The Creep Off - #33 Welcome to the Joke

Episode Date: October 20, 2020

This week Karl & Vinnie are joined by the original Co-Host of WATP Kevin for this 2020 Wild Card episode. In the Scum Parade we meet a restaurateur who stood up to a yelper, a hypnotist/proctologist and finally a man who made sure his co-worker was getting her protein.

It's the Creme off. Uh-oh, you got a playing twice over there, buddy. Oh, God damn it. Ola Creepos. Welcome to the world's worst contest. A show about creeps, by creeps, for you creeps. I'm Vinnie Paulino, and that's my co-host, Carl. How you doing today, bud? What is happening, Vinny? I'm excited. We got the Bills playing today at 5 o'clock, and I am pre-gaming. You are. You look like an asshole. You look like a giant child. Go bills. Oh, stop. But you have your whole Dolphins uniform on last week. I did. Where? With your dolphin's face mask and everything.

I have a dolphin's face mask. I saw you all dressed up. Yeah. Like a giddy little kid. Oh, we won our second game of the season. We! Hey, uh, ladies and gentlemen, we're not going to squabble too much because we are going to start off our show today by introducing a very special guest. Joining us all the way from a blanket fort in Arizona.

It's our pal Kevin. Hey. So glad to have you. I'm on? You are on the creep off. It's happening. And it's about time. doing.

Good energy. Kevin, we're glad to have you here today. It's early here. It is. So I'm very excited to start the show off. Kevin, you know this is a bit of a contest where you always start the show off with the results from last week. And I do not know the results from last week. Carl was in charge of running everything through the algorithm. So if he wins, I'm imagining it's because he cheated. Oh, stop it. There's no way that I could lose. It's just a fact. There's a lot of cheating going on in this show. Don't get me wrong.

but my algorithm is not one of them. Well, I think the reason why I automatically win is because I actually followed the rules last week. The rule we had to bring in the creepiest garbage man and all you did was bring in a guy who turned his parents into soup inside of a garbage cat. Yes, he threw his parents away in the garbage bag. He was not a sanitation worker.

Well, I mean, that's creative though. You've got to give me some extra points for that. Kevin, I need a ruling. That is not a fucking garbage man. Just because he used the apparatus of a garbage man does not make of a garbage man. I want to point out, I'm not the one who invited Kevin out in this show. That was Vinny's day. Yeah, we'll find out who my real friends are today.

All right. So if you look at our website, you go to the creepoff.com, you look at the voting. I have a substantial lead, something like 63% of the vote or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, it looks like there's some shenanigans going on. You don't say. There might be some people cheating on my behalf, which again, I always. appreciate. Don't get me wrong. You're not cheating. You're not trying. And I like that.

But I've gone ahead and filtered out all of the bogus fake bot votes. And I have the actual tally here in front of me. I don't know the answer to this. So I'm a little nervous. Carl and Joel Guy Jr. coming in with 55 votes. So that's quite a few that got taken away. Yeah, I'd say. Vinnie and the Grim Sleeper, 55 votes. We are exactly. tied. No shit. Now, you said before the show that I can take one vote from the two places that we had to eliminate. I don't recall that. Which would put me in the head, 57 to 55. But if you think that's shenanigans, I'm okay with the tie this week. Well, there's one simple way to get this solved. Kevin, who do you like better? Who should win, Kevin? Kevin, we're so glad you're here. Thank you for

coming here to break the tie. Thanks for putting me on the spot. Yeah. Carl did not even bring in a real garbage man. Kevin's already made it clear what he thinks about this. Yeah. You know, well, what's the consequence? You guys got to, like, spin a wheel or some shit, right? Well, right now, Vinny is up one nothing in this round, and then if he gets to five before I do, I have to spend the wheel, yeah.

Right. So I would, if I win this week, I go up two to nothing. And I honestly think that's the fair ruling, Judge Kevin. Of course you do. Bob, boom, boom, fuck. You fucking cheater. Well, you know what? audit a guy who actually worked as a garbage man.

I mean, we're putting poor Kevin on the spot here. This is ridiculous. No, it's great. It's perfect. Don't we have some type of thing for, in case there's a tie? Have we never talked about this? No. We suck. I'm about doing rock paper scissors with you again. Yeah, smart.

How about a coin? Flip a coin. Oh, you flip the coin, Kevin. Oh, Jesus. I don't have a coin right here. I'm in a fucking blanket. Okay, I got a coin. All right. I got a quarter right here. Okay. All right. Here's the deal. I'm going to do this on

video. What do you want to call, Carl? I'll flip it and you call it. Okay, tails. Congratulations. Yay! It was tails. That's what I'm talking about. Fine. You can have your point, Carl, but I'm taking it back. You can have your point today, but I'm coming back. All right, buddy. Well, this is good. Now we're tied one to one. Fine. For this round. You know, it's the only way you win is just by these bullshit games, but that's okay. Well, let's keep in mind another thing that you're doing is you already have your guys picked out

and then you come up with these categories. So you knew with Garbage Man, there was only one creepy garbage man in the history of the world. No. So you put it out there and they're like, oh, good. I'll take the one creepy garbage man. Good luck with that, Carl. Well, when I see the categories that we go with, I immediately try to look for people in those categories, which is what you do for the game.

you're mad at me for preparing. What kind of an asshole are you? I do my prep Monday morning, like everyone should be. And you got your guy out picked out days in advance. I don't have a chance. I do the polls like on Fridays, and then we know Saturday, and then you have the whole weekend. All right, all right.

Let's not fight in front of Kevin. Kevin, who do you want to live with? Tell the judge who you want to live with. Why are Mommy and Daddy fighting? I hate fighting in front of Kevin. I wish we had the live feed. of him. He probably has a tear in his eye. He's just, oh, not again,

Mama. He's regretting saying yes to this, that's for sure. All right. So let's start the contest. That means you get to go first, asshole. That means I get to go first. This week, we had a wild card week. That's right. The rules were very simple. We had to pick someone from this calendar year, 2020. Yes.

And that's it. All right. They could have done anything. I have a creep very recently up to some shenanigans. A guy named Gavin Newsome. Now, Gavin Newsom last week is limiting gatherings to three families for two hours or less and no singing. And I'm not making that up. You cannot have more than three households together. You have to be outdoors and you're not allowed to sing.

And I'm reading this from their website. This is what it says about instrumental music. You ready for this? Yeah, please. As you know, I enjoy instrumental music. So I found this to be fascinating. Instrumental music is allowed as long as the musicians maintain a six foot physical distance. musicians must be one of three households, playing of wind instruments is strongly discouraged.

So trumpets are killing people now? Is there a scientific report on trumpets killing people? I love a horn section. I'm against this. Yes. What are we doing? All right. Gavin's not really my creep.

I just wanted to point that out. That's unbelievable. In New York State, you're allowed to have whatever kind of band you want. You're just not allowed to tell a joke. Right. That will murder everybody. Correct. I think it's pretty funny that

Gavin Newson he's basically damned the Partridge family. There's a shitload of them and they sing and dance and shit. Fucking Rubin's at the fucking welfare office right now. He's got that bus pulled up front. Carl, we can do you a real creep. My actual

creep is a mother. This is Brittany Nicole Lippincott. She is from Fairmont, West Virginia. Three-year-old son she has. Which makes her a very proud Has or had?

She has a son. Okay. Three-year-old son. Okay. Whom she kept locked up in a room. The cops who rescued the boy found him just in his underwear with bruises on his face, injuries to his genitals and lips,

and this entire ribcage visible. Asked about what had caused the traumatic injuries to his genitals, the toddler said, Mommy did it with pliers. Huh. The boy was also found to have been so badly malnourished that he had only sagging skin where the muscles of his buttocks should have formed. He offered heartbreaking detail of how he had been starved, telling investigators how they would have him sit at the table and watch them eat because it wasn't his turn. I knew that you'd hate this one, Betty.

They're starving this kid and they're eating in front of him, a three-year-old. Three-year-olds don't even know what food is yet, I think. I'm not sure how development works. Yeah, I think this kid does. He never took a shit. This kid didn't have a buttocks because they didn't feed him enough food for him to ever have to take a shit. Diapers are expensive. Good point.

And these people need all their money because when the police turned up at the address. Frugal, frugal monsters, these people. They found a door bolted shut and were shocked to find a three-year-old inside. Officers also found digital hand scales as well as plastic bags filled with white powder and plates covered in white residue, as well as snorting straws. And the headline here is, mother mutilated toddler's genitals with pliers and starred him so badly, his butted. didn't form. So Brittany Nicole Lippincott is my creep this week. Please vote on the creepoff.com.

Wow. Wow. That's, uh, that is something. So my creep today, her name is Taylor. But before I get to her, I want to introduce you to another lady, Carl. Her name was Reagan Simmons Hancock and she was having a baby. She was pregnant and she was just about eight months. Okay.

Her baby would have been due this November. Okay. This crime, what we're about to discuss, happened on October 9th. So I tried to get as recent as possible. Not as recent as Gavin Newsom, but okay. All right. Fair enough. Pretty close.

Reagan was a typical mother. She was married. She had another three-year-old daughter. She's a good one, though, Carl. We're not going to soil Reagan. She was a nice girl. She posted on her Facebook that she was going to name her daughter, Braxlin. So that's a stupid name.

She was very happy to be a new mom. All right, the commentary. I'm just saying. I'm in the control with you today. Okay. Just the facts, Betty. But the morning of October 9th, Simmons' mother came to visit and discovered what can only be described as a gruesome scene. What she found was Reagan faced down in the living room with a large abundance of blood all over the house.

Not just on the floor. Carl, would you stop with the Jackie? Would you stop with the Jackie? Blood all over the house. The walls, the appliance. multiple rooms. The police recalled at about 10.30 a.m., officers rushed to the scene, and they learned that Simmons was pregnant, that she was 34 weeks pregnant.

They called the EMTs, obviously, to see if the baby was still alive inside of her. When they turned her body over, they discovered a very large cut across Simmons' abdomen, and there was no baby, Carl. Kevin, isn't this a fun show? Aren't you glad you're doing this? This is great. You know, I need the word buttocks in here more. though that's what is missing from Carl's story. Great way to start the week with the creep off.

Now, not too far away. An hour earlier at 9.30 a.m., a Texas state trooper pulled a friend of Reagan's over named Taylor Parker for speeding and reckless driving. Now, let me explain the relationship here real quick. Parker and Reagan were Facebook friends, not super close friends, but they did spend some time together offline because Taylor was her wedding photographer. cheese louise so they kind of got to know each other in fact the day before october 8th taylor went over to reagan's house and delivered it a baby gift and a starbucks gift card uh just to say hey hope

you're doing well that's sweet so apparently over the last few months good old taylor has been watching reagan's facebook page and when reagan announced she was pregnant taylor was like having my baby what a lovely way of she's like that baby's going to to be mine. Because she wanted to be the... Correct. Teamwork, Carl. We are getting kicked off of YouTube. There's a lot of copyright. So, when Taylor was pulled over by this cop, she had little Braxlin on her lap, Carl. Holy shit. The trooper told... She was driving fast with the newborn on her lap? Yeah, I mean,

completely reckless. Completely reckless. That's what you have to follow the speed limit. I can't say this enough, people. after you kidnap a baby who was just born because you ripped it out of the mother drive the speed limit you're going to get pulled over so according to the affidavit from the officer he said that the ambyllical cord was connected to the infant which appeared to be coming out of the female's pants

as if she just gave birth to the child so she was like what do I do she's in there going the dilly of a pickle she stuck the fucking umbilical cord down her pants and tells the cop, I just gave birth to this baby on the side of the road. And now I need to get to the hospital.

So they call ambulances, medevac. They get this girl in the baby to the hospital. The baby's obviously pronounced dead, unfortunately. The baby didn't make it. Well, after some examinations, the cops had some questions, obviously. Now, I told you this happened at about 9.30. Now it's almost 11, and the call has been in that a, woman was murdered and a baby was ripped out of

her stomach. Did they ask her this question? What did you do? They were actually asked her this question. Are you off your fucking meds or something? She admitted that she was not pregnant and that she used a quote

small scalpel to remove the unborn infant from Simmons body. She knows she can't get away with that, right? Yeah, she admitted it. She said I used the scalpel and they found the scalpel in Reagan Simmons's neck during the autopsy. She left it at the scene in the

woman's fucking neck. So wait a minute, wait a way, wait a way. She cut this baby out and then put the umbilical cord of the baby that was still attached into her own pants to simulate that she had had the baby and then drove it on her lap. I don't think that was her original plan. I think she got pulled over and she

panicked and she stuffed the umbilical cord down her pants. My baby's to be a clever room. he likes to jump rope in the car well she cut the cord Kevin come on at least the car door did when she slammed it trying to drive away so here is what makes her extra creepy Carl I mean not that this isn't completely fucking bonkers insane

investigators also interviewed Parker's boyfriend who told him that she had told him that she was pregnant that that was the day she was going to the hospital to pre-register to be induced for the birth of the child. How bad is this woman? I don't know. Like, the pictures you can't really tell. It's just like head-up mug shots.

Oh, the way that you can take pictures. I got it. Yeah. The way I angle my camera for the show. I got it. Her boyfriend said he was scheduled to meet Parker at the hospital around lunchtime that day for the birth and that they'd even had a gender reveal party in celebration of the baby's arrival.

So this lunatic. I mean. Hey, that's fucked up. You know, I'm going to go out to live here. I'm not a professional, but I'm going to go ahead and say, cuckoo, coo, coo. That is my creep this week, Taylor Parker. Yeah, that story is very much.

Some are on and some deranged stories that are very strange, weird news. I like how she thought she could get away with it with just putting the thing down her pants. Like the state, the troopers were going to be like, we're going to get somebody over here professional. They were thought to be like, okay, ma'am, you go right home. You have a dead baby fucking, uh, yeah. I think it would have been funnier if she, like, plugged the embolical cord into the auxiliary jack. My baby gets serious X-M. I don't think this woman had that angle.

I don't think she was going for the joke, but she should have been. No, it would have been good. She was just like, could you help me? I'm sorry, I was distracted, trying to plug it in. This is USB. I need USB C. How do you plug your baby into your car? Yeah.

So let's give it over to Kevin. It's your turn to submit your creep this week, Kevin. Go for it, all right. So this is, yeah. I mean, for anybody listening, obviously, it was the fucking first time I've ever been out here. I don't know what I'm doing, really. But here is the story, okay?

Guess what state this is coming from? Florida. There you go. I didn't even need to start the story. Florida man couldn't let it go, arrested after having sex with stuffed frozen Olaf doll at Target. At Target? Yes, at a target.

So this guy is Cody Christopher Meeter. He's 20 of St. Petersburg, right? Yeah, you should know how to behave like that in a Target. You could get away with shit like that in a Walmart. Yeah, sure. Yeah, well, exactly. Well, this guy strolled into a target, made a B-line for the toy section, grabbed a stuffed

Olaf doll and then it proceeded to dry hump it and then ejaculated on it. And then here's the best part. He put it back. I mean, come on, Disney stuff so overpriced. This is the crazy part to me. After I get done ejaculating inside a target,

I'm good. I'm just going to go home. I've done my piece. I'm over it. This asshole, though, he wasn't done yet. And he wasn't even done. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he then proceeded to grab a, a unicorn, a stuffed unicorn, and also fucked it and came on it.

So this man has stamina. Yeah. He does. And, I mean, really, I mean, this is a, it's a weird thing to grab a unicorn and not let it fuck you. Yeah. He actually got a horn on it. I mean, come on. But what I.

The poor people that are watching. ever did any of you guys ever worked at like a uh you know whatever target or walmart as security you have to watch the cameras could you imagine these assholes watching it like they they watched him complete like he's gonna be done we can just let him go you know i you know what they're going is he going for number three is he going for number three they're taking bets yeah i wish that the the story would have ended up though then he went to the bakery aisle and he fucked a bunt pan because the fucking man was asking for it. Like, if you're going to fuck something...

I've never ejaculated and then wanted to fuck a unicorn. I'm good with unicorns after I ejaculate. I mean, that guy must have thought he was at the fucking bunny ranch or something. He was just going to town. Well, and it's funny, too, the article says, The Sintient Snowman who quotes, likes warm hugs is a popular character in Disney's Smash Hit Frozen. But I love

When he was leaving the target He was heard singing this song I freaking hate vaginas It's more into plush toys There's lots of better things to fucking target I like that Kevin's thinking about like What would I fuck if I were in a target I think I would do a better than this guy

This is what I would do I would fuck a pillow Because then I could lay down on said pillow Or I'm in the pillow I can sleep Pull a blanket off the shelf Perfect Exactly.

Man fucks gift card rack. Like, what else can you do? Where else can you go in that store? All right. What's that your creeps name, Kevin? His name is Cody Christopher Meeter. That makes sense. Cody Christopher.

Is it Cody with a Y or an eye? I'm hoping it's an eye. It's a Y. It says that Meeter confessed to officers that he had done the stupid stuff and had, quote, nutted on the Olaf doll. I love that that's in the fucking article.

Why did they have to print that? And then he said he nutted all over it. It's like, okay. He quote, nutted. Journalism is dead in this country. Oh. So that is my creak. He came on a stuffed animal.

And I love it. The last sentence of the articles, the merchandise was unable to be resold and was destroyed. You think? Yeah, no shit. Was it going to be just, mark down a lot discount rack yeah nobody wants a possibly pregnant

Olaf doll for their child that's crazy all right so don't forget to vote this week on the creepoff.com Kevin great job Carl you suck me at a boy Vinny great job so uh let's find out you want to see if we have any voicemails today Carl yeah what do we got we do have one

and I need to just pull it up real quick well I got one while you're doing oh yeah you do it go ahead someone called into the W-A-T-P hotline. Hey, this message for the creep-off. I don't remember the number. Anyway, listen, the guy who liked his daughter in the car, you're driving a fucking Nissan Ultima.

That was hilarious. The guy has a Nissan Ultima. I don't want to break the window. It's going to cost too much money. What a piece of shit. Like I said last week, car window. Costs a lot less than college.

Yeah. So this one came in. This was sent by email. Hi, is this the Lenny Dykstra victim hotline? In 1994, Lenny raped me in the bathroom of a Texas Denny's. And he told me that if I ever told anyone, he would send me to one of his many child soldier training camps in the Congo. And even after that, he wouldn't sign my baseball. Anyway, love the show.

You guys are killing it. Vinny Winnie, People's champ. Call me back. Fuck yeah. That's awesome. Thank you, Jonathan. I like that email quite a bit. That made me laugh.

Kevin, did you know that you can say anything you want about wanting to do? thanks for and he can't sue you for defamation. No. A judge ruled that it's true. A judge ruled that because he doesn't have any reputation to uphold, that you can just say whatever you want about the guy. So it's an ongoing. Yeah, yeah.

Welcome to the joke. This one. Sorry I explained that so long. That's the name of this episode. Welcome to the joke, Kevin. Here we go. This one might be my favorite voicemail of the week. No, Carl.

I'm not Kevbot, and Vinny's Teddy Long bit was hilarious. Secondly, you're right. My idea was stupid. Don't suggest somebody else to bring in next week. If you lose on the wheel, you have to bring in yourself the following week. That's good. Vinny, Winnie,

people's champ. Fuck yeah. That's not a bad idea, so you have to make an argument why you are the biggest creep. Yeah. I can see that being in episode 100 or something. Yeah. I do like the idea. There is something there. I like it. And one last one, maybe you could help me understand the reference because this kind of puzzled me.

How many ex-girlfriends can I bring in for what I'm trying to explain what a big creep I am? People just get them to all the call-way to leave voicemails. They give them the number. 585-371-80108. Any woman that's dated Carl, please call immediately. Jesus Christ. All right, last one. Hey, Carl and Vinnie.

I was listening to last week's Scumprade and last of you guys talking about people who listen to the same song repeatedly. as a man who picks one song a day to listen to while at work, I thought that would give you an idea of the kind of person who does this sort of thing. I'm the guy who wrote this Civil War letter that Dick read on the show last week. So, listening to one song over and over again is obviously cruel and unusual

punishment, because it's clearly made me insane. Also, fuck the bill and fuck them in Singletary. Give us more updates on your fantasy team. Call me back. Yeah, I heard that letter that he's talking about that. I had no idea what that was. What was this letter? Well, he was doing this role-playing thing

with this girl that he was trying to hook up with and he's pretending that he was writing from her to her he was a soldier in the civil war and it was really elaborate and then she stopped returning his messages after that so does he think he's Ryan Hamilton I'm triggered stop it baby shark to do to doda baby shark Holy shit. I just stepped in a big... Did you have lasers on that fucking soundboard, too? This is straight out of the 80s here.

I have a question. Come on at you, everybody. Toilets flushing and lasers. This is stupid. All right. So, hold out a second. We talked to... Carl and I talked off air, and we decided that, yes, we were going to add that to the creep

off wheel. We were going to add the suggestion of being chained to a wall and having to listen to a song that is picked. by the winner for a two-hour period. Yes, I like that one. Yes. And we'll obviously live stream it as well. Correct, correct.

Now, Carl, I asked you this week what your favorite song was, and I believe it was a day in the life by the Beatles. Close. It was you never give me your money. You never give me your money. That's what you will be listening to over and over again, because I just want to hear you cry and hate your favorite song. I'm going to be in the corner being like,

I know, I was thinking about it later. I didn't know why you asking that question. I should have said shine on you crazy diamond or something that's like 15 minutes long. So you don't have to listen to it a few times and two hours goes by. Yeah, but you didn't. I fucked out. All right. So that's that.

We are going to move on to the skump parade, Carl. Hit me, buddy. Let's go. The scum parade, these are my peeps. The scum parade is nothing but creeps. The scum parade. And Kevin's here, too. All right, we are going to go back on down to Florida, Kev.

George Aaron incensed over a pair of scathing reviews on Yelp, the owner of a Florida barbecue joint last night, allegedly physically assaulted his suspected online critic. According to cops who arrested the restaurateur, according to the arrest affidavit, the confrontation Tuesday evening began when the victim, whose name has been redacted by police arrived at his home

the victim is identified only is that he is the 25-year-old son of Aaron's girlfriend. Yeah, so who would ever be able to figure out who that is? Right. They just said exactly who it is. Right. So the guy who owns the place

is banging this kid's mom and apparently this kid went on to Yelp and said his food sucks. His food tastes like shit. I wouldn't feed it to my dog. He went to the mother's house. And George Aaron arrived, kicked his way in through the door, pushed the mom out of the way, chase the kid around the house, out into the front yard, chased him around until the kid tripped, and then he jumped on top of him and started beating him mercilessly. So I had a thought about this because I know a lot of people in the restaurant business, and Yelp is a pain in the ass for these people.

I don't know why we've decided to give every asshole so much power over local businesses. I think, first of all, this kid deserved the beating. I wouldn't feed the food to my dog. Go fuck yourself. He's obviously just being a dick. Secondly, this guy should start a GoFundMe. He'd make a million dollars from other restaurant owners. The restaurant owners need to fight back against these fucking Yelpers

who want to destroy their business with their snotty little remarks. And they literally are fighting back now. So the two that they showed in this article were from Sean R. and Rick R. These guys are tattletails. Oh, I didn't get good service. The guy told me to go, fuck myself. Yeah, keep it to yourself, asshole. Yeah.

I don't like Yelp. It turns the whole population of Tadletails. So the creep in this story is the kid. Yes. And the hero is George Aaron. He got beat up by a 60-year-old. Who are you rooting for? His barbecue sucks, and he can't satisfy my mom.

Wow. This saucebowl tastes like my mom's vagina. Big bang. Bow. Out. Later. So Aaron's was also arrested in July on multiple felony counts after allegedly punching his girlfriend in the face. So he's not really nice to the pop either.

He might be the problem. All right, I take it all back. He might be the problem. And he also placed a pillow over her face for two minutes. He was accused of threatening the woman with a wooden board that he used to strike her vehicle. And a plea deal that he copped last month to criminal mischief and misdemeanor was fined $575. And credited for 11 days he spent in county jail. 575 for trying

to murder someone? Yep. Florida, baby. I thought I would make sure that was noted. But he's out. I mean, you know, you got a lot of downtime when you're making barbecue, you know? It takes like 10 hours to smoke that shit. I mean, what else are you going to do?

Beat your family and I mean, shit. He's just sitting at looking at Yelp going, oh, I know I can find him. Son of bitch. We're to set this to low. Where my keys? Low and slow. Oh, bitch.

All right. So I've been laughing about this nonstop. New Jersey Essex County-based hypnotist was arrested Wednesday after an investigation revealed that he was sexually assaulting clients. Authority said Robert Bruckner, 55, the owner of major mindset hypnosis, counseling, and Fairfield was charged with sexual assault, endangering the welfare of a child, and practicing medicine without a license. So he's a hypnotist. Have you ever met anybody who does hypnosis or any of that shit, Carl? I have not, no. I've met a lot of like comic hypnosis people who do that.

And I have one really good friend who is one. And I've learned some things about it. And you absolutely can fuck people up doing hypnosis. Oh, yeah. I've got to the shows. Yeah. There was this one guy he came through and he brought his girlfriend who was his assistant. And I asked her, I said, do you ever let him hypnotize you?

And she goes, fuck no. I don't trust him. Hmm. So I'm always suspicious. How does she know if she isn't being hypnotized right now? Exactly right. Who fucking knows. Okay.

This, boy, this article, though, boy, this guy looks like, what's it, Jonah Hill in that first picture? Yeah. So what do you said that? Because you never want to, as a guy, you never want to hear someone say, if they made a movie about you, they should cast Jonah Hill. Like, ah, shit. Yeah, right. Let me let myself go. So let's discuss the investigation.

The investigation by the officer at Fairfield Police was in long. after clients reported to police that they had visited Bruckner for hypnotherapy but that during their sessions he had subjected them to what he described as a prostate exam or had asked them to submit to one. Yeah, the article says illegal prostate exams.

It should read free prostate exams and you're welcome. No. What are these people complaining about? Carl, that's why he's being charged to try to see medicine without a license. He's fucking raping people's butts. All right.

And he's like, they're coming in there to quit smoking. And he's like, Tomato Tomato. Let me see your asshole. Like, it was unclear Thursday if Brunner assaulted any clients while they were hypnotized. But he's not a licensed doctor.

He advertised hypnosis services to adults, team, and children. And on his website, says he is a master hypnotist. He practices moderate to deep trance hypnosis for medical, sports, academic,

and many other issues and concerns, including swollen prostates, apparently. Apparently. Men or women. It'll check you all. I'll check all you I quit smoking

but now my butt hole hurts I don't know what's going on after this I mean this guy I mean when you have that ability to hypnotize people yeah fuck that's a lot of authority this guy is definitely a creep because this is what he came up with

he never decided to get his dick west he got to give him credit for that we don't know that we don't know what he put in those people I think it's I could just picture him like actually putting the person under and then holding up their hand three times

He's like, it's fucking Hulk Hogan, and they're like, when he's, when he's out, you're like, you know, you hold the bow, write the bell. He's like, it's out. Get my finger out. Here we go. He's out. Oh, my God. He put his thumb in his asshole. Good Lord. That's his finishing move. We got a new champion. We got a new people's champ. My God, he checked his oil king. He's checking his oil. All right, more

problem. All right, moving on. A California man was sentenced to two and a half years in county jail Tuesday for assaulting a co-worker with his semen. You love these stories. We have so many of these. In liquids that she consumed and on work equipment that she used. Stephen Millencastro 30 was convicted of three misdemeanor counts of assault

and two misdemeanor counts of battery. He's also being ordered to register as a sex offender. so the woman that he assaulted he worked with and apparently he masturbated eight times at work in 2016 and deposited I'm sure it was only eight it's all you can prove it according to law

all you can prove it according to law I'm allowed a five minute break every four hours once you masturbate a couple times at work and you're off to the races at that point yeah once you get caught once you get caught once everybody knows what you're up to he deposited his semen in her honey jar

and spread his semen onto her office keyboard and mouse. So this chick is eating honey at work? Apparently, she probably puts it in her tea or some shit. What a weirdo. I thought that was a euphemism. He put it in her honey pot? I don't know.

Yeah, you did. Spread it all over her honey pot. The victim consumed the honey for a period of time, not knowing it contained Mil and Castro semen. He also ejaculated the three of her water bottles, which she noticed to be cloudy each time and threw it away.

not going to get away with jerking off into water. Coffee, probably, five-hour energy, maybe. Water, no way. Those little things. Good luck getting it in there. But those little bottles, they got that wrapper on them. You'll never know. All my water tastes salty lately. Jesus Christ. It's really

obvious when there's semen and water. Oh, God. It's very obvious. The victim reported the discoloration of the water and her bottle to the office manager. After the third time, a surveillance camera was then set up at her office. And the next day, Millen Castro was seen on the surveillance footage. entering her office where the victim later touched her computer mouse that was smeared with seaman. So, yeah, he was caught going into her office.

He ended up telling him what he did. He confessed. I'm not going to pretend I've never jerked off onto a keyboard and mouse. I mean, obviously we all have. It does not work well with electronics. Seamen electronics do not mix. Yeah, get it out of there, buddy. You ever had a stuck mouse button?

That shit's fucking frustrating. It doesn't work. I got, girl, can you right click on that? I'm like, oh, no, I don't right click anymore. Yeah, yeah, you do. You just hear a crunch, just a crunch. All right, our final stop on the creep off. We're going to Chicago.

Cottrell A. Walls, an 18-year-old Chicago man who is out on bond for a gun charge, is now being held without bail after he live-streamed himself during a sexual act with a seven-year-old first grader who was on break from her Chicago public school's remote learning class. Yeah. He was arrested Thursday afternoon. shortly after 3.30 p.m. after he was seen molesting the girl. Cook County Assistant State's attorney, Andrea Toronto, said this was broadcast in the daytime on a website accessible to many young students. While the girl was on a break from the

class during a time when her teacher asked the students to turn off their cameras and mute themselves, the seven-year-old muted herself but did not turn off the camera. When the teacher saw them performing oral sex, she reportedly ordered all the students to log off and and then called out the victim's name and told her to turn off the camera. I would have said, keep the camera on. Right. You might want to get a screen capture that or something. Well, you say keep the camera on so we know that the kid's safe and he's not murdering the kid.

Don't. Hey, if you're going to blow him, turn the camera off. You seven-year-old. I don't want to see that. Yeah. What the fuck? She saw the defendant close the computer. So this guy could trial walls, realized that the teacher saw her to call out the name, turned it off, turn the computer off.

The teacher called the police, the school principal in the Illinois Department of children and family services. Officers went to the victim's location and Wals was arrested after the teacher identify him. This breaks my heart. The victim told authorities Wals had a history of sexually assaulting her for the last year. The victim disclosed. He made me put my lips on him and this has happened before and I don't want my daddy to know it's a secret. Fucking heartbreaking. His attorney says he has no history of sex crimes. So? Except for the years of asking a toddler to suck your dick. I would say that that's probably a history.

He's never been caught. This is more of the, you know. You know what the story reminded me. It's so fucked the story. It reminds me of that old, uh, the old joke you say to hecklers. Hey man, I don't go to where you work and knock your dick out of a first grader's mouth. You know, that old one? That old chestnut.

Yeah, I know that one. I don't know at your job and come on your mouse and keyboard, huh? I wonder if he made her recite the alphabet or something while she's sucking his dick. Oh, that old fun thing. Sing the national. It's time for the Pledge of Allegiance. We should make fun. This is fucked up.

People are very upset at us right now at the chat. Well, if you think about the age difference, though, it's not larger than, like, say, Howard Stern and his wife. It's only 11 years. Solid point. You know? Ladies and gentlemen, that concludes this week's scum parade. Carl, did you have a nice time? Kevin, did you enjoy yourself?

Hey, I did. I sure did. In my little blanket here, yeah. Well, I had a great time talking to you, Kevin. I hope you enjoy the rest of your day and your blunt. blanket for it. Carl, I hope a bus hit you. Kevin, thanks for stepping over, buddy. Good to see you. Go Chiefs.

Go bills. Thank you. Fucker. Go Seahawks. Shut up, Kevin. Shut up, Kevin. That's what we're talking about here. First and last time. All right. Fucking Seahawks today. Let's add this properly. Don't forget to listen and subscribe. We are available wherever five podcasts

are sold. And apparently we are now on Amazon podcasts. That's apparently a thing. Jeff Bezos owns a piece of our now. Nice. You can find us at creepoff pod on Twitter and Instagram. Our voicemail is 585371-80108. Call us and let us know what you thought of the show. We'd love to hear from you and email the creepoff pot at gmail.com. And don't forget to go to thecreepoff.com and vote for Carl. I don't think that's accurate. Who had a mom used pliers on her three-year-old son's genitals. I had a woman who was positively,

go-cool, go-go. And she ripped the baby out of a mother and drove down the highway. with an abyllical cord down her pants. Jeez, Louise. That's the creep-off this week. Remember, it's nice to be important. But it's more important to be nice. Gagia! It's the creep-off.

Baby Shark Oh, Manaway D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d- Run away! Nah! This is stupid!