The Creep Off - #21 The Worst Comedian Ever?

Episode Date: July 28, 2020

This week Vinnie & Karl submit their choices for creepiest restaurant worker not named Vic : Two consequences are added to the wheel: In the scum parade we meet quite possibly the stupidest couple to ever grace a Wal-Mart, a 74 year old prankster and we discover the smoking gun that proves the government is spying on us!

So listen, I've been thinking really hard about a new podcast that I think would be really cool. Okay. So it's going to be me. It's going to be you. Okay. It's going to be Kroche. Yep. Producer Chris.

Okay. Kaya. Okay. Vick's roommate. Yep. Lindsay. Yep, yep, yep. And, you know, we just hang.

It's just a hang show, right? Yeah. Can we all be simps and try to hate on Lindsay? Of course. If we get an extra 10 bucks. Love it. It's a creep off. Oh, you run this now.

Yeah, I don't fuck it up. Whoops. O for two. We got competing boards here. It's the cream off. Ola Creepos. Hey, what's happening, Vinnie? Welcome to the podcast that's coming to you straight from the tap.

It's the creepoff, baby. So you listen to the Brett Hattley episode of W&TB? Oh, I had a good time yesterday. God damn, that was a marathon. I was a slog. I don't do that very often. I don't listen to your show, but, you know. I don't recommend it.

Yeah. Well, welcome to another episode of the Creepoff, the world's worst contest. Carl and I today are going to continue our mortal battle to find out who is the the worst and today we have a theme carl yes we do our theme was voted on by you the listeners on our twitter at creep off pod you you always give people an option of three different themes and then they choose the one that we end up going yes this this week we went for uh american politician yeah we went for creepiest restaurant worker and then we also went for pope peri which was your suggestion i would put that out but you know why because people give me suggestions for creep

so they never fit in any of the themes. So it's like every now and then we should just have one where it's just kind of random, whatever you want to do. Sure. I mean, you know, we used to do that whole show was just potpourri. It was just whatever the worst possible thing we could fucking find was. Yeah, it was three weeks ago. I remember.

Yeah. I remember that pretty well. Until we started some law and order around here. So what happened with the results from last week, many? Because we are tied up two to two. Well, I had a two-o lead. You came roaring back with the help of your. friends voting for you you brand one pussy hey that's what i'm talking about

apparently that's all it takes to win the creepoff is you have to brand a woman's vagina caro coming in with almost 54% of the vote to take viny and take a three to two lead in this contest well i will congratulate you sir all right um it is going to be a short-lived a short-lived because today I'm coming guns ablazing and I plan on tying this thing out by next week. So did we mention what the theme is? I'm sorry. I think I'm going to jump the gun on it. But that's all right.

We did say restaurant workers. Restaurant workers was the winner this week. So this week we seek to find the creepiest restaurant worker. You get to go first because you won. All right. Let's do. Let's begin. My creep this week is an overnight manager at Panera Bread in San Francisco.

Her name is Vic. Oh, I'm just kidding. My creep is top buyers. And I'll tell you why my creep is top buyers Because you set me up for this You made it restaurant workers Of course it's going to be top buyers I'm just going to call it right now

This is pretty much just going to be an episode Of who are these podcasts I'm just going to be a lot What do you do now I'll tell you what he did He fucking doxed me This asshole And I don't

I don't take kindly to people Doxing me on the internet All right He tweeted out a couple of days ago A screen grab of my LinkedIn profile My full name the whole thing and he writes this profile sucks what are you trying to do pass yourself off with some yuppie lumberjack who's only specialty is teleconferencing his smack doc is so hard

to like to like not a creep i like him what do i say are you like that you like i like him i think he's right on i mean what are you trying to be some kind of like manly man carl look at you over there you like it when people docks me uh yeah well there's a guy on i use my actual name yeah but you don't make as many enemies as i do Oh, yeah, that's probably true. You're associated with me, which is probably not great. I think our association is like a heel tag team. We really are quite good.

Yeah, I would agree with that. We're like the road warriors from the late 70s, early 80s. Okay, way to fucking make a reference and don't want you to know what the fuck you're talking about. Good job. By God. Good job with your inside. Okay. So I got another tweet from Crispy Fresh 16.

And that person said, doxing is the last refuge of the cry bully bitch i have no doubt tom meyers is an antifa supporter who beats off to news footage of looting and burning small businesses i saw that retweeted it and said this person sees when nobody's talking about comment at tom meyers and feel free to wait until your hostess shift ends because yes it is true tom meyers does work at a restaurant which he's made very clear are you going to dox tom meyers no Oh, everyone knows who Tom Myers is. There's no...

But are you going to tell him what restaurant it is? He's nobody who puts it out there. He talks himself. Okay. I honestly don't even remember the name of it. I think it's going on the wheel of consequences, though, right? Absolutely. We added this, by the way.

It is in, where is it? Farrell, Maryland or something stupid. That's a Mexican place. And if you get it on the wheel, you have to go have dinner there. I have a clip here that explains it. He was on some show, and he's talking about the people who don't like him namely Nick Mullen from Comtown in this guy, Mickey Coochella, do you know who that is?

No. Mickey Coochella is a comedian. He was the morning disc jockey in Baltimore for many years. So he was a morning show guy. And they're talking specifically about how Mickey doesn't think he's very funny. And this is Tom Myers on that show talking about how him and Mickey have actually made up. I have to be nice. I have to legit be nice.

about Mickey because I think he and I have kind of declared like an unofficial ceasefire. Your truce now, right? He comes into the restaurant where I, my name's on the liquor license of this restaurant. Okay. Up in Falston, you know, at least once a week he comes in. All right. This is such a weird humble brag. Hold on.

He wanted to keep coming into the restaurant. I told him he better stop talking about me online. Yeah, I know. It's a difference. So he explains that his name is on the wicker license, Vinny. Did you hear that? He didn't say he comes into the restaurant where I work. He didn't say he comes to the restaurant that I own. He didn't say he comes into the restaurant that I manage.

He said he comes into the restaurant where my name is on the liquor license. Do you know why his name is on the liquor license, Benny? Yes, because owners of the restaurants were out of country when they got the liquor license. Correct. His name is out of because he's a U.S. citizen with a pulse. It has nothing to do with any accomplishment in life. He's just an employee. at this restaurant

there's like five locations of this Mexican restaurant I looked at their menu there's a thousand of these fucking restaurants in every town you go to it's all the same shit very generic Tom's all proud of himself

because his name is on the liquor license what a pathetic loser I just go I want to say that again The name of the show is not loser off car I just want to say that again Tom Myers you know don't even vote for me this week I don't care I just want to get it out there Tom Myers is a fucking pathetic loser

so this is what you do when you get ahead of point yeah yeah i feel like i this is how you treat the game i wanted to burn this week all right let's talk about why this guy's a creep all right let's talk about his comedy let's talk about his he talks me don't you play his comedy on this show ha ha ha ha don't you play his comedy on the show i didn't i didn't pick restaurant worker you picked it now i got to turn this into w ATP i apologize but that's what's happening all right these are all jokes you haven't heard yet by the way Middy came out and did a bonus episode of WATP with me last week.

And we played every joke that Tom Myers wrote in his Politopod podcast and just analyze it. Just played each joke one by one, each one worse than the one before it. None of them made any sense. You don't understand. It's terrible. It's really, really bad. Oh, I do. I do understand.

Oh, no, no, no. This is where you're wrong, Vinny. I do understand. So you're weaponizing it? Yes. All right. So he loves to talk about. pot jokes. He's a history buff. He has a four-year degree in history. And he likes to combine that

with how people act when they're high on pot. That's one of his favorite formulas. So we've actually heard this premise before because I played, I don't know if you were on it or not, but on WATP, I played him on some show. But this is a different punchline. So I want to start off with this founding father's pot joke. But they go ahead and use, they go ahead and rationalize it this way. They say that our founding fathers smoke. Now, the only founding father I could have seen smoking pot would have been Benjamin Franklin, all right? Benjamin Franklin came up with the concept of daylight savings time. Only a pothead can come up for that concept.

That's not his joke. Only pothead could think along the lines of, let's just push everything back an hour. You've heard that before, everybody? Yep. Brian Ball does that joke. Oh, does Brain Ball stealing Tom Myers comedy? Brain Ball! Brian Ball's been doing that joke for like at least 11 years.

Can I ask this? Is his, is Brayboles punchline? Only a pothead would come up with daylight savings times because that was a punchline. That's not a good point. Yes. What Tom Myers does is he doesn't keep talking about Benjamin Franklin. He transitions into how Portland has a lot of potheads too. Wait until you hear this doozy.

This is more pot humor. Speaking of pot, I've been to Portland, Oregon, which is apparently the, I found that. Did I say Portland, Oregon? Take out the art. It's Portland, Oregon. Oh, there you go. All right, sorry. Let's get back to this clip.

Speaking of pot, I've been to Portland, Oregon, which is apparently the, I found this out when I was there. It's like the medicinal marijuana card capital of the United States. Woo-hoo! Like the little Amsterdam right there in Portland. And as a result, you want to be very, you want to carefully choose who you ask directions from in Portland. Give you an example.

I'm on Fort Worth, Street. I need to get over to 6th Street. Easy enough to do, right? Not when you ask directions from someone who looks like Jerry Garcia's twin brother. The guy looked at me like, what, Fourth Street to 6th Street? I don't know if I have enough weed to tell you how to get there, dude. But I do like traveling around the country. All right, I had to leave that part of the end to show you. That was the end of that joke. That was the punchline. So that took 43 seconds. to get through that joke. That was a long, strange trip, Carl.

It sure was, Vinny. I can't believe he's trying to build this premise where he's asking a stoner for directions from 4th Street to 6th Street. They're probably in order, Tom. No one's ever asked that question before. I don't know why I worked so hard today to get a good creep.

I'm sorry. Am I ruining everything? Just keep going. Keep going. Tell me more about Tom Myers. This guy sucks in comedy. And he calls himself. I'm a comedian.

These are not jokes. I got two more examples for you, Vinny. By the way, can I say, word economy is important. And one of the things with this guy, the stuff you played I heard yesterday, the jokes that he does, I actually went back and I listened to

the first Politopod episode you did. Yeah. Because I really wanted to hear the origins of this shit. Uh-huh. And the thing with his jokes is he always adds a terrible descriptor to the end that's too long. Right. A joke falls flat.

And then he makes it fall flatter if it's possible. Correct. Like, he could have just, said and then asked for a guy who looked like Jerry Garcia then he adds on twin brother and it just makes it even worse all right well that's a pretty good summation I was gonna try to analyze that joke more but now I'm just exhausted by it this is a joke about radio station giveaways this is something that we can all relate to but when I do drive I like listening to the radio a lot

well a second listen to that transition the one thing that I pointed out is on his Make America Innate again album, none of it is joined together. It's all just random, you know, this thing, that thing, this thing. But I love the, like, he was talking about driving. And he's like, but when I drive, I like to listen to the radio. Like, who talks like that? Who would ever talk like that?

All right, let's listen to us. But when I do drive, I like listening to the radio a lot. One of my favorite things are when radio stations go ahead and promote themselves. as they try to do giveaways. Like, I was listening to this one radio station, and they said that if you listen to us, be the, this caller at this time, we'll let you know when to call,

and you could win a brand new Hummer and a $1,000 gas card. Really? I listen to your stupid station, the only thing you're going to give me is an ugly looking vehicle and enough gas to fill about, oh, half the tank.

I don't. Okay, so all the problems with this joke. You can see it coming from a mile away? It's not even that. Yes, you can see it from a mile away. A $1,000 gas card. That's not even going to fill the tank of a Hummer, Eddie.

Those are gas guzzlers. You know how you do that joke properly? No. Please explain it to me. If you were, if this joke would have even a breath of life, it's simple. I was listening to the radio the other day. They said, if I listen, I have a chance to win a Hummer and $1,000. Oh, that's great.

I listen to this radio station. The only thing I get is a Hummer and a half a tank of gas. Oh, man. All right. Yeah. All right. So if you worked on that for a second, you would make it. Yes.

You could get that to the right place. Right. You could. But do you realize how long that clip was you just played for me? Yes. He just, so many words, so much. And it's not a good joke. I'm just saying if you just.

You're telling me that I get rewarded for listening to your station and I have to call in and I have to get the thing by this time. And I can win a hummer with a half a tank of gas. Dude, come on. Walk a one. Well, also, he said an ugly vehicle. He's like he had to rip on hummers too real quick. Like, all right, let's not try to work so many jokes into this one joke there, Tom. Calm down, slow down.

He's so above having a Hummer. Oh, get ready for this one. You want to talk about generic comedy. Guess what he's listening to when he's listening to the radio, Vinny? What? Bluegrass music. Also, when I'm driving, listening to the radio, I like listening to bluegrass music. I do.

A lot of it's really good, but a lot of it just gets too hokey. like it's the subjects are just absolutely basic like pot meat kettle was listening to this one bluegrass station and this singer went on and he went well my wife ran off and left me yehah and my kids all ran away from home woo hooo hoo and my dog ran down to the crick and to drown himself and i don't know why probably because you wouldn't give up your singing career there goober uh is not the punchline that fucking idiot and that joke

it's because he didn't get a reaction that joke a holy fuck is that joke hack by a thousand I cannot even describe how many people have done that joke that joke is up there with

you see these commercials on TV for prescriptions and they have all sorts of side effects you know the side effects are worse than what you had to begin with yeah it's that level of a joke it is and it's not even accurate bluegrass music is not the wo is me my wife left me music bluegrass music is either gospel or it's super positive bluegrass music is performed by musicians who are fucking killing it at life and their highest shit every bluegrass musician i ever met i've never seen a banjo player who's saying woe is me he's too busy shredding on his

instrument fucking steve martin just goes to town right i've seen steve martin and whatever the You know how that thing fucking crush. Anyway, my point is, it doesn't even make fucking sense. That's like such a hack country music set up. You ever listen to these country music where the guy moves his life? Come on, dude. Where are you going with this? If he had said, I like to listen to the old outlaw country where they were just depressed about everything.

Yeah, that would make more sense. He literally took a punchline that's been done a million times, stole it. That ain't his. Stole it. And made it worse while stealing it. That is hard to do. Good job, Tom. I want to read to you the bio page of tommires.us, if you don't mind.

Someone actually wrote to me on Patreon. It's like, you've got to check out this bio page. And I find it to be pretty entertaining. Tom Myers is a comedian who tackles any subject. Whether the topic is current events, social and political issues, or a topic other comedians would not even approach. Any subject but humor. Tom is not afraid to make you laugh about it using his straight talking no hold barred manner. Does that describe his comedy in any single way?

We've just played you the most generic bass jokes possible. And he thinks he's got a no-holds bar style. Fucking Bill Hicks right here. Oh, my God. He's coming at you, audience. Oh, dude, that just fucking reminded me. I have to play you the new stinger that PJ put together because it's one of the fucking funniest things ever. All right, let's play the Tom Meyer singer.

Because if you remember, he compared himself to a firefighter and I think a police officer. Sir. The woman asked him on this TV show. Sometimes you get in trouble for the jokes that you tell. Why do you continue to tell these jokes that you get in trouble for? And this was his answer. You know, it's no different than, you know, police officer running to the scene of a crime or a firefighter running into a burning building. It's what I do. It's got a delusional boob. In addition to being a comedian, Tom is an actor, a sports PA announcer, and an event MC was. several years of experience in the performing arts. In addition to performing Tom is a regular writer and performer on Politipod, a politics-based

podcast where he writes and performs one-liners and contributes to various sketches. Previously, he was a co-host on Walrus and Friends, an online lunchtime radio show. The show enjoyed a three-month run and was broadcast from a studio

in Abingdon, Maryland. Why, I don't know why that matters. the lunch with the Walrus show it was got Walrus and Friends and it was an online lunchtime radio show let me tell you why that was doomed to fail most people at lunchtime get the fuck away from their computers

that's a pretty good point people don't want to sit there and listen to the foot and stare at their computer screen while they eat their lunch they want to not stare at their computer screen what I love about this bio is how much he's focusing on the early years of Tom Myers Tom was born January 29th, 1983 in Maryland. He started as an improv performer in 1998 at only 15 years of age.

Could you imagine him as an improv performer? Holy shit, I think I'd need a bong hit transplant to watch that. I feel like they're all exactly like that. He stopped doing improv in 2001 to focus on stand-up comedy. He performed his first stand-up routine during an audition for a talent show, his senior year in high school. So wait, did he even get on the talent show? He performed it for an audition. auditioned for a talent show.

You wouldn't say that I auditioned if you made it. That's... I just caught up that, just no. Boom. That's fucking funny. Okay, hold on. You put I auditioned for a talent show in high school and you're fucking... He auditioned to be on a talent show.

He's obviously very talented. Even Stuttering Joe would be like, I don't know, dude, that's not that impressive. What are you seeing as fucking ever heard? Oh, whatever. Oh, my God. They're right. This guy is the greatest hack of all time. In 2004, Tom recorded and produced his own comedy CD, words of mass destruction.

In addition, Tom hosted a news comedy quiz talk show called The Myers Experience on Goucher's Radio Station and appeared in a handful of plays before graduating with a history degree in 2005. So he had a college radio show. Yeah. And was in plays. Yes, correct. and this is on his bio this is a supposedly professional comedian he's got out of his bio

and he started to play in college Tom's second CD pitchforks torches and other random thoughts was released on November 11, 2013 the CD was recorded and produced in Maryland using more updated recording equipment than the kind used for his previous CD

I'm sorry about the first one everybody Tom followed that release in July of 2015 Who wrote this the worst? Tom did! What do you think he has a publicist or a manager or friends? What are he talking about?

Who wrote this? Tom wrote it! So anyway, he followed that with the release in 2015. Shot from the Quip, a collection of his best of moments from the radio show, Walrus and Friends. So his third album is his best of... I got to hear this.

This is something we need to review. So it is... Hold on. Hold on. Let's just talk about Tom. Can this just be the top of that sucks show? I worked all day on my creep. And hold on. You're telling me that this man sold a CD of the best of his performances on a radio show that ran for three months.

Yeah, that no one ever heard. And then he went through and figured out the best bits, apparently, and put that together for a CD. Just a little bit more here. Tom released his fourth CD, Make America in Nate again in April of 2018. one month after recording his one-man show of the same name at the Culture Arts Center in Maryland. So he's calling his stand-up that was 36-minute long and devoid of humor, a one-man show.

Have you ever called a stand-up routine you did a one-man show? No, because it's not. Because it's stand-up. I know what a one-man show is. The actual definition of a one-man show is somebody who goes and does a show about one topic. Like you pick a topic and you do like a presentation. Colin Quinn has done one man.

Correct. Correct. In fact, he's the one who explained it to me. I asked him. And he told me, he's like, yeah, it's all, you know, what everybody does one, one topic. Tom is also a PA announcer for the weekend youth tournaments at Ripkin baseball in Aberdeen, Maryland. Tom has announced games for the Babe Ruth League's Kel Ripkin World Series. The Babe Ruth League is the fat guys. It's like the My League.

Yeah, it's a star in the Babe Ruth League. All right. So that's, uh, that's some fun stuff. I got one more clip for you. This is going back to that show that he was on where they were asking him about how all these people say that he's not very good of comedy. And I felt this to be interesting. I don't know who this host is, but I like the way he worded this question. We kind of brought up the Nick Mullen, the Comtowns and the Mickey Cachillas of the world, even to extent the Joe Robinson's, the Rob Mayors, who have basically said, you're one of the world's, you're the world's worst comedian, okay?

This is not what I'm saying. This is what they're saying, right? I know. Now, have you ever? Hey, here's what they're saying about you. Yeah. Could you imagine going to be the guest at a show? The guy's like, no, meeting Paulina, you've been described by many in our profession as the world's worst community.

Your peers have to find your career for you. We've all decided there is nobody worse a comedy than you, sir. Care to comment. You know, the greatest compliment is being a comics comic. Yes, it's true. Oh, wow. Comedians do not understand what the fuck you're trying to accomplish. care to comment it's one of those things where you know any idiot who goes and does an open mic calls themselves a comedian

whether they did it once whether they want i know people who wanted to do comedy that never did it that still call themselves comedians talking about patrick michael now no i'm talking about another guy another guy that one of these days like we'll do personal trolls we'll do creepiest personal trolls and i'll give you mine and you do yours that you're fun okay i call kevbot um just kidding he's listening He's watching live right now. Hi, Kevbot. Hey, Kevbot. He named his dog after you.

He got a dog just to name it after you, I think. I saw that. It's Ciccaro, right? Yeah, cacarle, Carl. Oh, boy. Yep. Okay. To hang out with Kitty Paulino.

Yeah. Kitty Paulino needed a friend. I don't think we should encourage this behavior. All right. All right. So that's what I got. Tom Myers. Vote for me at the creepopop.com.

Because if many thinks he's going to win this week, so we need to deflate his ego a little bit. What do you? Well, kids, I'm sorry for the length of this episode, but we're going to learn a lot together today. My creep, creepiest restaurant worker. His name is Paul Foodie Footenhauer, which is, uh, that's his God-given name, uh, P-H-O-T-E-N-H-A-U-E-R. He's one of yours. What? Isn't that like, German?

God doesn't give people, man. That's true. Well, he's originally from, I believe, like, Scotland or something. Okay. But he is an author and currently a. chef in the Bay Area. Okay. He has penned not one,

but two cookbooks about how you can mix your or your lover's semen into your daily diet. Wait. For real? For real. In fact, there's an audience. In fact, Carl, there's an article on Snopes about him because so many

people did not believe that this is real, but it is real. You know what this sounds like to me, Betty. Some are honest, some deranged stories that are very strange. Teaks. No, it's hot takes. I'm taking it back.

All right. Okay, so he wrote his first book, cookbook, Carl. Would you like to guess the name of his first semen cookbook? Come to dinner? No, no, that's a good one, though. He named it Natural Harvest, a collection of semen-based recipes, and he followed it up by semenology, the semen bartender's handybook. I feel like this guy and that flute guy from last week.

week. It was jerking off and all those girls flutes should get together and make it putting on a whole performance. You can have dinner. You can watch some music. Oh, it's available on Amazon now for 2249. Wow. And here's just a little bit of the, uh, Vinny, how the fuck did you find this? Because I mean, I'm very curious what you Googled to find this guy. So, you know, we're looking for creeps restaurant related, right? So I was trying to think what would be the creepiest thing somebody could do it, I thought it would be putting semen in food. So I Googled Seaman Chef

and bingo. That was where your mind went to? No wonder you're better at this game than I am. I would never think of that. I would like to read the dedications. This one is from his book, Seamanology. I dedicate this book

to all my enthusiastic fans that have supported my efforts to continue the promotion of Seamen in the kitchen. This book is long overdue. Thank you for the support and patience, and a special thanks to Rickard Gagner, whose well-developed semen palate was invaluable in the test kitchen. Oh, boy. All right. That's right there. That's actually from the book. It's on the Amazon look inside. You could see it. Can I suggest that perhaps that should be the creep? The official taster of this fucking

guy's cooking. Here's the official description of the book. Seamen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and an amazing cooking property like fine wine and cheeses. The taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Did you know that? I only drink it straight from the tap. What do you got? What do you play it over that?

Oh, just a little. Let's see that dick. Oh, fuck you. The taste of semen is complex. Seabed is quote, inexpensive to produce. Oh, that's true. And is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants.

Jeez, Louise. Despite all these positive qualities, semen remains a neglected as a food. Now... Because it's not a food! It has a very specific purpose, and it's not nourishment. It doesn't make any fucking sense.

But people do swallow it all the time, so... It's a good point. Here's the thing about this guy. His bio and his background is very well-hidden, like, his names on these books. The books are real. It blows my mind, but they did an interview with him, and I have a clip from the interview.

He was asked how he came up with the idea for doing this cookbook, and he says it started when he took a new job. Okay. Pig Mom and says to me, this is not WNBC. It is WNBC, UNBC, and I was not saying the call letter's right. It's a big problem. So in order to rectify this, I brought in a cup of Blackswell Seaman. Seaman. I'm going to gargle with this and say the call letters over and over again until I get a...

I told you I can't prepare today. No pun intended. Eh? Yeah. Our friend here, Foodie, has a YouTube channel full of his wonderful recipes. Okay. And I would like to show you a video. One of his recipes.

This is for a very special dessert, Carl. Why did I agree to do this show? You know, when you asked me to do this show... Why'd you make me listen to Tom Byers, asshole? Yeah, good point. All right. This is my chocolate peanut butter semen dessert. It's really easy to make.

Just crumble some peanut butter cups. Finish it right there. You're good, you got it. No. Now, you notice there's two little cups there. Oh, oh God! Then you add some vanilla custard. Yep, you had some vanilla custard.

It's enough to make it feeling nice and smooth. Okay. Mix it all together. Yep. And then you add semen. Okay. I always add it all at once. And it doesn't really matter if you use fresh semen or frozen semen.

This guy's a fucking creep. Alright, so can I just make a point here? Sure. If you, you could put anything in with those other ingredients he just showed, and it would taste good. That proves it's not a good, it's not a good ingredient for food if you have to mix it with nothing but sugary deliciousness. Now, we're going to get to there at a second when I show you his next video. But hold on a second. I want you to see this.

This is, uh, this is the part that creeped me out. Let's drive it. Listen closely. excited when i made this video so uh couldn't quite pour the chocolate sauce on as gracefully as i had thought i got excited while making this video so he's jerking off the other hand because you only see one hand yeah i don't know what the fuck he's doing but he's all flummoxed and like he's spilling chocolate sauce on the side of this fucking thing because he's all fucking hot and bothered making his rhesus cum dessert yeah that's from his um his food cookbook how would you like to learn how to make

a macho mohito this is from my latest book semenology this drink is called the macho mojito for those of you watch it at home there's a uh an empty cup and then a little what would you call it like a cognate glass yeah uh quarter filled with semen yeah and now he's squeezing limes and sugar the semen looks neatly poured too yeah it's not like it's dripping off the side or anything like that i don't know how we got it in there yeah no hairs either that's impressive Unless you use a manscaped lot of hour 3.0. But yeah, he's just, now he's dropping in the stuff. And I'll tell you what, I'll do your favor.

I'll fast forward it a little bit. I think I know what's going to happen. Well, here's the thing, Carl. You can't just put the cum in the fucking drink, Carl. No, you have to make it a little fancier. See, it shows what I know. So here you go. Pay attention.

Pay attention. I'm watching. I'm going to add powdered sugar to the seam. You got to put powdered sugar in. Tiny bit of powdered sugar and then whisked it nicely. This is on YouTube? This is on YouTube. Do you wow this?

Oh, fucking gross. He's whisked with an electric whisk, semen and powdered sugar. Yeah. What are we doing now? Is he tasting it? He's tasting it, isn't it? A little more powder sugar. Oh my god, he just fucking tasted it.

Ah! I suppose it myself. Oh my god. It needed more powdered sugar, Carl. Of course it did! I wasn't gonna make you watch this, but then you brought in Tom Myers, so fucking... Of course it tastes... It course it needs more sugar, it's fucking semen!

It's not gonna taste good! You fucking idiots! Jesus Christ. So that what you do is... what you do is. Then you just pour the powdered sugar cum into your regular mojito. Oh, that is a slow pour.

Oh, he's going to scrape it in. Oh, fuck me. Is he going to get a milk mustache after drinking this? Oh, God. He didn't even stir it in. It's just, oh, fuck me.

Oh, God. You know what? This is our worst podcast. people who just listen to the show. These are all visual. Yeah. So you probably should watch it. Sure.

So that guy is a creep. Yeah. I will give it to you. Yeah. He's creepier the Tom Myers. Well, is he the worst comedian ever? I mean.

But no, my guy is probably the worst restaurant worker ever. Yeah, I would agree with that. Oh, Jesus Christ. Hey, Vinny,

we get any voicemails this week or anything? Carl, we did. Oh, we did. In fact, we got a call in from one of our good friends

that we haven't heard from in a while. Not imbecile Wilhelm? Oh, it certainly is. Ah, I love imbecile Wilhelm. He's in the subreddit too. He's great. Yes, here we go. Here's that imbecile.

Imbecile here. I have called to put in my two cents as my greatest knowledge is of virtue and honest dealing. Vinny is a cheater. Yes. His point should be deducted. Agreed. Gerrymandering. all creedings and other evil doings

and to prep boy Rick you imbecile half of the towns and cities in New York are named after Native Americans Perhaps you've heard of the Mohawk River Oregon Oregon

Oregon! Oregon! Oh God damn it yeah that was a call back to our caller last week who did not like the way we pronounce the name of his state. I have to say, imbeciles is starting to get a little smarter. He's starting to make some sense all of a sudden. I think he... Let's deduct some points off of any stonal people.

No, I disagree because... Jerry mandering. Hey, Carl. At least favorite Jerry. Carl, you can try to throw stones to me, but the jig is up, motherfucker. What do you mean? The jig is up. You're caught.

You are caught red fucking handed. What I do? Cheating with your fucking bot farm. And I can prove it. Okay. Hi, this is Tom from Global Bot Farm. Yeah, I got a bot farm. And I'm pretty sure for a Carl Hamburger or Carl Asperger.

I can't really leave the notes on this account. But he's delinquent on a payment for 50 online votes for something called The Creepov. Yeah, just tell him to call me back. We really love to get him those illegal votes so he can win some weird podcast. Yeah, call me back. Yeah, Carl. Oh, no. Your goddamn cheat.

You don't say. I do say. Give me the number off the air, please. Okay. So I'm going to give that person a call back. And straighten this out. I'm not in touch with any bad farms. It's crazy.

You ready for a scum parade? Have I ready for a scum parade? Hit that music. Let's do it, baby. the way they'll be banging their kids and banging siblings driving up a cliff with children on board watch out for the scum parade oh no it's a scum parade look out for the scum parade making phoom parade his day Really that tight-ed-end thing, huh?

You cleaned it up, baby. Cleaved it up, baby. Look at you. I'm putting it a little work in the Giggles apartment. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. Oh, thanks. So we're to start the, we're going to start the scum parade down in Florida and work our way north today.

Okay. This happened down in Key West. Robert Privet, a 49-year-old South Carolina resident, was busted last week following an incident at a double-tree resort in Key West. Privet, Cops, alleged, slid a tiny camera under the door separating his room from that of the victims, age 24 and 27, two very attractive blonde girls. Yes. Privet began recording the vacationing duo after hearing them returned from the beach last Wednesday evening.

After returning to the room, the younger woman was standing naked in the mirror, and she was apparently sending selfies to her boyfriend, as whores that hang out in Key West do. When the second woman exited the bathroom after shower and she noticed a long black cord that appeared to have a camera on it. Yeah, it wasn't so small that you couldn't see it. Right. coming from under the conjoined room's door. Police reported as the object was slowly scanning the room,

the older woman yelled, what is that? That's a fucking camera. While the woman was still frantically pointing at the object and yelling, the device was suddenly retracted under the door. Can I make an observation on this article? I think the creep is the person who wrote it. There's so many unnecessary details. It says things like he observed the bikini-clad women

and taking a naked photo for her boyfriend and joking about having seashells in her vagina. I jerked off three times in this article, Vinny. Yeah, I know, it was hard to finish. It's ridiculous. None of these details are important. The guy took pictures of women who were attractive and naked. There is a detail that I really, really enjoy in this.

Which was that? So, obviously, he hears these women. He pulls the thing back. He knows the jig is up. Yeah. One of the victims said she heard someone from the other room, run around frantically, and slam a door. Like this guy

It's just like I gotta go by I don't emergency I'll check out Like this guy fucking bolted Yeah But he didn't go far They called the cops

Yeah The cops show up And they start questioning This guy who was in the door You know In the room with the fucking adjoining door Yeah

And he said Oh they were yelling And screaming I thought they had a bug in the room Or something Right And then the police described him

The longer they kept him As anxiously sitting and he began to sweat that he reportedly confessed after the cops interviewed him again. Privet said that he had first placed the camera under the door earlier in the day when he heard the girls in the conjoining room, asked how he used the camera to spy on people, how many times he'd done it. He said he's done it 10 plus times over the past year all over the country. Yeah, he travels all the time for work.

And this fucking idiot says, oh, yeah, yeah, I do this all the time. um the answer is this was the first time i've ever done this i just bought the thing i just bought this i didn't even know how it works i don't even know if this worked or not i was like i wonder if this would fit under the door i didn't know they were in there just playing with the spatial relations i wasn't sure what was going on i don't care if there's 20 flight logs of you on the lelita express the answer to the question is always this is the first time i've ever done this officer it's never yes i've been doing it all over the country correct you're fucking more now here's my favorite part of the story second favorite part

He is a defense and space contractor headquartered in North Charleston, South Carolina. The arrest report identifies privates employer as the U.S. government. Yep. There it is, folks. The smoking gun. The government is spying out of us all. Well, only the hot ones. Only the hot ones.

Nothing to worry about. I've never seen a camera slide underneath the door of my bathroom. I can tell you that for sure. No one's looking for that footage. Don't sell yourself short. people kevbot would tip you two bucks for the film kevbot would give me two bucks okay uh we're going up to toronto a 74 year old meza zwaga man i don't know how to say this apparently it's part of the greater toronto area he is facing more than a dozen charges relating to women discovering used

condoms tied to their cars and parking lots in the city over the past two years is there anything worse in an article than the term used condoms i don't want there to ever be an article written about me that includes the terms used condoms. I wouldn't have found the article if I couldn't find that in the Google search. Yeah, you got a Google alert set up for pizza and used condoms. And sometimes it's the same article. And Steven.

No, the, uh, so hold on. This guy was taking used condoms and tying them to cars. 74 year old man. Yeah. Now, what I find interesting here is the term tying them to cars. Wouldn't you think it would just be more of like a, like a splash him on the back windshield? I almost, the way they described. I don't know what it actually looked like.

I was picturing almost like a used condom parade going down the street. They're all tied to the cars floating around. I thought candy to children. You know how most cars have like that little nub for an antenna up on the top now? I was thinking he like tied it to there. So it looked like a Davey rocket cooed skin cap just kind of hanging down. That's what I mean. That could be fun.

Yeah. It could be cute. Yeah. Until you try to take it down. And when you're done playing with it, you could bake dessert with it. There's a call back to your cream. who was using semen too soon okay

to date nine women have come forward after an investigation it wasn't that battle line yeah yeah good one Carl Myers oh you fucking ass Peter Meligos was arrested on Monday

charges 11 counts of mischief in fact I'm naming this episode Carl Myers two counts of criminal or harassment at one count of committee to a decent act and one count of voyeurism. He's been released on the promise to appear in court on September 18. How the fuck do you get off by putting a used condom on a chick's car? He's 74 years old.

I bet you he thought like when his 20's like, you know, it'd be funny if I slapped one of these here rubber bags in the side of this year trolley, whatever the fuck they had. So you're just chalking it up to he's 74. He wanted to fucking have some fun. Some people his age do. I just don't know that many guys. It's what he does because that's what he wanted to do. And he's a creepy fucking guy.

He's a creep. Yeah. So here's the thing. If you're up in the greater Toronto area and you know anything about this, please call the police at 905-456-5-8-40. Yeah. And if you want to correct us on how to pronounce where that was, too, please let us know on that as well.

No, if we don't care about your thoughts. So I have a video for our next creep, Carl. Yep. This one's fun. A woman from Youngstown's West Side can never have pets again. And Tiffany Riley pleaded guilty to bestiality and animal cruelty. Prosecutors had brought charges against her after seeing pictures of her engaging in sex acts with a small dog. Riley was given 90 days of house arrest and a $750 fine.

She must also have a mental health assessment and counseling. House arrest? Where do you think the dog fucking happened? The creep is the judge. The creep is the judge. We mean house arrest. House arrest for 90 days at a $750 fine. You go home and you stay with those dogs.

you guys work this out and i'm not going to lie to you it was two shih Tzu's that she was playing with and those are the sexiest named dogs i don't think it said it in that uh video but in the article it said that they were looking for evidence the house is now burned down yes so what the fuck else was she hiding you ever tried to get dog come smell out of your house burn the house down dude they're all kind of sleeper cells that don't feel the need to burn the fucking house down to hide evidence what was this woman up to the legal requirements should have been burning down the house while she was on house arrest inside of the fucking thing let the dogs fucking watch that piss on the ashes agreed uh so that was uh tiffany

riley what a dirty dirty dirty gal uh it really didn't explain what she was doing but these are all right i don't want to talk about it so we only have one more creep today i'm only doing one more creed. Oh, you're skipping the Nazi couple? Yeah, I don't want to talk about it. They're all over the news. It's not fun. Well, you know what? It's funny, though. In that video, all right, real quick, I just want to describe this because... The Minnesota Nazi

couple. They're wearing masks with swastikas on them. Yes. And the people... And I'll put money on the fact that they're probably not the only people in the Walmart that have swastikas on them. What's great is the person who's filming is obviously a big history buff. He keeps yelling, we fought a war with the Nazis. I'm like, We did? No one, no one ever talks about. What war are we talking about? This guy must be a real, he goes real deep with history. Yeah.

It's like, we fucking know, dummy. We get it. Yeah. But the other thing that I wanted to point out is, um, wheel of consequences. Yeah. We have to go into a Walmart. No. Nope. Schwastika face mask. Actually, you know what? Add it to the wheel, Vinny. What are you a pussy? Nope, I'm not, but I will, I will add something to the wheel right now if you're into it. What's that? I got an idea. So, uh, look on your screen. okay hold on here it is okay loser has to buy

a signed copy of semenology the seaman bartender's handbook for $100 yeah I like that and proudly go out in public and be seen reading it oh yeah you have to go to a coffee shop or something

just sit there and read it yes okay I'll pose like Galane Maxwell did when she was at that in and out burger with the book like next to me that'd be fun we'll set up a whole photo shoot or bonus stream. Okay. Yep. I like it. All right. Seaminology autographed copy going on the creep off board.

Also dinner at, um, here's restaurant of Baltimore. By the way, those fucking dummies, the Nazi people. Yeah. Their whole point was if Joe Biden is elected will be in Nazi Germany. Yeah. That was the point there. I guess they were trying to make. Do they not know he was the VP for eight years? Some serious mental illness. I mean, you know what? I don't even know that was mental illness, but I think like a quick cover story is when I think that was. No, no, we didn't mean it. Like, oh, you don't like these?

We don't like him either. We also hate that. Yes, we think Joe Biden will make us all turn into what's on my face. I got very confusing to me. I'm like, what are they talking about? I agree. Very confusing. All right.

One more creep. Final creep. On July 21st, 2020, the Clark Sheriff's Office was made aware of a posting on social media displaying a photo of an adult male in a kneeling position. with one knee on the neck of a two-year-old child. Oh, wait a second. So now two-year-olds are passing fake 20s. Crime is fucking rampant in this country. It's out of control.

It's getting crazy out there. We've got to keep punishing them until they learn. No more fake 20s at convenience stores. Fucking these kids passing around the fucking play pad. Think there's no consequences of anything. We're going to get kicked off of YouTube. This is the statement from the police department in Clark County. There was a banner containing language that indicated.

that the image was related to the ongoing racially oriented protests and other activities taking place in various cities around the nation. Two divisions of the Clark County Sheriff's Office immediately began an investigation and to determine the location of the incident and the identities of the individuals involved. They figured out who it was.

Long story short, they found the mother and the kid as well as the male suspect who was seen kneeling on the two-year-old's neck in this fucking image. The male was determined to be on parole, so he is no longer on parole. He's in fucking prison. And the mom had no goddamn idea that this happened.

That's an insane story. Isaiah Jackson, 20 years old. Detectives are continuing to investigate and are continuing to compile evidence related to several other persons who were directly involved in the incident. Because he wasn't alone in the room. There was a bunch of other people, like cheering him on to do this. And it was, it's a really kind of disturbing picture. It is, yeah. Yeah, like it makes no sense why anybody would think that was a good idea.

Yeah. But it does say in the article, the child was hospitalized, but was uninjured. Yeah. Which is like, so you just wanted to be more traumatic for the skin? Now you're going to go to the hospital too? Like, just let him go play or something. Like, what are we doing? Why do you go to the hospital if you're uninjured, Vinny?

My experience is kids love to get thrown around. Oh, yeah. And they also love it overnight at the hospital. That's a lot of fun. That is fun for them. And their family. So, uh, that was this week's creep off. Make sure you vote for me.

And the, uh, the come cook. I don't know. Oh, by the way, I should plug his website. It's a cooking withcum.com in case you were wondering, Carl, and you want to get a copy of the book. Nope, but I'm sure I'll have to buy one soon, so it'll be fun. Good. Make sure you vote this week to creepoff.com if you want to leave a voicemail 585371-88, 8108, Twitter at Creepoff Pod. And for those of you who've been participating in the voting, thank you. Yeah, the module of voting lately. We appreciate it.

Yeah, all your bots. And please make sure, please make sure that you leave a review, rate and review, please. Okay. All right. It's nice to be important. We sell like a professional podcast now. It's nice to be important. It's more important to be nice.

Gigia. Jesus Christ, but he's like, all right, we're done. Fair enough of you. Correct. I got to look up that YouTube link. Yes, you do. See what's doing over here. I swallowed it.

Oh, my God. Ha-ga-Huga-H-G-G-O-G-W-G-A-W-W-A. Ah, can you believe it? He's not one, the problem. Huga, Huga, H-G-G-O-G-G. Oh-G-B-B-B-B-B-B. Oh, can you believe it? I love the taste of a man.

Hougah. Huga. Huga.