The Comment Section with Drew Afualo - WORKING MOMS PEEL GRAPES TOO Ft. Desi Perkins | Drew Afualo | THE COMMENT SECTION EP 82

Episode Date: September 6, 2023

[video available on Spotify] This week, Desi Perkins joins Drew on The Comment Section to unpack the parenting double standard. They talk about why terrible men think you can't be a mom AND hot, skinless grapes, the double standard between working moms and working dads, the way kids play mind games, and so much more! Drew: https://linktr.ee/drewafualo Desi: IG / TikTok Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Steamer here. Give me the dirt. Work is stressful. My life is a disaster. Help me. The first is mental clutter. The second is physical clutter. One requires meditating. The other requires Stanley Steamer. Start with what you can control. Then go outside. It's cheaper than a spa. No appointment required. Book your deep clean now at stanleysteamer.com. Picture this. Me. Reesworth. Witherspoon in London. Ordering fish and chips so often, they might start wrapping me in paper.

I'm traveling with my Wells Fargo Autograph Journey card, so I earn rewards wherever I book travel. Five times points with hotels, four times with airlines, three times on restaurants and other travel, and one point on other purchases. Imagine getting rewarded for eating a toad in the hole. Wait, what is a toad in a hole? Visit Wells Fargo.com slash autograph journey. Terms apply. Wait till they ask for skinless grapes. That's okay.

To feel? My son literally wants skinless grapes and I'm like, how do you even feel a grape? I was like, that's a grandma thing. She did this to you didn't she? I know she's skinning your grapes. And now I have to skin your grapes. Thanks a lot.

Now I have to do it. Everyone and welcome back to another episode of the comment section show starring me, your fave, even though you don't care about me anymore ever since we got such amazing, wonderful guests. The entire show, Thanks a lot. Anyways, on to the wonderful, amazing guests, the iconic, the legendary, the one, the only Miss Desi Perkins. Hello.

Wow, what an intro. I'm so happy. I really liked that. I need to come here every single time. I need a little like, I'll gas everyone. Ego boost. Everyone that comes here, I'm a huge fucking fan. That's the best part of the show.

I may not be a fan, but I'm going to be a fan today. You wouldn't be able to tell, Desi. I wouldn't. If I wasn't a fan, you wouldn't be able to sell. I'm just kidding. I don't have anyone I hate on the show. That's for sure. That's good.

Yeah. It would be kind of entertaining. It would, yeah, you know, I've been pitched that before. But I always think, like, if you want to spout your rhetoric, like, get your own show. That's, I did that. That's right. Highly recommend. If you can do it, do it.

And then if you do, I'll be mean to you about it. But Miss Desi, I'm so happy to have you. I'm so happy to have you in my presence. I'm excited. I'm glad our paths have crossed. I know. Literally. I always watch your stuff, and my husband's always like, like, he's kind of scared.

He's like, what? I'm like, yeah, listen. Your husband's one of the good ones. Yeah, he is. You know how I know. When me and you met for the first time in person, we met at the Barbie premiere. And when we were there, you were like, let's take a picture. And I said, oh, period, bitch.

And then your husband, Stephen, right? Yeah. Your husband holds up the phone. This is not a joke. He puts on the front facing camera, has a light in his pocket, turns it on, and he holds it like this. And then he's clicking it, and we're just posing. Serving come.

Yes. No, honestly, if he sees anyone taking a picture, it doesn't even have to be me. and they're like in bad lighting, he'll just come up with the light and be like, that's how I know. That's how I know. The vibes were very high. He's a really good band.

He is. When he was doing that, I was like watching it happen and then I told my man when I went, and he goes, I got to step my game up. I said, no, for real, Stephen had a, like he said,

you know what I mean? Listen, though, you have to give him some grace, your man's because we've been in this for like a decade doing social, you know? That is true. It takes time.

There's a lot of training involved. It does. He does. He does take all my pictures. which we love yeah but I said but you don't got a light Stephen has a light and he put the front facing camera on that way I can see myself we gotta see we gotta and I can pose yeah it was good girl that's how I was like that's how I knew good man right there stamp of approval that was the reason I chose him to be my the father of my

children it was like that was what it that was that was he had a ring light you said put a baby in me that's the one for me no you've been in the game for a very long time yeah how's it have you seen it change change, shift dramatically. Oh, girl, it's like a whole different ballgame now. It's like, I don't even know who I'm talking to you right now. Who are these? I don't even know.

It's like a whole different landscape. It's been crazy because when I started, it wasn't even a job yet. Now it's like people actively want to be like an influencer. Yeah, they're like foregoing school. It was just like, no, it was just I wanted to get more clientele to do makeup. Like I didn't know that this was going to happen. Did you start just in makeup too? Yeah, I started to makeup.

Are you self-taught? Self-taught. Love that. I started doing makeup for TV for like some celebrities and then I just was like wait I don't really love this actually. This is a lot and then I found YouTube and I just threw myself into YouTube because I loved it. Not not as a job though just like as a hobby. Yeah. Next thing you know it was like I got an email saying hey we would love to send you some stuff for free and I was like Stephen people want to send me stuff for free can you believe this like what? That's like one of those moments

where you're like damn I think this might be turning into something right I was like wait a minute And yeah, here we are. It's kind of crazy. That's so cool. Also, I just want to say, too, when you announced your first pregnancy with Ocean, that I went down on a huge rabbit hole because I hadn't watched your content in a minute because I went to college. And then I stopped watching YouTube for a while, which I was like bummed about. But I saw yourself all over Instagram and I was like, no way. That's so sweet. So I went and I watched your whole journey and I cried. I cried like I was there, girl.

Honestly, I've rewatched it recently and I was like, whoa. That's crazy. I was crying. I was like, I just want to hug that person. Yeah. I was going through infertility struggles and it was just like seven years of trying to have babies. Yeah. It was hard.

I think too, like that was something I think that's one of those moments where I feel like when you have an audience, it humanizes you to them. Like for a while, they see you as like this person that's, it's not like a real person. They're like, oh, she's like, she's an influencer. or she's someone who doesn't feel or have struggles or anything. She has such a wonderful, fortunate life, which is also true. But then at the same time, that was something. I think people started seeing you in a much different light. Like, they were like, I had no idea that you were going through those struggles, like, to that extent.

Yeah, no, definitely. Because you didn't really share that. Was that, like, new for you? Yeah, it was, but it actually was a huge turning point for me in my career. And actually, any time that I have humanized myself, it was, like, a huge turning point in my career. Really? Like in the beginning, when YouTube first started, everybody was about being perfect and very put together and overproduced. And like, it's very different now.

Yeah. But it was like trying to be this perfect person. And then when finally I like, as I went on and started to get out of my shell, I let go of those perfectionist traits. And I started showing real moments. And that's when I realized that's what people want to connect with. Yeah. Is real moments and not the perfect picture. Yeah.

It's like the vulnerability is what people gravitate towards. Yeah. Because you, I think too, like, the era that you rose in YouTube was like what you said, like everything was like picture perfect. Like very like that's like life goals, family goals, marriage goals. Like that's what people, it was like a curated picture. Whereas now I feel like, like you said, it's changed a lot. It's like shifted where people want to see the ugly side of things too. Yeah.

They only like me when I'm ugly now. They're not going to like me here. They're like, come on. Yeah. They don't want me to start. They want me to be like. my postpartum hair is just like flying. They want me to be titty swanging and banging with a big big t-shirt on and like stain.

They like that. They're like, that's the kind of, that's the desi I like. That's where they want me to be. Thank God, because I love to be there. You're all, thank God. That was exhausting. I am there six days out of the week and one day I will show up like this. It's also, I think, too, like it's beautiful to see your family grow because now you're a mother of two.

I know. How has that been? It's such a journey. I love, I mean, Stephen and I think we're lucky because we both really wanted babies and we've been trying so hard. So this happening for us has been like we enjoy it so much. And I think this is what we've always wanted. And it's crazy because somewhere along the way, it's like my career, my career, my career. And really like the ultimate dream for both of us was to start our family above our career.

So now since we're both on the same page, it's just been amazing. And we both always put like family first. I love that. I know I see your family. You're so close to your family, including, like, your mom. And, like, I see your mom's in your stuff a lot. Yeah. She lives down the street from you.

She lives. That's all, that was all a part of my plan. You're just like me, for real. I said, listen, mom, I, look, there's a house for you down the street. It's so great. No, we're all so close. Like, I think, I told my mom the other day, I said, I don't think it's normal for families to get together.

Like, my brothers, me, my mom, my kids, every single night for dinner. Like, we get together. I love that. That's so... I feel bad for my mom. That's so me-coded because I'm literally the same way with my mom and my sister, my brother,

my dad. Like, we all live, like, two minutes from each other. Like, down the street. Like, I moved from one house to another, and I was, like, a lot closer to my mom than... Even though, like, when I was next to my sister, we were, like, 10 minutes down the road.

But I moved, so now I'm, like, 30-second drive from my mom's house. And my sister's 10 minutes away. And I remember being like, oh, my God, like, she's so far. Like, she needs to... move back and now she just she literally moves tomorrow oh my god 10 minutes away literally i was like she's literally so far away like i can't leave her over there by herself it's just because we're all

like so attached family-oriented yeah yeah my mom i was like well you really thought you're gonna get rid of your kids after a certain age but we're all here psych right i know i need my mom so bad all the time for literally everything in life so grateful but i'm really glad i think that's that shows too i think through your content because it's very indicative that you're very family-oriented I think that's why you've been around for so long, to be honest, because you get grounded, stay grounded throughout it. Because it's like a really weird, like once you get thrust into it and you rise really fast, it is so strange.

Like the things, the axis you get, like the visibility you have, it's just so different. And I think now for anyone who rises now, it's a lot different for them. Yeah. I don't know, you tell me, because I feel like you rise really quickly and then it's just explosive, I think, when you get to that place. And for anyone who came up in like the YouTube days, it was like a slow and steady. And so I think over time, you had enough time to build really close personal relationships with your audience. And it just was years and years.

So I think like the audience is super loyal. Yeah. Because that's true. It's, you know, it wasn't just like quick. And it wasn't a lot of people either. Now it's like every day there's somebody that you love to watch. You know, so. It's a lot different.

It's like it was much more rare back then, and now it's much more common. So it's much, it's harder to stand out. Yeah. When you're like exploding. When everybody explodes, it's like, it's hard. We're all exploding out here. Everyone's exploding. Everybody's doing it because of short form.

Yeah. Short form content is, it's a lot different. But I think that's what I love about your content is that it's evolved over time, but it's like the foundation has stayed the same. Which is why I think your audience is so loyal because they're like, you're still the same person you were 10 years ago. Yeah. And I think my audience, too, they're like.

like, oh, we're moms now too. Yeah, they grow with you. Yeah, they're kind of growing with me. They're like, we love to see these phases because they're also going through it. Yeah. It's great. When you had your second baby, was there a big difference between Ocean and Harley? No. Honestly, some people say like two kids is like 30 or, you know, 100 or whatever, but I feel like two is just, it is definitely a little harder, but not as hard as I thought it was going to be. Really? So far. Are there personalities very different? She's a little sassy. Yeah. But they're both No, I wouldn't say they're super different

But she's definitely like, you're not going to boss me around. Like Ocean really tries it with her and she will not allow it. She's like, you're funny. No, she's like, try again. I may be smaller than you, but she will throw. She will throw a punch and I was like. You're like, uh-oh. And Steven's like that's your side of the family.

Yeah, probably. Ocean's face was like, he took a toy from her and she like slapped him. And I was all were shocked. And he was like, oh, and I was like, well, did you take a toy from her hand? It's like, she definitely shouldn't hit you. But it's like, I'm such a, I'm such a mom now.

I have to mother them. Yeah, both sides. It's a whole different ballgame. You know, it's so funny. My brother, when, because my sister and I are two years apart in age, but my brother is nine years younger than me. So, like, my sister and I weren't planned. My brother was.

So, like, my brother's, like, the baby. And so he is spoiled, as per usual. And he's the only boy. Yeah. But when he was a baby and he was teething, he went through like a real biting phase. And so like my mom told this preschool, she's like, he's like super into biting. Like just a FYI. They're like, okay.

And so they kind of had these problems. And then one day she was like, oh, an incident happened like his teacher. Because I was with my mom when we picked him up. And she's like, yeah, he bit someone today because she took something from him. So he bit her and it hurt. So she cried. But then she slapped him across the face hard as hell. Never bit again.

See? Sometimes it works. Sometimes it works. You know what I mean? And I was like, I stand with women, so I'm with her. You're like you shouldn't have better. That's what you get. Cause and effect, my friend.

Consequences. So now that you're a working mom of two, have you seen, like, has the perception changed at all of, like, how people perceive you now that you're a mom? Because, you know, there's like this online perception that, like, you can only be one. Girl. You can't be hot and a mom. You can't be working in a mom. Yeah.

You can't be a lot of things. Yeah. When you're a mom. Yeah, you can't be, it's crazy how fast it switches up because before I was a mom, it was comments like, oh, poor guy, give him a baby, give that man a baby. Like, everything was on me to give this man a baby. This is one that nobody knew I was going through issues. Yeah. But it's like they really hype you up to be a mom.

And then a lot of times when you become one, it's like, okay, we're done with you. And then you post like a thirst trap and then they're like, you're a mother. Yeah, I'm like. You're a mom. So? It's like, okay. And did that stop me from being hot? I didn't think so.

No, I would like to be a milf. And that's okay. Wouldn't everybody? Like, hello? No, it's definitely different. It's funny because there's so many people will perceive you through their own personal, you know, it's a reflection of them. Yeah. So it's crazy because on one half, I will get people who are like, wow, you are an entrepreneur, you're a mother, you're a wife, you're just doing it all.

Like, I'm so proud of you. And they just hype me up and I'm like, I love you guys. Yeah. And then there's another set of people who will just be like, oh, you just like fell off, even though I'm doing all of these things, you know, but it's just like you don't post content like you used to. You're just a mom now. Like, everything is so mommy. And I'm like, what did you want me to do? Hello, did you not see my series where I tried to have babies for seven? Yes, I'm going to be a mom now. I love it. And all my content is going to be around moms or me. Yeah. I did a podcast and like I went through the comments for like. a sec and I saw one that said oh my gosh well I forgot about her she's like I feel like she's gotten a little bit irrelevant she really needed this okay she owns two businesses so like okay not including YouTube babe no but it made me giggle a little bit because it showed me that some people that

that just showed me that that person cares about fame they care about being the spotlight yeah that's what matters to them so they think that I hold value in that whereas I'm like the only people I would like to be relevant to is my family. Literally. I'm working and then when I'm done working, I want to be relevant to them. Period. And I'm so happy here. So I'm like, you have different values than I do.

It's also someone, it has to be someone younger, like, because you're huge. Like, that's not a joke. I'm not just gassing her. Like, she's like one of the most famous makeup YouTubers from like back in the day. Not even that long ago. Like literally like seven years ago. Like huge, huge, huge, huge, huge. No, yeah.

But, like, I'm 27 going to be 28. So I remember how big you are and how big you are now. Like, I just remember your eyes. And then it's been steady ever since. Yeah, I just close different content now. Like, maybe I'm not so makeup-based anymore. But that's okay. You know.

Well, also, like, you grow and you change. Yeah. My values are different. Yeah. And your interests change. They grow past what you initially blew up for. It's kind of the same thing. Like, it's like, especially with social media,

because it's so fleeting, if you don't evolve your content or like start doing new things or like reinventing yourself in different ways, you will fade. Like you will not, no one wants to watch you do the same thing for 10 years. And if I was creating content like I was before, the same type of makeup content, it wouldn't be doing as good right now. No, it wouldn't. That was a different time. Yeah, exactly. So I always say like my whole life thing is I just want to be creating.

I don't need to be in the limelight to do that. I just want to do it. So for me, it's like I like to create. content that inspires me. So I only do that now. And I can do that because I'm also doing the businesses. It's not my... That's why I said you also have two very successful businesses, too. She is a skincare line and a sunglasses line, both of which are doing very well. So that's why I'm like, it depends on your lens of what you find to be successful. But like, it's also, it's indicative, like you said, of what they perceive you to be as opposed to what your goals are.

Yeah. Because I was like, it always depends on what your goals are. Like, what if your goal wasn't to be like the most famous actress in the world. It's like their one measure is like you're either Beyonce or you're irrelevant. Right. Like there's many different levels of success. Like, and relevancy, it really just depends. Exactly. There's people that are huge on TikTok that maybe I haven't come across.

Exactly. And they're like millions and millions and millions. And so it's just, the world is so big. Well, yeah, there are people like that have like 25 million on TikTok and I've never heard of them personally. And like, I am on TikTok. I blew up on TikTok. and I still don't know who they are.

So it's like it's very possible. That's why I'm like, for people like yourself who are still around, like you remind me of like, it's you like Jackie Ina, like people that have been in the game for a long time and still have a very strong loyal audience. Yeah. That's relevancy, babe. What do you mean irrelevant? A relevant where, girl? I don't know what's your measure of a relevancy is. So many of my high school friends obsessed with you.

You were like their favorite makeup YouTubers. That's how I was like, yeah. She follows me, period. when I say, I love you. I love your content. So good. So good.

Okay. So we're going to talk about, speaking of being like a mom or a hot person or like a working mom, like how the world perceives working moms. That's what we're talking about today. Our topic is being a bad bitch working mom, period.

Because it is possible to be both and how the world perceives women who work and are also mothers, as opposed to like how they perceive men who are, Right. Because the perception is very different. Like when you see men who are fathers and they're also content creators, they're like, oh, goals, goals, goals.

Like, ugh. Look at him cleaning the kitchen. Yeah. Look at him making lunch for his children. Ugh. Love it. The standards are so low for that. It's crazy.

They're like, look at him spending quality time with his child. I know. Yeah. By law, probably. And also, like, that's what he's supposed to do. I know. It's crazy. It really is like

I mean At one point are you like What do you want from us? Exactly You don't want women to like Just be stay at home moms Because then we're just stay at home moms Or we're mooching off of

Our Partners money Yeah exactly Okay Or like But you don't want them to be working moms either Because then they're not Good in the workplace anymore

Once they're home mom It's whatever You're just you know It's like I just feel like motherhood and being a woman is a lot of that. Absolutely. Yeah. You don't fit here, but we also don't want you there.

We don't want you at restaurants. We don't want you on planes. We don't want you in the workplace. We don't even think you're good enough to stay home. I feel like that's lazy. So where do you want us to go? Like, where are we going? What the fuck are we supposed to do, girl? Where are we going? Well, it's also like, it's the same kind of weird perception of like, if you post here, like, let's say you and Stephen go out on a date night or something, or you go on a trip and you don't have the kids. They're like, where are your kids?

Right. Where are the kids at? I left them at home alone. What the fuck do you think they are, girl? Like, they're being taken care of. What are you talking about? They also don't want you to have help. That too.

They're like, oh, are you just never going to spend time with your children? Right. Like, I've seen videos where people get night nannies and things like that. And the comments are very much like, wow, you can't take care of your own baby, well, it's like, oh. When did you want, like, there's other parts of the world. It's our society because there's other parts of the world that really, really cater to moms and children and everything is so much easier for them so it's really a societal issue

yeah and it's crazy because if it's a societal issue then it's really just your problem it's like manmade yeah it's a manmade issue yeah it is absolutely it is it doesn't have to be and yeah no i i i've definitely experienced some stuff and i'm really glad that i have my own business where i don't have to yeah you know worry about those kinds of things yeah like maternity leave or having to like go back or be away from your kids kind of thing. Yeah. And that's like, and that's also something I feel like most creators like yourself who just so happen to me mothers too, you're very aware of and you're like, I know, I know how lucky it I am that I get to work from home and I get to be with my kids. That doesn't make being a mom any less hard. It's hard no matter what.

Circumstances just vary. It just depends. Like, it's just, being a parent is fucking hard in general. It is. So, like, and especially if you're living, being a parent, in the spotlight. Like that's even worse. And it's like also you can it can be beautiful and it can be magical. It could also be traumatic. Yeah. It can also be a little sad sometimes chaotic. It can be all of those things. And I feel like people pick you apart for like showing the real side of motherhood sometimes. Like in how fucking hard it is. And it's like no, this is the reality. Because then there's also people that are like, why didn't anyone tell me this about motherhood. It's like because when we talk about the negative side, people get really upset about it.

And they're like, well, stop complaining. I'm not complaining. This is like just reality of being a mom. Well, there's also like this, this like weird perception that like you're no longer you anymore. You're a mom. Yeah. So you're you no longer have any autonomy or any like you're not entitled to feeling at all anymore. It has to surround you being a mom. Like it's like, well, at least you're a mom. Well, yeah. No one ever said that like, like, like, She wasn't thankful to be a mother. But there are also sides that are hard and scary and traumatic. And that's fair and valid. And like women don't lose all of their identity just because they have children. It's like that's the part that they don't like distinguish anymore.

It's like you can only be one. Yeah. Once you're a mom, that's all you are. You're never a person anymore. I never a woman. You're never someone allowed to have feelings. Nothing. Honestly, sometimes I wonder what people used to talk to me about before I had kids because I'm like, didn't we have conversations?

like before this? I think I saw a TikTok once of this girl and she was, she's a new mom. I think she had just had her second baby. But she's young. She's like in her early 20s. But she was talking, she was basically just sitting in her car crying. And she was like, this is just like something I have to do sometimes.

Like it's just really hard. And she's like a stay-at-home mom. So she's like sometimes it's really, really hard being a mom. And she's just like crying in the car. And she's like, this doesn't. doesn't mean I don't love my children. This doesn't mean I'm not thankful. It's just fucking hard. It's really, really hard sometimes. And I saw the video, a lot of, a lot of the comments were like, I wish more people showed stuff like this, which is what makes me think of when you post your

struggles. Yeah. Like, regardless of how, like, big or small people perceive them to be, like, they're still very valid. Like, and sometimes people need to see that so they can, like, feel like they're not alone. They feel seen. Yeah. I can post, like, a selfie where I feel like really good, whatever. Nobody cares. I post. talking about like real shit and I'm getting all of these messages people are like oh my gosh thank god like I feel seen and I think that's what's important it's like you're trying to build connection with other moms that are also going through it when I see those videos I'm like I all feel for them and also I have had car moments I don't know what it is about the car but it's like

the only place you can find peace and you just go there for a minute and you just kind of like have to gather yourself yeah and go back in being a stay-at-home mom as your full-time job is actually one of the hardest things literally literally the hardest thing actually okay and like i've had a lot of different jobs and i will say that like if that is probably the hardest yeah getting a break and being able to go to your day job it's even it is hard when you have kids because you miss them and you're going somewhere but still like being 24-7 job that's exhausting no 24-7 no alone no alone time it's like you're always doing something yeah cleaning something picking something up feeding someone. After you put them to sleep, you get like two alone hours to yourself and you have to

either choose to have alone time and like scroll mindlessly or like shoot, my house is a mess, clean up. It's reset for the next day. It's crazy. You're just constantly. It's a hamster wheel. Yeah. I know. That's why when I saw it, I was like, that's so like sad. That's awful that she felt that way. But it's also like beautiful that so many moms like found a community there. Like they were like, oh, the amount of times I've gone to my car. The amount of times. Also, when you have a new baby, it does get better. Like, when you're freshly postpartum, that is, like, the time that you should be the most attentive

to the people in your life who have had babies. Because let me tell you, it's a flu of emotions. Okay, I finally just got out of that feeling. But it was, like, it's tough. Then you get, you pass that threshold, and it's like, okay, now we're just at, like, normal motherhood. Yeah, that's like the fun parts. Yeah, it was those first months or crazy?

I know, I can only fucking imagine. Oh my God. Especially like, you know, especially creators like yourself who are doing it in the spotlight with like where everyone's an expert. Everyone's a parenting expert. Everybody's a child expert.

I'm actually pretty lucky because I thought that when I became like a mom, people would just be like... Bombarding me with you're doing that. You shouldn't be doing that. My people are cool. That's great. They let me mother.

They let me live. I haven't really gotten that but that was like my number one fear and I feel like... Yeah. Well, and it's also probably, too, because, like you said, your audience is longstanding and they're consistent and they're loyal. So they've been with you and they've seen how much you struggled in the beginning, too.

Okay, so since we're talking about being a bad bitch mom, that's our topic for today. Those of you who don't know, what we do here on the comment section is we bring videos that I was tagged in that are applicable to our topic today. And then we're just going to laugh, Kiki, talk shit, whatever. is required. All right. All right. Let's do it. Okay. So this first video is a woman on a podcast says she read that many new mothers returning to work are so badly treated because their teams consider them a burden and assume they always want to go home early, have brain fog or can't focus. And the treatment is so bad that many women returning to work or either hounded out of

their jobs or choose to leave voluntarily. Which is so fucking sad. That is so fucking sad. especially in a country that doesn't offer enough maternity leave. Yeah, no, it's the worst year. Yeah, like, it's truly the worst year in this country. And no assistance. Like, other countries offer assistance post-maternity. It help you take care of the baby and everything. We don't offer anything.

Especially during the postpartum months. Like, they take care of you. You, like, live in the hospital for, like, three months. They give paternity leave, too. Yeah. Like, more than enough time for you to, like, some places give you, like, a year or two years. So, like, those are the most. Most places, it's, like, a year.

Yeah. And here, it's, like, girls. It's like two weeks max Back to work Back to work Get back in the office immediately And then when you get there They treat you differently

Because It's so awful Because your hormones aren't leveled Like Yeah I just think You guys all have mothers Like

You have no compassion For these people And you know What's really sad is that I think Most people who don't have kids yet And men will never understand Because they'll never be in that position Where

they can sympathize with that feeling Like even me before having kids, I have one of my best friends who, when she had a baby, she had, you know, a few kids. And after I had my kids, I realized, like, I probably should have called her more. Like, I should have called her more and checked on her. But I didn't realize what it was like because I didn't experience it yet. So then I'm looking at everyone that are leaving comments or saying these things at the workplace. Like, they've probably never experienced this. They're never going to sympathize with this feeling.

Well, it's also like pregnancy is so much more than just like growing a child. Like, yeah, that's part of it. But it can be violent and taxing and exhausting and horrible, like all at the same time that it is great. Like you're so excited and you're so grateful. And at the same time, it could wreak havoc on your body and like cause the most insane like medical issues and risk and complications. like it's just crazy to think like oh okay so you just gave birth like like you're fine it's just that's great that's insane behavior to think like the way some men view pregnancy is something that's super easy and you get a free vacation it's just insane but i think like we as a side

to perpetuate that it's so much easier because again people get mad if we talk about all the real shit exactly yeah so it's like then people think oh they're like validated in those assumptions like yeah let's see it's great just I saw a video where a girl said it's possible like her nipple like fell off after breastfeeding because they were so dry and cracked and then she had to take it back to the hospital

and they like put it back on I took my boyfriend that and he goes are you lying to me I was like I'm not lying that is very true it happens a lot yep and he was like what right I just want to see a man go through half this shit and then just see how like society

flips a switch to accommodate because I just wouldn't be yeah it just wouldn't be the same Not at all. Like, I'm sorry. The way the world would shift drastically if men had, if, like, like, cis men had to give birth. If you ripped from your front tier back, I would like to see, I would like to see, go back to work and handle shit like a boss. That's insane.

Because the reality is women are doing it every day and we're, like, still caring for the baby and waking up. Early. Yep. Five times the night. It's just crazy. And sometimes still cooking and cleaning. Yeah. When you get home after working.

Right. It's funny because the girl who did my extensions, she just had a baby. She said she's eight weeks postpartum. Oh, wow. And I said, girl, and you're on your feet. And you're working, bitch. And she was like, oh, yeah, yeah. Like, I just like, I need to go back to work.

But she's like, thankfully I have my mom, like, she helps me out. And I was like, a girl? Yeah. She stood on her feet and did my hair for like four and a half hours. Listen, women are incredible. They really are. I wish everyone could just see how incredible women are. It's like superhero.

Yeah. It's crazy. Especially that tear, bitch. That is real. That is so real. Right. I literally saw... If you watch those medical videos

where they have, like, a baby coming out and you're like, they're showing you what it looks like. The way that that shit expands like this to let a human come out. Oh my God. It's horrifying. It's horrifying. It is.

It's horrifying, but it's also incredible. Like, it's like so... No, I look at my body and I'm like, dang. I was like, I got really big with my pregnancy. Like, little kids would be like, Daddy, does she have two kids in there? I was like, oh. And then when you see like the baby come out and you look at your body and it's like, yo, you still look pregnant.

You're just like, whoa. And then to see the progression is like, this is insane. This is amazing. It's unbelievable. It's truly like insane how talented people. Like, it's like such a indescribable like thing that I think. women are capable of or people with uteruses are so capable of growing humans and then giving birth to them and then raising them and then working at the same time that's insane yeah that's insane girl

and then on here so some of these comments like this one says i find it to be true about women being annoying when they come back after having kids i find it to be true they're always off because their kids are sick or it's school holidays so they need to be off to watch them that's not true that's not true I mean they don't even give you time off to have the kid

when you mean they're gonna give you time off when their kid is sick they don't care but also have a little compassion I mean everyone takes time off like sometimes you'll take time off

because you're hung over you don't have to have kids like you know what I mean like so everyone everyone calls in sick and has times off sometimes you can call off because you just don't want to go

yeah but then it's like it's so annoying when they have to do it because their kids need them. That's insane. You just have to have a little... People need to have more compassion.

Girl, I once had to call out of something, like a work engagement. I literally had to call out because my dog couldn't stop throwing up. Can you imagine if that was a human? You know what I mean? I was literally like, I can't go. I have to take my dog to the hospital.

Honestly, it's probably more accepting that it's your dog. Literally. That's like, I literally, my dog will not stop throwing up. I have to take him to the emergency room. I literally have to take him, and I canceled everything that day. That's what I'm saying. Can you imagine, like,

if it's another human that you're responsible for for the rest of their... lives. Yeah. Like, of course you're going to take time off if you need to. That's kind of, like, I don't get why people get so much sense to me. What do you care? That's what I was saying. What do you care, girl? Like, I don't understand. And this, honestly, like, this attitude is so, it's so, like you said, it's so void of empathy. There's just none whatsoever. This next one says, it's your choice to have children. Okay. Okay. It was, it's also your choice to date that guy that you, that is treating you like shit. and then you talk and then you talk it's like everybody

makes choices and they're you know what I mean and there's good and bad to every choice I don't get when people say that you chose to have kids yeah I did but there's there's with the good is also bad yeah you literally can't have one without the other and that's with every choice you make in life that's what I'm like you chose to get bangs when you got broken up with right and did that work your hair choices your job that's you choose your job do you like it sometimes no do you complain to your friends yeah so like I don't get why people get

So mad when mom's- When it's involved with women, it's always just with women. It is. It's rarely ever about children, it's about women. Like, it's always just like this very rampant misogyny that's embedded in every single aspect of life, including having children. And I would like to know how can we call it working moms

and not working dads? Literally. They're just like, oh, he went to work. But she's like, she's a working mom. Right. But then if you call yourself a working mom, even then they're like, oh, so you spent time away from your kids? It's like what you said.

You just can't win, you know? There's no winning. Yeah, it can't win for losing, honestly. This last one says, I don't have kids and the amount of times I've had to take on more work to cover for these women who have kids. I mean. Well, look at that. You are blessed to be able to work. You just said you don't have kids.

So you're available, right? Yeah, you have time. There you go. So you have the time. Okay, there you go. Did you get paid for those days? There you go. Right.

Yeah. Did she? No. If she went home early, did she get paid for the time? that day? No, she did not. And she took that L. She was like, I don't care. Don't pay me. Right. I'm going home. Yeah, most people that make these comments don't have kids. Yeah, and they're very, and they're also like a lot of times misogynistic. So it's a real Venn diagram. The Venn diagram is a circle, to be honest. Okay, this next video says,

the video shows a mom working on the computer with text over the screen that says, working moms, let's talk about this. We are not okay. We work full time inside and outside the home. We juggle work and family schedules. We struggle to present both roles and every day, Zerint and repeat, give yourself grace, which I think is fine. Yeah. That's fair. I don't think that's a bad thing at all. Well, I think that's a reminder to women that, like, you're doing a lot. So just, because even me, I beat myself up all the time. Like, I've gotten better at it, but it was really hard for me to transition and into this new role and also not be able to fulfill my other roles as much as I did before and I always feel like I'm not doing enough. I'm not I'm like when I'm trying to

pick up the ball here I'm dropping the ball here and like I'm trying to go here and I'm dropping it here and it's like I finally have come to terms that I can't like I can do it all but I can't do it all every day and I'm just like I was trying to just be the same person that I was before kids and I can't be that person more I have to be this new person which is great it's like I just needed to accept that and so we're already giving ourselves so much guilt on our own we don't need, like, they don't need more guilt. Yeah, outside of you. You have it all the time, all day. Yeah, it's kind of like where, when people say, like, no one's ever going to be meaner

to yourself than you. So, like, nothing anyone could say when they're criticizing how you mother or how, or how you parent is not something you haven't already said to yourself. Yeah. Like something where you feel hypercritical of yourself, I guarantee nine times out of 10, it's exactly what they're, what they're trying to project on to you. you and even worse probably. Right. Because mom guilt is real. Parent guilt in general is very real. And didn't you, I think you launched your companies after you had Ocean, right? Literally, I launched my company. I launched, I were right before I had Ocean and like even restocked while right after I gave birth. We were like on Zoom. We're doing a restock in the hospital.

Oh my God. And I remember my husband was sitting there and the ocean is a newborn. He took like his first poop and he was like changing the diaper on zoom with like our full team and trying to run this restock that we had scheduled yeah you know and so we had we did basically had a baby and launched the brand same time during a pandemic yeah during the pandemic i was trying to sell iwear when we could go outside it was like it was really a wild time for me and you launched asy skin yeah i launched zy skin a little bit after that like yeah yeah not too long after that's crazy but yeah it's been wild yeah especially when you when you think about like the first few months like you said are so difficult for you personally let alone having a newborn and it's your first baby yeah and on top of

that you got another baby which is your business which you also have to tend to yeah and care for and it's just like this what you said it's exactly what you said which is like it's just never enough like no matter like to public perception and people who are hypercritical of moms who work it's just never enough no matter what you do it's just constantly Yeah, I kind of want to see a, like, a person that has all these comments. I would love to see their perfect scenario for a mother. Like, what is your perfect scenario to where this is a successful mom that isn't? To you.

To you. That isn't bothering anyone else. It's not like, like, she's not mooching. She's not just to stay at home. I would like to see that. Because I feel like, show me the way. If you know so much, you know. Let me know.

Let me know. If I could do better, let me know. Right. You seem to talk a lot like you got, you know a lot. So let me know, girl. Any like tips you got? Let me know. I think the what would fix everything is just people having more compassion. That's it. Like I feel like the world would be so much better. Everyone just can actually have the, the capability to put themselves in someone else's shoes. Absolutely. And it's also like we talked about the misogynistic aspect of it is like what you said. Like it's always working mom, never working dad. It's never like the standards that women are held to as parents is much different than the standard. Men are held too. It's kind of like they're spending time with kids, but you're taking care of your kids. Right. I actually saw a video on Twitter recently of a girl. She's a 19-year-old mother of two and she had posted a video of her making lunch for her kids or dinner. And it was like she put

pieces of pizza and then she did like some chips and then some strawberries, like blueberries, like blueberries, whatever. She was getting eaten alive. Like people were like, that's such a horrible meal to feed your children. I'm like, she's not even old enough to drink. But also, I'm sorry, sometimes all this kid will eat is pizza or mac and cheese or something like, and they go through phases where literally you're just happy that they're eating. I don't even care. Like, I'm just glad you're eating right now. And it's just, we're all trying to do our best. Some nights it'd be like that, you know, where it's like, damn, I don't have any food. Like I didn't, like, let me just give you this. And they're eating. They're fine. They're fine. They're surviving.

They're doing good. can't always be doing these gourmet meals. And then when you do, they, like, throw the plate on the floor. You're just like, most of it's in their hair. They didn't even eat it. Are your kids picky eaters? Or were they? Like, listen, my son was such a good eater, but now he's in his, I just want pretzels, mac and cheese. And like, that's his phase right now. That's it. It's like, yogurt, pretzels, mac and cheese. That's it. And then one day, yeah. That's crazy. One day, he'll be like, oh, can I get bread with butter? And I'm like, okay, thank God. He's going to eat something. I make him bread and butter.

and he's like, no, I don't want this. This is a mac and cheese. What's this? I'm like, you're bullying me right now. These kids are bullying me, dude. It's hard. And then like, you know, I remember back in the day he would be eating like fish and broccoli and that he was such a good eater and he just flipped a switch on me.

That's crazy. That's so funny. You have no control. Yeah, I think I was like, I was a pretty picky eater, but like my shit couldn't touch. So if the shit touched, my mom would have to remake it. She would just take it over there and be like, I remade it. Right. And give it back to me.

But I would like, I wouldn't eat. Like I'm like, nah. My son's kind of like that. Like sometimes he'll be like, I didn't tell. No, he'll like scream and say, I didn't want it in slices. I said big pieces. Like the way I cut it triggers him. And I'm like.

And I'm just sitting in there like hanging on by a thread. Like, you get twitching. That's so funny. My brother used to refuse to eat any fruits with skin. on it. Oh, no, that's a lot of apples. Yeah, but like, he'd see it and he'd be like, I'm not eating that. And I'd be like, dude, are you serious?

The way I have to like, Michelin Star, like, prepared the apple, otherwise he's going to throw it across the room. He's not eating that. He was the pickiest eater out of all three of us. Like, my sister was like, cool with whatever. I was real middle of the road. He refused to eat anything. He had, like, three things max.

It was, like, spaghetti chicken nuggets. Yeah. And, like, some apples. but skinless, like literally skinless apples. Like they had to have nothing on them. Wait till they ask for skinless grapes. That's okay. My son literally wants skinless grapes.

And I'm like, how do you even feel a grape? I was like, that's a grandma thing. She did this to you didn't she? I know she's skinning your grapes. And now I have to skin your grapes. Girl, thanks a lot. Now I have to do it. That's so funny.

And is she a good grandma? She's a great grandma. She's the best grandma. Yeah, she loves the kids. Sometimes she does things with my kids and I'm here like, where was, where were you? When I was a kid. Oh, that's nice. She'll literally be like fanning him and like feeding him grapes and like put his feet up and he's his own chair and I walk in.

I'm like, why are you doing this to him? Like he's going to be such a diva now because you're doing this. Little prince. That's what grandparents do though. That's their job. It's blessed. It's to not be the bad guy. That's always you.

Right. That's always me. Grandma, yeah. Do, are they Mama's kids? Are they more dad? Are they real split down the middle? They flip the switch all the time. So sometimes they'll really want me and sometimes they really want Ocean. I mean, Stephen. Yeah, that's good. But they always want Grandma.

No. No. Sometimes they're like, I don't want to go to Grandma's house. I want to stay here with you. Like he hates and we have to work and you know, if we're somewhere, he's like, I don't want to. He can always like sense it probably. Yeah. He just, he really just decides who he wants to be with all the time. It's always someone different. Some days it's grandma. Sometimes it's me, it's like, it's Steven, which is nice. And you know what's funny is their little puppet masters and you're just a puppet.

And they talk to us all different. Like they know how to play each of us separately. Really? Yeah. In what way? Like, you know, he'll say, the way he talks to my mom is very different than the way he talks to me. Or like the way he talks to Stephen, he'll be a little bit more like baby talk and like whiny. But with me, he won't do that.

Because like he knows Stephen how to play him. Like that'll work on him. But that don't work on you. He'll be like, Mommy, you're so. beautiful. Can I have a pretzel? I'm like, of course. He's like, I know what, I know what works for mom. Yeah. That's so sweet. Oh my gosh. I fucking love that. Yeah. So just to wrap up, like, what would you say is as like someone who's obviously a mom, but you've been like a creator for a long time, your business owner, like what would you say is your best piece of advice for whether it's like prospective moms, new moms, like new parents

in general, just someone who doesn't want to lose their identity when it comes to having kids and also wanting to work and run businesses and everything like that. I think what I tell myself personally is to try and stop being the person you were before kids because we are ever evolving. And it is a grieving period because you're grieving the person you were, but you should be celebrating this next chapter of your life and the person that you're becoming because there's so many beautiful moments that come with all this chaos and trying to hold on to what you were before, that's that that'll cripple you a little bit. And I think I did that for a while. And now I'm

just like, no, I love it here. And sometimes it's hard, but like this new person is, is great. And you just have to kind of give yourself positive talk. I'm really working on positive talk, especially now after having a daughter. Because, like, I never want her to see me be like, ugh, I don't like my body. Or, like, why do I look like this? Oh, I look like shit today. Like, all of those things I'm really working on because now that I have kids, they're seeing that.

And, like, all these behaviors I never want them to pick up on. Yeah. So you just have to speak to yourself and be kind to yourself and understand that your life is going to always change. And even before kids, you're not the person you were when you were 19. You're not the person you were when you were a child. It's just another stage. Yeah. And it's not worse than the last stage.

It's just a new stage. It's a new stage. And it could be a better one. Right. Yeah. I love that. That's so sweet. And I think I want to thank you for coming on the show, first of all.

Adore you forever. You're amazing and legendary. But also, I want to thank you for your vulnerability. I think that your ability to transcend into your community and be able to have them be seen and feel valid in their, whether it's their, like, bad feelings, like, sad feelings, angry feelings, or their, like, euphoric, amazing, memorable feelings. Like, I just want to commend you on being able to translate that. I think it's amazing, and I admire you a lot. Thank you. Yeah, of course. That's so nice. That's me being soft. Don't get used to it.

And then the laugh comes and you're like, that's only for women. And anyone who's not a man. Anyways. Thank you all so much. I love you. Thank you so much for joining me on this episode of the comment section. Where can everybody find you? You can find me at Desi Perkins,

everywhere. Or if you're interested in my brands, you can find me at Desi or at Desi Skin. Period. We love to see it. Thank you so much for coming on. Desi. I appreciate you.

You're amazing. And thank you all for joining us on this episode of the Comment Section show. Don't forget new episodes of the Comments Section drop every Wednesday and we're exclusively on Spotify. I'll see you next week. Bye.

Bye.