The Comment Section with Drew Afualo - MEN HATE WHEN WOMEN DON'T NEED THEM Ft. Nai Jelee | Drew Afualo | THE COMMENT SECTION EP 51

Episode Date: February 1, 2023

[video available on Spotify] This week Drew is joined by Nai Jelee! They talk breaking free of the male gaze, why Loki is so attractive, getting random compliments from men in the wild, and so much more! Drew: https://linktr.ee/drewafualo Nai: IG / TikTok Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In a lot of women and feminine presenting people's experience, the male gaze is something that could be potentially dangerous. Like, if you catch the wrong man's attention, it could really be a dangerous situation. Actually, yeah. Why do you think we want your attention so bad? We are afraid of you. Like, actually, and that's like they get mad at us. Yeah. That we're afraid of them. Hey, everyone, and welcome back to another episode of the Comments section show starring me, your fave, who cares about me?

On to the beautiful, amazing guests. Today we have the one and only Nigelie. Woo-hoo! Oh my gosh, so excited to have you. I can't even believe I'm here. You're gorgeous and amazing. Stop.

I'm a huge fan. We've been fans for a while. Yeah, several months. Yeah, we've been mutuals for a minute. Yeah, we met a couple times before this. I don't know if you realized I was following you a lot sooner than you may think. I'd see a lot. Yeah, girl.

Why did I not know? Like, I know as soon as I saw it, I freaked out. That's what I'm saying. I think you didn't realize I was following. calling you a lot sooner than I actually was. That's because even though I'm a TikToker, I do not be on TikTok like that. Same. Like I go, I post my little videos and I did.

Like, log out. I'm done. As you should. That's honestly probably for the best. Yeah. Protect your peace, babe. We have to. Yes. We have to. Your content is far different from mine. And just a little bit. Just a little. Yes. But you're a big glam girl. Yes. How did you get into TikTok?

Always been a glam girl. Honestly, I'm not going to lie. At first, I thought TikTok was stupid. Like, I thought it was just a bunch of 12-year-olds doing dances and I'm like, I'm 25. Okay, I'm 27. So we're in the same range. Yes. Yeah. So I thought it was just, you know, kids on there doing my little dances and I was just like.

White kids at that. Yeah. I'm like, y'all have fun. Do you? I'll be over here. Yeah. But I was always like into hair and makeup and I was on Instagram first and I was like, this algorithm, dude.

Like I can't do it. It sucks. Instagram's impenetrable. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like literally going to quit. And my girlfriend was like, girl, you cannot quit. Like there's this whole new platform that's blowing up.

Like, why don't you post something on there? And I'm like, no. Like, it's stupid. No. And she was like, just do it. So then I did it. And it blew up. Like almost immediately after I started posting on TikTok,

just back to back to back, started blowing up. And I was like, oh damn. I guess I'm an influencer now. You know what's so funny? My boyfriend encouraged me to post too. I remember you saying that. He literally told, I didn't really. I saw it and I was like,

ah, too white, too young. That's not for my vibes. But then he was like, during the pandemic, this was after I got fired. So the pandemic hit and then like, we were all at home. So he was like, why don't you try posting stuff on TikTok? And I'm like, ah, I don't know.

I just feel like maybe I'm too old for that app. He's like, well, why don't you just try? Maybe it'll just be like a fun thing that you can do just for you. And I was like, true. So true, King. So then I didn't, god damn, good thing I did. Yeah, I got to myself, like, If you ever, if you hate me being on there, blame him.

That's his fault. Now look at you, a superstar. And it's all his fault. All his fault. He unleashed the curse on all of them. That's not my fault. Yeah, a plague that can never be undone now. I'm like, truly like something you cannot undo.

Unfortunately, can't close that door, bitch. And that's, I think that's so sweet too that your partner encouraged you to start posting too. What's beautiful about that is that she saw the potential and she knew that you could do it. You just needed the right vehicle. It's hard. I'm glad she saw it, dude, because me, I was like, nah, hell not. You know what's funny too is, this is after you and I became mutuals on TikTok, you were always on my Explorer page. This is the first time I'm hearing this.

Yeah, always on mine. And then I realize, I'm like, wait a second, I follow her on TikTok. And that's when I followed you on Instagram. Because you were always, I'm not, that's not a joke. That sounds fake, but it's not. You were always on my explore page. I always have nails and like glam girls because I'm always looking up like glam inspo, hair, inspo, that kind of stuff. So that's like what populates my for you page.

Oh my goodness. What's crazy is that people tell me all the time like, oh my God, I saw you on my discovery page today. Like, oh my God, I'm saying a TikTok. And I swear I forget that I'm an influencer. Yeah. And I'm like, am I being stalked? Like, why has everyone seen me?

Who told you where I was? Right. Like, I thought this is a secret. But no, like, I really like, I put myself out there. That is my fault. And now people know me. I'm like, goddamn. Like, now I've got to be perceived.

A beauty and a curse. Yeah. It truly is. Exactly. Do you ever get men commenting on your stuff all the time? or putting in their two cents? Don't get me stuck. I mean, you don't need that.

We all know the answer to my question for that, but yeah. I get a lot of comments from men saying very interesting things. Like, when they can't find a legitimate reason to hate on you, they will just make things up. Oh, girl, you don't have to tell me twice. It is fascinating. It is fascinating. It's crazy. Honestly.

The narratives they make up. Yeah, I think the most common one, the common ones, I get called like, oh, you look like a drag queen. and people will call me like trans slurs and I'm like I get those two that's not an insult yeah it's not an insult I feel like you just call me the baddest bitch in the room no truly what is that you can't be to face down just say that exactly and I think a lot of these men are like when they hate on a woman for how she looks I'm like don't don't be mad that you can't have me babe just just move on I promise there's more out there the strange yeah I get I get like oh like transphobic slurs or insults and I'm a like that's not an insult to me. Do you have anything else? Right. Also, while we wait, send me a picture of you. Since we're commenting on looks, I'd love to part-day. If you're cool with that, I'd love to join in. Yeah, first, first the hairline and then we'll move on to the rest. We're a big, I'm big fan of commenting on looks over here. Yes. Huge fan. Let's do it. When they say things like, oh, so, like, because men will

make the most awful videos about me, like, they'll comment on every, like, from hairline to toes. I have a great one on, like them. But like, from top to bottom, they'll comment on everything. and I make one comment and they're like, so you're into body shaming. Right. All of a sudden, when you do it, it's too much. Yeah, all of a sudden, huh? We're holding space for each other.

Right. Right. You can call me all these names, all types of ugly, all types of this, that, and the third. Or say, when I say, terrible things, you too. But when I say, you look like something cooked out of the chum bucket, then I'm doing too much.

Then all of a sudden, I'm mean and fully. Oh, my God. What about body positivity? Exactly. Yeah. But that's another, it lends towards to, like, it's just such a veiled like I'm so used to saying things like this

and I can't handle when people say things back It's so fragile, aren't they? That's someone who's never got their ass beat in their life That's what it sounds like to me Like in real life, that's what I mean It's like people who just walk around and say the most terrible shit With no fear of consequence Right, you just need a good ass weapon, that's all

That could fix you Verbal, physical, whatever Anything in between, you know? It can come in several forms Several forms Free of charge when it comes to me hands are rated E for everyone So it comes to you being a glam girl

When did you get into glam? Like what drew you to it? I think I've always been into glam I think I can remember the first time putting on makeup When I was like 10 years old Like I snuck into my mom's bathroom And took like her eyeliner and lip gloss Just as much as I could take I would bring it to school and put it on in the bathroom

Before class started I got in so much trouble for this But Not you trying to be a bad bitch in I know. I was definitely too young. Definitely too young. But I just always had an interest in it. Just because I love creative things, like all creative mediums, I've always been really good with my hands. So literally everything, drawing, painting. I was going to say, I know you're an artist too. Yes. Like makeup and drawing. Yeah. So for me, makeup was just like another way to do art.

Yeah. So like, why wouldn't I do it? God, I'm so jealous. I wish I had the skill. I pay someone to do mine. Yeah. I don't have it in me. I'm jealous. That's incredible. I love that. Thank you. And I think you finally getting the platform that you deserve for all the hard work you put in, girl, you earned it. Yeah. Damn. See, it's hard to feel like that sometimes. Yeah. Because, you know, as a, particularly as a black creator, we're very much used to not getting the same recognition as, let's say, you know, palm colored folks.

Yeah. It's true. And I think in a way I became accustomed to that. So now that I'm getting these accolades, it almost comes with a guilt. Yeah, it's like an imposter syndrome. Yes. Yeah.

I think that's what it is. Yeah, like you feel like you don't deserve what you've earned. Oh my God, I didn't realize we were going to do therapy today. Oh, yeah. No, I'm like, free of charge. Well, I'm here to tell you if no one else tells you, I'm sure your partner tells you all the time and your followers, but you do absolutely deserve all the recognition that you get.

I think that's a great thing. It's a wonderful thing. And representation is so important. It's one of the few things that makes me emo when it comes to talking about it because women who look like us or other femme presenting people in general who look like they need people like us.

Exactly. To know that they can exist in these spaces. Yes. There's very few. That's why it's very few creators like yourself and there's very few creators like me who are able to have the platform to be able to like show us in a different light

especially like things that we love or enjoy because I know you're big anime fan too. Yes. Which I love. There's other creators who I think are coming onto the scene more frequently now. Like about time is what I always like. Right. Right.

This is our time now. Absolutely, girl. And that's a big part of the reason that I got into like the influencer part of it. Like even though I was always into, you know, hair and makeup, the influencing didn't come until later. Well, the interest didn't come to later until when I was like 15, 16. I remember seeing Jackie Ina on YouTube For the first time ever She was the first black beauty guru

I'd ever seen And I was like oh my god Like we could do this too Let me go how to do it Jackie's the best I remember I was just talking about today The first time I ever saw her videos too I watched her do a try on haul of the

Matmosel like lipsticks Yes That was the first video I ever saw of hers She was cracking me up I was like such a fan So I saw her and I was like That's incredible And I used to watch her stuff all the time

Even though I'm not a beauty girl I know a lot about makeup like for myself But I can't beat my own face like this Believe it or not Somebody else does it for me Everyone starts somewhere girl You can do it I know maybe in the infancy stages

Now I'm good at doing my own face But it's very like boring to me I need like I'm a full beat bitch Like I love a full full beat I've always been like that So it's all I love a fake lash I love a contour highlight I love all that.

So she was like one of the first people I saw that I really, really like paid attention to her reviews and shit. So fast forward to now and I got to meet her and she's amazing. She's just as amazing in real life as she seems online. Hasn't she been on your show? Yes. Okay. I knew I know I wasn't tripping.

I had like a very distinct memory of like hearing the two of your voices together. Yeah. I put on your show like on the TV while I'm cleaning and stuff. Oh, thank you. Listen to it while I'm doing other stuff. Well now you can put yourself on the TV. girl. Oh my gosh. How fun. I love that. So speaking of glam and being glam girls, we're going to talk about today for our topic. We're going to talk about removing ourselves,

removing yourself from the male gaze. We talked about male and female gays a little bit on the show already, but specifically talking about removing ourselves from it because obviously you're a glam girl, I'm a glam girl. We all at one point have been a pygmy, uh, unfortunately. Unfortunately, yeah. But I think that's the big. biggest step to like removing yourself from being a pick me is removing yourself from the male gays like completely expelling it entirely so what was that process like for you when you were going through it well being gay definitely helps so step one become a lesbian no just kidding but um i think it started when i was really young was when i first started to ask

the question, like, why are girls expected to compete with each other for the attention of men? Truly. Like, I think that's where you got to start is asking the question. Like, what do you really get out of the male gaze? Nothing at all, bitch. And I came from a very interesting family dynamic. Really? Half of my family is Latino.

The other half is black. And I was raised mostly with the black side of my family, right? Where the women did everything. Yeah. Like, my mom, if she had anything going on, it was the honest. who would step in and help. Yeah. Versus the Latino side of my family.

It's very common in Latino culture for the men to be raised to be providers and the women to be raised as wives and mothers. Yeah. So what I noticed despite like the difference in culture is that either way, the women were doing it all. And you saw both sides. Yes. Yeah. And the older I got, the more I realized, like, there are married women like with husbands who are. still single parents

who are still doing it all by themselves. That's a word, bitch. Yes. So when I realize this, I'm like, damn, so why do we need men? If we're going to do it all anyway, why are we taught that like the formula

of life is, you know, go to school, get a degree, get a husband, have kids like, why though? Like, if everything falls on us anyway. And when that clicks, that's when you realize like, We're the prize. Actually.

Women are the prize. So if I am. And everything in between, bitch. Like it's the prize, the journey, the hero, all of it. Literally. So if women are the prize, then why do we have to seek the attention of men?

Yeah, truly. Straight or not. Like, why? Regardless. Because believe it or not, even when you tell them like, I'm not attracted to men, that doesn't stop them, does it? Oh my God.

Not just for pursuing you, but also like from commenting and like being entitled to your looks to how you choose to express yourself, how you choose to, uh, like dress, how you choose to look, how you choose anything you do in life, they still feel very entitled to it. Right. Even when you're like, I don't care about men like at all. I'm not even attracted to them. I don't want to be with a man.

They're like, but still, why do you do that when I don't like it? Right. What? Mental illness. Go to a therapist. I think it's just they really. cannot believe it when a woman doesn't need a man. They truly don't.

They truly can't. You know, mind blowing. I just talked to my boyfriend about this literally yesterday. I forget why we were talking about it, but I was telling him like, you know those videos where they go, they don't know that I know this. That's like me when I'm like, male validation, like the social currency with men is, is worthless. Yes. It's worth nothing.

It means nothing. Like, if anything, all it gives me is a rash, bitch. That makes my balls itch is what it does. It doesn't do anything for me because I don't need them to do anything. I could do literally anything I would like to I can accomplish by myself, right? So the only thing they do is hold me back if we're being honest because they stand in the way. They're like barriers that you have to overcome a lot of times. So I always like I was telling my boyfriend like they don't know that I know this.

But if you like let it go, you're free. You're so free like to do anything. And it's that simple. Oh my gosh. The way that you can like, if you release it truly and unlearn it, like rip it out root and sandwich, you can live the happiest, most fulfilled life and not be with a man, not marry a man, nothing. Like even if you're attracted to men, you could be by yourself and live a wonderful, beautiful life. Yes. And like that's what they hate the most.

Like out of everything. Can't stand it. Yeah. They cannot stand it. And I love this thing that I'm starting to see, like women who are best friends starting to build. households together. I love that too. Platonic households.

With no men involved. Like, and they're not even gay. I'm like, go on. I love that. I'm like, do that, sis. Yes. I'm doing it regardless,

but you see it too. Right, right. I love it. I know. I see, I love, um, I just saw a TikTok the other day of this girl. She's like, oh, my, my girlfriend told me that she's never had anyone ask to ask her to be their

Valentine. So I'm going to do it early. Did you watch that? This morning. This morning I watched that TikTok. And I saw all. the comments were like, I'm never dating a man again. Like, just like the way that women are just so amazing. Yes. In every way, shape and form. They really are. And I'm not talking about pygmies.

I'm talking about women who love women and women who stand up from women and feel empowered by women, but understand like intersectionality and empathy. Oh my God. Nothing quite like it. When you get women together, bitch, there is nothing. Nothing we can't do. No, truly. And that's what, that's why I wanted to talk about this topic with you because I was, telling Nigel before this, I was like, you're such a glam bitch. I love that. And at the same time, like, it's not for men, which they always say. Anytime you get glam, you're feeling yourself, whatever it looks like, they're like, oh, men don't like when you do that. Okay. Yeah, and what? Yeah. And what? Men can eat my ass, honestly. That's how you feel. I really

don't care. Like, who cares? Who gives a shit what they like? Right. And it's almost like, when they're like, they don't like this, it makes me want to do it even more. Yes. Like it pushes me even further. Let me sharpen up this cut crease. Yeah, I was like, push me to the edge. I want you to. I'll stack three more lashes if that's what it takes.

Yes. They say that to me about lashes, nails, all that kind of stuff. And I was like, and? First of all, why are y'all in women's business? Why are y'all so concerned? Yeah, literally. Just say you want a full set, babe. That's literally what Jackie said.

Jackie's like, you can wear him if you want. Like, if you really want to, feel free. It's like, it cannot be on your mind. this much with when you have no interest in it. No, truly. A penthouse up here, bitch. Rent free. I think it's so, it's just so confusing.

I'm like, what do you want? You know what I mean? Because even someone like you who's literally like, I'm gay. I don't like men. They're like, but you still shouldn't do that because I don't like that. Right. They're like, you're gay, but like. But also are you?

Are you. Yeah. Are you sure? Are you sure that you're gay? Like, can I convince you? Do you ever get comments like that? like a me you haven't been with the right man every time

every time that just means they're attracted to you let me just say this I have never had a decent man hit on me ever ever they are all exactly like that when I'm like oh sorry I have a girlfriend no I shouldn't be saying sorry actually I should be like sorry I'm gay

like I'm not interested and there's always like a disbelief like because I'm feminine I must be doing it for the to attract men. And I'm like... Again, my ball's on fire. Just because I am not a mask lesbian doesn't mean I'm not a real lesbian.

And what do you know about that? Yeah. Like, to those men, like, what do you know about what a lesbian should look like, bitch? And that's not your business either. Well, and it's also like what you looked up on Twitter is not how they all look, sound, or act. Like, it's very different. And that's the way they try to act like they understand. like we get it at all.

I'm like, you don't even get straight women, let alone women. I promise you're not going to bag me, bro. I promise. Like, don't even try it. It's like that audio. It was never going to be you. It was never going to be you.

That's how I feel about that shit all the time when they're like, I would never date you. Same. Yeah. Period. Okay, twin. Okay. Go all king.

Yeah. I love that for us. I love that we're on the same page. I think that's so great for us. I'm so proud of us. I didn't have to lead you there. You found your way there on your own. I love that.

It's honestly bonkers. I think it's so absolutely asinine to think, like, everyone around me is constantly performing for me. What a crazy way to go through life. Right. How do you get anything done? Just constantly... He said, he said, I'm the main character.

He's just constantly concerned about what everyone else is doing because it could be potentially affecting you. Like, how exhausting. I can't relate. I can't imagine. Oh my God, there's no way. The mental strain. Truly.

So that's why your hairline is ass. It's stress. Stress eats away at the follicles, babe. Look it up. That's science. Time they'll get you a baseball cat, babe. Who says women aren't smart? Women in STEM.

Support them. Okay. So we're going to talk about removing ourselves from the male gays, obviously. What we do here on the comments section is we bring videos that I was tagged in that are applicable to our topic. Bring them here. Kiki, laugh. We're going to have a fun time. And we're going to talk about it with Nigel Lee.

So. Can't wait. Okay, so this first video, it says, in this video, this is a mask presenting person and saying that 80% of their male friends disappeared after they cut their hair and came out. And their caption says, it's not too bad being out of the male gaze. Period. Bitch. Well, yeah. Well, yeah.

Yeah. I feel like the reason all those men disappeared is because, one, they weren't your friend. They had some kind of interest in you. Truly. And when that interest went away, they're like, I'm good. Yeah, exactly. And also, why are guys like that? A guy can't be friends with a girl without having some kind of sexual interest in that?

I truly believe that like, maybe this is, this is just me. I think that like heterosexual men. Yes, specifically. Yeah. Let's be clear. Like, cisgendered heterosexual men. Yes. Cannot be friends, like platonic friends with women without some kind of weirdness creeping in at some point or another.

See, but why? Unless they've just fully decided I'm not attracted to that person at all. You know what I mean? In which case they put them in a specific category, then they can be friends with them. But even then, they still sometimes like pursue relationship, like, activities with this person, even though they have no plans on wiping that person being interested in them. And that's when women are like, do you not like, are we not like a thing? Are we dating? And then they're like, I don't like you like that.

What? That's why I said that kind of shit happens because men like are just incapable. of not thinking with this head as opposed to this head, they can't help it. Right. That is something I have never understood about. Maybe it's because I am not exposed to men like that. I've always been surrounded by women.

I have one brother who thankfully, who thankfully is not a piece of shit. Same. Same. So like what I hear about men like this from like my straight girlfriends, from the internet, I'm like, this is what your straight girls really go through? No shit. Oh my God.

That's why I'm like, girl, it's a war zone out there. That's why I say of like my, the true like true fighters, they really are single girls who attracted to men, unfortunately. Yeah. Stronger than the Marines. Yeah, truly give it up for them, honestly. I think to, I genuinely think all the time, I'm like, it's exhausting having to exist around people. It's almost like that video where that girl was like, she was hanging out with all men. And she said like, she had this like sudden fear that something could potentially happen to her.

So she wanted to leave. and a lot of men got mad at her they were like, this is why women shouldn't be allowed at Boys' Night? I was well, okay, first of all, boys' night, why are you calling it that? See, that is something that brings you back to the male gaze and what it is we really get out of it

because I feel like in a lot of women and feminine presenting people's experience, the male gaze is something that could be potentially dangerous. Like, if you catch the wrong man's attention, it could really be a dangerous situation. Actually, though. Why do you think we want you? your attention. It's so bad. We are afraid of you.

You know, like, actually, and that's like they get mad at us. Yeah. That were afraid of them. I'm like, y'all set the standard. That's on you. And you know what's funny? One time, because like every like three to six months a new guy will log on to TikTok.com and be like, has anyone ever thought about how Drew's probably a mean person?

Oh my God. I relive the same Groundhog's Day. Babe, they're so in love with you. They're so in love with you. That's what I said. It's been your fan account. But men like that, Like one time some guy was like, this is why I think it's bad when she does whatever. Same song and dance, but someone commented on it and was like,

the power that she gives her followers is encouraging women to stand up for themselves against men. And that puts them in danger. She's putting them in danger. And then I thought to myself, Do you hear what that says? Not you openly admitting that you're going to threaten

like that you will threaten women with violence if they dare to stand against you in any way. Not you admitting to plotting a crime. That's what I was like, okay, so you, so we're on the same page then. Yeah. Y'all are awful. Yeah. So you do understand. Okay, so you do get it.

I was like, I can't believe you wrote this out and you were like, can't believe her. Right. How could she? No, he wrote it, re-read it, and was like, yeah, this looks get her. And it's sad. That's like, whenever they try to compare me to like that sentient peanut, I always think to myself

I'm like I hate that I knew exactly everybody knows exactly who I'm talking about but the thing about me with that is that he encourages men to abuse women and to oppress them and to hold them down I'm encouraging women to leave you

I'm not telling them to hit you I'm telling them to leave you I'm telling them they're better than you that's worse because that's going to stick in their reign forever and they're not going to waste their time with scrubs anymore like you and that's why you're mad because you're like they're going to find out I'm awful and then I can't have sex anymore

what are you doing to me that's so unfair to me did you ever see that study that came out about like men being lonelier than ever because women have higher standards I'm like I read that and I was like I'd like to think Drew had something to do with that you'd be both

I hope I'm a small piece in that puzzle I'm like oh her impact and I love it honestly I love it for us I think and it's also like what you said how they're like cohabiting now with other women especially single mothers they like live together

they live in groups it's almost like we're like back animals we're like we're speaking solid refuge with each other it's beautiful it's a beautiful thing

and that's why and I say you have no one to blame about yourself men that's on y'all why do you think women feel like that look in the mirror yeah now it's time to go get

personalities and develop empathy yeah and I was like it's going to be so hard that's almost impossible for most of you right and that's why I think when they say

that like nice like they don't want nice man or or whatever they're like women are so entitled these days whatever it's because like just being generally nice is like too big of an ask I know like if you tell men like just like don't be awful and like you could be the ugliest person on planet earth you could be 411 and terrible ugly if you're nice you will find a woman I promise you yeah she will find you because unlike them women also look within they don't look just at the physical they look on the inside too hence the reason why they're like, some of you guys are garbage. And they're like, what do you mean? I'm 6'4 and I have a 10% body fat. Okay. And you can't even spell body fat. So that's the problem. That's the problem, babe.

And what's crazy is most of them are so unaccustomed to being nice and having empathy that when a woman is nice to them, they're like, oh, she wants me. She's flirting with me. I'm like, no, this is how you interact with people. Sorry. Have you seen that, that trend when it's like that scary music playing in the background And it's like a girl going like when your male guy friend is making that dead eye stare like he's going to lean in for a kiss. No. And it's like this like horrible, suspenseful noise that she's going. And then the Jaws theme song in the background.

And in the comment, the top comment literally said like, no, babe, you're not attracted to me. you're just experiencing human connection for the first time. That's not predicated on sexual tension or anything like that. Because, like, she feels no sexual attraction towards him. But he automatically associates, like, empathy and care. Yes. With, like, sexual attraction. Like, y'all are conflating.

Yeah. And it's because most of you are stupid and women are not. So that's okay. We can say that. And you're so emotionally stunted that it's hard for them to understand the difference. This is why the women are trying to give you guys the blueprint. Like, we're trying to help you. And they tell you all the time.

Women are very open and honest. Like, when men are like, women are a mystery. I'm like, are you, are you listening? Yeah. Open your ears. Yeah. You have selective hearing. That's why you can't hear it.

Like, you're not, women are like, I just really would like if you did this, this, and this for me. And men are like, oh, what a Rubik's key. How could I possibly solve this mystery? What do I say? Like, what does she really want? She's asking for so much. She's asking for, and I just can't decode what it is. She's like, I just want you to take out the trash like once a week.

That would be really nice if you couldn't remember to do that for me. He's like, God, I don't think we're going to make it. I can't figure her out. She is a mystery, that one. Like, it's so upsetting. I'm like, you guys just aren't listening. You're choosing not to listen because if you do, it requires self-reflection. And that's painful.

And a lot of times they don't want to unpack that. Yeah, it's hard. And if you don't want to do with girls, go to a therapist. They do that. They do that for a living. Yeah, it's amazing what a little therapy can do for you. Like, you all should try it. Every single one of you.

Please do. I highly, highly encourage it. I love therapy. It changed my life. I'm a big, big, big fan. So let's see. Okay.

Some of the comments on this video. This one says, you are an option and now you're not. And men do not have girls as friends that are not options. Is this under the same video? Yeah. What? Well, first of all.

That's not what you just said. Yeah. I'm like, thank you for admitting it out loud, I guess. Yeah, literally. But like, y'all suck. Y'all suck so bad.

Yeah, and that's, and it's just like when you're young, like, if you're like high school age or something and you're friends with a dude, this has happened to me in the past. And they admit that they like you and you're like, ooh, friend, brother. Right. Right. My brother in Christ. My brother in Christ alone. No, thank you. And you're nice about it. You're like, I really don't see you that way.

They get upset. They either get upset or they just don't want to be your friend anymore. and I remember my first time ever that happening to me. He got a little too mouthy with me. Like, I was being nice. Mousy with you? Yeah, girl. Of all people.

And I was 14. That's important to remember. No, actually, I was 13 because I was young for my grade. Okay. He was like 15 or 16. Yuck. And then I told him, I literally told him I'm like, I don't like you that way. Like, all peace, all love.

No. Right. And then he's like, he called me a tease. he said that I was fucked up for like leading him on I'm all All this terrible shit and then eventually he's like I don't think I can be friends with you and I said cool Sounds good Never talk to me again Yeah have I literally was like I never want you were never my friend in the first place

Right that's the only reason you became my friend you were never my friend I hate how common that is I was like also I'm taller than you and I'm 13 so there's that's another thing added to the list bitch Yeah that was red flag number one yeah Yeah literally that's what I'm like it's true It happens a lot, and it's sad, but it's true. It's really sad. Like, I personally have never had a male friend in my life, like, for that reason.

For that same reason. Like, I'll meet a guy, and I'm like, oh, he's seen so nice. And then literally, like, within weeks, he's like, oh, so by the way. And I'm like, no. No. Fat, no. Ruin it. Ruin it for everyone.

Get out. That's all you're like, see, this is why. With friends like that, who needs friends. That's what I think. You know what I mean? We don't need them if they act like that. T-B-H. Okay, so this next comment says

Men generally like longer hair You look like a lesbian after the haircut Not hate and just facts There was so much to unpack in that comment Oh my god So she is one so So she is gay Yeah

Okay She said she came out to her guy friends And cut her hair And then none of them wanted to be her friend anymore Got it got it got it got it So first of all Why do we associate like more masculine women With

Gender's not real So I say that all the time. I'm like, gender's not real. It's made up. Gender, yeah, it is. Literally, it's a man-made invention by white people. Gender expression, it goes across many different. It's so different for everyone.

Yeah. So, like, how you choose to express yourself, how you identify is very specific to the person. And it's also not real. Like, gender's not real at all. Yeah. I feel like how someone expresses their gender. Like, that is their business and nobody else is. Like, it's cool if men,

prefer long hair. That's great. You can prefer that. I'm gonna be over here, though. And doing what I hell I want. Congratulations, I guess. Like, do you want a cookie? He's like, you look like a lesbian. And she's like, I am. And then he goes, all right. Now what? He's like, you really got me there. Yeah. He's like, you're so real for that. You're so real for that. He's like, dang, yeah. Yeah, you got me. I don't, not much I can say back to that. That's for sure.

He's like, yeah, you kind of ate. You eat me up a little bit. I'm not going to lie to. That's like one time this is so off topic, one time this guy wrote this terribly fatphobic comment on one of my videos. And I went and like naturally I go and look at what they look like and see if I want to save the pick for later. And so I go and I look and I see he has a girlfriend, right?

And I'm like, all right, I'm going to check with this bitch out. I go on her thing. She follows me. So then I wrote back to him. I go, did you know your girlfriend follows me? She'd check in on that. That's tea. And then he wrote, I'm not even kidding.

He wrote back, honestly, this was so funny. You really got me for that. Hey, buddy, chew glass. You know what I mean? Yeah, I know I got you for that. At least he owned it. Yeah. Like, damn, you didn't like verify that before you decided to comment on this video.

After he wrote that back, I went and looked again because I'm just that kind of girl. I went and looked again. She unfollowed me. No. No. I said, bitch, run. Run. Run.

And you know what's funny? I've told people before, I'm like, if they don't like my content, in the sense that they don't find me funny, that's fine. Humor is subjective to whatever you find funny, you find funny. But if he hates me, run. Red flag. Run, bitch. I'm telling you, go the other way. It's not going to work out for you.

And also, what would you do if you found out your boyfriend was writing, I hate you, you, fat cow, to a girl he's never met before? What would you, would that blow your mind? Why would you want a man like that? That's my point. I'm like, the way that would, I'd be like, get out. Like, I never want to see you again. The unfortunate thing is that there are quite a few women who let things like that slide. And they're okay with it.

And they're like, it's just the internet. I'm all. They're like, he wouldn't say that to me. Yeah. So first of all, your man spends a lot of free time looking at me. Suspish? I'd look into that if I were you. Must not be that ugly.

I mean, like, you've been a lot of your free time looking at me. me, bitch. Yeah, he must like something he sees. You like when your man spends his free time looking at other women? Okay. Weirdo behavior. Okay. Sure. Go off. Can't relate, but sure. You know what I mean? Um, whatever makes you feel better, girl.

That's one of those things where pygmies fascinate me in a terrible way, because I think, I can't believe that you go your whole life without women. By your side. You don't know what I'm saying. Like, you need women. Like, where are your female friends? That's what I'm saying. The way that they make the world. go around. Yeah. And it's like there's just sometimes you're like, I need my bitches.

Like I need to talk to my girls about this. Like, girl, if I didn't have my best friend, like throw me off a cliff. I'm done. Like, I can't do it. She has no fan. I'm dead. No, literally. The way that there are just some things you need to talk to your girls about.

You know what I mean? Yes. Especially as women in this society, especially. And like my sister's like my best friend. So there are something. I'll talk to my boyfriend about. And he's so empathetic and wonderful and amazing. And sometimes he goes, you should talk to your sister about that.

Because he understands there are blind spots he has that he can't really access. But he's working on it. How self-aware of him? That's what I'm saying. He's like, sometimes he's like, you should call your sister. I'm sure she can help too. I can help as much as I can, but I think you should call her. And I'm like, go off king.

That is beautiful. Go off king. A man. A true man. Man. A real man. What an alpha move. I love that for us.

Okay. This last comment says probably because of the self-absorption and vacuous air you assumed. Huh? Boy, what did you just say? Are you speaking English? What the hell was that? You're talking to be crazy, bitch. The way someone swallowed a dictionary.

Okay. Word of the month. Let me get every word in the thoris. The way you're like when you're trying to fill the word count on an essay. Yes. I don't even know. I can't even unpack that for you, bitch. I don't even know what you just said.

Like she took up more space, metaphorically? I don't know. First of all, she should be taking up more space. Absolutely. As much space as possible. Absolutely. It's her world. We're just living in it.

That's what I'm saying. Especially men. They're just visitors. You know what I mean? To the world that she created, I assume. God, you're taking up too much space. Like, shut up. Oh, my God.

That's what we're supposed to do. I guess step your pussy up. I don't want to tell you. Get your bread up, bitch. It's lonely at the top. Come join me. Yes. You know what I mean?

That's what I always think. I'm going to get you a ladder, babe. Take your time. Okay, so this next video is this is a woman in this video and she's saying one of the funniest ways to explain the male gaze versus the female gays to a man is to tell him most women

are more attracted to Loki than to Thor. She makes the point that women are attracted to Loki for his personality instead of just Thor's muscles and manly hyper masculine look. That was actually how the male-female gays was explained to me when I was on TikTok eons ago at the very beginning because I made my very first Jimbrough video. Ooh, my biggest fans. The way I like, they love you.

They love me. The way I go in and check in on them and I'm like, I just go in and destroy everything. And I'm like, I'll be back in six months. Don't get too comfortable, babe. Just you wait. I will be back. Yeah, I made my first Jimbrough video and I talked about

We're not even going to get into the male and female gays Because they're too stupid to understand that They're never going to be able to unpack that And someone explained it to me in those terms They were like, you know, most... It's kind of genius. Most men would assume that women are attracted to Thor Because he's titty's out on display.

Right. Because he's physically attractive. And then Loki is who they're actually more attracted to because of his intellect. and he's not ugly, but like it just, it holds more weight to be smart and funny and engaging and all like that shit. I was like, damn, that's tea. I'd never thought about it like that. No, that's so true, though. Like, I'm gay as hell.

And I think Loki is fine. Like, that man is sexy. And I don't even know what it is. Until you pointed it out, I'm like, yeah, it's like the intelligence, the sultriness. Yeah, it's like mystery too. It's also like he works smarter, not harder in a sense. And also, like, this whole, like, dated ideology that women are looking for someone who can protect them. I'm all, what are we fighting off Sabretooth Tigers, bitch?

We're not cavemen anymore. It's 2023. Let's move on. Well, and they're like, what are you going to do when men attack you? I'm all. Blame men. When other men attack me, yeah, I'm still going to hate you. Like, I'm going to be all your fault.

Either way, I don't know why you thought that was going to go somewhere else. But it's still y'all. Turns out you're the root of all evil. Yeah. Surprise. Who'd have thought? All the world's problems can be linked to that. That's a literal historical fact.

Yeah. Okay, so let's get into these comments. This one says, it's presumptuous to assume that a man can't understand it. Pretty sexist, if you ask me. Oh. First of all, no one asked you. So there's that.

Yeah, those are some big words for Elmo. Yeah. Also, the way that they don't know, the time. term sexist or sexism. They have no idea. They so callously use that term. Like they throw it around like no tomorrow. Just like a misandrous.

They call me that all the time. Which is so funny because there are many other like female identifying creators on TikTok that I've said like I hate men. I don't want them around anymore. I wish they weren't here. I actually have never said that. But they just always assume that I say that because I'm constantly bullying terrible men.

So they're always like, oh, she must want them all to be gone. Oh, my God. I want them all to leave me alone. Right. I want them out of my bubble. Yeah. And then we're good. I want them to mind their goddamn business.

That's what I want. Yes. Whether or not you fall off the face of the earth, I don't care, to be honest. I don't care either way. So sexism is oppression and no one's oppressing you by being mean to you. I think the problem with that, though, is like even if a woman is screaming from the rooftops, like, I hate all men, y'all should disappear. Like, that will never really affect men as a whole.

Yeah, ever. When men hate women, women die. Yeah. When women hate men, we get trash talk. Yeah, they're like, that's not nice. You're a man heater. Like, you're sexist. Yeah.

And it's like, okay. It's like, okay, you're alive to type that, is the point. Yeah, exactly. And it's like, that's why femicide is a term. And there's no term for men being murdered because it doesn't happen. And that's another reason why it's like, women have every right to hate all men. They have every,

they've earned that right. They've earned the stripes to be able to say, I don't trust any of you, bitches, I don't trust any of you. You all scare me. I don't like any of you. They have every right to say that. You have proven time and time again that you're horrible.

So why would they? Look at the world you've built. Yeah, come on. Exactly. And how you treat women within it. And it's also misandry is a reaction to misogy. Misogyny. Misogyny is a structure.

and it's embedded in many different power structures all over the world. And it's like, that's why it's whenever you see like, like recently there was like that state legislature that's trying to push forward like rules that representatives like in the house. Like they work for the government.

That women are, they have to wear things that cover their arms. Whoa. Wait. In 2023, bitch, that's happening now. They're debating why they feel. think it makes sense that women have to dress appropriately what that means is wearing a jacket. Hold on. Everything that's happening in this country and that's what you're worried about. This is our concern. They said, yeah, don't talk. I don't want to talk about, I don't want to talk about anything that matters. I want to talk about sleeves. We need to talk about sleeves. Immediately.

That is ridiculous. It's crazy. In 2023, bitch. Can you believe that shit? It's like, I'm sorry. Do my arms distract you. They're representatives for like districts. Like they are sitting in the House of Representatives for their state legislature and they're debating why they don't want to wear a blazer. What are you talking about? I can't believe that. Why are we doing that?

These are the people that we have running shit. And that's why it's like like the female representatives in the legislature are like what? Yeah. What about my bill about funding schools? Did you guys get a chance to look at that? No, we decided to prioritize sleeves. I'm so sorry. What's crazy is there were so many activists

when those abortion bans were presented, like, it's not going to stop here. It's going to keep going. Well, and they're all like, some people were like, what? But most people were like, we've known that this was coming for a while now. Once 2016 happened, we've been new. Like, we were just kind of waiting on it, to be honest.

There were lots of other things that happened too that were just as important as we're pretext. protective health as well, like all these anti-trans laws that were being passed at the same time. Yeah. It's like, it's just a constant, never-ending fight to prove you're worthy of existing exactly as you are to men. Yes. Constantly. Every day.

And it's exhausting. I couldn't have said it better, girl. Oh, my God. And why do you think women are like, I don't know, I hate you all? It's just like, you're shocked that women are like, no, I hate them all. I hate them. I hate every single one of you. It's like, we can't even exist peacefully. Never, never, because there's always, it's like that thing when they're like, you'll never truly be alone because there'll always be a white person in your business. Yep. That's men. It's women too. Same thing. Same vibes. They will, you'll never truly be alone, bitch. You'll always be surrounded by the opinions of people who don't care about you. Not even a little. It's honestly insane. Okay, this next comment. You should riot. Right.

Listen, I know they're going to clip that and be like, see what she wants. Is it? My God. You guys are so... Eat my ass, bro. Yeah, plaster it everywhere. Say that I said it. This one says, I simply get over this issue by not giving a shit what women want. Okay.

Ew. When you die alone. Well, I mean, kudos for being honest, I guess. I guess. But we knew that. We already knew that. What? You're telling me you don't care.

What? I'm shocked. That's news to me. Are people talking? about this? It's like, we're not. We should be talking about this. What do you even get out of typing that? Like, we know, bro. We know. Move along. You're telling me some men don't give a shit what women want. Oh my God. Alert the press. Someone tell the church elders. Call Fox. Okay, this next one says, it's simple. Loki is toxic. Of course, girls would go for him and

isn't that complicated. Excuse me. No, I'm offended. And Thor isn't. Girl, are you out of your mind? That is an insane. thing to think, one, to type it even crazier. Loki, toxic, no. Sneaky, yes. But I take personal offense to that, actually. Yeah. Toxic is... So first of all, that's my man and I'm a stick beside him.

Right, exactly. Well, also, like, toxic is another word they misuse constantly. Yeah, you can't just throw that around. Do y'all know what toxic is? No, truly. That's someone who's never been involved with somebody. who's toxic. Right.

And also men are some of the most toxic people in the world. Yeah, we've been trying to explain you. You know how Loki also is? A man. So, that kind of shoots your theory in the face. Yeah, please. Just a little bit. Pump the brakes.

Also, Thor's toxic, too. Like, the way that he was acting in the very first one, the way he was so full of himself and, like, so dramatic and so. Oh, okay, I remember now. is toxic what are you talking about he was just bad at it yeah he wasn't as good at being a toxic as loki was just because he was supposed to be like the hero of the story doesn't make him less toxic he was an awful human being in the beginning in the first couple of thor movies yeah awful spoiled yeah nice try you tried it though also watch loki the series he's definitely not toxic oh my gosh what a

great show i just started that actually did you yeah i'm like a few episodes deep i'm like that's my favorite Disney series they've done. It's really good. Really? Big fan, big fan. I'm about to go home and binge. Okay, this last one says, Jesus, can we stop gender wars already? I get those all the time.

Who started the gender wars, babe? God, I don't know. Who started it? I think it starts with an M and ends with an N. Yeah, I think you might be right. The way that they're like, the gender war... The gender wars they're talking about is like, men say something awful, and then women are like, you shouldn't say that.

That's awful. And then they're like, why can't we just stop these wars? Oh, it's exhausting. Men will do the most god-awful things. And when we respond to it, they're like, hey, whoa. Hey, hey, hey, hey. What are you going on about? Like, y'all are so sensitive.

Yeah, everyone's so soft. Everyone can't tell a joke these days. And I'm like, I beg to differ because men are some of the softest people on the internet in general. So fragile. Because look, if you don't believe me, look up my name and look at the men who stitch me and tell me that that's not the softest bitch you've ever seen in your life. They stitch myself and they're like, this is why you can't. Girl. You're telling me that's an alpha.

I beg to differ. Talk about soft. And I make the silliest jokes. Like I say the most, like, ridiculous silly things. And they're like, this is why I can't. Okay. Like crying in a corner in the fetal position Truly.

Because you called them a peanut head. It's like, damn. If that makes you buckle, give up. Life is too hard. Life is way too hard, bitch,

I promise. And that's why it's like, it's crazy to see the ripple it has because it's like, that's their very first time experiencing any sort of consequence for their actions

for the things that they say. And they're like, they're so stunned they don't know what to do. So they like, they short-circuit. almost immediately. I think it often comes back to, like, who's raising them?

Yeah, I think that too. Yeah. Who taught you this? Because there's no way. There's absolutely no way. Some people have said, like, they've said that about me. Like, I bet your parents don't know. Babe.

Come on. My parents have known I was mean since I was born, first of all. Second of all, my parents tell me to be meaner. Yeah, they have been fully supportive. Yeah, from the jump, so try again. It's me standing up for others or myself, and yours is just attacking people for no reason. That's, like, the simplest way to describe my content, and they're always like, no, I still hate you. Right.

Okay. You're like, I'm out here fulfilling my purpose. You're at home with Dorito crumbs on your chest. Please stop. And I'm like, only ugly people hate me, so. Period. Listen, if the shoe fits, wear it. Yeah, I've never had a single bad bitch have a problem.

That's what I'm saying. Hot people don't waste their time doing shit like that. I can promise you that, bitch. And it's also a very, like, it's a very short, like, a map to, like, oh, like, I think she's awful. Why? Well, because she said something I didn't like, which part? The part where I'm being misogynist is, like, you're a misogynist.

It's a real short map, bitch. Very simple equation. You can get there pretty quickly. Like, sometimes they'll write me a dissertation and I'm like, you could just say, hey, women. That's a lot less words. A lot less brain power being exerted. You can very easily just be like well I hate women because they don't love me the way I feel

like they should. There you go. Now let's unpack that. What do you mean by that? And if we unpack that you're going to have to pay me because that's therapy bitch. You know what I'm saying? Like give me a license. You know what I mean? You're like I'm out here with a job. So

why don't you go get therapy? And in a very strange but serious note. One of the things they tell me is like oh you don't care about all the problems that men suffer at the hands of patriarchy and I'm like you don't care what men suffer

at the hands of patriarchy because you are constantly upholding it. Right. But you don't realize is that the patriarchy hurts all of us. It holds all of us down especially women and we don't even factor in gender identification, sexuality, race

because intersectional feminism is much different and more important than just white feminism, right? Right. So if you take all of those pieces off the table, you don't even realize how much it hurts you as well. Because sometimes I'll have men be like, you don't care about men's like suicide rates, right? How high they are. And I actually, I was like, this is like something I recently learned, but like statistically speaking, women attempt far more than men do.

Really? Yeah. However, women are empathetic to the very, very end. So what they think about is like, what if somebody finds me? So what they do is they prioritize the feelings of the people who may or may not find them. So they attempt in far less violent ways. Wow. Which is why they don't succeed nearly as often.

Men succeed far more often because at that point they don't care how it happens. They just want it to happen. Right. Women are still, still at the brink thinking about others. And that's the shit that blew me. When I found that out, I was like, are you kidding me? And it's true because it's very like, it's, awful no matter what. But if you really, really cared, you would know that. Right. And you would do

everything within your power to rip out toxic masculinity from the very, very root. Because that's why that happens. They're experiencing all this pressure and all this external standards and all these terrible things they cannot control. And I feel like that contributes to their like, you know, desire to not want to be here anymore. And that's like one of those awful things you can't control. However, if you really cared about men suffering like that, then you would help me. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like you would help, you would help rip it out. Like you would help get rid of it. What gets me is these men, they're like, oh, we suffer from patriarchy too. It's like, y'all have the power to do something about it. No, truly. Like actually. Like, y'all built it.

Y'all can take it down. Exactly. It starts by unpacking these misogynistic habits that you have. Exactly. And I promise it's easier than you think it is. No, truly. And everybody has internalized misogyny. Everyone. Including women. And everybody in between. It's our job as adults to get rid of it. Right.

Right. It all starts with the first, you know, first step. No, actually, though. Okay. So, we ended on a little bit of a serious note. Yes. Before we go, what is it that you want everybody to know when it comes to, like, working on unpacking your internalized massaging, removing yourself from the male gaze entirely, all of that?

Like, what do you want people to take away? That's a good question. I feel like if it was one thing I can if we can do it bitch you can do it like when I tell you the crippling anxiety something that I struggle with like all the time and as far as like my journey to like stepping away from the mailgate all that stuff like it's not easy it's definitely a step by step process Yeah. But all you really need to do is start.

And once you start, you're like, oh my God, that shit didn't make sense to begin with. No, truly. It never made sense. You're going to taste freedom and you're going to be like, oh, my God. Yeah, you're going to be like free. Truly. So just start. Just start.

That's the only thing you got to do. It's like also those videos, I don't know if you ever saw them on TikTok. They were pretty big for a while, but they were like when I was dressing for men versus when I was dressing for myself. Mm, yes. And the way they glow up, bitch. Yes. The juice that they access. The sauce.

Almost immediately. Immediately they look so much happier, healthier, fulfilled. Yes. And just remember, like, how much better it feels when a woman compliments you versus when a man compliments you. I was just telling your team back here. Like, when a man compliments me, it feels like a threat. But when a woman compliments me, I'm like, oh, my God, I'm the badest vision.

You said work, bitch. It makes way. it's so much more meaningful. Yes. Because, like, that's why I said, they don't walk around handing those out a lot. So when you get them from women, you're like, ooh, bitch, I'm killing it today. When you get it from men, you're like, what?

What? What do you want? You ever, like, walk past a group of women and you hear them whispering like, oh, my gosh, she looks so good. She's so pretty. I'm like, yes, bitch. That's my shit. I'm, oh, so true. You need women at the end of the day.

Women and femmes, they make the world go wrong. around, I'm telling you. You can't live life without them, but you can live without a man. Just kidding. You could if you wanted to. Yeah. Want them, but don't need them. Yeah, exactly. And that's how it should be. But I just want to say thank you to Nigelie Lee for coming on this episode of the Comment section show. I absolutely adore you. Thank you for having me. Oh my God, anytime. You're welcome back. Anytime. You're incredible. For those of you who haven't already, please go follow Nigelie. Where can everybody find you? My ad is the glam Nijia. all platforms, TikTok, Instagram, Twitter.

I think that's all I got. The glam Nizja. Nothing more, nothing less. Ignore all the fake pages because there's so many. Oh my gosh, I bet. And we'll have all her handles linked and everything too. But thank you so much to Nizu Lee for coming. Thank you all for watching. For those of you who want to watch full episodes of the comment section show, they drop every Wednesday on the Pasture Bedtime YouTube channel. Make sure you subscribe so you never miss one. And you can also stream every episode on all streaming platforms, Spotify, Apple Podcast, Amazon. You guys already know, you know, you know, you know the deal. Make sure you find me.

Make sure you follow Nyja and I'll see you next week. Bye. Bye.