The Comment Section with Drew Afualo - YOUR TOOLS ARE BROKEN Ft. Mercury Stardust

Episode Date: August 21, 2024

Mercury Stardust joins Drew on the show this week to talk about being the Internet’s most trusted trans Handy Ma’am! They talk about toilets projecting through walls, juggling plungers on stage, all-night live streams, construction flaggers, using hate comments for content, how to really hold a hammer, and so much more. Drew: linktr.ee/drewafualo Mercury: IG For sponsorships/partnerships, email [e-mail]. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I'll be honest, whenever I talk to a mechanic, I'm always wearing dirty overalls. You should be. I always show up. Establishing dominance. I like that. I make sure I'm as butch as fuck. Like that day, I'm just like, I'm going to bind my chest and I'll pull back my hair. I'm going to walk in a room.

Hey, how's it going, Hank? You know? It's the only time I'm okay. Yeah, it's the only time that I'm okay with being perceived as a man. I'm like, I want to take as much space as possible and be like, hey, yeah, women right. I hate them too. Yeah. And welcome back to another episode of the comments section show starring me, your favorite. Everyone knows me.

Who cares about me? On to the guest. Today we have the iconic, the legendary, the hilarious, the amazing, Mercury Star Dust. Woo! Yeah, woo's for me. Welcome to the show, babe. Thank you for having me. Oh my gosh, I'm honored to have you.

But dying to have you. But you're too busy and you live in the Midwest. Yeah, I sadly do. I sadly do. No, but you're a star in your hometown. I am. star. It's nice to be a ginormous fish in a very tiny pond sometimes. It's like, I'm taking up all the space. I'm so excited to have you. Me, Mercury, been friends for a man. Been friends for a long time.

We go way back, you and I. Yep. But I would love for everyone who isn't familiar with your lore, I would love for them to know about your journey, like how you got on TikTok, like, what made you want to start posting in the first place, how you became the trans-handy ma'am of the internet. Well, it was an accident. As most. platforms are, I feel like. Mine was too. Mine was a real accident though. Like I was, I was fixing a toilet and I put the toilet

through a wall. Really? Yeah. So what happened was I was doing maintenance for a property management company and I put my tool bag by my feet and then I took the toilet off of its wax ring and then I went to go turn after I was holding the toilet and that

toilet then was projected into the wall and smashed the living hell out of it. And I put a hole through the drywall. And I was so upset. I was having the worst day. And then I went on TikTok, covered in someone else's poo. Oh my God.

That's crazy. And then I just posted a video to try to help someone because I wanted to actually solve a problem that day. Make sure they didn't have that issue of poop on them from a toilet. So it generally did happen from like an accident. I don't not know if I would have been on TikTok that day if it wasn't for that very stupid thing I did. So when did you, was that your first video to like really go viral or just the first one you

ever posted? I was only on TikTok for like two weeks prior to that happening. And I think it was like one of five videos I ever posted purely. Yeah. Well, so when you, first of all, how long have you been in like maintenance and everything? Like how long have you been working on on things? I've been working on things for a long time. I'm 17 years. I have like a dozen are so, like, certifications, and I work with industrial companies, construction companies. Anyway, I could get a bill. You know what I mean? I got to make sure I paid the bills.

And then I did burlesque and drag. Yes, I did know that. I was going to ask about your burlesque journey. How did that come about? Oh, that came up. That was like the back door as well. I was, like, just performing in gay bars as a little twink back in a day. And people would be like, you'd be so good as a burlesque.

entertainer and I was like sure I don't know what that is. Sure. And then I would Google it and then I was like oh I could perform half naked for strangers. So I did that so on the weekends I would get I would show my butt to a bunch of people and they'll never mean again and then I would fix their toilets you know and they would have no idea. You'd be like Clark Kent Superman you know what I mean? Yeah. Put your glasses on they can't recognize you. A very sexy naked but holding a plunger Clark Kent. There you go. capable one.

Yeah. You have way more skills than Clark. I did do a lot of burlese numbers with plungers, though. Did you really? I used to juggle plungers on stage. Really? Like, actually juggler? Yes, which is very difficult, by the way.

Well, yeah. It's difficult to juggle just regular balls. I can't even imagine. Yeah, trying to juggle anything with a stick. It's pretty hard. Damn, that's crazy. So when you started making your content, like what led you to want to start? Was it like comments of like, hey,

how do I fix this in my home or how do I do this? Because as someone who has literally no skill at all when it comes to any sort of maintenance around the house, the car, plumbing, anything like that, I myself feel very useless. That was a big reason why I loved your content in the beginning was because it's so helpful in many different ways. And men, like particularly cis straight, awful men,

love to make anyone else feel so fucking stupid for not knowing how to do things. Like, whatever they consider maintenance or upkeep or on the house. cars, whatever. This industry is loaded with those men. It's like the industry that status quo is people talking down to you. Yeah. So like I always call myself like a trauma informed maintenance technician, right? So like I understand what it's like to have someone belittle you. I understand what it's like to like feel like you're not even worth picking up a tool. Yeah. So like I just led with that and it really was resonating in people. But I didn't think it was going to resonate with people. Yeah. You know, I did that first

video and I started by saying, hello, I'm the intersectional the maintenance intersectional feminist lady or something. I remember what it was. It was like, it took me 22 seconds to introduce myself in a minute long video. Yeah, I got a lot of titles.

Yeah, exactly. And then eventually, I figured out the trans handyman is way more catchy. It rolls off the tongue a lot easier. Yeah, it's a good branding. It's good branding. Totally. Absolutely. And you need that. Yeah. Especially as a content creator. 100. But I don't know if I would have been able to kind of like link onto that if it wasn't for just people

keeping asking the questions. Totally. People being in need to kind of what lighted the problems. You know? Yeah, absolutely. I didn't know what to make the content for it because I'm doing this for so long. I didn't know what people didn't know. Yeah, absolutely. You know, like I didn't know door hinges were an issue. I didn't know garbage disposals were going to be so big. Yeah. A lot of tub clogs. I was going to ask, like, what's the most common, like, problem around the house that you get asked about? I would say garbage disposals are right up there, right behind clogs. Oh, yeah. Those two, and there's, like, 500 different ways to unclog something. So there's always endless content for it, you know? Oh, and toilets, anything with a toilet. Loose toilet seat, you know, all the guts inside of a

toilet. Yeah. Fun stuff. This is stuff that's really sexy. Oh, yeah. The amount of times, though, I've had to call. my dad and be like, I don't know what's wrong with this thing. Like even my toilet, my drain. Like, and I feel like the stupidest person alive and that makes me feel too vulnerable. So that's why I always have to call someone I know instead of hiring someone. I just call someone I do know. It's generally hard to like feel vulnerable and feel like you don't know the answers. Oh, absolutely. And I'm a Virgo and I don't like not knowing so like I hate that. Yeah. And I'm a Sagittarius. So everything's got to be about me. You know?

Fire sign. So it works out really well. I will make the old maintenance about me, and then you will make sure that you ask me all the questions. There you go. It's perfect. And obviously, you're a huge activist as well. Yeah.

So I would love to know how you started marrying the two, because I know you're very passionate about your activism, and you've done so many fundraisers on lives with Rory. Jory. Jory. Jory. Obviously Jory. A learning skull,

for those of you that don't know. But y'all have raised so much money for trans people and transgender-firming care, and I would just love to know how you married those two. You know what's wild is everything stems back from burlesque. Like I did burlesque for like 15 years. But when I was doing burlesque, a lot of the community is about activism. The community is about individuality. It's about sex workers' rights.

It's about basically all the marginalized communities coming together to express ourselves in an art form that makes us feel like we're in her own skin. Right. So because of that, you're kind of around people who are trying to actively make a difference. Like a lot of the people that I worked with in a daily basis were involved with huge social movements or some kind. And a lot of them would do charity funds, you know, you know, tits for tots kind of mentality, you know, raising money to help kids and et cetera. But then you also get a lot of people who are expressing themselves as a trans person or non-binary person. So when I was doing burlesque, I was like looking for something that made sense to me to try to help. and gender affirming care was like the number one thing.

Yeah. So after I came out as a trans lady, then I was like, I'm going to raise money for other people's surgeries. And that's kind of how it led to that. It was like born. Yeah. So naturally when I got a platform in front of me, I was like, I'm going to do the same thing.

But this time, I'm not going to show my butt. Now I don't have to unless I want to. Yeah, exactly. I think that's so beautiful what you and Jory do together, especially. like going live for 24, 48 hours straight. So stupid. What was that experience like when you first did it? How did that come about first?

Like, I mean, at least going nonstop for two hours. So I really, when I first started doing content, I was like, I need to suffer in order for people to want to take me seriously. So I was like, if I do something really dumb, like if I'm in front of a camera for 24 hours, people are going to give me money. And I was like, we'll just do it. We'll give it a try. So originally I was going for $24,000 in 24 hours. The first day that we did that, which was three years ago, we raised like 24,000 in the first four hours.

So then we had to switch it to 50,000 and then switch it to 100,000. But that last hour, we raised like $50,000 on our own. And then we realized that's how we do this. We raise this money by putting a needless goal there or like a deadline that doesn't really, exist. It's like arbitrary. Yeah. And then we just like rush it towards the end. And then the closer we get to that deadline, the more intense it becomes. Right. And that's the way we've been kind of able to do that. It's not easy. Like, no, I can only imagine. The longest we've done it, I think, is like maybe 45 hours straight. I've been in front of the camera. That's crazy. And that's what, this most recent

one we were having a really hard time because we were banned 14 times. I know I I know literally jory messaged me and I immediately reached out to my friend at ticot because I was like okay I need to help I need to help wherever I can't and she was very helpful too she kept checking on you all all night that's so nice to hear because it's so it was so lonely in this like we were in my little production studio in tropical Madison Wisconsin and trying our best to figure out what to do we had people watching it as a live audience and we had my friends and my family watching it in the studio. And the first like couple of hours while we were getting banned was so devastating.

I know. I felt like I got punched in the gut. Well, to happen right when you start is just so upsetting for so many reasons. Was it just false reports, I'm assuming? It was a lot of false reports. Because people are evil. And I kept getting my lives back, but Jory was not giving her lives back at all. So it was very difficult.

And Jory is always treated differently. than I'm treated differently. And it's so obvious that there's a lot of race attached to it. Absolutely. It's frustrating. People always misinterpret how Jory is trying to help others and uplift people. I know. It's very frustrating.

It's very annoying. And I'm curious, like, what's been the response from the trans community? Like, when you all do this every year, you do it all that you do it, and Jory does it all the time. But especially in these huge, like, milestone moments, like, I'm sure it's been really cool to, see for the trans community especially. I think that it can uplift a lot of us. I think that like we don't, there's like 500 plus anti-trans bills that have been tried to try to been passed across the

country. That's a scary time for us, you know? The more women in public eye, the less hope we have sometimes, I think, like we're constantly talked about but never talked to. So I think that the fundraiser, especially because now it's on Trains Day of a visibility, I think that it kind of gives us a celebration to look forward to every year. I hope that as we grow it, it can become more of a celebration and a party and less of like, please give us money. Oh my God, we need your help. I know, as if y'all aren't doing so much emotional labor all the time already. This year in the when we were trying to do it, we only raised 1.4 originally. And then I was on live stream for two days straight sleeping, basically. And that's how we raised the rest. So yeah. You are so

committed, I commend you. I watched Princess Bride while I was live and the audience was like, are you still raising money? I was like, yeah, kind of. Just. Yeah, I mean, yeah, but I was in live a total of 90 hours this year to do it. That's crazy, girl. You're crazy. But I commend you for being so passionate about taking care of the trans community, especially now. I think what you said is so profound about like they're always talked about but never talked to. That's profound and it's very very frustrating to me when I see people they make transness

about themselves like they're like this bothers me as if trans people haven't been around for hundreds of thousands of years yeah it's wild of me that it's socially acceptable to say that trains people make you uncomfortable you know what I mean like oh I don't they make me uncomfortable like okay well that's a weird thing to admit out loud yeah and to say out loud yeah okay well Brad you make me uncomfortable so thank you Do you think I feel comfortable having heard that? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I'll never understand.

I always tell people to sit with a discomfort. I mean, we know that when we are working out and we're trying to do like physical activities, that pain means that we're gaining strength, right? Why is it when it comes to changing our views on things or trying to gain knowledge and something when it starts hurting, we stop. Yeah, give up. Yeah, if it's, if it's uncomfortable, baby, keep trying. Put down the dumbballs and pick up a book.

For real. Tell them, bitch. The way that I'm like, do you know how, like, especially when you talk about something as as simple as pronouns, right? That seems to stump the most like all right person and they get so angry about it. And I always say like, do you know how bigoted you have to be in your everyday life for that to be a challenge to it to be like, well, that's just my everyday talk. How am I supposed to talk to anyone at that point?

Yeah. I don't know. It's really not that hard. And most of the time is three options. I know. That's like there's only three. Yeah, yeah. It's okay.

And there's way more than that, right? But most of the time, they're bringing up how they isn't appropriate. I'm like, come on. You use it all the time. You literally use it constantly. All the time. They call me vays for fun. You know what I mean?

So I don't know why. Me too? I don't know why it's so, yeah. I'll never understand. And it's also so, it makes even less sense to me when they're like, well, all these new pronouns, all these blah, blah, blah, blah. When they complain about that shit, I'm like, you don't ever hang out with trans people. You'll be fine.

Like, you don't have to worry, girl. Like, you're never going to have these problems because you refuse to hang out with anyone that's not like you. None of us are going to cross the street to hang out with you. We're not going to see that guy across the street go, I want to hang out with that strange. You're like, I don't care how much he hates me. I want to be friends. Yeah, exactly. And I've said before because I've had, I have so many trans friends.

and I have so many, I've had so many guests on the show that are trans as well. And every time we talk about it, I'm like, you have no idea how much they just want you to leave them the fuck alone. Like, literally just leave them alone. Like, they're not asking for anything other than to leave us the fuck alone. Like, let us live our lives and you go live yours, and it can be boring and fucking cookie cutter, and you can do that. I just want to fix drywall. Yeah, cool. I just want to fix drywall and hang out with my cats, okay?

Yeah. I do not need your opinion about every single aspect about me. No, for real. And that leads me to my next question because you know so much. You are so, first of all, you're so incredibly intellectual just in general, but specifically about maintenance because like you said, you've been doing it for years. And obviously that's an extremely male-dominated industry.

And I'm so curious how that experience has been like for you in the workplace, but also obviously online because there's always hate online from the worst people in the world. But I feel like men feel really sunned by you because of your very, vast knowledge. Yeah. Like, they feel real intimidated by that.

Oh, they always, they always feel a need to nitpick everything. Yeah, like try to correct you. Oh, yeah.

It'll be as dumb as like, you're picking up the hammer around, you know what I mean? Or they'll say stuff that just isn't true sometimes, too. Yeah, it's just an outright line.

Yeah, they'll just be like, you know that's an impact driver and you're like, no, that's actually not an impact driver, but okay, you have never seen an impact driver.

They're like, no, it's not. And they're like, Whatever. Whatever. You shouldn't be here. So they have such an unprecedented amount of confidence, like the way that they truly believe just because they identify as a man that they're inherently more knowledgeable about all things. Yeah. It's insane. That's, it's absolutely wild. Because those are the same men who would be on a job site with me that everyone would be talking shit about. The men who are the lot, see, here's the thing. The best men on a job site don't care about your gender.

Yeah, and they don't act like that. Yeah, they don't care. They want the job to get done correctly. And they're more worried about the red tape they have to cross in order to get the job done correctly. Then they're worrying about what's between your legs. Yeah. It's absolutely wild to me. The men who try to take up all the space are always the men that are the smallest men.

Yeah. And know the least. Yes. Like they're the least qualified, the least knowledgeable. Yeah. But the loudest. They learned something like 25 years ago. And they held under that, that's what is supposed to be.

Oh, no, no, no, no. You're supposed to hold a drill like this because my dad told me that you're supposed to. And if it isn't true, I'm going to cry. You know what I mean? So insecure, constantly. Totally. And they make it your problem when they're extremely insecure about that. That's how I feel, I feel like other than like home maintenance in general, cars are where I know especially nothing.

So whenever there's any problem with my car, I feel so annoyed because I have to go to the, like, mechanic or something. and I'm going to have to listen to him and talk at me and talk down to me. Oh, it makes me so mad. And like when you're doing home maintenance or getting something repaired in your house, you can have multiple contractors come over. But when you are going to the mechanic, you are going out of your comfort zone into their comfort zone. And it's so easy to get people to lean on you and make you feel like you have to do this thing right now

and spend $2,000 on a $50 fix. And it's one of the many reasons like my dad or my boyfriend, I'll just like, they just take it for me because I'm just like, I don't want to deal with it. And that sucks that I can't fucking do that. And it's because I, well, again, me being a Virgo, I hate not knowing things. And I was like, when they talk to me about the car,

I feel like what misogynist believe all women to be, which is just the stupidest bitch alive. And so when they talk to me, I'm like, I'll tell you what I know about this car. It's gray. That's all I know. That's all I really know. I got nothing else past that.

I'll be honest. Whenever I talk to a mechanic, I'm always wearing dirty overalls. You should be. I always show up. Establishing. I make sure I'm as butch as fuck. Like that day I'm just like I'm going to bind my chest and I'm pull back my hair and I'm going to walk in real.

Hey, how's it going, Hank? It's the only time I'm okay. Yeah, it's the only time that I'm okay with being perceived as a man. I'm like, I want to take as much space as possible and be like, hey, yeah, women right. I hate them too. Yeah, God. Okay, pivoting back to TikTok, I'm sure you get the same. if not more hate than I do, like the same level of vitriol.

What's it been like dealing with that for you? I don't know. I think it's sometimes harder from our own communities. Like I think that I'm so used to men being like, you're a man or being like. I get that too. Oh, I love when people tell me that I can tell, you know, saying that I don't pass. And I'm like, do you think I'm attempting to pass? Shut up.

What? You can tell I'm trans? Yeah. Is that the fact that I told you I'm trans? Yeah, is it the fact that I'm called a trans handyman? Is that what gave it away? Yeah, I'm sorry, honey. How did you figure it out?

How did you pop that question? Oh, my gosh, how did he crack the case? But what gets me is sometimes the microaggressions from the people who think they love me, right? Yep, yep, yep. So people, like the big, the big loudest supporters, right? And sometimes they'll say something that's inadvertently very cutting or they'll say something that brings me down a peg or two. I totally know what you mean because I've said the only hate that ever really bothers me

comes from the communities that I feel so driven to protect and take care of. And so like when they post things that are either like it's almost like too familiar or over familiar to the point where it's rude and disrespectful or if it's like supposed to be criticism but it's really just hate. It's like mass. Those are the only things that really bother me. And how often are those projections? Yeah.

Like how often is it like they're mad at us for taking up a space that they wish that they could often be in? And I like I understand the responsibility that like I inhabit now. Yeah. But like also I just started answering questions about drywall. Do you know what I mean? So I am learning how to be the best version of me so I can help the most people in real time. Absolutely. And I think that sometimes it sucks when you see other trans people.

being like you're not really trans. You know what I mean? Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. Yeah, if you haven't had this surgery, you're not this. A transmedicalist, you know, in the comment section is really rough sometimes. Well, and it's also like, who is that helping? You know what I mean? Like, there's so few of us already, like, fighting for the same cause.

Like, we're all fighting against one big common enemy. And that's how I feel about the many different communities I defend also, too. But even, like, women, just people who identify as women specifically when they're really misogynistic towards me or they hate me or they say mean shit about me. I'm always like, I'm on your side, girl. Yeah. I'm fighting for you. It's wild to me. You're like, I'm doing this for you. It's like they started playing baseball on our team and then they went into the dugout and then went into the other dugout and they're just like, no one's going to notice. Yeah, yeah. They act like I'm on this team. Exactly. No one's going to tell me that I'm bad at baseball. No, honey,

they're going to tell you you're bad at baseball. Exactly. They jump ship, almost immediately, which is so upsetting. So I totally get that because I was curious because I know, you know, the fact that you create content and you like hold so much space for so many different people, like that in and of itself is such an act of protest. Like you stand so firmly and so bravely. I just want to commend you for that before the end of the episode. I think you're so brave and so courageous. I have you fooled. You are though. You still show up, but that's the hardest part, especially when you come from a marginalized group. It's like showing up is the hardest part. I think Drew is 100% the community that is surrounded me. You know how this is with your

family and everything. You have an amazing support group. Yeah. I have an amazing support group too. It's no way, the first person I ever raised money for for gender firming care is literally in this room with us right now. And like we started there. We helped them with their top surgery and we just kept going. And the people who have helped are often in my corner still helping me get to the next stage. Totally. Even when I've, I'm sure you've gotten this too, because you've been doing this for as long as I have too. Like whenever you meet new creators, like up and coming creators, and they ask you for like any sort of tips or advice. A lot of times when they ask me, I tell them to like surround themselves with community in real life too. Like you have your online community, but you need a solid support system at home.

Like you need a solid support system. Yes. How often are we asked by kids or like young adults? Like, okay, what do I need to do in order to like get famous? Yep, yep. And then my first thing is like, well, A, that's a, don't. Don't. Don't do that.

Yeah, don't do that. You want to start with your community, work with your community, totally. Try to, you know, learn. Honestly, I think mutual aid is so underrated. Like, mutual aid is so important. And so much of what we do, you and I specifically, like, stems from that. Totally.

And I'm nothing without the community around me. So, I mean, I don't know, it's like 15. years of me grinding my gears and then all of a sudden one day I broke a toilet and did a video and now I'm famous. You know what I mean? Like it's so like that 15 years I would never exchange that for anything. If I would have gotten famous at 20, oh boy. No way. I know. I think that all the time. Sometimes I'm like, thank God this happened to me after like when I was like a fully formed adult. Thank God it happened to me then. When I was even in my like early 30s, I really thought I was like, I'm going to make it. I'm going to make it. And then

When I gave up is when it kind of all started like working. It just happened. Yeah, because I like stop pursuing performing regularly. I stopped like traveling to major markets to try to like get into it. And I just like focused on myself and my family and then all of a sudden it happened. So yeah, totally. I feel like you probably, I'm sure you have this very similar feeling.

But like for me, after I got fired and then I started posting TikToks, like it was the same thing. Like it just happened. but I thought forever I was like okay well this is my this is my purpose this is my dream this is what I'm supposed to do and then once I got fired I was like that was not my dream or my purpose now that I do this this is my purpose I'm walking in it now and I feel like you are too 100% yeah I was literally working in property management women this was all happening and two months in I was doing this to the point where every single resident knew

I was the trans handyman I would get into someone's apartment and there would be like Oh my God, Rickory! You would have filmed this? I swear I didn't break it. You know what I mean? And it was fun. My tenants loved it. I loved working with them.

But then I, then the company found out. Yeah, it got to a point where you couldn't. The company basically told me that I needed to stop altogether. And I was just like, okay, well, I'll never film in their apartments. But a lot of times they're asking me to. And I don't do it during company hours. Yeah. But sometimes I do when I want evidence that I did the job.

Yeah. So, and they at the time encouraged us to take photos of completed jobs. Yeah. So to me, it made no sense how there's a difference. All of a sudden, they're changing the rules kind of thing. I just would take a whole, you know, standby video of like three feet away and put it on a tripod. That takes one second to do. Yeah.

And then the job is done. Yeah. And I got clearance from them. Yeah. And then you have evidence that the whole job was done, how it was done. And it's like, market. I thought it was a great idea. And it was a great way to make tenants feel comfortable too

because they're in an experience, right? Totally. And no one was complaining about it, right? Yeah. But they didn't like it. They didn't like it. I was the only person who was not a straight man, right? Straight white man.

And like it was a very, very, the entire time. And the way that other technicians like straight up talked about their tenants, you know, people would talk about them being animals a lot of terrible things and the most of the people that we were serving were people who were not cisgender and white

so it was very obvious like the energy just got real sinister yeah so it got to be a point where I was like I needed to get out yeah I needed to get out and then we made a plan and my spouse had top surgery on a Thursday and on Monday when I came back to work I was done I wrote a seven page

essay basically about all the things that were wrong about what they could do better as a company and then the entire team I worked with got fired. Yeah. Really? Yeah, it kind of breaks my heart because I don't, that is a solution you could do, but also all you do in this industry is hire more people who are probably thinking the same thing. I know. They just don't want someone who's challenging the status quo. Seventy-eight percent of all the people in maintenance technician are men above 40 years old. Of course. That is a wild thing. Of course. 78 is high as hell. Seven or six percent of people in this industry are women. Jeez Louise. Yeah. And it's like it's also so like that feeling you get, I feel like it's such a universal feeling regardless of how you identify, but especially if you're in a

marginalized group is when you have to call maintenance and you're like, oh, they're going to be here and I get nervous and they're going to ask me questions and I don't know how to answer them. Like I never have a good feeling when I have to call maintenance for anything. Neither do I though. Yeah. Neither do I, you know? Like back before I came out and I would have like partners or any of my queer stuff laying around, I would always be like, I have a high flag.

I got to make sure that the Florida is my boyfriend. I am not a threat. Yeah, 100%. I was always just like, okay, how can I make sure that they think I'm a straight man? And make sure that I'm not going to be a threat to them at all. Exactly. And knowing that is like a trauma-informed response. Totally.

I know that's a reality for you and me. Yeah. That's also a reality for the audience in which that follows us. I know. And that means that I can talk to them in a way that men could never talk to them. Yeah. And I think that's like that huge leg up in this industry. Absolutely.

Speak to people in a way that actually meets them where they're at rather than like, this is how you're supposed to do. Talking down to them. Yeah. Yeah. This whole like there's only one right way to do everything. It's so stupid. And so male. Yeah.

Like so man. And also often ableist, right? Period. It's wild how quickly people devolve to like, you're going to be strong enough. You have to do this job. Yeah. Suck it off. How dare you, you know, express any level of pain in a very physical taxing job?

Yeah, as if they know. As if they know anything about the person that they're talking down to. Yeah, absolutely. It's so frustrating. Well, tell me about your book. I would love to hear about your book. It's related to your amazing content. Safe and sound.

Safe and sound, a renter's friendly guide to home repair. a best-selling book. Yes. It is, honestly, that book, writing that book has been an absolutely lovely experience. Yeah. Because I did not realize how smart I was. Yeah, you really find out when he read about home.

I was like, oh my God, I'm actually good at this thing. Totally. Wow. It was really fun. And I also had a whole bunch of other maintenance technicians look over the book and fact-checked stuff. And we corrected very little. Oh, I love. That was such a confidence boost.

I bet. And what a wonder. idea. Like a literal guide for people who are too, like, they get too anxious or too nervous to like ask for help because they will be condescended to or discriminated against. Everything in the book has like a lot of QR codes attached to it because some of us are visual learners and what we're talking about is very visual. And then there's an emotional reset after every single chapter. And this emotional reset was basically because I know sometimes when we do this work where we feel like shit afterwards. You know, like, oh, that's not how it was supposed to be.

Yeah. And then Emotion Reesep was there just to remind people that this is difficult. It's okay that it's difficult. Yeah. It's okay you weren't perfect to, you know, hang in there. That's so sweet. I love that. Yeah.

So how was the writing process like for you when you were putting it together? I'm dyslexic, so writing this book sucked. Really? Yeah. Really? My mom's dyslexic too. Me just violating HIPAA. It was one.

My bad. It was 100% really difficult to like get some of my ideas. across, but what I ended up doing was I just like voice memoed everything. Oh, nice. And then had people transcribe it from that. And that was kind of the most effective way for me to get my words out. And to be honest, it then sounds like my voice more. Like, oh, that's great. When I'm writing, when I'm writing, I'm often like so concerned about exactly what word are using. When I read it back, it doesn't sound like me, you know? I see what you mean. But when I'm speaking to someone, I'm, it's more fluid. Yeah, totally. It's unprofile. It's unpopular. It's, it's unpopular. It's, it's

unpolished and there's a level of authenticity and genuine support that that feels like. Absolutely. Yeah. One of my publishers actually told me that the voice is the hardest part to nail down when you're writing like a nonfiction book, for example. It's really important that the voice is strong and it sounds like you. And I think you doing it in voice notes probably made that so much easier. I do not know if it would have the same impact if it wasn't the case.

Totally. You know? Sometimes the obstacles. front of us actually meant make for a really cool result. You know what I mean? Yeah. When we lean into our differences like that. We're trying so hard sometimes to blend and to like hit the status quo.

Yeah, to simulate. But in reality, our biggest strengths are our differences. And if we lean into that, other people who are going through the same thing will also relate and connect to those things. Yeah, absolutely. So I'm going to transition really quickly into our topic. I know a thing too about transitions. It was right in front of me.

I really set you up. I was a lay up. So you could dunk. We're going on the road. For real. Okay, so our topic for today is why terrible men on the internet think women and fems aren't capable of working with tools or doing any sort of home maintenance, which I'm sure you've gotten, like you said, they're trying to nitpick you all the time. Yeah, they think they're smart. They think they're smarter than you, which is the real joke.

Okay, so this first video is a woman in a construction vest and hard hat. She's posing at her construction site with a tent. you're breaking up with me because I'm a construction worker and the caption says your favorite flagger type it's a type of construction job yeah I don't know anything about that I'm inclined to believe you a flagger is that an important person a flagger is someone that like stops traffic and tries to like you know regulate traffic and make sure they're basically the starting level of construction almost every construction person unless they do nepotism straight up is a flagger first yeah oh okay

And I bet men think that they're better than her. 100% They probably all started there. Yes. This one says, this comment says, that safety vest ain't even dirty or the hat must be new or work or you work in the office.

Do men not know what soap is? I swear, that's always a comment. It's dirty. Everything has to be dirty. Whenever I get a new tool. Yeah. And I showed it in a video or something.

There'll always be a man who's just like, it's not even dirty. And I'm like, do you know what new is? And do you use broken tools? What are you talking about? I mean, Of course you know what a broken tool is.

Yeah. See, very, get them. That's crazy. They're always like, doesn't even look used. Well, it's not, it's no. Also, the only time

that men really care what I look like at all is when they try to disprove or discredit me. My nails, the biggest thing that people comment on. Really?

Saying you can't possibly do work with nails. People will just be like, oh, your nails don't even look dirty. And I'm like, it's called a brush and soap. I don't know. Maybe look into it.

Yeah, if you don't wash your hands, thank you for, letting everyone know. You big nasty. Yeah. That's disgusting. Oh, so gloves exist. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's like we're not all disgusting and then somehow that means you're incapable. Yeah. That's so weird. Okay, this one says, a flag person wouldn't consider that construction. I love that mentality. Yeah. That is so funny. Yeah.

Because it's the same guys who talk about football and they're just like, kickers aren't really football players. Yeah. I'm like, no one who actually plays football feels that way. So, period. Thank you for like calling yourself out. Well, also we're like, we're both at home. Yeah. They're over there playing for a living.

If you're one of the most dangerous jobs in all construction is a flagger because they're the ones who put themselves closest to the traffic itself. Yeah. I think they're one of the most dangerous jobs in America. Really? Yeah. Flagers do a really scary thing. Yeah, especially on highways.

Like they're literally on six lane highways standing in the middle. So I wouldn't be talking. fucking shit about someone who has the power to direct traffic into you. Yeah, why don't you come down here and hang out? Yeah, let's hang out. You hang out next to me, Hank. This last one says, my girls ain't working unless it's for me. That's gross. Yeah, good for you. I don't know what to tell you. Yeah. So you're a pervert. Yeah, exactly. And it's, I can't even imagine the kind of harassment that happens on those job sites. A lot. Yeah, I mean, it's so casual too. I mean, you would hear people say this.

constantly on job sites, people will be like, well, I don't want to hire her because she'll change the environment or she'll like change how we talk to each other. Isn't that so gross? It's so gross. It's like, they're like, well, I'm so disgusting. And if she comes in, she might report me for her. Yeah, 100. Maybe it'll be disgusting. Have you thought about that? Yeah. Oh, they're going to take me into HR. Well, that's a weird thing. She's for sure going to take me to HR. Yeah. Okay. And also the other men around that hearing that are just like, yeah, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Instead of like saying something. I'm like, oh my God, I know. The way that I get infuriated, I even, I think recently I was doing, I forget what I was doing, but they asked me, they were

asking me questions and someone asked me like, they wrote in a question and they were like, oh, I really love my boyfriend, but he has a friend, a best friend that I hate because he's an awful person. And then I was like, okay. And that's my, that's his best friend though of like 10 years. Who gives a fuck? You're still friends with someone who's awful? And I literally told the person I was on the show with. I was like, okay, well, it's either one of two things. Either your boyfriend's secretly a terrible person. It just doesn't show you or he's a fucking coward. Which one is it? I was like, he won't confront his best friend of 10 years if he's like a racist. You just don't care about that. That is such a real statement. That is, and here's the thing, as someone who was

secretly a man for like 30 years, I will let you know that like, like, That's how men talk. If they're genuinely allowing that to happen around them, the chances are they agree, but they're not as loud about it. Yeah, absolutely. I've said that too. And whenever a man does speak up about it, they're eating at lunch alone. Yeah.

I was constantly exiled from male spaces because whenever I would express an idea that was even remotely feminine, you know, they would just be like, oh, no, you're one of the weak ones. Yeah, they're like, oh, she's no fun. Yeah, exactly. It's like, oh, I don't take pleasure and being disgusting about women. Yeah, crazy how that works. Men always like to talk about themselves as if they're wolves, you know? They're always talking about like, you know, a pack or an alpha, you know.

But a dog wouldn't even sniff their ass. For real. That's what I'm saying. I literally made that joke the other day. I was like, a lot of men like that, like truly believe that they're like Steve Rogers and Captain America like, like, like so downtrodden and an underdog. chosen for a higher purpose. I'm on, that's not you.

Yeah. You're a big fucking loser is what you are. Steve Rogers would probably give you like a swirly. You know what I mean? He'd bully you. Yeah, he would bully the shit out of you. Just like how I bully you. I'm Steve Rogers.

Turns out as me. The Marvel universe is being turned upside down. I'm going to gender bend, Captain America. Let's do it. Okay, in this one, this next video, this is a woman explains that she wanted to redo her backyard our deck, but a contractor quoted her that it would cost $32,000, so she decided to redo it on

her own. The video shows a time lapse of her process doing a full demo of the deck by herself, and then several men in the comments had unsolicited opinions. And this first one says 32K, he was trying to rip you off because you're a woman. Well, thank you for admitting that out loud. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I figured. Yeah. I think that femmes are very well aware of how we're treated in in a world. Exhibit A, your dumb comment. Yeah, I got that much. Thank you. I'm like, oh, on the comment where I said, that was a scam, I redid it myself, and he's like,

think he was trying to rip you off. Yeah, wow, Sherlock Holmes. I can't believe you got to the center of that. That's crazy. I think it's just weird when your first reaction isn't to uplift someone who just did an awesome job of redoing something. It's like, it's because you're fucking woman. Yeah. Oh, okay. So weird. Oh, I was afraid he was ripping

me off for another reason that had nothing to do. with me being an idiot. I also think it has a lot to say about their lack of actually knowing what looks good. Like, I think that men, when it comes to, like, if you don't know enough about construction, I think they genuinely just lean into insulting people because then it takes away from the fact that they don't know what a dexteru is. You know what I mean? Like, they're hiding behind it.

100%. Yeah. And it's also like when you're, when you were saying they correct you on, they're like, well, that's actually a this. And you're out, no, it's not. They're like, well, guess what, you're ugly? Oh, okay. I thought we were talking about the tools, but apparently not.

Yeah, it's such a loud way to call yourself up. Yeah, they just move the goalpost. Yeah, it's like, oh, okay, I thought we were talking. Okay. Yeah. That's always their default, their fallback. Yeah. Because their brains aren't this big.

You know, they're just, they're sad. Yeah, they're unemployed and sad. This one says, I already knew what the end result was going to be before I finished the video. Bland, white, sterile. I'm assuming. Oh, cool. There it is. Yeah.

Like you said, it doesn't look a certain way. Men are always so... That's crazy. You predicted that. Yeah, the same people who don't know how to tuck in her shirt. I always just like, that does not look good. Yeah. Okay, neither does your dirty fucking ripped jeans coming to someone's wedding.

You know what I mean? All of a sudden they care about aesthetic. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, the guys who don't know how to trim a beard. Yeah. I'm so obsessed with it. Or condition a beard. Yeah.

I've even like, my boyfriend has gotten, there were like, I forget he got one comment from a guy. They always call him. like a cuck and a soy boy, whatever, about my boyfriend. I was like, that is a wild thing to say. Yeah. About someone who could like body press. Like your boyfriend could snap most of those men in half. Mercury's met my boyfriend in person and he's a big man.

Yeah. Wonderful, very big. Period. Oh, so so sweet. Yeah, he's very sweet. That is a sign of a truly confident man. Yeah, he's very sweet. When they take up the size of their actual body and take them a size of an entire.

entire room and they're just so kind to somebody. I love that. He actually told me that he loves watching your videos too because he didn't grow up with a dad for a while. Like he has a stepdad now and he's been he's been in his life for a very long time and that's his dad. But he didn't have a dad for a long time. So he actually didn't learn a lot of stuff around the house. And so he said he's watched your videos a lot to like learn more about how to help do things around the house and everything. I love hearing that for men. He loves that. Yeah. My audience has grown a lot towards men over the last couple of months. Yeah.

It's been really, and used to not feel great. Yeah, when there was a lot of men watching me, you could tell in the comment section. Yeah, but now it feels different. Like, there's a lot of men who are following me.

It's like the right men are following it. Yes, and it's also, it feels kind of like the men are like secretly following me. Like they don't want their friends to know. They don't know how to hold that tool. You know what I mean? They're just like, they're trying to study behind closed doors.

Yeah, I don't want anyone to know that I have tool anxiety. So I'm just going to make sure that I hold this. tape measure and then not necessarily when I call attention to it. Yeah. No, my boyfriend loves your videos. He's like, I think they're so helpful. I was like, you and me both, girl?

Yeah, I love it. Yeah, this last comment says, look, I'm proud of you, but learn to swing a hammer. You'll save energy in time. That's crazy. You're predicting every single comment. You're calling everyone. This is what's funny is that the men who don't know how to swing a dick are always the same men are like, that's not how you swing a hammer.

Like, okay, if it pounds a dog, a good job. Yeah. It's getting it in there. We treat you fine about you just pounding away, but as soon as you see a woman do it, you're like, no. Oh, all of a sudden you care about cadence, huh? Yeah.

You care about rhythm? All of a sudden. All of a sudden. It's so funny. Men are so predictable. They really are. I'm shocked that you predicted every single comment that was on there. I won't tell you my secrets.

That's so funny. I'm like, I find it so fascinating. that they continue to condescend to us and talk to us about like how fucking stupid we are, talk down to us, belittle us, whatever. And they are so predictable. Like even when people ask me, how do I deal with hate? How do I deal with like them calling me fat and ugly? I'm like, that's the only thing they call me, girl. Yeah. Like that's all they ever call me. I, it's, it's so the content doesn't get any wittier or more clever. It literally just, it's just a repeat cycle of the same shit. 100%. Yeah. And the rare times, the rare times that they see.

something original, I genuinely laugh. Me too. That's so funny you say that. It's like, sometimes I'm like, okay, that was kind of funny. Yeah, someone said, I dyed my hair orange a few weeks ago. Yeah. A few months ago. And someone said that I don't take any advice for anyone who

cosplay vitamin C. And I laugh for 35 minutes. I was on the floor being like, that's so funny. And they had like a super straight symbol in their bio and I'm like, I don't even care. I don't care how much of a you are.

That is so funny. That's insane. I literally got a comment, I want to say a few months ago, but it was just like, I could tell it was someone young. You know how sometimes you could tell they're young? And he wrote,

nobody cares, Chunko. Kind of funny. Yeah, you kind of got me. That's kind of funny. I was like, I've never heard Chunko before. I've never heard that one. That's new.

I sometimes wish I could just like rank them. Yeah, totally. I just want to like put it on a bolt and bored for everyone to see and be like, see, this is the gold standard. Yeah. If you are going to treat the numbers up. Yeah. If you're going to treat me like shit, please come at me the same way that I would come at you. Yeah, please.

I'm bored. I'm fucking bored. I know you're just like me in the sense that you use hate comments a lot of times to farm content. Oh, it's so good. You do it all the time just like me, girl. We're twins. Don't call me out like this. It's the best.

It's like content farming. Yeah, it's also like. I love it. I like how when I'm like creatively bankrupt and I have no idea what the do you're so me I all like see a comment and be like thank you for the content you're so me that is so funny I literally sometimes I got a hate comment the other day and I was like oh thank God I've needed a new one yeah thank God I need it I need to put out a video today yeah I was just like I haven't posted in five days so thank you thank you so me thank you Brad for Alabama I'm like damn

I need to go look in old videos find a hate comment or something there was someone who said like a terrible thing to me on Instagram like a week ago and then I just like did a very nice response to and I used it for a clout. And then I posted what I said to them and it went viral. And I'm like, thank you for paying my rent for the month. Period. Period.

I'm always like my business stands on the shoulders of men who hate me. Yeah, exactly. Also, job security. Yeah. The meaner you are to me and women around me, the more that I'm going to exist in the world.

I was like, we're symbiotic girl. We can't exist without each other. Yeah. I would think like you'll never stop and then I'll never stop and then it's wind. Yeah, trans ally. Period. You don't know how much.

They're being such an ally. Yes. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. Thank you for taking this one to the chest. I really appreciate you taking it. Thanks for falling on that sword for me. I needed it.

Well, we've talked about so many wonderful things, but just to kind of wrap up with a pretty little bow at the end, what would you say is your best piece of advice for anyone, however they identify, if they're maybe a little nervous about homainance or anything regarding taking care of their home and they don't know what to do. Like, what would you say is your best piece of advice for them when seeking, like, help or information or whatever it may be other than buying safe and sound?

Yeah. The best advice that I ever heard about my transition was when people told me that you're going through a second puberty as an adult in front of people. And I think that when we are younger, we make room for people to learn new things, right? But when they get to adulthood, we immediately, thrust, they have to know all of this work. Just think about it the same way that you would think about me learning how to be my authentic self at age 36, right?

You're kind and respectful to me, you're listening to me, and you're making space for me to make mistakes. If you do that for me, you should do it for yourself. And I think that, like, it's a really smart way to be like once we learn compassion for others, it's really easy for us to forget about being compassionate to ourself. So make space for yourself. And don't worry about holding that hammer.

No one knows how to hold it. It's snowflake. Yeah, it is not the size of the hammer that matters. I'll ask you one more advice question. For any trans people that maybe want to make content and maybe are a little fearful of existing online because it is as beautiful and amazing and as fostering community as it can be,

it can also be very scary and very dark. So what would you say is your best piece of? for any transfers that maybe wants to make content exist on the internet. Look, they're going to make fun of you no matter what. They're going to make fun of you behind your back in front of you. They're going to make fun of you upside down and all the way around. But if you can use that, use it for ammunition and use it for fuel, that is the best way to get back at people. Yeah.

Right? And I think that we're so scared of what people are going to say, but honey, they're going to say something no matter what. Yeah, they're already saying it. And being afraid of other people's opinions about you does not have to be your reality. So take up that same space and let's fucking show people how trans girls and trans men do it. Period. Yeah. We love that.

Well, thank you so much for coming on the show. I'm obsessed with you. You and me, twin. I love you dearly. You're the best. Thank you so much for coming on the show. Where can everybody find you? You can find me on the internet.

Period. You can find me on Instagram for Mercury Star Dust Tops. That is not a sex joke, I promise. You can find me on YouTube. and TikTok and Facebook and then also in any book place near you. Safe as sound.

Or under friendly guide to home repair. Yes, please get it. It's so incredibly helpful and please follow Mercury on literally everything if you're not already. But everybody who follows my show should be following Mark here already. Yeah.

Because my show is truly for like famous drag queens and gay people and trans people. And that's it. Yeah. I like it. I've literally counted yesterday. I think it was yesterday.

I've only had one, two, three, four straight. men. Oh my God. And 133 episodes. But also, that feels right. That's, you know what's funny? You know what C is my boyfriend said, if you think about it, those numbers, that's like how many good men there are. It's like only four out of, he's like one and 16. I said it, and that's all period. If you're not speaking up against patriarchy, you are speaking with patriarchy. Tea, tell them, bitch. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you to my amazing guest, Mercury.

Make sure you all follow Mercury on literally everything and support her and buy her book and do all the things because I said so it's an order. Thank you so much for joining us on this episode of the comment section. Don't forget new episodes drop every Wednesday. You can listen to the audio on all streaming platforms or you can watch the video which lives exclusively and for free on Spotify. Thank you so much to my amazing guest, Mercury.

Thank you all for watching and I'll see you next week. Bye!