The Creep Off - #2 The Adventures of the Crisco Kid!

Episode Date: March 16, 2020

In this weeks episode the competition heats up after Karl claims victory. We learn about things not to post of craigslist (spoiler alert your murder victims truck), The worlds worst cop/burglar & a Father who would not go quietly. This weeks competition features a head to head battle between Hollywood's own Crisco kid & a man who does not understand how semen works. Who will win? you decide!don't forget to vote and let us know your suggestions for the wheel of consequences!

according to opi it's really funny when you burp on the show i should have saved that why didn't you wait till we were on air it's fine don't you understand that we have a comedy expert yeah someone who's like a broadcasting expert like opi says the belching on the air is funny you got to fucking save it car you piece of shit it's true it's true it's good point It's the Creepoff. You bet your sweet ass it is. It's the Creepoff. Co-host, Carl.

The co-hosts. Like, we're equal. Not, it's not like a host and a psychic. It's like, we're equal. It's the Carl and Vinnie show. I realize that's how I sold it to you. Oh, that's not what it is? No, it's...

I'm the Brian Ball of this podcast. Is that what you're telling me? No, you are way more lively. So, welcome. Thanks for tuning in. This is the second episode of The Creep-off. You're probably pretty awful for listening to this, but we appreciate you. Carl, we had our first episode last week, and we've got some fantastic

reviews and we had a lot of people voting on last week's creeps. The results are in. The results are in. We are going to declare the first winner the first point awarded in the creep off. Those of my stupid sidekick, Carl. Yeah!

God, I hope a bus hits you. Do you like that that's what we play when I win? So what happens is, we each pick a creep that we think is the biggest creep of that week. And then you go to the creepoff.com and you vote for who you think made a better argument for who should be the biggest creep. And I got more votes than you did, Vinny. You've got 56.1% of the vote.

Yes. Compared to by 43.9%. So that people could have figured out the other part of that. You don't have to tell them that. So that means that I get a point. Oh, by the way, I came up with a drop for when you win. If you ever do win, I don't know. There's not a lot of evidence that says you will.

Is it, we are the champion. If you ever went. So you saw I get the USA chant. You get this one. Please. That's the Vince McMahon. Perfect. Ashole chant.

Perfect. Yeah, I thought you'd like that. I can't wait to hear it again. Hopefully next week. Probably never. That's why I played it now because I don't know ever hear it again. Yeah. So last week you won.

You beat my troll who was harassing the cancer victim. Yeah. And her family. after they were dead. But I guess you found somebody creepier. I guess. Yeah. So congratulations to point you.

Now, folks, you may be wondering why we're keeping scores very simple. First person to five points gets to spin the wheel of consequences. Yes. And the loser will suffer those consequences. So you're ahead one point,

but I'm coming back, baby. I'm coming back. Well, let's explain what these consequences are. Well, that's a great idea. Yeah. We have a Twitter, folks.

If you would like to follow us on Twitter, it's at the creep off. It's pretty easy to find us. We are creep off pot. At creep off pot is what we are. It's pretty easy to find us, even though I don't know what it is. Yeah, it gives us shit. So we got basically we put it out. Just Google for a while.

You'll figure it out. I could have added this and make it sound seamless, but fuck you, dude. Fuck you. I know. I'm sorry. That was mean. That was mean. I apologize.

Okay. So we put out a tweet this week. We've only tweeted like once. We just said, Hey, tell us what you think should be on the wheel of consequences. Eat a ghost pepper. Oh, I like that one. Is one.

That's good. And, uh, yeah, man, that would kill me dead. I do not do well with spicy food. So I'm not looking forward to that one. Uh, a 24-hour live stream where the loser has to listen to Seamus music on a loop. Shamis has music. Not even his podcast. All right.

Uh, could we throw it a little PJ in there, a little PJ in there? Nope. No. I want snakes in the grass in there. No, no, you got to listen the original version. Uh. leather helmet says touch your face without washing your hands at leather helmets here's my suggestion is i think that the losers should have to randomly touch strangers faces until they

get punched yes and in the grocery store too in Wegmans right near the toilet paper just touch people on the face and uh we also have a email you can email your ideas for this as well to the creepoff pod at gmail.com and pam bird sent us one this week she says i feel like one punishment should be, you have to do a 15-minute episode on opie or John with no negativity. That's right, Carl. I swear to God, I hope you get that. We have to do 15 minutes to talk about your two heroes, opi and stuttering John. I'd rather eat a ghost pepper and then put contacts into my eyes.

I'd rather you do that, too. Maybe we could put that on the wheel. Yeah. I don't even wear contacts. I don't either. That would suck hard. It sounds terrible. All right, so those are some of your suggestions.

I'm sure you could do better. tweet us email us at creepoff pod let us know your suggestions for that one of us will be doing something terrible and what we're really going to do is we have a wheel that we're going to write all of these consequences on and then when somebody gets to five that person will spin the wheel and the other person will have to do that they get a wheel of consequences it's not no i know but it's like a real it's not just like an imaginary thing it's like a real thing yeah absolutely there's we have a budget on this show it's so we got a whole wheel and everything there's actual an actual chance that your consequence could be landed on. So we don't know what's going to happen, but we will

put your suggestions on there and we'll do it. So, Vinny, let's get into it. We got to talk about who the creeps are for this week. Absolutely. So you won last week. That means you have to go first. That's correct. And I have a phenomenal creep. I'm definitely going to win this week. I didn't tell you who my creep was. Yeah, you didn't. I didn't. So I'm going to slowly reveal who this person is. This person has been married three times, engaged five different times. He accidentally shot his fiancee in the arm. That was one of the engagements that didn't lead to marriage. So three wives, five fiancés, one attempted murder. Yeah. It was, it was accidental. He was under investigation by the police for stalking and oxen threatening to kill her. He's been in and out

of rehab. He is HIV positive and has slept with hundreds of people since learning about being HIV positive. Oh, that's a lot of attempted murder. And if that isn't all creepy enough, he was the subject of a documentary that just came out. And I want to play you a clip of this documentary. This is someone talking about our friend who passed a couple years ago, Corey Haim. On the set of Lucas, that he was raped as a little boy. And I remember thinking, like,

oh, wow, you know, raped as a little boy. And he told me that, you know, it was his co-star. And he told me that it was Charlie Sheen that did it. That's right. My creep this week is Charlie Sheen. You had to go to the bench with an all-star, didn't you? So who knew Charlie Sheen? did something worse than Hot Sharts Part D.

That's a terrible movie. It's not good. So Corey Feldman then describes what happened on the set of Lucas. It makes me wonder why that fat kid left two and a half men now. Yeah. No wonder you found religion.

Yeah. So they're describing what happened. Dear Lord, please put my butt hole back right. Corey Haim was 13 years old. Charlie Sheen was 19. And this is what Corey Haim told Corey Feldman. He told me Charlie bent me over

in between two trailers and put Crisco Oil on my butt and raped me. In broad daylight, anybody could have walked by anybody could have seen it. Look, we all do that Charlie Sheen was into crack, but that's not cool.

And I thought it was interesting that the way they described that was, I mean, that's like Sandusky style. child molestation. That doesn't get worse than that, right? No, they let celebrities do whatever they want to in Hollywood, just running around butt-fucking each other. Well, that part of it, I thought, was weird because another guy describes it very differently. I mean, it was

kind of unspoken. I mean, Dominic always talked about it because he was obsessed with it. But, you know, everybody seemed to be the impression that Charlie Sheen was diddling him on the set of Lucas. Diddling him Sounds a lot Cuter, doesn't it? It does put like a jolly spin on it. Yeah, I'm just dittling.

Just diddling. Like, it sounds like it's what you do to pass the time. Just didling. Yeah. We're not shooting for a couple more hours. What do you want to do? I'm going to dittle haem over here.

Hey, hey, hey, you got to go dittle for a little while. Holy shit. So, Charlie Sheen has both had, I fucked that up. Charlie Sheen has had. I'm keeping it in. Fuck you.

Well, the problem is we're literally sitting next to a comedy show. True. And all I can hear is, uh... My creep, Dan Viola. Yeah, jokes being set up. This guy's like yelling on stage over here. Yeah. Oh, fuck me.

So, Charlie Sheen, you're saying that you believe Corey Feldman, that Corey Feldman's the guy you're going to believe on this? Well, let's hear, uh, somebody else talk about this. He said Charlie Sheen raped him. I mean, there's the creepy music and everything. Who was that? Who even was that? Well, let's get into another person you've never heard of talking about this. Was there not an adult on set that should have been watching these things? Where were the adults when Corey Hayne was being molested?

Now, I don't want to shit on her point, but technically, Charlie Sheen was 19. He was an adult. Right. And actually, when it comes to child molestation, adults are the problem. I don't know why we're looking for adults. It turns out 100% of the time. It's always the problem. And you might think that, like, fucking Corey Hame is just the worst thing somebody could do.

But let's not forget this. Ah. Mm-hmm, bin, bin, bin, men, man, man, man. I'm not even shitting on the sitcom. I don't know if it was good or bad. I've never seen it. But that theme song is atrocious. The worst thing about that is,

just the way that they filmed it with the lip-syncing with the kid. Everything about it is awful. And honestly, I feel like if Corey Haim had seen that, he would have been immediately triggered. I, thank God he wasn't around to see that. Is that what you're going to say? Thank God. So, you know, let's keep in mind that Charlie Sheen was... We're not just sure.

We're HIV positive. HIV positive. He did come out and say, that all of those women that he slept with, that he told them that he was ATV positive? Now, I'm not saying that women who fuck Charlie Sheen aren't stupid, but are we to believe that they're that stupid? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, they probably told him the show was good, too. Probably. I really hate that you pick Charlie Sheen for this, because that's a really good pick this week. Well, I actually watched this entire documentary. You're one of the people who paid for the... I did.

You paid for the Feldman documentary. I paid $20 to watch his documentary. And the worst part about it is I learned that Corey Feldman's son is named Zen. He fucking named his son Zen. Well, ladies and gentlemen, my creep this week is Corey Feldman. Yes, I think you win. God. Could you imagine what world we're living in where you could get 20 bucks ahead to tell the story about your buddy getting raped as a kid who's dead?

Like just completely mark it off. It is so self-serving, too. I don't want to get into that. Maybe Corey felt it'll be a future creep for me, but it is so self-serving. I feel like you should lose automatically for being a part of that Ponzi scheme. Yeah, I know. All right. Well, I just want to say a couple more things.

When it came to Corey Hame's ass, Charlie Sheen was just a bit inside. And also, I don't let me do with this, but Corey Hame was in the movie Lost Boys, which is a movie about a pedophile who didn't lock the basement door. All right. You're the worst. And by the way, are you saying that Charlie Sheen gave me? him the heater? Charlie Sheeve had both

Haim and Fortune. Oh, dear Christ. So that's why he is my creep this week. Vote for Carl. Okay, folks, you could vote for Charlie Sheen. You could take the safe, easy route and vote for Charlie Sheen. Well, I think the word you meant was right,

the correct one. Nah, here's the thing, man. Yeah, what do you got? People who have fame and money. You know, the thing with them is they always get into creepy weird stuff. The problem are the people, the everyday people walking among us, the creepy daywalkers, as I like to call them. You can't really, you don't know

where they're going to run into them, but they're out there, folks. And I'm going to tell you where one of these creeps got caught in a Maryland supermarket. Okay. My creep, 51-year-old, Thomas Steeman. He's facing assault and reckless endangerment charges in connection with the February 18th incident at a grocery store in Churchden, Maryland. Police alleged that Steeman approached a victim from behind as she was returning a shopping cart. Surveillance video shows Steeman jabbing something at the woman who recoils in pain. Then Steaming can be seen placing an item in his pocket of his hoodie. Now, I'm going to play you just a little taste of some news footage for this.

I bet you're wondering what the man stabbed her with, right? Yeah, I am wondering that. A certain case takes an even more shocking twist. An Anaranda County man is accused of assaulting a woman with a syringe. now police say they know what may have been in it. Oh, fuck. He went up behind the woman and stabbed her in the ass with a syringe as she was putting a shopping cart

away. And let me tell you something. If you watch the video of this, which we will post, she sold it like Sean Michaels in 1997. She like jumped like it was a cartoon like, woo-hoo! Like an old goofy cartoon. She went flying. The thing is, when you stab somebody with a syringe, it's usually. to inject them with something.

You would think, yeah. You want to take a guess as to what Mr. Steeman was trying to inject? Well, I've been reading about Charlie Sheen's overdoses all day in preparation for our show, so I'm going to guess cocaine.

Okay, take it away, news guy. Other syringes in the house and the suspect's home were filled with semen. What an asshole! I just think that's one way of getting semen in there, I guess. Jesus Christ.

This man injected a poor woman in a supermarket, allegedly, with his own semen. Flinging it at somebody's face, I get, but injecting it with a syringe? And let me tell you something. Maybe a turkey baser would make sense. When you see this guy, he looks like the kind of dude who's just walking into Wegmans to get a paper and a donut. Like he just looks like a normal doughy dude. Now, I'm going to play you a little clip from the victim. How old is this victim?

Do you know? Oh, I'm going to show you a video of it right now. you're gonna love it there she is oh god oh god she tells w j z she remembered feeling like she was burned with the cigarette i started driving home and then it started hurting really bad i called my son said dude something's not right you know i hope nothing happens i hope i may get home i love you days late you hope you make it home you hope you don't get a little batch of the charlie sheens what the fuck is the point of this detective's got a tip identifying stem and he was charged with first and second degree of and reckless endangerment. Now they're looking to see if there are any other victims.

That's right. They found multiple syringes when they arrested him. They were loaded and ready to go, Carl. Dude, what kind of fucking kink is this? He's shooting his load into people? Correct, literally. I don't understand that. Like I said, there's probably, it's probably the easiest way to get it in there. And so when you first told me that he did this, I'm thinking, all right, It's probably a 24-year-old bombshell, and this guy doesn't know how to control himself. That woman was hideous. She looked like... She drove back to her trailer.

My ass hurts. I better dip it in the kiddie pool when I get home. She's so weird-looking. And I don't ever want to blame the victim. But I will tell you this, Carl, is a big target if you were going to pick somebody. It's not the worst target. Yeah, if you just had a syringe in your hand you were just stabbing it, her ass might be the place where it ended up. Yeah.

Like, you could just be. walking through kick-it-air. Just statistically, that's where it might end up. Oh, Carl. I'm going to call him Tommy Seaman-Steeman. It's pretty simple. Yeah, his last thing was, Stephen. Yes, it was.

I should have seen that one coming. Yeah, here's my favorite little thing here. The video that we just played came courtesy of CBS 13 WJZ, or as I like to call them, we jiz. So, yeah, man, that's my creep. I'm just going to say, Corey Hayne was a good-looking kid. I'm just going to go ahead and say that. A 13-year-old Corey Hame, you could do one.

worse. Yeah, you can absolutely do worse. That's fucked up. Certainly so. But my man walked up to a woman and stabbed her in the ass with a syringe containing his own bodily fluids. Yeah. You can't beat it, Carl. You ain't going to beat it. I feel like you have that as a Google

alert when people are injecting their bodily fluids into people. This is two weeks in a row now. No. That seems to be a thing you're into. No. I'm just saying. That wasn't my creep last week. I'm just saying. No, it wasn't. It was part of the scum parade.

Yeah. Which I believe is what's coming up next. All right, folks. So those are our creeps this week. Make sure you vote at the creepoff.com. But I think it's time for me to strike up the band. Coral and Day Show Well, folks, it's time to get in line for the scum parade.

Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to start down in Florida. Authority said a Florida man fatally shot a couple while they slept. Todd Jackson, 34. Apparently he murdered Raymond and Crystal Klein 33 and 37 while they slept slept and then asked his 19 year old daughter and her boyfriend clean up the crime scene and dump the bodies well hold on though it was a stepdaughter stepdaughter correct his 19 year old stepdaughter was tasked with cleaning up dead bodies and dumping them somewhere and she's like i guess but i'm going to grab my boyfriend too if that's cool well hold on a second you may ask well what do i get out of this dad stepdad

it turns out that uh she got the rights to sell christ the victim's car she took the truck and put it on Craigslist for $200. Yeah, how did that work out for? Uh, they are all in jail. Oh, right, right. When you try to sell a murder victim's car for $200 on Craigslist, people start asking questions. Fucking stepfathers, am I right? Do you ever hear a good story about stepfathers? You know, I've never heard. I've truthfully never heard of a stepfather giving anybody a car, so solid point. Yeah. This one goes back to January 10th. Uh, police prepared to take a man into custody and Pennsylvania, he used his 11-year-old son as a human shield and attempt to prevent officers from shocking him. That's right. Daniel Taylor, the 35-year-old defendant, was not prepared

to surrender, and as the police tried to taste him, he grabbed his 11-year-old son and used him as a human shield. You will be the all-important first attack wave, which we will call Operation Human Shield. Hey, wait a minute. Yeah, yeah, pretty much. I got to say, I read this story, and And this new generation is just the worst. They don't want to mow the law. They're not going to do the dishes. They bitch about being a human shield. What will they fucking do these kids?

Here's the fun part. An initial attempt to stunt Taylor failed when the device was accidentally deployed against a state trooper. So apparently a trooper got hit in the scrum. But a second attempt was successful, which allowed cops to place Taylor into custody. So is it possible if this guy's a worse father than Charlie Sheen? Is that what you're saying? No. Not even a little bit.

This guy's in the parade. He didn't make the room of the main creep off. Fair enough. Let's go with this one right here. We're going to go all the way to the great country of Manila. A police constable from Yohor was arrested for breaking and entering into a female colleague's housing unit at the barracks of the Kulai District Police Headquarters. Four times.

He apparently stole her undergarments every time he snuck into her locker. Yeah, is this one of those archaic Asian countries that don't have the panty vending machines yet? Apparently not. Because I'd be like if you need to get you. Used women's panties. They should be on every street corner. Kind of civilization do we live in here? The victim of police corporal had lodged her report after she realized that someone was breaking into her house and stealing her underwear.

She also assisted with the investigators, considering she had discovered unknown sandal prints around her house. So he didn't even wear sneakers. This guy wore sandals and was breaking into his co-worker's house. And he was a cop. So there you go. Feel safe. Like, what the fuck is what is what with you? What's what with you?

I got to think, though, is he stealing wandered panties or dirty panties? Because there's a difference there. There is a big time difference. Right? If he's stealing panties that have already been put away in the drawer are going to be worn later in the week, that's a terrible crime to commit. I personally don't think I'd go for the wash and wear. I think you go for the clean ones. Oh, is that what you think?

I mean, you can get those in a store. True. You can get those anywhere. What's the difference? Ah, solid point. This whole thing. Maybe I'm the creep of the week. You just might be.

Seriously, though, your co-worker and your cops, how do you think you're not going to get caught? I don't know. That's good. Well, let's close off the skum parade with a school security guard who was arrested Thursday after he accidentally shot his coworker

in the eye at his school in Weston, Florida. The incident occurred in a parking lot of a private Sagemont school. Julian Antonio Suarez, 55, was not authorized to carry a gun authority. Yeah, no shit. Suarez, who is employed by... The school security guy.

Ken's security was scheduled to work a later shift that day at another school where he is authorized to carry a gun. But he was apparently like showing it off or something and then it just went off. And he was showing his gun to a maintenance worker when the gun discharged. The victim was shot in the eye. Suarez dropped him off at a Cleveland clinic before going home. So this is my question on that. When's the last time you talked about someone getting shot with a gun in the eye? That's what I kept saying in the article, like, if you get shot in the eye with a gun,

I'm more worried about my brain than my eyeball. Like, you get shot in the head. Correct. It's not a bevy gun. Like a bevy gun, you can shoot your eye out with a gun gun. The eye is no longer the important part here. Correct. You shot out the back of your head at that point.

Well, I shot my tooth with a gun. I might not survive this. Why? A tooth's not a big deal. Yes, it's what behind the tooth, dummy. That's the problem. Yeah, nobody's ever said the tooth stopped the bullets. Right. The eye ball softened the blow.

No. Thank God he got right the eye. It's over. It's over, Johnny. It just didn't go through his brain fucking stem. And that is our parade of scum for this week. All right. And a wonderful parade it was, man.

I'll tell you what, it was glorious and sticky. You know what I like about this podcast is that we like. Not very much. We like to get in and out. What I like. I know what you like. It's not very much. We like to get in and out.

I think we've hit every segment that we need to hit. And I want to remind people to go to the creep up. off.com and vote for who they think is the biggest creep this week, which is of course, Charlie Sheen. Tommy Steeman. Charlie Sheen is the biggest creep. Over 200 women he slept

with since 2011 when he knew he was HIV positive. And this is not a condom guy. I'm just going to throw that out there. He doesn't seem like a guy who's like stocking up on Jimmy hats. My creep, Thomas Steeman, masturbated

into syringes. Yep. Well, we don't know if he meant to be into the ceremony. There's other ways to transport the semen, but okay. All right. Either way, he got it out of himself and put it into a medical instrument, drove to a supermarket, and stabbed a woman in the buttocks with it. Joe!

That's actual audio of the lady. Actually, that woman wouldn't make a noise that hot. And you're telling me a celebrity with HIV got laid. Do you think Magic Johnson hasn't been fucking since 92? Hey, that's my creep next week. Oh, what do you do it? I'm just saying. Like, he knew, he wrapped it up probably.

This guy, my guy, there was premeditation. There wasn't a sexy kid involved. It was a gross lady from a trailer park. There was that, there was nothing good about what my person did. Well, look at when life gives Charlie Sheen lemons, he turns it into AIDS. So the good thing is, though, even though his career's gone to shit, he's, still positive. Correct. Vote Tom Steeman, though. Vote Tom Steeman. Tell me tie this thing up, despite my shoe hoarding jokes at the ad and vote for Charlie Sheen. Yeah, you should be shot for

puns. I just want you to know that. So that's this week's Creepoff. Make sure that you visit the creepoff.com, like Carl said. And I guess it's nice to be important. But it's more important to be nice. It's the cream off. It's the cream off.