The Comment Section with Drew Afualo - GASLIT BY A GAS LEAK Ft. Good Children, Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella | The Comment Section ep. 119

Episode Date: June 19, 2024

This week professional yappers join forces when Drew welcomes Good Children (Joe Hegyes and Andrew Muscarella) to the show! They talk about Andrew and Joe’s friendship origin story in a hotel pool at age 4, drunk runners, the icon that is Debby Ryan, the PLUR life, screaming in racquetball courts, lip sniffers, homoerotic friendships, and so much more. Drew: https://linktr.ee/drewafualo Joe: IG Andrew: IG Good Children Podcast For sponsorships/partnerships, email [e-mail]. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Smacking asses. I would never understand that on a field. A snack of an ass all the time. And sometimes they really get in there, girl. And I'm kind of like, you were kind of like, oh my God. I was like, well, what about me, you guys? Hey, everyone, and welcome back to another episode of the comment section show starring me, your favorite. Everybody knows me who cares about me. On to the guest.

Today we have the iconic duo, the legendary, the hilarious Joe and Andrew from Good Children. Woo! Welcome to the pod. Thank you for having us. My twins. Me and my sister, Jason, this is our twins. It does feel like family.

It's us in a different, different universe. We're variants of each other. Yeah. I would have had a TLC show growing up. Yeah, totally. The four of us together.

Yeah, growing up as quadruple. Quadruples? Yeah. We're literally the parent trap. Yeah. With Lindsay Lohan. We're not sisters.

We're quadruplets. We're playing each other's twins. Actually. I'm so happy to have you all. Oh my God. We go way back. Yeah, we do. We were just chatting.

20 years. We were just catching up. We were, we met when we were just children. Four years old. Four years old. Now where I guess we're 24. We're all 24. Well, we share a manager, first of all.

Me talking as if we're not being recorded and people know us. So we share a manager. We also share vibes at DNA, clearly. We look so much alike. And remember when Phil was like, what was he saying, how old we were? Oh, my gosh. You guys. Phil, was telling, I believe, you guys, that we were.

We were around, like, our manager was describing us as around, like, the 23 to 24 range. I just graduated college. Yeah. So young. And, I mean, we're up there. We're 28. The fact that he thought that we were that young. Right.

Like, we worked in offices for a bit for a couple of years before this. Our war is extensive. Yes. Like, Phil, here's my resume. First of all. Well, I adore both of you. That is not a secret. I've sung your praises everywhere.

But y'all have a very successful and hilarious podcast called Good Children, which we love. For those of them in the audience who don't know, like, how did you guys come to start good children? What's the genesis of you guys? You know, I think it just comes down to delusion. I think it comes down to we've been, we've actually met when we were four years old. We've been friends for now 23 years and a half years. And still together.

Yeah, somehow we live together. Like Bert and Ernest. We are this generation's bird and Ernie. But one day, I just feel like you kind of took the plunge. Yeah, we were definitely, listen, I think we told you the story before that there was a gas leak that was happening in our apartment and we were being gaslit. Oh, I never told you this? No. That we were being hot actually.

So like, everyone's like, oh, stop gaslighting me. Remember that time I told you we were poisoned? No. So actually, the people that say that they've been gaslit, no, you have it. You have no idea. Yeah, no, exactly. I was gaslighting you. No, we were being gaslit for about a year in our apartment.

We were just, like, smelling this gas. And out of nowhere, we were slipping into some mania. Okay. And whenever we smelled it, we would just look at each other and be like, no, it's supposed to smell like gas. Our friends would. Not you gaslighting each other. About the gas. We should smell a little gassy at all times.

Our friends came over and they'd be like, they would sleep over. They were like, that was the best sleep ever had in my life. We're like, yeah, you knocked out, girl. But so. Carbon monoxide. That'll do it. Literally. We slipped into delusion.

and we said to each other like, what the hell are we doing with our lives? We're working corporate jobs. Like, this is not what we wanted to do. We wanted to entertain people. And we were sitting on the couch having about a three and a half hour conversation about Rebel Wilson. It was Rebel Wilson. It was any particular thoughts or just going over her floor? It was extensive.

What was the movie? It was that movie. It actually, honestly, like, falls back into the good children universe. It was the movie where she plays, like, herself going back to high school. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And we didn't even watch it. We just had, like, a full feature, like, conversation about it. about the trailer.

And then put a camera on us. Let's just talk and we posted a clip to TikTok and the rest is history. Girl, one thing about me, I'm going to yap. Well, professional yappers. Yeah. The three of us. Yeah. From Yaff University.

I know. Sometimes I think I'm like, what was I talking about? Like I'll talk to my boyfriend. I'll start something. I'll end up, I don't even fucking nowhere. But there's no better feeling. Right. Than being like, I just talked for two hours straight.

And I couldn't tell you one. They really cohesive thoughts. It just took you on a journey. How did we end up here? I'm crying. I literally would like, I started a, this is not a joke. Like with my boyfriend, I was like, I forget. I was telling you about something I saw on Instagram.

Like something ancillary stupid. I'm like, oh my God, I didn't even tell you what I saw the other day. And somehow I ended up talking, like, I'm talking for an hour straight. Like, he has not interrupted me once. He's just listening. I ended up talking about the Chinese Imperial Army. I don't know how I got there. And I literally got there and I was like,

was I talking about? And then he was like, you said something about Instagram. I go, oh, right. So and so I got married. Can you believe it? And then he was like, how did we get here? Oh, he goes, that's what you were trying to tell me. I was like, yeah, I got off track. My bad. That's doing a podcast. And that's kind of like how you know you found the one. If he's going to listen to you speak about the Chinese Imperial Army. If he'll listen to a Patreon episode at random. A full Patreon episode. And he'll sit and he'll look at me and he'll be like, oh, it's nice. And then he goes, What were you telling me? I'm like, oh, right, right, right, right.

I'm like, oh, you weren't paying attention. You all know, you have a podcast. Sometimes when people ask me or they're like, oh, I think I want to start a podcast, whatever. I'm like, I don't know, not many people can talk for that long uninterrupted. Yeah. Like, just like bounce for that long, like 50 minutes straight. And nothing, again, nothing brings me more joy.

Like, truly. Than hearing yourself talk about. Me too. Going back to editing that, I'm like, this is perfect. This is the best content I can out. I know. I watched our episode together on Tootty Girls. and your guys' episode as well.

And I was laughing like I'm not there. We were cracking up. I was cracking up like it's not us. The story about Jason running away was sending me to a different planet. Like it was crazy. I don't know if I've told that story, but just for a synopsis, like, Jason is not a going out girl. Dyson's my sister.

She doesn't enjoy going out as much as I did, especially when I was in my thought days. Right. I was like, I'm going out when I was a city girl. And just long story short. I took her out on New Year's Eve. And then at 12.01 on the money, she was like, I have to go home immediately. And I was like, okay, well, just chill because we'll go home in a little.

And I turned my back. She was gone for like 10 minutes. And then I find out she's running home physically. Like she cleared like at least four blocks. No, I can't. And then she got tired, laid down, and went to sleep. And then it was brought back to me by the cops. There you are.

Okay. Oh, let's go. I just put a TikTok in my story the other day of someone was, like it was like a boyfriend and girlfriend and they're both drunk and they're walking home. And he's like, this is how you handle each other's drunk. Like, because he's not a runner, but she is. And so he lets her sprint in front of him. And then he's like, then I yell, stop.

And then she stops at the end of the road and waits for him to catch up to her. That's really sweet. And then when he tells me, he's like, as long as I can see you, you can run. And then I'm going to tell you when to stop. That's their compromise. I wish I was a drunk runner. Yeah, I wish I was a runner. That's the freak harder.

Yeah. A soap runner. Yeah. But imagine drunk. You're killing two birds with one stone. Oh, girl. Yeah, and you're like invincible, like bulletproof. Yes.

When you're doing hurdle jumps. I'm a drug like I start writing poetry. And I'm sobbing. Believe it or not, I yap even more. Yes. Well, that makes sense. I always have like a pursed lip when I'm like, you're mewing.

Yeah. Literally, it's like two drinks in and I'm just side smirking me. Debbie Ryan. Yes. I'm always been. I've always been Debbie Ryan. Andrew looks like Debbie Ryan in the face. And when you hear that...

And does that hurt your feelings? No, I kind of like, it makes my feelings. It makes you feel awesome. Amazing, yeah. I mean, she's on Deniable Talent. That's true. And stunning. That is true.

That little clip of her doing that interview where she's like... I sat down with the president of Disney channel and I said, we're going to make history and that's what this is. And isn't she talking about Radio Rebel? No, she's directing an episode of Jesse. Oh. To actually... I wish she was talking about Radio Rebel.

I didn't remember it, but it's history. So you should, you should learn up. Study up. Clearly, you're unfamiliar. Maybe you should study up a little bit more. When I, when I drink, I'm not, I'm not a physical person. No. You know what I do when I'm drunk?

I make promises. Like, I tell people I'm going to join them on plans. Like, I'm one of those. Like, I'm like, oh my God, it's so good to see you. Yeah, we should. We should go on that cruise. We absolutely should. I don't mean that.

They follow up the next. day. You're like, what are you mean, Cruz? They're like, can you send me the 5K that I just put down the deposit? You're like, oh, I have to dispute charges in the next morning. Actually, I'm taking you to court, actually. When I was in college, I promised one of my girlfriends, I promised I would go to a rave with her and I am not a rave girl. Have you all ever been to a rave? Never in my life. The plur life is not for me. No. Yeah, no. Not for me. No disrespect. No disrespect, plur. I can't physically handle that.

I think my brain is too. And so she literally was like, okay, great, you'll go with me. I'm like, yeah. And the next day, she was like, remember you said you would go with me? I was like, I don't remember that at all. I've been advised to not speak on that matter without a lawyer present. I'm going to need to beat the fifth on that one. Which?

We're lawyers if you need it. Yeah, period. Love that. I ended up going, and it was for an act called night party. Knife party. Were you sober? Like, like, yeah. Yeah, I was completely.

Sober at knife party. Yeah, at knife party. Were there knives? No, not that I saw. Hopefully not. But I ended up going because I promised I would. Well, that's right. The idea of a rave in general would give me a panic attack,

but calling in a knife party. I'd be on a high alert the entire time. No, literally, it was, we went so late, like, late when I'm a million years old. Like, it started at like 10.30 p.m. So, like, we go, someone's already been on for a couple hours. And then I'm not kidding, I watched like four DJs in a row. And then I was like, wow, that was cool. And then she goes, oh, he's not on yet.

And I go, who the fuck have I been watching? What's the thing? Who is that? Why are they four? That's not knife parties? I've seen a few of them. I know what they're doing here. What will the change be that dramatically at night party?

It's like worth staying through it. Just different set of headphones? Right. I don't know. They just kept round robbing them. Wow. Girl, I was there till two. No.

In the morning. Did you have a right there? 1030 to 2? Yeah, girl. I was like, oh, no. They need to have like those little cots for people to like that sleep a little bit. It's preschool. They have at Coachella, we told you all this, how we know this.

But they have that 10 where you can go in where it's like that. Yes, the isolation test. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The overstimulation test where you can go, we know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We know that time. We all know why we know what that is. Yeah.

Where that is. But they do have those. And honestly, they should have them everywhere. They're so nice. I would love one here. Right. Take a step out for a second. Let me stop.

I'm like, excuse me, guys. Take it away. Hold that thought really quick. I frequently say, I'm like, sometimes I wish I had just had somewhere I could go in and just scream really loud and come right out, go to work. Yeah, thoughts. I think that's an excellent idea. Let's create it together. This is so insane.

I actually can't believe I had locked this memory. I never went to the gym in college, right? I never went. But they had these racquetball courts that I actually. that I thought were soundproof So I would get the racquetball Be like yeah I'm gonna go upstairs you guys And I would hit the fuck out of that ball

Screaming on the top of my lungs getting anything I needed out And walk out like no one heard me And they heard me and they heard me But it is really a serious killer Really it's night party Turns out your knife party Hey guys And that is a story

That's why we're here That's where we met Introducing knife party So good How did you find out it wasn't soundproof? Someone, one of my friends was Like walking by and they were like We heard someone screaming

And it was me But yeah so I learned quick But it is a beautiful thing To be able to scream out Yeah That reminds me One time My boyfriend and I

Were like arguing We weren't like screaming at each other But we were arguing And I was like dude This is so annoying Like I don't have time for this And I like went back in the house And I was letting in Adam, like my cousin, he's my hair makeup artist.

I was like letting him in. And he was like, dude, I was listening to some guy. And he's like fighting with someone on the phone. And I was like, yeah, that's crazy. It was me. That's crazy. I was some guy screaming. That's great.

And it was me. And I wasn't even screaming, but I sounded angry. Yeah. And then he was like, yeah, someone is so mad. And they're yelling at someone on the phone. I was like, what? Who would do that? And did it just stop right now?

When I walked inside. Damn, as soon as I come out here to get you, it stops, that's great. Oh, my God. They must have heard me coming in. I hope they're okay. I don't know. Whoever they were talking to is probably being an asshole. I don't know.

They sounded right to me. Okay, so y'all said that you met when you were four years old. Yes. And it was just electric immediately, immediate spirit connection between the two of you. We were in a hard rock hotel pool in Orlando, Florida. naturally and we swam up to each other our parents then like started chatting because their two little gay boy children are in the pool and they were like they put one and two together they lived five minutes away from each other on Long Island so we actually went to the same

preschool we then obviously went through all of our formative years all of our formative years and we're and the continuation of those formative years now in our 20s almost more formative It was nonstop. Yeah. Every single day. That's why I said Bert and Ernie. Like,

yeah. Literally. We need to do that and like we need to do Bert and Ernie drag so badly. You do. You guys are always in drag on your on your show.

Is that just for fun? We're slowly becoming drag queen. It's happening. I'm really excited. Any of that Joe would host like for high school or anything would always be like a costumed event which made me sick to my stomach. It would get a costume until the day before and I'm like freaking the fuck out.

It could just be a casual night. I could be like six people are coming over. Everyone dressed like Ina Garden Garden Party. Please, please. The theme is great gardens. Assignment, I'm getting 100. You know what I'm like showing up. You're stressed out because you want to do a good job.

Absolutely. But it still has kind of followed me into our adult life with the podcast. Oh, there is but incidents. Incidents and error. Did you order the costume? I'm like, what do you mean? Did I order the costume? We're doing heat miser and snowmiser tomorrow.

What do you mean? I'm like doing arts and crafts in my room. But it is fun. It's like fun to play. Yeah. Your guys, your guys, these costumes are so detailed. too on your we all listen we're trying our best one of my favorite ones they've done the

whoville one is one of my favorites was it the Christmas movie where it's like fire and ice yes that was the claymiser snowmiser that was a scary one like I was looking back at myself I was like I look like a possessed Glenn Close like it was so disturbing to see serving

yeah well yes if she was serving yeah which we can't deny Glenn Close it's servitude to us but your heat miser always really cracks me up when I see it. Because I put a lot of hard work into that. It's like one base layer foundation across the whole phase. And you guys do your own makeup and everything.

Yeah. We do it all. So you guys have known each other for a long time, very, very close. How do you guys not get on each other's nerves? Do you just allow yourself to? Yes. I think that's actually... We were talking to somebody recently.

Every day, whenever everyone's always like, how do you guys still like each other? Like you live together and you work. you're not related like you're just best friends. I think that it's because it feels like we're related. Like at this point, we have that sort of, we've had that dynamic forever. Yeah, totally. Andrew, like, grew up almost every single day at my house with my family, like,

going on family vacations. So that, like, level of deep, sick intimacy that you only get with a sibling. Co-dependency. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Anxious attachment. And, like, there are little things that can irk us, but we, like, do a good, well, for a while, we would just, like, be silent about it because we're both really passive people.

So you're like, hmm. The sink. Oh, that's a little sink, huh? You're both. Oh, so you're both passive. Yeah. And your roommates. Yeah.

So, like, I did recently. Andrew reminded me that I one time sent the tutorial on how to put a new roll of toilet paper on those. It's a wiki house. I was like, here, I just want to help you out. In case you're confused. It was a picture of like a roll of toilet paper that Maybe like one piece left.

That's the biggest. No, I'm sorry. I'm going to provide the image to you. Because it was literally, it was like this thick. Like it was so many rolls and rolls and rolls just tossed into the trash. Just tossed into the trash. I would say it was tossing rolls into the trash. But the thing is, it was an exception.

Like normally you're wearing that roll to the bone. But for a couple of weeks, I was noticing like a lot of a lot of toilet paper being wasted. And it was a number. new issue. So I just figured rather than ignore it, I would send a graphic with what a role. With arrows. This is a full role. This role is not full.

I'm like, okay. But I think that it helped everyone at the end of the day. But we've gotten a lot better of like having serious communications now that we're like in business together too. It's like important to like. Yeah. Well also too. Like I've talked about this with like Dase and like our friend Caleb, Aaron, which you all know Caleb.

But like he's like if you don't have friends that you like you're like, hey, okay, I'm going to need five from you. Just for a sec. I need you to give me five because you're you're pushing it. You're doing too much for me. Like I think those are true friends. Like when you get annoyed you allowed yourself to get annoyed at each other. Yeah. And then talk about it.

It's just going to get crazy. For real. That's so funny too because Dason is extremely passive and I'm not at all. Yeah. So like I'm very like, hey, I don't, that upset me because this and this. And they say, it's okay. I don't care. And I'm like, well, do you care?

I don't want to talk about it. And I'm like, we should talk about it, though. So it's like that push it. Why are you going at me? I'm like, freaking out. She'll literally tell me, I can't talk about this with you. And then I'm like, well, we have to talk about it. And then she's like, no, we don't.

We don't. And then she'll just leave. She'll just get up and leave. I love that. I respect it. And then I'll just. And then we both leave. And then we shut our doors.

I'm like, he's so mad at me. And then it's like two hours later. It's like, well, what are you doing for dinner? And we come out of her rooms. We're like, hey. I literally have told days like I know when she's mad at me because she doesn't send me anything. Yeah. Like she doesn't send me TikToks, like funny things, like tech, nothing.

She really pulls out. She acts like she has no idea who I am. And that's why I know she's mad. And then she wants me to call her and be like, hey. And she's like, hey. Especially because we FaceTime like 30 times a day. And we live 30 seconds from each other. So whenever she's not calling me, not text me, I know she's mad at me.

How do you all know when you're upset? I think it comes in the silence. It's the silence for sure. Because we are talking 24, like talking 24, 7 about nothing, complaining about something at all times to each other. And when the communication stream is cut off, even if we're not mad about something, you can tell that like something in our energy has been disrupted. Where we're like sitting in the car and we're not talking to each other.

I'm like, okay, so something's wrong. And since we've been friends for so long, like you feel this. It's a physical feeling of being like, okay. Yeah. We're not doing harmonies. We're too much wanted right now. So something's not right. You're driving in the car.

It's silent. There's no music playing. And then like one of us will eventually be like, should we put him on Beyonce? And then it passed like done. We're good. Then we're good. We're good.

We're okay now. Yeah. I know. Even when I'm mad at my boyfriend, like I act like he can't tell that I'm mad. But like, again, like I am constantly fucking talking. Even if he's not, like his back is strange to me. I'm still talking.

Of course. constantly talking. So if I'm just like, yeah, no, I'm good. He's like, well, are you upset? Why would you say that? as if it's not obvious. Exactly. That's me and my WordPress as well. It's really, really,

really bad because when I'm mad at him, I'll go full day sin. I literally shut down. I'm like, I can't even speak. Yeah. And he's like,

well, you're not speaking so you're mad. And I'm like, I am not mad. And it's crazy that you're saying I'm mad right now. I'm like,

that's making me mad actually. And that's like the worst spiral of all. And then like two hours later, I'm like, I want to address like the allegations from earlier tonight,

I was mad. You post a YouTube video. An apology. Yeah. Breaking my silence. Breaking my silence. I know. I feel like it's so, like friendships are so important.

But especially like, obviously, y'all are two men, two gay men, but still two men. You just have to be. That's weird. Coming out. Coming out. That's going to be. Yes. You guys, I'm gay.

I don't know if you could. Mom. Just a bad time to talk about it. But it leads it to our topic because we're talking about why straight men are so afraid of having like closeness and relationships. Do you all have any straight friends? No. Aside from me. No, I have straight.

I love a straight woman obviously. Yeah. And I have no ill will towards the like the concept of straight men or whatever. The ideology. I don't like being around them or in their presence or like. But. But not, and it's just like, I literally hate that. I hate it.

It's not like, mean, it's just like, I fucking hate that. It's about, it's not about. It's not them. Like, yeah, like when one of my friends brings their boyfriends, like, except for the ones that I've like obviously vetted for years. Yeah. Like a new boyfriend in the mix. I'm like, I can't go. No, sorry.

You can't. Yeah. It's like I've seen a meme where it's like, why does your straight boyfriend have to come to everything? Like, leave him in the crate? Yeah. That's you. Leave him at home. Leave your little friend at home.

He doesn't get what we're talking about. He doesn't understand. I feel like you, though, have a better relationship to the heterosexual. I do. I think that, like, growing up in sports, like, I always, like, had to put myself into it and, like, learn how to, like, talk to them and, like, whatever. I think now I can really talk to anybody. But if you make me feel uncomfortable, I don't want to be around you. Yeah, period.

Obviously. Yeah. Yeah. Jason's the same way where she's like too many men. Yeah. She's like, whenever there's too many men around me, I like get really uncomfortable.

Yeah. And it's like, I feel like people say that like in like a memey way. But like it's a real thing. No, it's like very serious way. It's ruined my whole night. You're not listening to me.

It's the worst. I'm spirally. I'm like, yeah, it's just the truth. I'm gonna freak out. Yeah. Like you guys are not listening to me.

But sometimes is like it's crazy because most recently I went to like, a straight bar. I feel like I'm only really ever going to gay spaces at this point, but I went to a straight bar and I kind of was like, okay girls, like get it. I was kind of, I was living for everybody talking to each other. But the thing is about Brooklyn straight men, it's like, are you, are you straight? I'm like, I'm very confused. There's an asterisk next. There's an asterisk. They went to the Harry style school of heterosexual. Yes. Something's different. So the vibe is a little different. Yes. Different scent on them. Yeah. Even with like my boyfriend, he's, he's, so great. Like I had a friends come over to my house and like Dase was over and then he was like,

I'm going to go get lunch with my parents. And I was like, oh really? You don't want to hang out. And he was like, well, I just think you want a girl time and like I don't want to like crowd. So I'm going to go out. So he was gone for a few hours. I was like, you're right. You should make sure you lock the door on the way out. Thanks. And have fun with my friends. That's sweet. Yeah, you need that boundary. Sometimes. Even like he's so great about like, I feel like in settings, especially because he never wants to talk or be the center retention. So even like all my friends are gay. Like literally all of them are gay except.

I almost said except they. No, no. She's a lesbian. My bad. I forgot. No, I have like one, a couple's straight friends,

but they're all their girls really. But yes, straight man, I'm all. I'm good. Unless they're related to me or my man, they're never around me. Yeah.

Like literally ever. Yeah. It's just I'm not even, I don't even, I don't have allowed myself into spaces that they would be at. Well, like, what do you talk about?

I have no. They don't even talk to each other. Sports? What do you say? But then there are like, they're amazing. What's the answer? About sports? I love them.

I love them. Hot dogs. From hot dogs, it gets, and then it gets like, what are you doing later? I'm like, that's weird. That was weird. Yeah, I feel like their energy is just off. Even like in their closest, like, in their own friendships, like, you know how they joke? Sometimes they don't know their friends at all?

Like, they don't even know their birthday. their star sign. It's very sad. It is. Like, I mean, it's the prison of masculinity. Oh, truly. That causes, like, repression.

Yeah. Yeah. It's so wild. So it is nice because, like, I think that, again, my, our straight girlfriends, boyfriends, fiance's husbands and, etc. Like, are, like, a little bit better. Like, I feel like they have, like, they have friends and they, like, know how to be adult human beings in the world.

Yeah, totally. Which is nice to, like, I love when I see that. I'm like, they're well, true. friends like you like yeah like you step out of the house you can look me in the eye like you're having a conversation with me like that's wonderful but it seems like just that's that's the exception to the rule and the rule is like deep solitude and cell like no connection yeah like at all it's almost like they're friends like I think it was like I saw it on the office when he's like we're not friends anymore than people staying in the same hotel or friends that's how I see male friendships like

They're just cohabiting. They're not really friends. No. Like you don't talk ever. See, like my boyfriend, like for one of our friends' birthdays and he's a straight man, but he's both of our friends. Like he's not just his. He was like, I think I want to get him a dog for his birthday.

And he was like, he's been really needing a dog. He's been telling me how he's not been feeling well mentally. And I think a dog would change that. I was like, that's so sweet. Yeah. And I was like connection. Human connection. Love that.

But most of the time they're like, I don't know his fucking birthday. And I'm like, that's weird. It is. That's weird. I'm like, you have no friends. No. And you look like that. And they have a lot of things to unpack.

Like you need to get them in therapy. Girl. Like the dog, sure. But. I'm going to give you the gift of therapy for fucking real. Yeah. If you don't want to talk to your straight male friends about it, talk to somebody else. Yeah.

Because it's a therapy ad. That being said. Yeah. Well, actually, I forget who I was talking to about this, but like when I first started dating my boyfriend, like, he has a brother and he's like six or seven years younger than him and he's straight too. But like he's a good kid and he's really, really funny and sweet. But I think a good tell for me was like that they weren't those kinds of men was that they're very affectionate even with each other. So like they're like, I love you. Bye.

Like they say I love you to their mom. They say I love you to each other. And I feel like even just that, I was like, okay, you guys aren't annoying. They can't even show it to like family of course. They're not going to show it to friends. Yeah. Like dancing like things like that like you'll be at a wedding or whatever. Yeah.

It's like why are you sitting down? Oh. Let's shake it out a bit. Yeah. So boring. Yeah. Take you by the legs and just like noodle you. Yeah.

Noodle. You know. Well that's a little different. Yeah. I think a good alcoholic drink too. Like what kind of drinks they're cool with having. You know some men are super opposed to having like drinks with a straw or a fruity fun drink. A fruity fun drink they are upset about it.

Right. I know the fruity fun but a straw. Yeah, girl. They don't want to sip, Joe. They don't want to sip. They don't want to sit. I had no clue. It's the straw.

It's just because I'm not in these rooms. You don't know how they move. I had drag racing. They're like I'm in a straw. Yeah, like a fruity fun drink too. Like they're always like give me beer. Yeah. Give me an IPA.

Yeah. A logger. That's so, ew. It's so mean. If I get a beer, it's like suddenly I slip into like I'm the straightest man ever. I'm like, oh, could I get the double IPA? Yeah. That's what's crazy.

I'll take a draw. But I need a straw, please. The grip of like toxic masculinity is like, it's still on our necks. You know, like, and look at us. Totally. You know what I mean? Like, listen to our speak. Like, we've worked through so much of it.

But even that, like there will be times. And I'm in like a straight space where I'm like I need to like get a beer. I can't get my little martini or like I have to like play. Yeah, I could not like there are certain bartenders that I would not order an espresso martini from because I'm like, oh, that's too gay. And like he's going to be mean to me and literally coming from me. So when I think about these like men who have never worked through their feelings, I'm like, yeah, of course they're going to like never once take one step out of that comfort zone

because I am afraid to sometimes. Yeah. And it's it's such a self-imposed thing. too. I know. Like, we do it to ourselves a lot of times, but it's also really hard. It's really hard to confront it if you've never even, like, admitted it, which like they wouldn't even admit things like that. Like a drink. I'm like, who gives a fuck girl? All drinks are gendered. Well, those are for girls. Yeah, exactly. Those are for girls and gays. Yes. Duh, obviously. Like, have you seen that video on TikTok that people are like tearing him the fuck up? But it's this

guy being like, why is everyone painting their fingernails? He's like, my dad would have kicked me out of the house. I'm all, well, that's sad. Yeah, like, if you're exposing your trauma and not hearing what you're saying. Yeah. Jason sent me a stitch of that and then he's like, why are guys paying their nails? And the guy was like, because they're gay. Duh. He was gay.

It's like, they're gay, everyone's gay. That's the answer. Is that the one you were looking for? It's honestly so boring. It is. It really, really is. I'm like, your interests and hobbies, they're so boring. I feel bad for women all the time because I'm like my

Sometimes Sometimes sorry like no like for my straight girlfriends I'm like it's brutal out there I'm looking at your hinge and I'm like that's really sick and twisted But you don't want to be around that Literally it's it's really bad The dating apps really remind me of it because like truly Being gay on the dating app like it's I mean men are men

But like at least you have something to work with You could be like oh Merrill Street Like something like There was something, an interest. Like that's like, oh, you care about something. We can chat. We can banter it.

And then like my straight friends will show me their hinge profiles. And I'm like, this is the scariest thing I've ever seen. Nothing better than a cold beer. And you're like, what are you going to do? And you know what's weird? That probably took him all day to come up with that. I know. He's like, I have it.

But then when they're too good, sometimes the profiles are very good with the straight men. And then I'm also like, you have to be wary of that. Because that's manipulation. Yeah. A liar. Someone is tailoring that to, you know. Someone's writing it. They're trying to catch you.

Be careful. I know they're, they're whizing up a little bit. Yeah. Like, especially with men who are, like, they take half a step outside of that realm of toxic masculinity. So they'll paint their nails or they'll, like, wear a skirt inside the house and not outside of the else.

Of course not. But they'll make sure to record it when they wear inside the house and then post it and be like, guys, you got to be free. And I'm always like, are you wearing that outside the house? No. Off of another day. You're like, wear them the subway.

Yeah. Yeah, be for real about it. Put your money where your mouth is. Those are the men that I think are far more dangerous because I'm like, you're learnings too much because of the internet. And now you're trying to trick women into thinking you're a good person. Yeah. Girl.

They're really, they're getting more and more so. Yeah. They're getting too sentient. We got to go back to when they didn't have enough. I've said that too about therapyizing language. Yes. I'm like straight men getting the. gift of

Theripizing language and never going to therapy was like such a curse. These are my boundaries. Yeah. You shouldn't be allowed to leave the house

or wherever you. That's my boundary. And if you betray that trust Yeah, the Jonah Hill situation. Yeah, no, that was crazy. I know. I made a video about that too

and I was like, boundaries are not something that strip your partner of autonomy. No. But a man who goes to therapy simply to learn how to better manipulate

women is far more dangerous to me than like an outright awful person. Yeah. Outright awful dude who doesn't even know his friend's birthday. Rude. Put it in your calendar. Don't even say that. It's coming up.

Don't even joke. Like that's not even funny to joke. I almost started crying. I actually got kind of annoyed. We stopped talking to each other. Yeah. I was going to get really silent. I'm like, could you just direct the questions to me and then today?

Okay. So we're going to look at some TikToks. on the subject of like why toxic extremant are so afraid of having closeness or even like showing affection to their male friends. So this one says the caption of this video is normalized male affection between two best mates and shows clips of two friends hugging, cuddling one rubbing the other one's feet while they're on their phones, etc. Okay. Well, there was almost a moan. No, I'm just like kind of confused, I think.

I wish someone was rubbing by feet. You heard a foot rub and you went, and now you know. There it is. Do you guys rubbing each other's feet? No. We can't even, this is the problem. We're like this.

So that's, but that's back to that thing. Like we still have that issue. Like, and again, we're like the gayest people we know. Yeah. And like physical affection. Even like saying I love you is not something we often ever, ever do. Yeah. There was like a,

There was like a week post a shrooms trip where I feel like we got really like when when straight men do shrooms and discover empathy. Yeah. The shrooms will do that for you. We were like, love you. Enjoy your trip. Yeah. Have a good one. But otherwise it's we've gotten better with that.

Yeah, for sure. But I don't think that like no, I haven't rubbed your feet. You've offered. I have. I've touched a toe at least. But he was like, what the fuck are you doing? We're on the couch and there's like one singular moment or something touches something. We're both like, I think you're always like, did you catch that?

One time me and Jason were on a roller coaster, but it was one that like that goes up and down. And we were both screaming and laughing because we were like making each other laugh as we're all the roller coaster. And then at one point we like went to grab like the handle at the same time. We grabbed each other's hands. And then we both went, ew! And then like we're like not having fun anymore. You're like, ew. And then.

You're the heart stopper moment. We both literally audibly went, ew. And then we couldn't stop laughing the rest of the time because we were so grossed out that we held hands for us. Crazy. I hate being touched. Like, I'm not a physical touch person really at all. But Dason loves physical touch. Like, she's super affectionate in that way.

So sometimes she'll just come and start hugging me. And I'm like, okay. Yeah. Okay. That's enough. Love you. What is that on your love language? Is this physical touch with a zero?

Yeah. Well, my boyfriend, that's okay. I'm cool. It's like him and like my parents, I don't care of my parents like hugging kiss me. Like that doesn't bother me. But like anybody I can't do it. Like there's just something. I'm like, oh, I'm good.

Like if it's like a friend hug like a consensual friend hug like we see each other and say hi. That's totally fine. I was just thinking we hug her me. No, that's fine. Now we're spirally for the rest of the episode. You're thinking the whole time. I'm mad at you this entire time. I've been mad at you this whole time.

Ew, you've been thinking ew. Yeah. When you touch me, I'm like, ew! I don't care at all in situations like that, because I know that's going to happen, so that doesn't bother me. It's more so, like, unsolicited touch. Yeah. Like, tickling?

No. Tickling is evil. Yeah. Get it away from me. I don't need it. I don't find tickling, endearing. I don't find it. Cute.

No, like, honestly, it sends me into a rage, which maybe that says more about me that it does about that person. But I just like... Sort of swinging. Yeah. I immediately, I immediately get me. A quick elbow. Matt. I also feel that way about being picked up. I don't know if y'all have that.

I haven't been picked up in years. I actually would love to be picked up. Cradle. It sucks. So that's on you. I'm like, maybe that's a girl thing because I feel like when I brought that up to men, like they're like, but when I bring it up to women, they're always like, oh yeah, totally. I totally. I just like, there's something like that feels like a removal of your complete autonomy. Maybe that's what it is. It's just like a, and you know how like. grouped up and taken away. We're all around the same age. Like, you know, in high school, people kind of went through these phases where they were real touchy.

Yeah. And then, like, they're like, I don't even know. Like, men trying to flirt is, like, picking women up. Yeah. One time one guy tried to do that to me, and I yelled so, like, severely that it made it so awkward. Like, I was like, get off me. Like, really, and my voice. Just trying to pick you up.

Yeah, like, to be silly. Oh. And then I made it not silly almost immediately. Good. I killed the vibe. But that's your best. boundary. That's an actual example.

I shot the vibe in the face. Like touch in high school did get weird. People were like, did you ever do the. Yeah. To see how long you can. Or like, people were telling me like that's what sex feels like. I'm like, what do you mean though? I'm like that like an orgasm or something?

Is that what it was? I don't know. I don't know. And then the are you nervous? Are you nervous? Are you nervous? Oh yeah, as they're moving up. And I'm like, that's fucked up.

Just like, I'm like, I'm nervous. Like, show me your nails. Yeah. Show me your nails. Show me your nails. And I'm like. And then they're like. Oliver.

They're like gay. So vividly, me and Andrew were in fifth grade. We were right in like our school's like entryway and a boy asked both of us to show him our nails. And I had our, I knew the hack already. Oh, God. Yeah. I had to leave Andrew out to dry. I couldn't possibly in this moment communicate.

Don't do it. Then you go gay. And we both went like this. I went like this. And then Andrew went. And I was like, it's over. for you that you're just a rap for you. I feel now this wrist is

it was just such a you were fully like got a manny right ready to go 10-inch of close one of my favorite clips of your guys this podcast is when you were saying I don't think it was something that people knew you wasn't visible and then Joe was like you don't think people

knew and it was like a compilation of 25 pictures that wouldn't end that would be like in drag at like evil genius day in the editing room for me. Yeah.

I was like, what if I just did something really nasty? You don't think people knew? And it worked. No, I didn't think people knew. You're like, I think people knew,

but. It was invisible. It was invisible. No, and it was very visible. It was very obvious. Yeah. From that moment on.

From fifth grade. If only I came out in fifth grade, who would I be? Massey McConaughey. Frankie Grande. Yeah. Matthew McConaughey. Matthew McGonet.

straight like super straight what if that's how you turned who you turned out to me you said frankie gronde in a complimentary way you know he's having a great time yeah what's funny is I I don't think I've ever mentioned this but like I learned how to look up getty pictures of myself because I was listening to frankie grande explain how to do it to somebody else at an event once because we went to the movie ambulance don't know if anyone's familiar and I we sat next to him like he was on the other side of my boyfriend. And I heard him explaining to a girl. I think she was a housewife of some kind.

And she was like, how did you find your Gettys already? He's like, oh, you just go on here. And he was like explaining it to her. And I was just eavesdropping. And that's how I found out. Take notes. The Frankie Gondi masterclass. I signed up for the master class.

And literally I've taught other creators how to find their Gettys all because of Frankie Gondi. That's beautiful. Oh my gosh. The Gettie expert. interconnectedness of this. Okay, we read some of the comments on this. So this first one says, it should be normalized, but it shouldn't be publicized.

Lovin on your bro. Should be normalized. I almost feel like it's gayer to do it behind clothes. Yeah. In the privacy of your own home. It's normal to rub your feet, but I won't do it if someone else is watching. But I will do it behind closed doors. Yeah.

Yeah. You're so real for that. It's much gayer to do that in private. At least they're free about it. They're like, yeah, we're straight bros. Is that the movies I'm rubbing your feet? That is so funny. Like, it's a lot gayer to do it in private.

Like, maybe a little more. Who knows? Let's see where the wind takes us. This next one says, I mean, hugging is okay, but this is kind of suss. L.M.A. Well, you're like, I didn't want to say it was. I kind of don't disagree. I kind of agree with that one.

Hugging is fine. I feel like once you get to cuddle, I just feel. I just would never cuddle with anyone besides my boyfriend. Same. So I just feel like, I feel like if we were cuddling on the couch, it would be weird. I'd be like, what are we? What's happening here? What are we?

Like, what's going on? Yeah. But maybe I will say that I've had an experience before with a straight man in college, though. I wasn't out yet. Okay. But he was like my best. It was two straight bros. I was wearing flat.

And the energy between you. And I was like, what's up? But we were two straight bros and he was my best friend and I was definitely in love with him. Like that's like how I was processing. In hindsight or did you know at the time? I didn't necessarily know it at the time until it was like it like. It got to a point. Got to a point.

It was like, I actually need to cut you out of my life because it's getting crazy. Yeah. But like he would be like, yeah, let's cuddle. Let's do these things. And I would be like in, we'd be like on the couch like next to each other. And I'm like. Just two straight men. Just cuddling on the couch.

So listen. What was the cuddling like? I'm like, oh, so we were spooning. No, it was just like we were like next to each other on the couch or it would be like a bed. You would share a bed? No, we wouldn't sleep on the same bed. We would like sit on the bed and watch something. But like you were definitely very close.

But he would say let's cuddle. That would ruin my life. Yeah. It would ruin and like it mentally destroy me for the rest of my life. Is that what was happening to you? It was happening. It was happening. No, it ruined because then it would.

also be like he was very like you're going out tonight. Why are you going out tonight? Girl, I think he loved you too. I know. But this is what I'm saying about this video is like, who is to say? It could be those two straight bros that are massaging each other's feet, but one of them might like it more than the other. And that was that was me.

What if it was footage of you? It's literally me. It's right there, right there. Well, actually, that's a great time to reference the video. It's just, it's camera footage of you. It's me in college. Dude, that sounds awful, though. Yeah.

But I feel like that's a gay experience a lot of people have. It is like, it's like being strung along by someone who is straight. Yeah. But not. Like an intense, homoerotic, weird, strange friendship. Dude, straight men do, like, the literal gayest things a lot. And I'm like, that's strange. Yeah.

Like, that's not horsing around. That's a little something else. Yes. Because it would be fine if they weren't, like, so, like, no, I'm not gay. Yeah, exactly. Like, whatever. Okay. You're all...

Kiss. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's fine. Like, you're literally acting super gay. Yeah. But you're so homophobic.

Like, I don't understand. I don't understand. Like, we've joked about this because my brother is straight, but he played football. And my brother, obviously, is raised by mostly women. And so, like, my brother's very empathetic, very sensitive. And, like, he's not an awful, like, top. toxic masculinity man. But like when he was playing football, like he would tell us like he would get really uncomfortable

in the locker rooms because we're like, why? Because of like nudity and stuff. And he's like, no, it's not that. It's like the way they like joke around and stuff. And he's talking about like the humping. Like men just be pretending to have sex with each other all this time. Smacking asses. I would never understand that on a field.

A snack of an ass all the time. And sometimes they really get in there girl. And I'm kind of like. You were kind of like, oh my God. I was like, well, what about me, you guys? I also love sports. I was like, what's up? You're spacking everybody else's ass butt bide.

That's homophobic. Literally. You're leaving me out on purpose. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, he would say like they would like line up and like hump each other, like pretend to hump each other. And like they're naked. They're naked. And then he was like, it's just so like, I don't want to.

understand like I was like me either and we're like talking about it and then my boyfriend's played football for a long time like he played for a very long time my dad did too and my dad played in the league and so my dad goes oh yeah they do that that's just something they do and my boyfriend goes yeah and I'm like what and then my dad goes you know you like you know guys you know like in the locker room and stuff I go girls don't do that I can't you're on your own in this journey I don't I can't take that walk with you because I haven't experienced that and he goes all the way to the league They'll do shit like that. It goes all the way up to the top. He said it goes all the way to the top. To the bottom. To the league. Girl, they're just dry humping each other. Like, to be funny.

They need to get that emotion out in another way. At what point are you kind of like, I really love doing this? Yeah. I don't think it should stop being funny. It's a dangerous game to play. It's showing up to like practice and you're like, I'm humping. My favorite part of practice is getting to hump in the locker room. See you with the locker room for the hoop.

That's my favorite part of my business. How come in none of those interviews in any sports documentary, they don't talk about the hump thing. What's going on? Let's talk about it. Let's address it. We need to be sports interviewers. So tell us a time when you were proudest when you were humping.

So the word humping, what does that mean? You just won the Stanley Cup Now let's talk about humping What's the best time you've ever humped What's the most memorable hump you've ever had in the locker Yeah Who's your best friend that you heard here You're like

If you had to pick Top three people you've hummed In order, go How do you feel about massaging feet? And on the same subject Yeah I just find that so fucking strange and I've I've told this story on the on the pod before but like when me and

Jason were working corporate jobs and like just had the one of the hardest jobs in the world we were working this booth and we were handing out like giveaway like little things to get people to come to the booth and one of them was those like stress balls but it was in the shape of a orange like traffic cone because we worked for like transportation yeah and these kids come up and they're probably like 12 13 right like they're young teen kids and they were like oh can we have some of the like little squishy cones and I was like yeah so I gave one to one of them and he took it he's like thanks and then he turns out and he goes um-un-un-un-un-and-shows it up the butt three times to the kid next to him and they both start laughing and they run away

and that was Andrew you and you're straight friend always me I'm like me my straight friend yeah I'm like that wasn't weird he ran away and I remember being like just standing there combless. I'm like, I have my squishy cone. I'm like, I'm in a blue polo. Like, I'm not equipped to handle that. To handle that. Whatever that was.

Can't do that. There's so much pent up, like, rage, aggression and sexuality going on in the male community. Yeah. You bitches are weird. And then they, he came, they came back, like, probably an hour later. And he was like, hey, can I have another cone? And I go, I saw, I was like, I literally, the other one's already up there. So he's like, I actually kind of...

We lost the first one. Got a little too excited with the last one. And he came back and he was like, can I have another one? I go, no, because I saw what you did with that last one and I'm not giving you anymore. And then he goes, I'm going to tell my mom. I go, okay, go ahead. Bring her over here and I'll tell her what you did with that last one. And then we can talk about it.

And then he was like, and he just walked away and I was like, yeah, I can't do this job. Hey, I'm not going to be able to do this. What's the worst job you guys have ever had? Or the hardest, whether it's worst hardest. I read it's the worst is one that I signed an NDA for, but it was just in social media. Gotcha. It's a really stressful social media job. I can only imagine.

I don't know what my work. Oh, my worst job. I was an intern at the New York Stock Exchange. The rumor reps in laughter. The rumor reps. I was working. Why the fuck are you working in stock? On the training floor.

And they were like, hey, Andrew, we're actually like very hard. hungry and I'm like oh yeah I got it they would made me go pick up about eight pies of pizza to bring back I was getting coffee like like this like balancing them coming into the wearing a suit like a 2000s rom-com no actually no it was my word it was our generations Anna Hathaway it's like I just like keep telling me right I'm like yeah Andy but we did work maintenance we did we did clean toilets together for a little bit but honestly that was a fun job picking weeds. Yeah, we were singing, we were harmonizing.

But it got to a point where it was like when you weren't working with me. It was misery because there was this older man, Jerry. He would pick the weeds and I'd be like, Jerry. You did something nasty to Jerry. I got to go to the bathroom and I would drive the cart to the bathroom, but I wouldn't go to the bathroom. I would sit in the cafeteria and I would eat cookies and watch Jerry through the woods. Jerry's about 80 years old. He's about 80 years old picking weeds on his hands and used.

You're like, ugh, it got so miserable when I had to watch Jerry do the job alone. There's something about those weeds. I couldn't. I couldn't just do it. I simply can't. That was a strange job, though, because it was like every day it was something different. It was like being on The Simple Life, but we were 17. A nude bag.

Today you're going to clean out this, like, dumpster that we forgot exists in the back of the facility. And I'd be, like, surrounded by bees and, like, dime bags. So many dime bags everywhere. I was, like, 17 and I'm obsessed with my house. Cyrus and her bangers era so I would pick them all up and take pictures with them like he was like I'm so cool I'm like oh my god this had drugs in it at one point it's so sick tagging myelie Cyrus that has something to do with her yeah nothing she's like she blocks she blocks what a random job but you guys worked it together we worked it together yeah I love and we would just like go to tropical smoothie cafe for half the day sometimes

we get like little things of macaroons and just pop in our mouth there was a skate park there we were cleaning a skate park at times. I wish that was all documented. I mean, I was. I was. I have a partly in the chocolate factory. Basically, there was six orphans that were brought in that one point. A chocolate river. It was very strange.

That's so funny. Yeah, me and Jason worked a job together too, but it was like an office job and our cubicles were like right next to each other. That's kind of cute. Yeah, and I just like, I don't know, I was so unsurious in that job. I was like, I can't do this forever. But then Dason actually quit before me And I remember when she quit

I was like wait why I didn't even do it yet Because she like gave her two weeks and I had it And she was like I just can't do this anymore dude And I was like you're gonna leave me there by myself How much longer did you stay? I'm not even kidding a week And then I was like oh bye By the way

Because I know you know you're like I'm getting out of you Yeah well I can't believe I thought I was going to work there without her Like without no fucking way You won't catch me there Not even a little bit. It was so silly, too, because the job we had was literally, like, telling people bad news about traffic. So naturally, like, they're going to fucking hate us, like, on site. And so the two of us doing that together, like...

I can imagine. We would, like, bearing that way. Literally, canvas neighbors, like, we would walk in the hot fucking sun and, like, go to people's houses and be like, hey, they're going to be power drilling behind your house for the next eight to ten years. Hope you're cool with that. Do you want to get emails about it? And they'd be like, fuck you. Like the amount of times I got cussed out on someone's porch. And I'm in my Nike roaches from 2009.

Like, girl, I don't. Like, for it to be in person. Yeah. Over the phone. Like, I actually cannot imagine. Because I worked a sales job and people would curse me out all the time. They are so mean. See them.

All right. Fuck that. Tasted that sometimes would have to answer phone calls. And the way that old. people will call to ask about construction is fucking insane. I'm like, you're 90. Like, worry about other things, girl. Like, get your affairs in order.

Like, now is not the time. Like, literally, one time, DeS was like, I need to play this voicemail that I had to talk to this guy for so long today. And he, like, called and he wanted to know what kind of gravel was being used on the 405 because it was important to him. And Jason had to, like, look up. Like, she had to call an engineer and, like, talk to him and then call the guy back. And then he had more questions.

But she got the answer. Of course. And that's a scientist. She was like, can you fucking believe this? That's a woman in STEM. Yeah. She was like, I can't do this anymore. I remember one time we were walking around the neighborhoods for hours.

It was so hot. And then like we went back. We ate lunch. And we were in the break room. We were eating lunch together. And we were laughing, like making each other laugh. And I told her. I was like, dude, I need you to do me a favor.

And she was like, what? I was like, I need you to throw up so we can go. No. You guys are just like Because at that point Dason had mastered the art of being able to like Make herself throw out Yeah

I still I was like dude Go in that bathroom Go throw up Come back and I'm gonna like I have to take her home because we carpooled I was like gotta take her home That's so good We were laughing and she goes

I'm not gonna do that I was like Come on don't you want to go Did she do it? No I would have committed to the bit. I would say, Andrew, throw up right here. And the only reason she didn't was because we have like maybe two hours left. Okay.

And then she was like, dude, we can make it two more hours. You can save that for a worse day. Yeah, she was like, let's use that another. There's nothing more. Use that for like 9 a.m. throwing up and like walking in there. I mean, like, hey guys. I threw up.

I just threw up. So I'm going to go. They're like, all right, man, whatever you need. I'm like, they're just like. Joe doesn't drive, so he has to come with me. I have to come. I have. You're like, you guys are just like it.

It's crazy. The amount of times. Yeah, for sure. Well, you're always throwing out. As I was saying, I tried to stop it. I tried to stop saying it. I'm sorry. That's so funny.

Fucking GERD. HIPAA. Sorry. Yeah. I am violating your HIPAA every day. Every day. Every day because then I'll go into an extensive conversation of why I threw up. The analog of the time.

Andrew, you should go to the hospital. Every single comment on, like, everything we post is a diagnosis for Andrew, and every diagnosis is different. Like, girl, same. Same on this show, on the show of days, like, they're constantly diagnosed. Everyone lives to diagnose. And it was, like, funny at first, but now we're starting to be, like, scale back on the doctors. Yeah.

I'm like, listen to you guys, like, thank you for saying that. But I'm actually good. Like, I've told people, like, well, me and days have both said, like, I hate loud noises. Like I just like when they're in enclosed spaces Like I don't I don't like them outside But like especially indoors like they upset me like they make me angry The amount of people that diagnosed my mental illnesses off that Oh yeah, of course

Girl the way they immediately were like oh yeah you have this Yes No I don't I was speaking to my therapist I don't need you to tell me I was speaking to my therapist for like three months last summer And I was like all of my like YouTube comments were saying I'm autistic Like I have to be autistic like I just finally makes sense And he was like, why do you even, like, why do you want to know this?

He's like, actually it doesn't matter. Like, I'm speaking to you ever. Like, you don't need to know. I was like, no, but everyone's letting me know that they must be right. And he was like, does that affect you? Like, do they know you? And I was like, well, I don't know. But I was like when so many people are telling you things all the time about yourself,

you start to be like, okay, you must have a point. No, for real. Myself and my doctors. Yeah. They can make errors with this person. And they know what they're talking about. Actually. Yeah.

They're like, Andrew, you have severe ADHD. I'm like, well, yeah. That's why I have a podcast. It's why this works. One place all the way to another. And then again, I'm crying at the end. How did we get here? And to be fair, I've never really thought about it.

But I've never thought actively that I had ADHD. I'm like, I don't think so because I can focus on one thing. But then when I talk to my mom and sister, I'm like, actually, I don't know. Because like again, like I'll jump, jump, jump, jump. Like as soon as I told you, I ended up Chinese Imperial Army, how the fuck did I get there? Like I'll just talk for an hour with no interruption. Yeah. And I'll talk about three billion things in one.

And it's the same where like you start one task and then you go, it takes you into another room and then you see something else and you're like, well, I should do that. And then I'll come back to this. And then nothing's ever finished. No. Not bad with staring. Like, I was like, no, in a restaurant. I thought you were going to say stairs. In a restaurant.

No, because yes. you put it into perspective for me again. He's always, it's not the comments, it's me. You're his comment. But any food, any food that comes by, anything, even if I'm having an elaborate conversation with you, I'm somewhere.

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm, like, us. My neck is, it's almost I'm getting whiplash because I'm looking at everything else besides the person I'm with. And Joe's like, huh, do you think this is why you should go to restaurants for dates? I did not say, all I said was. make sure you never go on another first to fourth date at a restaurant. I'm like, oh, that's like, like, say that.

Oh, okay. I thought it was going to be mean. I'll starve. No, I was just saying, wait until someone gets to know you and then they'll, because otherwise. What's they get used to that? Then you can go outside. Well, then they'll be like, oh, he's staring at food, but you could be like, is he staring at another man?

Like, is he not interested in what I'm saying? Because it's fully like zero done on a molten lava cake where you're like, okay, I'm not even here. Just show me your TikTok comments and be like, well, according to my doctors, that's why. severe ADHD. This is why that happens. Dude, my boyfriend does this thing where he has to smell everything, which I don't know what that is, but if someone wants to let me know, yeah, I'm sure they'll let me know.

But he has to smell it, like no matter what it is, especially if he's going to eat it, which I find odd, and he'll smell it even if he's already eaten it. Is there sometimes like a smell and a rejection? Like if the smell isn't good, you won't have it? Or like if he touches something and his hand gets wet, he immediately smells his hand, which I find to be gross. That's a risk. That's what I'm saying.

Literally yesterday, I'm not kidding because he was like getting in the car and I think his hand got wet from like the rainwater because it was raining a bunch a couple days ago. And then we get in the car and I'm talking and he's like, uh-huh, like listening. And I see him smell his hand and I was like, why do you do that? Like, why do you do that? Why do you that? That's gross. And then he's like, how do you not smell things? And I'm like, I don't need to.

I'm not a baby putting everything in my mouth to identify it. I don't need to do that. And I was like, you'll smell food you've already eaten. Like, why do you do that? And he was like, it's normal. You're kind of a sniffer. Really? Really, I'm sniffing now?

I'm a shipper. HIPAA. HIPAA, listen. One time I said, well, you're kind of a sniffer. I said I'm a lip smeler. I don't like it. No, we posted a clip for TikTok. You were diagnosed from that one.

I said, of course, I was smelling my upper lip. I'm like, have you ever had a little bit of that. a milkshake and like it just like lingers that sour milk on the top of your lip I'm sorry but like sorry your lips are big enough to smell them like that's a talent and stop saying I have lip filler you have spiraling about the comments when you have a milkshake sour milk you're just thirsty so you have to keep forcing yourself to smell it that's how come on no one else is willing to say it but me you like like a milk drink.

Oh, it's so gross, dude. It's so good. You said no one's brave enough to say it. I will. I will. Oh my God. Holy fuck, dude. Because I know what you mean.

You'll never look at the lunch, you know what I mean. You're actually so real for that. That's like, so true. No one's looking at me in the face. Because you guys have been sniffing, haven't you? Yeah. Yeah, turns out we're all sniffers.

Lips sniffers. That's so funny. Dude, milkshakes are sinister. No. They turn your breath. Top girl. They turn everything. I was just sucking to taste about this.

I'm like, shit that makes, like, things that make your breath smell awful no matter what. One of the things I said was like anything with like protein shake. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Milk shake. Anything creamy, but especially a protein shake, I'm like, what the fuck do they put in that? That makes your breath so fucking rancid. Yeah.

Oh, no. It's like truly gross. You process dairy well though, right? No. Girl, I told you what happened to me when I had that ricotta. Girl. You were diagnosed in those comments. I sure it was.

With IBS. They were telling me that I paid the piper heavily that morning. I barely made it to our session to record. My assholes on fucking fire. It was fucking terrible. It's kind of like, that's like your trophy of an amazing dinner or an amazing dinner. That's my take-home gifts. My asshole's on fire and you're kind of like, last night was amazing.

Lissette I went on a three socks off. Last night it was crazy. You know, and it's like your pain, it's so hard. You have to get like naked while you're like, yeah. Like you're just like. When the socks come off, it's a whole different experience. Girl. Yeah, where your feet have to touch tile or something?

You're like hot. You're like on fire. It's so bad. It's one of those where you can't even look at your phone. No. Like, I can't even entertain myself. You have to be present. Both hands have to be rewing in.

You have to lock it. Full body tension. I'll just read this last comment. And then we'll wrap it up. But it says, no, nope, sorry. Too close for comfort. You two have to be shagging. Well.

The problem is that we don't disagree. That's almost the worst part. I don't know. I don't know. I know. No. How can we judge? We can't.

are I guess. It's not a problem. But just to refresh, this is TikTok saying this is affection between two straight men. Yeah, like they're saying that they are two straight men who want to normalize affection for your straight friends, which is fine. But then they're talking about cuddling and rubbing each other's feet and stuff. I'm going to tell you that we should start posting content like that. I think we should do. We should be like normalized straight friendships.

Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Change nothing about you. Next week, you're going to be reading comments on that. Exactly. Um, you know, if they're massaging each other's feet, who are we to say if they're, if they're shagging?

You never know. Because sometimes, love. Sometimes you have a little like muscle ache in your foot and then your bro is there. It's like he's got some thumbs. It's actually really sad to think that you couldn't ask your bro to massage your foot. Like, that's a shame. You know what they mean? Yeah, totally.

If I needed you to massage my foot, I know that you would. And I would do anything. I would do pleasure. Yeah. I'm like, you're like, that's weird. You would do anything to massage my feet? You start in your own. Actually, forget it.

This is weird. I think that's how it would unfold. I do agree. But at least you got to try it. Yeah. Yeah. At least you got... The cuddling, I would say, let's keep that out of the equation.

But that's just our boundary. That's just my boundary. And maybe that's not theirs. Well, and I think, too, it's like the undertones of it. Even if they were, like, a man and a woman. Yeah. Like, there is a certain line you cross when you start, like, really showing, like, love of affection. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? It doesn't even really matter how they identify.

Like you get past a certain point. You're like, is this? Yeah. You know what I mean? Yes. So, I mean, there's nothing wrong with showing affection to your rose. No. Nothing at all. We should be showing more affection to our rose. You should be showing more affection to your rose. Okay, well, just to wrap, right? We talked about all kinds of things. Nothing on topic at all. I don't remember a single one. I don't remember a single thing. Other than you saying you smell your lips after you have a little. Yeah, that was the closure for sure.

That took us out. The surface on the internet again. But we did talk about obviously your guys' beautiful friendship and now partnership because you all have an amazing podcast together. But I would love to know what your best piece of advice is for anyone who's like besties and maybe they want to go into business together or start a pod or, you know, do any sort of creative endeavor together. what's your guys's best piece of advice for them?

I think that's like trust what the other person has to say too. It's like I think we do a really good job of like Joe will come in with an idea, I'll come in with an idea and we both hear each other and being like, yes. It's also like when you go into business with somebody, it's like you need to know how to have conversations. And like we struggled at the beginning. We were like, what the hell are we doing or like the passiveness would catch up. But like when money is involved, like you need to have conversations.

You need to recognize what you're getting yourself into. And if you're monetizing a friendship, like you need to have a solid foundation for your friendship before you even get into it. Yeah. I also think that that's the main. It's like making sure that the most important thing is the friendship. Yeah. Yeah. It's above the business.

Yeah. Because I think that we had a time, like in our first year of doing things, like getting a more so of attention, I feel like we suddenly were like every time we were together, it was content. Yeah. And like prior to that, it was like we were together every single day for no reason and just for fun. Yeah. So I feel like now we've found that healthy middle where it's like, well, listen, we're still going to make that content. But we also need to prioritize, like, the only reason this exists is because we have a special friendship.

Yeah. And not the other way around. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's very important. Yeah, that's, that's such a good point about separating the two and prioritizing one over the other. Because same thing with me and my sister too. Like, it's like we're sisters before we're business partners.

Just like you guys are besties before your business partners. Period. Love that. Thank you guys. much for coming on the show. I'm obsessed with all of you. I honestly, multiple times forgot we were recording.

I'm just the best feeling. I'm just obsessed with you guys. I can't wait to hear this episode because I'm terrified. Because I don't remember a fucking thing. No. Where can everybody find you? You can find this across all platforms at Good Children Pod, new episodes every single Wednesday.

Period. And what about individuals? Individuals. I'm on Instagram at Andrew Muscarella. Period. And on TikTok at Andrew underscore Muske. M-U-S-K-Y. I'm on Instagram at Joe Hedges,

H-E-G-Y-E-S, and on TikTok at Be Quiet, Joe. Love. Thank you so much for coming on the pond. Thank you for you guys. You guys are so fucking funny. And thank you all for joining us on this episode of the comment section.

Please don't forget to follow Joe and Andrew and everything. And make sure you listen to good children. It is so fucking hilarious. And I've also been on their show. So you all can check out that episode as well. Period. For sure.

Period. Love that. Thank you so much for joining us. Don't forget new episodes of the comment section drop every Wednesday. You can stream the audio on all streaming platforms, or you can watch the video for free exclusively on our favorite platform platform platform. Platform Spotify, duh. And thank you so much again to Joe and Andrew.

Good children for being on the show. And I'll see you next week. Bye. Bye.