The Creep Off - #36 No One Out Pizza's The Vinnie

Episode Date: November 10, 2020

The week Vinnie & Karl are joined by Brandon from @shittysongpod to discover the creepiest song: In this weeks scum parade we meet a man who prefers to try before he buys, a woman who really loves Popeyes & we meet a man who loves his daughter a little too much.

for a podcast. Which one? WATP. I love that one. That's the worst. So we're doing the Creepov. Oh, Creepov. All right. Let's do that. The creep off's like your second favorite podcast, right? It's up there. Top 20. Ola Creepos. It's time for another edition of the worst contest on the internet. A show that's about creeps, by creeps, for you creeps. It's the creep off. That's my co-host, Carl. It is 8 o'clock at night. I don't think I've ever seen you at 8 o'clock in the evening in my life. I look good, don't I?

No. I pull it off. Some of how I pull it off. The day has worn you down. The day has warned you down to the nub of a man. You'd be surprised how little I accomplished today, Biddy. No, I wouldn't. This day has not worked me down at all.

I had a burrito bowl outside. A nice 75 degree day here in upstate New York and mid-November. Carl. Yes, sir. Before we get too far into what our surprise theme this week is. Oh, we have a surprise theme. Yes, I'd like to take a second and talk about last week. Yes.

Because last week we had a contest, as usual. And we were trying to find out who is the creepiest police officer. Yes. You went to Google and picked the first person you could find. I don't know why that's held against me. I don't understand. Because it's just trying to find a creepy police officer. I'm sorry, I don't research as well as you do.

Correct. You do not. I'm glad you can admit it. That's true. Well, the people spoke. Yeah. The people. Yes.

They came to the aid of your pal Vinny. And ladies and gentlemen, this week, it was a landslide. Vinny wins 75% of the vote. How do I not win this? I don't understand. The people spoke, and I had a lot of people. I made sure that none of your people could see the voting, is what I did. That makes sense. As I put him in another room, it was great.

That makes sense. So, Carl, that makes the score three to two. All right, so you've taken a slight lead here in this round. I feel great about it. I feel good about it. And today, it's going to get a little dicey because we're, we are bringing in a third mic for tonight's episode. Third mic.

Ladies and gentlemen, from the shitty song of the week pod, it's Brandon. Hey, buddy. Hey, what's going on, guys? How we doing? Doing really, really well. Glad that you could join us tonight. Now, folks, we told you Brandon is from the shitty song of the week podcast. Carl, you've been a guest on there.

A couple of times, yeah. Yeah, I'm way too good for it. Apparently. Yeah, well, at least you know. I'm way too good for it. So we decided to invite you on. on here tonight we are going to find the creepiest song that is tonight's category not even a person this is the creepiest song why not that's different i mean we're trying to find songs that you know

whereby bands people may have heard of or musicians we may have heard of that may have gone into the zeitgeist and people don't really know what they're all about oh there goes my uh anal con song that i thought it was going to be part in you know i had to be a band someone's heard of damn it just going to play just going to play gg allen tunes yeah well that's that would be your go too oh this guy I was defecating on people at his show. No, he wasn't. Really? No, he wasn't. He really, he wasn't. I don't see any video of it.

Could you find video of this? Why would that be on the internet? Why wouldn't it be on the internet? All right, I stand corrected. So Brandon's here with us tonight. We are going to do creepiest song. We're glad that all of you who are watching in the chat are with us. I can't see you yet. I'm trying to get in there to, so we can converse a little bit. Those people only distract you, but it's never a good idea that you're looking at the chat.

It's better that you're not... The people's champ wants to see the people. It's better that you're not looking at that. I'm just glad that today's show is going to be a fun one. Let's ring the bell and let's get started, shall we? Let's do it. It's the creep off. My creep today is a gentleman that a lot of you may know, and most of you don't.

A lot of people really, really like him. What? A lot of you may know and most of you don't? A lot of you may, but a lot of you may not know a lot about him. A lot of people really, really like him because he called Hillary Clinton a cunt. back in 2016. My creep today is the Motor City Madman, Ted Nugent, and we are going to be talking about a little song he did. Would you hit my number one, Carl?

The song is in that song is called Jail Bate. Yeah, Sudeyll Bate by the Nuge. Jail Bate by the Nudge. You ever heard this song before, Carl? Of course I have. You're a guitar player. I'm a guitar player. Who doesn't like Ted Nugent?

He's a hilarious gun-toning guitar player. There's some weird stuff going on with this song, and I would like to start off by just explaining that it was released on an album called Intensity and Ten Cities. So it was a live version of this song, which was originally released. I find that a little

bit odd. It also made his greatest hits album, which also blew my fucking mind that this shit that he wanted people to hear this and consider it his greatest hits. It's called jailbate. You know what the topic is. It's not like he's trying to hide it. You're sitting there and going like, geez, does he even know what he's doing? Yes.

Carl, certainly knows what he's doing. It's hilarious. I would like you to let's set this up now we're talking jail bait all these guys you know they do songs about young women how young do they usually do these songs about 17 is 17 yeah give or take yeah like 17 is like the cutoff christine 16 oh yeah there's that yeah yeah let's uh why don't you hit my clip two okay Now, I don't care if I'm so good to me Now, for those of you didn't catch those catchy lyrics Well, well, I don't care if you're just 13, you look too good to be true

I just know that you're probably clean and there's one little thing I got to do to you did Jerry Lee Lewis write this song right did Jerry Lee Lewis lived this song there's a difference

there's a difference you know what I went through every fucking lyric from that guy too he did not write creepy songs that asshole he would have been a good creep for this week but oh wow all right so you're saying 13 probably too young yeah and uh you know he

just a little bit like he makes it a point that he's not just like this isn't a hyperbole get my clip Clip three for me, okay? I asked your mama It's all right if I have sex You know I asked your mama

Is how he ended up She's probably a fan Yeah sure You know what you asked me But if I knew about this song Funny story Hanging out with Anthony Coomia His ringtone is actually this song

I knew it You wouldn't believe it You really are familiar with the tune So I'm only gonna play you one more clip from it Because I know we had a lot to get to tonight But my last clip I think will make a point that this might be the creepiest fucking song ever hit my third clip

Because that's the word I would use. Yes, it is. It's exactly the word you would use. All right. So I did a little research into Ted Nugent after this because you know me. I just can't let things be. Right. So would you play my next clip for me?

Because we learned a little bit about what was going on in Ted's life around the time that this song came out. Soon after his divorce, Ted found a new love, a young girl from Hawaii named Pelae Masa. She was like a dream, a fantasy, exotic dream of mine to meet her. Ted was 30 years old. Pele just 17. I was under age. and even back in the wild 70s, it just really wasn't a terribly appropriate situation

and in most people's eyes. Right. And now it would be criminal. Correct. Well, it's good to write what you know. Yeah, exactly. That's true. Now, I would also like to point out one other thing.

Would you please play the clip for me deal with parents? Okay. Because I want to point this out. In this song, he said, I asked your mama. Now, just hear this. This is him on behind-tebril,

the music. Okay. This is him being interviewed on BH ones behind the music. Go ahead. Ted admits to a number of liaisons with underaged girls and while it may have raised eyebrows, it never raised the interest of local authorities. Ted charmed the girls' parents right along with his teenage lovers.

And in the case of Pele, her mother signed papers making Ted her legal guardian. I got the stamp of their parents because they figured better Ted Nuzon some drug-infested punk in high school. Yeah. So, ladies and gentlemen

Are those the two options? She couldn't meet a kid who's premed I know, right. Maybe a kid is good at math. No, she's Hawaiian. You can have the high school druggie Or you could have fucking Ted Nugent And his goddamn Lloydcloth and bow and arrow.

There's something that's so unsexy About legal guardian. Come here, baby. I'm going to be your legal guardian. Well, why don't you play that clip from it says young girls love them? Because according to Ted, it's not his fault. Young girls were infatuated with Ted, and when his willpower was put to the test, he failed miserably.

Oh, they were chest everywhere you had to get a crowbar just pumble of it. Knock them off the door now. They were hanging on your lingai. Yes, it could have been whiskey. It could have been drugs, but no, I was a wang dang addict. I couldn't stop myself. The 13-olds were just throwing their pussy at me. Yeah.

You can hate Ted Nugent for his politics, but you can't hate it for his personality. He's one of the funniest motherfuckers. If you could hang out with this guy for a night and go bar hopping, that'd be an amazing guy. Well, his girls aren't at the bars, Carl. They can't get in. That's a good point. You'd have to go to fucking coffee shop hopping with this asshole. Now, I want you to play my last clip for me because this was a clip from 2012.

He was basically confronted with all this because all this stuff's been out there in the open for forever. And people just think he's an asshole for other reasons. It's his help of him, Vinny. You've already pointed that out. He's not shy about this. Well, I watch you know. understand that he's very upset that people call him a pedo. Okay.

They're allowed to lie and call me a pedophile. Really a pedophile? And that would be in contrast with the 25th year of Ted Nugent's camp for kids, where parents bring their young boys and girls to my Nugent camp to teach about archery and being clean and sober and being the best that you can be. You mean that pedophile? yes that one yes sir yes sir it's like jeffrey fcine being like yeah but they all have these jobs on my island i have them all employed full time what do you mean i don't like children so i don't know what ted nugent's deal is

but all i have to say is that this very very creepy song might be imitating life and that's all i'm going to say about that i'm going to go uh second here we'll save our guests for last yes brandon you get to wow us all at the end well brayton is the music sucks aficionado so i'm not going to be as good as him But I did happen to find the world's creepiest song. This is by an artist named Risque. And let's listen to how this song starts off. Oh. Something's going on.

Can I smell your dick? Because that ain't who. So what you need to do is let me smell your deep. Why are you coming home? Five in the moon. All right. All right. All right.

That's not actually my creepy song. I just like a fool. I was like a fool because it ain't good. So what you need to do is let me smell you. It's 4 o'clock and I'm sleeping. All right. I just don't think this is so fucking funny. That's pretty great actually.

I was really hoping that was your song. I was like, well, I won this round. Yeah, definitely. No, actually, the song that I brought as the creepy song of the week is one that we all know and love from the greatest rock and roll band of all time I don't know why that matters

if you Google I don't know why that matters and you don't know what I Google every goddamn week I'm gonna duck duck goad this one You don't even know how I use the internet, all right? I don't want to know how you use the internet. All right, so let's talk about brown sugar, originally titled Brown Pussy,

changed to Brown Sugar, McJagger decided. As I mentioned, it's the Rolling Stones. This was a number one hit for them in 1971. Number one hit. Yeah. That gives it some credibility. It does. Well, I think the name change helps that a little bit.

Yes. How far did Starfucker get up the ranks for them? So let's talk about, first off, they're not trying to cover this up. There have been people who have said, well, when he's talking about brown sugar, they were getting into brown powder heroin at the time, and this is all just a metaphor for heroin. No, that's not the case at all. In this part of the chorus, you'll hear them talk about how good black girls taste.

Just like a black girl You might say, yeah, there's jungle by a Steve Miller band, what's wrong with this? I'll tell you what's wrong with it, and that would be the verses of this song. Let's listen to this first verse. Everyone knows this song. I don't know if you know when he's singing in this first verse,

but I will tell you, listen closely. And I will tell you what he's saying. Coast slave ship bound for cotton fields sold in the market down in New Orleans. Scarred old slaver knows he's doing all right. Hear him whip the women just around midnight. Yeah, but you guys sing it more upbeat and positive than that. That is very upbeat and positive. The tune is a toe-tapper.

Now, the music was written long before the lyrics. They wrote the music in 69, and then when they went to record, I think they were in Alabama recording. And Mick Jagger... Muscle Sholes, right? Yes. And Mick Jagger wrote the lyrics down in 45 minutes. And that's like one of their excuses. Like, yeah, it's terrible and offensive and creepy, but we just spent 45 minutes on it.

Then we started... They just wrote it at a fucking waffle house in Alabama. How do you not write this song We're in a Waffle House in Alabama? As Ian Brennan of the Chicago Tribune put it It's a tune glorifying slavery, rape, torture, and pedophilia. I'll just play the second verse for you here.

So basically they're ripping slaves and fucking them, and this is this toe tamper your parents and I love, I love how it's like, the lady of the house is wondering when it's going to stop. She's just like, are you doing it on the lawn again? Does. Do you have to rape and whip people on the lawn, Chauncey? But the houseboy knows that they're doing all right. Like you can write songs about fucking black girls and not have it be a problem, but there's no reason to throw the slavery into it.

That just doesn't make sense. It's the first fucking lyric of the gold coat slave ship. I honestly didn't know that. And I'm sorry if I'm using Google in a way that isn't revolutionary. All right. I apologize. Actually, you're really using Google the way most people do. They get the first result and that's what they go with.

That's right. I'm in marketing. I know that for a fact. All right. So I have the Rolling Stones, brown sugar. God damn it. That is a good pick. I purposely chose not to do that song because it was too easy.

But you know. What an asshole. But you know, Brandon's here. This guy picked this. This is not called jail bait. Talk about fucking easy. And I did the research on the person who wrote it. All right.

I'll tell you what. If you think that's too easy, don't forget I also threw in there smelling your dick, which is awesome. That one's your ringtone. All right, Brandon. Let's do this, baby. What do you get for us this week?

Well, first off, I'm glad that we all picked Big Band. I dug a little deeper with mine, but you guys definitely know. who this is. Oh, did you now? You dug it. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Yeah, see, how does it feel, Vinnie? Now you're getting the fucking treatment you give me. I would like to give Mark Hells in the

chat here the best line in the night. He said, it looks like Vinnie and Carl had a baby. Well done, Mark. He's got my eyes, that's for sure. He does have your beady eyes. He's got my four eyes. You're sunken beady eyes and your smile talking.

Oh, shit. Well, you know, I figured one of us was going to pick a song about child fucking, so I figured I'd stay away from that. Yeah. The obvious thing to do is the child fucking angle, of course, yes. Right. Good job, Brandon. So I went a little different, and then my song is called Don't Try Suicide by Queen. All right.

Now, I don't know if either of you have ever heard this song before, but this is the most upbeat, mixed message, anti-suicide PSA that you've ever heard. They tell you pretty much not to kill yourself because no one's going to give a shit if you do. Right. So it's not good advice. It is good advice. It's not that revenge you think it's going to be. Oh, they'll be sorry when I'm gone. Nope.

They'll actually be thrilled. You're miserable. Right. Right. Oh, my God. I don't have to take his calls anymore. Now, the first clip I got to the intro for you. It's just going to set the mood.

All my clips are relatively short to give you an idea of what's going on here. But if you want to play the intro, go for it. All right. One, two, three, four, one. Yeah. I would have to listen to that. I'm not going to do it. I would have spliced in another one bites the dust right there, but that's just me. I'm not going to lie. I listened to that and I was feeling a little down earlier. And now I'm a little picked up. All right. All right. Good.

Right, right, yeah. It's a very upbeat and positive song about not killing yourself for some reason. But the chorus comes up right after that, and this is where they kind of sink Driller Point Home. This is my clip, too. Don't try suicide, nobody's worth it. Don't try suicide, nobody cares. Don't try suicide, just gone to hate it. Don't try suicide, nobody gives to them. So you're going to

Don't kill yourself because A, you're going to hate it And not only that No one's going to give a shit if you do Both good messages Also, if you do want to die Get AIDS That was I don't know if they wrote that into the song

Or how that works But that's really the moral This don't you wrap it up Stick it in a butt Doesn't marry there to 1882 That's just what fun boys do Fun fact about it, after Freddie Mercury died, guitarist Brian May contemplated and try and kill himself.

So he didn't take the message of this song with him. He just kind of went for it. Like, I'm going to get a degree in rocket science instead. Exactly. So the rest of these clips I have are just the various way. They tell you all the different ways that you can kill yourself. But in between that, they tell you not to do them. So it's like, you're going to slash your wrists, but don't do it.

You're going to drown, but don't do it. So this is my verse It's number three It's all so you think It's easy way out I think you're gonna slash your wrist This time Baby when you do it

Oh you do is get on my tips It's all so sexy This song is sexy This song's cornball Well look This reminds me of like We all have that one friend Who's always ultra depressed

And always like Well no one's gonna give us your shit about me if I'm gone or whatever. I feel like, Carl made him his producer. I feel like Freddie Mercury wrote that with, like, wrote this song about that one particular friend. He's just so fucking tired of hearing his sad, sack stories. It's like, look, dude, if you're going to, don't kill yourself because no one's going to

care about it. This is where the bridge comes in and it really rants things up. Again, you know, he's talking about getting on your tits. And this is a, don't kill yourself because you can't be a prick tease, guys. It's very important not to be a prick tease when trying to commit suicide. It's so fucking bizarre. It's got nothing to do it so hot.

It's got nothing to throw away. It's got nothing to do with it. See, it's because you're not watching the musical. Everything the queen does is sounds like it's out of a music. musical. Because when you listen to like a song isolated and you haven't seen what they're doing on stage, you're like, what the fuck is going on right now? It's like, well, you're not watching. Yeah. What scene from Flash Gordon was that in? The Prick teaser?

Yeah, exactly. The Lord of the Prick teaser. Between Queen and Meatloaf, it's what I call theater rock and it's all fucking annoying. But, this is this next, this next clip is. what I imagine, like, I don't think they played this song live very often. It's obviously not on their greatest hits albums or whatever, but this is, I feel like if they ever played this live, this would be the part where the audience really gets involved in it, and they all start chanting along with everybody and everyone's really

getting into this. It's my number five. We will, we will kill ourselves. I see a little guy who's going to kill himself. Kill yourself, kill yourself. Eat yourself a little bullet. Oh, my God. It's so funny. The doo-op shit just bothers me. And I don't know why he has a suicide.

It's so fucking stupid. He's pretty good. All right. Carl loves it. I do. I love going to. Carl wishes he could write a song half as good as that. All right.

You're going to find out a little bit. I got some more. progress going on my Nick Bate project here. Oh, really? Oh, really? Awesome. It's no suicide by Queen, but few things are. A few things are. So I guess that's the contest this week. If you

want to vote for Vinnie and the Motor City Madman, I would highly recommend it. You can vote for Carl and what was that song? You did the Dick Smellon thing. Smell you'll smoke your dick. Oh, no, you can vote for Carl and brown sugar. Or you could vote for our friend Brandon

and Freddie. So the polls will be up on the creepoff.com this week. sure that you go there and vote legal votes only please count every vote every legal vote every legal vote counts everybody all right so uh what happens if i win the win the poll like what i mean i don't get the point you actually take over for me i've been okay for it out for a while now that's the deal that's why we tried out crows we tried out we tried out somebody's got to be able to beat me well it's like you listen to the voicemail

already. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Is that a good segue? So here's a fun thing. I'm just going to let everybody know. Brandon can't hear this. So Brandon just sit there like a dummy. I'll pretend to reactively. Oh, okay. Wow. That's interesting. Sounds good. All right, Carl. This is a voice spell that came in. And ladies and general, a reminder, if you would like to leave a voicemail on the creep off, the number is 585-371808. This is our first call for the week.

All right, people's champ. So WATP didn't blow up until Carl got rid of his deadweight co-host. So what I'm suggesting is, why don't you go ahead and pull a Sean Michaels and kick this Marty Janetti you got through the fucking window and start your own podcast without it? I'm just saying, Vinny Winnie, people's champ. Well, I've thought about that. Oh, you have, have you? But I don't think I'd get my leg up that high to kick me on. Can I point something out real quick, Vinny? Sure.

This is not your first podcast that you've hosted, right? Oh, no. This is number what? podcast you posted? Like third? No, you've had more than that. Maybe they've just changed names a bunch of times. Hold on.

One, two, three, four. This is the fourth. All right. So it's not like Vinny hasn't tried to do a podcast on his own. He just can't. All right, people. Successfully. Yeah, of course not.

Let's suck it crazy around here. Of course that. I'm riding Carl's WATV coattails straight to mediocrity, baby. That's right. I love it. So this week, people were calling because there was a lot of issues with voting this week. Hey, Carl Vitting. So the U.S. government released 80 million ballots out there for mail-in voting.

Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? Yeah. Yeah. Experts are predicting that the Creep-off podcast has less voter fraud than the 2020 election. Oh, anyway, thank you guys. That's my side. This guy.

This guy right there with the jokes. Well, we actually did have some serious calls about voter fraud this week. Hello, creep off. My grandmother apparently voted on your website as checked her computer earlier, which is impossible because she died at election night of 2016. So I need you to make a recount on that. Obviously, she would vote for Carl because my grandmother was awful and horrible. Vinny and Winnie People's champ.

Prep Boy, Rick, out. All right, Prep Boy, Rick. Good job. Prep boy, Rick. All right, and here's one from a first time, long time. This is Joe, a long-time fan of the creep-off and WATP, and I want to report two cases of voter fraud and voter suppression. Vinny regularly suppresses votes by keeping playing that horrible being the elite theme song

from the show for losers. And Carl is a fraud because he just Googles and uses the first thing that comes up and thinks that'll get him the win every week. And it won't. But I do love you, love the show, love you all the time, and call me back. What page of Google am I supposed to go to in order to win the creep-off? Can someone explain this to me? It can't be the first result.

I don't know. All right, I got a voicemail that came in on the WATP hotline. What's up, Carl? This is for the creep-off. So you got Maddox. I mean, you got Vinny over here. How little research you do for the show. bitching about the creep you select

because it's the first result on Google meanwhile this fat fuck is just sitting here reading Wikipedia pages like he's Patrick Michael. Yep. No. Come on, Vinny. Be better. You are the Maddicks of this show. This is the problem.

Is that you take this shit too seriously and you're doing all this deep dive research on Wikipedia pages and your biggest complaint about me is I'm Googling things. I'm literally like a month away from being Vinny Locks. Banana Vinny. Banana, Paulino.

All right. I guess that's our voice mail segment. Are you ready for a scumperate, Carl? I'm not. I have to play you some updated sogs. Oh, boy. I know. This is the wheel of consequence.

It just keeps on giving, isn't it? It certainly is. I've been adding the music that you've been producing into our opening playlist of music while we're going live. I've noticed that. So if you want to watch us live on YouTube,

What Vinnie does is he tortures people with music until we actually are ready to go. I am a sadist. Yes. And some of that torture is this. All right. So here's a song that you might not be familiar with, but this is off of the Nick Bate Greatest Hits album that we are recreating here. It's called Not a Kitten. I am not a kitten.

In fact, I rarely am. So pretty good, pretty good ditty. You're probably wondering. No, not really. That's not a pretty good ditty at all. That queen's song was better than that. Okay. Not by much.

You're probably wondering what style of music we went with. I decided to bring this one to the isotopes. Please be duwop. We went with country. We went with country on this one. Doof's a good idea, too. I wish you were there. I am not a kitten, in fact I rarely am.

I don't purr me out or eat wet food from a can. I don't shower with my tongue or brush your legs with my glands. I am not a kitten, in fact I am a man. I am not a kitten, in fact I rarely am. I rarely have a kitten. Did you write lyrics for this? Kind of. I'm actually proud of you for paid off your consequences.

You had to sit there and figure out how to make that into a song. I'm pretty happy. All right. I hope it took a while. I really do. I don't put any time into this. This next one. This next one is.

So that one that you just heard, I wrote that lyrics and music, five minutes before bad practice. We rehearsed it at one time that we recorded. how you stuck in the word gland. That was pretty good. Thank you. I appreciate it. I'm proud of you. Good job. Someone was asked me if I researched this with my wife in order to figure out what kids would do, but I had all this knowledge

already. I knew about this. So this next song is probably the longest song that Nick Bate ever recorded. And I don't know if you guys are familiar with this one, but it's called My Name is Nick. This is a rap song. This is a good one. My name is Nick.

My mind is sick. And unfortunately, I have a tiny dick. My wife name Anna is kind of a prick, but her ass a lick, and I'm going to stick my penis in her anus. I'm going to stick my cock with her ass. There's the guitar. It's going to be a gas. Don't stare at the clock. We've got a time to pass.

But fucking in the hood, going to make it last. Now, how do we get this to Seamus for him to mix? Because I would love to hear that mash up. Well, get ready for this, Vinny. This one I recorded today, and I'm not making this up. This is my first and only take. This is my first and only take. I completely believe you.

All right. Let's check it out. Oh, yeah. Creep off. Oh, my God. My name is Nick. My mind is sick. And unfortunately, I have a tiny dick.

My wife named Anna's out of brick. Her ass I lick. And I'm going to stick. P's in an anus, my penis in her anus, my penis in her anus, my penis in a penis, damn, my penis in my penis in my penis in my penis in my head, I'll stick my cock up in her house, I'm gonna feel real good, she's gonna be a gas, don't step at the clock, we got time to pass, but fucking in the hood, we're gonna make it last, gonna stick my cock up in her It's going to feel real good Penis in the anus penis in the anus. It's good.

It's good to see Master K coming out of retirement. That's right, buddy. Master K is back. Master K. That was a masterpiece, what you just put out there. Thank you. I want to give credit to... All one take over there.

Good job. Thanks. I want to give credit to PJ for showing me where that music was. Thank you, PJ. Thank you, PJ. Because I know that he found it, so he was able to steer me in the right direction. But, all right. We're still going.

We still got more songs to write and record here. Not write, but record. Okay. I mean, obviously, the master's already written the song. Sure, sure. I can't wait to hear your version of I really hate vaginas. I'm very much looking forward to that. Oh, you mean this one?

I freaking hate vaginas. Viginas really suck. Have you done anally raping children yet either? Have you done that song? Analy raping children and disembelling and forced feeding them their own intestines. Do you have plans for those? I feel like the anally raping children one,

I'm probably going to work with. with Jen from the Jingles Department and a couple of their vocalists. We want to put like a four or five part harmony on that one. I really want to put a lot of work into the vocals on that one. Well, I'm calling bullshit, but I'm waiting to hear what you come up with. See, I was thinking you should do more like a doo-offish sort of thing with I hate vaginas and the analy raping children I could see it as like a reggae sort of sound. Yeah, all right.

I like both those ideas. The cheesy doo-wop, though, that that's got to happen. That's a good call. Excellent. So are you done with your songs for tonight? I am done with my songs. We're ready to head over to a scum parade. Late on me.

Carl, I'm throwing you a curveball. I did not send you this story, but I came across my desk about two hours ago, and I laughed my ass off. I mean, I was sitting in front of my computer two hours ago. You could have said this to me. Vanessa Lee Jones, 38 was collared at 10 a.m. on a Saturday morning after witnesses reported spotting her masturbating near a dumpster outside of Popeye's fried chicken in St. Peter's. Great spot for that. So we're going to play a little game called Guess the race. White lady

Okay Absolutely white lady She was fully nude They caught her on camera Just out there fucking rubbing herself at 10 a.m. Yeah Love that chicken and pop-bye Finger-licking good

That's KFC So I'm sorry You always insult Vinnie If you fuck up fast food jingles Or taglines Biddy gets very upset about that This is a show about facts

Carl Yeah So the cops No without pizza's the Biddy no one out pizzas the video is hysterical all right uh so the cops are like are you off your fucking meds or something

and she was not apparently they said there was no indications of drugs or alcohol influence and no indication of mental health issues you never just been super horny next to a dumpster before well next to a Popeye's but not the dumpster so

So not only was she arrested last Saturday at this Popeyes, going back to September 30th, she was also arrested after exposing herself and masturbating in front of a 7-Eleven. Jones was charged with lewd and lascivious exhibition since she allegedly continuously rubbed her vagina in the view of a minor who was accompanied by a male relative at 11 a.m. at a 7-Eleven. So she's an ambitious cam girl who really takes her job with her, is what you're telling you. Some people hand out flyers. She just brings it to the people. She's just like, if you want to see more of this,

pop on myfreecamps.com slash. Carl. She was, like, September 30th, she was in jail until October 28th. She was freed after prosecutors declined to pursue the felony case. The 7-Eleven is about two blocks away from the Popeyes, if that helps anything. This is the neighborhood we should be hanging out in.

Where is this located again? St. Petersburg, Florida. Oh, I'm going to be down there. way soon. All right. Well, we're going to know where Carl's going to be. Old Carl's finger blasted himself in front of the Speedway, I guess. Not to be outdone.

Carl was there in his pants by it around his ankles. All right. Well, let's head up to Oklahoma City, shall we, Carl? A gentleman by the name of Gilbert Cordero was also a little bit of a, what's the word we're looking for, exhibitionist? A hornball. Hornball. Yes.

He went into a sex toy shop, according to the problem. cause affidavit and tried a piece of merchandise which was out on display cops charged that Cordero walked up to a piece of equipment that is described as a electronic self gratification product

called the auto blow he took his dick out licked his fingers yeah they described this in detail of this article because there's video of it slower sorry I'll try to make it sex here he licked his fingers on one hand

and then use those digits to get his penis wet. Cordero, whose actions were recorded by the store surveillance camera, then also licks his fingers on the other hand and appears to get the entrance area of the auto blow wet. Then he started standing there, stuck his dick in it, and started thrusting his hips into the auto blow. This is according to all to a police report. Now, the employees recognize this guy,

and the reason they recognized him is because a few days earlier, he went in there and put in a job application. How did they not hire this guy? This guy would have been the best salesperson they ever hired. Could you imagine somebody's there, Hemming and Hawn? He's like, if you're not making a decision on this auto blow, you've got to take it for a test drive. I'm telling you, sir, I have never used a final product. Yes.

Take it out a test drive, and I'll come with you. What's weird about that is that he went through the trouble of using the auto blow and doesn't grab a thing of lube. He's like right there. That's a good point. Licks his fingers is a weird detail. He's going to spit down his dick. He's probably got lube everywhere around. He just wanted to try it.

He didn't want to, you know, make a mess. Well, either way, he, uh, ejaculated in the thing and then walked out of the store. Yeah, put it back down and walked out. Yeah. That's not for me. Worth a shot, though. You know, it's good, but there might be, I'm going to shop around. I'm going to shop around.

So, uh, yeah, he was arrested because they just went and looked up the guy's fucking application. And there's his name and his address. And now he is in jail. And he is on a, uh, believe it or not, this is only a misdemeanor charge in Oklahoma. it is a outraging public indecency is what it's called is the charge for that

which is a new one to be they also call it the Peewee Herman they do by the way in this article says the company calls the auto blow

this is the company that creates this product this fine product calls the auto blow an affordable tried and trusted basic blowjob machine

I think they're being too modest a basic blow job machine the dishwasher changed our lives in the kitchen the blow job machine

this is not basic it's just the bare minimum for a blowjob. Carl, yeah. Like, it's got teeth in it. It's not a good blowjob. It's a basic blowjob. The marketing department needs to be fired.

Yeah. An affordable basic blowjob machine. Yeah. Every 30 seconds goes, are you done yet? Yeah, right. It gets tired. Yeah. I was like, uh, do you want me just lick it or something?

You don't just fucking basic. Basic blowjob machine. All right. So, uh, let's go down to West Virginia. Shall we, Carl? I love it there. No, you don't. No one loves it there.

It's really terrible place. It really is the worst place I've ever. I was driving through there and I had to pee so bad. The only place I could find a Pee was a Walmart in West Virginia. Yeah. And holy shit, I would rather have stuck my dick into that auto blow after that guy then fucking put it in the fucking urinal in that goddamn place. I'd rather sleep overnight in Gary, Indiana, than drive through West Virginia.

Well, you're going to be spinning the wheel soon, so you might just get your chance. I don't know about that. Last week. Rolling Stones. Vote for Carl. Last week of judge sentenced a West Virginia woman to 40 years in prison after she pled guilty to killing her boyfriend Jonathan Thomas McGuire, who was 38 years old back in 2019. Now, she did this with assistance from her biological father. Amanda McClure pled guilty to second-degree murder.

A month before her sex offender father, Larry Paul McClure, 55, was sentenced to life for the same killing. So here's the story. McClure was a Kentucky guy. He was living in Virginia. after he was released for prison on sexual offense charges Amanda was estranged living with her boyfriend They all decide they're all gonna live together There's a sister too

So they go pick up the sister Pick up these two in Minnesota They go back to West Virginia They find a place and they lived there For what they said was about 10 days And then on Valentine's Day Larry took a bottle of wine And hit McGuire over the head with it

tied him up, injected him with liquid methamphetamine, and later strangled him with a garbage bag. This guy, Larry McClure, testified that he tortured this guy over two days before he died. Then they buried the body. Then they dug it up six days later, dismembered the body, and threw it back into the hole and buried it again. Who hasn't broken up with a boyfriend and then six days later had second thoughts about it? But why did she do it, Carl? It was the dad who did it. But why did he do that?

Well, here's why. here's why ladies and gentlemen she was fucking her dad and the dad got jealous that she was with the boyfriend do you think that's why he did it on Valentine's Day of all days very romantic yep yep

I'm getting my dick wet today you could get the 15th so she told the court McGuire was killed not long after telling Larry he was in love with Amanda and wanted to marry her well here's a fun In fact, they went to Virginia after this, and she married her father.

Yeah, they're actually... A month later, she married her dad after they murdered the boyfriend. They're actually going to recreate this for a made-for-TV movie. The casting is great. They're getting Donald and Ivanka Trump to play Larry and Amanda. That'll be great. I think it's very realistic. That'll be great.

Except neither one of those have ever dug a hole in their life. Fair enough. I was talking more about the daughter's father fucking... Yeah, that is true. Well, you make it all sound like I stomped on it. I was just trying to add a joke. I was trying to add a fucking, it's not like I fucking said, that's a terrible joke, Carl, and I tried to explain it.

I just threw out a thing, like, they don't dig holes. I should be watching myself losing my football bet right now. Let's keep it moving. Oh, did you bet on the Patriots tonight? The Jets are terrible. Fucking deserve what you get. I do. So, yeah, they tried to get married.

Now they went and got married. They're all going to jail forever. They got caught. The body was found in the grave and the sister. who is also living there, is on trial for facing first-degree murder charges. So they fucking suck these people. And the father's not even a good-looking guy. No.

He's not a handsome gentleman. Like he's not, who is the guy from the Mamas and the Pappas who was fucking his daughter? McKenzie Phillips's dad. Oh, yeah. McKenzie Phillips's dad who was in Mamas and the Pah. Yeah, Papa. That was the guy. That was very quick, Carl.

You redeemed yourself from that other joke. You did. That was terrible. Oh, thanks, Vinny. You're the best. Let's go down. I really dislike you. Really?

You're so hateable. I'm the people's champion, Carl. You better get over it. All right. Now, Columbia, South Carolina, here's a fun story for you. A South Carolina mother who skipped the trial where she was convicted of homicide. She didn't go to trial. She was, they had a trial.

You can do that? No, apparently in South Carolina, you can. That's amazing. She skipped a trial and they found her guilty. But here's what she did. Back in 2017, she got. pregnant. She didn't tell her boyfriend. She didn't tell her mother. She gave, in December, she gave birth to a baby girl. She didn't tell anybody. She had the baby in her apartment.

After she had the baby, she cleaned up, put it in a garbage can and threw it in a dumpster. She got away with this, Carl. Yeah, it's pretty horrific. Yeah, she just, newborn baby right in the fucking garbage. She didn't get any medical help or any. Like she just like through the the fucking ambilical cord over her shoulder fucking took the garbage out. I don't know how that shit works. So a year later, she's knocked up again. What does she do? Doesn't tell anybody.

Has a baby boy this time. Pops it in a garbage bag. Goes back to the dumpster. This time from what I understand reading this, people have the baby crying and stuff. And the police were called. This woman got caught. Can I call bullshit on this real quick? Sure.

Yeah. A little detail of the story. Go ahead, Brandon. We've been cutting you off. I apologize for cutting you off, but she got pregnant twice and no one fucking noticed it. I call bullshit on that. That's the part I was going to say, because if my girlfriend gains a half a pound, I'm telling her to skip dessert for the next three weeks. So here's what I'm going to say.

We all notice when women put on weight. How is she hiding a pregnancy from her boyfriend twice? Well, I'm going to say this. Her mug shot, the photo that they took of her, was very similar to the shot I have of myself on the creep off camera, where it's from a little bit of a high angle. The old Myspace ducklips. She did the ducklips and everything. But I'm thinking she might have been a half to gown, Carl. Okay.

So she basically fucked around, had two babies, put them in garbage bags, and threw them both in dumpsters, and got caught. She's now going to prison for two 40-year prison terms that will run concurrently. Not eligible for parole. And fuck her. And she has two other kids. That's the amazing part. Could you imagine if you're the two kids who she didn't bring? He's like, oh, we must, you must really be great kids.

No, no. This woman has a disturbing taste. They're probably the reason why she threw the other two out. Yeah, probably. And she might be justified. This could have been you. Like, Your Honor, are you met my other kids? You ever to keep having more of these?

She's just tied up the garbage bag and go, this could have been you. That's funny. Fuck. Now, eat your fucking vegetables. Eat your vegetables. I mean, she could have just as easily fallen down a flight of stairs and no one would have said anything about. it. Dude, why have an abortion on nine months and one day? You can do it legally. What the fuck does an abortion cost in South Carolina anyway? I don't know. Less than 40 consecutive years.

Solid point. That was just some fucked up stories. Are you not going to do the other one that you sent me? No, I'm not because I couldn't find enough information and I'm going to save it. There's some more info I want to get on that one. Yeah, I had to click through a couple different articles to read about that one. Right. And I was trying to get it up. It really is the craziest fucking story ever. Hopefully I'll have it ready for you guys for next week. I was going to say, where's a teaser clip? Yeah, this one that you set me, I was like, well, this could just be a creep. This isn't even a scum parade.

Yeah, and there's a lot of people involved. There's multiple trials. People are getting, are walking. Either way, you're not supposed to rent children. That's all I'm going to say. Now, that's this week's creep off, Carl. I want to thank our friend Brandon from Shitty Song of the Week podcast. You can check them out on Twitter at Shitty SongPod, and they have new episodes.

What is it? Every Friday? Yeah, every Friday. Great. And they're better than your appearance on this show, yeah? Oh, Jesus, man. Oh, that's all. I'm just fucking with you.

What do you even do this show? You're such a prick. I'm nice to Kevin. You were nice to Kevin. Until we had that little text conversation the other day. Oof. Oof. Can we talk about that?

No. Okay. It didn't go well. So Kevin is going to be joining the show to do, to read reviews starting next week. So folks. Guys, Kevin actually bought, what would you call it? noise suppression equipment i would call yes i would call it a room divider yes like the kind of thing that women in the 50s used to change behind yes and he put a couple foam blocks on it so it looks good

hopefully he won't sound his echoing he won't have to be under a fucking blanket yes it won't be blanket fort kevin yeah reading your reviews so we're excited and he's going to be doing voices all sorts of different voices so make sure you leave a review and uh we'll start that next week uh follow us on Twitter at creepoff pod subscribe to the YouTube and voicemail number again is 58537180108 and if you want to email us just email us at the creepoff pod at gmail.com Carl is there anything else we need to do before we close this motherfucker up I think we've done it all Vinnie I think we've done it all well it's nice to be important but it's more important to be nice good gear Suicide, suicide food

Suicide Sweet Jesus