The Creep Off - #11 What is your return policy?

Episode Date: May 18, 2020

In this episode we try our absolute hardest to be on our best behavior. In this week’s competition Karl ‘s creep is ripped from the headlines, and Vinnie explains why sometimes even when you are standing up for what you believe you can still be despicable. In the scum parade we learn about drive thru etiquette, how to solve the worlds debt problems and we answer the age old question “how many cops does it take to catch a man airing out his penis in a grey Mazda?” Thanks for listening and don’t forget to vote at thecreepoff.com

Nice to see you again. Yeah, good to be seen. This is the most least entertaining intro to the creepoff we've ever done. Which one? This one right now? Correct. What we're doing? I mean, we don't have to have a cold open every time, Vinny. It's not in the contract that we have to have a cold open.

Let's start the show. Okay. It's the Creepov. It's the Creepov. Ola, Creeperinos, welcome to another edition of the Greatest True Crime Podcast. to ever be recorded. It's the creep off. My name's Vinny. This is my co-host Carl. Oh, not hot, hot, Carl, car car, car, car, car, car, anymore? Oh, you certainly are. I was actually excited about that. I was like, oh, I'm just Carl. Good. Hey, what's going on,

Vinny? Oh, I'm all right, pal. It's nice to see you. What just happened to your energy level? You had more energy a second ago. We were talking about Photoshop and you were more exciting. Yeah, we had a whole wonderful conversation about editing suites. And we were, I know. I was enthralled. I had a twinkle in my eye But you know what I gotta be honest with you I sat down in the chair Hit record

And I started thinking about Our listeners Yeah And boy did it make me mad Yeah why Did the voting not work out In your favor this week? Not what I'm upset about Carl

Okay It's not what I'm upset about All right These Negative Nancy's Just trying to lecture us Oh really Oh yeah

You guys You're just gonna talk about Rape and murder Well what the fuck Do you think A true crime podcast is about Asholes Well, I think it's because we call it creep off, and it's supposed to be about creeps, and that it very quickly escalated to just the worst child rapists man has ever known.

Yeah, well, you started it. I did. It is my fault. I wanted to win. I wanted to win real bad. Well, for all of you crybabies out there, I have chosen a creep this week that has nothing to do with rape or murder. So, yeah, you got your way. And I have chosen a creep who has a lot to do with murder.

Oh, good. Yes. Good. Well, we're going to get to that in just a second. Let's talk about the voting. The second thing that I'm pissed off about this. Yeah, all right. Congratulations.

Yeah. U.S. U.S. U.S. U.S. U.S. U.S. U.S.

U.S. U.S. U.S. Wow. Yeah. Congratulations. 73 percent. Yep.

Congratulations. A man who live streamed the death of the death of the death of the death of. of his mother on Facebook was not creepy enough for you, people. You needed to have Donald Smith. Was that his name? Your creep last week? Something like that, yeah. I just think I'm better at making my case than you.

I don't think it's anything to do with the actual creep or what the creep was doing. I'm just convincing. I just make a convincing argument, obviously. 73%. Plus, people love it when you spit the wheel. That's been the most fun thing we've done on the show so far is you spinning that wheel. And people want to see it happen again in the near future. What's going on with that, by the way?

You're supposed to be wearing Stuttering John shirts. I don't see you wearing a Stuttering John shirt right now. I'm pulling up my app right now. And let me check to see where my package was Stuttering John shirts are. Oh, nowhere yet. Still says order placed May 5th. Unbelievable. What's today's day?

The 17th of May? So you place an order on the 5th. Does Stuttering John not know how e-commerce works? You can't do that. When someone order something, you have to put it. put it in the fucking mail and send it to them it's a third party company and their name is i'm going to tell you the name of them it's i can't even pronounce it it's s m y r x is the name of the company that's not a real company that's not a real thing you just lost 75 bucks dude there

there are no shirts i'd rather lose the 75 dollars and wear his shirt to be honest with you that's funny on the wheel should just be give sundry john 75 bucks oh my god we could just go in and do like a super fan saying on this super chat yeah super chat just just three bucks in a time. $10,000. Oh, jeez. That was an inside joke for us. Mark, you boob.

I laughing way too hard at that. All right. So, yeah, my Stuttering John t-shirts are in the ether. Unbelievable. It's kind of screwing up the whole format of our show, John. You're fucking up our show. I was thinking about emailing them to see what would happen. And then I realized the best.

better thing to do is just let this play out. I just want to see what their normal business practices are. Yeah, that's a good point. It's not like you're an actual upset consumer waiting for your shirts to arrive. You don't give a shit if they ever come or not. Not even a little bit. It's funny that you think, like, what would my behavior normally be? I would email. Like, I just ordered a brand new Stratocaster, which I'm very excited about. And I asked for the nut to be replaced and for it to be set up. And it didn't come in the mail. So I sent him an email. and they said, oh yeah, we've been trying to call you to find out how you want to set up. Like, hey, asshole, let me know that the reason why my guitar is out in the mail is because you're

trying to call me and I'll answer the fucking phone call from Indiana. I just assume it's Seamus, who finally got my phone number, but that's unacceptable. That's how I act when I want something in the mail. If I ordered Suttery John merchandise, I don't care if it ever shows up. Not even a little bit. It's fine. I am absolutely fine with waiting. Did you enjoy that true anecdote?

what I just told what the fuck am I talking about? Yeah, you're really all bent out of shape about your little guitar. I am! Dude, Friday, a package arrived shaped like a guitar. I'm fucking giddy with excitement. I open it up. It's the guitar case. It's your wife's new dildo. It's the show-up.

It's the- fucking giant guitar-shaped fucking dildo. That's exciting. The case showed up and not the guitar. They sent the case and not the guitar. Just set up at the same time. I don't need the case. I have no reason to own a guitar

case with no guitar in it. Dumb, dumb, gummy brains everywhere. Why am I talking more about this true anecdote? What am I doing right now? It's not a true anecdote podcast, Carl. No, it's not. It's a true crime podcast. True crime.

Congratulations, you won last week. That's awesome. So it's tied one to one now. Yes. So that means that you have to go first this week. All right. Let's get it going. So one of the things that I've been accused of is not finding someone who's

doing things recently in the news because this is supposed to be like the creep of the week like what's going on recently that we want to talk about so my creep this week is a guy named anthony wiener are you familiar with this gentleman i've heard of it i'm just kidding i'm not going to do anthony wiener that's a long time ago boy you really had me for a second i smiled and i was like oh good i know that would be fun we'll save it for later no my creep this week is a guy named Andrew Cuomo, that's right, the governor of New York, Andrew Cuomo, is my creep this week. And do you want to know why he's my creep? I don't know, because you've decided that you don't want to wear a mask in public and you want to make everybody know?

Wrong. Okay. This is not political. This asshole was so obsessed with hospital beds. Now, you know that we had to open up the Javitt Center and put in thousands of hospital beds in there. They brought in that ship and brought that to Manhattan to make sure we had all these additional hospital beds. They never needed any of them.

And because he was so obsessed with hospital beds, he had a policy that forced nursing homes to accept COVID-19 positive patients. So they're starting to second guess this directive now because it actually accelerated outbreaks in facilities that are prime breeding grounds for infectious diseases. So you're saying he didn't see the. that coming. Yeah, I don't know how he didn't see that coming. And this is a quote from our lovely governor, we've tried everything to keep it out of a nursing home, but it's virtually impossible, Cuomo told reporters, now is not the best time to put your mother in a nursing home.

That is a fact. Yeah, they just, you know what they do? Because I was reading the thing, they don't have enough space for the bodies of people who've died in New York, so there's literally bodies and corpses in trucks, just around Manhattan right now. Well, that's not even the problem, Well, hold on. But the problem is that the nursing homes, they don't have trucks. They just throw them in the drinking water supply. That is the problem. They all have those little ponds. They're just filled with bodies. They didn't know what to do. They just throw them out there. Cuomo faced criticism at a recent briefing for saying that providing masks and gowns to nursing homes is, quote, not our job. So they don't have the PPE necessary to take

these patients into their facilities. Now, I just watched this webinar the other day that had Adam Bello, our county executive and Bob Duffy, and I know this is a very localized content that I'm doing right now, but trust me, this is important. I'm just really thankful you picked Andrew Cuomo. I'm so going to win. Oh, Andrew Cu's a fucking creep. Are you kidding me?

People are going to get behind this. All right. So, Anam Bello shows a stat. Right now, Vinnie, we had to do a comedy show outside, like a drive-in style comedy show that you produced last night. I don't remember what you did on it. I didn't do anything. But you had to produce a comedy show.

out last night because we're not allowed to go indoors because we're so afraid of this virus. Uh-huh. Did you know of the people who have died in Monroe County that 90% were 70 years old or older? This is a problem in nursing homes. This is not a problem in the real world. Wouldn't you assume that normally like that percentage of people that die are over 70? Yes. I was looking at the stance.

I'm like, that could happen any week. That's how this works. Folks, I'm watching Carl right now through a monitor from another. room, and he is losing his shit. Of the nations, more than 26,000... His arms are flailing. Of the nations, more than 26,000 coronavirus deaths in nursing homes and long-term care facilities, a fifth of them are in New York State.

You think Cuomo's botched this a little bit? One fifth of nursing home deaths in just this one state? It's one out of 50 for our international listeners. New York State is one out of 50 states. Yeah. Well, we've always exceeded expectations. Yeah, yeah. So I want to point out because Cuomo is this media darling right now, and everybody loves how he's handling this. He's doing such a fantastic job. Do you know what the headlines are around Andrew Cuomo in the last week or two? It's this quip that he made while talking to his brother, Quist Cuomo, what is it, Quis? Chris Cuomo on CNN. Quist Cuomo on CNN. I know, Barbara Walters all of a sudden. This is, this is, this is, this is,

Andrew Cuomo being the card that he is. Yeah. That's what happened. You've always been good at manipulation. You've always been good at manipulation. You've always been the meatball of the family. Oh, he's going his brother a meatball. This guy's hilarious. Hey, look at this. The biggest spice some meat to ball. It's like, this is what we're talking about. This is why our media is failing us. He's on CNN calling his brother a meatball. Meanwhile, people are dying in nursing homes because he's forcing them to go into nursing homes. God forbid. By the way,

our hospital system here in Rochester thousands of people have been furloughed thousands of people don't have a job there's nothing to do in our hospitals and he's so worried about hospital beds we're fucking lousy with hospital beds and this is the banter that's going on the board is going insane

with you screaming I need to have better mic control I should back up probably well you're screaming maybe that might be a good idea I know I just have I just have another clip to play don't be a linguine brain This is Andrew and Chris going back and forth about who's the favorite with their mom. I love you. I'm proud of what you're doing. I know you're working hard for your state, but no matter how hard you're working, there's always time to call mom. She wants to hear from you, just so you know. Yeah, I called mom. I called mom just before I came on this show. By the way, she said, I was her favorite.

She never said. Good news is she said you were her second favorite. Oh, hilarious. Well, if I had to vote between the Cuomo boys, I picked the afterbirth. Thank you. You're making my point for me, Benny. All right, last thing I want to say, now we all know that Hollywood is shut down. And we don't know what the fall television season is going to look like. They can't make sitcoms.

What's going to come out? I'm going to pitch this. I'm going to call it the Cuomo brothers. And here's a clip from the pilot episode. We both know neither of us are moms first. second favorite in the family. I can't believe the line in my audience. You've blown the credibility in the entire interview.

I should have ended up. Second favorite son. Listen to the word. Politicians are very tricky. Throw a word in there after the first time he said it creates a lot of doubt. But I appreciate you clarifying. Not me. Straight across the place.

Stay straight across the plate. Stay strong. Stay for your people. And I appreciate you being here. I love you, brother. Two things. It's better than man with the plan. Second of all,

second of all do you think that they have space to cast a fat neighbor just wondering it just asking for a friend you want to get it on this hell yeah all right so for that reason

and many many more Andrew Cuomo is my creep and he is personally ruining my life right now so he can go fuck himself all right that's your creep this week that's my creep

Andrew Cuomo our governor and by the way I'm not a big friend of his father either either so they hope Cuomo family and go fuck itself. All right. Well, God damn it. All right, my creep this week, I got to tell you, I also went for something very, very current.

And there is a scandal brewing on the internet. It's not, has nothing to do with COVID. Are you familiar with a little website called OnlyFans, Carl? I sure am. I bet you are. So basically, for those of you who don't know, and I'm guessing our audience knows by now what this is, it's a website for women who want to make extra money. basically uber it's not really prostitution it's like i'll show you my tits for five bucks a month or

whatever it is i'm not 100% sure but women are on there from all different walks of life there's famous like twitch game streamers on there there's black china the rappers on there there's lots of women that are on this thing it's basically you know what a thought is yeah it's basically a a paywall to see thoughts yeah exactly right Exactly right. Thank you for helping me make my case. Which I do not need to pay money to see girls get naked and touch themselves on the internet. It's wildly available everywhere. Correct. Well, my creep this week, he goes by the name on Twitter as profess Wilhelm.

Okay. And then his name above that is intellectual Wilhelm describes himself as father to a teenage daughter, educator, former pimp, and drug dealer, turned community leader, restaurant owner, and landlord. I am anti-sex worker, spread positivity, heart emoji. That is his Twitter description. This guy used to be a pimp, and now he's against sex working? Correct. Oh, he can go fuck himself.

Well, dude, this gets crazy and weird. No, I think you're done. You made your point. All right, move it on. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. All right. Okay. Okay. So he put out this tweet on May 14th.

So check this out, y'all. I created a fake page and went undercover as a simp. And let's just say, these women are about to learn a lesson about participating in online sex work. And then he included screencaps of a conversation he had with an alleged girl who was on OnlyFans. And I'm going to read them to you. Okay. The girl. Here we go. We'll start with her. Hey, dude. Why the fuck did you set? those pictures to my dad. What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you fucking insane? Oh my God, I'm going to cry. Why would you do that? Seriously. And then there was like no response. Then she

waited a couple minutes and responded to, hey dude, you need to fucking reply to me. And his response was, L.O.L. I just thought your dad would like to see what his innocent baby girl did for money on the internet. I know it broke him to see his princess spread wide open. Hashtag abolish sex work. Dude. Her dad does not want to see that. Oh, we're not done. Oh, what an asshole. I don't like this guy. She goes, I'm going to the cops.

You're sick, bro. Oh, M.G. I'm about to lose it. Why would you do this? His response? Going to the cops and tell them what exactly. L.O.L. I paid for your nudes and sent them to your dad. That's not a crime.

Once you sell them to me, they are my property. I could do with them as I please. I know your parents and decided to expose their baby girl. Let this be a lesson learned. Sex work is filth. I wish that was a crime. crime it is no i i wish that sending the nudes to her father was i wish they would lock this guy up

now i'm not done carl yeah this is the last of the conversation with this girl i'm crying i'm so hurt i don't know what to do whoever you are i hope you die a horrible death burn in hell you piece of shit thanks for ruining my life yeah his response was she goes oh she also says i'm in school i was just trying to make some extra don't do that part oh woe is me Okay. His response, that was, I broke you? Good. Now that you're done with online sex work, would you like to work in my restaurant? Oh, no. Smiley face emoji. No. Sir, I don't want to ever meet you in person. Never. Why would I want to work for you? Then his next tweet, six hours later, working on my second sex worker, trying to get her to delete her content. I'm doing my best to uplift these babies. now on this one it gets a little darker Carl

he writes here is the info on your mother he sent her a screenshot of the mother's info here is the info for your father screenshot of father's info your church is located here screenshot of church information I will share your videos and picks with your family and church and you know it's a matter of time for I find out where you work whoa that's a that's a threat now that does seem like it's illegal to do right she responds i'm crying and shaking please stop how do you know this please i'm begging you this is what his response was now this guy is pretending that he's on some type

of crusade to save these girls from what they're doing right listen to this shit what he sends her in your next video get on your knees and beg me not to expose you oh he's got a kink i want you to beg like you've never begged before and then delete your online sexual content all of it I have all the info I need. The choice is yours. Her response, my heart is beating out of my chest. I'm about to literally kill myself. My anxiety can't take this.

Please stop. Yeah. Seriously. His response was, reply with the video begging right now. Why would he post this? It makes him look like he's not really in it for the right reasons. Is he the one who posted this?

Yes. What a fucking idiot. Correct. Correct. How do you find these people? this one i found through reddit bud wow i just i just watched the news yeah dude i noticed yeah you were just watching chris quomo show you're like i don't like the way these two brothers are just joshing around they should be giving me real reports and stop sending old people to die

next to each other yeah oh my god i don't care for their banter and you're like where's my guitar where the fuck is my guitar stupid asshole it's a pretty good impression of me yeah it's basically Dave Chappelle's white guy, is my impression of you. It's good. Yeah, so he said suicide's not the answer, but you should get a better job. So that is my creep. I don't have any more information on this guy because his Twitter account's been

deleted. Everything is gone, but these were legit. They were on the internet, and this guy is a P-O-S. Vinnie, honestly, if I hadn't brought the biggest creep in the world right now, I would have voted for you, because that is, I do not like what that guy's up to at all. No shit. That is a creep, and there is

no rape, and there is no murder. Thank you. Thank you. What don't you fucking understand? Cool. So, Vinny, now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's talk about the important stuff. Any voicemails come through the last week?

First, I would like to take a second, and I would like to recognize our super fan Cameron. Yeah, Cameron. He's helped me out before. Thank you, Kim. Yeah, he's the captain of team Vinny now. Oh, fuck that. I just want you to know that.

That's stupid. Well, you're stupid. Some people like lovable losers, I guess. Vinnie, lovable loser, Paulino. I like to think of it as I'm the people's champ. Yeah, all right. Yes, we got a couple voicemails. Basically, everyone hating on us.

Oh, okay. Here you go. Hey, guys, big fan of the podcast. Two suggestions I'd like to make. One, if you won the week before, you should not be able to bring in a pedophile slash child killer. That's like a layup. You can't do that.

I just think that should be a rule. No bringing in pedophile child killers if you've won the week before. I like that. Also, I find it incredibly entertaining when one of you tries to defend the other guy's creep as he's not as creepy. There's nothing funnier than having Carl defend a killer slash violent. rapist and saying, well, he's not that bad. But anyways, keep up the great work, guys. Bye.

I thought you said people were going to be hating on us. That's not an actual... That one was all right. Here's another one. Okay. Hey, Carl, and I guess Vinny's there, too. I just thought I can say that I think the real creep here is you guys. I could barely listen to you guys fucking laughing at this horrific story, dude.

Like, I know you're trying to make it funnier of them. It's not for everyone. Shit. Is that like the funny thing you've ever heard? Or what? All right. Tell me back. Okay. So listen, people. Here's my advice. If you're going to be a fan of this show, learn to lean into the dark shit. Okay? You're going to have to... You're going to have to learn to just lead in. That's all. That's all. It's pretty good advice. I learned that episode one is when I figured that out. Yeah. Poor Carl didn't even know what the fuck he walked into. And now he's just the worst. Yeah. I've noticed that. Yeah, you really changed you for the worst. Now, I guess those are our voicemails this week.

Okay. Very good. I don't like that rule, though. I think, like, oh, you won last week, so you're not allowed to try to win the next week with the worst person you could find. I'm not about that. Well, we had talked about, and this is a suggestion that came through, so it's not our idea. But having some type of theme to our creeps to put some parameters around it. And by the way, we have gotten lots of emails from people with ideas for our category.

So keep those coming. And there's a lot of good ones there. We're just trying to map it out and figure out how we want to do it. So it's going to happen, I think. Yeah, I like that idea because we were talking about it's like, what stops us to just bring in like Stalin or Hitler? It's just, it's a little bit ridiculous if it is a contest. So maybe we should put some parameters around our creeps.

And that might be fun until I get annoyed with that and then we change the rules again. Yeah, Carl's going to hate it when he actually has to do research. Oh, dude. I know we were talking about some categories like Major League Baseball season starts up. Let's say that happens in July, like they're planning on it. And then we say, okay, we have to pick a baseball player. I'm going to Google for, like, I don't know, three or four minutes, and I'm just going to give up, and I'm just going to come in here and be like,

I don't know, Jose Canseco seems like a douchebag. What do you got, Betty? Jose Canseco right over his girlfriend with a car. Yeah, he's a creep. Sammy Sosa forgot English. All right, actually, this is easy. Never mind. I like it.

Don't forget Daryl's strawberry. Oh, fuck. Yeah, we go all day with baseball. But, like, yeah, we're going to do something. something with that. All right. I like it. We'll do something with that.

All right. So that's cool. You want to do the scum parade, Carl? money every time we play that. I can't believe you make me pay them. That's what sucks with us. It's ridiculous. I do dance in my seat every time that music plays. All right. You know, Carl, we were talking about New York City earlier and that's where we're starting out this week. A nurse in a New York City hospital was arrested Thursday after police say she stole a credit card from a patient who later died of COVID-19. Danielle Conti, 43, took a card from a 70-year-old

patient while he was being treated at Staten Island University Hospital, the NYPD said, Conti is facing charges of grand larceny, petite larceny, and criminal possession of stolen property. Police said Anthony Capitano died of COVID-19 on April 12th, after more than a week of treatment at the hospital. But according to a Facebook post from his daughter, she said that when she went to go pick up her father's things, several items were missing, including his cell phone, eyeglasses, two cell phone chargers, and money. Two weeks later, Catapano said, She got a bill for her father's American Express card with two charges for gas and groceries listed for during the time he was in the hospital.

Yeah, the nurse bought gas and groceries. That's not what a criminal does. That's what a poor person does. And the hospital's answer to this was to suspend her without pay. That's not going to fix the problem. This woman is poor. This poor nurse has no money. She had to use a patient's Amex card for gas and groceries.

It's really fucked up story. And she got hired in 2007. She's been a temporary, she's been temporarily suspended, like you said, and she faces termination. She probably will get fired. So this isn't a joke, Vinny. But when you die, your credit card debt is wiped clean. Really? Yes.

So because MasterCard and American Express and Visa have more money than God, they just don't give a shit. It just goes away. So this should not be illegal. It should be the hospital's policy. Like, spend while they're still a pulse. If there's a pulse, let's spend. And then as soon as that person you pull the plug, it's like, great. It's all our shit now.

Yeah, I mean, honestly, that will fix the debt. A problem right there. Right. We can be paying up our national debt. Well. With dead COVID nursing home patients. This shit fix itself. Come on, Cuomo.

That's the real pandemic right there. That's it. I love it. All right. So we're headed down to Florida for our next member of the scum parade. On Monday, a woman contacted police. claiming she was driving down Highway 60. This is crazy.

When she noticed a man in a gray Mazda waving to get her attention. After looking into his vehicle, the woman said she saw the man had his pants unbuttoned and his genitals exposed. He allegedly began to masturbate as he drove alongside her. The disturbed witness provided police with her vehicle's license plate. Members of the Polk County Sheriff's Office began conducting surveillance. So they got the guy's license plate. And instead of just going to his house and going, what the fuck are you doing,

driving around whacking it at people, they decided they were going to do a sting. Correct. Because there's nothing else to do. Everybody's inside. Yeah. Police are bored. Right. So a female undercover cop began trailing the man's gray Mazda.

The officer drove alongside the vehicle in an unmarked police car and saw the man had his genitals exposed again. He allegedly noticed the officer watching before he became aroused and started to masturbate. Entrapment. They shouldn't have sent such a hot cop. He traveled alongside the officer's car, keeping the same speed. So he's just driving next to her and like eyeballing her and looking at her while he's doing it. The cop then pulled over the man who identified himself as Justin Moser.

Moser told police he often drives with his penis exposed because he, quote, gets hot and, quote, needs to air it out. The man is 32 years old, and he allegedly told the police that he has performed ludex behind the wheel of his car on numerous occasions and was, quote, from the police department unremorseful he's been charged Wednesday with three counts of indecent exposure and public and two counts of committing a loot act yeah and they explain if there are any other victims please come

forward any other victim or the crime oh no I saw a guy jerking off I'm such a victim I've never spent 20 minutes surfing the internet without seeing at least eight guys jerking off get over it it's not that big a deal yeah try researching the show without watching people masturbate right yeah how do you think Carl

like met Nick Bate. Nick Bate was jerking off with his shit. And I still sat there and watched it. I didn't call the police. Was he driving? He was not driving. Okay, just checking. But this is my other question though, Vinny,

because this story made very little sense to me. Why are you looking at a driver's lap? I've never once looked at another driver's lap. It doesn't even make sense. I've been trying to figure this out, too. Does this guy have to, like, get up and like stand up as high as he can? It doesn't say that. To get his dick up to the window?

Like, how do you even get your dick to the window? for people to see it. I've hit my dick out while driving on numerous occasions, probably more than 50% of the time, even when passengers are in the car. And it's never been a problem before. It's never been a problem. No one's ever called me out on it. Now, maybe it's because I have an SUV, I don't know.

Or maybe because it's just can't get out from under the zipper. It's just. You know what? The small penis joke, really, I thought better of you. All right. Now we're going. By the way, the scum in that story is that cop. They had to go undercover to catch this guy jerking off in his car.

What do you think the morning... What the fuck? Who was raising their hand for that assignment? I'll do it. I'll do it. They had like the morning, the morning fucking meeting. I'll just sit around. It's like, hey, we got a guy in a gray mazda who's jerking it.

Yeah. Who wants this? Who wants this? You know, there's one officer who's like, I'll do it. Like, no, no, no, I don't think he's into that. She looked like me. Just, I'll do it. I was making a gay joke.

Whatever. I didn't. Is that what that was? I didn't execute it. I'll tell you what. My small dick joke was funnier than your gay joke. Yeah. Vote now at the cruise.

Creepoff.com. That's not about the jokes. It's not about the jokes. All right. So, Cuomo is ruining my life, everybody. Our next two creeps are unidentified. Okay. Going to Dylan, Colorado.

Authorities are asking for the public's help, identifying a man who wore a hooded Ku Klux Klan mask into a grocery store. Images and video of the man were shared wildly online. He was seen inside the city market on Dylan Ridge Road wearing the mask. The man who filmed the video, confronted the man. He called him a racist.

How brave. He was walking around and just very obviously looking for attention, he said. A store employee repeatedly asked the man in the mask to leave. The man asked what he was doing wrong. The employee said, please leave her. I'm calling the police three times. According to the witnesses, he said, I just couldn't believe what I saw. It just blew me away.

It was blatantly obviously he would pick up a product, walk around, and kind of look at different people just waiting for someone to say something. So this guy is just trolling. Yes. And a clan hood. He's wearing a clan hood in color. Colorado. Is there even a black person in Colorado besides Von Miller? Yeah, the Broncos, couple of the Rockies. Who cares? There are no black people there. None of the avalanche. I don't think there's any black guys on the avalanche. It's a goof. It's a goof. And by the way, I'm with this guy. There's a mask shortage. You just got to grab whatever you have. And that's what you're bringing to the grocery store. If you have to wear a mask. Could you imagine if that would happen like in a hospital and your surgeon walked in? Where? a KKK hoodie.

And he's like, fucking Cuomo didn't give us it a PPE. He's pissing Cuomo. So here's the thing. Like, if you are a member of the clan, just fuck off. Just fuck you. Seriously, it's stupid.

Do you think this guy's a clan member? Or do you think he just wants it to tend? Well, where do you get the hood from? I mean, I went as a ghost for Halloween one year, but yeah, it's a good point. Like, I mean, you don't get them. You had to, like, fill out a membership card or something before you get one of those. Well, he also drew a swastika and a peace sign on it, which is wildly confusing. Well, you know, if certain plans had worked, we'd be at peace, Carl.

Yeah. It's like, if the Jews would just kill themselves, we wouldn't be at war right now. Why would you guys just get with the program? I mean, stop running Hollywood. Oh, geez. Did you just do a podcast about cults? Yeah, hi, PJ. Yeah, really excited for that one to air.

Okay, so here's the other question I had. is the police said we take this kind of action very seriously. The guy didn't break any laws. Yeah, whatever. But yeah, you're a creep. Just grandstanding. You're just a douche. Yep.

All right. So moving on. Wait, who's the douche? The shop owner, right? That's what we're talking about. We're going to go down to Georgia wrapping things up this week. We're going to go to a place where you would never expect there to ever be any type of creep. A Taco Bell.

Yeah. Yeah. For you're guaranteed to get an upskirt photo. Not at this Taco Bell, because they had to close for a little while. A Georgia Taco Bell customer tossed a bottle filled with human waste through the restaurant's drive-thru window, according to Georgia police, who were seeking the public's help in identifying the female suspect. Not very ladylike, ma'am.

Investigators report that the woman was involved in a late-night dispute with workers Thursday at a Taco Bell in Augusta, Georgia. During the 11.30 p.m. confrontation, the women initially leaned out of the rear passenger window of the silver sedan and tried to douse a worker with liquid she squeezed from a plastic bottle. The bottle cop said was filled with urine and feces. The suspect

then threw the bottle into the Taco Bell via the drive-thru window, prompting the eateries closure for two hours so that the employees could sanitize the premises. Yeah, they had to close it down because they couldn't tell the difference between the feces and the ground beef. They were just looking at it going, is this shit or is this fucking the

beans? They couldn't tell if it was urine or Mountain Dew. They're like, oh shit, now it's obvious. Everything's everything now. One minimum wage employee was like, no, I think that's Baja Blast. I love that this woman did this. I think it's hilarious. I just hope she had a really funny line when she was doing that. Like, keep the change.

And like chucking her shit through the window. Hey, you want to borrow a book? It's the diarrhea of Aunt Frank. It just checks it in. I'm just hoping. They didn't report on that, but hopefully there was something, a funny quip. They're like, hey, what's your return policy? She just throws it in there.

I just wanted to borrow this and they didn't want to keep it. Police say that the suspect dead fled in the vehicle, which was driven by a blackmail, and they have had the South Carolina license plates. Seen in the surveillance photo, the suspect is described as between 18 and 25 years old, last seen wearing glasses and a white tank top. Cops have not offered as a theory as to why the woman traveling with a container brimming with human waste slurry when she arrived at the Taco Bell. Why do you have the bottle, is my question.

I don't know. I wouldn't know. And just in case? I don't frequent drive-thrus, but if I did, I'd probably keep jumping with that in my car. If I could fit shit in a bottle. I won't know what you saying, buddy. I'd throw it right at you. I wish I was special.

But I'm a creep. Yep. So urine and feces. Cool. Cool. Great show. you know what we didn't talk about today what's that ain't only raping children you're welcome everybody yeah you know what i think this episode sucked and i blame all of you people for making us water everything

down what are you talking about i put a laugh track on chris and and you're going back and forth on cnn that was brilliant vote for viny i did that literally seven and a half minutes before i got here all the prep work you folks are getting out of us to week so that's the end of the show remember it's nice to be important but it's more important to be nice get gea sleep well every pony vote hey everybody it's your palvinnie here just reminding you to visit the creepoff.com and vote for me I want my fucking shirts, John.

You know what I just noticed? You have this signed poster of Jim Norton right here? Yeah. And it says, great job, Vinny. You're really funny. And Jim wrote that to you. He said the exact same thing to me about my podcast. Hey, Carl, I like your podcast.

It's really funny. I think that's just what he says to people. Did he write that down for you anywhere? No, but I recorded it. Fuck you.