which almost made it worse. Because that means she meant it. You know what I mean?

Like she felt that shit. And she turned and she left. Nothing else to say. Diva. Yeah. I'm killing myself. What about Hugh Grant? Did you see that?

I saw the interview. What did you think? I think you get two tries with me. If they're clearly not into it, wrap it up and see you later yeah it was um who was what was her name ashie graham um i think that what i mean i don't know much about her i felt bad for her honestly he was giving her the hardest i was it was so hard for me i felt such empathy for her yeah i was like and it's hard like as a host it's it's hard like when they're not giving you much it's really hard like that's why i said you get

two tries if you you give me two duds yeah i'm saying you know i have a great night thank you so much that's i was like mama please what are you doing just like save yourself save yourself save yourself, you know. And I empathize too because when you do lives like that, they put earpieces in your ears so they talk to you the whole time. So like they could have been telling her

keep going. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. It's just like a losing battle. Yeah. And I was like, I was like,

Hugh Grant, this is not, I mean, just don't go. Or like, why don't you exercise your Hollywood acting chops to fake being polite, you stupid British cunt.

I saw some people saying, too, like, oh, that's just British humor. No, no, no, no, we're in America. We're in America. Well, he didn't laugh once. British humor? British humor's funny. That wasn't him being a British cunt.

That was him being, like, who he is. He was him being honest. Yeah, we don't want that. We don't want the real you. This is a champagne carpet. You know what I mean? Like, then you should have asked him, what do you think of the color of the carpet?

What if it just turned 180'd him? Yeah. I'm so glad you asked me about the carpet. Yeah. Oh my God. Actually, it's a Moroccan burper, and it was hand-died by this Czech family. He was like, oh, I wish more people ask me about the carpet. Don't get me sorry about the drapes.

Oh, my God, the drapes inside. That would be funny. That would be so funny. I've been on red carpets a few times with the streamies, but, like, you know, it's, I was ushered through the MTV Movie Awards maybe once, but they're rotten. But if you are a, if you are a, Mega Wai A-List celebrity?

Yeah. Just tap into your obvious, huge reservoir of narcissism for a moment. Get a ladle. Scoop out some self-love. Pour it on your nasty head and just revel in the fact that every single person wants to know anything you have to say. Anything at all. It is crazy. Like, it's the ecosystem of, like, red carpets is something that you cannot really,

like, you could do your best to describe to someone, but being in it, is crazy. Like witnessing it. It's chaotic. But guess what? These, these veteran people have been in every conceivable scenario on it. Yeah.

You know what I mean? They're, they've been working, they've done everything. Yeah, literally. Everything good and evil. Yeah.

So like, they're not brand new and they're not, you know, so I just have no sympathy for it. Just don't go. Yeah, just don't. Yeah.

Oh, you don't have to do the right carpet. Speaking of carpets too, like, since obviously, like, this is like, I've walked a few carpets now.

So I feel like I kind of got a feel for it a little bit, but like, every experience is a little bit different than the last. But there's like this, so because I'm like an online clown, they have, they literally call it like below the line talent, right? So it's like, it's like you have A list.

A list, A list celebrities like your Julie Roberts, Julie Robbins, Meg the Stallions, your Ariana Grandes. And then below that is every other dickhead on the internet. Every other sewer rat is started above ground. All the other clans. And so I remember I walked up Billboard and they send you, you know, they send you like, oh, this is what time carpet opens. This is what time you walk.

Whatever. When I did Billboard, they were like, you guys walk at this time. Real talent walks at this time. Mind you, we're in Vegas in the summer. I walk at 12 p.m. bitch outside. This whole time I'm thinking, oh, we'll be indoors because it's, you know, 200 degrees. And I'm a sweaty ass bitch. What are you talking to?

So we go. And I'm like, oh, it's outdoors, love, love, blah, blah, love, it's outdoors. And they have nothing but white lights and a black carpet. I think I'm going to cry. So it's 275 degrees outside. And then they have all these lights and they're trying to take pictures of you. And I was like, I know Kylie Jenner doesn't walk at this time. I know that for a fact.

And then I reread the thing and it says real talent walks at six. You know, in the sunsets. I was like, oh, perfect. Yeah, in the desert. You know, when it drops about 30 degrees. Oh, work, bitch. Love, love, love, love, love. So.

wore a chain metal dress, so that was nice. Yeah. Can I one up you? Yeah, please. Okay, so I invented sweating. On the front lines of sweating. Hyperhydrosis was a term that was coined from by my experience.

Yeah, when I started doing drag. I did a makeup event in Las Vegas, outdoors in drag at around 30 photo shoot for a makeup company. And I had made the unfortunate decision. to, I don't know, take a few pills. Pep pills, if you know what I'm saying. To add insult to injury. And I, this was supposed to be, this was...

Do those make you sweat more? Oh, Mama. Yeah, kind of like when you drink. They ratchet up the tension. Yeah, when I drink, I get even hotter, so... Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, I mean, in fact, anything that's a stimulant is going to, like, put, baboo. And when I am free of any kind of stimulant, it's still...

Water World. It's Kevin Costa, water world. And I was like, it's just so insane. Like the, so nowadays, like, like, what you described, I would say, thank you so much for this opportunity. I will be staying in a hotel room with the AC on. You know, like, it's just not going to happen. It's just so crazy.

It's really, yeah. And I feel like, I feel like I've seen you and Trixie talk about that before where you're like, if there's no air, I'm not going. We have, our podcast is now an HVAC podcast. It's all about air conditioning. Like, it's, I mean, it's been. the most consistent struggle in my career because I came

before Draggers I came from a bar that just Didn't believe in air conditioning No not only did they not believe in it They It was a it was hard to be convinced that it wasn't a Vendetta against us because It felt personal. Yeah it felt

pointed personal and very combative Because we would I'd have to shorten my numbers on stage because At a certain point it was a cabaret setup and we were very close to people sometimes sitting on them, you know. And I had to leave because I was scaring people. And because it was...

They were like, she was so good, but she was so wet. She was so good, but I'd understand why she had jumped in a pool before she came on stage. You know, so it was like, that's my whole... You know, that kind of took me out of the fantasy a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's been my whole struggle and it's, um, you know, it's just sweating. It sucks. Well, and I've never been to Europe, but I hear they don't have air. Mama.

They don't have a lot of it. That rotted-ass UK. Yeah, they don't have air. whole world. You know Britney Broski? Yeah. Okay, she said she once, when she came back from Europe recently, I remember she had posted, she goes, I had so much fun, but get air conditioning immediately.

What's wrong with you? Well, in their 13th century castles, it's hard to get a good plumber and an HVAC specialist. And Aircon. Yeah. Well, there's a whole list. I mean, I could talk about sweating for probably three days straight. But there's a there was a gig at the Dragon in Dublin Dublin at a nightclub, and I remember

Oh, it's the same in Ireland too. It's the whole island. That cursed island. Well, that's so it It was Ireland, Northern Ireland, and Scott. I would say the whole UK plus Ireland. It's just

rotten to the core when it comes to Aircon. And yeah, the dragon in Dublin and I walked in and as I approached the stage for my number, I was like, I don't think I don't think it's possible because it was I could feel

the moisture. I could feel the wetness to start to drip. You know, like you know you're getting Dewee, you're getting shiny, you're hot. Yeah. But when you are in doing Bickram yoga in a snow suit, like that's the feeling. It was, it was so unbelievable. So unbelievable.

Yeah. It's so crazy. It's horrible. That's like, yeah. That sounds so absolutely rotted. That's honestly why I'm like, if I go, I should go during not the summer because I can't stand someplace with no air. Trixie and I performed in Germany in the winter outside in a tent. It was, it was.

transcendent. Our dancers almost broke all their bones because they were so cold, you know, having to leap and stuff. And then we were just like, I'll feel's good out today. I could count on one hand the times I've left a stage without having perspire to drop. And that is when I know that God is real. You felt him in that stage in that tent tonight. I felt Jesus so fiercely in every pore of my body. And I said, I love you Jesus. Thank you. What I was going to say about carpets, too, is like... Oh, my God. Oh, please. Tell me. I am really into carpets.

No, I'm talking about red carpets. Oh. What were you going to say about actual carpets? Rugs. Runners. I do love a rug. Do you? Yeah.

I have quite a few in my house. You do? Yeah, absolutely. Where did you get them from? A number of places. In L.A. Living spaces. Stores in L.A.?

You order them online? I've ordered some online, yeah. Uh-huh. Let's talk about, okay, back to red carpet, sorry. I was going to say, I don't know if this has ever happened to you, but this is for sure happened to me. When I walk a carpet and it's like, I'm late. I'm always late. Like if I say I'm going to be there, add two hours.

They'll shut you out. They will. So this is like the one thing that's forced me to be on time. And even then I get there just on time. I'm not on time by any means. So like I'm walking after principal cast is already walking. Okay. So like the actual stars are already walking.

My dick had asses is thereafter. So I walk and after principal cast walks, they don't give a fuck about you. Like if you're not Selena Gomez, they don't care. They don't know who we are. No, and my publicist will still be like, no, we can still walk. I'm like, and then we walk up.

And then nothing's more humbling than when you, you know, you got ready. You got glammed. Stress. Yeah, I picked it out. Major stress. Drove down there, rushed. Went through fort levels of security.

Truly. get there, get on the carpet, and then Principal cast is already walking, so they already don't care about you. And then one of the Getty, you know, those Getty photographers, one of them goes, oh, bitch, nothing's more humbling than that. Did Trixie tell you about the time she got shut out of the people's choice?

Yeah, that, to me, and I was, and I, as a friend, I was like, I was very, you know, I felt for it, but I wanted to be like, I told you so. We don't, we are goons and goblins. We do not show up to red carpets like that. We do not do that. They love to bring us so we'll post about it so people will pay attention,

but they really don't care about us. And that's what makes me laugh. Like that's what makes me... Because the way that he was like... First of all, he's acting like it's an old-timey camera where it's like... You know what I mean? No, it's digital. He's like, I'm not wasting one frame on that bitch.

No. Like, no. He looks at me, he goes... Yeah. The way there's only two photographers, he's one of them. You can't throw me a bone. At least flash at me. Just be like, you look amazing.

You could just pretend. Just flash it. No camera, you can just do this. He just goes, like makes the noise with his hand. Yeah. My God. That is, it's so, it's so humiliating. But see, now, I mean, I know because, like, I have been in those situations.

I know how famous I am, which is not very. I feel that. But in, but I know that if I go to a gay bar in, I don't know, let's say a gay bar or somewhere in a metropolis, I probably will get recognized. You know, in some place, if I go to an after party for a drag race event, I'm going to get mobbed.

Yeah. But if I go to the fucking Ralphs, I'm a regular person. And I love that because this level of fame is fantastic. Yeah, because you're like invisible every other day. But if I need a friend, I go to a gay area and make a new friend. No, seriously, you know? Yeah, that's like me.

I love that. Certain spaces I'm like, no, I don't think I'll get recognized here. Sometimes I do, which shocks me. But, like, I went to see the Jonas Brothers on Broadway in New York. I knew I was going to get recognized there. Those are my people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?

Totally. Like, my girls are all in there. So. It's funny. I went to, um, I flew to Miami to see this, um, this Ukrainian singer and of, I did not get recognized there because the entire crowd was, um, Miami Russian Euro trash. Um, and, um, it was fascinating because it's like, I wish I could get recognized here. You're like, oh, everyone recognizes me everywhere else except here. This is so not my people.

But yeah, I mean, it's funny. I don't, I don't, I will never go back. I went to the movie awards with Trixie and I will never go back to a red carpet award show. No, you don't think so? No, because it's, A, it's, that glam process, I was listening to Law Roach, talk about getting, getting his stars ready. New Sunday and, I think, Megan the St. On Emeritus podcast. I've noticed.

It was not like a Vogue thing or something. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, I understand the stress of that glam team. Now, I don't have any glam people. You are the glam team. I have either a wonderful assistant or a friend who does a wig for me. And then I'm responsible for the maintenance of that wig once it's glued to my head.

You know what I mean? These people, like, these women sit down, you know, Juliet Benos or Sharon Stone, sits down at a chair. She showers. she takes a shower that's what she does that's what I do she takes a shower

and she sits down and then 45 people buzz around her like bees and a hive and then she emerges and all she has to do is step step it's very complicated for us and it's not fun

I know it's not fun because you are your glam team yeah and also you know we have to deal with the near the almost like guaranteed humiliation

plus we're gonna look like shit because from certain angle in certain lighting. It's a man, Mori. It's a man, Mori. You know?

And if like, because three, I'd say 10 degrees of the shift of my face I go from Lana Del Rey to Bob Alaban. And it's like a bummer. Yeah.

So what's the point? Well, especially like, like when I walked the Oscars, like that was my biggest carpet I've ever walked when I did that one. And I remember,

I wore a wig, which I was terrified to wear a wig on a carpet that big. I was not any, nothing having to do with my hair makeup artist because he's so talented. I was just, it was short. It was like a bob and I don't really like short hair on myself. And it's tough to do something new. Yeah, but we wanted to do something new.

And so he wigged me down. But I didn't get the chance to look at the back of my head because, well, because I was rushing out the door because I was late. And then I remember thinking, the back of my head is none of my business. Whatever goes on goes on. And then I was like, I'll just, I'll just say like this. Okay, yeah. You just side step.

Yeah. And if anyone phone. grabs the back of my head, I scream and have a tantrum. Well, you know, they had those, like, those slow-mo cams. I know. Well, then I remembered when you walk the carpet, they shoot you from every angle up close. They shoot your

hands, your feet, every from head to toe, bitch. And thankfully, everything looked really beautiful and all the Gettys, and you know you can't alter those. The Gettys doesn't lie. Raw that is for rotten, awful, and witchy.

Like, I mean, it is they be getting them. That's why I've told people, I'm like, that's why some celebrities don't post the Gettys. No shit. They'll post their other pictures. Because it's like, it's like, it's, um, peeling off the layer of any,

any, like, semblance of glamour to reveal your true rotten self. It's like, and for a drag queen, if I haven't shaved, I don't know, eight minutes before that photo was taken, it's just texture. And it's, it's just so unflattering. I know.

That's why they get you in the most vulnerable. So that's why I get it. I understand why a lot of people don't want to post it. to get you something like, I get it. It's stressful looking at them. And I was so nervous. And then I was like, it's okay. You won't see the back of my head.

And then the way that they cut down the clips of me interviewing celebrities, all you saw was the back of my head. Then I was thinking to myself, I hope the back of my head looks good because if it doesn't, they're going to drag me, bitch. Was there like a hornet's nest in there? I was afraid. Have you seen Harry Potter? Uh-huh.

You know the first one when Voldemort's living on the back of his head? Or malignant? Yeah. That's what I was like, I was afraid you'd open it up. There'd be a face right there. I mean, that's another opportunity. Yeah, I'd be like, I have another question for you.

Actually, my colleague does. That'd be great. There's those like glasses at the nose and the mustache. Yeah, beagle pusple. I mean, if I were to do... It's a bit, I do. Yeah, if I were to do a red carpet these days, I don't know if you're aware of Alexis Stone.

She's this brilliant drag queen who does incredible impersonations. Yeah. Prostetics and everything. Is that the one that does Caitlin Jenner? No, that... She might do Caitlin Jenner, but Macy Rodman is that... Yeah. No, don't get me to start about her.

She's a genius. But Alexis Stone does these huge long, she's like a performance artist. And she goes to fashion shows. I think she went to Jivanchi or something as Jennifer Coolidge. And the illusion was pretty spot on. Because it was all prosthetics and everything. I would do that. I have these, like, expensive silicone masks that have the full head and the decoletage.

I would do that. Oh, yeah. You know, and I would love it because that I feel comfortable. You know, it's like I have. Because you're being a character. Yeah, because it's also like the uglier, the better. You know, I'd have drool, bloodshot eyes. Some more terrifying to look at.

Yeah, and I don't think they'd want to take my picture. So I'd have to go with Julia Roberts. There you go. To be like, you know. To be escorted to your seat. Yeah, yeah. Be like, oh, you know, I'd have to like make a deal with her. Maybe he's blackmail or something.

I don't know. Well, let me get back to these comments. Oh, yeah, yeah. Wait, can I save one thing? Yes, please do. The ball thing is like, I just, it is constantly shocking. it. Men are terrified. They are. They're really, really terrified.

Well, and that's why when I make fun of men, because I make fun of terrible men all the time, if I make fun of their hair, it's literally because I feel like it's ironic that they're attacking people unprovoked and holding this, like upholding this and pushing this patriarchal your eccentric beauty standard that they themselves don't even meet. And I'm like, I think it's really funny that you want to comment on other people's looks when you yourself don't even meet these standards. Yeah, Mr. Potato Head. According to the patriotic abuse, you're supposed to have a full head of hair.

And you don't, and you're 19, and I think that's a bummer. And you're a 19-year-old bald-ass bitch. You should shut the fuck up. That's what I would do. Yeah. But I mean, it's... I mean, Stone's Glass House. Hello.

But the crazy thing about it to me is that, like, you know, for... The struggle is real for representation for many, many types of people. There aren't enough, you know, people of color, plus size. Yeah. Different nationalities, ethnicities. of that there are innumerable white bald men of extreme success. Yeah, literally.

Everywhere. Like truly. Truly. There's so many examples of success. Yeah, it's insane. Of them persevering despite losing hair. Conquering the world, you know? And I mean, when I was in a back in Boston years ago,

in drag, hooking up with this older guy who's like 45 and he was hot. He wanted to keep on his baseball cap while with naked in the bed. and I was like, take that moth-h-ha-ha hat off, you stupid, insecure bitch. Like, I had my tongue up your ass. You think I care if you're bald? What if you took it off and you were like, oh my god, get out? That's what he thought I was going to do.

I was like, you're trying to, oh, you were trying to make me think that you're 30? I don't know, I don't, I was like, take on your hat. That's where I draw the line. You look nuts. It's like, it's like walking, it's like being completely naked except for like, you know, opera-land gloves. It's just so bizarre. Like, take your hat off, bitch, you bald-ass bitch. It's okay.

Speaking of it, you know. Well, I think, I always think that about bald men, too, because you're right. They have so many examples. And also, hats. Hats exist. There's a millinery. Well, and every time I say that. Every time I say, like, I make fun of their hairline because they attack, like, fat women, for example.

Every time I do that, they're like, oh, you're making fun of stuff they can't change. Mama Turkey I didn't hear about turkey Go to Turkey How about Philip Tracy Hatmaker How about a unit A rug

Do you know how many barbershops Do those installs? They do installs now For men's hair I won't air him I won't air this person's Dirty Laundry But there is a man that I know

Who has an unclockable piece And I saw I didn't know it I was all up in his grill For hours And then later learned about it And I was truly gagged

but he is so mum about it. Because he will not, because he wants to portray the image of this virile, hairy, bear. You could tell me who that is after and I'll tell you who lit someone up on the carpet. I surely will. We'll exchange secrets. Yeah, okay, good.

Okay, I'll read one of these comments on this. It says, you can't have an unbiased stance on hair if you don't have any. Obviously, you think this way because you have no other choice than to be bald, which is kind of a read that's kind of funny

because of course you think that you borgh baldie you wouldn't know shit about hair yeah of course you think that you bald bitch that is so wild do you read comments did you read comment all the time

yeah I love that I don't read reviews I don't know all the time I read them all the time I'm one of the few platforms I feel like

now that's like literally built by hate like it's built off the shoulders of men who hate me I'm standing all that bitch Your anger is gasoline in my tank It truly is It's like it's

You know like some people Have told me they're very like brand friendly They're very like Loving advice like You know mentor type platforms And they have really big platforms too And they've talked to me about how like The few times they have responded to hey people have been like

You should be the bigger person You should do this you should do that Sometimes I still get that And I'm like I have never been the bigger person I've literally made a living off of it Of being so mean to terrible people. Like, terrible men, I have ripped to shreds many times. Oh, it's a sport.

That's why I'm like, I'm one of the few people that, like, that's my job is to look for hate and respond to it. That's literally my job. And you seem to be doing wonderfully well. There you go. You know? It's the only sad thing about that scenario would be that if you were affected by it negatively, which, honey, cashing checks. Yeah. Too busy on the way to the bank?

I mean, when I was at the Oscars, was I thinking about that guy that called me fat two months go, no. No. I was too busy cyberbullying Julia Robbers. I just think I'm one of the few people that it's like, that's literally my job is to respond to it.

But that's why I read mean comments all the time. I do too. I mean, I love, I fished for them early after drag race because I was one of the very few, very fortunate people who hardly received any hate. So I really had to dig. Oh, but I dug.

So I was like, I was like, oh, nice one, nice one. Oh, I love you. Okay, so I'm like really trying to go for like Where is the one I'm trying to look for like This meth-addled monster has no talent? And I was like, look and looking And I finally found some and I was like, oh, okay

It's not nearly as exciting as you've been. No, it's not because some of them are also like AI bots or whatever Yeah, and some of them are like I feel like Sometimes they're fans disguising as haters Because sometimes they do that to get your attention Exactly. Which is strange. Really insult me.

Yeah. I want you to come, you know, really, really whatever. But yeah. That's what I told. I told Bob that when he was here. I was literally telling, I was telling them that I can't believe that, well, what the craziest part about the platform is that the people that drag you the hardest are people who love you.

Of course. Your biggest fan. Yes. And that's what makes me laugh. I love it. It's so wild. Yeah. They're like the funniest and the meanest.

Yeah. It's never the people. Yeah. And they love you. They know how to, yeah, they know how to, they have all the research and they can really go at you. Yeah. That's why I told.

I told Bob the same thing. I'm like, the way that they gather me is way a man, just a random dude who hates me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A random dude will literally just call me fat and ugly. That doesn't mean anything to me. No, no. I'm like, well, I can lie too.

I can sit here and lie all day, sure. Oh, sorry. No, you're fine. Oh, my God. Anyways, I think that's going to do it for episode. Do you want to tell anyone anything about being bald and beautiful? I may be bald.

Well, so I'm, I am bald. I don't consider just myself beautiful. It depends. I think you're beautiful. Well, thank you very much. I've also learned not to false modesty is almost as bad as low self-esteem. I feel that. Do you know what I mean?

You know what I mean? Don't call her a liar. You know what I mean? But I would say, oh, can I plug something? Yeah, please. Oh, you know what? Also, I didn't get to share this purse of me in the future. I wore a shirt of me in the future.

Bald and beautiful. And also bald and beautiful and also with the looming specter of the future. Because we're all going to be bald. Imminent death. That's true. Underneath the skin, we're all bald. Under the skin.

Yeah, it's a great movie with Scarlett Johansson. You should watch it. I've never seen it. But I just want to say if you want to look at our podcast, look at our podcast. It's there. Yeah, please plug it, yeah. And the bald and the beautiful with Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolachkova is on Apple, Spotify, YouTube. And thank you.

I don't know. I also sell stuff on my website. Yes, please plug it. What's the name of the website? It's we love Katia. It's we love Katia.com. See how insecure I was when I had created that website. I just had to convince people.

Is that false modesty? I think it's Insecurity But I also have I also own the domain To plenty of feet.com So stay tuned for that I think they'll probably tune in for that

More than anything People always say if you ever post If you ever do something With your bare feet in the frame They say Giving away the feet for free Yeah feet for free Yeah

Sometimes people will post like picks With their feet in it And they'll just put like a little Rectangle over their feet Oh my God Because they say no free feet No free feet drop the Venmosis Yeah

Well no thank you so much having me. I hope I didn't talk too much. No, never. That's our favorite kinds of episodes, honestly. You're so funny. Such a legend. It is an honor to have you. It was a real pleasure to be here. Thank you all so much for joining in. Thank you so much to our amazing guest Katia for joining me on this episode of the comment section. If you love the comment section, make sure you guys subscribe on Spotify because that is where we are exclusive and we love Spotify forever. Make sure you visit Trixie and Katzia's podcast, The Balds and the Beautiful, which is available on all streaming platforms and YouTube and also is it

We Love Katia? We lovekata.com. We love katya.com. And you can use code balding bitch for 20% off Rogaine products until November.

While supplies last. Yes. There are just a few over the left. Make sure you check out Balds in the Beautiful. Make sure you look at we love Katia.com.

Follow Katia on everything. You guys already know where to find her. She's a legend. And thank you all so much for tuning in. I'll see you next week. Bye.