The Comment Section with Drew Afualo - I'D RATHER BE A SUGAR MOMMY | Drew Afualo ft. Victoria Paris | THE COMMENT SECTION EP 17

Episode Date: June 8, 2022

[video available on Spotify] Drew welcomes Victoria Paris this week as they analyze what it means to be a ""girl boss"" and how men view girl bosses.  Drew: https://linktr.ee/drewafualo Victoria: https://www.tiktok.com/@victoriaparis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

All those men that hate you listening to this, you can start over. It's okay to be wrong. You can unlearn all of that. And as much as you may hate you or me, something could have struck a chord. And maybe you ruminate on that. Maybe think about that. I'm saying, hey, believe it or not, is an emotion. And if I made you feel something, ask yourself.

That's what I say. Ask yourself why. What did I make you feel? Why did you feel upset by that? I think I'm like, it's much more nuanced than you think. Hey everyone and welcome back to another episode of the comment section show starring me, your fave. Obviously, look at me on BTS. Aff today. I'm so excited and I'm also excited for my guest today.

It's the one and only Victoria Paris. Hello. Thank you for having me. I'm so happy you're here. I'm fired up. I'm like stoked, honestly. The first time I ever saw you, I was trying to think about it on the way down here, like the first time I saw you. I think the first time I saw your video that was when you put those giant ice cubes in your glass.

Oh, that was forever ago, forever ago. I was like tweaking out on way too much Adderall. I was in school, just cracked out. And it was a period, honestly. It was a time. It was a time. That was an era. That was your large ice cube era.

Now you're onto your girl boss era. Oh, yeah, always, always. I tell my guess this all the time, but like obviously I'm a huge fan of everybody I bring on the show. But I also like handpick the topics that I always choose. So like I picked being a girl boss. That's what we're going to talk about today. So what I tell you being a girl boss? What's like the first thing that comes to mind for you?

I think I think a girl boss is somebody who's entrepreneurial. I think it's something that you can very much be born with or like acquire. Through like either personal experience or work. Yeah. Well, I also think too, like it's also funny because we obviously like to make fun of men here all the time. But at the same time, I think men use the term girl boss to try and like antagonize us for a while. Or belittle. Yeah.

Like make us feel stupid, right? Lesser than. Like, they always do. But we've found a way to, like, switch it up. So now we use it, like, ironically. Yeah, yeah. But also unironically, I think they really hate that. Yeah, I mean, the idea, yeah, the idea of an empowered woman is not a fun one for them.

Yeah. And also, like, taking jokes that they make at our expense. Yeah. And then flipping them. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, like, all their, all their, all their viewage, just grows you. Yeah.

You know, just, like, bring it on. Yeah, I've talked about that before because, like, I get, I get hate all the time. I'm sure you get hate too. Yeah. I get lots of hate primarily men. Yeah. They're my big, I mean, there's a really thin line between love and hate. Oh, yeah.

So at this point, it's like, do you really hate me? Or are you just my biggest fan? You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. I find that I get a lot of hate from women because I'm on, like, a different side of TikTok than you, but it's still, like, in my personal life, in my day-to-day, it's men who hate me that meet me in person or men that I try to work.

work with and it's like who are you to show up and like assert so much dominance or take up so much space as a woman and they never expect it oh yeah and then when you open your mouth it's like jarring and abrasive and they are like so turned off by it oh yeah i get that all the time i get that all the time they're like if you were like smaller and quieter i'm like oh yeah what yeah have a man have a career done already check check bitch you know what i mean period period that's checked off the list babe i don't need to worry about that. So like what would you say was when you first started entering your girl boss era like for real? Oh my gosh. I would say like when I like uh girl boss era for me was before TikTok. It was working at a fintech startup and realizing that every single male counterpart at

the company was getting paid double me. And I was like are you, like, are you kidding me? Like this is this you never like obviously we hear about like wage gap and and and pay inequality and it's just like something you know about as a woman. And then when you really find out that it's happening to you. It is like so like oh my god, me. Like I'm getting paid less than a man. That's crazy. I heard people talk about this, but I do. Oh my God. Yeah. And I'm like, wait. I'm asking like my friends that like are also working in the city and I'm like, is this happening to you too? And they're like, yeah. And I'm like, bro, this isn't okay. Like this say something. And I, and I went up to my boss and I was like, this is, this is ridiculous. Like if you're not going to match

our wages, like, why am I working here? Do you not respect me or my labor or my work or what I bring to the table? Yeah. And that was like the first time I was like, wow. Girl boss Girl boss like villain origin story It was right there honestly Yeah I mean mine was probably working at the NFL Yeah I said it before so I could say it again I get all nervous

They're gonna like snit me mom sitting here But yeah the NFL is probably my And then they ask you to like come for like a halftime show Like in a few years and you're like They never will not maybe They will hey listen let me know I'll clear my sketch All I need is an apology

Just like one liner Just say sorry and mean it Just tweet it I know literally Okay, so that, I think we have very similar stories in that sense because I worked with all men too. Yeah. So I worked in an all male environment. There were some women, but not a lot of women.

Yeah. And also, like, when you're someone who has very strong opinions. Yeah. And someone who knows exactly what you want. I have a very clear vision. I tend to not like that very much. Yeah, yeah. It tend to get very defensive.

Yeah. Like you're going to take their spot. Yeah. Which I will. Which I can. Yeah. If we didn't girl boss on our own, we would. of.

Right? We went off and paved our own girl boss way. Yeah. I mean, I just got to this point where I was like, I don't want to work for somebody ever again. I want to answer to myself. And like, I know what's best for me and I know what, like, skill set I bring to the table. And if you're not going to pay me what I'm worth, I'm going to go be self-employed.

There you go. That's that. Honestly, I applaud you. And it's working. Yeah. Yeah. And it's working. Yeah.

And it's way more fulfilling than we ever thought it would be otherwise. Oh, way more stressful than you ever thought it would be too. Oh, yeah. It comes with a whole new wave of like, like, like, yeah, but I mean, I would rather this than that.

Same. It's a small price to pay, I think, given the, I always tell people, the pros far outweigh the cons. Yeah, like considering what we were doing.

Because like before, I would, I would commute two and a half hours one way sitting in my car. Yeah. And I would just drive to work and I'd be miserable at work and then I'd drive two and a half hours home.

Yeah. Leave before the sun came up, get home when the sun was down. I was going insane, Loki. I just, I just think about, like,

the anxiety I would get whenever I felt like something was off in work. And it didn't end from 9 to 5. It like crept into like dinner. It crept into the morning before the commute there. I was like so stressed out over like what my boss thought or what was happening. And I was like, yo, I'd rather just be stressed out over what I think about myself. I'd rather be stressed out.

How much I'm making for myself. I know. I made this joke. I think I forget. I think it might have been with Brittany when she was on. But we were talking about how like it's like you get a new set of problems, but they're like much different problems. Oh, yeah.

You're like, oh, I have to film brand deals today. That's nothing. to having to go to work. Oh yeah. Be stressed. Be depressed while you're at work. I was like in my major depression era when I was working. Yeah.

Yeah. I also felt like I sacrificed all my personal passions. Like I couldn't work out. I couldn't go running because I was like so consumed by somebody else's like what they needed from me. Yeah. And especially as a woman, the problem with, there is a problem with the term girl boss. Like with as a woman to be a girl boss as we all know it is to work 110% while men are

bringing 50. And that is up. To be a girl boss is not to work harder than your male counterpart. It's to know your worth and ask for that. And work the exact same amount. You don't need to prove any extra or any more to have a spot at the table. Yeah, they have to keep the screws a lot tighter than

men do. Yeah. Otherwise, you're already starting from zero and they're starting from 50. Yeah, yeah. And it's like work twice as hard for less pay and less recognition. Yeah, so when you talk about the like depression you experience, or the commute and like the anxiety.

It's like I find a lot of men try to relate. And I'm like you will never relate to feeling like you always have to give more and always do better and always like. Yeah. Also I remember when I was a personal trainer like showing up. I interviewed with like makeup and my hair done and they were like, oh like hired immediately. No experience working in a gym, nothing like that. I've spoken publicly about working at Equinox and how I was hired at age 19 having never lifted a weight in my life. I applied for a free internship because I couldn't afford the gym at the time.

and I just wanted to go to the gym. Yeah. And they were like, oh, let's hire you full time as a trainer while you're in college. And so I started. A trainer? Yeah, like they put me on the floor. You don't have to be certified? No, you don't have to be certified for the first six months.

So you could be in the process of getting certified. Yeah. So they basically put me on the floor to just like thought me out and like put me out on the floor and just be like a hot girl. And so when I showed up to work. Oh, yeah. Or just talk to the older men. That's all they wanted.

And when I would show up to work with no makeup, they'd be like, you look really tired. Maybe you should go home early. Are you okay? And I'm like, bro, you. This is my body of work. Maybe you should take today off. No, fully. Fully.

They like started like. Put this bag on your head and go home. Yeah. No, yeah, yeah. They're like, Miss Butterface over here. Like, get the fuck out. Like, I don't give a fuck how good your body is. Like bring me face or nothing.

Yeah, yeah. They're like, girl, it's not given today. It's not giving enough. It's not giving enough to. Not enough memberships we're sold this month. So like, can you maybe put on some lashes? Like, I don't like, damn. You.

You. me. I think I need that. I've been that way. I actually, shockingly enough, honestly, I'll say this because I don't give a damn. But like when I was in senior in college, I was journalism majors. So I did like a senior capstone doing journalism shit. So I was like doing all kinds of programs and like filming myself all the time. That was like how I got used to filming myself and editing and all of that. And I remember the first time I wore like a full face and I put like a flower in my ear. I went to the University of Hawaii. So like they love that shit. When you put a say in your ear. So I did that I filmed stand-ups, like reporting live, like that type of shit. And when I filmed that, I had my professor who was a woman at the time, like, she literally was going over my work. And she told me, the context doesn't really matter as long as you look good. She told me that all the time. She's like, you need to look like this every time. It really doesn't matter anything else.

I'm like, okay, but what about the story? What about what's going on about a bad story? She goes, none of that really matters. If you focus on being pretty, then you'll get far in this. And that right there made me want to quit. I was like, I don't want to do that shit. I really hate that. I really hate being like targeted for that.

Yeah. It's just, yeah, growing up makes me angry. Makes me want to be ugly on purpose. Literally like me filming videos. Like I spoke about this with Morgan basically like saying like I never understood like there's that whole like rumor that post malone smells. You know? And like all these famous people like they become super famous and super successful and like kind of like just don't care about their image or like any of. of that, like the way they look. And I kind of

understand that now because, like, my success is not determined off how I look. And so I stopped showing up and I stopped doing my makeup and I stopped caring for a very long time, which made me depressed and not, like, think I was beautiful. Yeah. Because I could, like, you, like, literally sit in the toilet and film a video and I do well.

And then I was like, well, why does it matter how I look? And so I just like gave up on myself for a little bit. And that was really hard, especially, I grew up like in North Carolina and my parents were very traditional and they were like if you take care of yourself if you look beautiful if you take care of your body like you will have a husband who will take care of you and now to be like dating women like not like you went a hard left yeah oh yeah like you're all no no no no no no

no no no no no any of that as soon as you said that I'm like checked out I'm doing something else yeah and I started to resent like honestly looking good and like doing my hair and my makeup because I just was like that like that oh my gosh it's like that that ticot I saw where this girl's like I was so against doing makeup because I didn't want to that now I don't know how to do makeup. Oh, I fully don't know how to work. Like I generally don't know how to do hair or makeup now because I refuse to do it when I was younger. Yeah. No, I was- Which I understand.

I was so good when I was younger. Like full bust down. Like I could do makeup when I was younger. Now I'm like, you give me an eyeliner and I'm like, ugh. Like I can't. And I'm like, you don't fucking it. Like, I don't care. I would embrace my bare face.

Yeah, it's one of those things where it's like you steer one way too hard. that starts to hurt you. You steer the other way you're going towards patriarchy. That's why I strive for like body neutrality and even like neutrality towards my look. But then I find that my spectrum of emotions and like enjoying the way I look is very limited. Like I don't get excited over how I look very often anymore because I have neutrality. I also don't get severely depressed over the way I look anymore. Yeah, it's all give and take, I think.

That's why I've joked about this before. But like obviously when I do stuff like this, I'm like full glam. I pay someone to do this to me. But like when I film all my other. shit, nothing. Like, I don't got anything on my face. I'm on the toilet 90% of the time. So when they see pictures when I'm like this, they're like,

oh, Photoshop, some people accuse me getting work done. And I was like, bitch, you just see me like ugly 90% of the time. Yeah. And now you're mad because your dick wiggled a little when you saw what I really look like. Now you're mad because you're like, oh, wait a second. But also like, you're so fucking dumb for thinking that.

Because I'm operating a business at zero expenses. I'm sitting on the toilet ripping videos that pay more than you would get in a year. So like if you're mad about it, like take it up. Zero overhead. I'll tell you that much. Zero. Not paying for any hair, no makeup, pure profits. It costs you nothing to do what you do. The business is so lucrative and people don't understand that. And you are investing into yourself every time you do glam and hair and makeup. And I don't even need to invest into the videos that much for them to be successful.

I'm sorry that you don't understand that. Like, sucks for you. Sorry they're not paying that. And especially, uh, bummer. Having the female experience where you, you like need to show up and look a certain way. Yeah. To be taken seriously, which is what you experience, what I experience. Like, it makes you resent it. No, truly. That's a really good point.

I say that all the time, too, about as far as like, what it costs to do what I do. I mean, if it's just, you're calling me ugly. Period. For a check, you would too. Yeah, that's why I say it. And you would do it for a judge, too. Sorry. I know, literally.

I think that all the time, too, when you do brand deals. Like, I've even said to, I've talked about this before. with other creators. But I've said, I've tweeted about it, but I was like, honestly, like, we put out so much content for free, like, constantly. Sometimes you're going to have to watch this ad, babe. Sometimes you're going to have to watch it, and you better like it, and you better comment on it.

Yeah. Because what I always think is, it's a little price to pay. I mean, like, also, the thing is, like, our job as a content creator, like, I view content creation as, like, developing your own reality show. Like, if you can subsidize content enough to ratio ads, people won't care. If you're developing 20 videos. and can do one ad. I think that what you do and what I do is so special that we can do so much of it that it outweighs the ads and there's so little viewage of ads that you can really build a successful business because when you're an artist and it takes months to make one video you can't the ads are so abrupt and so abrasive to the point where people are like all you do is ads. Yeah, because what they do takes, well, a lot of artists do takes a lot more time than what I do and I'm a personality and I'm super grateful that people love me for me.

Yeah, exactly. Well, and also speaking of, like, paying influencers, like, I've seen videos on TikTok before where people are, like, making fun of, like, the fact that influencer marketing, like people that work in influencer marketing are, like, trying to convince influencers to do deals for a lot of money. Meanwhile, they're getting paid, like, $20 an hour or something like that. And I've seen it, and they're funny because I've been on both sides of that. But at the same time, I think, like, agencies save millions of dollars,

utilizing influencer marketing. They save lots of money, paying one person, then buying a billboard for the next three months. So, like, it's all relative to the person, but I also think, once again,

you would do it for a check, too. Oh, yeah, and if you would do the same thing. People also don't think about the sheer amount of, like, recognition. Like, even if an ad doesn't necessarily sell out a product just mentioning the brand name gives, like, brand recognition and credibility, and, like, the way that if it circulates to a million people

and they hear the name of your company, it adds value to the brand, value added. And investing into influencers is always investing into value added, not necessarily products sold. And people don't understand that. And also the huge problem in the industry is going through these third parties, like influencer marketing agencies or consulting groups or whatever, when brands themselves aren't equipped to contract out influencers directly. And so that's where people who aren't in the industry don't understand that there are so many layers to get through to get to an influencer to pay them. Yeah, I agree. The check doesn't come straight from Nike. It goes through four other hands. Yeah, and it also doesn't happen overnight.

Oh, no. Like, I can't even tell you how long I was on TikTok before I started making livable money, bitch. Like, I can't even tell you, I was doing that shit for free for a long time. Same, same, yeah. So a lot of times they think, like, overnight you become a millionaire. So whenever you do anything, they're like, aren't you rich now? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Are you mad about it? Yeah, you are. Also, you think, too, when you make more money, you acquire more expense. Oh, my God, to make more to spend more. Exactly. And you have to, like, subsidize your business. If you have other expenses to take care of, your personal expenses, your families, like... Oh, and paying Uncle Sam.

Yeah, oh, my God. You forgot about that one. And staying on top of your taxes, being a law-abiding citizen, setting up the business so it's lucrative and everybody gets paid and I get paid and I pay Uncle Sam. Yeah. Come on. And hiring a team. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. People think anybody can do this and anybody can do this. But to do it's success. investfully takes a girl boss. Yeah, period. I'm saying. To sustain, that's a girl boss. You got to be a girl boss. To be investing, to be saving, to be like just cognitive of money in and out.

And what the next five years could look like takes a girl boss. And girl boss gender neutral. Yeah, I'm saying it can apply to anybody. Anybody can be a girl boss. That's what I think. So that's a great segue into our topic today, which is obviously being a girl boss. We know very well what it's like to be a girl boss. I think we're pretty damn good at it to be honest.

So here on the comment section, for those of you that don't know, what we like to do is bring videos that I was tagged in here. And then we like to rip them up, share some laughs and giggles and talk about the comments also obviously called the comment section. So for this first video that we have, it's basically I always like to give a breakdown of the video. So a girl, she basically starts out saying that a girl boss is just someone who owns their own business. But then she says, like, explains that a girl boss is someone who owns their own life more so. It's more so has control, like both hands on the wheel, essentially. And then she goes down her eight rules to being a girl boss. So if you had to think of like a rule, like if you have multiple, that's fine too,

to being a girl boss, like what would be your most important rule, would you think? Being articulate, I think as a woman like the grasp of language and being able to paint a picture when you speak is the most important thing because a lot of times you're just summed up to your visual appearance. And people are so caught up over what you look like and not what you're saying. and being articulate is number one for me. That's actually a really good one. What about like when it comes to the business? The business, oh my God, being financially literate,

which again is a tool that most women are not given. Somebody's going to pay for you. Your husband's going to pay for everything. Dad's going to put you through college, which was my experience, which I was super privileged for, but also then what? Yeah. After that, then what?

Well, then you're on your own. Oh yeah. Nobody, nobody ever taught me how to how to budget or like balance or like how much you're supposed to be saving, how much you should put away for taxes, how much you should be like what your expenses should look like. That's living within your means. Number one for a girl boss.

Even when you make really good money. Always. Like staying within your means. I think a lot of times the allure of a lot of money is to be able to buy a lot of things or expensive things. And which is okay, you're allowed to do that too is your money, right? But at the same time, we've got to think long term, right?

Because everything is fleeting in the, this life unless you lay down the foundation now. Yeah. Whether you're working or you're doing this. I think like your job is never guaranteed. I think that too. Oh yeah. Because when people are like, aren't you afraid?

Like what if this comes to an end? You could get fired at any point. I got fired. Any job. Any job is volatile. Yeah. The idea of job security is a construct. Yeah.

You can be fired any day. And also I think like something that we could even be glazing over ourselves is that 50% of Americans are in debt. You know, so like 50% of people in your comments section broke, broke. Broke, broke. People should never laugh. And like, we've all been there. That's the thing.

It's not something to laugh at. It's something that we should be given the tools to not be in. Yeah, I feel you. And if 50% of people are falling into the debt category, it's an issue societally or as a country. No, literally. It's not just like our problem. It's the problem that financial literacy is not easily accessible or like easily taught. Yeah.

And then I think, too, you have to also keep in mind that social media is fake a lot of times. So when you see people who flex a lot, a lot of expensive things, like a lot of times it's not real. A lot of times those cars, those houses. A right off. A right off. Rented. Rented. Right off. Yeah.

Like they're literally all for looks. They're not something they purchase. If they did, that's a bad move. Because when you start making big purchases like that with no like thinking about longevity. Also, when it comes to like job security like you were saying, I'm like, you think a job's going to care more about you than you care about you. Oh, yeah, like you guide for yourself. No, truly. And when I got fired, right?

Yeah. Right? When I got fired, I was like so lost at the time because I was like, what am I going to do? Like I built my whole personality around doing this and this is like a big piece of who I was. Now what? Identity. Yeah.

And so I was worried. So I was thinking I should go back and get another job. But then when I started thinking about working for myself, because at that time, both my parents retired themselves and they're in their 40s. Good for them. So both my parents are retired. My sister's like works for herself too. Everybody was working for themselves except me when I was.

I was at the NFL. So I was like, do I want to do this or do I want to work for me? And literally my mom told me, she was like, you're never going to work harder for anyone than you will for yourself. And I was like, that's true. So I was like, I'd rather work for me. Very similar story. I'd rather get fired by myself.

Oh, yeah, yeah, fire myself. Yeah. My dad worked for himself. So when we were kids, my dad worked in finance. And my parents met working in finance. They were, like, coding. And then my mom was a stay-at-home mom, but my dad was working for himself and being raised by a man who stressed every day over like putting food on the table, like taking care of us.

And like he saw the value of a dollar and he taught us the value of a dollar. But, but for that not to be, the entrepreneurial spirit was passed down to me. The financial literacy wasn't. It was something I had to fall so many times. I mean, I had like $100 in my bank account until it was like 21. Same. And it was like, when is this going to give? When is this going to change? When am I going to like take control of my life and be financially autonomous and shoot for myself. Yeah. And that's something that like I had to teach myself and fail at multiple times. Yeah.

And people go bankrupt. People become millionaires, multi-millionaires and go bankrupt again. Like you see it all the time. Like multiple times. Yeah. Like it's a learning process. Yeah. Being rich is nothing if you can't sustain it.

And even being financially literate is nothing if you can't like live by it. Yeah. I always think too like I've seen before like being rich is one thing but being wealthy is another. Yeah. Like wealth is what sustains. Rich is something that's fleeting. That could be gone by tomorrow. Yeah.

And also. You don't take care of it. Yeah. It doesn't, like money doesn't buy happiness, but it can buy security. And that's something that I think a lot of, like is the most important thing to finding your identity is security.

Yeah. Like a lot of. Yeah, that's a really good point. Yeah. A lot of people like cannot like come like, like, like be open about their sexuality or their gender identity because they don't have

the financial autonomy to not answer to somebody. Like their parents are like, I'm going to kick you out if you're gay. Yeah. And it's, It's like, well, well, fuck you. I'll pay my own rent. Yeah.

But like a lot of people don't have the freedom to do that. Yeah, it's not a fix-all solution having money, but it is something that alleviates a lot of stress. Yeah, yeah. And I think being a girl boss is a one way to get there if you want to get there. So I guess in this video, she's basically saying that being a girl boss is all up here more than anything. Yeah. Which I think we've kind of elaborated on it, right? Yeah.

We're all on the same page in that sense. We're aligned. Yeah, we're aligned. We're here. So it says, this first comment says, hell yes, to this definition of a girl boss, which is just being, I guess being confident in what you want, who you are, and like what you're going to do in life. Yeah. Which is like freeing for anybody, I would say. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It gives you purpose, direction, and that makes anybody feel confident. Yeah. Go through life confidently, I would say. Yeah, I think that being like, yeah, I agree. Well put. And so this next one says, I love this, girls supporting girls. I think girls supporting girls is good to an extent. I support women's rights and I also support women's wrongs.

Period. They can't do anything wrong in my eyes. Maybe sometimes, but most of the time, I'm sure it's fine. Most of the time is always fine. Yeah, a man breeds wrong and I'm all, see, told you. I told you, they're all like this. They're all terrible. I told you guys.

But a woman could literally kill somebody and I'm like, listen, we all make mistakes. We can't hold our past against each other. how can we ever get back up we learn you know we learn we learn we grow we have we go bankrupt to make the money back fall down nine times get up 10 yeah period that's what I think about but that only applies to women yeah women identifying people okay so for this next video this is a man right walking around trying not to laugh you there's like a remix of I think that it's that sound on tic-tok that's like California girls by kitty Perry but it's to the Darth Vader sound from Star Wars, which I'm pretty sure I'm familiar with.

And he said, this is what girl bossing sounds like to me. Which I guess is kind of funny, but since it's a man, I'm not going to laugh openly. I'm not going to laugh publicly, but on the inside, maybe I chuckled a little bit. But I saw this first comment says, so basically successful women are villains and a man's eyes cool. Well, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I mean, like confident men, yeah.

Yeah. Terrible men. Yeah. I think that what constantly gets misconstrued about being a girl boss, is that like it's, it's like taking from somebody else. Yeah. Or like writing the wrongs. Again, giving 110% women or giving 50.

It's not. It's empowerment. It's sentiment. It's gender neutral. It is something that like you can just like a mindset you strive for. It's empowerment. Like, yeah. I'm sorry the girls who get it get it and the girls who don't don't like or the guys who don't.

Yeah. Literally the girl bosses that don't don't. Yeah. So I think too. Yeah, that's so true. And I also think it's also anytime you do anything. that upsets the patriarchy or shakes the table even a little bit, they're not going to like it. Men who feel like they derive all their power from women directly, they're not going to like

anything you do. It doesn't matter what you do. Whether you're literally being like a CEO or running like a Fortune 500 or you're selling lashes or baked treats, it really doesn't matter. They're going to make fun of you no matter what. So you might as well do whatever you want. Yeah. I mean like also I think that like a girl boss is not just running your own business. Is this like a stay-at-home mom who's like raising children is a fucking girl boss. She's working a full-time job. I'm sorry that it's not a like a salary job to you. Like it's hard work and it's

It's harder than most salary jobs I would say. Yeah. Yeah. I've seen videos of women saying like this is a day of me being a stay-at-home mom with six kids just sitting on my lazy ass all day. It's literally from dusk till sunset. Work. This bitch is doing nothing but taking care of kids all day. A lot of it is manual labor. No, truly.

Cleaning. Back breaking labor. Oh my gosh. Cooking. Like, especially when you have multiple children. Like, and each child is different. Like, requires different, like, needs to be met. And having worked in child care, like, hardest job I ever had, most fulfilling job I ever had.

Really? Yeah, I love children. I nannied for, like, since I was 16. I nannied all three years, like, in college in the city for three little boys. I nanny for Olympic athletes. And, like, just child care is hands on at all times, 110% dialed in. And you're, like, watching out for somebody else's life.

No, like, truly, you're keeping them alive. Oh my God, in the city, I'm like holding them by their shirt. I'm like, please, the cars are coming from. Like, please don't go to traffic. Like, this is liability. No, truly. But when I was working at like a finance startup, I was like, on my laptop on my phone with the kids, I was like,

holy shit, you just set the shit on fire. Oh, wait. No, I didn't say the effort. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but oh my God, child care, it paid just as much as, as child care in the city working the city pays very well. For a reason.

Yeah. For a reason. Yeah, it's hard work, man. I think anything women do. I also, I've made a video about this in the past, like, long time ago. But, like, when men make fun of women doing anything entrepreneurial, whatever it is, I'm talking, like, tangible shit. Like, if she sells lashes or she does, like, dip treats or something, like, whatever

is stereotypically a female thing, men are so quick to make fun of it, as if they don't walk around talking about crypto all the time. Doge coin. Like something that's not even tangible. And because I'm saying, like something that's I'm convinced is monopoly money. Like I literally once talked about NFTs, I said, don't explain them to me because I don't care.

Don't explain them to me. I don't care. As far as I know, you're just drawing pictures and selling them from North of dollars. That's all I hear in my head. Can we please talk about how like, you know, men love to like shit on women for cooking and baking and whatever

when all the Michelin Star chefs are men. The top of the industry is always men. All the like really recognizable painters from the past 100 years are men. Warhols, like, Jackson Pollock's. Like, women painting, though, oh my God, that's so funny, that's so girly.

They're like, that's so girly. Yeah, that's so good. But the top of feminine. Every industry, even if it's a feminine industry, is men. Yeah. Why? Y'all want to, y'all want all the profits yet none of the scrutiny. Well, and then you also think, too, like, how many women did they step on or over?

Oh, on the next of them. Yeah. No, truly to, like, be the one. Because who knows? Like, have you heard that thing about how, who was it Albert Einstein I think his wife was doing most of his work for him behind every strong man is an even stronger woman yeah and you just jump to see her is the girl boss yeah behind every man is a girl boss yeah every single time so when I see them talk about like they try to make fun of girls who sell things I'm like at least this bitch is on her grind yeah what are you doing besides posting pictures of yourself on on the

internet like all my life I had to fight that type of shit like literally you're like they they were praying on my downfall. You're posting pictures of that. 100 emoji, like water sign fist, like the area code from area code. Oh my God. Like they're posting that and then she's like, oh yeah, like I started this business and everyone's like,

oh, how lame. How so incredibly lame. Oh my God, bro. Like I could get into this. So basically like I came out as bisexual, have dated men the majority of my life. Started this career and dated men in the conception of my career for a bit.

And all of them, all of them want a girl boss. They all want a girl who goes to college and works for herself and is empowered until they actually get a girl boss. And then they grow to resent it. Always they grow to resent that you make more than them, that you have say, that you have like valid thought process and that you're intelligent and articulate. And all the men I dated, again, this is my experience. I can't speak for all men, but I will.

they all want a girl boss until they have a girl boss and they resent it. They grow to resent it and I'm at this point in my life now with how empowered I am in my career and how much I love myself that I would never subject myself to that again and even though I am bisexual I do not foresee myself dating a man anytime soon because of how much I respect myself and I cannot... And that's tea honestly. I can't let that energy in sorry. Honestly that's tea and I guarantee you

many many many women have very similar stories to that But I've talked about that too, like this dichotomy of like, well, you can't just sit around. Like this fallacy they all have that like women are after their money. And I always think, well, babe, like gold digger, like you need to have gold first. Like how can I, I can't dig something you don't have. And I also think to women who seek money from men are very open and upfront about it. Like it's an exchange of goods at that point. It's like a tradeoff.

Like he gets to have her because she's hot and she gets money. I don't get the shame behind sex work and also being a gold digger. Me either. That's a girl boss. You want to talk about a girl boss? Oh, that is a gold digger is a girl boss. As she should be because we as women want to seat at the table. I'm going to take every way I can.

And if it's your money. It's not my fault. You're easy. Oh, yeah. And I mean, like, it's not my fault. Also, like, why did you acquire that currency so you get the hot girl and the cool car? And so she wants the same thing. Literally men, not to defend them, but like, men with actual money,

don't give a shit. No. They don't care. They're like gold dig me, babe. That sounds good to me. Yeah. They're old and lonely and they want the companionship. A lot of,

have you heard about like sugar babies? Sugar babies, that's girl bossing too. Right. It is very much so girl bossing. Yeah. And have you heard like sometimes they don't even, they don't do anything sexual.

They literally just like hang out. But also like companionship. These sugar babies or like a lot of them are just like young women or any women period. You know how many hours they put into their look, their body? They are meticulous. They bring to the table hours of labor on their personal look so that you will want to invest in them.

Literally. They work. And you just don't see it. It's just so like she looks at you. And that's a girl boss of mom. Period. Period. Period.

Period. Period. You're literally paying her so she pays attention to you. Yeah. It sounds like you're mad because you got God is what it sounds like. It sounds like you. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean like the same thing could be said with therapy. Like you are paying somebody to listen to you and like be observant with you and be there with you. It's just a form of therapy and sometimes even sex therapy. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. And that's why I think, too, like, they'll say all this shit about how, like, women, you know, chase money, blah, blah, blah, blah. But then when women make more money, they have a problem with that, too. I'm like, you don't win either way.

Like, women can't win for losing. So just, like, be a girl boss is what I say. Like, make more money all the time is what I say. Period. Who cares? My dad literally, like, was like, my dream is to be a stay at home with that. Like, I don't want to work anymore. I just want to be at home.

Yeah. I want to be at home. I want to hang out with my kids. I want to clean the house, clean the pool. Like my dad's like such a dad. He's like, if I could just be here forever, that'd be cool with me. Yeah. And my mom would be out girl Boston her way through the world. My dad's like, that's cool. I don't give a shit. My boyfriend says the same thing. At this point, I'm going to retire him. So he's like, he's like, sounds good to me. You let me know. You let me know. You let me know when I don't have to go to work anymore. Oh my gosh. For me, it was like, living in the city and dating all these men who are like a lot older than me and they paid for everything and it was exactly what my parents wanted for me right and it was it was supposed to be

the best thing ever and i just always felt indebted to somebody like i always felt like i owed them something or i wasn't good enough and i had to like oh my god bro i'd be fuck i would i would be with these guys we wake up in the morning i'm like let me make your bed for you before we go why was i making this man's bed why was i making his bed after i let him have access to this we've all grown and changed i had access to this and i'm making your bed i'm not your mother like And they're like, oh my God, Victoria's the best, like, she makes my bed and she cooks. And I'm like, oh, my God. That's so funny.

Is it a philosopher? Like, Freud would have a field day with that. Like, sometimes they do want a mom. Oh, they always want a mom. Ew. I'm not a mom. No, hell no, I'm not your mom. I was it based off that mug, you didn't come out of my cooter.

That's for sure. That's for damn sure you didn't come out of my coochie. I'll tell you that much. But it was like having to feel like I owed them something always because they were paying or like they were just, more like financial. Well, it's a power dynamic that they're exerting over you too, which you don't realize until you're out of it. To shift the scales, though, and to have, like, dated people who I was more

successful then and, like, could take care of was the most empowering thing I ever did in my life. And I understand, like, wanting to be a sugar mommy now. Because, like, to see somebody else succeed on your own dime is, like, great. Be like, yeah, period. Like, I'm making my money work for itself by investing in the person that I'm into. Is that your love language

gift giving? All of them. But yeah, I love giving gifts. And I also, like, I don't know, like investing. Investing is a passion of mine and investing into the people in my life. And seeing their happiness grows my happiness. I love that too. So like y'all are so mad about gold diggers and sugar babies and sugar mommy's like, I think it's great.

Would you if you were one of them though? That's why I said if you were a sugar baby? If you could, would, would you? Yeah. And you would. And you would do it for a check too. Period. Period.

And once again, we come back to it again. I think we also mentioned that I guess there was a study done. or something like that about why men fear women being in power or positions of power taking over the world, that kind of thing. And it's because they know at the end of the day that they would get treated the way that they treat us. Yeah. And they just can't have that.

Yeah. It's the same thing with racism. That's the same thing. Oh my gosh. That's why they're racist too because they fear the repercussions of what they've done to others for centuries. Yeah. So it's the same thing as in that sense.

But I also think, too, like one time I did a video, about this, he's like, what if this guy was literally like with his whole chest, what if men treated women, the exact same way women treated men? And I was literally like, did you wake up an hour ago? Like that, are you talking about like shit? Because y'all been doing that. Like, did you, is this your first day on planet Earth? I'm so confused. Have you never met another human before in your life? I am friends with so many trans men in New York City. And having led a light, as a female-facing individual and transitioning and now taking up space as a man is the most jarring experience for a lot of them and seeing the shift and the power dynamic and the way you're treated just walking down the street

and like the space you can take up and the things you can say like just hearing their experience is like baffling to me because all these men are speaking from never having walked off a day in my shoes a day in any woman's shoes and to be close with people who have experienced both sides of it and also the adversity of being trans. Wow. That's a whole other layer of oppression. Yeah. Yeah.

And I think it's, I'm, you could equate it to like culture shock. It's like, it's just completely different. I think all the time, like, what if I didn't have the daily fears I have consistently being a woman, like, what would my life be like? Probably really freeing. Like, if I didn't have to worry about locking my car as soon as I got in it, going anywhere by myself, wearing headphones when I walk out of the house with myself, being home alone, like, letting people know I live, I'm home alone sometimes.

Like, all of that shit would be gone. Can you imagine, like, just safety alone? The number one comment I get on my videos of me working out or going on runs, they're like, how do you feel safe alone? How do you wear those big headphones and not fear for your safety? How do you live in New York City and not fear for your safety? And it's not that I don't fear for my safety. I've had my safety compromise so many times.

times that I'm desensitized to it. Where if it happens, it happens, what can I really do except fight? And that's why I work out a lot of times. Or like, that's why I like force myself to be alone a lot of times because I'm like, I won't let anybody let me, I won't let anybody strip me of my individualism. Yeah, like the free, like, it's like almost holding you hostage. I don't want to live in fear. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I have been so lucky to not have like had that happen to me on the street and stuff like that. but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen on a daily basis, and it does to many women. Yeah, absolutely. So, I mean, if I were them and I was someone who was actively working against women, like trying to constantly punch down and oppress them, I'd be afraid too if the roles were reversed, right? And I even said in that video, when I responded to that guy, I said, why don't we just switch them and let's see what happens.

Yeah. Let's see how you feel. Yeah. Let's take it for right. If you don't think women are oppressed, these are the same men who say all the time that there is no difference between the way we're treated and the way they're treated. They say that constantly.

So I always think to myself, I'm like, then what's the problem? It's also the same people who, like, have problems with, like, affirmative action and try to, like, sum up, like, minorities in the workplace as diversity hires. And it's like, wow, you are so angry that somebody else can, like, be at the exact same table as you and look different from you. I just can't imagine.

Oh, my gosh. I think that all the time I always think, like, especially when it comes to, like, switching up your verbiage. like being cognizant of pronouns, like things like that, using gender neutral terms to just be cognizant of everybody in the room. Inclusive, yeah. Yeah, it'd be so much more inclusive and aware, right? It's just being aware of it.

I always think if that's like the biggest issue you have, like that's such a hard sell to you, you must be constantly being a bigot. Like you must be firing on all filibers. It's a choice. It's a choice. To be ignorant. You must be truly actively trying to oppress people,

all the fucking time, if that's like a huge problem for you. You're like, that's going to ruin my everyday like vernacular. Is it? Like just like being aware. First off, like, a lot of these people like don't know they're there and theirs. So like you're so oppressed about language when you can't even use the language properly to begin with that is ungendered. And that's why we say girl boss is not, there's no gender to it.

No, it's like empowerment. It's a state of being. And also the fact that it's not like woman boss. Like, come on, come on. You're getting stuff to crumb. Well, that's why. That's why they made it a girl boss. They're trying to make it a meme.

We didn't make girl boss. They made girl boss. And if you have a problem with it, it's because of you. So we flipped it. That's why I said we flipped it. Uno reversed it. That's why. And I think too, like, hold on you on you.

That's a genderless term and so is bitch. So I always say, some people are like, what do you call women bitch? I call, I don't, I remember this iced tea tweet. Did you see that? No, no, no. Or he's like, I don't call women bitches. I call bitches bitches. I know that.

That's me. Somebody said to me. they were like, just because you're bi, it doesn't mean you can call women bitches. And I'm like, no, we call bitches, bitches. Yeah, and I call myself a bitch. So that's what I'm saying. It's a genderless term in my, and most of the time, 99% of the time I'm calling a man a bitch. So the thing is that, again, gender is fluid, sexuality can be fluid.

Gender is a construct. Language is a construct. Language is gendered by us. Language does not have to be gender. That's why I think that all the time. Individuals don't need to be gender. That's what I say. That's I say.

Non-binary. Let it be that we call bitches bitches bitches. And girl bosses is a girl boss is. Yeah, there you go. There's two people in this world A girl boss or a bitch Which one do you want to be? Literally, it does not matter your gender

It doesn't matter You can be one or the other You choose That's literally up to you Facts Okay so this next comment says Walking from What does it say?

Walking from the scene in a tight dress With a hand on her hip While the world explodes behind her I guess it's like He said this is what girl bossing sounds like to me And that's like It sounds pretty great I know

Cool I think that was supposed to be to be a hateful comment, but I was like, that sounds good to me. Y'all love Top Gun. It sounds like Top Gun. I was just about to say like something with Tom Cruise. It's supposed to probably thinking of Top Gun. Okay, and this one says Hermione on her way to punch Draco. I mean, period.

Hermione, you want to talk about Girl Boss? I was just say the brains behind the operation of that entire trio. Not enough credit is given where credit is due. Give her and her flowers. They were running off her and her alone. Are you kidding me? Anyways, okay, so that's all the videos. we have, but to sum it up, what would you want people to know importantly?

Like, is the most important thing about being a girl boss. I think the view people as three-dimensional individuals. You are not, like, just how much you make or what you bring to the table physically or the way you sound or what other people think of you. You are a three-dimensional individual. Think complexly? Think in complexities. Yeah.

Perfect. And then also, you could always be a girl boss. Or you could be a bitch. You're a girl boss or you're a bitch? Which one would you like to be? Yeah, it's just like that thing that's like you live, sometimes you crank that soldier boy, sometimes that soldier cranks you.

That's like, it's like the same situation. I think being a girl boss more than anything is a mentality. Yeah, yeah. Right. And then obviously, because skill you can acquire. You can always teach yourself how to do something. You can teach yourself how to be financially literate. You teach yourself how to save and all of that stuff.

If you talk to the right people and learn the right things. But like, it's all up here. You can also like teach yourself not to be a bigot. so yeah that's very true that's that do that yeah yeah yeah first of being a girl boss unlearn all the bullshit that you were told oh yeah yeah that's the first that big for me run it backwards for me run it backwards yeah yeah and start from zero and then build from there and the thing is is that like i think that i i saw i've seen tictox where people um i saw this ticot from polo boy do you know polo boy yeah and he was basically saying like he was on this in-cell side of ticot for a little bit

and it was very convincing to him for a little bit and he's like it was a choice to like find good information and good sentiment and good speakers to listen to you. All those men that hate you listening to this, you can start over. It's okay to be wrong. You can unlearn all of that. And as much as you may hate you or me, something could have struck a chord. And maybe you ruminate on that. Maybe think about that.

I'm saying, hey, believe it or not, is an emotion. And if I made you feel something, ask yourself. That's what I say. Ask yourself why. What did I make you feel? Why did you feel upset by that? I think it's much more nuanced than you think. It's not my face that upset you, although it could be.

But I think more so it's what I said, and then on top of that, my face upset, too, on top of that. I think this just doesn't help. When you're already upset, of course, you're going to, like, reach for shit like that. But I also think, too, like, I've had men message me before and tell me, like, it's the most backhanded shit because, like, I used to hate you. Yeah, I used to hate you. they'll say like I used to really really hate your videos I used to talk so much shit on you but then I started like struck a cord war like literally wore him down to the point where he was watching every single one of my videos and then he's like then I realized I was the problem

and I'm like it's also like be crazy be careful what you consume because like listening to so much like you know like it can like subconsciously really change you and like if you're consuming one side of the story, not the other. Like, listen to women as much as you listen to men, and that is the issue, is that you are not listening to women. No, truly. And you're listening to men talk about women. Oh, my God, from no female experience.

Yeah, and that's not the same thing. I say this is just like a very rudimentary way of looking at it, but like, why would you ask a dude with no bitches how to get bitches? You know what I'm saying? Like, why would you ask him? He don't know. He doesn't know, babe. He's single, divorce, alone, and bald.

Why would you ask him? He doesn't have the words. He doesn't have the advice. He can't do it for you, Ben. No, there's not a foot to stand on it. Yeah, no, truly he's operating from nothing. The blind leading the blind. No, I'm sorry.

It truly is. It's not a good look. Help yourself, help me. And on that same note, when you do bare minimum shit, don't expect to be cheered on by me, babe. All the guys who are like, I don't hit women. I don't call women bitches. Why don't girls like me?

Like, I'm a nice guy. what else? You're doing the bare minimum. What else? I can't even tell you. Like, I've had women tell me this where they're like, you should make a video about this guy because like he's good. And then I go and first of all, that's not all my platform is. Well, I would hope so considering all the garbage I see on here.

But I also think like that's not what I built my platform on one. And two, I go and watch it and it's like, ladies, you shouldn't be ashamed of your stretch marks. That's it. Bitch, the bar is in hell. Raise it. I literally say, take that out of there. Where was the origin of the shame, though? You, men.

No, true. Like, literally, did it come from me? Talk to your brothers. I say, like, talk to your peers, babe. Like, who made you feel that way? This way, when I make kite jokes or hairline jokes, who made you feel like that's not something you should have, a quality you should have?

You should be big and strong and manly and never cry. Who made you feel that way? Not me? You did. As I said, look in the, the mirror. And you're so mad over women like being able to express their emotions and cry and like yeah. Well

is it because you can't? And why can't you? Because what's wrong with that? Because you're only you on you. That's truly how to be a girl boss. You've got to be empathetic and open minded, right? Which are the two main qualities. Unlearn and relearn and start from somewhere. Like you can be bad to be good. I literally have had to tell women I'm like, stop tagging me

in this bare minimum ass shit because I'm not making videos. But you want me to congratulate a fish for swimming? Like a literal A literal dude said like, I would never hit a woman. Well, I would hope not. Like, you wouldn't even want a medal of honor for that? Treat others the way you want to be treated. Like, are we 10 years old again?

Like, I'm sorry. That's what I'm saying. You're going to treat me like, Sean, I'm going to treat you like shit, but times a million. I'm just going to have an audience of 7 million people to watch it. So I hope you're cool. I always say, every time you say something about me and you, and I see it, I hope your feelings are made out of vibranium. Because you're going to need it, bitch. That's what I think of all the time.

And at the end of the day, that's called. being a girl boss. Period. That's what I would say. And you're being a bitch and we're being a girl boss. While you're doing that, we're being a girl boss. Keep on bitching. Okay, well, thank you for coming.

Thank you for having you. I'm so happy to have you. Where can everybody find you? Victoria Paris on everything. That's it. Do you have anything exciting you want to tell everyone about? Anything exciting? Anything exciting.

It's Pride Month. It sure is. Happy Pride. To everybody. I know. It's the first day of pride when we're filming this. I don't know when it will go up, but it's the first day of pride today.

Yeah. Happy pride. So you can't be mean to Victoria this entire month. No. Otherwise it's a hate crime. Otherwise it's a hate crime. That was me all last month. I was like, you guys can't be neat to me.

It's Pacific Islander Awareness month. I saw somebody do a video. Basically, she was saying that you all looked alike. And somebody was like, not you thinking this white woman looks like Drew. She's Latina. And they're like, first off, Drew's Pacific Islander. And what are you? think I am. No, literally. I was like, oh my God. I'll love to my Latin girlies, but I'm not,

I'm sorry, guys. I'm not, I'm not Latin, but I do love y'all. I have all the space in the world when I first started to take up my mom's Puerto Rican and people are like, my Latin ex queen. You're all, maybe, maybe chill with that. You're all, they're going to get mad at me. Yeah, it's giving white passing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll just leave that. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for joining us. Victoria, I love you. Thank you for having me. I love you as well. I've been besties forever, so. Since the, I think I skewed.

We've literally been jerking each other off for the longest. And this is the first time we've met in real life. I know, bro. The two hardest business is to pin down. Literally. No, truly. I was like, you want to hang out? It's like, yeah. And then we just know.

Yeah. I just hit my room. I make my videos. I've done the same thing. We do that. That's why I love you. Yeah. Because you get me.

Mutual respect. That's called being a girl boss. Let me tell you. All love. All love to the girl bosses. Thank you all for joining us today on this episode of the comment section show. If you want to watch full live or full episodes drop, they drop every Wednesday at 12 p.m. Pacific standard time.

You can also stream the comment section show on all streaming platforms. But if you want to watch the episode, make sure you subscribe to the Pastor Reddime YouTube channel and you can stream anywhere you listen to your podcast. Thanks for joining us today. Bye. And don't be a bitch.