The Comment Section with Drew Afualo - JAZZY LADYBUG Ft. EJ Marcus | Episode 218

Episode Date: April 22, 2026

The lovely and talented EJ Marcus returns to the show this week!! Drew and EJ talk about being turned green, working at a preschool, fish hatcheries, how to handle a vegan dog’s diet, Club Penguin, the power of Sequoia trees, and so much more.EJ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ejhavingfun/?hl=enEJ Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@ejhavingfunFollow The Comment Section on IG! https://www.instagram.com/thecommentsection/Shop Mother's Day Beauty Gifts at SephoraVisit Macy’s to discover the new Calvin Klein euphoria elixirs. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

There would be like a glass, like a window, and you would see all of the, like, where the fish had laid all of their eggs. Oh. And then eventually you're like so grossed out. I feel like I low-key have tripophobia. So I'm like imagining it being a lot of dots. And unfortunately. It was a lot of dots. Yeah.

Yeah. It was a lot of dots. That is kind of the vibe. I bet. I fucking knew it. And I'm so sorry. Yeah, cut this out. Hey, everyone.

And welcome back to another episode of the conference. Comment section show starring me, your favorite, everybody knows me, who cares about me. On to the guest today, we have another all-star and icon, a legend, the hilarious. E.J. Marcus. Oh my gosh, thank you. Oh, my God, welcome back, King. Thank you so much for having me again. Oh, my gosh, I'm so happy to have you.

You're one of my favorite people to follow. That's really, really nice. And likewise, of course. Yeah. This episode is presented by Sephora. So, what are you getting your mom this Mother's Day? It's hard to find something that says, Hey, Mom, I think you're amazing

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filled with skincare, fragrance, makeup, or hair products, Sephora makes it easy to find the perfect gift for her. Shop Mother's Day Gifts at Sephora. And I have to say too, recently I've been loving, especially the videos you've been making with your partner about like two people doing like they're like crowdfunding or they're like doing yoga in the park. Some of my faith. They're very special. Those are very rooted in like a deep understanding of that culture. Of your community.

Lived in. Yes. Yes, of course. How have you been king? How's life going for you? It's going okay. Yeah. Yeah.

How is it being so adorable? and hilarious. Stop. It's good. Although I did when I was coming here, this is like not that interesting. I just haven't talked to anyone about it.

I was trying to parallel park and the person behind me wasn't letting me in. And it was just like one of those moments where like we were so physically close. And I actually, and it was kind of like, I don't know. I guess you saying that I'm adorable

made me think of this where I'm like, I looked them in the eye and was like, please. Like I did like, You know, and they were just so mad still. No, yeah, your cutie, patootie didn't do anything. It doesn't work in those. It didn't move them.

Contexts. So grappling with that currently. What's funny about that, I have a similar story to that where I was like going to the gym and my fiancee was driving. So we were waiting like because there was about, I don't know, 10 or 15 spots that are like 15, 30 minutes. But then once, if those are all full, you have to go behind the little barricade thing and you have to pay for parking. obviously. So there was someone in front of us and we were waiting and they kind of were blocking both lanes. So we were trying to go around them. But I think they thought we were trying to steal the spot they were pulling into. And it was like they were so close. Like they were in the spot was angled like this that when she started backing up like this, she was going to hit our car.

Because that's just how committed she was to not giving us that spot, which I wasn't going to take it. Right. So then I literally had to roll down my window and I felt like I was in a movie like in New York. I'm like, I'm walking here. I literally was like, are you fucking kidding me? You're going to hit my car? And then the girl did not say anything. She didn't roll her windows down.

She was in the car when we drove around her going like this. Oh. Don't know what that meant. Okay. Don't know what that meant. Was it like an EMDR tapping thing? Yeah, I think it was like her going, everybody's yelling at me. That's what it looked like.

Everybody's yelling at me. And I'm like, because you're about to hit my car over a spot. Right. It's so wild when people act fully crazy and then are like, why is everyone upset? And we drove around and went and parked. And then I was like, that girl better have been late for work or I swear to God. Yeah. I was like telling myself, I hope there was a reason she needed to do that.

But she almost hit my car. It's so crazy. I know because people really, I don't know if it's an LA. I feel like it's a little bit of an LA thing. It has to be. It has to be. But like people will, it's like a threatening. Like they're like, I'll do it.

And it's like, whoa, no, you shouldn't want that either. It's like a posturing thing. It's like a big dogging. I'm like, please don't. That would actually suck for both of us. I agree. It's actually, yeah, the driving here is pretty nasty, awful, terrible. But I think like it sucks too because you have to be an aggressive driver also.

Like you also have to big dog, which I don't want to do that. No, it puts you in such a weird headspace. And I also like, like, so my. car is bright orange. Any particular reason or just? So, I did that on purpose. I thought

it would be cool. It didn't really occur to me that it was like anything but cool actually. I just kind of was like, this is going to be awesome and I thought it looked really nice. It didn't really occur to me that it would be anything except for cool until I was

telling people about it and slash showing people the car and I got a lot of responses that we're like, okay. Orange. Oh, wow. You know, and so... Interesting. We love orange here.

I mean, listen, I love orange. I love orange and that's actually a problem too because then I'm like wearing orange often and I'm getting into the orange car and I'm like, oh, I've become this person. The Lorax. Yeah. Whoever this is, it's now me. Yeah. Orange is my thing.

Orange is clearly my thing. But, but yeah, my partner will often, like, if I'm driving kind of crazy, they're like, you need to be. be careful, like you're, it's not like you're subtle. Like, it's like, you've got a bright orange car. They're like, yeah, and that dumbass orange car. Like, it makes, I do think it makes people actually angry. So maybe it wasn't your cutie-patutti face.

Maybe it was your orange car. I mean, that made that parallel parking situation a little bit more difficult. It might have been tense because of that. I also go to a place where I think the orange is so cool. I'm like, people are jealous. People are intimidated. And that's okay. You know why?

Because that is, it's essential to gaslight yourself sometimes. Yes. I think so. I'm a huge proponent of that. You have to. That actually reminds me, though, when your partner was saying, maybe you should chill because you're driving an orange car. One time for Halloween, my partner and I were the Hulk and she Hulk,

which did warrant a lot of comments of like, they're cousins. To which I said, they're also not real. So we can go off that. I didn't know they were cousins. Neither did I. Believe it or not, I wasn't a big dork. Just kidding. Didn't know a lot of us.

I'm mad. That's not your business. You were just dressing up as a fun cause. costume like it's all right and um cousins still marry often I think so it's all right definitely either way we were we were the Hulk but when we originally got painted because like my mom's like friend at the time recommended this woman to me and god bless her I hope she's doing well but that painting experience was was less than favorable I gave her a lot of pictures I sent them to her ahead of time I like asked her like can you do this and I told her to because she was like

oh, do you need, like, beauty makeup on the face? Because obviously, when you paint one color, you just look really flat. Yeah. And I was like, no, honestly, I don't. My cousin's going to help me, like, glam up the face. I just need the, like, body paint, like, and the neck more than anything. Yeah. She's like, okay, great.

And then I said, and my fiance age, she's like, okay, great. And when she paint, I'm actually going to look for a picture. I'm not even kidding. I'm scared. I'm going to look for a picture because this picture is actually still the contact photo of mine and my cousin Adams. And his phone. That's how you know, it's amazing. That's how you know.

When it stays the contact photo. Yeah, when he's like, I'm going to make that your contact photo. It was actually so God awful. But either way, when we left, there was a part too in the middle of her painting me where she was like, I wasn't facing a mirror either. Yeah. Which was also probably on me. But she was like painting. And it just didn't feel great.

Like, I was like, I feel like I look terrible. Like, I just had the feeling. You can feel it. Yeah. And then she, at one point, she goes, close your eyes. eyes, close my eyes. I've had makeup done many. Close my eyes.

Like, I thought she was going to show me something. So I went, okay. So I closed my eyes like that. And then she goes, and literally flex of, like, glitter going on my lips. Like, her breath and the glitter all over my, like you can hear that ASMR. And I was going, like, flinching.

And she was like, well, even before that, which she said, close your eyes, she goes, now my favorite part. But that wasn't for me. That was just to herself. Now my favorite. Oh, no. And she blows that glitter on my face.

Either way, I looked a fucking mess. When I left that place I was at, both my auntie and I looked insane. Like, we looked awful and terrible. Is the glitter a part of Hulk? Oh, yes, she put it on my lips. So she made my, lips like almost like an aqua green teal and then blue silver sparkles onto my lips but obviously

there's no way to like accurately aim when you're going like that so it just all over my face it's just glitter all over my face right so i'm giving loki blue man group but also i was like giving elphaba with no green paint on the face just the lips oh and so when we left um we were driving and we were sitting in silence because we both were like, we looked terrible. Like both of us were like, oh. And then my fiancee was driving and then he had to kind of like flip around, like make a you turn really fast. And then we cut a couple people off and had to get over just because it was the traffic was weird

at the time. And he was like, ooh, that was a close one. And I go, yeah. And then he goes, I probably shouldn't be driving crazy when I look like this. Yeah. I was like, yeah. They're going to have us arrested. Yeah.

We get pulled over and we roll down the window and that's what we look like. Driving crazy. Yeah. Because, I mean, the assumption would be, I mean, I don't know. I guess substances would be involved, I guess. It would be sort of what I would assume. I would arrest us. Yeah.

If I saw how we looked at that moment, I would arrest us. I'd be scared. Yeah, I'd be a little frightened. I would. Do you love Halloween? I do love Halloween. What's your favorite Halloween costume that you've done? You say, I got to say, I think my favorite was when I was Dobby.

I really felt Because I love when I have a costume That requires a little bit of like You're embodying the character I get you Yeah a pageantry Yes Yes

And it's like Dobby You know like I was wearing a pillowcase of course Yes and like had the ears And like the bald cap and everything And it felt like I was just like Like running around the party Like I had to be like running around the party Like

You're really getting into the character. I'm really getting into the character. Had to sell it. Yeah, I get it. And then I was also, I was Donnie from the wild thornberries. Did you ever? That's a great one. And did you speak gibberish the whole night? Yeah, I mean, I had moments, you know, I would switch. But, yeah, like, they were like, we need to get, get you away from that. The costume, you just can't let it go. Yeah. Like, too hyper. You're Austin Butler and Elvis. Like, you still have that, that, like, months after. Everyone's like, so we can't understand you.

Yeah, they're like, we can't understand you and you need to stop. So how do we get there? That is so funny. But with the Hulk, like, did you, you got to a place where it was amended or? Oh, yeah. I literally had, when we got back to the house, I had my cousin, like, because I had text him and I was like, while it was happening and I saw myself for the first time, I said. Yeah.

And then I text him, I said, bitch, that's what I text him first. And then he goes, oh my God, I'm so excited. Send me a pick. I go, no, that's a bad bitch. That's a bad, that's a bad intro. And then I sent him this picture, and this is the picture that's... Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know if you guys can see this. It's, I mean... But do you see the glitter on my lips? I definitely see the glitter. Is that your favorite part? That was mine. That's why I literally was like, oh. It's very...

It's so interesting because looking at that photo, I'm realizing. like there's so many subtleties in green characters like because I see that and I guess the green is doesn't feel quite hooked to me no that's a deeper green no it's giving this is this is my fiance that green is a little I'm gonna say Shrek I feel like it's giving Shrek yes a different kind of green person different kind of green vibe of course do wasn't it going for that no that would be different and like literally this one was even funnier because Oh, my, because my fiance has very prominent eyebrows already. And she drew even more prominent eyebrow on top of big eyebrows.

Why not big eyebrow eat little eyebrow? Like, that's really where she, and then we got in the car, my fiance was like, I don't think I've ever looked worse. I was like, even like when we got there, he was like, I look like a monster. This was us driving home. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This was us driving home.

And can I also say it's like, for those who have never had the experience of having full body pains, that is a really intense experience in and of itself. Yeah, it is really bad. Like, it's genuinely so terrible and awful. And I don't know where, like, she just drew darker green lines on us too. I know. I'm like, what are the, I think it was meant to be dimension. Like, I think it was meant to be like contour almost. I'm like, oh my goodness.

And I literally, that's what we looked like while we were driving. he's like, I should probably fucking chill. I said, yeah, if we get pulled over something bad's going to happen. Yeah, people are just, you know. And this is where it ended. Okay. You see how different it looks. Isn't that, wow.

I mean, and this is your cousin fixing? Yeah, this is my cousin fixing it. Amazing. So he really had to rework. But when he saw us, he went, oh. No. And it was funny too because we were like, like my fiance goes, I look like a monster. And we were laughing at us, technically speaking, the Hulk is monster, I guess.

Yeah. But then my cousin goes, no, you don't look like a monster. You look like those green pigs from Angry Birds. Okay. I said, oh, perfect. Okay. I was so worried. It looked bad.

Right. I was worried for a second. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank God. That's great. I mean, perfect. I feel gorgeous. Perfect.

That's what I was going for. I was going for Angry Birds. I needed that really badly. Wow. You ever had bad costumes? Bad costumes? Or ones that were embarrassing? Looking back?

Well, that's really the only time I looked like awful. awful, I would say. I'm trying to think. I mean, this is like different, but the thing that came to my mind was like I was, I was, I transferred into a new school district basically when I was in sixth grade. And I remember the Halloween of sixth grade. Well, first of all, I was like, like not the coolest sort of kid. I was really, I was really passionate.

it and I had a lot of zest for life. But in terms of middle school, like not super, like, not super successful there. So that's a preface. But when I transferred into this new school, you know, there were like the cool kids and I sort of like learning the landscape. And for Halloween, I for some reason got fixated on being a jazzy ladybug. It was just something. I think it's like, it was like things that I found around the house.

Like a ladybug that loves jazz. Like a ladybug that loves jazz. And also like really specifically not like playing jazz music, but just like a lover of jazz. Just a lover of the art. Yeah. Like I think it's because I had like these ladybug wings and then I also like found like a top hat and I was like perfect. Like I have a vision. I don't know.

I was just like I felt I felt gorgeous. Right. So I was jazz and that's all that matters. And when I came to school like all of the popular girls were actually also ladybugs. What? But they like. You guys were having a diva off. But this was the crazy thing was like and this is like.

like, I don't know, maybe cut this. Maybe I don't know. But I, like, you know, middle school is a really interesting time. I will say like their costumes were like from the like sexy Halloween section. Got you, got you. Like they were doing like a sexy thing, which feels insane to say. But it's like that is when that kind of starts happening. Right, right, right, right.

And so it was just like like optically like very different costume contest. And they're like there's a bunch of ladybugs this year. But like one is like really different. But one loves jazz and is like really like like not just fully clothed like extra clothes. Like all the clothes. Like as many clothes is like very layered. If ladybugs could wear all the clothes. Yeah.

And love jazz. Yeah. You got your guy. Yeah. So that was kind of my vibe. And I just remember so it was like one of those moments that as a kid you're like I like I didn't have the language for it but I was like something is happening here like a dynamic that I'm like I feel like this will come up again.

I don't know what it is. but I'm just going to something's going on. This is going to be one of those moments in my life. I revisit. I'm going to come back to this. For better or for worse. I was just talking about something similar to that with something similar to that with my fiancee last night because we have recently been rewatching the high school musical

movies. Are you a fan of those movies? I wasn't at the time, but I have since come to appreciate it. Since grown in appreciation. I'm a musical theater girl, so I love, I was a high school musical. girl down. But like we've been watching, we've been rewatching the movies and I like remember so much about like when they premiered and stuff. So I've been like, obviously I'm talking during the entire movie giving my fiancee all the backstory, the lore on everything. And as we were

talking about for some reason like, because we were talking, I think it's because we were talking about movies filmed like based in high school. And then Greece came up. And I was like, yeah, Greece is so funny because Greece is like everybody's at least 42. Yeah. And they're all playing high schoolers, which is so funny. And then he goes, really? I go, yeah, they were all so old. And then he was like, I don't know, I've never seen Greece. And I went, are you fucking kidding?

And the only reason that is like shocking to hear to me, not that my husband hasn't seen it. Like, it's more so the fact that he like, he hasn't seen a lot of things. Like many, many, many things that are like pop culturey. But I had a very intense grease phase when I was in middle school. I was so. That's so cute.

It was so balls deep in that movie. I have told stories on this pod many times about like listening to the deluxe CD that my parents got me and like belting every single day in the car with my dad. Because at the time my sister was in a different school because she was older than me. So she would go with my mom and I would go with my dad. And I said this too last night, but I was like I also was that was the first time I ever listened to a book on tape was with my dad. And the first time I ever did it was the Da Vinci Code, which is kind of heavy material for like a six. But you know my dad was like we're gonna listen to this and we listen to the entire thing So when people tell me have you read the da Vinci code I always say yes even though I can't remember a

God damn thing because it was like on the way to school you were listening to it yeah I was listening to it yeah I was just absorbing it into my brain I was just like wow wow what a way to wake up in the morning I know when my dad like if you knew my dad too that also is kind of strange that my dad wanted to listen to the da Vinci code but you know yeah so one of the things though was like I when I got a cd player I was like oh I'll listen to my music music in the car and then my dad could listen to the radio and that was like I would belt grease songs all the fucking time and then one time my dad my dad would sit in traffic and like listen to that at the same time God love him and then one time my dad reached over and he's like hey but I can't do it today bud I can't do it today can you sing a little bit I can't do it

today yeah and I was like oh my god and it's so funny because when I told that started doing fiance we were laughing about it and I go I think the funniest part about that memory in my head is that I distinctly remember it happening and I remember at the time even though I was like 10 or 11. Yeah. I was like, that's funny as fuck that you would ask me that.

Like, it didn't hurt my feelings at all. I was like, oh, word, my bad. Yeah. And he was like, yeah, I can't do it today. I can't do it today.

Yeah. You're like recognizing, like, this is a funny situation that you had to tell me that. That's what I was thinking. I was literally telling him less. I was like, I really do think I was like, that's funny as hell.

But you're like, hey, can you shut the fuck up just for one day? Yeah. Well, because it's also such a, like, teachable moment. Like, you know,

like you remember that and it was also probably for you a little bit of like oh boundaries. Yeah. Oh like morning time, maybe not screaming singing. Right. Maybe my dad's going through a lot. Like I was thinking my dad's sitting in traffic going to a job he hates. My dad's like 28. No, no, no.

At the time I think my dad was like in his 30s, like early 30s. Yeah. Oh man. I can't even imagine. I know. Being a parent, I'm like you. Oh my God. Do you want to be a parent?

I don't know. I really am like fully, fully undecided. Well, that's good. You have time. Yeah. I'm young. Yeah, you're so young. I also feel like if I did, I don't think it would be for a while anyway.

Like I feel like I could be 40 having my first kid. Why not? Why not? Fuck it. Like if I was going to, because I'm like, well, I'm not ready anytime soon for sure. Yeah. Financially or otherwise. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Do you want kids? I actually don't want kids. You're hard now. Yeah, and I found that out. I found that out like, I would say officially in like 2020. But I was always kind of on the fact. I was kind of like, I guess. But it was never a like, yes, that sounds awesome.

Yeah. Which now I know for me was my answer. Yeah. Like, because I'm so convicted about every single thing that like for that to be like, I guess, I'm never like middle of the road on anything. Totally. Especially something as serious as that. I also feel like with like women in particular, there's like people, I'm sure obviously

you've gotten so many different responses about it. But like there's the thing of like, like, oh, you're unsure now, but one day. No, yeah. Honey, just do you wait, you're going to wake up and say, give me a baby. And it's like so, which is insane on so many levels because it's like, right, like you're saying, it's like, well, if you're undecided, I think you should listen to that. Right, right.

And like, or if you're in. At least give it pause. Yeah. Like even if you're kind of like, I don't really know how I feel. It's like, well, it's going to change your life forever and ever. Right, right. And it's kind of something you can't opt out of. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a forever thing. Yeah. And fundamentally changes like. All your relationships, how you structure. Like, it's like, it's, yeah, the biggest decision one could make. Right, I agree. And I literally think the same.

I always think, too, to myself, I'm like, you know, it would be, I think in everyone's best interests overall for people to be very fucking sure they want to be a parent. I think that would benefit everybody greatly. Definitely. Especially children. Yeah. Yeah. Especially them.

Especially them. Yeah. They're sort of the recipients of those complicated feelings. I think it's a beautiful thing, though, when you're like, Actually, even if you're not sure, you're like, I need to focus on me right now. I think that's a beautiful thing. It's actually, to me, a really selfless thing to do because you could procreate and that you could really, really, really, if you really wanted to.

Like, and you weren't that sure, like, emotionally, you could always just do it. But when you choose not to, because you're like, I'm just unsure, I think that's a really beautiful thing to do. Because you're like, I want to be able to give a child a wonderful life if I do decide to have a child. Thank you. Yeah, I think that is kind of my vibe with it. because it is like I also think there's like so many people have kids and actually expect to be able to control what like how that goes right right yeah what they do how they turn out how they turn out who they are like people want like a mini me or whatever and it's like that is so wild right I agree because it's like you can't you can't like control anything in life right and you shouldn't want to either you shouldn't want to but like let alone like another human being I

I'm like, I don't know who the kid's going to be. They could want, like, I don't know. Yeah. You could do everything right and they could turn out to be a murderer. Absolutely. You could do everything wrong and they could turn out to be awesome. Like, it's really not up to you ultimately. It's really not.

And that's terrifying, obviously. Yeah, that's extremely horrifying. And I am contributing to the world by putting pee-pee-poo-poo time on the internet. That is my contribution to this world. I mean, I feel like a lot of people would say that you actually have many children. That's true. I am mother. you every day. I am giving mother.

Just say the least, you know. Well, thank you. I appreciate that. Euphoria Calvin Klein just dropped. The new elixir collection by Calvin Klein, featuring three perfume intense scents inspired by a unique orchid accord paired with vanilla. Each one has its own distinct attitude, its own universe. Bold elixir is sensual, woody, and addictive. Magnetic elixir is sweet and redemptive.

romantic, like a lingering touch. And solar elixir is bright and radiant. Joy in a bottle. They're ultra-concentrated for a scent that really lasts. Find your euphoria with the Euphoria Elixir Collection by Calvin Klein. We'll do a pivot to comedy to stand-up. How is stand-up going? You're one of my favorite stand-ups, but how is it going?

Thank you. I know you've done a lot of really cool things in the last year. I've been trying. I've been trying out new stuff. I mean, I think, like, I something. sometimes take a break. Like I'm coming off a bit of like a break from stand-up because I feel like sometimes

sometimes you just got it and you don't have time. But also like I try to remember why I love it so much. Yeah. You got to refill the cup a little bit. You do. And then there's also like I was just talking about this with someone. Like there's also the like crazy vulnerability of like like because I'm kind of like building a new hour right now.

And it's so crazy when you start to do that and you're like, okay, what am I going to talk about? And then you have to like look at your life and be like, like, oh, these are the things that are sort of coming up continuously. It's like a weird like self-exploration kind of moment. Oh, that's so interesting. That's so true. Especially at different phases of your life too.

Yeah. Like you're seeing how things are shifting and evolving. That's so interesting. It's interesting. It's also like kind of humiliating too because it is like at the end of the day like certain themes just prevail. Like no matter how new I think material is, it's like I don't know. Like I'm going to talk about like how people perceive me as being like much

younger than I am. Like that's like something that like always always comes up because it is like a theme in my life that feels like it relates to other things. Yeah, totally. And then it's like consistent too. It's consistent. It's just like yeah, I don't know. But it's it's kind of funny like what yeah, what feels like it always comes out. And I know you wrote for I Love LA. I did. Yeah. And how was that? It was awesome. Oh my gosh. First of all, congratulations. How fucking cool. Thank you. But how was it? Like how was the experience of writing and writing for the show and everything? It was so fun. I mean, I really, really, I love writing and being in a writer's room.

Being in a writer's room is so fun. You're like basically just like talking all day long and especially because I was like, it was my first room and I was like, I was a staff writer. So that meant that I'm like the baby writer basically. My job was just like essentially to come in and be like, what if they do this today? Like what if they go to the beach? And then like kind of like, bye. Like it's like this sort of like you're like,

invested in there, but also you don't have to deal with all like the heady things that like the upper levels do. Yes. So it was awesome. I mean, it's so fun. And like, you know, met great people. I love other writers and knowing them. And so it was really, it was great. I know your picture in front of your TV with your name on there is so fucking cute. Yeah, it was really fun. It's like, yeah, writing's awesome. What would you say is your ultimate goal? I feel like you would do so well writing a show like for real like a broad city or something like that or even like what's another one oh like abbott like something like that like what is your what's your like dream and in the writing world my dream in the writing world i mean i i do i love tv i feel like right now my heart is a little bit with

movies honestly really i love that which i don't really i mean maybe it's also like you know the industries like in the toilet or whatever but like i think it's also like movies the space of like indie film right now is just like such an exciting place especially with like queer stuff and like stuff that I think is like you know hard to sell but for some reason no one wants to sell yeah whatever like I think it's like a really exciting place to be because it just feels like there's a little bit less of like like guardrails of what you're supposed to be writing about to make it interesting to bigger audiences or right right totally um so yeah you don't have to cater or pander really yeah exactly or even like you don't have to like like I think for me

many reasons writing for TV consists of like there's so many people at different levels that are being like this works this doesn't or you know whatever networks and all those things that's true and a lot of times i mean Hollywood is like in the stone ages like it's like kind of crazy how behind a lot of things no you're actually so right it's actually fucking insane it's really crazy because i think yeah i assumed and i feel like many people assume that it's like you know progressive i mean progressive and it is in some ways but it's also like truly I think people are still like I don't know like can you have two gay characters is that like too much is that too much then it's the gay show you know but then gay's gay's everywhere right like that just feels like I don't know if people are going to quite get what we're doing here like it's like truly those conversations are happening well if there's two then they're going to get them confused right right and you're like well they're like stories are going to be like the same because they're both just I mean well they're just gay and all gay people do the same things they do the same and they're going to be at the same I don't know, bar. Like, it's like, wait, what?

It's so crazy. So I feel like lately I've been kind of dreaming of like, yeah, in the movie space. And like, I don't know. Love. Yeah. I think that's amazing. Do you have any, like, current projects that you're kind of working on? You don't have to spoil anything if you don't like to, but this is the place you

manifest. If you really want to get something. Okay. Off the ground. Let's talk about it, baby. Okay. Okay. I'm going to manifest.

Because I did actually just finish writing my, like, first real feature. Oh my God, how cool. Congratulations. Thanks. That's so amazing. Thank you. I love that. It was really fun. It's like so hard too.

I don't know. Writing a movie. No, I'm fucking sure. I can only imagine. It's really interesting what your brain can do in those situations. How like you can sort of like overcomplicate things and whatever. Right. But yeah, it's basically about this, a trans guy who gets a job working at a senior living

facility and puts on a play with the residents there. Oh my god. Okay. Um, and there's a lot of, you know, there's like a sort of like other like sort of, um, you know, there's like a rom-com element with him and like this other person. But like I, I do feel like I'm like truly I am manifesting. Like I feel like it will get made. I believe that. I believe it. It will get made. Absolutely. I say it now and in this chair, that's the chair you manifest. Absolutely. Yeah. I I am so excited to see it. I can't wait to see it. Did you write yourself into the starring role?

Because that's what I do. Yes. Yes. I did. I did. I know. I called that my Lynn Manuel Miranda angle. Yeah.

I'm like, you can have it. I'm just, I'm principal talent. You have to. Yeah. Unfortunately, you can't make you without me. Yeah.

No, absolutely. And it's like, you know, it's already your voice. So it's like, no, like truly you can't make it help. Right. Absolutely. There can no one else can play that role.

It has to be you. Do you have stuff you're working out? Have you written stuff? Yeah. few books, so I'm writing two more books right now, but they're fiction books, so I'm writing more like a fantasy romance kind of book. Oh my God. Yeah, very cool, honestly. I know. I'm super excited about it. I literally got back into like fiction reading a couple years ago. And like I used to love reading like fiction, romanticcy, dystopian stuff. Like I loved The Hunger Games. I loved

Twilight. Like I loved those books. So like as an adult, you just kind of stop reading or you or you only read memoirs, which I was like what, or like things that help grow your brain, which I have been doing as an adult. When I wrote my book, like the one that's already out, I stopped reading like any sort of feminist theory or anything so that nothing, because I have a photographic memory. So I always like live in fear that it will imprint in here. And then I'll just like write it without realizing that it doesn't belong to me. So there were certain things I was like Googling to make sure that I didn't belong to anyone. I was like, okay, no, that's my thought. Yeah. Because sometimes I just absorb shit. So I'm like, I need to be chill. Which I feel like is good to just be doing in general.

But like, yeah, that would be stressful. Yeah, and like during that year that I stopped reading like nonfiction, I was like, well, I still want to read something. So I started reading fiction. Yeah. And like it's so fun. Like adult fiction, so fun. Yeah. Loving it.

And I know the girls go crazy for it on TikTok. The book Talk Girls take that shit serious. I mean, yeah. Also like, oh, I think so brilliant for so many reasons to be, for you specifically to be in like the fantasy romance space. Thank you. I feel like, first of all, yeah, people love those books. It's also like this market of like I I mean I haven't read a ton of them but I also feel like you're so you have such a strong voice especially like as like with women. Yeah.

And I feel like sometimes like the female characters in those books can get a little like forgotten or something. No. Yeah. And it's very like I'm so small and human like. Yeah. How am I supposed to. I know. How can I?

Always tiny. They're also tiny and 17. Why are they tiny? And it's my 18th birthday and I have these huge tits. Like. Oh my God. Who's going to save me as they're like bouncing their tits? Crazy.

I know. Yeah. The description of like, you're like, wait. So is this a whole paragraph about her boobs bouncing? Yeah. It's just a lot of motion in there. Yeah, like her,

a young ho. She's bouncing her tits. I literally, I said the same thing when I was like, I think maybe I could write fiction because I read a ton of them. I read them all across the board different, spanning different kinds and genres of Romantici specifically. And so my book series is going to be based on like,

like the inspiration for it is coming from like Polynesian, like mythological like lore so there's like so many like legends and fables about how they explained like the wind and the trees and the sun like they were polytheistic prior to being colonized so I'm like kind of pulling from that to write something because I haven't read anything like that yeah and then um also I was like I made my girl 30 my main girl absolutely and I and she looks like me yeah who are we going to cast yes oh my god I'm so excited to read it And I have like, I also have a trans character in my cast. And I also have a lesbian in my cast.

So in my principal. Yeah, but see, I'm having two gays and I don't think anyone will confuse them. No. I don't think so. There's many types. At the end of the day, there's many different types. Yeah, so I'm very excited. I think it's going to be really fun.

But I remember when I was meeting with publishers about it, there was one that I met with. I can't even remember the name. But the girl had asked me on the, on the meeting. She was like, oh, I'd like love it. Love the proposal. Thought it was wonderful. Super interested.

Just curious. Like, are you interested in making her 23? Stop. I said, no. And she's like, the main girl. Are you interested in making her 23? And I go, no, I'm not. She's 30.

And it's funny, too, because she's actually a fucking fairy. So, like, she's actually 700. So it's really all relative, isn't it? Like, it's all relative, isn't it? And the way we wrote it, too, was very, like, she is 700 or 70. I don't even remember me not even remembering. She's like 700 years old or some shit.

So like she just looks 30. That's like what we wrote. So no, I don't want to change that to she looks about 17 years old. Yeah. Would you mind having her be as tiny as a little shoe? Dude. Where will we make her tiny? And can she just be so petite?

I know. I literally was like, no, I have zero interest in that. She's 30. Yeah. And technically speaking, she's 7. and everybody else is older than her, so I think it's okay. Yeah, I think it's completely fine.

She's 30, like one of the dudes I made, he's only like a couple hundred years older than her. I think it's all right. Yeah, I think that age gap. Yeah, they're not real and it's all fiction and then there's a lot of magic, so I think it's okay. The most unbelievable part is that she's 30 and hot and young and turn.

Oh my God. Not the fact that they have magic in the world, that's not the most unbelievable part. But it's, of course, of course that's the note though. But that's why it reminds me what you were saying earlier about like it being they've been like them being stuck in the stone ages it's a very like completely she's not like oh how's anyone going to read it and i'm like mostly women read these so it's going to be fine most i know that's the interesting thing about that genre is it is like the fan

bases largely women and yet i'm like what is going yeah it's very i said i saw that hole in that market i'm going to plug it yep so and i made her older and everybody's brown perfect there you go and i was like and if any white people show up i'm going to kill them I'm gonna kill him off. That's what I'm gonna do. Yeah, absolutely. I'm gonna give him a walking dead death. Like when they, when they, what was that guy's name?

When they hit his head with the bat. Was it Glenn? Did anyone watch the Walking Dead here? I didn't. Wow. My whole crew, nobody's seen The Walking Dead. I've never seen anything. I was like, are you a huge fan?

I'm talking all that shit. I'm also. Glenn, I was okay, I was right. Glenn, I was, okay, I was right. Glenn, a lot of people, okay, walking Dead fans will laugh at that, but like, they were so pissed off when he died and they, and they, like, beat the fuck out of him, like, like, with his head. So anywho

I forgot what my point was That's what you're going to do to every white person Yes yes yes yes if they do show up on the island dead Yeah yeah I guess that's kind of my point but I'm very excited Yeah look at us Two worker bees yes manifesting yeah we're manifesting Righting ourselves roles yeah and you know what that's that's actually I'm so glad that you did that because one of my a lot of my friends too who are also in the same business as us

They've been like honestly you got to write your own shit yes especially if you're not if you don't look or appear as Jacob Allorty or Sidney Sweeney, you got to write your own shit. You do. Yeah. And it's going to be so much more interesting than what someone would try to write for you as well. Like different perspective. Different perspective. Like I'm like, I mean, I have and I am happy to play like the roles that go out to me,

which are like, you know, like gay barista or whatever. Like or like, you know, like crazy friend who's like kind of dumb but along for the ride. Like I'm like literally like I have fun in those roles and we'll play them. And also I'm like I just know that I have to write though if I want to play like a complicated. Yeah, complex character. Anybody like that. Yeah. It just like it is like that exists in the universe that the powers that be sometimes don't know that it exists.

Absolutely. Or that it will work. Yeah. Like with audiences, which I'm like you're you're so real for that too where it's like I got to write my own stuff because for better for worse like they they don't see the vision. So you have to like create it yourself and get it funded and I believe in you I am so excited I can't wait to I imagine your movie looking like the movie sorry baby oh like I imagine it looking like that I feel like I loved that movie too I thought it was wonderful gorgeous what other movies are you loving I know you said you've been really into movies lately I am I amc a list or not to write so is my friend

Carrie okay she does love her AMCA list I mean I love it honestly most like I mean, I love it for a million reasons. A big one being that it is like, well, okay, no, two big reasons. One, when I'm like at my brokest or like not wanting to spend money, it's always like the thing that I keep because I'm like, okay, what it's such a great way to still hang out with people. Go out. Yeah, totally. They raise the price today. They raise $30 today.

To what? $30. $30. And I will say, like, it makes me worried about what movie pass. I wonder if they're in a similar kind of like movie past situation. Do you remember that? What the hell? It lived and died and it was like such a moment and I'm...

They're trying to take your guys as Baba, which is AMCA A list. Like literally. I'm trying to take Baba. I was an early adopter. Like it was like kind of the... Anyway, but it also is the kind of thing where like I'm seeing movies that I never would have seen otherwise because I'm like, why not? Yeah, that's true. That's a really good point.

That being said, the movie. movie that I'm going to now name drop is not one that I saw at AMC. Because sometimes they don't show the really interesting stuff. But this movie, it's called Griffin in Summer. Or Griffin in the Summer. Do you know it? Oh. It's amazing. To me, okay.

Film buffs. It's a beacon for many reasons. One, it was made very cheaply and then it premiered at Tribeca, I think. And then now it got, you know, distributed and whatever. But it's like a beautiful, beautiful sweet movie. It was inspiring for my movie as well, where it's like about this like really cute little kid putting on a play in his mom's house basically. Oh, cute. But there's like other elements, no spoilers, but it's just, it's so sweet.

It's so well written. It's so well acted. Very cool. And it just makes me excited for the world because I'm like, that movie got made and people are now watching it. Yeah. Hopefully it just only leads to more. No, absolutely. I love that.

That's how I felt when I watched Sorry Baby. I was like, this is such. And I'm someone too, like, who can't trigger warning. it is about assault. I'm someone who cannot watch stuff that depicts assault in any regard because it truly will haunt me. It'll give me nightmares. It'll make me throw up.

So I literally cannot watch anything like that, which is why a lot of times I'll have my sister watch stuff ahead of me and let me know if I, if I'm fearful that something bad might happen in it. And then she'll be like, no, nothing happens in it. I'm like, okay. But that one I knew the way that a lot of people online were talking about it, I was like, I feel like she is able to talk about it in a way that's not hard. to people watching.

And it's true. It was done in such a beautiful, respectful way and, like, allowed her to tell the story as she experienced it, which allowed me to not get too, like, scared watching and enjoy the film. And it was such a beautiful film. Yeah. And it was so well written and well acted.

Like, it was honestly amazing. It was beautiful. 10 out of 10. So I get your perspective of, like, wanting to watch movies, like, or amplify movies that more people should go watch. Yeah. Because they're so fucking awesome.

You're so awesome. I mean, I just love going, I love going to the movies and just being in like a fully different world for that little period of time. Yeah. And just like, like I went, okay, also train dreams. Oh yeah, I haven't watched train dreams yet. I went alone and watched that movie and literally sobbed from two minutes in until the end. But it was like me, it was like a weird like middle of the day screening at this theater. And I was like, everyone that was there was seeing it alone.

It was like, all of us were like unemployed and seeing change people. And I, but it was so beautiful because I, like, you just feel connected to all these people, but also that movie. I mean, that was such an epitome of like, leaving and being like, I am changed from those two hours. And it's just awesome. I know. And you know what? I love the fucking movies. In fact, Carrie and you have now inspired me to do the AMCA list.

I haven't been to the movies in a while because like where I lived for a long time, it was a smaller town. and there was only like two movie theaters and every time I would go to the movies it would be a lot of like if you're the movie or you're me in the movie and I'm a person sitting in front of you this it was a lot of this no I think that's her

oh god nightmare and there was a lot of churning and staring right at me during movie that's guys okay PSA that's inappropriate behavior like that's also not very good movie etiquette life etiquette that's just like

That's not how we should be doing. Right. I was like, I want to enjoy the movie. And I was like, also, this is how to train your dragon. It's fucking fine. Yeah. You guys don't need it. Yes, I went to the movies to go see how to train your dragon.

God forbid. I did. Yeah. God forbid a girl wants to experience whimsy. Oh, God. God. Oh, God. No, yeah.

Yeah. No, you won't have that issue at AMC. I know. The NCAA list, honey, they don't play about that. Oh, my God. No, that would not fly at AMC. Well, now I know about the $30 up charge. What the hell?

Yeah, that does suck. They know. They know they're on to us, that everybody's enjoying it. It's that or they're like going bankrupt. Because they also raised the prices like not that long ago. I think it was like maybe 10 or 11 months ago. Damn. They raised the price up $2.

Like, because when I started, I think it was $24.99. So. Times are tough. Times are tough. Even the AMC is experiencing it. I never thought I'd see the day. Okay. I do have some fun facts about you.

Oh. If you'd like to go over them. Sure. Yeah, we have, we have switched it up a little bit. since the last time we were here. Okay. Okay, so this first one says growing up, EJ went on school field trips to fish hatcheries.

Oh my God. Yes. What the hell is a fish hatchery? Okay. Well, they're honestly amazing. I didn't appreciate them enough at the time. But because I grew up in Portland, Oregon. And so PNW.

PNW. Yes. You know, salmon. Like, we were very much. And I think this is awesome. Like I feel like we learned a ton about salmon in school, obviously, because they're really cool fish. But also like because that's just kind of, I don't know if there's a state fish, but I feel like it should, it would be salmon. Not sure, but it might be salmon.

Yeah, that's an untapped market. But branding for, I don't know, state fish. I don't know what I'm talking about. But yeah, so we would go to the fish hatcheries. Basically, okay, now there's going to be like, I'm going to get some of this wrong. But my memory of it is like we would go and it was usually near or a part of a dam in like a river. Oh, okay, okay. And that would be, and there would be like a glass, like a window and you would see all of the, like where the fish had laid all of their eggs.

Oh. And then eventually you're like so grossed out. Well, I'm imagining, I feel like I low-key have tripophobia. So I'm like imagining it being a lot of dots. and unfortunately it was a lot of dots yeah it was a lot of dots that is kind of the vibe

I bet I fucking knew it and I'm so sorry yeah cut this out you like bleep out everything but yeah it was like a lot of fish like eggs and then yeah depending on what time of year you would come

it would like depend on like when what stage the eggs were in like hatching and stuff and now I'm like I should like do like Google this and figure out like actually it was going on because like my memory is them being like okay here are the eggs and then we're all like standing in front of the eggs and they're like this is really important but like you're a kid so

you're like how could this possibly be important okay I saw the eggs I saw the eggs now what but the whole thing about salmon is that they leave where they are born and then they swim downstream yes and then I think they lay their eggs no no no then I don't know what they do downstream but then they come back to where they originally were born They know the exact place of it. Oh. And that's where they lay their eggs. Gotcha.

So you did that several times throughout school? Definitely more than once. I want to say, yeah. I want to say three at least. Interesting. And it was kind of like, because we had a lot of field trips that were sort of in that vein where it was like, in retrospect, it's like adults being like we live in this really, really interesting place. Right. The environment is very fascinating.

It's like a rainforest essentially. Like there's all these like interesting things that animals do here that they couldn't do anywhere else and then we were kind of like dragged along to be like okay I appreciate it. The whole time. Yeah. Filming TikToks now. Like oh my God. That's what they're doing then. Yeah.

Yeah. When I was a kid, we went to this on this field trip because I grew up in Southern California, but we went to this place called the Kellogg house. Which like when I think about it now, I like genuinely don't know why we went there. like it was just like a fancy old house like it's just an old house like it was a house built from like the 20s i feel like i've heard of it yeah it hasn't really been updated now you can like get married there and stuff like it's like one of those places but we went on this field trip and like i just loved being on a field trip yeah so fun obviously everyone's like yeah we get to leave school yeah and i remember my mom had gotten me these like shirts and i wore like these shirts i loved it was like a sweater vest with like a

collared shirt built into it. Oh, yeah. And then I had like, I had like a flare pant on and my mom had got me two of them and I wore one for picture day and the other one I was like, I'm saving that for the Kellogg house. So I wore that outfit and I was like, look at my fucking outfit. Like I felt so tea. I was like, oh my God, how fun. We walked through this house. I don't remember shit like at all really. I just remember them, this, this is old. So just like these are eggs. And you'd be like awesome. And then there was like these parts where they were like, oh, they were taking like photos of us and they had these old-timey phones and I have that idis about me where like if I see a phone

or a button I have to press it yeah like if it doesn't explicitly say you should not you don't press this I will go press it so I'm like like I just have to go I have to go touch and then they had these old phones and I loved old phones don't diagnose me I know someone's going to diagnose me yeah don't I already know do you have like a prediction of what the diagnosis would be autism probably yeah probably yeah if I had to guess that's typically what they give me every time I tell them meet my whimsy as a child. They're like, I had that too and now I have. Okay.

So, hey, I know. So, like, I'm aware. Trust me. So I, like, loved phones. And they had these old-timey phones. And they had ones that were, like, on different levels. So you and your friends could, like, go, like, someone would bend down and, like, use one. And then they were, like, taking pictures.

So I was bending down a lot to, like, use and press all of the buttons that I could. And then I remember they printed out the photos. And they put them in these little, like, almost like organizers when we got back to the school the next day and we went to school the next day um they were like oh if you guys want photos like just take them they're from the keelog house which is i thought was really sweet they like developed all of them girl in every single photo of me at where i was like my back was in the picture like i was like bending over to like use the phone with the exception of me facing forward in one of them you my underwear was sticking out of my pants in every photo in every single photo i was like

bending down and my big ass chonies were sticking out and they were all also like a magenta pink. And I remember this so distinctly because I remember going. Oh, because I was thinking I was bending over and pressing buttons and not one person told me. That's what, I mean, that is a moment that I think as the adult, the teacher comes over to you, normal way. It just says, hey, sweetie. Like, I'm like, come on.

What? Because the alternative is you're going to find out. They're taking photos. Yeah, for real. And honestly, that's how I found out my underwear sticking out the whole day. And what's even funnier about that is like what someone could have told. me but I was so concerned about pressing the buttons I didn't hear anything so I was just yeah just like eyes wide like and then they were like well let's not ruin her phone I told her about the underwear thing but she

needs to go she's clearly focused on something else I think it might be autism and now I'm thinking I don't think that helps my case of beating the autism allegations I don't think that helps my case tunnel vision well that and just like I didn't care that my underwear was out because I really I really feel like someone might have told me yeah I at the time I was like, I think none of you guys told me. But now when I think back, I'm like, well, someone might have told me. And I might have not heard it because I was like, buttons, buttons, buttons, buttons. Buttons, buttons.

I mean, it's like, God, being a kid is so crazy. Like, you literally weren't used to having a body yet. Just find shit out. And you're like, oh, my God. I didn't realize that that's what I was feeling. Like, maybe there was a little more error, like on your butt. And you're like, oh, no, like, that's just how it feels. I know you're just trial and error.

Yeah. Like trial and error, a bunch of humiliating shit that's happening to me. Okay. Okay, more fun facts. Okay, it says that you used to work at a preschool as your day job. Yes. Oh my gosh, how was that job? I'm sure so difficult. It was difficult. It was honestly so fun. I mean, I love working with kids. That was like before being whatever I am now, I was like most of my resume was like being a barista and working with kids. And which both of them I love. Yeah. Honestly, being a briecer is really fun. But, yeah, working at the preschool is really awesome. It was the kind of job where, like, I have no degree in child development or anything like that. My degree is in creative writing.

I was 24, and I was kind of like, I'm a human body that can sort of supervise what five-year-olds are doing. And they're like, perfect. And they're like, great. We're going to pay you $18 an hour to, like, really take care of people's children. Sorry I don't even know she's Sorry about that To like people

Sending their kids to preschool I don't know But no I mean we had We had a lot fun I was basically like an assistant To the teachers Like I would kind of like Floater around to different classrooms

And like the teachers would be like I'm going on lunch And I'd be like totally And then I'd be like there with the kids But it was awesome I mean kids are so fun They are and they're hilarious They're so funny

They're also Unintentionally funny Oh my God They just yeah They're living in especially like when they're like five years old like they will enter into imagination they'll enter into a different universe with you like at the drop of a hat like it's like you can be in and out of conversation oh my god it's like everything is so what you're like oh my god and did you know the floor is all snakes

and they're like yep yeah i did and they're like miles ahead of you somehow in this thing that you're like improv improv it's all improv i guess actually is yes and yes and very you're your your workshopping improv while you're in there. Truly. I need a place. I need a place. Yeah. Come on.

Who's got a word? What's our job? What's our job? Yeah. Yeah. It's awesome. That's so funny. I know.

I love when kids do that shit when they're like, they're like, they do a cartwheel and then they come up and they're breathing hard and they're like, my dad's got a divorce. And then you're like, oh, okay. And they're like, yeah. And then they flip away. Yeah. Yeah. I love when kids just say shit.

Because it's like at our core, like, are we ever, did we ever actually evolve from that? No. We are actually all still that, but we're like just masking it really heavily. Yeah, we're just able to mask them. That's the only difference. My brother is a running like joke honestly like machine because he just does things that make us laugh so hard constantly. Like my younger brother, he's nine years younger than me and 11 years younger than my sister. But when he was a kid, he was the most like imaginative, like colorful child.

So even like something, he would just add so much. much pageantry to where it did not need to be. And I remember one time he like got in the car after football practice. Like it was like pee-wee football. So he's young. And he was like, okay, just so you know, like to my sister, he's like, grandpa cannot come to my games anymore. My grandpa, who had only gone at that point to like maybe a couple of them because he's a hundred. So she was like, what? And he goes, he just can't. He just can't. And she was like, why? Because he had missed practice earlier that week for like a family thing. and then when he was going to practice he goes what am I supposed to tell the coach and the teammates when they ask me like and then my sister's like just say we had a family emergency like that's it that's it and he was like okay okay okay so after that practice he was when he's like he can never come back to my games and she was like well because one of the kids asked me and then I was like oh I had a family emergency and they went okay and then he's like I guess there was just too much silence so then he was like my grandpa broke his leg he slipped in he broke his leg and then

My dad had to go pick him up and then I had to go there to help. Like he created this entire story with like characters and plot points. Oh my God. Drama. And then he was like so like if he does come, he has to like pretend to have a broken leg. And my mom, my sister was like, he's not going to do that. Like we're not doing that. And he was like, I'm just saying.

I'm just telling you that's what I told them. He has to have a broken leg for the rest of his life. And at least until I'm off this team. Yeah. It's just like what will people say? Oh my God. That's so awesome. Yeah.

It's like there's, but that is also like, I'm like, I feel like my partner does that when they lie too. Like, like, sometimes I'm like, you don't, no one is asking follow up questions. It's like if you're like, oh yeah, like I was late. Like, you know, whatever, you're running late or something. It's like, because my car's tire flew off. It flew off. You wouldn't believe. And then we stopped.

And it's like, no one actually really cares, but now they do. You like, you snared them with this hook. that you created. Now they have to care. Now they're kind of fucked up if they don't care at the way you described that. They're going to remember it

now forever. That's actually my brother-in-law, my fiance's brother. He is the most colorful storyteller in the history of time. He's also the most dramatic person I've ever met in my life. And even like my mother-in-law,

like there were two peas in a pod. Like my fiance's brother and her, they're the exact same person. And like I always joke like her name's Lisa Shouts out Lisa I love telling her things like Anything at all because she'll be like You're kidding me

You're fucking kidding me Drew You're lying to me That's how she anytime I tell her anything She'll be like you're fucking lying to me Yeah and I'm like if you can believe it No no that's the truth That's why sometimes I'm like I can't wait to tell your mom this story She's gonna freak out

It's so epic when people are like amazing audiences because you know, when they give you exactly the reaction you want. You're like, thank you. Yeah, it is that big of a deal. And you know what's funny? It's on the flip side of that, like, I obviously love to talk. And I love to tell stories especially. One time on my other podcast with my sister, a fan wrote in and asked Celeste, like,

what are your favorite stories to tell? Like, crowd pleasing ones. And I'm like, oh, my God, what a fantastic question. I have a roller decks. I have so many. But I remember there's a few stories I have about dogs I've had. growing up. And like they're, I would say objectively funny, but like if you do love dogs to a point

where like it's almost clinical, it may not be as funny. I love my dogs that way. But like this story I've told, this was the first time I ever went out to dinner with like my fiance's family. And like his family, it was, it was kind of shocking to me because my family will sit and fucking yap at a meal. Like we will chat a bitch down. We love to talk.

And that's like half the fun of going out to eat. That's what is chatting. The point of food is to gather upon it. Yeah, exactly. So I literally, like, we love to chat. And this is my first time ever going out to dinner with them. They don't really chat. Like, they talk a little, but then they mostly just eat, which is kind of strange.

It's tough for me. So, of course, for me, I'm like, this audience needs a performer. Yes. You're like, give me the mic. Give it to me. So I was like, I need to tell a story. Of course. So I was like going down my list of all my heavy hitters and I was telling one about a dog.

And like normally, you know you like when you workshop a story so many times that you have all your your points where you hit. Yeah. And you're like, this is where they die. Then I close with this. Like that's how I like measure a story. And I get to the point where typically people are are busting at the seams. I'm gut busting everybody. Yeah.

Not one laugh. And I was like, I was so shocked by it that I literally was like, and he lived and everything was fine. So I just like wrapped it up. after that. Normally it goes for another 10 minutes. I cut it short. They, oh my God, I have so many questions. Okay. Well, first of all, were they like looking at you? Like, was it like silence?

Like, they were just kind of like eating, not really reacting? Or was it the kind of thing where they were giving you like, were they like concerned? They were concerned about the story. So they were all listening. Yeah, so they were listening. They were just like, oh. They were having like, that's like I, the worst noise I can hear when I'm doing stand-up is the audience going, aw. Oh, my.

my god just take me out back to me like no no no no i can't do i cannot do that like it's so when you're waiting for a laugh and people go i'd rather you not laugh i'd rather you not laugh at all i'd rather be stone cold sideline i'd rather you call me a slurred i'd rather you be a bigot towards me for something like i'm like anything that's actually you so real anything but i'd feel the same Now I'm bummed out for the rest of the night. No, no, no, no. I'm okay. Yeah, if I'm laughing, you should be laughing.

Please laugh. Yeah, if I'm saying it. Then it's please laugh. Yeah. And they were concerned why, because the dog died or something? No, in the story, so I'll give you the truncated version. Essentially, my sister had a bulldog. Okay.

R. IP. He is passed now, but he did live to be like 11 years old. So, which is a very long time for an English bulldog. Yeah. So basically in this story, my dad tried to take him on a walk, but it was too. hot. So he didn't even really get that far before he was like, I got to take him back. Yeah. So when he started walking him back, he actually didn't want to walk anymore. So my dad picked him up and was like walking him back. And my mom was with him. And my mom was like, hurry, we should

go like cool him off because I think he's just hot. Yeah. As he's like walking, a neighbor comes out on the lawn and is like, hey, like what's up guys? My dad's carrying my, the dog that's like, you know what I mean? Like like, like like, yeah, yeah, like kind of needing an emergency help kind of situation. And so he's like, oh, my dad stops to talk, right? Is holding the bulldog like this? The, my bulldog started like shitting himself like like like in constant. It's like literally he's releasing his bells because he's about to die. Yeah. And it's black tar shit. Oh, just going down my dad's white shirt. My dad's holding the dog still talking. Oh, he doesn't notice? Or he does. No, no, no. He knew. He's being polite to the neighbor. Yeah, he's being polite. My dad is so afraid of like perception and hates

being talked to. So like when he's being talked to, he's like locking in. So he's like, mind you, the dog's like two Xs over the eyes, like a cartoon character. And literally black shit going down to my dad's white shirt. My mom goes, I'm so sorry, we have to go. Like my mom literally had to interrupt and be like, we have to go because they were two steps from the house. Oh my God.

So then they take him inside. They put him in a little pool. That's the part where I lost them. When I said he released his bowels. Okay. That's where I lost the room. Yeah, because they went. And I went, but it's okay.

Because they laid him in cold water and he came back to life. Okay. Yeah. He's fine now. Well, it's also like, I mean, yeah, this story would be really different if he had fully died. Yeah, that's why I was like, I wouldn't be telling this story with such fervor if, like, the ending was he ended up dying. Oh my God. But it didn't matter because I lost the room. So I literally was like, and then you know what? He came back to life. And you're like, and by the way, I love animals. I think they are special. I love them. I love them. They're like, they're family members, you know. Like they're like really good. Found family, chosen family. That's one of them. Who rescued who? Yeah. I know and I also felt like well I guess that's kind of on me I did pick quite of a doozy of a story to open with at my first dinner with this family but you felt good about you'd gotten good responses you know you'd been workshopping for a while typically I've been making the rounds with the story so I thought maybe my bad yeah bad read on my part that's you and I think it's because I didn't really know my fiance's mom that well and like she lives and dies by dogs like dogs are like her favorite animal that's her favorite so I should I should have known

To my credit though, his brother was laughing. Oh, okay. But then he stopped laughing when he sensed the like air get sucked out of that room. That's on him. Yeah. He used to stick to his guns. I was like, okay, no loyalty.

Yeah, like, all right. Thanks for leaving me. You want to laugh and you're not going to. Yeah. There are those people that like, that love dogs in a way where it's like, if you even like mention truly that like a dog died or something, it's like they can't handle it. Exactly. Which is kind of fascinating to me on sort of like a.

I don't know, like a scientific level or something, like our psychoanalysis, but like a neuroscience level. It's very interesting. I'm like, well, animals do die. Yeah, that is one of the things, unfortunately, that they do do. It's not great, but, you know, it's not awesome. I'll tell you that. You know what's funny is speaking of animals, like, I have two Frenchies, and one of them is deaf, and my other, my other Frenchie has alopecia, but only on his butt. Okay. And like, just his butt, I'm not kidding. Like, it's all both sides of his butt bald. It's like his butt. It's like his butt. cheeks if they're worded. No, not even.

It's like the sides of his butt. So it's like his flanks, if you will. Sure. Yeah, so he's got bald flanks. And he recently took him to the vet just to check on, just to give him like a physical, my alopecia dog, his name is squid.

So I was like, we took squid to the vet, get him a little check on the alopecia, make sure everything's cool. And the doctor was like, honestly, like, unless you guys care, like, aesthetically, he's fine. And we were like, I don't care. I just want to make sure there's not something else going on in there.

Like, I do have to tell people, like, he has elopecia. It's a thing. Like, unless you guys care aesthetically, they're like, so your dog's butt ugly. Yeah. It looks really bad. Your dog's cosmetically gross to look at. Yeah, but if you guys don't care because you're freaks, then fine. If you're cool with this ugly bitch living in your house, I mean, I can't stop you.

And I guess everybody's happy. They also told me to that they're like, she said, he could lose a little bit of weight. which like I will say like my Frenchies are massive like they they are and I don't mean fat I mean like they're huge like I don't know why every time I see a Frenchie in the wild I'm like that one is so much smaller than mine I don't know why mine are enormous long legs or something they're just like very long boys and they're like thick so they're heavy like they're heavy to carry okay and so my dog squid is almost 50 pounds which is fucking huge for a French I did not know they got that big that is that is that is they

Don't. That's what I'm saying. He's about 47 pounds. So she said he could lose a little bit of weight. And we were like, okay. She goes, if he loses, like, gets down to maybe like 43, 42, he'll be good. And we're like, okay. So we're going to have to kind of work on that with him.

Okay. So he like on a diet or something. Yeah, we just cut back his wet food a tiny bit because he gets kibble and wet food. Both my dogs are on vegan kibble. If you can fucking believe it. I can't. And is that like your preference? or yeah i'm raising them in a in a like preservative free household that was gonna be like really i would be

like okay yeah yeah you look at me again and i'm miss goop yeah yeah i see your shirt is like a peter shirt yeah oh yeah i'm like a sponsor by goop kitchen yeah no he's there they have vegan kibble because my dog squid has um this like stomach thing where basically he's allergic to protein but he you need protein to survive oh squid yeah so i had to take him to six different specialists, I found one that finally took me seriously and prescribed him vegan kibble. And it's literally something you cannot get anywhere except online with an updated prescription, which is fucking crazy. That's so, wow. I mean, I'm so glad that he is living in this day and age. Right. Literally. And he's able to get what he needs. And he's living in L.A.

No better place. No, truly. To eat vegan kibble than here in L.A. L.A. in 2026. He is, I'm mean he's exactly where he should be. Yeah, he's where his feet are. Okay, okay, more fun facts about you. It says that you submitted to be a writer on I Love LA and then randomly ran into Rachel Senate on a walk around your neighborhood. That is true. You talked and then got the job soon after.

Yeah. Look at you. I love that. I do feel like it was, yeah, the universe like being kind to me or something. It was that was meant to be. Yeah. Oh my gosh, I love that. I love that she was vibing with you.

Yeah, it's crazy because I was being really weird. Like, I was like, I was kind of, I mean, I think I was like, evidently not as weird as I felt like I was, but it was like one of those walks where you're like, I really hope I don't run into someone. Like I was just in a weird headspace. I was wearing a weird outfit. It was summer. It was like a million degrees.

Like, I was just like, let me just walk in peace. And then, of course, I ran to Rachel and she's delightful. And, you know, it was like normal and fine. But in my mind, I'm like, just, just don't be weird. Just, yeah. Like it was like I couldn't be cool. I could yeah be cool just be normal just be normal and then I walked away and I was like well I don't even know what I said but I'm sure it was weird and hopefully it hopefully it stays

with her yeah whatever weirdness I put up hopefully it stays with her I guess I'll be top of mind either way and did you mention having submitted I didn't I didn't I didn't I look at you that's wonderful I you know I thought about it and then I was like I kept it chill I was like congrats by the way sort of vaguely almost On whatever it is. On whatever you're doing. And not that I know anything. And sort of faded into, in my mind, yeah, evaporated.

You just like backed away slowly and disappeared. Okay, last fun fact. It says that your club penguin username was Jazzy Jazz 3. And he played the jazz saxophone in real life or as a penguin. Wow, jazz is a recurring theme for you. Wait, that's so awesome. Ladybug, Jazzy Pangwin. Oh, God, it's so funny, because in my mind,

I know that I've spoken to people about Jazzy Jazz 3. It's amazing that it is findable out there. Yes, that is. Amanda's going to find it. That's so amazing. Beautiful. Yes, my name was Jazzy Jazz 3.

Yes, I think maybe he did play a saxophone, but I also did play the alto saxophone in real life. Okay. That's the gay instrument. It really. My sister played the saxophone. She's a lesbian. Yeah.

Yeah. It is the gay instrument. I mean, I think the brass section was definitely for the like, you know, I wasn't going to fit in with the girls who played flute. And I played the flute. And okay. I was going to say. Straight girls play the flute.

Straight, beautiful. Like, honestly, like, they were, they were gorgeous and so just like, they were like little fairies. Like they were playing the flute. And I was like, that's so awesome. I actually could never physically. I don't know. Again, it was the kind of thing that I think this was like,

fourth grade where I was like I don't know why but it's just not going to work for me yeah that's not my journey even if I tried um I couldn't do flu I would say the more like the girls that played clarinet were like similar to flute girls and that they were like very like like doing femininity correctly right like they were a little bit more like um I don't know like they were more like hardened or something right they had like more life experiences like More edge. Yeah, they had a bit of an edge to them. Yes.

And then the brass section was for, I guess you could say the misfits. At least at my school, it was sort of where we found one another. Found family. Speaking of. Yeah, that was our chosen. Chosen family. And I, yeah, I loved playing the saxophone. I would sit out on my front lawn and play it.

That's such a Portland thing, a PNW thing. Take your brass thing. It's so funny. It goes sit in the grass and play. I am like, why was I doing that? Also, the neighbors are like, oh, great. Here we go again. Like, I wasn't good.

Oh, my God, the kid is back with the saxophone. Not again. Were you good? No. I mean, I never really, like, like, I feel like I stayed in the zone of, like, doing the things in the book and, like, playing the songs I was learning at school. But I never, like, took off in a different direction. Yeah, you just kind of clocked in when you needed to. Yeah, but I really liked the identity of it.

I loved that I was playing the saxophone. I loved that too when I when I played the flute I loved like carrying my instrument to school I loved like the thought I think it's probably because like naturally I'm not like musically inclined like I don't I can't sing and I don't really play instruments at all like I can play maybe two songs on a piano but like I cannot play an instrument at all really so I think the flute gave me I like wanted the performative aspect of it yeah I want to be like oh my instrument right you're like trying out an identity kind of and like is this mine yeah not really I'm like I like the weight of the case.

And I feel like it makes me look like I have like serious hobbies. Yeah, yeah. I think it's because at the time I didn't know that I wasn't, I don't really have that many hobbies. I'm working on it in therapy. Yeah. But because I think because I've been so like result driven and things that I do outside of like school, work, sports, whatever.

So I think that's why the instrument gave me a lot of power. Because I was like, this is like my hobby. Right. This is like the random, like, quirky things. Yeah, this makes me different. Yeah. Is it, are you the kind of person that's like, you only like to do things that you're really good at? Yes.

Kind of. Yeah. Or that procure result that will prove I'm the best at something. Yeah. That's like really how I choose. So like if when I've like gotten a journal, I've already announced it on the show and I'm still not for real actually about it yet. But I got a journal because I was literally like, I am going to do a junk journal. Okay.

And I'll be honest. Like I've seen junk journals many times, but like I was never really moved. And then I saw this girl I follow showing her junk journal. and she had like a page for Popeyes and she just cut up a Popeye's order and like decorated it and I was thinking I should get a journal. Like I literally bought a journal. I swiped out of that video and I went and I bought a journal and now I haven't used it yet. But you know, I'm getting there. And can what is a junk journal?

Can you define that for me? Is that crazy? No, I'm just laughing because you're, hmm. Now what is a junk through? I was waiting for it to click him for me to be like, oh, I know what a junk journal is. But then I'm kind of like the things you said, I'm like, well, actually. I don't. It's essentially like a lower lift scrapbook.

Oh, so you just have a journal that you can carry everywhere because the idea is to like, you don't need all the bills and whistles that you need typically to scrapbook, but you can do it inside a journal. And so like you just put like essentially just like things you like and you like glue them to the pages

and like just like scrapbooking. That's fun. But it's like lower lift. And then I saw this girl say like, oh, like I do it for like memories. Like I do it for like, oh, this is like a pivotal memory for me. I really want to take like mostly trash or like things around and like make a memory of it.

So it's like scrapbooking essentially. I love that. I thought so. Yeah. And like it's one of those things I feel like one of those people where I'm like I just want to be known as someone who loves something like that. But I like like I just like haven't been moved to actually follow through. It's that's on me. It's so hard.

Yeah. Do you have hobbies? Do you have any hobbies? I was trying to think. I mean, I do. I guess this counts. Like my partner and I do like camping. Oh, that's nice.

Which is kind of like... That makes sense for you being from the PNW too. Yeah. Outdoorsy. I do feel like in a way, because like I grew up around like a lot of rich kids, but I wasn't rich. Like we didn't really have much money. But the culture in the Pacific Northwest is very much like the rich people hike in camp. And so...

Interesting. It's very... There's a lot to there. I'm sure people have written theseses about it. But it's like, yeah, the way you kind of like display your wealth is like the nicest. hiking boots and like the nicest like backpack i guess that makes sense yeah that makes a lot of sense for organ yeah they love like a north face yes yes it's very much the aesthetic and also it's like it is interesting because those like you know sort of like like simplistic like you know back to nature kinds of things like they do

there a lot of the like gear and stuff around them is really expensive like camping is expensive if you want to do it in a way that like the gear is like nice gear whatever yeah for real anyway so i grew up in this setting where like I felt like my family did not camp. Oh my God, did not hike. Like that was not our vibe at all because it was like, it was just not that kind of thing we would do. And but I went to school with all these kids that were like doing it constantly and I wanted that to be my vibe so badly.

But I was also getting slightly traumatized by the fact that like when we would do those things like with school or whatever, like I didn't know how to do it. And like I did not have the right gear and it was so embarrassing. And so I feel like in my, I know it's actually. There are like moments where I like remember something from that period of time. And it's like, I'm sure you have this with your fiance where like I'll bring it up and be like, oh my God, I just had this memory of like everyone had like the newest, like nicest sleeping bag for the overnight trip. And like I brought mine in like a trash bag or whatever.

Like literally, you know, and my mom was like, it's fine. It's a bag. Yeah. You know, like what do you? And I was like, but it's like those memories where you just like remember being like, oh, I've done something so uncool. Like this is so embarrassing. And I like bring it up to Rue, my partner Rue. and they're like crying literally they're like no no no no and I'm like oh I guess that's not a funny

story you know you're all that great okay well yeah yeah and I'm like oh yeah sorry I didn't mean to upset anyone yeah like no it's okay but um but I feel like now as an adult I'm like kind of it feels like a little bit of like a reclaiming kind of thing where I'm like yeah that's so beautiful because I love being outside yeah I love that there's a way to do it that's like fun and not annoying yeah yeah yeah um so yeah no that's that's real because my sister went to the University of Oregon. So she lived in Eugene for a long time. And she stayed up there a lot.

And I remember she was like, everybody has fucking bikes here. Everybody bikes everywhere. And so my mom was like, oh, like, I'll like, you can take your bike next time you come home. And my sister, we only had beach cruisers because we're from here. And my sister was like, I was humiliated riding that fucking bike. And it was like a bright yellow orange. Oh.

So like back to your orange car. Yeah. That was her orange car. Yeah. She was like, I need a new bike. Like, I can't, I can't ride this thing anymore. Like, she was literally like, I'm, it's humiliating. It's so crazy, too, because it's like, that was probably so awesome to have down here.

So cool. It sounds like really cute. And, yeah, for, it's this weird, like, the status symbol. Yeah, there are very close ranks up there about, like, the outdoorsy stuff. They have a very specific vibe. Like, even, um, Deis, what was the name of that water bottle you got me? Naljean. Naljean.

Yeah. Yeah. Like, Jason was like, oh, like, she had. a Naljean bottle and like I lived in Hawaii because that's where I went to college and she was like oh I'll get you one of these like and everybody puts stickers on it and it's like the most and honestly it's a kick ass water bottle like especially for camping but I took it to the beach one time in Hawaii and when I went to the water came back I was probably gone for like five minutes my bottle steaming hot it felt like all the water inside was so fucking warm I was like oh okay so yeah no insulation yes

That's so funny because, yeah, exactly, that does not come up in Oregon. So I was like, okay, so this is a P&W water bottle. Yeah, got it. Yeah, we're like temperate 60 degrees all the time. No, for real, where it's raining constantly and cool. But the air is so fresh and clean up there. That's one of those things that like as an adult, because I have a lot, you know, it's a very complicated place, that place. Right.

But the air and the water are the things that I think back on. like okay that is something like as an adult and like that's really special yeah my god the water thing especially because i remember when i'd visit my sister at school she'd be like you just drink out of the sink it's so clear and it tastes amazing and it does taste amazing literally it does i was like really because i saw her doing it she goes no dude that's what i do i fill up my water bottle like that yeah because most places you don't want to be doing that you should not do that in most places yeah unless you want to get sick well you know what i'm so glad to hear that you're reclaiming camping I think that's a beautiful thing.

And honestly, a really kick-ass hobby. That shit's hard. It's hard to camp. It is hard to camp. And I will say, like, it is not fun all the time. Let it be known. Let it be known. Like, it's not all, like, people are listening are like, yeah, obviously, that's why I don't do it.

No, it sucks a lot of the time. But, like, it is one of those things that, like, I think especially living in L.A. where it does feel like sometimes, you know, things can, it can feel like it's coming from all angles. No, totally. You need nature. Like you need to get out. You need to get out. It's so landlocked.

And truly just be like, okay, like I'm alone out here or like there's nothing to do except for like sit. Yeah. And with myself and my own thoughts. Yeah. Which is horrifying sometimes. Really scary stuff. Which is why we need to do it more.

Yeah. And also the trees. Do you love the trees? I love the trees. I love. I talk to the trees all the time. Oh my God. And they do listen.

Absolutely. That is true. I mean, they are older than you could ever imagine. Girl, that's what I'm saying. That's why I'm like the trees. listen and they hear it. If anything, that would make camping worth it. Yes. To me is getting to be with the trees. Have you been to Sequoia National? No, I haven't. Is it like unbelievable? It is magical. Oh my God. Those trees. I got chills. I think you about those trees. I mean, it's so to be among

those trees. It is like, it's the most humbling experience. Yeah. And it is also you're like, you can't be next to a Sequoia tree without just grappling with all that's come before you. No, seriously. You're so me. You're so me. I feel so connected to the earth, especially when I'm around things like that in nature. It's so important. It's because it's unnatural for us not to be. I know. We should be around.

We should be. Around more nature. Yeah, less halogen lights, more trees. Yes. That's what we need. That's what we're rooting for in 2026. Yes. Well, I am so unbelievably happy that you came back.

Thank you for having me. You're one of my favorite creators. And I mean that so literally. And you are one of the funniest people on the internet. Thank you so much. I am rooting for you so hard. And I'm stamping for you. My card now before you, like my card of I was an EJ fan before you have a hit show, a hit movie, and all of the things.

Like I am so fucking excited for you and the future for you. Thank you. You're amazing. And I can't wait for everything that you've ever wanted in this industry. Because I really do think you have such a unique perspective in comedy especially. And it's like, it's especially hard now, I think, in comedy or writing or all of it to be funny in a way that's not harmful. Be funny in a way that's not reductive. right and it's not punching down like you're so funny in a way that is like welcoming accessible

and hilarious so I want to thank you that's so nice and I really want to like I want to fill I want to fill your cup because I know that whatever it is that's coming down the pipeline for you is going to be like amazing and I'm so happy for you you deserve it thank you deserve everything you've had now that's why I was really excited to see you a part of I Love L.A because it's the first of many and I'm so happy to have you back. Thank you. Yes, of course. I'm so excited for your romance novel. Oh my gosh. Thank you. Obviously, I'll invite you to the premiere where I will be the star. Inevitably. Yes. And then you have to invite me to the premiere of yours. Maybe I'll do carpet stuff on the premiere of your movie. Oh, my God. I would love that. Amazing. And then you'll come back again when you're a star in a movie and then we can talk about

that. Yay. But thank you so much for coming back to the show. I fucking love you. I love you. You're the best. And for maybe the 10 people that don't know where you are and have never heard of your genius, where can everybody find you. You can follow me online. My name on Instagram and TikTok is E.J. having fun. Yes. And E.J. is always having fun. Always. So you got to clock in. Thank you so much to all of you for tuning into this episode of the comment section. Don't forget new episodes drop every Wednesday. You can stream the audio on all streaming platforms. The video right now is on Spotify, but will be on YouTube maybe very soon. So don't forget. Lock that in. Okay. Thank you so much to my amazing guest, E.J. Marcus.

Please make sure you guys check out everything he's doing. He's incredible and amazing and so talented. And thank you so much for tuning in. I'll see you next week. Bye.