The Comment Section with Drew Afualo - STARVING PICKUP ARTIST Ft. Kurtis Conner | The Comment Section Ep. 136

Episode Date: September 18, 2024

This week comedian Kurtis Conner joins Drew on the show! They talk mullets, the hive mind in Australia, American Gladiator, “sexual market value”, pickup artists, toilet time, why men comparing themselves to the Joker isn’t the flex they think it is, and so much more. Drew: linktr.ee/drewafualo Kurtis Conner: IG / TikTok For sponsorships/partnerships, email [e-mail]. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

knee down for nobody but God. God? I'm proposing to God. You think he's taken? Yeah. I'll see you're getting on your knees for another man, dude. Pretty gay. Recess, bro. Hey, everyone, and welcome back to another episode of the comment section show starring me, your favorite. Everybody knows me. Who cares about me? On to the guest. Today we have the iconic,

the legendary, the mayor, the mayor, the mayor, the mayor, to end all mayors, the one and only, Curtis Connor. Woo! Thanks for having me. Welcome to the show. Thanks, thank you. Mayor of Curtis Town. Yeah.

I almost forgot the name. Don't get it fucking twisted. That's my name. Don't wear it out. Happy to have you on the show. Big fan for a long time. Yeah, same. Yeah, we did the...

Your YouTube together. Yeah, we did my YouTube. We YouTube together. We did my YouTube together. Yeah, when was that? Like two years ago, I think. Fucking Jesus. I know.

And it was crazy. What's funny is Curtis asked me when we met on the Zoom. You were like, can you record on your phone too, just in case I'm like, for sure. And then I did. And then my phone died. Oh, yeah, yeah. I ran out of storage. And I had no idea.

So we missed a good 30 minutes of it. But it's, you know what? But we pieced it together somehow. It made it work. Still had a blast. Yeah, that was a good video. It was fun. I have been a fan of yours for a very long time.

Wow. And I want to tell you the very first YouTube video I saw of yours that, like, I was like, oh, yeah, I'm locked in here. All right. That's when I purchased my citizenship to Curtis out that day. Yeah, you have to purchase. You have to buy it's really expensive. Yeah, it's pretty fucked up.

There's a whole lot of layers to it. It was your video you made about TikTok country boys. Oh, shit. That was the very first one I'd ever seen. Really? That's like a super old video. Yeah, that was the first one I saw because I remembered you from Vine. Okay.

Because, wait, I'm jumping all over the place. Okay, so the genesis of your career. You started on Vine, right? Is that kind of where you shoulded? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. I started doing stand-up, and then I wanted, like, a way to also be, like, writing and doing jokes and stuff.

And when I wasn't on stage and Vine was, like, popping at the time. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I started on Vine. Did pretty good on there. I was having fun. I put all my eggs in that basket. And then they dropped the basket. Then they threw it in the trash.

And then all my eggs broke. But then, yeah. then moved to YouTube and it's been pretty good. And how was it building your YouTube in the beginning? Was it like a lot different because Vine was such a short form or was it more fun? Well, I was trying to like running in tandem with Vine, I was trying to do YouTube also because like other people were doing it. But I was like, I just didn't know what to do on there.

I was like starting, I was doing like sketches. Like I just, it was like just trying to see what worked. And it just like took so long. And it really took me a while to really. like hone in and sort of it only until I saw like my friends like Danny and Drew like they started doing like commentary and I was like okay I feel like that's something I would want to try and gave it a try and then uh and not me Drew by the way right gooden yeah drew good if y'all don't know yeah but uh yeah it was just uh it took a while a lot of fucking trial and error but um

worked out thank yeah clearly yeah it's doing really well for the uh the YouTube When you were, did you learn how to edit your own stuff? Is that like what was taking you kind of a long time? Or did you already know how to do that? Yeah, I taught myself how to edit. I mean, it's not fucking rocket science. But I just thought it was just like, it was just years and years of just slowly doing it

and just like getting better over time. Trial and error. Yeah. And I actually worked at a startup, a company called Inkbox. Oh, that's right. Yeah, they make semi-permanent tattoos. Yeah. And yeah, I feel like I, it was great because I was like the head

video content there. So I was like, that was a term that I got to pick myself also. It sounds like way sicker than I actually was, but they're like, what's your title? What do you want it to be? And I was like that one. But that like kind of forced me to edit like all day, every day. So it's like I got like pretty not good. I just got like proficient. A lot faster. Yeah, a lot quicker. Yeah. Because it is a, it is a tedious process. It's not necessarily hard depending on what you're doing. Yeah. Because that was the one thing, the one, like, I've talked about how I'm like, one of the few people I think who went to college and my degrees are useful in my, because I was a journalism and communications major.

So I learned how to edit. I learned how to do sound and talk on camera and all that stuff. So I learned all that in college, so thankfully I can use it here. But even so, like, editing is tedious. It takes forever. It takes a long time. Especially to get funny at it.

Like, because editing, like, a news package is what I was doing is one thing. But, like, editing something that's supposed to be entertaining and funny, it's a whole other thing. Yeah. Yeah. But that's like the, it's, it's tedious though, but it's like, I feel like, over the years, I feel like I've developed like a style of editing that people like. I was just about to say. Yeah.

I was like, your style is very funny and I think that's what people really love. Thanks. Yeah. Thank you. You're welcome. Yeah, I think if I stopped editing my own videos, it'd be, people would be pretty upset. Because, like, you would tell that it's like someone else, you know? Yeah, I've seen, some of my friends who have been YouTubers for a long time, like,

they refuse to give up the editing. they're like, they just don't get it. They're not going to match my freak the way I need them to. Exactly. I need them to match my freak. Yeah, every time I would try to hire an editor, that was like the thing the email I would send them. I was like, please just, can you just please fucking match my freak?

For once. Best regards, Curtis. Best regards, Curtis. I think when I saw your country boy video, I, first of all, I was working in an office and I remember because I was watching it in my cubicle. Wow. Like I was listening to it and I had it up. listening to it.

Me stealing time. I was working, but I was listening to the YouTube video. And I was laughing my ass off. And my sister was in the cubicle next to me. And she texted me and said, what are you watching, dude? Because she couldn't hear me going,

and my fucking cubicle by myself. I was dead. And you know why? Because your style of humor, I love. I love your style of it, where it's like silly. And it's like,

it's very like silly and goofy and lighthearted, but it's so specific and funny. And I actually remember jokes from that video. Like you said that hat is so on that guy's head. Oh, yeah. When you're talking about the guy, his head was pushed so far down when you can barely see his eyes. I forgot I said that.

Shit like that, like, it cracks me the fuck up because it's just so silly. Yeah. It means nothing. It's just so like, whatever. It's just goofy, yeah. I know, I'm so thankful for those country guys making those TikToks because it was so like, I was just like such a baffling thing that nobody had really talked. about it yet because it's like the like the juxtaposition of like a tough country guy like

lip syncing to a fucking camera is like crazy it's so backwards and then when you did about divorce dads oh yeah yeah making tic talks with their kids yeah those are so good what an obscene premise i know i wish ticot is this when i was a kid so my dad could have made one of those how old are 30 30 big three oh i know god you're a million years older than me that sucks I'm 30. Just kidding. I'm going to be 29 this year. I'm here.

I'm here. Younger of the Hill. So we're both. We're both up there. Yeah, we're up there. Over the hill. Better to be over it than under it. Am I right?

Yeah, that's what I'm, that's what I've always said. Wait, before we move on, me actively forgetting the bits. Oh, yeah. Guys, chat, listen up. Comment section chat. We're introducing bits. This is what we're going to, Curtis, do you know what the bit is?

Chad, is this real? Chat, GBT, is this real? I was made aware of the bit. Okay. So the bit is we're each going to pick a phrase, and then we can read it to each other. And then at some point in the conversation, we're going to try to work it in. Okay. But without telling each other.

The goal is surprise. Okay. Ladies first. Oh. Don't mind if I do. I'll catch one, too. Do you want me to read a... Yeah, go ahead.

Read her out loud. Talk about how you need water. Need water. So I have to say that or do I have to do that? In a thirsty sense. Okay. Okay. That's the one she was most excited about.

I think it's funny you pick that one. And we're talking to my producer Amanda, by the way. And this is also, mine says the word tantalizing. Easy, please. Child's play. Is that even a real word? I just say it, tantalizing. Easy.

Next bit. Super easy. Anyways, what were we talking about? Oh, you made a video about divorced parents. Yeah. Recently divorced parents. Yeah, dads who, it's mostly dads, yeah. Yeah.

It's always dads. Yeah. Who make TikTok, like sad TikToks with their daughters or sons. Yeah. This life's going to be a little weird for a second, but it's going to be okay. They're left singing a song. Yeah. And they're getting devastating news.

The kids are like, it's always that fucking Halsey song. It's like, tell me how it's a piece. The one where they go like this and then something stops them. And it's always like, it's like, have you seen the one with a lizard? Yeah, I love that one. It's like standing on a laundry basket. What did you get to get your lizard? Do you like lizards?

I fuck with lizards. Are there any animals you're afraid of? Well, lizards, funnily enough, the lizard in Spider-Man, canonically his name is Kurt Connors. Dr. Kurt Connors, so. I do have a close relationship with lizards. Do you? When it comes to the Marvel.

Y'all are one and the same? Yeah. Is that the lizard that Jamie Fox turns into? No. He never was a lizard. What is he then? Who's the guy? He's a lecturer.

Oh, he's a lecturer. Wait, I'm thinking of the doctor that turns himself. He's trying to turn everybody into lizards. Yeah, that's Dr. Kurt Connors. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Sorry, I'm not a fucking geek, so I didn't know that. I'm not a fucking pussy version. Sorry, I got laid in high school, so I didn't have that for me.

lame. Oh, that's the one he wanted to turn everyone to the lizards. His name was Kirk Connors. Yeah. Well, I've never seen the two of you in the same room, so how am I to know? That's true. I want to turn everyone into Kurt Connors. Not even a lizard, just him.

Everyone is me. That would be a little horrifying. That's a dream. That's a dream. He said, in order to gain citizenship. See, this is why I revoked my citizenship or rescinded it because we have to turn into you. Right. It's just a lot of time and money I don't have.

It's a lot of, yeah, it's a lot of work. It's a dedication. A lot of surgeries. A lot of, uh... We have a very similar build, so that would have been easy. Yeah, that's true. People have said that. Okay, so you said that you started doing stand-up, and now you're doing stand-up all the time.

How has that journey been for you, doing stand-up? It's been great. I, uh, that's how I got into comedy. Yeah, just doing stand-up around Toronto, the greater Toronto area, the GTA. You guys know. Yeah, Canadians, we know it. And yeah, it's been great. I mean, it's like, I've been doing it for so long now.

I did my first set when I was 19. Wow. And I'm fucking 30 now. So, yeah, I've been doing it for a while. And it's been great, obviously, with, like, the internet stuff that's happened. Yeah. It's been great that, like, when I first started doing shows and, like, people from, like, Vine would show up to, like, come to the shows. It was crazy.

Because it's, like, oh, there's actual, like, people who, like, want to see me as opposed to, like, Are big fans of you? Yeah, as opposed to like, it was just years of doing shows to just other comedians waiting to go on after me. So, yeah, it's obviously, it's been great to have both things sort of like feed into each other too. Because I feel like when I do stand up, I feel really like, it just makes me a better writer, makes me a better, like, even performer when I'm even just like recording a video. Yeah, yeah. So it's just, it's been great. And I feel like, I urge me.

anybody to even just try it if they are making like funny content on the internet I just think it's like a great thing to try and if you hate it you hate it but if you don't then you don't I yeah I was gonna say I started I've only done stand up once so far I did a small five nice tight five yeah tight five tight five for a hilarious five if you will okay for my friend Caleb Heron and he closed at the Largo, like his, the end of his tour, and he asked me to do five for him, which I was like, which is really cool. So the first time you did it was at that show?

At the Largo. At the Largo? Yeah. That's what every comedian was telling me. They were like, oh, nice. Yeah, cool. Friends in high places, guys. Me just using Caleb.

No, I love him dearly. But it was honestly, like, truly so intimidating. I would never get really nervous about anything revolving work. I'm sure you could tell I'm a yapper at my fucking heart so I love to talk I love being recorded I don't mind being recorded

like right yeah I never really get nervous doing anything for work but that I was so nervous to do yeah I can imagine it's just a whole other yeah I didn't even factor that in

which is funny because my manager he's been work he works he's worked in stand up forever but he's toward people for so long and he was like the Largo is huge too that's such a great like a first one that's crazy and I was like well don't tell me more things

because I'm gonna get more fucking nervous. And I think it's because I know I'm funny, like, ha ha online funny, but I was like, I just think stand-up is a completely different art form. I have a lot of respect for stand-up. I love stand-up so much. So I didn't want to find out the hard way I was bad. Right. Because you know,

some online people who are known for being funny, like, they immediately try stand-up and it just doesn't work. Yeah, yeah. It just doesn't translate. It's a different bone. Yeah, it's completely different. How did it go? It went well. It went really well. I think so. I didn't market it at all or tell anyone I was going, because I told Caleb, I was like, I really wanted

to be a pure experience. Like, I want the people who go, if they have no idea who I am, I just want to know if they think I'm funny. Because if I marketed, like, my fans will come to, which is a great thing. But they'll laugh at anything I say, really,

like, because they love me. And I think that's, that's not a bad thing. But I wanted to know for realsies if I was, like, funny. Like, I was like, I wanted, like, a stranger to tell me that. For sure.

So it worked out for the best. But I was followed by Chris Fleming, which is just, like, an unbelievable act to follow. Like, I'm glad I didn't go after him. Obviously, I didn't. He did, I think, 15, but his was so fucking funny. And then Caleb, obviously, he's a powerhouse.

Wow. That's quite the lineup. Good for you, though. That's wild. Thanks. That's pretty nervous. I was like, where do you go from that? Down, obviously.

Yeah, aim high. Yeah, I start high and then end up at the bottom. But it's very, I have a lot of respect for you doing that so often and so well because it's such an art form. And I don't know how people, like the memorizing part of it was the hardest part for me. Right. Yeah. I was like, I could barely do five. I can't believe people can do an hour.

That's crazy. Yeah, when I started doing, I was, I was pretty intimidated by doing an hour. But once you're up there and like, it's like, it's kind of easy because it's like, you wrote the jokes. That's true. That's what my friend Caleb kept telling me. He's like, you're the one writing them. So it's easier to remember them when you wrote them.

Yeah, because you're the one who like, out of them and wrote them down. So it's like, oh, I can just remember the thing I wrote after. But even then obviously, it still happens all the time where I forget a joke. I forget a tag or something. something and then it fucks me up later. But that's just, that's just the business. He told me, Caleb told me too, he's like,

and honestly, if you start, like, blanking a little bit, he's like, you can always look at your phone. Sometimes I just write, like, things on my notes that will remind me of my jokes. So it's like, yeah, a few keywords that will remind me. And he goes, or I'll just do crowdwork a little bit to kind of fill space. So you remember.

Yeah, I was like, well, I was like, okay. And I was like, he said, especially if it's, like, feels like people aren't laughing. You could lean towards crowdwork because, I'm good at making fun of people or doing things with another person. Right. And so I was like, okay. And I was like, well, if those two plans don't work, I did bring a gun.

So either way, we're all going to be laughing. Someone's going to laugh. Something will happen. Yeah, something memorable will happen that time. Someone's going to laugh, whether by force or naturally. Laugh. And so you're currently on tour, right? Kind of.

Doing some shows. Yeah, doing some shows. Yeah, doing some shows around. I'm just doing like comedy clubs. Fun. Yeah, I got shows on Irvine this weekend. Period. I had some shows.

We had Phoenix. Went to Appleton, Wisconsin. I mean, the life is just crazy. Oh, God. The stories I could tell you about Appleton, Wisconsin. Like, where else do we go? They're tantalizing. Yeah.

Already. Damn. Got them. Yeah. You could use that word if you want about Appleton, Wisconsin. How was that show? They were sick. The shows are awesome.

Yeah. Great crowd. I feel like it was weird because we did early shows and late shows that weekend. And the early shows were like fucking insanely good. And then usually it's like the late shows are like even like the best ones because it's like people are, you know, a little more booze in them. They're like, like, late show, we're getting crazy, you know. We're getting fucking wild. You know?

But those ones who was like the polar opposite, like the late shows in Appleton was. Wisconsin, the energy was so low. Really? And I was like, I was thinking about it, and I was like, these people have never been up this late before. Places closed there at like 3 p.m. They're there in a bad mood. Yeah, they're just like, these are way past 50.

I don't know what the fuck I'm doing here, dude. Literally, I was in Appleton, Wisconsin, and I was going to a coffee shop, like a local coffee shop, and it was closed at fucking 3 o'clock. For what? That's like, we're not even in, like, evening. Where'd you all go? Yeah. There's still so much of the day. And it was like a Friday, too.

It was like, I don't know. But Appleton was great. Love it. What's a place you love performing no matter, no matter what time of the year or vibe? Like city or state or country even? I mean, fucking, I've only done, some of the best shows I ever done were in Australia, which is. Really? Yeah, Australian crowds were fucking, they get down.

Oh, really? Yeah. I mean, it's like, I don't know. They're just like so stoked about like, everything. everything they were down for any bit. It was just like, that's cool. It was so cool. I love a good sport.

Yeah, yeah. And they're just like, all of, all Australians are just so silly. They're just so goofy. They have a very silly energy about them. Yeah. Yeah. Lots of Australian men really fucking hate me. Really?

But past that. Yeah, they do. I don't know if they, they, I don't know if there's like misogyny in their water over there, but like, a lot of their men are like that. Very strange. Yeah. Whenever I, yeah. When I, where I was.

over there. I did, I was pretty misogynistic when I was over there. Something about the air. Something in that water. You start like, it's like the mask from Jim Carrey. You're like, yeah. He's women. I made that joke at, um, here been to Hawaii? Uh, no. Okay. Well, there's a, there's a place in Hawaii in Onahu called the Polynesian Cultural Center. It's basically like my family and I, because we're someone, we're Polynesian, we call it a zoo, because that's essentially what it is. But like, they have each, island and Polynesia and they're like exhibits and they're like live it's almost like a museum but they have people dressed culturally accurate and they just kind of hang out there and they act they act

the part but not because they are if that makes sense okay so they just do demonstrations they show you at a basket we whatever it's just like a big zoo okay and when we were there the other day the other day when we were there last month we were walking around and like i was saying because uh white people love going there for obvious reasons like it's cool it's cool because they do a lot of cultural dancing, which is really fun to watch. Right. But they get really into it and they go there. And I was like making a joke, I was like, it's like they come here and they start like Wolverine.

They start like a lichen throat. They start turning into like, ah, ah, they start like turning into a colonizer. They're like, ah, oh, run. You know what I mean? That's super funny. My cousin was like, it's like Michael Jackson's thriller. Right. Yeah, they just like twitching.

It's like, ah. Same thing when you go to Australia? Yeah, he's like. You have to fight it. Yeah. I mean, I fit right in too because of the mull. and everything, like every Australian guy. They looked just like me and it was like

I felt like a, it's like a hive mind. She's getting swept up in it? Yeah, it was, we all moved as one unit. It was pretty crazy. Multi cells form one fist. Yeah, it was like a megazord type of shit. Voltron. Yeah.

Six cats all in one. Yeah. One giant thing. That's I was like, when I started turning into something like that, sounds like the Transformers. It was like, zzzz. Yep, yep. Start speaking alien a little bit.

Yeah. Which, like, the other side of that for me is, like, I have a huge fan base in Australia because so many women, like, fuck with me because I've fucked up Australian men before. Yeah. Well, you have like a, yeah, it's like a... Yeah, they're running concurrently. It's like real, a win is a win. You know what I mean? I guess I'll take it.

Yeah. I had one Australian guy go on a podcast and talk about me, but he didn't say my name. Even though they used so many of my videos in this clip. And I was like, you guys know my name, but you, you. had to search me up to find my shit and use it. But when he was saying he called me some bitch on TikTok, which that's like my tagline over there.

I was like this bitch on TikTok, which like... He's bitch on TikTok. Drifellow. Yeah, exactly. That might be New Zealand. I don't know. I always get them mixed up a little bit. Me too, with the accent.

Which is funny because when I said that, he was Australian. Some people were like, girl, he's from New Zealand. I'm all potato potato. All right. Yeah, they're fucking beside. He's talking shit on me. Yeah, yeah. You guys got the gist, right?

Okay, make sure. You cross the line. You didn't directly say where he's from. And he even said he's like, yeah, she's, you know, she makes these videos and they're so negative and blah, blah, blah, like denigrating towards men, but that's too big of a word for him. But they're just, they're mean to men. And in the middle of him describing me, he goes, and she's a pretty big girl.

Anyways, and I could not stop laughing because I was like, that just drive by, fast. Phobia. It's like, she's a fat bitch, by the way. Anyways, I know you're wondering if she's fat. Yes, she is. Anyway, I can just that drive-by shit like that. I'm like, that drive-by shit like, yeah, I find that funny. You prefer the drive-bys than the- I just think if you surprise me. Yeah. I'm like, wow, I wasn't expecting. You had the misdirection. Speaking of, when you and I made a YouTube video, when we YouTubeed back in the day, four score and seven years ago, it feels like. It was a while ago. Yeah, we were also talking about men. Because you've talked about men a few times And so, like, silly men. A lot of different genres of men, yeah. Yeah. And I remember we talked about that one guy.

I don't even remember his name, but I know he had the bullet necklace. Yeah, that was so cool. Teaching men how to be alphas and how to get women. Yeah. Did you take a lot from those videos? Yeah, yeah, I learned a lot. I remember, well, what was their one thing I remember was they, like, hated women who had debt? Yeah.

They had fucking debt. They got fucking debt. Which is great. He's like, yeah, they have debt? Yeah, everyone has, like, everybody has debt. Everybody has, like, literally everybody has debt. That's such a wild take. Yeah, you said if you have a designer bag and you're not a doctor,

oh yeah, you probably have debt. Right. Which is such a straight, like, what a leap. That is a crazy sentence. You have to be a doctor, first of all, to own, anything luxury. The only way, yeah, I guess the only way women make money is being a doctor. And that's a doctor. That's the only way.

Doctor, stay-at-home wife, or bitch on TikTok. I created a new path for us. Follow me, ladies. We could go somewhere else with this. But I remember in your video, I was, like, honored that you had asked me. And it was funny because my boyfriend is, like, he wasn't really into YouTube. Like, he didn't really watch YouTube very often. But, like, when he and I started dating a few years in, that's when I started watching you on YouTube.

And so I would be like, you should watch him. He's funny. Like, you'll like his style. And he was a big fan. Oh, cool. So when you asked me, he was like, that's so cool. I was like, right? But he didn't want to come today, so.

Okay. Just kidding. I didn't even ask him. So I'm not that big of a fan, I guess. So clearly, a fake fan. Well, damn, that's cool, though. Yeah, he was, you converted him to a YouTube watcher. Wow.

Yeah, he was a big YouTube guy? He was at the time, yeah, like back in the day. You know, YouTube, we've shifted all now to, like, TikTok and stuff. Sometimes I go back to my roots of YouTube. But I was going to ask. like have you noticed any sort of change like with the introduction of TikTok like how that's worked in tandem like with your YouTube or is it kind of just business as usual yeah I think I'm I'm pretty lucky with where I am on YouTube because I sort of like I guess it's weird because

it's like I started short form I started on short form content yeah and then I moved into long form and now it's like going back to more short form again yeah but I think in that time I was doing long form I think that's where I kind of my breaded butter is now so it's like I've always I've used TikTok but it's like I've never leaned on it yeah I just like fucked around on there. Totally. So it's like I have there is still like a lot of people who do want to watch long videos on YouTube. No for sure. So it's like yeah there's sometimes I'm like I've tried it uploaded like YouTube shorts and it's just like it doesn't it's not worth the effort. Yeah it's just another thing. Yeah I get to spend the time doing the long videos that actually. Makes sense. Yeah, there's like, I sometimes when there's new things, I'm like, I can't do another thing. Yeah, there's too much. I can't do another thing.

Please don't give me another thing. Like, when they introduced reels, I was like, girl, I'm dying. There's too many things. Reels, yeah. Thankfully with YouTube shorts, I was like, I'm cool. Yeah. I'm cool off that. Yeah.

Although sometimes I've never done, obviously I've never done YouTube videos or anything like that. But sometimes I did post YouTube shorts once because I was in a like a partnership with YouTube shorts for a little. And so I just did like, they told me I had to post like however many videos or whatever in a certain amount of time and I'm like period. Right. Easy.

And then the way I, I was like, oh, that's so easy. Like it's just like in three months you have to post like 80 videos, something like that. And I, the way I uploaded 60 of them like two weeks before the deadline is insane.

I was just like firing them off. I'm on what's another clip I have? Wow. That's super funny. And then I'm like, wow, I didn't do that well. I wonder why.

God, my engagement wasn't. very good on those YouTube charts. I wonder, maybe it's because I flooded the algorithm like a fucking bot two weeks before my deadline. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, there's too many fucking apps these fuck these days. All your B-reels and your fucking, what else is there? These damn kids.

Yeah. That was crazy how B-reel was so popular for like one summer and then like never again. Oh my God, I know. I was great. I never got it, but. That was one that I got and then I stayed consistent for like, maybe a month. If that,

I missed like fucking eight days in that month. But like, wow. I still did. And then I was like, hey, I'm not doing this anymore. Yeah.

Oh, this isn't required. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. It's not required. I'm not doing it. It's like, oh yeah,

this is, this is taxing for me. And it's really not. It's just a picture. It is a picture, yeah. It's like, I feel like,

well, I'm curious to know because you've been in the game for so long if it's kind of disillusioned your idea of social media, like now that it's your job. so it's like you know sometimes it's just not as fun anymore because it's work so you have to do it all the time

post and stuff when you're not posting for fun yeah or whatever yeah i don't know i feel like it's maybe it's different because you're on youtube yeah maybe yeah i feel like because when i post on youtube it's so like far in between it's like it's like once or two times a month so it's like and even then it's like it's still so much fun i like it even we're just like like put into like a stupid tweet or something or like a stupid like it's it's super fun I just like I can't imagine like I feel I can't imagine using social media

like not being a like a content career yeah or like even just like a com comedian or like who makes like comedy content because it's like if I had to do other shit it'd be like it's fucking boring I know Caleb has told me he's like if I could just get rid of social media just to be a comic

like yeah I would do that immediately like if I didn't need this I would Really interesting. Yeah, he's told me that before. And I think it's because he's only ever been in comedy and then just recently started doing social. Yeah, you kind of have to now. Yeah, exactly, which is what he told me. He was like, if I could get rid of it, I would immediately.

Damn. And I was like, damn, can't relate. Yeah. I need attention too bad. Yeah. I feel like it's, I feel like for me, it's not even attention. I feel like it's just like, it's just so much you could do. It's just so fun.

To just fart around and just have like a fun time. Well, I thought I was going to find community with you. Clearly, I can't. Sorry. Forget it. Not this time. Wrong guy. You got the wrong guy.

Also, I do want to mention too. Curtis asked me this when he first sat down if he was the first straight man to ever be on the show. The second actually, big title, big number two. First or second the best. Yeah, go ahead and tell that to Carlo, my buddy who came on two years ago, I think. Yeah, two years ago. Been a while. Sorry, Carlo.

Yeah, see, so take that to all the men who hate me. Clearly, I don't hate, they don't all hate me. Yeah. Because there's one right here sitting in the chair. Trust me. They don't watch my show. Yeah. Yeah.

That's the equivalent of being like, I'm not racist. I have a black fan. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, see, at least one. Yeah, at least one. At least one. It's funny because when I did that YouTube video with you too, I had, I did have some.

You did a YouTube video with you too? With you two, with Bono. I didn't see that one. With Bono specifically. But you didn't have to force me, like when they put that album on my iPod. They didn't have to force me. Yeah. Songs of Innocence.

Is that what it's called, right? You look like you would know a lot more about you too than I would. That's true. I think based off perception alone, you would know way more about you too than me. You're right. My understanding of any sort of like band like that is is non-existent. Really? Yeah.

Like I was telling, once I don't even remember what I was talking about, but I was talking to my boyfriend about something. And I go, they make music like that. What's that one band? You know, the one. they like, it's like the older white guys and they do like rock music. And he goes, there's like so many. That's most bands. That's most bands.

And I go, oh, like guns and roses or something. And he goes, I don't know, probably. Because yeah, I still have not said what it is I'm trying to describe. And I'm like, I don't fucking know. It was one of those. Damn. Did you not remember which one it was? No, I think it was, if I'm being honest, I think it was Led Zeppelin and I was talking about guns and roses the whole time.

Okay. And as far as I know, they could be the same. They pretty much. I feel like those two are like. to me the same as like if I saw two white guys, it could be imagined dragons or it could be the chain smokers. Like, I don't know. Well, yeah, that's fair. I don't know. Like, I'd believe you if you told me. I'd be like, sure. Yeah, it's like the, yeah, there's a lot of bands. Like, like the killers would be another one. Like, I know them. You know them. Is, is, is personally.

Yeah. Wait, is Dave Grohl on the killers. Come on. No, that's the footh fighters. All right. My be. My be. My be. My sister was so mad at me for a second. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry. The killers is Mr. Brightside. Yes. Yes. Look at me. White culture. I know about it.

I study about it. You know. Obviously, I know about it. But when I did the YouTube video with you, I remember I did get some hate comments. Because at the time, I was like, that was like my huge wave. So I had like so much hate and so much love all at the same time. And I had some dudes being like, I can't believe Curtis would make a video with her. She sucks.

And they're sending me that. Okay. I think you send it to the wrong. I think you're supposed to say it to him. I don't think you're able to send me that shit. And then they would DM that shit to me. They'd say, I can't believe he made a video with you. You're not even fucking funny.

And I was like, well. Well, it happened. Yeah. The mayor says otherwise. Exactly. Also, it's weird to be confused that I would make a video with you because I feel like we did pretty similar stuff. Yeah, absolutely.

It made sense. It made fun of like weird dudes. Yeah. So it's like a natural. I was like, he's not a fan of you either. I don't know what part of that's not clear. Like, I'm just a lot meaner than he is, but, like, we're on the same side. Yeah.

And that's actually funny because sometimes they'll say that to my boyfriend. They're like, I feel bad for you, man. That you're like, that he's with me. And he's like, they're like, yeah, someone needs to save him. Like, they'll say weirdo shit like that all the time to my boyfriend. And then he goes, like, I also hate you. Like, I don't know what's not clear about that. Like, I think you're getting a little confused.

Like, I also don't like you. Like, she's just a lot more vocal about it than me. Right. And that's what I'm like, you. you have a beautiful wife, whom I love and adore. Yeah, I sure do. And actually, she and I were mutuals before you and I were mutuals. Yeah.

Mutuals with your wife before you. And I think she's so sweet and so funny. And I think you would agree. Absolutely, yeah. She's fucking awesome. See, look, both of our spouses didn't come, even though they're both fans of either of us. That's true. Yeah.

Interesting. What's that about? What's not about? We'll figure that after. We'll figure that after. We'll be, yeah. I'm going to make some calls after this. But, okay, we'll transition into, speaking of the YouTube, we're transitioning into our

topic, which is the psychology of male dating experts posting self-improvement videos on TikTok. Obviously, Curtis has come across many a dating expert, I'm sure. Oh, you did? I think you did a YouTube video on like a really old pickup artist, like reality show or something. You said you used to watch it when you were younger. Oh, Keys to the VIP. Yeah. That's a great show. And they were all pickup artists. He was being coached by one pickup artist. Yeah. So the premise of the Keys to the VIP. I believe it's a great. That's a great show. That's a great show. And they were all pickup artists. And they were all. He was being coached. Yeah. So the premise of the Keys the VIP. I believe it's a Canadian show. Our resident

Where did our resident Canadian go? When she comes back, we'll tell her. Yeah, I'll bring up Keyes the VIP. So Keyes of the VIP was like a game show. Two guys would battle it out with each other. Oh, they're competing against each other. Yeah. And it would, actually, I think it filmed in Toronto. But there was like two guys in a nightclub, the cameras everywhere. And like each, and there's four judges sort of like judging, like watching it the whole time. And they would pick who won each round.

So each round, the two guys will go out into the dance floor. They try to pick up, like, get a girl's number. Okay. But there was, like, challenges within each, like, thing. So it's like, you have to get a girl's number, but you have to insult her first. Or you got to, like, a classic move. Yeah, you got to like, you got to do like a weird dance first or something. So, yeah, I watched that in my formative years, like late night on the comedy channel.

And, yeah, it was awesome. Really entertaining. bits from your video and you were like, I thought that guy was the coolest guy. Oh, yeah, he had a soul patch. And I thought that was awesome. This guy's got it all figured out. This guy's on to something.

It was, yeah, it was at a time where, like, if you just, like, were a guy with, like, longer hair that was, like, the coolest thing. Yeah, it was like, long, pin straight hair, a sole patch, like a fucking leather jacket, a brown leather jacket. Yeah, it has to be brown. Yeah. It has to be brown. The bluest jeans.

The bluest jeans. A tight black top. Yeah. And then like maybe a little choker, like a little necklace. Yeah, like a cross. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah.

I wanted to look. I thought that guy was awesome. Like Chris Angel type vibe. Yeah. Yeah. Did you ever watch the American Gladiator documentary series on Netflix? Uh, no. Okay, there was this show back in the 80s and like 90s that was called American Gladiator.

I'm familiar. I so watch it. Yeah. Okay. So they did a documentary on it on Netflix. It's really funny. like it's crazy and it's like so entertaining but my boyfriend was like dude can we watch this because he used to watch that show and so did my family and I when we were kids I was like yeah let's watch

it and when we were watching it I remember the main one of the main guys my boyfriend was like I thought that guy was the coolest guy who ever exists he's like I think it's because he kind of looks like me like a little bit did but he had long hair okay and he was like racially ambiguous and then he was just like a cool guy. Yeah, it's so funny thinking back to the dudes who that you thought were so sick because they were fucking not at all. But as a young boy, you don't know. Alex, our resident

Canadian, do you remember the show Keys to the VIP? Yes. Our resident canadian said she loved that show as well. Look at us. Yeah, it was so good. It sounds like there was an American dating show called Next that was really popular. Oh, yeah. I've seen that one.

There was also parental control, which that one I loved. that one. Room Raiders was a good one. Also, what was the one? It was like My Own or Maid. Do you remember that one? My own. Do you remember that one? My own. So they basically would bring, it was always

women, but they would bring women who had celebrity crushes, and then they would say, like, I want my own version of this person. And the one episode I remember is Adam Levine. Like, she was, like, obsessed with Adam Levine. She's like, I love Maroon 5, I love Adam Levine. Whoa. I want my own

Adam Levine. So they would pick three guys, that bear somewhat of a passing resemblance to him, they never looked like them. And then they would give them a makeover and like dress them. And then they would put them in these little moving sets. And so she would sit in the audience and then they would move the set

and it would be like a new guy. And then he would either, I don't remember if it was lip singing or if it was live, but he was singing that one fucking song that's really popular from Roan 5. The, oh, fuck. There's a lot of them. All their songs are so,

they all sound the same. I can't even sing the melody. That one of them saying that one. And then the other one was the Sunday morning one. Sunday morning rain is slowly. That one. And I remember I remember she ended up picking that guy. But my sister and I would watch and we were like, wow, this is genius.

You can get your own. And they look nothing like them. Right. And every time we talk about that show, no one remembers that shit. Yeah, I don't remember either. It's like, it was like, yeah, it's like my own. I was like, dude, this is the funniest show in the world. My own.

Okay. So we're going to be talking about. Speaking of keys to the VIP. Curtis has been giving keys to the VIP for a while now. Major key. Learning from all the pickup artists, the male dating experts. Okay, so for this video, this first one, so, oh, it says both of these TikToks are made by the same guy. Nice.

Okay, he's a self-described, quote, dating slash self-improvement coach. He has a website where men can sign up to calculate their SMV, which stands for their sexual. market value and get tips from this guy on how to improve it. In this first video, he talks about how most girls are amazing actors and don't show their true personality until you've been dating them for six months to a year. And an easy question you can ask yourself to see if you've settled is, would Austin, that guy who makes the videos, he's like, would Austin approve me of me dating this girl? So that's his video being like, make sure you calculate your SMV, sexual market value,

How do you, how do you do that? How do you calculate? What goes into that? I don't know. It says, it says he has a website where you can sign up, which I'm assuming is behind a paywall. Damn. I want to find out what my is. You should go home and sign up.

Yeah. You get your sexual market value. Yeah, I'm curious. Like a car. Right. It's like, show me the car fax. Yeah, yeah. Show me the sexual market value.

Damn. So what if they needed a spokesperson for it? You could be like that little fox that does the car fax. Yeah. And you'd be like, like, sexual market value. you. Yeah, I don't know if we, I'm, I'm familiar with the fucks. On Carfax? Yeah. Have you seen those commercials? On our Canadian, forget it. Sorry. God, that joke just went right over him. Sorry. Oh, Jesus. Anyways. Yeah. I'm not familiar

with that. Well, you said you want to calculate your sexual market value. I'm pretty curious. Well, it's only, is it for guys or girls? It's for guys. Guys do it. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, he says all the men should sign up for it. Oh, you got to sign up. And then, that's why he said his mind to pay. Oh my God. When I've seen, I made a video once and this guy was like, you know, don't get distracted by women in your 20s. Like they're trying to distract you from your bread, like making all that paper. And I was like, okay. Well, man is making a bunch of money in their 20s.

I wasn't doing that in my 20s. I'm not a man. Right. I mean, I guess I wouldn't know because I'm just a, but a simple woman. But I think I remember he was saying that about, you know, women, like scam men out of their money. and like this whole gold diggers ideology. And I remember saying I'm like, I don't understand. Like you guys are absolutely always getting scammed,

but it's by men like that. Yeah. Like you're getting scammed by men who you believe are like teaching you the tools on how to get women. And it's honestly really simple, I feel like to get women to like you. It's just like be nice to them and pay attention. Yeah.

Yeah, I've always been so baffled by the, that like narrative being like, you need to do this and that. You got to fucking... A rabbit's fun. Yeah, you got to say all this shit. You got to make sure you're standing this way. Yeah.

Yeah, and it's like, fuck, just don't be a fucking weirdo. It's so easy. It's really quite simple. Yeah, and it's like, even... I don't know. Even Caleb has told me he's like, if you just like get a hobby, like you could easily find a girl.

Yeah. You just find an interest, ask a question and listen to the answer. Like go to like a fucking. party with your friends. There'll be other people there, probably, right? And don't be a weirdo. And don't be a weirdo.

Yeah, I don't know. I feel like they overcomplicate shit like that a lot. Yeah, it's because, yeah, I think they do this cool thing where they don't really see, like, women as, like, people. Which I think it's pretty awesome. They're really onto something. Yeah, so it kind of just fucks with how they, like,

navigate the interaction because it's not just, like, trying to listen to them and talk to them. They're just being like, how can I put my weiner? How can I... That's the most efficient way to put my weir in this bitch, let's think.

As she's standing there listening. He's saying it out loud. How doth my weiner? Excuse me. He is a fedora. Yeah. It's so crazy too because I always think

if you, like you said, if you just weren't a fucking weirdo, it'd be a lot easier. Yeah. But I think to overcomplicate it with all of these like tips and tricks and like books and shit.

Like, my boyfriend actually knew this guy who he like went to our gym at one point but he had asked my boyfriend like so like how do you talk to women and he goes I don't because I'm in a relationship and he's like no but like mean before that he goes I don't know I just like I would any other right yeah like he was like no but like specifically like he was asking my boyfriend these really pointed questions and he's like I honestly don't know how to answer your question yeah it's okay because I actually bought a book to learn and it was it was like a pickup artist book and this was last year. Oh no.

I can't even, I don't even, I was in such disbelief that we're like in the 20, 23 at the point, at that point. Yeah. And he bought a physical copy of like a pickup artist book. That's crazy. He's like, I'm going to read this and then I'll know for sure. And he was like, no what? Yeah.

What do you mean? No what? What could possibly be in that book? I'm frightened. What do you mean? No what? Then they'll know. Yeah.

What? I've always loved the term that they use the word artist for it. Like pickup artist is so funny. Like they're just like in like a fucking, what are those saying? The beret. Barre? Yeah. I'm like an easel.

Yeah, they're like, it's the same thing. Yeah. They call Picasso a madman in his time too. Yeah, I'm a starving artist. Starving pickup artist. Starving pickup artists. And I also, I always think too, like if let's just say pickup artists do go on dates, what do you tell people you do for a living?

Right. Do you tell them you're a pickup artist? Right. Yeah. If that does happen, which I'm sure it doesn't, but if it does. If they got a date, if they're a practicing pickup, that's their job. Yeah, they're practicing. Or is it more like a Spider-Man thing?

We're like, they got to keep it. Yeah, they got to keep a secret. They're alter ego. Yeah. They're Peter Parker and Spider-Man. Or like Clark Kent. They're like, Kurt Connors and the lizard. Yeah.

Kurt Connors and the lizard. Yeah. Until he turns into the lizard. Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah, he just like keep it a secret. And then one day she finds like a fucking like a bunch of hair gel. She's like, oh my gosh. She just missed it.

The pickup artist was right outside. He goes, wow, I can't believe I missed it. And then, yeah, she finds, like, a cross necklace. Left bar. Yeah. Put some pieces together. He's laying upside down in the keys to the VIP to give her a kiss on the lips. I got to watch that show today.

That's so good. There's a lot of episodes on YouTube. I got to watch that show, too, to be honest. I need water. Can I get some fucking water? I'm going to stop this podcast If I don't get some water I'll burn this place

At the ground I don't get some water I'll put it out with the water Was that the bit? Did it say chug your water So that you can demand more? Was that the secret? Well, it said

Can I read it the whole thing now? It said, talk about how you need water Bonus. Stop the podcast Because you need it so bad And you did in fact do that And I did, I threatened to I didn't actually stop it. It's okay. It didn't come to violence

thankfully. Yeah. That was this close. Okay, let me read some of the comments on this video. This one says, they ain't worth it. And the good part is that you could sniff them from the onset of your head is in the game. What? Huh?

Did you just cast a spell on me? You can sniff them? Yeah, the good part is that you could sniff them from the onset of your head is in the game. And then that song from high school musical starts playing. Cool set. Bricklea. Do you think Drew Seeley's mad that he wasn't in that movie,

but he used to his vocals? Yeah, I always think I would be pissed. I would be super mad. And then they didn't even bring him back for the second or third one. They didn't even bother. They were like, we got what we needed. I got this. I'll take it from here, pal.

Imagine you're in like final auditions and then they're like, great voice. Horrible face. Got to put that voice in someone else's face. Yeah. Yeah, that sucks. I hope he got paid for it. Drew, I assume he got. I mean like well.

Yeah. Do you think he still gets royalties from it? I don't know. I don't know. You big fan of the high school musical series? Yes. Me too. I'm a big fan.

Which one's your favorite? Two. Obviously. Yeah. The right answer, of course. Yeah. Two is the best. I don't want to hear any guff about it from anybody.

Mm-hmm. It will be blocked. It will be deleted if any comment. That disagrees. This next one says they don't deserve rights, protection, or to be defended either. Okay. Whoa. Oh.

Oh. And their username has a, the Joker in it. So, oh, whenever men compare themselves to the Joker

or anyone of that like caliber, I'm always like, you know what happened, right? Like, you know what he did? Right.

That's even more frightening. Like they're like Patrick Bates. They'll compare themselves to him too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting how, uh, because the Joker,

he's, I'm trying to like think of why they would want to be like the Joker. Just they want to kill people, like kill someone on live television. Yeah. That's the only reason I can think. Yeah, they want to be able to do that and then dance on the steps outside. Yeah.

I don't know. Yeah. Pretty interesting. Okay, you're talking about the Joaquin Phoenix Joker. Yeah, that's who he has. Oh, he has that one. Okay. Not like he's Leder.

I could kind of get, because that's just like a great performance, great character. Yeah, yeah. But it's always walking Phoenix. The Wachene one's weird. Yeah. It's always him. That one's a little too grounded in reality. Yeah, that's what's a little.

Some of you are for sure the Joker. Like, I don't know. You don't need to aspire. Like, you're walking in those shoes right now, girl. Yeah, and you're just as pale as him without the white face pain either. And just as horrifying. It's scary. Hair's green.

Because you haven't seen the sun. And greasy. Yeah. Because you don't shower. It's real hat on a hat for them. This one says, put their acting skills to the test and tell them, when does my free trial end? and then he put the sunglasses emoji. Okay.

What the fuck does that mean? Okay. What the fuck does that mean? That's for acting skills. I think it's because he says women are really good actors and they won't show you their real personality or like who they really are for like six months to a year. Whoa. I feel like most people do that when they started dating. You know what you call it like the lying phase?

Mm-hmm. Like you just fib about shit, like little shit. Right. Not actual lies, but like things were like for. example, if you go somewhere and they're like, do you want anything? And you're like, just probably like a small like that. Okay. Like I'd be lying. Right. Like what'd you do today? I'm like, nothing really. You know what I mean? Like I just like fib about little shit. Right. Because you just want you want to be impressive. Right. You want to like portray yourself as like a cooler version of

yourself. Yeah. I was like I think all parties do that when you first started doing because you want to like show off a little bit like show that you're awesome. Right. Yeah. You're like I'm just reading, reading all day. God, just expanding my mind, my thoughts. Meditating, really. Yeah, just growing, growing mentally. Realistically, I've been on Fortnite all day or something. It's funny because for me, like, I film a lot of my videos in the bathroom, like, on the toilet. I just find that to be my, I always tell people it's my office.

Yeah. I'm going to the studio. Right. You got to talk shit while shitting. Yeah, that's method acting for me. Yeah. So my boyfriend literally told me that my dogs think that that's my crate, like, because every time they come in my room to look for me, they go straight there, which is a read.

Anyways, he thinks he's funny. He's not. I remember when I was, like, filming, when I film in the bathroom and shit, like, now, like, my boyfriend knows it's funny. And sometimes, I'm not even going to the bathroom, I'm just sitting on the toilet in there. Wow. Just find it to be peaceful in there sometimes. Yeah, you got, you know. I need some me time.

Everyone's got their space. Yeah. You know, you need your own personal space. My own toilet time. It's like when they have tummy time for, like, babies. For babies. Yeah. Mine's toilet time.

You need your toilet time. When I was first sitting my boyfriend and I couldn't have toilet time, I was being suppressed. I was being silenced. Like, you didn't want to go to the bathroom when you first started?

I didn't be in there for very long because it's still in the early days. Right. I couldn't have toilet time. I couldn't just sit in there and fuck around. He can't know that you crap. You know, he can't know that I'm in there cooking. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. He can't know that about me. Not yet. You know, dropping logs. Dropping the kids on. dropping the kids off at the pool you know yeah that's so interesting what's something silly that you fibbed about when you were first dating um i'm trying to think um i can't really remember anything

i mean i'm sure there must have been like tiny stuff like being like yeah it was just so busy writing all day you just filming and writing got this show later you're unemployed yeah yeah definitely yeah probably shit like that trying to make it seem like I was like like smarter or like cooler than I was but yeah it was just yeah didn't last long facade yeah yeah I remember one of the ones one of the fibs I told my boyfriend and he knows this too now but like he used to always chew orange gum okay like orange flavored gum and I hated that gum like I just hated that because if you're kissing like I can taste it and I just there was something about it I was just like I couldn't stand it yeah so then and I didn't know how to that I didn't know how to

to tell him and I even like asked my sister I'm like how do I bring up that I really hate the taste of that gum and then she was like just tell him and I was like it's still too early to be honest so then I made up a story about how like I eat orange flavored gum once and I vomited and so every time I taste it makes me want to vomit which is not technically a lie right the buildup is the vehicle is a falsity but yeah the messaging was true right and so he was like oh my gosh and so he just threw all of it out and never bought it ever again wow And then I didn't know he was going to do that. And then about two years in, I was like, can I tell you something? I have something to confess to you. I just didn't like orange gum. Yeah, I just really, I just hated the taste of it. It just like, it grossed me out. Does he ever, so he quit cold turkey right there, right now?

Wow. Off the orange gum. Wow. The power of love. Yeah, really. The thing is he sacrificed for the ones you love. Orange gum. Okay, I'll read one more of these, this last video.

Okay. in this video the same guy talks about how he's never going to get married but if he did he would absolutely not get down on one knee to propose to a woman he says kneeling is for beta boys that's super funny yeah what's the alternative then standing like a man standing yeah you get on stilts so he's even taller taller yeah or he could do the the Shane Dawson one where like he was on both both knees you see that picture that's fucking my favorite shit ever do that that's a power move wearing that fucking pig shirt Yeah yeah

Get on both knees That's crazy Yeah switch it up Never let them know your next move Yeah do a handstand Yeah sit in a deep squat Right So legs wide open

Yeah handstand works because you're still Doing the ring up to them Yeah But you're sort of peacocking You're showing your dominance by You know You're breaking the norm Yeah you're really sticking it to your fiancé

Yeah because One hand, handstand, one hand with the ring. You go, ma'am. My lady. Would you make me the happiest man? You're going to marry me or some shit? Yeah. I'm not a fucking cuck, so.

Yeah. I'm not a cuck boy, so I'm not going to, obviously not going to kneel. I'm not going to put going on my knee for anything. Did you go on your knee? Yeah, I did. Yeah. Like a fucking beta. Okay.

I'm going to go on, too, like you said. Yeah. I went down on one knee. And, uh, somehow, she said yes, even though I was on one knee. She said, although this is the most beta pose I've ever seen, okay, fine. Fine. I'll look past it. I'm willing to make peace with the beta pose that you're sticking.

And I was dressed like the Joker. Naturally. Yeah. And you were on late night with a gun in your hand. Threatening Jenna to marry you. And it worked. And shockingly, she said yes. Can you believe it?

You want to know how I got this wife? It's real simple. It's crazy what people will do when you point a gun at them. It's pretty crazy It's actually crazy what people will do Okay, this comment says I think it's supposed to say Neil, but it says knee down for

nobody but God God? I'm proposing to God I think he's taken Yeah I'll see you're getting on your knees for another man dude Pretty gay

Recess bro Yeah Maybe a cuck for God Yeah Okay. All right. Happy June. One of y'all.

Wait, really quick. I went to, this is already public knowledge now so I can talk about it, but I went to one of Questlove's game nights. Did you know about those? Do you know Questlove and the roots? Yeah. So he bought my book, and he's publishing my book, but he invited me to a game night,

and he has these really, like, famous game nights that are, like, secrets. Cool. Not anymore. Well, the game, it's not a secret, but the invites are private. And so, like, they're famous because he posts pictures of them, and then they have just the most famous people in the world. Wow.

Like, at these, like, and the one I went to, there were a lot of famous people there, which was crazy. I was like, I feel like I'm Trojan horsing in here. Right. I've snuck in. I've got past security. Who else is, who was like a big celebrity? Can you say?

Yeah, I think, yeah, because they're in the pictures. JJ Abrams was there. Whoa. I met Rachel Ziegler. She was really, really nice. Cool. I played Uno against Rachel Ziegler and her boyfriend and baby face for a long time. Wow.

Which is so funny because I was, first of all, like, I was texting when I was telling, or telling my family about it after, I was like, the way I cannot control my competitive nature even in that instance. Right. You still had to win. I have to win. Like that's my, like it's taking over me. The scarab on my back, like the blue beetle. embedding itself in me. And so when I was like joking about it with my friends and my sister, I was like telling him

and was like, yeah. And I was like, and I gave Rachel Zika that fucking work in Uno. And we were like laughing. She thought I was so funny. Like she was laughing at all the jokes, stupid jokes I was making. And I was like, imagine if I like just was like, yeah, take that fucking shit. Like I just start going crazy, like insulting her. Yeah.

And then one of our friends was like, hey, check your fucking phone. And it's a picture of like my nuts. I'm going like this when she looks up. that's why I picture men proposing these kinds of men Yeah you're not far off yeah Check your fucking phone bitch Say yes

You're say yes or you're gay Yeah Okay this last one says Or no these last two This one says I see a lot of beta males Enjoying being submissive to their ladies Okay Amen brother

You goddamn right Yeah as they should this last one stay single try to make millions instead you could definitely try that's for sure

two get your real estate license three get into investing god that's a whole lot of things to do what should you start with maybe millions let's start with the millions that's yeah that's pretty easy and then I'll get my real estate license

yeah easy imagine you make all that money and then you're like now I have to go get my real estate license yeah now's the time Now's the time to sell local housing to people in the greater L.A. County area. So that comment was in response to like getting a girl? Yeah, he's saying instead of getting married, like don't ever get married.

He's like, I was like, I'm never going to get married, but if I did, I wouldn't kneel. And he says, stay single and try to make millions instead, get your real estate license, get into investing. Three simple steps. Three steps to success. Acquire millions. Get real estate license and then get into investing. And then get into investing in that order. Yeah.

People always say investing is the last thing you should do with your money. Yeah. The later you start, the better. Yeah. You got to invest way after everybody does. Yeah, yeah. That's when you really start to make money. Like, this is not financial advice, but I think once you get into your 80s, that's when you hit the stock market.

That's when you invest. That's when you get into it. That's when you get into your, you know, your, what's it call? Your 401K, you start a 401K. you know your SMP-ish yeah whatever yeah sure I mean obviously I know all the things you're saying yeah obviously I just like for them you know yeah you got to explain it to all of them obviously I know obviously I do yeah I think too with this like stay single try to make millions instead okay I think if those three things you do those three things those three things could

be known as the keys to the VIP what if those three are the keys to the VIP what if those three are the keys. Those are the keys. Mm-hmm. Yeah. They're hiding in plain sight. Damn. We could have been in the VIP this entire time. And also, what's the point of having, like, a bunch of money if you don't have, like, a nice person to share it with?

No, literally. It's truly that simple. You're just going to sit on a pile of cash. Like, Scrooge McDuck? Yeah. Diving into coins. With no, with no girl. That's so weird. Well, because it's not a fucking beta, so obviously. Right, he's not getting on his knees or anything.

Obviously, but he will dive into a pool of gold coins. Yeah, real men. In an old-timey swimsuit. Yeah, yeah. What are those three little nephews called? I forget. Donald Duck had three nephews. They swam in the coins, too.

Yeah, their names were like goofy, Braxton. And, like, Robert? Yeah, Donald Duck Jr. I forget. What are those names? I don't know. Huey Dewey and Louie. Okay, yeah, I was pretty.

close. We were super close. We were in the neighborhood. Okay, so just to wrap things up now that we've talked about Scrooge McDuck, that's actually perfect segue to my closing statements. Okay. But what would you say is your best piece of advice for people who are trying

to get into stand-up? Or maybe they're pursuing it, or maybe they're actively and they're feeling a little stuck. Like, what would you say is your best piece of advice for them? My best piece of advice for someone in stand-up or getting into it, I think would be write

jokes that you think like jokes that you would laugh at. Jokes that you don't, you're not trying to fucking be like, oh, I think people will like this. You'd go, oh, I think this is funny. Because if you think it's funny and you're having fun with it and you're hyped on it, then that is contagious and it translates a lot better than it would be

if you're trying to write for someone. And always yeah, I just think just fucking having written stuff is good and really trying to focus on the writing more than the performance. Totally. And yeah, don't just do fucking crowd work. Write a fucking joke.

If you're going to do that, just be fucking, go on fucking TikTok and do that shit. That's what I do. That's not like what stand-up is. I think the same thing. Yeah. It's part of it. It can be.

Yeah. I feel like you're so right though. Like a quality joke written. It's so much better. than yeah some fucking crowdwork clip on TikTok. Which is all like exists of stand-up. Which is crazy because that like that kind of mentality is why when they see actual stand-up people like it's like young kids who don't know anything about stand-up.

They're like oh there's no fucking crowd work. Right. Because that's not stand-up. Right. Yeah. Exactly. That's literally not stand-up at all. Yeah.

I know. It's like it's frustrating. But it's like I get it because it's a good way to advertise it without burning material. but it's like, now it's like informing a wrong way to behave at shows. Oh, that's so true. They just like yell shit.

Yeah, to try and like get in the video. Yeah. And then it's like, no, I'm actually, I actually really wrote, I really worked really hard on this.

I really would like to say it. And I need you to shut the hell up. Yeah, so you get these jokes off. Yeah. I promise this is funnier. I got paid to be here. You paid to be here.

Let's all stay in our lanes. Right. I think that's very true. And I think you're right, the decorum at shows is like shifting rapidly because of shit like that, which is annoying. Yeah. Even at just like not even comedy shows too, I feel like just at like music shows too. Yeah. Like the etiquette is fucking like non-existent now.

Mm-hmm. But not to sound like a boomer, but back in my day, you would shut up and you would watch the show and have a great time. And you would enjoy yourself. Yeah, and you'd be respectful to other people. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's great advice, honestly, especially the writing what you think is funny, because I feel like, especially with the access that social media has given people, it's really easy to rip off bits and jokes from other people. For sure, yeah.

Watching what's viral, what's like, oh, this and even me referencing Caleb this whole episode, but he's another comic, I know, but he was like saying that the gift of virality has kind of watered down a lot of comedy because it's like people are just reposting tweets or they're taking like viral tweets. and putting them in. Yeah. And they're like, oh, this is my stand-up. Right, yeah. But there's no original thought because it's just being past a million times over. Yeah, it's just being like regurgitated.

Over and over again. Yeah. In a million different fonts. Right. Which is why I think comics like you, like Caleb, Chris Fleming, like just unbelievably funny, just like a really unique perspective on things. Oh, wow.

So I really appreciate you coming on the show. Wow, thanks. Yeah, thanks for having me. You're welcome. Thanks for giving me the keys to the VIP. I appreciate it. Anytime. Thank you all so much for joining us on this episode

of the comments. show. Make sure, I know all of you already know who Curtis is, but make sure if you're not already go follow Curtis everywhere, where can everybody find you? Yeah, YouTube, just my name, Curtis Connor. Or Kirk Connor if you're looking for the lizard. If you want to be turning to a lizard, hit my line. That's my alter ego. That's your burner. Yeah. It's Kurt Conner. And you're going on tour. Or do you want to go to tour? Yeah, yeah, sure. It's gone on a world tour starting end of August. Only the first leg is announced. So US dates, but we're We're on a lot more shows and a lot more cities and countries all over the world.

So I'll see you somewhere. And if you go follow Curtis, you'll stay updated on all that stuff. So just do that first. Then stay single and make millions. Then get your real estate license. Then go to investing. In that order. Major key.

Major key. Major key. Major key alert. Thank you guys so much for joining us on this episode. Thank you to my amazing guest, Curtis. Don't forget new episodes of the comments section, drop every Wednesday you can stream audio on all streaming platforms but the video is for free and exclusively on spotify i like her you're still waving thank you i have to peece so bad i chugged out water like

i'll get up okay thank you again to curtis thank you all for watching i'll see you next week bye