The Creep Off - #4 Finger Licking Good Chicken

Episode Date: March 30, 2020

In this week's contest Karl goes to the bench with another heavy hitter, while Vinnie tells us about a 69 year old poultry enthusiast. In the Scum Parade we learn about safe driving, sword play & a really convoluted plan to get French fries.

So you really don't like the music bad, huh? It's not that I don't like the music bad, it just is distracting. From what, villainy and creepiness? Yeah, I mean, obviously we're the stars of the show. We want people to only be paying attention to what we have to say. That's the most sense you've ever made in your life. It's the Creepoff. Well, hi there, and thanks for joining us for another episode of The Creepoff.

My name is Vinny, and this is my co-host, Hot Cacacarla! Hot Carl! What's up, Vinny? How you doing, buddy? Oh, we're just here for another episode of the worst contest on the internet. I'm excited for that. It is great to see you, and it's exciting to be here in the studio with you today. It is exciting to be out and about and alive.

This is an essential business. We are podcasting, and this is true crime. This is a true crime podcast. True crime! Very important that we keep this going. We are the number one true crime podcast on Potabatic again this week. Yes. That's like three weeks in a row.

I don't think anybody's got a shot of moving us out of the number one spot. Killing it. We're killing it. So, Carl, last week we had an interesting episode. You brought in a creep. Who was your creep last week? Two teenage kids playing a joke on a subway. Yeah, two kids with Kool-Aid.

Uh-huh. What creeps? And my creep was a man who called himself a prophet. It systematically raped and abused children. Yeah. And provided for the abortions of his offspring that he created with these underage children. So I honestly don't know. the results. I haven't looked. But the way you're setting

this up, I'm guessing that I won. Did I win last week? I don't want to say. Come on. What are the results? So, uh, there are 64 votes and then 48 votes. Uh, Carl? Yes.

You won, you fucking asshole. Yeah. I have to question. I have to question. I have to question. the people who listen to this show. I have to say, maybe you're all the creeps. I don't know.

I got one tweet from somebody saying, I voted for Carl because fuck you, Vinnie. Somebody tweeted that at me, and I was like, okay. All right. Good. I'm up two to one.

Two to one for Carl. Oh, that's fucking awesome. That, I honestly, that makes me so happy. You really are happy. Like, I almost want to be angry, but it's kind of funny. It proves that we're doing something right.

Yeah. I mean, I can't be too upset. Funny thing is, too, is that I was beating myself up after we did the episode. I'm like, what am I doing? I'm never going to get another point in this game if I keep bringing creeps like this. I learned a lesson, too. Don't be too confident. Can't be too confident. You were very confident.

I was like, ah, why don't you just give it to me, Carl? Why don't you just give it to me? You were borderline smug about it. Yeah, well, this is what happens. This is what happens. All right. Sooner or later, God will cut you down. Well, that's exciting.

Not for me. But congratulations, you got the point. You're up, it's two to one, Carl's in the lead. Yep, awesome. And we're still asking people to send in their suggestions for our wheel of consequence. Yeah, we are going to officially bring the wheel into the studio next week and start adding things to it. We've been just kind of cataloging your responses. So far, my number one favorite that I definitely want to put on there is drive to Gary, Indiana.

Yeah, right. L loser has to drive to Gary, Indiana. And I think that would be marvelous. Yeah, I might fly there. No. It's a long drive. Do you think they have an airport? No.

The Joe Jackson Memorial Airport. Yeah, so we'll be in here next week and we'll put some things on it. As always, you can send us an email to the creepoff pot at gmail.com with your suggestions. Or you can leave us a voicemail with your suggestions, 585-371-8108. And you can find that number on the-the-crepeoff. Vela Creepoff.com. Which is the website where you go to to vote for Carl at the end of every episode. That is incorrect.

Did you get her SSL certificate yet? I thought this came with one. I thought the kid who built the website, put it in. I don't know. Somebody in our Discord was making fun of you again. Well, let him. I don't give a fuck. I know.

I don't care either. I love that. Make fun of me because of the audio. Make fun because this. Like, I don't care. I wish I had that drop from the Kevin Meady's song. I don't care. I don't care.

I can get that on the board. Oh, good. Get it on there. I really don't. Just enjoy the show. Fucking enjoy it. I can tell you, don't care. Not even a little.

Sorry, I broke up your flow. What were you saying? I don't know. I'm just all upset. Do I go first because I won? Is that how that works? That is the fun part, is you get to go first in this week's contest. Shall we commence the creep off?

Let's get into it, Vinnie. I brought a creep who, just two days ago, asked a federal judge to free him from federal gym. where he currently resides as he awaits trial on child pornography and other charges because he's citing coronavirus yeah he says that the sanitizer and even soap is hard to come by in this correctional facility and most of its 700 inmates are held in small two-man cells that make social distancing very difficult to accomplish so basically he's stalling to not go to jail well he's in jail right he is in jail right now and he thinks that him potentially getting coronavirus is a reason for him to get out of jail now that seems crazy to me because i think jail is supposed to be bad right like i'm not saying that you should give someone the flu but if they got it while they're in jail no one's crying about that yeah do you think he washed his hands before he touched all those kids well i don't think so because there were many many kids

kids. Actually, back in 1994, this gentleman was married. Oh. He was 27 years old at the time. He married a 15-year-old at that time. Come again? Yes. This woman actually lied on... You mean this child? This child lied on the marriage certificate and claimed to be 18 when she was really 15 years old. Well, you're either going to lie on the certificate or during the owls, you're definitely going to lie somewhere. This person, since that time, has been accused of having sex with underage girls multiple times, each time settling out of court. Well, this all came to a head a couple years ago.

I know who it is. I know what you're doing. This came to a head a couple of years ago. I know what you're doing you. When this person was accused of trapping six women in a sex cult. He had friends who were tasked with scouting young women at parties. He was pretty much heading up a racketeering scheme, Amos applying him with girls.

And I have to tell you, when it comes to him defending himself, he does a very good job as he did in this interview. Well, how stupid would never help anybody from R. Kelly? With all I've been through in my way, way past, to hold somebody. let alone four, five, six, fifty, you said, how stupid would I be to do that?

Is this camera on me? Yes, that's stupid. Use your common sense. So R. Kelly's defense is, do you really think I'm that dumb? And my answer is 100%. I mentioned that he married a 15-year-old girl. That girl was O'Lea. Yes, he was. Yes, it was.

Okay? Yes, it was. He produced her first album. Do you know what that album is called? No. Age ain't nothing, but it was. number. Damn right. I'm not making that up. That's the name of it. This is a fucking

child molester who has shot video multiple times of himself fucking and pissing on underage girls. I went to a wedding a couple months ago. They were still playing ignition by the way. This guy is a creep. He is the biggest creep. Let's talk

about when he was brought up on not child porn charges like, oh, we found him with child porn. No, he's creating the child porn. That's right. He had a studio. He is the one videotaping himself having sex with underage girls, which is not a smart thing to do. Not a wise thing to do, in my opinion. So in 2002, he was charged with making child pornography involving intercourse, oral sex, and urination.

It took six years for that to go to trial, and it was finally dismissed because they couldn't prove the girl on the tape was a minor. Huh. Ask her. When was this filmed? When were you bored? Yeah, right. It seems like it's a pretty easy thing to prove. Like, well, can we bring her in and ask her how old she was when this happened?

I don't know. That sounds like a lot of work. I got to tell you, the thing with R. Kelly's whole situation is that he had the money, had the money, and had really, really good lawyers. Oh, so he has a holiday home in Florida, and police raided his home and seized a camera that had images of him having sex with a minor on it. And he got that dismissed because his attorneys determined that they didn't have the right to search his home. Yeah. That happens all the time. It's pretty messed up.

It's fucking crazy. The second you find, like... This guy's a serial child rapist. We set up rules to protect everybody. Yeah. But then there's times where you would think a judge would just go, oh, this is the tape, this is a child. Yeah. Cut his dick off, throw him in jail.

Like, he just... There you go. Bye. Yes. So the reason why he's in prison right now, he's up on... 13 counts of child pornography. He's been arrested in Minnesota, Illinois, New York. He has federal charges against him.

And this fucking ass hat is going, yeah, but I don't want to get sick. So can I get out of jail for a bit? No. Meanwhile, these judges are not even working right now. He wants to get in front of a judge. His dead judge is at home, buddy. Yeah, the judge is like, I didn't touch no kids. Yeah, I'm going to stay home, you fucking asshole.

Yeah. I got tons of Perel here. Well, that's your creep, huh? Well, hold on a second. I haven't even mentioned the worst thing this guy has done. Ah, what, uh, trapped in a closet video? Shit, think, shit, think, shit, quick, put me in the closet. And now I'm in this darkest closet trying to figure out.

Just how I'm gonna get my crazy ass about this house. This video has something like 47 million views. This is the worst song I've ever heard. Listen to this verse. I've never heard a song like this, where he's explaining what happened second by second. Here I am quickly trying to put all my clothes. Searching for my car keys trying to get on about the door.

Then she stretched her hands in front of it, said you can't go this way. I gotta get back to second grade by teachers wondering where I am. I've never heard of it. And then she shrugged her shoulders and then I turned around. And I looked over there and she said, Where are you looking now? Like, what the fuck of the lyrics are those? I said, baby, just play with your Legos.

That's fucking, it's, so for that reason alone, this guy is the biggest creep, vote for Carl. What do you got, Vinny? All right, asshole. See, again, you go with these big names, you go with these big cases. I do. I don't have a lot of information on my guy. Okay. You ready?

We're going down to Homerville, Georgia. Okay. 69 year old man on March 17th 2020 Rinaldo Pineda 69 years old was charged with bestiality

okay the incident reportedly happened at a commercial egg production facility and he was caught by a closed captioned TV camera having sexual intercourse

with a chicken I have audio well a second does he work at this facility yes so he got a job he should be retired he's 69 years old

He should be retired But he did Yeah, it is I kind of got to show me when he said that So he got a job At this commercial Egg producing facility

Just so he could fuck chickens We don't know that I'm just alleging I mean I don't know Here's the audio from the video Carl Yeah Say what a nice chickens like you Doing in a coop like this

Oh yeah I mean The menacing Music probably doesn't help his case. No. An investigator confirmed that the man in the video was indeed Paneda. Paneda was released on Bond under the condition that he would not go anywhere near the egg production facility. Three days after the incident, he was arrested again. Jesus Christ.

For making terroristic threats. In a video, Paneda was caught threatening other people. He reportedly told residents that he was going to shoot everyone down like dogs and then would kill himself. He was later released on Bond. Beastiality is a felony in Georgia. If he has found guilty, guess how much time he could face? I just hope like the rest of his life, I hope. One to five years.

God damn it. Or a $10,000 five. He'll be out time for his 70th. Good for you. Jesus Christ. Yeah, so my guy, 69 year old guy, got caught begging a chicken that threatened to murder everybody in the town. By the way, if you're going to do the murder suicide, if you're going to go that route,

just reverse the order and everyone will be happy. Yep. That's all I got to say about my guy. Chicken fucker. I got the chicken fucker. Chicken fucker. Chicken fucker. Chicken fucker who decides that he has to continue to fuck chickens after he gets caught.

He didn't go back to the, he hasn't gone back yet, but he just tried to murder everybody that he knows after. That's all. Must be some fucking hot chicks in that place. Did you see that one coming? I do it all for the chicks. I bet you didn't see that one coming. I was trapped in the chicken coop. So, Carl, that's my creep.

That's all I had to say about my guy. He fucked a chicken. It's on tape. What an asshole! That's what he said about that chicken. All right. Well, Vinny, I think that we both made really good cases. I don't think I needed to make that big of a case on mine.

I think I got you. Yeah, right. Okay. Oh, good luck with that. Okay. Everybody's voted Arkelly. Everybody knows Arkelly's a creep. Three to one, baby.

We'll see. Three to one. Arkelly, the biggest creep of all time. All right. I'm just going all Hall of Favors. You know, I don't know what the format supposed to be for this show because you made it up. None of us knows with the format for the show is supposed to be. I'm just going, I'm going straight Hall of Favors.

you're like coming in here who's the best football player you're bringing up a guy who played for three seasons in 78 through 81 no I'm bringing up Dan Marino every time always right that's what that's what I'm doing uh Rinaldo Pineda

69 year old fucked a chicken Can we play a couple voicemails Carl Oh yeah let's do that We got voicemails We did get some voice mails For last week This one is from a very big fan of the show

Here we go call me back perfect thank you for that this one I got yelled at again you guys are constantly yelling at me on this show for mistakes I love it I love this part of the show I got called out by an academic here oh good

hey guys this is Professor Retard great show I couldn't help but notice you did a spelling error in the title of the last episode So, a weird way to spell exactee. All right, fix that. Call me back. That professor called me out for poor spelling it, you for poor speaking.

Yeah, I think everyone was getting hammered in that, Kyle. I love that everybody hammers you for your audio production, your ability to host a show. Like, you're just getting crushed. Who gave me shit for hosting the show poorly? Oh, you don't read the subreddit? No. I love it. I don't read the subreddit.

Oh, I fucking love it. Somebody was like, hey, Vinny, let us know what your Reddit name is so we can add you as a bot on this. It's like, fucking no way. No way in hell. Smart. Not going to happen. Oh, yeah, but you can find us on the Twitter. Creep off pod, the creep off pod, whatever.

You'll find it. Who gives a fuck? All right. I'm a terrible host. Are you ready for a scum parade, Carl? Let's do it. All right. The scum parade is nothing for creeps.

The scum parade on Paralylanding show. Where else could we start the scub parade this week? Then in Florida, Leroy Staddlemeyer, 60, a Florida man is back in jail for impersonating a law enforcement officer just days after he was arrested for the exact same charge. Sheriff officials said he was arrested March 11. after investigators got a tip from a toll bridge attendant who showed them video of the man flashing a law enforcement badge twice on March 11th to avoid paying a $2 toll. You know what the creep is in this story, Vinny? The fucking toll booth operator.

What a tattle tale. No, I like the toll booth operator because here's what he did. On duty officers are apparently allowed to cross the bridge for free of charge, right, right. So the toll booth attendant told investigators that he had flashed the silver badge at him, and he in turn showed the man an article about his arrest for person. I know. That's kind of funny. But still, though, they try to make it seem like it's petty to say, like, it's just

two bucks. Why doesn't the guy just pay it? My point is, it's only two bucks where I'll just let the fucking guy go. He doesn't want to pay it. Right. He's going above and beyond trying to get out of paying this two bucks, give it to him. Yeah, I mean. He doesn't have a lot going on in life.

I just like the sass this guy gave him back. He was arrested on March 9th as well. So he basically just holds up the article, hey, aren't you the guy who was pretending to be a cop two days ago? That's funny. I think that is pretty funny. That's like the most ambitious toll booth attendant there is. Like, because you're right.

Most toll booth attendants are just like, go ahead. Yeah, you're trying too hard. Your job's not that important, buddy. You're being replaced by a computer. Yeah. What are you doing? Maybe you'll be able to repair the computers at some point. Right, what do you do?

When you sent me that article, there was a video on there of another person impersonating a police officer. I thought this was kind of funny. Cherokee County deputies are looking for a law enforcement impersonator who pulled over young driver. and took his French fries. But teen driver tells the sheriff's office that the man was dressed in law enforcement style apparel

and had lights on his car. Now, this happened in the Woodall area. If you had a similar experience or maybe even know the impersonator's name, you're asked to call police. I love that. He took my chicken nuggets and my dipping sauce. He's literally just sitting next to the KFC,

waiting for someone to pull out of the drive-through and just pulling them over one by one. That's smart. Is that a three-piece? That's pretty smart to do. And these fucking lazy-ass cops, if anyone knows the person who did this, please let us know.

It's like, that's your fucking job, asshole. There's probably a cop. It's probably actually a cop. Because, like, nobody's going to believe that a cop would actually do that, right? This guy's just like, you know what? I think I can get away with this at least once. I mean, whether you're asking for French fries or sex, it's wrong.

You shouldn't do it. You shouldn't impersonate a police officer. That's what I've learned in my life. Blue Lives Matter, Carl. What else you got? Benjamin Layland, 47 of Manchester Hampshire loves his music. A man, his neighbor knocked on his door and nicely asked him to turn down his music. Police say Layland reportedly became upset and grabbed a two and a half foot long sword. He allegedly chased the man down a hall and out the building down the street.

Police said the man got away and there was no injuries. Layland was charged with criminal threatening. He was scheduled to be arraigned last Tuesday. Jesus, calm down, brave heart. You're not fighting a war right now. Haven't you ever always known somebody like back, go back to college there's always the fucking weirdo who owns a sword for some reason yeah like i know like three of these people they can't wait to use it too they're just looking for a reason exactly they're like why buy the toys if you're not going to play with them by the way i do want to point out i did some investigating into this story and you wonder what's a guy who's wielding a sword at his neighbor what's he playing on his radio so wow this someone has to complain it's actually i found it it's this

Baby Shark So I assume that the guy is just sitting there sharpening the blade listening to that just shh-shh-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h and then dig-dog hijinks and sue

Oh, I can't wait. All right. So, yeah, don't threaten people with swords. That's the lesson. No, if you own a sword, there's no other reason to own a sword than to wield it at your neighbors.

Protection, protection. Right, Carl, protect you. Peace them down the street with your sword. Otherwise, what are you doing? This is America, Carl. It's right. All right. We're going to Germantown, Wisconsin, a suburb of Milwaukee.

Corey Malone is a driver's ed instructor. He was performing a backing up maneuver in the parking lot of the Germantown High School when he struck a metal swinging gate, which then swung back and hit the principal. Yeah. They hit the principal standing out there. He hits this gate. The thing swings back hits the principal. Police said the principal interacted with Malone and realized,

pretty quickly that he was impaired. The principal then contacted the police. The police said that Malone left the school property with a student in the vehicle. Police tracked him to his office where authorities said he admitted that he went out drinking the night before. The police said Malone failed a field sobriety test and was testing approximately three times the legal limit. And it turns out he had a suspended license. Epic fail. Correct.

This is a hard one to do. this is a hard one to do so i was confused about this story this guy shows up he's a driving instructor he shows up three times the legal limit because he said that he was out drinking the night before but he's not the one driving the vehicle the student is a driving instructor sits in the passenger side and why wouldn't you want students to practice driving someone who's drunk around just watch how i do it kid you should just change the name of the class to the designated driver's ed right that seems like an important skill to have. Drive your drunk buddies around from bar to bar.

Someone's got to do it. That's the responsible thing to do. I didn't understand why this was illegal. I mean, what does he need? Why does he need to be sober to sit next to a kid who's driving a car around? Well, he was driving the vehicle. That's the thing. He did drive the vehicle.

Okay, that's a good point. I love that he happened to hit the principal, too. That's really bad timing on his part. He just ran into Mr. Rudy. from Ferris Bueller. Yeah, I'll stop it. Nothing to rat you out. Yeah, so Corey Malone. Way to go, Dickhead. So everybody's locked in home, and all the food is delivering now. You can't really do anything. Obviously, everybody knows this. We're living in the times of the corona. Sure. According to the paper, Chip Grimalda, chef and owner of

wine bar and restaurant, was seen going from a store to an apartment nearby, then going out on a delivery run with corrugated cardboard boxes that read fresh pizza oven bake. A reporter then found Like, they're following this guy. They knew he was up to something. A reporter then found four packs of Kirkland's signature cheese pizza with breadcrumb crusts, which are sold at Costco in the trash near cans at the apartment. When confronted, Grimald had denied that it was frozen pizza. I don't know what you're talking about, he said.

It's definitely not Costco, and that's all I have to say, end quote. According to the report, he then said that there were a lot of Airbnbs in the neighborhood. Bullshit. Yeah, Dilis reached out to Cokewood for additional comments. but not immediately hear back. The pizzas are being sold for $18 for cheese and $20 for meat or vegetable toppings. This particular Kirkland pizza retails on Costco for $10 for a four pack.

So if this report is true, that would mean the pizzas are being marked up at a 700%. And as a fat man, I am outraged. Yeah, this is the one that really pissed off, Vinnie. So here's what I thought was really funny. Frozen pizza. Here's what I thought was really funny about this story. They really zoom in on the markup percentage, as if that's what the, the problem is. Like, how could you charge 700% more than what these things cost? Like, did the people

order the pizza like it or not? Who gives a shit? What was the, what's the appropriate markup percentage when you're just cooking frozen pizza pretending that you made it fresh in your restaurant? You don't fuck with pizza, Carl. You don't fuck with pizza. It doesn't make any sense to me. Somebody orders a pizza, they get a pizza. Like, why do you need to know the origin story? If I'm paying for a pizza, I want a, I want a good fucking pizza. I don't want a frozen pizza from Costco I'm sorry I'm upset I know I can tell

I'm done with the scum parade I don't know what else to tell you on that I'm done with the scum parade all right I wish we had a way out of the scum parade I wish I had like a drop that I could hit on there but I don't there's nothing for us we stink you're not charismatic I know all right well

Vinny did we recap now what else we have to talk about I think let's give our final comments on why you should vote for the chicken fucker. It's because the guy fucked a chicken and he's 69 years old. Vote Vinnie. Okay. Fucking chickens is not cool. And I am, uh, I'll go out, I'll go out on the record and say I'm against it.

I'll say that. Sure. All right. However, I'm, I'm, I'm more against the R&B music that R. Kelly puts out and claims his entertainment. It is hot garbage. Wait, what am I mad about Arkelly for?

Yeah, the music cure. Obviously the music. he's also a serial child rapist who gets away with it time and time again because his fans just keep paying for his albums and going to his concerts and so he can just pay off all of these women that he impregnates when they're 14 years old and also I don't think we talked about it a lot but he urinates on them this guy is a fucking sick-all

you don't know the my guy didn't piss on that chicken you don't know that my guy didn't piss on that chicken you need more information buddy R. Kelly definitely urinates on young girls so you can speculate all you want. But I know, I know for a fact, R. Kelly pisses on young girls. I know for a fact.

Yeah. I'm sorry. That Rinaldo Paneda fucks chickens. I know that for a fact. What did you do? All right. Well, Vinny, this has been a lot of fun. Has it? Yep. All right. That's this week's creepoff.

Make sure you go vote at the creepoff.com and follow us on Twitter and whatever the fuck. Is that how you're heading the show? It's nice to be important. But it's more important to be nice. Get, yeah. Sleep while, everybody.

It's the Creep off. Horse!