The Comment Section with Drew Afualo - CLOWN FOR HIRE Ft. Zach Noe Towers | Episode 214

Episode Date: March 25, 2026

Zach Noe Towers is on the show this week!! Drew and Zach talk bombing on a gay cruise, unhinged phone contact names, Zach riding motorcycles, free shoe hacks, Zach’s neighbor interviewing his hookups, Crossfit, doing the splits, and so much more.Zach IG: https://www.instagram.com/zachnoetowers/?hl=enZach Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@zachnoetowersFollow The Comment Section on IG! https://www.instagram.com/thecommentsection/ Visit heytoogoodandco.com to shop now!eBay is the place for pre-loved and vintage fashion. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Everyone and welcome back to another episode of the comment section show. Sorry me, your favorite. Everybody knows me who cares about me. On to the guest. Today we have the iconic, the legend. The one, the only, Zach Noey Towers. Hi! Hello. I love the fart sound. Oh my gosh. Every episode I listen to him, like, I can't wait for the fart for whatever reason.

I remember one time when I entered, I don't remember who it was, but I was like thinking too much about the words I was saying and I forgot the fart sound and I was like, damn. Sorry y'all. Superfans know. Yeah, I'm sure someone will tell me. They're like, oh, it was this episode. Oh, it was this episode. This episode is presented by Two Good and Co. creamer. My go-to coffee is an iced vanilla latte personally, but whether you enjoy your coffee

hot, cold, bold, or frothy, if you want to take it up a level, two good creamers make every sip a good one. Why? Because they're made with farm-fresh cream, real milk, and contain three grams of sugar per serving. That's 40% less than the five grams per serving and leading traditional coffee creamers for a rich, creamy, and delicious experience. Find two good creamers in the creamer aisle. How are you? I'm great. I said this before and I said it before so I wouldn't say this time, but I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to have you. Oh my God.

I'm honored to have you. It's a dream. And a lot of people that you're really good friends with have been on the show. Oh, yes. So it was natural. Because you've had Bob and like Taylor. Comedian girlies and stuff. Yes, the stand-up queens.

Y'all are, you are so funny. Thank you. You can kind of make anyone funny. That's why people keep tuning in, I think. And that's why Taylor Thompson keeps coming because she needs my help. Yes. She desperately needs my help. You know the special.

that just says Drew a Fala. Yeah, she says, and credit Drew Off Wallow. Yes. I made her funny. Yes, you did. Me saying that over her, she has six Netflix specials. No, sure. That's all me.

Anywho, how have you been? How's life going for you? Life's so good. Yeah. I told you this, I turned 40 recently, which has been like, Which, hello. Oh no. You look amazing.

Thank you. Security tried to drag me out of the building when I said it, but I stayed. It's okay. In TikTok years, I'm a hundred and two. I can't with that. Yeah. It's jarring that there's another generation already. Like, I just got an, are you John Z? No, I'm a millennial. Okay, I'm elder millennial, but okay. It's so crazy that like alphas are coming. I'm like, I thought we're good with John Z, I feel like.

Okay, that's enough. I don't think we need anymore. If I'm being honest. It's okay, no more. No more. Stop having babies. They're so mean to me. Babies. I don't know. Babies actually love me, which is ironic because I don't want kids. Oh, me neither. Yeah, I don't want kids. Yeah, I don't want kids. kids, but I'm like, I am a magnet for kids. They love me. Well, because you give fun aunt. Yeah.

No offense. No, it's true. But I also think it's like, maybe it's an opposite to attract thing. Or like cats find the person they don't. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. That's what I'm like, I think they can sense. I don't really, I'm not really fucking with my own.

Yeah. So then they're like, oh, she's cool. You know what I mean? Yeah, you pass the vibe check. Yeah, I'm really, we have a mutual understanding me in children. There's also nothing better than I have one friend Maddie from high school who's actually now the principal of that high school That's crazy. Isn't that crazy?

I could ruin her in a second. I could be like, you guys know what she did when we were your age? She mixed beer with root beer. I'm gonna go start rumors at that high school. Not rumors, honey. I flashed photography evidence. Digital cameras were a thing. Right.

When I was in school. But she has a child and tangentially, I'm getting the uncle vibe from this child. And the child is obsessive. with me. Oh, I love that. We love that. Yeah, that's my vibe. I was like, I want to be a fun, rich aunt. So like, they light up when they see you because they know they're getting money or like a vape. Yeah, or something, a killer ass present. Like, I'm going to, I'm going to kill. And I'm going to get the most annoying gifts for them. You're going to also probably have to ask the parents, like, is it okay if I get them the thing? Like, I don't want them to like turn on you. But like,

I can get them the thing. Right. I'm going to best their parents every year. I think the only friend I can think of right now that wants kids off the top of my head. Caleb. I know Caleb wants children, so I'm like, oh, I'm going to be the best aunt ever. I don't know Caleb, but if you're listening, I will do anything to be your friend.

He's so funny. Don't. He sucks. Take it from me. It's taxing. What would he say about you, Drew? He would say I'm an angel and I'm perfect. Yeah, that's what I thought.

And he would say he's attracted to me. So that's what he would say, honestly. The child of you two? Crazy. Might be the Antichrist, might be Jesus. Honestly, we joked about that, like, because I'm sure he has a harem of women. That would be a surrogate for him. But I literally told Caleb, I was like, I don't want to do that.

But, like, if you put your sperm with my egg in my body, that baby would go to the NFL. Oh, my God. That baby would be a hall of fame. Are the linebackers the big ones? Yeah. They're all big, but yeah. Yeah, yeah, no, I know. That's so true.

I come up to, like, their knee. Yeah, and Caleb's really tall and I'm tall. Is Caleb tall? Yeah, Caleb's, like. I want to say like six three. Oh, that's a man. I think a lot of people don't think that he's very tall. I guess I see him sitting most the time.

Well, and I think they think I'm small, which I have said many, many, many times. I am not short. I'm deceivingly fast. Yeah. And yeah. What was it though? Deceivably.

I didn't say it wrong? No, it was. Deceptively fast. Deceptively fast. Put that on the Wikipedia. I know. They're like, believe it or not, this big bitch can move. Like, that's really what they wrote on my, on my player profile.

No, for real. You are an avid listener, period. Oh, that was with Kat Cohen. Oh, Kat Cohen is so funny. Also, my only goal for this episode is to become liked by Jennifer Pritchett Realtor. Oh, JPR? That's Carrie's mom. Get out.

What's her vibe? Does she like gay people? Or is she kind of like, she loves gay people. Oh, Jennifer? That's her gay daughter. I'm coming for you. And Jen is also my, like, number one listener. That's the vibe I got.

She is my number one fan. Yeah, I know what I'm doing. I'm going to get her and everyone else is going to fall into place. I know. With Kyle McLaughlin, it was very, like, that's crazy. Like having, because she was such a huge fan of him.

It was so funny. And like a year before he started, like, posting a lot on TikTok and stuff and doing the podcast, she had told Carrie, because Carrie's also my assistant, she had told Carrie like, you know what Drew should have? Kyle McLaughlin.

And we were like, that's so random. Back-hack Kyle McLaughlin. And then we did end up having him and he is a delight. He was, now I feel creepy that I listen to the pod. It's okay. I've had people like that. Okay.

No, no, no. I've had people like that. She's like the other elderly guest. No, no, no. No, my friend Blake, who's the same age as me, he also referenced my show a ton. Okay, great. Which I love. Are you kidding?

I love. Well, you're a good time. You're everything I want more of. You know how like, it becomes nauseating to hear a straight male comedian speak. Yes. You're like the antidote. Yeah. Thank you.

So like if I, I'm like the, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I save everyone with EpiPen. Yeah. For real. You're saving lives. Yes, I am.

Thank you so much for recognizing. Making Taylor Tomlinson what she is. And you're saving us. God, I am so busy. You're busy. I'm propping up her, Caleb. Oh, God, everybody. Just getting, well, I want to talk more about you.

I want to talk about stand up. Just I really want to know how you got into stand up. Like what was the genesis of you entering the field? So actually, you'll love this because I know you're in musical theater. I did. I was a musical theater kid from 10 to 22. I went to college for it. No way.

Yes. So my tap shoes are in my closet. I will do some time steps for you if you want. And you can sing? Technically. But now I haven't sang for so long that it's just like private shows in my car. And I bet that means you can sing. Not.

I'm okay. I'm okay. Is he being humble? Yes, he's being humble. My little sister's here. Which is also scary because you can backtrack me in a way that, no one else can. And you want to be a Broadway baby? Um, well, I would do that, but I want to do TV and film. Okay. All this is to say, I did musical theater from 10 to 22. And I went to college because I thought I had to go to

college. I feel you. You missed that maybe by like, that's our 10 year difference. Like, we were like, which college are you going to? Not like, are you going to college? I see. I see. And it's like, well, if I go and if I'm going to have loans, I'm going to know how to do a triple pier way. Yeah. Right. Amen. Most expensive triple. I want to get my money's worth. I'm going to go learn a skill. Sally Mae? Sally who?

So went to college or musical theater, knowing the whole time I wanted to do TV and film, moved out here as a demon twink at 22. Full demon twink. Had my horns removed recently. Wow, I'm so happy for you. Gender affirming care. Love that for you.

Please also have your twink spayed and neuter if you have a, yeah. Make sure. Have to. You don't need them reproducing. But I really got lost in the sauce coming out here. I wanted to act. I had like commercial agent, but it's so, do you audition for commercials? You don't have to.

You get offered them. I mean, I've done commercials, but I don't, they're commercials for social. So I feel like it's a little different. Got it. And you're like the targeted thing. Yeah. Okay. So with commercials, it's like I would call off work to audition for like a paper towel commercial.

Right. Maybe get a call back, call off work again. Yeah. Not get it. Be down money. and be like, I don't even want to be in a paper towel commercial. Like, you feel crazy after a while. You're like, what am I doing?

So I started doing stand-up. And because I had the stage experience, I was immediately comfortable on stage. And there's something so gratifying about writing a dumb little joke about my butthole in the morning, thinking about it in the afternoon, trying it at night, and being like, wow, 400 people left at my butthole joke. And then, 46 years later, you do a lot of it. special. So yeah, it's just been like, stand-up's been the one constant that like I feel like I have so much control over. Totally.

And it's, it's so fun. Like, I open for Taylor and Bob and Fortune. Crazy. Yeah. I've been their opener on all their theater tours. Yeah. And it's a dream. Like skipping out on stage, making 2,000 people laugh and then skipping off to eat like

Buffalo wings while they do their hour. Yeah. It's the dream. That's so amazing. What's your favorite part of? the process of like creating the jokes like writing um oh i mean performing i get really scared to try stuff but it's like when the thing works it's that laugh i'm good i'm in it for the laugh i get it if science makes like a pill or a shot like or a g lp 7 that like makes me feel like laughter makes

me feel i'm a overdose i get that yeah i totally get that i love making people laugh so you do your pod yes live on tour with my sister yeah and you've dabbled in stand up yes but ultimately you're like maybe not. Yeah, I think for stand-up, I think it's more so just all of the things I have going on currently. I have to like, I just, one, I also know stand-up requires like a lot of manpower. Like, it's like a lot of man hours dedicated.

So it's really like to go and get used to it and like really figure out your hour. Like in even just like workshopping like five, 10, 20, 30, like all of it. I was like, I just don't know if this is the medium for me. I do love making people laugh. Like especially live. So that's why I love performing live with my sister. Next time we have a show, I would love for you to come if you'd like to come. Yes.

And be under the table? Tickling your feet. I'm like, that's just Zach. He just does that. Let him, let him. Sometimes it's okay. It's okay. I have a certificate for him.

But it's so funny, too, that you accomplish the same goal that it takes me like a year just by being yourself on stage. You're very off the cuff. very funny. Thank you. I knew I was going to suck your dick this whole episode. And honestly, if you can believe it, that's a requirement to be on the show. Thank you. I'm glad I didn't have to bring it up.

Thank you. You made it far less awkward. Yeah. I'm a slut like that. I was going to do it anyway. Well, even when I talked to Taylor about doing stand-up, she was like, don't do that. This episode is brought to you by Billy. So, y'all know that first everything shower you take during the summer after swimming all day.

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And she was like, that's going backwards for you. I was going to say I love how much respect you have for it in that it really does. There's no way to skip it. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You have to be in the trenches. Exactly. You have to fucking fail. Yeah.

And the best part about doing it the way we did it was we were nobodies. Yeah. Who fumbled in bar shows. You are somebody. Already somebody. Yeah. So it's harder. You don't much the one would love to get Drew like messing up a joke.

That's what I'm saying. Like me bombing. Oh my God. No. For real. That's why I was very like and that is like genuinely how I feel about stand up. I love standup. I love watching. I love consuming it. I love laughing. So I'm like it's it's a medium I've had a very high respect for for a very long time. And so I truly do think to get good you have to put in the hours and like I just can't anymore. And I also kind of talk to Caleb about this too when I opened for him a little bit. But I was telling him like I also can't like I know my audience. So like if I just can't. So like if I. I advertise I'm gonna go do stand up somewhere. I know they're gonna show up and then I know they're gonna laugh at anything I say which is great and I believe you I believe you think I'm funny but I really want to find

out for real if I'm funny and I literally I literally can't because I don't have an non-imminity so like it is one of those things so sorry your diamonds are so I know all my sake is too juicy my lobster's too buttery oh god well and that's and you know what like and maybe we can't stop making money. And maybe, honestly, maybe more influencers should be like, I don't, this doesn't need me. Totally. This doesn't need me. Like that's, and that's really how I see it.

I'm like, you guys don't need me. You're doing great. And you know what? It would probably like ruin watching stand up for you. Yeah. The whole time I'm watching stand up, I'm like, huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

And then I turn it off. But even like my brilliant friends, I like, 20 minutes is enough. I don't need to see an hour, but I see staying up all the time. Yeah, and you're constantly in it. What's, what's, like, been the funniest, like, show you've ever had where you're like, that was crazy that happened? Have you had any crazy audience members or anything? Yeah, definitely.

What comes to mind is my biggest bomb was... Your biggest bomb is what came to mind? I mean, just, like, crazy in that it just stands... It was trauma. Lowercase T trauma. Lowercase. I mean, we can... We can laugh.

Right. To laugh. But it was my first paid gig ever. I was in my 20s. It was a gay cruise. I was still drinking and doing drugs. I'm sober now. Okay.

Look at you. 10 years. Isn't that crazy? Congratulations. But I was still very much in my cups. And it was this older gay cruise. And I told an eight joke. Oh.

And they almost threw me off the boat. Oh. Yeah. I see. Yeah. The comedians loved it. That's actually. were Bob and I met. Bob was hosting those shows. Bob's cackling in the back. The other comedians,

they love that men are actively about to hunt me down. But I get what you mean. Like, I literally said going into stand-up, I like literally, when I was going to try, I was like, I just really don't want to find out the hard way I'm not funny like that. Like I, because there is a difference between being like internet funny and live stage performance funny. Sure. So like I really do, and I mean in the world of influencers. Yeah. Like they, they have a knack of telling people, you're so funny, you should do stand-up.

Sure. And then they go and they bomb. It's so different. Yeah, it's a completely different art form. And in that, like, the funniest comedian can still eat a bag of dicks. Right, exactly. Just depending on the mood of the crowd.

No, totally. This is the worst crowdwork interaction. I had a joke about, like, oh, the joke was, I was like, gating gay dudes is hard. Am I right, ladies? Right. And this woman goes,

yep it's way harder than you think and I was like uh-oh someone got dumped by her gay boyfriend and she was like no he was my husband I was like oh you married a gay guy damn how'd that end and she goes he killed himself and then you go hmm well that kind of took the wind out of the sales I go I was on Drew I literally went I'm not a good enough comedian to navigate this I was so honest I'd like to phone a friend yeah well she was wrong and I was like And she's like, do you want to see a picture of him? I was like, I'm legally required to say yes. Like I'm not going to say no.

So she brings up, I'm going to get in trouble. She brings up the camera on her phone and I go, oh my God, he's so handsome, you guys. He's swinging from a rope. And the crowd loved it. And they died. And they died. And it killed. It killed them.

If you had to rate how I'm doing so far, what would you say? How you're doing so far? What's the, what's the measure of? Is it like stars? Is it number? Let's do number of stars. Okay, out of five? Sure. Okay, I'll give you, as of right now, at this mark, I would say I'd give you a three.

Okay. Yeah. Okay. You're doing great. This gives me some place to move. Yeah, so somewhere to improve. Somewhere to improve. Yeah.

Okay. And I will be self-harming in the car. No, I'd give you a five. No, well, now you're pandering and that's okay. Well, see, I'm not. I was, I knew you were gonna say I was pandering, so I tried to, you know, put some buffer. Three is kind of far. Yeah.

We have, we have decimals in there too. Like a four point two. Well damn, bitch, I asked you for the scale. I know. I'm just kidding. What's your, okay, what's your favorite city to perform in? I like to ask standups that because the, the answers are so different across the board. Um, probably Chicago.

Fun. Chicago's a good time. Ooh, okay. Because you've got, they are all alcoholics. So they're like, already rowdy and I will say that to all their faces. But they're Midwestern nice. Okay.

So they're like polite and they're kind of like jovial. That's been my experience at least. Down to have a good, good time. Yeah. Tacoma has been fun. Boston is great. Oh, really? I'm doing Boston in November. Oh, I don't want to jinx it.

But like, Boston's a good time. No, you're right. I've actually already performed in Boston. They're going to love you too. Okay. Because it's like the loud thing. That's true. It's got a bunch of loud.

over there? Yeah. That's true. The idis that I have. Yes, the louditis. That's true. What's your least favorite city to perform in? I will only say Kansas City because I had a bad experience there.

Why? Well, it's just this thing where it's like, you know, you fly across the country to spread your art and your love and make people better. I went to Kansas City and there was a drunk, loud girl dead center who just kept talking to me. And it threw off every single joke. Like you were trying, she was trying to have a conversation with you. Yes! She was like answering rhetorical questions, kind of adding some color to what I already said.

She's giving context to your story. And this is my thing too. I never get negative hecklers. I get hecklers who love me and want me to know that they're in the room. Okay. She's like, tell on Zach. Oh, oh, why I do? And I'm just like

Mama shut up Mom! Mom, I told you to stop coming to my shows. Mom, I literally told you Stop coming to my fucking shows. Oh my God. That is crazy. Tell him.

You're like, uh-oh, what do you do? No. He did what? It's throwing off your timing and everything. Everything. I'm like one of those comics who like I get my jokes down to like as clean as I can. Like not clean content, but like clean like no extra words. Yeah.

So if someone's trying to be conversational with me, it's a jarring turn. Yeah, especially with your timing. Like if you're trying to wait to give the punchline and she's talking during the silence. What happened? And I'm like, fucking, I'm about to say it. Just wait. You ever heard of a punchline, bitch? Oh, my God.

I'm going to punch something if you don't be quiet. That is so funny. Punch the clock. I've talked about. that before. I actually recently my sister and I did a live show in L.A. like a month ago, or no, in January. Do you think fondly of doing L.A. shows? Yeah. Okay. I mean, L.A. crowds are good. I think they're fun. It's scary, though, because it's like, you're homie. It's like, it's like the people. Yeah. A lot of our friends come to our L.A. shows, too. Okay. So that is like one of those. But it's

more so L. L.A. is really fun, but I feel like we had kick-ass shows in, like, Portland. Like, they were fucking awesome. Oh, Portland. Portland is great. Yeah, Portland. New York was great. Like, opening night. It's funny, too, because I like to say this, like, I found out doing tour, like, and doing live comedy that there are jokes that kill in certain cities, and then

they just do not hit in other cities for whatever reason, because they're not geographical, like, necessarily, but, like, there was one I told in New York in opening night, because I was like, they're going to die in this joke. And it was, like, basically the first time I saw road rage, like,

in New York, and we were in, like, I did a brand thing. They sent this like, they're like, oh, we'll send a car. And there's like four of us. So we figured it was like an SUV, right? They sent a ridiculous, like, party bus that had like flashing lights and no tint on the windows. So we're like sitting and it's like a club on wheels. And like we're just sitting in silence like looking at each other.

That feels like very Christian. Like let's keep things above the bell. No super like with no tint either. So we're like in a school bus club. Like and it's like going. the guy was a terrible driver. He hit several cars. No.

And he like at one point almost. Well, you're an accomplice. You're an accomplice. Yeah, literally we're like, we're witnessing crimes as we're driving. And like he gets into an altercation. For real. He hit someone. He like gets into a confrontation with like another driver.

They both roll down their windows. And he's like cussing at it. Mind you he's in like a three piece suit. And so he's like, they're like, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. Yeah. And then he literally was like, learn out of fucking drive to our driver and he goes your mother and then rolls the window up really fast and we that joke killed like in new york it fucking killed and like i kept referencing i kept going back to it you

mother your mother just to everything and they were dying the next day we did boston i think next day yeah boston brought up you mother crickets different culture not one laugh different culture i thought maybe because you're a little close maybe yeah like east coast yeah big city yeah i was thinking yelling Right, road rage. Nothing. Nothing. Yeah. I did that too with a Planet of the Apes joke. It killed in Dallas didn't kill in Houston.

It killed on the planet of the age. It was like, the zoo, they ate that one up. They were throwing poo. They were going. And they were laughing. But also, so you know the ceiling, nothing worse than, ha, ha, ha, that's so funny. Ha, ha.

Oh my God, they're going to die. Oh, my God. To crickets. It's like, put me in the loony bin. Like, give me a straight, jacket. I can't be trusted. It does feel like, oh, oh, ha! I was wrong. Especially when you hyphen in your head, you're like, they're going to die. And like the one in Dallas was, we watch Planet of the Apes. We love the movies. Wait, what is the Planet of the Apes thing?

The, like, the joke I made, basically, it's like the movie franchise. We love the movies. We watch them on the tour bus. In Dallas, like, when we come out, we do like the same intro every single time and they all cheer with us like because they're mentally ill like us. Thank you. So they like they almost like mimic like us. So they did the exact same thing. And in the movies they go apes together strong like every single time they do something in unison. They go apes together strong. And I made that joke killed. So like the entire night I kept going back to that well. And so then the next night we're in Houston still in Texas. I'm assuming you guys have the same copy paste copy paste copy paste. Yeah. You would think.

And then not one laugh. Not one. It was actually really quiet. And then I went, oh, not Planet of the Apes fans. No worries. No worries. No worries. Actually, it's no worries.

I'm going to kill that joke. The Wells dry. Yeah. And then I told it again in Portland and it killed. So it's very random. It can't be trusted. No, I can't. Did you have one jokes like that?

Hitting in some cities? All of them. Not in others. All of them. Do you have one that hits in every city or a topic that tends to hit? Yeah. I mean, like, anything. Every comedian I think.

as like they're top tier bits and jokes that are like pretty trustworthy like they're they're broad maybe they're all you said this one like my mom is a lesbian in my opinion congratulations and big laugh exactly i said in my opinion yeah in my opinion big laugh every time i've ever said big laugh yeah um but then yeah and local people love local jokes yeah that's true you could have said the dumbest thing about like boston cream pies or something and they would have all or I would have had one big uproar. Yeah. I did make one joke when we were there because we were in Somerville, which is like right

outside of Boston. Is it rich? Or like right outside of the main, no. But it's like right outside the main city. But I kept just saying Boston and then they were like, they're like, yeah, it's Somerville. And I go, do you guys give a fuck about that? Because I don't.

And then they laughed. Great. I was like, I'm going to call you Boston. That's your name now. Your name's Boston. Thank you. And you wish also. And also you wish.

What's been one of your favorite moments of tour? Because you mentioned you've been opening for some pretty hilarious people like yourself. Oh, yeah. What's been some of your favorite moments on tour? It's, well, Bob had a tour bus. Oh, fun. And everyone like warned me, tour bus rough is life. Yeah.

There's the whole like, don't poop on the tour. But there are all these like warnings. Yeah. And then I got in there. I had the top bunk. it was six or three yes i had one like that too i was uh the penthouse um and it blasted the ac like on me yeah pitch black cubby rocking i was in heaven they had to pry me off that goddamn bud you're so real for that because we also were so afraid of the bus like because we heard the same

thing yeah it's really hard no pooping that kind of thing oh they just turns in the middle of the night like rock my ass to sleep no we every time it left we felt heartbroken like when we would have to fly ahead we'd be like my shela come back. It was the best. I loved the bus. And it's, it's, um, sleepover vibes. Yeah. So you're like, are you still awake? No, literally that's how we were too. And I was in the back room. It's really funny too because me this episode is brought to you by Two Good and Co coffee creamers. How do you take your coffee? Piping hot, iced, strong, brothy. If you love rich, creamy goodness and delicious flavor in every sip, try Two Good and Co creamers. They're made with farm fresh cream, real milk and

contain three grams of sugar per serving. That's 40% less than the five grams per serving in leading traditional coffee creamers. Two good creamers are available in sweet cream, roasted vanilla, and lavender. So which one are you trying first? Find two good creamers at your local retailer in the creamer aisle. And days both have bracelets. Like we wear a lot of jewelry. And so the girls on the bus were like, I always knew who was up because the jingling sounds

different. Like my jingling sounds more like jingle bells and her sounds like ceramic. like more than anything so they'd be like oh that's Jason that's not true that's Jason and I just have like a foghorn every time I'm getting up we were like we would like text in our group chat all the time while we were all laying on the bus and like having fun like one night one of our friends on the bus she was in a bad mood so she went to bed early and then we stayed up late and we were making fun of Carrie's exes on the bus and we were laughing and we laughed for hours and we were like taking pictures of like stupid shit we were doing and then a couple

days later our other friend who went to bed early she was like when did you guys do that and you Jason was like oh you went to your bunk that night we were all having fun in the living room while we were driving you went to your bunk to your bunk it was so fun though I the bus was take me back yeah Taylor threatened to do that two summers ago um I know well I good threat yeah um to do a bus tour with me and her friend Sophie buttle who you should also have love she's so funny but she and she was going to be like a a tour across the Midwest and it didn't happen but I still kind of like pray that it does oh I'm sure it will yeah she loves to tour oh my she loves to go on tour she's stand up 100% yeah she like she's she's been offered the parts and things she's been

you know yeah asked to do other stuff she she she's a stand-up girl no she is and she's really fucking good at it she's and also I remember we were both on her show what was the name of her show I'm forgetting. Oh, after midnight? Yeah, after midnight. I said after midnight in my head, but then I started thinking about that chapel Rhone song, and then I thought, I was like, making it up. Yeah, that can't be right.

You're like, my king is karma? Is that it? Feminine nomin? Yeah. But how was your experience on the show? So fun. I thought it was a blast. So fun.

I had fun. You know, I actually have a question. Okay. Oh, yeah, please. I recently did this like audition type thing. Okay. And before I go on stage, he goes, yeah, I'm really shocked. they had you back three times, the network wanted to ban you after the first time you were on.

I'm going to go on stage too. I go, Mama. Like, something. What? And he was, yeah, he was like, you're so dirty that no one wanted to have you back. I'm just telling you that by the way. I know. I go, it's been lovely chatting.

Hey, thanks for the time. Isn't that crazy? That is an insane thing to say. In your professional opinion, do you think he was trying to throw me? Yes, I do. Okay. I think he was. Yeah, I think he was trying to throw it, especially if what, what were you auditioning for?

Was it something, was it based off like personality? Did you have to riff or anything? It was, it was like five-minute stand-up sets. Right. Okay. Then yes. I think, I absolutely think so, yes. Because it wasn't, if it wasn't scripted and what you were doing was like stand-up,

I do think it was like a psychological warfare thing. Do you ever think, I know you don't do that to people? I don't do it either. No. I don't even think to do it to people. No. We could ruin lives if we used our powers for that. Oh, yeah.

I say all the time, you guys should be lucky that I'm that nice. Believe it or not, that's me being nice. Yes. Online, believe it or not, that's me being nice. That is as far as it goes. And that is all I can give you. And that is after years of therapy, mind you. Like, imagine if you caught me at 19, bitch, please.

Uh-uh. Oh, no, no. This read was sponsored by BetterHelp. For real. That's why I said, like, that is not me being mean. Like, at all. That's me having fun and being. silly. If I was actually going to be mean, the shit I would, the shit I'd say would, you'd go to, you'd be

deported. Grippy sock kingdom. Yeah. That's where the fuck you're going. And that's, and that's like what I'm like, that is a gift. I'm giving you a gift. Totally. Like, you should be lucky. I'm not clocked in for real. Oh my gosh. That is an insane thing to say to you. I think so. I mean, it worked. I still did great. But like he. Oh, and he said it before. Yeah. Okay. Then, then yes. I, I, even more so. I'm even more convicted. And it's a straight guy. So I'm like. And what is straight guy. I think he's up to no good. what a straight guy thing to do. I know. Like what a weird like 80s movie bully thing to do.

It's like okay, Brad. Yeah, that's such a like. The slopes. Yeah, I really don't know. That feels so like TV. Yeah, I know. No, it was very surreal. And I just bring it up because it really does feel like,

did that happen? Yeah. What a crazy thing. Well, and I know too because when I was on the show and I was like, I guess what so it wasn't very long. They already had like the three comedians. And I'll tell you who they were later. But they, actually I only remember one of them.

I don't remember the other two. But I, it was like supposed to be like a dating thing. Like a dating show like from the 70s. And basically like I was asking them questions. And you were to pick one of them or something? Yeah. And so like what I didn't know about the skit was like they would be putting up something behind me that they would have to work into their answer. Got it.

So then I would just have to react to the answer. So I didn't have to have anything written. Yeah. But I was like, you guys cool with improv. I'm cool with improv because they asked me if I wanted jokes written for me. And I was like, no. And also how would that work if they're riffing like how? Yeah.

But then I realized after I was a contestant that they write them ahead of time. Like the jokes and stuff. And you like pick the ones that you want. Yes. So there was a segment where they had dogs and they were saying like, is this dog good or bad and like why or whatever? And so I was like bad. And because it was a German shepherd. And I was like, it's a cop.

right which no one laughed and then I go oh are we supporting the thin blue line here that made everybody laugh and I was like oh everybody tell everyone after Midnight supports the Blue Lives Matter movement and that killed everyone they cut that whole part I knew it I knew it they cut my best joke

they're cowards they're cowards I had Bob cackling when I said that shit because I was like of course because it's funny I was like oh you guys what are we thin blue line supporters here everybody laughed it's because it's hilarious whatever It's illegal for a woman to be funny.

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To pivot, I do have some fun facts about you. I'm, yeah, I'm scared. And I would love to read them too, and we can go through them together. Uh-huh. Okay, so, um, oh wait, hold on, sorry, I opened the wrong one. Let me do whoever's you pulled up. That was Jinks monsoons. Oh, okay.

I'm like, you a jinx look alike. You sold out Broadway eight shows in a row. Okay, this one says, you recently posted on Instagram, never forget the time my manager's girlfriend tried to set me up with her friend Brian, but I already had his number stored in my phone as Brian Best BJ ever. Yeah, that's so true. Is that for real? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was so awkward, too. Sometimes when I listen to my gay friends talk, I feel like Jennifer Coolidge, when she's like, these gays, they're trying to kill me. That's how you've been to stress me out. Yeah, you know, we've really figured it out from my perspective because me and Brian texted after that. Oh, wow. But yeah, he and I had hooked up before.

He gave me a great beach. And then I was hanging on my manager and his girlfriend. She's like, my friend Brian really would love to like go out sometime, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, oh, yeah, give me his number. And put him my number. My phone is it, Brian, he's stored. And I showed it. I was like,

I'm best BJ ever. Would you believe? You know what's funny is I still have contacts in my phone from like years ago, like when I was in college. Yeah. And one time I was scrolling through my phone trying to see if I had someone's number. And I had a contact in there. I literally am going to look it up right now because I was like, what in the fuck?

Oh no. Even is this? Like I think it was something. It's like Bailey stole my hair. No, it literally says fucking security guard DC bar and then a bunch of question marks. And this is a real, I'll like... Was that from like a brownout night? I really genuinely, I've only been to D.C.

I think one time when I was in college. Starts with fucking? Yeah, it's his fucking security guard DC bar. Is anyone else in your phone that starts with fucking? No, that's why I was like, who the fuck is that? When I saw it, I was like, yo, what the fuck? I don't know. I do kind of remember, like, when I went to D.C. in college,

one of my girlfriends had lived there for a while. So she was like, let's go out. Like after we finished, because I went for school. We went to like this work thing. Yeah. And then that night we went out. And then I remember we were having so much fun. We were in this like three story like bar.

A bunch of rich like blue like white collar guys. So they have money and they're willing to buy drinks. So we were having a time of our lives. And then I had this like backpack purse at the time. And I was like, oh, just put all your shit in my backpack. And then I had put it under a table. So we could like dance and stuff because my backpack was just hitting everyone. It was just getting in the way.

Yeah. Went until looking at the table, gone. No. And all of our shit was in there. So then I went and I was talking to a security guard who I think was attracted to me, but that's neither here nor there. Just really like saying it. He might have worked harder.

Yeah. And I say it because I was leveraging, I guess, like stereotypes against me at the time. Like tits pushed up to my neck. Yeah, of course. I was like using that to try and get my stuff back. Yeah, I was like, please help me, please. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he didn't.

And actually, my friend ended up finding the backpack. This girl had taken it by accident and she left it somewhere else. So we ended up finding all of our things. And it was all in there. Yeah. But I like the night is very spotty. Yeah. But I do remember asking a security guard for help.

I think it's his number because I think I pushed it a little too hard. Sure. I think he thought I was like, oh. And I was like, okay. And I didn't remember his name. So I just wrote that in there. You actually gave yourself a lot of information.

I laid the clues out. You're like, girl, you're going to need this info. So I could find it again. I could find my, I do remember the, something distinctly I remember about that night I left the bar and across the street there was this pizza place and they would stay open at like 9 p.m. and close at like 4 a.m. So they would do like $2 slices and they would just be selling so many of them and they're huge and me and my friend went to

go get them and we were eating drunk having a great time found my backpack we're living high and then these guys there was this group of terrible men near us obviously like a drug they're not like a drug dog I could smell them and so they were literally like commiserating nothing good ever when they looked like they're plotting and there was also a group of dolls and the dolls were walking and they were fab but the dolls were walking minding their own business and then they started being super transphobic to them and saying awful things my friend in the middle of me talking her because i didn't see this happening i was like talking in the middle of me talking she stands up and then throws her pizza hard as fuck at like the back of the main dude doing it hell yeah and it hit him

hard as fuck and she said fuck you and that guy got so mad they stopped harassing those girls the girls left and they killed your and then she was like now look at my fucking pizza now i don't even get to eat my pizza and we laughed we laughed so hard and they didn't do anything about it good yeah i bet it stuck to his bald ass spot on the back there was like pizza sauce on his shoulder and i was laughing and i was laughing and then I shared my pizza with her was a beautiful night oh my gosh that's all I really remember afford another two dollar size no we and we couldn't we ended the patriarchy tonight I was like I was like you know what ally you earn this ally give her some of my pizza okay next fun fact it says in I look that the first fact was just a post I posted post on

Instagram well maybe are you living are you living under the off the grid is that maybe every day I move closer to wanting to. Like setting my birth certificate on fire. Oh, you and me, you and me both, honestly. Okay, it says in 2018, you bought a Toyota Prius named Nana. Oh, yeah, I named Nana. My Nana. She, so I'd been saving up.

I rode a motorcycle for nine years. No way. I, that shock is homophobia. Is it? No, no, what happened is you feared for my life and you feared for the lives around me. It's because you're a twink. Thank you. Thank you.

America's oldest living twink. as Bob calls me. Bob injuries to me as America's oldest living twin, Zach Neu Towers, or David Spade impersonator, Zach Nooy Towers. And he got my ass. But I had motorcycle for nine years. I've been saving

up to get a car. And then... What kind of motorcycle did you have? A Honda Rebel. It's a 250cc. It's a baby bike. And to be clear, I got it because I was in love with my roommate. He also had a motorcycle. He casually said, you should get one, I'll teach you how to ride it.

I heard and then we'll drive off into the sunset. Right. That part didn't happen. You're out with a scarf tied around my neck. Yes, exactly. Oh my God. In my little side car. But he taught me how to ride and it was great way to get around in LA because the weather's

always nice and you get between cars and stuff. Traffic and everything. I've been saving you up to get a car and then my Nana passed and she left us, I think, $5,000, which back then was like, yeah. I wish she had died soon. I'm kidding. Just kidding. She's one of my favorite people that's ever existed.

Nana, if you're listening, I love you. But I was able to get like a nicer car because of the 5,000. And you know what? I also had a Prius. I have a Prius still. I upgraded to a Prius Prime. Ooh. I love my Prius.

Do you have like a really nice car? No, I have a and I don't want to fucking hear it because I got it a long time ago. I have a Tesla. Oh, okay. Yeah, no, no, no, that's fine. But I'm just like, I just don't want to clear it. A cyber truck, right? A cyber truck?

No. Oh yes, yes, yes, yes. And it's chrome and it says I love America on the outside of it Thin blue line. Yeah, no, that's the sticker on the back. I shoot first and ask questions later Don't tread on me. The way I want to instinctively drag a shovel across every cyber truck I see and they're ugly They're as fuck ugly and imposing no and they're an eyesore the quickest litmus test for a walking asshole. I know I know I I agree. And they're fucking, they're just dumb. They're dumb as hell. They look dumb as hell and the people driving them are dumb as hell.

Yeah. There you go. We got them. Yeah. But I loved my Prius. I had my Prius for so long. We actually still have the Prius. I think I gave it to my brother.

Now, yeah, my brother now has my Prius. Oh, to be clear, mine's like a plug-in hybrid. So the first 25 miles are pure electric. Tea. I get 85 miles of the gallon. And that's on fucking period. Isn't that on period? That's exactly why.

I sound like a cop when I say stuff like that. I just started saying things. slap. It's too late. It's too late. Whig? Oh my God, wig. Whig? Oh, my God, wig. The best part of that clip is her not being able to explain what it means. Were, Katie. Using it improperly and don't know the definition. Sounds like a white tray. For real. Okay. This next one says the SAG Actors Fund gave you a $40 check in the mail for a new pair of shoes. Now who's talking to IRS here? That's great. Okay, this is actually, this is T. Um, that the I've been sagged for a long time and they have this shoe fund where you, they reimburse

you up to like 40 or $50 for a pair of shoes every year. It's like this old actor put it, did you know you should, you're missing out on some free shoes. Um, so yeah, once a year, I usually go to Crossroads and I get my like $40 per shoes and I send him our I haven't done it in a long time, but like, it's cool. If you're, it's such a weird thing too. If you're SAG, like a union actor and can't afford shoes. No, it's a great thing. Yeah. Actually, it's actually crazy.

Yeah. I actually believe or not, am not sag. I like, yeah, I've done lots of like commercials, but I don't, I don't really, I've done a lot of illegal work. I've just like, I'm really unclear, honestly, on like the parameters because I've done commercials, but for social. So I don't know. But I was in a commercial that was on TV once too. So it's like I really am unclear. They have a warrant out for your arrest at Saggatra. They're going to arrest me.

What's going to happen is you're going to be Taft Heartlead, which is just you're going to book some an acting role in like, I don't know, Lucifer season six. I don't know where that came from in my head. See, that's why is it like, am I getting old or is it dementia? Porcena Lusta. This episode is brought to you by Pandora. This Mother's Day, celebrate the woman who's been there. through it all with Pandora jewelry. I'm talking about the dreamer, the achiever,

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that match me and my personality, and you could do the same for your mom. So find the perfect Mother's Day gift at your local Pandora store or online at pandora.net. Oh, honestly. Poor Candle Los Dost, exactamundo. But there's going to be like, it's going to be paperwork. And it costs a shit ton to join the union now. But it does have a lot of great perks.

I know. I've heard it's fucking awesome. That's why I'm like, I honestly don't know. Every time they ask me and every time I check, it says, no. No. You know, when you can Google it. Is your face on X over it? Yeah.

It's like, eh. Yeah. I love, though, that you are pursuing acting. Yes. And I... Do you have any tips for me? No, I don't book either. Two dumb bitches saying exactly back and forth.

I know that's fucking right. It's so funny. And you know what's going to happen to you maybe eventually? And I hope it doesn't actually. Someone will contact you and be like, we wrote this part for you. I hope. And then you won't get it. Honestly, I believe you.

We actually found someone that does you better. Well, yeah. Well, and I've said this before. I think, but like I got a read for a very, very, very small role on you for you. No, no, believe it or not, Moana 2, I have sneaking suspicions that they wanted me to read just to see.

Also because I'm someone, I mean, I'm sure. But like, singing was a huge part of the role even though I said I couldn't sing and they still wanted me to try. Didn't hear back. Of course. And also, don't waste my time. And honestly, they probably blocked me after I sent my Acapella tape in.

They play it every day for a little boost. No, I honestly never watched it. After it was recorded, I never watched it again because I'm humiliated by it. Oh, I was going to say that is my tip, though. Audition and literally forget about it. Yeah. Just do the tape or do the audition. Forget about it.

Anyway, go on. And that's great advice for me. Like, even my, I have an acting coach that I work with and he's told me that too. Like he was like, each role is just like, if it's meant to be, it'll come back to me. If not, I did my best. Your job is just to do the tape, have fun, and like do your best. Yeah, exactly. I have to keep reminding myself about that, too, because I feel a rage that is borderline Republican when I'm not good at things immediately.

Oh. So it's something I do fight, like a werewolf. You know what I mean? We need to get you a gun. Yeah, just in case. So you can just take it out. Not loaded. Maybe one.

It can be fun. I went to a gun range. A gay guy took me, I say it like, I'm not one. a gay friend took me to a gun range and we shot stuff and how was it I am a good shot are you yeah I got like all heart area and then I did one where it was like the picture was like a criminal holding a woman hostage oh yes I got her ass I said get away from my man yeah got her in the cooch got her in the hair you're creating a backstory for it he was safe he was mark safe on Facebook the only no one's safe on Facebook I I've never been to a gun range. I honestly really don't have any desire to go, but, like, I went to this one, like, simulation thing. Because my brother-in-law was in the military.

He no longer is, but he was. And we went to this, like, simulation thing. They used to, like, train cops or, like, jumping out. Yeah, like, and it's, like, a 360 thing. So, like, you're holding a prop gun. On your six! Yeah, and so, like, you, like, go, you'll select the situation. So it's like, oh, it's a domestic violence call.

Oh, it's a movie theater. Yeah, and it plays it, like, Like it's POV, like it's first person. So you're like walking in and then you have to assess and decide what you're going to do. Yeah. Um, it was honestly scary and awful. But there was one part where you had to just shoot targets and it just wanted to see how fast you could shoot five of them. And just you're, we were just going for time.

And like my, my man is very, very competitive. Uh huh. Um, my brother-in-law is like obscenely competitive. So it's like, do they get angry? What happens? Speaking of two dumb bitches saying exactly back and forth, like the two of them, competing but like but it's also like there's an age gap too so like my my man's the oldest so it's one of those where they just like silently compete until it becomes too much and everybody has to go

home and like this isn't fun anymore yeah so when i was doing it all i was trying to beat was him because i know he hates being beat and also he's in the military he got he's trained to shoot like literally trained to shoot one time my brother-in-law locked my guest room door on accident like from the inside and all his shit was in there and all the windows were locked so i had to hire a locksmith to come and open it like 300 bucks mind you it was fucking crazy but I was like can you pick the lock and he goes no and I go they taught you how to shoot someone from a hundred yards away and they didn't teach you how to pick a fucking lock in the military shoot the lock how useless what a useless fucking skill set my tax dollars my tax dollars yeah start training them to pick locks

it's a far more useful or braid hair something something god Okay, let's get back to your fun facts. Hold on. Okay. Okay, this one says in 2016, you lived next door to an elderly woman named Lulu. She's still there. She's the bane of my existence. We used to be friends.

And now your enemies? Lulu thinks we live in New York City. Because this bitch rises with the sun and she's slamming containers. She's slamming trash cans. What is she doing in there? Look at this is where I respect the hustle. She's looking for like cans and things to like recycle. She's like a big recycler.

I think you can get money for it. But she's obviously well into retirement. And she just, she walks up and down. Like, we have two driveways next to each other and just slams lids. And I'm like, girl, it's like stomp over there. I'll give you $20 if you stop. She's like banging symbols out there. Yeah, basically.

I'm like, this is not our culture. Yeah. We sleep. We sleep in. We don't slam. Girl, she's my biggest off right now. She's my enemy. And she's so nice.

Actually, Lulu, if you're listening, and I know you're not because you don't know what a podcast are. I know you're a huge fan of the comment section. So she always like asked me some questions when I'm leaving. Sometimes a hookup will be leaving and she'll interview him. Hi. And how was your stay? How are you? Who are you here to see?

I'm like, leave him alone. I don't know his name. I'm like, oh, it's Brian. Her taking roll. Yes. And can we expect you again tomorrow? Could you just fill out this quick survey? Yeah.

Can you sign the guest book on your way out? Yeah. But I'm like Lulu, leave him alone. Lulu, oh. When I was in college, my friend and I lived in a duplex, so like our house was connected.

Yeah, like. Living next door to her friend. Well, no, we both lived in the duplex. Oh, oh, got to, got, got, got it. But our landlord lived in the front house. Nightmare. And she had, she was, I think, 2,000 years old.

I think. Give a dead for 80 years. Yeah, give her take, 2000. And she had like six little dogs and they would yap all the time. And she had like an adult daughter who was like in her 40s living in the house. And like I had a moped in college. So I would pack, I would park it behind my house and like walk it up back there. And then I would start it back there.

And then I would just wheel it up and then drive off on the driveway. Yeah. Yeah. But it's not loud like a motorcycle. So it just sounds like like a little like a car almost. And so she yelled at me once because she was like, you start that moped. And it's so loud. and blah, blah, blah.

I'm like, no, it's not. And she was like, well, you're waking up my daughter. And I was like, your daughter is 40 and it's 9.30 a.m. That bitch should be awake. Are you, hey, the fellow adults. Yeah, hey, clock in, ho. Don't you have a job to get to? My mom.

It sounds like one and a half of your dogs. Yeah, it's literally like your dogs. Yeah, whatever. But she, like, so we were kind of ops for a while. Like in the beginning, she was really, but she had this crazy vendetta against the woman who lived behind us. Great. So like I like there was like a fence and I could see that woman gardening and like one time my roommate who's like so one of my really good friends to this day

She was like I guess they were kind of keying about the lady behind the house and she's like I can't stand that lady And then after my friend bonded with her on some hater shit then she like loved us of course So that when I had this I was dating this guy that was awful in college once and he but I didn't know he was awful yet And he just showed up to my house drunk one time but I wasn't there and neither was my roommate and So he was like knocking on the door and my window was right by the door. So he was like, Drew, Drew, like yelling my name. And her name was Hoa. Shouts out to Hoa.

She went outside and she was like, who are you? Who are you? What are you doing here? Because it was like 9 p.m. She's a shot off soccer. Yeah, yeah. Like she had something in her hand. And then she was like, yeah.

And he was like, I'm friends with Drew. Like Drew lives here. And she goes, nobody lives here by that name. Oh. And then the next time I saw her, she goes, don't worry. I told him to get out of here. And I was like, I was like, hey, shots out to my girl. period because I didn't know I hated him yet but I was like it's okay you don't need to do that

she was like well I don't know and I was like you know what you're right she's I'm gonna lead with this foot yeah angry ass foot so just in case I don't know who that is I was like she's a real bitch honestly she was looking out for me yeah so we had a real enemies to lovers arc that's beautiful that's beautiful and it's like anything like the love turns into hate the hate turns into love it's like very thin line yeah yeah and that's you and Lulu you're playing a love I'm gonna fall in love with her at some point. Lavender marriage. Probably not, but maybe.

Okay, last fun fact. Okay, it says, as a child, you could do the splits and then the follow-up question is, can you still? No, I can't. Damn. I do want to be flexible. If anyone. Any particular reason?

I mean. Just because? Because I'm entering the last stage of my life. I don't want to like, I don't want to, like, I don't know. I know. But in L.A., like 40 is kind of. of like it's crazy it's only if you look 40 that's fair and you don't thank you there you go I feel like you have to say that just like I mean no okay okay okay okay okay you're crazy

sorry I just got insecure yeah you you saw it happen we watched it happen live dipped in you play a back and I go um um sorry I just got insecure I just like I know that like flexibility is like a huge part of like aging gracefully. It's very true. That and also building muscle. Do you like to build muscle? You look pretty flexible to me. I'm not bad.

And you're in jeans. You're right. That's a lot harder to do in jeans. Which is hard for me to wear as a like an older millennial. I want to wear tight pants. You want to wear skin tight jeans? These kids these days, they look like extras on clueless. Just grungy, grungy, grungy, grungy.

Girl, you need tailor-fitted pants. You need some. Tight pants. But I do work out like almost every day. I love being a stair machine. Oh, do you have a preference of workout? Like, do you like a class? Do you like the gym?

You know, I think I would be a class girly if I gave myself a chance. But I do like to not be talked to. Me too. There is nothing worse than a correction during a class. I'm like, I'm going to kill myself. Everyone's looking at how I can't arch my back right now. And now that's all they're all thinking about. Yes, exactly.

They're all thinking about it. bitch in the back row. You're like, oh my God, remember earlier when they corrected Zach's form? They're all talking about you. Literally, you know, that's true. I wish it weren't, but it's true. Have you ever tried CrossFit? No.

Yeah, it's terrible. Do I look like I could sustain a CrossFit class? Honestly, and this is me being so serious as someone who has done CrossFit. Yes. Really? Yes. I feel like I would try to flip my little, like, little tight tire and like wrench everything in my body. You rip at your arms are still on there.

It was very sponge bob. Like Mr. Potato Head. Yeah. I'm sponge bob. No, I do like, there's something beautiful about a class because do you, wait, what are you? Are you a class? Do you do classes? I like going to the gym by myself. And you lift?

Yeah. Yeah, like. I do a lot of weight lifting, yeah. My problem is like, I can go to the gym and time passes, but no one knows if I worked out. God only knows what I'm doing in there. Yeah, God. Check the footage. I enter and I leave, but I don't know.

Just like black out when I'm. I don't know what I have. happen in the middle. Um, but with a class, you're like, obviously like, I have to impress Brad. Um, so I'm like about to throw up because I'm trying to like keep up and I see probably making positive change to my body. Unfortunately. Unfortunately. Yeah, I feel like I was I did try. I've tried many different classes though. Like I've tried class workouts. I think they're great. Yeah. I just like personally, I'd prefer to move up my own pace. Thank you. And headphones. Yeah, and headphones. I get to listen to music and stuff or like other things. Sometimes I listen to

like YouTube videos like while I'm working out like and learn. Yeah or like if they're podcasts or stuff sometimes I'll listen to my own interviews and I say that in earnest sometimes I listen to my own interviews and it's literally I compare it to like watching tape like athletes where I'm like I'm listening to myself and I'm like I can wrap that joke up a little sooner.

Comed comedians do that. Me giving myself notes. Yeah. No I mean honestly I can't stand the sound of my voice. Like when I hear it I'm like Shut up, but it's so helpful to do what you do. Yeah, I think so. And I was like, do with your live shows? No, I have. Well, actually, we've only recorded a few live shows.

And so I have, I have listened like to parts of it, but I don't listen to the live show all the way through. It can help with live stuff. That's actually a really good thing, a really good no. I never even thought of it that way. Also, are you flexible and you prove it? I honestly, really know. I've never been able to do the splits.

I don't think. I just don't think I've tried hard. enough. I don't think I've put, I've also, like, really attributed me being big and tall as, like, the reason I couldn't do those things. Then when I started seeing tall people do it, I was like, well, now you're fucking up my excuse. Yeah. Now I have to get in there. Well, then I saw Meg the Stallion do it. And I was like, well, what the fuck? No, I got to like, I can't stand behind that anymore. Clearly, the heights not affecting it. I was just lying. That's so rude of them. I was so rude of them. I was so rude of Meg the Stallion to do that to me. The fellow talls. Yeah, the fellow stallions. It's really upsetting. That's such a bummer. I'm much more of a pony myself. You're a pony, I'm a salient. Okay, so to wrap us, I would love to know if you have any advice for any aspiring artist, whether it's comedians, like, stand-up or actors. The advice that I try to take myself is kind of what I touched on earlier. Like, my job is just to create and like kind of follow my heart, make things that make me laugh. And stay out of the results.

Right. Like you it's like that classic you work so hard on a video or whatever you put it out crickets you you know fart into the microphone eight million views. Yeah totally. And it's just like so let go. Yeah. Let go of the result. Yeah. Just enjoy what you're doing.

Yeah. Because that is the point of art. It is the point. Yeah. The point is being able to monetize it is great. But the point is to create. I that's what I think at least too. Yeah.

Totally. I think that's beautiful. Yeah. Just and do it. Like a lot of people sit on something for a long time. trying to make it perfect or like so scared do it you got to just do it you got to let it fly you got to be messy very true yeah and like you said like sometimes the the learning is in the doing like sometimes you need to fail and like see it fail in order for it to it's necessary yeah absolutely

no one is what's the thing oh for 10 is it 10 is it 10 what's the sports thing when you get it all okay um but it no one is like all hits yeah no one's graph is like be be be yeah yeah like all wins. It's this. Yeah, absolutely. You're looking for an upward trajectory. Especially as an artist. Yes. Yeah. It's like the name of the game, unfortunately. Yeah. And most of us are ahead of the curve. Yeah. So you're going to feel, you're going to feel vulnerable. You're going to feel like exposed. You're going to feel silly. Yeah. Who cares? And you know what? Clown for hire. That's what I am. Honk, hon. Yeah. Bitch, I got a tiny car. Pass my ass in it. I'll bring the peanuts. Period.

You bring the elephant. Okay. Careful with that elephant. Oh, now I want to watch The Greatest Showman. But yeah, oh my God, I loved that movie when it first came out. I want to say this with not an ounce of like sarcasm, top five favorite movies. Top five. It came out during the holidays. I lied to my family on Christmas Eve about having to do work, went to see it. Guess where I was parked in the theater.

Yeah. This brings me joy. The duet between Zach, everyone and Hugh Jackman. Yeah. I was gonna say and Zendaya. Oh, that was. Give me Zendaya swinging from a rope around the building. Oh, my God.

Love it. Speaking of a stallion with a little pony, that was her and Zach Efron. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Zach Efron, birthday twin. Birthday twin with you? After over 18. All I know is Zendaya's a Virgo, and I'm also a Virgo.

Stop. So look at us. Me and your man are Libra's. Now you and I have to do the greatest showman. Oh, yes. But you be Zendaya and I'll be Zach off. I know. You thought you were going to send me.

threw a twist on that one. I was like, I was waiting. I was like, I hope this bitch doesn't think she's Zendaya. You beat me to it. There you go. Thank you so much for coming on the show. Thank you for having me. I fucking love you.

I love you too. You're the best. It has been a joy. It has been a joy and a pleasure and where can everybody find you? Oh my gosh. I'm at Zach Noey Towers everywhere. I'm also going to be in London doing a show August 1st at Lester Square. Ooh, how exciting.

And my first special is coming out on YouTube. The Drag Queen produced it April 24th it's called Twink death oh my god I'm so excited for you congratulations you should come to like that I'll invite you to the little party we're having but you know and anyone in the room yes well no you guys can't come just me well also I just got PR for the first time and I thought this was them and they go oh no we didn't do that I went bitch you better step it up then because I got drew on my own oh you thought this oh I see no mama that was me thank you Thank you. That was me. There you go.

And I'll ask, I'll invoice you for my 10%. You do it. What's 10% of $8? No one knows. We'll split it, we'll split it. You mean your sister, we'll split it. And your sister. Now the pie's getting a little bit too small.

Okay, yeah, see, we gotta revaluate that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, thank you for coming on. I love you. You're amazing. Thank you all so much for tuning into this episode of the comment section. Don't forget new episodes drop every Wednesday.

You can stream the audio on all streaming platforms. And the video lives, exclusively on Spotify. Make sure y'all follow Zach. He is so funny and so amazing, and obviously we're in love now. So go ahead and get with it.

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