The Comment Section with Drew Afualo - HOW TO BE A HOT SLUT Ft. Jonathan Van Ness | The Comment Section Ep. 84

Episode Date: September 20, 2023

Video available on Spotify. This week, another Queer Eye legend joins The Comment Section legacy as Drew welcomes Jonathan Van Ness to the show! They talk how to be a hot slut, advice for writing your first book, try to count how many good straight men they know, the pressures of heteronormativity and the gender binary, dirty Cameo requests, JVN's podcast empire, and so much more! Drew: https://linktr.ee/drewafualo JVN: IG / TikTok Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My platform and my podcast is not a space to platform your rhetoric and your hate. And that's not someone I'm going to convince. Because believe it or not, someone who's violently misogynistic is not going to hear me when I say that you shouldn't treat women like that because that's bad. They're not even going to hear that very foundational, like superficial understanding of why bigotry is harmful and violent. They're never going to listen. They don't want to listen or learn. They just want to speak into a bigger microphone. Everyone and welcome back to another episode of the comment section show starring me blah blah blah

Who cares about me nobody cares about me anymore on to the guest everyone cares about you We have the one the only the iconic the legendary jonathan van ness Capp for myself oh my gosh i'll cheer for you everyone cheer for jvm everyone there we go love it i'm so happy to have you me too i'm ecstatic that you're here i am ecstatic that you're here i am ecstatic that i'm here too and also do you need to tell everyone about the eye makeup today because it is the placement, the colors. Thank you so much. I'm really obsessed with this part.

Oh my God, thank you. I have a hired hair and makeup artist who's far more talented than me. And he did it for me. You need to put his social songs so that people can know. Oh yeah, Adam Lee Simmons. Everyone follow Adam Lee Simmons.

We've got to be doing like GRWMs. I know he does a strip and then he put little extra fluttery ones on his. Yes. I was really giving it to me today. Thank you. I have big anime. eyes. I got a lot of real estate. So I always got to put a lot of lashes on.

I want fucking more real estate on my eyeballs. Do you? I got big saucers for eyes. I have like limited. It's like all, you know, they've all been there for years. Yeah. Like there's like just like not that much extra room, you know. Yeah. I think you have beautiful eyes. No, I mean, thank you too. I. But like makeup artist called them like hooded. Oh. Oh yeah. You do kind of have hooded eyes. Like I got like paint like a fake crease like up here on my eyebrow bone so that it like makes it look like I got like I skin creases. Oh, I don't see that at all. Because I got like some really good ass fucking like high up eye shadow today.

I think it looks great. You look stunned. You look stunned. I think you look stunning. It's like, bam. There you go. You know, period. Give it to them.

Give it to them. I was like. I love it. I'm such a huge fan of you. I'm such a huge fan of you, Queen. I've been a fan of you for so long. Queen. Forever.

My mom and sister aren't here. They normally come every time I tape. and I'm not kidding, my mom was devastated that she didn't get to come today. So was my sister. My sister's read all your books. So they actually are huge, huge fans. So I have to shout them out because they're not here today. Wait, what's your sister's name?

Dason. Dason. That's a really cool name, first of all. And second of all, that's really like the weight of my heart. I feel like I'm, I mean, I feel like I'm always like kind of my, you know, myself. But like on a show, like. It's up the full you. Yeah.

And then like, I feel like where are the two places where I'm like the most myself is like in my writing. then on stage. Oh, I love that. That's where I can, like, most, like, encapsulate everything. Yes. And, like, where it can be, like, pretty much. Obviously, I have support with my show and I have support with my, like, books.

Like, no one does anything, like, fully alone. But, like, I feel like that's, like, where I can really, like, be the most myself. Absolutely. I'm actually writing a book currently. Is it your, is your, is your, it's, my very first book. It is right? Yeah. Oh, my God.

Is it, I have any rules of wisdom for me? What is it? I have more questions. I don't know if you can. Yeah. Is it fiction? Is it nonfiction? is a memoir.

It's more like self-help memoir. I love. I love that. It's very like Brune Brown type vows. I love that so much. And I can't like literally I need to read it first. If you need like I cannot wait. I'm so excited for you.

Thank you. One thing I would say is like okay well like at least for like over the top like when I did it the first time. It didn't occur because I was like talking a lot about like HIV in my first book. And it didn't occur to me until like literally like two weeks. Like it was like the day after. like you couldn't make any more changes. I was like, wait, like, that's like what my doctor told me.

But like I need to like, what's like the National Institute of like whoever? Like I need to really fact check the shit. And then and so then I was like it's like a 911 call to like the team. And I was like, wait, that shit didn't. And they were and this was like a Friday. And they're like, no, we can you can do till Monday. And then I like called my doctor. I got people from like National Institute.

Hell. I was like, actually I don't know like drop that name. Like might be wrong. But I had major people for major. major places. I was like, I need to make sure that this is like, yes, like all the way like, like this is like factually medically accurate into every way that we understand it in this moment in time. Correct. And so just that like if you're going for like anything that's really definitive, like if you're talking about HIV transmission in there or something, I don't know

if that's going to be yourself help like how to not get HIV. I don't know. But just make sure like just like you think you have such a long time and then all of a sudden it's like pub day. No literally. Like just like so fast. That's how it feels. Yeah. As I finished my manuscript. So. Oh, this actually shit is serious. Yeah, it's serious, girl. No, but this other thing I'm about to say. I haven't even said it yet. Are you ready?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, this is actually scary if you ever write a book. So this is a thing. I learned this from my lawyer. So a publisher, it's going to have a legal read of your book, right? To make sure that, like, no one can come back and sue them if you talk shit about your gym teacher or this person or whoever. I don't know why I said gym teacher, but whoever pissed you off, you know. But they're looking out for themselves, the publisher.

You need to have your own personal libel lawyer. who you represent or who you hire with your money, not by the publisher. And usually those policies cost like five grand. So it's like, I mean, it's not $3.50 from the corner store, but it's a good five.

It's a good investment. It's a great investment. And then they will read it from like anybody's perspective for you, like for your protection. And there were a few things that he did have me. Change. Yes. Oh, okay.

Or like take a little bit of a description. Let's that up. Change it a little bit. Yes. Oh, okay. That's a really good point. Because they did tell me about legal read, but that's, that's a good point. But at goodbye, I was all like, oh, I'm so protected.

And then my team was like, girl, they don't go a fuck about you. They're really covering them. And actually, if it's a little spicy in there at the end of the day, like that could even benefit them and like leave you. So you just, not the all publishers are like that or anything, but you just got to like. Just in case. Yes. Every time. So it's important.

For real, I'm taking that advice. No, it's important. But not in my pocket girl. And then also just like, that tour is really important. You got to like, you already know, but like just, you already know, if they say, if they say jump, you say, go. and give you a standing double-tuck. But then when I did that the second time, I actually Miss Rona fucking fisted me to death. And I just literally was so fucking sick.

And then I was like trying to be Mariah Carey and like do my like just give you like a bathtub press. Not that you ever. Well, yeah, it was on cribs. Yeah. I was like, let me give you like my like live from a bubble bath. But I was like, I have a fever. And it's like when the Queen of England was working through COVID. And I was like, maybe I should rest.

But I was like I worked so hard for the last two years. Exactly. My second book was so research based. Like I worked my ass off. on that book. And I was just, I wanted to promote it. And I was, like,

really trying to, like, show, like, my growth and stuff as, like, a writer. Absolutely. I know my first book. I thought I had to, like, say, honey every four words. And, like, every time I got really, like, serious.

Like, I felt like, I needed to, like, light it up with, like, a joke or, like, soften it. And I feel you. I feel like I spent a lot of time, like, getting more comfortable with things that are uncomfortable. Yeah.

And that, like, I don't have to... That way the second book is, like, a different vibe. And it's still, like, I can't resist a figure skating analogy, but instead of like once every other page, it's like once every few chapters or something. Like I just get more choosy. But it still is fun. It's still my voice.

But I just, I wanted to be able to like explore how much of my voice is because I think I need to, because like in my first book I explore like, would you still love me if you really knew all my stuff? Yeah. And then in my second book, I was like, okay, well, it seems like you do still love me. So I'm kind of even interrogating in myself, like how much some of that like honey. is I wanted it to be like really earnest. And not that it wasn't, but I just think as I as we grow, we change and I wanted to like be

able to explore that in my writing. Yeah, it's like a different lens. Yeah. So you, once you grow, you want to explore those different things you've learned. Like when you read it in the past, so you're like, oh, I've changed a lot since then. Yeah. So your second book is like a way to explore a different like lens that you now have. Exactly.

I cannot wait to read your book. Oh my gosh. Thank you. It's going to be so fucking good. I'm going to send you it like early. Can I? Next day. I want to talk to you about it.

Okay. I want to have you on. We'll have you on ours. Oh, period. Let's do it. I'm so excited. Yes. I'm so honored to have you as a guest.

You're amazing. Can we clock the clueless? Are you too young for clueless? No, I know clueless. Like barely. I'm going to be 28. I'm not that young. Yeah, barely.

Exactly. So there's this like lying in clueless when she's like, oh my God, like, misguised and what's his face, like, have their legs crossed towards each other. It's an unequivocal sex invite. but for people like us, it just means that we like love each other so much. I love that for us. Like our energies are like leaning in here

because like our legs are crossed towards each other. And at the end we're going to kiss. Oh my I can't wait. That'll be like a literal second for me. Like I love that. But whenever my husband crosses his legs away from me, I'll be like. That's actually so real because when I'm mad at my boyfriend in the car,

I like face the other way. No, like if his legs are like the, I'm like. The way I'm facing like the window like this. Why don't you want to fuck me? You know, if he's like this, I'm like, what's wrong? You're like, so you hate me. You better be like this. Yeah, so you hate me. Let's talk about it. Why do you wrong?

So you've been busy, girl. You've been doing, you've been doing so many things. You've been in the industry for a really, really long time. And you've, in a long time, in the sense that you've established this platform, even you've explored so many different avenues. Like, you know, like your book and your tour and your show and everything under the sun. So, like, what would you say you're most excited about nowadays now that you've kind of conquered so many different, like, industry? conquered them, darling. I would say you have. I'll say it. I'll say it to everyone. I mean, I have to say like why I was laughing because I was like not your journalistic prowess is fucking major and I'm obsessed with it. But that is the first time in an interview where someone has told me like you've been in the industry for a long time. And it reminds me of this time.

You know what I mean. You know what I mean. You know what I mean. And it's like out magazine referred to me in an interview as one of our community elders. And I was like, I would never call you that. I was like, it's that's how I. I just I always is that person who was like the young. girl in her group of friends and like that's not the truth anymore for me who's to say who's to say you're not the youngest girl in this room you could lie I'll lie I actually think aging is such a privilege and I think like I'm not afraid of aging I'm not coloring my hair honey I'm like going

silver and proud of it like I'm proud of I want to get to be a hundred that's always been a goal for me so no I'm into but I'll answer your question and I'm assess you so um I'm excited about a lot of things yeah I I do think one thing in my career or my ADHD is that like Like if I don't naturally want to learn about it or like do the thing, it's really hard for me to do the thing. Yeah. Like I didn't really like math, but like history, geography, biology, like science, earth science, like biology, like animals.

Yeah. Like I am really interested in those things. Yeah. So learning about things I'm naturally interested in, hair. Yeah. Easy. Like I want to do those things. But that kind of transposes on to my career that in like if I don't really think

it's that interesting that I'm not really going to be doing it. So people are like, what's your favorite thing? Or like, what are you most excited about? It's like hard for me to say because like, I'm so fucking excited about all the stuff that I get to do. The only things you do are things you're excited about. Yeah. But like lately, I do feel like the podcast been really fire. We've been like love. We're kind of like branching out and getting curious world right now. Yeah. Which like I've been doing my podcast for since 2015. I've done like 330 something episodes. Holy shit. Approaching like 350. I did have a little hiatus there when I like, there was like a time when I went from like self-producing to being on a network

and then being off a network and then being back on a network. So there was like, but yeah, like 330-something episodes. And it dawned on me like again speaking to the ADHD, honey. Yeah. And the last like five weeks, these are the episodes that we've covered on getting curious. We've learned about orcas like just like killer whales 101. Love. I learned all about like the different.

They're called eco types. But there's like 10 main different types of orcas. I learned so much about them. I've never been so wild. We interviewed, we interviewed the scientist. Yeah. Who their team developed this fucking technique to sample killer whale shit. You guys, everyone here, killer whale shit.

And they sample it and they can tell that it's killer whale poop because theirs looks like specific. It's kind of this like milky like floating texture. Interesting. It's very specific to whales. And they can like track the whale pods and they see this. So they are able to sample it. And they can tell like health of the animal age, sex. If they're pregnant, like how they're reproducing.

It's just like so interesting. Yeah. But I got deep into that, like knowledge, but I also just like 101. But then the week before that was all about sleep. I learned all about the science of sleep. It was like a MythBusters episode of the podcast. Because I was like, is this true? Is that true?

I learned so much, like, also about like how like weed impacts sleep. What did they say? I'm so curious. You guys, it's not great. It's, it definitely impacts the quality of our sleep. Really? As does alcohol. Well, that I kind of figure.

And as does like sleep aids. That's so crazy. So all, like, how does weed impact it? Like, it makes it harder? No. Okay, so basically like the sleep cycles, it's like first, second, third, and then rim cycle. And you cycle through that several times. Yeah.

But it goes like one, two, three rim, one, two, three rim. Then like you stop doing that third and it's like one two rim, one two rim. Okay. Like in that second cycle of sleep, it's really important for like consolidation of memory and like learning new things. Gotcha. And there's this thing that happens in that cycle called a sleep spindle, which like should happen for like, I'm not a scientist you guys. But I did interview a neuroscientist who is. In sleep studies, like a sleep spindle should last like a few seconds within a minute for the duration of that second cycle.

Okay. So it's like every minute it's like zz and it's called a sleep spindle. And I don't know what that means, but that's what's supposed to happen. Yeah. Marijuana users, their sleep spindles would last for like two and three and four and five minutes. Wow. And like on the monitors was like zzzzz for like the whole time. So it impacts like consolidation. Gotcha.

So you're just like not getting like as restive of a sleep or and so when you don't get that like that's like where problems can. And but that can, you can also get that from sleep apnea. So it's not like a quality sleep. Right. It's like, it's like restorative is it, you know, needs to be or could be or whatever. Gotcha. That's crazy. Yeah.

But I partake in the devil's lettuce. I love the devil's lettuce. So do I. But so I was just like a little like, that's why when you said that I said, hold on. I was like, hold on. And I remember where that came from. For my own personal records, why is that? No, totally.

I was like, it's, I was like, wow. That's crazy. We get to cover like, it's like orcas, sleep. We did an episode of the paparazzi the week before that. Oh, T. It was like parasites. Like I was like I was scared about parasites. Not as much.

But it's just like very like flavorful. There's like a big gambit. But now I'm doing a beauty podcast that we're starting called Pretty Curious. It's going to be all about like beauty based things. Just like I've learned so much with JVN hair. I've always loved hair. I've been a hairdresser since I was a teenager. Yeah.

But like why am I forcing my niche interest down all of my community's throat like and curiosity? Like why don't I give the people what they want? Like maybe everybody's not trying to learn about all the things that I am. Sometimes like maybe people want to learn more about beauty. And also. I am so invigorated with beauty. Like I'm going through such a makeup renaissance right now. Like I've been so into makeup.

And I love. Also I've met like so many incredible like other brand founders and beauty experts. Cosmetic chemists. Hair dressers, stylists like through JVN hair and hair and even like prior from like when I was like just doing hairful. Not just but doing hair full time. Yeah. Not just honey because I love that profession as well.

But yeah. So like I get it's like all beauty. We're going to do that every other week and getting curious isn't going anywhere. So it'll still be like getting curious every Wednesday. It's just like an extension. Yes. I love that. I'll be out on Mondays.

And I'm doing one about news, which is really going to center, like, queer news and really just, like, the stories that, like, I kind of most caught my eye. And, like, you know, stories that we think should be more talked about. Also covering the stories that are kind of. So that's going to be called Curious Now. I love that. You're definitely too young for this, which I love saying now is a community elder. But there is a show in the 90s called Talk Sex with Sue Johansson. And also, like, early 2000s.

And she was this older woman. She just passed away. But she did, like, she was a sex therapist or, like, a sex doctor. She was, like, major. I'm unqualified completely in that respect. But I'm doing this other one that's Ask JVN where it's like all like sex questions, relationship questions.

It's like it's like giving like it's sexy times. So that one's Ask JVN. She's very, you know, for adults, obviously. Whereas other ones are probably also for adults, but less so. But they can be for everyone. Yeah. Yeah.

But those things I'm really excited about. Yeah. I love all aspects of podcasting. Like you just get to, I mean, I'm doing it for a long time, but I'm excited to get to like try my hand in like different ways. So I'm getting curious

I'm like learning so much But now I get to like talk a little more Yeah I love that You get to expand a little bit more Yeah For those of you who don't know Getting Curious JVN has a podcast

That's so amazing And he invites experts On to the podcast And they talk about something That you don't know that much about Yes Right Sometimes I know more

Sometimes I know less It's just really anything I'm curious about Yeah But sometimes it's giving like 101 entry levels Sometimes it's a little more heady Depending on like how much I know about it Yeah

But like I love like animals So we've covered like bumblebee's snakes cats, dogs, orcas, insects of every kind. But then also like celebrities, like I've had like Reese Witherspoon on. I've had like,

I got to interview Jordan Childs, Michelle Kwan. So just like athletes Rish-in yourself when you talked to Michelle Kwan. Luckily for that episode, I'd already become friends with her for a couple years.

Oh, that's good. I did get to meet my hero in her and she ended up becoming my friend and she's like the most cool, amazing. Like I just. Talented Vichel live. And she's actually the ambassador

to Belize. now. Wow. Okay, period. The Ambassador Kwan for life, honey. I think, yeah, I think what you get an ambassador title. Like, you're Ambassador Kwan forever, honey. Oh, period.

Yeah. So, but yeah, but it's just like very, like, there's something in there for everybody. What would you say is the most interesting thing you've learned about on your podcast? Oh, my gosh. Like, shockingly interesting. Like, you're like, I did not think that was going to be so surprising. These are really hard hitting. They're like heavy.

They're not light. I'm so sorry. And I would also say this question will be so answer for anyone who watches or who listens, because it depends on like what you're interested in. Yeah, you know. But the history of when Dobbs happened and Roeby Wade was overturned. Yeah.

We had a historian called Dr. Jackie Antonovich on who is an expert in early legislation around medicine in the American West. Oh, wow. So she studies like Dr. Quinn Medicine woman vibes. Yeah. And some of like the, and she also is an expert in like the early exception of the KKK. Oh, okay. actually that had a lot to do with medicine. Yeah.

Believe it or not. And so that episode was really interesting in learning about just like how far back learning when like really controlling women's bodies like really came into play. Yeah. So that was really interesting. And also the relationship between transphobia or our relationship to transphobia and homophobia. Yep. Is actually really closely linked to the Nazis.

And I learned that from Dr. Jake Newsome. Eugenics. Yes. Yeah. And so I learned so with that where I was. just like I did not even know. Yeah. But also I learn that sea turtles, their throats are fucking covered.

The inside of their throats are covered in these like white spikes. And also they only have one hole. Like their butts and their vaginas are one. So then I asked this like literal sea turtle expert who I think is a sea biologist, but like a literal doctor. Yeah. I was like, wait. So all turtle, all sea turtles are only into anal then.

he was not ready. So you never know. Like sometimes episodes are really funny because like our guests are just like the fuck did I get my son out of my assistant

let me come on this podcast because a lot of times like our guests like don't know who the fuck I am which is always fun. Yeah because they're like by all they're just like these really academic like

you know people that are like researching like really different important niche things. Yeah. That's so interesting. And also like your point about homophobia and transphobia

like when I talk about. about like for example when I talk about misogyny and patriarchy a lot of times I talk about how many of it is like a byproduct of colonization and racism and everything like everything ties back to stuff like that and sometimes when I talk about that people are like why do you always have to bring that up and I'm like because it matters and it plays a role like you would be shocked to see how much homophobia is like literally a byproduct is a man-made invention because of religion which is a byproduct of colonization. And also the fat phobia.

Exactly. Because we also did an episode about that. I have cut my teeth very publicly talking about food, snacks. So when I started hearing about how like fat phobia is racist, I was like definitely wasn't like, I never questioned. I was like, I buy it, but why? Yeah. I was like I buy it, but why.

I just want to understand why. Exactly. And prior to the invention of eugenics, when like European explorers first went to Africa, because they were like, these people are gorgeous and stunning and like their features and this and that. And it was like, like, you know, beautiful and like it just then after the invention of eugenics, they were like, we have to save all these people because they are not Christian and they're actually evolving to become not civilized. And so we got to make sure that we're all, you know, evolving because they took Darwin and evolution, which like, you know, Charles Darwin, his first cousin, this is actually one of the fucking craziest things.

Now they know that you, you're fucking hit. So I can tell you about it. Didn't know this. you know, say, walking in mind fields. But so Charles Darwin, first cousin. Okay. Francis Galton.

Okay. Inventor of eugenics. So he literally just, that kind of makes sense. He literally just transposed. Like, he just took like evolution and survival of the fittest and all that. And just like, and like racialized it.

Yeah. And then people took it on as like scientific fact. Yeah. And so that was a lot of stuff. You know, I don't know if this is like, rearing too political for you guys and you can like cut me out but I can talk about this all day and I'm really into it. No, you're totally fine. Okay, great. So, um, you know, DeSantis and people like on that fucking Republican debate just like last night. I kept seeing all

these clips. It's like, you know, we got to get back to the basics of talking about like American civics and like American history. And it's like what I just said is fucking American history. Do they want to really talk about American history? Exactly. And we don't, and we don't. And we don't. And I think that that is actually what makes America so cool is that we can have the chance to learn and not have our books banned and not have our information censored. Well, and also, like, just because it's not something that you're familiar with doesn't mean that it's wrong. Doesn't mean that it's never existed.

Like, this whole rhetoric of, oh, everyone's trans or every non-binary people are new. None of that shit is new. And I'm someone, so, like, I'm indigenous, Polynesian indigenous. And for us, like, there were no genders prior to being colonized. We actually had three. Well, we had a third gender. someone who didn't conform to either, but we didn't really recognize a gender binary at all until we were colonized. And then religion wasn't like forced upon my people. So now they adhere to a very strict gender binary, but many indigenous and native people did not adhere to any sort of binary at all. And we've been here for thousands of years. So to say that all of it's just new, it's just a fad. You're you're literally wrong, like historically and factually or wrong. Like that is not true at all. All the way wrong. And two spirit people exist. too with the Native American people.

Absolutely. There are many different cultures. There are many different cultures that have been here much longer than European settlers were here, colonizing all of America. But even the colonizers were transing gender. But I'm not mean to cut you off

and we're talking about colonizers right now. We're talking about indigenous fucking people and Native Americans. That's what I'm fucking not doing right now. It's like fucking talking over you and you're fucking talking about that. No, you're totally fun. I'm not cutting off in the middle of that sentence,

which I just did. No, you're totally fun. No. Basically, like, I've had this conversation many times because especially on TikTok, because I feel like these are things when I have really nuanced conversations, especially about the gender binary and how it plays right into the hands of misogyny and patriarchy. And they're pillars of the patriarchy, which is also a pillar of white supremacy. When I talk about all of that, a lot of times they're like, ugh, right?

And I'm like, see, some of you aren't smart enough to have this conversation with me. I can tell people to suck my wiener all day long. But at the end of the day, that kind of shit is real. And that's the most important part that I want you guys to leave with when you watch. my content. But you know what's interesting about that? I want to like say this is like embarrassing, but it's true. Um, so like when I first started understanding and hearing like what white privilege meant and like hearing that term for me, it was like Amanda Seals and it was like 2016, like 2015. And I got to work with her on Gay of Thrones. And there were absolutely times where like things like

where she would post it where I'd be like no. Like like and it really like I did get defensive. And I did feel some kind of way about it. And it didn't take me a week or two. It took me like following her for like a long time. Yeah. And then starting to be like, oh, that's true. Like we are absolutely built on genocide and absolutely reparations right fucking now. Yeah. And but when you've been taught American history in a certain way from, you know, this big and like, and you really like are fitting the mold of what the people are teaching you, you know? Because like I fit into like, I thought I fit into that gender by And I thought like, so I just, you know, believed all the way until... It's indoctrination, really.

But until I, 100%. Yeah. And then as I realized that I'm super queer and not cis het, and I start to realize like, and I start to feel the effects of that, which was like really early for me. Yeah. Calling back to that. I was like, oh, my God, that is, whoa. And so I have like a whole chapter in my second and love that story about it's,

that chapter is called like, sorry Karen, white supremacy looks really bad on you. And it's about like me kind of like trying to grapple with like my love for my family and talking about that defensiveness and then like how but like that doesn't it takes a while for that to like move through someone. Absolutely. So but I think the reason I bring that up in this context is like thank you. Like thank you so much for being willing to have those conversations on TikTok because when people come in your comments, I'm like going to get emotional.

It is so hard. Like people are so there's so much vitriol. There is. Yeah. Like we just need all the people. Yeah. But I also just think like I try to remind myself to like to try to be patient as I have after I've like cuss somebody out and blah.

them and told them to like go fist themselves in hell like you fucking transphobe you know yeah which i do do like a loke we love a loke so much yes i do like because like i absolutely love like those those uh instagram posts like where they like write those like most beautiful loving messages to like haters truly i'll be like a loke when i get messages like that i want to be like i'm gonna fucking go cut your mom's arm off and i'm gonna fucking fist you with her bloody fucking arm and then i'm like and then i'm like oh my loving public figure image is ruined and then like i got to like delete that comment and then like but i'm like no not me Any, I was like, I'm not, you're going to delete the comment for something.

And actually, like, there has been times where a local, like, screenshot me a response that I was going to be like, girl, you need to delete the shit right now. Like you, like you got to tone it back. Well, you know what I will. You know what I will tell you? I'll tell you that that is, I'm so happy that a loke, someone like a look exists, first of all. And they're brave enough to have these conversations with people because, first of all, they're so fucking smart. I think the thought leader of our time. Like genuinely, like genuinely, like a once in a lifetime.

Yeah, I think so too. Right. But I'm so glad you have someone like that to be like to to kind of tempt gauge you a little bit. But at the same time, I'll be mean for you. I don't get a fuck bitch. Like my image is not I'm nice to everyone. So that's the beauty of mine. So like, would they need people like us? Yeah. I'm an ally. I've told people that before because I'm, I am very fucking mean to bigoted people and I stand on that and I stand behind it. And even when I had my friend Caleb on the show and we talked about it because he's a comic and he's gay and he's. also fat. So he talks about being fat a lot. And he talks about how he suffers from all this fat phobia all the time. But he talks about how like when he was on the show with me, we were discussing hate and how, you know, bigoted people are everywhere. And unfortunately, the internet has given them the ability to be anonymous and like kind of moving the shadows and whatnot. And so he was saying, I admire people like Dylan, right? We both love Dylan. He said, I admire people like her because she is someone who approaches hate with kindness and she's someone who handles it with empathy.

She does it really good too. Because she is just that's just who she is. She's a very kind person. She's not someone who resorts to anger or anything like that. And he's like, and at the same time, I know that I am not someone who handles hate or bigotry like that. And that's okay. We can both exist in the same world. We all have different trauma responses.

And we all need each other in that sense. Like, I need someone like her to balance me and she needs someone like me to balance her. So it's like it works in both ways. I think both approaches are necessary, especially because with my platform, I feel like anyone that doesn't identify as like a sister man who loves me and is part of my community. I've told many people, including the people that bought my book, I was telling them I think what they love about me other than just me being silly and telling people to suck my dick is that they also love that I validate them, not just in their sadness or their frustration, but I validate them in their anger. And I tell people, you're allowed to be mad. If you want to be angry, if you want to be mad. Wow.

If you want to handle bigotry with biting remarks and if you want to bite back and if you want to stand up for yourself, you can. And I give you the license to do so. And if you don't want to do it, send it to me and I'll fucking do it. So I tell people all the time, I validate them in their anger because anger is a human emotion that we are all entitled to. And just because someone else would handle it a different way, it doesn't mean that I have to handle it that way. And I also have talked about before with criticism, especially from white cis hit white men, is that they like to tell. me like, well, I just feel like you could handle it better or you should take the high road. And I think I always tell them, first of all, you have more problem with how I responded to

bigotry than you do with the bigotry itself, which makes no sense. At the same time, I say the fact that you expect me to respond to it with kindness and grace and empathy is an entitlement. And that is also a byproduct of patriarchy and white supremacy because I'm not only a woman, but I'm also, I don't identify just as a woman, but I'm also a brown woman. And I'm also not a thin woman. And so at the same time, you expect me to, even at the worst most, like, violence and vitriolic comments, you still expect me to handle it with grace and empathy.

And that's because you feel entitled to that part of women all the time. You feel entitled to women in general, but especially their emotions and how they handle you, which in most cases they do handle you with empathy and kindness, because that's what they've been conditioned to do, their entire lives. I'm having like dueling intrusive thoughts right now. Please share them. I would love to hear them. So like when I hear you speak and then we were talking about our ages earlier.

Yeah. Like I feel so and not that we're like 80 years apart, but I do feel like you're like Gen. Like you're like not a millennial. No, I am millennial. You're not. I am. 28 year olds are allowed to be millennial.

Yes. Okay, that makes me feel so much younger. Am I three years old? Am I a toddler? Am I like right in the middle of millennial? You're like on the cusp. But I so, but like when I hear people who. are younger than me speaking in ways that I feel like are teaching me opening me. I'm like,

yes. Like yes. Then I feel like I'm I feel like this hope. But then I like think about like there's all these like other people who are like our age box, younger age boxes who are like literally like the polar opposite. Yeah. And so it's like so I'm like so part of me wants to be like it's getting better. But then it's like and I feel like those people are online. Yeah. Like and you just see like set. But my case for like not responding with biting but I still do um I struggle with it sometimes sometimes I get really crazy where I'll go and I'll do a DM of like an upside down smiley face and then like in the DMs and then I sit and I wait for it to say seen in IG and then once it says seen then I block them it's like it's really like it's giving me the height of like I've done that

like I have I they start fights with me in comments and then they'll be like this is why I I really I really fucking hate you. And they'll like start writing a dissertation. And I wait until they get to the like second one. And then I delete it. And then they come back and they're like, she deleted my other comment anyways. And they'll start again.

And then I delete it again. And then I wait to see if they come back. And once they come back and they start it, I just block them. Oh, that makes you feel good. It's like tennis. It makes you feel like human. Yeah.

Yeah. That just makes me laugh because I feel like I'm slamming the door in their face. And that's so funny. Okay. Well, wait, that action. It is. And it is. But this is what I was going to say like,

So that's like where I'm trying to like not do it more now because it's actually like selfish and self preservation because it's my nervous system. Yeah. Like I find myself saying the thing and then I'm like I want to come back and check later. Yeah. I feel you. Yeah. And then I feel like embarrassed like two hours later because like I was like, you know, I said that I was going to like cut your mom's arm off and fucking fist you're with it or whatever. You know, or like whatever the takedown was.

And I feel like it ended up like wasting so much of my time and making me feel like just like shame. Like guilt and shame like just like. But that's because you're such a good person. But it's like I don't want to like fuck up my nervous system. I feel you. Because it's like I've all the negativity. And I've also like I've learned on the podcast like when you have like memories, whether they're good or bad.

But like especially with comments like your brain makes these like memories. And there's like literally proteins on the neurons of your like in the brain. So like when you have like a bad memory that you remember. Yeah. Even just thinking about it. Your body will start to feel the feelings that it felt when you experience the thing. Yeah. And so it's like the more times that I.

go back and I call it like a corn row like in my brain because I come from a fucking cornfield. But it's like your pathway or whatever like that like habit is in your brain. So I just like getting into it with them on those comments. Yeah. It just resurfaces. It renegreveillance. And I also think generally it's like veering back to the political. I have been thinking a lot this year like going into an election year.

Yeah. Like I live in Texas. Our voting turnout was like abysmal. And obviously like part of that is racism and disenfranchisement and making voting rights. It's harder. Yeah. And also at the same time, there are a lot of fucking eligible voters that aren't fucking voting.

Yeah. And a lot of those people are white, privileged, well-to-do people who I am afraid to say actually do align with our values. Like they aren't even like vehemently opposed. Yeah. They just don't vote. Yeah. They don't think that their votes matter.

Yeah. Or they, I also think that like there is some economics. Like some people I think just like literally can't afford to, but also pre-vote. Like there's actually no excuse. Yeah. Because you can vote early. There's no excuse. Yeah.

But especially in places that are having like 50 and 55 and 60% voter turnout is considered like historic. Yeah. And that is crazy. That is like that is so fucking crazy to me. Yeah. That's crazy. But it's like instead of us trying to convince people that are could honestly be Russian bots first like literally. Like they could actually like literally not even like literally.

Because like that's like a literal. Like a lot of trolls like really are like. Actually. Yeah. Like they're literal bots. Yeah. So that's one thing. Two, it's like instead of us wasting our time trying to convince people that are like as a loke says committed

to misunderstanding us. Exactly. Like I want to try to spend more time like educating people that are on the sidelines. Yeah, absolutely. They try to get undecided. Yeah. And get undecided people in versus trying to change the minds of people who are like fucking committed.

Exactly. I'm not getting it. I've talked about that before too because I've had people ask like, oh, can or would you ever have someone like this on the podcast and it's someone who's like violently bigoted? And I always say no. And then, you know, men because their brains are this big, they'll be like, oh, well, that's just because you're afraid. Actually, I'm not. I'm not afraid of anything, especially not someone who's shorter than me. That's for fucking sure. One, two, at the same time, I tell them,

like, my platform and my podcast is not a space to platform your rhetoric and your hate, and that's not someone I'm going to convince, because believe it or not, someone who's violently misogynistic is not going to hear me when I say that you shouldn't treat women like that because that's bad. They're not even going to hear that very foundational, like, superficial understanding of why bigotry is harmful and violent, they're never going to listen. They don't want to listen or learn. They just want to speak into a bigger microphone. And so my show is an opportunity for them to do that. And I'm not giving them an opportunity. I don't know if you could tell by anything about my platform, but I don't give men opportunities to do shit, especially not with my stuff.

So I even tell them, I'm like, if you want to platform your bigotry and you want to shout into a bigger microphone, get your own fucking show is what I always tell them. Because I got mine. So I know my thing is like I run my platform as far as like, When it comes to dealing with bigotry, I don't convince you. I don't entertain you. I don't like try to change you. I'm literally just humiliate you. And then I slam the door.

And I always describe my platform as like the one place that men like that don't have a seat at. Like it's the one table they don't have a seat at and that's why they fucking hate me so much. Because they don't get a chance to like defend their misogyny to stand up for themselves. I don't give them that opportunity. It's a one way street on my fucking platforms. I just don't understand. where there's like even any room to disagree with us. Well,

I honestly don't even get it. I don't want to hear you disagree with me because you're fucking wrong. It's like 20 minutes ago. It's like, you got to get people time and patience and like whatever. But then it's like once you get it. I'm like, get it the fuck together. The only time I entertain them is to just,

is to solely make fun of them. And that's literally it. As soon as they're like, explain it to me. I always go, no. And that's it. No's a complete sentence,

by the way. I don't need to justify it. And they're like, why wouldn't you want to explain it to me? Because you don't want to understand. And also nuance is like going to give me carpal tunnel. Like trying to fucking explain it to these people in the comments is like, well,

I'm just like you're older than me. Why am I explaining to you why you shouldn't see women as a second? I will try. I will really find myself like if I wasn't going in an anger way. Like I have literally tried. I've spent so much time trying. Yeah. With so many strangers.

Yeah. I still try with my family. But I do think it's interesting about that idea like would you ever platform or try to convince them. I can't remember what who I was told by. But it's like if you have like a white person. person who's racist. Yeah.

They got to hear from like a white person. Exactly. Why it's like, because like you need to see yourself in the thing or not the thing, Jesus Christ, but you got to like see yourself in a person to like be able to understand. Like so it's really like if there's a fucking misogynistic fucking like anti woman. Yeah.

Or turfy just like fucking piece of shit dude. Yeah. He has to have like one of his bras like, like you know, send it down to be like bra or like however they do that. I don't know how they talk. I don't know. Actually this one time I did such a good straight man impression.

No. this one time I did No it's the list Well I was trying to be a straight man It's gonna take me a long time to get into that character So it's probably good that we got to method acting I was like Bro

You know I can't I don't know how to do it Yeah I don't know how they talk to each other But you gotta have like a fun He'd have to go on like you know the Like the pro woman Not and like not Joe Rogan podcast Like that's who like that turf anti woman Yeah well they're not gonna listen to me

That's for damn sure They're gonna go on like like that speech professor who I love on Instagram. They got to hear from other people who look like them. Yeah. And that's the only person that listen to. And even then they don't listen to them very often. But maybe they have a chance.

Yeah, that they have more of a fighting chance than I do. Yeah. So if that's the case and I understand that truth, then catch these fucking jokes, bitch. Like, I'm just going to be mean to you. Yes. And then honestly, like, I've had white men in the past, like, make videos about me. And they've, like, one guy made a video about me a while ago. It was like a year or two.

two ago. And he was basically saying, like, if he had come across me five years ago, he would have fucking hated me. But he said, five years ago, I was a very misogynistic, racist, homophobic, like, horrible person. And he's like, but I lived such an unfulfilling life. And I blamed the world for my problems. And I blamed other people for my problems. And he said, and then one day I just got to a point where I thought, like, why am I so unhappy? And so he said, he read like some story about a dog that sits on a nail. And every day the dog sits on the nail. And every day the dog sits on the nail and it yelps. And then someone who listens to the dog every day says like, why doesn't the dog just sit somewhere else? And then the other person says because it doesn't hurt enough yet.

So he was basically saying sometimes you have to get hurt really badly by someone like her in order to seek change, right? He's like to understand like maybe I am really awful or why am I so unhappy or like was what she's saying to me, did it hit me so hard because it's true? Did it hit me so hard because I do struggle with stuff like that? He basically said like he's thankful for someone like me existing now. He's like, because if he had found me five years ago, he would have fucking hated me too. And he's like, but that's a me problem. That's not because of her. That's literally it is weird when people are like, I would have been your worst nightmare. Like I get like that. They're like, okay, well, I'm glad you like me. He's like, I would have

fucking hated. I would have hated that bitch. Anyways, she's great though. I'm like, I took the like compliment, I guess, but like the kind of shit compliment sandwich. But like, it basically just validated me and everything I've already believed about myself, which is like my content is literally not for them. which is another problem they have with me. It's just like they struggle with the idea that not everything in this world is catered towards them. And so I've always said like if we're looking at what I'm actually trying to do, I'm not trying to like convince you or change you.

I'm trying to save everybody else. I'm trying to like wake everybody up. It's almost like everyone's been put to sleep and I'm just waking them up. Yeah. And telling them like it doesn't have to be this way if you don't want it to be that way. So like it even when it ties to my book, I'm like it's not for men. It's about decentering men entirely, removing them entirely from your thought processes. Like, once you unpack your internalized misogyny, you let go of so many different internalized biases.

How attached to you to living in California? Could I get you to come to Texas and her office? Beyonce's from there? Period. Love that. She and I are Virgos. Love that for us. So, or even if it's here in California, there's bad people here, too, that need good people.

That is true. A lot of people ask me, they're like, can you talk to my dad or my brother or whatever? I think I honestly, I say this to people sometimes, but your way of like, you could totally hold elected office. Oh, period. Thank you. I think that's a high compliment. You don't have like, you know, conflict of interest. That's what I tell myself.

You know, like, get your bag. So you can like not have a conflict of interest. Yeah. You can really like fight for everyone. Yeah. I mean, fight for people who need it. Yeah. Not the corrupt.

Not corrupt corporate people. Not bigoted people. Yeah. I think that people like my, like my platform and people like you are so important. to have, especially now, with so much visibility that, like, people have on, whether it's politics, anything serious or anything silly, right? They have people like us existing in the space, like, able to, like, speak up for what we believe is right and stand for what we believe is true and important. And I feel like that's a big reason why I don't platform bigotry at all.

Like, I don't invite them on my show to debate. There's just nothing to debate. I'm not debating human existence with you. I'm not debating the validity of, trans people with you. I'm not doing that. Like, I'm absolutely not fucking doing that. That's when I tell them to get their own fucking show because they're not doing it on mine. That's for goddamn sure. It's just not worth it to me. That's why I said it's not for them. Yeah. It's for everybody else. Like everyone else who needs it, who needs empowerment, who needs strength, who needs uplifting. And I've told people before too that I feel like my ultimate goal at the end of the day would just be that they don't need me to do this forever. Like they know they have the same exact

confidence and like level of strength that they believe I have and they don't because I get people who like say all the time I wish I had this kind of confidence and I always tell them you do you just have to give yourself the permission to use it because we've been conditioned to ignore it for a very long time or put it aside. I can't wait for the book. I can't wait for the book. I'm so glad. Honey. I always tell people that because it is true. It's just like I just found mine a lot sooner. But that's literally because I just fucking hate men. But well, I just, Well, I just think sometimes like people's connection to their purpose is just comes up more clearly or differently or like, you know, you can't help it that you're like tune the fuck in. Yeah.

I was like, I don't know. I don't know why because they've asked me before like, how did you get like that? I'm like, I honestly don't know. I think, well, I have a really wonderful like family. I have a very supportive family. But I've also talked about like my mom has always been so incredibly strong. And my mom was also the main breadwinner for a long time in my family. But someone culture is very matriarchal.

My dad's dream has always been to be a stay at home dad. That's been my dad's dream forever. He's like, if I never have to go to work, I'm totally cool with that. I'll stay home. I don't go, fuck. And my dad also has been very emotional around me my entire life. Like my dad's cried in front of me many, many times, more times of my mom, probably. And so my dad's never been afraid to tell me he loves me or show emotion or anything like that.

So all of that, I think, plays a huge role, I would say. Yeah. And then also, I think just my never-ending. fight against men who irritate me. I think all of that perfect storm, you know? I have to say, I've thought a few times, like, I feel like some, because I actually think I get this too with like more gays, not straight men, but, or maybe questioning men, sometimes I feel like people also when you're really outspoken,

and then they're also attracted to you for some reason. Like, you're telling me. Whether it's like, whatever it is, like, I'm like, I'm not saying that every troll wants to fuck me, but I am saying that like. So probably. Because if there's something about like that they like, they like want you to think that they're not. Yeah. Like but then I'm just trying to like air this dirty laundry and you're like, wait, what?

It's like, but then. So that same point. That's another reason why I stopped doing cameo because I started getting a request. First it was just like, can you wish happy birthday to my sister? Like that's what it was normally. And then I started getting ones that were like, can you tell me I'm like a dirty rotten boy and like blah blah. And I said not for $30. I literally canceled because I was like, I'm going to do like $3,500 for like dirty talk.

Yeah. They wanted me to like say. Like in clothing, just, just, just, just, like, just dirty talk. And the, and you can't post it or anything. I would do that for 3,500. Someone, it was 30. With some boundaries. Yeah, but 30, no, both of us deserve $30.

$30. I will, I will, cameo founders, I'll join for that. You want me to do a little dirty talk. Yeah, do $3,500. I will fucking, I will verbally lick hot sauce from between your toes. I'll call you. I remember the very last one. I need a dirty, you need a makeover.

The last one I saw that like literally. made me cancel it was it was it was a man like asking me to like like degrade him but he like told me to to stand over the camera oh like I'm taller than him and I said oh cancel or did he want to see your like private parts no no no he just wanted me to like look down at him I thought he meant like oh like naked yeah that's way more than 30 no no no it was literally just like to look down at him because I'm tall and I've talked about being tall and I was like girl you're gonna make me kill myself Cancel. Girl, ew.

Ew. These people. I'm not playing into a fantasy. On the internet. What's their goddamn problem? I'm like, why don't you send me your opinion and I'll come beat you up?

How about that? Wait, can I tell you like the funniest story that I just thought of? Please do. My cousin and I, my little cousin, when like chat rooms were becoming a thing in like the 90s,

we were like on a chat room when like we weren't supposed to be and obviously like this like hideous old man like started to try to like sexualize us. And we were like teenagers, if not like younger. And I remember like when it started, I was like,

my cousin's name is Sullivan. I was like, oh girl like this is bad like we need to stop like because at first it was just like where are you because it's like internet it was like fun like like I can't believe there's people so all of a sudden this guy types I'm naked right now and I looked at my cousin and I was like and then she and she was younger than me and she is younger than me and she I was like I don't know it and she was like honey she didn't say honey but she was like I know what to say and so she responded and she said you must be cold and then she was like mom mom we need help like the stranger is like

telling us things but I've always thought it was so funny she literally said like you must be called. He was like, I'm naked and that she was like, you must be called. And then it was like, the very first time someone asked me for a nude. I was texting like on my envy. I was like flip up and like text like that. And it was like when I was 14, I was freshman in high school. Some guy just, it's like teenager shit. You're like, hey, hey, what are you doing? Nothing. What are you doing? Like that type of shit. And then it was just like, you should send me a picture. Because he said he didn't remember what I looked like. Mind you, I met him an hour ago. And I said, you don't remember what I look like. He said, you should send me a picture. And so I said,

okay and then I sent him like a picture of my face like I literally took a picture with my phone it look like a LinkedIn picture bitch like literally it was like me like you know what I'm saying like I literally set it up and took it of myself like that like it's not cute or sexy in any way which you can't be when you're 14 and so then he was like no you should take another one of your full body and I was like I was like I literally can't like I was so literal that I was like I can't do that I'd have to ask someone to take it of me I don't have the time and then he was like well no and then he like elaborated and I was like, don't you ever text me again, you fucking sicko. And then I went to school the next day and I talked so much shit. I spread so many rumors. I said he sucks. He's awful. Oh, wait,

at least he was your age. Yeah. Okay, good. He was 14 too. Yeah, good for him. Yeah, but I remember his name and he's married to a girl I went to my high school. And if you ever see this, I hate you. Anyways. Is she nice? Did she go back for her? Yeah. Um, yeah, she was cool. I mean, I kind of knew her in high school, but she was like older than me. And he's the same age as me. Oh my God. It's like everyone like do we all need to like look up your yearbook like I'm dying to know. All my high school friends know who was. Is this going to become like a spinoff podcast of like, did you see that one podcast about like the people? It's like blowing up right now where like these people got married and then on like a boat in like the Netherlands and someone shit in the bathroom. Like someone

like took a dump on the floor of the bathroom. And it's like who's shit at the wedding and it's like the most popular podcast like right now. I was reading about the other day. I want to it's like and they like The name of the podcast? I don't know the name, but it's like, it's like, it's a Google, like podcast about someone who should at the wedding. But it's like, yeah, they go through and like interview like each guest from the wedding and they're like, who's shit. It's like a game of clue. Is we just like not just like stop our podcast and just go listen to that one. We were so off topic, but who cares because this is one of the best episodes ever.

Really? Yes, we're going to read one of the TikTok. We're going to describe one of them. For those of you who don't know, we bring TikToks that are applicable to our topic today. Our topic was and we didn't talk about it being a hot slut. But we hit it like in flying colors. Yeah, I think so. Well, because really just being a slut is like anything that brings you pleasure.

Period. And we had so much pleasure today. I love that. Yeah. Yes. Okay. So we're going to talk about this video. Okay.

So basically this is a woman who gives incoming college women advice on how to be a confident hot girl during their time in college. She talks about how the most attractive qualities are to not care what other people think to have a backbone and to be able to stand up for yourself and embracing yourself instead of constantly chasing others, which probably means men. Okay. So these. comments on here says to be honest i don't know how you got a life if you're really trying to be

hot go to the gym or some shit nice that doesn't mean the comments i hate the comments there's so well there's so many i loved the first essence and then it took such a sharp turn oh yeah as it normally does huh and the next one says the industrial revolution and its consequences huh the industrial revolution like ford Yeah, it's a lot. Yeah, this next one says product of indoctrination. Heteranormitivity is a product of indoctrination, babe. That's why you're all convinced you're straight until you're not, huh?

Oh. That's crazy. Well, yeah, men just ruin everything. That's nothing new, but these are all men. But it isn't not to be that person on your podcast who's like, not all men. It's people who are lost in toxic misogyny. It's true. And there are some good.

there are some good men for sure like i feel like i've meant like eight i can think of like five or six off the top of my head eight yeah total yeah can you believe that out of like four billion people in the world like six maybe maybe 16 per thousand yeah when i say that too a lot of times i'm talking about cis hat men but you know what too though what because i i get that men suck yeah okay Period. But if, so not if men, so men suck. But then how do you explain Lauren Bober or like Marjorie Taylor?

Like, because there are some women are really integral and popping up the toxic massagony and the patriarchy. Because they think that if they can help to enable that toxicity, they can make themselves closer to the power. Yeah, absolutely. So like, it's aligned with white supremacy. Exactly. It's what that is. Yeah, absolutely. So like to me, that is super naughty and toxic.

But for the people who are not doing that, I'm just, the binary, I'm just like. Exhausting. Yes. It truly is. And we do have to make, well, you don't have to do anything. But I think that like we, like there are some, some who we can say like, honey, you, I would suck your D. Not because I have shame based attraction to you, but because I'm attracted to you. And I would be honored to go to brunch with you tomorrow because you are fighting for queer liberation or like, you know, humans.

Period. I think too with men, like my targeting towards men, like me zeroing in on them all the time is truly because like if we're talking about the dichotomy of power, they sit at the very top. And so like in order to dethrone them, you have to take everyone out from the bottom. And a lot of times it's all men holding them up. And then women are still beneath them. And I always, I use this example to your point about women because I talk about pygmies a lot too. And pygmy women are literally women who struggle with internalized misogy. But one time a man made a really awful vitriolic video about me.

He just said a bunch of racist shit about me, he said awful things about my looks, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Story for another day, we already know. But there was a girl on there that commented on one of the video. On that video, her comment was at the very top, which is why I saw it. And she wrote, can we talk about how she looks so different in her pictures than she does in real life, which is not true.

She's never met me in real life. And then right underneath that, right, was another man who said, you have a filter in your picture. I wouldn't talk if I were you, bitch. And then the creator of that video liked his comment. And so then I thought to myself, you sold me down the river, bitch, and you still got hit, didn't you? Because you know what? At the end of the fucking day, you're a bitch just like me. And they don't respect women. And that includes you. So you can sell me out all you want, bitch. But they're never going to hold you in higher regard than me. That's for fucking sure. That's a fact.

I got lost. And then I came back. I was lost. But then I got found, honey. That was like amazing grace of. 2023. That story was like as I was once was lost. And there I got fucking found. There you go. And fuck her and him. Fuck both of them. It was a lot. I don't want to go back there. But I'm so glad you came back to present. Thank you. Do you see my literally like love my body. You went back and your eyes rolling back. I was like I'm back. To wrap all of this up. What would you say is your best piece of advice for all of my community if they want to be the best version of their hot slut self. I've said this before, but I do think it's really important.

And I'll elaborate just a little. The most important relationship you will ever have is the relationship that you have with yourself. Dionne von Furstenberg said that to me when I interviewed her. And I've said that before. People like, oh, that's actually really selfish, self-centered. Like, we know what about community? Because community is so important.

But if you don't have a strong enough relationship with yourself to know when you need support and when you need community, Mm-hmm. Like, your awareness of that is based on your relationship with yourself. Yeah. So the clarity in which you're able to communicate with yourself and, like, understand that we're not the story of our lives that we tell ourselves. Yeah.

Like, we are, like, the centered self that, like, observes the story of our lives. Like, and really, to me, like, that's what faiths and religions are, like, trying to say. Yeah. Is it, like, you know, it's like your relationship to the universe or, like, you know, whatever. like your thing is. But like that relationship with that stillness is the most important relationship you will ever have. Because if you don't have a relationship to that, community is important, but it's going

to steer you to the wrong community. Yeah. Like if you're not aligned with like your truest self and like your true self, like everything becomes exponentially harder. So like the relationship that you have with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have. So take care of it. Yes.

I always say like take care of yourself like you take care of others. Like treat yourself the way you treat other people. like you have so much love to give give some of it to yourself yeah i think you're worth it yeah and i also will say too you'll never be meaner to any like no one could ever be as mean to you as you are to yourself i don't know people are pretty shitty as we've done that's true i think uh they're pretty and also like people are fucked up to people sometimes i think you should even like treat yourself hold herself in even higher regard and just treat others how you would treat yourself yeah you know like how you want to be treated or whatever yeah absolutely like bust out a 10

commandment or something than this fucking podcast. Actually, honestly, I think we wrote new Ten Commandments here today. I love that. I would love that for us. And you can find them in whatever device you're listening to this podcast on. You can get it on any streaming platform, especially Spotify. Yes, especially Spotify. Thank you so much.

Thank you. I love you so much. I adore you. Thank you for inviting me. Oh, my God. Of course. Anytime. I've run a lot of podcast.

I don't know if I ever heard this much on a podcast. Really? Well, like it wasn't my own. I'm honored. I'm honored. Thank you so much. I love you. Do we do the TikTok?

No, yeah, we did. I read one. That was so easy. I was like, I thought I was going to have to learn a dance or something. Oh, no, no, no. Thank you all so much for joining me on this episode of the comments section show. Make sure if y'all aren't already, but I know all of you are following Jonathan on literally everything.

Make sure you do. Where can everybody find you? Oh, I'm at JVN on the gram and I'm a visual JVN on TT, but also if you are into podcast. Yes. You want to get into the beauty space with me? I'm pretty curious. If you like to keep up with the news, honey, curious now.

And if you just like want to get generally curious with me, then tap that subscribe button on getting curious. Yes. And you want to get slutty with me. Oh, love. Ask JVN. Period. Yeah.

Love that. And JV.N. Hair. Yes. Oh, obviously it goes about saying. Yeah. JVN. Hair.

Make sure y'all go cop some JVN hair too while you're at it. Do all of it at the same time. Yes. Please. Well, don't hurt yourself. Thank you so much for joining me. Thank you to the wonderful Jonathan for joining me. Love you forever.

You're amazing. And thank you so much for tuning in. Don't forget new episodes of the comment section show drop every Wednesday. The video is free on Spotify, but the audio is available to stream anywhere you get podcasts. But I'll see you next week. Bye!