The Comment Section with Drew Afualo - NOT ME SAVING SOMEONE Ft. Kendahl Landreth and Jordan Myrick

Episode Date: April 30, 2025

Kendahl Landreth and Jordan Myrick are here this week!! They join Drew to talk botched surgeries, being objectified by airline pilots, appendix explosions, their deep love for the Fast and Furious franchise, Kendahl working as a gym janitor, adult dodgeball leagues, and so much more.  Shop Billie in-store and at ⁠https://www.mybillie.com Kendahl IG: https://www.instagram.com/kendahllandreth/?hl=en Kendahl Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kendahllandreth?lang=en Jordan IG: https://www.instagram.com/jordanmyr1ck/?hl=en  Jordan Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@jordanmyr1ck?lang=en Follow The Comment Section on IG! https://www.instagram.com/thecommentsection/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Like, I mean, the Labyrinth's like, they just kidnap a baby. Like they just kill someone. Yeah. Maybe a child. Yeah, but like children's movies now don't give that off. Children's movies now are like, two pigeons eat a meatball together. It's like fine. Do you know what I mean?

Hey, everyone and welcome back to another episode of the comment section show starring me, your fave. Everybody knows me who cares about me. On to the guest today. We have a duo, a couple, and two hilarious bitches next to me, the one and only Jordan and Kendall. Woo! Welcome to the show.

So excited to be here. This is such a treat. Look at us. Look at us. All together. It feels good. It feels really good. We're just cheesing at each other so hard.

I can do this forever. Just smile at you. I feel like we've known each other forever, but this is our first time meeting in person, which is very exciting. Feels really crazy. I mean, obviously we've been fans of you forever, and we love your sister. I know. We have a mutual love of my sister.

Yeah, and she's been on our podcast, and we met and we were just like, oh, yeah, we love you. Yeah, connection. Yeah, so I think because we have so much love for her, we feel like we also know you really well, which we don't and is rude. It's all the same, honestly. Jason's like a carbon copy of me at this point. Now that her hair has gone back dark, she gets confused for me a lot. And I think a lot of people think I'm naturally smaller, like they think I'm short. I don't know if people, do people, are people who are people who often they meet in person?

time we meet anyone they go you're massive. You're humongous. I'm like, all right. I always get, you're huge. Yeah, you're huge. I always get huge. Yeah. And then you got to go, what of it. Yeah. Well, I think what's sick about it is that in my head, I think a lot of people who are really tall feel really tall. Like they grow up being like, oh yeah, I'm really insecure about being tall. Yeah. And I think I've always been like, I'm a really small baby. Like I'm so tiny. You're living in a different world. I really am. So when people are. like, oh, you're tall. I'm like, oh, weird. I think we were all picturing me as just so, I don't know. Let's all disagree. I'm small. Yes. And I'm the exact opposite. I've now

evened out where I'm a pretty normal height. I'm like 58, 5.9. But I hit 5 7 maybe in the first grade. So I was gigante. I was huge. That's a little frightening. I was bigger than the teachers. Parents were approaching me being like, homework. I was like, I'm five. So I, in my mind, like when I see WMBA players, I'm like you and me both sister. You need both right. You're all the only thing about stopping me is, it's time. I just don't have time. Yes, absolutely.

To try out for the W. Absolutely, but I'm not that tall anymore. But I feel very, you know, it feels like part of my identity. Right. I was like, I was five, four. I'm like cut to the clips of me saying how tall I've been forever, but I was five four when I was 10. So I've been a big girl for a minute.

Yeah. I've been a grown man for a minute. I love that. And I feel like when fans meet me in public too, they're always really shocked at how tall I am. Because they're like, oh, you meant tall, like, tall, tall, tall. I'm like, yeah, I don't know what you y'all consider tall, but I do relate to what you said about feeling smaller because my family in general, like other than the women in my family, like my mom and sister are short, all of the men in my family are really tall and I've always been larger. So my skew of height has always been like, oh, like, they're not very tall. They're tall.

Like tall to me is anything over like six to. Right, right. Where six feet is tall to most people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I also come from a tall family. My grandma's six feet tall.

Oh, T. Love that. I don't, well, I don't come from a very tall family, but can I? Yeah, you can tell it. You can tell it. Sure. And I don't want to get in trouble for this because it was an accident. I had been like a while ago, Jordan was like, well, Kendall's family is actually really short. Really, really short.

And I was like, not really. I was like, my dad's like six foot and my mom's like five eight. And Jordan's like, your dad is not six foot. My dad was in a wheelchair. And I think Jordan realized. that they were like, I think in my head your dad was like that height. I was like, he's sitting down. He's been sitting down every time you've met him.

You can tell it. I don't want to get in trouble for it. He thought it was funny. We all laughed. We all had a good time. That's how much I didn't see his wheelchair. Well, right. Exactly. I said, that's just a short man. You saw the person beneath it. I said, that man is four foot seven.

You hadn't even noticed. I didn't even know he was sitting down. But I do think, it was a weird thing because my dad was always in a wheelchair. Like, I grew up with my dad in a wheelchair. And I think I was like, oh, I didn't think about his height, like when my mom was like, well, your dad's tall. There is this weird, like, I haven't seen it. Yeah. Yeah, I don't mean.

He could be lying. It's kind of like, for what? Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, oh, he's actually tall. Okay. Sure. Do you want to know something insane?

Yeah. So my, my fiance is, he's six four, but he has a, him and his brother only share a mom. They have two different dads. So he, my man is really tall. His brother is six three. his mom is not very tall she's like 5-7 5-6 maybe so

I've always wondered I've always like it's crazy that Jared is so tall like his younger brother I was like he's lucky because I think he got the height because I know what his biological dad looks like and he's not tall either so I'm like that height must come from your mom's side and so I was talking to my man about it I was like

I'm so curious like was your grandpa tall because he was raised by his grandparents and his mom and my fiancee goes I don't know my grandpa was always in a wheelchair Isn't that so crazy? Right. It's so straight. He was like, I honestly don't know because he's always been in a wheelchair because he is a vet and he was he was an amputee.

So he was in a wheelchair his entire life. And like, Billy's entire life. So when he told me, I was like, I'm so sorry. I felt rude for asking because I like forgot. I knew he was in a wheelchair, but I forgot. I was he tall? I can't remember all the pictures I've seen. He's sitting down.

Yeah. Permanently. That's weird. We have almost identical. Yeah. Well, because of you take it on a tape and Jordan. Right. Sorry.

Can I see a driver's license? Yeah. They can lie on that too. I'm lying on mine. I know. I know. Mine says I'm 130. Yeah, right.

Mine says I'm 5.3. 130. Yeah, okay. Isn't that so funny that anytime I, like, asked my weight, I went on a horseback riding lesson the other day, and they were like, what's your weight? For this poor horse that I'm about to climb onto. I'm like putting 30 pounds less than I weigh. It's like, who is this for? I'm like, this horse is probably going to die from.

you're getting on it. Yeah. It's so bizarre, but you just are like trained for me. I get just do 30 pounds like a little bit less. I'm like so confident. You know, body positivity. And so for this poor horse,

I'm like, I'm really small. No shit. Well, it's like when you go to the doctor and they're like, get on the scale and you're like, should I take off my shoes? They're like, it doesn't matter.

Hold a bowling ball. Put top hat on. Like, who gives a fog? It doesn't matter. And then when you get on, they're like, yeah. You're like,

you don't need to do that. Yeah. I don't need the noise. It's, When I go to the doctor now, I don't let them weigh me. You don't have to because it doesn't matter. But the last time I went, I was like at the Women's Health Center. So I was like telling her, she's like, oh, I just want to do vitals, whatever.

She did like the blood pressure, all that stuff. And she's like, oh, you can step on the scale. I go, I'd rather not be weighed. And then she goes, well, it's really just for the violence. And I was like, no, I know. I'd rather not. Is it imperative? Like, do I have to do it?

She's like, no. I was like, okay, perfect. And then she was like, can you just tell me a number? And I was like, any number? I could tell you any number. 115. Yeah. You said,

you said eight. Eight pounds, seven ounces. And I was way heavier than that as a baby. I was even as a baby. I was fucking heavier than that. But I'm so excited to have y'all on the show. I'm familiar with your lore,

but I would love if you could tell everybody else on the show, how you guys got started on your pod. And also how you met. Obviously, you're a couple. Look at you. Look at us. Look at you.

Sorry, we did not like we're pretending to be dating. Yes. I swear they are. It's really. No, we really are. Well, we're both comedians, and we've been comedians forever. And then Kendall, this is honestly so embarrassing for me to say, but it is true.

I had a TikTok that went viral. Viral. Viral, big time. And I was in credit card debt and I said, hello. How are you? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. Kendall had a friend that sent it to her and Kendall was like, who is this?

And her friend was like, oh, this used to be my improv teacher. And Kendall said, okay, I'm going to follow her and DM her every single day. and she did until finally I was like It was classy I kept too classy Well she sent me so many DMs for absolutely no reason that I was like I guess I have to have sex with this woman I guess I guess she sent me so many DMs that she's hit the quota

And she's earned it Yeah and she was like I live in New York and I was like okay Goodbye and she was like no no no but I'm like moving to L.A Like I think we'd really get along she's like let's just do one Zoom date I think you'll really like me If you don't no worries we'll never speak again gay, it's crazy. I got to get back to this confidence.

I'm like, who is it? Whenever you tell this straight, I'm like, I must have been drunk. There's no way I wasn't drunk for this. So that doesn't sound like me at all. It does not sound like me at all? I'm like, this hot lesbian, so confident. Yes, and then we went on a Zoom date and, well, that's it. The rest of history.

You really liked what you saw. And then I moved to L.A., which I was like, this is for my career, but, you know, we're lesbians. So it was also for love. Yeah. And my dad the whole time was like, it feels like you're just moving for this girl. And I was like, no, it's a really good career move. Dad, you don't get it.

You don't get it. And then like a year later we were engaged. So I was like, definitely moved for that. But we then were like, you know, we're busy. This industry is so, we're always working and doing stuff. And we were like, we want to do something where we can spend time together. And so we started a podcast together. I love that.

And it's been an absolute treat because we also just kind of get to yap at each other. And that's fine. And I love a good yap. Yeah. We love that. Especially doing it as a couple. I love that for y'all. Yeah.

It feels good. Do you enjoy doing it together? Yeah. Most of the time. I would say there's been like two instances where we had to be like, you know what? We're going to take a pause on filming. We're going to have a talk. That's why I ask because I do one with my sister, so I get it.

Working together is different. Yes. And it's this hard thing where you're like, we're so, we tell each other every emotion we have as it comes. I feel like we're so just, I'm like, that's annoying. Please don't do that anymore like in everyday life. Or I'll be like, that really piss me off. And so I feel like on the podcast, it's like we have to communicate in such a different way because we're like filming.

So if one of us says something the other one doesn't like, we just kind of are not trained in how to do it on camera. So then there's just a constant awkwardness of like, should we pause or are you just like looking at, you're looking at me too long and it's making me think I said something bad. So I think we've had to learn how to be passive aggressive. It's almost like working in terms of just you've had to learn adapt passive aggressiveness. Yeah. I know I don't really have that either. but my sister's very passive. So sometimes it was funny,

one time we were filming recently because we've been working so much lately that we had to like batch film. Yeah. And so we were filming multiple days in a row and then it's like, you know, when you film multiple days in a row, you're like, I'm getting sick of talking

and I'm getting sick of sitting in here together. And it was like, I remember we were hearing like a buzzing noise or something in the headphones. And I was trying to talk through it. And then Jason was like, I'm sorry, I can't, I can't do it. I can't do it.

Because we were both having a really bad day like emotionally. And then I was like, it's all right let's just untangle the headphones let's let's pause the filming and when we did we like pause reset everything and I was like how are we feeling should we keep going she's like yeah sorry I was like that was gonna make me cry yeah so much I was so far it was me I was like no I get it and I told there I was I'm proud of us we didn't fight look at us look at us well and it's hard too because I don't know if you all get this as much being sisters

but as a couple it's like if I'm sitting with my knees like away from Kendall fans are like that's abuse Yeah. People think any... That slant fucking shit, they're like, they don't lean towards each other. Yes. Anything. Kendall will be like, I want to buy a new bag. And I'll be like, you're not buying a new bag. And then they'll be like, that's financial abuse. That's Jordan is withholding their money. And it's just like every single thing. So I think that's the hardest thing is a couple is like totally. We get along great. Everything goes well with us. But you know, the comments are nasty. People are crazy. Look up porn. You can look up porn. Like, you don't need us. Like they really, they're like, they want us like, they want us like kiss.

on camera and being like, oh, my, my, me, me, me, ma, ma. And it's like, we're not. I can't. We're like two adult comedians doing a show. But you know what I mean? People want it to be so, like, especially lesbians. I'm sorry. Our community's sick.

It's not good. And they're always like, you know, they really, I don't know. They want us to infantilize each other in a way that we don't on camera. Yeah, and it's kind of like, like, fond over each other constantly. And that's not, those aren't real relationships. Yes. I was like, you're telling me, you guys, you guys. never beefed with your partner ever.

Right. Or made fun of them in good jest. Like sometimes when we do that too, like me and my man, I'll like make fun of him or we'll make jokes about each other or whatever. And sometimes they'll say like, I don't know, I just feel like that's rude. Maybe she does that all the time. Girl, what the fuck are you talking about? You're like it was rude.

That was the point. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, my message was received. I was trying it for it to be rude. Uh-huh. And it was funny. And then they're obsessed with these couples that are so sweet to each other,

but they have prank channels. I said, honey, there's not, what's going on behind closed doors you don't even want to know. We were,

I'll tell you who it is after, but when we were at Coachella day one, we were driving on the little golf cart thing, we were going to a stage, and we saw a famous couple walking back there, but they weren't on the carts that were walking because they were fucking fighting. And then we were like,

we drove past them. I heard them fighting. And then we drove past them, and I was like, man, been there. I said, you got to get your fight out before Coachella. I learned that the hard way.

Yeah. Day before you got to fight with your spouse. You got a beef, get it out. Big, knock down, drag out. Big, big, big, big fight that lasts until you get to the house. Then it ends because you're all ready to part. And it's funny because my man and I did fight the day before Coachella started. Good.

But when we were, day one, when we were watching, I forget who were watching, I think we were watching Missy Elliott or someone. And we were standing there. Own it all. Pay off your home. Travel for life. Drive a Ferrari. In celebration of the world premiere of the Monopoly Big Board Bucks

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I said, up top, hit me. I'm just like if you're not fighting as a couple I'm like just both of you not have opinions like what's going on? Even Kendall and I have almost the same opinion on everything and we still will fight about it Right same good you gotta just like You know it's healthy you live together That's like I was like that's just like cohabiting

Like you're gonna eventually Budheads on something and and beef about something Also we get bored like we had a roommate one time who was like Every time I hear you guys fighting it's about a non-existent problem that's like we come up with fake we're like okay if we had a 13 year old and she came to us and she said

I want to get married. What would you do? And then two hours later, we're literally arguing. Like, we're not handling it that way. We're not handling it that way. They're all hypothetical. They're all fake. It's just for play for us.

Like, an enemies to lovers kind of thing. Yes. I'm also like, what? You don't argue with your family ever? Kendall's my family. Yeah, exactly. It's normal. That's so funny.

Once I asked my man, I was like, if I had shoulders like you, would you still love me? And he said no, and we got to a play. We fought about it for like an hour. Because what? That's fucked up. Don't worry.

We love you. I was like, you're just so attracted to my small, dainty, womanly shoulders. You wouldn't, like me if I had big man's shoulders. That's fucked up.

That's so fucked up of you. And I asked him a question once I was like, what if I had feet the same size as you? Same thing. Fought about it too. He wouldn't love you. What size is the same size? If I had the same size foot as him.

Yeah, he wouldn't like that? A 13. Come on. In men's? Which would be, I think of 15 in women's. But I was like,

if I had those feet, you wouldn't love me. And he was like, he didn't even say no, he just hesitated. And I was like, that's fucked up. But what size shoe do you have currently? I'm, uh, nine and a half. Okay. Okay.

We're like, we're tens. Period. And we're like, it's getting too close. I think what's so messed up about that one is you're like, I'm almost there. Yeah. That means I'm skipping a jump. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Yeah. So you guys are both in the comedy space. Yeah. How long have you all been doing standup before? A million years, it feels like. I mean, I'm older than Kendall, but I've been a professional comedian now probably for 10 years. And I went to college for acting.

Improv has been my big thing. I toured with the Upright Citizens Brigade for many years. That was my first job out of college. But now we do a bunch of different, a bunch of different. That's the thing about the industry. It's like you can't just do one thing anymore. It's like, you know, you have to like,

you have to like write and act and direct and host and like, it's just, you know. Which honestly isn't even just this industry now. I feel more about. for people who are like realtors and then you see them having to be like hey guys happy Tuesday and I'm like oh lord these poor people I know they're working social media into like everything now even like artists when they sing they're like you need to get on TikTok and promote your songs when I see them making TikTok sometimes I'm like yeah I get it it's like there's no dignity in it

trust me I know it's my job too yeah I mean I was like trust me I can't it's like it feels like you're whoring yourself out which you are you are but like yeah you know what it is it's But it really is every single industry now. You know what I mean? Like I do a lot of stuff in the food space too. And it's like, I mean, restaurants are like, come down here and eat our sandwich. We'll suck your dick. It's like on TikTok and you can't not.

Well, even poor Jordan had to get a foot surgery last year. Oh my God. Well, first of all, it didn't go well. That's what I'll tell you. I was botched. And then after they go. You were botched? I was botched.

And they were like, well, we were like, who is this surgeon? And they were like, well, she's a famous surgeon. We were like, that shouldn't exist. I found out. TikTok surgeon. So one of the surgeons in the orthopedic doctor's office I was going to, apparently, not my doctor, but another one in the office. Apparently, they get such good reviews because one of the doctors in the office doesn't

even do doctoring or surgery anymore. She just is a TikTok doctor. So she makes videos talking about being a TikTok doctor. And that's why they have such good surgery. And then that's how I got botched. So you fell for the propaganda that they were pushing out of that. Well, I didn't even know. I was just like, oh my God, five stars on Yelp at a doctor's office, 8,000 reviews.

In terms of they're rating her TikToks and not the surgeries. Yes. But how do you know? Like with a doctor? I'm like, how do you know? And they're all evil? They're all. It's really bad.

That's like, well, speaking of, we talked about it right before we started the pit. Yes. You guys watched it. Yes. It's so good. I'm almost done with season one. Did you say, mm-hmm. I watched.

No, you didn't. I was in the room. I've never watched a TV show. Jordan watches TV. and I'm like walking around the house, kind of taking in. You're just little moments. You're just floating about.

Well, this is what's going to happen, though, is you're like, you guys watch and we're like, mm-hmm, and then you're going to ask a question and Kendall's going to panic. That's how. I always happen.

I want to call her out now. Sorry. A big defense mechanism of telling people I know it. I'll be like, oh, you know the actor. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it's funny. I do that with movies.

I've told people I'm like, yeah, I think I've seen it or I've seen parts of it. When I say that, I mean, like, I generally understand I think, and I got it. Okay. Or I've watched it on TikTok. Like I've watched a couple of scenes on TikTok.

Sure. And then I go, yeah, I've seen it. I haven't. Okay. I just, I feel like I got the gist. Right. Which is like how I felt about, it's so funny because I'm like, yeah, no, I have seen Pride and Prejudice.

Like once on my show with Days, I was like describing the plots of movies so she could guess them. And so I was describing Pride and Prejudice as if I've seen it. I haven't. Sure. I thought I had. And by that I mean, I thought I understood it based off the TikToks I've seen. Yeah.

And so I was. I said with the most conviction in the world that, like, he gets pneumonia in the rain and dies. And then everyone in the comments was like, that's not what happens in Pride and Prejudice. I go, well, what movie am I talking about? I don't know, girl. Yeah. They're like, they're like, I don't know what you're talking about. I'm like, oh.

But the whole time I was like, I thought I had seen it. I never seen that movie. Yeah, but that's okay. You're fine. It's okay. I lie about stuff like that all the time. I'm like, when they say, have you seen good fellas? Yep.

Yep. That's like, because everyone also always has to, you never seen? There's just so much. go through this, right. I don't want to do this song and dance with you. I'm like, yeah, if you can believe it, I've never seen it. And so, it is, we have to watch it together. I'm like, when are we going to watch that together? No,

I met you two minutes ago. I'm not going to watch Labyrinth with you, but thank you. You know, it's funny, I have seen Labyrinth. I haven't. I've seen it on BHS. Okay, yeah. It's one of my favorite movies. And I used to be really afraid of it when I was a kid. Really? David Bowie used to scare me. Sure. He used to scare me. But maybe it was just, the beauty was too much

for me to behold. Yeah. I mean, that movie's a lot. Those movies from that time are very haunting. They're very, they're very creepy. Yeah, I feel like those movies give a vibe of, they're like, we'll just kill a kid. You know what I mean? Like, I mean, in the Labyrinth's like, they just kidnap a baby. Like they just kill someone. Yeah. Maybe a child. Yeah, but like, children's movies now don't give that off. Children's movies now are like, uh, two pigeons eat a meatball together. It's like fine. Do you know what I mean? But like from that time from the 90s when we're growing up, creepy. Scary. No, for real. Well, back to the pit really. Yes, I've seen all of it.

Kendall's been around it. She has the general gist. I mean, yeah. I love it. I think it's so fun. Yeah. I'm a fan of medical shows. Do you guys like medical shows?

Yes. I love them. And I think part of it is like me being a know-it-all as a Virgo because I like to hear more things to internalize them as if I'm a doctor. Sure. So I'll like, I'll get all that info. And then if someone brings something up that I've seen on the show, I'm like, well, you know.

And I list the like CT scans. Yeah. But actually BP vitals, all of those things. But I was going to say in that show, you know how when they're doing the emergency surgeries, whatever, they're like razzing each other. Yeah. When I was watching it with my man the other day, I was like, I'll tell you what I don't want to hear if my neck's been crushed is banter.

Yeah. I don't want to hear you chiding against each other and my throats open. Yeah, I don't want to hear that shit. Absolutely. Like the way that they're alive and they're like, I'll take me to dinner first. Hey, bitch, there's a stoma on my throat. Hey, let's focus up. Yeah.

Maybe let's do a quiet moment. Let's do, let's say Dr. because you're doctors. And they could even be fake. I know. Because you couldn't do that in any other emergency. Imagine if you're firefighters, you're like being dragged out of the house. And they're bantering back and forth.

Yeah. And they're like, not me saving someone. Yeah. Each other. Not me saving them. Yeah. That's why none of them have jobs. They can't.

They can't. So hard for them to get a job. Too much banter. Yeah. Too much banter on the clock. Truly. I saw a, uh, Once I saw, you know, remember the show, Whose Line Is It Anyways?

Of course. I iconic show. If you're an improv genius, I would have loved for you to go on that show. That would have been crazy. What if my dream, my favorite TV show growing up, and my initial celebrity crush, Wayne Brady. Wayne, if you're up there. All the pieces were there, weren't they? I'm gay now, but I'd love to talk to you still.

I think he is too. Yeah, I think he might be as bisexual. Oh, yeah. Wow. I saw Whose Line Is It Anyways episode where they were saying things you never want to hear your pilot say. Sure. And one of them said, did you see the jugs on the girl in Roe D? I laughed till I had tears going down my face. Because I was thinking, can you imagine hearing your pilot objectify someone? Get off the plane. I don't want you flying it. Yeah. I don't want you talking about tities and you're sitting in the cockpit.

Sure. Oh my God. You're in charge of my life. I should be talking about the woman's titties in Roe D. Not you. You're at work. See, I think it made me have the opposite. I think I'd feel safer. because I think I, I think men, it's like, I think the only way they'll care. Like, I think me just being there, if I was like, I'm the next president, like, I'm gonna be the person who cures cancer, he'd be like, okay, I don't care. But the second I have like huge tities, he'd be like, I'm not letting this plane go down. He's like, we can't go down. We gotta get these roadie titties to Florida, staff.

Like they're transporting a heart. A heart, an organ donor. Yeah. That pilot, Sully. Imagine it was Sully. Yeah. what do I always say? I don't know.

I always say I need to see Sully. I actually literally do. I'm always like, we got to watch Sully and I never have. I'll be like in the shower, she'll come in she'll peek her head around the curtain. She'll be like, we have to watch Sully. We have never seen that.

It's right up my alley. Yeah, I guess. I don't know. Just like a plane crash, I'm addicted. I love that. Something about it. Something about it. I don't have flight anxiety because I think I'm always kind of like

fingers crossing it for like the drama. If I don't watch you watch. No, no, absolutely not. You know, I was flying from, I think it was Pennsylvania, Belafonte, Pennsylvania. Okay. Uh-oh. Yeah. It's as terrible as it sounds.

Sure. And I flew, I was flying out of there to like somewhere else and then going back to L.A. And when we left, we were on the tiniest little fucking plane because it's like just a short, like, one-hour flight. When it was going up and coming down, it was shaking. It felt like this. It didn't feel like turbulence. felt like someone was grabbing it and going like this. And I really, I never felt like, oh, this plane might crash.

But I was so fucking tired and so high off my ass that I was like, well, if it goes down, it goes down. Like I literally just made peace with it in my head. I was like, I have found I have that exact response to near death experiences. Like before anyone's even, we could be 80 steps from dying. There could be so many things we could do. And I am immediately like, I turn to you and I'm like, it's okay. Let me go.

We were on a plane recently where there was all of a sudden we like got up in the air. The pilot had already warned us. There was going to be horrible turbulence on the flight. We get up in the air. A sound starts when we're up in the air that sounds like air from outside coming into the plane. And this was right after that story of the door flying off. Oh, yeah. This was right after.

We were all geared up for the door to fly off. Lots of bad things that happened on planes. And it was so loud. And everyone around us is like kind of scared and pressing the like call button to get the flight attendant to come over. Finally the flight attendant comes over. She's like, what? She hears. the noise and she goes, oh no, and runs to the front of the plane.

Well, no, I'm scared. So we're all scared. The guy behind us is like praying. We're all whatever. I'm like, okay, Kendall, put your stuff away. Make sure the exit is clear in case we have to get up and get out, like get whatever. Kendall's like, you know what? I'm just going to finish this chapter of my book in case this is it. I was in the middle of a sex scene. It was smutty. I was like, this is how I die. No way. What are we doing? Putting our, the planes crashing. We're putting our, or stuff underneath our seat in sun. That's not going to do anything. No, I'm finishing this fucking book.

Yeah. Finishing this scene. Absolutely not. I'm not putting your air mask on. Just kill me. Yeah. You a smutty book fan? Big, big fan.

It's actually really embarrassing because I feel like I'm always like, I'm a reader. And it's like, bitch, you're on Wattpad, basically. Like, the stuff they're publishing now, it's not even literature. And I'm acting like I'm some intellectual. but I do love it. Well, Kendall's always like, what is this word mean? I look at it.

I'm like, that's not a word. That's a typo. That's why you can't read it. That's a fake book. This book wasn't even edited. Because they're doing that now. They're just not even editing. They'll like go through.

I've heard less rounds of editors because they're like, these bitches don't care. They can hardly read. This is their first book. And it's working on me. Exactly. I've read a few recently where I found out after that she didn't have an editor at all, the author.

And I said, well, I could tell because there were quite a few typos. But it's like a printed book. It's a published book. It was on my Kindle. Yeah. So I was, I had to read this sentence like four times and I was like, interesting. You're like, wait, just supple have three peas in it?

Suble. Yeah. It's changing the pronunciation of it. Yeah. Okay, so you said your, you love improv. That was like, that's your, your bread and butter. Sure. You love it.

Come on, Jordan. You do love it. It's maybe one of the most embarrassing things you can say, but I don't find that embarrassing at all. That's so nice. And I think it's. It's because a lot of my friends are comics too. So like Caleb, Heron, obviously, like Sabrina Breyer, they both told me that they're very proud of improv.

But Sabrina was telling me. She goes, yeah, when me and Caleb like joke about it, we both are like, oh, God, that's so dorky, huh? Because they were both in their improv groups in college and then became presidents of them and then obviously did it after. And then they said, then at some point they'll be quiet and they're like, God, I'm so proud of it though. It's just like such an accomplishment.

I love improv. That's so nice. I think improv is so fun. That's so sweet. And I love, and I both think you're both so hilarious. So I love to know about stand-up, like, how's the journey with stand-up been? Well, I don't do as much stand-up, but I do a lot of, like, character stand-up. So I'll go as, like, I do mostly, like, character acting, so I'll go and do a stand-up set, but, like, as a character.

Love. But Jordan literally can just improvise stand-up, which I think is absolutely insane. That's so sick. But I, the first time I saw Jordan do stand-up, because when you start dating someone who's a comic, I think there is, like, this really scary moment of, like, the first time you watch them do it. it and you're like if you're really bad like I can't control the ick do that like I cannot date a bad stand-up comedian and even know how it matter I'm so in love with you I mean this point we were because it was during the pandemic so there wasn't we met during the pandemic so there wasn't a ton of live performance so it's like two years in and I was like I have to leave them because they're just like horrible at stand-up

be so bad but we went my dad so my dad passed away a couple years ago in his last year he was like I'm going to get really into stand-up and he like called called our local. What really happened is that Kendall started to become a famous comedian and then he literally got jealous. And he was like, and I too will be a famous comedian. He also started a TikTok account.

He started a YouTube channel. There was a couple. He said, Nepo baby in reverse. Yes. Yes. And so he literally called our, I'm from a very small town.

He called the bar. He was like, put a ramp in. Put a ramp on the stage. They're like, we don't have a stage. So we'll also, I guess,

put a stage in too. And get ready to laugh your ass off. And I, we like flew down. to see him. We were like, all right, what is it? And I was terrified. I was like, what is he? Because you know what dad's, I'm like, you've never said a single sentence that's appropriate. Yeah. Like you, everything you say, I have to go, dad, you can't say that. Sometimes it's a little offensive. Exactly. And I was like, what is he going to do? We fly down there and he the whole time to Jordan is like, get up there. Do something.

Go up there after me in honor of me. And you know, when someone's dying, you're like, you got to say yes to so much crap. Yeah. You're like, okay, sure. And so Jordan went up and I was like, you do not have to do this. And it was so funny. I think he was jealous because you were a little funnier than him. Introducing the new best skin ever, ultra slim precision concealer from Sephora Collection. It's full coverage with a matte finish and perfect for any look. Whether you're building it up for a full glam moment or targeting correction for a more natural vibe.

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That's so awesome. And I do stand-up, did stand-up for a long time. But I think the thing with stand-up is you kind of have to decide early in your comedy career, like, do I want to be a professional stand-up comedian and go on the road as a stand-up comedian? which historically is hell on earth, especially if you're not a man. It's like, you know what I mean? Because that's who you're also spending all your time with. It's like, that's why I could not.

And there's nothing like transporting back to the 50s, which is any time you're backstage at a stand-up show, I literally had men come up to me. It's like, I'm in Miss Maisel. And they're like, are you here to sing pretty lady? I'm like, why are you dressed like you're in the sopranos? And what is going on? I'll take a cigarette.

Sweet. Yes. That is how it is backstage at any. any stand-up show, no matter where you're at. It's so bizarre. We're wearing the same outfit. Yes, 100%. Absolutely, yeah. So it's a weird vibe.

It's like, I didn't really want to be around those people specifically. So I was like, okay, I'm not going to like go out on a lifelong career of doing stand-up on the road, especially because I also had other interests and like I went to school for acting and so did Kendall. And so we also do acting. But once again, it's like nowadays you have to do literally everything. Everything, yeah. You know?

You have to dip your toe in all of it. Yes. Thankfully, both of you are very talented. at all of it. How's acting been? I'm dipping my toe in acting right now. I'm getting started. Oh my God. So I'm always asking my fellow actor friends for tips on like self tapes and auditions and stuff. Yeah. You guys, how has that been for y'all? Has it changed since COVID? I know a lot of my my actor friends have said it's changed drastically since COVID. Well, I think the biggest thing that's changed is at first now you do so many self-tapes. So there's not as much in-person auditions,

which I think at first is like, oh my God, that's incredible. It's so nice. I don't have to drive to Santa Monica. Yes. That's amazing. But, now. But now. Now it's gone in the other direction where it's like they expect so much from every audition. So like I had an audition for General Hospital last year. And they were like, we want her dressed as the Virgin Mary, which what does that mean? I don't have that costume available and it's not a common costume that people have. They want to be dressed as the Virgin Mary. So I put a tablecloth over my head.

And then they were like, we want her to show up at the door and we want her to give birth, dress as the Virgin Mary. this is a thing that you would never have been asked to do. Right. And the fact that this footage, I didn't get the part if you can believe it. It was so terrible. And I know this footage is somewhere and it's so devastating. It was the worst thing anyone's ever seen.

And I think they ask so much more of you now because you're at home. So like instead of just like doing an audition for a pizza company, they're like, can you dress as a pizza pizza pizza? It's like, no. But also, yes, I'll do anything, I guess. You sense it in and they're like, damn, she really did it. Yeah. She just want you to make like a short film at home now, which is not what an audition is.

No shit. Yeah. And I think the hardest thing about acting is, well, I guess not the hardest thing about acting. But I think the most complicated thing about acting in this day and age is you're going to get nine million pieces of advice when it comes to auditioning and you just have to do what feels right to you. That's so true. People that are like dress for the part in the audition because it will help them visualize

you in that part. But then there are people that are like, do not dress as the part. it gives freak vibes or it makes them see you in a way that maybe that's not how they pictured the character in their mind. Don't do it with props because it makes it seem too solidified. Sometimes they'll even tell you like have the line. They always say don't you don't have to memorize lines. You don't have to memorize lines. You do have to memorize lines because you cannot look at the piece of paper.

But sometimes they'll tell you to hold the piece of paper. So it gives off the vibe that it's still like a work in progress. They're just making stuff. Like that's the reality. It feels like it's all made up and you really just have to be like, I'm not listening. I think I also recently have been like, oh, people are trying to like, you know when you're in a Zoom meeting and you're like, this is just so these people can be like, look, I had a Zoom meeting like to their boss. That's like all the acting. Like people want they want something to say to you so that you're like, you know something.

Right. And so you can't like take everything to heart. Yeah. It's truly so subjective in like so many ways. And that's that does make me feel a little bit better about it because I, I've. a lot of my actor friends who have said the same thing. Like they're like, it's really so subjective. And like Sabrina Breyer told me,

because she's written on shows a lot too. And she was like, I've been in rooms of showrunners who like, they'll watch the first two seconds. And they'll be like, no, because it just, that person doesn't look like what they thought.

So it's like, it's so subjective. And then sometimes I watch movies that come out now. And I'm like, I could do that. Yes. Well, that is the worst part of this whole industry. It's like,

first of all, audition. It's not even, oh, I didn't get that. They were like, we don't need to see here. And you see this commercial that's just, you're like, why couldn't I do that? Why was I not allowed to audition for Husky Girl with Bangs in Trident commercial? I wasn't even good enough to be seen for that. I'm classically trained. I have a BFA for NYU. I wasn't allowed to audition for Husky Girl with Bangs and Trident commercial. Like, it feels very crazy. And we have friends now who will, they'll see a casting that they're not invited to do. And for example, it'll be like, we want a Jordan Myrick type.

But Jordan's not been asked to audition. I was not called in for the audition. But they're looking for someone that does. And it's like, so yeah, it's really warped and weird. And it's like all of this without you. Yes. Put it on someone else. Really hurtful.

Really hurtful. Yeah. And then they always cast a model. It's always a model. It's always a model. And you know what? I was saying this the other day. I was like, sometimes I think it's okay if we just as a society as a collective.

We're like, I like this person because of, they're hot. I think that's okay. Yes. There are many actors who are that. Yes. I'll, I'll name one. No, I'm not even going to name one just in case they come, just in case they come. Just in case because I am trying to get them on the show. Okay. But like there are some people that I think are like, they're good. Like yes, can you memorize lines? Can you do somewhat emotion short? But 99% of it is looks, right? And it's like you're just nice to look at. Yeah. I have a guess who who this is. So after all, ask. Yeah. What's wrong with that? Like there's nothing wrong with it. But What I don't like is hearing like, oh, this is the new actor of the generation.

I disagree. Right. I think you think they're hot. I think they're beautiful too. It's okay. Yeah. We can say it. I also think that something that's so hard is everybody on the internet is an expert on anything.

Right. So you hear these people who have never left their home be like, well, they're a good actor because of X, Y, Z. Most of what acting that you're seeing is is directing, directors. You know what I mean? So a big part of being a good actor in terms of an actor as a profession is being able to take direction. And if your director is directing you poorly or telling you to make these weird choices, when you're just like a lower level actor who's not like Tony Collette, you have to just be like, oh, you want me to do this thing that's bad?

Okay. I need money. Like you have to just do it. Yeah, you can't be like, no, I don't want to because you're not Tony Collette. Because then you won't work again. Yeah, then you'll get fired and they'll tell other people. Yes. And that's why you see these actors, you're like, well,

wait, she was so good in this movie, but so bad in this movie. I'm like, yeah, it's directing. They're just doing their job. And sometimes actors get to sync up with these directors that are brilliant and unbelievable and incredible and it's a collaborative experience and it's awesome. And then sometimes you just work with the director that's like

not good and you're making a movie that's maybe not good and that's okay too. It's just your job. It's not like a moral failing to... I agree. You know what I mean to like sometimes have better performances than others? Well, yeah, absolutely. And then there's, and I think a good indicator of that too is the fact that it is art, so it is subjective.

So like what's one person's trash is another person's treasure? And there are many Oscar films that I watched that I was like, I don't get what everyone's talking about. I don't get what everyone's talking about. And I think to myself, maybe I'm just the dumbest bitch alive. I don't know. Maybe I just don't understand art. No.

But there are some movies I watch where I, like, especially this last Oscars, I watched a lot of them and I never do. But when I did, I was like, I don't understand what everyone's talking about. Wicked. Yeah. Loved that one. But that's entertainment. Yeah.

Like, are we forgetting this is entertainment? Exactly. I had an acting teacher in college that I loved because she would always be like, I'm bored, slap each other. And I was like, yeah, I'm bored, make out. And I'm like, yes, that's what I want to see. First of all, if you're so good at making movies, why is it four and a half hours? No shit.

Why is it three? It should be an hour and ten tight. Oh, bro. Why is it taken up a quarter of my day? I should not be in this theater for that long. That's why I'm like, okay, Minecraft movie, that's cinema. Because they knew how to cut down a script. They said hour 40.

Listen. And I want to watch the Minecraft movie. They've sold me. I've seen a lot of the TikToks on it. I said, you know what? Maybe. 100%.

It's funny because I'm like, it's the Oscar movies too. Sometimes I don't understand. Like I'm like, I don't get what the fuck everyone's talking about. And some of them I don't even make it all the way through because I get so fucking bored. I quit. And I was like,

but you know, I don't see Puss and Boots and Boots being nominated for an Oscar. Wasn't it though? Wasn't it nominated for best? Puss and Boots and The last wish, the most recent one. But it should. have been nominated for animated, but they don't get nominated.

But it should have been nominated for best films. And that is true. I saw the movie and we, first of all, I'd be shushed because I was cackling for when she was upside out in the piano. I could not believe. So funny. But I also am like, we see this all the time. It's like comedy's not really like ever taken seriously.

Obviously. I'm like, spy with Melissa McCarthy. Have you seen? I love that. It's our favorite movie. We watch it every night before bed and that is mental illness. The Heat is one of my other favorite movies ever. And I'm so glad you guys have seen it because I bring that movie up to everybody.

And so many people haven't seen it. No, we're big. We tell people spy. That to me is the greatest film of the century. I love the movie spy. I bought on Apple TV for like 34 bucks because I was like, kept, keep forever. Yeah. Even my fiance goes, you're going to buy it.

I go, why would I rent it? Right. Bye. Because I'm going to rent it again. Charge my account. Yeah. Yeah. We have it memorized.

This is actually really private, but I'm going to show this with you. Oh no. There's a theme song in the beginning. We've never shared this before publicly. Every night I sing it to Jordan before bad. Because we love that movie so much. It's the spy song at the beginning. She sings it, but she doesn't like a little voice and she does like choreograph dance moves with it.

Yeah. Yep, yep. And I cradle Jordan's phase and I sing that. Every night. And that's romance. My sister's thinking, me and who. Me and who for real. My sister's like, me and who for real.

Come over. Me and us. You and us. Yeah. You and ask you. We'll do it. Kendall will perform in for you. Yeah,

a king size bed. Get on over. You sleep at the end like a cat. So funny. I fucking love that movie. Oh, God. It's good. But why not an Oscar?

That's what I'm saying. Why not an Oscar? You know what I felt when we saw Hobbs and Shaw? Oh, Rock. You guys liked that movie? Actually made a mistake because Jordan, all my life is just trying to get people to not bring up

Hobbs and Shaw in front of Jordan. I did not know that so. Well, I'm a Fast and Furious fan to begin. with in general, especially, and I'll say it, once Paul Walker died. Once he kind of got out of the way, we were able to do some real fun stuff. And he's done a lot of weird things, so I feel comfortable saying. Yeah, it really took off after that.

Things really, yeah, popped off in a big way. And I think Hobbs and Shaw is kind of the best example of that. It's so fun. It's so funny. I mean, obviously, we already know The Rock is funny. Jason Statham, once again, Spy. Hobbs and Shaw. Jason Seatham is so unbelievably funny.

I'd have sex with him. Would you? Like a lot of it. I'm obsessed with Jason Seatham. He's got to be good at sex. Right? I bet. Look at his wife.

Unbelievable. And they've been together for a long time. I know. And they've been together for a long time. I know. That movie we went with, it was me, my sister, my fiancee, and my brother. And we were trying to see something else,

but it was like sold out. And we were like, oh, let's go see Hobbs and Shaw. It's like the spinoff. from Fast and the Furious. We're like, okay, we go, bitch, I was laughing my ass. When they're on the plane and Kevin Hart's there, I literally had tears going on that little like tan track suit.

I was laughing my ass off. It's so funny. I tell everyone to watch that movie. Idris Elba as the villain. He's a robot in the future. A stacked cast, too. It's unbelievable. A lot of famous people in that movie.

That's why sometimes I feel like people will recommend to me like, well, have you seen Conclave? I'm like, no. but have you seen Hobbs and Shaw? Yeah. I feel like a 15-year-old boy. I'm like, what about, have you guys seen Ricky Stenickey?

No. Oh, get into it, bitch. It's on Prime, I think. What is? It has, uh, who is it? John Sina. Okay, I love. He's, he's, he's Ricky Stenicky.

And then there's like, Chito Santino. Okay. He's in that. Who else is in that? Do you know? Zach Afron's iniquette. Oh, I love Zach Efron. Oh my God.

I have the biggest crush on Zach. Nachito Santino. And I think Lesmians love Zach Afron. Zach Afron. Zach Gaphran is another person I feel like when we first met I was like, you know who I think

is actually a really good actor is Zach Afron? Which is crazy right. I mean, he is Ironclow. Yeah. Well, I saw, I saw Mike and Dave need wedding dates

four times in theaters. Which is actually should be illegal. Okay. I do like Adam Devine. Isn't he the other person? He's funny. He's not too. Ricky.

This is a new movie? Yeah. It came out last year. But it's basically the premise of it is there's like three best friends, which is like Zach are front and his two friends. And they like when they're kids, they blame something that they did bad on this fake person named Ricky Stinicki. And then as they get older, get married, all that stuff.

They always blame this friend Ricky. And then they always have an excuse as to why he can't come to things, why the wives can never meet him. And then they basically fuck up and one of them uses Ricky Stinniki without asking permission. And so they have to basically find someone to play Ricky Stinke. and they find John Sina. Girl, they find him in like a fucking casino. Like, he's, like, doing magic.

Like, David, like, he's who does characters. I love. He's so funny, too. When I tell you, that movie is so fucking, everybody hates that movie, but me and my family. I can't wait to watch it. We'll watch it too night.

And John Sina is so funny in it. I even told one of my friends to watch it, and she watched her, she goes, maybe I need to watch it with you guys. I didn't laugh as much as much as I thought. I was like, you don't get the art. Some people don't get it. Some people don't get it.

Yeah. I feel like you guys would vibe with it though since you like spy and Hans & Shaw. I think so, yeah. I'm always just looking for movies. Like the second there's a man in a suit in a movie, I'm not watching it. Like I'm not watching a man in a suit, talking a little voice while pouring whiskey. I'm not interested. I'm not doing it.

And that's always what the Oscar nom is are. I know. I know. There's so. And it's like, it was funny because one time my sister and I were talking and she's like, do you want to go see Sonic 3 with us? Like heard my brother. And I go, I haven't seen the other Sonics.

and she was like, you don't need to see him, dude. She's like, here's the plot of every Sonic. New Sonic. That's the plot of every Sonic. And she goes, and then old Sonic's team up and recruit new Sonic. That's the whole plot. And I was like, I got to watch the other ones. And then as the conversation moved on, I go, we should watch the new Gladiator.

And then she goes, well, you haven't seen the first one. I go, I don't need to fucking see that. Yeah. I was like, with Sonic, I'm like, I won't understand his lore. Yeah. With Gladiator, I'm like, I got the gist, man fighting. Whatever. Yeah, well, I mean, Gladiator is like real world, stuff like that happened.

Like, who cares? Sonic is like a built kind of universe, you know? So I get it. There's a lot more complexities. Yeah, I think it's different. I agree with you. I think you're right. What would you guys say is your favorite movie then?

I know yours is a spy. But what's yours? I would say spy is our favorite movie as a couple. And then, um, and that's a thing. You guys, if you guys don't have that, there's something wrong with you. Um, that's our favorite movie is a couple. Um, Greece is probably my favorite movie in the world. I love that movie.

I went through a real hyperfixation phase when I was a kid with that movie, to the point where I like bought everything in Greece memorabilia. My parents got me the deluxe CD set. We all have that dream trip. We've been wishing we could go on. But too often life or usually price gets in the way. That's why price line is here to help you turn your dream trip into reality. With up to 60% off hotels and up to 50% off flights,

you can book everything you need for your next adventure. Just dream about that next trip. Book it with Priceline. Download the Priceline app or visitpriceline.com and book your next trip today. Got your happy price, price line. I remember I used to put it in my CD player, I used to put my headphones on, and I would blast that shit, and I would sing out loud at top volume. And every, God bless my dad.

My dad would drive me to school. And I remember I was singing my heart out one morning, and my dad would have to sit in traffic for hours taking music school because we lived far away. And then at one point he like, he tapped me. And then I took my headphones off. He goes, I can't do it today. I love you so much.

I can't do it today. And then I was like, what do you mean? Because I'm like 11. You're hitting this. The high. Yeah. And I can't sing for shit, but I'm singing like with my full chest like loud belting. Yes.

I can't do it today. I'm so sorry. That's so funny. That's so funny. That's so funny. Because I used to do pretty much the same thing. But for me for a long period of time, it was the soundtrack.

And I would turn down the music. So it's so loud. It's blasting. And then I would turn it down anytime there was a curse word or a sexual reference. And I'm also a child. So I don't know a lot of the references. So I'm sure like my dad's confused because I'm like turning it down for some things, but not like other things.

And then finally one day my dad was just like, hey, you know what? I've actually heard all these words. So let's just leave it on one volume the whole time, but me just singing at the top of my lungs. Yep. but in the car for two hours driving me to school, theater practice, whatever.

My dad just truly an angel from heaven. I know mine too. My dad would listen to me every morning. I wouldn't talk at all. I'd just be sitting there in the front seat singing my ass off, like my life dependent on it. And then morning he's like, I love you so much. I can't do it.

That's so funny. That makes me sad though, because I'm like, that must have been a really, what did he have going on that day? That must have been a, he was not, that was a really bad day that day. He was fired from his job. And then you're just, to me sing that.

He just found out a friend from high school died or something. That's the worst thing. 100%. Yeah. Yeah. So she's a couple movies spy. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Any other honorable mentions of favorite movie? Jungle. Jungle book. But no, Jungle Cruz. Jungle book. Not Jungle Book. Jungle Cruz was a good movie. And Emily Blunt.

That was a good one. Even though they had him playing a Spanish man, what's that about? Oh, yeah. I know there was some, Jordan probably turned to me, you looked at me like, why say that one? Because I know there was some problem.

I love Jumgal Cruz. I actually really liked that movie. There was a problematic stuff with that one. There was some stuff that made you kind of go, huh? Uh-huh. That was one of those where I felt like, oh, you're just checking a box. They're like, we need brown, but famous. Sure.

The Rock. Okay, the Rock. Yeah. He's very famous? Yeah, I was like, well, I mean, whatever he doesn't want, I'll take. We have similar builds. Just cast me. That's why I tell them all the time.

I'm like, it's funny because. the live action Moana when they did like an open call for it I didn't go because they didn't invite me and I only knew because I actually know a lot of Sama and people who were going and doing the open call because there's not many

of us and I follow most of them and I'm related to half of them so I made a TikTok like jokingly going was anyone going to call me or I'm open I'm available and then they ended up like reaching out to me because my video did really well and well first off deadline posted an article quoting my video saying Drew

Drew off Wallo says I'll play Moana's dad if that's what it takes Why is that the quote you pull? Sure sure Why did you pull of all the things I said? It would be so funny that after all this for you to play Moana's dad It just feels so embarrassing like you beg Then it would be like hairspray I'd be John Tramilza Yeah absolutely exactly I'm like Moana's dad I don't even remember him from the movie

You see a big character? Well I mean I'm not playing him regardless so I think, I'm not too sure in the live action. But I did actually get, like, reach out from them saying, like, well, we already cast like all principal people, but we know we have some side characters if you want to do reads for them. The chicken. I'm like, sure.

I'm like, sure. I go and like, they sent me three. All of them, men. Sure. And it was like, like, fishermen, coconut farmer. Coconut farmer mad. Yeah. And I was like, right.

I hope I get fishermen. Yeah. because fishermen has three lines and these other ones have two. And that's like I did them all. Didn't get one. Oh, bummer. But you know what's funny is like, I did the reason. I was like, wow, that's so cool.

Like maybe they'll just pick me just so I can like be in the background, whatever. And then like a couple months later was like to someone. I was like, oh, I actually got like a read for them from the live action one. And my friend was like, oh yeah, they just started filming, right? Like a couple weeks ago. And I go, I didn't know that. So that's the. Excuse me, I have to make a couple calls.

That is the worst. That same thing happened to me when the announcement of Little House on the Prairie happened. They said, it's been cast. I said, interesting. Didn't he receive a call? And what are the results? Yeah. What are the results?

Is this how you tell me? And it was embarrassing. You see a commercial you audition for. You say, oh, this movie's coming out. That's so interesting. It's always, man, that hit me hard. And people were like, a lot of people, because I posted about it, I was like, oh, not cast in Little House on the Prairie.

like that really sucks like really bad who'd you audition for for a little house and anybody i mean my dream nellie olson yeah obviously you don't want to be laura ingles no i don't think i'm good enough to be laura i don't have the charm people would not root for me the way they root for her i think nelly would be great but they were people were like oh yeah it's um they would DM me and they'd be like i think they're mostly casting children and i was like i didn't even think about that i'm so in my like you bring up little house in the prairie i'm still eight years old i'm right I'll play the lead and they were like, Oh yeah, my family and I go,

I got the fever spot, Pah, we say that to each other all the time, just because. I fully miss this from Little House on the Prairie. Come on. It just wasn't a thing in my house. Honestly, it's kind of shocking to me that it was a thing in my house.

I don't know, that doesn't really sound like my family to watch Little House on the Prairie, but you know. Kendall makes me watch like fan edits of Little House on the Prairie. Isn't this funny? No, not funny, and you laugh at them.

You're trying to play it cool. And you laugh. So, unless that's fake, I don't really know. Yeah, I don't get it. It's true, I'm not, I could not be less interested in anything than that time period. Colonial time. Wagon. Yeah.

Skip over it. Wagon time. Don't need to see it. I could not tell you what years those were, but I'm not interested. Dust bowl era. Yeah, just like kind of dirty wagon, white people, outside a lot. Yeah, dust. I'm just not interested in that.

Yeah, see, I'm good. I'm very interested. Why do you want to watch that? interested. I just want to like, I don't know. I want to like. She yearns for the covered wagons. I do. Well, I just started horseback riding lessons. Oh my God. And I know my, my coach, dare I say, is like, this bitch is so annoying because I really get on the horse and I'm like playing pretend. Like I am like, she's like trying to teach me helpful tools to ride the horse and I'm just in my own zone. She turns back your hairs and braids. Yeah. Every time she turns back,

you have a new piece song. Yeah. Yeah. We're working into it. We're watching. the last of us right now and Kendall keeps being like she's taking one horse back riding last night she keeps me like anytime they're on the horse she's like see this is why we have to learn how to ride horses and I'm like you're that's not why we're dying in the apocalypse we have other skills we should probably learn yeah outside of the horse riding part but what skills you're not learning any skills so at least I started you have all this judgment for what we should be doing why don't you start freeze drying something you know everyone lies everyone laughs now until there's only a horse for transbo.

That's the only mode of transportation. No, if the apocalypse happens, I'm dead. Me too. Later. I'm killing myself, I'm like by my own hand. I'm going out. Jordan keeps saying that, Jordan keeps going, well, if there's an apocalypse,

I murder, suiciding us. I'm like, do not bring, ask me first, please. I don't want you, and she's like, and our dog. I'm like, no, you have to just make your own decisions. All three of us are going out. Yeah, me too. That's how I feel, too.

I've told my man, I'm like, we're living out that episode of The Last of Us with the Gay Couple. Yeah, with Nick Offerman. Yeah. That's what we're doing. I'm like caving us in. Like we're all in our own thing, our own water supply, party until we die. Yeah.

Once we're out, we're out. Because live for what? I know. Live for why. I've said that too. I was like, I don't want to live in the aftermath of that. No way. I'm good.

You guys kick it back up and I'll be reincarnated. Sure. If there's no air conditioning, girl. I said once my phone dies, I'm out. Yeah. I don't need to be here anymore. Absolutely. My phone and my Kindle.

Like once my candle dies, now I'm for real gone. Yeah, and there's just things where it's like, I think about it and I'm like, oh, I wouldn't be able to get a Jersey Mike sandwich. I love Jersey Mike. Kill me. You know what I mean? I can get a turkey and provolome with extra cherry pepper relish. Bye. Gun to my mouth.

You guys don't have this at the end of the world. No way. I love Jersey mics. It's delicious. It's so good. I've been on a Jersey Mike's kick lately. What's the order? I get, I think like, I'm going to be so real.

My man orders my sandwich. I don't remember the exact order. All I know is it's like turkey, lettuce, banana peppers, mustard. What else do I have on there? I think halapennios, salt pepper. I think very masked about a person ordering your sandwich. I think first, I'm like fully gay, but for some reason, my instinct was to be like, a man should be ordering your sandwich.

It feels so like. It feels like a switch. Yeah. I feel that. No, I know. He always, he likes to like order on DoorDash and stuff. I'm like, sounds good. Oh, that's nice.

That's where I'm like, I'm cool with gender roles in that part. Yeah. Go ahead and take that king. I believe in you. I mean, I feel like we're constantly trying to put gender roles on ourselves. Like, it feels so hot. I know nothing about anything building-wise, but the second I'm holding a hammer,

all of a sudden I'm like, why don't you keep your pretty little mouse shut? You don't know about this stuff. Go buy yourself something pretty while I take care of this. Yeah, I love it. I'm eating it up. Okay. Sure.

I love it. Oh, I wanted to mention this. We'll have to bleep this part, but I did get a read for the new season of year. But it was for a small role. to play a podcast host. They told me to talk my shit in it. Like, they didn't even give me lines.

They just said, like, freestyle a minute of you talking about something related to, like, misogyny. The role is literally made. Like, it feels like it was made for me. It's you, yeah. And in my slate, I literally said, like, I just want to mention I am a podcast host of two. If I don't get this, that's embarrassing.

Guess what? Didn't get it. Of course. And you know who did? I feel like they got pissed off at me. You know who did? Kara Delavine. That's who's going to play that part.

You know who did? That's who's going to play that. part, Mikey Madison. That's about my part. I fucking bet. Yep. 100%. I bet. I fucking bet. Every single time.

I was laughing because I was like, oh no, for sure, for sure. Oh, man. Well, I do have some fun facts about y'all. What? Would you like to hear them? Sure. Okay. Mentally prepare.

I'm just kidding. Okay, for Kendall. It says on here that you did your first stand-up set at 11 years old. I did. I feel like that, you know, this is, it was, it was, it was ultimately plagiarized and not my own material. But I did steal a professional stand-up comedian. But I was so young, I didn't think I was like,

this is what stand-up is. So I looked up a stand-up set and I wrote it down. And then I went and I performed it. People were like, that was really good. An 11-year-old. I was like, thank you so much. You wrote that yourself? Yeah.

Yeah. And I did. And it didn't even feel like lying at the time, but I did, I did do that. Well, love that. It says on Jordan, it says, your appendix burst in 2000. 2018 during Halloween.

What is this? Famous birthdays.com? What are you looking at? Okay, so during Halloween, not to my recollection, but maybe. I don't remember what time of year it was. Yeah, my, I,

2018 was rough for, for me. I got dumped very suddenly from some, by someone, or really, it's okay, we're getting married.

So it's fine, everything's fine. It worked out in the long run with someone else, but it was like, someone dumped me very suddenly after for so long I was like maybe we should break up I think maybe it's like not good and they were like no you are wrong and I was like sure probably and then we went on a two week trip to France and they dumped me and in France on the kind of half there half when we got back that's crazy long breakup lasted like maybe 48 hours and then maybe a week later my appendix exploded. And not just most people don't have that happen. Like most people, it gets inflamed. Yeah. And it's so painful. They go to the hospital and then they remove the appendix. Jordan's fully burst at home. Oh my God. I've had pain tolerance. So my appendix fully exploded. And then I was in the hospital for quite some time. You were also going through something so tumultuous right before that. So I'm not surprised you didn't like feel anything. Sure. Yes. And then even more so, so two days before my appendix exploded, I was seeing the SpongeBob musical on Broadway.

and I got a call for my doctor who I literally had heard from like six months and she was like, I think you have lupus. You need to go to the doctor and go see some specialists. So it was like just back to back to back at the end of 2018. Oh my God. Were you excited though a little bit? Like once you woke up in the hospital because I feel like that's kind of the dream after getting dumped to be like, and now I'm in the hospital.

You're all. Yeah. No, a little bit. I'm going to cash that in. That's for sure. Yeah. That's one free call to an ex. Yes.

And they did call me. you know I'm in the hospital. They did call me while I was in the hospital. Period. Yeah. They called me and they said, I can't be there for you right now. And I said, you called me. Then hang up the phone.

You dialed this number. Just wanted to call and let you know. Yeah. I can't be there. Yes. And I said, all right. Thanks for letting me know. I'm high on Warfee and I got to go.

Just want to make sure you're still like, oh, thank God. I was going to feel bad for breaking up with you. All right. Well, I can't make it. so I'll be there. Jeez. Yeah. So that was the end of my 2018.

Damn. Well, that's not a very fun fact then. I think it's a fun story. I think we've all moved past it and I'm stronger now. I have one less body part. For Kendall, it says you had a dog named Tinkerbell who you named when she was five. Where are these facts from? This is terrifying.

Yes, I do. I did. She was eaten by bear. I'm pretty sure. But she was absolutely. delightful. I felt so bad. Being a parent must be so hard. I don't think I'm ever going to have children, but when I was five, I'm not. No. You aren't good company here. And I think just thinking through my childhood of what I put my mom through, I'm like, I absolutely cannot do that. And I, on my fifth birthday,

I was like, I want a dog. I want a dog so bad. Please, can I have a dog? So my mom takes me to a shelter, which we were in the deep south. I don't know if this is as common. I don't know. This feels like a very southern thing. But every shelter you go to, it's like not a legal shelter. It's like, what is this? You know what I mean? It's kind of like a woman in her house who's like, this is my dog shelter. And you're like, okay. So we go in and they had all these puppies and they basically told me like, this is like we're getting shut down. So like basically whatever dog you choose is kind of like the one that makes it out. Very sad. I'm five. I was like, okay. Great. My mom was like, oh, look how many cute puppies. There's so many cute puppies. And I immediately was like

that one. And it was a dog sitting in mud, which once again, not a reputable shelter. A dog sitting in mud probably three years old So, like traumatized truly Like Tinkerbell had clearly been through a lot And I was like, I want to name her Jennifer Was it first what I wanted to name her And then we landed on Tinkerbell Is a really funny name for a dog

Very funny and then I landed on Tinkerbell I was like that's fine And this poor dog it was just like she If anyone spoke she'd pee where she was She was like an absolute like something was just not there In her brain like she'd run into walls Like she was just I've had quite a few dogs

like that. Yes. And I was obsessed with her. I loved her so much. I loved her so much. First, it was going to be Jennifer, but unfortunately, we landed on Tinkerbell. Yeah. It's so funny. I've had quite a few dogs in my lifetime, but my man, he's only had one dog. Like, and I was like, oh, bitch, I've had, like, what feels like, like 9,000 dogs my whole lifetime. But that was just because, like, we would, like, almost fall into having dogs. Like, we would find them. Yes. Or we would go through but we were like, we should get a dog. And then we'd have one. And then we'd get like three more.

It was very strange. Where did you grow up? Like, I grew up in the inland empire here, Southern California. Okay. Well, how does it say? Because I feel like in the south, that was also another thing. It's like, there was so many just like dogs kind of wandering around.

Yeah. And if you like caught your mom on a good day, it was kind of like getting ice cream. You'd like, can I have this dog? Like we never really seeked out, except really Tinkerbell, like, seeked out, like, seeked out getting a dog. Yeah, same. I think the only dog that we like went and got was like when my sister was like a sophomore in high school junior.

She asked for an English bulldog. Like she really wanted an English bulldog. My mom loves to do this thing where like whenever she would introduce a pet into the family, she liked to play this game with us where she goes, what are we going to name it? And my mom is like obsessed with D names because all my siblings and I have the same initials. And so we'd be like, taco, right? Burrito. Like we'd be naming something cute and fun.

Oh, that's great, great suggestions. Okay, his name is Duke. I've actually already named him and I already printed the tag. But that was fun. I'm glad we did that. Like my mom would have these same parties and then she'd be like, perfect, perfect, perfect. Her name's Darla. Yeah.

Perfect, perfect, perfect. Her name's Daphne. So, like, every dog we've ever had, we have never named, like, until I got my dogs now. I have two little Frenchies now. What are their names? Squid and tuna. Oh, that's cute. Squid was my-D names.

Sorry. Not D-Names. That's right. I was like, I'm rebelling immediately. Yeah. I feel like I would be that way, though, as apparently, like, I can't even with my nephews. Like, the other day, he had this, like, dragon Lego. And I was like, oh, what's its name?

And he was like, draggy. And I was like, that's stupid. Like, I can't. Hey, that's dumb. Pick something else. Like, name it a normal draggy. Like, I don't know what that even is. I know.

Like, it was like this fun little game we like to play. Do you guys have any ideas? Perfect. His name is Dracula. Yeah. So I'm glad we all did that together. That's a tank. Yes.

Yeah. Let's get the good, the bad ideas out of the way. Yeah, perfect. Perfect. Just brainstorming. Yeah. It says for you, Jordan, that you used to have a job writing. sleep stories for the calm app.

Oh yeah. I used to write, well, really, I wrote one, and it honestly has gotten me recognized more than anything else I've ever done. Really? Yeah, I wrote a children's story for the calm app, which is like the meditation app. They do these sleep stories for kids.

And you, like, I guess I don't know, put the mom when your kid goes to sleep, so your kid leaves you alone. And I wrote one that I initially had pitched shit about like a robot, But at the end, it ended up being like a napkin, and it's about like a non-binary napkin. And it's called Spot the Napkin.

And still to this day, people will, like, I'll, like work with someone who's, like, kind of famous on something. Yeah. And they will have been, like, a normal level of nice and interested in me, like, you know, so not that interested in me on set or whatever. And then I'll get home and I'll have a DM from them that'll be like,

hey, I'm so sorry. I got home and I realized where I recognized your name from. you are the author of Spot the Nalkin. My son listens to it every night when he goes to bed. And I just want to thank you for what you've done for my family. And then they're like liking all my Instagram posts and everything. Yeah. It's crazy.

Yeah. Because I was doing any, like during the pandemic and like when I first moved out to LA, like you just have to do whatever. I wrote clickbait at one point. No, the calm app is that's honestly really cool. Thank you. Wrote something for that app. That's so sick.

I actually have that app. Okay. It was a fun era in our household, too, because, like, writing kids' stories is... It's time to refresh your yard during spring backyard days at the Home Depot. Get low prices guaranteed on propane grills starting at $179, like the next grill 3-burner gas grill. Or get $50 off a select Weber Spirit grill and bring big flavor to your backyard. Then set the scene with Hampton Bay string lights that bring it all together. Shop spring backyard days for seven days at the Home Depot.

Now through May 6th. Exclusion supplies See homebibar.com slash price match for details. Like so fun. And you can do it about anything. So I would be like throwing in my hat in the ring. I'd be like, what if it was an avocado that decides?

Jordan never took them. They were like, no. Again, she's like perfect. Bad ideas. Yeah. Think tank. Think tank. You're right.

This is good. Yeah. It's so fun. It was nice too. And they were like, I wrote for a couple different children's things. And they were taking ideas left and right and paying me money. for them. So I felt like I was like a 1980s businessman high on cocaine. Like I was just like,

oh, what if it's a dog? And the dog plays soccer. And they were like, great. Here's a, $600. I was like, perfect. It was good. It was just nonstop. It paid the rent for a while. You're a man of many hats. You know, you gotta be. Yeah. Your parents aren't famous. For real. Kendall, it says that you used to work as a gym janitor. I did. That was my job when I was before, I was on, it's called dog pound. Do you know dog family? Yeah, I do know dogma. It's a celebrity gem.

Yeah, the black and white one. Mm-hmm. You were a janitor at the dog pool? I was a janitor there. I, you know, it didn't pay well. The worst people in the world go to that gym. It truly was. I'm imagining you in there.

And I always had the biggest, I don't know what is this, because this was my kind of second janitorial position. And they never just give you a normal fucking vacuum. It always is the one with the jet pack on the bat. It looks like the Ghostbuster. Literally, I'm like, you're, this is just to degrade me. Like, you want me to never forget I'm a janitor. You can get me a Hoover.

I don't need this. And they don't work. They like don't pick anything up. It's like just for show. But that was what was weird about working at dog pound is it was kind of like, they have the real genders come in at night. But to like, you know, deep clean the floor and everything. But like you're kind of the for show janitor.

Because when Vanessa Hudgens is working out, she needs to make sure you're like wiping something. It was like very bizarre. But it was my favorite job I ever had. Like, if it paid as much. as TikTok, I would still be doing it. Because it was so, like, I'm, like, pretty introverted. It was like, I didn't have to talk to anyone. And I just, like, cleaned all day.

I did whatever I wanted. And also, like, I mean, ever so often someone would throw up, whatever. But it was so rare because it's only personal training. So it wasn't like that many people were there at all times. Yeah. And celebrities aren't eating enough to throw up. No. Right.

They're throwing up is for something else. Yeah. Yeah. Sickness. They don't have like water. Yeah. And they do kind of fake workout. This is not, and I'm gonna, you know,

they, you can really make a change at dog pound. I'm not trying to put them down. But sometimes she. Just in case I want to go back to dog pound. It is a really wonderful. Yeah, they make $600,000 a year or more and you want to make a positive change in your life. You should definitely go to dog pound.

Well, sometimes women would come in that were like, Victoria's Secret models and you would be like, these are fake exercises. It's like they've flown on their phone and they're kind of like just stepping across the floor. And I'm like, this is not an exercise. Right. It's kind of like when I did We Fit and thought I was. was going to get jacked by like stepping on and off of a platform. And it tells you obese when you get on the we fit thing.

Obese. Obes. Okay, why do you say it that way? Why is the voice two octaves lower? Obesied. I can read. I don't need to fucking, you don't need to announce it to me.

Devastate, yeah. So I didn't know what to do that. It did. It literally would say obese when you get on it. I'm not even kidding. I'm not making that. That's so. Literally I was eight.

Like I raised like. I was like eight years old and it is screaming that at me. But that's how it is. I got personal training one time and she, she made me do like 20 squats. And then she did the like BMI, whatever. And then she took out a pointer, which was so unnecessary,

a little pointer stick. Yeah. Pointed to a thing two feet away from her. She could definitely point it with her finger just to a thing that said obese. Yeah. Oh, right. Well, in case you couldn't read it here,

it's also up here. Yeah. Well, I feel like every time like you go to the doctor, no matter who you are, they're like so technically, medically, you're dead. Yeah.

technically you're not alive right now and I'm like okay well I'm fine yeah let me alone they're like so you're wait do we want to talk about that no this is the eye doctor I don't need to talk about that yeah yeah no I just need a new prescription for my glasses thank you percent but yeah I loved being a janitor you just kind of like like just kind of and everyone is so it is one of those jobs where it's like not a bad job but I think people's heads they're like a janitor no totally they look down on it yeah so they're always so nice. Like they would see and they would be like, oh, thank you so much. Thank you. And I eat that shit up. I'm like, you're welcome. Of course. But it was, it did get awkward because I worked up, I worked there for a long time and I, like, worked there past when I should have worked there. I was hard for me to like let it go because I was so scared to like not have any income. So by the end, I was working like one day a week.

But at that point, I also was like fully on TikTok and like fully like was being recognized at like at the gym. and that was very funny because I would be like cleaning up like on the floor I would be like vacuuming people like oh my god you're a ticotker and I was like not very glamorous huh just like you just like you I put my pants on one leg at a time yeah exactly right it says also for jordan that you were in a dodgeball league when you first moved to l. And how was that I was I moved here And at a party, the first night I moved here, my best friend, Lily and I were both drunk and we met this very nice woman. And she was like, you have you my dodgeball team. And we were like, incredible. And then the next morning we woke up with like a text that was like, here's the time that we start today.

So we were like, oh, okay. So we went because we were nervous. We wanted to have friends. We both moved out here recently. And it was horrible. As you can imagine, adults should not be playing dodgeball. No, never. It's just because like when you get hurt and you're a kid, it's fun.

fine. You're so resilient. Your mom takes care of you. You're on your parents' insurance. Right. But I very quickly realized as soon as I stepped on to the dodgeball court my first time, if I lose one of these veneers, I'm out a job and in $11,000 worth of credit card debt now. Like, there's no world in which that is allowed. You can be breaking an arm as an adult in the entertainment industry. Well, it's also like, well, we're adults. We don't have to do this. 100%. Most times when we played dodgeball, it was like by force because we're in school. Yes. And they made you do it.

Well, and that kind of leads to point out that the people that play adult dodgeball generally tend to be bizarre. Everyone on my team was wonderful. They were so nice and clearly just be they're all comedians. People just wanted to like have fun and get out. But we would play against other teams of adults that were very competitive. And I don't want to offend anyone here. But I think if you're a very competitive adult, you need to speak to someone. Like something's going on with you.

Like to the point where it's that serious. Yeah, I'm just like, don't you have like a job and a family? Like, why are you so competitive about this board game or whatever it is? Yeah, 100%. So I have a distinct memory of one time we were losing so badly to another team that was really into it that the referee was like, you know what? No more points just for fun now. Let's all just have fun like normal. And as soon as he said that, a man standing.

across from me, I don't know, 50 feet away, 20 feet away, I'm not good at distance, who was probably like two of me stacked on top of each other. He looked in my eyes and he said, now it's time to really have some fun. And cranked up and underhanded a dodgeball directly into my crotch so hard that it knocked my feet out from underneath me. And I fell forward onto my face. Was it Captain America? Essentially.

Yes. Just a absolutely giant man. What did I do? You just softball pitched a dog dog. Yes, right into my coochie. And knocked you all for like a bowling pin? Yes. Fully knocked all the air out of my body.

So I just had to lay there for a minute. And then I rolled over and then finally I slowly got up. And then I was like, what the fuck is wrong with you? I was like, what is the matter of you? Now it's time to have some fun. And then you throw a ball into my crop. Not fun at all. Something's really wrong with these kind of people.

We have two different ideas of fun. A hundred percent. My fiancé loves, he has fun playing dodgeball, which is strange. But he's not allowed to play dodgeball anywhere near me or my family anymore because he has a problem. And I said there's something about launching projectiles that really activates a prey drive in him. Like his pupils die late when he has the chance to throw. something. Like sometimes he'll pick stuff up and it'll be like, I want to throw this so bad.

And people have told me, that's autism. I don't know. I don't know if it is. I don't know. In 2025, what isn't autism? Honestly. And I have a lot of autistic things about me too. They diagnose me all the goddamn time.

Every time I talk about anything. The few times I've talked about that, they're like, that's autism. I'm like, all right. Well, it feels very primal to me. It feels like, you know what I mean? Kind of hearkening back to like, I'm a man. I should throw something. That's what I think too, but it ranges very differently.

Like, it's not always at someone. He just wants to see how far he can throw it. I don't know why. Like, he's just like, there's something in me wants to, like, run and just throw this as hard as I can. Has he ever done discus? Is that what they call it? Oh, yeah. Actually, we did that in high school together.

We did shop put in discus in high school together. Yes. And I joined, because my mom said I had to join another sport in spring. And I didn't want to, like, run. So I was like, well, obviously, I'm going to do this. shop put in discus because I just stand there and throw. And so I did it. And because I did it that way, he joined two because he's like, oh, I want to let her to and I don't want to run. And so I've watched him throw the discus and stuff and shop put. Yeah. Far. Yeah, not bad. Jason was actually

really good. When we were in high school, Jason actually set a record in our high school and got recruited like her senior year, but she'd only been doing it for like two months. Oh, yeah. Your boyfriend was probably so mad. He didn't think of a fuck. I love that. I love that. I've been throwing. She was a child with the baby. No, she's dominating in that sport and then she was like, no, I'm straight. No, that she went to college right after that, joined the rugby team. Yeah. All the pieces were right in front of us.

Yeah. They were right there. That's so, yeah. I think, I commend you for joining that dodgeball team. Sometimes you put yourself out there and you realize you shouldn't have. You know? Not that way. No.

Well, there's so many things in L.A. too, where it's like you just can't do it because you're in L.A., and I feel like rec league sports are one of them and karaoke. Oh, you can't go to karaoke. Anytime you go to like, oh, I'm going to join, oh, a rec league soccer team open to all levels. And you get there and it's everyone is like an ex professional soccer player. And you're like, this is so annoying. Like, I want to go home. Yeah.

When I first started dating my man, he was in a rec softball league. Mm. And he really loved playing baseball. He loved, he loved baseball, but he was so big. He played football for most of his life. So he was like, I love playing softball and I just play with my friends. And we have a good time. And he's like, do you want to come watch me?

I was like, if I have to, sure. I'll come and watch you, sure. But when he would go, it's whoever they'd play, every team they'd play would be like, just the drunken, baldest old dudes in like their 50s. And they're drinking, but they're taking the shit so serious. Like they treat it like the majors. Yeah. Like the way that they're hitting the ball, they're like, foul, foul.

Like the way they yell at each other and shit, I'm like, oh, it's never that serious. If I'm ever that old and I'm doing this, lock me up. You go to karaoke in L.A. And someone always comes up and is like an opera singer. And I'm like, oh, good for you. Like, job legend. What are you doing here? Literally.

I'm like, but to me, that's so embarrassing to be like, I'm so good at this thing that I have to go to like spaces where people are like amateurs to show them I'm good at something. And especially singing, which this is maybe jealousy because I'm so bad at singing. Me too. But sometimes with singing, I'm like, yeah, I've heard it. Like, what are you going to show me a new note that I've never heard? Like, I've literally seen like Cynthia.

thing and you think I'm going to be like, who. And especially because a lot of them, I'm like, you're born with that. So I'm not impressed. I have a rude question. Perfect. Why would a man play softball? Because to my understanding, no, this, and I don't know a lot about sports unless it's basketball.

So this is probably like just a short coming on on my part. But I'm kind of like, in the way that cats are girls and dogs are boys, I'm like softball is girl and baseball is boy. Yes, I agree. Okay, he plays softball because it's less dangerous. Oh, I love that. They use a bigger ball and everything. I love that.

When they use the little ones, they're more likely to get seriously injured if they're playing. And based off the way they were fucking playing, I get it. So like, yeah, I understand. But not that doesn't mean softball's easier. It just means the ball and the rules are different a little bit. They like very slightly. Sure. But that's how you know soft balls for girls because it's like a smarter sport.

Exactly. They're like, oh, let's have. have fun, but maybe let's not be as hurt. Exactly. I asked the same thing. I was like, why is it softball? And he was like, oh, it's because you can't overhand pitch. You can only underhand pitch.

And it's like, it's safety reasons. I love that. Because no one's a professional because we're all here in the rec league doing it. You know what I mean? Sure. But yeah, that's not rude at all. I asked the exact same thing. I was just curious.

Softball is such a lesbian sport too. I agree that I was like girls. Me and days joke about stuff like that all the time. Like we were saying cartwheels girl. Yeah. Gainer boy. What? A gainer. What's that? Exactly. You don't know because you're again. Yeah. Boy. Not boy. Don't know. And I do you think of I. Gainer's one of those like sideways back flips or some

Oh. I don't fucking know. It's something when they flip into a pool or some. That's something like that's like that was yeah, that's like a fraternity thing. Yeah. Yeah. That's like that shit. Remember how old do you guys? I'm 32. Okay. I'm 25. Are you really 25? Yeah. Damn. I did not know you were that young. Oh my gosh. I'm 29. Um, but do you remember in like in college around that time there was like that period of time where everybody's obsessed with those Red Bull videos would people like jump off cliffs and shit. Yes. Those guys doing those weird flips, those are gainers. Okay.

When they do that like thing where they stay so straight and they fucking flip backwards. Okay. So I'm like, that's for boys. Sure. When when, when girls like do, I don't even know, a standing back tuck, girl. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

When a boys do like a jackknife into the pool, that's for a boy. Sure. I mean. I do think if I saw a boy do a cartwheel, I'd be like, yeah i'd be like you're not a lot of you in a good way but a little bit those aren't for you those are for girls

yeah that's like front flip girl backflip boy yeah stupid shit like that no I can't do any of these but me either I have no skill whatsoever to do any of that that's tallness I think because when I was growing up little girls would be like I'm gonna do a backflip they have no gymnastics trainer

I'm gonna do a cartwheel or whatever and they were so good at it just naturally and I'm like that's because we're so far from the ground that's like plummeting my head off a clip. Yeah, I got a lot more height on me. Yeah, I did gymnastics and tumbling for quite some time until I became literally too physically large. They were like, you're too big. That was me with cheer.

Yeah, you get too big. I was like, when I was first doing cheer, I was like a flyer. I was one of those ones they were like, woo, up in the air. As soon as I got too big and I had to be a base, I said, hey, fuck this sport. I'm out. I ain't holding another bitch no way. Less attention. It's either me or nothing.

Yes. Yeah, it got into, in gymnastics. and tumbling where it was like, I was so much bigger than the adults that were spotting me became a safety situation for everyone involved. This is a Bose moment. You've been there. Small talks going nowhere, but then the Bose speaker kicks in. Music you can feel fills the room.

And no more chat with Danny from accounts. Your life deserves music. Your music deserves Bose. Find your perfect product at bows.com. Get bigger people in here. No, because gym is so big. I know they're so tiny. But that's the same thing.

We were talking about this earlier. How when people meet us, they're like, whoa, you're a huge. That's because you meet a celebrity. Oh, girl. They're this big. They're the smallest people you've ever seen in your life. I know. And every time I stand next to them, I'm like, oh, my God.

I'm like, I feel like they're like, ah, every room I come into. Yeah, they're going to blow in one. Why are they so small? What's going? But not even, like, obviously, celebrities for the most part are, like, thin in a way that's really toxic and psychotic. Yeah. But they're also, like, their bones are smaller than mine, right? Yeah.

Like there has to be some kind of anatomical study because they're smaller than me in every single way. Yeah, it's kind of like, you know how older homes, the doorways are smaller because people generally speaking were small. Not just not talking about fatness at all, just like generally speaking were smaller. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, now I'm like, what did I get massive bones on my list?

What happened? I'm just like, I generally feel like just girth wise. Yeah, I'm a lot like thicker than most people. Yeah. And all the carpets I worked during award season, And I, the entire time, I was like, everybody, they're like, eye level with, like, right underneath my tits. Why are they so small? I don't know.

I will not do an influencer group shot. No. I'll sit this one out. Thank you. Because it literally feels like I'm like, the photos come back. It looks like I missed, what is her name, Miss Frizzle with her student. It's like so insane. Giant.

You got, like, on school picture day, they're like, okay, get in the back. You're in the very far back. They're like, Kendall will take it. Yeah. Yeah. The last one I have about Kendall, it says March 30th, 2014, you dressed up as the Jonas Brothers. Oh my God. This is, okay.

So first of all, are you, are you Joe? No, I'm Kevin. Of course. That is unfortunate. And this I think truly, actually, don't know where you got that photo, but I'm obsessed that you brought this up. I think that was my first memory of being like, I'm gay. a hundred percent. You being Kevin Jonas, probably.

It was a traumatizing night to say the least. So my friends, Ellen Avery, were like, we're going to dress up as the Jonas brothers. I think it was very clear I knew I wasn't going to be Joe. Like I just knew it in me like I'm not leading man material. But I think I thought there'd be more of a conversation around it. Not an assignment. Which I remember being, that was my frustration.

Like, I remember being in fourth grade and being like, why is there not more of a conversation? Like, I don't like the assumption that I'm Kevin. And then I remember there being an argument between the moms because, like, one of the moms was like, well, my daughter looks like Joe. I was like, this is a costume party for nine-year-olds. Let me, so they were like, Kendall's going to be Kevin. Kendall's going to be Kevin. And like that hurt because obviously at the time everyone was like, well, Joe and Nick are hot and Kevin's ugly, which was the whole thing, which he's not.

But at the time, that was what people said. And so I was like, oh my God, I can't even do this. And it was a birthday party for a girl on a rec volleyball team. everyone went as Hannah Montana like every single person was Hannah Montana we show up as the Jonas Brothers and I remember my mom like It's a genius costume

Thank you so much And I really loved my outfit Like I was really excited I felt really hot And I remember my mom like she put a fedora on me And then she drew curls down To look like Kevin And I literally remember her doing my makeup

And just being like I know this isn't exactly what you wanted But you're gonna have a really fun time and I remember so clearly looking in the mirror and going, I look exactly like Kevin Jonas. Like what the actual fuck? You're looking and you're going, they might have been on to something.

They literally? And I remember my mom like holding up the photo of Kevin that she was going off of and being kind of like not saying anything, but we knew that I looked exactly like him. And at the party, people kept coming up to me and being like, you look exactly like Kevin Jonas. And I really did. And then your friends are like,

I told her. I told her that I said that. And I was so pissed because I remember and, you know, look, I can't hold the scratch because she was eight or nine, but she, the girl who was Joe got upset for some reason. I think she was embarrassed because I, if I'm remembering correctly,

I kept wanting us to perform. Like I kept being like, let's go on the stage and have the DJ play a Jonas Brothers song. Because I knew how iconic it was. I was like, we're doing full drag. Yeah, like this point.

It's high drag at this point. And she like cried in the bathroom. And I was like, well, now only Kevin and Nick are at the party, which wouldn't happen. Like, it was just like an absolute nightmare. You're flowing off the aesthetics, the whole thing.

And I just think I had a moment where I was like, I will never be kind of the it girl. Like, this is me. I'm Kevin, you know? That's not true. The fact that you're looking, you're like, I look just like you. I looked.

I looked identical to him. It was very, like, my face structure. Because you can't go back. You're now like, when you take off everything, like just our heads next to each other, very similar. I believe you. I believe you. I haven't studied. Because you can see it.

I haven't studied his anatomy close enough, but I believe you. When I was a kid, I remember one time I wanted to be Neo from the Matrix. I had never seen that movie. I just thought the look was sick. And I wanted like my hair to all be slicked back like that. And I was like probably like seven or eight. And I told my mom like, I want to be Neo from the Matrix. And she was like, well, you've never seen that movie.

I was like, no, I know, but the outfit is awesome. And she's like, well, there's a girl in the movie, like, her name's Trinity. Like, you could be her. And I was like, I want to be Neo. Or, Neo. So she dressed me, like, literally slicked all my hair bag. She, like, put, like, dark stuff in my hair. So it was really dark.

And she gave me those little glasses. And I had the trench coat and everything, sweating my ass off because it was so hot. And I kept that shit button to the top. That trench coat button to the top for the whole night. Yeah. And I had, like, boots. I felt like the baddest bitch alive. Yeah.

For some reason, I always dressed as men. I was cross-dressing a lot Like as a child And I like always had the most fun And I remember walking around that party And my mom was like You know not a lot of kids might not know who you are Because I was so into

I was like people have to know who I am And then when I was like no I was like I'm sure they'll know I'm sure Not one fucking kid knew who I was I think they all thought I was like secret service For the president And then but every adult at that party

Was like that's fucking awesome Are you Neo from The Matrix? And I was like You're damn right I'm Neo from my age. I always wanted to be a boy. Did you like the adult attention? Oh yeah. I love any any and all attention. I'll take it no matter who it comes from. Sure. Even like I've joked before about how like we had to do a wax museum project that was in fifth grade and you had to pick someone you admire. And the person I picked was king George the third. I don't admire him at all. I just, I found him fascinating because he's like one of the

worst kings in English monarch history. Sure. Yeah. And like it was so concerning to my teacher that she called my mom. Like she was like, hey, I think maybe, you know, she should pick someone else. And I was the only girl who crossed dressed, obviously. And then it was funny when I came. My mom was like, I mean, is it against the rules? And she was like, no, she did everything for it. And then she said, just let her do it. Who cares?

Like, my mom was always like, just let her do it. Cairs, whatever. My kid's a fucking freak. It's fine. And then my mom, like, did my whole outfit. I remember, like, she gave me a teaky torch from the backyard, covered the whole thing in foil. So I had, like, a sceptor.

Yes. Oh, I felt like the baddest bitch alive. I was just like a, like, a colonial man. And I had, she put like, a little chain on a blanket and, and chained it my back and I was walking around I was like oh my god I'm so awesome and I remember we all to go in the library and they were like oh if anyone wants to do their little monologue you had to recite it's extra credit if you do it in front of everyone and if you do it with an accent like if you're a British whatever and guess who was first in line bitch top model me I was for I literally

my hand never went up faster I was it and then I was like oh my god this is my time to shine and I remember I memorized the whole thing did it in a British accent probably a terrible one no And they gave me a mic too, and I remember what I was like high off the attention. Like everybody's watching me and I'm like, everybody's looking at me. I love that. I would do one of the most sobering things as an adult, though, is seeing a photo from childhood where you remember that moment as a child and being like, I look so fucking sexy right now. Do you know what I mean? Like when you're a kid and you're like, no one has ever looked hotter than me.

I'm giving like peak Angelina Jolie right now. And then as an adult you see a picture from that day or that time. And you're like, and you're like, uh-oh. Oh, man. Yeah, when I was in great school, I was like, we should join the, we should do the talent show to my sister. And she was like, for what? And I was like, let's just do it. What are you going to get to discover?

She does not get it. And it was like end of the year talent show. So it's like spring. And for some reason, we were really into the movie 13 going on 30. And you know, they're super into the thriller dance in that movie. So I was like, we should do the thriller dance. Now, did we watch the actual thriller music video? No.

We watched 13 going on 30, 50,000 times and then try to memorize what little pieces they show. And then that's the only part of the dance we did is the part they do in the movie. And we dressed as zombies. And again, it's May. And so, like, it's not Halloween themed. It's not Halloween anything. And my sister was so mad at me because she did not want to do it. And I was like, come on.

It would be so fun. It was me, her and these two other girls. And we, like, put white paint on our face. like we're a song piece. Music's all low. I was like, if I ever find that footage, it's probably so bad. But there's so many parts of the song that we didn't know dance moves to. So we were just standing there going.

But did you feel so good? Yeah, I felt like I was on top of the world. Girl, I felt like I was in Madison Square Garden. I felt like I sold it out. Yes, that's how I'm like always trying to get back to that place. Right. That's so real. There's so many moments.

Like I would like do a middle school, the middle school play. And like after in the parking lot, I would literally in my head be like, every car that passed, I'd be like, they're like, oh, there she is. She was unbelievable tonight. Like the adults are being like, where is she? She's going to go far. I transferred to a new school in sixth grade. And I was like, I'm an audition for the talent show.

So at the auditions, I sang an a cappella rendition of Suddenly Seymour from Little Shop of Horrors, which is a great song. It's a duet plus chorus. duet plus ensemble and I sang all the parts by myself being like you did both you did both the man and the woman singing to each other did you do the makeup me in the shower yeah yeah exactly I didn't do I just I went up there and yeah no props no costumes and I think just sang it out myself I was like everyone in the room was changed after hearing that they were so moved to and yes and then I got a call the next day that I did not get into the talent show because my talent was too

sad. Oh, what? And then upon talent show day, I found out that I was the only person who didn't get into the talent show. Oh, my God. Because they let anyone in those. Because they'll let anybody into it. I was going to say, I didn't know you had to audition for it.

Oh, yeah. You don't, except unless you're me. And also, I was living in South Florida. So I'm like, the talents that were in this talent show were questionable. You know what I mean? There are some things that children should not have been doing. But my talent was too sad, so I couldn't be in it. But now the joke's on them.

now look at us. Yeah. Now we get attention for a living, period. Mm-hmm. Well, thank you guys so much for coming on the show. You guys are fucking awesome. Thank you so much for having us. You're so funny.

I feel like I was like, we really are kindred spirits, all of us. Yeah, I know. Well, I was thinking halfway through, I was like, we gotta get some Jersey mic sandwiches and have a movie night. Yes. And we have a Melissa McCarthy movie night.

Oh my God. Let's fucking do it. You actually don't want to watch spy with us. We're in suffering to watch spy with. We will not show that movie. We quote every line. Every time someone comes to my house and they say they haven't seen the heat or spy, I make them watch both with me.

And then when they suggest, they're like, well, let's watch something. I'm like, no. We watch spy. Because every time we watch it, a new joke, we're like, we didn't even, we've seen it a thousand times. Like, I didn't even hear that the first time. But this is perfect. We'll all get together.

We'll memorize all the lines. It's funny, right before we came out here, me and Jason, we're laughing about a quote from the heat, like when she's yelling at her family in her house. We were repeating the same line back and forth and laughing, as if we made it up or we're in the movie. We're not. Sure. But the community around the movie is an integral part of the movie.

Exactly. It's priceless. Thank you guys so much for coming on the show. I fucking love y'all. This is great. Thank you all so much for joining us in this episode. Thank you to my amazing guest, Jordan and Kendall. Where can everybody find you?

Well, you can find us at Happy Wife, Happy Life, anywhere you get your podcast. And we're also on YouTube. And then separately, we just are names or Instagrams. Yeah. Just Google our names. and a bunch of stuff will come up. A bunch of stuff you don't want to see.

Click on any of that. And they Google it and it's Kevin Jonas. Yeah. Click on that. Just give him some support. You need that. But yeah, we have a podcast where we just give relationship advice.

And it's so funny. And y'all should tune in. And it's on Spotify, yes? Yes. Period. Yeah. Anywhere you get your podcast. Period.

We love that. Thank you guys so much for joining us. I fucking love you. We're both so funny. You guys are amazing. Thank you all so much for joining us. Don't forget. episodes at the comment section drop every Wednesday. You can stream the audio on all streaming

platforms but the video lives for free and exclusively on our favorite platform Spotify. Thank you so much to Jordan and Kendall. Thank you so much to all of you. And I'll see you next week. Bye. 50-50 if my zippers up or down anymore. Take my pants off at home. They come off easy. I'm like, I that was four hours I was walking around like Netflix is a joke presents Nate Bargatsy Big Dumb Eyes world tour, a special live taping at Into a Dome. I think it's because I'm peeing so much. longer.

I watch young people come and go. I'm like, tell my family I'm okay. Nate Bargatsy, May 9th and 10. Live and Into a Dill. Get tickets at Netflix at jokefest.com.