The Creep Off - #29 JACR'96

Episode Date: September 22, 2020

Hooray for Hollywood! This week Vinnie & Karl nominate their choices for creepiest film director! In the scum parade we learn it’s tougher to steal a toddler from a blind man than you think, we meet a young man with an old car and finally we discuss the failure of the most famous cheerleader on earth.

Start the show. Ola, Creepos, welcome to another episode of your favorite podcast, The Creepoff. Hey, look at your background. Yeah, I'm coming to you live from Stuttering John's house. Nice. Yeah, thank you. That's literally the exact same background. Where'd you find that?

I just did a Google search for living room. That's hilarious. For living room that Stuttering John can't afford. And that's what pops up. This is Vinnie Paulino. My name is Carl Hebriger. You're a terrible host. But I do want to point out how funny this is for people who don't know what we're talking about.

We do a video on YouTube of the show now. It's just an audio podcast. Little live stream. We have a live stream. And Vinny right now has put in a green screen back drop that is identical to stuttering Johns. Now, the one that John uses is to mass the fact that there are cockroaches jumping around behind him. Mine is the height of Nicole Beyer poster. Yes, yours is because Nicole Beyer has an autograph.

poster behind you. She didn't sign it. Yeah. So I love it. All right. It's work, my friend. Thank you, friend. If that's all you prepared for today, then I say job well done.

Thank you. That is my one gag for the day. The rest of the day, I'm just going to sit here quietly and listen. Sounds good. While you're listening, one of you also pull up the poll from last week. I'm down three zero in this round of the creep off. Well, I just want to talk about the strategy that you pulled last week by bringing in a third vote.

The split-the-vote strategy? Yeah, because let's just take a look and see how that worked out. Yeah, let's see how we did. Well, 46% for Caro! Yeah. I'm going to assume that everybody that voted for Croix would normally vote for me. I'm going to assume that everybody that voted for Croix would normally vote for me. I got to say, that's still very strong to have almost half.

of the vote, even with two other competitors. Well, I absolutely deserve that. I will say Dennis Nielsen, complete creep. An animal died somewhere in my neighbor's yard this week, and it was a terrible fucking smell. It smelled so bad every time I walked to my backyard that I went knocked on their door and like, can you fucking figure out what this is? You know what you do is you gut the animal and then just use the skin and bones, and it

won't smell as bad. That's what I learned from my creep last week. He put the organs like, yeah. I had to throw the organs out, but just keeping the rotted bodies on. Oh, I got so skeved out. And all I could think about was this guy having a fucking tea party with corpses. So congratulations. I'll be a good sport.

Yeah, that guy was definitely a creep. And now, last week, we didn't have any parameters, which made it easy to pull creeps. This week, we're back to our themes. That is correct. And our theme this week is directors, creepiest director, obviously not named Roman Polansky. You guys had a choice between creepiest actor, creepiest producer, and creepiest director. Directors won. So, Carl, you won last week.

Congratulations, it's been a while. I know it has. It's three to one. This is weird. I have to go first. You have to go first. So ring that bell and you could deal with all that pressure going first. Let's do it.

My creep is a very talented and capable director. Vinny, you're familiar with his work. In fact, just yesterday, he directed the bill's office at 31 points, throwing for 400. 17 yards, Josh Allen and the Buffalo Bills rolling all over the Miami Dolphins. He is a creep. He was imitating Pete Townsend. Yes. Vinny and I were messaging during the game.

He was not thrilled with the celebrations that were going on. Yeah, a little ridiculous. That's not really a director, although he did direct the offense pretty well. I like it if Josh Allen scores a touchdown, then he pantomimes putting his credit card number into a website for pedophile videos. Because that's what Pete Townsend did. That's a better Pete Townsend. That would be funnier. Research. He's just doing some research. Yeah. All right. My creep is a director known as

Luke Besson. He is a French director. You might know him from movies like The Fifth Element and Lucy. And here is, during the Me Too movement, here are some of the things that came out about him. A second woman has accused French director Luke Besson of sexual assault, according to reports in the French media. A 49 year old casting director has claimed she was assaulted by Besone and that he also demanded sexual favors from her on set. The demanding sexual favors on set seems like you might get caught doing that. They didn't read the writer. That's their fault.

But if you don't want to get caught, the way to do it is this. The 49-year-old casting director said that she was assaulted by the director every time I took the lift with him. In a lift. He gets a little handy on the elevator. Oh, the elevator. I thought it was like an Uber. No, I think that this is how European people talk. The lift. She's like, oh, shit, I'm going to get in the elevator with this creep again.

He just starts feeling her up in the elevator. That's really crazy. Yeah, it's a little creepy. And then when this accusation came out, two other women came forward. Two other women told media part that Beisone behaved inappropriately with them, with one actress claiming she had to escape from a casting in his Paris office on her hands and knees. I had to escape by your hands and knees? Or did you want to?

How do you think that happens? I would like to know that story because they kind of just gloss over it. He's chasing her, I assume. Is he on his hands and knees? If she's escaping, I assume he's chasing her. Yes. Wow. Was she tied up?

I don't know the answer to these things. Did she get the role? It's the big question. Did she get the part? And that woman, Nicole Kidman. Worked out well for her. Yes, yes. So you might have noticed when I played that,

first clip that it said that these accusations were following rape allegations. So let's hear about that. They follow allegations filed two months ago by a 27-year-old actress who claimed Bassoon raped her. French police are investigating the rape claim, which the French movie mogul's lawyer has publicly denounced as fantasist accusations. I don't know that you should call it fantasist accusations. Like a rape? Can you just say she's lying? Why would you say that's just a fantasy that she has. That seems wildly appropriate. There's a narcissism to Hollywood that's really special. And I think that's a great example of it. That's a pretty good example of it. She wishes I wanted to rape her. Yeah. She crazy? That's what she wanted. I mean, that's where her sick brain was going to. All right. So, wow. We all know, but there's a lot of different types of rape. And, you know, there's the kind where you're in a relationship and you take things too far. I call it the Aziz Ansari. Sure. And then there's the even creepier type of rape that I call the Bill Cosby. Sure. This one. ends up in the ladder, a little bit more than the former. I apologize for the audio of this.

It sounds like a robot talking, but this is the best recap I could find of it. The woman said to a radio station in Europe that the director supposedly put something in her tea and she passed out. Upon her momentary reawakening, she discovered he was raping and groping her. After finally gaining full consciousness again, the woman found a big handful of cash on the dresser, and she went to her friend's house afterward. According to Entertainment Weekly, the accuser arrived at her friend's home in tears in what was visibly shaken.

Was it not enough, cash? Like, what's the problem here? I'm a little bit confused. Drugging a woman and then taking advantage of her is got to be the worst type of offense to this, I would imagine. Yeah, that's... Especially the payout at the end. It's like, you're not going to get the job toots, but thanks.

Thanks for your time. Here's scale. There's another woman, Sand Van Roy, who is an actress out of France, who is alleging that she was raped over years of time by this gentleman. Sand Van Roy accused the 60-year-old director of repeatedly raping her over a two-year period. An investigating judge reopens the case last week, eight months after prosecutors dropped it, following a new complaint by Ms. Van Roy. And according to Wikipedia, which I'm told by other true crime podcasters, is the best source for information. Five women have made similar statements against Besson, including a former assistant, two students of the CETA de cinema studio, and a former employee of Besson's Europa Corp. So this guy actually owns a production house in France, and he has a lot of people working there.

And apparently, he's taking full advantage of the opportunities that I just don't understand. why these rich guys, they just don't hire hookers. Right. I just don't understand it. You can even tell them, pretend you don't want it. They'll be like, yeah, that'll be easy. I can do that.

Yeah. You want me just to lay here and go to sleep? Great, no problem. Yeah. I'll pretend you drugged me. Yeah. Or you could really drug me. I don't care.

I'm a hooker. At the best part, at the end, just leave the money. It's fine. You already go out to do this. All right. You ready for the kicker, buddy? Oh, I'll go right.

You ready for the kicker for this one? Sure. In the year 1991, Besson began in relationship with a 15-year-old actress named Minwan Basko. At the time, Besson was 32 years old, dating a 15-year-old. He was working on a movie called Leone the Professional. That's a great movie. About a hitman.

Do you know this movie? He was the director. He wrote it, too. No, don't ruin that movie. He wrote and directed this movie. Leon the Petit. The Professional is a cool movie. I was a sudden Leon the Pedophile.

Well, you're getting pretty close. Yeah, I can see it now. Now that I'm thinking about it. His young girlfriend was actually given a role in that movie. And BESCO played a character titled Blonde Babe. This is the 15-year-old that he's dating. This is a movie he wrote in which a hitman forms a bond with a 12-year-old Natalie Portman, in which they both tell each other that they love each other.

Yeah, they go on adventures. In the movie, they go on adventures. So I want you to play. I sent you a clip. This is very important. Now, remember, this is a guy who's 32 years old. Dating a 15-year-old girl casted a 12-year-old Natalie Portman

and this is the scene that he makes her do in the movie. And I'll describe it for people who aren't watching this. But yeah, I should start right where I gave you the time stamp. Yep, that's perfect. So Natalie, Kada-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-d-d-d-tall. She's very excited.

Ow! Like a virgin. In a bra. Oh! Touch for the very first time. And she's singing like a virgin. Very seductively. Okay, who is it?

I don't know. I'm so wildly creeped out. Now, the next scene, she's Marilyn Monroe. She's got a thong up her ass, by the way. Now this next scene, now she's Marilyn Monroe. It's over pants. Yes, but still. Happy birthday to you.

How does a 12-year-old know these references? You can stop that now. Yeah, that's really creepy. Okay, that's about the thing. This guy wrote this movie with a 12-year-old girl trying to seduce. An old man. I think she was just playing dress-up.

Well, yeah. Or dress off. It's what it looks like to me. Why was she coming with a braw? With her shirt all right on. She was Madonna. Madonna was the it girl at the time. Not only did Besan date a minor.

He also impregnated her. At the age of 16, BESCO gave birth to Bison's daughter, Shana. And it's interesting. You would think that if you impregnate a 15 or 16-year-old, there would be statutory rule. rape allegations and charges coming your way? You would assume. You would assume, but guess what, Vinnie?

Good news for my creep. In the country of France, 15 is the age of consent. Celebrate good times. Come all. So, back then anyway, I don't know if it still is the case. But apparently, because he was in France, this was all fine. So he is a pedophile and a rapist and has written some really creepy scenes in the movies about said things. Huh.

That is my creep this week. Luke Besson. Luke Besson. Well, folks, that was Carl's story this week. And my director is a gentleman by the name of Victor Solva. All right. Now, Victor Solva started his career in about 1988. I'm not going to get too deep into it because I know that pisses off Carl.

You're learning. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me read to his first screenplay. It's 87 pages. Here we go. Either way, he made us short. short film, a 35-minute film, and

Francis Ford Coppola was so enamored with Victor Salva's talent that he decided to fund his next movie. Who's that a guy I should know? Francis Ford Coppola, the director of The Godfather. I'm kidding. The director of Apocalypse Now. It's so easy to throw you off.

I love it. I hate the guy. You're like, what? You never heard of this guy. Stop trolling me, Carl. I can't. What am I fucking shabish CEO? I can't ever stop. So Salva gets funding from freaking one of the biggest directors in the world and he makes a movie in 1989 called clown house now it sounds pretty good by the it sounds good it's a simple plot it's really basic it's uh three half naked teenage boys

running from scary clouds at a house okay it still sounds pretty good to me is that weird yeah so i'm gonna play you some things it's also actually the debut of a very great actor mr sam rockwell oh okay so i'm going to play you a clip from the movie carl and i just want you to describe what's happening to this clip for me, okay? I want you to do the play-by-play, the same way you did for Natalie Forman. I will. I've never seen this movie, so this will be... You guys want to show you really got some hair, Casey?

A boy in the bathtub who's taking a bath. You want to show you really got hair where it counts. What? Another boy on the... Well, since we're all feeling so brave tonight, and mom won't be home to late. We could have some real scary

fun. All right. So, the other boys getting out of... I remember, Casey? Ghost stories. These are prepubescent. Yeah. In the bathroom talking about ghost stories.

Did you want to? Did you hear the first words out of Sam Rockwell's mouth there? What did you say? Here, I'll give... All right. You guys want to show you really got some hair? Casey? You want to show you really got hair where it counts.

Oh, God. Yeah. How about that dialogue? You two prepeened us and boys, One is in the bathtub. The other one is for taking his shit. And Sam Rockwell is standing there fully clothed, watching them both, just supervising. And asking about if they have hair where it counts.

Yeah. Do you want to see if you got, we want to get some hair down there? Hair where it counts. Mom's not going to be home till eight. This is literally the dialogue in the fucking movie. Okay. Well, I mean, people make movies about serial killers and stuff, too. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, that little boy in the bathtub is a little 12-year-old. His name was Nathan Winter, Nathan Forrest Winter. And there's another scene where I actually had to do some editing on this, Carl, some visual editing. Okay. But this is another scene where... Maybe you're the creepy director. The middle brother, right?

The middle brother catches Sam Rockwell jerking it. And then Ed walks in to find his other little brother had just pissed the bed. This is a clown house we're talking about? This is a clown house we're talking about. What a great plot. Yeah. So here you go. Here's just another little clip.

And see if you could guess where my edit is. You ever walk in and me like that again? I'll step on your face. Sorry. You sleeping bearer ass now? You can see the kid's asshole. There's a 12-year-old with his pants down with just his little bare bottom just sitting there. And that little bare bottom got Mr. Salva in a lot of trouble, Carl.

Now, this guy wrote and directed this. He has the opportunity to make a movie financed by Francis Ford Coppola. Who? Exactly. And this is what he fucking makes. Yeah. The seat of these three young brothers going around the house. Well, during this time, things took a truly awful turn when Salva enlisted 12-year-old Nathan Winters for some extra rehearsals.

During filming the sixth graders' mother, Rebecca Winters, began to suspect her son was being terrorized, both on and off the set. She said, Victor said, I couldn't go to the set. The director barred the kid's mom from the set. Okay. She confronted her son. And finally he admitted it and told his mom, I have a secret. I can't tell anyone. Police raided the director in former child care workers home.

That's right. He was working in daycares before this. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. Yeah. They always find a way, don't they? They found child pornography, including a homemade pornographic tape that showed Salva engaging in oral sex with his pre-adolescence star.

The director did what the director does when he has a young boy on set by himself. Roll cameras. And he fucking filmed himself mouth-fucking a 12-year-old boy. Oh, my. Yeah. So he ended up pleading guilty to five felony counts. Pretty good idea. There's a lot of evidence standing against you there.

You weren't going to get away with this. Lude and lascivious conduct, oral copulation with a person under 14, and three counts of procuring a child for pornography. He's also a lifetime sex offender. He's on the registry. He was sentenced to three years in prison. He spent 15 months and a halfway house. Wait a second. You can go down on a 12-year-old? Now you get his three years. No, no. You could face fuck a 12-year-old and only get three years and serve 50 bucks at a halfway house.

Interesting. Got to love Hollywood. Got to love the business. Since then, would you like to guess how many movies he's made, Carl? One. Nine. Really? Nine movies. For major studios? Fucking Disney, Carl. Oh, he's back in Hollywood. Working for Disney? It's bad enough that they hired Ryan Johnson to do a Star Wars movie, but this is out of control. It was for Buena Vista, which is part of Disney's company.

Roger Burnbaum of Caravan Pictures, which produced Powder, said at the time, quote, he paid for his crime. He paid his debt to society. Silva, or Salva, said in a statement himself, how deeply I regret my actions. I paid for my mistakes dearly. Now, nearly 10 years later, I'm excited about my work as a filmmaker. I look forward to continue to make a positive contribution to our society. You know how I know he's not reformed his ways?

How's that? He's working for Disney. This is what Disney's response to, hey, you guys hired a pedophile. Yeah, Disney actually said this. Let's see that dick. Which I thought was wildly. No, no. He said, Disney spoke to John Dryer retorted, what's the point other than you want to make headlines?

Don't they have like a major PR firm that they work with that could help them with those types of things? You would think. Variety reported anonymous powder crew members accounts of sales, on-set conduct. The knowledge made some crew members wary of Selva's behavior on the set, and one tried to warn minors to stay away from Selva. Two crew members said Selva hung around minors employed as extras. The children were invited to sit in the director's chair, and Selva frequently

lunged with them, the crew members said. So he's having lunch with just kids that are extras instead of fucking maybe the director of photography, maybe talk to some of the people that are important on the set. No, he's hanging out with the fucking. teenage extras. Did you see the key grip's ass though? It's not worth it. It's not worth having to cover it. And you know, he can't be around kids anywhere else. He's on the fucking registry, Carl. That's a good point. Yeah. So he had the first time he has an opportunity. He's just having lunch with the fucking kids. Oh, you're the high school kids from the set. Hey, well,

you know, I was in high school once. He's bringing luncheables for everybody. Hey, lunches at me. Also, you want to be skewed out. Here's a picture of him. Okay. Oh, yeah, he's a creep. Yeah. This is a quote from him in an interview in 1999. He said, I think studio execs saying, quote, he'll never work again, was all for show. My God, if they were to take the arrest records of every filmmaker or actor, they'd have to shut this town down. Let's face it.

Anybody can work here who makes money. That's what Salva said. He's not wrong. He's not wrong. And in 2001, Carl? But the problem is that pedophilia is a special type of police record. Working around children when you know that you're attracted to them and want to have sex with them

should not be allowed. If a guy I don't know, murdered his wife or something, still make movies, it's fine. He did work again, and he is most famous for his horror franchise, which made big, big money, Jeepers Creepers, which he wrote and produced. Did you see that, Carl? Jeepers Creepers, is that feature children by any chance? Uh-huh. Well, Carl, it does feature teenagers running away from a monster, kind of like his clown movie to begin with, but he made, he made, off in the bathroom together too. He, and shitting. They made three of these movies, and during the third one, he got into a little bit of trouble again. It's 2017.

when the third one comes out. His record is kind of caught up with them. The Union of British Columbia performers made an official warning against Selva and urged actors not to audition or accept a part in a movie after a casting call was revealed. Salva was looking for an 18-year-old

to play a character whose stepfather made overtures at her when she was 13. So he was trying to make a part of the story about a girl who was molested by an adult. Is he openly gay, by the way? I believe he is. I believe he is. Selva left this backstory in the movie

for the theatrical cut, but did remove a now-what-is-considered infamous joke he wrote for this film. Oh, boy. Two adult characters are talking about the sexual abuse of a 13-year-old girl at the hands of her father. The exchange between the two characters expresses sympathy for the child's abuser, and here it is. Quote, can you blame the stepdad, though?

I mean, look at her. The heart wants what the heart wants. Am I right? End quote. That's not a joke. That's what he put into this creeper-screper-s thing. That's just creepy dialogue. That's not a joke.

It's a joke. Oh. So Victor Selva still working. Jeepers Creepers 4. Who knows if it'll happen or not, kids. But if it does, stay away from the premiere. Oh, right. Oh, by the way, the soundtrack already came out for Jeepers Creepers 4. Oh, good.

Yeah, it's got this song on it. Ain't only raping children. I don't know if that's going to make the actual movie or not. He's going to turn the credits and run. He's going to make you stop, kids. Oh. But here's the thing. We picked this category.

I was thinking Roman Polanski first off, obviously. Then I'm thinking like Woody Allen's a good pick. Sure. Then I'm thinking fucking Brian Singer, who's also gotten into a lot of trouble. Alfred Hitchcock was kind of a creep. I don't know. Alfred Hitchcock was a creep. Yeah.

But he really, he kind of ruined a lady's life. But I don't think he faced fuck any kids. No, it wasn't children with him. It was just, it was like psychological torture on actresses. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Someone argued that is real art.

Not me. Not me. Not us, not us here. Who are these people? But Brian Singer, Woody Allen, all these guys have one thing in common. They were never arrested. This guy fucking pled guilty. That's true.

Went to prison. Yeah. And during his time in prison, came out and had a huge career. Mindy, you and I wouldn't be able to get a job at a Burger King with that record. He's getting hired by Disney. This show would disqualify us from employment. But this motherfucker's making a fourth of a franchise. Interesting.

Hollywood, baby. Hollywood. That is this week's conversation. competition. Remember to vote on Twitter at Creepoff Pod. I'm excited. Give me back in my winning ways, people. Hey, Vinnie, do we have, I was thinking about this on the way over today. Do we have a tagline for this show? No. We should have one. I have an idea for one. How about a true crime podcast made by creeps for creeps about creeps? It's a little too on the nose. Okay, never mind. It might sum it up a little bit too well. All right. So we'll keep it vague. Let's hit up. the voicemail. Oh yeah, we have some voicemails? We do. Do you want to leave a voicemail for the show? You have to do. It's called 585-371-808.

This one came from our pal, imbecile. Embesile here. I just wanted to say that the croix was a breath of fresh, creepy air on the shore. I always thought he sounded like a gay

Jackie Gleason. But now that I've seen him, he looks like a gay Abraham Lincoln. And to prep boy rich, you are a pussy, my friend. A big fat, uninteresting pussy. Oregon. Oregon.

All right. You know, some people have said that Abraham Lincoln was gay. So I don't know that a gay Abraham Lincoln is kind of redundant. Sure. I was surprised how many people had not seen Crozier before and were shocked by his neck beard appearance. Yeah, I mean, what do they think that man was going to look like? Right. And he was great on the show, too. I love that he brought Paris Hilton. I thought that was a lot of fun having a third chair. I enjoyed it. He'll be back. Yeah, for sure. We'll have some third chairs in here

every now and again just to spice things up. Yeah, that was good. Whenever Carl and I just don't want to be alone with each other. True. Yep. Here's a fucking here's another one. This is someone commenting on our voting system on Twitter. Vinny, since you move the voting to Twitter, and I do not have a Twitter, you are suppressing the vote okay this week I'd like to cast my vote for Carl's creep okay put it down

for one for Carl put it down no bullshit games any up to 50% of the vote this guy called me too I think this is the same person Carl I left a message on the creep off line he didn't think you were gonna play it

so he sent me the same message there's no cheating here we whatever it is it is wow and by By the way, no cheating, Vinny, no cheating? No, well, you cheat. The consequence, speaking of real consequences, I will be performing my duty, and I will be doing my 12-hour live stream this Saturday. So keep an eye on the YouTube channel, the creep-off YouTube channel where I will be broadcasting my torture live.

So this is going to be 8A to 8P. Correct. This Saturday. On Saturday, Eastern Time. Correct. You'll be live streaming. 12 hours. And I get to choose some of the podcasts you have to listen to on this live stream.

Correct. me suggestions too if anybody wants because I was thinking about it. Patrick Mike was a little too entertaining. Oh, good. I can't include. I need some real, I need something to really make me think. And if anyone feels pity on me, you can send me grub. If anyone wants to, just have food delivered.

You're going to have so much pizza in this place. You're going to get up on top of that. I can't wait. Help me get through it. Send pizza. I'll make a sign. So finally, our last voicemail of the week, here we go. Make it go straight to the fucking voice. I'll skip the goddamn ringtone. Anyway, I got a suggestion for the wheel of consequences.

The loser has to watch the Netflix special cuties for 24 hours on live stream. Because that's a fucking creepy movie. I think once would still be a pretty consequence. I think that maybe have to watch it three times would be really torture. Isn't it like three hours? It's a long movie. Hope not. Jesus Christ.

Either way, we'll put that, we will replace 12-hour podcast stream with having to watch cuties. So that's a good suggestion. It's going on the wheel, baby. Well done. Well done. Carl, I think you need to hit some Scum Prairie music so we get the fuck out of here. Let's go to the parade. In the creeps, this goes, hooray, I'm paroland in show.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah, Josh Ellen. Fuck you. 417 yards, three touchdown. Did you know, and I said this to you earlier, did you know that the Miami Dolphins have not one player who plays defense? It's incredible. Yeah, I was surprised if they played that poorly on defense. Well, let's talk about what matters.

Pizza guy. Steve Lee Donovan was seated behind the wheel of a 1996 Honda Civic parked outside a Circle K in Fruitland Park, Florida. He was masturbating. So he's just sitting in his car outside of a gas station jerking it. Did you say 96 Honda Civic? Correct. 96. Correct.

It probably doesn't even have Bluetooth. You know how old that is? He doesn't even have the little plug for the jack to put in his iPod. The auxiliary input? He doesn't have the ox input. He has to use a cassette tape. with a cord attached to it. Yes, right.

Yeah, if you to hook up his phone to hear the audio on his board, he has to use a cassette tape. A 96 Honda sit, what a creep. All right, moving on next. Oh, wait, you said he was master made it? He was. Well, the 96 Honda is a rocket. Don't come a knock it.

A woman whose car was parked next to the Honda noticed that the vehicle's sole inhabitant had penis in hand and was stroking himself in up and down motions. Unfortunately, for Donovan, the witness was an off-duty cop from a neighboring city. The person who wrote this article had way too much fun with it, by the way. She copied down the plate number, provided it to the police.

Cops tracked down the vehicle to a residence where they found Donovan, who works for a place. They had to mention the name of the place. Hungry Howie's pizza franchise, I'd try them. Sounds good. Hungry Howie? Yeah, sounds like good. Maxine Monroe, his 20-year-old girlfriend was at the house. She also owns the car.

Yeah, I was going to say, jerking off in your girlfriend's car can get messy. literally and figuratively yes after the cops start to question him he told the cops that he went to the circle k around 10 o'clock to grab a drink but that was it and the second he said that like oh so you were there all right you're under arrest they put him in handcuffs yeah he was wearing a black mask or something while he was well you know he was probably thought he was keeping it k-fabe yeah they mentioned a lot of details in here that the general public does not need to know for example the license plate number is listed on here it certainly is it certainly is j a c r jacker is his license plate jacker oh six jacker oh six it should have been jacker 96 right jacker oh six would be an upgrade that's the name of this episode jacker oh six yeah that's that's impressive it maybe it's a vanity plane i don't know well the cop said he was quote very apologetic to maxine of course he was i'm sorry baby i didn't need to do it in your car oh my god i mean could you imagine having to have a conversation with your girlfriend about jerked up.

You can borrow my car, but please do not jerk off in it. I know, I told you, I never jerk off. Every time for the rest of their relationship, whatever he needs to run to the store, he's going to hear. You're not going to jerk off in the car, aren't you? Why do you have that lotion? You don't need that lotion to drive a car. Oh, I just got the interior cleaned.

So. Yeah, she brings into the Delta Sonic. That's another regional reference. She brings into Delta Sonic. Like, ma'am, we're not cleaning this interior. Oh, it's her. It's Maxine again. Why did she let him borrow this car? Like a 96 Honda isn't even going to survive the car wash. Like the panels are going to fly off. That's a good point, too. So Donovan acknowledged that he was, quote, horny and masturbated to pornography. Could you imagine if he wasn't horny? Like, I just forced myself to do it. I wasn't even to do it. Well, he also, he was at least horny when he did that. He did have a good excuse to his girlfriend, according to the police. He told her, I didn't think masturbated in your car.

I was illegal. I didn't think so either. I think you have to be driving and above other cars though. That's what it's fine. Really? Yeah. You ever see those guys that have like the big F-150? Or just truckers. Just fucking truckers in general. All of them are jerking off while they're driving. All of them. I don't know if you know that. It's a true fact. That's what that's when they come, they blow that horn. You ever drive it and you hear that, man, it just means a trucker shot a load. Right. It doesn't mean that you're in front of them and you cut them off. It's nothing to do with that. Nope. Just shout a load. Yep.

So, uh, he's in jail. I like that story. It's fun story. It is a fun story. I feel like we've done that story before. When you sent these over to me, that was the one I thought jerked off in his car, caught by a, uh, off duty police officer. I swear to God we've done that before. That was Kellyn Winslow. Oh. Do you remember the Kellyn Winslow story? So this wasn't Kellyn Winslow this time? No, this was that. Callow Winslow, though, did it in a target and it wasn't in front of it. That's right. I knew I'd heard that story before.

so okay okay i forgot how horny that dude was he brought it a portable DVD player to a player's meeting so he could jerk off the porn that was an amazing story yeah and i i ended up having to spin the wheel and i lost that week with the greatest fucking story in the oh i hate all of you that's right so uh rock paper scissors 36 year old teresa staley had an eventful trip to the adult store apparently she stole its sex toy and then took off all of her clothes and started using it well, still in the store. Yeah, this didn't make any sense to me at all. It's called Try Before You Buy, not shopping.

Vinny, she didn't leave the store with it. She was using it in the store. Why did they say she stole it? Well, she's all you'd ever want. She's the kind of like to flaunt and take to dinner. I love her. I think she's great. Well, she always knows her place.

She's jerking off in the middle of a store. You know how many customers are happy about that? Like, oh, there's a show today. I didn't even know. So this is the cop's retelling of the situation. I didn't send you this. I saved it. I hit it from you.

Okay, cool. A cop says, as I opened the doors and entered the stock room, I found the female sitting in an office chair with their feet up on the table. The officer wrote on the affidavit, she had in her hand, a pink colored penis-shaped sex toy that she was using as a quote in a masturbatory manner. Yeah. That's what the cop had to write out in a masturbatory manner. I mean,

No shit, Sherlock! That's what those things are for. You don't admire them from afar. You shove them up your cooch. What are we talking about? He noted that when she saw the cop, she stopped making use of the sex toy, dropped it on the ground,

according to the document. The total cost of the sex toy an unspecified garment that she tried on was just under $46. You know, people often talk about the negative side effects of crystal meth. No one ever talks about the hilarious side effects of crystal meth. Like, this should be celebrated. I like the idea that this lady's just free.

Right. No drugs involved. Oh, no. I think she's got to be high out of her fucking mind. She took off all her clothes and started jerking off in the middle of the sex store. So she's charged with a decent exposure. Yeah. And she was a reign of the charges. And theft. Yeah. That's the stupidest part. She never left the store. Well, they can't sell it. And she didn't have the opportunity to pay for it either. Well, hold on a second, though. In the try before you buy, maybe she's saving someone. Maybe it wasn't a very good sex. toy. So they can't resell it, but it's like, good. Someone would have been pissed off buying this thing anyway. Could you leave a nice Yelp review? Could you just say something nice about the

store? She also has a lengthy record dating back to at least 2001, which includes multiple convictions for soliciting prostitution and possession of drug paraphernalia and resisting an officer. Earlier this year, she was arrested on a charge of Grand Theft Auto. So she's a lot of fun. She's a lot of fun. I like this lady. She knows how to have a good time. She does. A gentleman by the name of Elijah Lopez has pleaded not guilty in connection with an August 18th incident. According to the LA Police, or the district attorney's office, a man is facing attempted kidnapping charge after allegedly trying to take a six-year-old from her blind father. Yeah, you know, the old saying, it's like taking a toddler from a blind man.

You know, it should be really easy to do. And this happened to do that. It's like taking a toddler from a blind guy. He was probably just a director trying to cast his new movie. This did happen at LA The girl and her father were riding a blue line train home August 18th Lopez was also on the train And allegedly followed the pair

When they got off the train The suspect asked the father if he could quote Take the girl home The dad was like no Okay let me sum it up for you Yeah they were on a train He was trying to grab the girl The blind fathers holding the girl

He asked a whole bunch of times And just follow them badger and be like hey let me take your kid Right so then they get off the train to go to a bus He follows them and gets on the bus with them and again tries to take the girl with all these people around and the question I have, because I didn't say it in the article or the video that I watched, was the girl a

looker? Was it a very attractive girl? It had to be. Dad didn't know though. I would imagine. Dad couldn't tell. I would imagine. Well, wait until she gets to high school, Pop. It's going to get worse. When he tried to grab her,

he ended up doing that in front of their house. He followed them all the way to their house after they got off the bus. And a neighbor, stepped in, called the police, and this guy is under arrest, but he grabbed the kid and legitimately tried to pull the child away, and people had to stop him. Multiple times out in public, nobody called 911. Nobody thought this was that big of a problem, apparently. This is just a fucked up story. Yeah, it's pretty crazy. There we go. Now, let's talk about our final creep, shall we? Yep. Our final creep in the scum parade is a star, actually. Jerry Harris.

You know Jerry Harris is, Carl? I did not know who Jerry Harris was. I had to do some research because he was described as a celebrity cheerleader, which is an oxymoron. Cheerleaders are not celebrities. They're the ones rooting on the celebrities. Correct. Celebrity cheerleader. Do you know who that is, Carol?

No. I could not name a single cheerleader to save my life. There were some Buffalo jills that gave me herpes, but I don't remember their names. There's some Buffalo Bills who gave you herpes. Oh, I'll watch you. Jerry Harris. He experienced a meteoric rise to fame this year when he was featured on Netflix's cheer docu series. Apparently he's been under investigation by the FBI for soliciting photos and sex for minors. God, Netflix can't catch a break, huh? They're doing just fine, which is amazing. The U.S. Attorney's Office at Thursday, according to federal court records, Harris admitted to agents that he solicited and received explicit messages on Snapchat from at least 10 to 15 individuals he knew were minors. and had sex with a 15-year-old at a cheerleading competition in 2019

also paid a 17-year-old money in exchange for nude photos. The initial criminal investigation was based on allegations brought by a 14-year-old set of twin brothers. These two kids ratted him out and his whole fucking little house of cards fell down. Can I just tell you that his style of sexting with these young boys is not good? So the one boy has his leg up over his. head he's like doing the splits yeah and this was a snapchat video that the kid posted it was just a video of him showing what a good athletic cheerleader he was apparently right right so this guy takes

a screen cap of that and text him directly and it says do it naked and take a video and show me winky face like whoa buddy you got like work into that that's the first thing you text somebody do that again take off your fucking clothes and show me wink yeah and then a winky face if that makes it all bad better. Oh, that's just like adding the LOL to the end of it. Right. Wow. Hey, I kind of want to rape you, LOL. That doesn't, that's not okay. He's also accused of asking one of the brothers to have sex with him in 2019 at two cheerleading competitions. The brother said he declined both times. Harris, who grew up in Illinois has also cheered since he was a child, gained national problems in January through the show. Let me tell you how big of a celebrity

this fucking kid is. Yeah, please. In the months that followed this thing being released, he got to be on Oprah. He interviewed celebrities on the red carpet for the Oscars and filmed a short video with former Vice President Joe Biden. Kamala Harris' Instagram page that has 1.2 million followers. And just this past weekend yesterday, cheer won an Emmy. Did it really?

It did. Wow, they really do celebrate pedophilia in Hollywood, don't they really do. That's the lesson today. If convicted Harris faces 15. to 30 years in federal prison. You know, this just goes to show what I've been saying all along. Q and on is right. You've been saying it.

I've been saying it for years. I've been going, it's just a bunch of kids trolling dumb adults. But you're like, no, no, they're on to something. Wow. You finally get a celebrity cheerleader. Imagine being a cheerleader. Like, finally, there's a docu series. We have a face to this.

We have a celebrity cheerleader. And he turns out to be a total creep. also like your theme a little on the nose so ladies and gentlemen that is this week's scum parade Carl did you have a good time today today was fun it's funny because when I showed up here you were in a good mood uh-huh you were feeling under prepared yep to make your case and I beat your ass and you still gave us way too many details and talked for way too long but you're getting better thank you I try so hard I appreciate thanks for watching you folks on the live stream hope some of you haven't checked it out yet. We'll join us on there this Saturday for my live stream

8 to 8, 12 hours of podcast torture starring me. Hey, by the way, how do people find the live stream if they're interested in checking it out? I will post it in our Discord. I will post it in our Twitter account, and I will also post it. I'll tweet it myself. So if you're following me, at Vinnie Paulino, I'll tweet it. So you guys could find it. And if you just subscribe to the YouTube channel, it'll pop right up. Okay. So subscribe to the YouTube channel. We do it at noon, around noon, every month. day, noon Eastern time. Correct.

If they want to check it out. Now, folks, that's it. Remember, it's nice to be important. It's way more important to be nice. Gigia! Sleep well, everybody. The license plate was Jacker. Jacker 06.

Jacker 06. And I understand it's the girlfriend's play. But still have two hundred hours. Jeez, Louise. It's the cream off. Oh, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Like a virgin. Touched for the very first time.

Like a virgin. That's gooey-bally-Holly Hollywood Where any office boy or young mechanic Can be a panic With just a good-looking pan. And any shop girl can be a top girl If she pleases the tired businessman Who'll rape her Hollywood

You may be homely in your neighborhood To be an actor See Mr. Bexham actor you make your kisser look good though I'll try your luck you may be done hooray for Hollywood