The Comment Section with Drew Afualo - THE BEST OF 2025 | Episode 202

Episode Date: December 31, 2025

Happy New Year team!! This week, we picked some of our favorite clips and stories from the show in 2025. A Comment Section rewind, if you will. Thank you all for an incredible year - here’s to more All-Star guests, deep-cut fun facts, surprise costumes, and manifesting the downfalls of terrible men in 2026! Follow The Comment Section on IG: https://www.instagram.com/thecommentsection/?hl=en 20% off at Sephora Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Find two good creamers at your local retailer in the creamer aisle. Yamava Resort and Casino at San Manuel is California's number one entertainment destination for today's superstars. Catch the Jonas Brothers return to the Yamava Theater stage on April 30th, the powerful vocals of Demi Lovato on May 17th and the signature Southern Country Rock of Eric Church on July 19th. Tickets on sale now at Yamavah Theater.com,

only at Yamava Resort and Casino, celebrating its 40th anniversary. in must be 21 to enter. Hey, y'all. It's Girofalo, and I am alone right now. Why? Because this episode is a very special one. This is the best of 2025. All of my guests are going to be in this. It's best moments, best giggles, best what have you. You already know. But just want to say, thank you so much for another wonderful year of the comment section. I love you. I love this show. And I know I'm really fucking annoying. So I appreciate you being here. Happy New Year. Happy holidays.

26. Love you. Bye. I had a friend. When I was living in New York for a little bit, she was up in Harlem. I was in Brooklyn. Yeah. And, you know, she would like have to walk back to her. And men like, men in New York will just truly say anything to you every step of the way. Right.

Welcome to the Big Apple. Whatever. And she tells me, she was like, oh, yeah. Well, if I am getting off the train late at night, I will take my shoes off, already crazy. Yeah. And then do this like, quick. crab walk and laugh the whole way back. And I was like, you're full of shit.

And she did it. She ran like two blocks ahead of me and then came back through the whole gig. I'll show you my technique right now. Nothing makes them leave me alone faster. Oh, and you know what? I mean, truly the sidewalk parted. Like the Red Sea. Like it was, it was efficient.

It's a full, it's, yeah, it's a foolproof plan. This episode is presented by Sephora. And we're back. The next part, wow. You will not want to miss this. Get 20% off full-size fragrances and body miss at Sephora, now through December 24th. That's right. I'm talking about saving 20% on brands like Soul de Janeiro, K. Ali, Valentino, Fleur, and more.

Only at Sephora and Sephora at Coles, exclusions and terms apply. I've never done the glam bot, but obviously I've been to many carpets where I've seen it. Get in front of that camera, baby. Oh, girl, they give me, I told you, they give me a vest and they tell me you start valetting cars when I get there. Cuck off. I will say. The line's too long. Honestly, and honestly, I'm late every time.

So that's why I miss the window. You're doing your glam. Right. You're getting the glam perfect. I will say for little TikTokers like us, for little tiny girls, we get one shot. They are moving you along.

Cole and I know each other a little bit now because he has seen every time one of these pops up. for the wrong reasons. So I think if I begged for it, he would give me another shot, but I just don't care enough. No, they're very one and done with us.

Right, right. They really are. And my point in saying that is the glam bought is very intimidating. Uh-huh. And she moves fast as fuck. And then they're like, and then they're like,

all right, go back to fucking serving trays. Thank you. Go pick up an hors d'oe of tray and get to work. Right. Like as soon as you do your thing, they're like, okay, put this badge on. Yes.

So people know not to shoot me. Go ahead. Okay, bottom. Climb back down the stairs. I've never, I've never done one, though. I've never done the glass. It's time. I'm honestly kind of afraid.

I think you would eat the fuck down. I hope so. Also, my first one, people were nice. Okay. When you do your first one, it's a win for the culture. As soon as you've done your seventh or eighth, like, get the cover screen. Right.

You know what I mean? It's like, God, we've seen this bottom glam bot too many times. What's next? Position 28 or something? Like, put the legs. in the air. And you know what's actually interesting and people don't, I guess,

people don't realize with evidence rules, the way they work is if a client, because obviously a training client privilege, confidentiality, we are bound, bound by, you know, just shutting our fucking mouths,

not being able to tell anyone anything. And it's a much stronger privilege than like the therapist privilege or a doctor patient because there are certain mandatory disclosures, reporting, mandatory reporting laws. We don't have that.

We are mandatory. not reporting. You don't fucking say shit. And so the way the evidence rules work out for when you have to tell and when you don't kind of thing. If a client drove me out said, hey, like, let's take a drive, drove me out to some random location, showed me a body in the ground. And we're like, look, it's the missing, the missing guy on television. I killed him. If I don't touch it, if they don't give it to me, like I don't hand it, I don't handle it. I am bound to not say, word that's crazy not even like call a tip anything like I can't say anything and I've always thought about that's always like the most extreme situation that's why people are like oh lawyers are

going to hell and I'm like no yeah probably but you know I mean we're trying to keep some people out of prison before then right is you know a good thing we're we're the last line of defense for your constitutional rights you know the people who are going to be fighting especially the next four years are going to be the ones who are for sure maybe probably going to hell but it's some great stuff before then right but I always think about just completely as a joke how I would react. Yeah. Like if a client was like, let's get a coffee and I was like, oh my God,

sure. And I just have my fucking Gucci bag. Like my stiletto heel in front of an open pit of someone. And I'm just like, I'm trying to play it cool, right? Because I'm like, I don't want to be a statistic. Like, no, yeah, for sure. A hundred percent, maybe some for breeze in the bag. Like, what would you, like, how would you, like, I don't know how it would act.

Thank you for sharing it with me. I don't know how it act. But they're all. I'm holding space for this. Yes, I'm holding space for this. Don't worry. Yeah, they're not defying gravity anymore. They're defying gravity somewhere, girl.

I think also sometimes I get, I've gotten is, you know, when you're out and someone's like, like a girl will be like, oh my God, like love you to do it. And then she'll really like, the one thing she really wants to tell me, like, this has happened a few times, is points to her boyfriend. And it's like, he thinks you're funny, right? Oh, and he, oh, my God, your son. And he, and my, or if he's out there, and my boyfriend. and I'm like, well, thank God your boyfriend.

Because when you said I was funny, I didn't think that meant anything. Right? And it's like, but also. Oh, because I didn't mean anything to me when you told me that. No, I meant nothing. Now that you're saying he is. It was insulting. And also, but the obvious, like, it's also like so wild to think like that is how

condition we are that you're even saying it like it's this normal thing. Right. Because you are fully making this statement in this moment that it is even. harder for my boyfriend to find a woman funny. I get that a lot too. Right? Yeah. You get that?

Yeah, all the time. It's never, it's more so online. Like, they'll be like, even my man thinks you're funny. Even my, that could be, that's the name of your next book. That's the name of your next book. That's a great title. I'm funny. Even, even, even, yes.

Even your man thinks I'm funny. And if someone tries to steal that title, I'm reposting this. And I'm calling you out. T.M. Because that's her title. Right. But, no, literally, it's so interesting. That's actually such a good point.

I've never thought of it that way. It's like even we don't trust our own, like, opinions on stuff. Oh, right. I'll tell you what, if a bunch of men are laughing at me, I'm either getting mad or I'm worried. Oh, right. Nothing I feel is joyous in any way. Because if, because a lot of times it's like, oh, we hate you. And so you're expressing hate for yourself and we're going, mm-hmm.

And it's like, well, maybe not that. If they're laughing with me, yes. Sumbs off. No. Uh-oh. I know it. Check in. It's so crazy.

Why are so many of you nice to me right now? I'm leaning towards acting this year. That's my goal this year. T, okay, wait. Are you? Let's talk about it. I would love to. So I just, so my agency, they've been like,

10% having a couple scripts. But it's never like a role that makes sense for me. I don't even know if I can speak about this. And I don't care because I'm not going to get it. I got an audition for a Jennifer Lopez Netflix movie. Ooh. But the role they asked me to read for two parts. One was like this like kind of goofy.

office guy, whatever, whatever. He's like, funny. I was like, I can read this straight. Damn it, but I'll try. Okay. Next guy. Not him being like the seducer of the office. In one scene, he's like in a pool and he's trying to get the main character, which I'm assuming is Jennifer Lopez, to get in the pool and I'm supposed to be naked. And I literally call them. I was like, guys, and they'll always be like, it's for experience. Like, you just got to keep trying. And I'm like, this is a waste of my time. Like, can you imagine me in a pool, naked in a movie? And I'm seducing Jennifer Lopez. You're naked and a fool?

It's just like not. So like that's where my acting's at right now. I'm reading there. If anything, if I were you, I would take that as a comp, the highest of compliments. They think your body's tea. You're like, oh, so I'm nothing but a piece of meat to you guys. You guys are just going to slut me out like that. Yeah.

Honestly, if I, I wish my body was like that. I think I'd like it slept me out all day. I actually think I need to. It sounds like they're trying to, Zacharias. All those roles I'm getting are like, they always have some sort of really chiseled physical description. I'm looking for like, where, like, where, Where's quirky gay best friend? Also worked at Best Buy for four months.

Oh, yeah. Best Buy was hell on earth. That's where straight people go to like, I don't know, do something demonic. Behind the scene, I was a warehouse. You would be the most useless Best Buy worker. I was a warehouse worker. They had me on, I was in the middle of. I was, because it was, okay, girl.

Did you have that brace for your back, too? They didn't, they didn't give me the brace. I was young and spry, okay? I was in that warehouse. I was like afraid. I was like, did you put on your, like when my brother

like that man voice, yeah. Code switch. Yeah. Yeah. With the same movements. You're doing that voice but still acting the same.

Did you get that shit? Yeah. I did. I got that. I got that shipment. Is you shaking your shoulders? No, no. I don't think they see right through it queen.

And back then I had like a buzz cut and like, these little square glasses like no I can it was I was going to that Berlin club that what's it called Bergenheimers I was giving I was giving Best by Office siren like like you guys didn't get it you guys didn't get it back then I was ahead of my I was ahead of my time you were the Kim of the Family those khakis were tight are you big cryer at movies I cry about everything right I cry about everything all the time I was on a date one time I've told the story before but I was on a date one time

this guy and I said I was a big cryer and he was like oh yeah I cry a lot too and I was like oh what makes you cry and he was like movies and situations right and that was kind of where I was at the kind of the silence and I said buddy everything's a situation so so like just general things but honestly and I think about it every day and it rings so true because I also be crying in situations yeah movies and situations movies and situations that tends to do it for me I literally cry about everything I cry yeah I cry I think I cried watching back to the future probably like you think at this point I mean the second one when he when he goes to the grave no spoilers 40-year-old song.

When he goes to the graveyard, I definitely cried about that. The before trilogy will make me cry. Those are like beautiful. It's like a beautiful romantic drama. But like... This is just an ad for the back to the future. Well, but I, um... But yeah, I cry.

I cry at music too. One time I cried so hard to a song while I was driving that I couldn't see, I had to pull over. Right. It was the cause by Tommy LeFroy, by the way. Great song. T. And it's not even that's out of a song.

What's the silliest piece of advice you've gotten? The silliest, this guy come up to me and he was like, Membership means more with American Express Business Gold. Earn four times membership rewards points in your top two eligible spending categories every month, including eligible U.S. advertising purchases and select media, and U.S. purchases at restaurants, including takeout and delivery. What are you waiting for? Get the card that flexes with your spending every month.

Terms and points cap apply. Learn more at Americanexpress.com slash business. D-Gold. MX Business Gold Card, built for business by American Express. You shouldn't say you know what I mean because they don't know what you mean. Damn.

You said, well, that's, okay. Semantic Sammy, what I call him. Semantic Sammy. What? Because some people, I don't want to name names, don't know what you mean. And it's him. Because I was like,

yeah, I came up in the club looking cute. You know what I mean? We don't know what you mean. Hey, buddy. It's just a figure of speech. Hello. So the crowd doesn't know, like if you say, you know, and they think they're helping. Yeah.

What do you typically say when you get. Oh, I'm so sweet. So passive, so sweet. Oh, grace. You say thank you. I didn't think about that. Oh. We turn into an anime girl?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gosh. You're like, you're right. I'd never see them again. Just went on to gay cruise, like for like... Oh my gosh, tell me about the gay cruise. I thought your stories were so fun.

If there was one other woman that should have been on that ship, it was you. I... Actually, and your mom. Maybe even your mom more than you. I... Also the love that I have for your mom, it just knows no balance. It knows no bounds.

I was on this gay cruise. I got asked to do it like three days before. They were like, do you have a show? And I'm like, put it on a show. And I couldn't do the one from Edinburgh because it had a huge set and all these like moving things. So I had a bright, a new one. And so I'm telling you the procrastination, honey. I'm on that ship like with note cards.

And they gave me the the Mamma Mia dancers from the ship that were already on there. I picked four of the hottest British ones. I said, get back. back there, put them in Amazon sailor outfits. I had a little U.S. Navy outfit. That would really shake things up. And I went out, my opening song was called For the Gays from Death Becomes for the musical. And I was like, I do anything for the gays. And but it was really funny too because they came on like on the loudspeaker the day of my show. And they were like, hey everyone, this girl's really been through it. We kind of, you know, us G's haven't been showing

up for the T's so well. So if everyone could, you know, funnel their way to the orchid theater, like, that would be great. And I'm like, she needs it. I'm like, who are they talking about? And they're like, please, she needs it. It was so insane. And then there was like, there was like two other gals there. I think one was probably a trumper because she looked at me like I was the Antichrist.

And I get it. I was on her, you know, soil. Like, it was on her turf. Like, she was there first. But then also, then there was another woman who had just like, triple Z tits in the craziest way that I loved. And she was nice to me. Yes.

But then otherwise, it was these, I thought I was gonna get swarmed, but these men, I was a ghost. I was on the Queen Elizabeth, the haunted ship, because they did not see me. They didn't wanna talk to me. Because they're there to meet other eligible bachelors. And that's not me.

Very gender affirming, I will. I'll say, if you were a trans woman, that being said, that being said. And you want to feel like a woman, go on a gay crates. That is one. That is what we should be prescribing. You said I've never been more aware. Don't take our hormones away,

but also insurance should be covering gay cruises for the dolls. Have you ever had like a weird or embarrassing carpet experience? I wouldn't really say this was weird or embarrassing, but fuck, am I really going to forget her name? Okay, cut this silence for me. Was she in something? Or keep the silence. Okay.

not Jamie Lee Curtis But You're like identical to me Who's a similar? Like old woman? Old woman? Yes, and short hair, perhaps. Jane Lynch!

Thank you, video village. You meant to say it's Sue Sylvester. Right, exactly. Thank you so much, whoever that was. Is that Laura? Looking up into the clouds like it was God. Thank you, Angel. And who says God isn't real.

Exactly. Okay, I am on the Daily Show. I saw that. That's fucking awesome, by the way. Thank you. It is very cool. Yeah. And we got an Emmy for the show this year.

So, do I personally own an Emmy? No, I don't. But I tell me so. But I'm on a show that does. Anyways, I got to go on stage. And then you leave stage. I give a really long speech. Longer than Adrian Brody's.

It was about seven and a half minutes. I got to say nothing. You leave stage and then there's all this like press backstage that you have to like sort through like little you know penguins and and then you finally finish it. It takes like 45 minutes. Yeah. And I literally was like the dumb ass who was like, we're missing the show. Like they're like oh come over here. Vogue wants to say hi to John Stewart and I'm like, ugh like oh geez i'm like they're about to announce another thing anyway um we're leaving and um finally about to go back on stage and jane lynch looks right at me and goes congratulations i said nothing back i literally was like hey that's sick though and just kept walking

i was like this is fucked up that was the coolest thing that i wish i could could have just gone, Jane, God, babe, I love you. You look good. But nothing came out of my mouth. Right. I just fully me too myself. I'm like, whoa, Jane. I had nothing.

I couldn't even say thank you. Right. Words escaped you at that moment. Because now I have to wonder to myself, does Jane Lynch know who I am? Yeah, that haunt me. Or was she saying thank you to every, or congrats to everyone. One of the biggest reasons why I got out of being religious is because, like, the idea of eternal life, that's a curse. I agree.

I have to do some version of this for all. Like, let's imagine, let's imagine that I die. Right. And I go to heaven. And I'm looking down at my nephew and my, if I have kids, that's interesting. I'm looking at my kids and my nephew. I'm watching over them. Okay.

They have kids. My grandkids, that's kind of interesting. Okay. They're kids. I don't know these niggas. I don't want to watch We're on season three I don't want to watch anymore

You just kind of the same stuff Over and over again You've gone off the rails I don't want to watch you all I know my grandma's watching down to me Leave that woman alone What her rest

Hasn't she done enough in her life Now she's watching you It sounds horrible I want to rest I want to be done I want to just I want to just I want to just

I want to You know where the TV, I want that. Do you want to be reincarnated at all? No. As anything. You think the Earth's getting better? Maybe go into another universe. Maybe.

Yeah, another universe would be cool. I've dated a lot of twins somehow. I don't know what I'm attracting, but I've dated a lot of twins. That sounds kind of scary. It can be. Like I feel like twins, when they get to a certain age, it's like, can enough. No more. You're no longer a twin.

I couldn't agree more. Being a twin is for children. And at this point, you're 25 and it's perverted. And you're creepy and weird. Yeah. So knock it off. And if you ever wear the fucking same thing in front of me, I'll have you arrest. I don't care.

Yeah, I believe. And I hate the cops. I believe in the police again for that. Just for twins. Yeah. A-Tab. That is crazy. All twins are bad.

That's great. That's great. That's crazy. crazy that you've just so happened to date twins? I'm more than once. More than once is crazy. Yeah, I guess I'm problematic. Were they identical? Yeah. That's uncomfortable. Yeah, well. Imagine you're mad at them and then their sibling comes and you're like,

yeah, there's a lot of stuff I will tell you when I'm wearing out rolling. I did a job once and I was wearing a wig and fine, I'll say it. Okay, it was yellow. jackets. And they were like, it was for the pilot. And the girl was like, she's like, I think I just need to cut off your dead ends because you've got really bad dead ends. And I was like, okay. Thank you. Okay. My feelings for her. Thank you. Yeah. I actually thought my hair looked good. She like gave me a bob. Like I went from like long hair to like Bob and I was like, she said just a little off the top. Yes. And then she goes, she goes, did you want bangs? And I was like, I'm trying to grow them out. I look at the mirror. They're like super short. I was like, she got my bangs. And I was like,

Hey, I'd be mad. Yeah, and then she was like, and then I was like, so just to clarify, I'm wearing a wig in the show, right? And she's like, right. And I was like, yeah, I was just practicing. She literally was like, you're welcome. I was like, okay. But she goes, yeah, I don't even work here. So I'm actually not sure.

Honestly, I would have been surprised, would not have been surprised. I was really shocked. It was okay. It's so many because I was talking about you advocating for yourself and you said, I gave me a new hairdo. I was like, oh. And meanwhile, I said thank you. I did.

I left with a smile on my face. I'm wearing a wig though, right? She goes, yeah. Yeah. I was like, okay. No, I, yeah, I'm not. I'm working on it. I'm working on it.

Younger me was better at advocating for myself. I'm working on it again. So I'm in my room. And I'm like, I'm going to find these people. And I looked up the email address. I found a world of wonder at dot net. Yeah. So I just wrote some random at that email.

So who am I concerned. I am tired of these black girls getting on your show, about being fat. I'm not going to charge. I did. I was talking shit. I'm not going to charge.

Chuck the up bucket and I can show you better than I can tell you. Here's my picture. My phone number. Give a bitch of call. I didn't know they were casting, girl. You just wrote hate mail? I just wrote hate mail. I got cast.

I was bad. Talking shit, I was mad. And they called me two days later. They're talking about we loved your email. That's so much. Oh. You forgetting you sent it Completely

In a rage And didn't think nothing else about it And they called me talking about We loved your email We want you to get your tape in like ASAP We want to push you through They said Get that girl in my office

That part I was like She's gonna be a star I wrote them on a Tuesday They wrote me Call me on Thursday Damn And they wanted my tape in by Monday

Shit Okay I was like, girl, I got bookings all weekend. I have busy. I ain't got time for this. Yeah. And she was like, don't worry about making it pretty. Just answer the prompts and show us your closet and send it.

Yeah, they just want to see you, your personality. And baby, there was one old tape. Rupal remembers my tape very, very vividly. Is that a good thing or bad thing? It was horrible, girl. All you saw was teeth and eyes because it was dark. Which I did my whole tape on a Yahoo webcam, bitch. Like, I'm telling you, it ain't about all the production value.

It's just about you. You don't know the fight-type fight. You have no clue. You don't understand. So yeah, but they love my tape. And then, boop-boop-boop, I got on my first try. And I wasn't even trying. I was just talking shit.

Necky in general is so wild. Like when LA opened up, and that day that it opened up, I was in high tops in WeHo. they have some bomb salads at high tops in We Home, I will say. It's random, but they do. And I was eating this buffalo chicken salad standing up. It was packed because L.A. had just opened. And this guy comes up to hit on me. And his opening line, though, was, wow, you really don't eat that salad confidently.

And I was like, okay, new insecurity just dropped. Like, what? I was like, I didn't even know there was a right way to eat salad, like, let alone that I wasn't doing it confidently. And then he proceeded to try and hit on me. And I was like, no. You started off on a crazy place. And like it was so, it's so wild.

Like, and I'm sure like you know exactly what I'm talking about. Yeah, men nagging. Yeah. And I don't know why people think that this is a viable plan. I know. What's the plan after? Yeah. If I end up standing here longer, what happens after?

No, you just hurt my feelings. I don't want to talk to you anymore. Hey, fuck you. Yeah. And then sometimes I watch movies. that come out now and I'm like, I could do that. Yes. Well, that is the worst part of this whole industry. It's like, first of all, I've even gotten an audition. It's not even, oh, I didn't get that.

They were like, we don't need to hear. And you see this commercial that's just, you're like, why couldn't I do that? Why was I not allowed to audition for Husky Girl with Bangs in Trident commercial? I wasn't even good enough to be seen for that. I'm classically trained. I have a BFN from NYU. I wasn't allowed to audition for Husky Girl with and trying it commercial. Like,

it feels very crazy. And we have friends now who will, they'll see a casting that they're not invited to do. And for example, it'll be like,

we want a Jordan Myrick type. But Jordan's not been asked to audition. I was not called in for the audition. But they're looking for someone that does. And it's like, so yeah, it's really warped and weird.

And it's like all of this without you. Yes. Put it on someone else. Really hurtful. Really hurtful. Yeah. And then they always cast a model.

It's always a model. It's always a model. There's this woman at my gym and she, every time she sees me, this is like the fourth time that she's done it, she's like, I know you probably hate your hair. I know you probably hate it, but I love it. She's like, no, I think it is so cute. It is so cute. I know you really probably hate it. I know you hate that shit.

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Now through May 6th, Exclusion supplies to homedipo.com slash price match for details. Actually, this is like, I want my hair to look like this. I'm like, wait. And I'm like, oh. I've actually never felt more confident about what we? actually wait I really like you right now I'm like wait should I shave it off again like I don't know so I'm like oh you hate your hair every this is like I'm not this is like the third or fourth time she's done this like I see her like multiple time like the first time it was like your hair is so cute your little curls and then it like progressively got like more and more like now I feel like she's gonna be like your hair I know you cannot fucking stand it like I feel like it's just gonna get worse every time I see this woman so here she comes ugly haircut girl you go she fucking comes I'm like, what did I do?

But it's like, and I don't even know how to respond in that moment because she's so, she's genuinely so nice. Like I really don't think she realizes. They're not meaning to be rude at all. I'm like, you know what, girl? Yeah, I love my fuck ass haircut, I guess. You know, whatever. Yeah, you're right.

You're right. Some lenses, I'm like, you hate me. Oh, 100%. By the way, some friend's lenses. A friend just took a picture of me. He was like, Owen, I want to take some press photos of you. I was like, this is a free press photo. Great.

Delete. I'm not kidding. M block. I'm not kidding. Block you as a friend. I couldn't believe the photos he took. How rude. No, seriously.

They're really offensive. I don't know. I don't know what he thought. I was. Are you mad at me or something? No, literally. I did something to your mother. I don't know what I did though.

I'm trying to figure it was so rude. I know there are some pictures. Like some lenses, I'm like, oh man, I probably look terrible. And then when I watch you back, I'm like, oh my God, I look stunning. And then some I'm like, I felt so good that day. And I watched you back and I'm like, oh my God. You guys just let me. leave the house looking like that.

Totally. Oh, Jesus Christ. It's so mean. And then there's the worst, which is when a friend takes a photo of you. Yeah. Sends it to you. And it's already face tuned. And you're like, wait, what?

You're like, you really think I needed it? Can I see the original? You're like, I looked at that. Hey, why do I look like? It's like a face app. I'm like, Kiss 2. I'm like Hollywood 4. I'm like looking like insane.

It's that bold glamour. Totally. Totally. Totally. I'm like, I have eyelashes to the seal. I'm like, I don't think. I have my eyelashes into. Like, why did you put them on me?

It's really offensive. I used to work a front desk at a hotel. I think a lot of people don't know that about me. But I was working. I had to work. You were like a front desk girl at just a regular like chain hotel. A regular hotel chain hotel. I was literally, I was there from 7 a.m. to 11 p.m.

And at 11.30 when I got home, I would, that camera was out. And you're crazy. Yeah, I was literally suffering. What was your other job? You just you working at the hotel? Yeah, it was just two front desk hotel jobs. Damn, you were just bouncing between them? Yeah, I was just bouncing between them.

Like, girl, I had to get my money up somehow. And that was the way to do it. Yeah, for sure. Well, and that's a testament, too, to wanting to make this work also, which I've also told people. I've mentioned before that, like, nothing's going to stop you. If you really want to do it, no matter how busy you are, you're going to make time. Yeah, you're going to make a shake, for sure.

We need to talk. Let's. About where we are right now. Okay. We are at the Spotify offices, okay? Now, tell me why there's 17 address. I'm getting emails going, hey, you're going to this building, but you're going to want to put it in this building if you're Ubering. These are the trains. Then I go, I show up at one office building. It's not

the right office building. Man turns me away. Then I go to what's an H&M. I end up at an H&M. I'm in a shopping center. You're listening to house music. I'm listening to House music at H&M at H&M. I'm in a museum of thin people. Right. At H&M. Then I have to speak with a police officer. I went up to a member of the NYPD and shout out. And that's how you know it's bad. That's when you know things are bad. If I'm talking to the cops, something has gone wrong. And I said, hey, I'm looking for Spotify. He said, oh, yeah, classic. Then he sends me around the corner.

I go up to the welcome desk. I go, hey, guy shakes my hand. I go, okay. I go, hell yeah, hey, sir, I'm going to Spotify. He goes, they have their own desk. I go, of course they do. No, perfect. I go to the Spotify desk.

I do a retina scan. I give my pronouns. They made me give my pronouns. I give my pronouns, my political affiliation, my social. They take a picture of me on three little cameras. They send me to an elevator. where I'm not allowed to press the buttons. Did they ask if you're an organ donor too?

Basically. And then they send me up, the elevator sends me up, I don't get to push buttons. Then I get to Spotify. I have to give my pronouns again. I get my pronouns to people working a desk. I'm ripping jokes to them.

I said, you guys run this shit like the Navy, huh? I said, this is fucking ridiculous. It's a treasure map. It's a treasure map. And then one of the people working here, God love them. I go, I go, God, you guys run this like fucking Fort Knox? And she goes, yeah, it's the World Trade Center.

And you said, I went, hey, my bad. Hey, my bad, actually. That's me not reading the room. How quickly we forget. Oh, it's never forget until. They said the world trade thing. I said, he him. My bad, he him.

Just he him, thank you. And I'm also gay, so careful what you say next. I said, he him, homosexual. Thank you. I changed my tune real quick. What would you say is the most randomly but fucking cool moment you've had since going through this last year? You're like, that is crazy and so awesome. I can't wait to tell us.

someone. I mean, it I met the Pope. Did you really? I literally. The old one? Like I literally. Yeah. The one that just passed over. Yes, yes. Yes. Rest his God. What is it? May God rest his soul.

That's crazy. What a crazy answer. Oh, the Pope probably. Yeah, probably. Yeah. Like, I went to his house. What the fuck are you doing at Pope Francis's house? Is that his name? I don't even know. You're getting nervous? Like, I'm Catholic.

I'm not. Yeah, like, I sat with him for an hour. Damn. What were you guys keen about? I mean, and we were talking about the importance of cultural change for queer and trans people, particularly in families. Okay, too. And we know that the Catholic Church does have an impact in a lot of people's families.

Yeah. No matter how you feel. about the Catholic Church, rightfully so, myself included. I did say yes to the invitation to go speak with him and to show him what it looks like when a trans woman is loved and uplifted and accepted and celebrated and accomplished. You're so fucking cool. What the fuck? She's like, well, yeah, obviously I went to the Pope to tell him about trans women. What the fuck? What the fuck, bitch? What are you talking about?

Yeah, it was... Damn, I'm a weird telling man to suck my weiner and that's what you're doing. Yeah, no, but thanks to... Thanks to Glad, Glad, um, organize that trip. That is so fucking crazy. Yeah. Yeah, I'd list that too.

Two-Truths and a lot. Your two-truths and a lie is gonna go crazy. I sat with Pope Francis and talked about friends rights. Um, I hate broccoli and I love the color yellow. Wait, okay. You once ran a half marathon and then performed in two Broadway shows at the same day. That's right.

That's where we circle back to American Ninja Warrior. That's you. A half marathon and two shows? Yes. I had made, this is a pattern. I made a promise to myself that if I finished the race in time to get ready for the two shows, I would go and do the two shows. And I finished in time, I think it was like an hour and 30 something minutes.

And it was still early. So I went home, had a shower, got ready and went to do the shows. Sane. You're actually, you're like, that was an insane moment. The way you're like saying how you motivate yourself, it sounds like, you know when you have little kids? You're like, let's see how fast you can go get my water. 10, nine, eight.

You're like, okay, if I can do this in 10 minutes, you Denzel Washington and the equalizer, four minutes, clock it. That's so crazy. How was the half marathon? It was actually, it was really fun. Doing the first show, because I had never done a half marathon before. Yeah. I had trained for it, but I had never done it competitively. your body does a different thing when it's competing.

It like flushes your system with adrenaline. And you don't realize how fast you're moving. Yeah, like too fast out of your pace. You move much faster than you would if you were just training. So I had moved a lot faster, which meant that my body had to do much more recovery and it starts immediately. The moment you stop, your body goes,

oh, thank you, and starts to cool down, the muscle starts to tighten up. And the first thing I do in the show is get down on my knee. I remember going Oh You've been stuck That would be crazy And I'm playing at this point

A 14 year old I was like I have no spring in my step I can't get up And there was a step behind me And I remember having to Try to use the step to get up Because my knees and my thighs Had seized up underneath me

It was crazy Oh my God So running the race, lovely After the race, something else Something else entirely That being said, I did finish both. Did finish both. And got a standing ovation

both times. But it's neither here nor there. People have not changed. They're still crazy. Yeah, that's true. We're just getting a little bit of a different type of crazy. I agree. Or people are just getting more, like, I feel like, and maybe you agree with this,

with this new scary era, this newer scary era. This scera. Many, many of them have been scaras. Yeah, for a minute. I feel like now more than ever is the time to experience joy. Yeah. Like, because it's almost like, well, the world's ending. Yeah.

What else are we going to do? No, 100%. I've also, I think I'm done. I'm done changing people's minds. For real. I'm like, if you want to come onto my platform, giggle laugh, maybe start to change the way that you see things on your own. Right.

We can Kiki all day, sweetheart. If you expect me to do more work, honey, we've put in the work. Yeah. I've done as much as I can do. And I genuinely think to my core, at this point, we've just seen people, People don't want to change.

You laugh, I'm going to laugh. For real. I'm still going to be prettier than you. And that's fine. We just have to say it out loud. Stop denying it. We all need to come to terms with it. It'll be a lot easier.

Yes. Thank you. I don't like any sea creatures really. Like they all kind of scare me. Hate birds. They scare me. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, birds are, like, have you ever seen that thing about how they say crows,

remember faces? Like, crows have like facial recognition. Could that be the government? Who knows? That's true. Yeah. They're the first drones. Yeah.

Yeah. Just like pigeons. And I've seen. And what's sad about pigeons is they were first like grown to be eaten. Right. And then they got out of control. Right. We were like, oh, shoot.

When you like breed food that flies, it's hard to catch them. Right. And control them. They didn't think about that. No, they didn't. They were like, oh, shoot. So then they were like, let's try to make them send mail. Right?

That's the second part. I know way too much about pigeons. By the way, I didn't really. I didn't really have human friends until maybe like 10. So pigeons, I've hung out with a lot of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm trying not to act offended that you're, you're like, afraid of my family, actually.

That's your family. That's your kin, my bad. That was my first chosen family. But whatever. Crows, though, crows do, because I've seen crows follow people and peck at them. Yeah, and they remember if you're, like, mean to them. If you harm like a crow, like they memorize your face. So they'll come and look for you later on.

And you know what? Like you shouldn't be harming a crow though. I know. I mean, that's what they get. That's karma. I'm just saying that's kind of shocking. Yeah. To find out birds can do that.

A person should be taken down if they have enough strength and like high to hurt a crow. Because crows fly, right? That is a person dangerous to humans too. Take them down. Take them down. I agree. That's actually such a good point. You know what I take back what I said about your chosen?

and family. I'm sorry about that. Okay, Andrew's next fun fact, it says you were a financial intern for Congress. Oh, no. I was hoping to God I'd hear those. Girl, what are you doing in Congress? No, that was really, it was such a interesting time in my life.

Even just like the idea of being a finance major was a lot at the time. Well, yes. Well, correct. Yeah, I decided to take an unpaid internship, a senior year of college, I went to school in Baltimore, so I still had to take the train every day or twice a week. And yeah, I was working on the financial services committee. I was just sitting in on their meetings and I was like,

Kayak gets my flight, hotel, and rental car right. So I can tune out travel advice that's just plain wrong. Bro, Skycoin, way better than points. Never fly during a Scorpio full moon. Just tell the manager you'll sue. Instant room upgrade. Stop taking bad travel advice. Start comparing hundreds of sites with kayak and get your trip right. Kayak, got that right. Not absorbing anything. Literally, literally taking notes and would have to like brief different Congress people on like what was being said if they had to miss the hearing.

And I'm like, I'm not. So you're just like a meeting attender? Yeah, I was literally a meeting attender. And then I was also like working for different people in Congress just like answering phones and just like getting. scream that. People are screaming about it. And I'm writing, this is the thing. All right.

You want to talk about the government? I don't, but let's talk about the government. I'm the one. I was the one that was writing the letters back to people. I was formatting these things. People were calling me about their taxes. I had to be emailing them. Like, I'm so sorry to hear that that's how you feel about your taxes.

Like the congress person, the congresspeople didn't even know. Yeah. And they don't care. It fell on a 21 year old that wasn't being paid. A 21 year old twink. Twink. Twink. No.

A 21-year-twinque in a suit. All right. On grinder. On grinder. No. I probably was on Grindr on office hours. No, genuinely. I bet there was a ton of hits in fucking Congress.

Oh, absolutely. And no, because you know what? They wouldn't be showing face. They would be DL. That's torso. Torso. Torso. Torso and suit.

Torso and suit. I think it would be. Yeah. For sure. Yeah, but yeah, I worked in Congress. So. Who's the same? Who is to say what could have happened.

Yeah, I thought that was my big break. Talking about big breaks. This one says that Eric's dream man is Joe Jonas. Yes. Not true. Not true. Scott is her. False.

You know, it changes. Sometimes it changes. Like right now, no. A couple months ago, yeah. You know, it just kind of changes. And that's not good for me because if it changes often. What about me? Yeah, he's like, well, I can't grow my hair back that fast.

Yeah, I can't say. I can't play guitar and I don't have any brothers. So I'm kind of, oh for three. Have you met the Jonas brothers? I have. Me too. How was it? Yeah, that was your vibe.

No, let me ask you first. It was, it was cool. We'll talk about it for real after, but it was cool. Yeah, we will. It was cool. They were really nice. The groups of, I guess they're not people. The groups of organisms that I appeal to most, I think, are animals and babies.

Well, I guess babies are people. But they are almost people. Almost, yeah, yeah. But, like, I feel like there's something that just... Something about your spirit that speaks. They're like, like, babies will see me and they're like, like, like perplexed. Which I think is partially like the hair. Hair, yeah.

It's just a lot. Just the vibe. Yeah. Oh, that's good, though. Do you love animals? Do you like animals? I love animals. What's your favorite animal?

My cat, Cooper. What a great answer? What kind of cat? He's just a little guy. He's a fucking guy, I don't know. He's a Siberian, so he's a big fluffy guy. But yeah, it's like, yeah, I'm getting better with people. But like, babies and animals, I'm like, that's what you're vibing with.

I'm in the pocket. They love me. But growing up, they didn't have words for ADD because I was like a girl, so they were just like, she's nuts, you know. My mom, but even, she cared so much because my sister, like, can just like hyper focus in a book. Like, we could be, there's just one horrible family member we have. We're in, like, a car. It's like this big family fight. I won't tell details. Love you mom. Um, but basically, like, I'm crying. My mom and dad are yelling. I look over at Candace, locked in. Just in a book. Just

literally like, flipping pages. Can't even hear us. And at that moment, I was just like, it's just on a fair. You know. I must be so nice. I know. I don't have that. So they put me in, like, reading class where I was like, my mom paid money for me. to go to a class that every single week their one thing was put your finger under the line and i go i'm here for hours and that's all you're teaching me can you imagine did i learn i learned that i hate you know what i learned from that class i fucking hate reading and then i learned but i love reading now i love reading because reading is listening and walking around and cleaning and and you know what that is reading do you sit down to read yeah you're reading i have a kindle i'm jealous of it i love a

i do i love books now i really really do oh that's good i'm so glad what can you tell about a certain drink Are there any drinks when you're like, oh, yeah, of course you drink that. It's more like, I would say it's less, it was less like what drink you had and like how you ordered it. Okay. Do you know what I mean? It's like ordering a dirty martini is not like bad and like doesn't really say much about you. But someone being like, give me the fucking nastiest martini you've ever fucking made in your life is like, what are you trying to prove? Do you know what I mean?

There's something like you could tell when something because like dirty martini is I think, I don't know if it happened over here, but like, That was like a big thing in New York, like, right towards the end of my bartending. And people were obsessed with being like, being like, can you take a fucking shit in my martini? Like, you know, like just running. Yeah, like, as many olives as you can give me. And being like, down girl. Like, stop. You know what I mean?

Chill. Or like, like, like, men be, like, just being like old fashioned. And it's like that, there's like a certain like performance to it. It was more about like how you would perform the order than it was an actual drink. That's too. I like was, I would love so hard for like some guy walk up and I'd be like, pinocrigio. Like, you know what I mean? Like, that would be so.

I said, yeah, you got that. I love a Pino. I had somebody tell me the other day. I saw this post and they said that lesbian women need the relationship that straight women have with gay men. Like, we need to have that with straight men. Sign me up for a war. Take me anywhere else. I disagree.

Women are still with men and somehow we get put with men now. They're like, well, you guys have a lot in common. You go over there. Uh-uh. No, I think men need less friends and more timeout. I think they need to be putting time out. In a corner. A lot somewhere.

Just go stand there. Think about your decisions. Think about your choices. They say male loneliness. Right. I'm like, there's not enough of it. We need a lot more seclusion and we need a few islands. That's like that joke.

I saw a meme where it said, men suffer in silence and quotes. And then it said, then why am I always hearing about it? Right. That's one of those jokes where I'm like, fuck, I should have made fun of it. I should have made that one. And also when? Right in front of me. About what?

What are they going through? Tell me one bang. Ever. It says you got your first script deal by pretending to be a courier sent to deliver a script to the president of HBO. Yes, it wasn't a script deal. It was an option deal,

which is their option to sell it for a deal. I got like $1,000 for it. But basically, I would just print my script that work for free. And they had all good supplies at work because I was an accountant. Well, they gave you the free laptop. They have to have good printers.

Full, full supply. fly room. I'm talking highlighters, pads, different types, envelopes, stapler, stapler, you know, just like all the good stuff. Right. So I printed it and I just looked up like who makes TV because again, I knew nothing about standards. This is like before I'd seen much. I haven't even gone down like the dive. I was like, oh, people who had shows were standups and they wrote. So I should have a show. Like this is all my math. I honestly, and And I think you got a great mindset. Thank you.

I was like, I could just do it. Yeah, and I had stories. So I wrote it. I printed it. I put it in envelopes and I just like went to these offices. I had no, you know, I just said, oh, the president asked, you know, to read it. And they would be like, there's no president. I'm like, I'm just a courier.

I don't know. So you're going to. And so they would, I guess, get it to the office in some way. And I guess, you know, whoever was tasked with reading, you know, one of my, my thing got some recognition to the point of getting an option. You're literally a genius. Yeah, which didn't go anywhere. But what it did get me was representate,

like actually into the business a little bit. Absolutely. Especially if you're just pretending to be your own delivery person. Yeah, I'm just like, well, I don't know. Whoever runs, you know, I didn't look into the company. I literally just looked up like, I googled the address. Like, I didn't know, you know, anything more than the building that it was in. Like, I would, I'm talking to the security desk.

I think you're my hero, dude. Yeah. I really do. I just really I genuinely admire that you're just like what am I like it's fucking hard just fucking walk in there and do it? No I thought it was

I didn't think it was but I was like How else do you mail these places? Like there's no way to like mail it Like I was just thinking logistically Right So it's in the envelope I'll just bring it there No that you're literally

That's why I said you're a genius Like I never thought about something like that Yeah and then yeah And now you know a million terrible people with you don't have it save yourself some time. Very true. That's actually very good advice. Please take that. Yeah. Honestly, save your life. Save yourself some time. I think that whenever people have critiques about comics, like longstanding comics, in the sense of saying like they're not funny. I'm always like, well, I mean, I think I'm kind of funny.

No, exactly. There's a little bit of validity to it. No, exactly. But in this case, it's like you guys didn't think of it if you're thinking of it because you heard it for me you didn't think of it so you already don't have it that's true you know what I mean it's already you're starting on original yeah so then just out the gate so don't worry about it yeah just stop there you realized you were gay when you were 25 while watching a lifetime movie yeah that's right which lifetime movie was it the truth about Jane I don't know if you've ever heard of it it's uh it's doctor Channing who plays Rizzo in Greece okay uh was the mom and And her, like, 16-year-old daughter realizes she's gay and has a mentor at school, a teacher who's gay.

And as I described it, the 16-year-old comes out to her mom, and her mom's like, boo. And then by the end of the movie, she's like, yay. And I was like, and that's the movie. But I had had, you know, it was weird. I talk about how it was just different times. When I was 25, it was like YouTube was just starting. Yeah. There was no will and grace.

Or maybe it just come out. The L word had just come out. But when I was growing up, there was none of that stuff, you know, none of that representation. So I never like saw myself in anything. And I just grew up in a very small town that I did not know one gay person. I did not see a gay person hold hands until I was in college. So I just was just very naive to that word. and knowing what that was in myself.

And so when I moved to LA, it was starting to bubble up. I was starting to feel the thing and that you're kind of like fighting. Like, this cannot be, have to, I haven't found the right man. It's insane. And every time you say you gag a little. Yeah, like now it seems like crazy that that was even a possibility. Right. And then I was watching that movie and something about seeing this person who's young, being brave enough.

being brave enough to like come out made me go at the end of the movie I was like oh my god I'm I'm gay and I said it out loud for the first time and it was what kind of cemented it for me of like oh this is real yeah and so my joke was you know they say that uh having gay people in movies will make people gay and they're right and in my case you are correct you're right okay one out of a million. In this particular case, you are right. Yep. You're a huge fan of the Percy Jackson book series. Percy Jackson saved my life. Yeah, I don't understand, but that's my older brother.

But like, I'm the oldest. And I was going through like, like, my childhood wasn't the best. And I opened a book and escape. And I was like, if Percy's battling the God of war, you know what I mean? We could fight this homeless, this mom. That's so sweet. And so I actually met Rick Ryder and like, this was before any content. I was like, I don't know, like 17,

and he had just came out with a book, and I'm just there. Did you sign it, even though your name's on it already? I still have the book. That's so sweet. And so it's like, and he's got ADHD, which is a big, because it's like, as a kid, like, first of all, you got foreign parents,

they don't believe in that shit anyway. You're just a little loud. It's like, I don't know, I don't think I'm just a little loud. I can't think, like literally. Yeah. And so that was really cool, because Rick Ryden's son has ADHD and dyslexia.

So that's what he incorporated in all the demigods is they all have this. And so I was just in there and I was like, it's obvious on the side of the side. I have all the signs. Like, this is me. And so that got me into just so many other stories and reading. The word cringe really ruined. I agree. I agree.

To be cringe is to be free in my opinion. I think as I get older, I'm like, I just don't give a fuck anymore. I'm going to just be a little creature. and I'm going to be cringe because I'm passionate about things. Yeah, absolutely. I'm like very dorky and I love my life and I love being passionate about these things. I love music and I love art and I love costumes and glam and I just fucking love it all. And I'm and I'm so like happy to be alive right now.

So I don't give a fuck about being cringe anymore. I'm going to crawl around on all fours and bark at bitches going forward. I do not care. anymore. That's what chapel told me. She said she wants to run around and roll around in the grass and bark at people and yell and scream. And I was like, you better do it, Queen. You better do that shit. Yeah. I love that. Wait, this is a little, this is a little, sorry, I have to tell this story. So I have a friend and she works at a nightclub and when she walks home at night, so this is like 4 a.m. 5 a.m., she's walking home at night. She has a pair of boots over her arm. And, and,

When men try to talk to her at night or she feels threatened in any way, she puts the boots on her hands and she runs at them on all fours. She's a genius. She's a genius. Tell her to trademark that before someone says it. That's the coolest thing I've ever heard in my life. She's a genius. I love that. Yeah, you've got to be nuts.

I wish I could do that online in some way. Like what's the online equivalent of me just putting boots on my hands and running on all fours at people? You just tag me. I'll run all fours towards them Nothing scares them off faster than that And to see my big ass running at you on all fours Yeah exactly Hooooo woo woo

Yeah Yeah my all fours got my boots on my hands Exactly you just tag me I'll be your all four on all fours for you I'll do that for you girl Thank you yeah of course Thank you Well in Paris like specifically when I was there

And I was hungry as a BITCH Like literally this bitch hungry t-shirt Like I'm hungry like walking around like I was like this is a hungry bitch like I remember I was like oh breakfast like I'm so excited and literally blackfast like I was like yes like breakfast like I get to eat like period dude they only have like a bag at that I literally could crack over my and like literally do like my final rest and they want you to like bear mouth that shit in the street because they don't have any places to sit so they're like oh just open your mouth

unlock your jaw like a python and bite this. Oh. And the thing that like gagged me crazy, like really had me like, okay, like now y'all just playing the food. Like now you're just like making shit up for real. Because no shade but like butter. When we think of butter and like what it's going to do, like we need a little salt. Yeah.

Yeah. That's the whole point. You need like a salted butter. Yeah. Or it's literally just like grease. Like it's just like oil. It's kind of oil. Oh.

It's just oil. It's literally like milk all. Like literally. Yeah. So I literally am like, fuck it. Bitch hungry like bagget and like butter. Thank you Jesus. So I like literally start spreading on the butter.

Take my first bite and I'm literally like. No. And nothing like really pisses me off more than an unsalted butter. Like we need to be serious. And I'm like that's y'all's like that's one and two three, four, five six. I will say though they're four five six like me with like a Parisian flag on. Like I don't know. But the 46 bitch, I did have a fucking like quassant.

Like literally. That motherfucker. Yeah, particularly they've nailed. Pastry they've nailed. Oh, yeah. They ate that so nasty. I will say. Kylie was once catfished on a dating app.

And while you were on the date, your phone glitched. And it said you were in the middle of the ocean. So Leandra thought you were lost at sea. That's a very long specific. Where did you find that? That we only posted that on our Finsta. Um, I, that, I went on. an absolutely horrifying hinge date.

Yeah, he ended up not looking anything like his photo. Also, if he's watching this, I'm really sorry for exposing you in this way. He should be sorry for being a catfish. For being a catfish. That is the price you pay to be a catfish. It was very strange, like really uncomfortable, but he wanted to go on like a walk in like our neighborhood, which is not technically an ocean, it's a lake.

Yeah. But my phone did glitch. We had each other's locations. Well, you said, I'm not sure about this. Can you just like check my location? And I said, sure. This is a Bose moment. your 10 boring blocks from home

until the beat drops in Bose clarity and the baseline transforms boring into maybe the best part of your day your life deserves music your music deserves Bose find your perfect product at bows.com and then when I checked your dot was so far in the middle of belly

I was like texting Jordan I was freaking out this is a documentary waiting to happen I mean it definitely It was, I, it was so scary. I never went on another hinge date again after that. Was he just severely off-putting other than face? I didn't, I just didn't like him at all.

He was like, I, it sounds so bad. I mentioned something about an ex-boyfriend, and he was like, can we please not talk about our ex-s right now? We're just getting to know each other. I was like, I'm just mentioning something and pass him. Shut the fuck up. The dot is her throwing him off a boat in the middle of place. No, dead ass.

He's like, oh, I was busy in the middle of there. I was doing something. He told me that he absolutely hated food. Oh, bye. Which is just, like, this is just, like, not going to work for us. I'm like, it was very... You hate food? How do you eat?

Yeah. What do you do photosynthesis? Just lay in the sun? Yeah, me. And ask for the leaves to give you the nutrients? He's actually, he's a plant. Yeah, no, dead ass. Like, literally.

That's so... Yeah. It was like one of those off-putting dates. Very awesome. And I've never actually texted someone. He asked me to hang out again and I didn't even just straight up ghost him. I texted him and said, I don't think that we should ever see. He said it was so bad that I said I don't want to ever see you. Yeah, I needed to make it clear. I never want to see you again. Well, good friends, good friends check and make sure you're not in the middle of the lake. Yeah, thanks Lee. I'm going to be so honest, Grace. And if I saw I don't think you would be very helpful to me if I saw you in an Apple store. I wasn't. Well, I was

selling. It was sales. I wasn't a genius. But one time this guy, like, he gave me his phone and he just was acting like super normal about he's like can't get in like my phone like I don't know. The password is not working. He gives me the phone. Look at it. Full nude is his wallpaper. Like not of him like of a woman. Like pussy out like like spread eagle like she's getting a wax. Like full, yeah. Like she's on the beach. She was on the beach. Like spread.

Everything's out. Pube's out. Okay. Full bush summer. No, no. It was a landing trip summer. Okay, landing strip. But I'm like, hi.

You knew you were coming in here today, right? And like, the whole thing was like that he couldn't get in his phone. But like a little disclaimer like, ah, this is a little embarrassing. This is a, he just didn't even mention. mention it like I kind of just like act normal I was like okay like let me call my supervisor over and I like wanted to like go in the back find him give him a little but as I was walking back we actually bumped into each other and I was and he was like very close to the guy and I was like oh so we have to like we'd always have to be like what's your name and so I like I don't remember his name Peter I don't know

I'm like, Peter needs some help with his phone, but I didn't have time to brief him on the wallpaper. And so then I had to watch my manager, like, straight face. Yeah. Oh, my heavens. Yeah. But people are fucking weird. Like, what's wrong with you? Fuck, dude.

Have you ever heard of shifting? Uh-oh. People doing shifting? No. Is that that Mormon thing? No. No? No.

No. No. What's shifting? I've seen it. I've only seen people talk about it on TikTok, which would make sense because I think you need a certain level of brain rot in order to access it. But it's literally when they close their eyes and they like go like almost like lucid dreaming. Yep.

But they like go into the dream willingly. But they're always with like fictional characters. Oh fuck. Or like boys specifically. I've only ever seen women do it with boys. Like so they're like oh I shifted and I was I shifted and I was dating like Edward from Twilight. Got it.

We went to the mall together and like and they recount it like it's like this is is what I did last night when I shifted, which like in my head is like that's kind of just seems like imagination, but that's okay. Like whatever you want to call it. It's like a there, there's a new term for daydreaming. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Exactly. We're calling it. Imagining. Right. Yeah. Children do it. It's good to foster the whimsy. Is it painful? A little, a little bit of blood comes out of the year when you shift. They look like that. What's, what's her name on stranger things? Oh yeah. 11. Yeah. Millie Bobby. Yes. Yes. Yes. It was 41. She's 41 now.

Wow. So she grew up so quickly. Something they're all older than us. Well, my daughter basically calls it out. She's terrified of me being bald. Like every time I get a haircut, she's like, dad. No, don't do it. And I'm like, why do you think that?

She says, because you're already kind of bald. She's like, I can see it. Obviously, I have eyes. Because you're looking from my chest up. You can't see the rest. You don't know what's going on back there. You're too small. So I'm just like, I'm just embracing it preemptively before it gets like real bad.

Honestly, I call it power bald. Like my man obviously has really long hair, but he told me like the second it starts to wean even a little bicking the whole head. Hey. And then he's going to grow the beard longer. That's what I was going to do. Yeah. So he has a plan. This is about to go crazy.

Yeah. And my dad's bald. Oh, yeah. Oh, you're good. I've got permission from all bald people. Okay. You guys are setting like family precedents. Yeah.

My dad's bald. He was like over it. Don't need it anymore. Yeah. My dad's ball too. Ball is hell. Exactly. And bald dads are great dads.

My dad was in prison for my whole life, so it's fine. You're still, I'm sure you would have been a great dad. And will be great dads sometimes. Exactly. He's great now. Okay, perfect. He's really great. He's awesome.

I love that. I have a horror story. I had a little bit of PTSD when I drove over here. The studio, I used to audition over here. I haven't been over here. And I don't leave the house. Yeah. There's a studio over here.

I auditioned for, there was a huge show that, sorry. There was a show that was supposed to come out. This was maybe 2016, 27, 17. I go out for the show. I'm aware of like everybody that's going off for the show, people that are working on the show. It's people I knew from Nickelodeon. It's like I had no reps at the time.

I dropped my whole team. I was, you know, raw dog in this stuff. And I was like, okay, this is a, everything checks out. This is a legit production. Yeah. I get pinned as like top two to play the, the, the, the, the leads love interest. Now, I should have fucking known because the writer was also the director was also the lead.

Okay. Some like weird dude from Dallas. I was like, I shouldn't know him then. But like actor brain was like, nope, I have to. Like, this is my rent. Yeah, yeah. Make top two. I'm amped about it.

I go in for a chemistry read. Yeah. With him. With him. Okay. And this guy, there's like, there's no world in which I would play this man's love interest. Right. Like, there's just, there's just no, it was, this wasn't satirical.

There was just like, this dude was like three times my age. It wasn't, was never going to happen. But again, actor brain was like, just do what you gotta do. So I show up. And one of my mutuals that had worked on Nickelodeon was kind of like, everybody thought this was legit. He's like, all right, we're going to do a chemistry read. I'm like, okay, I have to kiss this guy. I'm like, yeah, it's a little weird.

This is not usually how the chemistry reads. That's fine. And then I booked the part. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm booked the part. It's going to shoot in Texas. Great. Awesome. Let me know.

And then he's like, oh, work, I'm going to take you out and explain. Ends up writing me a check for my time. This was like $250. But at the time, I was like, $2,000. Yeah. Writes me a check. Come to find out maybe like two months later backstage puts out a like do not work order with this production.

This guy just goes, leave L.A. gone. I end up talking to like four. mutual girlfriends, all of which who also booked the lead, who also had to do this chemistry read, who also got a check for 250 to go up. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking horrifying. Right, right around this set down. And then they're like, and women have a problem. Did I ever tell you my tiger story? No. I don't think so. Would you like to hear? Yes, of course I would. I got invited to the post Malone album release.

before he was MAGA. And it was... This is pre-Maga. This was pre-Maga. It was the 12-karrate toothache one, which I was very excited about because Stony, Hollywood's bleeding. I love those albums. I got invited,

and I'm like, oh, my God. I was so excited. Saw some friends there. They usher us into this building. It's like a listening party. And Amazon is filming the whole thing. It's like this immersive, like, you know, there's little places to sit,

and it's like red lights and smoke everywhere. And we're waiting around for the ship to start. And I'm sitting on this block facing this way. And there's another block right there where it's facing that way. Tiga's sitting there. And I'm like, It's Tiga. And I'm not necessarily impressed, but I'm like, that's bro.

Yeah. And I'm wearing red cowboy boots. He's wearing these really nice like YSL boots. And I'm high. I'm so high. And I came alone, by the way. I just said that. Of course.

And I'm sitting there and he's, he's sitting there and I go, like your boots, slap them. Slap his wife's up like your boots. I go, and I got mine on. He looks at me. Okay, twin. Yeah, yes, twins. Look. I go, yeah, I got mine on.

He goes. And I go, ah. Like what I'm. Oh God. I fucked it up with Tiger forever. Now we'll never be friends. What the fuck? me high just like trying to find fellowship.

Seeking community. Seeking community with Tyler. Oh, a bitch can't see community at the post Malone release party. All right. Don't try it. Yeah, I guess it's illegal. I'm trying to think if I've had, I'm sure, well, we both have talked to so many celebrities. I'm sure like certain parts.

It's very rare that I, that we actually embarrass ourselves. No, never. If anything, it's not even, I wouldn't even consider that embarrassing. I feel like that's one of those things where I call it getting too silly. I got a little too silly. little too silly, that parts on me. Yeah. My bad.

That says you have one singular naturally red hair on your head. How are you even finding these? Amanda, that one's weird. How did you find that? That is, I'm like, this is so hilarious to me. Me pointing that finger because I'm like, she's making me look weird, but that was her who found that. I did say it, but I've probably mentioned that like one time during a stream like 10 years ago. I do. Amanda's one of those people that she was at the airport waiting for you to pick her up.

You know about me. Wait, that's hilarious. I do. I've got one natural red hair on the back of my, it's like back here somewhere. But yeah, I mean, I'm half German, half Filipino. And my dad naturally had like blonde curly hair blue eyes. So I think maybe that's where the red hair came from. I don't know. But I doubt it came from your mom. Yeah, no. It's it. I it's funny because like I have naturally curly hair and so people think oh it's because of your Filipino and I'm like actually a lot of Filipinos I think I have straight hair like my dad had a curly blonde afro yeah and so it's it's really confusing because like when I have my natural hair it's like I feel like I don't look Filipino as much as Filipinos yeah yeah the texture of it exactly so interesting yeah no I got yeah one red hair that's so funny that it's so funny I'm gonna find it's like a nice party trip it's been a while I just dye my hair, like, often, so I don't know where it's been for a few years now. Like, is it still there?

I don't know. You know, last I checked, which was however long ago, you said that one fact, one time. And Amanda found it. Wait, that's hilarious. Good job, Amanda. You need a raise. Yeah. It was Top Gun, Premier.

They had this actual to scale plane, fighter jet. So you could cue to get a picture, like with the press pictures. I'm talking a wall of paparazzi. Like, must be 20 cameras easily. So I queue up, I get in line. It's finally my turn. I go to stand in front of the fighter jet. I adjust my suit.

I was like, all with my rings, okay, okay. Every single camera turns away from me. In unison turns away from me. I'm like, what the fuck is going on here? You guys all synced up or something? All of a sudden. Was I not in the group text? Like, what the fuck is going on?

Tom Cruise is, to the carpet, that selfish bastard. I look over, I'm like, do you not have enough, Tom? Do you realize that I- Oh, yeah, get another pick. Yeah, geez. Get another one. I'm like, right, okay, I literally stayed stood there

whilst they're all doing it, because I think someone's eventually got to at least come back. And this woman just shouts to me, she goes, it's not gonna happen. It's not gonna happen. I said, oh my. Right, perfect, thank you. I said, are the missiles working in?

that fighter jet, strap me up right now. Like, I was horrified and it gets worse. Just for that, I'm gonna join Scientology. Just for that? Yeah. I'm gonna join Scientology. It's your guys' fault. I can't believe it, this story gets even worse because then when I got in eventually to the premiere,

obviously my head hung in shame. I was devastated by the events that had just occurred. I arrived in my seat and as it starts, I find that we're in a 4DX cinema. Oh yeah, the ones that like moved the seeds. So I'm moving around. and I a little little bit of a fact about me. I get very bad motion sickness.

Oh yeah, me too. So I am currently watching a movie about fighter jets in the front row of a cinema in a 4DX. So I'm literally like, but I'm being rattled around. I vomit. I ran from the front row to the bathroom, vomit, spurt it. Do you know when like people try to catch it in their hands

and it's like spurting out? Yeah. So it's like spurting out. get to the bathroom it's it's gone everywhere it's gone everywhere i've got vomit on my trousers on my blazer i i'm calling my boyfriend get the fuck to the bathroom now get to the bathroom he eventually comes and we're like i said we've got to go i can't watch this film like this is this is hell like i'm like tom tom cruz has clearly got it out for me like what like does he want blood like what more can i do for this man like so we we go to leave the cinema and i'm like right okay like at least we'll

just have to go i'll explain to everyone like i i was sick like that's normal like that's normal That happens at the cinema, I'm sure. And as I'm leaving, I go to open the door to go out to like the main body of the cinema and there's someone stood in front of the door. Tom fucking Chris. Tom, fuck, I opened. Imagine you're like, you.

I was like, soaked in vomit. I was like, what the fuck is going on here now, Tom Cruise? I was a big reader. Oh, love. Yeah. Any faves? Genre. You know, he's all the classic one.

The Hardy Boys, you know. Oh, nice. I like the three investigators. I would actually read, my parents had the Reader's Digest Condensed Books. I was like, okay. And I would literally have hungry for stuff to read. I would like pull one down and I would go like, what's it? Oh, Papillon.

What's it? What's it? What's it? What is that? And so I read, but it wasn't the whole story. Oh, yeah. The condensed version. Like the cliff notes.

Yeah. She was like, God, damn. I got to go find this and read it for real. God, getting edged by this. Awful. The Reader's Digest is edging me again. Enging me again. Man, you're really not beating those nerd allegations.

You said I was itching to read something. I have gotten to the age. I've gotten to the age where I just let it all kind of hang out. It's all good. See, this is what you have to look forward to. I'm looking for it. Honestly, I'm there. I'm already there with you, honestly.

That's one of the things I love about you. Yeah, I'm like, I'm real old. Right there. It's all right there. Here I am. I know. The first thing, honestly, at this point, would have been like when you ask me, what is that?

And I said it's electrolytes, just trying to keep my hydration up. That's me getting old. I love that. I was just talking about this. That you being practical. That too. And health conscious. Yeah, like tiredness now that I'm older is just like, it'll ruin my whole fucking day.

Yeah. I don't get a really good night's, good night's sleep. Secret ingredient right here. Yeah, what's in there? It's vitamin C-O-F-F-E. Sorry. That was such an old man joke. It's old man.

Do you see how I lean in on that? I'm like, yeah, baby. And you got me. Oh, man. I yearn for that. I can't wait to just be saying things. When you're older, you could just say anything. You could just say anything and people go like,

yeah, because you're older. Yeah, like that's so too. Pass, just keep moving. Keep moving, old man. Keep moving. I can't wait for that. Honestly, I felt performative at things like when I was at church camp. I felt performative at things like worship. Yeah.

Because everybody's putting their hands up and like crying. And I was like, I mean, I guess I could do it, but like it's just my heart's not in it. And that would be fucked up. You're real. I feel like if Jesus is real, they'll see that I'm performing. I love God. I don't know if he was there.

I'm like, what is this? But you're a real one. I was fake. I was like, I was like doing it. Honestly, I think that makes more sense than the way I was doing it, which was like almost half-hearted. Like I was going like, oh, but you were right. I was trying to participate. There was a woman there who at these services would play Eric.

guitar to the worship music. And complete serious. She's completely serious. Like in a god-fearing way or just like her fun? In like a praise him way. Okay. This is for you. Like this is my gift.

This one's for you. I bet she's still out there doing it. It is crazy. I got invited to this birthday party tonight, but only like two days ago, which makes me feel like they didn't think about me in the first place. And then after not getting invited to Wicked, I was like, maybe I should just go and like not be like choosy about it. But I already had dinner plans.

And so then there's like this dancing thing after the birthday dinner party. And they were like, and I'm just like, it's, I just don't know if I have it in me to fucking do it. And so I think I think I might just go to dinner and then watch Frankenstein afterwards. I love that. I'm just, I'm just, I can't. You have a date with Frankenstein. I have a date with Conclave. Yeah, I want to.

Yeah. To go to the party. Yeah. Like, the theory of it sounds great. But the truth is is that I'm 38 and it's Tuesday. And I got to go on tour this weekend. And then I got to do my best in Richmond in Boston. And I got to like, I got a fucking prioritize.

And I don't think I can go out tonight. You got to go in the crate. That's what I call it. Oh, yeah. I got to go in the crate and I got to put the blanket over it and no one. And it's nighttime for me. I got to go to bed. That's what I have to do.

You have to. And that's okay. That's okay. And I would feel the same way about a last minute invite. But it is why I don't have that many friends. And I do think it's like why celebrities like ghost me as friends a lot because like every time they invite me in places I'm like. In theory, I would love. Yes.

And I'm so grateful for the invite. I feel that, though. And I want to be invited. I feel that. I feel that so hard. It's making me wonder if I need to switch to Sativa's. I'm like, is my Indica making me too tired? Is this why I don't want to go out?

Is this why I have social anxiety? Honestly, Sativa makes me feel so, like, different, like, in a not as enjoyable way. I like being, but I know what you mean, like, because the Indica makes you feel like a dart, like elephant dart to the neck. Like, you're like, ugh. Like, but Sativa is more of a workable high. or whatever they said. My girlfriend is a hardcore Sativa girl,

but I'm a hardcore Indica girl. And I went to her house the other day, and we smoked at like nine in the morning. And then I was like, the way that I rabidously cleaned her house for two and a half hours, like I became obsessed with like cleaning the dust boards, like everything.

And then I was like, damn, maybe I should. Because the reason I got off Sativa is because I feel like they made me really anxious. I agree with that. And Indicas don't. It made me feel like my brain was going a little bit of food. Paranoid. Everyone hates me.

I don't know when to stop talking. Yes. And so then I switched to end it kind of like that went away. Right. But then this one little dipping my toe into the sativa blunt a few weeks ago, look, I've never cleaned that hard in my life. I started using natural deodorant and then I stopped two days later because I'm like, at what cost?

Like, I really am not afraid of aluminum anymore. Like, I don't. Injected into me at this point. I need it. I agree because there are some natural deodorants I've tried where I literally was like, you're making me smell worse. Yeah. I have never smelled that way.

In my life. Since I've hit puberty, I've never smelled that way. I don't get with like natural deodorants. Like I would smell better if I didn't do anything. Like if I just like wore nothing, I would smell better. It's like, how are you pulling out the odor from inside of me? And adding new ones. Yeah, exactly.

They're like making a cocktail. Truly. So then I go to somebody else. I'm talking to friends, whatever. This other person pisses me off because I had just gotten my hair done that day. And this person comes up to me and goes, Bowman. Oh, I was going to say I like your Bob. But I guess it's not a Bob, is it?

It's kind of giving Bob. Okay, okay. Okay. Oh my God. Whatever happened to, hello. Hi, hello, how are you? My name is. Like, oh my God.

I guess it's not a Bob, is it? You want to call me a slur. Like, that's what I'm saying. You want to call me a slur. I can sense it. Enjoy more ways to save at Ralph's, like low prices in every aisle. When you download the Ralph's app, you can clip and save more with digital coupons every week. Plus, you can earn fuel points to save up to $1 per gallon at the pump.

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