The Creep Off - Creeps' N Roses #4 The Red Wedding

Episode Date: March 24, 2021

This week Vinnie, PJ Philliam & Brian McBride are your guides through the biggest meltdown of season 25 of the Bachelor

I don't have to do things I don't want to do. I had to tell myself that a lot after experiences with my uncle. If they gave you a paycheck for this show, though, and you had to do one for every episode. What's the paycheck? That's what I'm asking. What would it take? I don't know, a grand.

A grand. Yeah, give me a grand an episode. Okay. And then I'd do it. Then I'd want to do it. Are you serious? A grand an episode? Yeah.

Where do you come from? Where do you work? So, base. with Vinny and PJ We're talking about The Bachelor Because Vinny needs to pay Lots of bitchy girls Who want to see that dick

We didn't want to do this podcast But Carrow is a prick The Bachelor Let's discuss The Bachelor With PJ and with Vinna da Ninni Vinnie Vinnie We've got roses

We've got creams All right fine. Welcome to Creeps and Roses. The final episode, episode. This is it. Thank you, PJ. This is the final episode. Right, Vinny? That's how the math works. That's right, PJ. The last episode of Creeps and Roses. Who needs a finale? Something doesn't seem right. I don't know. All right. Fine. It's episode four right now. One more left. Oh, yeah, because you're going fast and loose with the numbers. Oh, we haven't done a single episode. Maybe we've done like an episode. This is episode two

at best, but I mean, based on your numbers, this is basically episode six. Well, it's episode four. Are there going to be more after this or is this? Oh, dude, I'm hoping to retire this shit as soon as I possibly can. We have to do episode. We had to do five episodes. That was the consequence. In fact,

I'm going to point out right here to all my creepomaniacs out there. We said this consequence was five, 10-minute podcast about The Bachelor. I have over Delivered. For the first time in your life,

you have over delivered. No, no. I get over delivered all the time from Grubb DoorDash. They had to cut you off. I think you've had enough. Over delivering at the expense of your buddy PJ who signed up for also doing 10 minute episodes and he's

like, you know what? We're going to record for an hour and a half. Not tonight, buddy. We are only doing one episode tonight. We are covering episode five of season 25. of the bachelor i will tell you ladies and gentlemen i am usually a stoic about these things i am usually very uh very close to the vest on my true feelings what but but this episode entertained the shit out of me okay captivated i i'm going to admit it i'm going to go ahead and say it then he's a

fan no finney number one bachelor fan i did not say that at all i said this episode of this show was entertaining. All right. Says Vinnie the president of Bachelor Nation. You're a huge fan of The Bachelor, which we know. No. It's not what I'm saying. Are we going to go straight into episode four and I was entertained by episode five? Why isn't anybody following this?

They need a new host you know. Are we going to go straight into the Bachelorette right after this? No. No. I mean, it seems like you have to balance it out. No, I don't have to balance anything out. We have to keep going until we reach five episodes. That was the deal. Yeah. Well, there's still. plenty left of this season to talk about. Well, I thought each season was like an episode.

Like, yeah, I do five seasons of The Bachelor. I'm going to kill both of you with an act. Also, so the last episode, my point was for the other episodes not counting is it's called Creeps and Roses. So there needs to be a creeps segment. And I brought a creep segment, but then it got edited out. Yeah, let's talk about creeps for a second. Let's talk about creeps.

Welcome to Creeps and Roses. Hosted by me, Vinnie Paulino and my co-host, PJ Phileum and our guest this evening hanging out with us once again is Brian McBride. All three of us creeps. We're going to talk about The Bachelor. Wrong. Creeps and Bachelor. Just because I did a black voice for the entirety of one of my episodes of my podcast.

Yeah. I'll go with that. That'll do it on this show. I can bring black PJ on to the creeps and roses. Wait a second. You're a white guy? I'm gender and race fluid, actually. So that means I can say the N-word whenever I want,

but it's only when I'm identifying as a black guy. black money. I think we have to return that grant money we got. No. We get more grant money now. Oh, nice. Yeah, McBride's gender fluid too. So here's what's going on. We're going to pick up where we left off with the last episode. How does that sound, guys? Eh. That's, listen, you want to get into episode five. Okay. This is, this is the red wedding, a Game of Thrones terms of Bachelor episodes. Okay. Is that a menstruation joke? Disgusting. I was going to get to it. kind of was. This week episode picks right back where we left off. The OG's being petty to the new girls. And here's just a little clip of Victoria and Anna, our friend FartFace. You remember we called Anna FartFace because she always walks around looking like she's smelling Victoria's personality. Yeah, I don't know what's up with that. Yeah. That's a condition. So they walk past

two of the new girls, one of them being Ryan, and listen to the shit that they're saying. These girls are so nasty for no reason it's unbelievable. What do you mean no reason? I just can't see that. It's just disgusting. Disgusting. Why is she disgusted? What do you mean disgusting? Because they're new to the house, which is

gross. That it. Oh, okay. Fair enough. I don't have their menstruation cycles or what's it called synced up. Yeah. Okay. I think how gross new Coke was. Anything new is bad. Okay. I'm not going to argue with that. So these girls are just

still being completely awful to each other going into the evening where they're going to have a cocktail party our girls anna and victoria are still feeling pretty confident about how things are going for them i still feel like deep enough where i can pick up where i left off which is nice yeah feel better than last week yeah they think everything's going their way oh good these two are on the top of the world right now going into this they're all smiles they got rid of sarah they got rid of uh what's her face. They're just, they're not happy with the new girls, but they feel pretty good about themselves. So at this point, something really interesting happens. Matt decides to come in and have a little conversation with the girls. Oh, I can't wait, but it's something super

exciting, as Matt is known to be. He certainly is. Well, he comes in and what he, this is exactly what he says. He comes in and he says, he lets the women know what's on his mind. He says, if you have to belittle someone else for you to shine, then those aren't the qualities I'm looking for in a wife. And then he pulls a boss move that sends shock waves through the room. You ready to us? Shock waves. Shock waves. He spits on them.

Spits on all of them. They all have COVID now. There's a lot of answers to questions that I need tonight. Brittany, we talk real quick. That's right. Brittany is the girl that Anna said was an escort on last week's episode. So Anna was just feeling really, really confident.

Matt comes out and declares he doesn't like people belittling each other in this toxic environment that he's learned about from Katie. Isn't it fucked up that calling a girl an escort is like bad? Yes, I agree. Crazy sexuality. Sex positivity all day long. Fine with that. Honestly, this girl was really upset about this. You know, she talked to Matt when they got into the room about how this rumor made her feel.

She cried. She said the rumor could, you know, really ruin her life. it sucks because this is on national TV like my mom watches the show and like this could ruin my entire life it sucks yeah your mom knows you're a whore but your mom already knows she did have stone cold proof in that she knew rich people that's right that's right that's her argument when she met rich people before i've seen lots of movies and all of the all the horrors and all those movies look like this woman so i don't think it's that much of stretch when she first showed up she walks up and goes i know that i'm and she just grabs Matt and starts making out with him. Like she's a very

forward girl and these rumors start and she's really doing a good job here of pulling on Matt's heartstrings. What's happening meanwhile in the other room is the shockwaves of Matt taking Brittany to go talk privately.

Anna is now completely freaking out because she knows she's fucked. Old fart face knows her goose is cooked and so she starts backing up like a fucking garbage truck listen to this I had said something

completely out of my character to say I made a mistake I made a stupid comment about Brittany yeah she did she has that look of like you know when like police they bring your accomplice into another room and you're convinced they're just spilling it to him

yeah like she has that fear in her face it was her idea to be an escort not mine it's like when you like shove your sibling over and then they like bash their head and they're under your mom and then You're just like sitting there, like knowing you're about to get in trouble and be like, uh, no, I don't want to get in trouble. That's basically what's happening with her right now.

She did my move from when I was a kid. Now, Matt comes out and says, hey, Anna, I think we need to talk. So he brings Anna into the room. And she does exactly what I used to do when I was a kid because I'm a big believer in just facing the music. There's no reason if you fucked up not to just say, okay, I fucked up. Because it disarms everything. It's the best advice I could ever give someone.

professionally. If you make a mistake, just fucking own it up front. Can we all agree on that? Yeah, and you sort of act like you are, like, more upset about it than they are. No, maybe not overact, but, um, do I have something you want, I called her a whore? She is a whore. Right? I'm owning up to it. She's a ho.

I mean, that basically happens later on. A little bit. But, uh, McBride, do you have an apology you like to make to me? I'm sorry, Vinnie. Thank you. That's all it is. That's all you have to do. It's amazing. So, she gets into the room, and the first thing she does is start apologizing to Matt. Before I've been coming here, I received messages about another girl who would also be here.

Pretty. And then when she did show up, the worst thing I could say was said, and immediately I felt horrible about it. And I completely appellate. I was like, this is not me. This is me. being a shallow person, the worst moment ever was. Sure. So, I mean, that's a pretty grovely apology, don't you think?

Mm-hmm. Pathetic, yeah. Yeah, a little pathetic. So if I'm understanding, she heard another girl was coming in who was a prostitute, but it wasn't her and she didn't show up? No, she's just saying I shouldn't have said anything, basically. Oh, okay. She said, all these people told me this and I shouldn't have said anything.

that was her argument so she's not saying none of this is true she's saying it was wrong of her to talk which I guess maybe and uh she has no idea though if this girl is like

if you were dating someone who's a whore wouldn't you want someone to tell you that like hey that chick's a whore well escort let's not call them horrors oh sorry sorry sex positivity remember yeah I guess you probably want to know I guess I would want to know

yeah well i got some news i'm praising her all right so they keep talking when brittany told me because when i first met her a few days ago she was like spunky and just like super bold and calm back and then when the board was not to talk to her tonight she just broke down and i was like damn i feel like so intense later with like a freaking on a rash and i'm like so at that point when you tell me you're breaking into a rash it's like go home yeah yeah man my herpes started acting up yeah i'm stressed out i'm having an outbreak i like how he's like man when i first met her she was acting all spunky and like spry and she was acting like a whore and then now of a sudden she's nuts like she's trying to dial it back

when i first met her she just jumped out and started making out with me for no reason oh yeah that's the same chick too yeah he's like she was awesome and then you kind of made her have to take a step back guess what that means and unfortunately I can't see you being part of that journey anymore oh you wrong fleek he was one girl of being a whore and he just sends you home yeah unbelievable

and this is her just crying she breaks down crying just falls down under the couch crying and this is how they make her feel better right right you're right to the truck

they don't even let her go get her shit McBride right to the car the second there's going to be a defamation lawsuit involved you're out of here, honey gone I mean this is just showing your amateur love of The Bachelor

that's what always happens is they break up with them and walk him to the car oh geez it's like it's like you're trying so hard to pretend like you don't love the bachelor you totally know that how many seasons have you gone back and watched season he's seen them all he's the number one fan episodes one through

six of season 25 what all the people listening don't know is that viny's the reason that these episodes have been so inconsistent is because vini's been doing his own solo venture on the side where he's making solo bachelor podcasts that are just this but there's no jokes

at all. It's just Vinny actually analyzing the episodes. It's just on his Tumblr. That's right. Bachelor Vinny. So here's the deal. Anna's gone. Meanwhile, the girls are in another room and they're discussing the environment of the house. And this girl

Chelsea, who is one of the OGs, asks everybody what they think. And our girl, Victoria, has an opinion. I feel like bullying is a very strong word and toxic. I don't feel like the environment in the house is toxic, but do you guys think it is? Yeah, Victoria knows

there's nothing toxic here. Everything's fine. No, no one's calling people names, disgusting. Yeah. Literally just walking past them calling them disgusting. Yeah, I mean, they're very presence there.

She finds to be absolutely an affront to her existence. So what's interesting is the new girls take a moment to speak their mind. And Michelle, who went on and on one-on-one date with Matt last week, uh, had something to say.

I'm fairly uncomfortable in the house. People have said disrespectful things. And also people have laughed at those things. So here's what's happening now. All the girls are starting to realize that Anna's gone. Hmm. And this OG new girl stuff apparently is being taken very seriously. And so they are all starting to, uh,

shit their panties, so to speak. Yeah. about what's going to happen next. So would you like to guess what happens next, Brian? Oh, so there's probably going to be a competition, right, between the OG and the new girls? No. Oh.

Apologies start flowing like Anna's tears. Oh, I can't wait to hear all Victorias. I apologize. If something does bother you, like, please come tell me. I do not think that you were treated fairly, so I wanted to make sure that that was known to you. She didn't say by me, though. No. she didn't that was victoria apologizing to a girl named ryan now ryan was one of the new girls

and apparently she is a dancer not an exotic dancer like a ballet dancer as well or something i don't fucking know who keeps this shit straight so she apologized to ryan but ryan learned a little something from katy the other night and what she learned is the trick to winning this game the dildo trick the old disappearing dildo trick Katie who is very generous teaching everybody no what she learned is that if you go to Matt and you use the right keywords

the person's done so she's pretty much realizes okay Anna's gone Victoria's in my sights I am now going to be the queen slayer and she goes to Matt something that happens every single season is people

go to the lead to complain about other people and it basically never works out for that person. It's basically a way to guarantee you're sending yourself home. It's basically like suicide bombing yourself out at the Bachelor. Yeah. And to be fair though, I don't feel, I don't, I'm not mad at Ryan for like sitting there and like accepting

an apology because like this is what Victoria did follow up her apology to Ryan with. It was just like silly. It was never malicious. So I just want to make sure that's it there. That's silly Victoria. Yeah, that's silly Victoria. Yeah, that's silly Victoria. Victoria, Ryan goes to Matt, and this is what she tells him.

The main thing that has just aggravated me is with Victoria. It's constantly digs, left and right, in my face. It's a cheers on my very first group date when I was really excited to be with you and see you. And she made a cheers to the OGs. Oh, she made a cheers to the OGs. Well, that doesn't seem like enough to get her thrown out. Well, apparently Victoria did say one other thing to her. apparently Victoria said to Ryan you're a dancer so that must mean you're a ho and Ryan did not like this at all

the word oh oh is just like really like she's very upset by it wow man seems like some of these women aren't as strong and as independent as they'd like you to believe huh sounds like someone's been called a hoe a lot. Yeah. It sounds like it's like Marty McFly being called a chicken. Right. She just doesn't react well. Right.

So here's her tattling some more. The only reason apologies are coming my way is because you stood up and said something about it and it does not feel sincere and I do not believe it one bit. Correct. Yeah. Well, of course not. Victoria calls everybody fake. And what I find really interesting about that is like...

She's right? Well, yeah, they are fake. but the fact is like what's fake fake is thinking the things that victoria says without saying them out loud it just means that these people are raised better than her so they're thinking about their brand in my opinion in my opinion in my opinion victoria's raised the best because she's not fake like all them other hos i can't argue with that she's not here to make friends she certainly isn't victoria finds out because word travels fast in this year little hotel that they're staying in that Ryan told Matt on her. Oh, it's war. So she comes up. Can we trash how horrible Victoria's dress is in this also? She looks so bad.

I've never seen anyone look so bad. It's like a satin, peach-colored titty dress, as Howard Stern likes to say. Her breasts are hanging out pretty good. But it makes her look really pudgy too, which is not a good look. And she's not pudgy. And her bra straps are hanging out,

which was a huge deal in the Bachelor community when this first happened. It's like, you can tell no one liked her because no one told her to fix her bra straps. That's a solid, solid thought. What's also interesting here is she's having a mental breakdown and all of these other girls are just sitting in silence for everything that's about to happen, just watching. So ladies and gentlemen, we are about to give you the downfall of Victoria. She goes in and confronts Ryan and this is how it goes. your actions look fake towards me me yeah the fact that you'd kind of go talk to him about me so she's like you accepted my apology your actions towards me are fake because you went and talked to mad about me so shit's starting to get real she's starting to get upset uh Ryan starts to politely respond and of course Victoria handles it very very well that really pissed me the fuck off literally everything was going amazing literally literally literally literally

she's she's like a caricature of a mean girl literally literally you know who she reminds me of rob low and uh parks and rec you are literally the meanest person i've ever met so much so she's having this meltdown it keeps going i am the perfect person to be his wife but then these losers create these problems when everything is fine Like, doesn't Ryan know everything is absolutely fine? Yeah, everything is good. Yeah, everything is absolutely fine. I don't want to feel this annoyed, but I am.

Yeah, she's flipping out. She's flipping out. I don't want to feel this annoyed, but I am. Like, oh my goodness. I feel like everyone thinks that. If Matt would have heard that, he'd send her home right away. All of these girls are sitting there quietly, and this girl is storming around this house. just yelling, I don't want to be this angry.

Well, then stop. You fucking have some control of yourself, for Christ's sake. So there's supposed to be a cocktail hour right now. And Matt is there talking to the girls, and Victoria makes the biggest mistake she possibly can make. When all these people have already been telling on her, all this shit's coming out. I mean, he heard all this stuff about her. And this is what he's thinking in his head.

Through all the antics, I felt like Victoria had a big heart. But there's no excuse for that type of hair. Not here, not anywhere. So he's, like, upset about the way she's behaving. He's read her all wrong, apparently up to this point. I know. What? And Victoria decides this is the moment.

Hey, how can I talk to her? Absolutely. How are you? tonight i have to definitely talk to matt the girls they're all fake and they're not his wife so i think that like he'll be able to decipher the truth from other girls because obviously my good outshines any of the in the house yeah her good out shines all the other shitty women in the house so she thinks that if she just goes to matt right now he's going to see through all of their fakeness and realize she's

the queen. Yeah, she's the queen. She's the light that shines through the toxic house environment that she created. Yeah, super observant Matt just found out she's a bitch now. Also, Matt looks so confused all the time. Like, he has a constant, like, duh, face.

It's so annoying. I actually really like Matt in this episode for a couple reasons and I'll tell you lying a little bit. So Matt decides to level with her. They sit down on a couch and this is what he says. It was hard when I was having these conversations tonight and last night when it was brought to my attention by Katie that there's this toxicity in the house and I didn't know any of this stuff was going on. And when it was brought to my attention, I thought that we had squashed everything. I thought that everything was going to be great and we could continue with the night.

This conversation with Ryan. He files it up with, you really shouldn't have called her a ho. people's words or something and you said that Ryan was a hoe or made a dancer

I don't think you know I was completely taken out of context it was completely taken out of context it was what I was saying she was a ho

anyway not because of the dancing yeah I'm not trying to insult dancers man I'm trying to insult that whole Ryan

it was like it was like the it was like the whole like twinkie thing like yeah I'm like a twinkie and you're like a ho-oh so Matt's response to this

made me kind of like him because he he just looked so fucking puppy dog puzzled when she said this and it was the first time I felt like there was an actual natural reaction from him listen to his response to it was out of context

like I'm just curious like what context who would call in somebody hope be acceptable to be taken in. And her response to that was she sat there braiding her own hair and not responding. She just looked at him.

And he got upset and he walked out of the room and just left her sitting there. Wow. She should have done the Twinkie excuse like I just came up with. That would have worked out perfectly. That would have been smart. We're talking about little debbies. Come on. We're starting to get to

like Chernobyl levels, guys. she's freaking out am I missing something here like I make the house toxic that's completely crazy completely crazy and like I know there's no truth to that

so someone who just came in the house said I called her a hoe yeah so they said I called her hole how would I be making the house bad there's no truth to that she does a great job of running down exactly where she was kicked out

by saying these are all the things people are saying, which aren't true, even though they're all true. Right. She's unbelievable. So what happens next is she goes into a room, slams a door, and she pulls out her cell phone and she makes a phone call to somebody. And all we hear is the one-sided conversation. But listen to this girl trying to reassure herself by talking at somebody else.

Do you know people like this who get all worked up and then they call somebody and just like spill this shit on them? Listen to this. It's, like, not even funny anymore because I am, like, getting to feel like so fast and, like, and that was, like, a really hard conversation. But I feel like he didn't believe me and know that, like, I am taking it serious to be his wife. It's, like, frustrating. So she's on the phone with somebody. Somebody was probably at home making dinner.

She's not on the phone, idiot. She's talking to producer. She's on the phone. Trust me. She is. Because she comes out on the phone still yelling. But what I'm trying to explain is, someone will. sitting home trying to make dinner and this fucking dingbat called them streaming like this now

all the girls are sitting on the couch is watching this and here comes Victoria on her cell phone still going. Was she upset? Did you guys see her? Yeah, she was upset. I believe two steps away from going home and not dealing with this. She walked outside. Yeah, I can hear her. Things are normal. Like, why? She's the shadiest bitch. I hope I don't get sent home for this. Literally, there's no one in here he can marry besides me. Like, I'm literally the best option for him. And, like, I'm the only one with the worst of the great in his room. And I'm not even being rude.

I'm being serious. If he's in and leaves him any over me, he's not my person. And, like, if that does happen, that'll really f*** us off because that's not the way I wanted to leave the situation. And, like, you know, I'll be so heartbroken. And I'm, like, trying to be wrong. But, like, if that happens, a whole thing. literally die.

Literally die. I can't wait. Would you start? Oh my God. It annoys me that she's like, that's not even a lie. Like, that's not even me being rude. That's the truth.

Everyone else's braids are filled with poop and I'm a genius. If someone just walked up to her and was like, Hey, Victoria, you're a cunt. Like, that would be rude, but it would also be the truth. Like, things can be rude and the truth at the same time. Amen to that. You're a great co-host, PJ. So, at this point.

point, Chris Harrison comes out says, ladies, we're canceling the rest of cocktail hour. Victorious is running around screaming. We're going to go straight to the rose ceremony. And at this rose ceremony, there are some serious shots

fired because the first two rows is given out, Brittany and Ryan. Oh, no. So it's like all the other girls are all like, oh, fuck. And as they go down the list, he gives roses to Brittany, Ryan, Rachel,

Serena P, Maggie Kit, M.J. Jacinia, Katie, Abigail, Chelsea. And then there's one rose left, guys. Well, it's Victoria's obviously, because she's the only one who can marry him. I'd just like to say, for the listeners' sake,

Brittany and Ryan, those are the two girls that were accused of being hoes, because I also didn't know who they were when you said that. I'm like, oh, yeah, that's right. That's the risk too. When you call someone a ho, he could be like, oh yes they're staying he's like really oh my goodness

he's like awesome fantasy sweets here they come escort huh yeah she might teach me a thing or two so it is now time for the final rose who will get it sirnessy PJ's favorite contestant

Serenis chick and Victoria is standing there with her black eye looking very upset and as you can imagine she handles it like a champ I honestly feel so sorry for you that you would listen to hearsay and not all the facts behind a situation Matt stands there and doesn't say a word he doesn't say a word and then she continues on with making the most graceful accent I've ever seen you think I'm gonna go hug him goodbye no and he just stared at me

like how dare you is not my king and I'm still a queen Matt is a jester The fact that like he chose Katie over me Yeah I feel sorry for you with your choices Wait oh you cut out the best part You cut out the part where she almost said she never date a black guy again Did she's like I'll never date

I'll never date a man again Like she almost said I'll never date a black guy again But she said she's like I'll never date a black guy again But she said she's like I'll never date someone named Matt again. I find that hard to believe. There's no girls on the show who are racist. Not a one.

Now, here she keeps going. Good foreshadowing. This is called delusional goodbye. The whole house is going to feel like that I'm gone. Like, I brought so many people joy. Santa Victoria over here. You know, I'm not going to lie.

I can't see the show beat any better. Yeah. After Victoria. Leafs. I can't see it be it any better. PJ, am I wrong? I mean, there is some good drama next week. Like a few of the girls that weren't as toxic really shined

through and become maybe even arguably more toxic than Victoria but I don't think they last. With Victoria going out, we now have a stage set for the new villain. And that new villain sees the writing on the wall with all this happening. Dildo Katie. No, that new villain

is Jungle Boy, MJ. This whole place is messy. It is a hot mess in here. We have Anna go home and then back into the cocktail party early because of drama. And now Victoria is lugging out. I'm like to sit down. I'm like scared to want to squeeze your money. So I may have played that a lot of order.

I apologize. But MJ is setting yourself up to be the toxic member of this team. And the next day, what ends up happening is they start having some like one-on-one time dates. Rachel, who we've heard a lot about this week because of the finale and whatnot, but we're going to save our conversations on Rachel for next week's episode. She goes on a date with Matt, and they go on that traditional shopping date. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, the best date for like any of these chicks, like every chick on each season wants this date

because most of the dates are just kind of like shitty like we're in a hot air balloon and then we go to dinner but this one's like you get hundreds if not thousands dollars of clothes yeah uh rachel got herself a pair of red bottoms and uh she walked back into the house with those and the girls lost

their minds vinny do you think anyone who's listening to this know what that means i have no i was going to say i've no idea what a red bottom is you don't know uh what are those louis vatans what a louis vatons the only reason i know that is because i'm a nerd who also listens to a bachelor podcast where they explained that to me, and I didn't get the big deal. And my wife's like, those are Louis Vuittons.

And I'm like, well, why didn't they say that? Let me tell you something. The red bottom is what gives away. You see somebody walking around with a pair of red, uh, red bottom shoes. It means they spent way too much money on their fucking shoes. Like, is no one else allowed to make red bottom shoes? I don't know. I don't know.

I'm just going to start painting the bottom of my Nike's red. Do it. People are really confused. These are Louis Vuitton. These are Louis Vuitton. Nike's very rare. Also, I like how. I like how Vinny tries to play up.

Like, oh, I don't like The Bachelor. And he's like, can you believe she got a pair of red bottoms? Oh, my goodness. Also, her outfit was amazing. Wait till we talk about Rachel next episode, right, guys? Oh, we got a lot to talk about Rachel next episode. Fucking trust me. But we'll say that as a teaser.

So she comes, they go out and they have this date. And something very, very interesting happens. Finally. After he gives her. probably $10,000 worth of clothes She tells Matt I am already completely falling in love with you And Matt responds with this

Are you like completely falling in love with you Rachel I'm falling in love with you too Whoa That is the first time Anything like that has been uttered from Matt James During this season So that tells you right there that Rachel is a serious contender

for the rest of this she got the date that everybody wanted and he told her that he's falling in love with her so you can't get any better than that on this fucking show I guess right PJ yeah like if you're metagaming this show like trying to figure out who's going to be the winner which it's already over for this

so there's no point in doing that but usually you can tell based on who gets the best dates and usually the first person they say that they fall or they're falling in love with there's a good chance that they win You know, a lot of girls on these shows are accused to being gold-digging hose, but it's nice for her to wait until he buys her a lot of stuff before she falls in love with him.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's nice to see that good old-fashioned American romance still alive. You're all right. Stuff, yes. She's like, all of a sudden, I like black people and regret my past, huh? Oh, no. So don't look at my Instagram.

Nobody, well, some people know what we're talking about, but we're going to get there, folks. Don't worry. Basically, she's a racist. Woo. Surprise. So later that night, Matt's going on more like one-on-one cocktail hour style dates. And he starts talking to Abigail. Remember Abigail, PJ, the deaf girl?

The girl was in the first episode and then disappeared for however many episodes. She got the first impression, Rose. And then they never talked to her again. We didn't hear from her and she didn't hear from us. that's right she was a background fodder for the first five episodes you know they tried to eliminate her three times they just couldn't let her know so she's like she's just hanging out you can go home like just let her stay whatever Abigail talks to Matt next and she basically tells him she's losing confidence in their connection well yeah no shit he hasn't spoken to you

or even attempted to communicate with you at quite a while and she goes after hit it off so early she got the first like we said she got the first impression rose and she talks about her fear of disappointing him because they both want to have kids and I got to tell you like you haven't spent a lot of time with the guy

you haven't spent any time with this man you're trying to win him over this is not the conversation to have listen to what Abigail tells him talk about being a downer there is a really strong possibility you know that

my kids would be deaf he's like all right well you're not getting a rise I'm sort of like I mean why don't you be like I give a really good hand job like just say something that like would get him interested in you let's not talk about heavy subjects like this it was just a bad choice so you would assume that all deaf chicks do

because they're constantly doing like sign language so they have more dexterity than most of them strong strong forearms now I like yeah also Vinnie you're looking at it through the context of trying to get Matt to fall in love with them which I've said multiple times is not the point of the show she's trying to have her sob story

because she probably got like a decent amount of Instagram followers that felt bad for her after this like oh she's deaf and now her kids are going to be deaf and I don't know what happens but it feels like she knows now what an asshole he's going to look like if he dumps her now after saying that, all the deaf people are going to be against him.

Yeah, calculated. See, like most years, I would agree with that because they get to go on more vacations the longer they stay. But this one, they just have to stay basically as a prisoner. I mean, it's a nice place that they're at,

but they can't leave because they're quarantined like in this facility, which you'll see later on. Someone tries to come in and they have to quarantine for like 15 days or something. something crazy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that was their conversation. And he's like, no,

it's all right, Abigail. I really like you. So the next girl that he talks with is MJ. It's funny because she only thinks that he likes her because he keeps trying to do the hang loose sign to her, but he keeps sticking up the index finger too. So she's like, he loves me. Oh, no. That's a deep sign language. Joked there, Peach. Thanks. I got plenty of more of them. Which is a great demo for our podcast. Yes, good stuff. We should only speak in sign language

for the rest of the podcast. Okay, deal. We talk about the shape of our hands. Fuck you. Oh, my God. How could you even say that? I don't think this is going to work. So,

Matt tells MJ, her name came up when he was talking to other women about the drama in the house. And it's unclear why he didn't have this conversation with her because she really was kind of one of the shitty ones with Victoria and Anna. Maybe she was like the third fiddle, but now she's all that's left. She's the head on the fucking snake. She, you know, says, oh, no, I don't like people, you know, insulting my character like this. And she gets a little defensive.

And what do you think she does next? She goes and finds everyone and demands to know who dared mention her to Matt. I was called an antagonist in the house. Anyone here would ever like to talk to me? The floor is open for a conversation. Can one of you tell me what that means? Because it's like really long. I think it said something about anal.

Yeah. So I have never been mean to one aunt in my life. I treat all insects with respect. And I love my aunt. Right. She's basically like the star closer of, the toxic people in the show like okay well we're all leaving

because we got relieved but now you come in with the clothes and you ruin these people's lives. Fucking L. Duque over here right off the fucking bench Mariano Rivera. Exactly right. So someone decides... I think I'm owed an apology because right now

I owe you an apology. I feel like I'm the person being attacked right now and I don't feel like it's fair. I think... So Jacinia goes, I told him you were mean. You were talking about the O.Gs. You were you were doing all this stuff. Jacini just owns it. And MJ is furious.

Now, at this point, they're having their little feud and they go over because this show is edited terribly. They show that now Matt's going on his other big one-on-one date. He's spending the evening with the youngest girl on the show Kit. Queen's Gambit girl. Uh, what? She looks like the girl from Queens Gambit. Never watch that shit.

but you watch this I have to watch this I'm being punished Kit gets a one-on-one where her and Matt spend the evening Vinny I just came up with something

you should do for the consequence wheel just pick shows that you want to watch but pretend like you don't want to see them and make put them on the wheel like Queens Gambit here's my Curb Your Enthusiasm podcast

fuck oh damn it I've done watch Curb Your enthusiasm Oh, the Rested Development podcast. This is terrible. The Dolphins podcast. Oh, I had to do a podcast about the Miami Dolphins. That would be depressing.

Fuck you, my brother. So this girl, Kit, her mother is the designer named Cynthia Rowley. Apparently, they're very, very wealthy. And she goes to Matt's, like, condo by this place. And basically, her date is she gets to cook for him. I'm not even shit to you. She just shows up, and she bakes for him. She bakes some cookies.

They sit around and talk. And I got to tell you, I do not find this girl to be very relatable. If it goes well, will he take her home and she can do the laundry? Yeah, maybe. So, hold on. This is, listen to this girl talk about her life. A lot of my life is like gold bentley's and red carpets and fashion event. Yeah, really relatable.

How do you think about pre-nups, Kit? Wow, Vinnie, you're really showing how poor you are. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. I don't have a gold Bentley. No. I'm sure you have a couple. A red bottom Bentley. Yeah, my mom's a fashion designer. Just kidding. Actually, she killed herself.

Did your mom really kill herself? Yeah. That makes sense. They don't have mutually exclusive. That's making the cut, PJs. Well, she had the gold bentleys, but she didn't have the one-on-one date with Matt where they cooked cookies or baked cookies. She had a gold Bentley and a little bit of them. lead bullet one lead bullet

so meanwhile back at the house shit's starting to get real between Jesenia and MJ and what happens is they have a big fight and then all of a sudden they come in to give out the next date card

and it is not the date card that anybody expects mj and jacinia i need to know the truth that's all it said mj jacinia i need to know the truth the showdown is on ladies and gentlemen here is they're going to an x-files convention

so they leave the show this is how the show ends it looks like an episode of the apprentice they're both walking in in business suits and they go and they sit down in a room facing each other from two separate chairs and then there's a single chair in the middle where I guess Matt is going to sit. This looks like the viper versus the mountain.

A little bit. A little bit. It looks so trashy too. Like that's such a trashy outfit in her hair looks like she basically looks like that guy from Guns N'Rose is Axel Rose. She looks like Jungle Boy Jack Perry. Google it, people.

Stop saying Jungle Boy when we have the first half black bachelor. that's the kid's name it's confusing that was his birth name I think no his birth name extremely racist every time you say

jungle boy it's his name he's a rassler that's his name you might know him as Matt James I call him Jungle Boy you know the actor Luke Perry from 90210

yeah yeah it's his son oh is it really is it's Luke Perry's son look up Jungle Boy everybody you'll have a good time so they ought to have this thing and this is where the show ends on a cliffhanger

I think I'm right I guess he'll find out the truth tonight You'll find out the truth when this all airs And so will he Oh that's cute I think That's right folks They left us on a cliffhanger

That is the end of episode five Can't wait For next week after that one Spoiler alert They're both cunts Yay Well I have to say This was a very interesting episode

We learned a lot Victoria's gone FartFace is gone Our I MJ is fighting for her life will the forces of evil prevail? We'll find out on the next episode of Creeps and Roses. I'd like to thank Brian McBride for joining us tonight.

And I'd also like to thank my co-host, PJ Phileum, for being such a mensch. Thanks for coming on the show, Brian. Check out We Are Assholes, my podcast, where I think we pretty much just say a bunch of racist stuff every week. So if you want to listen to that, check out the episode where we have Delvin Cox on. Oh, great. Good. Sounds good. McBride, do you have anything to plug? Not a thing.

Didn't think so. So, ladies and gentlemen, tune into the creep off on Monday. I got to tell you, it looks like someone will be spinning the wheel. And it ain't me, son. We'll see you then. Thanks again, everybody. I'll get my bot farm going real quick, and it'll be you. No, don't do that.

Wait, before we end the episode, I just wanted to say this earlier. You said creepomaniacs at the beginning of the show. Is that something you say? I said creepomaniacs. No, I just came up with it. Okay. Also, can you stop saying, Ola Creepos at the beginning of the show?

Because I like the creepoff, but when I click play, I'm like, I have to get through Vinnie saying, Ola Creepos. You got a better suggestion? Anything besides Ola Creepos. Literally anything else.

It used to be, how do creeperinos? Very dead Flanders. You got the joke. Good for you. Good for you. you. That's the end of our show. Welcome to Creeps and Roses

with Vinny and P.J. We're talking about The Bachelor because Vinny needs to pay. Lots of bitchy girls who want to see that dick. We didn't want to do this podcast, but Carole is a prick. The Bachelor. Let's discuss

The Bachelor with PJ and with Vinna na na na ninni Vinnie. We've got roses. We've got creeps. Thank you.