The Comment Section with Drew Afualo - BUT KARAMO I LOVE HIM Ft. Karamo Brown | Episode 148

Episode Date: December 11, 2024

Karamo Brown joins Drew on the show this week for a conversation that goes EVERYWHERE. They talk about Karamo making people cry on Queer Eye, Karamo has Drew read the wild plans for his ashes in his will, the law of abundance, edging, the time Drew escaped a toxic situationship, why men are afraid of their own intimacy, and so much more. Karamo IG: https://www.instagram.com/karamo/?hl=en Karamo Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@karamoshow?lang=en Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Find two good creamers at your local retailer in the creamer aisle. This is going to sound more of it, but it's not meant to be. I can't wait to you and I are ancestors. Right. I'm going to be so good. Three generations from now, they have no idea what's going to happen when we're on their side. I'm going to be like Mushu. Bitch, we're going to be everything.

I'm going to be. Seriously. I'm going to be mean, but I'm going to be with gentle. We're gentle. Holding your hand. Hey, everyone and welcome back to another episode of the comment section show. Sorry, me, your favorite. Everybody knows me.

Who cares about me? On to the guest. Today, we have the iconic, the legendary. the fantastic, the amazing Karamo Brown. Woo! I care deeply about you, so I kind of wanted your intro,

no, I'm joking. I love you. I'm a fan. You've earned it. Okay, I'm a fan. Well, the beginning of every episode I always call it like, I just jerk off my guests

because I'm huge fans of all my guests. But I have been a fan of you four years forever. Thank you. Not in a weird way. I would take a weird way. Okay. All right, fine.

It was weird. Yeah, you can be weird. me. It would be okay. But I'm so honored to have you. I'm so glad you could come on the show and hang out with us. We were talking about before. Someone was trying to keep us separate because I said yes immediately.

And you were like, bitch, I tried to get you here a while ago. Yeah, I was like, growed out. It wasn't me. We're going to find out who it was. Yeah, and your team's here. Exactly. And we're going to fight. Someone's turning red over there, by the way.

Yeah, but you are a busy, busy, busy man. So I'm not surprised. She tries to keep a coin. Right. Okay. Have to. You have to. Especially.

now. And the world needs you, especially now. Thanks. So I would love, I know, I'm very familiar with your background and your lore, but for those that aren't, I would love, obviously, most people know you from Queer Eye, which is fantastic. I would love to know just your journey into this business, how you became to be

the Karamo. Oh my gosh. I mean, well, she was just a poor little girl from, you know, no, seriously, I was just, I grew up like super poor and like super like tough life. know, like, you know, like my parents are not from this country. We had no money.

I mean, like, my father was abusive. It was like a lot of that. I told the word I was gay at 15. And then it just made my life chaotic then because, like, having family not from this country, they did not like it. I'm the only boy. Really? And it was just like, oh my gosh, what's going on?

But within that, I just kept believing that something had to be better. And that has always been the core crutch of my life is that something has to be better. Yeah. I would tell myself two things every day, which is something has to be better. And if this Yahoo can do it, then so can I. I've been saying that through those things forever. So to this day, when I see something I want, I'm like, well, that Yahoo can do it. Then I can.

And so, you know, just all those things led me to be like, I want to be able to be there for myself, but I also want to be there for other people. And it led me to a career in social services, which then one day I wanted to be in TV. And my family said, TV's not a real job. And I was like, I'll show you what a real job is. You're okay, well I guess we'll see then. Okay, we'll see then. You'll see then, you know what I mean?

And then it led me to getting my first job with Oprah hosting a show. Yeah. Which, by the way, they fired me from. And the EP of that show told me that I was not a good host and I would never host ever again. She kept on the two other girls. And how do you think they feel now?

Pretty fucking silly, I bet. I've actually seen them and I'm like, thanks for the encouragement, girl. You said, you're actually the reason why I worked even harder. Thank you for making me who I am because I was like, oh, really? Really? And then, you know, got queer eye, changed my category around. And then got a talk show going in season three right now. And that's just where I've had.

And it all worked out exactly the way you always knew it would. Yes. Because I do believe if you don't believe it first, then nobody else is. You're so me, girl. It's true. I feel the same way. Manifestation is so powerful. It is real.

And the words you say to yourself. Words you say to yourself and people don't understand. It's called self. Everything starts with self. And if your self is not right, you're everything else around you is going to not work. And then you're going to look at it or something. You're like, why is this not working, girl? Because self is not working.

Yeah. Like when you're not right, nothing's right. Nothing's right. Yeah, totally. So when you transitioned from hosting like just the show that you got fired from to queer, what was that transition like? How did you feel after you got fired? Because I've actually gotten fired.

I got fired right before I started doing this. living. Did you really? Yeah, I swear to God. I got fired from what I thought was my dream job at the time. And obviously, looking back now, I know that that was not my dream job. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I say it all the time.

I worked at the NFL. I wanted to be in sports journalism, so that was like my goal. And then I describe it now as like I climbed the mountain and I just didn't like the view. Oh, that's cute. I just wasn't sure where to go. That is cute. I'm coming for your gig, Mama. Good.

No, come for it. Come for it, girl. Oh, I live. There's room enough atop of this view, girl. Right, T. We can all be up there. And you know when you work that long and hard towards something and then it gets taken from you as opposed to you leaving it, I was truly like at a loss.

Like I was like, well, what do I do now? And I have, I'm not someone, I don't know if you could tell, but I'm not someone who struggles with confidence, especially in what I do. Like, I'm very confident about what I do and where I'm going and who I am. And so I'd never felt that kind of like lost before. I've never felt anything like that. So I know now too. I agree.

That's how I was. Right. So I'm curious to know how you felt at the time. Same as you did. Really? I just felt like kind of like, what is this? You know what I mean? Because I'm a person we put into the work.

We do the work. Yeah. We're confident. We're sure. Yeah. And then when someone else doesn't see or we don't, the vision we saw like you said, the view got up there wasn't there. Yeah.

In my case, the view was it. I was like, I can say here. Period. I was like, I'm working for Oprah girl. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is like, this is the first step.

You know what I'm like? And so when my view got taken away that I thought was the view, I had to reframe quickly and realize that there was a better view. Versus where you were like, no, this is not what I want. Yeah, it didn't feel like it once I was up there. Yeah, mine was like, okay then, well, now that I've gotten a taste of this view, I know that there's another view out there for him. An even better one.

A better one. And so it's, you know, it's in those moments of doubt that you just really have to hold on to self. Right. Yeah. And that's all I did. So at home and I was like, something's got to be better. And I literally went on, and this is no shade to him, but I went on TV. My best friend's here of 25 years, best friend Trey.

And I was like, I saw Ryan Seekers on TV and I was like, if this Yahoo is doing his shit, I could do this. And I don't even, and I'm not calling Ryan Seekers. Yeah, no shit. Yeah. No shit. Because I admire him. Yeah, yeah.

Amazing. I feel you though. Yeah. I get it. I was like, if he's, if this Yahoo's doing, I know I can get another job. I was like, I know I can get another job. Girl. Like this is, I can host.

I know I can. Right. Exactly. Exactly. You want to hear a funny thing about Ryan Secrets that I know what I'm talking about it? I would love to hear it.

Share it with us. Can I share this? I'm going to share it. And if you want to cut it later, we can't. No, we don't have to cut this. No, anything I say, no. I'm telling your team to make it feel better. I'm an open book.

You can keep everything in there. You'll never get that. So I have this funny joke with my kids that is real now that I put in my will that when I died, I want to be cremated. And for them to get my money, they have to put my ashes on Ryan's Secret Slawn.

and I swear to God this is in my will I'm not even joking with you I think I set my son a copy of it because he didn't believe me that's so funny I'm gonna find this for you really quickly I love a please do

I love a bit that makes it all the way you said I'm gonna be annoying even in death okay so hold on here I'm gonna you can meet this too even in the afterlife this is legit hold on here I'm sorry

it's doing some auto fill for him but you can read it okay it says I would like my body cremated my ashes should be given to my son Jason for him to spread a bit on Ryan Seacrest's lawn, if permissible. So that is in print.

That is like actually your will. That is actually in my will. That if I die, my ashes will be on Ryan Sechrester's lawn. And by the way, I met Ryan Sechrester's the great guy and he has no idea that my son. I love that. He's going to find out right now. Sorry, I just totally went sideways. No, I love that.

That's the best part of the, that's the best part of the show. Honestly, you want to hear my invisible string to you. with Ryan Seekras. Ryan Seekras was like the first serious interview I did where my, like my dad, like the older men in my family were like, oh, right? Oh, you're so right. Yeah. Isn't that crazy?

That was the one. It's like, oh. It's Ryan Sechrist. I was like, I've been profiled by like BuzzFeed and like at that point, I had all these other people writing articles about me. But Ryan Sechre was the one. Yeah. The older men of my family were like, hell.

Let's be real. Ryan Sechrist had us all in a chokehold for about 18 years. Right. I mean, I still love Ryan Sechress again. Right. We're big fans. That he had on all of us going from Idol to E. Right. And a monopoly on the hosting gigs.

Girl, she said I'm taking every coin. Everywhere I turn and look, I see him. So I don't blame you for being like, I could do that. Yeah, I'm like that. Yahoo, I'm doing that shit. I'm like, girl, I'm getting this money. Yeah. Oh, I was big fan of American Idol too.

All right. I remember American Idol, the only season I ever voted on the phone for American Idol was for Fantasia. Because I wanted her to win. Me too! Look at our invisible stream. I know this invisible stream. Because it was the only season because I was so pissed about that final three. Me too.

That I literally then was like, she got to win. She got to win this shit. I literally, we took like the house. We had one house phone. Yeah. And I was like telling my parents, we have to vote. We have to call and vote. Our vote matters.

Our vote counts. They activated people of color in a way. They did not know. They really, they mobilized us, just like in 2008. Yeah, they do. They mobilized us. They mobilized us. Oh, my gosh.

That's so funny. Oh, well, I love that you're so driven by, like, purpose. And I love that. Have you always been that self-assured, would you say? I have. I have. I love that. It's really because when you grow up with nothing, the way that I related to my trauma is that I didn't deserve it.

And so I knew early on that I didn't deserve the things that were happening to me. And some people fall into a mindset where they relate to their trauma. It's like, this is just me. This is just my life. And I knew very early on to tell myself, I don't deserve this. And when you know you don't deserve this, it gives you this sort of drive and purpose to know you have to go out there something. So all through high school and middle school, I was always successful college. I was always like an overachiever because I knew that if my circumstances weren't to give me what I wanted, I had to do the work for myself.

Yeah, yeah. But it started with that shift in my mindset of like, I don't deserve this. Yeah. And even to this day, I still wake up and I evaluate every week. I end my week, I end my week asking what happened this week that I don't deserve? And I promise you, it really makes me just, it shifts like people being in my life. It shifts career choices. It shifts everything because people don't evaluate it enough.

We feel like that we just have to go with it. Oh, I'm at work. This is what it happens. That's so true. Oh, we've been in a relationship for so long. I guess it's just what it is. Yeah, that's so true. No, girl, I don't deserve this.

Oh, you at work talking to me like you crazy? Girl, I don't deserve this, girl. Let me figure out what we got to do here. Either you got to go or I got to move on. Right. That's actually so real too because even when I was working at the NFL and I was unhappy, I'm also not someone who deviates unless I have a plan. I'm not someone who's impulsive.

Like I'm very like, I plan everything out. And so I knew I was going to work at the NFL with no plan. at all I knew I was going to work there when I was like 15. Yeah. So I believed in myself enough, right? So I totally relate to that too. And then when I was there, I always say the worst thing that job took for me was like my self-assuredness because I started to doubt myself and I've never been that way or like my gut

instinct. I always call it like my third eye. Yes, of course. Like my third eye always knows if something's not right, if it doesn't feel right. Like you said, if you don't deserve it. And so I felt like while I was there, sometimes I'm like, you know, I feel like the universe is always on my side. I feel like it's always looking out for me.

I always say like my ancestors, I think, are always looking out for me. Girl, you and I are one in the same. We really are. When you were talking right now, I was like, she's so me. And you're so me, girl. Best friend. Is this not the shit I say? Yeah, all the time.

All the time. You sound like me. You're right. If y'all want to know the manifest of success, girl, just like, tune in right here. We're telling you what we feel and what we're telling you. Like literally. Yeah, and I always feel like my ancestors are guiding me and they're always telling me stuff. And that's why I truly, like, believe my guts so severely.

Same. So if something feels off. I know it's off. Yep. And I felt so off at that job and I wasn't leaving. And so I feel like when I don't listen, like my ancestors just Spartan kick me off the path. Yeah, kick you off. Yeah, because I'm not listening.

Yeah. And they fired me and I've never been fired before. I've never, like you, I overachieved a lot in school. Yeah. I was always taking a lot of pride in like academics. Also, I was an athlete too. So I was very like used to being like good at everything. Everything I put my mind to and commit myself to I'm good at.

And I know I'll get. But whether or not I keep it, I think depends on whether or not I'm supposed to have it. That's kind of how I see it now. At the time, though, I felt so, like, unhappy because I was like, I'm unhappy, but I didn't want to get fired. I was like, I'm so happy, but I didn't want to get fired. I wanted to, like, leave on my own. Yeah, yeah. But then I realized, too, like, even when I left, like, I remember the next day, my parents were like, well, first of all, the first thing my dad said to me when I called him because my mom was busy, so I had to call my dad.

And my dad was like, congratulations. And I was like, I don't know. if that's like a good thing. Yeah, like a good thing. My parents knew how unhappy I was. So they were like, well, yeah, they were like, well, this is the best case scenario because now you can pursue something else, like what you really want to do. And I was like, I thought that this is what I wanted to do.

But apparently it wasn't meant for me. And so I remember, good job to your mom. Right. Right. Right. My mom's always here. And I remember the next day they took me to Disneyland to like try and cheer me up. And my mom bought me like a mug.

and she was like, this is just to remind you that this wasn't for you. Like, something else is going to come, something bigger, something bigger, something grander, something more important, like something that you're actually supposed to do. And then I started doing this, like, probably a year later. And it took off. And now this is my true purpose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell me and to suck my wiener is my true purpose.

I'm like, I'm coming to realize. Okay. No shade. Right. By the way, this is going to sound morbid, but it's not meant to be. Oh, please not. I can't wait to you and I are ancestors. Right.

I'm going to be so good. Three generations from now, They have no idea what's going to happen when we're on their side. I'm going to be like Musho. Bitch, we are going to be everything. Seriously. I'm going to be mean, but I'm going to be with gentle. We're gentle.

Holding your hand. But literally, us as ancestor? Right. Oh, my God. There's like three generations from now you might see this and some weird thing and not know we're talking about you, but we're literally watching out for you. Yeah, I always. And I always know, I'm like, whatever they're planning for me, I know is far better than what I have.

Yes, of course. And so back to you and back to Queer Eye, I would love to know what you're experience was like first coming onto Queer Eye, like how did you feel? Like what did that feel like being a part of something? Obviously it's like the revamp of it when you initially got put on. So I'm curious to know how you felt about it. Well, Quora, I've talked about this a little bit before. Queer in the beginning for me was a little bit hard because, yeah, it was.

Because when I came in, I had a different idea of what my category was. And I've said this once before. We were in episode two of season one. And episode one, I had, you know, done what I do where I went deep and talked to somebody about their emotional state. Yeah. And they started crying. And episode two, it happened again.

And literally this person came into our trailer and kicked the door and said, if you make one more mother effing person cry, you are off this show. Interesting. And it was because the person who had the role before, the culture, the category culture, was about exposing people to arts. It was about showing them Broadway and, you know, these things. And I was like, no, this needs to be about mental health. And I was like, that's what I thought you hired me for.

Yeah. But this person was like, no. And it was very difficult because I found myself being cut off in having deeper conversation. But somehow I was able to still shine it through. Yeah. And then all I remember is that the show ended and all the sudden, they sing just talking from, I can't remember what it was to you're not crying, I'm crying.

Yeah. And I was like, oh, oh. But you girls wanted me. not to make the girls cry. I thought no one was allowed to cry. That thought nobody was allowed to cry. Oh, and now y'all want to edit them all in. Oh, and then now season three, it's like, can you make the girls cry?

And I'm like, oh. Oh, now you want the tears, girl. Oh. And so, but in that beginning, it was me questioning when what I knew was right and what I knew this show needed for evolution. Because, like, my castmates are, like, phenomenal. And, like, Jonathan is, JVN is one of the funniest people I've ever seen. Anthony is one of the most empathetic people I've ever known.

Tan is one of the most creative and strong-willed people I've ever met. Bobby was just so loving and endearing. And I was just like, I know that this show, for being evolution where we're at, needs of mental health component. And it was funny because it was not seen. And I was told that I was wrong. And I just had to continue to do it under the guise that I was told during episode two that they were going to fire me. Yeah. And you still stuck to it, though, because that's what your gut was telling you. Because my gut was telling me as we talked about. And so, but that fear of knowing, of feeling like, okay, this, you know, like, I believe in the law abundance.

Yeah. There will be something. Yeah. Same. The universe will provide. God will provide. Answers provide. I will provide. Yeah. And so I was like, well, I'm not going to let this fear that you're trying to put on to me stop me from doing what I'm supposed to do in this moment. Exactly. And if I'm only supposed to do it for one season, or two, then that's what it is. Yeah. And now we're in season nine. So what? So what?

And then the girl got a talk show off of it. Okay, so to that person who said in episode two, eat it. I'll tell you, you can suck my wiener. There you know. Okay. No shade. I think that's, I think that's, uh, so that was my journey.

Yeah, I love that. No, I think that's incredible. And I think that's also, it speaks to what you were saying earlier, which is, it, of the outside doesn't matter if the inside is rotten. Like if it's not healed inside, it's a temporary fix. It's like a band-aid on a bullet hole kind of thing. And that's what I always saw with the original show, which I love the original show, but I was like,

we're not going deeper. Like you can, what I know to be true by any person I know is that you can fix all the outside girl, but if you ain't figured it out on the inside, it's take you about a week before you stop putting your hair before you stop brushing your teeth. That's why most of these girls who think that they can fix, man, I'd be like, girl, you cannot fix him until. he wants to fix himself. Amen.

Like no shade. It's true. You can't love someone into being a good person. You cannot. You can't. You can't. You can't.

And so they have to do that work on their own. And so that's what my goal was for this. It's like, let me help you to understand how to do that. So when anything else that comes to your life will be an addition to it, will gain you more.

Yeah, it's like the you can teach Amanda Fish kind of thing. Yep, exactly that. Or you can feed him with a fish and he'll eat for one day. It's one of those things where, like you said, it's like anything else that happens. happens to you, you can draw from this place. Because you're not going to be there forever. I'm not going to be there forever.

Yeah, so giving them the tools to be able to fix it on their own is just as important. Yeah. And it's also, I've kind of talked about this too because I obviously do very similar things on top of like ruining awful men's day on the internet. That is my purpose. That's my God-given talent. But past that, I think a lot of times I empower women and others, like anyone who's marginalized, especially by sisterate men.

You've empowered me. Period. You've empowered me, girl. Okay. Okay. And it's like, it's one of those things where I've told them, I can't tell you, because sometimes they'll say like, like, how do I get a man like yours? I want a man like yours, like whatever, right? Always, because obviously I am who I am and I have someone who loves me for who I am.

And I've told them I can't tell you how to get a man like one. What I can tell you is that no one should ever love you more than you love yourself. And if you don't work on that, you're never going to find anyone worthy of you. That's the only thing. I can teach you really because that's something that matters. Right. When I say the girls, I always mean the guys and the girls. Yeah.

Everyone. Gays and girls. I say that too. Yeah. I'm like, um, and it's the truth. Yeah. I would love to know what's your, what do you think is your most asked question as far as like self-help? Um, whether it's on your show, on queer eye, in person.

Well, okay. Yeah. Well, I'll tell you that. Let me figure that out. I'll tell you the thing that I hear the most that I'm annoyed by. So please do. I love that. The thing that I hear the most is, and that this is, and that,

This is not just on my talk show. I've heard this for years is when I'm like, well, why don't you leave? Well, why don't you? Because, you know, my whole thing is about you, do you understand what you deserve? It's you, yeah. You know, is, but Karamo, I love him. Yeah. I have shot over 300 episodes in my talk show.

And I promise you 80% of the time, when I ask somebody, why are you saying some stupid shit? They're like, because Karama, I love him. But Karama, I love him. And I'm like, do you love you? Okay, yeah. Doesn't sound like it. That's the only? That's your marker?

Like, that's it. Like, I just asked you, and that's their one thing. But you could have given me anything, bitch. You could have told me, like, you know what? He gets up and he fucking cooks me breakfast every morning, and I'm a fat ass and I need my fucking food. Like, I don't know. Anything. But I love him.

Yeah. Girl, you got to get together. Yeah. Let me see. What's the question I hear of most? You get annoyed. I get annoyed. And the reason why is because I'm like, well, he doesn't love you.

And that's obvious. Obvious. So what are we talking about? And that is always my next response. I'm like, but you know, he don't. love you. And they're like, well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. But for me, and not to go, I'm going to get back to your question because I'm thinking about it at the same time. But then that also leads into, do you know the definition of love? And I think that most people have never truly defined what love is. They have

either a Hollywood version of what they think love is. They either have a skewed version from the love that they saw in their households. And so they don't know what love is. And I always tell people, if you can define what you deserve and you can define what love is, it will, like you said, lead you to a place where you love yourself and then you realize that no one can love you more than you love you. Otherwise, the relationship will not work. Absolutely. And that is such a key thing. Yeah. I hear that a lot too. Like, what do I do? Like sometimes it's kind of similar but not. Sometimes I get like, what do I do if he just randomly got really cheap and like what do I do if he just randomly started doing this? And I always ask like how long have you all been together? Most times it's like

two, three years at minimum. Yeah. To which I'm always. I always say he didn't just get that way. He's been that way and you can't take it anymore. That's different. And I always say, like, people don't just get cheap overnight. You better preach. Right, and they don't. And I've told people, like, there is a fair amount of autonomy in these situations.

Because when you understand I am autonomous, I'm choosing to be here, that's a lot harder to come to terms with than it would be to be like, he treats me poorly. Right. But instead of saying, he treats me poorly, and I'm okay with. it that's why I stay here. Can I talk about this really quickly? Please do. I'm fucking so glad that this, I'm so thankful. Yeah. That this generation, all generations, has your voice. Oh, thank you. Thank God for you. I just want to like give you some praise right now. Thank you God for you. I appreciate that. Thank you. Thank you. I know I got to join. You can't be doing it by yourself.

I've been doing it by yourself for too long. I know, but what you do is just so powerful and impactful and like, thank you. People need to hear this from somebody who looks like them, sounds like them. And it's letting you know, like, girl, I might not have all the answers, but I know this answer. Yeah. And so, you know what's funny is like, even talking to you now, I can tell that sometimes you hear things and you're like, well, no wonder you think I'm fucking Yoda. Yeah, exactly. No fucking wonder, girl.

All time. I'll say something and people are like, wow. And then to me, I'm like, that feels like common sense, but I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong. Like sometimes I'm wrong. Maybe I am Yoda. Yeah. You are a little bit.

You are, you are. And I think, too, it is important, like you said, that, like, people of all different identities are saying the same things over and over again because we've been so conditioned to take anything. Like, I've talked about with women, especially anyone who's not a straight man, like, but especially women, we were forced to develop empathy at a very young age, whereas men get to decide if they want to develop empathy later. Like, that's a choice they get to make.

That's something that we're forced to develop. Agreed. And so I think a lot of times women hold too much empathy. It's too much patience. It's too much graciousness. And sometimes it's okay if you're unhappy and you're like, I don't deserve this. I'm going to leave. Like that's okay.

It is okay. And the detaching. Right. And the detaching, I think, is the hardest part because then you have to come to terms with, it's like the sunk cost fallacy theory. It's like I've sunk in so much time at this point. If I let it go now, it's a waste of time. but you're just wasting more times in my opinion.

Yeah, and I've even had women, like even when I first blew up on TikTok initially, I've had women in their 40s, 50s tell me that they started watching me and they left their husbands. Like they realized like, actually I don't deserve this. Actually, I do deserve better. So necessary. Which is, and I'm sure you've gotten a lot of testimonies like that too. 100%. And I think talking about that whole time thing and like people understand that like just because you invest

20 years in some man doesn't mean that you can't invest 30 more in yourself right and I don't know why people don't see that math yeah exactly it's like they only see the first half yeah it's not like you're about you know like you're about to enforce or pass tomorrow or something like there's a lot a lot of life left to live for you right and what would that world look like of investing in yourself in those years right and again I just don't think people know how to reframe their questions totally and I wish that we could teach people from high school or middle school how to reframe Instead of looking at one thing, how do we look at it from another perspective? Instead of looking at it as loss, how do I look at it?

What am I going to gain for myself? What can we do here to make sure that we're reframing our lives that we're the center of? That's what I feel like is a scarcity mindset. Yeah, that's how I tell you. I live in abundance life. I live in abundance. Exactly. And we talk about that a lot for the scarcity mindset.

Like when I sense a scarcity mindset, I'm like, ooh. It makes me nervous. That energy. Makes me nervous. Right. Right. I get a little chin. I'm like, ooh, you're operating from scarcity.

Scarcity, girl. I do not operate from that. Either do I. Right. I do not, never have. Never have either, me either. And I remember when I started doing this show, zero dollars, zero dollars, zero money. But I wanted to do it because I wanted to obviously have something that expands longer than short form content.

And I was like, that's okay. I'm going to do it for no money. And I was whipping my Prius down here with my mom and sister in the car, driving myself back and forth, making zero dollars off this shit. and I was filming all the time. And then when I was halfway through season two, before I, or no,

before I even finished season one, I resigned my contract with my production company, and then Spotify bought me season two. Before even, yeah. And so I was like, abundance,

abundance, abundance. Abundance. Abundance. Every time something negative happens to me or in my career or whatever, I always think like abundance. Like, what I give away, I will come get back.

I want you and I to do a master class on success. We should. We should. I'm telling you the stories in the parallel. are almost identical. Right. And I, and what I've learned in me talking to people who are successful, younger, older, same age, is these same things. I've told people before that there were, as I was journeyed, coming into hosting, I used to get up and go to Access Hollywood for free every morning at 7 o'clock in the morning to do these segments for free for like a year and a half.

This is a big company, NBC. Didn't give me a single coin. I used to go every morning, faithful, and then would get off of work and go to do that. CNN, NHLN, right off of sunset, and do the same thing again on one of those shows for free every night, almost a year and a half. And people were like, what are you doing? And I was like, because I believe in abundance and I know this is going to lead to more and lead to more money. And there were so many people that I was like, come on, you should come. I can hook you up. You want to be a host? You want to be in TV? You want to be in podcasting? Come through. I can hook

you up. I can't do. I'm not going to show up every day for free. I was like, okay, girl. Then you can show up nowhere in three years. Preach. Then show up nowhere. Then show up nowhere. And I'll show up to the show that I'm on. Right.

Thank you. And so I think these are the lessons that sometimes these people forget that's the sacrifice with the belief in abundance and believe that things are coming to you is so important. That's so true. And the girls miss it. And I know it's funny too is when I first started doing this. You're so brilliant. Right.

Thank you. So are you. As I was like growing this platform too, like when I was growing on just TikTok and I didn't have the show. I didn't have anything else. I remember I was getting a little like, I was getting a little down on myself, I think, not because of I was having so much fun and I felt like I was really building something substantial. But I started seeing people get verified and get signed and I was people that were I had blown past and followers at that point. And I was kind of like, damn. And then I started thinking like, I remember I was talking to my fiance and I was like, I don't know like what if people don't want to.

to work with me like like the way to make money is to work with brands and what if brands I want to work with me because what I do is controversial or whatever you know those moments a week yeah yeah and then my man was like I mean I don't think what you do is controversial so would you want to work with someone who thought what you did was controversial reframing and I said reframe not you being smarter than me all right I was down for a second all right I'm back I'm back but look at that it's it's important that's what I say about it and like if you don't have someone in your life that can help you to reframe when you're in a moment. It's like those are things I look for.

Like my best friend I, when I've talked about him already, he's here. We are stuck together for 25 years because when I need to reframe and I don't know, I can't see it, he's there. Right. Right. And vice versa. Exactly.

Like when he thinks this moment is like, oh my gosh, he gets into that fear-based mindset. I immediately am able to pull him out and say, no, let's reframe this girl. Yeah. Like, oh, maybe you leaving this or maybe this or would you want to work with or what it is to make yourself see what is better.

Totally. And it's such an important lesson that people forget in like success and life and relationships. Right, right. And it applies, like you said, across all aspects of life. And I remember at the, I was like, no, you're totally right. Oh, I was down for a second. Okay, yeah. I'm back.

I'm back. Yeah. And so I kept going. I kept going. And then I remember it was like that in the beginning, whereas, you know, I think agencies could see the potential in just numbers, but they wanted to like be sure they could market me, which is funny because the agent I'm still with is a woman. and she, her name's Alex, we love her, but she really fought for me because her company at the time, like, didn't want to sign me because they were like, I don't think she's marketable.

And she's like, I'm telling you she's going somewhere, like, and I want to be a part of it. Like, we have to get her now. And honestly, I've told people before, I'm like, I just got too big to ignore. Like, they couldn't anymore. Yes. But when you lock in with- Talk your shit. Right?

When you lock in. You know, talk your shit, bitch. Yeah. And now where are they? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All of a sudden.

And it's funny too, because I still have the same people on my team that were there at the beginning. And it's because they believed in me. Like, they're like, I see something in you. And you know what's funny is. I swear you and I are from the same soul. Girl. We truly are. The same star.

Literally. The two of us. Right, two halves of it. Literally. It's so funny. I have a manager who's a sisterate white man, older white man. And it's important. It's important.

I mentioned that. Because I remember after I talked to him because he was like, I really want to work with her telling my agent. So we had a meeting. And at the very end of the meeting, he goes, I just want to say, I know I'm a sisterate white man, and I just want you to know that I understand a lot of the privilege I have,

and I want to be able to use it to fight for you. Like, I want to use, I believe in you. I think the world needs someone like you, and I want to be able to fight for you and I want to put this behind you and push you forward. Yes. And I was like, oh, I appreciate that. And after we hung up, I said, hire him.

Okay, thank you. Hired him. Hired him. Hired immediately. You got it. Yeah. He got it. Yeah.

You said the right thing, king. Okay. You said it. Got it. Bitch, I'm with you. I've kept my same team from day one.

And I have, you're Alex, I have my Tyler. Period. Look at us. That's how I'm saying, my eye, never wrong.

Never wrong. And I have not let, and people are always like, why are you so faithful? And I'm like, because when the people believe in you, you have to stick with them. Which is literally me.

You have that exact conversation. Like, seriously, the girls don't get it. And then we keep rising. Right. Because we're like, yeah.

Right. And then you have people who were like, well, don't you want to sign with someone bigger? I'm like, you know what's funny is I've had that conversation because I've been approached many times to be poached, right? Yeah.

And I'm always like, no, I'm good. I'm happy. I'm like very happy where I'm at. But I always say to them like, because they're like, well, you know, sometimes if you're, you know, with bigger place, bigger agencies, whatever, there's a bigger pool, whatever. And I'm like, well, because some of my other friends who are in the same industry, they're like, I really appreciate it because I always give recommendations.

I always like, I'm like, oh, I know a girl. So if they're awesome, I'll put them in contact with someone awesome. Yeah. And so I'm like, one of my girlfriends was telling me, she's like, I appreciate it. Like, sometimes I feel like people in this industry are kind of like gatekeeping about stuff like that. No, girl. And they're like, oh, like, I don't want you to sign to my agent because then I might not get as much work. And I told her literally verbatim, I said, well, that's a scarcity of mindset.

I don't move like that. I don't move like that. And I said, and quite honestly, there could be a roster of 100. I'm a shine regardless. Thank you. Thank you. That's how I said. That sounds like a you call, girl.

I'm going to connect because I'm like, girl, I'm not fearful. I said, yeah, me either. I was like, girl, get yours. Like, even earlier when you were like coming to job. I was like, yeah, girl, come on. That was literally our exchange. Yeah, come on, let's go. Absolutely.

Enough of us to be up here for the view, okay? I'm going to shine regardless. Yeah. So I'm not worried. To me, there's more than enough room up here. Like you said, there's more than enough room. That's why I'm never worried about hosting gigs either because like, obviously I'm not like where you're at.

Hopefully I will be one day. You will be. And beyond. Thank you. I believe it. Yes. And a lot of my other friends hosts, too. And I'm always so happy for them when they get the jobs,

because I'm like, there is no lack of, in my opinion. There's more than enough of us, and we all have something different to offer. That's why I said, I'm going to shine regardless, bro. If I were you, I'd just keep up. Keep up. I'm obsessed with you. You live here in L.A.? Yes, I do.

Oh, my gosh. We're going to be friends. We have to. We have to. I do want to ask you just a couple more fun questions. But first I would say, what would you say is one of your favorite seasons of queer eye you've ever filmed? I know you have maybe if you have a fave, if you'd like to pick what Kansas City. I got it already.

Oh, really? Kansas City. Season three and four. Yeah. It was my favorite. Really? Because we were in a space where people kind of knew what we were doing. Yeah.

But they didn't know the format yet. Right. So everyone still was coming in very much like, so like the people we help, it's beautiful. I love them. They're coming there genuine. But they've seen the show for nine seasons. Right. And so they come in with expectations.

Yeah, with like an understanding. Yeah, understanding. And also like they're coming in waiting. So it makes all of our jobs a little bit harder. Right. Because we actually are doing the job. Have you heard when you float to JVN or Bobby. But we are literally, so it makes it a little bit more difficult because now I've got to figure out a new way to get in.

Because you already have your speech prepared of what you think I want to hear about what's going on in the inside. And so now I have to figure out like through watching you, through paying attention to action, seeing what words trigger you, see what's going on. and find a brand new way. Totally. And I've gotten good at it. So now they'll come in with saying like, oh, I'm going to talk about my mother and like this stuff. And I'm like,

girl, that's not your issue. But of course, sure. Yeah, yeah. And then I will help them guide it. And so season three, four, there was none of that. Right. So it was like right before everyone. Yeah, it was like, yeah, we were successful,

but it was like they didn't know the format. So they came in real like blind. Yeah, they were kind of blind. And it was great. And so I just remember those episodes just like, oh my gosh. I remember there was this guy. and he, I took him a dance studio and like he thought we were going to go dancing.

And I made him like look at himself in the mirror in this real way. And I remember we went to Emmy off of that. I remember that's also the season that we had a guy who was paralyzed and in wheelchair. And I connected him with the man who shot him. Yeah. And I mean like those are days when it was like they did not know what was going on. He thought we were going to a restaurant. I'm like, oh, by the way, I invited the man who shot you here so we can get you to get closure.

And so I love that season, season three and four. Because they're very just as impactful for you as it was for the hero. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what about your show? Like, what's your favorite thing, your favorite thing now about your new show? Well, what I love about my new show now is that people, because so I got into the space of, like, real people. And so when you're, like, there's daytime talk shows that are celebrity base and then there's real base. And unfortunately, and I'm going to be real with you, celebrity, the real people-based shows have gotten a bad rep.

Yeah. Because over the last 20 years, it's been about exploitation. It's about running on stage crazy. Yeah. And that was hard for me because I almost didn't take it, the job. Because I was like, I can't. Yeah. I can't be.

The fake stuff. In the fake stuff. I can't do that. And so I was like, I got to show people that I'm authentically still me. Yeah. And that someone can come with their real emotions. Yeah. I'm not going to judge your real emotions.

Yeah. But just no girl. There's a moment that we. got all come together and be real. Yeah. Like, we're going to talk about really what's going on. Yeah.

We're going to get some real advice. Yeah. And we're going to see. You're real people. Yeah. Like, it's not for show. And I've said that a million times of my show. I will say to them like,

okay, these people might be here to watch it. I'm sitting in this seat because God has ordained me to be able to give you some advice. And that's why you're here. And so what I love about is that people are, it's caught catching on more and more. Because I remember season one in the comments, it'd be like, is Corral and you Jerry or Morey? And I'm like, girl, no show those white men.

we're successful, girl, you know what I mean? Do I look like them? I do not look like them. But, you know, I get it. People want to compare you. Right. They want to compare. Even though I tell people all the time, comparison is the thief of joy.

Amen. And you're not going to steal my joy by trying to compare me to someone else. Amen. Okay. And so now, it's so funny because now in season three, I don't see that anymore. And it's so good. It's like people realize just because there are people real emotions that you're going to see me actively trying to make these people see this. that they can be better.

Yeah. Like, I created this segment on my show called Unlock the phone. Because in real people talk shows, it's always results driven. Yeah. You know, and that's Ricky Lake's doing. You know, she created that motto and it worked. And so the rest of the girls picked it up. That's why you saw Mori giving paternity tests 24-7.

And so I was like, okay, what is mine going to be for this generation? Yeah. And we know we're all on the phone. But I created it for transparency. Yeah. Because I'm like in relationships, if there's no transparency, there's no trust. And once that trust is broken, then you're never going to have a foundation to be able to build upon. And so I was like, we need to hire someone.

So we have a hired an FBI agent who actually can find anything up to five years deleted. Damn. We find everything. People come on the show, they think he's stupid or whatever. Or not real. Not real, whatever. But what I did it for and what happens is that these people come on. And then I'm like, no, no, no, no.

This is no longer he can gaslight you. You can no longer tell you what's going on. Right. You have the facts in front of you. Right. So now it's a choice that you're going to make and you're going to stay. And if you make this choice, just know the complaining is going to stop. And I'm going to make sure all your friends and family know stop listening is complaining.

Because they have the facts. They're making a choice to be here. Or you can use this to make a choice to say I deserve more. And that's what I'm so thankful for in my talk show. I know that was a long answer. No, I love it though. And I'm just hoping it continues to grow and get better in that way. Yeah.

And I think that's important too, especially because what you said, like understanding the preconceived understanding of real-time talking. days time talk shows like where people just believe all of it is fake or all of it staged or whatever I think you committing to like repaving that and actually trying to make a real show with real emotions I think that's so fucking cool and if I can be honest with you the only the best thing for me is that I've had executives who believe in me yeah like there's been a changing of the guards and the executives at my network yeah there's a woman by the name Dana Moran I'm

gonna shout her out she's like a senior vice president at NBC and this woman has been committed to wanting to see people heal Yeah. And I think when you have executives that want to see change, it definitely then ends up changing. Absolutely. That's who's making the cut in a check, girl. So if you want to, I can do all I can on the stage. Right.

You are cutting a check and making something different. And it's been such a blessing because I'm trying to change this genre back to something that could be good and healthy. I think that's incredible. That is literally my goal. And that's honestly, no one, there is no one more fitted for the job than you. Thank you. Because girls forget that Oprah started in my genre. Right. Exactly.

And then she said one day, I'm going to get out and I'm going to change it up. Right. And all the rest of the girls followed. And the ones who left behind, girl, got trashy. And I'm like, no, girl, we can go back to this being civilized and real and, like, giving real advice. And like, we can really, you know, we can like. Girl, look what happened when Oprah left. Exactly.

Like, girl, like, we can't go back. We all, you know. So that is the goal. So check with me again at, like, at season 10. I love that. And if I'm not there, girl, be like, girl, get out. By season 10. you're gonna be like you get a car you get a car you're gonna be on that level at that point

can i tell you something no actually what i've been doing where i'm so proud of and this is not been talking about it much but i'm gonna talk my shit please do so there has never been a daytime talk show in my genre where the host has given out therapy and in season one the amount of money i paid for for therapy on show it was on camera i would say now that we have talked about this i've given you a first step can i pay for therapy will you accept therapy and bitch i have had that network paying for therapy like fucking crazy. And I'm so proud of that because there has never been a daytime talk show. You should be ever.

So when you be like giving out cars, girl, I'm giving out therapy and I'm so excited about it. Car for the mind. Car for the mind. Girl, you're going to drive yourself to where you need to go. But the girls are getting therapy. And I'm just so. And that's so important. Oh my God.

Therapy has changed my life. Like it really has. And so for me, I'm like most of the individuals who would call a day time talk show. Yeah. You never have access or financially. Yeah, the opportunity to do it. And I'm like, girl, if you're going to come on here and you're going to show your story for the world. Yeah.

Like, yes, you got me and I'm going to really help you. But girl, I'm going to make sure you leave with some stuff. And there's times where girls are like, no, I'm not ready. I don't want it because they're afraid of it. Yeah. But the amount of money I've had this network pay off a therapy girl. Period. You better work.

And also, I make them keep it in. Yeah. I think it's important to see people of color accepting therapy on TV. That is very, very important. So that's my little pride and joy. And honestly, you should be so proud of that. I'm so proud to know that and to know you. I think that's fucking incredible and so important, especially for black and brown families.

Thank you. It's like we need that. We need to heal. Like we need to move forward. We need to evolve and get better. And I feel like I see therapy too a lot like rehab where it's like it doesn't work unless you want it to work. And you can't force somebody to go. You have to go because you want to and you want to like heal or get better or whatever it is you want to address and confront.

Agreed. And I'm such a huge. huge proponent of therapy. It's like crazy. I tell everyone, I'm like, if you have the means and the ability to do so, please do. And encourage others my entire families in therapy. Like, we love it. And we all have different therapists. And my therapist, too, like, I always, the company I go through, they're always like, who do you feel most comfortable talking to? And I remember when I first did that meeting, it was like an older white woman. And she was like, and it's okay if it's not someone who looks like me. Like, that's okay. And I was like, okay, well, in that case, I'd like a woman of color.

Yeah, because you need somebody who understands your experience. Exactly, and you feel comfortable talking to. And if I can be honest with you, not to go back to this, but to share. I think that's also why I have also found my success and found this lane and been doing well in my daytime talk show and been surpassing numbers that they thought. It's because in my genre, it has always been white men talking to women of color, LGBT people, families of color. Absolutely. And we've seen how these white men, unfortunately, no shade to them. Yeah.

But they don't understand the struggles. No, I'm not at all. Yeah. I'm always like, I get it. Yeah. I understand when you're going through. I understand where you've been. And they believe you.

They believe me. And they know, they most of them know my story. Yeah. And so it makes it so much easier. I give apologies. I give hugs. I do things that like, you never saw the white men in the space before. Ever.

Hugging these individuals and hugging their guests and saying, I see you, I understand you. Yeah. And so it does, like when you're going to therapy, seeing somebody who looks like you gives you the ease to know, oh, girl, okay, there's no judgment here. Right. You actually want to see me.

Exactly. And the biggest pride and joy of my career right now, because I've shifted in this daytime talk show, has been people coming up to me and saying, thank you for what you do for our community. Yeah. Which I got that before in the LD community a lot. Yeah.

I got people saying of all races and genders, thank you for helping me. Yeah. But now having black folks and people of color, are always coming up to me saying that just kind of makes me feel like, oh, girl. Different. Purpose. Like the ancestors is like, girl, finally, we got you on it.

You're here. Exactly. Stay on his path. Exactly. You're like, I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. Yeah. Like, even when I've had like, because I'm someone, so like when I have someone, women say that to me, like, you know.

Yeah. They say things like, I never thought I would see someone like myself doing what you do. It speaks to a different part of me. That's how I was like, it makes my little grinch heart grow. Yeah, grow like this, like this. Yeah, immediately. It's like pumping. You don't know.

Yes. And I was like, don't tell anyone. Okay. I'm real soft. Don't tell anyone. Okay, just to kind of like wrap us up. What would you say is your best piece of advice for anyone who's maybe working on the self? And maybe like they feel like they're not completely finished yet or maybe they feel like they are but things aren't working out.

Like what would you say is your best piece of advice for them if they're trying to work on themselves and learn how to love themselves? The best piece of advice is it needs to be a daily practice. And so I usually don't give generic advice. It's one of my big things because I think that like advice, I think there's people who know how to give advice that is clear and concise. You do. And then there's people who gives these generic like, oh, blanket shit. Right.

But what I will say to someone is to work on yourself is a daily thing. And I think people think it's a, oh, I did a little self-care routine. I watched the video. It is this way that I schedule and in people, know I'm a father the way I scheduled my kids schedule the way I scheduled work is the same way I schedule my daily care for my self-esteem and self-work right it is a daily practice and I schedule out an hour and a half the two hours and this includes things that just like when you go to work and you know you got to get up for that meeting you know I got to do this same way you get up and

you're like the kids have to have this the kids have to do this yeah the same way you know I'm in a relationship and we got to have time for this and that the same way you do that you have to schedule it out and figure out what it is ahead of time yeah it has to be day You can give yourself two days off just like at work, but you have to, and I would recommend I am doing that. Yeah. Because if you don't practice your self-esteem and self-work daily, the rest of the influences from the world become louder than what you're practicing. Right. And so I would say to anybody who sees themselves in this space, sit down first and schedule you.

Because until you start to schedule you, everything else is going to be a priority. Right. Except you. Except for you. That's a logical first step for people who are not there. And for even these people who think they do the work, you can schedule yourself more. And then also really understand what areas you need to work on.

Being honest with yourself. Being honest with yourself. That's why I've talked about autonomy a lot. Like I've said, like I think autonomy is an important practice too. It's to understand. Because like I've, this is me getting a little in the weeds, but like I'll make it fast, I promise. But I remember I was talking like I've always joked that there's always one relationship.

Like if I'm just talking about straight women, for example, there's always one, like, it's a really good one where you're like, my eyes were fucking close the entire time. Not one, I was like, every red flag, my eyes closed. Yeah. And I was telling my mom this story the other day because I was telling her the last, one of the worst relationships I've ever had, and you can't even call it that, because it wasn't a relationship, had no label on it. Got all the perks of a girlfriend without actually with that label. Yeah. Only saw me at night. Hmm. Um, yeah. And I told my long story short, it ended horribly. Um, um, yeah. And I told my long story short, it ended horribly. Um, um, um, um, I cut it off, but before I cut it off, because I was ignoring the signs. And even my friends were like, girl, let's talk about this, right? Like even my own friends were telling me that. And I'm always that friend for other girls. And I remember the real reason I was like, okay, for real you can choke and drop dead was because I found out he had like a girlfriend of over 10 years,

but she was eight and a half months pregnant. And they were living together at his parents' house. And he would just disappear for days at a time. Girl, you could have been on the Cromwell show. Girl, right. I could have been on Mory for a matter of shit. Okay, girl, okay, girl.

I would have been on Jerry Springer, bitch. Okay, girl, like literally, girl. And I found that out because she called me. Like, she hacked into his iPad and then called me. Then I was so distraught because I had no idea that was happening. And then I literally told her, like, we deserve better than this. Yeah. I was like, we deserve better than this.

And your child deserves better than this. Amen. I was telling her, like, you should leave him. I was literally like, I'll borrow my friend's car. I'll come move you. Like, I was really trying to help her. Yeah. And I hope she's doing well now.

But after that, probably like a couple days later, that guy texts me and sends me this long thing of like, you know, you're such a good person. Like, thank you for telling her about this. Oh, you fucking narcissistic. Right. Get the hell out of here. Insane. And he's like, yeah, I think it's so. Oh, that is such a trick, girl.

When the girls do wrong and then they want to thank you for helping them see, girl, that is just a fucking, that is not healing. That is not growth. Don't, none of y'all be fool for that. No, it's a breadcrumb. He's hoping all pick up and carry. Because the narcissist will hope that you'll hold on that. Like, hands on the reddle bitch. And they're like, oh my gosh.

Because I was taking crumbs. Like, and I, and at the time I remember reading it and I was so angry. I was like, fuck this guy. I'm not even going to respond. So I didn't. Then a few days after that, he texted me again. And he goes, really? You're going to ignore me.

Like, like I thought, yeah. I thought we were closer than that. I thought you were more mature than that. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right. And I told my mom, I remember when I got that second text, I wasn't even mad. I had the most sobering feeling in the world

because I started thinking to myself, this man has no respect for me. None. And more importantly, thinks I have none for myself. And whose fault is that? Mine. And I remember telling my mom, that was the most sobering.

I remember thinking to myself, yeah, that part's on me. I'm gonna take that. Yeah, that part's on me, bitch, because like, this guy doesn't even know who I am. I was like, he actually has no idea who I am. because I haven't been myself. I've sacrificed so much of myself.

This dude thinks that I'll just come whenever. I'll eat anything he gives me doesn't matter. And I wasn't even mad. I felt free. I felt like when my shackles, I was like, I was like, fucking free.

Because I was like, at that point, I was like, you know what? I would rather die alone. I would actually rather be alone forever because I've always said like, I may feel lonely sometimes,

but I'm not alone. Like I'm surrounded by love. Like platonic and platonic love is just as important. if not more than romantic love to me. Well, Hollywood would have made us feel like it's not. Right. It's the opposite. Hollywood has made you feel like just because you have friends.

I mean, like, sex in the city had us all in a chokehold girl. And it was like, she's surrounded by love. Talk about a bitch who eats breadcrumbs. I want to tell that bitch to stand up. And, like, surrounded by three girlfriends who are like, we love you and we will always show up for you. But you're not enough. But you're not showing up for her. You're not telling her to get out of it.

Get out of it. Get out of Mr. Big's ass. You know what I mean? So I remember I was like thinking. I was like, wow, you know what? I would rather, I would rather be by myself. I'm not unhappy alone. Like, being single doesn't mean I'm unhappy. And so I was like, man, fuck this shit. I'm going to be by myself. I don't give a fuck because I dated casually throughout college, but this was like one that I felt was a little more serious. It wasn't. It was just more traumatic. But then literally probably three or four months later, I met my fiance. Like I started, start dating him. And I said, the ancestors, once I had the answer, now you got this. Can I remind that? Thank you for sharing that story because it reminds me of also of like

telling girls or anybody, the girls, like reframing that idea of like, I can't be alone, I'm lonely. Yeah. And like whatever. And understanding like when I talk about that daily practice, it's things like this where you say, okay, if I have a fear of being alone,

what can I do to reframe to show myself that I'm not alone? Right. What can I, what activity can I do one thing to date for myself that I'm doing by myself where I can find joy in it? Yeah. Because sometimes I always look at people, who are like, I'm too afraid to go to dinner or a movie by myself.

Got it. That's your fear. But there's somewhere else that you can go that you'll still completely feel happy. Right. And you've got to search for that place. Right. Because I'm a girl that, like, I can go on a trip by myself. I don't want to do it.

I need a buddy. I need a pal. Right. I definitely can go to symphony by myself. Right. And I can go to a ballet by myself. Period. And I find myself being so happy.

Right. And finding myself feel so fulfilled. And those are moments when I used to wake up to myself and be like, girl, you're not that girl that has to be alone. has to have somebody. Right. You can't be alone. And you can find joy

and walk out of their smiley and having cute little conversations and feel so fulfilled. So the work that you have to do and reframing is that type of work. Absolutely. Where do you see yourself? If that's the fear,

where do you see that maybe that fear won't apply so that you can do that work on yourself so you can see what you deserve so you can wake up. Right. You know? Exactly. And boy did I.

And I woke up and I literally, I felt truly like the ancestors were like, okay, now you're ready. You're ready. To have real love. Like to have actual love that actually means something. Like you said, I think when people on your show would say, oh, but I love him, you're like, I don't think you understand what love is.

What love is or what it's supposed to feel like. Because it's not supposed to hurt you. It's supposed to heal you in a lot of ways. I tell so many girls on my show, right now, before you come out on my stage, go right down a fucking list of what you think love means. And I had a couple read their definition. Really? And they don't know. Most people don't know.

Right. Most people do not know. Right. And that's crazy because we're like in this undying pursuit of it without even truly understanding what it. what it is or what it feels like and what it feels like to us right? But anyways, man, we're getting preachy.

We're going to preach. Hold on. I heard that we had something from social media. I want to talk about it. Okay, wait. Okay. I'll do two. Yeah. Okay. I'll do the second one. No, it's totally fine because we're talking about... Honestly, we're talking about playbook tips, but that is what typically we've been to. We're giving it. Obviously. Okay. Let me read the second one too.

Okay. So it says this is a clip from a podcast hosted by a husband and wife, The husband says, I'm about to give you all the biggest relationship advice you've ever heard. Oh, girl, I know this shit. And, you know, it's what's... Sex. Yeah. Have more sex.

Yeah. Even if she says no. Have more sex. Yeah, his wife... How trump of you, sir? For real. For real. His wife laughs nervously.

He says sometimes she's not in the mood after a busy day or doesn't feel like it at certain times in the month. And the husband says, you can have 20 things on your day that you don't want to do. Just make sure having sex with your husband is all. So again, she said, well, something that I want to. And he said, doesn't matter. He's like, no, I don't give a fuck what you want. Like, yeah, sounds like sound advice to me.

Yeah. He's like, what's wrong with people? Like, that's the type of people that like, I cringe, first of all. Right. Because I'm like, you're in a relationship and you're making a commit, this is your wife and you're making a commitment to her. Right. And your idea of a commitment to her is saying, I disregard what do you feel because on the top of your list must be what I want. Exactly.

Well, he's like, well, asking you is kind of just like. just a filler. He's like, it's small talk. It's small talk. Yeah. Like, we don't really need it. You know what I mean? Oh, and also I always think, too, when you're talking about heterosexual relationships,

especially they always joke about shit like this. Oh, she never wants to have sex. I do. I always think, like, when women are fulfilled, they're good. Like, they'll have sex with you. Yeah, all the time. Like, if they feel fulfilled in every other area of their relationship, you're not going to be able to get them off, you, bitch, like, to be quite honest with you.

Yep. That's what I'm like, so clearly if she's not having sex with you, something else is. something else is missing. Right. But I also, in correlation, I tell my guy friends, like, and, you know, this is a quick tip for men who are listening in there. Most men don't understand intimacy and sex anyway.

And so they look at sex as sort of this transactional act versus, like, what true sex is is when there's real intimacy. And most men are afraid of their own intimacy, that they will never have that. So, of course, a statement like, well, she should just be giving me sex is because this is transactional. Exactly. But when you have real intimacy and real men who understand what love. lovemaking is and what it is to connect with somebody.

Right. And this is both romantic and all. It could be aggressive, but when there's intimacy involved, it makes it better. And so I would encourage men to, like, really understand intimacy. Right. Like most men, and then we give you give you a tip. When they, you don't mind not know this, but most men don't even touch themselves when they masturbate.

Other than their, most. Other than their dick, yeah. Other than their dick. Yeah. They don't touch themselves. Interesting. They don't touch themselves. Yeah.

Because the focus is here, here, here, and I'm done. Like a child. Like a child. Like a pre-pecent child, literally. And I'm like, yo, how about when you're doing this? Not only, if you're engaging in watching porn, which is fine, how about you think to yourself like, oh my gosh, how intimate this would be with like I was with my girl, if I was with my partner, like, touch yourself like in these ways.

Like, because what happens is that you get more involved with your body. Now your mind is connected to the person that you're engaging with. And so, and most men don't know how to do this. So you get stupid-ass motherfuckers who say shit like, fucking. sex has to be on the priority of the list. No, do you want it or not? It's like, girl. And you're probably bad at it on top of that.

And you're probably bad at it on top of that. Because you don't even know your own body. Exactly. And that's so tea. And they're unwilling to do anything else other than putting their dick inside women. Because it's transactional. Exactly. That's how I was like, and none of you are eaters.

Fuck out of my face. Get the fuck out of your. Get the fuck out of here. You know what I mean? You're wasting my fucking time. I'm going to give you a tip that I gave a couple recently and it's worked. Right. I tell couples like watch each other masturbate.

Tea. That is very intimate. And but also say to your partner, especially for males, unfortunately, sometimes you got to give these men, like, like, little boys, like, let's teach you. Not always, girl, but like sometimes, but say like, like, what are you doing that? Think about how that good would be if I was touching you there.

Yeah. If I would do this. Let them get in the mindset of practicing intimacy with themselves. That's deep. And it will help the sex life. Right. And you're so, you're so right, too, because it's like, it's also seen as like a taboo thing unless it's just the fucking circle jerk.

Oh my gosh, yeah. It's like a, it has to be that very physical, very fast fact. Fast thing, yeah. But anything else did they get uncomfortable. That's where I'm kind of like, I thought you were all about fucking. Exactly. I thought you were all about it. Oh, and now you're all.

Oh, and now everyone's nervous and embarrassed. You don't have any like, you know how many straight guys I know that like literally hide that they masturbate from their partner? Like they're like kids. It blows my fucking mind that grown men like wait till their partner walks out the door to fucking jack off. I'm like, what's wrong with you? Have a conversation with your partner about the fact that like make this a thing that could be intimate. Like I'm going to like this could be sexy. Join me.

Like I can't tell you how many grown men wait for the door to lock to go do this. Like I'm 15 years old. Like it's just what they've been doing forever. Yeah, forever. I got to wait. Oh, you're gone. I got to like go in the bathroom. Like get it fucking together, man.

Like talk about sex and intimacy in a new way. No for real. So that you don't end up being somebody who says stupid shit like sex. on top of the list and if you give it to me whether or not. And it's also like it's not even enjoyable like for either of you. Like and I also think too I'm like when men act like that, obviously they're massages saying they'll see women as equals. But even if they.

Oh no, 100% let's start there. Yeah. But even if they did and they're just talking about the act of sex right there. Like it's very like I don't understand why you wouldn't want to make your partner come. You know what I'm saying? Like they don't care about that. They're like, well, I don't care about that. Well, then it sounds like you're bad at it.

You're bad at it. You're bad at it. You sound like, that's a skill issue, buddy. Bad at it. Right? So that's why I'm like, and women are supposed to be into that? But see, for the flip side is that when I tell men, I'm also like, okay, you should be more active in wanting to make your partner come and make your woman come. But equally, I tell men, you should hold off on coming.

Right. Because, again, intimacy for right now, again, they act for most men of transactional that it's like, I need to orgasm. Yeah. Where it's like, and thus, once you get yours, you're not worried about her. So how about you wait? Practice like edging. Edging yourself, yeah.

Doing these things. And like, I'm no sex expert, but I understand the emotional attachment and the mental attachment. What happens when you say, I'm going to be committed to not orgasm quickly. To making this a moment that is more intimate, to making it more about like me touching and feeling. And then it translates into about us.

It translates into you and your woman. Yeah. God, he's a man. Oh, girl, they make me sick. They're giving me bright hairs for real. Girl, seriously, girl. Yeah, so it says, ladies, we've been telling you this for so long, it's simple. And the next one says, when the sex stops, the relationship goes downhill.

If it stops, it's probably been downhill for a while. That's just, it's just what alerts them. It just doesn't stop. Yeah, like, you've been in a fucking rut for a while. Right. It's like, no, you're just noticing. Yeah, listen. Well, you know what?

Roommate syndrome is real, girl. The girl's turning to roommates real quick. Girl, and that's what I was like, what are we, college roommates? Thank you. We're living in a dorm at this point. Thank you. And at that point, I want a room by my. I don't need you in here.

Thank you. Or you need to graduate out of that situation. Exactly. Seriously. Move on with my life. Move on. Well, thank you so much for coming. Thank you for having you.

You're incredible. You are incredible. I am going to continue to see you grow. And what I would hope for one day, if I could ask, is that when you are the most famous talk show host in the world that in your will, you will put that you want your ashes on your lawn. Yes. The circle of life.

Deal. The circle of life. It's not stuck in it. That's the circle of life. Exactly. Well, thank you so much for coming on the show. I'm fucking obsessed with. I think you're incredible.

My twin, for real. Twin, look at us. Twin. Okay, well, for those who are literally born yesterday, I'm sure, and maybe don't follow you, where can everybody find you? At Karamo. See, when that name is Karamo, girl, at Karamo, girl. Facebook, Instagram.

Name of the talk show, girl. She's turning into Beyonce. She's a one-name artist now. Amen. Amen. I've never seen you and Beyonce in the same room, so how am I don't know? We could be the same person. You know, we're both born in Houston, Texas at the same time.

Okay. Well, now I'm starting to think. Kelly and I are friends. So maybe I am Beyonce. You know. I did it on lipstick battle. Okay. And I killed it.

Yeah. And maybe that was me trying to let the world know. You're dropping Easter eggs. Bitch. Y'all go gagging 20 years when y'all find out I'm Beyonce. That would be crazy. And male drag right now. Crazy. That would be insane.

I'm... And do you have anything else you want to promote? No. No. Okay. You can watch queer eye. New season comes out December 11th. You can watch Karamo's show nationwide or go on TikTok and Instagram or YouTube, girl. Period. Love. Karamo's everywhere, obviously. And I hope you... I can't wait to see you invade so many more other white driven spaces. Okay, thank you. I'm rooting for it. I'm praying on it, actually. And thank you all so much for joining us on this episode of the comment section.

Don't forget to follow Karamo on literally everything. Most of you are, obviously, but if you're not, make sure you check out Karamo's show. Make sure you check out Queer Eye. And don't forget new episodes of the comment section drop every Wednesday. You can stream the audio on all streaming platforms, but the video lives for free and exclusively on our favorite platform, Spotify. So thank you so much for joining us. Thank you to my amazing guest, Karamo, and I'll see you next week. Bye!